A New Untold Story - Blame God feat. Josh Potter - A New Untold Story: Ep. 397

Episode Date: May 23, 2024

It's not our fault that James Charles is built like that, blame god. Go to thejoshpotter.com to see him on the road and follow him on socials @josh_potter Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app... or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). BetterHelp - A New Untold Story is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/NEW today to get 10% off your first month. Manscaped - Get 20% Off + Free Shipping, with the code ANUS at https://Manscaped.com.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey a new untold story listeners you can find every episode on Apple podcast Spotify or YouTube Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon music Kyle. Just give me a quick Three two one no you since when would you ever clap on the way to one? Three two that was really casual in that why you doing like that? Why don't you clap KB? I guess I'll plug I'll let you you I'll let you clap this one. Yes. I guess I'll do the intro I guess I'll do a podcast. Oh No, I'm podcasting Fuck you're gonna make me pop. Oh god, you're gonna make me riff
Starting point is 00:00:39 Three two one and then you gotta clap I Can't do it. What? You do it. You'll be doing that. You'll reply to what I'm gonna say. No, you're just gonna say like, no, that's a new untold story.
Starting point is 00:00:52 Hey, isn't that story over told? Fuck no, baby. It's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh-b new untold story episode number 386 397 shit fuck anything for it Nothing do nothing. I'm uh Gonna admit. I'm gonna be a little bit of a sleepyhead this this episode
Starting point is 00:01:40 Yeah, I've been my all means if you like you can I fall asleep off During a party hey I get it. Yeah. It's a weekly podcast. I'm tired, man. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. No, I've been moving nonstop. And it's the worst.
Starting point is 00:01:56 Yeah, no, that's why I'm saying, like, if you wanna dose off, you can just take a break. All right, yeah. So do you have anything to talk about while I fucking snooze? Yeah, but this might pipe you up a little bit. We'll see.
Starting point is 00:02:09 Today, happy birthday, 25th to James Charles. Wow. So James Charles is someone to me who transcends stardom. I just know he's just always been a star. I don't know what his come-up was He's like the conquistador of flamboyantly gay internet stars. That's fair. He enters my stream of consciousness as often as like broccoli cheddar soup Antarctica or Saturn or Sebastian from Little Mermaid rarely is that to your yeah, it's always like
Starting point is 00:02:44 Him what would you have a tear above that? Sebastian from Little Mermaid. Rarely. He's that tier, yeah. But it's always like him just being famous. What would you have a tier above that? That's what I'm saying. He's more of a star than internet personalities, but less than like Brad Pitt and Leo. Yes. But I don't. But you don't think about it.
Starting point is 00:02:57 It's just like him at Coachella every year with a progressively fatter, more perfect bubble butt. You know what I'm talking about. It's always him wowing at a celebrity event with a fat ass, in perfect lips, in perfect body, in a perfect body. And he's only turning 25. So he's 24 now. I feel like he's been very famous for a decade.
Starting point is 00:03:23 It feels like he's been not only famous for a decade, but he's been getting been very famous for a decade. It feels like he's been not only famous for a decade, but he's been getting pedophile accusations for a decade. Yeah. Like it. How? Yeah. I remember like, yeah, he's a pedophile. Like this is when I before I even started a barstool. So I don't know. Do you think you probably know more about it? Does he have like the ideal? I asked you before. I know more about James Charles? Okay? That's what we're getting into Because I googled news Tim 19 hours ago TMZ posted a photo shoot His body is Perfect his ass is so fat and shapely
Starting point is 00:04:03 TMZ photo shoot James Charles if you showed these pictures to like a coal miner in 2004 they would have a grand mal seizure that's Charles I always thought he was like this weird gay dude, but Yeah He looks like Dua Lipa that looks like You had like night vision goggles on you with that's like oh, that's Dua Lipa with a better ass. A significantly better ass. Look at the awesome photo. If these photos hit a Rikers Island or a penitentiary,
Starting point is 00:04:57 a bloody, bloody war would start. Yeah. That's him at Coachella. And his ass grows every year he's at Coachella. And his ass grows every year he's at Coachella. And the only, like he's just at Coachella. He's not at a music set. He's just in the background of a field at Coachella
Starting point is 00:05:14 with a fat ass. And the face isn't bad. And I always just like, oh yeah, that's James Chai. I don't know much about it. But now it's like, this is, it's gotten to a point where the heterosexual community has to acknowledge this. Acknowledge it as what? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:05:30 What do we, what acknowledgement do we have to give? And I don't know if you saying that has you in the heterosexual community. He should be making sexuality fluid. I don't know if like, but I don't think a woman would find that attractive. That's just for men. Straight men maybe? Buddy, I don't know. Buddy, I don't think.
Starting point is 00:05:56 Is it, yeah, is it straight to be attracted to that? That's kind of a mind fuck. Like, are you, are you into that ass? Are you? No, no, no, don't telephone it down. Yeah. I think it's perfect. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:14 I have to agree. What is, tell me, not even five things. One thing that's wrong with you. Yeah. One thing that's not attractive. That's a picture, no. How is he only 25? Yeah. Yeah, he's been around. Yeah. That's it. Like if, if. I mean, that's the same BBL as a woman would get. Is that a fake ass? That has to be fake. Yeah. He got that from like a mythological deity. Yeah, the drink seer like that's a you got that at NASA
Starting point is 00:06:56 My god, but yeah, what does he do? What's his day to day? I? Don't know I don't know anything about early when like at an error in an era where you have actually had to do something You couldn't just lip sync or post picture, but does he have any like products or brands or I don't know no He definitely has makeup stuff. Yeah, okay Yeah, I think that's a thing and when he talks have you heard his voice is it just a woman's voice No, it's it's like his nose doesn't work Yeah, he oh he does it's like there's no air going through his nose. Is he trans? No, no.
Starting point is 00:07:29 OK, so it's just a dude that wants to look like a girl. It's a dude with a perfect, perfect ass. OK, yeah, I get it. Yeah. Like, do you think how if you were at the beach when you're in Hawaii and you're with your girlfriend and he walked by and you looked, would she get mad? I would like do that really obnoxious, dramatic averting of the eyes north to the sky.
Starting point is 00:07:55 Like you would cut. Yeah, like I can't look at that. That's worse than almost looking right at the hole. That is, yeah. Yeah. But the over, yeah, you like. I would stare at that ass that is that is a rare thing to see you'd stare at that's like a mystical beast dude yeah yes it's it's
Starting point is 00:08:12 yes indeed is it is it the best ass we're at a point where I now I'm like yeah okay don't like stop at a how to fall off so no no I'm like yeah okay don't like stop. Add a flaw? No no I'm like stop talking about it. Why? It's like a fun it's like an issue with me. Yeah you're gonna pry things out of me. I don't know. Episode 397 it's the beginning zip code of Columbus Mississippi do with that what you want want Columbus has to be one of the more common city name Mrs. Yeah Yeah, anything about it. No nothing um how long have you lived with your significant other? Shit like a year now? Damn. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:05 When was the last time you picked a movie? Oh my God. I gave up. Yeah. And I'll never pick a movie again. You can't. I don't pick. What do you do?
Starting point is 00:09:18 I was moving and building bed frames and all kinds of stuff yesterday. And my reward for being so good was to pick the movie. And I said, okay, but you picked the genre. Yeah. And she hit me with, let's do something exactly like when Harry met Sally. So we watched when Harry met Sally.
Starting point is 00:09:40 Yeah. That was her genre. So yeah, but you picked. I picked. I picked and. Dude you picked. I picked. Yeah. I picked and. Dude, I yeah, I can't pick. We just I just have accepted that we don't have mutual interests. When it comes to the media. No, no. No.
Starting point is 00:09:59 There's like some shit that she'll pick that I'll be like, yeah, this is fine. I could tolerate this. I can enjoy this like rom-coms and Sex and the City. But I can't pick the movie or the TV show. Rudy got into a genuine argument with my girlfriend over Sex and the City. And I think you won. Yeah, I did.
Starting point is 00:10:16 Yeah. Body girls. You won? Oh yeah. You guys all know about it. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, you gotta get in. Nick was like on the outside looking in, like trying to chime in. You kept trying to shift the conversation to Desperate Housewives. Yeah, which I don't know. Yeah, you gotta get in. Nick was like on the outside looking in, like trying to chime in.
Starting point is 00:10:25 He kept trying to shift the conversation to Desperate Housewives. Yeah, which I like a lot. Right. Yeah, so it's turned into us. Would you rather watch Eva Longoria whoring it around or fucking cave dwelling Sarah Jessica Parker
Starting point is 00:10:38 clopping around fucking New York City with her fucking size 12? That's what you're not getting. That, watching sex. Size 12, she has big ass feet. She does have huge feet. She has big ass feet. York City see that's what they're fucking size 12. That's what you're not getting that watching You always wears like this humongous like flower on her body somewhere, she's a clown. That's the fun part. You're not getting I just tear into sir Jessica Parker. I don't want to shame her for appearance But the show makes her out to be this beautiful vixen get like this elector electable of it She's an unhinged freak in that show. She's I thought it was like she was like
Starting point is 00:11:10 I was the hot girl in New York City. That's what I she's the it girl. She's a columnist. She's a journalist who writes about sex She's like the og Alex Cooper Yeah, yes, but but and I Don't know why you're being like this. Just watch it. I'm not going to watch it. It's just fun because I just tear into her and she, her character in the show is deplorable. I'm not going to talk. She just walks.
Starting point is 00:11:34 I'm going to have to watch. She just stalks people and all her friends co-sign it and no one says a word. She just does the dumbest shit you can possibly imagine. It's awesome. So you've seen it all no I haven't seen it all I've just seen the first couple seasons a few times and then each time if I get if I get a new girl That I'm hanging out with and they're like oh, let's watch sex in the city each time I pretend I don't know what's happening you but do you like make predictions plot points correctly? I look like nosh So wait are you in a watch right now? Yeah, and are you predicting shit?
Starting point is 00:12:11 I'm more having to play dumb That must be tough. Yeah, it's really hard role for me to What a child it's almost the perfect crime you would still find a way to fuck that up Yeah, but then if I fuck it up, then it's like, yeah, it helps. It's the perfect crime. Oh, but Johnny Corbett is a main character. Yeah, Bethlehem Boy. Women who have fucked him, maybe just singular, have seen me naked. So he plays Aiden in Sex and the City.
Starting point is 00:12:40 One of my mom's friends dated him in high school. That's not really the part I'm and she has bathed me. Oh, okay, so you You were a baby Yeah Toddler I remember it so not a baby. Oh, it's probably not even a toddler Probably four yeah, yeah, I remember bathing with this woman bathing me scrubbing me and yeah She was dating she dated Corbett. Okay. Yeah, so that's you got that's pretty cool, man. Thank you I don't know if anybody that slept with an actor has seen me naked
Starting point is 00:13:19 Mmm Paisley Brad Paisley or someone who's fucked Brad play. I don't know Mmm, Paisley Brad Paisley or someone who's fucked Brad, but I don't know No matter or do you still try to find shows to watch together? Yes So you still give it like a daily run or yeah, okay? Yes, probably are the one like ah, this is fine Yeah, I think I can like anything. Yeah, I gave up. I'm okay with everything. I think that's my biggest issue I'm fine with it. Mm-hmm What do you mean you gave up. I'm okay with everything. I think that's my biggest issue. I'm fine with it. Mm-hmm What do you mean you gave up? Now I just throw on the VR headset you sit on the couch and VR in the bed you lay in bed in the VR
Starting point is 00:14:04 I'm right next to her, but I thought you're out of here. I must feel so distant with that mascot Yeah, like you're not there. Yeah, I'm off ten puffs in a gummy That has to be what it's like to date a heroin addict I'm traversing the entirety of highway 60 in West Virginia on the Google Earth from the Like the moving with the joy and you're looking just going down the whole road loving every second And I'll be like I have been doing this for two hours, and then I'll just touch her on the leg Hey, I'm here. Yeah, and that's like a reset the clock goes back to two hours Then if she responds favorably What's a favorable?
Starting point is 00:14:40 rubs back Holds my hand and I'm the like alright I'm in for two more hours. Back in the VR. What's the longest you've gone in the virtual world? I gave up on games, it's now maps. The wander app, you just do street view and I just do it for hours. Hours. You just go forwards view and I just do it for hours, hours.
Starting point is 00:15:05 And I love every second. It's like, well, again, the perception on VR is like you're there. It is a better view than if you were traveling in a car through that town or on that road. Do you ever stop and stay a while somewhere or are you a nomad, are you a real? It's, no, I'll go to like a different city,
Starting point is 00:15:22 like Tokyo and oh my God, Tokyo. It depends on what itch I wanna scratch. Maybe it's an Appalachian itch, and I'll just go through a small amount of itch. Are you high every time? Every time. High every time. I'm high every time that can be said for anything at night.
Starting point is 00:15:37 Yeah. You're back on. Oh yeah. Does the detox help, or are you, like, do you have a tolerance now? Can you get high and go out? No, I still, I'm in this stage where I don't have a tolerance so it's wonderful.
Starting point is 00:15:54 When's the next detox? I just tried and failed, I don't know, probably soon. Okay. And does that mean when you're on a weed detox, you don't, you're on a VR detox as well? Yeah. Okay. It doesn't, it just doesn't hit the same, yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:11 Huh. No, James Charles. Is there anything else you want to say on that? No. All right, we have a Josh Potter interview. Not even an interview, conversation. Good guy. Not an interview at all. Friend of the, of the friend of us friend of us one of my favorite people We all love our substances on this show
Starting point is 00:16:33 But my favorite I don't want to speak for both of you guys, but I'd assume your favorites three Chi Mm-hmm yesterday. Yeah, move my 1a love it. You use it on wine Have you ever used it before show? No, no, but I'm sure it would help. I bet you would help you feel good. You'd be light It's the premier three cheese the premier place for cannabis products It's launched a new line of true strains vapes and gummies that have tailored cannabis experiences They have all kinds of high soothing energetic relaxing ultra potent. They have something that's for you. They have the choices, Comfortably Nom, The Full Throttle, Nirvana, Hammer of God.
Starting point is 00:17:11 Have you tried the Hammer of God? I haven't tried the Hammer of God. The name intimidates me a bit. I have. I have. It was so good. Yeah. It was perfect.
Starting point is 00:17:20 Go figure. Nailed me. It was perfect. Oh boy. So if you're ready to experience the next generation of cannabis, head over to 3chi.com and find the exact experience you're looking for with the True Strains lineup. Go to 3chi.com, that's number 3chi.com
Starting point is 00:17:32 to find a True Strain today. Game time, game time, game time. I have it on my phone and I use it a fuck ton. I use it for concerts, I'm with Brandon. I'm using it today. To go to the Cubs game. To go to the Cubs game, today for cheap. Yeah, good seats, cheap.
Starting point is 00:17:50 Bryson Tiller, you gonna go to Bryson Tiller? I'll go to Bryson Tiller just because I can get it for how much? 44 bucks I think? 44, yeah. He's a legend. It's all on game time. You're gonna have to go, I keep saying
Starting point is 00:18:03 that you're gonna have to go to an event this summer. You're gonna have to go to multiple. Yeah, and it's easy on game time. You got you're going to have to go. I keep saying you're going to have to go to an event this summer. You're going to have to go to multiple. Yeah. And it's easy. One place you're going to have to use game time. Yes. Don't have to worry about when you buy tickets to the next big event. You could do it like you get Cubs tickets like in the third inning and walk right in. You can go mid game, mid event.
Starting point is 00:18:21 I do that anyway. Yeah. Not necessarily ideal, but if you spontaneously want to go to an event, use Game Time, it's so easy. And how do they do it? They take the guesswork out of buying tickets with Game Time. You download the Game Time app, create an account, use code untold for $20 off your first purchase, terms apply, you know that.
Starting point is 00:18:39 Not only the Game Time app today, last minute tickets, lowest price is guaranteed, code untold. Code untold, $20 off use it Nuantile story episode number Here with good friend friend of the program Josh Potter What's up the deceptively clean and? Aromatic Josh Potter no that was funny. That's one thing you rather be deceptively clean or deceptively dirty I look I mean the internet Deceptively dirty oh yeah, cuz it mean the internet tells me I look like that. For sure. Deceptively dirty?
Starting point is 00:19:05 Oh yeah. Cause it was like, wow you don't look dirty at all. Oh I see, okay. You have a wonderful fragrance. Thank you. You're clean as a whistle. Well that's what, I mean the internet tells me they go, that guy must smell bad and I really hate that.
Starting point is 00:19:17 Yeah I was one of them. Call me fat? Yeah I was in that shit. But like the thing is like, if somebody tweeted you and like,, you're stinky you can't come back without you can't prove it Yeah, you can't you prove it. I go. I look this way obviously so now the ultimate one is your breath smells Yeah, that could fuck they say that one. I know it's no crazy in there. I Know it's not that's like yeah, I know it's more crazy in there That's what people say about like my ever. Oh, yeah. Yeah, my body though
Starting point is 00:19:44 That's what they were saying about like my ever. Oh, yeah. Yeah my body though That's what they were saying about like my like I know it smelled crazy in there. Yeah like a call center Man smell you through the phone mm-hmm so dry clean smells wonderful Dry last time yeah you yeah, yeah last time we spoke you were Was like a year ago Probably when I was on the show you're talking about how is your vision is it regressing? No, I had an appointment, and I'm stable So you're not getting worse. No, that's great. It's not gonna get better. I mean how bad is it?
Starting point is 00:20:23 Can you see the biggie? It's pretty bad Do you want to look can you look do you want to look through my glasses by the way? I think these I'm only I can only see out of my Those glasses are yeah are robust I can only see out of my left eye and the left lens is scratched to hell. Can you see me right now? No, I mean I see your shirt. I see the big red light That's what I can see not life This is not human life Pass him around all right like taking a rip take a rip off the glass and that's up
Starting point is 00:20:56 Let's put him up against the camera to what does that work? I don't know That's it These things are that wouldn't work when I have like steel? Reinforcement to support the oh my god. You can only get certain frames right? It's really hard you have to go to like a guild I'm not lying. It's hard to get high index lenses. You have to go to a guild a I'm not lying. It's hard to get high-index lenses. You have to go to a guild a Lens guild like a glass making oh my you are
Starting point is 00:21:40 Illegally blind yeah shouldn't you should go to jail I can technically still drive a car offense really to the law well I Can't for other laws you are I can with my eyes The eyes are my doctor said he'd never take my independence away and he'd always write me a note. Oh, that's very nice. So you could. Did you end up taking your own independence away? I did. I did that for you must have been parched behind that. Yeah. He's wearing permanent drunk goggles. Yeah. Well, I don't. Yeah. For us. For no.
Starting point is 00:22:03 I mean, like I used to get ripped and like Drive my car. I know I'm an asshole whatever I got I ended up getting a DUI So I stopped when I was 20 to limitations you're good when you were 22 I was 22 so I'm talking about when I was a kid or whatever you know I would drive around drunk And I'd get pulled over in a lot of times cops would be like some fucked up with your eyes Oh, wow, and I'd say yep yeah. And then they would let me go. Oh, so it was like a get out of jail free. Don't help you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:29 Yeah. I could get as high as I, you know, my eyes are all red and shit, but they're like that other one. Something else is going on there. That's not. Transcend. Like that was a different drug. Yeah. Yeah. But like getting the news that you're going you were stable like that's got to be the biggest that has to be Orgasmic that has to be euphoric. No, it's nice cuz I mean I stare I you'd think you know going blind or whatever you'd take better care of your eye or whatever
Starting point is 00:22:58 But I stare at my phone like I let my phone rot my own eye out like But was there a point where like you're like one of this these times It's gonna be the last time I see a naked body in front of me. Oh, dude I think about I mean I think about that all the time. I don't know that I think you're horny You're one of the horny horny. Yeah, okay, but go you won the horny. I want right Is that your senior superlative? Hornyest guy yeah, yeah horniest man I Know I I do think about that though like there will be a time. I might forget what tits look like no
Starting point is 00:23:39 You know you go you go blind long enough How do you remember? Well, so are you going there? There are two circles. Yeah. I'm not currently, but it could happen. And if you if you get to a point where you can't draw titties from memory, that has to be like the biggest dry spell ever. Could you imagine not being able to imagine tits? No. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:24:02 You just don't see them for long enough. I mean, think about somebody. Think. Oh, my God. You just don't see him for long enough. I mean, think about some. Think about your grandma's face if she died eight years ago. Think about your grandmother's face. Can you see it perfectly? No. Exactly. But my grandma's face just wasn't a nipple.
Starting point is 00:24:20 I mean, if you're going to just degrade tits and reduce them to nipples, I guess that's I I'm gonna say it right now tits or nipples They're all nipple they're all nipple what's a nipple is tit a butt cheek I don't know the detail of them just the way they are on the woman. I mean yeah the way they lay Yeah, how long do you think it would take for you to forget a tit? I don't know I'm terrified of it It's a terrifying thought it really is my god. I don't think you will You'll remember warning track areola and all what's the warning track the area warning? Oh, okay in college
Starting point is 00:24:59 I did I don't know if I think I did did I tell you this last time in college. I did used to say to girls like I did I don't know if I think I did. Did I tell you this last time in college? I did used to say. To girls like someday, I might go blind and I might never see tits as great as yours. Oh, my God. That would have worked. Did you say it in that cadence? Yes, pretty much. That's a weepy as you should have just said, you're gay. I got I got to see a lot of tits that I probably.
Starting point is 00:25:24 So that work wouldn't have been said you're gay. I got I got to see a lot of tits that I probably so that work Wouldn't have in another it worked no hyperbole is has it worked once it worked three times at least six tits with six Where I own in New York what college again Fredonia that was one Brockport it happened it Brockport's one of these are all upstate I want a good titty town on the Brockport invit One of these are all upstate. I was a good kid. I've run the Brockport Invitational. You did my only college win.
Starting point is 00:25:48 Hey, that's big. That is a wrestling school, isn't it? Brockport or in my wrong. Well, it's a Division three school, I think. But there is Division one schools there. Yeah. Like Lock Haven, who's Division one in wrestling, not any other sport. Did you go into it thinking you were going to win?
Starting point is 00:26:04 No. Damn. What a feeling Yeah, it was the best feeling in my life. Did you have a good time up there in Brockport, New York? No, upstate New York is bad The finger licks nice. I love I'm Western New York. So I guess that's I guess Different. Yeah, Hudson Valley. Yeah, it's it's nice. Yeah Buffalo's Pittsburgh. Buffalo, I think, is the closest spell culturally to Pittsburgh.
Starting point is 00:26:30 Yeah, I'll agree with that. Yeah, Pittsburgh, my father, who is not from America, but he, you know, stayed in Buffalo for majority of his time in America. Yeah. When after him and my mom broke up, he went to Pittsburgh as like his Monticello He like went there to like fuck girls. What is what a filthy man? Yeah, oh I gotta get to Pittsburgh He thought it was my god
Starting point is 00:26:57 Yeah, I gotta get to Pittsburgh for the women. Yeah open a bar there Drinking under the table. It's Berg is nice though. Yeah, it's small He opened a bar my father opened a bar in a clarion in in New Kensington, Pennsylvania a bar in yeah in the Kiske area yeah, I think I didn't know like I thought there was no new bodies coming in there a lot of regular a regular hotel bar I Thought the hotel bars were owned by the hotel. No.
Starting point is 00:27:27 You could just open up a bar in a hotel. Well, you can buy the bar in the hotel. Okay. And run it on a lease, I believe. How'd the bar do? Oh, it went under very fast. Who would have fucking thought? Plus, my father just wanted to have a place to go hang out and drink.
Starting point is 00:27:44 Your father is no Failure though no no I don't call him a failure He just wanted a bar to hang out and drink it so he got one That's got one like pretty like low level one And then he just like that might be the lowest the literal lowest bar. Yeah, he let us drink in there Wave he'd lock up the door. He goes just say you know lock up after yourselves We'd be back there drinking like crazy like oh, that's fun Yeah, how old were you I'm listen. I mean 26. I don't know okay You could have gone to any bar your dad locked you in a room at 26
Starting point is 00:28:21 Privilege that was on an opportunity to my core You were being putt you got grounded 26 hey, no, I thought it was great We got to drink I didn't even live in Pittsburgh. I would just go there to you were in the you were in the basement of the clarion drink for free in the bay You were in the you were in the basement of the clarion drink for free in the baby Walks the door takes your glasses and let's go that's not fun at all. That's very traumatic clean the glasses
Starting point is 00:28:55 Oh my god, fuck me up. What was your first job? I was a bus boy at a rest at a fast food was my first job a bus way to fast food place. Yeah like a place like a place. Maybe you know, kind of a busway to Wendy's. There's a place entry level job. Believe it fully. There's a place in Buffalo called Andersons. OK, it's frozen custard and roast beef. Jesus Christ. It's a chain, dude. It's a check it out. You guys got to go.
Starting point is 00:29:23 There's some food reviews there. And so there was one across the street from my high school I went to Williamsville South High School across the street. There's an Andersons, and I was a busboy there at 14, okay Illegally, yeah, I know that's a they let you do like a three-hour workday There you go Anderson's cause. Oh, it looks like my cut type of spot type of spot. And the roast beef looks great. It looks like an old beef on whack. It's a buffalo. That's right. That's the third W in BW3s. Yes. That's a good trivia question.
Starting point is 00:29:54 Wic. Yeah. Wild wings and wic? Yeah BW3. Wait what's the first W? Wild. Wild is one of the Ws? Yeah I think so. I don't think weks on their w is a bw3 I think that it's it's whack. Yeah. Hmm assuredly interesting
Starting point is 00:30:12 That one something new every day. So yeah, that was my first job for our sins and whack And I worked at my father's diners that he would work at when he was like a lion cook and he owned a couple of them Too you know, he only owned things for a very small amount of time Did he flip them or did they just go away a little bit of break-even moments? Okay? I think that's gonna be a fun upbringing though. Oh, yeah, and then I started in radio when I was like 16 So I don't know shit. Yeah, I didn't have a lot of jobs until then look not on radio or Yeah, I didn't have a lot of jobs until then like not on radio or Part-time on there on radio, and then I was like the morning. I was like the morning show stunt boy I told you about that last day. Yes. Yeah, yeah, I
Starting point is 00:30:53 Was old stunt boy radio That's a so yeah doing stunts on the right Yeah, oh we did it It's preposterous how many things we just did it for nobody but ourselves Yeah, like like think of the things you guys do on the yak But imagine no one's watching it and you're just like on the audio feed only just and there's a Nick doing the gauntlet Like anyone would you could just lie? Yeah, you could just lie about everything. We never did though I think there's a beauty I wish I did but you're when you were doing that was their perception of audience like we have
Starting point is 00:31:30 We have an audience and it's growing it was like I thought I was making war of the worlds every time. Yeah Oh, yeah Yeah, scare some homes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah people are like what's going on? You know that kind of thing, but you history guy a People are like what's going on? You know that kind of thing, but you history guy a Little bit. I'm like as I'm aging everybody says like 30s you hit it I'm loving it right now. Yeah, yeah, you're vibing with that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'll are what are you on, Japan? That makes that adds up. Yep, that adds up for you. It usually goes Japan or World War Two. And then once you extinguish those, you fracture out into random.
Starting point is 00:32:07 Yeah, you go into like the sub. Yeah, but you love Pokemon, right? So I feel like this is the natural. That's why I said it, ashamedly. Oh, I see. Yeah. OK. Yeah. I was going to say it's a natural progression. I would imagine Pokemon to Japan pipeline is is very quick. But I was never an anime guy.
Starting point is 00:32:23 Shocked. People were shocked by that Yeah, that thing is picking up steam, huh anime. Yeah, very popular, but I think it's pretty bad very old like it's either a decent NBA players or the biggest losers on the fucking planet like Also some really hot girls that like anime. Yes Really hot girls that like anime yes No the hole you're going down on the internet, and it's too much too much screen time here's a problem I live in Los Angeles. There's a lot of maybe stolen valor Maybe some put-upons going on but these like cosplay girls, but they are they're doing it for my attention These like cosplay girls, but they are they're doing it for my attention money I see so it's a commodity for them to understand yeah, maybe I'm being maybe I'm being an asshole, but I don't I
Starting point is 00:33:13 Feel like there's just a way to make money there cynical of course it's way to make well the highest percentage like Losers make up the highest percentage of people who are actively online what percent of the population is a loser? Hmm I think I'm a I'm a so yeah, we oh yeah, we're losers losers. I'm definitely a loser. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah We're losers Rudy no, I said this about like the the Bollie time caps like No, I said this about like the the Bolly time caps like Loser is genetic you think my dad's not a loser It's just it's up to you were born a loser or not
Starting point is 00:34:02 Okay, whatever you do like you can get rich off of you know entrepreneurship or crypto, but you're still a loser at home It's almost impossible to shake. It's like when somebody loses a ton of weight, you can still tell. Even if I never saw them as fat, you can still tell. That's true. And I don't know if it's phantom. It's like I wish you lost something good about you. You need to be chubby. I just don't know what it is.
Starting point is 00:34:23 If you, you're a single man, if you saw a girl you were very attracted to and then you found out she was 425 pounds at one point, would it bother you? Not bother, but would you be like, whoa? Yeah, it would fuck me up. It would fuck me up, but I don't think I'd care. Because I don't care. That shows that she has like insane work ethic. I know girls like that that have done that and you're like Jesus That's crazy. It almost is frightening and intimidating because you go What an undertaking? Yeah, that I think it's almost
Starting point is 00:34:56 Sexy it's intimidating it shows a drive that maybe I don't have is what I'm saying. Oh, yeah So it makes me feel not inferior where I'm like and angry about it. I'm I do I like go off Queen I just like I don't know if I can match that energy See I feel I feel I would feel fears if I was around like an alcoholic or it's like at any moment They could go back be back. Oh Yeah, but you realize you can catch it. Yeah, how would you catch it? Hey, you're getting fat again. That's Yeah, I couldn't help but to notice. Yeah, yeah something like that How's the dating so I was about to ask it's terrible, I don't know the show sponsored by better help
Starting point is 00:35:39 God you have any bad thoughts floating around that noggin dark and harrowing Mm-hmm. Not mine. Not mine. I'm clear, free, and light because of better help. And I know that works perfectly. I found a therapist that's good for me. I bounced around. I found a guy I thought I would like him, didn't.
Starting point is 00:35:58 So yeah, say you don't like your therapist assigned to you or maybe you do like him and it's not perfect. You can switch with the utmost ease. I didn't even have to say goodbye or tell him I was. You didn't have no confrontation. Yes, I just clicked on another guy. And now I have one, he's better looking. You got a better, yeah, so you could probably
Starting point is 00:36:16 spill your heart out more. It's easier to, it's easier to, and I'm afraid to go, I don't want him to hear my voice, I don't want him to see my face. You can just text him? We text. Perfect. Perfect.
Starting point is 00:36:26 But if you wanna talk, you can talk too. Oh, of course, of course, but that's just me. Helps me get rid of stress. Helps me get everything off my chest. And you can get it off your chest with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash new today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-helphelp.com slash new.
Starting point is 00:36:45 Bzzzzzz. Kyle, you know what that sound is? Ain't a cicada. The lawnmower? No, kinda. Air conditioning. That was me trans my big, big, big Auburn bush. It's Auburn.
Starting point is 00:37:02 It's Auburn. It's Auburn. It's Auburn. was it was huge I when I used the manscape last dude I had to plunge the toilet I had so much bush nuts no I am actually moving and a Nate the previous tenant left a pub which pissed me off that would be yeah but I think his fella naturally not with the Manscaped. I don't know. I always wondered how that happens. Like you'll go through a public pack.
Starting point is 00:37:29 Every year I go to, there's a pub. There's like two pubes. Like how do they just fall out? It is so hard to pluck with force. I don't think I could, because the skin is so fresh. Who is shedding pubes? This is a worldwide mysterious epidemic. I wish my dick would ball.
Starting point is 00:37:41 Who is shedding pubes? But until that day comes, the manscaped. It's great to use on your butt, gooch, balls, face, neck. Dude, I have a hairy fucking back now. It sucks. Oh, just now you're starting to get a hairy back? Like the tops of my shoulders, dude. Yeah, chest is whatever, but back is a... It's a real issue. Yeah. But luckily I have the manscaped and I do it in the shower
Starting point is 00:38:08 Wonderful, it's perfect all the ears to you got to get your ears. Oh Yeah, little baby hairs on the ears. I also use the nose hair trim. I never knows nose Yeah, nose is important nose and ear. Yeah, but you guys get 20% off your manscaped throat hit The hairiest throat Yeah With free shipping, 20% off free shipping With code ANUS, A-N-U-S, Manscaped.com That's 20% off
Starting point is 00:38:34 With free shipping, Manscaped.com Use code ANUS, never forget Where you came from, if you know what I mean I don't, at all Happy Father's Day from Manscaped Yeah, it's awful Did we talk about you being a stunt cock before I don't think we've talked about it I've talked about it. I think elsewhere. Yeah, yeah, I've done that it's not dating. It's a lot of like You've done
Starting point is 00:38:58 What? What is the stunt we're oh yeah, you're in that house. Let's breeze through stunt cock, go to the next one. He had his dick out on a... Josh was a stunt cock. He had his dick out on a tech jack and it was in a bowl. Two women for their only fans asked me if they could use my penis for it. And I said sure. At the same time?
Starting point is 00:39:21 No, no, no, no, no. Separate occasions. One found out about the other one and they were like oh, can I do that and I was like okay? Really it's like a you're the mom. No effect. Yeah, it was like a board of mouth. Oh Yeah, so you're Just your cock is in the scene just my penis like a free use did you come to your upper thigh? I did not come no, okay. It's just so it's a blowjob scene with no blowjob ones Yeah, there's no finale. Are you in like the camp of? Normalized sex work. Yeah, I don't care. I know you don't care. I don't care either
Starting point is 00:39:52 I'm normal. I don't mind your you want it to be more popular. I don't care if it's popular if it's not popular I I want it to exist. I like it Liking something is the best reason for wanting it to exist. Sure. Yeah. I mean, do it, don't do it. I'm not like one of these trad fellas who's like, hey,
Starting point is 00:40:14 I, you know, I care about your body count or whatever. You know, I date a girl. I've dated porn stars and I would date another one, you know, active. Were they active? Work? Yeah, sure. And they would come up. I think we did talk about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:26 But like when you were in the scene, did you did when I was in the scene, when you were when you were filmed to see the scene, this is the scene. I was like, I'm not in the like scene. No, no, no, no. Did you stay, Mom? Did you did you? I didn't say a word. It was literally just like, you know, two minutes of that. And you're the cinematographer your hands in it Yeah, I know that was that was the hardest part actually Nuh-uh
Starting point is 00:40:53 Well not true No, that was that was the most difficult aspect was Shooting though because I'm not like a filmmaker It's like you're doing rack focusing yeah you're trying to get a Dutch angle cut! Did you get paid for this? I mean I got and she bought me lunch the one girl you got a blowjob yeah that's what I said oh you got a blowjob yeah that's not a that's a stunt cock yeah so like they filmed somebody else's body
Starting point is 00:41:29 No the stunt cock is meaning like Do you're a porn star a faceless? Phantom faceless it's just a prop the cock is the prop, but it was your cock yeah Only fans. It's not like I I don't even know how many people watched it Okay, so you got a blowjob and lunch. Yeah, it was a great day. Yeah, hell of a day at the Beverly Hills Hotel or whatever the fuck it was called. It was awesome. That girl was cool and I think she doesn't like me anymore. Why is that?
Starting point is 00:41:55 Oh, because I don't know why. Because I didn't answer her phone call a couple times. I mean she lives elsewhere. It was a weird thing. It was like there was a couple times we were both traveling and I missed her call and then I texted her and she's like, oh now you want to talk to me? Sorry to get all I'm just like no you're so you're a you're a traveling comic you do tour dates all across the country Do you go into new cities like? Looking for sex or love I'll tell you what there was a time on your mom's house when they did a thing where it was like the make Josh come thing
Starting point is 00:42:27 Which was like a big thing that was like 29. It's huge Might as well have been fucking Kisses farewell to her. I mean and that was fun It was fun to go on the road and like have girls want to hook up or whatever. But it becomes very empty, I'll tell you. And we were discussing this maybe off the air. But like as you get older, those things are just frivolous. Yeah, it's nonsense. And I feel like you age slower in L.A.
Starting point is 00:42:57 So like you said, you're 38. Well, covid fucked me up. Like coming out of covid, I'm like, oh, my God, I'm middle age now. Like, I don't know. When I went into it, I was like 34. Yeah. And then I came out of it at 37. It's like or 36. Yeah, right. Oh, yeah. Same. It's fucked up. Everybody had a fucked up.
Starting point is 00:43:17 I tried to say what age would it not have been an issue like when we lost two years? But every age, I think didn't bother bother didn't bother me. I went from 27 to 29 per you're like a 30 you were a 30 year old at like 24 probably though very much So you're like ready. Yeah, yeah, you were like just hitting your prime Yeah, that's like an infant. It wouldn't be too bad Infants true, but like school-age kids are fucked my nephew is that kind of the perfect age But he was like born right before it and then came out of it at like The time when he was walking and talking like the first time he went to a grocery store. I was there
Starting point is 00:43:57 It blew his mind. Oh, yeah, he walked into a grocery store at like Four or something or three or something and And it just like his head exploded. So much stimulus. Yeah, it was crazy. They only seen his living room. Yeah. Yeah, really. Exactly. Did birth rates go up over Covid during a lockdown? Had to have. Right. I feel like it was like like a giant blizzard, you're saying. Like, yeah, all people fucking like your team winning the Super Bowl.
Starting point is 00:44:22 When the when there's a blizzard in Buffalo. It's like nine months later Is that the majority of the birthdays? Yeah? Yeah, it's a thing every time there's blizzard babies I feel about the bills. I love them. I love them. I love them when they were shitty I love them when they're good easy to love yeah, they are mm-hmm. They are easy to love They've never really been even when they were dastardly and awful. I Easy to love they've never really been even when they were dastardly and awful. I I don't it's not because of their lack of historical success They're just a very likable. Yeah, we have a good time fan base. Yeah, we have a fun I think it reflects upon the city because like yeah people resent when good teams are in Cities where you want to live mm-hmm. Yes. Yeah like Buffalo. It's like give them something
Starting point is 00:45:02 I did radio in Cleveland for like a year and their fan base I Thought it would be a mirror image of ours no over the lake No, it's like that you go over the lake, and it's like the evil version. They're cocky as shit It's not a no roger. They're just like they are they're bitter and angry. It's like Buffalo. We never got bitter. Yeah. Any of I respect the Browns and the Cleveland fan base because they show out regardless, whereas this Pittsburgh fan base is they won't give a shit if you guys are bad. We don't know because they don't give up on it.
Starting point is 00:45:39 They gave up on the pirates. Well, the pirates is hopeless. But the Steelers, they will. Tomlin loses one game and people are Right they give converse head, but they won't like for the Browns if that happens they will root wholeheartedly for the team I disagree the Browns people wear paper bags and all that horse shit the bills We were fucking awful Throughout my most of my adult life, and we'd sell out every game the Browns I lived there I would get a ticket I could pull right up to the
Starting point is 00:46:08 stadium walk right in watch the Jaguars play the Browns in 2011 Colt McCoy and all that horse oh yeah I could walk right in there and they did Baker dirty Baker Mayfield goes to the playoffs wins him a playoff game against the Steelers chase him out of town. Yeah. JP Lostman is the quarterback of the Bills. Sellout somehow. Really?
Starting point is 00:46:30 It would be crazy. You were probably loving like the Fitzpatrick era when there were the Pats. Ryan Fitzpatrick is my favorite Bills quarterback. Yeah. Jim Kelly is a piece of shit. That's what everybody says. Yeah. Everybody hates Jim Kelly in Buffalo too.
Starting point is 00:46:42 He's a piece of shit. Yeah. Does he like expect to be worshiped in Buffalo? He is to a degree still sure that he still lives there. He survived cancer, right? Yeah kind of kind of no he did and Yeah, he did I mean does that is that a It's admirable. I mean it's like good for you, but like is that like a sign of virtue that no no no I was gonna say That's what I mean like I Think it's kind of carmatic that he got it in the same place. He used to punch his wife
Starting point is 00:47:17 Yeah Where'd he get it? Oh, it was jaw. He had jaw cancer. Yeah, what's his face looking like now? It's a little gaunt and skeleton-y. Okay. You can Google it. No. Heavens no. So is the sentiment in Buffalo anti-Jim Kelly?
Starting point is 00:47:32 There's a, I mean I think as a, we all want, we're so thankful for Josh Allen that he will hopefully eclipse all the records so we don't have to celebrate the guy anymore. I mean he is just an asshole too, you know? You guys have this wide receiver, Stevey Johnson. He's the man he dropped a pass to win a game Yes, and he blamed the Lord
Starting point is 00:47:54 And I did too I said you're right Stevie God did do God did that Happily to do that because they thank God when they win credit God for the wins I said who else did I thought that was gonna be a. Oh, you can't be mad at Stevie mm-hmm Yeah, I mean back in the ancient days. That was the fucking move of course Yeah, yeah used to only blame God for bad. That was a hell of a game against the Steelers. Yeah, they all never forget that shit Yeah, that was wild 2010 or some shit, right? God made me drop it
Starting point is 00:48:30 He said God made me yeah, I mean like it's probably he blamed God he was like why God Why did you do this to me drop this ball? I praise you 24-7, and this is how you do me Oh my god, yeah, he tweeted out he sub tweeted God Not even a tag I'll never forget this ever Serious Serious, oh it was the best. Well. Thanks though is great Yeah, I do like it when when God gets like his wood when T-Bow in Denver, that was God working and that was fun to see. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:08 Dude, that was the piss. Most pissed I've ever been over a fucking football game when he beat the Steelers in the playoffs to Demarius Thomas. Stunned football like a javelin. Yes. Yes, dude. The T-Bow. I went to a game earlier that you're the very first T-Bow magic game in Miami. It was you would think that it was like a T-Bo game
Starting point is 00:49:27 because everyone was just wearing Florida Gator jerseys and they were building like a statue for him. It was crazy. So I watched T-Bo come back against the lowly dolphins at that time. Dude, the Dolphins fans, I know you got a couple of them out here. Those people were scumbags.
Starting point is 00:49:44 Like, I'm a loser, but I'm not a scumbag There yeah, I would know being a loser is perfectly fine and I was hanging out at a tailgate and a guy walked up to another guy's truck just some random guy stepped in the back of the truck and pissed into the Like you know that little window window he pissed inside of the truck inside the truck the part where the steering wheel is Were they both dolphin fans? Yeah, They just did it. They just did that. I was like this is disgusting We would never do this in the in Buffalo. You have a guy that gets covered with like mustard though, right? Yeah, but that's his own doing right no no I'm saying that's that's more fun. That's great This man peed in another man's truck in the hot sun. That's gross
Starting point is 00:50:22 man, Pete and another man's truck in the hot sun. That's gross. Fucking dolphins aren't the Sabres like one of the worst. They're the worst teams ever. They are. They're my favorite and they're the worst. They're on the big. Everyone talks about the bit. We're so numb from the Bills 11 year playoff drought that the Sabres one just snuck up on. Yeah. So they're 13 years.
Starting point is 00:50:40 My buddy got married twice in the time that since the Sabres uh-huh have been in the fucking playoffs My other friend had three kids. It's crazy three kids. They've never seen Sabres in the playoffs. Yeah I mean I was 25 as a young man the last time they were in there. I miss it. I I don't get Team fandom I get it, but you're an individual sport you equate it to bands Which I like if a band puts out a bad album You're not going to listen to it so if they're not a bad product. Just take a break don't you would think I love? The Sabres though, and I just like hockey and that's what I'm not going to root for another team No, I completely get rooting for a team, but from my like I love watching just the NFL Yeah, I just always think that they're gonna be good just like I did with the bills
Starting point is 00:51:28 I'm just like oh, this is the year and I'm duped every time. I'm a simple minded idiot yeah Yeah, you are what else am I gonna? Do I'm gonna watch hockey every time I like the team I like the players on it. I didn't like I calledld. I did have a dark period with the Ikel years. Yeah. Not to get too into the scene. No, no. I think it got dark. I didn't like. Yeah, there was a bad period there with like a Riley and Ikel and all those guys like there was some poison in the locker room.
Starting point is 00:51:55 And I definitely like didn't watch a lot of hockey during those couple of years. It's tough to. Yeah. But now people, people in Buffalo fucking hate Ikel, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's dead to happy. Yeah, so people in Buffalo fucking hate Ikel, right? Oh yeah. Yeah. He's dead to us. That went bad. It went bad, yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:08 It sucks how it happened, but you know, whatever. He's fine, he's in Vegas. How many times did you go to Niagara Falls growing up? A zillion. Really? It was awful. I would've thought it was one of those things where you don't go.
Starting point is 00:52:19 We never go. Everybody who comes to visit wants to go to Niagara Falls. And then when I was like a emcee at the comedy club or whatever, every headliner wanted to go to Niagara Falls. And then when I was like, uh, MC at the comedy club or whatever, every headliner wanted to go to Niagara Falls. How many times have you been on made of the mist? I've been on, I don't know, like a handful, but you don't do that every time you go. You're pissed at the Niagara Falls.
Starting point is 00:52:36 You're not. No, it's, it is a thing though. You just go like after a while you're like, it's just water, but it is magnetizing. I love it. I love it. Yeah, I love it. I've stared at it and had that thing where it's like do I want to crawl inside there? Yeah, yeah My mother was very morbid growing up, and she loved telling stories of like people who went over them How many deaths how many bodies does the falls? I know one particular story of the child Who was in a life draft? This is like in the 70s and he was past the point of no return
Starting point is 00:53:09 He like fell out of a boat in the Niagara River and was past the point of no return And he just went over but he was so light and he had like a preserver on that it shot about over the rocks Ah, so he like lived and that's what happened the guy. I think his name was Kurt Jones There was a man who was clearly trying to kill himself Just walked into the falls Top like naked almost and then just like laid like this like a pencil and He was light enough and skinny enough that it shot him out and he lived and everyone thought he was like a stuntman Yeah, then you're like lauded as a hero
Starting point is 00:53:47 Yeah He was like treated like a folk hero and then he tried it again in a barrel and the barrel was obviously too So he was trying to kill himself and he was like wait. I can make a living out of this Well, that was easy. Well, here's the thing. He went into a barrel and then he died So he died in the barrel. Yeah, the barrel is too heavy and I just go down and hit the rocks Yeah, that's something you can spare the tears with I think I think so five thousand bodies at the base of it since 1850 That's a while. There's people that just killed themselves all the time Yeah, it's like the San Francisco Bridge or whatever the Golden Gate the Golden Gate Bridge. Yeah. Yeah, you ever watch that documentary about people jumping off
Starting point is 00:54:19 Yeah, there's a documentary work because they have all the CCTV that closed oh yeah circuit television and They're like they show people just jumping off And there's one guy that like lived and he tells you like his he said the drop was long enough to regret it Yes, yeah, you never want to do that. Yeah, that's more. That's too morbid. Yeah, it's a wild documentary I would want one on the falls though the falls because then like you know what happens when someone goes over those things is They got to get like this crew to climb the rocks and shit. It has to be an incredible. That's an endeavor Probably cost a lot of cost the taxpayers a lot of money sure these Go do it off a building like some other you know we were talking about where like you think about where you want to die And you want to die in Buffalo
Starting point is 00:55:04 Are you gonna die in Philly yes 100% Philly or Wildwood, New Jersey barring any sort of premature thing I would hope right yeah, if all goes according to plan Yeah, yeah, and I would hope if it was premature would happen in Philly, okay? Why I just want to die there? It's where I'm from it's where that's my home Make ease make things easy for your parents And I have to like that to ship your body or whatever Can you like spread ashes on the falls to have you ever like new you know you can't that's like a yeah What are the actuals you can't do any ashes anywhere? Can you my buddy? Yeah? Yeah? I think you can there's any laws against that
Starting point is 00:55:39 I was our insurance grandpa. Oh, yeah, that's ashes. Well. It's inside of a thing you can't go I think I'm just saying who's what's stopping me from going and putting these isn't that a water supply of some kind or? But like oh, dude. I mean ashes though though. That's the ashes. Yeah, I mean I just I thought I'm not saying one way or the other that I give a shit I'm just saying I thought the law gave a shit where they were like You can't be just willy-nilly throwing ashes around I think my rash's dad's ashes are at where a man you place I'm sure people do that, but I don't think it's kosher. I don't think it's like
Starting point is 00:56:14 What is the ash spreading? It's frowned upon you got to do it kind of on the so you want to die in Buffalo But you haven't thought about your your remains. He's like a t-shirt. I think I just would like going into the ground with the worms Yeah, get me like I feel like that's selfish though. It takes up a ton of space good Yeah, yeah, I have I've I told the story about what I want to do it would be in space right Yeah, I think about dude that is one, but I thought that was too. That's narcissistic It is that is about the resources that cost, rockets and all that. I did want to get shot into space. Yeah, it'd be really cool. And yeah, fuck yeah, it's narcissistic.
Starting point is 00:56:50 There was a video game that my cousin used to play on a computer. And I don't remember what it was like very long ago. Backyard baseball, Sam's roller coaster tycoon. I used to watch him. No, no, no, it was about space stuff. And when you die, they would shoot you into space in this little casket Yeah, and you'd watch it and they'd show this ceremony And I remember that and I go that's how I want to do it. I know that scares me even though I'm dead space scares The fuck out of me. Yeah, but when you're dead that's and I wouldn't want aliens
Starting point is 00:57:16 I wouldn't want my body to be the representation of humanity if that was the first thing I don't want that We have that golden record in space. Have you guys seen that? Mm-hmm I have this golden record in space and it has two people on it, and if it's any Extraterrestrials find it there's like it's supposed to represent everything humanity stands for on this record mm-hmm. What's on it? It's there's some songs on it. There's Beethoven. I think the Beatles I think it has some like it has something from every continent so it has like some throat singing It has our location in the solar system, but then it has a drawing of man. It has disturbed.
Starting point is 00:57:46 Yeah. Oh, wah-hah-hah. Yeah. And they're like, oh, we gotta get here, dude. Oh, yeah. But my idea, the grandest idea, which is completely a pipe dream, would be that hypothetically,
Starting point is 00:57:59 if my remains were launched into space on a trajectory that could exit the solar system, there's a non-zero chance that my remains would crash land on a planet that could harbor life, and then my remains would trigger into space on a trajectory that could exit the solar system. There's like a non-zero chance that my remains would crash land on a planet that could harbor life, and then my remains would trigger life on that planet. Wait, that is a nice thought. That's like donating your organs. That is egotistical as fuck too.
Starting point is 00:58:14 You want to be gone. He wants to, yeah. Well then, don't you think donating your organs is a little egotistical? You're like, I'm gonna save some people. Facts. But I've heard horror stories that if you're an organ donor on your driver's license, I've heard horror stories that if you're an organ donor on your driver's license
Starting point is 00:58:25 I've heard horror stories about the EMT having somebody on the donor list and they let you die. I've heard the same exactly Yeah, wait what yeah, oh my lord I Would that's a horror movie. I was like okay this person's gonna be fully paralyzed missing a leg Don't give a hundred percent with the CPR CCS yeah, it's good. Do they do it like off of them? Okay, that's that machine should make skadoosh Yeah, wait the golden record has the human sex organs on it I want to see if my dick's bigger or smaller than what aliens see Yeah, what do they put the average after the yeah, what do what do the alien see yeah?
Starting point is 00:59:02 That's that's that's a good point. You'd think they'd give humanity a little bit of a leg up here, but they could be lying, they could make it a big average. You just Googled what do the aliens see? Yeah I gotta be honest, I spaced out. I know you did, yeah. Because they can. Yeah, yeah what does that say?
Starting point is 00:59:15 What do the aliens see? Do you think we're bragging about how big our penises are on average to the aliens, or do you think they're gonna give a real answer? I guarantee you every alien species is, I think, I bet you every alien species is I think I? Bet you every alien that will come to earth will have a bigger dick. I don't think they have dicks I think they eat dicks are like archaic. They're like they still have dicks
Starting point is 00:59:34 Yeah, you know what I mean. They're doing something else. They evolved past dick. Yeah, they're like these fucking Cave people with their dicks still yeah, They're still stuck on circumcision. Oh my god. They've probably evolved past orgasm. You think so? There has to be a better feeling than orgasm. Realistically, they're prob- they're probably more like, um, caterpillars than humans. You think so?
Starting point is 01:00:00 Why do we attribute like human traits to them? Yeah, I hate that every alien picture- They're gonna critique and judge. They're probably more like- They're gonna understand what our music says and- Why do we attribute like human traits of them? Yeah? They're gonna understand what our music says and that's why I like district 9 they were like Prawns they called arrival was sick, too. I thought that was a cool depiction of aliens. Yeah Were there like octopuses spoken like smoke? Yeah, and circles, and it was a whole phrase. It was really cool word Yeah, that movie yeah, yeah alien depiction like this depiction of an alien the odds of this are zero toes fingers head
Starting point is 01:00:39 Although that's what everyone all these fucking those guys are like making shit. Yeah, that's what they say I've never given a shit about aliens me neither. Do I hate it? That's what I say I go they're go do you think there's the aliens are real I go who gives a shit. I don't given a shit about aliens. I mean either dude. I've never paid it. That's what I say I go there go do you think there's aliens are real I go who gives a shit. I don't give a shit I don't care. Yeah, we don't even know it's in the ocean Yeah Also, it's like now that the government's like no there are aliens. I'm like I don't I don't now I think they're not or they're announcing some they're announcing that to Or they're announcing some they're announcing that to Shove to cover up something else. Yeah, cuz there's like this. Yeah, there's some proxy wars starting and they're like, no, there's aliens
Starting point is 01:01:15 Trust me when they do find them. I guarantee it'll just be like bacteria It'll be so underwhelming. I don't think it'll be underwhelming because I think there'll be like riots in the streets for like back to religious people Yeah, true. Like wait, I've been good this whole thing. They're like, we gotta tell them about Jesus. Oh, they tried sinning in mass? Yeah. Yeah. If they did like the fun sins, that would be amazing.
Starting point is 01:01:32 Like what? Coveting neighbor's wife? What's the fun ones? Gluttony? Yeah, that is a, that's an awful sin. Sloth would be my jam. I'm gonna sloth it up. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:42 Sloth it up. Wait, yeah, is that one of the seven deadly sins? Yeah, it is. Gluttony and lust and envy. And I do one of those a day. I do probably six of those a day. I do lots of multiple times a day. Does lust just mean like you see some mean it?
Starting point is 01:01:56 Like you think about it? I think that's what they are implying. Well, hey, I'm a big lust guy then. Yeah, it's like, how do you undo that? I'm a big wrath guy. What's wrath? Yeah, revenge. Oh, I'm not a wrath guy. You're not a wrath guy. Not at all. Oh, I love revenge. But I don't like being the one who distributes it. I like seeing it happen. Oh, no. I like just deserts. Okay, so I lust gluttony. I'm not a lusty guy actually. I'm definitely lost. I'm not a lusty guy actually I'm definitely lost
Starting point is 01:02:26 I'm not gluttony. I'm not gluttonous I'll veg out like I will I'll eat after I'm full. I won't do that's the nature of a human You're not you don't eat. I don't eat have you eaten today. Oh, yeah, you don't eat. Are you hungry not even a close? Not even close, I don't remember though. I ate a sandwich Before I went to the comedy story yesterday So do you have like an aversion towards like textures colors tape like no I have nothing none of that I don't I don't I don't need to think about it all the time Everyone thinks about it all the time first thing I think of the morning is what I'm having for dinner. Oh
Starting point is 01:03:05 What a taxing no man I don't need to think about it all time everyone thinks about it all the time first thing I think of the morning is what I'm having for dinner. Oh What a taxing no man. No one simple joy humans have control. Yeah, it's just like Twice a day, maybe once only maybe three times I get to enjoy something where my pleasure sensors reach probably a nine or ten out of and it's completely in my control And I smoke weed you take edibles. Don't you feel that? Oh, I don't like being. You taste the MSG. You taste the salt. What? It doesn't make me hungry.
Starting point is 01:03:31 But don't you like trying to new food or like something like what do you like? So do you have you ever said yummy? Of course. No, listen. OK, I've been fortunate enough to go to like some very nice restaurants where like a chef makes you like that. That shit's amazing. I'm not like discounting going out a chef makes you like that that shit's amazing I'm not like discounting going out to eat or anything like that, but do you clean the plate? Yes? I'll eat all I can eat food, but here's the thing
Starting point is 01:03:53 All right, I I don't the tediousness and then like fast food and people get excited about like Like a good burgers one thing but like then you're to like, let's get Wendy's or whatever the fuck. And I'm just like, but there's a place for that. None of it makes me feel good afterwards. Right. For me, it's like an investment. Like is three minutes of pleasure worth whatever comes after it? The come after it is all I can think about the discomfort, the fullness. Like I'll eat a good meal and I'll'll be like damn. I'm full I'm
Starting point is 01:04:28 Satisfied that was wonderful. I love sushi sushi does that like yeah Sushi it's tough. I'm not even like awful three times a day Is this because like your tolerance for just good things in general is so high now like I mean you toward the world like you've Killed it on stage. No, no, no, no. You've partied with celebrities. Well, I mean. Are you just getting exa...
Starting point is 01:04:49 Have you partied with celebrities? You've got a blowjob on a balcony. That's so funny. I wish that was it. When's the last time you partied with an A-list celebrity? I bet you have recently. I did. You just saw my Instagram.
Starting point is 01:04:59 That's right. Who was it? Who did you party with? I did say on the thing today while you were taking a shower that we were saying at the Comedy Store this week We were like I hope Post Malone stops coming this week. Yeah, not stops like forever I'm saying like he came like three nights in a row and it was like we I mean you go to your say to yourself How often am I gonna party? So you stay there till he doesn't want to do it anymore and then the next day it's like again
Starting point is 01:05:24 You're like, oh god, am I gonna stay here. And then the next day, it's like, again, you're like, oh, God, am I going to stay here till three in the morning again? It's like seeing titties. It's like this is the last time I party. Partying with Post Malone is like doing karaoke with Charlie Puth. We went partying hard with Post Malone. I guess we didn't party. Partying soft with Post Malone is I party hard, but I don't think he was partying
Starting point is 01:05:44 as hard as I was, but he was. You can't party soft and post Malone is like... I partied hard, but I don't think he was partying as hard as I was. But he was there. You can't party soft with Post Malone. Sure. That's like feeding ducks with Mother Priest. You can't just...if he's hanging out there at the place I hang out at all the time, I can't be like, well, I'm gonna head off. Like, I feel like...I don't care how old I am.
Starting point is 01:06:01 It's like... See, I would. Every time that somebody cool shows up to like at a bar stool event cool wasn't I mean uh Probably uncool, but a lot of followers. I leave immediately Yeah, but like is it just you and three other people with that person no exactly. That's what I'm saying it gets like now Would you say you're so drunk in this picture? You couldn't tell do you think he's still, does he still
Starting point is 01:06:25 derive joy from the process of the partying? I think so. He doesn't really party, he just drank beers and hung out so late. How many cigs did he have? A million. I mean drinking a bunch of beers and smoking cigs and staying up late. That's not partying? Is it? That's what I do. I mean I guess it is and it isn't. I don't know, it's just kind of like par for the course. I thought but yeah, I was doing some other things during this Netflix festival It was a fun time Like what? Ketamine I didn't do any ketamine shrooms. Yes
Starting point is 01:07:04 acid no MDMA no weed yes Ketamine. I didn't do any ketamine. Shrooms. Yes. Acid. No. MDMA. No. Weed. Yes. Sex. You're missing one.
Starting point is 01:07:15 Cocaine. Yes. Of course. Nicotine. Yes. Caffeine. Oh yeah. Oh fuck yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:23 Caffeine. Yeah. Those are all the good ones. Yeah. That's a good. That's a good palette my favorite mix I didn't do acid, but I like acid quite a bit. Yeah, I don't have them I don't have the mentors for it. Oh, I had a real bad depression and Acid I did an acid on New Year's Eve crack my skull open. Oh, yeah Dude changed. I made me feel capable Motivated yes, wait, so it got you out of the depression. Yeah, I'm with you
Starting point is 01:07:51 Oh, so you you were depressed did acid cracked your skull. Yes. It was the best and I needed it I'm with you Potter. I do like acid Rudy. I've only done it once and I it's the only drug I didn't want to like have like a need to do again And is he it's the only drug that I felt improved to like have like a need to do again. And is he is the only drug that I felt improved after. Yes. Yeah. It's like getting a software update. It was like a reboot. And then I just like I remember at this Airbnb we did a Joshua tree thing and I went to an Airbnb and I'm doing the dishes, you know, like because we have to clean it up or whatever, because it's a fucking Airbnb and not a hotel where you
Starting point is 01:08:22 can just nightmare. Yeah. So I'm doing the dishes in this place And I'm having a great time listening to music doing the dishes, and I go wait a minute I have music and dishes at my house. Why don't I ever feel this way when I'm doing dishes there? You know an important question that yeah, but I mean Then it's like well Meth will make you want to clean and it was like meditative, but that's true I do you think like being on vacation was this was after this was the afterglow though This wasn't I wasn't like tripping when I was doing the dish have you had bad experiences with it. I'm good at drugs
Starting point is 01:08:56 Yeah, I mean, I've never once been good. Here's the thing when I say that I mean like every time I've done them. I've said to myself if something weird was happening. Hey, man You're on drugs right now. You can't do that. That's the thing when I say that I mean like every time I've done them I've said to myself if something weird was happening. Hey, man, you're on drugs right now. Can't do that That's the important. That's the most important question to ask you got to remind yourself. This is not the temper This is only a temporary state exactly. It's gonna end Yeah, I can't I don't have that. I don't have that in me. I've never been a good drug guy I wish I could smoke weed can't even smoke weed. Damn. I can't I got a smoking weed is I got a pee so bad It's OK. Smoking weed to me was 10 times harder than traversing acid. Really? As is a different thing.
Starting point is 01:09:32 It's like I think it is like. I don't know, it could be like a therapy, something someday for people. It's just easy. Yeah, it's I've never done any. I've never I've never done coke. Yeah, I started that late and I don't like that. I do that on occasion Do you is it a guilt thing is it I do feel guilty it doesn't change my I've never like bought it if people are Like let's saying something you know people are doing it. I guess it's like a fun camaraderie thing Yeah, it's like I feel included and that's really the alt. Thank you mook
Starting point is 01:10:03 That's actually the true point is that I'm lonely and I do like feeling included. it's like I feel included and that's really the alt. Thank you, Mook. That's actually the true point Yes, that I'm lonely and I do like feeling included. That's like I don't I don't smoke cigarettes But if like you tonight want to go out and smoke cigarette, yeah, ask me immediately. Of course. You've got it. Yeah 100% okay. So cokes like cigarettes it is And I'm not doing like a Obtuse amounts and it's never anything that I wake up the next day and I go I'm not doing like obtuse amounts and it's never anything that I wake up the next day and I go Man, I got to do that again right now. It's always like oh god What am I doing and then like a month will go by or a couple weeks? Then I'm like someone will be like and I go yeah, of course
Starting point is 01:10:35 with all these comics and People like the people that you up know and affiliate with like comics going sober has that ever crossed your mind. It sucks No an affiliate with like comics going sober has that ever crossed your mind sucks There's not a lot of us left. I know really not there's really awful, and I I don't know I I have I have no Like reason to I guess other than like my health or whatever yeah But I mean like it hasn't really adversely affect my life I don't think but someone could point to this or that if they want to like nitpick sobriety is very very trendy right now I know and it's fucking stupid If you guys do it and you have to that's a different story if you have to yeah
Starting point is 01:11:16 I don't mean people know what in my face though. It's like I'm I can tolerate I haven't really been addicted to anything, but do you don't have an addictive personality think so I don't tolerate. I haven't really been addicted to anything. But do you don't have an addictive personality? I think so. I don't at all. I don't I don't have one at all. I wish I could. I've been trying Lucy's and I love how they taste. I love how they feel. Can't get addicted. Yeah, you can't. I I drink a lot of beer, but I don't like want to get drunk.
Starting point is 01:11:39 You know, do you crave it? Like, no, I just like when I go out, I'm like, if I'm going to drink something, I'm going to drink a beer. I think alcohol always improves situations like, if I'm going to drink something, I'm going to drink a beer. I think alcohol always improves situations like if we're all out together, I'm like, let's grab a drink that will make things better. Yeah, maybe that's a bad mindset. Maybe I do. I'm addicted to alcohol. I don't think I am addicted to it
Starting point is 01:11:55 because I don't want booze. And I always think like with beers, I can only get so drunk. Yeah, you can only drink so many beers an hour. You sound like you sound like a not a fiend. You might be a fiend. All right. I am. You're a fiend. Yeah. But I can. And once you get old enough, it's like it's manageable. You don't know how to maintain buzz. You don't stop at buzz. That's the yeah. That's you know, I guess that's an addict. But that's what I was saying. Like I can stop at the buzz like two beers an hour I you know what I'm saying or three beers
Starting point is 01:12:30 Maybe it if I'm in the red you know what I'm saying But like you can only drink so many beers in an hour, and then they're like through you after you piss right. I don't know Yeah, I don't drink liquor beers tough to black out a lot of weed. I don't know if I've blacked out on just beer ever Yeah, that's the thing. It's hard. It's hard to black out a lot of weed. I don't know if I've blacked out on just beer ever. Yeah, that's the thing. It's hard. It's hard to do. So is the shots in between. Yeah. Yes. That's the shit you regret.
Starting point is 01:12:51 Yes, exactly. That's what makes the hang of doing eight pickle back shots and one fucking pickle back shots. Don't get you hung over. I think that is the most miraculous drink in the world. Still whiskey, though. Yeah, I disagree. I've been. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:04 Marose after a pickle back night, because I kept going like, I don't taste this whiskey, though. Yeah, I disagree. I've been. Oh, yeah. Marose after a pickle back night because I kept going like, I don't taste this whiskey at all. Like it was like I had to keep testing. We went out for the Super Bowl and we all had like 13 and I felt nothing. Yeah. The first pickle back
Starting point is 01:13:15 experience is like this, like a little kid doing an experiment. It's like it's like it's like getting a game shark, dude. Like it's just like, oh, I can't die. I can't believe I don't taste it. I go, this is Jameson and I'm not flinching. Yeah, yeah, I did.
Starting point is 01:13:30 I didn't get hung up. It's a different kind of hangover. Like I felt like I didn't have the physical pain, but I felt like I had received it a lobotomy. You're off a little bit. Sure. But I would rather have that than a headache. I never got hungover because I woke up and I was still drunk after I did the pickle bag thing.
Starting point is 01:13:44 Oh, yeah, I was drunk in church this Sunday. Hit the J-Mo too hard, no pickle bag. Have you ever puked in church? Have not puked in church. I have once. I'm a big hangover puker and I'm very sensitive to light and sound and smell. Yeah. And it's the worst because you're sober and you're feeling like you're puking. I don't think I've ever told this story on here, maybe I have, but I was coming back from a Tim McGraw concert in Milwaukee most hotly. Yes recently
Starting point is 01:14:08 Yeah, most hungover. I've ever been woke up in the hotel. I knew my day was done you wake up, and you know the day's over Oh, I've canceled flights. I've My girlfriend's driving us back from Milwaukee to Chicago, and it's fun I'm fighting everything in me to not throw up like every bump of the car every like gentle break I'm like clunk like grabbing The arm rests and I like have my eyes closed, but you can't sleep. I just want to be back I can't keep anything in me. I've already puked twice and I hear a Blinker I'm like oh fuck and then she I feel her take an exit
Starting point is 01:14:44 I'm like this is way too soon to be back in Chicago and gravel Road parking lot park I open my eyes I Open my eyes, and I look at my girlfriend. She says please and I look out the window goat petting zoo Yo that must have been crazy in there. Goat petting zoo in between. Alright so I'm your girlfriend. Say how you react.
Starting point is 01:15:17 We're at the goat petting zoo. Nick, aren't you excited? Yeah let's do it. That easy? You're sweet. You didn't like like and so she has a picture of me It's like a live video because it was like all these goats And then a corn maze in the middle and me sprinting into the corn maze to puke I puked in a corn maze And then when you I was so disoriented afterwards
Starting point is 01:15:38 I just had to do the trick from like the Greek mythology right to keep my hand on the right wall to get out But that's like when you're when you're like fighting for your life hangover the last thing you want to see when you open your eyes Is a goat petting zoo. Oh god, I can imagine. I'm I'm no that's but I know there was no goat petting zoo. I Know No, I'm gonna get a box cutter. We're going home. No man, cause I puked. We had a hell of a time together, cause we were the only people there and it was also an apple orchard.
Starting point is 01:16:10 We went and got apples and they pressed it into our own juice. Beautiful time. Sometimes when you're hungover and you do something outdoorsy like that and you force yourself to do it. But there's not tons of goat shit. Oh, that's the thing, the goat smell. I would have definitely been more like KB and been like are you out of your foot? But it was my own fault You know it's sweet, but we're going home. I would have been like we'll go to the goat farm tomorrow
Starting point is 01:16:34 I'll drive us back here tomorrow the my worst hangover where I had to do something was Louisiana rediscovering America after the LSU game we had to go cook bullshit with that we had to go butcher a redneck TikToker Stale cracker. I just wanted to kill him the whole time. He might be a nice guy His I I was I've never hated being at a place dude. Yeah waking up hungover That's worse having a butcher a gator and then there's no way see we're like right on the Mississippi border It's and our costumes have these pants were drenched
Starting point is 01:17:07 You know it smells and then we're on that trip with mincy and mincy just like we're in the middle of the shoot He just walks off set and then like our directors like he's slurping somewhere and we couldn't find him He was just drinking from the sink He was drinking from the sink yeah Yeah. He's sober, right? We were in a kitchen. There were bottled waters. Here, I think, yeah, that guy right there. This is the most hungover you've ever been, Kyle.
Starting point is 01:17:31 Yes. That's rough, dude. This guy. Yeah. We were in this guy's shed. Butchering gator. He thinks we're like make-a-wish dudes, because he's like at the peak of his career. Oh yeah, you're not even here, Kyle.
Starting point is 01:17:43 You're not even in it dude yeah I was kept pacing outside there was no they could not find any comfort actually I was on rediscovering America that was the worst experience of my life I had to puke on a rediscovering America too it was Ohio we went to go meet with a witch and I kept my mic on I think they kept me in the video Yeah, that's that. Oh dude. Oh, and you have this steaming pot of gator and they're and every comment was like these guys are gay These guys still cracker was like posted on his and everyone's like yeah, these guys are gay as fuck Rewind it. Does it have us like butchering the fucking gator?
Starting point is 01:18:24 Yeah, that's that is a nightmare dude. Yeah, it was so humid my worst one Yeah, there it is. Oh my worst one The most hungover I've ever been the next day. I had to go shoot guns with a priest nightmare. What yeah What's your most hungover like on air thing? Oh, probably when we did Chiclet's Cup in Vegas. And we had to go play roller hockey. Post case races are tough for me.
Starting point is 01:19:01 Mine, episode three of my podcast on it's on the Your Moms House channel is maybe like one of the most viewed ones because I started I started really highly viewed and that's waned downward. So it started good. But the third one, I was out there promoting it and I did a very popular podcast. I won't say which one, but they were like. We were talking about the cocaine thing. They were like, and it was like, I was there till four.
Starting point is 01:19:28 They go come at 9 p.m. and I was like, that's late. I was there till 4 a.m. I've always wondered slash assumed that was going on. What do you mean? With like a lot of big podcasts. Yeah, certain ones, some of them. And so I, 4 a.m. rolls around, I'm very far away from my house,
Starting point is 01:19:49 so I go all the way back to my house, I get there, I'm like fuckin' laying in bed, like, you know what I mean? Like, there's no sleeping. I have to shoot an episode at 11 a.m., so episode three is me just like sweating and like fucking going like. Well, you're doing it. I don't know and I did a solo episode How did the hand do you do that by and I didn't know what I was doing is that by the episode three? I didn't know what the show was. I didn't even know what the show was at that time episode three
Starting point is 01:20:17 I had no idea what I was doing yet Absolutely, so it was probably the worst thing ever. It's on the your mom's house channel. It's not on my channel So what was going through your head? What was going through your head? I just had to get through it I used to do radio So it would be like I've definitely there was like times in radio when I was like 19 and I'd get really drunk and I just Go to my office and sleep until 5 a.m. When I'd have to like start doing my fucking production. Uh-huh Oh, yeah, there I am. I'm fucked up You like the man you ready to stage a coup Oh yeah it does! Why do you look black and Israeli? I have a backwards hat
Starting point is 01:21:06 Oh my god This looks fucking amazing I'm so fucked up here That's the most discriminated against man in the world Unbelievable Dude you're using your hands and everything? I'm fucked up I had to just talk at the cameras
Starting point is 01:21:26 This looks like a flu game. What do they it was I've had some since then but this one was bad I'll never forget this because I still didn't know what the show was I don't even know what I'm talking about here But I that's where we are going to be this looks like something. I'm probably just rambling this This looks like some you'd show to like troubled youth to turn them into an extremist I am I'm going like and the infidel you're in like a nondescript basement yeah it looks like you're about to round everything back you're about to talk shit on my way to woman I played a clip so I can just have our some red bull there This is a long ass. Let's watch this This your milk in this oh, yeah, you're pondering your rub in your chin. I'm fucked up here
Starting point is 01:22:22 Video run Let's wait. Let's play that again. Yeah, I don't think I caught all of it. Don't listen to me. Just watch this video listen to the video I'll chime in whenever we're real hungover in one of like podcasts. We should just do a reaction to another episode of a podcast There's a little micro economies out there Yeah, that is true oh yeah that was a bad one I've had some sense I mean this fucking Netflix is a joke festival that just happened yeah created some you know you still got to wake up and do your fucking podcast you're like Jesus that's like a week long festival it was ten days and it was
Starting point is 01:23:00 oh my god too many days but like crazy we say that but like every construction worker every fucking welder no no I'm like Waking up way more hungover than us and are you think they think they wake up hungover? I think they yell. I mean obviously doing more laborious things I'm putting my body through the ringer by like you know partying too much They also not like doing anything healthy, but yeah, but they're like don't you think with their construction work? They get a little workout. They counteract the get that blood going that maybe it hits different. It feels better Yeah, what do you I mean you're a fit guy still you still wrestling all it did. Yeah, no no wrestling
Starting point is 01:23:36 Oh, but you do like the workouts you did then it'll make Party ass like drinking doing drugs. Can you well? I just joined a gym three weeks way less guilty I just joined a gym. I only went twice. I don't know what I'm doing Can you get me on like a cycle? You said just bench? It doesn't matter what you do This is a thing is it's all about just consistency alright. You can go in find a machine That you don't have to just do this. And do that every day.
Starting point is 01:24:10 Every day? Not every day, but you have to be consistent. Consistent though, yeah. If you do like, if you do three days a week, every week, for a year, you're golden. Sick, that's all I'm gonna do. I just joined the gym. I like it. I'm gonna go. There we go.
Starting point is 01:24:28 Kyle, you have a bachelor party tomorrow. Are you going to party? Yeah. That's a situation where you Because you go through phases. You're sober, sober, sober. Then you let yourself have fun. So like for a bachelor party, like a preakness like a day event, like yeah, you go
Starting point is 01:24:44 all out. Preakness is a fun thing. My sister to go really yeah, I'm excited so yeah, it's gonna be wake up and Are you gonna spend cash on some horses like do you have I don't know horse betting But because I heard how much the room was bringing to bed. He's a horse betting fanatic Yeah, a sack of cash my patreon partner Matt Bergman. He is a horse betting Fanatic as well. I feel like rainers. It's not a horse betting fanatic. It's just a gambling addict Yeah, I guess I mean he's not he likes slot machines do which I guess that doesn't bode well But he knows like the trainers how do you like slot machines? That's what I said you have to be a real dumb dumb I think that's that's that you have, it's the same as ringing a doorbell
Starting point is 01:25:26 levels of excitement You're have to be a real dim person And everybody that I know enjoys it either they're like they have chaos in their brain There's a storm in their brain and maybe they just like the little dinghies and the here's what's happening. There's a laboratory Maybe they just like the little dinghies and the lights. Here's what's happening. There's a laboratory near Las Vegas where people, scientists, the greatest minds are working to make slot machines as addicting as possible, down to the tune that's played.
Starting point is 01:25:56 But the rules themselves, you look at how to win, are impossible to comprehend. Right, so they give what's called fake wins. You'll put in, say, $10, and they give like what's called fake wins like you'll put in Say ten dollars, and they'll treat like if you win five dollars. They'll like light up the screen you feel like and you'll see a little animation Oh, I won five dollars. No you are still down five dollars, and they'll keep giving you those little wins One of my best friends. Annie Letterman She's a great comic, hilarious obviously. Her brain is such a storm all the time that I think that the Blinky lights and the sounds comet. She loves the slot machines
Starting point is 01:26:33 I guess like I get home from work after a long day, and I put on Desperate Housewives I don't have to think I just watch these fucking whores cheat Yeah, that's the way I watch baseball honestly Yeah, it's like, yeah sure baseball. I should have said baseball. I should have said baseball. No, but it's zen, it's meditative. I pick baseball, that's my cup, I like putting it on in the background, you know?
Starting point is 01:26:54 I won't ever get slot machines. Slot machines I won't ever get either. Because like, even if you win, you can't be proud of yourself. Yeah. You didn't do shit. I don't even know what the hell happened roulette's electric though it but it's kind of the same all the little bullet but it's more of a social thing it's like yeah and 64 with four controllers
Starting point is 01:27:14 yes squares and craps to video games stop being social video games used to be social and they became anti-social yeah you stepped it I used to go to my cousin's house after you get out of work at midnight and Play mad and smoke weed. That's amazing. Oh, that's that halo Halo zombies Gamers now are like anti-social home bodies now you're on well I I do kind of enjoy because here's the thing like I live far away from my friends now They live in Buffalo, and I live in LA and we still play
Starting point is 01:27:48 NHL as Like a club. That's nice. That's and you get on and they all have kids and shit So it's like we play like a couple nights a week, you know our club or whatever the hell. Yeah, that's nice That was a huge part of the early COVID days for me me and my friends from college would play NBA 2k That's how it kind of came about, actually. COVID reunited us playing video games. Right. That happened to me, too. It was nice.
Starting point is 01:28:12 And we kind of kept it going, the four of us, you know? And weirdly, gray combination is getting fucked up and playing video games with your friends. Yeah, but video games now don't... There's no mode to play with, like, four people crammed on a couch. There's no local player like right. Yeah, that's yes. That's true.
Starting point is 01:28:27 You know what the best. Sorry to tell another cocaine story. One of the best times I ever did cocaine, though, was me and my buddies. This is like a couple of Christmases ago, pre covid, like 2019 or 2018 or something. We did an NHL EA Sports NHL tournament locally. Amazing where we just like drew the bracket. There was like seven or eight of us or whatever. We did an NHL EA Sports NHL tournament locally. Amazing.
Starting point is 01:28:45 Where we just drew the bracket. There was like seven or eight of us or whatever. We drew a playoff bracket, did best of three, and we did so much fucking co-op training. You have to, you have to. So the sun came up, the sun came up, right? I mean, I wasn't that young. I was 30.
Starting point is 01:29:00 Fresh face, 34 year old. I was 33. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 33. So like. That's so awesome. I was 33. So like, that's so awesome. That sounds like a blast. The rest of them were 33 or 32 or whatever, and we had the best time. And then the tournament ended, and I go,
Starting point is 01:29:14 alright, for the next tournament, we gotta change this rule to this rule. They go, Josh, it's 9am. For the next tournament. We're not doing another tournament. We went from, come on, let's do just two more For the next tournament. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're about to go into the heat. We're not doing another tournament. There is. We went from...
Starting point is 01:29:27 Come on. Let's do just two more tournaments. Two more full tournaments. It was so much fun though. I go, that was the best time. Cocaine will never get better than that night. Playing NHL with the boys. Those are the moments you live for.
Starting point is 01:29:41 Anything else, boys? Josh, you have... You're doing Washington DC yep, May 30th, and then then the day after that the Emmaus theater is a mass Place just outside of Allentown cuz I've been calling it Allentown should I not it's a mayas It's it's it's you could call it a suburb of Allentown I've been saying Allentown, but it's the Emmaus theater and Tim butterly is doing that show with me And he's fucking hilarious, so
Starting point is 01:30:06 That's gonna be a hell of a and we've seen you a few times now a great time every time I can't wait Can I do my really long pedophile joke tonight at the yeah? Yes, that was hilarious. This is I do that there I just said that but okay. I just remember laughing the whole time. Thank you That's when you started it out with you guys came to see two tall boys very three two or three Do you know and those shows I shot I shotgun a beer at the beginning they were tall boys They were they weren't all boys. Yeah No, but I by the end of it. I finished three finish. Oh certainly I finished three Well, I believe you went out there shotgun to tall boy. You have a really good walkout song
Starting point is 01:30:44 Oh, it's very kids scaring kids Yes, yeah, my man, and then you said play that again, and you did it Best in between I sip one so that's three that's three tall boys only three usually it's regular cans of beer But if they have tall boys, I guess why not what are you gonna do? Yeah? It's like you're you're in Portland exactly I was one nighter, and you also Yeah, that's right. Oh Yeah, you're doing Portland, Maine as well. I am very much. I that's I think that's gonna be beautiful there I love great. I've never been I'd love calendars deep, and I love it the Josh Potter calm go check it out
Starting point is 01:31:21 There's I have so many dates, and I would like to play it So I can do them again. You will love to see him There are a lot of dates right dog a real road dog. I'm no sass, but we got some dates That's some dates. I'm not moving. Oh, dude. What's that? You're not gonna sleep in the same bed twice in a row What do you mean? These are a lot of, like this is day. No, I love the road, dude. Ride me into dust is what I say. I love the road. I wanna be out and about all the time.
Starting point is 01:31:51 Amazing. Yeah, check out Josh Potter, thejoshpotter.com. All right. Thanks, man. Thank you guys, I love you guys.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.