A New Untold Story - Body Coach - A New Untold Story: Ep. 447

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

shoutout to kb's body coach, springfield, and everyone effected by kb's crossword scandal. tickets to nick & mook's chicago comedy show - https://chicago.zanies.com/show/adorable-boy-stand-up-comedy-showcase/zanies-comedy-club-chicago/chicago-illinois/ ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app today and use code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase Kraken - Go to https://kraken.com/barstool to learn more AuraFrames - Exclusive $35-off Carver Mat at https://AuraFrames.com. Promo Code [UNTOLD] HelloFresh - Go to https://HelloFresh.com/anus10fm now to get 10 Free Meals with a Free Item For Life. One per box with active subscription. Barstool Golf Time - Supreme - Download the Barstool Golf Time app today Want more Anus? Check out the links below https://linktr.ee/anuspodcastYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. But you guys want to play Love Letter with me after the ad? Yeah, love to. OK. Oh, Love Letter. Yes. So you've been on that? Yeah, I've been on Love Letter. You have to earn Princess Kisses. It's a card game of deduction.

But they just made the princess. The original run was a white prince white princess keep saying What do you mean princess kisses? Yeah, you know we have to get the most princess kisses, but what is princess? Can't some people in the community are mad because they made the the prince and princess are black now What I think of Prince I think of a black man True both in both senses yeah How do you earn a what is a princess kids will play it will play after yack black man. Oh, that's a good point. True. Both, yeah, in both senses. True. Yeah.

How do you earn a, what is a princess kiss? We'll play it, we'll play after Jack. They're little red cubes, but they're to represent the smooch from the princess. Yeah, I'd love to play. Okay. My boy Matt, we've played a few times. He's never gotten a kiss. Yeah.

He's clowned. I get that. Yeah, you're not getting any. No. Who wins the most kisses? Yeah, most kisses. That's what middle school dances were. Whoever got the most kisses?

Yeah. It was always like I hooked up with four girls and then I. What's the most kiss you ever got? That was not middle school for me. Or high school, whatever. That wasn't high school for me. Not for me either.

Yeah, okay. But Zach Fannock was having a fucking field dude, I've I've always like just seeing like The cool kids making out at the lockers. Yeah, they're shamelessly kissing well The cool kids weren't making out at the lockers. They weren't they the the lowest of the of like the social hierarchy I guess making the theater. Yeah, they were sloppily making out the dude the highest were like leaning against the lockers just holding ass yeah they were grazing as they were grazing or cupping eating lays chips one hand plain lays chips no flavor and though they were like like a

sprite and then just one hand cupped on that as skittles oh yeah it was always the freaks doing full make out. Yeah, I guess you're right. I was wrong there. At like 7 a.m. before homeroom. In between every class, they would just go make out. And they're Invader Zim hoodies, causing so much friction from rubbing.

Oh yeah. Damn. Clap in whenever. Yeah. You'll be the same. That's your reply to what I'm gonna say? No, you're just gonna say, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, isn't that story overtold? Fuck no, baby! It's a new untold story! A new untold story.

It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story.

It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story I knew untold story I knew untold story

It's a fresh baked untold story I knew untold story I knew untold story I knew untold story I knew untold story I knew untold story I knew untold story I knew untold story

I knew untold story I knew untold story I knew untold story episode 434 447 you okay you shook your head like that was a crazy off. Did you say for what 34? Yeah, it's enough off of 447 is An overall it's an area code of central, Illinois the flagship city being the capital Springfield. I think that's the worst state capital I Was just about to say now before we get into this being the capital, Springfield. I think that's the worst state capital. I was just about to say. Now, before we get into this,

I've lived in some of the worst cities in America, the worst places in America, and you have too. Hell, you could say I was born and raised in one. Yes. You could say one molded me. West Virginia, I lived in Youngstown. I lived in 30th and 8th and Manhattan. That's one of the most least desirable places in the world.

You think so? I think. Most people live there for free. Yeah, you're right. You're right. They brought the average rent down to like single digit. And the apartment wasn't nice. I was like sacrificing my whole salary and my comfort,

my personal comfort to, I guess, drink bar hop on weekdays. That's what Manhattan did for me. Yeah, that's right. And you lived in like an elephant cranny in the middle of Chelsea. I lived, I'm pretty, yeah, it was like, I think it was modeled by like the Dursley family, dude, because it was, I was just, it was exactly I think it was modeled by like the Dursley family because it was I was just it was exactly Harry Potter's room

It was yeah, it was the tiny little attic you lived you're one of the few that were in there Did you ever go in there so I know out there? No, it was insanely small. Yeah, so I guess what you and I I mean you too you probably lived in a shithole Yeah, early, New York. I mean actually you never you never did you had a nice place in this thing Yeah, no by the end dude. No, I was home currently live in a shithole. Yeah, maybe early New York. I mean, I was home a lot. Actually, no, you never did. You never did. You had a nice place. No, you were in this thing? Yeah, no. By the end, dude, no, I was homeless.

You currently live in a shithole? Not homeless, but. We did that just for what? To live in New York City, but we weren't taking advantage of career networking opportunities or what is it? Why do people move to New York City? Be next to attractive people because you're attractive

Networking and moving up the social and corporate ladder to which we went over make it there you can make it anywhere, right? But we didn't make it there We were forced there and survived. Yeah Yeah, I remember one point thinking like I made it You're sharing a twin bed with Grinnelli you didn't make it Yeah, he's sleeping he's sleeping on the couch with bong next to him still smoldering like an AR Oh, that's beautiful. That's poetic a still smoldering bong and ever both ever smoldering Podcast playing on loop Paul Bisson at Whitney and he's sleeping

It's crazy. Hate it. But Springfield. Springfield. Yeah. Springfield is bad. Springfield is one of the worst ones. I think it's the worst state capital because. There is an obvious choice.

You could say Sacramento. No. But Sacramento has great weather. It protein, protein. It's close to the bay like we Charleston, West Virginia sucks. But there's nothing better. It's the best in the area. Yes. Yeah. So in comparison, like look, oh, there's a state capital

you can't even drive to. Honolulu, June or whatever the capital June but June I was beautiful. Yeah, but you can't even drive to it from this great That's right. You have to take like a plane probably a biplane. It was immaculate I mean you got to throw Jefferson City into the mix, Missouri Springfield home of the Springfield home of corn dog invented in Springfield Really? It was originally called the Cozy Dog, I believe. I believe, I know for a fact, I gotta stop with that shit. I know for a fucking fact, the tab is still up on my phone.

I'm pretty sure Springfield, oh you didn't know? I'm such a fucking dickhead. Oh dude, that's so off putting and disgusting. It's an easy trap to fall into. You don't even think about it. It's the corndog, right? God damn it, dude. I fucking, dude, I hate what I've become.

Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Yes, I know for a fact the corndog was invented there. I think the governor, Rob Blagoinovich. Yes. You think? It's a den of corruption in Springfield. I think four of the five governors are imprisoned or were imprisoned for it at one point

That just sucks like if you win the governor race you have you're probably from Chicago you have to move to Springfield Yeah, that's horrible. Thanks Robb Lagoon. Yeah. Well, yeah, but that's that's really all I have about I just the corndog man I mean Abraham Lincoln lived there. yeah for 25 years. I believe I believe I Was looking up like the best things in Springfield. I found like a pretty active thread The first one is the cost of living Well, that's no like if it's like the best thing about a place is the cost of living Like cost of living gets it gets a lot of leash for people saying that it's like a desirable place

Yeah, like even like a 7-eleven pizza has pepperoni and cheese So it's a pretty astute metaphor and the other the next best thing is it's only an hour and a half from st. Louis Oh That is the most depressing, best part of Springfield I've ever seen. Best part of any city. Yeah, we're moderately far from St. Louis. Yeah, I almost feel like, dude,

further would be a pro. Right, I wanna live as far away from St. Louis as possible. We're like still annoyingly far of a drive from St. Louis. Yeah. Yeah, the wait for the root canal was only 90 minutes out. We're like still annoyingly far of a drive from st. Louis Yeah, the wait for the root canal was only 90 minutes

The third one is maybe even more depressing Oh, no, but the person said people are more likely to give romantic connect connections a second or third attempt in Springfield or third attempt in Springfield. How do they know that? Yeah. Because like it's a cheater's haven all the like. No, I think it's because like the dating pool is so slim that like people are way more open to settling with someone they're not attracted to. So their number three was settling. That's their number three.

Horrible. Boys, try out Springfield. It's big enough where you'll find some app matches on Tinder, but small enough so where girls will just settle. They'll settle. And then you can go to St. Louis once a month. What's an hour and a half drive? What's that warranted? Quarterly?

Yeah. Hour and a half, yes. I mean, we were 50 to 60 from Pittsburgh and I went I was an event Yeah, I was like twice a year I was like a little over an hour from Dallas and I went like once a month right and I remember even thinking then I was like that's too long and I would go just to go to Chipotle. That's yeah, it's too long Yeah, that's too far our hour and a half sucks it's like, you can't just go for the night. Right. Or you can, but that's massively inconvenient.

You can't Uber there, so you can't go there and drink without a hotel. Right, you need to stay the night. So yeah, that's like the worst distance to be from a place almost. And it's not a long enough drive to achieve like any level of like catharsis, I guess. Yeah.

Like you know, like a long drive, you're like, oh, okay, now I'm like in this and I'm thinking. Whenever you talk shit on a city, or like when I was anti-Maryland, those guys come out of the woodwork, they defend their shit. I don't think Springfield has shooters. I don't think anybody's gonna defend it.

I think this one will pretty much free it. And they are, the people who have lived their whole life are integrients, like they think it's the worst. And I'm trying to think like yeah, it's in the plains of Illinois, the scenery sucks, it has that like industrial feel. It's over a hundred thousand. Okay. Very sad research. Someone said there's a barcade just outside of Springfield that has two pinball machines. Okay. All right, quick little break to talk about Game Time,

the phone app. Kyle? We've been using it. Yeah, I mean, it's the go-to, especially when the weather is like it is. I'm going to Billy's Strings in June. I've heard great things. It should be fun.

Great men. Go to the Cubs, go to ACDC Memorial Day. Yeah, it's game time. It's super easy to use. The GT Picks feature. You know you're gonna get the best deal. And that's the thing, when I'm going to these things, I don't wanna get ripped off.

Whoever wants to get ripped off, go here. You know you're safe. You know you're getting the best price. Yeah, what are you guys waiting for? go see Wu Tang Clan? That would be fun I would at least be cool to say you did. Yeah Wu Tang Clan Rod Stewart nine-inch nails Morgan wall and Hendrick Oasis. Come on soldier field Oasis. Come on. We ever a system of a down guy No, but um, I don't know any of their songs. Wake up!

You know Chop Suey. That's, okay, yeah. System of a Down Guy. Your big System of a Down Guy. Guys at home can take the guesswork out of buying tickets with Game Time. Download the Game Time app, create an account, use code untold, U-N-T-O-L-D,

for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code untold for $20 off. Download the Game Time app today. What time is it? Game Time. Okay, tiny, tiny, tiny break to talk about Kraken.

If you're gonna trade crypto, do it right. No sketchy platforms, no sketchier customer support. That's why we only trust Kraken. Kraken lets you buy, sell, and swap over 300 cryptos without the lag, crashes, or clownery. Buying crypto manually? That's old school. Recurring buys let you automate your investment so you can stack stats without even thinking

about it. Kyle, you and your dad got into crypto, right? My dad's deep into it. What was the Chinese crypto you were working on? He's on some Chinese ones. Stellar Lumen was one. It feels like if you got some wiggle room in the wallet This is the way to go. Absolutely. There's crack and pay now, which is instant crypto payments No more alvenmo you later excuses

Whether you're covering a lost bet splitting a tab after a night out or sending funds to the next wild adventure Crack and pay lets you move money instantly with zero fees and no banks holding things up Oh, and if you refer your friends crack and hook you up with up to $200 in us DG just for spreading the love so quit waiting and head to crackin.com slash barstool This is not investment advice crypto trading involves risk of loss and is offered to us customers excluding Washington, New York and Maine through payment interactive ink Yeah, that's not is it pretty No, it's like no those like gross industrial cities. It's like gray mixed with beige

Mm-hmm like every building is that color excited, and you don't know if it's like dust there Yeah, that that it has that the look of something that should be a city like it'd be better off as like being a small town, demolishing the higher rises. Yeah, cause that, like if it was built around that little dome, but I think it's, yeah, maybe got ambitious, but it's sad. Be quaint. It's fine to be quaint.

The city's bad, you know it's bad cause they have like a 2011 Instagram filter on that. Yeah, they sepiaed the city. They breaking bad Mexico, the city. They they breaking bad Mexico the city Albuquerque Yeah, but at least it has like mountains and like some unique architecture and like a unique culture. Yeah Yeah, we're state capital. Yeah, I mean Charleston might be down there Charleston has is pretty Charleston might be down there Charleston has is pretty

Montpelier Vermont is tiny, but maybe Pierre Pierre, South Dakota At least there's some mystique to South Dakota like there's some it's it's so Sticks again there is like a but Springfield is too It's not rural enough Yeah, it's just like right in between now not Springfield is it just is the area code just Springfield no It's the champagne or Banna area which I heard is probably nicer. It's a college town Yeah, the below no area Bloomington normal, okay? Yeah, I don't know I've never been to Springfield, but it is home to, is it home to who?

Oh, I was cheating. What did my Google search say that you saw, Moog? Michael Hubert Kenyon. Who's that? You don't know Michael Hubert Kenyon? Michael Hubert Kenyon? The Illinois enema bandit? No. What? He would rob women and then give them Illinois enema bandit? No. What?

He would rob women and then give them an enema. Oh no. And this isn't funny, but this is amusing. I will say that. It happened a long long long time ago. He would rob women of their belongings. And usually people who do that run away. Yeah.

Mookie, if you could look him up. And then he would steal the contents of their ass. What's his name? Robert Hubert Kenyon. Yeah, he was. He would rob them and just continue to. And I don't even know how that would go. There's not too much about him. Just Robert Kenyon or just search the Illinois enema bandit. Maybe it's not Robert. But he would like, I want to know how the robbery,

Michael Kenyon, I'm so sorry, he would rob people. That's where I got confused. He would rob women. And I just want to know how it would go down. Like would he go at me like, give me everything? And they'd be like, that's everything. He's like, not quite. Oh, you want, yes.

He wanted it all I said everything Yeah, dude he would Just rob them take their shit and then administer an enema They called him the champagne enema bandit the Illinois enema bandit the champagne well. He wasn't giving a champagne and that Right the little high class yeah, Asti But there's not too much about him, and it feels like there should be more So what is an enema it is a like a the canister that sprays?

I think it's a two is it a tube based system? Yeah, it's flushing your ass. Yeah, you put, you squirt water up your ass at a velocity and then it comes out and it all shoots out. They said that he would administer, that kind of implies consent. Sure, maybe. You can't force it slash administer. I don't, you't maybe you could force in and you could you could force something that it is administered requires like Meticulous steps they administer exams, and I was forced to take exams okay, so they kind of but you still

Willingly you didn't try to fight out of the desk You didn't I would okay fine. They were asking for it, so they it seems like they what years did this happen? 75 yeah Yeah, that's okay, so it's not as long ago as I thought that's pretty bogus Yeah, but uh we were talking about animals last week weren't we Coffee enema. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Oh back on corndog. I was doing research on corndog and There was a rumor floating around that when Joe Biden ate a corndog he would also eat the stick And it's so unbelievable

he would also eat the stick and it's so unbelievable but the fact that like there had to be a Snopes article proving it wrong because Joe Biden was the perfect guy for that because he was like kind of country kind of little dipsy and and also fully mentally challenged and he could like that Snopes had to be like no he doesn't eat the stick of a but any. I think he's the perfect guy to make it perfect. Because I can see like someone may be believing that, including me, because like the corndog stick still has like residue and it softens and it's not too bad. Like I've bitten into it like anybody else.

You'd be like, that's a lie. But like Biden would be the perfect. Yeah. I think if Trump did it, people like, yeah, he's getting fiber. It's sick. Yeah So it's Trump and Biden are the only two that you could believe it for yeah, nobody else You can see Biden like getting his wires crossed like he'd always would talk about his childhood and stuff He's like, you know, oh, yeah And I also read an article about why why political candidates shouldn't eat corn dogs You see the stick because like this is too gay. It's too gay. You can't eat a corn dog not gaily

Yeah, I'm wondering like I'm thinking of other phallic food items Hot regular hot dog, but at least you go in the corn dogs tough Just the grip at the base and it looks like a shaft of like a pretty big dick like a Sri Lankan cock You gots that is that a Sri Lankan color way? Yeah, what is that? I think it is yeah We had an eighth grade teacher. It was Sri Lankan. It's not like Filipino. It's not Guyanese it's between the two it's Sri Lankan We're talking about the color of their skin not the flag

Sri Lankan cock yeah, their cocks happen to be the same exact color their flag mm-hmm. It's a cool flag Yeah, their cocks happen to be the same exact color of their flag. Mm-hmm It's a cool flag Yeah, but Joe Biden. I was I was like super excited when I read the quote that he also eats the stick Because I believed it. Yeah, that's a good one You know when like the like the burnt part hardens to it, yeah, yeah, I can you could have that I'm sure I bet you would even it wouldn't even be bad I would like break a fast with that Just corn dog stick. Yeah, dude instead of donut holes we need a corndog sticks

Pretty good it would still taste like hot dog He wouldn't yeah, it wouldn't be too bad. Do you really need the stick for a corndog? Dude I think it becomes too homoerotic without the stick Yeah, yeah, I guess so but like a hot dog slimy, so I think ice cream melts I think you're thinking the stick is necessary for eating. I think it's necessary for making you got a dip true. That's right Yeah, true true Yeah, true. True. Yeah, but I mean,

I don't know, the sticks, the sticks the best part. I could probably eat a whole stick. I don't think you could. If it was in the corndog long enough, I bet you would be... A little soggy. I bet you would be above average.

You mean if you were at like the West Alexander Fair, that's some shit they would have. Oh my god. Yeah, that would be the shit. West Alexander Fair was the fair we went to as kids. That was in Washington, was it Washington? Wash Paw? Well, it's a town. Oh really? I don't even know if it is a real town. I didn't know any, I knew, I just knew it for the fair. It is more, It was the biggest event of the summer in our hometown. First off, West Alexander is in Pennsylvania, but it is more West Virginia than most of West Virginia.

It's more West Virginia than fucking Boone County, West Virginia. It is astonishing that West Alexander is in the same state as Philadelphia. Shouldn't be. The cultural difference between the two is intergalactic. Like if, We should absorb West Alexander. Philadelphia shouldn't be the cultural difference between the two is intergalactic Look at me if we should absorb West Alexander little uzi vert was in West Alexander. They try to catch him with a net Pussy 445 in West Alexander He'd be like a they think he's a UFO They would not know how to process EDP these guys

Crazy that it's the same state that was like the biggest that was like my first amusement park That was like the biggest I thought it was the pinnacle of society. It was a big fair all things considered One year it the dunk tank didn't have water It was just our new just well Shallow water shallow water was what it was they may have not yeah I don't know why I think they were just rushed enough water the dudes were just hitting really hard. Yeah It's a fucking mean that's like a medieval torture. Yeah, right. That's crazy, but the line was Significantly longer I would be more inclined to That's crazy, but the line was significantly longer I would be more inclined to do a dunk tank if the guy was just following. Yeah, that's higher stakes. Yeah

Breaking this shit you guys you would get up there and it's just like a four-year-old kid. I think somebody Somebody died on a ride there I think or got very yeah That's um, cuz it was not only high schoolers running the rides, it was high schoolers on lethal amounts of fentanyl, running the rides, nodding off, as they're putting you on a Gravitron. Yeah, people were getting flung. Yeah.

Oh yeah, dude, fairs like that are Russian roulette with those carnies. Oh, it's deadlier than Russian roulette. Yeah. I think the most scared I've ever been was at the Texas State Fair, and I did the big basket ride where it's just a huge kind of clock wheel.

Oh, yeah. And me and my buddy did that. But the Texas State Fair would be the gold standard of fairs. And even then, I was looking at those screws, and the kid unmanting it, I was like, dude, this might put me into orbit. But this was hammy downs of the worst fairs.

Fair is like a different dimension of life Dude, they had to guess the weight thing at this fair You know the guy that guesses the weight and he never I like I think on the machine like it was already pre-written It was he it was a the number three the first digit was always three always That three was permanent he was just like he would only say two digits because you assumed that it started with three Right. What was the dude? I want to say that would be funny. It'll be a funny sketch to like Bring that guy with you on like a blind date or a first date

Like I'm happy. Yeah, just be sure with like It's like this is my buddy James. I use him as a ruler. And just like, he just comes up and he whispers and he walks out. How do you know him? This date's over. That guy has to have so much trouble dating.

I forgot that that is like a profession. Yeah, just guess women's weight. I can't believe that existed. Step on the stage and I'll say your exact weight. And if I'm right, you don't get a teddy, you don't get a treat. They have to train for that? I think they probably just get like assholes. They get assholes?

Like Nikki Smokes would be perfect for that. Oh yeah, someone who, like if you were honest, yeah. Well yeah, what are those called? I'm looking now. Cause those were at every single state fair. It was like a big stage. They were at like Six Flags for a while. I think I remember I did it.

The guess your weight people at carnivals. How does it work? I think they just do it. All right, Aura frames. Mother's Day gifts can be a little predictable and boring. Name the best digital photo frame by wire cutter. Aura frames is guaranteed to mix things up this year. Aura frames comes with unlimited storage.

Wow, so you can share as many photos as you want from your phone to your mom's Aura frame. Not only will she be grateful, it's not another gift card, she'll also love that an Aura frame means she gets to see more of you. Aura frame's a great gift for anybody. I mean, you could get one for your loved one, for any loved one, your aunt, your uncle, your grandma,

your girlfriend, your boyfriend. They would have it in their living room and you could send photos to it wirely. It could also be a funny little prank. You know, I'll give one to Moog. Yeah. Suddenly my upload, whatever. give one to Moog. Yeah. Suddenly my upload stretch balls are in. Stretched balls.

I'm stretched real taut. Yeah, it's a great gift for anybody or as a great deal for Mother's Day for a limited time. Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting oraframes.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver Mat Frame. That's A-U-R-A frames.com, promo code untold, U-N-T-O-L-D. Support the show, please, by mentioning us at checkout.

Terms apply. Kyle, you're an eater. Yeah. Yeah, it's the top delight. It's the best thing about being human. It's the best thing about thinking about the best thing. The best thing about being an adult is choosing your next meal.

And HelloFresh can help you with that. Fresh air, sunshine and good food, that's what spring is all about. HelloFresh makes it easier to fit quick home cooked meals into your schedule every week by curating delicious recipes like pasta primavera, chicken dijon and pecan crusted trout, as well as over a hundred seasonal snacks, size and treats.

In 2025, we're evolving to fit every lifestyle by bringing customers even more convenience without compromising on taste, health and homemade quality. Our new ready-made meals offer chef-crafted, flavorful dishes and are ready in just three minutes. So you can dig in and get outside, get work done and get more me time. It's super easy.

Food isn't something I wanna worry about. I just wanna know it'll be good, and I want a lot of options. This does all that for us. Feel great with meals that fit your spring schedule and make the season even more delicious. Go to hellafresh.com slash anus10fm now to get 10 free meals with a free item for life,

one per box with an active subscription. Free meals apply to discount on the first box, new subscribers only, and it varies by plan. Hello, Fresh. Kyle, you gotta take this next one. I know, I'm like mind blown that we have this. It's the Barstool Golf Time Supreme app. Yes.

I didn't know it was like the Supreme version, but it's the Barstool Golf Time app? Yes. I didn't know it was like the Supreme version, but it's Barstool Golf Time app. Supreme. Yeah, this is where you're gonna get on the course. It gets hard in the summer. So if you're looking for an easier way to play some golf, get on that course, we've got you covered, because the Barstool Golf Time app makes it so easy

and efficient for golfers to find the best tee times at the best prices. So stop searching all over Google to see when you can try to book a tee time. That's a hassle. Stop calling the courses. You can search multiple courses in your area from one app, Barstool Golf Time,

and get your tee time set within seconds. So with every action you take in the app, you earn reward points, which can be redeemed for free merch in the Barstool store. So this May, this month, we have a big promotion going on. Big. All month long.

The top five golfers who play the most rounds through Barstool Golf Time, which they can track on the app, through May 31st, will win a Barstool Chicago HQ Tour experience. And if you're one of them, we'll do something personal and special for you. Yeah, we'll be a part of it.

Plus, one additional winner will be selected at random from golfers who play at least one round through the app in May. So you're gonna wanna download the app for these. Make Sam happy. For these prize opportunities. And you're gonna wanna book the tee times easier. Spring is finally here, so come golf with us.

Download the Barstool Golf Time app today. I don't know, that's. Dude, the thing that they used to have back in the day at fairs and such is the kissing booth. I always was fucking. Oh yeah. One of the ways. They do have a kissing booth. I always was fucking in love with that. I was like, what the fuck? That's prostitution, very low level prostitution.

And it would be like the local girl, like Pree's daughter. Yeah, right. Oh, it was competitive. Like they had a, it wasn't two people who were in a relationship get in there and kiss. No, no, no, that's the tunnel of love, the swan boats. The kissing booth is you'd go up and it would be like a pretty dame from the town

It'll be like an innocent country country bell and you pay a nickel and you'd kiss her. Yeah It's like a lemonade stand kissed a girl. Yeah, you would and yeah, there's a lemonade stand for a girl's mouth Nuts that was that was a big thing. Yeah Yeah, I'm using booths were probably towards they were probably coming to a close when we were going to fairs But I bet you they were still I never saw one, but I remember the first time I like heard about I was like What the fuck is this? Yeah, that was a thing It's definitely like permanently in my mind, but I never thought about the functionality so much about carnivals is based off of kissing

There's the swan boats. There's kissing at the top of the ferris wheel. Yeah kissing booth It's just extreme kissing. I've never kissedan boats, there's kissing at the top of the Ferris wheel, kissing Booth. It's just extreme kissing. I've never kissed at a fair. Me neither. No. Dudes were. That's a place to do it. I signed up for the Derby. What was the Derby?

I shouldn't have been, and I didn't do it, but they were gonna let me get in and race in the Derby. Against what? You could just sign up for the Derby at the fair. But what is the Derby? I think you race on a racetrack against what against vehicles cars I was gonna be allowed to do that you can just do the amateur derby West Alexander had a good tractor pool the best pool but that those were really boring in hindsight you got to love looking at track

You got a love looking at tractors hard. Yeah, like they're pretty much. No, have you ever been to a tractor pool? No, they bring their tractors out and they See which tractor can pull? The most weight. Oh, I thought you meant it was like the world's strongest man where they know no no No, it was just a track. They. Everybody would bring their souped up tractors and then everybody would be like, come on. And everybody would have a favorite. People were getting, it was a rowdy crowd.

So they would bring the tractors out and then they would just do its job? Yes. I guessed that. But they would, it was super underwhelming how far they would pull them. Like it would go like a foot and people go fucking nuts Yeah, there was a strongman competition and my body coach Jerry Seaman was he was like he wanted every year Jerry

Seaman was your body carry seaman. What is but first of all what oh, yeah, Jerry see well first off Jerry Seaman is a local Legend from the area clay he lived in Clay's village just outside of West Alexander. The House Siemensville. The hardest man I've ever met. Physically? His body, he was tough. He was the toughest too. But his body, the late Jerry Siemen, was like, was the texture of coarse granite. Wait, is he dead? He is, he is dead.

Is that him? Look at him. Why is that second picture Burgundy? He did. Yeah, that was probably after his workout. Look at his whole body is hardened. I would wrestle with him and it felt like I was climbing El Capitan. I was expecting a lot bigger of a man.

Oh, he's big. We're just looking at his head. Yeah, but like I was looking at a wide neck. Look at his look at his body. How do I look at his head. Yeah, but like I was looking at his wide neck. Look at his, look at his body. How do I look at his body? Look how painful it looks. I had to wrestle him. He's in tremendous pain.

He would beat the fuck out of me. Jerry Seaman would beat the fuck out of me. We would do farm drills, like all kinds. He would make me walk on my hands on poles. What's the age difference? He'd make me do crazy squats. He was like in his late 60s. Look at his ears.

And he would beat the fuck out of you? The he well he was strong was like like hardened magma He like scared me into yeah, the skin was like rock That's what I should have said His skin was like pressurized coal His skin was like pressurized coal. But I would go to his barn to do workouts and then he would like... You go to the semen barn. I would like carry farm equipment. He would wrestle me, he would grab me and it hurt so bad and he would like...

He would like hurt you bad? He scared me into doing a backflip. What do you mean? I was so afraid of him, he told me he wouldn't let me leave until I did a backflip something that I would never try Why did you need to do it? Why would you need that skill? He was my body coach. I was doing all kinds of things It wasn't just strength and we're a lot of other kids going to him. No Okay, but he had a long he no he was like a legend like he produced produced national NCAA champions from McGuffey. Look up his YouTube, he had no knees,

but would load up the squat rack with like 500 pounds and like fake his knees out to show how tough he was. That can't be him. No, Jerry Seaman knows- The passing of a special man. No space. Oh, Jerry Seamanaman one word? Yeah. You're crushing today Moog. I mean you gave me the wrong name now I'm looking for it. Try typing in Jerry Seaman

one word. Into YouTube bar. Oh there he is. There he is. Alright wait let's watch. Look this is his doing. Is this in his barn? He's like edging his knees. What's he saying? Get your fat hind end off of that couch. And we can take some of that fat off of you. Get in here in this weight machine. He's so scary. We'll show you how to do some of these exercises like this squat right here.

We can get some of that fat off of your fat hind end and off of your belly. So you want to get after it and get in here. This is my max. off of your fat hind end and off of your belly. So you wanna get after it and get in here. This is my max. Woof, woof, woof. He doesn't look big. He doesn't look big. Woof, woof.

Nick, this guy would fuck you up. Yeah, he'd fuck me up. Oh my God, Jerry. What are you doing, Jerry? He would do this. Was this the barn you were in? Like if he'd lost his base. He would die. He has no knees Doing this without knees like yeah, he's not doing the full reps, but the fact that he's putting himself in that position He was fearless Was this was the house the barn I was in why are they zooming on his knees?

I was like I had to see those poles to the back. Yeah walk on my hands on those Why do you make you do a backflip? I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue if I was with him seeing those squats I'd be like Jared. Yeah You got to get low dog. That's how do you die? He fell off his roof But that didn't kill him. He was like still tough after that. Like I was going to work out with him after he was paralyzed, after he broke his neck.

He was fully paralyzed, he was training you? He wasn't fully, but yeah. Rest in peace. That's just him on a basketball. He was, look at, he's a beast. He could do anything. My name's Jerry Seaman, and I wanna tell you an amazing story. He's already out of breath. Because he was working out all day. Jerry Seaman. Is there any skills that you still carry from seaman today?

Um, um No, but he helped a lot what you find hookey he had a knee replacement oh Any squatting like that? Yes, I'm saying this I was before the like hot he's doing a handstand. That's the shit We could do that is insane. That's impressive. That's right. That's what we should have watched first Why did you bring that up Kyle? That's the shit. We were doing I said he's my body coach That's that's circus. Oh, lay. Yeah, we were doing like it was not why am I saying we it was just me What really is a one-on-one?

In this bar guy. He's a local legend okay. He was like a Wrestler he was Penn State wrestler yeah, how tall was he This is it fucking insane. Do you just do that all day? Seaman is the man You'd always come if you would like help like he was like always call you fat Yeah, that's like you couldn't do the shit. You were fat. He would call you fat And then his fate his one favorite of video is the JJ Abrams super 8 trailer He loves super 8 Maybe he was Who was your favorite mentor?

Jean Amarante How'd you know Jean the Bel Air coach? Yeah, he was what did he teach you? He was my next-door neighbor growing up. He was a basketball coach. Yeah, dude I went to his basketball camp every summer so you can't call him your favorite mentor He taught me everything I know yes, Gina Amarante was my one one. I love he taught you basketball Tell me what it means to be a man He was a legend in that sense. Yeah, I don't know what it would translate it That I still have today He tied a rope to my thigh and my arm for layups. So I raised my thigh

and arm at the same time. And did you go on to make a slew of layups? I was good at his camp. I was the only kid that wore Converse. But other than that, no, no, I did not make a slew of layups. I think my career stat, I think I, I think I scored one layup. But you weren't like trying, you weren't attempting shots now Yeah, you were an assist. I was a little too timid you were letting other guys score Yeah, so I don't like kind of like me with the crossword Is there any you have anything else on Springfield pal? I know we probably don't have much

I don't know. I know we don't have too much crossover from yak and anus. So do you want to feel people win on? Too much crossover from Yak and Anus. So do you want to feel people win on? I'm in a stage where now I want to bring other people down with me. Oh no. I heard you were mad at me. I like that. Yes, I'm pissed at people. Yes.

Why? And rightfully so. Why? The way that- The integrity of the cross. The way that you went out of your way. If we caught Mooc doing that, we would have to do like a spin-off video of like us bringing objects to put in his asshole. Yes.

We like, yeah. You'd be filling my asshole with like pool balls and water bottles. Corn dog sticks. Corn dog sticks all up in my ass. If Tommy did that, if Clemmer did that, and you're a crew. But the way you caught me in that split, say you caught me like a blue girl, how it was so fast and easy for you, how'd you do that? The auditor in me came out. Oh. They're calling me Narc, they're calling me Fed. No, I'm the goddamn auditor, alright?

It didn't cross your mind like, oh I'm exposing him at his most vulnerable, his Google search history. No, because I was- What was under- how'd you even pinpoint those were cheats? Because the first thing I saw was Soot. are you googling soot next Halloween costume and so I saw soot and solvent. I go wait. Why do I why does that look familiar in such a split second um and What were the answers the answers to the soot product was what I don't remember it was lamp black and who got that I don't remember it wasn't. The answer to the lady song.

But you knew so you like it was black velvet. Did I get that? Look, who said velvet? Look, who said black velvet? Whoever, whoever got the answers that that has nothing to do with this is about the integrity. I think it does. You taught me this way. But Kyle, if they, if they filled in an answer, be honest with me, if they filled in an answer that wasn't black velvet, would you have been like, I don't think that's it? Oh, the way that I did it was so majestic. Like majestic. I wish there was cameras on it. Because the way that I cheat it, the way that I led you guys into the correct answers, the like the selflessness of the cheating is is incredible. This is incredible to watch. I respect that you did it for the vibe of the room But I wasn't cheating on one-on-one competition to benefit myself I was cheating to raise your spirits, but that's like that's phony. I respect that you're going down better

I love it Kyle. I I never thought in a million It was so like you did you see all the people that are That are like, I looked up to Kyle as a crossworder. I wanted to cheat. I didn't because of Kyle. Exactly. Because of Kyle. He got me into crosswords. I had a guy reach out to me and said he couldn't eat dinner

last night. People are, yeah. But they're, I think they're misinterpreting what I was doing. Because again, like, all those, the three cheats in that, I didn't answer those. I led us to victory, gave you guys some false pride that there's no net negative to that thinking you're a little smarter than you are. Yeah, there is a net negative.

We sell- Then you could waltz into like, this is, this is dangerous. There are so many instances that I've cheated, because I've cheated often, that I created a celebratory bond between friends where if I didn't cheat, it would be the absence of that, or the inverse, where we left the room disappointed. You've filled a room full of dumb men into thinking that they're smarter than they are. That is dangerous.

That's a dangerous precedent. Look what you did to Rudy, okay? That's what I want. Why am I the case study? You said dumb men that think they're smarter than they are. That is dangerous. That's a dangerous precedent. Look what you did to Rudy, okay? That's what I want. Why am I the case study? You said dumb men that think they're smarter. Why am I the case study? I don't know, man. I just feel like the integrity of the cross has been broken.

Right, I think morally, it is better than it is worse. I don't like how your argument sounds good right now. I'm like the St. Francis of Assisi of cheating Oh, come on come on move mounted offense. You can't let him do this No, no, how many times have you cheated how many times has this occurred? Like I said many times And you've never once said an answer that you looked up Have I ever said an answer that I looked up? Why are you repeating?

He's thinking. Probably, yeah, probably a handful of times. So definitely. Yes. So you're mad that you got caught, are you mad that I told people? No. Because Nick and Rudy would have done the same thing. Correct? Right. I would have been town crier. Town crier. No, I would have- I would have done the same thing Correct. I would have been town crier town crier. No, I would have I would have I would have gone to Kyle on the low

And use that information for further gain. Oh, that's smart. That would have been worse. Like I would have hated that. Okay, right I would have you know how more embarrassing would be if someone pulled me aside says like I know you were cheating If you got black and wouldn't have worked on you. I What do you mean? Like please don't tell anybody here's whatever you want? Yeah, yeah, I would have been like yeah run me that VR headset In fact I'll take two so is there is there a closing statement you want to say we can move past this I'm surprised. You're still getting work. Yeah Affirmative vote to tell you.

Never mind. Come on. You can say what the safe space. Affirmative vote. Indian wedding garb. Yeah, sorry. I sorry. I sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You can't stay mad at this guy. You can't stay mad at it. And I think cheating was part of the culture of the group. I think cheating was rampant.

I've thought about it. I think other people were cheating. Name names. I think you guys would be crazy not to in the situations that I did it. So who do you think has cheated? And sometimes I would cheat just to get, like have my, just to make sure

we're not on the wrong track. So I would cheat. I would cheat in other ways. See, that's why we had to call it out because we've had false confidence. I thought this group was an elite crossword. Every every high now is destroyed. Destroyed.

No, yeah, I'm Kobe. You can't. OK, first of all, we can't be an elite crossword group when we're doing it as a group. There's people everywhere that just do them on their own. No, but we're an elite crossword group. We're we're an elite group. OK, you mean what we thought we're not we thought we're not we're not. I'm kind of underselling how much I've helped this group. We're an elite group. Okay, you mean well, we thought we're not we're not we're not I'm kind of underselling how much I've helped Dude I Smart about it because there'd be plenty of times where we'd be stumped and we'd just like all right, whatever

I viewed myself as a top percentage puzzler. Mm-hmm. So I was I was so good at cheating that I would also let us lose a bunch of times mm-hmm It was like the enigma that's even more fucked up as we're sitting here struggling. I'm just on the wrong path You're just sitting there Yeah, oh my god. That was hard for me Where you this is? This is horrible And This is horrible And You're not sorry in the slightest bit not

I actually kind of love that Pissed at mook I am Like getting other people to be pissed yeah a bunch of people Scumbag shit I got people piss I didn't help that either I was pounding the wardrobe I was like moves got turned states witness like he's He's a narc dude. It's just I would do it again. I'm ten toes on the Tentos on the other do the funniest thing is we were streaming I say and I was like just grinding into MOOC and just trolling about it

And then I was like dude. He's like I'm like he's your snow and dude You got to leave the country and then Whitex, Dave just goes, he's a hero. I was like, that's not, we're doing a joke. Appreciate that. And I think some people, I find humor in this. Um, I think some people are actually pretty upset. Yeah, I think, um, the crossword group was mad at you. Right now. Francis is upset with you.

I haven't even talked to Francis. He tweeted about it. Francis is bad because we would share each other like our Monday, like we would like flaunt our like Sunday. He tweeted screenshots. And now they're gonna think my individual performances are, that's like, it's really embarrassing. Mm-hmm. Don't tell me you cheat on the minis That's the thing no do you slide up on the app to pause the time it doesn't fucking matter

What I will do I'll bail and not finish it if I know my time is gonna be bad sometimes so the leaderboard can't say it doesn't fucking matter Then why do you do it? That's what I'm done like everyone's just gonna assume my everything's like a cheese crosswords. I'm ruined When it came to things I'm talking things which is that crosswords are your one We are on that we're always on the podcast old crosswords are my favorite noun Crosswords are your one. We were on the, we were always on the podcast, oh, crosswords are my favorite noun. And it's like,

Do we say that? Crossword is my favorite thing in the world. Crossword is my personality. Yeah. That's real. That's the only thing I would do. And I would do many a day. I would do them in group settings

with my girlfriend alone. Dude, we looked at your career stats. You have like 3,500 completed. So many not completed because I wasn't cheating But now it doesn't matter like I've never I can never compete again I can never compete again you have to go to a different have you done even a solo since this came to know I can't even look at the app. I Could like can you you can't even look at grids?

Nothing no word games, nothing. Hangman? No feats of intellect. You're giving up completely on intellect. I am. So what now? I don't know. Halo.

Yeah, just Halo? Yeah. Just driving around the world good splattering in the war talk. I think you just need to go to it. I think you need to pivot. You just got to go a different league. You know what I mean? Yeah, NHL guys go to the KHL after getting caught with like that, like the cage. That's still hockey.

He's done with word games. He's done with it. You can just go to the Washington Post. I don't know. Yeah. Play the L.A. Times crossword. That would be even more embarrassing. fun with that interface yeah, yeah, that's a nightmare, dude Dude, I had a nightmare They're coming back no no real life metaphor I

I over palmated at the fucking bet gala, and there was nothing I could do I didn't want I was greasy He's fucking you a little bit as fuck. It looks like you did a slip and slide with just your I look soaked Yeah, pull it pull yourself up. I and there was nothing I could do because we didn't have a hotel room You can't you can't so I went to the bathroom and I put too much pomade in yeah, that's a hard thing about pomade It's a one-way. I've never used pom it's a one-way and so I thought the bet Gala I guess the bet gal is the first time I should use pomade nightmare man Yeah, I was drenched I the glob I used

Looked like it could fucking co-star with Robin Williams. It was oh my god. Look at that It got all stringy and it got stuck to my forehead. Oh my god, dude. That's the worst I've ever looked and It was with Dave dude don't zoom look at that just going it's all look my hair looks like a gnarled root. Yeah Horrible. Yeah, I was gonna say yes something like a gnarled root. Yeah, it's that is it's a tummy It's not but there's nothing you can do about it. No, there's once you pomade and I could I had to shower it was like I had to get there Yeah in the back and then the people online. Let me fucking know about it. You know they let me fucking know about the the over-palm aiding Yeah, also, I bought a brown suit and it looked black on screen So black with blue tie

But they were too distracted by my fucking grease ball hair, horrible man. I don't wanna see no more. Also, I got humbled because there's a really good TikTok account, My Anus Clips, that clips our show. Yeah. And-

Yeah, I've seen them, they go off sometimes. He did back to back posts of fan cams. One from you, one from me. Did you see? No, but... That's a tough act to follow. You followed me. My fan cam followed yours.

I'm a fan cam guy. Your fan cam got 2,093 likes. Do you know how many likes my fan cam got? 149, dude. That's not even the first run of Pokemon. Your fan cam? And they were back to back. So sub 150? There was sub 150 on the fan cams. It's pretty far down. It was, that was a really humbling experience. My fan cam wasn't great though. Look, there's Kyle's bottom left. 24,000 views. Oh, I'm like built for a fan cam. Look at it, yeah, I have a lot of variety.

Yeah, there's Tanyu. My fan cam was just like nothing. How many likes is that? Because you always look normal. No, I don't. I over-palmade. So that's like, that's the extent. Like I'm always in costume and character and I'm always. No I don't. I over-palm-aid. So that's like, that's the extent. Like I'm always in costume and character and I'm moving funny. You gotta move funny more often. I don't know what to do. Yeah, that's just me kind of just saying stuff into the camera. Yours would just be speaking.

This looks like a tribute to like a journalist that got killed. I look like a journalist that was killed by like a, yes. But Kyle's is Like of course yours got infinite more likes Look at look at my hair. I have nothing for fan cam. I need to start doing When you guys see me doing something crazy, it's for fan cam. All right, you're from this point I want to start I want to start fan cam farming From this point I want to start I want to start fan cam farming

That was so humbling because I saw yours because I saw the account I'm like because they had a Clip of hours go viral which I'm very thankful for and then I was scrolling I was like, oh fuck this one has a lot of views and I watched it was yours And then I just scrolled up saw mine humbling humbling humbling and this is while This I still have the Bet Gala pomade in my hair and it's making my forehead break out. Like my nose, it was a bad, bad feeling. You just look like a common like kind of slob. Like I think you're overthinking it.

It was very slobbish. It was very slobbish. I wouldn't feel bad. I think Rone's twins kind of did that to my like stake off clip. Oh yeah, bad. I think Rone's Twins kinda did that to my like Steak Off clip. Oh yeah, you followed, the Rone's Twin post followed your Steak Off clip.

They got too many more likes. Yeah, that sucks that if you go to Rone's Instagram, it says, you know, the miracle of childbirth, he created two lives and then right after is you talking about CP Cocoa powder of course yes, naturally 76,000 to one yeah, yeah, but like at least you got the thousands my fan cam That's pathetic what Pokemon is 149? Dragonite?

Horrible. You should see if you're fan cam- you should get a- if you can get a fan cam that gets even less How long you can go. Oh, I need to make a really boring fan cam. Yeah, short the fan cam market Yeah, mm-hmm. All right, I have zero like fan cam That's my goal. I just need to get the most boring outfit. I'm going to dress like just the standing guy emoji. What is that? Red shirt, blue jeans.

Yeah. Fuck. I really switched it up. Oh my God, dude. I'm boring as fuck. In motion, yeah. I'm boring in motion. Yeah.

You can do a good pick, but if it's just on mute in motion, yeah. A boring in motion. You can do a good pick, but if it's just on mute in motion in video form, that's it, you don't really switch it up. I don't have a personality for a mute video. That's what you need to get. Yeah, shit. How would you, any tips? Yeah, I'm just like,

I kinda have that it factor when it comes to moving around. You do, man. I can kind of move around funny. Dude, you're like, yeah, what is it? Yeah, I don't know. I'm like gritty and gripping. You get yourself into little situations, not big ones, but just little.

They're always small, yeah. And then they go, ah. Yeah, I need to figure out. Moog, I bet you're good, you'd be good. Mook and yeah, Mook's got the. I'm just visually like no, no, no. Stunning sometimes. You're klutzy. Yes.

Yeah. It's not a great. It goes a long way. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Kyle, I would like to say sorry. Don't do that. You're apologizing.

I don't do that. That's going to imply you've cheated as well. Don't do that. Well, I didn't. I have not cheated. Don't do that. I will I didn't I've not cheated don't do that I just I just didn't Should I Paul Nick? Would you feel like you did something wrong? No, well then don't apologize Okay, I'm not a poll. Don't know dude. He's he's

He's leaning on you he's throwing all right he admitted He caught Kyle cheating and didn't apologize? That's fucked up. No, stop that. The apology attempt is insane, bro. You're gonna look so guilty. It's like, oh no, I don't want him to throw allegations back at me. Yeah, you gotta go in harder. Because he's going out like coming at you, swinging.

He's not remorseful whatsoever. You gotta go for his personal life You got to get dirty. Okay, you can't apologize. I'm not don't bend under him. I retract the almost apology that very good Okay, that's big of you. Weakest let looks even worse Now you gave him an angle holy fucking fuck sorry, how was hey,, did you just Adam Levine? I may need to see the booty That body of yours is unreal I May need to see the booty. I think that's the worst cheating Expose a of all time Levine. Yeah, I want to name my daughter after you

Do you say that he was gonna name his daughter and the girl? He was gonna name his daughter after his mistress whose name is Sumner oh, that's the worst part. What a horrible name. Who could that be after? The Instagram model you wanna see the booty of? He covered his bases with plausible deniability. He said, I may want to see the booty. You are a 50s-time otter in person.

Dude, but like Fuck With 30k's 30k's Fuck Extended fuck should be more use, right? Do an extended fuck Fuck Yeah, see that's what he did.

Yeah. You wanted to add more yous, I think. Mm-hmm. Then she heart reacted to it. Fuck. Yeah, that's way better. How'd you have that memorized? I was just looking it up.

Were you looking up other cheaters to find like soulless? Yeah, George Lopez cheated on his wife After she donated her kidney to him John Edwards cheated on his wife the vice presidential candidate When she was dying of cancer And I think that's Seuss did as well. So he cheated on a girl with her kidney. Oh, yeah, I guess he could really blame it on you.

Like you were there. You could have stopped or internal organ. I never I never did that before. I had your shit in me. Yeah, this is on us. Yeah, that's fucked up. I never even had these thoughts. So I had your slutty kidney in me.

That's so fucked up. She sacrificed even had these thoughts. So I had your slutty kidney in me. That's so fucked up She sacrificed an internal or a vital organ Yeah, and that probably gave him the energy that gave him the energy to fuck that revitalized his blood got him hard And he fucked a bunch of hookers And I think they were retired hookers Really I think they were retired hookers Really Yeah, I got bad news for you your kidney loved it. Oh my god. I was hard as a fucking rock. Thanks to you I actually don't know what a kidney does

No idea. I think it does the handles the piss Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah urine good call. Mm-hmm great helps control your blood pressure, so yeah her kidney got him hard So he could cheat with retired hookers We got some foul kidneys in this building yeah, mm-hmm. Oh why you got stones going around? Oh, yeah, that's bad, man I'm afraid of it happening to me because it it happens once, chances are it happens again. A lot more. It's terrifying. Yeah, I wouldn't want that.

It's been a while since you had a scare, Kyle. Remember a couple years ago you thought you had cancer? You're due. I had the cancer, yeah. That lip bump? That lip bump is so big. That was crazy so big I was watching it back you guys didn't tell me how big it was

Everyone's like that's an average lip bump It was in the biggest production we will ever be in yeah, it was on the reality show all my confession all your confessionals was just my confession all your confessionals was just AI might be able to I kind of I honestly avoided you at that time it was really bad because I didn't want to make you feel bad you for it yeah just any confessional in Barstool vs America it was a big it was this It was it was the size of I'm gonna be honest, okay? You go of about the size yeah Small grape

Not yeah, not like a tiny grape like a pretty small grape a pretty not a tiny grape not one of those little embarrassing ones it was An award-winning blueberry you couldn't close your mouth all the way this yeah You had permanent gap You might be able to find it this. I don't think this is the correct season Yeah, it's fine. It's a whatever it ain't it's Were you gonna be honest about yeah the size yeah the size yeah, yeah, you're I Feel like I've become the health guy the the bad health guy. Yeah

You've had a tummy. Yeah, Tommy. It's kidney stone. Yeah, I got the gut out of the way I think quitting weed was like the biggest thing. Mook, you're a sneaky good health guy. He is he's been on a roll past two months Sober clean. Sober. How you feel? But didn't you drink on st. Patrick's day? Don't shut the fuck up come on You're not counting that I am sober abscess. I'm you ordered an espresso martini, but spilled it on his date Right that was the universe telling you you're not drinking or getting pussy And I haven't gotten put I'm sober off pussy too. Oh no way dude. It's impossible to dates over Yeah, it's near impossible. Yeah, what do you do? It's almost they probably think you're a creep We're pervert if you go to a bar meet at a bar, but I'm not drinking. Yeah, that's like David Dobrik, right?

He was throwing parties, and he doesn't drink. That's weird. Yeah, that's what I can't I you're David Dobrik That's sick. That's kind of cool. Yeah, it's kind of sweet. They've been no dick is all they call That's what oh shit. Yeah, Rudy. What the fuck was that? gay gay vid blow dick Your gave it of you blowing a dick Yeah, I feel good You are you bored as hell. He has to be. Insanely bored. What does like Saturday look like when you wake up?

Wake up, go to the farmers market, buy myself, rip a coffee at the farmers market, go to the gym, take a nap, and then play Xbox for seven hours. Okay. That's dope. Healthy. Yeah. Have you lost weight? Yeah, look at him skinny boy now how much that's a mean See him every day you can look at him right now He dresses like a priest without the rope like he wears baggy clothes. I am wearing an XL hoodie right now Yeah underneath. I'm looking slim good for you. Are you gonna go tarps off this summer like at the beach? No, okay, I'll never go. I've never been tarps off in public. Yeah ever

Dude the camp parcel thing is still one of my favorite moments with the swimsuit. Oh, yeah That was swimming in a shirt. No no so he has like his Phillies Jersey. Oh, yeah, he yes and You bet did you belly flop in it? No I went to belly flop and then I kept my kept my shirt on I was like I'm not taking it off and then Dave White Sox Dave was like fuck it. I'll belly flop Oh good, but he he was like I need to wear my swim shirt his Phillies Jersey a jersey It was just so funny and then they were like listen. It's a sponsored event. You can't wear a Phillies Jersey He's like one then I'm not going in the water. You know my rule You can't wear a Philly's jersey. He's like one. I then I'm not going in the water. You know my rules

So funny and then my fucking contract and then Tara like had to like track down like a sponsored safe swim shirt for me I was like I really can't wear this like I was like defend. I wanted to wear my Phy shirt. That's like my comfort You know that's my that's your comfort like yeah He was like hiding in the brush brush refusing to come down to the sand because he thought he had to take his shirt off It was awesome dude. I don't think there could be anything more uncomfortable than being underwater with a baseball jersey on Buttoned baseball Jersey Nightmare this is it got real heavy. Yeah, like a stitch mesh buttoned baseball Jersey Nightmare this is it got real heavy. Yeah, dude. I'll be drowned Oh my god But uh no, but at least people yeah, I'm sure they thought you were thin and fit underneath of it

Yeah, mm-hmm. Yeah, no we were we were in the playpen on a boat for Fourth of July and another see, Mook was rocking it and you jumped off the boat with it on. Yes. And then, yeah, I remember someone on the boat being like, is that a Phillies player? I was like, yeah. OK, that's good. He plays for the team. But I try to talk Mook out of it. And he I was like, dude, like, come on, like, don't wear the Phillies jersey. And he's like adamantly was like, no, no, no. It's once I saw him in water, I was like like okay. I can kind of see the vision it was cool There's a look

For sure man, but I've been playing a ton at KB you you got an Xbox. How you like yeah? You just did it on a whim delivered it, but you will got it delivered your you door dashed Yeah, you door dash door dash, but it was worked like door dash Now your gaming setup is comical. It's one of the worst. You're in a wooden chair in the middle of your living room. It looks like how like a you know how they show like the Pope's bedroom, and it's just like a little single bed. Yeah, it's a little wooden dresser. Yours was like if a priest had started gaming. Yes. Just a wooden chair.

Yours was like if a priest had started gaming. Yes, just a wooden chair. It's a wooden chair The TV your TV is somehow kind of blocking two exits of your house my bedroom door my balcony balcony door We're a bed or a bed household. What's that mean? But all our stock into the bed. That's where we do We're either bed or nothing If I'm in my apartment, I'm in my chilling on my bed. You don't have anything else comfy. I don't chill on the couch, I don't watch TV. Is your couch comfy? No. Does anybody ever, does anybody use that TV? We don't, we just chill in the bed and watch shit on our phones. And so when you were gaming, what was the household response to that? I had to keep it down because she was sleeping But then you realized the sound wasn't coming through your headphones I realized it was loud

It's all bad, but um yeah, I want it to scream and get into it so bad, but I didn't want to Yeah, that's your war. That's your that's your uh What's it called Battle Station? Yeah, we had a ball man. It was fun. Yeah, you want to get back out there mm-hmm Kyle probably is aimbot Probably probably same bottom walls not wait tell me about this you got very very Frustrated because you got the Xbox and you're like, all right, I'm gonna set it up And then you didn't talk to us for like five hours

The tech is not advancing We are gonna look back at and you're like, all right, I'm gonna set it up. And then you didn't talk to us for like five hours. The tech is not advancing. We are gonna look back at 2020 tech. Are you about to go on a wire rant? This is mud and sticks. The setting up the Xbox account, I was in an endless loop of typing in passwords, getting a code, typing in the code,

and then having to retrieve something else from the email that ended up being another code. So code, email, code, email. We didn't hear from you for a long while. Yeah, it's like we're still in a state of mass tech flaw. I agree. And wait, what's your gamertag? Dean Jones

Seven eight seven six yeah, that's not that And I just I typed in Dean Jones, and they accepted it I didn't realize there was they just added thousands of Dean Jones seven eight seven six you're wiling on the gamer tags Oh me your muscles. I've spent I was gentlest Nikki And then I changed to muscles Nikki because I realized why let's pretend. This is a video game So now I'm muscle and I think you're like ready to play it. We finally all got in we're playing Halo is before you got the Xbox And you're the one they just gave you the random one hated that upper object

I'm an object and it was like I can't do this and we're like ready to play my dude who cares He's like I can't do that I can't be upper object and so then we had to like wait 15 minutes for him to like Buy a new gamer tag and then he finally gets gentlest Nick which I liked gentlest Which I like and then we log in the next day He's like check it out And he spent another he spent thirty dollars and 24 hours on switching his gamer tag now muscles Nick muscles Nicky which is so much cooler But I think we're gonna do I think we're going to do I think we're going to do a halo stream.

Yeah, yeah. Now, there's a part of me, though, that doesn't want to like mess up the dynamic. No, but I think we could do something a little different. We can. Yeah. Maybe campaign together or something. No, I don't want to I don't want to mix like too much business and pleasure.

Yeah, you're right. But it would be I think it'd be great. Be fun. And now look at the Kyle's game. And I mean, world's coming together. It's exciting. Yeah, no, it's... I get why it's addicting. Is there any other games you want to check out? Grand Theft Auto.

The... you're waiting for the new one or you want to get the... I guess I'll play the current one. Yeah. I see clips of it. It looks unbelievable. Have you not played it at all? I've never played it. I played Vice City as a kid and it was like the greatest feeling in the world. Oh, yeah, everybody's going crazy over the new chick in GTA 6. Mm-hmm People people are like how can you be lusting after a video game chick? She looks Every way like a human. It's just it's a photo of a human. Yeah, I'll be it not real dude

There's people that weirdly live in the real life as like a 720p Like they're not crystal clear. Oh, yeah, and this person this this that's the most clear. I've ever seen a woman She's not the least real No, definitely not Yeah, I Saw you bookmarked a hunter Schaefer's new post. I didn't bookmark her titties. I zoomed him. I saw that he's too big Yeah, yeah, but people are going crazy for this chick with this. Oh, this isn't a You thought those real? Oh, this is yeah, the graphics are this is advanced tech. Yeah, it's just real. It's real life

Is that her yeah, she just gets out of jail too. Mm-hmm And that's the guy Yeah, there's a bunch of- I think there's like- Oh, shit! I think there's five playable characters. Is she one of them? I believe so, yeah. Damn.

Billy, I wouldn't want to do any of this in a video game. Yeah, do you want to do it in real life? No, like, they're just like- Yeah, they're just doing- Chilling. I don't want to do it real life? No like well? They're just like yeah, they're just doing shilling. I don't want to hang out with friends They're building the story I'm yeah, the the but the but people are going crazy for Yeah, like shooter ass with a gun, and it would like splatter

Probably you man you're gonna love Grand Theft Auto. Can you shoot her ass? Yeah, you probably can shoot her. I see the guts come out Why do you want to see ass guys? All right Mook and I are at Zany's. Yeah Wednesday show Check it out. I feel pretty good about the stuff. We're doing. We have a really cool group of guys and gal Yeah, May 14th Zany's 7 p.m. Our favorite comics in Chicago are on yeah, yeah, it'll be really fun come through julio's coming in That'll be great. Yeah nice. That'll be great

We'll get them on the pod Wednesday Yeah, there we go perfect um anything else Who can't sleep Rudy streams streams, subscribe to all those. Let's subscribe to this channel. Yeah. To this one. But we never ask.

That's a good. Yeah, please subscribe. Can only help. Yeah. Yes, you're right. All right, pal, sign us off. We got a video coming out Friday. Yeah, yeah.

Going to the Nigerian kitchen. With Jerry's and Femi. That's right. That's right It should be good. Yeah, all right, that's it