A New Untold Story - Boy Story 2, Part 2 - A New Untold Story: Ep. 324

Episode Date: December 29, 2022

Rone and Lil Sas join the show for our special two part crossover episode. Part 1 is on all Son of a Boy Dad channels. 60+ minutes of nothing but riffing with the boysYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. A new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. Are we good? Welcome back to A new Untold Story. This will be episode 325. I hope everybody had a good Christmas.

I hope nobody got coal. That's all I really have to say about that. That's a fact, though. Thank you for your well wishes. Unless you asked for coal. In which case, I got a Natalie Cole CD. Oh, or Nat King Cole. Are they related?

They must be. They have to be. They can't not be. J. Cole. Trent Cole. Cole Beasley. Wow. J. Cole.

I saw him on a bike one time in New York City. No, no, J. Cole. J. Cole on a bike. Yeah, he's a bicycle. There's no shot you're seeing Cole Beasley. Not a hog, a bicycle. No, not a not a hog a bicycle no not a hog like a bmx bike bmx he was on the back of somebody else's pegs around drake's pegs i waved at him with my full arm too like my elbow went and my hand oh you forced gump from the dock i gumped him and he fucking ignored didn't you't you say his real name too? No, I just said, I think I just said

probably like Cole, which is even worse. What's his real name? Jermaine. Jermaine? Jermaine! Yo, Jay! What the? Roan? Is that Roan? We're joined with the number one podcast at Barstool, Son of a Boy Dad.

We have Sass and Roan. Cheers, brother. Thank you guys for joining us. Thank you so much for having us. Thanks for recognizing the number one podcast. I did not even watch that episode where you said it. I just got the email with the numbers.

That was huge for us. That is... Roan got a big raise. That is an astronomical number. No. Are you talking about my salary or our listeners? It's both.

Before and after the raise. Big number. They gave me a dollar per listener. People were very interested in our salaries. number no and where are you talking about my salary or our listeners it's both before and after the raise big number they gave me a dollar per listener people were very interested in our salaries 750 they cut my salary in half and they gave it to roan so now i'm at 750 you're at 750 okay so you're still doing okay okay yeah to 50 i think i'm down to 10k a year now So we I think we said this Two episodes ago We're in the midst of recording Three episodes in a row Whilst recording

A bunch of other shows So I have not This is the first time That I'm serious Written the news I got you I got you guys though What?

You sure you got me? Yes Thank you No problem So I got some stuff too What the fuck? Beyonce just bought Jay-Z a $35 million Basquiat painting for his birthday.

Yeah. Sass. Nick would never do that for Beyonce because he hates Beyonce and thinks she's not a black queen. Yo! Flip that. Get that out. Get it out there. That's Nick nick by the way he's nick i i i'm saying that for like when this goes viral i said she was a black goddess no no no i remember your exact words were she's black and then i was waiting for the follow-up and there was none

let's get this one you said that on their episode. You said she's overrated. You did. This is part two of that episode. They just listened to that. They know I didn't say that. Hang on, I got more. I have enough. That was my only one.

That went too well for me to try and do another one. No, no, keep shooting it. Meg the Stallion's legal team is preparing for Tory Lanez's acquittal and will file for a wrongful shooting lawsuit. Wrongful shooting, says. And Nick thinks Beyonce is not a black queen. Nick said Beyonce should be shot.

Yeah. Rightfully. Holy shit, Nick. These are better than ours, which is really demoralizing. Harvey Weinstein convicted of rape, Nick. These are better than ours, which is really demoralizing. Harvey Weinstein convicted of rape. Nick. What? This is really what we'd be doing.

I was like, that wasn't bad. That is like seven hours of my time that you just did, I think, as I was pissing. And then I'll just be on my high horse. Just like, people don't get it. People don't understand. I'm a writer. You want four jokes from me? Yeah, that'll be five days. And you just bodied me.

No, I just literally read Media Takeout's top four headlines. That's what I do. Yeah? Yeah. What's your go-to? You gotta get on r slash news. I think of a punchline and then i search one of the words in the punchline in google and then i click news

and then i go to find the most recent one where i could skew the words and then i just reverse engineer it that's dope as fuck i go to r slash covid long haulers and post i can't help but think i'm just another fatality comment well said on other people's rants. Here, here. Dude, I mean, at this point, I think this is just my life. Dude, how long has it been going on? Since November. That's when you got COVID?

Yeah. I didn't even know you got COVID. Did you tell anyone? So we must remember. No, you kept on coming into into work that's just what you got to do these days though no i don't know if i had covid i don't know if this is what that is it could be lyme disease yeah there's been i've been like i said i've been concerned we we just had planet football the show we do with pft and kyle walked in and we like sat down. You were just like, I can't do it. And then you just walk.

And it was pretty, I was, it was like, it was easy. I felt horrible. And I was like, I don't, I don't need to. And people like a line of people, like you were the godfather on your daughter's wedding. They were coming up to you asking if you were okay. Yeah. No, it's a humble move. It's dope.

Just to not to. Yeah. Having boundaries or just being like, I don't want to do this or can't do this. None of it matters. Oh, man. We're doing one of these. None of it matters, dude. I don't mind one of these.

If we made like commission, it would maybe. I don't know. So maybe we need a new pay structure. Should we unionize? Why didn't you talk about this on your episode? On your podcast? You guys brought it up. You guys brought it up.

I do think everybody should be paid for like the reality shows oh i do too for yeah yeah that's a that's a long haul and people uh video editors should get paid if they have to like uh stay late yeah and it well if they're good at their job if they're just taking a long time to do something like no probably not no they solely should make three million dollars a year. Oh, really? I think that his salary should be fucking cut down to bare bones because he'll do it. He'll do it for the love.

That dude should get a stipend. Yeah, he should get paid in fucking stacks of Pringles, just like Sass is eating and like bagels on Mondays and Fridays. And I think that he'll he'd be better for the company if he really loves Barstool. He'd be the happiest guy in the world. Yeah, honestly. I think if you went up and you were just like, hey, I didn't get a raise. Can I have your salary?

He'd be like, yeah. Maybe. I don't really know Fasoli that well at all. Yeah, it doesn't matter. He loves you. He's just in love with the game? No, he loves you. He loves Barstool, yeah.

Damn. He just loves the boys over here. What was your first introduction to Barstool? KB. Like his blogs? I knew the Instagram account, but I thought that's all it was. KB was the first person that made me realize it's like actual, like they make their own content. It was me.

I'm sorry. God damn it. It was you? It was both of us, I guess. No, it wasn't me. It was the same chat chain. No, no, no. I don't remember your

phone going off on your episode you must have flipped it that's pretty good what up dick fuck you turn the ringer on yeah all right i'm done with my show time to turn my ringer on i did as loud as it could go too um i have my first introduction to Barstool I know you didn't ask but was uh some bitch at a party was talking about it was like I heard some whore was like I heard that there's gonna be a Barstool Philly coming around

and it was pre-Barstool Philly right after I got out of college I don't know I guess she's just plugged in I don't know she's from like she's plugged has to be gas. It must have been through gas at the time, dude. And and then I decided I had to check it out. I'm curious, like you're very early barstool. Like, did you apply? I applied a bunch back in the day and they they pretty much flat out told me no.

Smitty told me I didn't have the chops dude that smitty told you i mean he didn't tell me no uh but he basically i got an application in and like i got down to one of the last couple and then he just stopped replying and he was like i will let you know something and then uh jordy got hired getting rejected for a job is is a bottom tier feeling i got rejected from jg wentworth yeah i got rejected from for a job is a bottom tier feeling. I got rejected from JG Wentworth. Yeah. I got rejected from, for a barstool internship at age 25. Oh, dude. I actually went for my intern interview the same day, or I applied for it the same day I found out what it was.

Wow. Yeah. What did you think it was? Your intern interview was online. I didn't know what it was. Then I found out what it was and I was like, yeah, I'm going to try to work here. I was a go-getter. And you just got it right away?

I went for it. Yeah. That's how I was. Yeah. So I remember I printed out a resume of my Twitter analytics. That was my portfolio. And I went to H&M, got a shirt, a nice t-shirt. What kind of t-shirt?

I was walking from Penn Station to the office and I looked at my reflection. Wait, did you travel into New York for this? I drove. I took a fake sick day. Yeah. And I was A-okay. I drove to my grandma's in Parsippany and then trained in. When I was walking here, I saw that my shirt was way longer in the back

than I thought. It was one of those Justin. One of those. One of those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, like a button? It's like a swag era long shirt. It was only in the back.

It was like a dress in the back. So I sprinted to another H&M, the one right down the street and got a stupid fucking gray sweater that was itchy. And I walked in and you summoned me. Yeah. You summoned me. That's facts. You sat me down, made me feel really comfortable.

Yeah, I was very sweet. Now I know you're lying. No, I was super sweet to him. It was. Yeah. It was like as soon as you walked in the door sending it did i was i was generally trying to be nice though yeah i just can't help i can't get out of my own way i was probably flying high from just having been offered the job at barstool so you got rejected the first time I got rejected my first time. Did you get rejected the first time you tried to work here? I, but no,

but like I sent in my stuff and to Kyle and then I, he sent me Dave's email and they were interested and I sent my stuff into Dave. He followed me on Twitter and I was like, Oh fuck yeah, I'm in. And then six months passed until i got the initial interview damn so i thought it was gonna be like a bang bang thing you're just on ice i was on ice

for six months but i did i was trying to move to new york anyway and so i was like lying on my resume saying that i lived in new york city because that's really the only way you can get a job in new york city i was in columbus and i got an interview at fox sports i had an interview with the mets and i was like just driving here overnight for like an interview and driving back to columbus how many times did you do that a couple times four times god damn that's a nine hour drive one way you're about to work for the mets i i got the first interview at the mets and i got i got the job at fox sports and uh what was it like a graphics job it was an art director job what the i was gonna have a little team it was like a regional fox sports

thing and that's when i was like that's when i hit you up when we hung out for the first time is when i had an interview up here for fox sports i think oh yeah you weren't even at barstool no yeah and that's when i got your phone number first first time. Okay. Where'd you guys go? We went to a Mexican joint. I was like, damn, you're tall. That was the first thing you said to me. I hadn't seen you in probably a decade. Was that disheartening? To him?

No, I'm saying, was it disheartening? No, it was disheartening to me when people say that to me. Yeah. Because like, all you have to do to tell that I'm tall is take a gander. And I was just invisible to him.

Because all my tweets, i was like a narcissist i had my face in them i was always like pictures of me doing stuff yeah and you yeah damn you showed up tall and showed a person yeah a lot of people at barstow are tall it's tall office it's annoying you're tall not really yeah you are yeah you are you're like six three no i'm like six foot i'm like six foot on the dot have you seen the tiktoks when they just go up and like measure dudes and like bring their ego down to earth they like measure dudes who are lying about their height you're like five dude everyone everybody's lying about their height you know how there's those people that with the tables in new york city i get i get lampooned for tiktoks a lot but it ends up being i think it's for tiktoks uh i had a guy out front he was like hey what's what's the u.s state ends in k and i was like it's we're in it brother and he was like yeah come here and it

was like to sign up for like breast cancer donations they're getting really clever i got a breast cancer donation guy on me today and we're well aware of what it is yeah if you told me it wasn't for awareness breast cancer awareness you know precisely what it is i know exactly what is it it's in the name yeah and i know what a mammogram is and all i don't care i know me knowing more about it, fucking Mrs. Winoy had it, so I'm good. Damn. So you're good. You know. But today, I saw a guy

I knew he was going to try to get me. A single guy. Looks like I got a little money in my pocket. Yeah, you do. Flashy. Well put together compassionate eyes so i look at my phone have my bigger headphones on i'm just looking down and he tugs on my shirt this is this this morning and he's like hey man you dropped this and i was like what and he goes

this conversation i was like oh no jesus christ i know and i was dude, I'm late for work. He's like, no, you're not. Oh, no. I was like, no, I'm not. That's so annoying. You did? What? Venmo. Oh, dude. He marked you out. Yeah, I know. Those guys are the worst, though. If anybody watching sees me,

come up, ask for money, you got it. I gave a homeless dude, I Venmo'd a homeless dude $25. Wait, what? You Venmo gave a homeless dude. I Venmo'd a homeless dude 25 times. Wait, what? Yeah. You Venmo'd him. Excuse me? Venmo'd. That means he has a bank account.

Yeah. He was like, hey, man, it's my birthday. Like, I need some money. And I was like, I don't have any cash on me. I'm sorry. And I kind of tried to power through and keep walking. He was like, what about Venmo or Cash App? And I was like, yeah, dude.

It's like everyone has Venmo. And then I yeah, and then he was like, the average donation is $400. And I'm like, dude, I'm not giving you fucking $400. Shut the fuck up. So I gave him $25. I was like, yeah, the best I can do is $25. That's a lot of money. Yeah, but what can you do?

Why did you have to say everyone has it? Like, why did you scoff at him? Because he was like, do you have Venmo? And I was like, of course, dude. You know I have Venmo. Yeah, I have Venmo. Do you have to say everyone has it? Why did you scoff at him? He was like, do you have Venmo? I was like, of course, dude. You know I have Venmo. Yeah, I have Venmo. Do you have an apartment? Then this is what caught me off guard. He was like, I just need money to pay my rent this month.

I was like, dude, wait, what is going on right now? You're the worst homeless guy ever. Are you just a normal dude? His rent is expensive? I was like, what the hell is this? So why did you think he was homeless? Because he said he was homeless. When?

So the whole thing is like, oh, dude, I'm homeless. I need some money. And then all of a sudden it turned into help pay my rent. What? Are you sure he wasn't like one of those homeless comedians? A funny homeless? Yeah, he was doing a joke. He might have been.

Probably ran a bid on you. You wanted me to give him 400 bucks. That was a joke too. No, it was not this was not a joking situation it was like 9pm in the pitch black in Union Square

oh you were getting robbed dude no one had I mean he just he just this homeless guy in a ski mask in a gun he was just pushing his luck

everything went well for him so he might as well have kept on uh ski mask and jid both got snow the slump god he's not making grammy he should win like a fucking maybe a bet award freshman of the year i think he was he was in it he was on that list my algorithm now is a lot of xxl freshman of the year. And I don't have a single hip-hop song. My algorithm is making me black.

Think I'm black. Yeah, you have been a little bit more black. Nice save, dude. I'm trying to think which one's better. I think making you black is better. Yeah, that's better. It is. I'm not delusional.

I don't just think I am. You're becoming black. I see it. Even the beanie has like... No, I look Mexican. I look Latin American with this on. I think that's kind of the progression. It's unbelievable how much I don't realize. You have an olive complexion. And I don't realize until you put on

the beanie. Especially with the goatee. Olive colored shirt, too. Brings out your olive complexion. Your undertones. Your undertones are fucking lovely, dude. You're turning black? I don't know. My brain is gone. I think this is the gradient. It used to be so

vibrant and creative. I think it goes Asian, white, Latino, black. Like if you're becoming black. Are you ranking the races? No, I'm saying that's the spectrum of him becoming black. Like if you're white and you're Latino right now

and you're going to eventually be all the way black. And if you went the other way, be Asian. No one wants to touch that one, I don't think. No, I'm thinking of a way to tiptoe around this but I think I'm just going to sit it out yeah that's probably for the best no keep going no how's your brain

I think you're faking all this because you're about to do some real fuck shit and then you could just be like nah my brain wasn't working I don't even have the energy to do fuck shit I just want to smoke a spliff and listen to Quinn 92 you gotta just take a fucking

van luwin ice cream take a month off go to a fucking dock sit on a fucking lake does that sound nice? no you need to go buy a playstation dude yeah dude

come on hop on warzone with me and my boys you'll have fun with us. No. Get in the metaverse. Put on a VR headset and fucking like build a house. That could work. Yeah.

Building a sweet ass house on a lake. I have a Rube Goldberg simulator on my VR. Yeah. You just have like this menu of things on your arm and I'm just plucking like dominoes and like building them around. Oh, it's a blast. That sounds awesome. How long do you get caught in there?

How long do you get caught in the vortex? Time goes slower. It's like that Matthew McConaughey movie. Fuck yeah. Tasteless and Confused? Yeah, sure. Interstellar. Yeah. Yeah. Time goes

slower. The same age. Oh, God. My wife had me on the simulator like the same age oh god my wife had me on the the simulator like doing like a surgery or some shit like that testing out like some medical

devices like not even as a game like it was like something that they used for medical devices and shit like that that's pretty cool it was kind of sweet it makes me realize that surgery is easy as fuck. Yeah. Like, these doctors, like, do not need to be qualified to do the shit they're doing.

It's more about nerves. And, like, pressing buttons, though. It's not even, you don't even have to have the steady hand anymore. A robot makes the incision. A robot decides how deep they go. Like, you're just really just, if you're sweet at video games, if you're, like, PewDiePie or, like, Ninja or some shit like that, you could easily become a surgeon.

I don't know about that. Easily. Easily. I think you still need the steady hands. Isn't that like a big thing? I think that's old. If we were on an island and my finger was just destroyed and needed to go, do you think you could get it off of me without me dying? Within seconds, I think.

You could do it. But I don't think you have the stomach. With your hand? Oh, yeah. No, you couldn't. I'm screaming. And then I would just twist the skin like a joint. Close it up.

Like you're rolling a sausage. Like you're a sausage. Yeah. I don't know. I don't think, yeah. Like, in the field surgery, I think there's no way I could do. I'm 15 years late. I just started lost. I just't think, yeah. In the field surgery, I think there's no way I could do. I'm 15 years late. I just started lost.

Boone just died. Damn. And then them trying to save him and amputating the... I couldn't do it, man. I think I would rather... I think I'd be more okay with ripping one of your fingers off than slicing you open with an X-Acto blade. Well, yeah, dude.

Well, I'm talking about... You don't know shit shit i think i'd rather do that than do like a surgery that was like the easiest would you rather would you rather have free steaks for the rest of your life or or not have skin you'd rather peel off a hangnail or do cardiac fucking surgery. Yeah. I don't think that I... Yeah. I could do... I don't think I could do in the field. Sometimes I fantasize about like triaging a wound or some shit like that.

Like if I'm ever around someone who's going to get shot or some shit like that, I kind of fantasize about putting pressure to a wound or like doing a tourniquet around like a leg wound or... I'd be the guy that would be like standing there and you'd be like give me something sharp and you'd be like I said something sharp I'd scamper off and probably not come back just leave

that is what Sass would do 100% you literally would leave no but I've been in situations like where you're like surrounded in a group of people and like an old person fell or some shit and I just stand there and I'm like i don't know what i'm supposed to be doing right now i uh every time i've lived with tremendous not guilt but like i was in my college dorm and this kid fell and started having a seizure and i just like didn't do anything i

just was like oh no and then somebody came out and they were like got him on his side and i was like all right i'm gonna learn If that ever happens again what to do So I researched it and I was like this is never going to happen again And then on a rediscovering America One of our cameramen had a seizure And I was just like lift his head put the wallet in his mouth So he doesn't bite off his tongue Like bit through this guy's

Wait you put a wallet in his mouth? Uh huh And then the paramedic came in Ridge? No not a ridge All of his teeth would have popped out of his head um because they're so no and it's so small he would just swallowed it that'd be a whole nother issue dead through the ridge wallet yeah um it was just like a leather wallet and then the paramedic came and i was like i did i did everything i needed to do wallet in his mouth he was like why the fuck didic came and I was like, I did everything I needed to do. Wallet in his mouth. He was like, why the fuck did you do that?

He was like, don't ever do that. I would rather him lose his tongue than bite off the wallet and swallow it and choke and die. I was like, oh, okay. Really? Yeah. Oh, I witnessed that. I know. I think in that time period, I may have checked my Instagram DMs.

It was habitual. Just a nervous tick. I think it activated the same thing that happens to you when you're in a crowded bar. You just got uncomfortable. I checked the weather app. Checked my email. See if you have any software updates. Whenever I'm standing on a subway in a crowded one, I always check my email.

I want people to look at me looking at my phone but but email specifically because you want to seem professional because it's like something that i might actually be doing i don't even i'm playing human yeah dude yeah if there's ever a chance like that a girl would see me i'm never on pokemon go and i'll just like lift up and switch to crossword and i'll turn my brightness all the way up do you like everyone on the subways on crossword yeah so many people it's the new york times yeah damn kb you fucking changed everything i made it cool yeah you changed the it's not cool trajectory of the game now people love to be intellectuals in new york they're doing mondays on auto check let's get a word search i had to check this monday yeah so what's Where's check? You just make, cause like I couldn't figure out

where I was wrong. Dude, I was checking. I used to do checks on the minis. Oh, that's. I, I always try to be simple.

I didn't know that was like a bad thing. That's real bad. I didn't know it was like a bad thing to do. I thought it was just part of the game. That's not, that's not part of the game. It sounds like you guys don't play video games. That's like not putting shields on in war zone

i don't know do you know what that means that's for the war zone players out there they'll know what i'm talking about that got rudy good though yeah yeah fucking idiot it's all about the score i i do want to get into like popular gaming because i can't i can't stream me playing my y-Gi-Oh Game Boy Advance game over my shoulder. Why? Who cares? Dude, but who cares about any of it? I've never cared about watching someone play a video game in my life. Watching Rudy play

God of War, it's like a good story. Video games are just movies now. Movies where you have to hit a button every once in a while. Dude, if you got into a video game, you would be interested in watching people play the video game. No, I've never given a fuck. Have you ever given a fuck about a video game, you would be interested in watching people play the video game. No, I've never given a fuck. Have you ever given a fuck about a video game? Yes.

I'm with Ro. We're doers. It's the oldest I've ever felt. I feel like an old man when I'm seeing people watch Overwatch League, and I'm just like, why? Because you're watching. It's like if you play football, people watch football. No, I don't play football, but I like football. Bro, it's because you don't but you don't understand the game of football no of like if you're watching someone

play a game and it's like a super hard game and they're like insanely good at it it's fun to watch but i understand chess i don't want to watch people play chess chess is boring as fuck so is that there's no graphics in chess it's real life yeah it's the best graphics it just doesn't do anything for me even like uh any game that i've been into and i'll see like parties and like they got the bitches watching people play games and the bitches and they're doing it dude i don't know about that yes they are doing it they're sitting there and watching at parties yeah at like pre yes like fortnight when fortnight was big that was like a big thing you

were playing fortnight at parties i wasn't but people were the bitches were watching yes we're watching yes i'm saying of course i was fucking the bitches i wasn't watching the bitches fucking the bitches rudy when you're streaming you have bitches in stream like do you ever like do anything like cool to like get oz from the chicks i honestly they they do get like horned up for just a sick gaming. You get awes? Yeah, ooze and awes. They like it. They type out like A-H?

Now I have Texas Beach now so they can even make it. That's good. No, it isn't. I turned it on for the first time last night and it was just people spamming the Ray Allen tweet. Oh, yeah. Back to my tongue, back to, and it was just people spamming the Ray Allen tweet. Oh, yeah. To my tongue, back to my dick. What a tweet.

That's a great tweet. Yeah. Are you sure that they're horned up? Or are you sure it could be platonic admiration? Honestly, to be truthful, it has nothing to do with me. The girls that are in my chat just know that there's 90% dudes in there. So they just are the bell of the ball yeah they even go on my my discord's like better than hinge now my discord goes and go in there and the chicks just post like hot pictures have two rudy viewers ever fucked each other no but it's if it

hasn't happened yet it's gonna happen soon because they're horny as fuck i would love to like if we ever do a live show again, people have to fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we critique. We critique the fucking. Yeah. We might have to do it in Europe, but I still think we could do it. Yeah, we could do it.

Yeah. Because at Exotica, the porno convention, there's no onstage fucking in the America ones. But Exotica Europe, there's live sex shows. I'm done with that. I gave it up. it up no i'm done with other dudes getting pussy i don't i'm not addicted to that that's hilarious you watch lesbian porn now no i hate that yeah that shit sucks yeah because it truly does it truly does it's so boring and i but it always runs up the it's on the top of the leaderboards for every stat every yeah i the remember that really popular poster of the two women kissing of course it was like the number one poster college poster dorm room poster not a hot pick yeah those were impossible

to uh feel genuine arousal towards are people jer jerking off to those? Yeah, I think so. To posters? Yeah, I was jerking off to the Pink Floyd women painted butts. Bam. I know all my Indian bros out there jerk off to posters. Do they? Oh, for sure. Most of my Indian bros are jerking off to posters. Some of them are hoopers, too.

Indians? What? Yes, dude. I knew some Indian hoopers, dude. What league? Like, just streetball shit. Just fucking in the park type of shit. Basketball players are...

You can't get hornier. Yeah. You cannot get hornier. Than basketball? Than hoopers? Yeah. Yeah, it's true. No, that's 100% true.

Yeah, I think it's like the showiest sport. One of my homegirls in college was texting one. And he was like, can I just please at least just come come over and jack off you don't even have to be you don't even have to be there there's that's peak horny you don't have to be there he just wanted to jerk off you don't even have to watch and he's probably can i please come over and jack off he's probably the last man on the roster because that's like baseline for us horny basketball yeah there was a so horny i knew it i knew a dude in high school who was a horny

basketball player and he was he was doing shit like that the whole team is horny. I knew a dude in high school who was a horny basketball player, and he was doing shit like that. The whole team is horny. No, this guy was horny. I know, but I'm saying, yeah, of course he was, because he was on the team. You know who else is a basketball player in here? Tyler. Tyler, yeah. If you aren't, you are.

No, he's a horny basketball player. Yeah. Horny-ass basketball player. I mean, weren't they all getting in trouble for bringing girls into the bubble? Yeah. That was like pure torture for them was like what? A month. They had to not fuck for a month.

And they all had like wives too. Oh, yeah. They all went feral. Yeah. They all were like, couldn't fuck. They turned into like the honeycomb mascot. Dudes were like, dudes were like quitting the NBA. Yeah, dude.

Dudes were leaving the NBA because they couldn't fuck for 15 days. I got to get out of this. I need to fuck. This isn't for me, dude. No, they were like, yeah. And that's still when like COVID was very scary. Yeah. It was like an unknown.

And they were just like, nah, I got to bring in this whore. And Bob Iger from Disney was like, you know what? We'll bring these guys whores to Disney World. They shipped them in. They shipped them in. Did they really? Yeah. And they disguised them like Trojan horses in Minnie Mouse costumes.

No way. Yeah. And brought all these whores in on floats. They disguised them. Because there was that picture that went viral of like Devin Booker like dragging like the female Daffy Duck into like the hotel. It was insane. You didn't see that, Seth?

No. No. That's crazy. Yeah. But that was just them looking out dave stern or uh adam silver and bob eiger putting their heads together two smart ceos getting their boys some pussy what's the horniest team in the nba this i think it's the suns the phoenix suns is it really why book uh they all fucked that girl who was on no jumper the girl? The girl who was on No Jumper? I don't know if Aiden's horny.

I think he is. He seems to be in a bad mood all the time. You guys probably know some inside info running around with Pat Bev. Chris Paul fucked Kim Kardashian. He's on The Suns. The point guard, right?

Point guard. He fucked him. That's even to me yeah that's not no one came up off that yeah that's a fair exchange of power exchange good swap of goods and services no that's that's a fuck that makes sense yeah well she looks like reggie bush or he he looks like he is pretty though no he's pretty they're both pretty yeah Reggie Bush pretty he's pretty

Chris Paul's pretty Reggie Bush pretty Ray J's pretty they all have good smiles Chris Paul is not pretty Chris Paul's pretty oh look at that

look at his look at his hornet's headshot his eyes are a unique color you got good lashes oh Chris that's how I know you're straight. You just get told who's hot.

No, dude. Half of it. I am. He's hot. Half of our conversation is me prepping him like the hot guys. You're like, this guy's hot. You need to respect him. He doesn't know about the come up of Aaron Taylor Johnson.

I don't either. I don't either. Watch Bullet Train. It'll change your mind. I've been skipping Bullet Train. I've been skipping it too. Wait, no, wait. Yeah, but I have been skipping it. I've been skipping it hard. Watch Bullet Train. Is it good? mind. I've been skipping Bullet Train. I've been skipping it too. Wait, no, wait. Yeah, I have been skipping it.

I've been skipping it hard. Watch Bullet Train. Is it good? Yeah. What do you mean skipping it? What is this? It comes off of my recommended and I skip it. Every time, yeah.

I've been skipping it all the time. I just watched Snowpiercer, but it's the same plot as Bullet Train, right? Not at all. Don't they have to go from one end of the train to the other? Snowpiercer is post-apocalyptic. But they still are on a train like back to the front too yeah yeah bullet train is like over the top action there's a bunch of hitmen on a train that shit oh it's my favorite type of i just watched a movie called ninja assassin last non-fiction

isn't even real enough for me it has to be i have to only watch like interrogation footage i only watch the security cam footage just that no my youtube if i want to watch something that has to be like a tiktoker live or youtube footage of like teens getting interrogated about murder or have you what about like uh shooting uh videos like of like yes yeah from city to city like just people running up to a convenience store and i remember like when what the watch people die subreddit like got banned I was like I watched it all yeah there's nothing left that was a dark period but yeah I couldn't stop I wasn't enjoying it watch people die

what were some of the highlights that you saw there was no it sucked how many people have you seen die so unhealthy to watch you think you've seen a town die that was before I got into weed was this like a month ago and that was like three years ago you've been on weed ever since i met nick yeah nick got you into weed i don't know if i've been

good or bad for kyle in some ways i mean you know in some ways you've been more successful but also you seem like you feel worse than you've ever felt. At the moment, yeah. Leading up to this, I've been good. Yeah. You'll be all right. Maybe like a whole other substance. It's always that.

I think you need like a hobby that takes up a large percentage of your time and a large percentage of your money. Rollerblades. It's all drugs. That's drugs. Yeah, but like try something that's not drugs. You can't let anything consume your life. I think you have to let something consume your life. Yeah, man. Idle hands.

Not any one thing. You got to switch it up. Like just switching like hobbies just going from one to the other I can see you thriving in like some type of situation where you need to like climb and like we're camping on like a suspended like on the side of a rock face or some shit like that

I can see Kyle getting into like that wall with the trampoline below it yes and all or like and living in a house of like seven or eight dudes and you all have the wall with a trampoline doing tricks together why don't you go on like a Himalayan expedition? That sounds miserable. Backpacking?

What about trampoline wall? Sorry, I didn't want to shoot that down, but nah. Dude, why don't we do a video series of you trying to find a hobby? And at the end you just say, nah, yeah. Alright.

Would you let us curate them? Yeah. No, no. Yeah, you don't want to do this. No more content. I know you don't want to do this. You need to go to a fucking lake, dude. You need to go and sit in an Adirondack chair and fucking...

I think ocean over lake. You gotta start hitting the pool halls with me. I like pool yeah actually i don't even hit up sass to hang out anymore because i know where our night's ending at a pool hall for eight hours that's like the only way that we hang out is go we like hit different bars in the city that have pool and like so i like if i want to play pool i'll hit up sass but if i just want to hang out with sass i can't even hit him up anymore because we're going to be playing pool. We're playing pool. I had some friends

in town and I was playing pool and I hit up Sass and he was like, I'm at a pool hall, but I'll come to that one. Jungle to jungle. I went from one pool hall to another. I mean, if you start dusting Sass in pool, me getting really good at pool would be dope. And I would respect you if you could just start whipping his ass.

That would be really nice because he's annoyingly good at it. Are you to the point where you bring your own stick yet? No, I actually wish I got one. You could get one. It's still on the table. That ship did not sail. Yeah, buddy. I promise you.

My mom asked if I wanted anything for Christmas, and I said no. Now I'm thinking I should have asked for did not sail. Yeah, buddy. I promise you. My mom asked if I wanted anything for Christmas and I said no. Now I'm thinking I should have asked for a pool cue. Yeah. And a glove. I need a glove.

You want a glove? I want a glove so bad. That's how you... Nobody at the pool hall has a glove though. Everyone at the hall has gloves. Are you crazy?

No, they don't. Because dude, I took you there at two in the morning. No, there's been multiple... I've been to that place multiple times

Everyone there has gloves. That's how you get there at 2 in the morning. No, there's been multiple. I've been to that place multiple times. Everyone there has gloves. That's how you get the nice slide on the hand. I figured that's what it was for. Yeah. Walking around with, like, a little briefcase. Yeah, you're playing Piccolo. Dude, screwing it together would be, like, the coolest feeling. Yeah.

I should get my own cue. Yeah, dude. Francis is better than Sass, though, like, by a lot. Yeah, he is. He dominates Sass. So if the three of you guys can kind of go out, but Francis doesn't even have to try. You probably would be good at pool.

I played with you. Remember I was really good for the first four and then tanked? Oh yeah, what happened there? That's when you know it's a fake sport. Someone can accidentally be good for even a little if there's any beginners luck yeah like there's not beginners luck in like the fucking nfl beginners luck you probably can't

run that kickoff back 103 yards again i don't think there's beginners luck in anything besides gambling yeah probably not and even that bro and's just luck. My wife tried to play pool and she fucking has no idea how to play pool. Did you keep your cool? Oh, I was pissed. Barely. Because I suck too.

And so that's all I need is someone worse than me. But her first fucking shot, she just like barely touched the ball. It smacked off the side and it went in. You did her like Jordan pool. Facts, bro.

Some baddies started coming. I started playing worse. Give me a dickhead of thele. Facts, bro. Some baddies started coming. I started playing worse. Give me a dickhead of the week. Oh, yeah. That's another segment we do. So, as you start, who was the biggest dickhead you've met doing comedy?

Oh, definitely not gonna... Someone in the crowd or someone after a show? When I was in Phoenix... No, not Phoenix. When I was in Minneapolis, there was these two girls in the front row And they were talking the entire show

And everyone kept on telling them to stop talking Like all the comics And then I went up and I was like please stop talking They were like why are you so mean And I was like because you're destroying the show During the show they asked that Oh my god And I wasn't even trying to like do like a thing with them i

was like i was like please stop talking you are kind of mean my dickhead of the week is my mom again yeah uh my dad was no i was the dickhead of the week i was being a dickhead to my mom my mom's the dickhead of the week uh uh last episode i guess two episodes ago i got my autistic uncle brass knuckles for Christmas. She took them away? No, she said no. I can't give them to him. Still am. 100%.

So why he can't have brass knuckles because he's autistic? That shit doesn't make sense. She was just like, he's going to hurt himself. What? He's going to hurt someone else. He's a little bit more autistic. And she was like, it's illegal.

And I was like, actually, no, because it's sold as a belt buckle. So if he gets caught with him, he just says it's a belt buckle. That's the legal loophole for those that want brass knuckles. Mine is my aunt. She's been spreading rumors that my mom's a lesbian. That's something I know she would do, too. Spreading rumors to who? I guess the rest of the family.

Anyone that'll listen. And anyone that'll fucking... Anybody that will sit down with her long enough to have her get the sentence out. But you're a project of het sex. Obviously. As am I. Obviously.

Unless one of us were in vitro, I don't know. Any of us could have been in vitro looking at us no i was utero yeah yeah all right i see you but uh just spreading what's it what's your mom saying she she's denying it dude well yeah she's denying it fucking well now i'm on your ass side i think i am too because if your mom's just saying no i'm not yeah there's gotta she's gotta like be more mad than that well what could she say i'm not a lesbian well that's exactly what she's saying yeah it sounds like she's kind of like no rocking yeah she's kind of like she's like she's not giving a straight answer that's like the word worst. She's like, what? Where did you hear that?

Where did you hear that? Just like giving non-answers. That's crazy. Just laughing. Yeah, it's a pickle. But, and so it persists. At Christmas time, is your mom going to have to face her? No.

They've been avoiding each other, except a forced uh forced convergence that they had i basically forced on them i was like settle settle this business now put this to bed and they couldn't they came out of it still acrimonious wow yeah sad but that's that's where they're at bro have you guys ever had gay rumors about you no people know yeah that i'm gay yeah now they ain't rumors bro every podcast he goes on what dudes are you fucking dude you must be fucking a ton of dudes i remember when i was your age you could probably have any fucking dude you want. You good, KB? No. You got a dickhead? No. Yeah, you do.

Did one yesterday. You got one. You got one. I don't. Are you going to be coming in after Christmas with a bunch of fly pieces on? No.

Damn, man. Nothing. Bro, I tried passion fruit for the first time. Have you guys ever had that? Now I know you're depressed because it's not overrated. You said it's overrated? Is it the white one?

The black speckled. The white seeds one? It's got like orange. It had like orange seeds. There's a reason that people don't really fuck with it. Who doesn't fuck with it? It's not a predominant flavor. What do with it? It's not a predominant flavor. What do you mean?

It's not a tier one fruit. Because you can't make the flavor in an actual passion fruit into a drink. You can't distill. But why aren't people eating it like an apple? Because it's seeds. There's not a big fruit to it. I don't believe there's any secret incredible foods out there.

Or they'd be all over the menu. No, you haven't tried passion fruit. It looks like snot. You don't want to... Can I get one of those? Oh. Yeah. It looks disgusting, but when you taste it, it looks like fucking fowl.

It looks like alien food. Do you want this passion fruit flavor? No, no, no. I don't like passion fruit. It's overrated. I'll take the passion fruit. I'll try it. Oh, I like watermelon.

Oh, this doesn't match. This isn't true passion fruit flavor. Passion fruit itself is fucking... Are these cold? Whoa. No. They're not at all. You're feeling it with your hand.

How could you ask if that was cold? These are icy cold. They've been sitting out in the fucking room. Are you guys not freezing? No. It's pretty... Cut that out. Great.

I'm about to fucking Christmas shop what? I keep on trying to Christmas shop I don't know if I can get anybody I'm about to go right after this damn I got a Christmas shop too I haven't even started I think I'm just going to go when I go back I always do that shit get your mom a tongue scraper

you think she'll like that? needs to get all the pussy off next time she gets in a pinch next time she's getting interrogated check my tongue check my fucking tongue the pussy's on your breath

Mimi god damn that's not my mom you haven't done any Christmas shopping yet no I've done most of it but I'm trying to fucking finish it off.

It sucks, dude, having so much family. I keep on adding people. I know. It sucks. And the people who I'm getting presents for aren't the people in my life who I think deserve presents. I don't know anything about them. I'm getting presents for my siblings, my parents, and then one of my cousins. Yeah, I don't care about any of those people.

I should be getting presents for my friends that I love and love spending time with. Like you guys. I should have probably thought of nice presents for everybody in this room. I thought of getting you guys something. But yeah, that's really all that counts. Yeah, but I don't really think I need a present from my friends. No. You know what I mean?

But that's who you should, that's who you feel probably stronger about than your family yeah but you also spend so much time with your friends like i don't i don't think i don't i don't think i need to get my friends anything i don't think they need to prove anything also like if kyle wanted something i just i'm sure he'd just go get it that's what i was saying about the whole 500 gift thing oh yeah like it was like well i guess this would already be out by now yeah it's like i was like oh maybe i'll get an apple watch for 500 but then it's like okay who am i getting an apple watch for big cat yeah it's like he already like all these people that were doing there was in it it was like they would all have that i've used that speaker every single day have you actually rocks oh really oh it sounds loud as fuck it sounds so good that's crazy i'm surprised

i would have thrown that thing in the dumpster on the way home. Are you kidding me? What are you listening to? Wait, wait, don't tell me on the fucking surround sound? I was surprised. I was like, I don't even know if anyone's going to be able to use this in New York. No, I'm listening to it at just like a decent volume that you'd listen to it on a TV. But it just sounds good. Like the daily on podcasts and shit like that? No, I'm listening to tunes.

Yeah? Yeah. Fuck yeah. Dude, I was at Best Buy looking around. I went to REI. Did I tell you about this? Yes. Yeah, I went to REI and I was looking for gifts and I found, I was trying to get those

warm gloves, $500 heated gloves, and then I couldn't find them. So I went to Best Buy and I was looking. All they had was the original Apple Watch, like the Series 1. That would have been funny. And I was like, this would be hilarious if I brought someone like the most outdated apple watch that they make and then i just randomly stumbled across that big ass speaker and it was fucking literally 500 on the dot it's awesome i went to go get i was 300 bucks yeah and i went into uh trumi the luggage store it's like everybody uses luggage here yeah and trumi i just know is nice and i walked in and i was just like hey i have like this expensive gift exchange at work

300 is my price i could go like a up to 350 if need be and they were like yeah you can get our toiletries kit so it's just the bag this big of toiletries i had no fucking idea that the Trumi luggage like the small suitcase was like $8.50. Yeah, I'm not surprised. I think I looked at luggage too and I think I had the same problem. But they like laughed me out of the store. I was super hyped to bring my $50 Ralph Lauren polo

gift card to the polo store and I only could get a shirt with the bear on it. Those are dope, though. The shirts with the bear. Who got a gift card? No, he's talking about, I think, back in the day. The shirt with the teddy bear on it.

And I wore it like every weekend. What did you guys get? You got a gingerbread house. What did you get, KB? What did I get? An air fryer. Yeah, shit. That's a good one.

Who brought that in? It was Brandon. It was an $80 air fryer. Bro, you're not using that. It's still here. There's no way're not using that. It's still here. There's no way he's using that. He's too down right now, but once he gets back into shape, he'll be air frying. Nah.

Dude, that might be your new hobby. People love the air fryers. Yeah. You could get really into air frying. Like moms from Marco like that. Yeah, you could make like anything. Quick. Dude, the restaurants I order from make it better.

Yeah, that's true. And also, that would be more depressing than how you feel right now being really into air frying things. Yeah. That's depressing as hell. That's the highlight of my day. Are you going to eat this? I'm going to bring this home. Waiting for the food to come

and air fry it. Yeah. That shit sucks. Dude, yeah. The highlight of my day is dinner. And I like, I haven't had time to eat during work.

And I wake up, my first thought is, what am I going to have for dinner? It's probably not the best thing in the world, but that's my first thought every morning. What are you thinking right now? What are you thinking for dinner? It's probably not the best thing in the world, but that's my first thought every morning. What are you thinking right now?

What are you thinking for tonight? Pho. Really? I don't know. I like pho. Okay. I'm going egg sandwich. That's so gross.

Egg sandwich? Yeah, that's what I eat for every single day. He loves egg sandwich. He eats them on the road. He crushes eggs. You're an egg sandwich guy? It's just the easiest thing. I'm so sick of ordering in New York and having to get this massive meal.

I've never finished everything that no it's like and it's like covered in oil and salt and it's like oh i could just get next sandwich something nice and easy you always have egg sandwich well i ordered a turkey sandwich so i was like i want something like plain and easy yeah and then it came and it was this like massive turkey sandwich covered in like pesto and oil and like all these truffle fries and shit and i was like i don't need i wanted like a two pieces of wheat bread with cold cuts in the middle i can't eat anything without getting sick yeah that's the worst what kind of sick are you getting though tum tum or like are you like are you waking up in the middle of the night with lava coming out

of your asshole or just like you're achy and queasy? It's just sitting on the couch. Yeah. I don't even classify that as real sick anymore because I've been having lava come out of my ass so much. Dude, I cut back on the beers a decent amount. Changed the lava situation? And I haven't been shitting as bad at all. Really? For a couple weeks there, I was shitting diarrhea every single

day. My only shits are emergencies. Yeah. Like explosive shits. I'm never, every time i shit i got to the bathroom by walking quickly yeah yeah like this weekend in buffalo i didn't have to i don't think i shit i think i shit once in the green room my shit hits the water before my cheeks hit the seat before p comes out of your day yeah yeah yeah and it's like it's like a like it's an explosion you're speaking for me that's not true oh for me it's like an explosion. You're speaking for me. That's not true. Oh, for me, it's like there's force coming through the shit.

If I shit standing up, it would smack against the wall. There's midichlorians. 100%. You can feel it making your way out. I feel you on the beers. When I was on the Raging Bitches, I would Q-tip my ear or pick my nose, and the shit would come come right out if you just push a little bit from one direction just catalyze it dude i would like pick my belly button and it would just any stimulation of the fucking body would just empty out the ass yeah so is it are you uh significantly more solid now yes that's what

i realized you know i was drinking a lot because I didn't even remember what a turd was. You drank so much you forgot what a turd was. It was all slop. I'm telling you. That's such a fact though. When I went sober I was just like, I can dream

now, which is dope, and I can shit turds. Wait, you couldn't dream? Dude, that's the biggest proponent for god i've been you know how like on the after that i brought up a dream like one of like the lamest things you can do i keep like i'm just so hype about dreams now because i didn't for so long i don't think it's lame to bring up dreams i think that that's it's incredibly insightful it's like it's like a allegory that your brain makes for you that like describes don't bring up a dream unless i was in it and I was wearing a hat or something.

Why? Because I was looking fly or something. Dude, Caleb, I don't know. He got his stomach surgery and the poops that he was logging his logs because they were coming out as long-ass candy cane question marks. they were coming out as like long ass candy cane question marks and they were so un unbroken chains that it was it was inspiring because i'd forgotten what a turd was too right it's just fucking liquid coming out and like i guess there's ways but he still drinks i don't know there's ways to kind of reclaim the turds in your body i've been having those the long ones oh yeah i've had you can see you my one end is breaking the water line.

And then it's all the way through the tunnel snake. Damn, what's your guys' diets? That's when I'm usually off the beers for a couple days. Yeah? And it's just one long poop. A one long poop sounds incredible. No, mine is not, it's in a shape, but it's still not solid. I'll flush and it'll be like blowing a dandelion.

It just fucking... Scatter! Run! That's poetic. I feel like when I was a little kid, like I used to keep count of how many times in my life I had sat down and poop had hit the water before pee hit the water.

I lost count at five, but like until i was like like 16 years old i was like damn that's only the fourth time that's happened no oh no yeah when you're when you're like before you start drinking it's like you shit normal like you go diarrhea like once every year or so no when you're before you start drinking your turds look like the first google image result for turds yeah yeah it's like the emoji yeah even smile snakes yeah and i remember i would like when i would go diarrhea it would be like a big i'd be like telling my mom like i just had diarrhea yeah dude sometimes my mom would let me stay home from school yeah and now it's it's every day it's every day yeah every day is diarrhea

it's fucking bad, dude. Yeah. I've had a few lately, too. I said this the other night. I was on a stream. I feel like no one agreed with me, but I kind of feel like diarrhea every once in a while kind of feels. Oh, it's amazing. Oh, yeah.

It's amazing. You're like bloated. Afterwards, you feel very good. You feel empty. Yes. It's like that explosive feeling. Do you ever lift your shirt and look at yourself in the mirror? Oh, all the time.

Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Everyone called me crazy. Emptying yourself is just like, that's a nice feeling. Just emptying something out of you, that feels good. Any poop should in theory feel good. Have you ever cancelled a plan, had diarrhea, and be like, I'll join you.

Yeah. Never mind, just had diarrhea. So you're out. You already told me here, I know I'm in. I'm in. What aren't you getting? I just had diarrhea so you're what you're out you already told me here i know i'm in i'm in what what aren't you getting i just had explosive shit no i've like i've definitely done that yeah been like i feel so much better because that's carpe bm it's where your anxiety is in your in your belly that's why I go diarrhea a lot before I go on stage. But this week, none.

No diarrhea? No. So you've cured your anxiety? I don't know. Maybe you did. I think it's just I've been taking it easier on the beers. I think it's a milestone. Yeah. I just haven't been having the need to drink during the week. I was drinking a lot during the week

for a hot minute. Blacking out Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and then going on the road Friday and Saturday and blacking out. She was getting crazy for like a solid month. I'm in that cycle now. It's hard to break because you start realizing going out on the week is so much more fun than the weekend. So you're like, I have work tomorrow, but like who, this doesn't matter. I'm going to black out tonight. I was sick this weekend couldn't go out thursday friday saturday sunday yeah and so now i've just been like well those beers were wasted unless yeah i've been drinking during the week yeah drinking during the week is so much better yeah it's so like i would rather drink during the weekend than just not drink on the weekend so if i hit you up on a wednesday night and i'm

like let's go 100 you'd already be 100 yeah i'd be like yeah i've been waiting for you to text you guys want to go out tomorrow yeah it can't be like a planned thing maresh's birthday oh i'll do that now it's a planned thing or i said it can't be a planned thing you did it usually would be like i'm not going to go out tonight but it would be in a scenario like this where like okay i've had one and a half white claws or high noons and now i'm gonna go out until five in the morning i i still can't stay out late i get sleepy before i get drunk i know it sucks as soon as i get a good buzz if i'll have like i really have to be scientific like if i get a buzz i need to like maintain that. If I go over, night-night.

The older I've gotten, the later I can stay out. Not me, dude. I feel like people are like, dude, I can't even hack it anymore. I feel like the older I'm getting, the more I can just go back-to-back nights or the more I can just stay out all night. The second the night hits a doldrum for me. You're at a bar

and you're like, alright, let's go have a beer at somebody's place before we find out what's next. As soon as like I'm at the place and like I'm just like, no, I'm just going to go home. Because you're always halfway through a good book. You always have a story waiting for you at home, an adventure to go on for your mind. It is so much fun. I know. It's

fucking dope. It is so much fun. I'm jealous as hell. Yeah, I think the reason that I have been drinking as much because I've been playing video games. So it's like filling the itch to be entertained. All of my friends are obsessed with video games, but they drink while doing it. Yeah, my buddies drink when we play and I don't. Because I just don't, I don't, like I'm already having fun. You should start, pussy.

No, I just have like no interest. I'm like, well, I'm carrying the team already. I'm like the last thing I need is for me to be sloppy playing. I've never got drinking like alone at home. Like, I'll have like one beer before I go out. But like,

were you a drinking at home guy? Yeah. Once it starts getting to be like the best method, that's when it's a problem. No, it's fun. Well,

I used to think that too with weed. I'd be like, if I ever smoke weed alone, I have a fucking problem. But now I love to smoke weed alone. So you fucking problem but now i love to smoke weed alone yeah so you do yeah yeah no it just makes it like significantly more fun to like fucking like do

like if i'm trying to watch a movie or if i was playing video games or some shit it's like yeah i'm fucking having a blast on my own oh yeah this isn't like a a tool to use as a crutch for socializing i can't watch movies with people anymore because my attention span's so short i'll be playing like i'll be doing a crossword while movie's happening and i know that would piss somebody off like if you like like oh i have this movie you'll love it oh yeah yeah yeah i'm on my phone so you think that anybody that drinks alone has a problem no i just feel like blacking out. I don't see the fun in it.

You either... I wish I could. You have a problem or you love the taste of alcohol, which I guess some people do. They love beer. I'll like to go out to a bar and sit there alone and get a nice three-course meal and have a couple glass of wine like a cocktail before and like a drink after and i'll walk home with like a decent buzz all completely alone that's that's fine i'm a sports bar alone guy yeah yeah me too the best

was when i first started a barstool and i realized i could just go to the bar it's crazy and i was oh fuck so i was just getting i was having like five moscow mules on like a wednesday yeah that's what sass is talking about taking the train home to my grandma's and having a blast yeah that's awesome you think that's problematic yeah but i don't it was like the first like months few months of that is the best i think having fun on your own is like the healthiest thing that you can do the healthiest thing like a human can do I agree I think knowing how to have fun by yourself is super important

But then when you drink You get to a certain amount of drinks Don't you be like oh I wish I was hanging out with some people right now Fucking FaceTime somebody and give them a hard time Giving a homie a drunk FaceTime is a blast It's dope Yo Heyo

They never want to answer It's dope. Yo! Hey-o. They never want to answer. Yeah, it's annoying as fuck. Yeah, yeah. You're having the time of your life. Getting them is, when you get one and you're sober and alone, you know it's going to be a drunk guy. Yeah, I've ignored those before. Or if a girl FaceTimes me, I know what it is. She's with someone who knows me from Barstool, and that's the worst feeling.

No, dude, I still pick up every time. Just like, oh, she wants to talk. Never has been. I know what it is. She's with someone who knows me from Barstool. And that's the worst feeling. I still pick up every time. Just like, oh, she wants to talk. Never has been. Never has been. I get hit up by people who have a... Do you know Big Cat? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like, nah, I don't. Could you say hi to my... Actually, one of my best friends did that to me. Oh, no. Bo, my buddy Bo. You guys have all met him. I think... I don't know if you've met him or not.

Bo is... Yeah, I've met Bo. I got, like, outrageously mad at him. I was like, dude, what do you do? you guys have all met him i think i don't know if you've met him though is yeah i bet bow i got like outrageously mad at him i was like dude what do you do like he called me and he was like could you say hi to this to one of my friends and i was like dude like you shit on me constantly for working at barstool like i'm not letting you like i'm not gonna be like hey man how's it like to some girl and he was like two in the morning yeah well he's trying to fuck dude i got really mad but you did it didn't you no or i think i did but i half-assed it and then he got mad at me

we haven't talked since then really yeah it was like two years ago now you were probably such a dickhead on that phone i did and then i texted our yeah i texted our group chat and i was like you'll never believe what bo just did is bo in the group chat and I was like, you'll never believe what Bo just did. Is Bo in the group chat? Yeah, because he's like the last person that would do that. You would like over-dramatize that though. Well, we all. That's just your boy like, hey. No, it was a whole thing. Can you just say what's up to my friend who loves you?

No, no, no. Dude, you're the worst. You're taking it out of context. My friend loves you. Can you just please say what's up to him? You won't believe what Bo just did. You're taking it out of context. I love going to the Just please say what's up to him. You won't believe what Bo just did. You're taking it out of context.

I love going to the group chat being overdramatic though. Yeah. Oh, it's great. Yeah, we gossip. We get messy in there. Yeah.

Oh my God. Which group chat are you talking about? It's led by Michael Greer. We got like 10 group chats. Greer leads all of them and I started to realize

I think Greer is like copying and pasting messages from other group chats and sending them to him. I think so too. Yeah. He's hilarious. I can only imagine dude he's he throws out the best texts the best replies and the best like sticker replies yeah he's on top of every single one he's it's a group of 10

people he's no one goes on greer i nobody has ever gone on gre. He's the best group texter of all time. I never know what sticker reply to go with. I'm never, I've never been right. Yeah. Yeah. I've never been correct. Like if I'm the first one to go, I'll go double exclamation point. Everybody else has.

Yeah. I have noticed that you are doing the exclamation point. I'm kind of like, why are you doing it? I don't throw off the vibe a lot with that shit. Yeah. I never know which one to go with. I have noticed that.

And Greer does that sometimes too And I'm like why are you guys Exclamation pointing my comment I never know which to go with So you just want a ha ha or a thumbs up You want the love You want the love, thumbs up, ha ha And that or a stack

I think it's dismissive I think it's affirmative If you send something that you think is going to get laughs And you get a thumbs up I i'll end up actually writing it and i just don't i don't know i just can't be the first person to sticker if you'll have oh wait what were you saying no no no i was just gonna you'll have some like all of some big misses in the group chat and gree will always give me a laugh oh yeah no matter what the group chat's my training ground yeah, you throw in

something there and it's a big miss and then he'll throw the laugh. And you know he's not laughing. Look through the group chat. I'll say a joke that's potentially fucked up and I'll follow it up with something sincere before anybody can respond to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you can choose to ha-ha it if you want, but if not, just respond to the second one. Choose your own adventure. It'll all

ask a question. Dude, I'm currently in a group chat for a bachelor party. I only know the one guy. The group? And they're in the group chat telling jokes, especially on football Sunday. And I one time I took an Adderall just to try to think of the best text and still

it still didn't hit send. Because I was like, nah, this is nah, this isn't funny. Treat it like an old tweet. Dude, bridal party or bachelor party group chats are horrifying i was in two of them recently and it's just like yeah you never have all of the numbers in there there's always some strangers and you never know what the vibe is or what they're for and you gotta tread lightly yeah that's the most pc i've ever been in my life is in a bachelor party group chat. Why?

You should see the bachelor party chats that Rowan's in. Yeah. It's the last thing from PC. And what's crazy is all the- There's a bunch of ex-military dudes. Well, some of them are, but you were in that other one with all like the Philly dudes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Fantasy Football League. And there are pretty PC people outwardly, but like Sasha was in the group for five minutes

and they started sending breastfeeding pictures. And then I said something and they kicked me out dude my dad's in a wait wait i'm sorry what i forget what i said but then they removed me from the chat yeah yeah i think i said like one of them had a shitty carpet or something oh i didn't reply at all and then one of them sent a picture and they're like just redid the floors how do you boys think it looks and i think the first thing i said was looks like shit and then they booted me out dude my dad is in with all of his old college friends he's in a dibs group chat and so they'll just they'll google like hot girl and they'll just send a picture of a hot girl in the group chat and then you'll just see all the dibs and it's like a race whoever can say dibs first and he'll

do it and it would be so funny it'll be like watch this he'll send a hot girl and then it'll just be like 25 texts of dibs and then they like honor it like the guys winning guys like damn you got me but you you're only allowed one dib per like i like that absolutely not okay but i like the idea of only having one dib no my dad will wait on his phone just so he'd get a first dibs and then he'll be like look what i just got he's like i won the dibs but wait but you posted for someone else to get horny for like you can't call dibs on your own girl call dibs on your own but there's a little bit of honor in being the curator of the hot girl oh so okay you're like you because like if i showed you guys a hot girl you're like she's not hot but if i had all you boys jumping on each other like a japanese man trying to get on a train yeah just yeah fucking i'd be like hell yeah i picked a good one yeah damn do you think he's got any

extra spots in that group you want to be added to the i might add you to the dibs group chat right now 100 i need people to get in the deb berg group chat because everybody's been leaving like okay my dad's all his friends are nicknames for what their penis looks like it's very strange oh my god yeah they were all in college what are some examples of their dicks he has one name smelly he has one that's just

it looks smelly yeah there's one that's stick there's one that's just schlong they might be listening to this I think they're barstool fans but yeah that's dope I don't know my dad is and i don't want to know hammer yeah the hammer of god monster yeah thor yeah why is everyone calling you thor all of a sudden they just call me big wide double wide they call me long thick. The Nick maker. Wide load.

Oh, damn. Getting to a point of older man to where you can just do shit like that. That just is almost like a natural of a dibs group chat. My uncle hit me up shit face at six in the morning. Just like talking about like he's like, you think Bill Murray is like the most, like, I don't even know what the fuck he was saying. He was saying something,

something so fucking ridiculous about like, what the fuck? I see a Sam Jackson commercial. He should sell his image in perpetuity. F the Vikings. 6.04am. Going to bed after having some sodas with some friends. I see a

Sam Jackson commercial. He should sell his image into perpetuity. Damn, this fucking rocks, dude. He's having the time. Addicts have the best morning texts because they wake up, get their first hit fresh, and then they start texting you crazy shit. Insane, dude.

It's like, what are you trying to get off to me? But addicts always have something to say. You know what I mean? I love it. I love it. I love addicts. Yeah? Yeah.

I love addicts. That's what addicts need, love. Yeah. Community. You're absolutely right. We can sign off on that. That was beautiful, Ron. Thank you guys for joining us.

It was fun. Thanks for having me on that. That was beautiful, Ron. Thank you guys for joining us. It was fun. Thanks for having me. Thanks. Yeah. Sure, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.