A New Untold Story - Boy Story 3, Part 2 - A New Untold Story: Ep. 351

Episode Date: July 6, 2023

Rone and Sas join the pod for another edition of Boy Story. Part 1 is on Son of a Boy Dad's channels. God bless and happy 4th. Ads: HelloFresh - Go to HelloFresh.com/anus16 and use code ANUS16 for 16 free meals plus free shipping Liquid IV - Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off at LIQUIDIV.COM and use code STORY. Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply).You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. It's a very long way from Maryland. Now you gotta let that whistle blow. You're going to say no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby. It's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? What? No, baby! That's a new untold story.

A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. So if you're just tuning in, which you have to be, it's the beginning of the podcast. I was sass singing the end credits to the Snowden movie. By Peter Gabriel. Peter Gabriel made a Snowden song and it's the worst song but it's so fucking funny

Peter Gabriel who is Peter Gabriel he's playing Sledgehammer I was gonna say like a rock star yeah yes and they had him doing the end credits of the Edward Snowden movie that has to be so insulting to him to just be like hey man we need you to do a song for this movie for the end credits people are shuffling out of the theater.

It was like one of those credits where you kind of want to watch. They start sprinkling some information about Snowden. So I listened to it. I watched it and then I was listening to the credits and I was like, this is fucking insane. Badass song. Let that whistle blow. Sledgehammer rocks. Sing some of Sledgehammer.

No, I'm not going to sing it. Watch Harry Styles do it on Howard Stern. He has a real cute girl drummer, too. Damn, I wish I remembered more of that song. Little cutie pie. Today's episode brought to you. Are these in order? What's the first one say?

Hello, Fresh. Yep. Today's episode is brought to you by Hello, Fresh. We love Hello, Fresh here on the podcast. Do you guys have Hello, Fresh as well on your podcast? Me and Kyle love HelloFresh here on the podcast do you guys have HelloFresh as well on your podcast me and Kyle love HelloFresh this summer HelloFresh is here to take the work out of eating well

I mean just compare the bodies look at Kyle look at Sass one person here is eating HelloFresh that was fucked up damn Nick we have the same body I didn't throw me in we have the exact same body. I didn't throw me in. We have the exact same body, but I'm 30. I got to get on that caramelized onions, Dijonais slaw, the pineapple relish.

I just named just condiments. Dijonais slaw. Slaw. Slaw. I would have ran with that, too. I would have tried that. I would have tried with that too. I would have tried that. You know, it's under the,

I believe it's under the fit and wholesome package. The, the, you know, exactly. You know, damn well, it's under the fit and wholesome.

Yeah. It's under the burger, lettuce wrap, burger tacos. You said every food. It's so good. They had the best. Are they good? They had the best are they good they had the best

letter easy to make i bet too i'm on a hello fresh kick right now hell yes go to hellofresh.com slash anus one six and use code anus 16 for 16 free meals plus free shipping go to hellofresh.com slash anus 16 and use code anus 16 for 16 free meals plus shipping sass i didn't make fun of your i didn't mean to make fun of your body it's a good body intention presenting sponsor or they are you just kind of giving them the spot we get you we get an order to do them in yeah but they're not presenting we present the last presenting sponsor we had was dude wipes i think that's still in our logo for on like spotify and stuff yeah where they were was that chat okay oh yeah that was a weird one. Yeah. You guys were. That was a part of your date. OK. Yeah, that was. Yeah, that was some like sex.

I'm pretty sure they paid in cash. No, they. A Dachat dude would come into the office once a week with a bundle of cash and drop it off at Dave's desk. In a paper bag. Yeah. Yeah. I remember seeing him.

He was a sketchy guy. Yeah. You're not even joking. No. No, we had dude wipes. They're still in the logo because we don't know how to change it on Spotify. And they dropped us after like four episodes. that sucks nah we deserved it no way yeah what'd you guys do uh we weren't it wasn't a good podcast nobody was listening that's not true that's

not true um you guys are one of the biggest up and coming and outgoing podcasts that we have and outgoing yeah dude yeah they're they're trying uh i talked we had a sales meeting and they were just like we're going to try to make you guys a cult classic by canceling you what i'm kidding that was gonna say but like but like i can say dude if we got canceled for a couple months i bet you would be really good for us because they'd be like anus is back yeah that would be fucking legendary on the act failure is off often the best option dude a lot of people wouldn't like freaks and geeks if it had a second season you don't think so no i think people would be like yeah it's i'm tired of this you guys should people a lot of people should look

into intentional failure yeah like what because the bill the you need a reset and the build-up everything will be amazing after something like that. An intentional failure? Well, what is an example of an intentional failure? Like divorce. That's not intentional. You don't get married to get divorced. Think of like the worst situations. People have their best moments after those. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like career

wise, like getting fired. Maresh has had the best two years of his life. After divorce. Yes. He's thriving. Is that true? Yeah. Oh, Maresh is killing the game. Maresh is killing the game. But of his life. After divorce. Yes. He's thriving. Is that true? Yeah. Oh, Maresh is killing the game. Maresh is killing the game. But no, he's divorced?

Yeah. I kind of spoiled Maresh's surprise party. I said it on the yak. Yeah, but I was there. Oh, yeah. Maresh had his big half birthday. A lot more people were there than I expected. I kind of thought it was like we were just going to a bar with Maresh.

It was like 30 people, 40 people 40 people there dude i'm so vain i thought the whole thing was a ploy for like a surprise party for me oh really oh yeah it's your birthday yeah when like today tomorrow tonight really yeah damn nick fuck happy birthday nick thanks man want to come to my show tonight um i kind of want to like do things i want to do it's no i really want to go to your show yeah drinks no oh this is the uh tuesday show yeah it's in a bar about but you're testing out stuff right because i'm hosting tonight so oh okay are you nervous to host no you're going in there cold right so yeah but it's easy i just go up and i go hey how's everybody doing oh my God. I can see you get the comedy set down, but I can't see you doing the host. I go in.

You don't have MC energy at all. I know. And it's tough, but I make it. I make it kind of awkward. What is like your opening like small talk to get the crowd loose? I'm like, is anyone here not from New York? And then someone goes, Pennsylvania. And I'm like, Pennsylvania.

Hey. And everyone starts clapping for Pennsylvania. But they're like laughing as well and then I just go Pennsylvania kills it that's my move I'm going to run that one tonight crowd work comedians

they just kind of repeat what the person says in like a condescending tone yeah your name's Marissa that was funny as hell they do say that it's either like and you you you definitely fuck oh this guy's not fucking it's one of the two say someone fucks or say someone does not fuck okay paul blart yeah just a movie reference that's how like people like comedy for people that have never been to comedy shows now they're like people will comment and be like i'm so scared to go because i know he's gonna roast my ass

and then you go and they don't even look at you her name is melissa y'all this motherfucker just said her name was melissa she works in venture capital what does that even do what do you do all day you're just capitalizing shit all day all right enjoy that oh yeah they crush and then no one ever understands the jobs they're like oh i'm a consultant what the hell are you consulting and the crowd like loses it because everyone's like i'm not a consultant i don't know what the fucking consultants do i was at the stand and this comedian came out and he was just in the middle of the joke and he looks at me and he's like, all right, Seth Rogen. Yeah. And everybody's like, oh. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. I know who it was, but that guy fucking kills. He rocks. Yeah. What, did he kill the hardest? No, Maddie did. Did you, like, you thought Maddie was the funniest, but did he get the biggest laughs? Yes.

His was, yeah. The whole building is shaking. Aaron Berg. Yeah. Aaron Berg. Berg. The whole building is shaking. Aaron Berg? Yeah. Aaron Berg. Berg. Yeah, it's crazy. Since, from the moment he walked on stage, it was like an auctioneer.

Rapid fire. Unbelievable. Yeah, it's insane. Have you ever witnessed an epic own from an audience member? An epic own? No, I don't think so. Like the audience member turns the tables and like owns the comic? No, I don't think so.

Dude, I fantasize about it. Because the comic would probably fantasize about it. I'd get super mad. You chose the wrong guy yeah my wits pretty quick as well you're gonna find a formidable opponent nikki we gotta get you back on the mic i don't i don't think so yeah i'm retired once you get out to chicago i'm retired you're gonna do second city do some improv classes i'm retired hell no i'm retired i don't uh i was just it was a it was a week of nerves and not being able to sleep and liquid poop for a nine and a half minutes of

of doing pure joy no dude of pure murder i don't know why no it wasn't murder takes the stage it was it was great it was incredible was awesome. Whoever followed me was really mad. I've been doing all your jokes, too. Warming them up for you. Thanks, man. How are they doing? Terrible. It's probably in the delivery, then. Because on paper, they're flawless. No, your jokes were very funny.

I guess. No, I just, the thing is, I got sat down by Erica, and she was like you can't be doing the stand up because you need those jokes for everybody else at work here yeah you told the story of the girl or of you told the story

of somebody that works here going into a document and like changing the jokes that you wrote for something that happened yeah one of the biggest crimes that like Google Docs being a thing the jokes that you wrote for something that happened yeah um the one of the biggest uh crimes that like google docs being a thing and they just hop in and it was jokes for a program we did that were going to be on screen and they were just i saw like that person's colored cursor just changing them deleted and a lot of the the verbiage i use i would almost say all of it uh is intentional yeah

and it just yeah it was just changed that infuriated it had nothing to do with me and it infuriated me to no end it made me so angry it's just i mean those are your fucking babies bro because there was this guy getting drafted named uh shit what was it key on white key on white and i was just like this like i made a cocaine joke yes i said like like like i prefer white on key and they just flipped it they were just like it was just the wrong thing did they keep the cocaine joke so it wasn't i don't think they knew it was a cocaine joke and they just changed how it was like set i don't know it was it was wild to see that cursor and then we had a little bit it was almost like i was playing a video game because i was typing the same joke as they were like changing it and it was like it

was a little like force it type in super hard yeah try and get it through it was like a hacking scene in any movie in the early 2000s just like furiously yeah i was trying to get in the fucking mainframe dude did you ever did you ever go on hacker typer yes yeah and you'd pull it up and you'd like you'd like just have it open on your laptop and you'd be like one of my biggest regrets getting into the breaching the mainframe dude my biggest goal in life is to one day say i'm in yeah never will happen i'm in with anything but yeah dude i one of my biggest regrets in life, not even joking, is I've never learned how to type without looking. Really?

Yeah. I can't do it. Damn. QWERTY? I don't know. I'm a pecker, dude. Through and through. Really?

Yeah. I gave up computers for like three years. Yeah. Because you got a bunch of raspberries in your laptop. I'm on doing my phone. And it works. It's better this way. I'm becoming a worse typer on my phone, though.

I'm just bumbling shit, relying so much on autocorrect. Because autocorrect is getting so smart. Just get close to the word. Did you hear that they're removing ducking? Yeah. You're just allowed to say fuck now. I'm sure that'll make the rounds on Twitter. That'll go so viral yeah this is the best feature that apple's ever added no i think somebody's going to go viral by they're going to make a fake tweet conversation talking about actual ducks like a mallard oh and they're going to be like look at that ducking and yeah they're

gonna be like what the fuck at apple yeah and then it's going to go fucking insane it'll be kira kira will post that yeah if it, if it was, like, I would be pouncing on that four years ago. We talked about it on your episode. Some of my old tweets are going re-viral. It's killing me. Someone posted on my Hall of Famer. A random number just texted me,

you gotta get this to Nicky. He's Cora famous. What's Cora famous? You're on the website Cora. Oh, the one where people ask questions? Yeah, your tweet made it's Cora famous? You're on the website Cora. Oh, the one where people ask questions? Yeah, your tweet made it to Cora. Why is my tweet on Cora? Have you guys ever asked a question on Cora? I wasn't asked Jeeves, man.

You didn't sneeze once on your show. I know. And if it continues, it'll be like 10. I'll leave the room. No, no, no. We're going to keep them in. No, please. No, because if we get it canceled, our numbers will be crazy when we come back. Quora was... Keep it up.

It's not going to stop for 10 minutes. They're very soft sneezes, too. Like, none of them have that much, like, force behind them. It's like a soft palm tree. They're oozing out. I'm going to do it again. At least let me get it on snap. These two wolves stop sneezing.

This is just the first... Let's fucking go! He did, like, six... Nick is just the first let's fucking go Nick give us a let's fucking go let's fucking go before this dude Snapchat was perfect for like you could double tap to flip it you actually did it

just like including your face in the very last second I loved doing that I was about to do that yesterday with taylor swift like when she was on my street i was i gotta get a video but i gotta prove it's me so i gotta double tap and show my face yeah she was on your street again yes really i'm starting to think y'all fucking she was at the doctor's office across the street from me. I don't know why she goes there. Dude, is this tough? Does this happen

a lot? He's never done this. That was podcast sabotage. The New York Chicago Civil War has begun. The sneeze heard around the world. I was listening to a jack a jocko willing podcast about sabotage yesterday about how i'm gonna fuck you guys over dude i'm gonna treat

you so nicely like how to do it correctly yeah like he was like listing military ways that they would like sabotage in the ways that you could just do like tiny things they're translatable to real uh kind of it made it seem like it but he was like when would any of you guys have a chance to sabotage and i was like i don't think you know me you will find a way dude no no i think what we i think the smartest move would be like we'll put out our stuff on the same day split our audience 50 50 yeah yeah yeah just divide it all wishbone it's all the same folks so you know they can only listen to one so half will go one way it's like a nice divorce i mean it's what who has two hours in a day to listen yeah except for joe rogan listeners nah sass will probably be out of barstool soon right i hope so dude between us yeah

off the count off record dude but rogan's been getting shorter have you realized that joe rogan episodes he's been getting shorter but it seems like his nipples are getting longer. It's directly correlated. Have you seen his nipples? I've not seen his nipples. Like longer outwards or like this way? They're increasing like a mountain. They're huge. Oh, like two tectonic

plates pushing. Yeah, exactly. Like the turkey's ready. Yeah, they're coming up like a Pacific island. But they're huge. Yeah, he does seem like he's getting smaller newest hawaii island luigi yes i want to be the first to live there i hope you are well they're going to be new forever that that keeps moving and sprouting new islands luigi's probably almost breaking the surface people are buying up islands too like uh nba players keep on buying islands don't blame them like who i think tony snell bought an island and came out as autistic in the same week the nba player that's fucking

that poor guy because the only thing i know about him is the meme yeah this dude made the fucking nba oh is he good he made the nba we always forget that that is so hard to make the nba but yeah i think if somebody yeah he made it to the highest level and there's so few people that make it to that level so he gets clowned so ridiculously hard to make it that far he's good enough but now he's just like being he's like an island owner and a autist and they said that he found out he like put his son in for testing his son came up positive and then he was like maybe i should go check and they were like oh you got it bad you got it bad the son only has 50 percent they just played the usher song you got it you got it bad yeah poor guy or maybe not he actually said that uh it was like the best

thing that happened to him though he's like it contextualized his life so much more and made him like uh feel so much more normal dude somebody needs to tweet the picture of the stat line and just add like the puzzle piece as well it'll save him because now you really can't say shit about the stat line yeah you can. It's ableist. I don't know, dude. I saw you seen that video of the autistic kids playing basketball and they were raining down threes. Oh, they're shooters for sure. There's two different ways they can go with that route.

It's the same same word, but. They're shooters for sure. Yeah, I feel like owning an island would kind of blow though what? dude I feel like it'd be really inconvenient to own an island dude that's like shitty they're like rocky and stuff

you guys are hating so much this guy bought an island well Mr. Beast buys them and like they suck fuck off you guys are hating you're still financing your Frank Ocean necklace would buys them and like they suck. Fuck off. You guys are like, you're still financing your Frank Ocean. It was a gift.

We shouldn't buy property at least. That's how you're supposed to invest. No, when there's the freshwater wars, everybody's going to be wanting to move to Chicago. And I'm going to say no to you. Really? Yes. It's the deepest,

the deepest source of freshwater. Superior. That's true. Lake Superior is, but isn't it on Lake Michigan? I'm just saying we'll be in the, there'll be on one of those lakes. So. That's true. Lake Superior is? But isn't it on Lake Michigan? I'm just saying it will be on one of those lakes. So they'll be run off. It's actually Lake Baikal in Russia.

In the US. I'm just fixing what I'm saying. Where are we about to buy land though? I have an acre in Albuquerque. You done? I am, yeah. Whatbuquerque. You done? I am, yeah. What did you do when you left?

Went into the ac room and I sneezed. I sneezed probably seven more times out there. Because it's 187th of an orgasm every time. So you came. So if you just jerk off to completion, you can kind of cut it off at the bend. Yeah, it's a terrible feeling. No, it's not. Sneezing rocks.

Not when you do it fucking 20 times in a row. I'm looking for new sensations that feel great. Yeah? What about numb? Dude, no. You gotta get ingrown toenails just so you can take them out. I'm looking for shit like that. That relief is incredible.

What's the best feelings that I can get into? I think walking on a marsh. Diarrhea. Okay, marsh. Diarrhea. Okay. Marsh. Diarrhea. I've been shitting like barbacoa the past few days. Really? Drinking one day just fucked me all up.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that'll do it. You know what? Remember I was telling you about how my ear was hurting so bad? Yeah. Dude, I got a water pick and I think there was something stuck in my wisdom tooth. Instantly went away. I bought a syringe for my tonsils and I,

I thought I just felt something. I shot out like 85 tonsil stones. Oh, what's a tonsil? Oh, the stinkiest thing that's ever existed. Yes. It's the thing Ted Cruz accidentally ate.

Everybody thought it was his tooth or something. What are they? How big are they? Sometimes they're like this and sometimes they're smaller, but mine shot out. It looked like the fucking hopper of my tip and 98 custom. Oh, I had a year when I had a ton of tonsil stones and it was the stinkiest fucking it's they reek

i'm surprised how do i think breath no i'm very conscious of like flossing brushing uh mouth washing but i have big inflamed tonsils damn and you gotta get them bacteria gets removed what if it changes my fucking silvery voice? My golden pipes? Whatever fucking metallic you want to apply to it. Yeah, your copper voice. It would be heartbreaking. You can't get rid of those or your gallbladder.

Why? Because what if it changes your silky voice? I'm worried about my sigmoid colon right now. What the fuck is that? I think I have diverticmoid colon right now. The fuck is that? It's like right here. I think I, I think I have diverticulitis. Oh no.

Yeah. Things I don't even know about. Every time I eat something small, my stomach hurts. They get stuck in my colon. What's diverticulitis? It's when small little like fucking flax seed or like. You're getting,

you're getting chronically healthy as well in some areas. No. You're saying, you're saying that you can't eat flax seed now, which is like in everything. I'm hyperconscious. Seed oil. Seed oil. Oh, people hate seed oil.

You got to download the seed oil scout. It tells you where to go. There's so many things. There's guys who hate it. Billy and Spud told us we couldn't eat seed oil. Yeah. They said your body can't process it. Guess who just got ousted as using seed oil.

They use seed oil on their menu? Glenn Quagmire. Just salad? Glenn Quagmire does. And Carbone. Carbone? Oh, a whole restaurant. So Quagmire and Carbone both use seed oil.

Say it ain't so. Quit. He's not real, man. Glenn Quagmire and Madison Beer in a cage fighting match. Tell me that wouldn't do nothing. That would sell tickets. Well, Glenn's how old now? He Beer in a cage fighting match. Tell me that wouldn't do no. That would sell tickets. Well, Glenn's how old now? He's in his 60s.

Yeah. Seed oil. What else do we got? KB, I think if you saw Madison Beer's face just mugshot style, you wouldn't be able to tell if it was big titties or big ass. Yes, you would. I don't think it's either. I think it's a medium of both. Yeah, both medium.

That's fine. What are you looking at me like that? Don't smirk. Don't smirk on beer. I saw Madison Beer when we were in L.A. for the last Super Bowl. I bet she was anticlimactic, underwhelming. No, she was driving in a Range Rover, black.

Oh, shit. She was? Yeah. She's black oh shit she was yeah she's black like a guinness no she was driving in a black range rover oh or a range she was driving black she probably got pulled over damn you guys get real racy on this. The first time I ever experienced racism was driving with my black friend. Really? Yeah. He made me take my hat off as we were driving together.

Because he was like, we're going to get pulled over if you're going to wear a hat. And lo and behold, we did get pulled over later that day. Did you have a hat on? No. But we were both fucking wasted. Really? No, dude. The cop actually let him off easy.

Still arrested them, right? Yeah. Really? No, I've only been in a police car once. By what was it? Skateboarding. And I was wearing a shirt that said skateboarding is not a crime. And lo and behold, crime.

We had the worst like outfits when we got arrested what were you wearing I was wearing the F yourself shirt oh yeah it said

I was wearing skateboarding is not a crime fuck you you fucking fuck do I look like a fucking people person I got arrested

in a if you see the police, warn a brother shirt. Sass got arrested and I paused my game to be here. I got arrested in my Blue Lives Matter jumpsuit. It's impossible to get arrested in that. A bar I go to stayed open during COVID

because they had a Blue Lives Matter flag in the front of the building. It's a smart idea. It in the front of the building. The smart idea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's because they don't. Hmm.

They don't. Yeah, of course they do. I support the fucking police on the pride bus. I was just telling Joey to say stuff because it was pretty wasted. And there were these cops and I whispered in his ear and then he yelled to these cops. He was like, the only thin blue line that matters is a cock vein. Damn. What'd they say?

They were just like, you. That's what they did? They're goofy motherfuckers the goofiest cops are the fucking uh the uh like traffic cops that wear those baggy ass suits they give like a they'll give like a five six girl like a five two foot girl uh a track suit that could fit a fucking 500 pound man the cops parole around the street in this in a 90 degree weather the cops that tell you to cross the streets are always shaped like they should be on osmosis jones oh yeah or it's like three indian dudes in a pack who like uh yeah you know they're they're they're they're fresh they're freshly here they just got here

yeah they're working they're working law enforcement they're like twiddling their thumbs yeah there's always like a girl like a health book cover dude they they land and immediately become cops they land from delhi and it's a precious job they become a cop before they leave the airport and And then on their lunch breaks, they comment misogynistic things on girls' Instagram posts. Tits aren't even that big. The park's cleaning crew, you gotta witness this. What is it? How poorly they clean up.

Are those the vest people? The homeless people are actively cleaning up more than them just from picking up shit to put in their pockets. These people don't, they walk around with like the blower thing and just blow the trash to a different part of the park.

It is unreal. I'm trying to get my steps in and get my parcels and be clean. Yeah. Yeah. And be clean. How's the protocol going?

Oh, sorry, you can do an ad if you want. I'm back, dude, but it's insane. Now, like, I got to, I rearranged my dopamine baseline.

So when I did drink, You can't rearrange a baseline. That's not the nature of a baseline. Detrimental. I saw you the morning after it was a domino effect. And I like, I'm very irritable now. I'm still not back to protocol.

Yeah. But I'm trying. What are we on? Was it a domino effect or was it a Papa John effect? Because you got drunk and said the N word. P for Papa. It's a Papa's part. Do you guys know this?

He says every cat owner knows that song. Oh, I thought it ain't cat owners. I thought every cat owner says the N word. Almost. In the privacy

of their own home. Yeah. Dude, how hot do you think it is in here right now? 90s? It's like 73 degrees. Dude, how hot do you think it is in here right now? 90? It's like 73 degrees. No, there is no air in here.

It is so fucking hot. Rudy, you got rosy cheeks right now. I always do, but it's hot as fuck in here. It is truly hot. And the crazy thing is in the main area, it's a free walker. It's freezing. It's frigid out in here. KB, talking about good sensations, when you leave this room, you'll be mind blown. I'm going to try that later.

It feels like I'm not going to get out of here. I'm going to try that later. KB, you're definitely going to. That's so mean. Yeah, all right. I'm like, imagine you saying that someone in prison being like bro when you leave this place it's gonna blow your mind i might do that in like 30 years oh oh let's talk about good sensations of all the things in life one of the best i mean

factually has to be getting high and doing it wherever you want whenever you want without the paranoia paranoia of some black market sketchy-ass bunk. You don't know what's in it. Dude, in sales meetings, they probably just say our podcasts are the same. Oh, yeah. 100%? What's the best way to do that?

Let me think. Delta 9-0? The Delta 9-0 is the new one. The high-quality cannabis products from the delicious Delta 9 edibles. Do you guys have HTCP in them? Oh, you might not have gotten there yet. Damn, you guys are getting a bigger bag than us. Oh, you're reading the website.

It's got the new HTTP. It's got the WWW. Oh, I know it has a combination of these. There's more. They're introducing a new Kyle Cush. I've tried it it's phenomenal the kyle cush disposable vape vape of course and that's named after kyle bush right and he's actually using that as he's driving did he die no he's still on the circuit one of the top dogs on the leaderboard every time i read read that, I assumed he was dead. Why? Because they were like, we're paying homage to Kyle Cush.

The Kyle Cush vape. Imagine if that's the way they paid homage to a dead guy. Yeah, you died in a tragic car accident. I imagine. We got to get this guy a vape. I didn't know they were paying homage to a vape that it wouldn't even be whack like that.

Potent blend of Delta 8, HHC, THCP, and CBC. vape that it wouldn't even be whack like that one potent blend of delta 8 hhc thcp and cbc oh thcp not hccp and then one they all like make the others shine more it's a great combo dude if you died would you want them to put out a little sass disposable yeah a little hash yeah it's designed to deliver an exhilarating vaping experience that you won't forget it's not just vape it gets you high it makes you feel great so what are you waiting for Disposable? Yeah. A little hash. It's designed to deliver an exhilarating vaping experience that you won't forget. It's not just vaping. It gets you high. It makes you feel great.

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Must be 21. Not too shabby. And we're back. For those who saw the abrupt cut on YouTube, that's because we did a weed ad that can't be shown on YouTube. Weed. Yeah. Love that shit. You motherfuckers gonna miss us like crazy? I am,

honestly. I've been trying to joke my way through it, but it is gonna be fun. I'm just excited to get the sports heads out of here. Yeah, you're right. I'm a fucking fanatic. Finally get to the strictly comedy. It sucks, yeah. I was more sad than I thought when Brandon left.

I was damn near heartbroken. You were sad? Dude, I was actually really sad. And I'm going to see him a lot. Sad about it at all, yeah. I'm not going to see him for fucking months. Why was he sad? He was like crying. Why was he sad? What was he sad about? Because I feel not gonna see him for fucking months he was like crying why was he sad

what was he sad about because I feel like New York was a crazy turning point in his life was he crying he was tearing up he was welling up damn what a pussy yeah that song was phenomenal though I don't New York has brought the first time Brandon's ever been able to support his wife yeah it's true

she troubles with support god damn that sounded so fucked up to say. He's such a, like, no, dude. That sounded so mean. I'm being dead serious. He's obsessed with, like,

the 80s and 90s. In 15 years, he's going to look back on the 20s as, like, the nostalgic time of his life. Definitely.

Not us, though. What's going to be your, like, top nostalgic years? Yeah. Like, when are you going to look back? Is it going to be your top nostalgic years? Yeah. When are you going to look back? Is it going to be now? Probably. When you start it up.

Probably when I'm homeless in five years, I'll be looking back on this moment right now. No, it's going to be when he's right at the cusp of his massive comedy fame. And then after that, once he achieves the massive fame, he'll be looking back at the right at the cusp area. But he's putting that off intentionally. Yeah.

Are you prepped to be a megastar? No. Yeah, no, seriously. No, I'm being dead serious. Just like, I know like, walking down the street with you is insane. I think it's going to happen, but have you ever thought about that?

No. And mentally prepared? I don't really see it getting bigger than it is now. Have you shut up? But you say you're 21. Yeah, but I've been doing it for like eight years. No, you haven't. Not stand up.

You just lied to me on my own. Look behind you. You lied to me on my own. God damn it. Tarnish that. Not stand up. But I've been doing like social media stuff for so long. No one knew what your face looked like.

Yeah, they did. But they didn't see you walking around. Oh, yeah. Have you ever been bored and thought of what you'd call your Netflix special? Yeah. Give me one. It would be called, try to cancel this, motherfuckers. It would be called,

oh, I can one of that with a question mark every netflix special is called triggered right now right yeah you see uh rob schneider's yeah what's it oh i just saw the trailer it's so bad it's so bad what's it called it's something like along the lines dude there are the trailers the trailers are so funny to me because they're all have you guys ever seen the kyle mooney sketch where he's doing like a it's like a sketch the whole sketch is just a promotion for a special that does not exist no and the character is bruce chandling oh yeah okay stand-up guy yeah yeah and it's just like it's like a one minute video and it's just him being like it's like a narrating voice and they're like they're like is it legal to be this funny and then he's like

laser pointers what's the deal with those a trailer for a comedy special is crazy yeah and then he's like uh they're like they're like is he even allowed to say this and then it cuts to him and he's like guess who i had to guess who i got to spend this weekend with my family it's so it's one of my favorite videos but those those trailers crack me up so much this is rob schneider's trailer it's called woke up in america they can't have babies it just has like that show drummer. Oh, yeah. We're going to lose to China. You did a trumpet, right?

You should take a drink before this next show. Okay, I'm serious. He's fucked. That was a trailer. Wait, was there just a random car horn in there? Yeah. Did you guys see the trailer for Roseanne's? Yeah. And it was like, what are are my pronouns i don't give a fuck like those were her pronouns yeah and that was like the climax of the

trailer and then all the comments were like finally real comedy's back she doesn't give a fuck she denied the holocaust today she was like uh that was a while ago oh was it that was a couple weeks ago maybe i just re-saw it today on theo it's going viral right now it was a clip from theo von's podcast would theo have her on yeah but i don't think she actually i think it was like a joke it was theo said it was a yeah taken out of context i respect it if she did deny it it got a community noted really elon came through with the sword and was like, this is parody This isn't real I'll protect you, Roseanne Roseanne got me yelled at by my parents for the first time ever When I was a kid, I learned the word stupid from watching Roseanne

And I said it, big trouble Oh yeah Yeah My sister said crap one time when she dropped something off of the dinner table And my mom made her write a one- page essay about why you shouldn't say it. Jeez. My mom made me write a half page essay once, but in size one font. So it might as well have been eight pages.

Jesus Christ. No, I'm just kidding. That was the twisted shit she did. She was like, you only have to write a half page essay. And then she dropped the second shoe. Single space. You know what was the greatest feeling when you realized that you could custom enter in the size for holy shit it was you were like i could do 73 i thought it was just i thought it was just

10 12 writing submitting essays in like college thinking i was outsmarting these phds because i was making just my spaces a font size larger then you looked at the paper and it looked like a fucking optometrist eye chart they'll never catch me tightening the margins up they'll never catch me writing about this fucking salvador dali also like they know the word count per page yeah and you're like why is your word count half of what it's supposed to be yeah and you're like why is your word count half of what it's supposed to be it's i did i ever tell the story about how i did i ever tell on the podcast how i shouldn't have graduated college i've heard this i don't know though have i ever said it on the podcast tell it to the boys i don't know i'll say it quickly um my final class was web design and

we were all assigned a real client to design a website for. And I had this doctor that was in Morgantown. And it was like you had to do a 15-page website. So multiple, like, you know, make an appointment, this, that, about the staff, everything. Website. And I was a fuck. You were such a fuck. I was such a fuck. I was too focused on, like, railing pussy.

Yeah. I was laser focused on that. Taking Adderall to focus on i gotta really focus up tonight there's 10 milligrams of vivance i was so focused on that um never got it but um i, it was time to like present the final class. It was time to present to everybody's clients, quote unquote. And I had the doctor come in and I only had four pages of the website done. And I was showing them, scrolling, showing that it was a responsive website, you know, mobile first design. And he was like, all right, that's good. Let's like, let's go to the

about page. And i didn't have that done and so i was about to click on it and this kid stood up and screamed in class and fell and started having a seizure guess who was a doctor my guy he was taking care of him and he took him to the hospital i passed the class yeah damnse. Unbelievable. That dude died. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, no, no, no. No, he didn't die, but I have not thanked him. I don't even, I know his first name was Brandon.

That's it. God, we got to find him. Yeah, it was an Adderall overdose he had. It caused him to have a seizure. How much Adderall do you have to take to overdose? Goodness gracious, I don't know. KB? I've done maybe 60 milligrams. You done 60 mg's in today yeah that's

not bad for i feel like 80s 80s fine i feel like 160 is fine it wasn't i think he he was a small boy oh that's like that's like um mark twain dying on haley's Comet. What? He died during a Halley's Comet. Wow. You wrecked it wild of that. What about this? He was also born. Oh, no. 88 years?

They only come every 70-some years. 70-some? His birthday and his death day. What the fuck? What the fuck? That's crazy. Keep that.

Keep that fact. I'm keeping that. Can I give it out or should I just keep it? I would keep that. Rowan, tweet that right now. Hold on to that one. That's a good tweet. That's a good tweet.

With the algorithm now, that would explode. It's like that Census Fail album, The Irony of Dying on Your Birthday. Damn. Damn. Imagine. I love that album. I'm stuck in a coma. Sing that shit. That was a bonus track on Guitar Hero.

Guitar Hero was the best. My heroin addict neighbor. My heroin addict neighbor. Yeah, they were great At Guitar Hero She was the unreal And she would come over And she would babysit us

While she was on heroin Oh yeah And she would play guitar here She would bring over Her Playstation 1 Maybe Probably 2 Probably 1

Guitar Hero was on 2 Then it had to have been 2 But it was the old 2 It was the boxy 2 The big boxy 2 Not the thin 2 It's crazy I don't think Has a console ever been as thin as the PlayStation two was.

I just bought a PlayStation two thin because I'm coping with nostalgia. I'm trying to find a better time and I've been playing it every night and I've had a migraine since I've been playing it because it looks so bad. And I've been like getting so motion sickness from I'm getting so motion sick from Kingdom Hearts. I will play for 10 minutes go down to the bodega I live above buy a can of ginger ale go back up play maybe puke go buy another ginger ale and then play it's what are you playing Kingdom Hearts I'm playing Kingdom Hearts I'm playing God of War 2 I'm playing Tony Hawk's Underground and NBA Street Volume 2 Singstar Singstar 2 is a good game.

A lot of the fray. The first time I ever hustled somebody was over Guitar Hero. Really? Yeah, I went to this guy, Jack Wyshire's house. You remember Jack? Yeah, his dad had the craziest like, I think, index finger. Yeah, he would poke you really hard. He had a hard index finger. He was really calloused for some... Oh, because he was a glassblower. That was it.

Yeah. West Virginia has like the... It supplies all the marbles for the United States. Really? And that's how you blow glass? Yeah. But anyways. You make marbles out of blowing glass. He had just gotten Guitar Hero, and I was like, I don't know, man.

I've never played. And he was like, well, play me then. And we selected the song My Name is Jonas by Weezer. And I had that song memorized. And I turned around and looked at him him and I played it in his face. You bastard. You bastard. He's a good sport though.

He's a good ass sport. His dad wasn't there to poke me. I was so afraid of his dad's finger in the dugout. Oh yeah. I hated that. You never want to get poked by a glass blower. They just have strong ass fingers? They're always just hard.

But if you're ever out, you know, riding your can-am side by side, you always want a Boilermaker with you. That's what they say. What? Boilermakers are jacks of all trades. If your shit breaks down, anything, Boilermaker will fix it. Really? Yeah. And if you say you're a Boilermaker, if you have a Boilermaker in your crew, you're pretty

much God. That's good to know. Yeah. Keep that in mind. Should I hold on to that one? I can't hold on to that. You guys have any cool podcast recommendations? Oh, shit.

We forgot. I forgot to find mine. Oh, yeah. So we tasked you boys right before we started recording with finding the most niche podcast. A podcast that you think only has like 28 listeners do you want to play mine yeah yeah what is it i actually got mine i forgot i found one mine's called the symposium okay and i want everybody to check out the symposium good ass theme song too Rivals Hours

and now the symposium yeah yeah this is good and now episode seven of the symposium

that was it podcast it's a hacky sack podcast they talk about hacky sacking. Yeah. How you doing, Red? Good. How you doing, Ken?

So BAP in 97 started playing in 1897. Yeah. Yeah. It's been some time now, man. It's been a fun time. I've enjoyed it. How many episodes are this? Way more than you'd think.

More than three? This is episode seven with Red the Shred Husted. That's a triple rhyming name, by the way. I learned pretty fast. Yeah, you learned fast. Yeah, I recommend the symposium. Give it a five star. I will, wherever they are located, if they want me to come on the show, I'll do it. Are. Give it a five star. I will, wherever they are located,

if they want me to come on the show, I'll do it. Are they doing it still? Is that active? Yes. No way. What is their most recent?

I don't know if it's active. All right. I got a good one. You have a good one? Yeah. But I don't want to go next. So these guys, this episode is with

Red the Shred, episode seven. Red and I argue over BAP 97 versus 02, the biggest competition upsets, the first true quad decks, and the Boise player, if Boise hacky sack players

are the best. But they call it footbag. Football. Footbag. In Boise. Is it Boise? Boise. Yeah, you guys both went.

Yeah, me and Sasquatch were out in Boise. Okay. You two have traveled together. Yeah, you guys both went. Yeah, me and Sas were out in Boise. Okay. You two have traveled together. We have traveled together. Who do you think's been to the worst places? You guys go to the hell. You guys go to the worst places on purpose. We've never had fun.

Yeah, it's terrible. We go to shitty places. Boise was crazy. Good shitty places. Like, Boise is good shitty. I don't think I've ever been to Boise. Boise is good. No?

I thought you went with Rome. No, I don't think so. No, you didn't go with you. Where was the lettuce? That was Indianapolis. You guys went to Kansas City. Where was the milk? That was in Georgia. What was that school? Kennesaw.

Very religious. Extremely religious school. Actually, the competition was in the parking lot of a church milk is dying which sucks it's usually whole milk comes with your lattes oh yeah the fucking when i was cat sitting your cat um yeah well i heard you didn't even touch her i'm allergic um you act like you having a ball with her uh yeah but i the coffee shop across the street from you the default milk is almond now. Really? Yeah, we're

in the end times, dude. But isn't there at least fiber in almond milk? That's like one benefit. I just, it'll give you titties. Almond will? Probably. They say that about Edamame too. It is the hottest room in the world right now. This is so human. Should we just open a door? No one's walking straight that we've recorded.

My podcast name is it's called Fat Girl on a Bicycle. Fat Girl on a Bicycle, a lightweight podcast by a heavyweight cyclist. What does a lightweight podcast mean? The episodes are only four to five minutes. She's so fucking lazy. Four to five minutes? Yeah, four to five minutes. She's so fucking lazy. Four to five minutes? Yeah, four to five minutes. She's just lazy.

That's not a lightweight podcast. You're just lazy. So things aren't going that great. Is this episode one? I've been out since eight. It's 11.30 now, so that's three and a half hours. She sounds fat as hell. I hear the jowls.

About 30 miles. So it's really, really slow going. Wait, they stole the symposium theme song. Fuck. My last big stupid idea of 2015. Faced with a slightly featureless Christmas break, I got the idea into my head that I would ride back to my parents' home. That's about 250 miles.

What the fuck? I've ridden that far before several times. Yeah, she's British. She shouldn't be saying that. That's about 250 miles. What the fuck? I've ridden that far before several times. Yeah, she's British. She shouldn't be saying that. She's living here. She rides around and she gets it, though.

This was 2015 it started and it lasted only four episodes, sadly, that were three minutes, five minutes, three minutes, and 14 minutes. Oh!

14, she must have been like, goodbye. She got burnt out. She had a lot to three minutes and 14 minutes. 14? She must have been like goodbye. She got burnt out. She had a lot to talk about after 14 minutes. Three reviews ever. A five star, a four star, and a one star. What's the one star? How do you guys see the reviews? Ratings and reviews. I don't even think I can get to...

I don't even think I can access these. Yeah, mine has no reviews. But I just added another five star to the mix. That's good. Give me five stars. Fat girl on a bicycle. Maybe it's time for fat girl on a bicycle to come back. Self-aware, trying to better herself.

I'm all about it. Ripping 250 miles back to her parents' home is good. And the stories are just like about other people who rip long ass bicycle rides. So she's an enthusiast of the culture she loves the culture she gives credit to the musicians it's like someone's talking about a fat person who cycled across the sahara what just it is moist in here right now it's getting hot i feel like i'm it feels like there is like i could grab the air i could make like a snowball all right mine is a circus podcast this podcast is a protest against the ringling bros and barnum and bailey's circuses

monsters there's only one episode and it's nine minutes long i bet you the average podcast is one episode it's like it's like an nfl career like the average nfl career it's it it's very accessible but least rewarding thing in the world. You throw it up on YouTube and you see no views after 76 hours. That's got to kill a man. We've had some YouTube shorts that I saw where numbers should be. There were words. It was bad.

YouTube shorts. You'll have one randomly that just gets 36 views. Yeah. Oh, it 36 views. Yeah. Oh, it is tough. Yeah. And I think they come with 20 automatically. Yeah. All right.

Signing your name gets you views. No, we had one posted that was no views. Welcome to my podcast. Today, I'll be talking about the protest against the Ringling Bros and the Barnum and Bailey Circus. Oh, this is like a school project. Yeah, it's a school project. Alright, Taz, what are you going to give them? Five stars? Five stars.

I interviewed Lafayette and Diane Prescott. It's more prep than we've ever done for a show. She interviewed two people. She protested against many circuses, including the Ringling Bros and the Barnum and Bailey Circuses. She wrote 16 minutes of text, which is probably like...

It's a lot of work. We did that for our first 20 episodes. You guys are grinding. I just found one. We got Thoughts with Farley podcast. Here are the episode titles. Underwear. That's the first episode. Wait a episode wait what did you search to find this

i searched pogo stick uh second episode is miniature schnauzer third is pogo stick there it is and we got um some history of venice california and then Rubik's Cube story. 11 minutes. I want to hear it. I got to hear the Rubik's Cube story. I got to hear Pogo's story. Donut history. And then just I am dyslexic, period.

That's his episode. I am dyslexic. Let's give that one a whirl. It's going to start with the outro. That's all the same. It sounds like a Charlie Brown. Oh, yeah. Okay, here we are.

Welcome to Thoughts with Farley. I will be talking about dyslexia today. Something that I know a lot about because I'm dyslexic yeah yeah go go to history of donuts yeah or what was the 11 minute one you wanted run the origin around the war yeah there's like a pyramid of donuts that's a good ass pod what's like the logo ratings what's the logo of it it just says text thoughts with farley podcast farley burge yeah i thought farley was a last name i i would have guaranteed god damn that was good bless us bless us rudy what do you got what do you got do you have a it was a last name. I would have guaranteed.

Goddamn, that was good. Rudy, bless us. Bless us, Rudy. What do you got? What do you got? Do you have a pod, Rudy? Yeah, I found one when we were going to do it a couple weeks ago.

I haven't listened to it, so I have no idea what it is, but it's about Kendama. Oh, I love Kendama. Wait, the ball game? Yeah. That game? There's a podcast about that?

Yeah, well, you can do it. The beach? That's the only place I've ever seen it. What? I would say? Yeah. Well, you can do it. The beach? That's the only place I've ever seen it. What? I would say that's the last place I would bring a condom. I would never bring a condom. Are you talking about the game like Pro Kadama? What?

That's what I've always called it. It's K-A-D-A-M-A. No. No, that's like ping pong, right? Okay, what is it? It's the Atom 22. Oh. Oh, okay. What is that? It's the Adam 22. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Do you hate it? No, I was just thinking of something completely different. Yeah, no. So Kendama is a little, it looks like a cross with a spike on the top. Yeah. And you do like crazy tricks. This one, this was from yesterday. Kendama will never be the same.

Part two. Wait, from yesterday? Yeah. never be the same part two wait from yesterday yeah part two how many reviews does this have 25 okay so maybe this isn't niche um wait be absolutely certain this isn't a barstool podcast okay let me double check nope

uh yeah but it's they're pretty active throwing ropes would be the name yeah yeah Yeah, but they're pretty active. Throwing ropes would be the name. Yeah, this is a good pod idea, but it doesn't have a name like it's fucking. It goes Jaron to euphemism. Dude, the intro music is kind of sick. No, we're just not getting to day two. Listen to this build.

Pretty good. Yeah. And if any of you guys are members of these, we will come on any of these podcasts. Oh, yeah. I have a kendama. No, we're just not getting today, too. Good quality.

Yeah, so. Better than ours. We're talking about the night. And so. Oh. Yeah. I don't play games with Ken. This is where I shared my meat with everyone. It was really great.

But also, dude, I have to give a shout out to Jazzy. Jazzy Carter, my other teammate who was there. Teammate? Who's part of the Sweet Tooth. I would have guessed that was the most single player game. Yeah, I know, right? All right, so the other one i had was a universal resorts exclusive podcast and then i started looking into it i was like it's actually because it's pretty good

my every podcast has better audio than ours yeah we were talking about that earlier how there'll be like a dude in like a basement with one shit microphone well we tried to armageddon our podcast instead of getting astronauts to learn how to oil drill we got oil drillers to learn how to ask oh yeah we got we're like let's get a funny guy and teach them how to produce yeah rather than a producer and teach them how to be funny mook you gotta explain you're gonna explain for yourself i know nothing about sound no it's worked out people the people love mook thank you yeah you should hear when they bring them out on my shows yeah i have to turn to the No, it's worked out. People love Mook. Thank you.

Yeah, you should hear when they bring him out on my shows. Yeah? And I have to turn to the feature and be like, they're not booing him. Oh, they say Mook? Wait, no. Yeah, you're getting Mook slapped? I'm getting Mooked hard. They're not booing.

I'm like, they're saying his name. But it's funny because more than 75% of the audience has no idea what everyone else is saying. So I just come out to booze. People think you're getting booed. Everyone thinks he's getting booed. If that happened around me, I would just start booing the dude too. It takes one person to start, to end a career. It's like when you like run away, everyone will join you.

What? It's like old Asian pranks. If like two people started running in public like people will follow oh yeah i thought you might like run away from home did you guys ever try to run away yeah oh yeah we just go to the woods i packed up a suitcase i went to my neighbor's house it was like one of my buddies growing up and i just went over to his house why did you want to run away i got like an argument with my parents at like a family dinner.

I was probably like six and I just went upstairs and I packed my shit and I dipped. I'm out. And my parents watched me leave and they're like, where are you going? And I was like, I'm leaving. What if like you did that and did way better? Oh, yeah. I was just gone forever. He never found me.

You just succeeded. Yeah, I did fine. It was really easy. Yeah. I mean, they saw which direction I was just gone forever. He never found me. You just succeeded. Yeah, I did fine. It was really easy. Yeah. I mean, they saw which direction I was going. And there's like, there's only one place he's going. Neighbors. Yeah.

Yeah, I planned mine. I like plan all my parents. I'm going to go like there was a huge bush in a park that was near me. And that's where you're going to live. I was like, I want to live in that bush. It was a huge fucking bush. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was one of those. And that's where you're going to live? I was like, I want to live in that bush. It was a huge fucking bush. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

It was one of those. I know exactly what you're talking about. Don't even ask. Don't act like you know the bush. You've been in the bush. I don't know the bush, but I know what you mean. I used to go in bushes and you could just like be in a bush when you were young. I don't know what you're talking about.

When you were small, dude, you could just lay in a bush. It was like a fort. You guys would just chill in bushes. Yeah. In bushes. Yes. There were luxurious bushes. Like you go inside and it was like a four you guys have just chilled in bushes in bushes yes but I got there were there were luxurious bushes like

you go inside and it was spacious the bush referring to like no no a bush you guys have been in bushes yes

the neighbor's house that I ran away to he had a hill and we would play in the hill and it was all massive bushes but you would go

under the bushes and it was like it was like you felt like you were in fucking Vietnam tunnels in the bush like you were in the Vietnam war and they're fucking tunnels yeah and I was like it was like you felt like you were in fucking vietnam tunnels in the bush you were in the vietnam war and they don't know anything about tunnels yeah yeah and

i was like this is the place i'm going my parents were like this is dumb so i was telling about it so it's not really running away i was more going on like a walkabout yeah and then i got there and i realized it was like completely occupied because i saw someone else just another kid. Parents, huh? There was evidence of other people being there and there was tons of foxes. Oh, shit. So the whole tunnel system was all because of foxes. Then I went home. I practiced.

I brought a roller suitcase, too. Yeah. Yeah, it was bad. That's how you know it's serious. Yeah. What triggered your running away? Because I thought it was cool. Yeah. Running running away? Because I thought it was cool. Yeah.

Running away was cool. I thought it was like a rite of passage. That's why I told my parents, like, I'm doing the thing. Who was, like, inspiring us, though? Who was doing it successfully? I don't know. Huck Finn? Yeah.

Yeah. Twain. Kaylee's comma dying. And Bourne. It's probably Home Alone. People were watching Home Alone. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

We thought we could be like self-sufficient. Yeah. And just like full adults. Yeah. Nah. Nope. What are you doing in this bush? Don't worry about it.

What's it look like? I'm hanging out. It's like when you go to a department store and you go into the middle of one. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Dude, that was paradise. We talked about it on the podcast right before this. The Circle Clothes Rack at Macy's might as well have been a five-star resort.

You went right there and you got right in the middle of it. You hid in the shirts. There's other kids in there, too? Sometimes there was three kids in there. Dude, yeah. And then I remember I was going in those way too old. I emerged once. I was in a JCPenney. And I emerged once from the shirts and there was a girl I had a crush on.

She was a freshman in high school. I was in seventh grade. And she saw me and said, what are you doing? And I was like, and I just went back in. I just went back in. Dude, that and also when you go to a Walmart and you'd pull the toilet paper or the paper towels off and you could sneak behind them. You know what I'm talking about?

Oh, yes. I would do it at Sam's Club. I would go behind the big mega packs of Gatorade. And just lay down. And dude, there was a colony of children there. Dude, that was like I love the idea of you being like an adult just fucking wetting your head in between shirts no so i wasn't an adult

but i had armpit hair when i was oh dude it's way too old yeah and i was probably hung over from like drinking and i was like i just need to get in between the shirts i fell in love for the first time in one of those shut up yeah in target i In Target. I was in a Target and I was making my way through the ladies section because I had so many sisters and- Dude, going to the bra section was horrible. I would just go and squeeze them. The bra? Squeeze the fabric.

Yeah. The padding. The padding. But there was a- They kind of feel like titty. Yeah. There was a girl- It was a poster.

Yeah. There was a poster, like a life-size poster of a girl my age when i was a child oh yeah and i just kept on going back and staring at the poster and then i eventually probably rock hard little boy i fell in love with a britney spears gut milk poster yeah yeah and i kept on trying to put it up to the window so the sunlight would show her nipples through the shirt i was like holding that up to the phone and trying i was holding it up to the window and trying to like jerk off and i never saw nipple i just saw the ad on the other side of the poster yeah i was way too old to be doing everything still am uh give me a segue for liquid iv i'm dehydrated because of how much we're fucking sweating in here yeah well luckily we can

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and that's your treasure. That's what I was. Yeah. No. I'm pouring lemon on Brittany. I convinced myself. I saw, I convinced myself.

I saw the nipples. And then I... Sometimes that's better than actually seeing them. Beating off to like the Lando Lakes girl, you would like cut the Lando Lakes butter and you'd fold her knees up to make titties. Yeah. Very common.

No, you didn't. Very common. I talked to Aunt Jemima a bunch of times. With Aunt Jemima. No, I didn't. I'm shocked at how hot it is in here. It's gotten hotter it is horrible we open the door i will that help yes fuck up the camera though oh fuck god damn it might be worth

it dude this is perfect for the fourth of july episode because everybody's gonna be you can experience this podcast in 3d by sitting outside that That's a polar vortex. Do you guys want to go get the sensation and come back and describe it? No, I'm good. Let's just bank. Let's finish that. We have one more ad. Quad ads.

We only had two. I don't know if we've ever had four before. No, this is. We had five on our episode yesterday. For real? Whatever. The distribution is odd. It is.

Five is too many. Way many way too it's mostly ad so an hour podcast five ads the ad has to be what a 90 seconds yeah yeah yeah it's mixed in with the youtube ads christ unlistenable unlistenable they're all barstool ads though dude the ads for our shows are like if barstool was like though. Dude, the ads for our shows are like if Barstool was a car dealership and the people were selling cars, the commission they get from an ad for our show is like if they sold

a tire. Dude, it's so disheartening when you're just like, yeah, thanks to the Barstool store. Oh, that was the worst. And then you have to read that with a smile on your face. And they don't even give us a promo. No, no.

We're just raising awareness that I'm sure they know about the Barstool store. Yeah. The commission hat. There's like no incentive for them to sell us. They're getting like. It's like the Wolf of Wall Street scene. And he sells. He's like, I got boy dad.

We got him five Barstool store ads. Yeah. They're making ten five Barstool store ads. Yeah. They're making $10 commission on it from themselves. It's terrible. They can't get in. What was that chart you had up earlier, Rudy? Damn. You actually, you're plugged in.

I was, I literally just thought of that and you said it. That was crazy. Nick, I had something I wanted to ask you about. I was patrolling reddit and i came across something and you were the first person i thought of and then i most pornified um the most pornified uh cartoons i got a graph for that is that what it is yep yeah i just i had it saved in my phone dude did you think of me as well um yeah i was gonna quiz you because i didn't i'm a non-knower of the top 10 and i had people people DMing me and be like, you got to show Nick.

And I was DMing them back and be like, dude, this is crazy. I literally had this. I came across it. You don't know any of the top 10. So the first one, I've never heard of this person. This is the most pornified fictional character. Oh, mine's – I have a different one. Yours is franchises.

I have franchises. Oh. So they must have done a double study, came out, dropped a double album. It's the deluxe. Yeah. Well, you go first, KB. I want to hear it. I've never heard of her.

Can you guess? No. It's Tifa Lockhart. No. Don't know who Tifa Lockhart is. She's number one. Do you see the guy that's playing Superman now? His last name's Corn Sweat.

The hell? He's British? You can't have a guy named corn sweat playing superman yeah that's terrible is it or is he a native american no that'd be first and last do native american superman please the kryptonite is killing me in daytime they know me as clark kent in nighttime i'm in the lowest lane native american superman would play yeah maybe they should have there's no native american superheroes who is so

who is she she looks like a fucking uh is it a is a video game character or anima it's uh final fantasy uh tifa lockhart yeah oh i've seen her porn that's just like a real porn yeah i've only seen i saw ryan madison fucker yeah i've only seen her on ads i i had a thought he's i remember i have like a imprinted memory in my brain of him because i couldn't stop dying laughing as a kid because he's the dude backwards hat he is he is the the wackest dude because you got to take the hat off to take your shirt off you would put it back on and you have like plaid shorts down to his ankles dude dude's fucked if your dude has plaid shorts yeah he's going to fuck you there's never been

there's never been a cool male porn star yeah right but there's never been a small cock behind plaid shorts that's true the most almighty cock behind the long plaid shorts. And he's fucking everyone. Like the mom is falling for him. Oh my god. Like a plaid hat. And one of the like survivor bracelets.

He has a Livestrong bracelet. And a Vote for Pedro shirt. And it's somehow new. Oh, do you want to go? Do you want to go? Dude, imagine finding a pair of plaid shorts in your girlfriend's laundry. You just got to go home.

His curtains. Yeah, that's what she's looking like afterwards, dude. Do you want to go franchise then again? Yeah, let's go franchise because I don't think we're no individual people. Do you want to guess franchise then again yeah let's go franchise because i don't think we're no individual people do you want to guess franchise pokemon yeah yeah oh really weird to me by a staggering margin i was gonna guess like the incredibles that's on there i bet who's getting fucked in pokemon probably probably um portray that probably Probably Jesse. Team Rocket. Probably some Pokemon. It looks like that... That is a

hell of a drop off after Pokemon. I can't read the next. What's next? Splatoon? It's My Little Pony. Understandable. Yeah, I'm fine with that. I thought it was going to be like The Little Mermaid. Yeah, that was going to be something weirder. Yeah.

Based on the ads, it'd be like Family Guy. Yeah, Family Guy's a big one. Yeah. And I don't blame them. One bit. Yeah. Fortnite's a big one. No, I was kidding.

My Little Pony, that's just ponies, right? Yeah. That's super weird, yeah. But there's bronies. But I've known about bronies. I didn't know they were that large. I thought they were a dying breed. Yeah.

What's third? Third is Tohu Project, which I've never heard of. What is the title of this? The most pornified. The hundred most pornified media franchises. Number of explicit posts on Rule 34 and Senkaku Channel. I don't know what Senkaku is. I think it must be this like a different type of porn.

And then this shocked me. Luke just sent us Kirby's cock and balls. But then following to who project is Naruto. Yeah. The next one, Naruto, I can see because it's huge, obviously. But then the next one I did not expect, which is Sonic the Hedgehog. No, that is so obvious. Why why you think that should be higher sonic is like uh he's like pete davidson of the animated world like he's like he's very skinny very small i thought sonic was a girl

what no i'm thinking of zelda sonic fuck sonic definitely sonic is sonic people love drawing sonic fucking yes but people also love sonic smelly feet is the best thing yes i've seen that Sonic definitely has a hammer. Sonic, people love drawing Sonic fucking. People also love Sonic's smelly feet. Yes, I've seen that as well. Him popping off those rocket shoes. Does this align with what you would have guessed? Yes. Sonic, I would have guessed, would have been higher. Reed, I know your brother has drawn

Sonic fucking. I know he's penned that shit. I think he has. Dude, there's one Sonic he's my my favorite sonic uh porn fan fiction is he was a toilet in one of them it was a sonic toilet there's like an art style that like turning your favorite characters into toilets that's what do you mean they love his smelly feet they love like the green swirls like the flies around the top of the green swirls god damn why because he's running a lot yeah he's got sweaty feet they'd reek yeah uh but yeah the rest of them aren't that surprising i

want to know but i want to know it's almost just a list of the most popular franchises right yeah kyle bang out that last ad and then we can talk for like three minutes right the hell out of here yeah i gotta skadoodle you You guys got to get tickets. You guys got to get out and do things. Spend your money on experiences and events created by fans for fans. GameTime is the ticketing app that makes it easier than ever to score last minute deals

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It's John Cornswift. Thank you for doing this. Thank you guys for having me. Happy 4th of July, man. Happy 4th of July. Take care, guys. All right. 4th of July, my grandfather's birthday. The first time I ever got the Heimlich Maneuver was on the 4th of July. Take care, guys. All right. 4th of July, my grandfather's birthday.

The first time I ever got the Heimlich maneuver was on the 4th of July. You've had to have that done. I had the Heimlich maneuver twice. My mom and dad both did it. That is terrifying. First was my dad. It was from a cantaloupe ball on the 4th of July at my grandfather's birthday. Cantaloupe balls have existed for that long?

That's some whack shit. The Heimlich? I was a child. I was a little, little child. Choked on a cantaloupe ball. That is a sweet treat. You don't like cantaloupe. Cantaloupe is probably on my Rushmore of fruits. That's the add-in fruit.

That's the filler fruit. No, honeydew is the add-in fruit. Honeydew sucks. Pineapple is up there, though. No, I hate it. it makes my tongue itch I can't eat pineapple anymore I think I associate it too much with all the Chasers I've done for liquor

I don't know With your tasty tasty cum probably From how much you've been having it Your delicious tasting cum Maybe Maybe Probably pretty good now that I'm like healthy

a cantaloupe ball with some like disgusting for years you're calm probably you probably should taste it just to

kind of like no it would it's only fair it should be yeah you should that's crossed my mind yeah I won't ever do it

like a quality yeah because you wouldn't be able to get it out of your head no I think I'd get obsessed with improving it. I'd be experimenting. Working on the craft. I'd be wearing like a cropped lab coat with like my cock out.

Putting it into like those centrifuges. Yeah, I'd get an assistant. Perfect batch. Get over here. Needs more cinnamon. What does this taste like to you? I'd get an assistant. Perfect batch. Get over here. Yeah. Needs more cinnamon. What does this taste like to you? Oh, God.

Trying to get it to be like a toaster strudel icing. Never will. Yeah. Would you rather it be really. Still taste like cum. Would you rather be real thick or if it really leapt off the page you had a long distance 3d yeah uh the real thick would be kind of funny yeah too thick too thick i'd want i would want for a show of force even if it had no like you know what i mean like i would want it to be like squirt gun yeah exactly. I would want it to really shock you.

Make you wince. That's what I would like. I hate cum. I don't know. Why would you like cum? But I extra hate it. Really? When I first saw that I had some, I stopped completely jacking off for two years.

So the first time you jerked off and then the second time you jerked off were two years apart? It wasn't the first time you jerked off and then the second time you jerked off were two years apart it wasn't the first time i jerked off i was i mean no i got the first time you came and the second time you came two years apart i can't have this i i'm so disgusted by it like a phobia honestly that's i could bet that seems honestly it's spraying out of your dick to smell the consistency yeah that's obviously very but you think that that's something you would like develop not like you would get it the first time and you'd harbor

it and your taste never changed. You never came accustomed to it. Yeah, I don't know. I'm fine. I'm getting better, I guess. Getting better at cum. I'm tolerating it more. Yeah, I can see you looking at your girl's lower back like this, like you're watching

The Grudge. You're doing exposure therapy. That's a curse. Orgasm is the best feeling to man. And I couldn't enjoy it. It was so gross by cum. It is a curse. It's like hair pills that make you not lose your hair and make your dick soft.

Cum freaking sucks. That's a curse brother that's just not right I hate that you over it now or it's like fine I'm so grossed I think it's just a massive nuisance even if you just go wipe it there's still a

film yeah like the top of pudding you know it wants to live sometimes that's people's favorite part of the pudding like the hard boiled egg at 7-eleven that's just bathing in water that's the worst like the top of a Greek yogurt who is sad enough to open up the big jar of hard-boiled eggs to like tong one out it's crazy and they like almost like make a sport out of making them as unappetizing as possible yeah why does that have to be in plastic like wrap it in like an easter egg or something anything who's pumping gas just like i'm craving a fucking egg tommy smokes yeah i actually he has like seven hard boiled eggs a day yeah he's looking like he's

turning into one yeah yeah i wish that were true like with superheroes like you know you just like get bit by a spider i wish wish life was very linear like that. You just end up fucking dying. Smokes' desirability is kind of getting too much. Yeah, it's annoying me. We get it now. It's annoying me. It is. And it's a detriment to him.

It's not even ironic anymore. We get it. Yeah, no. It's becoming a detriment to him. He's almost got to go full hot. Nah, he's fine with it. I'm damn certain he's fine with it. But his desirability is

about like no one expects him to be desirable. But now it's too expected. But now you expect it and I agree that it's What do you say? Yeah, you agree? I think that there's parts of it where it's like are we still letting him get away with this? Like are we still letting him get

are we giving him a pass on all of it on everything no i said i've said his hit list looks like rudy's explore page it's insanity yeah it's insanity which bothers me it's infuriating oh yeah you're working in nashville you saw him working i've heard heard who he was spotted i'm not even'm not even... And you know it's bad because... Also, he's going to love this. I don't want you to... People will think

we're talking behind his back. But he also like... He'll get mad. He'll be like, don't talk about it. But he'll say it like that. Yeah. Say that.

Yeah. Say it. He'll like, great to see you. Say it again. He does that. He totally does. Why are you doing that?

Don't blow up my spot, but he'll like tell you who and intimate details. Oh, WNBA players. But you're the Jared of his Eazy-E. So

what you're comparing him to Eazy-E. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But you're the handler. You're the, you're the,

you're the kingmaker. So what, what direction, if you're trying to improve his stock, what are you thinking? You just have to let him fuck himself into a disease where he's going to hate himself.

You've got to let him fuck himself into syphilis, something that's going to start damaging his brain or something like that, like an old STD. An old STD. A forgotten one. The one that made world leaders crazy. One where they blow the dust off like an Indiana Jones.

What the hell is this? I want Tommy to get chased by a boulder after he gets his prescription. Then he'll be alright. That's where he needs to get to. He'll get there though. Boys, I gotta get out of this fucking room. Yeah, we gotta leave.

Thanks for having me in test today. Marathon talking day. Literally, it's been fucking nine or eight hours pretty much of just talking straight. Insane. We're still just finding it. And then guess what we gotta do tomorrow? Run it back. Talk.

I'll have one experience between then. Hopefully I got smoked by a bus. Find new topics. I'll have one experience between then. Hopefully I got fucking smoked by a bus. Something, man. Love nothing less. I better see a naked homeless man on the way home. I saw a fucking homeless dude today right on 24th with just like screaming with two prosthetic legs that he was using as like headrests. I smelled his balls fucking half a block up.

You've said this before. No, you smell balls. Dude, you discern balls. I, I was, I went on a completely different train yesterday.

Cause I went, I went to a vintage game store and I hopped on a different train that I typically take fucking noseless guy. Again, I can't escape the nose. I would, I would lose. I'm Harry Potter.

He's my voldemort it's unbelievable he's always they look exactly the same too they gotta put him in something yeah what do you mean no nose he has no nose no no flat no nose just two holes by by like and he's wearing sunglasses how there's people there's people that do that. Is it by design? No. He's real burnt. These fuckers are doing that? He's real, real burnt. He got his nose burnt off?

He's probably the first thing to go. He's a victim. His eyes must be nasty. But his skin's rough enough to keep glasses up. Maybe he has a rec spec strap. Now that I do see him, I'll have to take a selfie just to prove. Yeah. He won't know.

I hate making fun of him, but he is very, very, very pushy with the subway patrons. He'll grab you and turn you around. What? Is he asking for cash? Nobody knows. Nobody's nose. I gotta get out of this room.

Yeah, Adrian and Chesnick just went live on Twitch. Thanks, boys.