A New Untold Story - Boy Story: Dun Dun - A New Untold Story: Ep. 398

Episode Date: May 30, 2024

We are joined by Sas, Rone, and Francis for another another edition of Boy Story. Go watch/listen to Part 2 on SOABD's feeds. Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Balanced Vibe - Check out https://balancedvibe.com and use discount code barstool for 20% your first bottle Arena Club - Go to https://ArenaClub.com/anus for 10% off your first purchase.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. I Don't love being able to see myself it's the worst it It's the worst like I have the world's pinkest lips. I Have a situation. It's shocking no no no I'm fine. I just like slits I don't know turn it off. Yeah, it is it is I know that I know they're there now. I'll just look at myself though. I'll just look at I'm trying to grow my mustache like cover it and a cute wispy No, oh Damn you guys got a whole fucking staff

You know like 20 dudes working for you dudes that Chicago Yeah, we have one blank check and they keep firing everyone we pick up money. I've noticed every person They cut what is it like when you wear a blue shirt on star didn't get cut he got deported Yeah, the New Jersey. Oh, yeah, I got sent back Yeah, why do you guys have the death touch? I don't know. What do they call him coyotes? Is he a coyote now? Yeah, he's ferrying people. He's got like I'm selling the rubber rafts Across the Hudson that'd be a good gig selling water bottles to people trying to cross the border. Yeah Like the guy on the Brooklyn Bridge was like water one dollar one dollar one dollar never I've never

Brooklyn Bridge agua pesos I'll be stealing mango spears Walked across the Brooklyn Bridge. Agua, 50 pesos. I'd be stealing mango spears. No, you don't. Yeah, when they're not looking. For your post-tahin. Oh, do you sprinkle tahin on them?

Is that like spice? Yeah, they spice up the fruit. I don't get that. I want my fruit to be fruit. Same. It's good. You don't like additives to the fruit? No, don't touch my fruit.

I want it to be sweet. What about fruit dip? Purely sweet. What about chocolate? That'll work. What about chocolate? What about a little chocolate on it? The fuck is chocolate?

You were just buttin' in here with chocolate. What the fuck does that mean? You said you don't like additives on your fruit. What if you put chocolate on a strawberry? That's that. Is that erotic? It is super. Yeah.

Yeah. Just eatin' them alone, jerkin' off. Yeah. With a noose around your neck That's almost always me. I put a noose around my neck to eat to eat strawberries dipped in chocolate I wonder what would happen if if I walked in on you jerking off I feel like that would really be hard for you honestly It might be it might be worse than like my dad walking on on me It would look like someone like like you're trying to fish a frisbee out of a bush would really be hard for you to get over it. Honestly, it might be worse than my dad walking on me.

It would look like someone like you were trying to fish a frisbee out of a bush. You'd just be elbow deep in pubes. Wait, do you have a ton of frisbee now? Fish a frisbee out of a bush. You come out covered in briars. I got it. I know, I did.

I got it, guys. Someone hold the back of my shirt, and then it immediately goes back in. No, Sassas pubes are crazy No, I have a lot of pubes each individual one is like a whole ball of yarn. I do at times You have like three why he's not a name them Yeah, shave them like probably twice a year That's shaved recently are you are you expecting to lay?

I like to prep in for leg You went down like you went down to 32 after a shave Now I like to I like to build them up because then when you shave them it's much more satisfying I love to flush it down the boy turns into a little bird's nest yeah, yeah But what about it gets on though it on top of it it gets on oh I would never I would never make a pillow for my shit dude It gets on the side of the toilet though. That's a nasty clean up.

Oh, like the rim? Yeah, or like even the floor around it. I mean I stand over the toilet when I shave my pubes. You guys do it sitting down, balls in ball? Oh, I stand up. There's two things I can't do. It's shave my ass region and apply moisturizer to my neck what you got a dry neck So hard have you ever shaved your actual asshole? Yeah?

It's the biggest miss every double the stubble was horrible wait you guys every time we link up we talk to you And I'm not like a pubes guy But we taught every time you bring it out of us lab. It's p. Yeah I've shaved my actual hole because how it was astoundingly hairy Are you telling me you dragged the razor across no elect? Aperture oh no I did, but I did yeah, I did kind of like a side like a middle part So you just go? sides of the I gave it the broccoli haircut

You're going over the hole. I have to dude It's like the hairs get hard and and they almost turn into like the teeth of a venus flytrap Yeah, where it's you have to break through every time To me that's like shaving your face and running the razor from your top lip over your mouth Down your chin like my asshole doesn't have lips France It has lips my asshole doesn't have lips my half asshole a hole. You got an any then. Of course I do. I have an Audi. You have an Audi asshole? I try hard enough. I guess that's called hemorrhoids. Wait, so how did you put your legs up or did you turn around your back? I just kind of reached and went blind. I did the same thing. Reached and blind? You went behind yourself? Yeah. Underneath? I know where my asshole is. But why don't you go how you're wiping your ass?

Like around the back. I think I wanted to see the device. I think. I didn't want to go in completely blind. Mmm. He's a voyeur. It sounds danger- I mean I guess it's electric razor. I don't think so. It's more dangerous to be around your balls, dude. Those could rip. Or just leave your asshole hairy, dude. Who is this for? I couldn't, dude. It was for me. For quality of life.

It was for me. Yeah of life. It was from yeah I did it when I was probably in middle school Yeah, but I was getting crazy swamp ass and I was like maybe if I shaved my ass this won't stop happening dude I opposite it made it so much worse on the stubble. Did you have itchy ass ever a couple times? I tried to remedy that in eighth grade with axe body spray like in the bathroom That's nightmare. I made it up your ass. Yeah up my ass was kilo was the scent It's a good thing to put up your ass I bet your asshole literally screamed when I got it was bad

It was really bad a kilo up your ass hello right up my ass you could have neared a mule my buddy neared it Chemical war I'm afraid in there. What is it there Nera liquefies the hair? Oh? You put it on the hair. Oh. You put it on the hair and then you just wipe it off. Yeah, it's crazy. Oh. Chemical burn. It's a common prank in colleges

to put it in people's shampoo, I believe. Mm-hmm, yeah. What were the rumors about putting eye drops in someone's drink and it makes them shit themselves? I think it kills them. I think a wife killed a husband like that. Yeah. I guess it cannot be true. I think it kills them. I'm pretty sure I saw a movie where that happened.

Wedding Crashers, they did it. I know it's diarrhea. Yeah, Wedding Crashers, they did that for sure. I ate an anti-inflammatory soaked in eye contact solution today and I was fine. Eye contact solution is just saline, right? So what's the difference between that and eye drops? Saline in my head is purer than water. Yeah. Is it salt water?

I think Visine is the one that gives you the problems. We all know about Visine. Totally. That's why I'm wearing my sunglasses right now because I'm high as fuck. I'm definitely telling Dave about that. Good. Let him know. How was your relationship with Dave?

Better than ever. You should hear the splits that Sass is getting on this new fucking UTI deal. That was pretty nice. I recommended the whole thing that happened so I get 5% of all barstool income. When do you think the last time Dave thought about one of us was? I think he thinks about me a lot. He texted Francis last week. Oh no shit.

Yeah. Was it a good text? Yeah it was. I don't think I can say what it was about though. Not yet. Well, for everyone else, I always assume that when those meetings happen, I'm waiting for him to drop one of our names and it it's just never it's always Brianna It's almost worse Brianna for play. Yeah, and then a jab at Nate. Yeah

It's the same like five people every single meeting they have to Nate has to dread beating. Oh, yeah, or every day. Yeah You think he watched that at the office or at home? I? Don't know I'm not honored. I bet he was honored by it. I think that it's like, any news is good news. Like, any mention is a good mention. Like, he was mentioned in the same breath as PFT, Moobs, and Brianna Chicken Fry. Yeah.

Is Moobs that big? She's big, dude. Moobs is mountainous. Moobs is mountainous. Really? She's sniffing a million right now on Twitter, on TikTok. But so is Max. And Jack Mac got mentioned too. There we go. Who's max Jack Mack? Oh, he's almost hit a milli Yeah on tick-tock. Yeah

Actually, I was watching a old stool scenes from like 2016 17. Oh, wow you you have matured a lot. You were a raging douchebag Oh, wow. You, you have matured a lot. Have you were a raging douchebag? Honestly, the first time I worked at Barstow, I was just every day. You weren't a, you weren't a do you were just always on edge. I was so on edge and like getting my skirmish bomb the office. But you put it on yourself. Oh yeah. Yeah. You came at Frank. He called, he came at Frank. Do you remember this? I think I said he, he was quite overweight 400 pound like What did I call him I forget what it was?

I think I said that you could use his pants to cover a pool in the offseason And everyone was like pissed they got mad at me Bad it was a fail you called man. Just retarded, and he was like there's one word Everyone got upset about that. Right. You're just cracking jokes though. People are so selective about their rage. So wait, you said you were gonna bomb the office

and you meant it? Where would you have gotten the bomb from or how would you have fashioned it? I don't think that would have been as hard as people would think. For you? You're not one to punch down though. You always go at like Dave or any like Tigers fan.

I go at anybody You wrote a manifesto about me. I Alright anus listeners did you know you can get tickets to hell? I don't know you can see the Detroit Lions play the Pittsburgh Pirates watch the pirates get mollywopped ate nothing by the Lions Tigers Detroit Tigers, ooh you can see Tim McGraw at the United Center tomorrow Friday night for only $35 I used game time to see Tim McGraw in Milwaukee at the well serve Fifth serve Center five serve five serve follow G. I'm forum forum I like it. I love it. I want some more of it. And you can get more of it with the Game Time app.

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I don't think you choose when you lid comes off. I don't think you choose when you access it though I think it comes no there there but whether I give voice to them or not like to Rudy's point that morning I was writing this thing and I was like I Was like I don't this I don't feel this like this is stupid. I don't I know we want the show to end with a bang and Pat was like you gotta do it. You gotta do it. I was like, yeah, but I now it just feels very contrived So then to the to that point as soon as the speech was over we had a quick break I made sure to tell Rudy like just so you know, I'm sorry

And and I felt really bad because I had said some really terrible things. It was funny. I liked it Is this true Rudy? did he feel bad? Yeah he did, I had his bitch ass suicidal. I was proud of myself. That was the night before the elimination. Also I just like, that was just a weird mind fuck that one. You know you're on the list to do Surviving Barstool right? I wasn't gonna say that.

That's what Dave texted me about. Oh, I thought that was public. I think we said it on the act. Yeah. Oh you did. Yeah, then if it's out then fine I just don't like to reveal things until Someone else you tie toes you can So what are you going to how are you going to keep that that dragon look in his cave for that one? What if wall over Gilly backstabs you yeah? Only there was something quick and easy It's gonna be painless. Painless. Quick, painless, instantaneous almost.

When we rip the bandage off, right off their cheek. Get back at them. This is one of those things where we're gonna let that one braze. Keep the lid on and just slow cook and we're not gonna touch it, we're not gonna look. It is, I mean the fact that we all have it at all times is like going into the bank and sliding a a note across It's just like we have it in our back pocket and a holster. Yeah, you think I you have a rage. Oh Yeah, I'm a spaz. Rhone is oh Rhone is absolutely. Hey, give him the history. Yours is masked well, though I've never seen Rhone get mad. I think you mask your rage with like a rambunctious. Rhone gets mad. Mad? Yeah, he gets spiteful. Yeah, it's mad. Mad? Oh yeah. Tim Hitchens.

He gets spiteful. Yeah, spiteful. Vengeful. Yeah, he's like a schoolboy. I'm like a schoolboy. But he's very self-aware. Like intimidatingly self-aware. I said Rome was the most intimidating in the office.

No, I took that as an insult. I want to be friendly. I want to be approachable. But you are. I can't get a read on you. you you can't I don't think you fuck with me at all It doesn't yeah at all does he fuck with you now pull to Robert der Stomme once we were shooting game night And I was I listened in on Manoli's headphones And you were in the bathroom saying like fuck fuck of course. It's KB fucking KB. Pussy Game night being the series with you two and Tommy smokes

You're the dorky one you can only invite in front of your eyes You can only invite someone and try to organize another episode so many times and have them just be like you can come out here I'm going to London. I'm going to this place. I'm going to that. We've shot the show in my apartment every time. Yeah, I'm bending over backwards. The producer. You don't have to leave your home. I have to hold my shit for two days. How many times have I been to Chicago versus how many times have you been to New York in the last six months. You're here for personal gain and personal gain. Oh, yes, yes. The mini golf tournament. What a huge boost that was. Dude, I checked your Q score afterwards. It was through the roof.

It was through the roof. Still haven't been paid for that. I'm supposed to have $10,000. Oh, really? Somewhere here. Holy shit. Getting to be more like five after tech. That's a chunk. We'll see'll see we'll see if that gets no

The rumor was cash that was the rumor and I'm banking on it because I could use some ten grand cash Don't you guys hate when people say shit like that say shit like what a lottery and they're like gonna be more like 40 million after Take 90% of this I'm gonna be over the moon They said that about the literally powerball winner who won a billion dollars He will never he will always be good And the other option is no money 600. It's gonna be 600 million That's exactly what they said to that Hispanic dude about 12 hours. Yeah, enjoy it while you can. Before taxman comes. Why do you have a walkie talkie?

It was just right here. I feel like you have a bad history with those. Oh yeah, I had the most dangerous games. What happened there? Why do you keep calling it the most dangerous games? Yeah, I don't like when people pluralize things. It's like a black hole. My mom pluralizes everything.

Sorry, the most dangerous games. The most dangerous game show. Canadians too. I mom pluralizes everything. My dad does that. Sorry, the most dangerous game. Walt Targets. Most dangerous game show. Canadians too. I do that a lot. Oh, that is the plural of Canadian. No, they say like Wi-Fis. Oh, do they? Yeah, they love pluralizing.

There we go. Yeah. My dad will de-pluralize. He calls it whole food. That would piss me off a lot. Like, dad, now you're just doing this on purpose. Whole food. But Sash went on the walkie talkie at the most dangerous game show That would piss me off a lot. Like dad, now you're just doing this on purpose. Ho-Foo. But Sass went on the walkie-talkie at the most dangerous game show

and he was like Mayday, mayday! And they- It was the first day. And they reserved that call for when someone literally dies on set. They had no idea that it was just Sass fucking around. Double mayday! Those guys take themselves way too seriously. It was the dumbest dumb it still like even after they yelled at me I was like you guys are fucking insane what I were like they were like some of these guys worked on the cast of

Avengers oh They're like shit hits the fan on sets like that, and I was like really on a well when they're in a green scream studio Dude, we had production like scream to a halt on, um, Barstool verse America's and because Wally, the jib man was late. His guy named Wally running the jib and everyone was like, stay clear while he's like the best in the biz. It was, it was like, Jeff was like, this was 50 grand. I need to get this shot. And then Wally, the jib man never took off the lens cap. Oh And then we did Wally the jib man. It was Wally

Yeah, and then he was the most he was the least apologetic human being ever. He's like not my job His job. Yeah, yeah They are those that the crews are insane on the reality show. They have like fingerless gloves. Oh, yeah I was voted out of the, I was out and you could see my silhouette by the woods. And they, they, they treated me like major pain. Yeah. They were barking orders. They were mean to you. You can't be seen.

You're eliminated. Dude, that's when, when that, when that happened, when the Mayday thing happened, the first guy comes over, at me, and he's like Some of us worked on the cast of some of us worked on the the set of Avengers Like May Day is a serious call, and I was like okay. I'm sorry. I won't do that again I first of all he said some of us which means not him yeah, which means It's like someone else means one guy yeah one guy worked on the cast of like now He's claiming it as a group project that they all worked on He's probably like on the woman superhero spin

Have you guys ever watched one of those the Avengers know like a chick girl hero led one She-hulk she-hulk attorney-at-law That was when I thought boy. We've we've got to stop green. We need a strike. We need a Writer's strike. We need a strike. We need a writer's strike. We need a drone strike. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What were you about to say, those guys? The second strike? I was gonna say, then the rest of the week, like the dude that came up to me would just like come up to me and be like, give me like side eyes. Those guys don't forget. No, they were like, he was a piss to me the whole week. Didn't one guy come up and be like,

you think you're so cool, but you're fucking like you're oh, yeah I forgot about that those dudes love carabiners Yeah, I made fingers go yeah, because I think I said something again kind of just like fucking around being like Say something about the Mayday cool, and he was like you think you're so fucking cool And sass I don't know why anybody would think that Yeah Little ass shades on Well I didn't have my shady rays on back then Yeah this is a new thing

Shady rays You have an exclusive deal? Did you cut a deal? I did yeah with UTA just now Fuck yeah dude I instantly got on the phone I said shady rays and me Shady rays is in me Shady raised in the NFL draft. Yeah and sprite I

Can't be doing I was a call back to a joke. Oh, yeah, we were talking about Yeah, all the time Yeah, it comes to me and they go did I just get drafted I go It's funny. How did you not just punch Dukes in the face when he was like, how are you gonna afford rent? At that point it we already tried it so many times wasn't getting it right and I was like that What was the line suppose? It wasn't he wasn't even supposed to speak I told him I was like, there's no lines. I was like just react to things. I'm saying like yes Yeah, wow stuff like that. How are you gonna pay? Throwing in lines, and that's the one you put out that that was the best one

Easily yeah, you're acting in that is really good your reaction I've said this before but your reaction is there's that beat You take a beat. Yeah, little sasquatch is drafted and it's a second and then you look at Dugs and do the thing and that pause is what seals the yeah And you still couldn't get in tires with your bitch ass Season two season two season two we'll see Your acting was great in tires. I really was if it was even acting see this is that I take issue with this fucking sass He's like you're just playing yourself. It's like

Don't insult me George only makes 200 grand a fucking year Dare you say that I'm that guy driving an infinity. I need to talk with a fucking year. Yeah, how dare you say that? I'm that guy driving an infinity I need to talk with my new agent. Yeah No the truth is 200 grand in mechanics Berg is also yeah What what makes our what makes it easier to do the acting in that is that you we you improvise the whole thing I? Think that would make it way way harder. Way harder? We knew what we had to get to plot wise but we didn't know what we were gonna

say and so you do like 25 takes and each time you build a little more. Have you ever taken an acting class? Yeah I've done I've done a lot of that stuff. We were supposed to do a second city for a Barstool video me, Donnie and Kyle and they don't want to be Bar stool affiliated. They didn't let us Surprise me. I'm so yeah, I mean you could do it individually But you would I am firmly attached to the stool Yeah, I'm like why then I want to be bar so if we were they were they worried that they were gonna start selling tickets People with a more inflated sense of self-worth than people who work at bar People with a more inflated sense of self-worth than people who work at bar so

One time we can just be like victims yeah Yeah, it is tough I went to the second city in New York on like the second night they opened and it takes you a second to kind of Shut her off quit saying second huh those three seconds in a row true second second Huh, those three seconds in a row true Second second day But it just is uncomfortable to watch to us improv it got better for sure But you just have to kind of I don't spend this one. I've never seen an improv show I don't know if I could they're all in second cities only improv right it's no stand-up

I do sketch. I want to do live. Yeah, I just wanted to make sure I didn't just burn any bridges in my career Actually the second city does have stand-up shows. The other one in... In Brooklyn? No, no, not the one in Brooklyn. The one, what's the one in Midtown? That's UCB? Oh, maybe UCB.

Well, they went out of business though. You and Clemmer were in that together, but he was in a higher level than you. Oh yeah, he was a couple levels above you. I think it was two levels above you. Yeah, he actually was there before Amy Poehler. Who was the original. It was Matt Besser, Amy Poehler, and then two other people. And you'd recognize Matt Besser. Yes.

That dude's been in everything. He's in Veep, but he's always got like a peripheral role. But he's funny. I think that would be a cool place to live. Are you watching Veep? Are you watching Veep? I have watched it. Oh, I thought I told you to live. Veep. Are you watching Veep? Hmm? Are you watching Veep? I have watched it. Oh, I thought I told you to watch it a bunch.

And you always said. You forget that I'm. I never got around to watching that. 12 years older than you. Veep's been out forever. Yeah, I know. And I said, have you seen Veep? And you said, no.

Sometimes I just don't want to give you. It's like a standard recommendation. I don't want to give you what you want. To live. Why? Have you guys seen it? No, I'm not. I'll watch it now because of your recommendation. Thank you. I appreciate that.

I've only seen like one or two episodes. It's really good. That's with Dreyfus. I just found out she was hot. She's been gorgeous forever. That's like a whole thing on Twitter is like posting pictures of her from Seinfeld. Easy, easy. Wood. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Hear me out. That's like a whole thing on Twitter is like posting pictures of her from Seinfeld easy easy would like yeah exactly yeah

Hear me out. It's like really I don't think I was my least favorite trend Yeah, who's your hear me out supposed to be this is supposed to be like a pre-op trans girl And like vaguely looks like America, Ferraro, but it's always like oh my hear me out cut Dunnings That is wrong, but I think it's just cuz she never shows ass and titty My hearing is cat Dennings Yeah, no we hear you yeah That is wrong, but I think it's just cuz she never shows ass and titty who? JLD Dreyfus I feel like I've never seen anything that I think that adds to the allure yeah Of course you just picture and peel in it back. Yeah, and they're always Bigger than you thought.

It makes like the cartoon noise. Boing. She was pregnant on Seidenfeld and they just shot through it and didn't acknowledge it. They just said she was fat, it was the 90s. Yeah, they gave her bigger things to wear and they would put a pillow in front of her. She would sit on the couch holding a pillow like this.

Women fat in the 90s was like 101 pounds. Oh, yes. Yeah, Callista Flockhart was like Well that was because back then it was also like that's why no one had an ass Cuz it was like they would just not eat it's amazing only had to ask the ass Because it was magazine it was magazine saying flat butts were the thing. Yeah Hmm. I think I'm tired of magazine. We were all face. We were all face in the thousands. Yeah, Kate Moss. Kate Moss. She's a lot of face. She's mostly face.

It was all face. It was a crazy face. Face era. You just had to be skinny in face. Yeah. Now face goes crazy. I mean people will have ass, but they also have face. Look, there's a lot of stuff. You don't even need face anymore. I'm need face on it. I'm a big face guy I'm a big face guy, and here's why you can still fuck a face True yeah, but it's weird when you put it like that. I think the inverse is a better like you can't a better argument You can't you try my arm picker face can fuck you all you are an armpit. Yeah, what do you do? What do you face that you can't do to a? boob

Squeeze it yeah That's like that's the instant answer Alter the shape with a squeeze you can't hold the neck of a boob and be like shut the fuck up. Yeah, that's it Twisting the front of a stop ordering Amazon packages You're definitely gonna get a UTI Amazon deal that Amazon video that you may have you guys heard of sad nipple syndrome no it's women get it and if they get their their nipples touched outside of arousal it sends them into a profound sadness I'm trying to learn about the human body the female body do

they go back every single day while you guys are telling your jokes I try to learn about the female body. Yeah, that's smart. And I've learned about that and electric crotch syndrome. During the cycle, it'll feel like electric zaps on the pussy and butthole. Don't periods get like electrically charged? Don't tampons, can they get electrically charged?

What's the deal with that? I don't know, tampons might ground them. They ground them, that's what it is. It's like touching that third rail. That's right What is the but isn't that a whole like I remember when I first started at barstool and like Alex Cooper was just leaving And I remember she had something that was a real one-for-one trade. Yeah I remember she had like a vibrator Yeah. One out. I remember she had like a vibrator. Yeah, you do. Yeah, yeah. It was like a vibrator that was on her desk or someone and they were like, this is how Alex Cooper used this once or something.

It was like someone sent it, some company sent it. Was it in a glass case? In case of emergency. But it had like, it would like shock your pussy shock that was like one of the effects like shock it literally or no it was that just the marketing on it season all it's a game put them in VR the Grand Canyon like zap your pussy like that was like a shock collar Alex Cooper left her pussy zapper. I think it was for Dom's like me Going and zap your pussy wash shower. Yeah, you got in trouble for that dildo thing. I did

I was like, did you do that was like really? That was funny though. What'd you do? Oh, yeah What you do no, no. You were playing around. Someone had a dildo, probably Alex Cooper, and it was massive. It was this big and it had a suction cup. I stuck it on the wall, and then Dave got mad. He said, dude, put that dildo up there. You were real sad, like, man. You put it up high, too. Yeah, you did. You had to jump and get it it down I think you might have missed it the first time

Mounted it like a LK Well, he acted like a crazy he was like what if what if like if like sponsors come in here and see that yeah What a spright today? I've never seen a sponsor come into the New York office ever like that I've never seen them actually just come in They're pretty often he's not Like that I've never seen them actually just come in They're pretty often he's not They probably let us know to clear the dildos before they get there. Yeah, we do a dildo sweep. Yeah Mm-hmm, but anything that would be deal breaker though

Just like if it's talkies and they're just like you guys were this close Alright good that a dildo pens about to be the paper. What in the world talkies? Let's roll out We're out of here fucking degenerate you know it's between you guys and Friday beers and you just made our decision very easy generates We're about to talk about balanced vibe. I'm excited about this one. It has an askew ass vibe. Clutsy vibe. You're a real clut sometimes.

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Well, I heard you laughing. I heard you laughing harder and deeper than you ever have. Yeah, we're both excited. It's a cool-ass site. I just became a member. You have your vault, you have your sold cards, your cards you're buying. It's organizing them all right there. You can get them graded on the site. You can get slab packs with transparency hit rates. It's pretty straightforward. I just used it. I just got a Squirtle graded. I bought a graded Squirtle.

I should say first edition. 1999? Maybe eight. Squirtle, everybody knows the art. He's doing a bubble beam. But I got it from there. I'm buying up all the Gunner Henderson's I can find right now. Oh, yeah, you got a great guy But yeah, it has everything you need if you're a card guy or if you're just getting into the hobby It's an easy point of entry you start with arena club whether you're buying selling trading or displaying a reading club is the card collecting Platform you got to check out and right now you can get 10% off your first purchase by going to arena club comm slash anus And right now you can get 10% off your first purchase by going to arena club comm slash anus 10% off a four hundred dollar slab pack that's $40 right in your right in your pocket, and you're probably going to make money By doing it you're already saving money. Why not make it anyways. That's arena club comm

slash anus 10% off your first purchase that was like I was so pumped when that happened though What because it was like the first time I ever spoke to Dave. I remember I was like I sent it to my mom. Was it on camera? Yeah, I was on the rundown. Okay. Yeah. Did you actually? I was pumped. You were scared. I was scared but then after I was like fuck yes. He knows me. Yeah. He knows my name. Yeah. Have you like good interactions with Dave our last meeting that we have when I renegotiate my contract was pretty good Oh, it's when you said you didn't want to do anything anymore. Yeah, oh that was yeah And he said good we don't really want you and stuff and you sat down with the shades on you got you Just like yeah, you guys are health insurance to me

Listen here Dave. Can I call you Dave? Listen up DP. We had a good laugh. We had a good chuckle We said he was like well I know last time you came in yours didn't really go is that how you picture Dave's voice It was actually like almost a spot-on day And then we both keep doing his voice And then we both said keep doing his voice and He said uh Harry take a seat

You know the son of a boy numbers there. They're in the red from last year. They're not as good as you promised They'd be That's how every meeting goes like gene I go in there being like we're killing it Boy, dad's crushing and then you go and he's like everything's down sounds like a dubbed over anime looking in the YouTube Like every project I'm on My I think my best day at work was my first day and every single day has been a pretty Significant step down they say it's all downhill from here pretty significant step down. They say it's all downhill from here. Yeah, there was very, yeah.

Yeah, I'm not even joking. Trending downwards is a gut punch. Well, it was the first time I met with Dave, he said that we averaged like 400 downloads. And I was so, and I was like shocked. I was like, there's no way. And he was like, that's the numbers that I have right here. Dave, and then he emailed me later and he was like shocked. I was like, there's no way. And he was like, that's the numbers that I have right here. And then he emailed me later and he was like,

that was a big typo on my end. And I was like, dude, I'm going around telling Roan that like 30 people are listening to our podcast. I had a meeting with Dave and it was about the anus numbers and I walked out, I was like, at least I still have game night. Yeah, we were high. the anus numbers and I walked out I was like at least I still have game night Not right at least I can still pedal this giant overpriced

battleship And tell people to buy for $400 with a smile on my face That right France I love that game We need that game to keep our lights on. Sass and I went to we went fishing last week. Out in Virginia. And I'll tell you what, traveling with this guy has gotten a little um

well, we're just struggling. Really? I thought it was completely fine. Remember us getting to the airport? Update on the stats the the flight stats flight stats flight stats Numbers platinum you where you guys up? I've been diamond on platinum Wait what happened on the way to the airport?

Well, we got there and we didn't have that much time because it took us a long time to get through security And then we got through security and I said I'm starving and you were Starving so we went to the Delta lounge and we snuck food out Then we had a long way to go and you started complaining. You're like, I can't walk any faster than this. I'm not no No, that's not what I said. I said I'm not walking faster than this. I Said all that's way different. I said I'll just get a new that is way different. Wait, you'll just get a new flight. Yeah Yeah, that's what he said. That's diamond talk right there. What was the piece?

That is diamond talk. The reason that this happened, the reason that this happened was because I said, we don't have time to go to the Delta Lounge. And Francis said, we're gonna, our flight was boarding in five minutes and we were just getting through security. And I said, I don't know,

I said, we don't have time to go to the lounge. We gotta go to the gate. And he said, we're gonna go to the lounge. And then we, we we left the gate Francis started like walking faster. I said I'm walking. I'm not walking faster I said I was like we I said we shouldn't have gone to the Delta lounge Francis What was I gonna run? Would you be out of breath by the time you got to the I'm gonna go show you the pace out there, okay?

So they're not gonna see on camera. No just do it in here Just do a lap around the room. Do you need that much of a runway to get to the pace if so? I can get Francis on the court if you want. Oh he can get you on the court He can get you on the court you can go on the court if you want to Oh, you've done it all right now. It was yeah, it was probably around that Oh, I would have done that pace that is not I was matching the pace, but we started seeing people running That shit's I was I will never run through an airport. That's what I said. I was pretty much like I'm not running I will never- that was the pace?

No, it was faster than that. It was Danny's? Was it Danny's? It was definitely faster than that And so you were just going to get another flight But why did you go to the Delta lounge with him if you- Yeah, go without him. Pop the teat out because he was forcing me to go Is he your boss? Kind of. I look at anybody older than me as my boss Yeah, so you must think everybody's your boss your young ass pretty much, but you're movies boss true And what's her what's her sidekicks name? her sidekick Smelly smelly Smelly Smelly Smelly movie and smellyy. Yes. I feel like that's a raw end of the deal.

It's like the band Big and Rich trying to divvy it up. I'll be rich and he looks up and down at his buddy. His badass buddy. I think we know who Big is. All right, I'll be rich. Big and rich. I feel like you could have just gone right away to the gate though without him and just and not had to put up a stand that you were going to get your own ticket. Did Francis use this as an excuse to leave?

Yeah. He's still going. What did he steal from the Delta lounge? I think that he just probably wanted to run that back because John Mayer gave him props for that. Yeah, he stole a good amount of food. I stole one cup. Was it in cups. Yeah, he stole a good amount of food. I stole one cup. Was it in cups?

Yeah, I stole one cup of... Francis was on his worst behavior. This was not, this had nothing to do with me. We, I stole one. This is what he was gonna say. I stole one cup of rice and chicken. And then you were hungry. No, I wasn't.

That wasn't enough food. You didn't put anything in there. How long was this flight? I had three courses. From New York to Virginia, it is a 30 minute flight. 55 minutes. I think your highest altitude is like 5,000 feet. You could skydive without a parachute. You could squirrel suit to safety.

So I stole one thing. Francis stole three cups of food. Three full cups, three different courses. Because they had things I wanted to try. What was it? Well, there was this rice dish and then I put the chicken on top of that I thought those would go well together and they had a soup that I shouldn't have gotten but I ate anyway And then then I had some vegetables some broccolini And so then we arrived and so then we're walking to the gate and then there's the dude that's on the cart and we go

Down the escalator. He's told me we're not he's like I'm not walking any faster and I know how far it away he goes it's gonna be the last gate it's a long way we get down SAS turns the corner and I stop and I tell the guy I go is there any chance you can give us a ride well you did that oh my god I'll never do that either so uncomfortable having people you're they're beeping at people yeah no no no he's just sitting there he wasn't all Tony Stewart stop lying Tell the fucking truth Tell the truth

It we flew there it was fast no he he was standing there waiting for anyone He wasn't moving he wasn't even on the cart sass was just standing no the guy Oh the driver, and I said is there could we get a ride because I knew he didn't want to walk No, I was fine walking. I didn't want to run Yes, and we were gonna be it was getting close and that's not much of a black people move as pluralizing the name of a grocery Taking the cart. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely so we get on I am running I've never seen a white person. What do you think I'm running for no they don't they? When it gets dire they slow down like when you when they hit when they're crossing the street

They make a point to slow down So you got to the cart? Well, we got on the cart, and I thought he would be really pleased with him with for that move But he just started pouting about it I didn't pout and we went around we got there much more quickly and then the woman at the front line She said she saw me coming in with all the cups of food and she goes did you steal that from the Delta Lounge and I said I sure did and Then we got on the plane said I'm gonna call security. Yeah, she was joking though. She said, I'm gonna call security on your ass.

And you can guess what race she was, white. Yeah, I'm sure. The way you said your gave it away. Yup, no, and then we got on the plane and then Francis was like, I'm gonna sit next to you, even though he was not sitting next to me. And then she ended up being actually the flight attendant on our plane.

And then she came back and she goes, you're not supposed to be sitting here. And this is when it kind of turned from being like playful mad to like, Francis might actually be getting kicked off the flight, and then you can take it from here. Why, why? Why don't you see it through?

Because I forget what else happens. No, I had, there were, there were, when I got on the, we were the last people on the plane. You guys are recounting this story like you were like a war veteran. Yeah. Yeah. And there was, my seat was open obviously and then there was one next to SAS that was open

and they're both the same. They're both first class seats. And I said, I figure whoever has this seat won't mind and I'll ask and if they say no, then I'll go to my seat. But I just took the one next to SAS because I like sitting next to them because I like to, you know, just kind of give them a little. Yeah we'll stick in the mud. Oh, yeah, all every once in a while. It's abuse

And Sure enough no nobody came so my seat was open and then the woman came on she was like what who are you? And I was I was like well. Did you say you know who I am? And I was I was like well, did you say you know who I am? Like I'm the guy who I've heard of Netflix Can someone do the Netflix start sound don't do yeah, you got a soul is doing that It was a really good moment for me getting on net whose is that? I'm sorry. Oh, yeah when he goes out for stand up the song I was given a long time when it came out

We were in the airport Like when it act cuz we flew back Thursday and came out on Thursday and I kept on being like Georgie George this character. This is so funny. Oh my God. And I kept on, people kept on like walking by us and someone would look and I'd be like, that's George from the. Yo, but for real. And then the first person that actually looked,

I was like, that's George. And he goes, what's up, Sass? Big fan, he was a big fan. No idea who I was. I was trying to be like, fucking this guy's George, Netflix. And someone immediately picked him out. Dude, it's always crazy when somebody like recognizes Kyle and I'm right next to him. It doesn't make sense.

I got a comment on one of our videos. It was an out of order sketch that we did. The comment was Nick and KB need to do more stuff together. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, we get comments all the time being like, Miss Ronan Sass on the Yak so much, I wish there was a New York Yak.

It's like, we do a podcast twice a week, every single week together. Yes. But people just like, they're like, well, it's not the Yak. So, can't listen to that. Yeah, it doesn't have the branding. Yeah.

Anytime I do anything good, people go, you gotta move to Chicago. Oh yeah. I'm like, I don't know what difference. Yeah, turn on Netflix if you want to see me. Do do do do do do. Do do do do. Who am I? Do do.

Holy shit. We're going there? We're making it. I Have a field day with you I'm retarded all that was me like you use them you mock you're doing now You were doing disabled voice that was us projecting because we've plateaued massive Fast didn't need to laugh that hard It I wish I plateaued he said the quiet part out loud What do you mean you wish you plateaued? It'll be a positive. What are you talking? Ship is crashing Rapidly I saw on posters now your little sass is getting smaller and smaller your name's getting bigger. Yeah

That's like a we're hoping that maybe we can hit the markets again. They can be like we've never seen this It's like when rappers come out, when a bang gets a new name. Yeah. Rappers rebrand themselves. When Jordan starts selling 45 jerseys instead of 23 jerseys. What were your rap names, Ron? Ron Baby the Prince,

Soon to Be the King. Oh, we ever had the one. Damn. I had a forum name, Ubiquit twist as a forum name. You were cerebral. I was a forum. I was on the forum. Were you guys ever on the forums? No, but my first wow character was dyslexic backwards and I thought I was the coolest, smartest man on the earth. That's pretty fucking good. Yeah. What forums were you on, Kyle? I was on like men's lifestyle

forums in like sophomore year of high school About lifting and like diet. No just like guys like talking about like their ideal beer after work I was watching alpha M in high school Watching him learning how to properly shave my non-existent beard Yeah, what's alpha M? he's like he's a feas I think he's four foot two. It's like southern like vaguely gay, but yeah, he's Yeah, I just you'll know oh wait does he have he's a clothing line now does he oh he's he's killing it T-shirt untucked

Untucked button-down shirt yeah, but he's always still kind of behind Yeah, I don't think I know alpha. He is like he's always still kind of behind. Yeah. I don't think I know Alpha M. He is like, he's like kind of short, has like spiky hair and a goatee maybe. Yeah, he's olive complected. I've described as pretty much every single male like workout influencer,

short spiky hair with a goatee. Yeah, fuck. It's like every weightlifting guy. Did you guys see Fresh and fits conference where that guy? What's his name? Wes Watson? He's fresh and fit boy. You lost me No, no, no, come on fresh and fit you guys are fresh and fit arms. No, I do. Yeah, that's two people Explain them explain to who fresh and fit are. It's not like big and rich Fresh and fit is just a podcast with two dudes

I can't remember their names, but they be fresh and fit fresh and fit Yeah, and then they just a podcast with two dudes. I can't remember their names. But they like- Fresh and Fit. Fresh and Fit, yeah. And then they just talk to women and belittle them pretty much. They're like one of the- Elliot. Oh!

Is that the dude's like question mark or the hashtag? What's their background? It's very strange. It's like one of them's a Middle Eastern bro, one of them's an African. Did Destiny debate them? Destiny definitely debated them. Yes.

Dude, I know these dudes. I think one of those guys reached out to me to come on their podcast. Oh, you should have have done it. They had like 10 million followers. Yeah You know those screen grabs where it's like somebody one dude and then like a billion only fans girls. Yeah And I got them defeating them in debate topics they chose yeah Sophia Franklin go on that yeah, she's been a urge she did one of those and they were like you've been run through to her Yeah, they just bring girls in they're like Yeah

Pulled off the streets you're on Mary All right, we're recording three two one you can't be way No man will ever choose you if he does choose you I promise he'll hit you You're a low value horse And they're always like I'm high value yeah, you know why I'm high value because I would never fuck you That's how I value my like they value themselves by not fucking whores. Yeah, they would love to fuck those No, it's not anything. It's in the fucking whores I think it's just fucking in general like that. I think the new thing is like if a girl has fucked one guy before

She's yeah, she's for the streets. Yeah, they're Old Testament. Are we just coming? Arab yeah, I mean that's what it is. Fresh and fit are literally are actually yeah, yeah Are we becoming? Arab You said what Arab heaven is how many virgins 72 you said heaven should be six women They've all had sex with three to five guys Fucking 72 virgins would suck. Oh my god fucking nightmare Yeah, I'm trying to think I wouldn't be that bad How would you go like even it up or go one at a time like wear one out Like for like a hundred years like a hundred years? How would you give it up for a hundred years? You just fuck one girl for a hundred years? You only get a hundred years? I thought you got into

the next one. No, no, it's a hundred years on the first one. Oh, oh. So it takes you seven hundred thousand? Seven. Well, you don't have to go a hundred years. Seven thousand years. You break it up however you want. Seven thousand, two hundred years. It's like the 6, 12, 18, 24 challenge. Yeah, but I think they break it after 7,000 years could reclaim virginity. Yeah, that's true girls reclaim it after Yeah, the cells regenerate. I don't think I'm patient enough. I think I would be Girls reclaim it after one fucking church service. Yeah, yeah That's that Go on claim virginity. Yeah, you can be a reborn born again. It's like a gang

You just claim it That's a new big trend that's like so if for a while it was whores and now it's like Ex-only fangirls who got by God and now they're like and now their comments are all like nothing but respect for you And it's like you they're still they're playing you just like a fiddle. Yeah, they're doing the Mary Magdalene. Yeah Like the whore thing got old they reclaim virginity I think yeah, just hold you down and put your other hymen in like the that one Neonio Take a skin graph

That even tell this used to be neck I'm a virgin again the bad news is if I ever get caught in a house fire They have a hole in their throat Like they have emphysema that dude I'm actually a virgin You want my ass You guys remember that's never been touched You guys remember that old porno clip of the no it's like the viral one where it's the duties like the lifeguard

In the pool in the swimming pool in the bathtub, and he's like I don't know what I'm like that whole thing Yeah, he's like a podcaster now, and he's like a reborn again Christian Really like super he's like a religious podcaster now hmm respect. Is it all just a money grab? I don't know cuz you remember a big Nick the tick talker is like Money has like eight different colored eyeballs, and he one leg is about a foot longer than the other He has blue hair used to be OG David Dobrik David Dobrik would fuck him with a rake Which end No, I don't think I know this guy. Oh, he sounds like a big N.I.K.A

He's like a religious rapper now. It seems to just be oh, yeah whenever you need a spike. Yeah, that's what's up There we go. Stop the plateau plateau yeah start doing like Christian comedy yo we're at a 50 by the way all right what would Christian comedy be like this crowd like crowd what did you imagine if he didn't rise again quit it don't go there so the other day I'm skipping communion. Yeah, come on, I would never skip communion. Guilty. This shit is body? This is made of body? Little tips, you had a little bit too much blood this morning. That's pretty much what those mega church people do.

They wake up and they're like time to go do 8am mass in front of 70,000 people yeah and not have to pay taxes That's how they have laser shows. Yeah. Oh my god productions like Soles like it's incredible Scene poaches people from Vegas right like Billy Joel has done a hundred Madison Square Garden oh that's nothing and he's like a tenth of what Creflo dollar has done. I think Joel Austin comes in on like wires. I think he learned how to levitate. I think he paid for levitation classes. He has the same intro as Kirk's live show.

Walks out on the cross. No, they actually do this. Did you see the thing that Harrison Bucker goes to? It's like a manly conference. There's like, they drive monster trucks. No. And they just bounce around on bungee cords. And they're just like, I love God.

I've been saved. That's basically what this fresh and fit conference was it was like a man conference And they just had like ten man influencers on stage just talking about what made them successful Did you see the Christian Avengers play no it's Iron Man getting crucified singing tub thumping by chumbo Wamba It's like stage production of Avengers, but it's very Christian and Iron Man gets crucified. Why did they pick that? I have no idea. It's an incredible clip. There's nothing that's about binge drinking the blood of Christ probably Oh, I bet it is those mega churches will definitely do a show in the sphere within the next year Oh, yeah, the graphics would be insane Oh, yeah, the graphics would be insane Jesus rises Would be legendary I'd like to go to one of those just to check it out. See what it's like a megachurch. It's probably all they definitely have great music

It's definitely a blast music. Yeah, they're probably really really happy and they're all pretty hot. They're all well-dressed But I think long a catcher steakhouse where no old they see they sit them in the back. Yeah Mm-hmm. Do you think you'd have to get like a pass like Coachella like is there like VIP? Oh, absolutely Yeah, there's it's probably really expensive and the pastors are fucking everybody, right? Yes Yeah, they go up on stage with like blue jeans and no shirt the ripped jeans Yeah, they look like every Hollister bag. They have a guitar that they've never played ever Just holding it and they talk about how they used to fuck a lot. Yeah.

Yeah, they do. Back in my... Before I was saved, I was... It was a girl every night, and I'm not even bragging. I was teet-fucking every Tuesday. Every night I was fucking... Every single night. I'm not proud of it.

At my worst, at my lowest, I was fucking... And I realized my... Beautiful women. I realized my thick, long cock wasn't a blessing, it was a test. Yeah. That was my cross to bear. Oh man. Alright, switch over?

Yeah, fuck it. Let's cross over to the Patreon. I'm gonna piss real quick.