A New Untold Story - Cheating on The Living Room - A New Untold Story: Ep. 433

Episode Date: January 30, 2025

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Hey, a new one told story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. You want to clap? Is that your clap? I didn't even hear it. That was subsonic. Did you hear the clap? Huh? Because I did it so fast.

Is that why it was so fast? Didn't make a noise? You mean you're going to reply to what I'm gonna say? No, you're just gonna say like, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, isn't that story old or told? Fuck no, baby! It's a new untold story.

A new untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. A bank untold story. A new untold story. Here, go ahead. See if you can do my job. I can't. You know I can't. Yep.

A new untold story episode. Uh-huh. I don't know. What is it, you know I can't. Yep, a new Untold Story episode, huh, I don't know, what is it, Kyle? It's 4.33, apologies in advance, where I'm exhibiting the symptoms of a hangover. No kidding, still? Yeah.

You were a day off of the case race on the Barstool, Yak, did you black out immediately? You were a day off of the case race on the Barstool Yak. You, did you black out immediately? Well I mixed beta blockers with booze and I had a lot of burpless beers, some liquor. You lashed out at a few people. No I didn't. You called Max Delante a cholesterol blimp. Okay.

That's right. Yeah, right. I'm kind of the man. Okay. Oh man. cholesterol blimp Yeah, that's pretty cool, and then you were laying prone in the middle of the studio for a while I was in prone position you never want to be in prone position This comes out before the case race, but you were covered in body paint Yeah, you were but your costume needed this, you needed your arms, face, and legs covered. I needed the whole body painted.

I walked in on you pissing, because I thought you were dying. My cock was blue. I saw your- It was like, spoiler, you're gonna know the character. Your ass was teal. Teal. You also did your, were you planning on being walked in on?

I thought it would be hilarious. Because it confused the fuck. My cock was teal too, and my ass was teal. You also did your were you planning on being hilarious? And my ass was teal there was teal on the toilet seat from you shitting Uh-huh, and I didn't know your cock was teal cock was teal cockatiel. Yeah, is that a bird it is a type It's a breed of bird. That's what you know been you so now everyone knows who I am actually no one knew who I was I did only yeah only you There's a pillow in the bathroom stall still well teal all over it. I needed a pillow. Is that true? There's a teal ass pillow. Are you Cody was in on me? Why'd you need a pillow in the bathroom so I could lay prone and wait for my next gag session?

They have brains are running a little slow you have anything for 433 fucking I feel like I have Fucking eczema on my frontal lobe. Yeah, that's I know exactly cauliflower cortex. I feel like yeah, it's all it's all head I wish it was more stomach. Oh mine's stomach. Yeah, then my knees to you. What's my with your knees? 32 your knees get hung you were teal head to toe and you got in your uber teal I know The worst part is I I put like 10 seconds of effort into cleaning it up So I was like splotchy teal which is worse than full. I would rather be full teal than splotchy teal. Mm-hmm Did your uber say anything over didn't I don't know if he saw me it was dark

Yeah, I was teal know if he saw me it was dark. You were very that was blue. I was teal enough He saw me a couple people in the lobby of my apartment. Yeah, I was tealed up Healed up you think the uber drivers on she's you know when you get picked up for uber It says like you know black Toyota Sienna or whatever yeah teal five four boy He's looking for you yeah, yeah, I wonder if there's a reverse. Yeah there has to be shockingly thin Did you know that is Harry Potter for the first like ten years of uber? They the drivers didn't know the location they were taking you till they picked you up And then they just started getting robbed because they were get taking them to like the worst places Yeah, that's like yeah, that was like until recent. It was like this year. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I kind of thought they still had that no some areas

Maybe but Chicago. They were just it was the easiest way to steal a car. They would come to you Yeah, they deliver. Yeah, they'll be like theft delivery Yeah, I wasn't bad Yeah, so yeah run a little slow Kyle though. It was your birthday this weekend And I didn't want to bring your gift to brunch, one, because it was too big, and two, because it wasn't here yet. Okay, and I think I'm looking at it,

is that the thing wrapped in birthday gift wrap. You wanna open it? I do. Okay. I know how much you love opening gifts, but I ran out of gift wrap, so it's not very wrapped. Okay. Just keep it upright

Oh This is gold frankincense and my thank you This is a Bull Ridge University Owen Hendrix singlet signed this is obviously My fictional university in tiltsville new Plattstson. It's the wrestling powerhouse. Owen Hendricks is the phenom biohacker. And I can't believe you got a signature. Wrinkled in transit, but we can fix that up.

You got the colors correct. Yeah, of course. Purple and yellow. And black and white. Why is Bull Ridge? Can I tell you something? Oh my God. It's also late because the.

How do you even go about well the first bull ridge? Singlet I got was bu ll ri gde On to know to 100% my fault be you I type out when I would have got it I wouldn't know like that no, so I had this oh my god with the Hendrix. It's what it's two different It's two of the same singlet so you could wear one Okay, well this is go and it's signed. Well. Yeah, how'd you get him to sign that um he it didn't come cheap It did not come cheap I don't even I'm gonna put this like on my I would have been impressed if you went out and found my front door in Hendrix

But that's I didn't find an Owen Hendrix. It was the Owen Hendrix I had to go to fucking Tiltsville. Yeah, excuse me. Tiltsville. Yeah Yeah, that's a big gift his PSA 10s do they go doing good. They're doing good. Do they go direct tiltsville? Oh, no, no, I had a labor. This is the this is the I'm not the best but the most thoughtful gift I've ever got Wow. Oh my god, be honest. Okay, cool All right, Rudy what you get them Are you gonna hang this up at home? Are you gonna be able to explain this to your girl on my front door? People gonna start like hanging their best shit on their front door absolutely Absolutely, yeah, I was gonna say this is gonna be a tough explanation. I've never had a soul over my apartment

Yeah, I was gonna say this is gonna be a tough explanation. I've never had a soul over my apartment We've been in the six-year. We've been friends for four years. I've never been in one of your It's gonna be hard to explain To your girlfriend that to nobody you got you don't talk to She doesn't even know about this. She's not about we've never discussed new Platts and I was like this Not even a waste of my time nothing against you or me I was like, I'm not even gonna waste my time. Nothing against you or me. Separation of church and fake state. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, are there any churches in New Plattsville? There's a lot of Catholic high schools. But no churches? No, I never really, yeah. Yeah, there's churches, yeah. What else?

Happy birthday. That was actually a discussion I remember at the diaper party, was we were talking about how no one's seen your apartment any of them Mm-hmm, and that and that your girlfriend wanted to change that and I was like, I don't know man. It's scary Yeah, I don't know what I'd see. Yeah, I don't really honestly there's some things. I'm not interested. She's pitched some Some get-togethers and no no why fun to host. I hate it. I like attend. Well. You've never done it I know I guess I just feel like all the pressures on me like anytime is a dull moment. Oh fuck. What do I do?

You were you were in your zone though at brunch I felt Because you know when you have like a group of brunch It's like kind of uncomfortable where you're sitting who you're sitting next to this is your eyes You were you were doing a good job right you were in the corner you brought your turban friend to brunch I did he's a nice guy he was a cool guy yeah but it might move me and him had a great convo about how the turban keeps him warm in the winter yeah I'd imagine it does it's got a built-in hat I'd imagine it they don't take those up yeah it's crazy though that like the one people that wear toboggans year-round are in the desert

Yeah I did maybe the gayest thing a man can do on my actual birthday on Sunday Facial I got a facial You didn't tell me this. During the NFL playoff game. You didn't tell me this. I thought of the gayest thing a man could do. A facial during the playoff game.

The Eagles commanders. Did you have money on it? Didn't even put money on it. Too hungover, but got the facial. My favorite, I guess, sensation, I guess. You like getting a facial. It's a scalp massage with like the way She's real gentle. It's the perfect temperature. There's like Canadian electropop like just gently in the background

But then I got home with time left in the game and was so entranced in that state that I just watched ASMR facial YouTube videos you wanted to keep around that keep that tingle who's your number one asm artist I like Lisa she does a ear exams oh Okay, there's like a steampunk Optometrist that I like I Have a you have an old man. I don't know I'm on I'm on to my my I like a Pakistani What does he do?

Yes, he goes around his like room in his I want to, I have like a Pakistani. What does he do? He goes around his room in his shitty house and taps the walls. You like this? Okay. Kyle. Wait, that's your girl? This shit's porn. That's hands of, no, that's not what I said.

No. Moog, how did you land on hands of wellness? It was suggested. Wait, that's crazy Chiropractors do while out chiropractors are like shit is if that existed when I was a kid my dick would Be skinless. Yeah, it would be raw. It would be I what are you saying? I would be jerking off constant chiropractor well because like I was too afraid to search porn as a kid So I was just searching for the next best thing

Chiropractor videos are just it's it's snap. It's making a chick moan and her butt cheeks recoil It's the girls its girls with humongous asses and then guys cracking their backs they can barely even get their hands to their that's why They're so pop is your guy no And get their hands to that's why they're so pop is your guy no My guys names odd II I think a di he taps on his wall. Yeah, he taps on his like mud walls I like I like this and this is Lisa. That's your no. It's not that's your chick did no Instead of watching the playoffs you watch ASMR Lisa. Yeah, that was it Do you get tingles from it? No? I couldn't like really keep it going, but it's you know that like deep relaxation state Oh my god, dude. I was uh whenever I'm hungover. I like to put on some ASMR, and I was listening to my Pakistani boy

he might be he might be Iranian and I Was listening to it in the back of the uber on the way into work? Bluetooth came undone oh boy, and this guy just heard me listening to a boy the back of the Uber on the way into work. Bluetooth came undone. Oh boy. And this guy just heard me listening to a boy whisper to me and tap his walls. He thought his phone was ringing. A boy tapping his walls for me. One of his friends.

He did. Yeah, yeah. What's his name? I think A-D-I? Yeah, down one. That, well it doesn't matter. That's my guy. But I like his older shit, his original shit. I was following him when he had 4,000 subs. How many does he have now? 184.

Sort of old to new and you'll see him tapping on his wall. That's my new shit. But it's like I can't... It's always by happenstance that I get lulled into this trance-like state. I can't It's always by happenstance that I get lulled into this Translake state I can't like force it mine happens when I'm Nodding off on airplanes, and I'm too exhausted to lift my hand to like skip the skip button on the music I think that's the best state of mine can be in It is it's better than any substance No, it's better than yeah, this is him. This is what he was doing in his room.

Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk t Like my bluetooth my air pods came undone. I don't think that's not even that's not gentle at all What is he a mask on it's probably stinks there? No go back there's he's he's spazzing out. Yeah, dude. That was his like first vid Yeah, like his house tours are so sick because it's like a cool look into like that area is he playing with a Toilet paper cylinders yes, sometimes good sounds Fastening that's not ASMR. It's the opposite He's just having he's just having a temper tantrum, and there was that guy ghetto ASMR that got cancelled for Like yeah, I don't know, but he has the best tingles in the game. He said he has the fastest I get somebody to tingle the fastest mm-hmm

There's a huge controversy around him yeah him, but you need to watch his shit. You need to watch The videos breaking down what he's done He's very racist court Yeah off the court off the court antics are just too much. That's a world I'm tapped into. I like the cleaning ones. You like those? Yeah, where they clean an old clock or something.

Those aren't bad. Yeah, odd tinkering is a good one. What they do to metal is shocking. Yeah, yeah, I think the account odd tinkering is pretty solid. Yeah. I've gotten it, I guess, what do you even call it tingles cuz it's not like that's ASMR right? ASMR is like it's autonomous sensory meridian response

That's made up. I believe you yeah, yeah, I got it at Brooks Brothers once But this dude who was this old guy what he do is fitting me for a suit and I was and I just did not want to leave Yeah, dude is the best I got surveys. I got a survey doing surveys for people I Also like this dude Chris Ramsey who does these really difficult puzzles. Oh, yeah, he makes hot boxes and shit Yeah, those are sick, but I like it too because he looks doesn't look like a guy that be he's super good at them Yeah, that's pretty he has these huge fucking hands, and he's playing with these like tiny little locks It's like watching Bert Kreischer try to like solve like a tiny Rubik's Cube that sounds fucking sick. Yeah

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Just do this the whole episode dude. I started playing video games again. It's ruined my life I mean we were up to like 4 a.m. Playing video games and It brings me back to PS2 day. PS2 days. Because we didn't have a blockbuster like that close to us. It was a drive. But I lived in Elm Grove, which is an area of Wheeling. And we had a FarmFresh, a convenience store at the top of the street.

And I was allowed to walk with them. You had a FarmFresh as well. And they had like. Oh, they had the weird games. They had the games that were like licensed by, like they were the games that were not selling anywhere else. The bargain bin, the game stuff. Yeah, but still like licensed.

Well, PS2 made games for anything that was enjoyed, even if it wasn't. I think they stopped making games in like 2018 for PS2, which is crazy. Yeah, but they had so many games It was just like anything that was a fad in the early 2000s became a game into a game became a game the first game I ran at farm fresh. I had my own money allowance. I went up rented the mr. Bean game Do you know mr. Bean and then they made that into a row in Atkinson. Yeah, it's it. Yes horrible It was look at look at the it's so fucking bad. Oh

God and like you don't even get to do mr.. Bean shit What was his shit again like being eccentric and weird? No he didn't speak and he would like almost get hurt He was an eye guy wasn't he like you pop him. Yeah, he'd pop those things. Yeah. Yeah He was an eye guy, wasn't he? Like, he would pop them. Yeah, he'd pop those things. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I was playing like American Idol on the PS2. Yeah, and you were like hitting X to impress Simon. You just pressed triangle to play like a pre-recorded Pitney Baby one more time. And you sat there and waited. Dude, I'm just pressing triangle. Yeah, because- I'm not doing anything.

This is before like rock band where you actually had like the interface to have the microphone. You were just hitting buttons. It was reverse innovation. Yeah. I'm just hitting, now I'm just hitting a button. Trying to impress the judges. I'm like, it's just like less impressive than a top

or jacks. And then there was like games that was just like, PS2 had games that were just like a ball and you just rolled it through a desert. I loved that game. I was like, at what point do I just roll a ball? So I was like, well, at what point do I just roll a ball? Everything, anything that was a product was, um, was made into a game. Like there would

be a game developer that would make your licensed game. Like Bop It. There was probably a Bop It PS2 game. You'd go to Farm Fresh, we'd'd get Red Bull Doritos and Big Mama House to the video There was like a Gatorade game there was it was a Gatorade glacier freeze, and it was fun It was pretty freeze was good was there more for the other ones sucked ass The lid was extra tight on Glacier free so you hadfree so you had to press X mad fast It was like the nipple top one so it was like way better. It was super refreshing they had an um I Remember I went up and I rented two games I rented My mom was very protective about like violence and guns. I wasn't even allowed to have like nerf guns until like I had paintball guns

later on. She let me rent the NRA game. There was an NRA shooting game. Yeah, just guns. And then that, and she let me get Old Navy, which was a licensed game for the store. Old Navy. It was essentially Mario Party, but in an Old Navy.

I remember the Old Navy game. You fold cardigans? No, that wasn't, like there was like, if you remember in Mario Party 2, like you could like trace a face and a jackhammer. And was like whoever got the closest it was one of the minigames The old Navy one was like you had to just like the correct depth of a v-neck you're like pull it down There that was one and then there was one where you had to like you had all the pieces of a flag t-shirt And you had to like drag and drop to make the flag t-shirt the first one to make the flag

It was solid yeah, but then the NRA game it was like the only they was like they advertised as like the only Responsible gun game and so it was very fucking boring Just that was the whole this was the whole fucking game. It was target targets That's it. Yeah, I mean that and there was like heavy emphasis on cleaning the gun You had to like clean the gun and you had like you get penalized for like holding it poorly Oh, that's so boring. Yeah, so many games are like that When GTA exists, that's just not gonna work. I wasn't allowed to do GTA But my mom let me do state of emergency where you were just killing people in a mall with their own heads

That sounds with their own head. It was like the best weapon in the game You would kill them you'd rip off their head and then kill other people with their head. Oh my god But then she wouldn't let me play GTA. Yeah, I know I'd be like towards the honey I'm friends to play GTA dude I would try I tried to fuck in the tutorial of GTA first thing I did was get a golf club and beat up a hooker I beat off to the title screen Yeah, they a state of emergency. You were hot fat Cholo. Remember, am I allowed to say Cholo? Yeah. Is that the character's name? No, I don't think maybe.

PS2 games rocked because like They would put out incomplete dog shit, and then you just had to like work your way around it. It was like a you just pressed triangle to watch a video. It takes way too long to make games now start turning up bullshit like this like let us guess Def jams had a good game. Yeah, like you watch you pluralize it Def Jam I think Def jams was a good game. Yeah, you got to like I remember you got to select your girlfriend Oh, I don't remember that and like you had to fight her It was like miss like a little cam or that. And like you had to fight her. It was like Miss Little Kim or whatever.

And then no, you had to fight her boyfriend and then the method man called you on on a T-Mobile and was like, how was the lay? No way. I remember there was a what who made who was allowed to make football games it was before Madden. Quarterback Club to was it just 2K?

2K. Yeah, I think I remember you got a cell phone in that one It would be like David Arquette would call you be like yo Fuck you Like an NFL 2k David Arquette yeah, the games are really vulgar and he would call you to K playmakers Yeah, it was a David Arquette like you'd beat David Arquette's favorite team, then he'd call you a pussy on the cell phone Like celebs made cameos and games yeah, that's yeah, you fucking call you up. That's hilarious. Yo bitch You beat the Bengals Yeah, you got a house and everything you have to walk around remember this and you could invite David over that's sweet

Yeah, I was crazy You get so pissed if you you can't stand up our cat in Yeah, that shit rocked that's awesome yeah, and if you beat him he had words to share Oh, I'm the the death gem one. I remember playing the 50 cent get Richard I try oh, yeah, that was cool, too Yeah, you could be like Eminem and his whole crew and you would just do very illegal shit 90% of games were just GTA rips driver three I had there was a Simpsons hit and run was the Snoop Dogg one You could be Snoop Dogg. That was Def Jam. No, what probably I think there was another one, too I beat a playboy the playboy mansion Snoop Dogg. That was Def Jam. No, well probably I think there was another one too.

I beat Playboy Mansion. Well, there's a Playboy Mansion game? Yeah, you just did photo shoots with breasted women. Were they bare-breasted? You mean you beat it? I think so. I beat every level. The games were what they were cheat codes like you there was one cheat code you could lock all the doors in the mansion. What? No, you know, the cheat code removed the doors So no one could leave but those walls you had to earn money to like buy the doors back So wait what wait you fucked in this game you could get this Action it was just a ripoff of Sims. Oh, you're fucking Christy Robinson a gym. That's so sick Yeah, I was um. I think I was ranked in this game

Dude you were caught you were like in the you were fucking another young boy over like PS live playing this You were out fucking another underage boy playing playboy underaged boy playing playboy mansion Real toxic environment usually it's like platinum iridescent bronze. This is just it's a you gain a bigger dick Then you prestige back to micro Like you could have like there was cheats for this on cheap planet calm like to just give you like a cool bed Not lying really there were cool bed sheets cool betch. What are these stats rooms? I? Actually, I want to give you shit, but I've been I started modding games. Oh, yeah, you're a loser And I'm a loser your little phone your computer crashed cuz you got a new sock mod for your FIFA game

It did not crash. Oh my socks are just like Declan Rice's now. No, no You're a gay adult That would be true if I didn't download the Catwoman Busty mod that's sick. That's sick, but gay guys love big tits. She has a huge ass though. Oh, okay, that's cool. And the mod came with four different. The Catwoman PS2 game was one of the worst games of all time. Oh, there's so many bad games.

There was like a whole era of just like, like Playboy games, the Guy game. Do you remember the Guy game? Guy game was just footage of spring break whores. You had to answer trivia to see their titties. It wasn't even animated. It was just videos of girls flashing. Worst part about that one. Didn't it get taken?

It's underage. One of the girls is 17. Yeah, didn't that guy go to jail? I don't know, but the guy on the front. Looks like Sas. That's a little Sasquatch. Yeah, but now, like if you go to game conventions, if you're like a cool guy and go to game conventions

There will be creeps that have their ps like vintage game stands. They're selling this game for like 400 bucks You're buying child porn. Oh my god. That's child porn. Oh That type of woman look doesn't exist anymore No paper thin eyebrows. Yeah, but like back then like, oh yeah, oh the intro to this game is crazy. Cause it's like a Mario party. Cheerleaders co-ed. Restart that. It's always co-ed.

Read the words. You missed one of the words. Cheerleaders. Co-eds. Abuse? Oh lord. They just sandwiched abuse in there with all those fun things. Cheerleaders, coeds, abuse, trivia. Is this the guy game?

Yes! Trivia, boobies. Abuse! Abuse! A little bigger this time. I think the trivia was actually good. For the listeners, it's like a word cloud that's starting the game. You hear this sick guitar riff, you're like, okay, I'm ready to play this game.

Cheerleaders,aders coeds what? abuse Trivia, I think one of them's like president boobies flashes bikinis skin party president president and then The game was just playing trip answering trivia question. Yes, and then just to see tits Okay, the guy game spring break edition in 2004 it was spring break every week. Yeah, so much really break. It was bigger than the Oscars. Oh, yeah And he was kind of oh it was like president. Okay. It was like the president card game, but abuse still doesn't make sense

Choose your sexy cheerleader. And he used like found for real footage. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? Or be abused. Oh, you got to smack your buddy. Okay. Oh, smack your buddy.

You get to smack your buddy. Smack. Hell yeah, there's nothing guys like more. Oh yeah, you'd have to fill up your flash-o meter and then you could, I think, cash in to see Titty. Yeah, they really- But the thing is like, it's like, like more. Oh, yeah, you to fill up your flash. Oh meter and then you could I think cash in to see Titty yeah, they really think is like it's like imagine like screen peeking I earned the titties and you look I'd be so mad Cuz you're playing like a split into fours look look at my tits. Yeah, and your heart is a rock you like no I didn't Dude you're really hard right now

I didn't see I didn't look at those tits. Dude. You're really hard right now No, I'm looking at mine. You don't even unlock the tits. You're looking at my part of the screen Oh my god my grandma for my sister's birthday got me Charlotte's web video game So I couldn't like it be pissed because it wasn't even my birthday But it was so I wanted spider-man And she probably just saw that. She got me Charlotte's fucking web. Did the cover have a spider on it?

Yeah, like a pig collecting peppers. Trying to balance a baby carriage. You were making this shit up. Oh yeah, I can see you're confusing it up. There's a big spider web on the frame. That's for Spider-Man. Not. The Charlotte's web game? Charlotte's web game.

Did you like, were you excited? Were you like, maybe this could be good? It was in the era where like any video game was exciting. It was like, holy shit. Right, getting a new video game was great. Oh, there's a lot of, oh my, you weren't, wait, this is a baby carriage collecting peppers? No, that was a different level. Well, this is a baby carriage collecting peppers.

Oh yeah. That makes sense. I gave it a decent go. How far did you get? Not far. It was just. Honestly though, there was nothing more disappointing. Like the good games were like, I think 50 bucks, 40 bucks,

but I always held out hope because I never had 50 or 40 bucks. So I was like, all right, maybe this $13 game will be decent. Buy in the $13 game. And I remember I got Robin Hood, defender of the crown, and it was just chess. Oh, so there was a couple games that were just chess.

Just chess. Just fucking chess. Yeah, then there was like just like Tetris. Yeah, I would like that now. Tetris rules. It was like Pizza Hut Tetris. There was a couple Pizza Hut games, Pizza Hut Salad Bar out of game. game no no fucking way

There's so many games a lot of people like the pepsi man game was good the games that Burger King put out were fantastic But I didn't know pizza that was back in the time period where like if you were a successful American company You were just like oh, yeah, we're gonna go into every industry That's kind of how it worked like Hooters had an airline, but like this is the way to get to kids industry that's kind of how it worked like Hooters had an airline but like this is the way to get to kids like just and kids are what makes money for sure the other thing but that was fun about this is that like no one really knew video games when we were so young that we weren't that good like beating a video game felt in I still don't do it ever done it you want to do a play

through video of you beating Charlotte's Web? I'm not doing Charlotte's Web. I'd rather do Snow White and the Seven Clever Boys. You're making that up. That is a game. You're making that up. What? You're making up Snow White and the Seven Clever... God fucking damn it. What is this? Why didn't they say dwarf?

Because it was too offensive, but they made one of the characters very black-faced. Up? I see his lips. And that's a very small picture. Because it was too offensive, but they made one of the characters very black-faced up I see his lips in and that's a very small picture this game was the absence of What was it wasn't even a game that's ps2. It was just the seven clever boys, which are like misfit boys That's bad. That's bad. God, but you didn't get to like control anything They just frolicked in like there was singing and there was an apple that cried I can't believe you fucking played this. Oh, this looks like a library computer. This is a horrifying visual

Oh, it's a coloring books and stuff. This looks like so yeah, you can beat this art. You could beat this Kyle this You could beat this art you could beat this Kyle this Two chickens Jackass it had to load dude. I remember that Jackass wasn't bad You guys are just like beat the shit out of Steve-O like throw them off cliffs mm-hmm Yeah, there were a lot of games that were good, but like Waiting through all the bullshit made finding those so much better. Yeah Kyle wants to talk to the people about some good food mm-hmm I think I think we can all agree that food is maybe the best, at least the best, most consistent part of life, especially if it's good.

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But yeah, like I would never go to blockbuster and get like the triple A's I don't know if they had triple A back then but it would just be like those shitty like rental games And whenever there was a big movie that came out they would make a video game Oh, yeah, and a Lego version my big fat Greek wedding had a game. Yeah, that was fun. It was really fun That was fun. Yeah, that was fun. It was really fun. That was fun Yeah, mom you had to shave the body hair from the chick and it just kept growing back. It was like the Santa Claus growing back Mm-hmm Schindler's list There wasn't a Schindler's list game, I don't think uh

Might have been Yeah, every movie had a video game came out with it call a duty deal. That's what it was Yeah, actually never even seen that movie like not products to there was like a Reese's puffs game Yeah, like some of them were yogurt had a game every like It was weird a lot of like office like staples had a game Xerox had a game Xero game is Xerox had a game Xerox Xerox had a game and I think you just oh the Sopranos road respect Luke pull that

up that was uh I don't yeah that was that was really shitty I don't know what ps2 playing kid is playing watching Sopranos The cat do you make a game out of fucking anyway? I got nose for you, Joey Just one on one way to shame your family Pretty good. It looks pretty fucking good his head sideways. It was really good Yeah, press the parts that are good are the parts you just watch yeah, and it's like you can only make the guy Jog yeah, yeah, exactly yeah modern games don't have cheat codes anymore, too And cheat codes were the horniest thing on earth hot coffee hot coffee that was just like

Deleting or just like glitching to see like blurry titty every leading the shower in Sims just so I could see beige Like I was it wasn't a titty. I was seeing it was like she they didn't program nipples It's cuz you felt like you earned it. Yeah, I think that's it. Yeah. Yeah, like Slugfest, you could give like, Eat your own tits. Wait, could you actually?

I think, wait, yeah. Slugfest was crazy, you just like, Eat your own, the biggest tits in the game, it made no sense. Eat your own big tits. The Eat your own big tit mod. And Manny Ramirez a pussy. You give Mark McGuireuire BBL. Yeah

Yeah, no it was Or just like even like they just like didn't give a shit like member in blitz when you could just they would get like a You would get a reward or extra bonus points if you paralyze. Yeah, you can paralyze you could do steroids It was that was so much better ruptured someone video games got too realistic is the issue Yes, there's so violent like that. I don't want to fucking play fight flight simulator I want to play flight simulator my plane has big titties right playing red that big titty codes should be in every single Yeah, they should a hundred percent every single dude. That's why you got to get Tetris blocks having big titties

Is there a titty Tetris you gotta do modding dude You can put boobs on anything. That's why it exists. Yeah, it's for Ted Reddible What are you laughing about? Now like the new Madden it's like you have to like Game sold out because like now it's like you have to get 75 yards wearing all Nike fuck you Oh Lord, I used to get so stressed out playing Red Dead 2. Yeah, like whittle a spoon. Yeah, that's sick, and I fucked it up You fucked up whittling a spoon someone got a complete game over you had to start over from the beginning I remember I my character gets the character gets tuberculosis and

I was devastated game over. How am I gonna deal with with this I have to deal with the fucking healthcare industry dude I paid like a hundred bucks for conquerors bad fur day Because I remember like I being really really aroused by the flower and conquerors bad fur day Shit big tits then doja cat went as her for Halloween. Are you talking about the piece of flora the flower? Yes Go show me conquer conquer bad fur day flower That was a really weird costume. She did I don't see that. I didn't know what that was yeah I think doja cat went as the flower look at those things Was in Conker's bad fur day yeah like those have nipples. Oh, yeah, the bee loved those

They did something. Oh, mr. Mosquito That one you just you're around and suck your mosquito and your object You were in this family's home and your objective was to just bite and suck blood from very specific parts of the family's body Oh, no, like what they're just like like within the inch of like on the oh you're close. Yeah Yeah, that we need to bring that we need more of that We should do a special episode where you beat one of them you beat your first video game. Yeah, I Would take so long you think I? Think games like that you can beat in an afternoon. I'll try it. Oh, man

What else we got going on I'm real big into EDC What the every day carry? Oh? These dudes that match their watches to their knives That's why it's it's it's so fucking gay, and I'm so into it is it just go to the subreddit It's it it's just the boy. It's the boys showing what they carry in their pockets every single day look at that That's sick. It's really. I don't know why it really scratches an itch for me got his green blade Two green blades his green flashlight

That's always their phone case because they have to take their picture with their phone. This is so lame. I love it This is I mean it's interesting, but they're not also they're not putting that all in their pockets Are they they're just that well they'll show like a fanny pack They're like what can I pack in this these dudes love just packing sort by most liked or top of all time I want to see who's who's got the it's probably Love orange. It's probably a dude that like there's the orange guys are like the gods in this and then go scroll Talk back all time and then go yeah today dude. What do you mean love orange like the orange guys are what is it? What is orange guy like they're the other shits orange? Oh? That's a that's a mocking gesture Crusader everyday carry

32 normal yeah, they're self-aware That's what mine would look like that's way too much money for yours Yeah a lot of guys carrying a lot of guns to like their job. Aw, an engagement ring. Hong Kong protest every day. It's cool. I like seeing what dudes have in their pockets. Yeah, now it does scratch an itch. What is it? Backpack shorts? Backpack shorts. You could use that Kyle. Wow.

You think you can pull those off? They don't look bad. Do you remember when Jansport put out a backpack that was just called trans I Had it in high school. Yeah before that was a thing look up the Jansport trans What's the big logo that said trans on the back? Ouch, yeah that that wasn't That was my backpack and it just sent that on the back Trans that was that was my backpack, and it just set that on the back Trans real big just flip inside out. What did that mean?

That was a cool term back then like a it was like a trans world skate implied like extreme racing There was much worse words for actual trend. Yeah much much I Got deep into patents. Yeah. Yeah got deep into patents. Yeah? Yeah, not that interesting. Okay. Yeah, I was doing this day in history.

I was scouring. It's just, there was, January 29th, January 30th were so boring. And by that I mean it's just listing accomplishments of people that are much more successful than me, but I'm just like, yeah, that's all the internet is. Lame, lame, but today was the day

that the ice cream cone machine was invented. Chicago World's Fair? No, the day that the ice cream cone machine was invented Chicago World's Fair No, that was the ice cream cone Well, there's a lot of debate about who invented the ice cream cone But I found some just weird patents and I want you to try you guys to try to figure out which ones of them are Real and which ones I just made up. Okay. Easy. Very. If you stump me I will.

Kill yourself? I'll kill myself on camera. Okay, cool. So, first up we have the life expectancy timepiece. I'm gonna fucking lose. So that's like a timepiece that shows how much longer you have to live. You could.

It's a watch that tells how much longer. You couldn't create that in your head. That's real. That is real Thanks. No, not thanks Rudy no that was mean This is gonna be so easy Rudy's is gonna be like I can't even electric triangle It kills you immediately as soon as you touch it Okay, what about the portable burrito?

All that's you It's a burrito on a stick. Well. That's a no that would never work. It's a burrito on a stick I mean, I'm sure it's Would have to be like defraud exists, but not specifically for a burrito. Oh It's probably sold. Yeah, there's probably like a novelty food truck or restaurant Rudy only thinks about nachos and burritos. That's something he could consider Cocked like Rudy could pick up Rudy would be holding a burrito walking down the street and being like imagine if this was portable That's Rudy Rudy your portable burrito. I'm kind of thinking this is a bad. I this is this is bad wait

Which is that one real or fake? That one's real no But you know this is stupid I don't like it. I thought it'd be a kind of a fun thing how many good really think of yeah, I didn't really okay Oh my god. There's the patent. Yeah, that one's real. That's silly So anything that exists you can look up its patent and like see their submission Yeah, that's pretty cool. Yeah Apparently in crossbows are listed under ravioli Wow yes, that makes sense mm-hmm. Yeah, okay

What about the phone parachute? Oh? When you drop your phone it has a case in it that it deploys that's real mini parish. That's real. That's agenda oh I got gendered That's a good idea idea I could see a Persian in the mall selling that there was a time when you if you drop it from like a building no it deploys incredibly quickly wait yeah that would yeah you know for that it would employ all the time. But imagine you were at a bar, you take your phone and it just falls gracefully. That would impress the chicks.

Yeah, that would be sweet. I think it would look pathetic. The gerbil shirt. It's a vest that has tubes on it. I think I saw the inventor go on figure it out with Summer Sanders. That is real. Portable Sanders. That is real. Yeah, mm-hmm portable bath That's fake. It's a bag that you put over your body kind of like those that's real and you fill it with soap That's real. That is real Wow. Yep. That is real

Yeah, there's some dumbass shit in here. This is interesting the comb over That like the hairstyle mm-hmm that does it have a pat? I don't think it needs a patent You're smirking like you've made up that yeah, it's fake That is real some dudes. I don't know how it's possible, but some dudes in 1975 patented the comb over Were you they have like a diagram of how to comb that's like fucking Ohio State trying to trademark it. Yeah, right I don't I didn't understand that losers. Yeah, okay foreskin attachment for people that have lost their foreskin Synthetic attachment fake fake tip of your pink. Yeah, that's fake. Yeah, yeah

There it is yeah Yeah, it's filed under like that. So you have to like get approval before you do it on your own head Yeah, that's crazy So what the rules of a patent are is that you it once you get a patent that means no one can Make money or copy your design for 20 years so can we just think of an invention? That's what I want to do. I want to try to get a patent in I want to get a patent okay So full parachute. I think is on the table No

I think is on the table No Just cuz the text not there yeah, the text not the way yeah, what year do you think this is yeah? I'm sure you have a good invention idea. I don't really think like that. I just make people and places up I Don't know how like things wait. Let's let's uh let's see if we can patent like a person I don't know how things like come together to create another thing I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I don't get if we could patent new classin Oh, you could trademark it trademark Yeah, but I don't think you patent it you got to come up with something to pass it has to be like an invention a physical

Inventure I'll be honest with you guys. We've been talking Wikipedia a lot That's the kind of shit that gets put in a Wikipedia if we want to Wikipedia page patent That'll get us there. I have one invention that I don't think is humanly possible, but I think about it like once a month. What is it? Having someone else take a piss for you. I would love that. I think about that all the time.

If I could touch somebody and transfer my piss. And transfer your piss. Yeah. Like you're sitting on the couch, you don't want to get up. Someone else pisses for you. Pass it, yeah. That's definitely, I don't think that's possible I think we need like witchcraft for that. Yeah, that would not be possible Yeah, I want to make that a goal for 2025 as we get we get a patent on the books That would be cool though. Like, do you know you guys uh,

My house growing up had the vacuum system in the walls So every wall had a hole and you could just plug a hose and you had a vacuum You're talking about outlets? No. Like tubes. That would vacuum into the wall? Yeah. So my room had like a sucking hole. And uh, Wow. I did not take advantage of that as a kid.

Dude, it was dick shaped. I had a robot that would suck. That in my house. Every room has a hole that sucks oh My god, I mean I fucked up do we patent the fuckable house a fuck I was thinking about you could piss in any room You just do that oh My god you add the yeah, I had a sucking machine in every room I went into and never once put my cock in it

It was look at it unplugged. It was perfect. It's like fucking the back of Neo's head. It was perfect. Oh my god. That was funny already. Yeah, that. I had that in my room. I fucked worse things than that as a boy. Not shit, I would imagine. That was just there. I just can't believe just never heard of that

Was that a common thing and then the bag was in the basement? I've never seen that You must have a good shit But but that for piss would be cool like in a bar imagine the bar just a piss hole right now No, you probably knew private. Yeah, I mean it's a yeah. Oh My god, I need to go. Yeah. Oh my God. I need to go home and fuck my house. You should, yeah. Oh.

And it sucks so hard. God damn. Not probably wetly? I would probably have to build some sort of apparatus. Oh, I spilled lube on the floor. I guess I'll vacuum it up. I guess I'll throw it in the vat. Yeah, my parents would be like, why are there? Like, that was what would on the floor. I guess I'll vacuum it up. I guess I'll throw it in the vat. Yeah, my parents But why are there?

Like that was what would be the issue like I would probably buy like some sort of thing that would look like lips Yeah, and then they would suck it up and be in the bag and clog it. I would break my house Who broke the fucking house who clogged the house with these lips? You clogged the house with these lips Getting walked in on fucking that like that's so insulting to my parents fucking the home Yeah So disrespect so disrespectful the mortgage Not even our banks yeah everything that my dad mom worked so hard to build this and I their son fucks it first day first night

Yeah, I cheat on I cheat on my room with the dining room Caught I'm in a polyamorous relationship with a fucking floor plan. It's not I'm not serious with the foray. I know it was fucking drunk Yeah, I was fucking drunk, and I thought you Yeah, no our insurance premium went up cuz Nick fucked the house the den came on to me That's something you like if you catch your son doing that you don't even react you just ignore them for the rest of their child You have meet them with pure apathy for the rest of their life Like yeah, cuz they have that over you just like this you fucked our house

You just you let them like get in trouble and like do whatever they want you just treat them with no emotions As long as not home fucking the house that would that would Why did I never oh my what a wasted opportunity you should yeah you 100% should have Your parents are like I just can't believe we never found him fucking that but the thing is like When you turn on the system the whole house knows it's on because the every hole has suction It's only the open hole that's sucking. Oh look at Nick He's cleaning again at 12 his room's filthy. Yeah, and every room smells like cum yeah He's such a good son cleaning the house at midnight

I'm a moron That would have been I would have never accomplished anything in life if I had a house that could suck my car That's so dangerous cuz I went through puberty in that house and like smart house was a thing on Disney. No house that could suck your cock. Imagine if every room could suck your cock really hard. Dexter's laboratory even think of that. Mook is there a video of a train like the suction was

It would have been good, and it was like warm air Mm-hmm Yeah, I mean If a central vac system is operable when you don't have the hose If you're in a place, and you see central vac inlets and you want to test them out Take your keys take two metal keys. I could have used this like this I Would have built something like put around the base of my dick to activate this My parents are catching with keys around my cock fucking now

Just teed up for you Oh my god. That was just teed up for you. That's, it's, ugh. I wonder if any of my friends ever fucked my house. Oh, absolutely. Your friends spank in the walls. Spank in the walls? Yeah, there's like kiss marks on my fucking, on the fucking drywall.

I get really jealous when we move and I like resent the people that bought the house. No if you can Fuck in the house Spank in the wall you just yeah, he's like he's like really into it His drive away that's overkill both of you Hit it a little too good Drive away that's or kill both of you Nobody would ever compare to the house though, that's where you're the most comfortable like it was that now I

Had a house that could suck my dick from age 11 to present day, and I never took advantage damn damn damn damn I'd be doing fucking drive-bys on that you you would break into my house just You didn't take anything Dude a robber that just goes and fucks your in built-in vacuum unit Yeah, the real estate agent is selling the house when you're done. They're like yeah It's a great starter home really lovely good price, and you're not gonna believe this unfucked dude. What if like Yeah, it's a virgin. I sell the place and like I My parents little place and I go back to like visit okay. I grew up here

Do you mind if I like walk around and then like they're like yeah, it's okay. It's fine Then it kind of use the restroom yeah, of course, and there's like they hear They're walking on you breathing heavily That's crazy that was that just dawned on me I was just yeah, that was just available damn, dude That's crazy I Wish I had a brother so I could just ask if he ever fucked the house. You do have a dad.

I'm sure. And the worst part is you know he did. I know he did. It was his idea to put these in. He had a fully developed brain like any man. Cause I think we were real ahead of the curve getting these things. You had to have vacuumed, dude.

And my mom was like, Will you, you never vacuum. We need this. It's going to change our fucking lives. Cause it's way less convenient than an actual vacuum cleaner. Yeah. I just, that's what I don't quite get. But now that I See the other application interesting stuff

There's something else I want to bring up, but I fucking completely forget oh Well, what do you got? Is there a 433 there was no area code, but it was the starting zip code of Marion, Ohio, home of Warren G. Harding. Interesting guy. Really bad president, like lowest rank. He had the highest approval rating while he was president. He was adored, he won in the landslide. Was he the one showing his cock to guys at parties, or was that LBJ?

He may have been, but after he died is whenever it was Revealed that he his legacy was Corruption cheating and lying all he did was hire his like homies He had the corruption of Nixon the sexual deviance of Clinton without the intelligence of either He was like he he was like one of the most dynamic cheaters to no kidding He like after he fucked his mistresses like, who all looked like gourds, like they were all ugly. Oh.

Women did, yeah. His wife, Florence, yeah, looked like a butternut squash. Let me see Florence. His mistresses were even uglier. Oh yeah. Oh she does, she's an award winning squash. Like an old man farmer I could see holding her head proud of the reaping. Warren G. like he loved having sex with his mistresses so much like he had to like write

them letters about it. Like he wrote about how good. His letters were found after his death. Like I love your poise of perfect thighs when they hold me in paradise. Oh my god. I love the rose your garden grows. I love when you open your eyes and mouth and arms and cradling thighs. If I had you today, I'd kiss and fondle you into my arms and hold you there until you said, Warren, oh Warren, oh my god, a benediction of blissful joy Jesus he described his mistress as like the the amalgamation and embodiment of every pleasurable thought that I've ever had

That was beautiful though, I know but he did he did talk about his cock and code he called it Jerry Last name's Harding and he was when Harding mentions Jerry as in the preceding letter in the following way He is using a code word for his penis and Kerry's sex organ was done Mrs. Powderson Her pussy was called Miss Powderson He was getting vivid like and you came a vision vividly plain a goddess in human form in a perfect form clad only in flowing hair and you were joyously received and Jerry came and insisted on staying. Oh he left it in. He let it steep. That's like tenth base. That is dude if you if you if your cock insists on staying please

just a little longer. That's that's the that's the postgame press conference is cock being a lingerer in the pussy if your cock lingers that's like a mess so over staying you're welcome loitering yeah like leaving it in after oh that is the most disrespectful thing you can do do you mind if I just stay a little bit longer? Just leave it. Warren, please. Please, just let me stay. Just for the night. Can I get a late check out? It's so cold out.

Damn. Yeah, he was like talking like, wouldn't you like to get sopping wet out on Superior, not the lake, for the joy of fevered fondling and melting kisses? Like, he's Really good at writing yeah, like is the fucking Tissue and his cock had to be so hard oh My god, you're right. I didn't even think about his cock tissue Describers in his dish each tissue had to be harder than the last oh my god on the Mohs scale That's all I had

His tissue Tissues blood vessels like the Mississippi River I was reading about Roald Dahl the writer of like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory BFG each James and John peach Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, BFG. Peach. James and John at Peach. Very, very well known man, very successful. All his works are fantastic.

I was reading about he got hurt in the war, lost his vision, this was before he was famous. And the nurse that brought him back to health, like while she was nursing him back to health, he would write about how her voice was was bliss how she's his guardian angel He would promise to marry her when he's better Loved her fell in love with her was his muse for a lot of things He got his vision back and he's like no

As soon as he got his vision back he's like oh, he said I fell instantly out of love That is so cool. Now I'm gonna write about a chocolate factory. Yeah. Yeah. He thought he had a salt mended up with a gloop. Damn shame. That they add that's on the opposite side of the romance spectrum.

Big time. The presidents in the side of the romance spectrum. Big time. The presidents in the 20s had the coolest names. Who else? They had to run. Four and G Harding is a cool, I think it's just Warren Harding. Yeah. The G silent.

But that's, that's a hard name. Epic name. It has war in it. Hard. Hard, like that's the most. Ding. Yeah, I like that's the most The three most masculine things war hard and ding

And the G is masculine yeah, what oh yeah, and it was like Herbert Hoover is not a good name I think it kind of is you like her word is lame, but Herbert Hoover is cool. It was Warren G Harding Calvin Coolidge Shit, yeah, that was good Who else I? Guess Herbert Hoover There's some cool Woodrow Wilson Alfred E Newman. There's a lot of he was no president. There's a lot of it. Mad Magazine boy Huh a lot of alliteration. Yeah, it's almost like marvelous. Yeah, but just like prominent Names Rutherford B. Hayes is good that goes hard. It's actually kind of B

Hayes that's that and I don't like it you'll see that's grant is good I think your middle initial can be really sick if you add it Harry s Truman that's that's penile. Yeah Mm-hmm Harry s Truman that's that's penile. Yeah Yeah, it's like kind of sounds like hairy ass hairy ass true. Yeah, Lyndon B. Johnson I think it's kind of go I think he was showing his dick at parties, and I'm pretty sure it's massive You had a huge dick is all it was yeah, you had a humongous day Yeah, face like that you have a big dick. Yeah every every

Now every owner looks like their dog. I Don't know what he looks like his dick Every face looks like their dick I've never seen a dick that doesn't match the face That me humble brag there is That me that humble brag there is I'm out of like I have nothing left. I have nothing left Okay Yeah, yeah, God bless you guys have sent us some ps2 games that will play and

Let me know if you guys have a vacuum in your house that uh, it doesn't have you ever fucked your house God bless. God bless