A New Untold Story - Craziest Horser feat. Brandon Walker - A New Untold Story: Ep. 410
Episode Date: August 22, 2024Brandon Walker joins the pod to talk looney tunes Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app today and use code UNTOLD to easily score great deals with the new Gametime Picks! Smalls - For 50% off y...our first order, head to https://Smalls.com/UNTOLD and use code UNTOLD. Manscaped - Go to Manscaped.com and use code ANUS for 20% Off and Free Shipping. MANSCAPED® the perfect way get your patties sizzling hot this summer. Factor - Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/kb50 and use code kb50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast
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Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube.
Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music.
Nick, good clap.
Good ass clap.
My brother.
Want to start loving myself. I'm told story Hey, isn't that sweet, over told? Fuck no, baby
It's a new untold story
A new untold story
It's a fresh baked untold story
A new untold story. Episode 410. Yeah, I got it. Well, that's a shotgun. Yeah,
it's a breed of shotgun. That's the first shotgun I ever had in Mississippi. A 410?
It's a tiny pussy little shotgun that they give kids.
That was Kyle Jr.
I was gonna actually reveal that, but that's crazy you knew.
Oh, the shotgun thing?
Yes.
That was my first gun.
Yep.
And Pokemon 410.
Really?
Shield on?
Yeah, nah, nah.
That's a disgrace.
You knew a shield on?
Mm-hmm.
He's so armored that he doesn't have to fight.
All he does is eat berries.
Sounds like a waste of an attacking creature. He's a armored that he doesn't have to fight. He can only, all he does is eat berries. Sounds like a waste of an attacking creature.
He's a defensive creature.
Are there carnivorous Pokemon that eat other Pokemon?
So yeah, they've never really made that clear.
And they've never made it clear.
Like there's been hints of just other animals in the Pokemon universe, which is pretty interesting.
So like there'll be a Pidgey, which is a bird type, but then there'll just also be regular
birds and then they show them eating fish in Pokemon, unless that's an undiscovered fish. which is pretty interesting. So like there'll be a Pidgey, which is a bird type, but then there'll just also be regular birds.
And then they show them eating fish in Pokemon,
unless that's an undiscovered fish.
So we don't even know if humans in that world
that eat Pokemon.
That's such forced ambiguity.
No, I don't think it's forced at all.
That felt so mean.
Sorry, yeah.
No, it's only one thing to apologize to me.
I think it's just like a fun little thing,
like a thought exercise. It really is. Yeah. Have you ever shot a 410 shotgun? No, yeah. No, it's only, I don't want you to apologize to me. I think it's just like a fun little thing, like a thought exercise.
It really is.
Yeah.
Have you ever shot a 410 shotgun?
No, but-
Not a lot of kick.
410 is the area code of Baltimore.
Really? Yeah.
Which is-
Lot of shotguns.
Fitting.
Yeah, I guess it is.
It's a tailored suit, onions and peppers.
Yeah.
Let's talk, yeah, crime, violent crime in Baltimore. Horrible. It's talk. Yeah. Crime, violent crime in Baltimore.
Horrible. It's bad. It's up. It's bad. If you look at the global
crime index, it's like all Brazilian cities and then
Baltimore nestled in the top 10 amongst like Latin America.
Violent crimes. And we know about Brazil. We know about gun
violence in Brazil.
Is it our most violent city?
There's no way.
Memphis is way up there.
Every video is like somebody just walks into a convenience store and then all of the customers
shoot him.
That's how Omar got shot.
They have the itchiest index.
Is that how Omar got shot?
That's how Omar Little went down.
Did I just name Omar Little?
Yeah.
I didn't see it.
So he got shot by a kid in a convenience index. Omar Little went down. That's the name, Omar Little? Yeah.
I didn't see it.
So he got shot by a kid in a convenience store.
Then that's Baltimore.
That is Baltimore.
Yeah, Baltimore and Brazil.
The guy that I call into another guy.
He was a gay character.
He was.
Tremendously gay.
Yeah.
And the actor's dead.
Fentanyl.
Shane.
The actor's name was Fentanyl?
No, no, no.
That was recent cause.
That wasn't like the cause.
It was the cause of death.
Fentanyl. I miss that.
It's sneaky. It is sneaky.
It's it's like
it's getting like smaller and stronger.
Yeah.
You just got to take like a microscopic spec
and then you're good.
Good. It's like, you know, Snoop Dogg's getting into everything.
Yeah. Fentanyl is like a Snoop Dogg trajectory.
It's like, it's everywhere you look. Holy shit. Fentanyl did a cookbook with Martha Stewart.
Fentanyl did a cookbook with Martha Stewart. Fentanyl went to high school with Amber Diaz.
Fentanyl is snooped off.
It's ubiquitous as Snoop.
Fentanyl is commentating equestrian at the Olympics.
Yeah, but Brazil, like, you watch the live leagues, Brandon?
No, I don't.
It's always like a bodega or whatever their version is.
And someone walks in and then like... It's always a like a bodega or whatever their version is. And someone walks in and then
it's always at a corner. It's a three undercover cops just shoot each other. Like they have the
impulse control of like Eric Cartman. Everybody's an undercover cop down there. If you want to be a
cashier in Brazil, like you have to go to basic training because you're gonna shoot. Live leaks in Brazil are like, it's, it is, they don't miss.
No, no.
They're sharp shooters.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you think the proliferation of Brazilian asses leads to more shootings?
Oh yeah.
Cause it's asses that aren't theirs.
It's fat asses that they can't have.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it's like the most beautiful, it would be a perfect, like Rio, the most picture perfect coastal city.
I once got curious and at my job in 2009,
we had slow computers and they would get caught up.
And my coworker came in to ask me a question.
I was the boss and my last Google search
which had not gone through yet was naked Brazilian women.
Whoa.
I was just curious and she was like,
oh, is that what you like?
And I said, yeah. Yeah, I was curious about and she was like, oh, is that what you like? And I said, yeah.
Yeah, I was curious about it.
And that was before the Me Too movement.
Like you were allowed to be like weird.
Yeah, was that weird?
Yeah, I think it was weird looking at naked Brazilian women.
I wish I hadn't said that.
It's a weird search, but I get it.
Yeah.
One time I was looking up naked women during,
this is what, I looked up naked women,
stopped the Google search,
and I was doing it during a thunderstorm.
Power went out as the naked women loaded on the screen.
I went upstairs because I was in the basement,
it got real dark, I got afraid.
My parents went downstairs to do a breaker.
Power comes back on, what's on the screen?
They see it.
It went right back to it?
No, it loaded up and then it was like this closed,
do you want to open it back up?
Yeah.
Oh, your parents probably chest bumped.
They were probably like, I'm fucking ecstatic, dude.
Oh!
Oh my god, we love that.
Nick spelled men role?
Nick, it whoa.
Nick, it whoa.
Like, man, the heck you say, whoa.
Show me Lauren.
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa!
Whoa, man.
Yeah. We're good to have you Brandon.
Yeah, Brandon.
We're not on the Yak, so I can say you're nothing
but complimentary and kind to me.
Oh, thank you.
Hopefully that doesn't get out.
Don't say that on the Yak.
You just shower me with kindness.
Don't say that.
You're just the greatest dude to me and I
appreciate that. I'll do anything for you. I did. I drove
this group here. This whole group. Well, not Mook. No, I
took the bus. He's a bus guy though. Yeah. He is. Yeah. He
probably liked him more. He had more room. Hated every second
of it. Of the bus? Didn't he? Didn't he? Didn't he get mad at
you guys? No. No. He took an edible, I think. It was
chilling. He said he was mad but he was mad, but he was just
busting up his phone.
He think it was show mad?
Yeah.
It was show mad.
Yeah.
You would have been so crammed on this.
Yeah, I would have rather have been on the bus.
Like a Tony's wife.
Sorry.
That's what we do though.
That's what we do here, we try things.
All right.
Kamala Harris can't win the presidency.
She just fucking can't.
And I don't know anything about her policies.
I'm apolitical, but I look just like her non-binary daughter.
And I will not be, thank God I lost my glasses.
I will not be able to open up Twitter
without being reminded.
Oh, you're gonna get blasted.
We have the same exact armpit hair.
We just cannot.
We cannot have this happen.
She wore like a hat and she has like scattered tattoos
and it's just sweet.
Oh my God.
I haven't seen them.
Get out there and vote for my own sake. Can you be a
non binary daughter? No. Oh yeah. I have seen her. This is
the same frame. Yeah, I just can't. We folks hit the hit.
Let's vote or die. Yeah, that's what she took him. Come on.
That's kind of a lot. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I can be sad. Yeah for sure
This whole my
Alright interrupting the podcast but really quickly to talk to you boys about
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Okay, it's actually Blue Man. Okay.
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It did not transform you.
It shocked me when I found out
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Yeah, I knew that.
You wouldn't know.
It's not just a touring group of the few.
I didn't know that.
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You guys all got that answer right.
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Big pressure.
You did it.
Yeah, I was getting clouded.
Do you have a message in a while?
We're back, we had little audio issues.
Yeah, Kamala can't fucking win.
Just because of that.
I wish I was like Baron.
Meaning you were like Trump or you couldn't have child?
Yeah, either or.
No, I want little, I want Spawn.
Spawn's a great part for kids.
Yeah, you have four Spawn.
Four Spawn, yeah. Four Offspring, four...
Good leads.
Spawn was the highest grossing independent comic until what came around?
Oh man, come on.
It had to be Garfield.
Almost certainly.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
Yeah, yeah. Like comic book, not strip.
OK. Heathcliff. Direct rib of Garfield.
Yeah. Direct rib.
Orange cat. Was he lazy?
I don't think he was lazy. I think he was just.
Are there any Heathcliff like does Heathcliff have shooters?
I don't think so.
He's left time came and went. Garfield had staying power.
I think Heathcliff was only born of the 80s and stayed there.
Is there any Heathcliff going on now?
I don't think Heathcliff has like a ride at Universal or anything.
That would be awesome.
Does Garfield ever ride at Universal?
I think he has somewhere in the attractions.
Is his leg laying in a bed in Los Angeles?
Yeah, his bed was weird.
It's a square box.
He might sleep in his litter box.
I think he sleeps in his litter box.
He sleeps in his shit.
I think John Arbuckle's a bad guy.
Yeah, Arbuckle's an abuser.
How does-
He got me too.
Did he?
Uh-huh.
He's always so nice in person.
How did he get his blanket up?
When Garfield's in his-
It's the two lumps.
But when Garfield gets in his bed, he's in the box and the blanket comes up to like here
when his head's out.
I'm about to become the biggest Heathcliff Stan.
I might try to begin the biggest Heathcliff,
Heathcliff,
Heathcliff collection in the United States.
I'm a huge Heathcliff guy.
You're not a huge Heathcliff guy.
Heathcliff Huxtable.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Big Huxtable guy.
That's him in a candy bar with the Spanish fly in it.
That's a Heathcliff.
Is Heath a candy bar? Heath is a candy bar. Yeah. It's underrated.
It's an awful name. A good combination of food.
Score's an awful name.
You know how like there are weird things that scared you as a kid?
Yeah. Score. The logo for Score scared me.
No one was eating.
Well the bar wasn't pleasantly packaged. It's a dark brown package, right?
Yeah.
Like gold littering?
Orange maybe, or like a burnt sienna.
Nothing about scores appealing.
No.
It's it's.
I've never had a score.
I think it's like.
You've never had a score.
I have had a score.
I got in a fight with somebody over a score one time.
Not a fight.
I got yelled at by an adult over a score.
I was at my friend Sarah Judson's house when we were 15.
We all went over there to make out
the one my friends did anyway.
And we were there and her parents had a candy jar
and they had a score bar in the candy jar.
And I had never had a score.
And I was like, I want that score.
You wanted the score?
And I walked in and I was like, I have to have that score.
And they were having family dinner
and they were holding hands to pray.
And I was like, can I have that score?
And he said, not now, we're having dinner.
And I went to reach for the score and he yelled at me.
He said, you get out of here.
I'm gonna have a family dinner.
That's bold as hell.
First off, this was like a makeout exhibition
with the parents in a fucking family feast.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It was just a regular dinner.
It was a Friday night.
And then I was going to turn in a makeout downstairs.
No, everybody would, all of our friend group
would go over to one person in the friend group's house
on Friday night.
We'd just chill on the couch, watch a movie maybe,
and do radio, stuff like that.
And this time it was her house's turn
and that score was just right in the middle.
And I just, I had to have it.
I don't remember having it though.
We gotta get you back on the score.
I, my house was the Friday night basement house.
And we had this giant red microfiber sectional down in the basement.
And my friends called it the they called it the daycare
because all of my friends had come on it while fucking.
I never had sex on it.
So a group of my friends, when we got rid of it, cut out a square of the couch.
And now they have it on their keychains.
But I didn't get to partake
No
What is coming everybody coming on the couch
On your furniture they made a point to come on no, I think it was just like it was just like juice
juice and leaks. Mm-hmm. Just be, shrapnel.
Juice and leaks makes home sound worse somehow.
All right, tell me the difference
between Sylvester and Felix, the cat.
Sylvester, Felix was the main star of his own show
and the world revolved around him.
Sylvester's entire world was caught up
in another character.
Tweetie Bird.
Felix is also like, Felix might be public domain now.
Felix the cat.
Yeah. I remember.
Felix was very attached to Wendy's.
Really?
Wendy's always had Felix toys.
Yeah.
I thought they had that red hair bitch with the pigtails.
That's Wendy.
Okay.
And if you look at the collar on that logo, it says mom as a
dedication to mom, it's hidden in the neck of the-
Is it mom?
I thought it had the word Wendy in every logo well that as well okay that's the name of the
business I thought the name Wendy was buried inside the other paraphernalia of
you know what now that I talk more I realize Wendy's a tough word to hide
mom's easier to hide mom is easier Wendy's hard to hide. Wemby? Victor Weminyama? The big guy.
Yeah, impossible to hide.
You think he has that, like, kind of lingus?
I think he has curl.
I don't think he eats pussy.
That's just because his feet would be in the hallway.
Yeah.
Yeah, where do tall guys munch?
They have to.
I think it's a kneel in front of the bed situation.
Wemby has to fuck Larry Bird.
He has to eat Larry Bird's pussy.
What?
Yeah, so.
What, what?
Well, Larry Bird being 6'9".
It was a punchline.
So he comes from French Lick.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
The setup was iffy, but.
Hey, no, no. You gotta try to work it in the conversation. Larry Bird is eating, yeah, Larry Bird Yeah, no, no, no. You gotta try to work it in the conversation.
Larry Bird eating.
No, no, no.
Wendby eating Larry Bird's pussy.
I gotta just work on the buildup of that.
And then I can say.
Well, it's never gonna naturally come up in conversation,
so you're gonna have to chew board it in.
It just did.
It kinda.
Yeah.
Kinda.
Wendy, Wendy.
No, you forced that. I did.
You forced that.
I was waiting for it in and Wendy was the best I could get.
Wendy to Wemby, it's Larry Bird.
Did you guys say Wemby?
Wemby.
I wanna feed pussy, huh guys?
Yeah.
I should know that you're never.
It was the most non-talking point of all time.
I should know by now that you're never trying to you're non-talking point of all time. I should know by now that you're never trying
to start a conversation.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
Do you ever try to spur a conversation,
be the center of attention?
Not-
I said spur and center.
It's like a kid outside the mirror, man.
Wait, did you say spur and center?
Oh my God. All right.
We were, no, I was bringing up,
Sylvester was a Looney Tune.
Yes.
And I have a huge affinity for Looney Tunes.
Like I think it's noted.
It's noted.
You can see Looney Tunes inspiration
in a lot of the things I do.
I eat carrots.
That's really it.
But were you like laughing your ass off
at like Donald Duck and Goofy and Pig?
No, I was more of a Muppets kid.
Well now, Muppets is good.
Muppets are Looney Tunes.
I'm more Muppets than Looney Tunes.
I'm more Looney Tunes than Muppets.
No, Muppets are legitimately funny.
I have a Muppets tattoo.
No, no, no, hold on. Looney Tunes are legitimately funny. No, Muppets are way funnier than Looney Tunes and Muppets. No, Muppets are legitimately funny. I have a Muppets tattoo. No, no, no, hold on. Looney Tunes are legitimately funny.
No, Muppets are way funnier than Looney Tunes.
I think Muppets ever had anything as funny as like baseball
bugs or the bugs bunny in the bullfight.
Anything Swedish Chef has ever said
is funnier than anything any tune has ever done.
No, I disagree wholeheartedly, vehemently.
Wrong, you're wrong.
All right, fair enough.
Watch some of the Muppet movies.
I've seen some Muppet movies.
You see Muppet Treasure Island?
Not in a very, very long time.
That really pleases you, Muppet Treasure Island.
Muppet Treasure Island Tattoo, the Black Spot.
Holy damn.
O'Brien, are you hip with like old school Looney Tunes?
You're talking about the very, very racist ones? That's what we're gonna talk about. Yeah, damn. Oh, Brian, are you hip with like old school Looney Tunes? You're talking about the very, very racist ones.
That's what we're going to talk about.
Yeah, they were they were.
They were kept in a safe in my grandfather's house.
I have preserved them for time, and they passed it down to me,
along with the lonesome bowls of cotton.
There's a group of Looney tunes that were taken away.
They're called the censored 11.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's someone more burned.
That's what would happen if you panced me right now
on we'd have to have Moog do that in post.
Censored 11.
Centimeters?
Shut the fuck up.
That would still be good, I think. 11 see the descriptions of these censored 11 episodes.
You know who would hate censored 11 Drake when he's trying to look at underage million
Bobby Brown.
It was 4.3 inches.
You didn't want you.
4.3.
Yeah.
That's good.
That's good.
Imagine if you pulled.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah was 4.3 inches. You didn't want you.
4.3?
Yeah.
That's good, that's good.
That's fine.
Imagine if you put, yeah.
That's perfectly fine.
Fine.
I got pants hanging from a jungle gym.
That's brutal.
It was, it felt like I'd been flogged.
It was so exposing and so, I cried.
Underwear and everything?
Everything.
In college, I was having a party and this dude
puked on my table like brown muck.
And I was like pissed off.
And I was cleaning up his puke and he panced me.
What?
I was cleaning up his puke.
Why did your place inspire so many bodily fluids?
This is my college place.
I love it.
It's where there's complete freedom
when you come to my home.
You be yourself.
Let the fluids go.
You do what you need.
You do what you want. you do what you want.
I won't step in, but no, the censored 11, do you know?
Yeah, I looked it up.
Some of them are, they are bad with intent.
I'd imagine they'd be funny.
They were funny in the 30s.
I think it was like 40, like 48 to 57.
There were some they took away in 1922.
When you think something's too racist in 22, my god.
What could that be?
And they brought some of them back in 44, took them away.
The good old days.
Just the caricatures of these drawings are...
So they're all drawn in blackface style.
Yes.
And they even had a name for that called darky iconography.
Jesus Christ.
And like the...
What they drew for their mouth wasn't lips.
No, it was bad.
It was two lip gallagher.
They were huge.
They were the size of a man.
They were both the size of a man.
Jeremy Allen whites.
They're two Jeremy Allen whites.
Yeah.
What was the...
This was all right.
They had a black snow white.
Yeah.
They had a black snow white.
And her name was
Cole Black.
And instead of the seven dwarves, what was it Kyle?
The seven dwarves.
The guys were so racist that they didn't even think black people could say the numbers.
Yeah.
That is racist.
Cole Black for Snow White is gnarly.
Cole and COAL?
They said Cole Black and the Seven Dwarves
was considered progressive.
The Seven Dwarves was considered progressive at the time
because they used black voice actors.
Cole?
That was probably the first time they were ever used.
It might be the first time.
I thought you meant like progressively racist,
like they were breaking new barriers.
No, they were just so racist.
Progressive back then was like extra racist.
It's like, wow, this one is like really pushing me up.
These guys are really forward thinking.
Oh my God.
I can't, they are, you said it.
We didn't even think of that stereotype.
Oh my God.
They were hailing him like he was Christopher Null
and they're like, Aaron Sorkin,
they're like, he's just breaking new barriers.
This guy.
Yeah. But those guys use stereotypes that I didn't know about.
Now there's some good ones.
Like gambling.
Look at Barstool Sports.
Yeah.
Clean Pastures.
It's about a black heaven called Pero Dice.
Oh my God.
Where you needed to have rhythm to be admitted.
This was the show.
Now wait a minute.
That would be an incredible place.
Yeah. You have that rhythm to get in so much pastures
opens in Harlem, where African-American caricatures gamble,
drink and dance in a sea of bars, clubs and girls.
I mean, that is heaven.
That is the boom boom room from Life, the movie.
Reading the start of the description for Sunday go to meeting time.
Nicodemus tries to steal a chick.
That's actually the plot of a lot of them years then hitting the trail for Hallelujah land.
Uncle Tom is terrorized by skeletons.
Uncle Tom is a dog like character in Blackface.
Skeletons Uncle Tom is a dog like character in blackface
that Goldilocks in the Jive and Bears
Jive and Bears was an episode
It's like what was Goldilocks like the porridge in the bed was there no papa bear
Red bone riding hood
They were crazy, I think this was Ted Turner shit
What's it like, what, what,
instead of the porridge brand and what would be too hot?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I feel like I'm trapped.
What are you talking about?
Get the Mississippi guy in here.
No, this is fine.
No, this is just fine.
I, uh,
I was thinking of-
Puss in boots, ass in Tim's.
What? Puss in boots, ass in Tim's.
The Indian version would be no puss in sand.
I wrote one. I wrote a premise for one if they did it for Indian people.
And it's called Deepak's demo.
He's like a home contractor.
And Deepak's a home contractor
and he redos a family's bathroom.
You hear him working
and then he opens the door to reveal it.
And instead of a bathroom,
toilet's just a hole in the wall that leads to the street.
And then he's in flip-flops.
And then he goes, he leaves
and he goes to make a female employee uncomfortable
at the
flip flop store.
Yeah.
I was trying to do one for white, white people.
Where's the washcloth Wyatt?
He's a real thin lipped guy and he's confused by like what to do with the washcloth.
He uses it.
So I looked up white stereotypes.
I said, what's the whitest food?
And first result, multiple results were like, only white people eat turnips.
So he just figures the watch cloths for cleaning turnips.
And I have Wyatt watches Wes. It's Wyatt watching the Life Aquatic as he eats a turnip.
What is that a parody of?
Nothing.
No, I thought there's no other races name.
Why?
Why are you waiting turnips watching Wes Anderson movies?
Yeah.
Is pink whiteness.
Yeah, that is so white.
But now turnip greens.
Right.
That's different.
Yes.
Turnip are the red things.
The green, yeah.
Are turnip red?
Aren't they?
The red and the green leaves.
Yeah, the red.
Rabbits love turnips.
Do they?
I believe so.
Mm-hmm.
They love carrots as well.
Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah, a thug's bunny.
Do they love carrots?
Rabbits?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think they just love any garden food.
Yeah, okay.
I think they love any garden food.
They'll dig a hole.
I've had rabbits in a hole in my yard many times.
I have a rabbit in my backyard right now.
I've been feeding it lettuce and stuff.
If it has kids, it'll just have a their nest.
It's just a hole in the ground and the kids are stuffed in there.
I'm perfectly fine with that.
Yeah. It's what your house is like now.
Yeah, I stuff my kids in the hole. Yeah.
I got to get home tomorrow. I got to get them out of that hole.
My wife's getting uncomfortable.
Are you cool? All those kids in our home, All these work trips, like none of us have families.
Yeah.
Is this tough?
Uh, it's, it's tough in the sense that when I got here and I saw the summer
camp and the weather and the, I want my kids here.
When they've ruined your time.
When?
No, I mean, yeah, probably they would have, but I feel like, man, I wish I could
give this to my kids at the same time.
Getting up here and getting away and being with the boys is fantastic.
It's fucking nice, bro. It's a nice landscape. It's phenomenal.
The coniferous trees here. There's so many of them.
Wisconsin is a top state in my opinion. It's top five. It's top five.
It's so good. It's so underrated. It's top five state. You could put it in the top.
You can put it firmly in the top. Every part of Wisconsin is good too.
Like this part is way different from the Southeast down where I live.
And then Southeast is also elite.
It's great state.
North Carolina underrated state.
I think it's properly rated.
You think?
Yeah.
Is this getting you out of it?
Oh, no, I have no idea why I'm up through me.
The sunglasses.
Oh, cool.
Brandon.
Brandon.
Hmm.
We got any weed?
I don't know.
I've been smoking weed two years.
Okay.
All right.
Well, I'm not going to have a sip of booze either.
You've been off the booze.
A little bit, yeah.
No.
Do you feel better?
No.
Yeah, that's the problem.
But I don't think I had a problem.
That's the barrier for me.
I don't think I, I don't, I don't, I don't,
I never did.
I just, I thought it would be more of an intense,
intense change.
Can we go back to Looney Tunes for a second?
What you got?
Was Michigan J. Frog a black man?
Hello, my honey, hello hello my darling, hello my.
I used to get that vibe from him.
Yeah.
Just from the way he moved.
I don't know that gentleman.
He was always in a top hat and a cane.
He was in a shoe box and an old white man discovered him
and he did a song and dance.
Hello my honey, hello my darling.
That was a good area where you just sang.
Are you familiar with the Marx brothers?
I am familiar with them.
I'm not really familiar with their work.
They were funny.
They were actively funny?
So this was like an era where like,
I think we peaked comedically.
The Marx.
And then we're kind of finally circling back.
Groucho Marx, a legend.
Yeah, he's a funny.
A legend.
So Groucho Marx, is that what the disguise is based after?
Yeah, and that's a weak, like... Yeah, those guys are hilarious, Kyle.
He was far and away the best Marx, right?
There was Harpo, and then there's Groucho was the funniest one.
People didn't like Harpo, did they?
And Harpo was also what?
Don't know.
Oprah's TV network.
And his birth name was Adolf.
But then that happened, he was Jewish, they changed it.
Carl was hysterical.
Oh, being a Jewish man that was named Adolf,
right as that was happening, what a damn shame that would be.
But they were trolls and they were funny.
They were like, they would like clown fat people,
clown wives.
Oh, wife humor.
Why, you're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen
and that's not saying much about you.
Hey, that's my wife.
You should be ashamed.
Well, if that's your wife, you should be ashamed.
Like they were trolling.
Was that voice put on?
Yeah, it had to have been.
What a Rodney Danger film.
Then they would just sing for 20 minutes.
And was it funny?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I think it was funny.
It was funny for the time, right?
They were quick.
Like were the three stooges funny? Yes. Like a remnant of Groucho Marx. It was funny. It was funny for the time, right? There's a quick like you just funny.
Yes, like yes.
A remnant of Groucho Mark.
Yeah, you think so much.
And he was like the best insult to.
Hoover was president after.
Um, and they ate at Mexicans.
They were deporting Hoover and FDR were deporting Mexicans in droves.
Ethnic cleansing in the third.
Yeah.
Is that why it was depressing?
That was the Great Depression as well.
Right.
It was.
It was.
We had the New Deal.
The New Deal was to get rid of all the Mexicans.
Apparently.
I didn't know that.
The New Deal was just a bunch of, uh, progressive, like social security
stuff and all that.
Right.
I feel like I'm informed enough in very early America
and pretty informed and current in my lifetime.
That gap of...
Big gap in the middle, huh?
Big gap in the middle.
Where's the gap start?
A straight hand gap in the middle.
Where's the gap start?
Lincoln?
No.
That's where I started going, history.
Post-Civil.
That's Lincoln.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
So like 1870 to like 1940, you're checked out.
Yes.
I don't know the thing.
Huge gap I'm trying to learn.
Here's what you missed.
Charles Lindbergh, Babe Ruth.
Charles Lindbergh pilot.
Oh yeah, yeah.
And yeah, baby got kidnapped.
And did he fuck Jennifer Aniston?
No, no.
Did not live in the same time at all.
Weird overlap.
Yeah, did not live in the same time at all. be a weird overlap. Yeah, did not live in the same time at all.
Decades off.
Missed each other by seven decades.
She was getting around.
Not Dellenberg.
Oh, I confused the lead singer of the countercruise.
That's Adam Duritz.
Okay, yeah.
You confused him with Charles Lindbergh.
Yeah. Yeah, that happens.
I do that every fucking time.
Adam Duritz, the most interesting looking man ever
and in an ugly way.
Dude, his celebrity lookalike is SpongeBob's house.
He's a terrible looking guy and he got pussy.
But I mean, all right, that was a trope for like
lead singers in any generation.
Yeah, he's a lead singer.
But he got tremendous pussy.
Was the Counting Crows respected like that? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, he's only got tremendous. Was the counting crows respected like that?
Yes.
I love them.
So I don't think it's shocking.
I don't think you're like putting the pet pussy
on pedestal as much as you need to.
He got the best pussy.
He got Cox and Aniston.
He got Cox and Aniston.
Yeah, he got top tier pussy.
Yeah, it was.
Tom Brady pussy. I think it was. Tom Brady pussy.
I think he's higher than Jeter.
He might be in what he's accomplished in the pussy.
And Jeter's a good looking guy.
He's also an interesting looking guy.
Jeter's not hot.
I don't think Jeter's hot either.
I don't think he's hot.
I think Jeter's strongest hotness is his lack of ugliness.
He's long island hot.
He's long island hot. That's how he plays baseball. He's not. Wow. Yeah, he's long island.
That's how he plays baseball.
He's not.
He has a swagger about the way he smiles.
I'm confident it's attractive.
I'm the most department.
He's like a 290 hitter, which is what he was.
That's awesome.
Yeah, but the looks goes up to 10.
Yeah, fuck.
That's a good point.
Yeah, he's not.
If he wasn't a baseball player with that swagger, wouldn't be the same.
He looks like if he wasn't playing baseball, he looks like an AT&T like branchman. Yeah, he's not. If he wasn't a baseball player with that swagger, it wouldn't be the same. He looks like a if he wasn't playing baseball,
he looks like an AT&T like branch manager.
No, no, no.
Guys like that with that with that swagger, it helps.
100 percent.
100 percent.
I don't think he gets a swagger without a baseball.
Yeah, maybe he's not.
Guys like us find a way.
Guys like me and Jeter.
Yeah.
Find a way.
You and Jeter and Duret's the big three. The Rushmore.
Of how did they do that?
Rushmore.
Yeah, so wait.
We were talking at, I brought up, so
France,
we were talking about Pepe Le Pew.
We were talking Looney Tunes a lot, that camp.
And Pepe Le Pew
was a rac- not racist,
rapist.
I'm sorry.
I'm a racist.
He was French.
He was French.
He was a French skunk.
Wait, wait, wait.
Paul, don't you wish you would have said that?
Damn it!
That would have been the opening!
No.
Yeah, yeah.
That was a leg is.
He was a black and white Frenchman.
Very good.
And they took him away. Yeah, yeah, I found my spot. Yeah, that was a late years. He was a black and white Frenchman. Very good. So.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
And he, he, they took him away, um, because he, he, he was,
he like raped a cat.
Yeah.
Um, Petunia.
And then I was thinking, are, are French still,
are French like that?
Is that a French stereotype or was that just peppy?
Raping or raping cats?
Rape, like rapey vibes.
Rapey, I've never been to France.
I'm gonna go ahead and say yeah.
Yeah, I think so, because I like how they say no,
they just say, or how they say yes, it's just wee wee.
And that's gay.
But also their main monument you think of now,
like if I told somebody with a rotten brain like Mooc,
I was like, what's the first thing you think of when you think of E, like if I told somebody with a rotten brain, like Mooc, I was like, what's the first thing you think of
when you think of Eiffel Tower?
He would probably think of the fucking-
The sex position.
So I was trying to think of sex positions that,
like if the US monuments were sex positions,
like if you found out your girl got Mount Rushmore,
it's just four dudes giving her head.
Four dudes faces homeward.
Four dudes giving head.
Four old dudes.
Yeah, that's extreme.
Four old dudes, but one dude's a little bit further back
because he was too hard.
But they don't look pleased.
Isn't that why they had to charge the cup?
The rock was too hard.
I gotta stay back, guys, I'm too hard.
I gotta stay back before I make this pussy. I'll just be back here. I'm to stay back. I'm too hard. I got to stay back before I get this pussy.
I'll just be back here.
I'm still as important.
Just like I got a place and I'll go.
I'm just too fucking hard.
Yeah, I'm good.
Just I can take five.
You got what you got going.
Just go. Yeah.
What about Statue of Liberty?
No condom. Statue Statute of Liberty. Statue of Liberty? No condom? Statute of Liberty?
It's
Statute of Liberty
Oh fuck
Is the Statue of Liberty past?
You can't hit me
I don't
know what it is though. She just has that
book of all the sex laws
Yeah, yeah
The Statue of Liberty It's sex laws. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The Statute of Liberty. She just checks the book.
Sex laws in a book.
She has a fucking dildo.
There's a lot of legroom.
Grand Canyon.
Grand Canyon.
I don't like saying a landmark when it's like, I don't like naturally occurring boys.
Yeah, something we created.
It's like we got lucky.
That's a fact actually.
We kind of just fell into that. Yeah. They bought that. It's like we got lucky. That's a fact, actually.
We kind of just fell into that.
Yes.
They bought that for like four pennies and a pair of moccasins.
Yeah. Yeah.
The Louisiana purchase is crazy.
Yeah. Deal.
You can't find that kind of shit no more.
Well, yeah.
What other like made landmarks do we have?
Well, we have the Golden Gate Bridge.
OK. Not sure what you're going to do with that in a pussy.
No, that's going to be no. Keep going. Yeah're going to do with that in a pussy. No, that's gotta be it. No, keep going.
Yeah, we got nothing on that.
We're passed.
I can confirm.
Empire State Building, that's not really,
that's not, I'm just naming buildings or built stuff.
That's what, yeah, that's what we want.
Do we have statues?
Do we have like-
We don't have a lot of statues.
We're on a monument.
Space Needle.
The Space Needle.
Space Needle is great.
We haven't created a good memorable statue in a long time.
Well, the bean was made in 03.
That's not memorable at all.
No, no, I think Chicago should have branded
towards that fountain they have.
Yeah, I like the fountain better.
The one that's in Married with Children.
I've never seen Married with Children.
Well, the opening has that fountain, I think.
Chicago is like sitcom land.
That's like, it's wherever it's-
Family Matters, Permanent Strangers, Married with every, it's. Family Matters, Department of Strangers,
Mayor of Children.
Home Alone.
Home Alone.
Home Alone is a sitcom movie.
Plane, trains, and automobiles.
I love your wealth of knowledge.
Things like this, because I have nothing to contribute.
Yeah, I love talking to you.
Yeah, that's really enjoyable.
There's gotta be other Chicago sitcoms too.
Department of Strangers was really good.
They had Bounty for a ton of us. Hold on. That was Pee-wee's big adventure other Chicago sitcoms too. Purr's Strangers was really good. They had Baldy Horton-
The Alamo.
Hold on.
That was Pee-wee's big adventure.
Yeah, it was.
Yeah.
Yeah, what's your girl got?
Alamoed.
She just didn't remember.
I didn't remember.
A bunch of Mexicans took over and she didn't remember.
Pie Alamoed.
She got pie Alamoed.
What is pie Alamoed?
Is pie just pie?
Alamo is it?
Ice cream.
With ice, pie with ice cream?
Pie alamo is pie with ice cream.
She got cream pie.
She got cream pie.
She doesn't remember.
She went out, she'll never forget.
Yeah.
No, that's 9-11.
100 Mexican store alamo.
Wait, which one is alamo?
Remember the alamo.
So she'll always be bringing it up.
And then like, Davy Crockett died in her pussy.
Yeah.
Or it's just like, she's a kid and he's like, remember the Alamo?
Did Davey Crockett die at the Alamo?
You said that.
I was, I was assumed he was an Appalachian lad.
He knows, but he went down there.
Remember when you called me baby Crockett?
I love the idea of getting intimate with a girl and you've been dating for like
three months and you finally have to ask her the question, Did, did David Crockett die in this pussy?
Wait, hold on, hold on.
Something's wrong with this pussy.
Cause this is a coonskin cap.
There's a coonskin cap on my penis.
That wasn't on me when I went in.
Bitch.
That's an impractical hat.
It doesn't serve much of a purpose.
You can't fuck a girl who's so might die in her pussy.
That pussy should be roped off.
Depends on the manner of death.
What if it's like...
Heart attack while fucking is the only way I can imagine.
I'm sure there's a few...
Probably some good pussy.
That's how Matthew McConaughey's dad went out, allegedly.
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I want to myth bust real quick.
Yeah, I meant bust the idea of good pussy.
Every pussy I've ever had felt the same.
The parity is insane.
There's not a lot of it.
It's it's the if it's a comparison to a league, it's the NFL.
Right. Yeah.
And he said any Sunday.
Yeah. Yeah.
And he's given Sunday. Yeah. But Dicks, and he's Sunday. Yeah. And he, and he given Sunday.
Yeah.
But Dick's on the other hand.
Yeah, they vary.
Dick's MLB and like they're trying to sell the team for me, dude.
It's just like, I've seen one post season in 32 years.
Yeah, mine's on strike.
That pussy gave me a lockout.
Margaret Locate.
Yeah, the A's.
My wife's a Minnesota fan.
Yeah, my shit's been rocky.
Your shit's been rocky, yeah.
Real rocky.
Would you consider Blue Sufer a monument?
So Blue Sufer is the blue horse
that was built for the Denver airport,
but it fell over and killed the guy.
It killed the creator.
And his son had to finish it.
You want to talk about having the yips?
I've never been to Denver.
I heard that is a really horrible looking monument. Oh, it's tight, dude
It has red eyes glowing. It's cool. I
Like it because I miss the days like way back in the day
I feel like you used to build monuments to instill fear
That instills fear like think of the like in Game of Thrones the Titan of Braavos
You're reading Game of Thrones right now, aren't you? Oh yeah.
Cause that's a, yeah.
Huge terrifying statue that has soldiers in it.
Okay.
What's the one in Lord of the Rings with the two guys?
I looked that up once.
It's a wild fucking Elvish name.
But it's cool as hell.
Have you guys seen how they're building
the crazy horse statue that they've been building
for years and years?
No. Yes.
It is going to be enormous.
Crazy horse, the Native American.
The Native American. Yeah. Now, where's the name? I am obsessed
with the idea of a Native woman giving birth to a baby and they're naming it something like that.
Like Crazy Horse? Yeah. It's always, yeah, I love their naming system. It's always like Tylenol
Thunderclap. It's just like that. I think of modern Native American names. That's what they still are.
Yeah.
But do you do you get that name from birth or do you pick that name up along the way?
I don't know, because then what are they going to call you beforehand?
Why would Sitting Bull have been named Sitting Bull?
Huh?
Was Takumsa a guy?
Yeah.
But like 2nd of July was just a name.
Takumsa was just a name.
But then you have Sitting Bull and you have Spotted Horses.
They were the first people.
They were, I respect their system.
Oh my God.
I love it.
I'd like to understand it is what I'm saying.
Yeah.
In the movies they make it seem like
they earned that name at some point.
Yeah.
So he earned crazy horse.
It seems like crazy horse.
Yeah. How do you get that?
You for like Americans just fall into line
with the naming system.
Like the amount of fucked up Americans,
we all still just name our kids just like the basics.
We just pass these fucked up names on to the next generation.
Like you can name your kid anything.
I think he was born Crazy Horse.
Really?
So they're in the tent hospital, which is just a teepee.
It's a boy, what do you want to name him?
Crazy horse. How do you get there?
He was born.
Sitting bull is a crazy one to me.
Like that.
We don't even know if the baby's going to be able to sit
right. What if it's a paraplegic?
The medicine man that birthed him was named encouraging bear.
Oh, that's a good medicine.
And then there was also he dog.
That's so sick.
He dog.
Yeah.
Like the masters of the universe.
That's him.
Those are actual names of things.
Unlike Bodhi and like.
Bodhi.
Yeah, it's a baby name of Bodhi.
Fuck that.
Bodhi, that's a crazier decision, crazy horse.
Yeah, like Finnick.
Colton?
Yeah, Finnick.
Yeah.
Finnick.
What if I think I want to name my kid like that.
Sly Gamecube.
Yeah, we can do that.
It's like the auto-generated names on Xbox Live.
Yeah.
What were you?
I was Country Hawk.
That's pretty sick.
That's an indie movie.
I was Earless Mongus.
Country Hawk sounds good.
I'll give you an adjective and an animal.
That's what it did.
Did Xbox take the Native American gaming convention?
That's what they stole, yeah.
We took everything from them. We took everything from those dudes.
Asian bear dome giver.
Oh my god, that's beautiful.
Yeah.
Do that.
We took the land and, uh.
We're on their land now, I believe.
Yes.
This is Oneida County.
That's a tribe of peoples.
And you know what I found out it was Oneida?
Yeah.
The piss charts in the bathroom,
if your piss is clear, they call it Oneida.
Yeah.
That is their memory here.
Do you think other Native American parents
would get mad when they were like,
Bob and Susie have a baby and they introduce it,
this is crazy horse, and they're like,
fuck, that was Zyra.
We had to pick that up.
I don't know, I'm popping out, craziest horse.
Yeah, that one, craziest horse.
Craziest horse. Craziest'm popping out craziest horse. Yeah, now I'm the craziest horse-er.
Craziest horse-er.
Craziest horse-er.
Oh, shit.
Oh, fuck.
You named craziest horse-er?
Dude, when you're a crazy horse and you realize that you're up against craziest horse-er,
are you fucking kidding me?
What a bad draw for crazy horsears. Yeah, I know.
The Native American, like, are they still doing that?
I think so.
Yeah.
But I don't know.
I think there's a mixture.
Do they have two names now?
They may.
Do they have, like, Roger Stevens and then, you know,
my happy cow?
Yeah.
That's a beer yeah
honestly they have to be careful now they don't name their kid after a
cheeser beer this is spotted cow yeah that's Bree dude it's a girl named
spotted cow but like she her American name's Bree that's just a bad draw. That's double cheese, baby. Self-cheat.
Craziest horse.
Just one-upping the neighbors.
Gotta keep up with the fucking...
Keeping up with the horses, man.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
That reached into Mississippi, right?
100%
Big time.
A lot of our casinos growing up
were run by the Choctaw Indians.
So we have the Choctaw, the Chickasaw,
the Choctaw I think stayed,
and they have a big imprint.
A great girls basketball program.
They won the 4A state championship almost every year
at Choctaw Central High School on the reservation.
Wow, actually those are like single A schools.
Yeah, no, they're a 4A school.
They're pretty big. The
reservation down there is really big. And they they just they
take the white and the black folks for every cent they got
with those two casinos. The golden moon. They don't pay
taxes on right. Dancing rabbit golf course, which is a great
name. I want to their culture is I want to revive their like
reservations with my money. if I ever make enough
Enough to revive I feel horrible. I don't know. Yeah
But I'm like really thriving like I can never set to the worst places in the country, yeah
Didn't the truth didn't drill tears ending that?
I'm from the southeast? Was that Andrew Jackson? No, that was Oklahoma.
That went from the southeast Oklahoma.
What president? Was that Andrew Jackson?
Is that why we're going to flip him out on the...
I don't 100% remember.
I thought he had the ticker tape ending.
No, no. It ended in Oklahoma?
Yeah.
I don't know if it ended fully, but I think it was to go from the southeast to Oklahoma,
and then that's where they were going to be. And I think there's still a lot of the first, the, the first road rules had a,
a, a cash member named Shelley spotted horse sick from Oklahoma, but she had a combination
American Shelley, Shelley, Shelley spotted horse, John Redcorn really from don't know.
King of the hill. Didn't really watch it as much
You and Hank Hill have the same ideals
I know and you didn't watch King of the Hill always been what kind of upset is that that is that is uh,
that's
Inception some family guy and I never really moved to people. You gotta give it a shot.
But were you a Beavis and Butthead guy?
I shockingly was back in like 92, 93.
Beavis and Butthead do America is phenomenal.
Yeah, Beavis and Butthead's underrated.
I had the fucking Beavis and Butthead CD,
which was just them singing songs
with like Cher and Run DMC.
That's really funny.
I, it was, it was just an awful piece of product.
I guess Butthead is a Native American name.
Yeah.
Was he Native American?
Well, there were people that definitely got shafted.
I guess he might.
You're a crazy horse.
You're butthead.
Imagine having twins.
Yeah, you're microphone.
You're an awling bear.
You're turd fart.
Y'all can have be this. I get nothing but head.
I think that was a bar.
I think somebody used that.
Yeah.
Big L. Big L maybe.
Is that a person?
It's a rapper.
A deceased rapper.
Were they anybody to be named Big L these days?
Yes, some very cerebral bars.
I don't think so.
Big L might be a tough.
Who's the most cerebral rapper?
Immortal Technique, Poppoos.
Aesop.
I don't think I should be talking on this.
Aesop, we gotta win the famous one.
You're the...
People come to you in the culture.
You have your finger to the pulse.
Did you know what Atlanta named their Negro League team, Brandon?
Hold on. There was the Indianapolis Clowns, the Birmingham Black Barons,
Atlanta Crackers, the Black Crackers.
Yeah, the Atlanta Black Crackers.
That's what the name of the team is.
I had to think about it for a second.
That's kind of a line-fuck.
The old Negro League baseball fascinates me.
It's one of my favorite things that ever existed.
Not that they couldn't play in Major League Baseball, but just what
their barnstorming
and the names they came up with.
Like it was a new dependency.
You wear a gray jersey.
A John Gibson jersey, a Homestead gray jersey.
Yeah, I just, I did some studies on that shit
in high school and college.
Yeah.
I loved it so much.
It's fascinating.
Yeah.
I was looking into the Indianapolis Clowns
for our live show and that's crazy.
That's where Hank Aaron started.
He did.
Yeah.
Briefly.
I'm reading a book on the 1957 Milwaukee Braves right now.
That is not funny at all.
I just felt like I should tell you guys.
Give us one tidbit or fact that you took away from it.
Yeah, something you're like, wow, I'm
glad I picked up this book.
They moved to Milwaukee in 53.
They found out they were moving when spring training started,
when spring training last four weeks.
And for the first few years, every time there
was a player of the game in Milwaukee,
they would come back to their locker
and find a case of Miller Highlife.
Whoa.
I love that.
And they were called the Miller Highlife player of the game.
And that was their reward, a case of beer.
That's nice.
That's a fun fact.
That's fun.
Most fun facts aren't fun at all.
Yeah.
People just lie about fun facts.
Yeah.
That's a very fun fact.
Yeah.
Imagine you had a good day at Barstool,
couple of good shows and you come back to your desk
and there's just a case of Miller Highlights.
We have that.
We have everything we want.
That's quite an early existence.
We're just spoiled with pleasures.
But some of it's like baseball players,
but it's nice to have it.
For them that would be amazing.
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
Also Milwaukee, fascinating town.
They just fucking loved beer back in the day.
They lived, there was a town built by beer.
Have you seen the maps?
I did not take advantage of beer enough
when I could have it.
Yeah.
Cause it, I, you know, it was just a rite of passage.
You start drinking beer in college
and I just never appreciated it.
I shit beer.
But I don't, I never enjoyed it.
I think I tasted it.
But now I taste it and I'm like, this is horrible.
And I can't, like no one can tell me why they love beer.
I didn't enjoy beer until adulthood.
From a flavor profile perspective,
if you think about what it is.
Vodka and orange juice in college.
I've never not loved beer.
And then I get to like 25 and all of a sudden
I just want a cold beer.
Do beer lovers love getting drunk and tolerate the taste
or they love the taste?
They love the taste.
I enjoy the taste. I enjoy the taste? They love the taste.
I enjoy the taste.
I enjoy the taste of this.
Yeah.
There's something that I just don't have that now.
You should make a commercial, like a PSA, like the people that were like with the smokers,
with like the neck thing, like you should be like, hey, listen, like check in.
You never know when it can go away or can slip away.
It can happen to any of us.
Enjoy every single beer that you have.
Also use the voice box.
Use the voice box.
Enjoy every beer. That's wild. Also use the voice box. Use the voice box. Enjoy every beer.
That's why you have.
That person should just stop talking at this point.
Imagine just being like, no, people will like this.
Yeah.
No, people will be comfortable.
People won't bat an eye.
Yeah.
I know, I was-
Just give up talking.
Yeah.
I just felt that way about Val in Top Gun Maverick.
I was like, listen, he's a legend, but like, let this fucking guy rest.
Yeah, like if I if I sounded like that,
what are we doing to this guy?
Yeah, I think I would just and it's like.
I don't want to sound mean.
It's a little self-inflicted.
Certainly in most cases.
In most cases, self-inflicted.
I would rather just not speak, I think.
Imagine that would be a luxury of not kind of I think. Imagine the luxury of not speaking.
A kind of a luxury.
Yeah, you've earned this.
I don't have to talk anymore.
Yeah, I smoked my voice out.
Yeah, I'm done with this.
Yeah, just text.
Yeah, now that we can text and do all that,
we shouldn't.
It's kind of a nice setup.
Speaking's overrated anyway.
If one of my boys is like this,
I'm stealing his batteries.
I'm stealing. Is it a vibrator that does it? I don't know.
Have you ever had somebody walk up to you and earnestly talk to you with that thing?
I've never had it. I was one time at the reception at a law office, the receptionist at a law office
in like college. And I was just there at the front desk and one guy walked in and he goes,
I am here to see a lawyer.
And I'm like, I can't even.
I won't even laugh.
They did a lot of marketing with that.
I went back and I said,
you all aren't gonna believe this shit.
The commercial with the boy that tried dip with his dad
and he had just no face.
His face looked like a stack of pancakes.
It was horrific. I think I remember his name. face looked like a stack of pancakes. Yeah. Oh, it was horrific.
Yeah.
I think I remember his name.
It was like Gruen or something.
Yeah, dude.
That was like commercial.
And like he was, he just had like two teeth
and then nothing.
And I think the only thing he could do
like professionally afterwards was peel apples.
Is apple peeling a professional?
I think he just spun it.
Jesus.
Losing jaw. I think I think you just spun it, Jesus. Ha ha ha.
Losing jaw, I would rather lose best legs than jaw.
100% of the worst body parts of it.
Every appendage.
It makes you look subhuman when you lose your jaw.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And zombie shows aren't huge anymore.
I think a lot of those guys would probably get extra work.
Yeah.
Bobby Heenan lost his jaw. Bobby Heenan lost his jaw? And I never want to see. He's my favorite person ever. And I never want But I think- Bobby Heenan lost his jaw.
Bobby Heenan lost his jaw?
And I never want to see,
he's my favorite person ever,
and I never want to see pictures of him
after I lost his jaw.
Is this your boy or?
Bobby the Brain Heenan was-
Is this your idol?
Is my idol.
He's the guy I'm cosplaying as.
He was a wrestling manager
who just got by on humor and stuff.
And at the end of his life,
he had throat cancer and he lost his jaw.
What did-
And it was, I just can't look at pictures of him.
See, this isn't as bad.
It's pretty bad.
It's not as bad as I thought.
That's pretty damn bad.
That's unfortunate.
Yeah, COVID probably did him right.
Yeah.
Oh, he didn't make it to COVID.
He didn't get to COVID.
COVID doing him right because he got the mask off.
COVID did favors to a lot of people.
I'm not sure why my sunglasses are, if I apologize.
Oh yeah.
No, COVID was big for Kyle and I
because we were putting out dog shit
and people were like, these guys.
These fucking guys.
Yeah, they had a low, tall, or high to high.
Low.
Low tolerance, a low threshold.
A low tolerance for entertainment.
Yeah.
I never understood that word threshold, it's weird.
You don't like the word threshold? It just seems like threshold is like a pretty fucking metal I never understood that word threshold. It's weird
It just seems like threshold is like a pretty fucking metal
Yeah, and it's just like a limit yeah, just say limit yeah, I guess so I think
It's an age of the letters that do the most work together they really come together They make a yellow bar. It's the nature of the letters that do the most work together. They really come together and form a good team. They make a song.
What do they make?
I don't know, dude.
Good point.
They make a song.
Yeah, maybe.
You were just hoping one of us would do.
I was just like, come on.
Someone piggybacked you.
That was a failure.
Like the sound.
You snook me all the air ball. That was an alley-oop that wentbacked you. That was a failure. Like the sound. You snook me all the way down.
That was an alley-oop that went out of bounds.
That was an airball.
Yeah.
Oh my goodness.
Live show.
Shout out Logan Bradley.
Oh, yeah, Logan Bradley.
Ain't a San Jose sports fan that came to the live show.
Cool kid.
Who was Logan?
He was a man. He wasn't the laughing guy, right? No, no. He was he was he wasn't the laughing guy. No, no, no, he was.
The downside. We afterwards we're going to send him a huge care package. He was really excited.
He said the best night of his life. And I think we are going what do we say we're going to get him?
We're going to get him something big like a like a care carrot. I'm gonna get in on this.
We wanna give him a Maserati.
Wow.
We're gonna get Logan a Maserati.
Let's give him a Maserati then.
No, no, we're sending him a big old carrot package.
We're gonna give him a package.
He was awesome, his brother was awesome.
The whole indie crowd was just such a cool,
respectful group of people.
Yeah, and I think I had a ton of fun.
Hope they did too. Kyle, you I think I had a ton of fun. Hope they did too.
Kyle, you were off the wall.
I've never.
It was a solid show from everyone.
It's the damndest thing I've ever seen.
It made me really happy.
So thank you guys.
There's no chance you could.
That was you, you never ever liked doing live shows
and now that might have given you like an itch.
It did, I just have to, you know, prep and not freak out.
Yeah.
But the audience helped a lot.
They were just they were laughing.
They're giving us hearty chuckles.
We didn't have to.
Is Chicago booked? Yes.
When? November 6th.
November 6th.
Tickets will be on sale soon.
Awesome. Awesome.
We're going to get Milwaukee soon, too, boys.
You've never been. These closed cities. You haven't to get Milwaukee soon too, boys. Yeah.
These close cities.
You haven't been?
You should go to Milwaukee.
I know.
It's like, it's a two hour drive and it's a phenomenal little city.
I know.
I know I would like it.
A lot of German restaurants.
I don't know why apparently I was missing German restaurants my whole life.
Yeah, it seems like a, yeah.
I think Milwaukee is like field of void that I didn't know I was searching for.
It's got like dantiques and churches and German food.
Are you going to live in Wisconsin forever?
I fucking love Wisconsin.
I moved out of Mississippi six times now.
Yeah, I lived in Georgia, I lived in Florida, I lived in Virginia,
I lived in New Jersey, I lived in Louisiana, and now I've lived in
Illinois slash Wisconsin. Yeah, you're both far and away.
My favorite place is Wisconsin.
I mean, look, it has one of the best college towns
and colleges pro sports.
It's in the Midwest, so it has like the friendly people,
but it also has like hills and incredible geography.
Nice rural vibe.
It has the lake going all the way up.
A snake.
A big four sports teams.
Yeah.
And the shocking one is they don't have the hockey team.
It's shocking.
Wisconsin should have a hockey team, but they don't have it.
Well, they're just big gamblers.
Is that what they got? I guess UW hockey is big too. Yeah. Yeah.
We fucked them up. It's a beautiful fucking state. I love this state.
You know what? Baltimore, I'll give Baltimore this. It's a beautiful city. It is. It is. It has stunning architecture. Well, here's the deal. It has the highest percentage of people
under the poverty line in America, but it also has the
highest percentage of college graduates. So it has a fuck ton
of super rich elite people. There's no middle like Chesapeake
chose new sale mixed with the poorest people in the US.
So you got that income inequality,
which leads to, I guess, more murder.
Yeah.
You know what Baltimore's problem is?
Because people want to assert social dominance.
Well, it's for the people that are poorer.
That problem, like everything else is expensive.
I don't know.
Baltimore's problem is that, like Chicago and LA and New York
have TV shows that glamorize them.
And every Baltimore show just shifts down its throat.
Yeah. Baltimore needs a good show.
Every show in Baltimore is like, look at how bad Baltimore fucking sucks.
The mid Atlantic in like the Bay is stunning. Yeah.
Some of the nicest. Yeah, but.
Who's Baltimore's biggest celebrity?
All time. Carmelo Anthony or the KD? Which one? One of
those from Baltimore? No, I think it's KD. No, KD is from DC. Yeah, KD is from DC. Carmelo is from
Baltimore then. I think Carmelo Anthony might be Brandon Novak. Brandon Novak from Jackass. He's
from Baltimore. Almost certainly not Brandon Novak. Well, you give me a name then. You said
I just told you Carmelo Anthony. Are we sure on that? No, he's Brooklyn.
He didn't go to DeMath and maybe he was.
Oh, he's still living.
Are you sure he was born in Brooklyn?
Yeah.
That doesn't mean anything.
Michael Jordan was born in Brooklyn.
He's from North Carolina.
I think one of either of them.
Or Maryland, or like in college.
All right, I'll give you that one.
Yeah, that's number one probably.
There's, are there, is there like a,
not a Michael Jackson,
but is there a famous singer from Baltimore?
It's gotta be.
It's gotta be.
Omar Ewan.
Oh, from, what band was he in before he was by himself?
I don't, I never know.
I was at the mall.
He may have been on Making the Band.
Oh, was he?
I remember, that was, yeah.
Omar Ewan.
Yeah, he was.
Yeah.
He's the dancer, right?
He's a singer and dancer.
He's a good dancer.
Was he Fedora?
Or was that Neo?
Neo was Fedora. Neo, Neo. There was a few guys that were doing Fedora or was that Neo? Neo was Fedora.
There was a few guys that were doing Fedora's though.
Penn Badgley, Babe Ruth.
Penn Badgley.
Babe Ruth.
Babe Ruth's dad on the bar in Baltimore.
Okay, so Babe Ruth, Brandon Novak.
Stop with Novak.
Yeah, who's he saying?
Who's agreeing with Brandon Novak?
Stop trying to make us Novak of things.
He wasn't in top 10 on Jackass.
That's what he's from, Jackass? Yeah, yeah, I in top 10 on Jackass. He's from Jackass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I have friends watch Jackass.
I don't know. Brandon Novak.
So what a pull. Mm hmm.
I read his book about.
No, no, no.
Did you steal Brandon Novak's journal?
Are you Brandon Novak?
You could be a book.
It's about doing heroin in Baltimore. Yeah.
Yeah. No, no, no good media about Baltimore.
Yeah. I like how you can smash crabs with hammers there.
They kind of do that anywhere.
You can do that anywhere.
They wear their proud.
Where do you do that? Wisconsin.
Old Bay is Old Bay from?
Yeah, from Maryland.
That is the best seasoning.
Of course.
I would say you disagree.
It's the best famous seasoning,
but Tony Chachere is down there in New Orleans. Oh, I don't know.
Fucking Tony Chachere. Well, you should learn. That's the Brandon Novak of
seasonings. You're right. It is. Red Robin. Seasoning. Uh. So they have the,
the. Old Bay is probably the most famous seasoning that is named for, for a
brand. A place. Yeah. For a brand, right? They're, they're a brand. Old Bay's a
brand. Well, that is super fucking specific.
But there's salt, there's pepper,
and then there's Old Bay seasoning.
Yeah, but every seasoning has like somewhat of a brand,
I guess, right?
What brand is salt?
The chick with the chick.
Morton's salt.
That's Morton's salt.
The umbrella.
That's more iconic than Old Bay.
Old Bay.
I think, but Old Bay is synonymous with the actual scene.
I can't name a pepper brand.
Who?
To cut.
Oh, McCormick.
McCormick.
McCormick.
McCormick.
They're not pepper.
Who just deals solely in pepper?
I think McCormick.
They just do spices.
You should give up candles.
Go to Peppergate?
Go to Pepper.
Yeah.
How am I going to get pepper?
Dude, you should be a cold pepper.
Am I going to get in the pepper mines?
You should be a pepper baron.
A pepper baron. A pepper baron. When did they stop saying Baron? Is there Baron or Tycoon?
I think Barons and Tycoons are the same thing.
I think Barons are a little bit...
Barons tie women to train tracks.
You can be an oil Baron and an oil Tycoon.
What's the difference?
I don't know.
You can be a railroad Baron, railroad Tycoon.
Hold on.
That's a yeah, I don't think...
Tycoon's more evil than Baron?
No, Baron's more evil.
Baron sounds evil.
Yeah.
Baron is more...
Tycoon, borderline racist.
No, you're right.
You're right.
You're right.
You're right.
You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. Hold on. That's a, yeah, I don't think. Tycoon's more evil than Baron? No, Baron's more evil.
Baron sounds evil.
Yeah.
Baron is more-
Tycoon, borderline racist.
No, Tycoon sounds like a disaster.
Yeah, it does.
Yeah, a boy named Tycoon.
You have a boy named Tycoon.
You got the boy.
You don't have a boy named Tycoon.
No, you don't have a friend named Tycoon.
But this is what I'm saying.
There should be boys named Tycoon.
There should be boys named Tycoon.
Yes. I'm sorry, there should be boys named Tycoon.
Tycoon should be a top 10 popular name
in the United States.
You know how many people in America
are just psychopaths, weirdos,
but they still name their kid Marcus and Matthew.
Yeah, you're right.
Name your kid Tycoon.
Yeah, because the only issue with weird names
is hard to pronounce, but if you're just naming your kid a sick. Or even like weird names is hard to pronounce.
But if you're just naming your kid,
or even like music, name your kid music.
I think people are getting braver with names
like Maverick and Cash are becoming bigger.
Yeah, but that's,
naming after just a cool thing.
Just naming it.
Yeah.
Like what?
Jet.
I bet some jets in my time.
Yeah, but those are all double T jets, I bet.
Yeah.
Guitar, Williams.
Oh my God. Yeah, you can do that. Have you Have you thought you have a baby name list of just like now?
I'm gonna this yeah, this is gonna. Yeah, it's gonna be fun. But um, yeah DVD player
Oh, yeah, I think I might have a kid named like rope
I'm gonna have twin boys rope
Is that the straightest or gayest thing rope rope and and leather are, it's actually really, really tricky.
As individual materials and items.
Really masculine men and the gayest of the gay use them both.
So it's really tricky.
Yeah.
Cotton gin.
Yeah, that's good.
I got a, I just came into a piece of memorabilia.
Cool shoe, Tarany.
I feel so bad.
My family owned the cotton gin in my county.
You had, wait, how big's a gin?
It's where everybody would bring their cotton
to get processed.
So there was only one gin per town?
Per county, usually.
Ip Man bought steak in a cotton gin.
Really?
Yeah, and that's where he, oh, you've got to watch Ip Man.
Somebody sent me an old sign
that you would put on the back of a truck
that said Walker Gin in Phoebe, Mississippi.
I don't know where they found it.
Is that your worst?
It's probably 100 years old from that gin.
And that's your gin?
That's our gin.
You guys had a gin.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's on the map.
Walker Gin in West Lake County, Mississippi.
And was it an ethical gin?
Yeah, I mean, that's how people heard here in cotton,
they think slavery and all that,
but that's how people made money back then.
They would bring their,
Yeah, hey.
Yeah, go ahead and open that door.
They would bring their cotton to the gin,
get it ready to be sold, and they would, you know,
they'd make money.
That's how the Walkers came to be in Clay County, Mississippi.
I'm not sure why I told that story.
I looked up my family ancestry,
and I only could go back to my grandpa.
I can't go much further either.
I could go to my grandpa and he was a pot boy in Albania.
What's a pot boy?
I don't know, but he was a pot boy.
Pot boy sounds like somebody who would be working
on a train or something that would change the pots.
He was an Albanian pot boy.
The shit pots.
And then he came here.
You know, pots could be used for so many things back then.
You could cook in them, you could use them to power things, could shit in them. Yeah. Yeah shit or get off the pot
Shit in the pot. We got lucky. I've not shit pot ever
My shit, I haven't shit here
I've shit many times and I don't have to I don't feel like I have to it's bad
So you're not like dying to get home so you can check no just dying to get home
I don't I am as well now now it's dark and the sun's down. Yeah So you're not like dying to get home so you can check? No, just dying to get home.
I don't have as well now.
Now it's dark and the sun's down.
Yeah, ready roll.
I'm like ready to go.
Let's wake up tomorrow and go.
All right, a new and full story.
Oh yeah, new shirt?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is that a new shirt?
Anus shirts.
Oh yeah.
And I'm really excited about this.
Got Piper Jones on the back.
Piper Jones.
And then we have the front logo
is like the princess bride logo
where it says anus both directions.
So you can wear your shirt upside down
and people would still get it.
Yeah.
Which is cool.
Yeah.
Snag it up.
Yeah, that would mean a lot.
Please buy it so we can keep making more.
Buy the anus shirts.
Yeah.
It's nice.
Good.
Worn to large.
If Brandon Walker has blocked you,
send me a receipt that you have the shirt one block you that's fair
Oh, yeah, that could be thousands of people. Yeah, I think that's a bonus right there. Yeah, you can make it all up right now
It is. All right. God bless. Thank you guys. Thanks, Brandon