A New Untold Story - Crucial Intake of Pink - A New Untold Story: Ep. 325

Episode Date: January 5, 2023

Eyelash perms, spliffs, fainting in grocery stores, circumcision scars. This episode has it all. Hank and Enrique join us at the end of the show to preview tonight's World of Warcraft stream. Ads: HelloFresh Go to Hellofresh.com/story21 and use code STORY21 for 21 free meals + free shippingYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. A new untold story, the first of 2023. Welcome back. What episode number are we? 325? Got anything, Bauer? Hold up. The mic part's facing west.

Turn it. We got obtuse angles, and it's moving. Yeah. No, this setup's cool, though. It has brick. All right. Setup's cool. Oh, you're crossing the wire across your chin?

No, flip the headphones around. I can do this. I can do this. Yeah. Yeah. There we go. And then... And you got it.

You know how screws work. Yeah, tighten it up the top there. No. Bright colors. The brass piece. This? Yeah. There we go.

Just swivel it a little closer. This is on me, yeah. You good? But then you're going to lean back and you're going to be far from the mic. I can feel it. It's going to move. It's coming towards you. We're good.

Are we good? What episode number was it? 325. 325. That's... It's hard to even waste my time on these ones abilene texas san angelo texas what abilene texas people know it for one reason abilene christian yeah it's the top of drop down

menus oh yeah i guess it is so when you played like ncaa football on ps2 that was the first choice so all the poor spaz kids would play with them because they were double excited uh too hyperactive to like go past what's their nickname scroll through i don't i don't know they're not even in division they're not even in division one right now they're not even in fcs they got disbanded um what do i got yeah you, you got something for them? Abilene. Their mascot's Willy the Wildcat. Willy the Wildcat? Indeed. Abilene Christian enrollment 5.2

thousand. I'm pretty sure Allen High School has more people than that. What else? Yeah, you're destroying them. Oh, yeah. Damn. No survivors left in your wake brother they're hardly they're the same size as one of the biggest high schools

it is one of the biggest high schools in the world yeah probably wait bigger than like an indian high school an indian high school yeah i don't um abilene is known as the official storybook capital of america because it has the largest collection of sculptural storybook characters they're just four foot tall rust colored statues of the stinky cheese man the rainbow fish i love stinky you'd get more stimulation from just reading like the soft cover book. Nothing there. Well, things to do. Sam's Club. OK.

Good samples. Sam's Club. Yeah. Like the line. The line there is out the door. The aisles are empty. The lines out the door for the chicken skewers. Bouncer at the door checking your breath for teriyaki.

No one's buying. Everyone's the free. So people go to brunch at Super 8 for the cereal dispenser. It's not quite West Texas. So like the worst cowboys in America.

If you're in El Paso, you can't lasso a U. You go to Abilene. What else? You can't if you're in el paso you can't lasso a u you go to abilene what else you can't turn up in abilene oh fat fat yeah i assume very fat if the people in san antonio are big then it i don't know when we were in san antonio it was shocking to see. It was everybody. Have you guys ever been to San Antonio? Driven through it. Yeah. On a bus. Yeah.

Mm hmm. But no, never visited. A big. There are big people. It's the Samoa of the US. One celeb. One big natural celeb again. Do we own Samoa?

Oops. What did you say about Samoa? I called. I called San Antonio the Samoa of the United States. When in turn, it's actually called San Antonio the Samoa of the United States, when in turn it's actually Samoa is the Samoa of the United States. American Samoa is. Okay. Yeah, Samoa is a different island.

Okay. Okay. That's good to know. Is it? Separate country, two Samoas. Yeah, I have nothing for Abilene. I don't think anyone's listening from there. No. That's the only reason to do it is to get people fromas. Yeah, I'd have nothing for Abilene. I don't think anyone's listening from there.

No. That's the only reason to do it is to like get feedback from there. Yeah, I don't. Jessica Simpson was born there. Okay. Moved immediately. Oh. She grew up there.

She looked like Lewis Capaldi. So yeah, fat, gross. He's so lucky he's an amazing singer no he's not lucky at all he's just no he's not he's not poor guy he has a great sense of humor has to yeah i'd love to have him on the show um i have the news uh very condensed though so i'm just going to speed through this start the timer a minute 30 getting through the news very condensed, though, so I'm just going to speed through this. Start the timer a minute 30 getting through the news after this guy revs his engine. You think the podcast, you think the listeners could hear that? Probably.

Yeah, I think so. Cool. Ready? Count me down, Kyle. Three, two, one. Go. Three, two, one. You can't just go thank you an iranian chess player was warned not to return to iran after competing without a hijab on damn that sucks she can't go back to iran where is she going to get banned from next mordordor? That's like banning Mook from Oblock.

But enough about the hijab. The only head wrap I'm interested in is Lollipop by Lil Wayne. The song just went diamond a few weeks ago. Wayne's first diamond song. Diamond Lollipop sounds like a lifetime achievement award for an Oompa Loompa. Diamond Lollipop? Nah, let's talk Glass Onion. The Netflix movie broke records and social media upon release, having viewers question if Daniel Craig and Hugh Grant portrayed a gay couple in the film.

The answer is no. They are two adult men that pursue a career in acting, making them just real-life gay. Speaking of gay, the first trans woman on death row has been executed in Missouri. When imprisoned, many were outraged that she was in a women's facility, until finding out that she did indeed have bottom surgery, learning the lesson that the lass isn't always peener. Somebody who did refuse bottom surgery is professional comer Nick Cannon, who scoffed at the suggestion of a vasectomy from Andy Cohen on New Year's Eve. There's more little cannons in his house than on a risk board.

Nick has came in the clam more than Peter Griffin. More seed than BitTorrent. Bigger loads than GTA. Seaman has more eyes on it than a Spanish Jim Carrey film of the same name. Seaman has more eyes on it than a Spanish Jim Carrey film of the same name. Nick Cannon is fucking like a newly wed more than Jenna Marbles and her husband

who just tied the knot and immediately had their home invaded by a stalker. Marbles stopping home invasion. Is this a Macaulay Culkin movie? Home Alone. That reminds me of when I borrowed $20 from Joey Camasta. I need to pay him back. Less than of course less than of, than what Benedict Cumberbatch

family owes Barbados and reparations. I was worried until I realized he's full-blooded British. Luckily, my German-Italian ass doesn't have to worry about the sins of my ancestors who migrated to the southern United States in 1835. Benedict has since apologized for the sins of his great-great-great-grandfather. Doesn't sound too sorry calling him great three times. The man has sold more people than a magazine kiosk. Time.

You came in barely missed it. I stuttered a little bit. You had a whole minute of stutters. Bravo. Bravo. I also saw Edward Norton found out he is slaves it sounds like was there some sort of like yeah there's been people research i guess you said what edward norton's family owned slaves what i think is great great great yes exactly i think that's i

think i grew up in the south i mean i think if you're alive you have ancestors that were bad that's how you're alive today. Yeah. Very true. He said, I remember the quote. It said, he doesn't know what to say about it, but it needs to be talked about. Oh, that's a really good answer. Yeah.

He's putting the ball in your court. Yeah. Yeah. I love saying that. I don't know what you want me to say. It is kind of brilliant. Just be like, what's your take on that? Why don't you inform me?

Yeah, I'm trying to listen. People trying to make them feel bad. Not really. All the Anderson Cooper was told in a sit down interview, like they brought out the files. Yeah. Yeah. Your your relative owned a bunch of slaves. That was a show about finding famous people's ancestors.

But they treated it like a to catch a predator moment. They like they were like trying to get them with a gut. All right. OK. You don't know that, dude. I mean, I truly think if you if you have if you were alive, you have an ancestor that probably did fuck shit. Probably what they were probably most likely wylin that yeah like fuck shit used to be a daily occurrence for people back in the day there were no rules

no there were almost always that was like the first page of the bible was a rule true you're right the first bar dude yeah you're talking about you meant like there were no bylaws yeah there were there were minor repercussions you didn't get caught doing a lot of stuff yeah but the bible yeah that's the first rule book like the first thing that i was like yeah there were rules before sex yeah don't eat the apple yeah yeah i mean i was thinking about that with jack the ripper they're like yeah there's a serial killer in london and the cops are like fuck dude i don't know yeah you're shaking your foot like that that's an adaptive behavior you've been watching that youtube account way too showing sight you're distressed about the topic of murder that's good serial killer i do this i'm trying to stop it but

it's really bad i see myself on shows and i'm like shaking like a leaf that's why you shouldn't watch yourself if i were you i would what are you wearing uh i'm this is a random i i played an away game last night none of these are my clothes dude's wearing the mall i'm none of this none of this is my lennox on your body yeah so wait what's what's the top the top is uh i don't know i think it's uh some sort of company i just like the i like the color pink so i just grabbed it and it fit my head right i'm talking about your your top not your oh yeah um i don't know actually defender of faith yeah is that a is that a dude's hoodie though no you just have a you stated a man-sized girls no i think that she must just buy man hoodies uh-huh dude i got some bad news for

you it was a trick yeah i know i think that just was another guy's Yeah, I know. I think that just was another guy's. Now, dude, she just likes oversized clothing. It's comfortable. Uh huh. You got in trouble, actually, because I gave you a pair of sweatpants and then you were wearing them. Yeah, dude, you you it's not your fault. I'm an idiot. And I you gave me a pair of sweatpants. They're really cool. I love them. I wear them all the time. And, um, my memory failed me and I had a girl over and I thought that she had given them to me. I forgot that my boy Nick gave me them. Yeah. And so I was like, oh yeah, I'm wearing the sweatpants you gave me. And she's like, I didn't give those to you. You're dead. And then I was in a house of horrors because I was like, listen, another girl didn't give these to you. You're dead. And then I was in a house of horrors because I was like, listen,

another girl didn't give these to me. I don't know where these came from, but she just was like, oh yeah, for sure. That sounds like it was one of those situations where the more that you try to figure out the truth, the more it sounded like I was lying. And then one day randomly, Nick, I wore him to the office and it was like, oh, you're wearing the sweatpants I gave you. And I was like, oh my fucking God, it was Nick. Yeah. Yeah. I'm touched how you think like you confused me with a lover. I know that's pretty, it's pretty sick. I view you that way. I got, I got pinched on that one.

Today's episode is brought to you by HelloFresh. Kyle, what you know about HelloFresh? What the fuck? What do they got on the docket now with that thing? 2023. It's yeah, they're rolling out new flavors. What's the flavors? Southwest pork and bean burritos, potatoes with bernese sauce falafel power bowls seared steak okay yeah i've had every single one of those today too a few times yeah um yeah you're stuffed and i gave the first

one a 10 okay steak because like the second one was better yeah what do you even do what do you do yeah what do you do did you don't go to the grocery store not even aside from the hassle and like the the cost it's late it's just late don't get don't be at the grocery store and you know what's a huge turn off seeing people snacking this cuts out the snacking you're yeah don't snack either i don't snack have you ever been turned on by a chick eating a goldfish cracker um yeah but go use another example uh teddy graham no never yeah yeah it's disgusting especially a little cartwheel one i worked at a grocery store for three summers and it was the actually i respects respects i passed out in respects you told me that i glossed over the fact that you were at respects my family chain i passed out in respects when i was home for

christmas break i'll talk about that go to hellofresh.com story 21 and use code story 21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping that's 21 free meals plus free shipping. That's 21 free meals, plus free shipping with code story21 at hellafresh.com slash story21. Yeah, dude. Respex, the clientele there is everybody, to walk in the door, you almost have to be 92.

It was all old people. No women. No. Not even no girls. No women. Yeah. It was like you pass when you're too old and gross

to even be a woman. Like, yeah, women yeah it was like you pass when you're too old and gross to be even be a woman like like yeah there are vagina havers there yeah like that old it was just old person yeah yeah yeah and and that the employees you were one probably had people falling all the time in there yes religiously i had this insane sinus infection it was like my first time standing up for the day and i went down there and i fell over in the jello aisle and i took down a bunch of boxes of jello with me probably the best place to fall you fell you've passed out because of a sinus infection it went up and became an ear infection and my head just got filled with liquid what yeah and like

my ears were like sloshed around it popped and liquid came out of my eye yeah liquid came out yeah of what of my ear in respects no i just fell in respects i was going down there because i can get the footage of that yeah find it and then i was just like leaning sweating i got myself back up i was with my sister and uh yeah because we went down there to get jello for a little sister help you up Yeah, find it. And then I was just like leaning, sweating. I got myself back up. I was with my sister. And yeah, because we went down there to get jello for a little sister. Help you up. Did your parents used to put so you would eat apple slices, put raspberry jello powder on your apples? Not not close.

OK, we ran down there to get jello to do that because we were having apple slices the next morning for breakfast with jello on them. I think it's a Weight Watchers tip. I think it's like one point. It sounds so pleasant. It's really nice. Yeah. Raspberry Jell-O powder on a green apple slice. Yeah. But we went down there to get more Jell-O because we used it all because we had apples that day as well.

I fell over. Bad. I've been sick for like a month. And a half. Misery loves company. That's music to my ears. Yeah. Are you good?

I don't know. I feel better, but I think it's just me getting used to that. And it's getting used to like, this is how it is. What'd you get for Christmas? for christmas uh i watched i binge watched every every good true crime video on youtube that's what you got for christmas um what do i have rest in peace to 18 year old sarah stern slain by her childhood friend rest in peace to 24 year old lauren getting stalked and slaughterain by her childhood friend. Rest in peace to 24-year-old Lauren Giddings, stalked and slaughtered by her next-door neighbor. Rest in the sweetest peace to 20-year-old Savannah Gold,

abducted and murdered by her co-worker at Bonefish Grill. Just three of the examples of people who I didn't know exist, but now I do. That first one was in Morgantown, wasn't it? The first one was in the Jersey Shore.

Oh. On the belmar bridge which i've crossed yeah which i've in a car sure it's the only bridge in town that one fucked me up the most first off you guys well you're i asked you what you got for christ Christmas and then you spouted off three teen murders, which drastically changed the tone of everything. Yeah. They are good watches. You watch JCS. JCS. It's not the best YouTube channel.

It's the best cinema. I got a 3D printer. Did you really? Yeah. And what can you do with that? The name is exactly what it does it's like connect four so what did you have you used it no don't know how it's always people like just getting like a they make stuff that you could have bought for like a quarter bought for i think it's the act of making it in the thing.

Yeah, it's neat that that works. You guys are about to get trinkets out the wazoo, which I think is the first time that sentence has ever been said. Trinkets out the wazoo? Search that on Twitter. I'm going to look it up. You're going to get that weird rubber chicken. That's weird that they chose that as the graphic.

Oh, an anus chess set chest set no i'm sorry to interrupt your uh murders i don't know what was i getting that i don't know dude that's why i barfed out 3d printer it's just so it's it's very common people no it's not that's why it shocks people to their core no you just don't know it's happening happening every day, which is insane to think about. In the United States. And it's insane, not just the people who commit it, the people who aid in the murders,

the people who don't care when their friends murder, the people who have such a lax opinion and feeling toward murder. And I guess I never really sit with people and we never really actively discuss how abhorrent we think murder is. But in these cases, I think you're going to have to start doing that.

Because I think people around us don't think it's that bad. Not that they would ever do it. But they think like, oh, yeah. I don't know at all what you're getting at. Because these people who were murdered, they were murdered by their friends. And their friends' friends helped them murder these people and they did it casually and they've told people and their friends were like oh shit i'll keep that a secret every single one in a lot of these cases and you guys normally these are people from like the jersey shore like the two like the two dudes who did it

seem like a bunch of people i've met before you you feel like you do you think you i think i think there's a lot of people who aren't really completely anti-murder what everybody's anti-murder this is what i've i just i just binge watch jcs explore with us these people aren't everybody is anti-mururder. No. Go around the room. I mean, now you're going to say no, but bring it up when you're drunk with some randoms. Just to see, because I feel like some people aren't. I think that's, yeah, you're going to scare away every hoe. With this?

The hoes love this shit. We'll go bar for bar with the cases. No i'm saying do i have recommendations uh the whole jcs channel there's only like 14 or so videos but if say you're not into the morbidity and like the the gore uh dahlia dipolito it's funny no one dies she just hires it i won't even say it. No murder. Funny, satisfying. My mom was in the wedding. One of her best friends in college married a murderer. Yeah. And he hired.

Her best friend in college married a murderer. Her best friend didn't care. She married him. She wasn't a murderer at the time. And she cared very, very much. Yeah. I believe he tried to do it to her. Very, very much.

Yeah. I believe he tried to do it to her. But he also hired these teens to kill a competitor business-wise with a bow and arrow. With a bow and arrow? Mm-hmm. Gotta have both. I'm telling you, there's a lot of people, like, it's like, you know, when you were young, you were like, there's like, gay people are one in a million. And then as you get older, the percentages increases. And now it's like 20% of people.

Gay is not 20% of people people the more you binge what what gay is not 20 of people is it no it's not higher bo burnham rapped about it being 10 in like 2007 it's got to be like 20 now that means one of us in this room. 3.5% of adults in the US identify as LGB. 3.1? And those are people that... Those are the teens that claim bi when they're bored. It's hard to estimate.

Also, to go back to your original point, Spherical Stag on August 24th, 2018 says, Hollow Knight also scratches my biggest gaming itch gameplay modifying trinkets out the wazoo someone said it yeah trinkets and wazoo are very similar words that's me that was you I love hollow knight yeah

that's my other account no it's not actually but I did love hollow knight well if you want to know the bio it's an interesting character round deer that draws other round animals for fun and profit oh he's a vor guy 18 uh plus for kink art yeah it draws he draws vor inflated uh furries yep yeah yeah that's me yeah you knew a lot about it um you talk to me about your christmas um it was tell me one gift one gift of one liners um curse of curves

you actually revealed one to me i did yes wait no no no i got a dm from your sister saying remind kyle about the scavenger hunt and i think i think you thought it was a work thing when i i was like i was like is it played along i thought i was like i thought i was a work thing when i texted i was like i was like you played along i thought i was like i thought i was about to ask when i thought we like signed up for it one time and i thought it was going to be so when i was off it off it but i said scavenger hunt reminder i was told it'll be fun yes because that's exactly what your sister told me to tell you and you said oh shit yeah when is that i was like i don't know dude yeah i was like 15 minutes into the amazon killer video when my sister barged in to uh generously give me that gift she got you it was on paper yeah and i'll

do the scavenger hunt and i will what is the gift i will enjoy it it's a it's a it's a local scavenger hunt in new york yes we'll do it i want to do it with you there we go there we go what is it i don't know i have to read the fine print i have to read the anything um but that's that gift will not go to waste i will do it um what yeah what else uh true crime and spliffs you got spliffs for christmas no that's what i that's what my christmas break consisted of okay yeah i i'm getting my tolerance you sound better dude i sound better yeah you got zip my tolerance is still what i would say bad but it when i'm lying down it's incredible i could horizontally i could smoke with anyone um it's when i get up and stand up and do anything. That's when it's all downhill. But spliff recommendations, true crime recommendations.

Someone sent me a similar one to JCS, Mr. Ballin. Yeah, that was what I'm looking for. So keep that up. Thank you. Thank you. If you want to discuss the cases. Listen, don't discuss the main bullet points from any of these videos with me. I already know them.

Give me give me theories that hold that have value. If you're going to talk about that. Thank you. Pretty good. My Christmas was good. Thank you. Except for the brass knuckles did not go over well. All right.

Set the scene. how did that go put them in a bag with uh a wvue t-shirt pulled out the wvue t-shirt no reaction i'm like all right here comes pulls them out looks and i was like they're brass knuckles and then i got hit with yeah i thought so try them all he's like i will when i get home and then my fucking sister had the audacity to follow my gift with hers to him and she got him the extendo bearcloth back scratcher yeah crushed he was scratching every inch of his spine for the rest of christmas morning He scratched himself wrong. He wouldn't even try on brass knuckles. Easiest thing to try on.

You don't need to take anything off to try it on. That's a riddle. A hat's got to be one of the top one. Yeah. Do you want to rank? Draft? Easiest things to try on? Sure.

You get first pick. Hat. What if you're already wearing a hat? I don't even think... You have to adjust the snaps. Brass knuckles is easier. I already drafted hat. Rudy, what do you got?

I will go glasses. How is this dropping? I'm going to take brass knuckles. I just didn't think... What did you take second? That was your thing. I didn't go for a second. Okay, yeah.

And then it snakes back alright snakes back to me scarf you can't do a derivative of a scarf you can't do a boa okay

so oh my line up is snide alright scarf and hat okay yeah yeah we're not doing this Rudy you're up underwear what the fuck

boo yeah boo I don't know what else is there there's not that many clothing items snow shoes ring yeah dude because you put them over top of your other shoes okay those big ones that look like tennis rackets um oh yeah so true crime and spliffs what and you were sick and passed out at the grocery in the In the Jell-O aisle. What else? What else? Went to the doctor.

He also recommended an MRI for me, but that's just because I was so fucking dizzy for about two days. And then I got an antibiotic and it wasn't strong enough because I got strep throat yesterday and I have a stronger antibiotic now. Did you get the Popsicle stick? Yeah. Did you gag? No. God, no.

Fuck no. That was the worst part. That was the worst part what was the popsicle stick the worst part of what they can't still use that the tongue depressor the tongue depressor which is worse than a popsicle stick that was the worst part of the doctor no i'll draft worst parts of the doctor uh routine checkups not like fucking surgery waiting room the the tongue depressor uh i would say you can't just throw drafts around. You're throwing hella drafts around.

I can't even look at a draft board. I would say entering in your information. Yeah. Okay. Getting naked. Oh, that was bad. How late did you guys go to a pediatrician? Till I made them do an STD test.

You made your pediatrician do an STD test? And they looked at me like I had a hundred heads. They were like, we don't really do that, but we're qualified. So we'll do it. And then they convinced me I had herpes when I didn't. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.

I was 18. That was my worst experience. Did it happen to you too? I talk about this a lot um i was misdiagnosed with herpes prescribed that you know the valtrex and it was impetigo which caused uh like something of a reaction my mouth was scab shut yeah i remember uh i was i was prescribed valtrex uh it wasn't herpes as well it was uh a callus on the tip of my penis i don't even know i think I got that story.

I've told. Yeah, because I didn't wear a callus. I didn't wear underwear. OK, just rubbed, rubbed, rubbed. So you calloused your dick. Yeah, I have no feeling. And you're like dead lifting hands. I've told the story too much. I'm going to get lamp.

I always assumed it was a joke. No, you actually had a callus on the tip of your penis. Yeah. Where the urethra is. Yeah. Covering it. We're not covering it. No, no, no. It was like penis yeah where the urethra is yeah covering it rendering not covering it no no no it was like uh where the where the circumcision scar is like that little kind of

mcdonald's that's a thing a circumcision scar do i yeah i don't i there's no way your guy did you unscathed that's still visible yes where do you think that little little the little you're you're shaking your head yes you you have one if you're circumcised you have one you have a visible scar look at your dick go look at the underside of your dick it's like where it like right where are you doing i'm saying go photo gallery but there's no way you have the circumcision scar in the photo yeah no i don't have one because it's probably it's because there's no way you're taking it from that angle i don't think i have one everyone does everyone if you're circumcised yeah you have to yeah yeah dude like there's that little

indent at the bottom flip it over google circumcision scar and then you're like oh yeah i'm looking at the undercarriage i don't if you're looking at your undercarriage of the head yep i'm there how yes you have to have one keep keep walking me through it i just need a roadmap google it i mean do you guys want to see dick right now flip it around yeah all right okay yeah couldn't catch i don't know i'll have to check better that doesn't look like mine. That's a hack job. Mook, is that what your dick looks like, dude? What are you doing, bro?

Ew. Ew. Ew. That was not the right photo of it at all. Did he use a saw? My God, dude. That's not the first image. That is, you just showed us a picture of your dick.

Yeah, that's my comment. Dude, the Internet's down. I'm out of this Google search right now. Did I ever I we talk so much on so many different shows. I never know what I talk about on here. Did I ever talk about the sketch I want to do of the guy that was in the massage chair? I'm like enjoying a massage, guy that was in the massage chair, like enjoying a massage. But it was in the South Tower.

And then he looks down and like sees that the chair is unplugged. I think you said that to me off air. Yeah, it sounds familiar. I think somebody else actually said that. Yeah, no way. No way. Probably. That's how how it works there's no original thoughts anymore um my dad uh is my dickhead of the week yeah again yep he has having this affliction where all of a sudden it pisses me off so much. His eyebrows, his eyelashes don't curl anymore.

And they grow straight down in front of his eyes. Wait, what? And so he keeps a little thing of gel with him to like push them up. He's gelling his eyebrows? Eyelashes. They grow straight down. They grow straight down over his eyes. gel with him to like push them up he's gelling his eyebrows eyelashes they go straight down they go straight down over his eyes and he just keeps gelling

them up but he still is like demanding that he drives and so he was like swerving and I was like sleeping because we were driving up to the train station to take me back at like five in the morning driving up to Pittsburgh and I look over

and he's like what and he's gelling his fucking eyelashes up as he's driving because they were covering up his eyeballs and he just he's at a cosmetologist right now a cosmetologist to get a perm for his eyelashes he couldn't even go to an ent that this is him right now getting his eyelashes i'm actually gonna flame them now they're growing straight down and yeah he was using old spice uh not gel but like uh sculpting clay and it was like his eyes were all cruddy and shit and it he's the dickhead of the week because he was just like an eyelash affliction my mom wanted to watch glass onion raking the lamest body parts parts of the body to get an affliction in the eyelash

yeah that's I win no matter what you pick yeah that is that is your that's the perfect one one that's Andrew Luck god damn yeah he's the dickhead of the week because then like he complained about it he was forcing it on all of us because my mom wanted to watch glass onion so bad he's like wellhead of the week because then like you complain about it. He was forcing it on all of us because my mom wanted to watch Glass Onions so bad.

He's like, well, I guess I'll listen to it. Because his eyelashes, he was just being like so sassy about it. It was. Yeah, but it was hilarious because they were like. They were they were straight as an arrow, like covering his they look like curtains over his eyebrows eyeballs. It was so fucking funny that that's that's well deserved yeah

I could I could send that to you another thing I got for Christmas I got this like therapy uh what a cryo therapy package I went to a spa did the cryo did the cryo and the main thing was this floating tub oh like uh yeah and

they were like it's so relaxing i'll probably fall asleep it's it has like salt or something in it to make you float um asshole couldn't handle it what my rectal itch could my rectal itch rash hemorrhoids uh it couldn't it it burned to smithereens from whatever substance was in that water to make you boil. It's salt to make you boil. I would have loved it because it was so comfortable. The asshole could not handle it. It burned your asshole? And it was an hour long.

So I had to just sit in the little fucking mini chair outside of the tub for an hour and did crosswords just like pissed off those are probably pretty expensive too you had to sit in a mini chair yeah like a tiny chair which is worse than just sitting on a fucking stool yeah it was a stool

yeah like a little one but like how how bad did it burn your asshole like did you yelp probably not audibly but it was yeah like a little one but like how how bad did it burn your asshole like did you yelp um and probably not audibly but it was it was uh irredeemable i couldn't couldn't get past that how long did you were you able to enjoy it well when you when you think about getting into a tub it's gonna you can't avoid the asshole yeah so now i didn't get to enjoy it oh fuck man like cool like music you get to control the music, the colors.

I don't know. What was that? God damn. Sorry, dude. Why don't you fix your asshole afflictions? That's like, yeah, I should. I don't even want to say why. It feels kind of good.

It feels kind of good to start. You've said the itches. That's why I don't get my ingrown toenails fixed. I could get my toenail removed completely because I get an ingrown toenail like every other month i just take it out and the relief is way worth the pain grass is always greener well i don't know dude probably not not having an itchy asshole 24 7 yeah not damn much why don't you just put like a sal what's the um preparation preparation h i have it i have it use it every day use preparation every day it's the way i was wiping uh i think you should not the hemorrhoid it's more like the the rectal itch uh howard stern had it once i remember as a kid

like it's funny how things come full circle i was giggling in my dad's car he had the the serious xm thing that you had to install talk about his rectal itch from over wiping and i was giggling 10 years old on my way to sarah's candy yeah to get some candy yeah some ice cream and a great root beer floats and then you who would have thought 20 years later uh but i think it's like it should not be some it's not like herpes where you get it and have it forever yeah no it's no it's not like there is a very there's there's a million cures for rectal itch yeah you don't do a single one i think the only cure is scratching it we'll get a bidet we're not talking about this get a uh censor this get a dude

wipe get a get a dude wipe i don't want to say their name i don't want to say their name i thought they'd be back by now it's been two years um dick my dickhead of the week honorable mention uh brian coberger yeah oh jesus christ i think that's fair yeah he's a yes yeah we'll see how the case plays out but it looks like it's conclusive um four-way tie for the other honorable mention okay it's a pokemon which notice how i said it's a pokemon this is how i know who it is i know who it is yeah it's the mice it's the it's mouse hold yeah mouse hold mouse hold is a family of four the pokemon mouse hold this is why it would be dicking up the week but i can't it's not i don't do dickheads of the week no we don't have the time for that mouse hold is a pokemon it's a family of four mice so the first evolution is two of them family of four mice the

two adults and then they have two kids and they become that's a Pokemon? Yeah, that... That's a Pokemon. M-A-U-S-H-O-L-D. What does it evolve from again? What's the... You're asking the wrong guy. It's another family. No, it's just the husband and wife. That's not a Pokemon. That's a family.

I like it. Look at that. You like it? Yeah, it's... You like them? I used it in the game. Tandemouse. Tand tandem mouse tandem mouse okay that's not gonna wait i'm not gonna waste my time the real dickhead of the week you probably know who

it is give me a tiny hint um i love a mouse hold beat out a murderer no they were tied for honorable they were both honorable mention special mention mention, however, whatever you use. Oh, my God, I'm looking at it. Oh, man. It looks like a swaggy malignant tumor rocking like a UNC snapback. What? A swaggy. I didn't.

It's not. So. Half a malignant tumor. Rocking like UCLA gear. It's palipper. Palipper? It's palipper. It's a straight up. It's a pelican listen to this pelipper is a water bird pokemon that resembles a pelican again no it's just a

pelican it's a pel albeit a deformed and disgusting one look at that look at that they deliver the mail we'll get into that first off stop do it stop saying that's just a pelican stop saying it resembles a pelican okay you have the complete creative freedom you're in this fictional universe they've made over a thousand you can design a brand new species you do it i want you you can you could yeah you could put a um uh make a better one make a better one than that you could put stonehenge with a face that exists easter island exists like a mechanical pencil with a with a big big parachute i don't know but wait that doesn't exist you can create any species There's an infinite amount of shapes and designs and features to create. That's why you're putting a mechanical pencil on a big parachute?

And you still choose a pelican, which is boring. And I'm sure it resembles a pelican. No, it doesn't. It is a pelican. All Pokemon are based on real life animals. Saying a pelipper is like a pelican is like putting a mechanical pencil in the nose hole of a Mr. Potato Head and saying this is a thing I invented that is like Mr. Potato Head. No, you just added something to an already existing Mr. Potato Head. That's Pelipper.

Why are you on a mechanical pencil? What else? Gross. In some depictions, it's Bill. It's all Bill. It's it's 80 bill it's a pelican with a fleming phlegm colored bill with the bill is like 20 the size of a 20 times the size of a normal bill um it goes all the way to its asshole yeah when pelipper are tired you see that the plural pelipper is pelipper don't that's cocky and every single

pokemon is that that pokemon that's one of the dorkiest moves in linguistics just add the s don't make it confusing pluralize it with the s that's not how it works or change it up added like an i to the end pelipper is the plural too um what do they do i don't you wouldn't say look at the group of pikachus inside okay here's here's a big thing here's its big thing it's skill it's magic inside pelipper's bill is a throat pouch that they use to carry eggs in small pokemon such as yeah that's how you should name a pokemon not pelipper a stupid or mouse hold stupid pun american pun it should be a jet pile. A little spiky ball. Pelipper's bill is large enough to fit a small child in.

Pelipper is a pedophile. A pelipper. Get that five year old boy out of your mouth. We ran that. We ran the DNA. It's your DNA of urine of your tongue is on every square inch of this little boy. Why is that pelipper? Why are you carrying kids in your mouth?

Pedophile. What else? Old. Pelipper is older than you think. 25. Wait, what do you mean? There's just not one age for them. Well, that one.

That one's 20. It's older than you think, yeah. You mean it came out 25 years ago? Wait, where did you get 20? I don't know. Look at the stupid bill. Yeah. It's a Pelican.

I'm trying to think of something. William Taft's tub got stuck in Pelipper's bill. The new revamped one that could fit in. Pelipper. Pelipper peaked in middle school locker rooms yesterday pelipper is three foot eleven but puts four foot in his megan's law bio pelipper says pelipper says present when the sub takes roll call. That's my ticket of the week. Present. Yeah, dude. Pelipper is good.

Delivers the mail. It delivers the mail. It's really cool. Think of that. It's like whimsy. Think of like having a big water pelican. Some of the most skill, skillless people I know delivered the mail. Oh, you're going to catch a lot of flack from the feds.

Yeah. Yeah. What was it? What's his skill? Delivering the mail. Yeah. And it's good for it's water flying. It's good.

Wingles are plentiful. Jesus. I'm living in the true crime. It is so immersive and you're locked in and that's good, but it, it kind of ruins your life. Yeah, dude,

I avoid it. When I try to entertain myself, I try to look psychologically damaged. Yes. I'm afraid I'm locking my door. You carry a blade. I've never done that. I don't,

I don't, um, I don't, I always do, but I'm like, when the, when the door dasher comes, I'm like this, I'm just going to open the door dasher comes I'm like I'm just gonna open

the door for this guy no out of the question yeah so it's not I don't my overall mood is blower are you like getting up in the middle of the night to check and see if your door is locked I'm on that shit I'm on that wave it's been 15 years I thought I beat that no

so if you're if you're someone who is very bored and you're you have a shitty job and you that would recommend it for you um and the scenes are some of the stories are so crazy hold on we all the people who are kidnapping people people are kidnapped right now people are captive somewhere right now we really that's great you know what's you know what's that's crazy and people people are always like uh uh the elevator fight in captain america is crazy no these people who are holding captives in their storage unit there can be two different that's crazy things nothing in fiction is crazy because you can come up with anything and say it happened that's not crazy crazy is what actually happens you're broken we have a really really big sponsor that has paid us a lot so we have to get to them before the end of the show uh the barstool store

always comfortable always epic designs always we are on the edge of being canceled. We snag them. We snag the Barstool store, dude. Always guaranteed to impress. Barstool store has everything for everyone. Hoodies, crewnecks, t-shirts, polos, hats, beanies, joggers, you name it. Shop the best sellers and new arrivals like the Roback times. The Roback X Barstool Sports, the Whitewater Performance Hoodie.

I've worn that. Comfy. Perform well. The Barstool Sports Ribbed Champion Crew Neck, the Barstool Nike Men's Sportswear Club Fleece Pullover Hoodie. You guys can get all of that and way more. Shop now at store.barstoolsports.com. Kyle, what's your favorite Barstool Sports Store item?

Nothing we have. No. I mean, come on now. Go help us out. Go buy a shirt. Yeah, there we go. Thank you. Go to the Barstool Sports Store.com.

Try to throw in a promo code, see whatever works. We actually got our social report cards. Did you guys see that? It's that time of year again. We got our social report cards for anus. Yeah, so it wasn't as bad as last year, but I was looking at all of our grades and it

just was like an agreeable Mexican. CCCC. that was bad oh man oh man i need to yeah i need to ruin my life with drugs or something i need to i need to spark i got nothing um i'm looking for it i can't find it do you have a mook yeah wait wait wait. I think. Yep, got it. Our merch grade was a B. Okay. Does a good job of creating designs that play to their content and their audience. Not bad.

Our pros. Very creative with social clips thank you mook our cons be more attentive to ad reads you're costing the company money more social output where was the there was one thing that made me laugh facebook straight f's uh anus tiktok not available the account has been in jail for most of the quarter

is that true made up it's made up. Fake news. Are we shadow banned? Oh, they thought it was banned, but we just didn't post. We banned ourselves. Oh, hell yeah. I love our direct stolen idea. The Temple Run videos are incredibly creative. All right. what does that mean our temple run videos do well like the video of our clips with the yeah but like maybe we could

just say that's creative yeah let's just uh let's post on tiktok just a video of temple run let's have us tiny okay yeah let's get progressively smaller until it's just that until it's just temple run i'm getting bullied on the tiktok because everyone's like i need more stimulation or like not enough no it's actually really hurtful i saw somebody comment like muted so i could watch muted so i could watch temple run so i could watch spider-man spider-man yeah um or get rid of these two guys let me see the full game. Instagram a C. There was something they put in quotes that was funny. Yeah.

Production quote unquote quality is very authentic to the brand's ethos. Ethos? They put quality in quotes. We intentionally put out really bad quality. Alright. I'll take it. Yeah, not bad, though.

Are you officially like a TikToker now? Oh, yeah. Did Cody Coe brought you up? Yeah. Oh, did he? Yeah. Cody Coe shouted him out. Said he was like the funniest thing ever.

Cody Coe did an impression and said he also says what's up beats the Uber drivers. It was pretty cool. If I'm you, I'm prioritizing that yeah uh probably 90 and then not i'm probably not gonna put any effort into what you're doing for us yeah if i'm you i feel very hacky doing the same bit over and over again we do it every single you're you're in a position where people are they're only expecting that that joke from you. If you try to switch it up, I don't know what would happen.

I'd imagine, what's it like with you now getting into Ubers with friends? Are they expecting it? They say it for me. So now you're that guy. It's like in grade school when somebody, a character in a book had the same name as you and everybody looks. It's like getting into an Uber with Mook. Everybody's just looking

and waiting. And then people are like calling me Beast. Oh, Huckleberry over there. Yeah, I forgot we went to school with Huckleberry. Enrique's on his way in because tomorrow actually, if you're listening to this on release day today, me, Rudy, Mook, hank kyle and enrique

speak of the devil speak of the devil perfect timing hello are playing world of warcraft we're doing the streams we got it we're down we're downloaded wow classic we're playing for the horde and now is the time we are creating let me get this out of the way before it ruins the whole thing. Two. You can't start with two. Two boys. Two boys. Students at a school, a high school in Vancouver area.

Murdered their good friend. A girl. They murdered her and they tried to get by. Like they didn't want to leave evidence. So they didn't text each other about it. They used World of Warcraft to message each other almost got away with it it's a good setup you're dude you need that's great that's crazy you need to stop i wonder how many people like playing murder neo fighting agent smith isn't crazy that's crazy that was

crazy how'd they get caught how'd they get caught their world of warcraft messages they were talking all about it that's how they communicated they thought they were getting past it but we'll be playing world of warcraft was all over certainly not my first time enrique not your first time no hank's first kyle's first maybe playing a game and rudy's first time no intro no introduction to the game but we are going to make our characters justin Congrego are you going to be an orc look through the horde characters and tell me what you want are you familiar with the universe

to what degree have you made friends from the site there was what I assume was an older lonely man who one summer I assisted or he assisted me on my quests and that was the extent of your relationship you never communicated outside of playing with him in that moment

no i played with a kid named cy wolfie and i remember uh i was taught i met him on the night of my junior prom in azeroth and the prom wasn't in Azeroth. The prom was in Wee-Land. But I met Psy-Wolfie. I was feeling extra lonely and P-S-Y-Wolfie, W-L-F-I-E. He was part wolf in real life. Psy-Wolfie is better than like, mine was like Tim something. Tim something?

Yeah. I was Squeener. Gnome Rogue. Psy-Wolfie was a blood elf hunter, a night elf hunter. What is the objective of what we're doing? We are put into this fantasy world. We are those characters.

It's a role-playing server, so we're going to have to talk to each other like we're those characters. It's a constant battle of the alliance versus the horde. We are the horde, and we'll be going on quests as low levels because we're not good enough. We'll be doing quests of like hunting boar

and gathering this and then returning the quest and doing it again. But the monsters will get progressively harder and everybody has a role on the team. Okay. Yeah, let's do it. You're going to be,

do you want to be an orc? Um, you always talk about orcs in the incorrect way and I think it's time for you to learn what an orc is. How racist? What? Racist. Kyle?

I talk about orcs racially I'm just asking not always Kyle confuses orcs with like forest nymphs oh he thinks in order the rings

or something no I think it's I think it's like a blanket state or an umbrella term for you know anything generalization

yeah yeah I'm gonna be a troll priest I'm gonna try to name him like crud but i if crud is taken which it will be i'm gonna add just more d's father crud okay i'll be father crud and rude boy uh i'm going i don't know anything about this but Nick's recommendation was that I would be was it an undead? Undead rogue. Undead rogue.

Which is a female. A female? Well, the picture is a girl. Well, you could choose your gender. I don't think any of us should be women just because I don't think that's how war parties, I think they should be. Also, I have to role play, so it'd be hard for me to do. So,

we have the healing, we have the DPS. What are you going to be? I'm going to be. Also, I have to role play, so it'd be hard for me to do. So we have the healing. We have the DPS. What are you going to be? I'm going to be a blood elf mage. Mage. So one more DPS, but ranged. And I will be a woman. Okay.

That's perfectly fine. Mook. I would like to be Mork the Orc. Mork the Orc. Okay. Recently divorced as. Okay. See, I like that you have some.

I have some backstory already. And so you got to have that class. Are you going to be? I do not know which class available classes, warrior, hunter, mage, rogue, priest, death knight, monk. I'll be the monk. Don't be a monk. Don't be a monk. Be a warrior or a or a hunter.

What's the difference? Hunter is a bow and arrow guy and he gets a pet, so you could tame any wild animal out there. I need a pet for companionship. Kyle, you're going to be a warrior. There we go. We'll have Hank be... Too close to home? We'll have Hank be like a druid. You're definitely fighting some battles.

What do I do? What does the undead rogue do your damage per second but you're close up so you wear leather armor you're going to put poison on your blades daggers you already wear leather you can yeah you do already wear leather yeah and uh you go invisible and behind people and stab kyle you just have a big hammer okay yeah and this is uh we're playing this very seriously but we're not going to do any sort of research into the game. We're just going in and play starting tomorrow. Yeah, I'm very excited.

I am, too. You'll be able to catch it on me and Enrique streams. Yes. And then the highlights I will condense probably down to like 20 or 30 minutes. We're gonna try to play three hours tomorrow. Yeah, that's fine. What's your what's your. Kyle, do you have a computer?

I was going to say, you say you know okay that's now I'm finally I just know because I don't even know where the broken one he's gonna be playing from the office are you I mean right now that works yeah that works um yeah I guess so maybe that that's a really big hang up. No computer. Yeah. Phone. No, I'll get one. I can solely as an extra laptop.

I'll be good. Okay. Locked in. Yeah. You're not going to play. Are you? I'm going to play tomorrow. What's your,

what's your channel's name? What do you have? Henry queen. K W E E N. Yeah. E E N. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And you're a rude, boy underscore junda for my channel so yeah and that's where they'll be streamed but then the highlight will be up on anus exactly exactly is there any like rp like rules and customs we should know we're just going to be in a private party chat so we're just going to be doing our thing but we're going to interact with other rp players correct yeah just don't run around like an idiot act like just behave yourself actually we don't even have to go to a role-playing server yeah we don't but i think having a little backstory helps yeah like we can rp ourselves like we can act as if we're doing rp but we don't have to be

my troll is going to have the exact same personality and voice as nick Turaney. Bold. Yeah. You can control the voice with your throat. Yeah, with your mouth. You said earlier, don't run around like an idiot. Or what? It's a video game. Then you're going to get reported for not waiting patiently

in a line. You're going to be breaking them slowly. I'm going to press whatever button makes me run the fastest. And if it's erratically, that's how you play video games. I'm going to run around like an idiot. You're talking like an orc already. Yeah. You're going to be an orc? That's funny.

Orc boys, yeah. You can have multiple orcs, but if you don't want to be an orc, you don't have to be an orc. You can be a tauren, big bull. Okay. Yeah. You can have multiple orcs, but if you don't want to be an orc, you don't have to be an orc. You can be a tauren, big bull. Okay. Yeah. You can be a goblin. They're little. So, Enrique, you're going to be a blood elf.

They have a further starting area. It's going to be a while. But so are you, aren't you? Trolls and orcs start in the same area, right? I'll just start and get wherever I need to be. We'll meet each other. I'll start an hour early. We'll do a dead sprint to find each other i think before we even start streaming we find each other that'll probably make it a little easier yeah so you would know

none of the hassle or the boringness of character creation is that we're already in the game okay yeah no time for that uh what should we name this because i was trying to think of a funny name for a graphic. Crucial intake of pink. What? I was like seven years old. I swear to God. And I was messing around on Microsoft Paint. And I just, it was just, it was bullshit.

Just throwing colors around. And I titled it that. And I don't know what, I didn't know what that meant at the time but that'll forever be in my mind crucial intake of pink pink like the color? And it sounds like as a set that sounds like a name of

an art piece that an adult would come up with. You want us to name our World of Warcraft promotion like promo you want that to be on? That name is special I've never knew how to like what to do with that in my brain like it's very sentimental to me so if we want to we can decide do you think that to be that name is special i've never knew how to like what to do with that in my brain like it's very sentimental to me so if we want to we can decide maybe do you think that would be confusing for the person that sees it on social media okay yeah um we don't have to do crucial i don't know there's other options no i think it's good maybe we name our guild that yeah is that like a gang

yeah okay cool I like that yeah we need shirts pink boys pink ladies pink ladies yeah okay Greece was the first musical I was ever in so Greece was? that feels very full circle to me I think Greece is my most watched movie now are you talking about like the school level or you were

community theater oh okay but I was in high school. I've never been in a play or any theater. Good. What? I want to be. It's super fun. I miss doing that.

What were you? You did it? I was Zazu in Lion King. That's a big role. That's a great part. I always... I wish I could have seen it. It's great. I used to always go for the second most lines.

Zazu does not have the second most lines. In our production, he did. He outlined Timon and Pumbaa, Nala, Scar, Mufasa. Nala, for sure. Maybe they lied to me. He has a whole song. Maybe they lied to me. Wait.

Oh, he does. Yeah, in the musical. Yeah. He's like the narrator. He's pretty much the narrator. And then in The Tempest, I was Ariel. I was a fairy. Full circle. Full circle. Wow, both of us. it was a fairy full circle it was a good shot both of us it was a good role it was a good role yeah i'd always go for the second most lines because in my mind they they bury the lead you know what i mean the lead

is unless you kill it that's like but if you're if you're the second lead everyone's like oh wow he really did good i've always liked the second most popular character in shows is that the big vegeta guy no vegeta was the straight well yeah but like the main character is a story the second most popular character in shows. Big Vegeta guy. No, Vegeta was the straight man. Well, yeah, but like the main character is a story. The second is like a distraction that's flying away from the main story. Yeah, you're right. I almost dislike most main characters.

I have enjoyed shows without liking a single character. What show? Euphoria. Granted, I was off the spliff and just enjoying the cinematography and the music um but and then i tried uh white lotus i didn't like a single character everyone is awful on those shows okay well i didn't enjoy watching so i mean it was good but i it's hard to watch a show where you hate you don't really like watching any character but we'll see that's i think

that's my to for me to enjoy a show, I have to have a favorite character. That's how I feel about anus, actually. You have a favorite character? No. Okay. Yeah. I don't like any of it, but I enjoy it. Alright. Yeah. You're on it. Yeah, well. You rep our merch more than us. Yeah, I have bought some, so. Don't do that. We'll get it for you. We'll get it for you.

Anything else, boys? I'm excited to stream. I think we should come up with a name for, like, what we're doing. World of Anus Craft? Yeah, that's the thing. A new untold story. How many of us is there? Kyle, you brought up Stonehenge.

You knew there was a Stonehenge Pokemon, right? No. I just thought in my head of the lamest thing you could make a fictional character out of. Yeah, it's not. It exists. What's it called? Stojourner. Look at that.

Stojourner Truth. Look at that. Pretty cool. No, that's stupid. No, it's not. What is that? It's Stonehenge. Like a robot?

It's Rock. What are you talking about? It's Rock. It's like Mech. A Mech from Mech Assch assault how do you know that the first game i played on xbox live before i got halo 2 i was playing mech assault hated it what was the first online game i ever played i think it was so calm on the ps that was that was the like the original one that i remember yeah i don't know i tried to i tried to join a uh i tried out there weren't guilds in in that

game what were they called in so calm what were you a clan do that i tried out i tried out for a clan in an online lobby it was a clan called rock 101 which i thought was the sickest thing i was in eighth grade i wanted to be in it and i did not get in the clan failed the tryouts brutal i think i think hank's gonna come in he wants to talk about his character okay if that's okay yeah by all means tell him to come in he wants to talk about his character Okay yeah by all means Tell him to come in and we need to think of a name I don't have a name either I'm on a random Name generator for World of Warcraft

So you are a rogue that's an undead Yeah One of the first ones that came up which I quite fancy Is Rick Rick is good but that's going to be taken What about after a musical instrument Okay Tambourine Or a xylophone no okay uh

okay yeah i like tamarimba rimba okay rimba's like a xylophone right casta nets what's that cast nets i don't like the little hands little hand symbols how would i ever know what that is what about culture i don't know casta pretty good that's pretty good sitar like a last name second part yeah um my entire tiktok right now is like guys playing sitar what's that it's like the indian guitar oh cool rocks it's great and then my entire instagram right now is like double tap to like make this image complete and it's like the heart would fill the and it's so fucking annoying i want to be harmonica yeah that's good i like that and harm is in the name yeah exactly harmonica an undead rogue that's pretty good okay i'll be harmonica harmonica's feminine it's got the name monica whatever your name is harm and then Onika's your last name.

You can do a space. Harm, Onika? Yeah. You can have spaces in your name. Okay, cool. I'll do that. Yeah. And we can maybe play with it and maybe make it more masculine if we want to.

Yeah. Harmonic. I love... I'm excited for my character. Yeah. Do you want to tell them? He texted me. I did tell you what it was.

I don't know if you want to say it yeah yeah so my character's name is yennefer cool ridge so yennefer like from the witcher from the witcher and cool ridge obviously an ode to jennifer coolidge oh what up hank and when i do it i'll use her voice yennefer is i love her me yeah so that because i'm playing a mage so that that's perfect that's. That's perfect. And like the, the people just, the boys listening are going to, going to like it.

Yeah. They'll love when I talk like Jennifer Coolidge. You could do it. Well, wait, save it. I'm going to save it. Yeah.

Listen, I'm not always great impressions, but that's when I'm like, okay, that one, that's your one. Yeah. I've never,

I could find one gay person who can't do a Jennifer Coolidge impression. I, my only impression I could ever do is, um, just when I was a kid, I could do Godzilla. Exactly. I could do Godzilla's roar. Exactly. And I used to do it before I went off the low dive. And now?

Can't do it anymore. Puberty fucked it up. But I could do it. I could do Godzilla really well. Do it. Do it. I can't do it. I have strep throat.

All right. I'll let Hank sit. Enrique, I'm excited for tomorrow. Yep. Thank you, Enrique. Thank you. Hank, flattering photo that KFC tweeted. Yeah.

Well, this is the crazy part of that. That was from my yearbook. And the yearbook was like, submit your photo, professional photo, your senior year photo. And then they put a baby picture next to it which you also had to provide my mom gave me like 20 baby pictures and i just left them in my backpack so if you didn't provide a baby picture they just grabbed one like you know people just go around take pictures randomly and shit so they just select a random one and that was not my best one not your best one and you looked a lot like the uh the side by side yeah out of all the people

in the world that you wouldn't want to resemble in any way, what's number one? Hitler. No, because I still think you're not getting the personality. What do you mean? You guys are trying to put the personality...

Everyone's trying to put the personality. No, I think he's just a weird-looking being. Yeah, so am I. I don't think so. No, you're not. That was just an uncharacteristic picture. Right. It was pre-beard, too. Pre-beard. Yeah. So am I. I don't think so. You're not. That was just a uncharacteristic picture. Right. It was pre-beard too.

Pre-beard. Yeah. Who was it? Who did you look like? Cody Lanza. No. That's our employee. Yes.

Nice try. I believe it was Adam. Somebody called you Sandy Hank. Oh, that's not funny. No, it's not.

No, it's not. That's not funny. I don't, yeah, I mean, I don't, I don't, I funny. No, it's not. No, it's not. That's not funny. I don't. Yeah. I mean, I don't. I don't. I, you know, it's a little rude from KFC, but it is what it is. I gasped.

Wait, how did he even source that image? What did that do? Who do you think? My guy. Everyone's guy. I don't know who that guy is. Clubhouse? No.

Wario. He's in the depths. Yeah, he's in the archives. Oh, he's in the trenches. Yeah. Shout out to him, though. He's the hardest working person that does not work here. Yeah, he goes back.

He traces our ancestry. But that also, so this had already played out. That picture came out in the Milton days, and Feidelberg, I think, wrote an entire blog about how I looked like Adam Lance. Oh, okay. So that, KFC's just rehashing old bits. Yeah, but a lot more eyes, I'd imagine. That's like funny now, but when he was doing that while you still looked like him? Yeah, that was fearless.

Which I don't think you ever did. No, yeah, definitely not. We're playing Wild tomorrow yes you excited i am excited don't do any research i was okay i was just doing the most basic research you just click to move where you want to go and then you have your spells at the bottom or your attacks yeah i think you i'm excited to play i think you uh having a lot of experience will be helpful. Yeah. I like doing the Dungeons and Dragons.

It's not something I ever thought I would like doing. So I think this will hopefully be similar. It will be. And what's your character going to be? Well, that's what I was trying to figure out. We need you. I didn't do any research.

I would like you to be a druid. Okay. What are the characteristics of a druid? They can transform into animals. I like that. I know you would. I like that. And I'd like you to be a druid. Okay. What are the characteristics of a druid? They can transform into animals. I like that. I know you would. I like that. And I'd like you to be a tauren.

I think taurens, can taurens be druids? I believe they can. Hold on. I'm looking it up. Some of your features, you are a tank. They can be druids. They can be druids. You're going to be a tank with Kyle.

He's going to be a warrior. You're going to turn him probably to like a bear and charge the enemy. Love that. Love that. Are we naming our characters? Yes. Yes. that's what we're going to do right now. I think it's got to be something D. Okay, yeah, it's got to be something D. What are those called?

What? Onomatopoeias. Yeah. Alliteration. Oh, an alliteration. Okay. Yeah, close, yeah. It'll be fun. It'll be a nice an onomatopoeia that starts with d what is that like ding ding yeah or dong and then ding dong is both an alliteration and an onomatopoeia

so i'll be ding dong or do it yeah yeah you will be there it is he's ding dong the druid yeah that's fucking tight dude this will be this will be a nice escape from like the grim reality that we're living in now with everything going on and you know school shootings happening every day and even like not every day what both of you guys pretty much yeah you feels like it the equivalent maybe what do you mean the equivalent to every day is still every day i'm not going on record saying things are the equivalent of school shootings, but some things are just as ghastly. Pokemon.

Which you agree, right? Yeah, I need to escape from the world of school shootings. But those are mass shootings, which everyone, I would think most of us aren't. We are disgusted by that. But what about like this? One of your boys needed money. Like shoot a bank. It was like a drug dealer.

It was a real scumbag. And he told you, OK, I think I might kill this guy. He has no friends, family. What would you be like? It's just shut your lips or. Yeah, I don't have to kill him. You don't have to kill him, but your friend is your friend's gonna.

Yeah, I'm probably keeping that one in the chamber. Just to yourself. But you're anti-murder, right? I'm pro-boys, though. I forgot about being pro-boys. I don't want to see my boys go into the clink. Oh, shit.

I was preaching anti-murder saying that. But I forgot about pro boys. See? Yep. Look at that. What would you do? It's not. I guess.

I guess. I would not be an accomplice of first degree murder. No, there's a difference between being an accomplice or being a snitch. Like if I just told you I committed a murder. Yeah. But then there are two different things. If the police come and ask you, did he commit a murder? And you say yes, that's one thing.

If you go to the police and say, hey, I know about a murder. You're a snitch. Huh? See? Once you get into the snitch territory, people are all suddenly they're all OK with it. Next thing you know, you know. Jesus Christ. You need to you need to get away from that stuff.

You need to watch better stuff. Yeah. We're going to get you to Azeroth. We're going to get you to Azeroth. Yeah. Is that where the war? Yeah. It's going to be fantastic.

We're downloaded. It will probably be streaming. Yeah. We will be streaming when they hear it tonight, when they hear it tonight. I have a question. Is this or no? What's the difference between world of warcraft and league of legends league of legends is a mobile right no world of

warcraft is an mmorpg isn't league of legends like a super competitive there's like yeah and championships and yeah is there no warcraft champions warcraft yes but not world of warcraft got it warcraft is also like a top down kind of like that but uh world of warcraft very casual beautiful we're just walking around we're questing together league of legends has like Warcraft is also like a top down kind of like that. But World of Warcraft, very casual, beautiful. We're just walking around. We're questing together. League of Legends has like play like rich 19 year olds who are famous. Yeah.

That's and then there's us. World of World of Warcraft. The biggest World of Warcraft influencer is that kid with long hair who doesn't clean his room, has never cleaned his room. Asmongold. Yeah. That's his room. Has never cleaned his room. Asmongold? Yeah. He's rich as well. Yeah, these video games are so filthy rich.

Famous. Do you have a PC, Kyle? He doesn't have a computer at all. It's an issue. It got jammed. He's going to have to come to the office and use Rudy's. Worth a solace. Can we fix a jammed computer here? So he's going to have to come to the office and use Rudy's. Got it. Yeah. We're facilities.

We're facilities. Yeah. Can we fix a jammed computer here? Boss man. What? Kyle's computer got jammed. Yeah. He accidentally put a ton of raspberries in it. Yeah.

And closed it on it. Yeah. And it screen got jammed. You tried rice. I tried rice. I tried rice. Oh, putting it in rice. Okay. No, no.

It's silly. That's silly as hell. We actually hadn't thought of that. That's a good idea. Your computer got jammed when we went to Kansas. Yeah. Long, long, long ago ago it was a progression of erosion the jam and it kept on screen erosion yeah because it was only like a quarter of the screen and then

it just like inched over pixel by pixel i just saw uh jake lasovsky had a new laptop and the new laptops they just turned into looking like the old laptops oh yeah they don't have that bar and they're silver. Oh are they silver? Like they look. I was like is that a fucking laptop from 2011? He's like no this is the new one. The brand new one.

So they just. It all circles back. I can't wait. They're going to come out with brick iPhones again. I can't wait until technology is like that same ugly ass dirty tan. That like everything was. That was a good ass color for tech. Yeah. The colors back then were

i guess they're all right dude i want the x-ray ones to come back oh yeah those old macs yeah yeah those were cool actually yeah cute girl down the street had one you know who down your street yeah um do i who I don't say it okay I've learned my lesson every time I say a name they find out this the day of uh-huh yeah you're suddenly listening to our podcast

now that we've talked about you no I think it's just word of mouth I think probably we have one listener and a lot of and then that one listener is a snitch all right I got to download it on my computer same as he's same cool is just word of mouth. I think probably we have one listener and a lot of, and then that one listener is a snitch. Alright, I got to download it on my computer. Same as these. Same. Cool. Wow Classic, I'll send the link and that'll be out. I'm excited for it. We need a name. We'll figure it out.

What was the pink thing? What are you guys' names? Crucial Intent. We don't have to do Crucial Intent. Mine's Father Crumb. I'm Harmonica. My Father Crumb? Is that what Crud? Crud, yeah. Father Crud. Justin Congrego. And I'm Mork the Or father Crum. Is that what I? Crud. Crud. Yeah. Father Crud. Justin Congrego. And I'm Mork the Orc. I like that.

What are you? I'm Harmonica. I still like tambourine. You can workshop it. We got 24 hours. Yeah, we do. Almost exactly. I got to figure out like what voice I'm going to do too.

I'm doing my regular ass voice. Same. Damn. But like we can't call each other by our actual names. That's against the RP rules. But I'm Father Crud, but you could call me Padre. Because we're tight. Or you could call me FK.

All right. All right, boys. All right, cool. Anus 253? 325. Damn, dude. Dyslexia must be contagious in here.