A New Untold Story - Disney Plus Sized - A New Untold Story: Ep. 449

Episode Date: May 22, 2025

desmond watson, plus size park hoppers, and big date ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app today and use code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase Kraken - Go to https://kraken.com/barstool to learn more Roman - Connect with a provider at RO.co/UNTOLD to find out if prescription Ro Sparks are right for you and get $15 off your first order Lucy - Get LUCY shipped straight to your door. Visit LUCY.CO/ANUS and use promo code ANUS to get 20% off your first order. Subscribe for another 15% off & shipping’s always free! Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age-verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Factor - Get started at https://factormeals.com/kb50off and use code kb50off to get 50 percent off plus FREE shipping on your first box.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. Did you want me to count down? I fucking forgot I do this. Hold up. What's up? I respect that. You keep saying that to them. But I respect it? Everything you're doing you're saying you respect.

Alright fine. You don't say that to me. That's all I'm saying. Well I think that answers your question. Look! Hey, isn't that story old or told? Fuck no, baby! It's a new untold story! A new untold story It's a fresh-baked untold story A new untold story Yeah, yeah, you good.

We gas clap both my wrists went limp. That was crazy. It is both went limp. A new untold story episode 486 It is episode 449 449 the historic weight in pounds of the newest fattest NFL player of all time Drafted Tampa Bay Buccaneer Sine Desmond Watson

at 449 listed pounds. What position does he play? He, I think a nose tackle. Oh my God, he's a big boy, huh? Oh my word. Yeah, 449 and apparently. Is that too big for the NFL? Is that like, is that why?

It's gotta be. So he's the heaviest player in the NFL? By a hundred pounds. Holy shit! And 449 is his ESPN.com listed roster weight. According to Wikipedia, he's gotten up to 464 pounds. That is enormous! And he's a pro athlete. What was his 40 time? It wasn't bad.

He's from Plant City? He's from Plant City, imagine that. He's never had a plant. No. Oh my God. Yeah, so how tall is he? He's 6'6". Okay.

And he does, he carries it kind of well. He doesn't look like- He's fat. But 464 pounds. I thought we were done with pro athlete weights. This is the guy. Yeah, when was the pro athlete weight? When did we stop doing that?

I thought we stopped at Michael Sweetney in the 380s over a year ago. It's been a year since Sweetney. New York era when we did the heaviest of other leagues Yes, so um, Dez I'm really pumped about this dude What do you like about him? I was looking up his like some things on his Wikipedia He carried the ball for a first down against Tulane and the Gasparilla Bowl. No kidding Additionally, he held up two lane quarterback, Ty Thompson in the air as Thompson attempted a rush.

So he's mighty strong as well. Held him up in the air. Can you be that fat without being strong? Or is it just you carrying that weight around makes you strong? I'm not sure, he's fat and very strong. But is there somebody who's incredibly fat and super weak? Yeah.

Yeah, oh my God, many, many men. I. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh yeah, I guess, I guess like super, yeah, yeah. The Asante's couldn't lift a finger. Yeah, that's right. Who benched the most at the Barstool office? You. Me. Oh.

You're not fat. But like fat guys could not perform me. You just shoehorned that in. No, that was, yeah. I've been fat. Yeah. But like if he's, yeah, I guess, for me. You that you just shoehorn that in. But like if he's yeah, I guess is he a guaranteed first down? Oh my what do you even do? You only rush for a year. Honestly, he doesn't have a big belly.

It's all ass. He has a massive ass. You know, big as asses. It's all right at the equator. He has a James Charles ass. Oh my God. Yeah, that looks like something James Charles would post and say inspo for my James Charles's ass is in the hot seat. Why? What's going on?

James Charles and canceled for the umpteenth time. What did James do? He's no idea. He's not good. He does something really bad. He is a nefarious rascal. He's a bad man. Yeah. But he escapes it

Slides right out. Well, I think is James James James Desmond though. Um, yeah held up a two-lane quarterback The white stripe on the side of his pants would be my leg That's what my leg would look like next to his He's so big, 464 pounds, held up a two lane, I need to get this joke off. Yeah, yeah. Held up a two lane quarterback, held up a two lane highway.

There we go. When he stood sideways on the yellow lines, okay. Let's get into some, how fat is he? Yeah, please. Because prior to him it was just called the heaviest NFL player of all time now. It's the fattest okay fast fact fast fat facts about Desmond Watson Desmond Watson is 310 pounds heavier than his teammate

Tess Johnson Who is the lightest player in the NFL at 154 pounds? Oh my god? That's like a bowl bowl Muggsy Bowes kind of photo they could take. Except horizontal panoramic. So Desmond Watson is two Tez Johnson's heavier than Tez Johnson. Wow. The weight disparity would be too fat to compete in the heavyweight division in the UFC or the NCAA. Three times the size of Tez. Desmond Watson is heavier than two Deshaun Watson's

Okay What what you add just cuz he's two of them do me Oh my god, dude, that would be horrible if like the news broke of all his atrocities. They're like and there's another yeah The worst part there's two there's two dead Second day Sean so wait how much is day Sean he's 243 pounds. Okay, he's a big boy. So Peter Griffin's 293 That's how I gauge things You knew that yeah, okay, so yeah, he's much bigger than Peter Bigger than Peter and Peter fluctuates because there was one time he was holding a turd. I think he was up to

300. But investigial Peter, I believe the upside he said he's 293. I want to be I'm trying to be a family guy historian. I think it'd be very funny. Love that. No, every detail like an

anthropologist. I want to treat it very seriously, like not funny. Yeah. Yeah. Tell me about Kohok. Well, I don't know yet. OK, when you find out. Okay? I will understudies undergrad right now. That's just learning Now I just Google Peter Griffin's weight. I need to see him in motion. It's almost hard for me to even quantify I've seen him at mini camp not for him

You've that much. Yeah, dude, that's his camp. Dude. Look at him. His 40 time isn't bad, it's, or is it? Five, nine, I think he would have meddled at the Barstool Combine. Yes. Yeah, noticeably slow, but we forget that he is 464 pounds.

I need to see him last. 47, 47. I missed the one that used to do that. At the Strongman. One of my favorite things. When they would just literally pull a 747. Oh yeah, they would just drag it along. The first time I saw that.

That never really impressed me, it's on wheels. I know, but it's a fucking plane. Oh, plane. What did Francis run? Oh, this is an old, old one. 469. What was the best time? What was his time?

It was in the fives. Desmond was 5-9. So he would be last. Okay, maybe not good. Yeah, he looked slow as hell. He might, like, that's medically too big to play NFL football. It is. I don't...

I think maybe he'll stop the tush-push, Moog. He'd be going... They're about to make that illegal. Yeah, it's about to go away. Oh. That's bullshit. It's ass. We got to draft Desmond Watson. That's bullshit, Mook.

I'm going to defend you on that. Thank you. Go fucking birds. It's the way because it's like the two look too good a football. Yeah. No, it's boring football. It's news fast newsflash. Yeah, they already got their silverware. But no, wait, this guy, though, is if when he falls,

he will just get hurt, right? Like, has he been injured before in playing football? He's injured many men. Has he? I think that was his thing in college. Who just hurt guys. I think week one against Miami, he took out three Canes chicken combos

in the locker room after they lost 41 to 17. To Miami. Now we do have to tread lightly because what would you put the odds of us working with him within two years? High, higher than tails. The Sonic character? No, like the coin option. Oh, okay.

More fat fads. Oh my god, I'm a fucking loser like the what like this a name of a he flies dude I thought you meant higher than him okay no the odds are higher than tails and a coin I thought you meant like not higher character who knows him miles per hour miles tail Taylor says not even his name miles per hour Everybody knows quote everybody knows tails. He's the second most famous comp. He's the second most famous Sonic character I didn't know that I may not be Sonic The signature quote is I may not be Sonic, but there are things only okay. I

Thought yeah, I thought I thought this was gonna be wordplay you're gonna go back to the guy higher than tails and then Sonic the fast food joint no I'm not showing out big pun anymore but big pun is 698 pounds at death really really 698 we'll get to him he's got some amazing visuals. I have a fat fuck for you too once and whenever. Big pun, the wrapper, 698 pounds. How do you, the maintenance of that, it would be absurd. He weighed more than a fully grown adult grizzly bear. Oh my God.

How tall was he? He weighed more than four jaw morans. He was four jaws. He weighed about the more than four jaw morans. He was four jaws. He weighed about the same as four jaw morans at 698. So bigger than a real grizzly and then bigger than four. Four jaws, the whole film franchise. All right. Desmond Watson, speaking of hefty quarterbacks.

Hefty lefty? Who's a big fucking quarterback you can think of? Rothlisberger? Yeah. Yeah. Desmond Watson is heavier than the combined weight of Ben Rothlisberger, Eric Stahl and the 24 count of D batteries. Desmond Watson is heavier than the combined weight of Michael Orr and Sandra Bullock, triple fisting an Oscar Oscar a Golden Globe and an NAACP image award Does she have one? I think she got nominated, okay? but the dude who played Michael or Quentin Aaron is Who was five hundred and five fifty nine pounds in the blindside? Yes, how much was Michael or?

a lot less 3. 315 has he been in anything else? Qu. 559 pounds. I didn't realize that enormous. Big black was 375 and that he was big black. He was big black. Yeah compared to these guys. He would just be Black black. He started big man certified. I didn't I don't know what that is I things as being capable of handling big men Boykins such a good fat guy last weekends is such a good fat guy name name. Boikins is such a good fat guy name.

There's some last names that are perfect for a fatso. Crisp Boikin. Sounds like, it sounds like a three stooge saying Crisp Bacon. Yeah. It does. I am, that's Crisp Myken. Give me some of that Crisp Boikin.

Crisp Boikin. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. Damn, man. Oh, what else? Crisp Boykin! Crisp Boykin! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. Damn, man. Oh, what else? I have a fatso for you.

Let me just... He's fatter than the combined weight of Christian Bale and Batman McGinn's, Christian Bale and the fighter, and Christian Bale and the machinist. Machinist does what? 15 pounds? And 8 pounds of birdseed. Okay. Okay. 8 pounds of bird seed. OK, OK. Eight pounds of bird seed.

The on top of that, they am. What fat us do you have? The former leader of ISIS, dude. Adele Abdel Bari, Bari. That's a sick name. Adele, I says had a fat fuck leader. First off, they aren't fat. Adele, Adele has had a fat fuck leader. First off, they aren't fat. Adele, I know.

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Egyptian didn't know the food pyramid. But how do you, how are you a terrorist and get that big? How did he do that? He was just calling the, oh my God, you just enlarged the picture. Look at him. You know when you're so fat, it forces you to do a very impressive split?

That's a level achieved by only a few men. When they captured him, they had to put him in the back of a flatbed Toyota, which is ironic. Because that's where all his boys were. Look at his bottom half. Yeah, whose 10X suicide vest is this? His legs look like the St. Louis arch. It's unbelievable. His bottom half looks like a Thanksgiving turkey

It looks like it looks like a plushie of a Thanksgiving turkey It looks like a beheaded man on a piece of furniture And what's he sitting on? Yeah, just jigsaw puzzles. They don't just sitting on a puzzle sitting on a puzzle. He's sitting on a Monet jigsaw puzzle don't have couches. Yeah, they can only just jigsaw puzzles. They don't just sitting on a puzzle He's sitting on a puzzle. He's sitting on a Monet jigsaw. It's Dude imagine if he suicide bombed you what I don't know the cause of death. I think would be like drowning Mm-hmm like Lord he landed. Yeah Look, he's no torso

He whereas his pecs He wears his pecs. Where are his pecs? You cannot be a fat terrorist, I'm sorry. He's pure southern hemisphere, he calls it shot. He's so much a fupa. Imagine that whole middle triangle is pubes. I don't know, I don't think the dick is a dick at that point. It's flat, right?

It can't be. It's gotta be just just like if your dick grew at the same rate as Your the rest your body when you got fat. I've read a rumor that you're fat I've read a rumor that the if you gain weight your dick does get like fat But then when you lose weight, it doesn't really lose the fat So you can get it's a kind of a mess kind of getting a big fat dick getting a good girth hack yeah I don't think I don't think he then my first thought went to FOGO when I was like oh god oh no you want to know the real he has a huge dick too yeah you're gonna borrow them you want to know the real reason why no just like yeah dude that him and then,

I was like looking up historical fatties. Orson Welles. Orson Welles got fucking huge. You know about him? And Brando too. He bagged some of the most primed starlets of his time. Orson? Yes, he got Rita Hayworth. He destroyed marriages. He was, I think he hit like four. Oh, he doesn't look that fat in his head shot.

But like, it was old Hollywood putting him on these drugs and crash diets. He got big, big, big before he died. Yeah, that happened to Brando too. Yeah, Brando got big. The guy who sang on Loud Luxury's Body. The award-winning feature on body by loud luxury. Correct. That Marlon Brando.

And it was, Oh mom. But he was, he was come on. Oh dude. Oh dude. You got more fatty. Oh, but he was like, he was like obsessed with food. Oh yeah. He like couldn't stop himself.

He would. It's an addiction. It was like for him a true brando was, I don't know about brando, Orson Welles was as well. And something like he got while he was a big boy, the prime chicks, they said his voice sounded like that of a hero's. He was called a heroic tenor, which is very rare.

OK, so deep, I guess. Base, I've seen that guy's pool. Yeah, yeah, they do. But I was also looking up he Orson Welles wrote, directed and acted in what is pretty much unanimous unanimously the greatest movie of all time. Casablanca, Citizen Kane. That's right. And I was like, I was looking at all his movies. Do you, I was, you know what his last movie was?

No. The Animated Transformers. Oh, he, for real? Yeah, that's crazy. Overlapped with that air. 1985. Oh, he was alive in the 80s? I think so.

Unless they put it out there. I like that, I think, I saw it as a kid, I fucked with the- The 1985 Transformers. I'm pretty saw that as a kid. I fucked with the the 1985 Transformers I'm pretty I saw an animated yeah 1985 is when he died and that got me thinking of like We're obviously we make stuff. That's online right so we will have a last video and that scared me Because I was looking up like a lot of people's last works Mm-hmm, and that I don't think people really remember it, but it is weird for that to be the last image of you.

Like if ours was the Nigerian kitchen video, you wouldn't be able to hear us, see us, and just hear chirps. Like imagine if, like my first thought, because I've always like, there's this subreddit called Last Images of like the last photos of people My my first thought after that Nigerian kitchen video was what if I fucking died after this? And that was the last footage of you. Yeah

Like um you'd be out of focus he thought yeah, yeah died blurry They would have thought it was like Blair Witch project right they would have made it off on guard probably but Like Heath Ledger was an imaginary of Dr.. Parnassus. Yeah, like a weird movie. He would have made it off on guard probably. But like Heath Ledger was an imaginary of Dr. Parnassus. Yeah. Like a weird movie. He got halfway through it. Yeah. They had to switch him with Johnny Depp and Jude Law. I think that who else like Ray Liotta was cocaine bear. Oh, shit. Yeah. Sean Connery was he. Sean Connery turned down

The Matrix and Lord of the Rings he went to retirement turned those down He came out of retirement to be the lead in an animated movie called sir Billy Bi LLI and that was his like sir Billy. Yes, that was his last that oh no and it was Up and he did not want to be there. He's mumbling through his lines, but that's his last piece of work for Like a knighted man an icon and then his he said no to the matrix and I don't know just got me thinking Yeah, I feel like a lot of superstars are like so Spiritually numb that they don't care about their legacy Yeah, by the end of their life like Mike Tyson's last fight is Jake Paul knocking

him out did we watch the same video this morning I just watch Mike Tyson talking about that and I yeah I was referring to his pre-match interview yeah where he doesn't give a fuck about legacy yeah that's a good mind legacy something what did he say? He was like, I'm going to be dead. Legacy doesn't mean anything to me.

Yeah, I don't know. True. I mean, you know, as a good one, Mac Miller has a good one. Yes. That's his last thing. His last photo is. Posture stuff get tricky. Yeah. His last photo is his last album cover. It was like they use the last photo. Yeah, I was very last. But it's like a sick photo.

Like, that's cool. Yeah, I was very last. But it's like a sick photo. Like that's cool. You're going out like an artist. Your last piece of content is the fucking dog show. Mine's gonna suck. The dog show, oh yeah. That's one of those ones. Dude, what if you died right after you filmed that talkies ad of you fake body surfing?

That never made the air It was on the floor That was the most mad I've ever seen you at work Because it was a talkies ad that you didn't have a script and they were just like They handed you a bag of talkies and they were like be funny They were like yeah you just, I'm improv it Improv the talkies ad? Fucking prone position

I don't think it exists anywhere Oh it came out! I didn't think it exists anywhere. No it didn't I didn't know that They only put it out on Facebook, holy shit, dude, I can't believe they put it out videos not available anymore Wait, can you go back? It's just And you're so pissed they had to put sunglasses on you is that the only place that exists Talkies in the ride the ride the wave of and I think you just read the only place that exists? Takis. You can see in the ride the wave of, I think you just read the title of the commercial. Right.

I didn't. Dude, no way, it doesn't exist. It kinda does in gif format. Wait, yeah, can we hover over it? In the thumbnail. There you are, man. They just, they put you in the green's room and they're like, be funny.

Be funny, act like you're surfing And enjoy talkies and hit all the all of our notes but we need you to punch this up and we need it has to be this was supposed to be like not Super Bowl, but equivalent like Network shit it was gonna be yeah, dude like it was gonna be after a big bang theory that was gonna be like the first commercial break I thought that was your big break when they called you in I was so jealous Mm-hmm. What was your commercial role? Oh my god, it was for uh

For for pink wit no for pink Whitney. Yeah, yeah, and that was aired on television, and I remember Wit or biz text me they're like hey, man. Would you do this commercial down in Florida? We have the perfect like role for you. We wrote it for you And I remember Witt or Biz text me. They're like, hey man, would you do this commercial down in Florida? We have the perfect role for you. We wrote it for you. I've talked about this. And I sat down for the script read and my role, I didn't see my name.

I saw Biz, Witt, like a house party. And they were like, no, you're there. And I was ugly guy. You were there. That was the role I was perfect for on the script. I think I still have the script somewhere too. So Biz and Witt were playing what? Them. Okay, why would wit were playing what them?

Okay, why would they need an ugly guy cuz I was I was supposed to be with a hot chick Oh, like can you believe that that this guy is but I was with the hot chick because I was having a party with Pink Whitney And but you're not a good up and she was it's kind of mean she wasn't a very good actress So we had to rewrite the commercial that night. Oh. Oh, did she still play in it? She did, but then we filmed another one right after, long day.

So were you a part of the rewriting process? Yeah, I was like, first of all, we got a scrap ugly guy. Yeah, you're like, it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense, like narratively. Right. I think we should go in a different direction, actually. And she was bad at acting as a attractive woman?

No, she was good at that. It was the delivery, I think. And then I think, maybe it wasn't even her acting, and maybe it just wasn't working. We'll say that. She won't see this, so. They always end up seeing it. Every time we bring somebody up,

I'll bring up Miranda Johnson from first grade. Miranda Johnson will Facebook message you. Yes. Yep, I've fell in that trap many a time. Who's gotten you? I've gotten like a few deep pulls. I was like, how did you hear this? Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, my friend that I brought up that married his man friend for taxes hit me up. Yeah. And he just said, they for taxes hit me up. Yeah. And he just said, they don't see the vision. Oh, we, yeah, we were clowning that move. That's a very cool way. Like if your other buddy ousts you as gay on a podcast

that you have no power over, it just, they don't see the vision is a cool response. I don't understand how he's not gay. It's for tax reasons. There's a 100% chance the actress will reach out and just be like, you thought I was bad? Yeah, she'll find, no, she won't. No, I hope not.

Only and mean guy. I know, I turned into, yeah, right? Not a good combo. Not a good combo at all. Do you have more fat sets, Kyle? Yeah, I was looking at just like fat athletes. I don't think it it gets I didn't think it would get fatter than Desmond Watson But it it does it has like and I'm talking about actual not like freaks like Andre the Giant the heaviest Olympic athlete of all time Ricardo Blas jr. Great fat name a Guamese judoka What he is a judo athlete from Guam.

Okay. Which is rare, or not rare, but for the Olympics, yeah. Guam, I know like a lot of Pacific Islands. Are Guam making big boys? Oh yeah, all the Pacific Islands, you know, they only eat like processed canned bullshit. They're big spam, it's big spam country. Spam and.

Their standard of beauty is still big though. Yeah, they like bigger women, but they are beautiful people. Yeah. Tongans, Samoans. Tongans, they really love big gals. There's one of those islands is the fattest per capita place on earth.

Yeah, Tonga. Is that Tonga? Yeah. Yeah, but Ricardo Blas, he didn't do well in the Olympics, but he was 481 pounds, nicknamed the Little Mountain, which't like alive still you don't like why don't you like the name? Well, that's the scale is all fucked up of course. You're a little mountain. No. You're not a little mountain You're just a massive fat ass Should be massive fat. I hate biggie Smalls Smalls yeah, the no you don't like the I was fat too. Yeah, he was fat as fuck

So at 481 pounds 2008 Olympic judo athlete Ricardo Blas jr. Was heavier than the in this is my fact the entire 2008 gold medal winning Chinese Olympic women's gymnastics team. Wow. On top of the podium. Oh my God, you're counting the podium? All five. All five Chinese gymnasts. Who averaged out at 4'9", 77 pounds.

That's 385 pounds of Chinese chick. So he's them and the podium. And 90 pounds of podium. That picture's fucked up. Well these are 10 year old girls. yeah that's that was the controversy oh my god there you that those are those are 10 year old girls a bargain sale bucket of nerf footballs are way more yeah that that shouldn't be controversial if a kid is beating you then you lost fair and When it was controversial in the other sense, yeah, like,

um, He, Kekeen, Keheen, um, spelled he, like the pronoun, was the one receiving lots of controversy there. Like, she's actually 16. No, she's actually 14, which is too young to compete. There should not be a minimum age. Right, like, I guess they're more.

Flexible. Flex, tiny and flexible. Can we see head? Just spell head. Accused of faking her birth certificate to appear 16 when she was actually 14. And she, her quote was, my real age is 16. I don't care what other people say.

Okay, good defense. You would't care what other people say. Okay Good defense you would think they would be able to that's not a 16 year old girl That's a that she might be nine That's a nine year old. I Mean I think it's fair. I think it's kosher it is Japanese and Chinese children are the best at any sport they decide to try something happens though where like An Asian culture will be immensely talented and then the snap of the finger and then they'll just turn wise I Don't know what you think that that's a transition that they transition from talented to wise. I think they prioritize wisdom

But yeah, they put She like a superstar in China? She's... I think so. Like, she was one of the best gymnast... gymnasts of all time, her performance was... Yeah, like in the X Games, you'll see... the snowboarders go and you're like, okay, cool, let's do some truckie California.

This guy's from Vail. They're pretty good. This is nice, this is fun. And then this kid from Japan comes and he's the size of my water bottle. And you're like, oh, this is over. They've cornered the market on all sport and game. I think they're the most skilled at all sport. Yeah. No, Japan. Japan.

Japan is even better. Yeah. I watched Japanese high school basketball, I used to when I was high. And they are so good, they're just 5'8". Right. Or shorter. Yeah, the 5'8's probably their center. They're just five eight. Right. Or shorter. Yeah, the five eights, probably their center.

Master shit. You ever see them doing drills? No. Oh, yeah. Dude, if it's something synchronized, I don't think China can be beat. Synchronized anything, synchronized anything China's got. But that has to take decades of like culture and like we couldn't just be like, all right, let's focus our youths on Synchronized swimming and beat China. I don't think so. No, we have too much freedom. I Couldn't do that. No, we couldn't do that as an office right now

God no the Barstow office versus an Average like public school in Osaka, an average middle school in Osaka, we would lose every competition. These are kindergartners performing feats that we couldn't touch. I don't even know what that is. Yeah. What is this?

Oh, one student's jumping over how many jump ropes? 60 to 80 strings. That might be 100. That might be 100 jump ropes. I mean, my God. Fuck yeah. I mean, my God. Fuck, yeah. I mean, even if we got took the whole barstool office and challenged them to a

Royal Rumble, a fistfight, they would fucking kill us. Not a fistfight, dude, if if not a fistfight. If the Japanese. Kyle, it's almost you. If the Japanese were five inches taller, they would. They would be. They would sweep Olympics. Intergalactic.

Star. A-listers. They would, yes, dude. They would have, they would be in many different realms and realities conquering. They would be, yeah, they'd be conquering stardom. I'm talking taking over lands and establishing colonies on distant places. They would have just a monopoly on things to see.

It would be so entertaining and talented. Damn. So we're talking about Pacific Islanders being fat as fuck yeah Tonga is the the fattest but the nation of Nauru Has the second highest obesity rate in the world in this place is fascinating. I know Nauru from their massages That might be a different new room. That's then I know nothing about Nu. I don't know what new-ru massages are, by the way. So naru is a nation. That's where they sneeze on your butt cheeks.

No idea. There's only 12,000 people. Is it the tiny island? They're all fat as fuck. How are they so fat? All they eat is fried canned mutton. But in the 70s, they were one of the richest countries. Oh, they strip mind to this place to death.

I do know about this. So it was they had a phosphate mining boom and they would export phosphate. They were one of the wealthiest countries. They were. But aside from Saudi Arabia, but they were so small. So first off, phosphate got them all rich the whole population There's only like 10,000 of them. It's tiny so they're all stinking rich the third smallest country mm-hmm off of phosphate Do you know what phosphate is is it stinky? I didn't know It's everything oh

It's a naturally occurring form of the element phosphorus essential for all living things It's a naturally occurring form of the element phosphorus, essential for all living things. It's used as fertilizer. It's used in food processing to make food taste better. It's used in electronics, cosmetics. It's used in dietary supplements and prescription drugs. It's everything. I didn't know phosphate was everything.

Is it very flammable or am I confusing? I don't know what it looks like. Am I confusing with phosphorus? It got banned, white phosphorus. But that's not phosphate, is it? I believe it's part of it. But they stripped this entire island, it can't even grow back.

The phosphate is naturally gone. It's a wasteland now. They mined it clean. So this is a prison colony. So now it's impoverished, it's crumbling, and there's a bunch of nothing and rotting luxury cars Because they all bought Rolls Royces Because they were all rich

I think now the island is just a prison for Australians It's just a trickle down Yeah, it's an asylum, or it's a, yeah, it's a detention center Penal colony for illegal Australian immigrants Why do Australians keep doing that well no Australian They were really was a prison colony. I know and now they're doing it So after that mining boom imagine on Australian bad enough to where they're like you got to get out of Australia. Yeah That's be a crazy fucking person. Why do they need a colony? Just put them into the Australia is fucking huge

Yeah, it is. That's how bad they are just put me out back Yeah, put them in the dead middle There's literally nothing yeah, oh my that's like a is that a lamb down high over the roof, so they're fucked yeah So now that they're all poor they used up all the phosphate So they tried investing all their money in a London play about Leonardo da Vinci's life and the play flopped oh my god the play flopped it it wanna Warren Buffett's been talking plays a lot as future of the market you've got a vest in place It's one of the safest things. Not even a Broadway play.

You invest and forget about it. It wasn't even on Broadway? No. It won a Caderious Tony. That's what happens when plays flop. Leonardo the musical A Portrait of Love. A musical about a fucking painter would suck dick. Right. He's not a singer. No. Yeah, so they did that. That fucking rules, dude.

A whole country being the whole country. We got a rally behind this. That is so awesome. That was it like written by a nori's. Yeah. How do they even make that connection? I don't know how they got into that. This has to be a con man with his like best, like his best lick ever. I got this whole country to invest in my play.

So at one point, everyone on the island was so rich that a police chief made enough money to buy a Lamborghini only to discover that he couldn't fit in it So he just abandoned it. That's baller. That's baller That's baller. Well. Yeah, what do you that would that would be a bummer? That's like when the plus-size park hoppers all couldn't fit in the Tron light coaster The Disney the Disney rash cows They couldn't fit in the Tron light coaster. The Disney, the Disney rash cows. They couldn't fit in the light cycle. But I appreciate them telling us they post their L's.

The fat Disney goers almost are exclusively posting their L's and I'm almost thinking that's all they got. All they have is else. Well, no, they'll be's. But they were too fat for the light cycle. But later that day, they all successfully fit into the doors of the paddlefish restaurant.

That's exciting. That's a big and they let you know they're like they they. We they they bragged not brag, but they like celebrated fitting in a door. They're informative. Like before each video, they're like we're the plus of the plus-size park hoppers Oh, that's actually a name a group of people. I thought that was or five best friends We range in size from 2x to 5x Ashley is the 5x

25 inch calves damn, but they'll tell you like here's what to expect going to this restaurant What size park hoppers this seat the week you will be able to fit into the doors of this restaurant? But maybe not this. Oh, I've seen them. Yeah, they dance for a short period of time oh Ashley's a videographer All right, this podcast is sponsored by row We're row partners and we're happy about it. Kyle, the Rowe Sparks are a two-in-one prescription treatment

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It's getting tastier, but it's remaining nutritious and healthy. A lot of companies, the longer they last, the poorer their quality gets. This is the opposite. And it's so easy. You don't have to do any tasks to achieve this food. You just have to heat something up for two minutes.

That's the microwave's work. You don't have to travel anywhere. You don't have to carry anything. It comes right to your door. You put it in the microwave and you have the very good Chef Crafted Meal in two minutes. That's unbelievable and I wouldn't trade it for anything Kyle. When I'm starving and I let myself get starving too often, that's a problem of my own, I don't even want to lift a fucking finger to get food. You're not going to have to.

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by the plus size park hoppers. Why is that your Achilles heel? Why would you be bothered by them? Because the internet is. Oh, really? Yeah, they hate Disney adults and. Are they just not liking that they're having fun? They're flaunting their obesity

But they're so That's they're so authentically joyous. Yeah, it's it's tough to they're having a blast. They're always at Disney They've been they've been there since April 4th And there are they okay They might be in the caloric deficit because they're walking five to 10 miles per day. Yeah. I don't even know how to get a rash there.

That's the Disney rash. Yeah, but it's not touching any of her body. Oh, that's just what happens. It just happens like it just inflames at a random spot. Oh man. I mean, that's just, it's a fat rash. Okay. Let's be honest. but I thought rashes were from rubbing It's chub rub season. It is that's what they say

Like they're their game for anything. Oh, she's like airing out her right hole. Yeah, they're so shamelessly themselves They don't pander to any one side. They're not trying to like hide the fact. I'm fine with these guys and Like they're they're not trying to like hide the fact. I'm fine with these guys and Like they're they're not They're the plus-size park hoppers, I mean the first video is her Scarfing that first video I tried to transcribe this like a stenographer You won't believe how long this keeps going of all what she ate in a day This is everything they ate in a day. Can you start it over? Let's talk let's talk it out loud here Epcot's flower and Garden Festival, and it never stopped okay chocolate sprinkle donut

Okay, that's a huge donut too. It's about the size of I Wasn't just Ashley they all got one okay? That's another donut mm-hmm. That's a croissant with goat cheese, herbs, and garlic. Okay. That's another one. That's another one. That's a Florida strawberry shortcake with whipped cream. Okay.

Okay. Those are the cronch fritters. Cronch fritters? We still have a long time. No, really? No. That's the Cubanito with pork belly. Okay.

And they're enjoying it. They're not the biggest portion. That's the grilled peaches with prosciutto and burrata. That looks great. Healthy. That's the seared pork tenderloin with corn risotto. She said, give me 14 of them. She said, give me 14.

I think she only had six. But uh dude, that's how you know you're damningly fat when instead of like I'll take another you want 14. Yeah. Yeah. You go to go to touchdown. I want yeah, we're not out of the first quarter yet. That is the grilled street corn. The plant based grilled grilled street corn they referred to it as fudge brownie hold on Wait, did you say they said they called it the plant-based? Corn corn in the cob. Well, yeah plant-based corn Yeah, and they said that and that's the the s'mores bar the s'more graham cracker bar. Okay. Mm-hmm

All right, probably almost done right then we're on to the trio of dips and chips platter. Okay. That's the honey glazed cauliflower platter. And that's the liquid nitro honey mascarpone cheesecake. Okay, and then right into the peanut butter and jelly softsers. That okay, and then it's really good Okay after the ice cream we have the beef tenderloin tips with mushroom bordelais sauce At Disney and after the tenderloin we have the seared scallops with French green beans

Which they complained about the portion being too small Which they complained about the portion being too small It's lackluster considering you only get two scallops on to the poutine with goat brie and lavender honey She's a sucker for all things lavender Then we have intermission Deanna is the picky one so they've been leaving one out of the whole operation this entire time Deanna only Opted for the full baguette and the fish and chips. But she was also- That's a whole baguette. She doesn't like the other foods. And then the fish and chips. Back to the second act. They are onto the garlic butter pretzel nuggets with beer cheese. And after the garlic butter pretzel nuggets with beer cheese. They go onto the triple chocolate chip cookie.

You did a little sweet treat. And it hit the spot. It hit the 20th round. Okay. I don't know, but they're walking 10 miles a day. They're having a blast. Yeah. They're showing you, I mean, other people do this.

It's not hurting us. No, that's what. I think people like to get on their high horse like, I'm pissed because you're not taking care of your own. It doesn't affect you, they're adults. Right. That kind of applies to all Disney adults. I think so.

In the last 10 years, that became the auto-pick for making fun of people. Now we're at a point where if you're making fun of Disney adults, it's because you don't have the creativity to Have a passion like originally dislike a group of people um My buddy Joe is a Disney adult we game with him And we couldn't play video games with him this past week because he was on a Disney cruise And he sent us pictures that he took a drawing lesson for some of the characters. Oh, that's that's oh

my god That poor man lesson for some of the characters. Oh, that's, that's, oh my God. Yeah. That poor man. Can't do it though. My thing is that they don't bother us. Like they have a specific place where they can go and like be amongst one another. Yeah. They're not at my local gym.

If these girls were at your gym doing this. Then I would hate Disney adults, but Disney adults don't go to my gym. Yeah. If you don't want to gym doing this, then I would hate Disney adults, but Disney adults don't go to my gym. Yeah, if you don't want to see Disney adults, don't go to Disney. I hate like douchebags, because I have to be amongst them. These girls,

no. So you're pissed that you can't hate them? I'm not. You think that's your Achilles heel. My most vulnerable is the fact that I can't Completely hate, and I'm not bothered by them no no No, but I do do you think some of this is performative them asking for this hate Yeah, they're not gonna post this video. It's like they're gonna love this they're leaning into it. They're leaning into it. Yeah, right, but I

Also, don't I don't know if I'm kind of on to this. I don't know if they actually ate all that That's a freakish. No, they did They had a love to Retain that size if they're walking that much They are sponsored by Gold's mobility scooters They're sponsored by Gold's mobility walkers They're sponsored by Gold's mobility walk-ins wait. They have a scooter sponsorship dude That is so then they're not getting ten miles a day, so they're they're

They're no different than Lewis Hamilton. Yeah, this is they're very similar to Lewis Hamilton That's not that's them getting on the tron rise. That's them not getting on the Tron ride. Is that their scooter? Oh, they're big for their scooters. Man, big. Dude, if we ate all that, the shit that would be coming out of us,

but like scallops, ice cream. I would be a broken man. Yeah, that hotel room's got to go crazy when they're done at the park. That that ho. Oh, my God. Stay Disney toilets have to suck so hard to just get it down, to break it down. I like how they have the attachment. They're they're passing two to three footballs. Yeah.

And and the Duke Xbox original controller every time they shit. They have to be right. It's just they're just so fat. It just makes it like, yeah, OK, they don't affect me, but it's like they're just so fat. It's it doesn't it doesn't change our, but it's like they're just so fat. It's it doesn't. It doesn't change our day to day unless like.

Being behind them in line or like if I was at Disney for the first time and then they cut line with being in the scooters, that would piss me off. Do they have a fast lane? Again, this is me doing making a hypothetical to get pissed. I mean, I think like they do get a lot of haters, and that's a large portion of their comments, but they have a massive like fan base of people who are like to need to service Yeah, right. Oh, I guess Disney is riddled with people close to that. So that's crazy because it's hot you're sweating you have to move Right. I don't know how Disney has got to have the highest per capita waddling of any place

Yeah, I think so Everybody's walking like they just got off a horse, like a long trek. I wouldn't be surprised if they built a road system in Disney where there's the waddle lane. Their logo is donuts. There's the left lane, which is the scooters. Yeah.

It's a Mickey Mouse head with donuts. So can they, you said they couldn't get on some of the rides? The Tron light cycle. Yeah, that's that's that's the way that creates an interesting conundrum for them. Because they're the Disney people and now they're they can't disband. Well, not only Disney and that's what their service is. They'll tell people, hey, if you're a two X to five X, you you probably won't fit on the Tron light cycle,

but you can take a picture on the model one in front That's pretty sad. What a great service. I understand what they're doing and I'm sure it's helpful and But if you can't actually ride the ride Do that that yeah, that's just as fun get those for their scooters that would be better. They should be sick Said of the scooters get on the Tron cycle It's funny it's called a light cycle Yeah Yeah, yeah

I've kind of feel bad for him. Oh They're so happy they're having yeah, they're making a little like you like you have to see the comments Right and I know commoners aren't the commenters are forgetting that they're human beings Right and they're trying to justify it by like hey, we're making money off of these people So it doesn't matter, but it does it would hurt Yeah There's some plus-size Queens man. They're having a great time at Disney. I don't feel bad at all. Yeah, you're right

I guarantee they're getting hooked up. They're having fun mm-hmm Yeah, they're enormous. They're having fun. Mm-hmm Yeah, they're they're enormous. They're They're kind of similar to like the people that only exclusively go to raves and festivals No festival people. What do you mean that? Oh like in that culture maximizing? Okay, because those are usually skinny folk a hundred percent Yeah, but they're maximizing pleasure to the point where I think that it would be Kyle used to wear a pleur wristband when I Spent when I visited New York first time fucking didn't I had What's poor me Andy

You had a candy necklace on this just called candy. I'm sorry umbrella term That's okay, I'm with you those things are fun Have some stranger has some change you're throwing light in your face, but you're right. It is energetically similar Yes, because the bulk of that crew is very like thespian and lame and My issue is I think it's it's definitely a me issue Every time I see somebody having fun, I don't believe that it's genuine

because I wouldn't be having fun in that situation. Right. So I'll see a concert and I'll be like, that looks miserable, they're fucking, it's all performative. That's what I've been, I've been such a grump. Yeah, it's performative. It's all performative, they're not having fun.

Well, they're taking the after. I'd be miserable. Like Disney, that wouldn't be fun raves wouldn't be fun big crowded concerts wouldn't be fun The only fun event that I'm jealous of is the goo-goo dolls in the rain in Buffalo. Oh Yeah, I mean that's unanimous yeah, that's one one That's for any person. Yeah, that's a time dude I had a rain concert once that was incredible you had a rain concert. I've never do a concert in the rain red rocks Red rocks rain red rocks pouring rain mgmt. That's pretty fucking time. I was like yeah, it's fun like mgmt He's cool looking back. I'm like that may have been actually the

One of the best moments of my life. Yeah, that's cool. It was incredible never know yeah better Avicii Please I feel like MOOCs the only one who hasn't had the best moment of his life yet amongst us. That's fair Really? Yeah, dude most of yours has been pretty pretty bad Yeah, we're just playing the odds Like the smallest thing like something that I would probably just shrug off Would be the best moment of your life. Yeah Get get the w in a chatter What would you say has been the best moment of your life?

Your favorite memory your highest full time here. You're pretty amped up. Oh, yeah, it's a good one being here is great being here's great Yeah, there's a lot of cool moments Mm-hmm. I don't know if I could That's my own my life I've been too nostalgia poisoned to where it wouldn't be anything recent Yeah, I don't even I made a made a sick tackle with my JV football game. That's I replay that in my head a good amount Yeah sports ones are good. I can think of a few. Those are good.

Yeah, I don't know. What about like getting getting laid? Yeah, I've had some lays. It can't be a lay, but it's not in your life. It can't be a lay, but it can't. I know it's no way. It really can. There's no way. Don't do this. You know you're wrong

Is it the best because of how fucking Sexy and pleasurable it feels or because you're so you feel so much pride at the fact that you scored the girl your Your language pride. Oh, right. It's a pride pleasure It's not even about how your penis feels no yeah, that's crazy. Oh Wow wow indeed, okay? I kind of want you to tell me about that in detail No, okay, because I really Tell me every little detail kind of on the vine right now, and I don't really have it Do you have a best moment Kyle is it a wrestling thing?

It's it's relative to how bad you wanted it in the moment or How good your life was going in the moment like so my best moment was probably when my life was going poorly and it's something Finally yeah good happened Your life was going in the moment like so my best moment was probably when my life was going poorly and it's something finally Yeah, good happened Yeah, dude mine was probably getting this job I Lived above a Panda Express in Columbus. Yeah mine might have been The other fucked up thing getting this job. Yeah now I'm thinking about it like some of the most like relieving moments is like right when you finish about it, like, some of the most, like, relieving moments is, like, right when you finish diarrhea.

I love diarrhea. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a diarrhea, like... That feeling of... Diarrhea's fine, guy. Yeah, like, when you get... Over here. When you get it done, you're like, that feeling, or, like, right after you're done puking...

That's... Right after puking is great because I feel so bad before puking. I hate puking. But right after, I feel great. But diarrhea, even expelling it is... Yes. It feels good. Pleasurable.

That's why I don't get like a nasty, tough, solid shit that burns is horrible. Diarrhea is like a, is like feels kind of good. Yeah. It's an instant feel better. So the best moment, like, you have to be suffering right before it. You couldn't be like a hot streak.

It couldn't be the end of a hot streak. Yeah. That's the thing that annoys me about God is that it's like, why you set it up like that? Where it had like the good only can be good, can be joined in the contrast of bad. I think that's our own, our own selves doing that to us. Do animals feel that? I don't know if animals get wins.

I just thought about one of my best moments here and it was when I found out that Mo Bamba acknowledged that we were Eskimo bros, but then I realized that he had fucked my ex-girlfriend. That's right, that's right. But there's always a catch, right? Two things can be true. If your best moment had to be

because Mo Bamba fucked your ex I Don't know if I'd make that train You go from Everest to Louisiana real quick Yeah, oh fuck that was a cool moment that was cool And then and then you know I had to go home at night and live with yeah, he he piped my ex-girlfriend Yeah, made her probably moaned pretty loud Yeah, and he did care about her no right discarded. Yeah discarded

Goddamn Kyle Anything happen to you or any loved ones this weekend this weekend? What did I do this weekend no eat no No, why your girlfriend didn't get chased by a naked man and my side yes, I was trying to think I was like wait What that's yeah, that's something you forget that dude. I'm gonna let you do it. She waited so long to tell me Yeah, yeah because she kind of cheated she kind of did and

If my girlfriend is by naked man, I'd be pissed at her. Right. And she took like, pics. Well how'd you see him coming? You should have been looking. Exactly. Can I just show this? Is that the first question you asked? Did you see his cock? She did. Well how soon did you ask to see?

And I paused for a beat. Because I was like, alright like make fun of the cock now Yes, now like you're making fun of this guy. This is like the like the guy this man at his lowest you're making fun of him She tells me she sees this whole thing I say All right, I'll let how small and here's your cue small goofy is it nothing Oh, no right to the next bullet point and at that point you're probably seething seething but um? It's so funny cuz you took a live can you send it to VUK are we allowed to yeah, we do show live pics Yeah, we've shown but before you can do the live thing

Yeah, probably probably screen record the live pic dude. Yeah, so she can't how long did it take her to tell you? She told me The after breakfast not too long The live baby hardly touched your eggs. Yeah, there's something we need to talk about where were you? She was I was at home she was playing tennis with another man She needs someone on her level to hit with. I have no experience. For sure. He played D1. Oh no. Where did he play D1? Nebraska. Yeah that's his rank and you're D2. Yeah dude you are D2 in her eyes. It's so funny because

there are so many police officers chasing this man who wasn't running fast Because nobody wanted to touch him like if I was a cop and there was a naked dude I would definitely pull up with a hammy no one yet. I think they were all purposely They didn't want to be the one who fucking caught Disgusting and you wake up in the morning. I mean shout out to the cops like you wake up in the morning Did you zoom on the video to see if you could see his cock? Yes Yeah, like you can you can you hit oh there it is can you hit job play?

It's one of so he's getting chased now by like a dozen cops There's no way they're actually he he looks like he's in full sprint that cop in the back is walking the naked I give up hands in the air that's like a I feel like that's fake. It's like Reno 911. It's unbelievable.

Alright, alright, you guys win this time. Dude, if I was naked right around, I would have shoes on still. He did, yeah. He went authentic. So did you? He knows she's right there. He's a good sense. No one wanted to be the one who tackled him She has medical gloves on they all do That is so tackling him and like landing on his he was in form is his ass yeah

Then what you have to pick them back up. Put them in the back of the car. I think he got away. Yeah, he's probably still on the loose. And he chased your girlfriend. He ran at her. But not necessarily chased her. And like, did you have to like, how soon after she told you were you like, oh my god are you okay? Or at first were you just like, you wanted to hear how small his dick was I wanted to hear

Yeah, just Annie roast of his penis nothing ever came from it Is that it No, yeah, it's poking out a pixel. Yeah, but it's it's it's starting at the other side of the Yeah, but it's starting at the other side of the metal bar. So it's, how big is that? And then another half, that's a four and a half inch soft. Yeah, you can tell it's wide, yeah. Okay, that's why she didn't say anything. We can show this, right?

I'm gonna talk to some people, and then worst case, it'll just be like a blur over this naked guy. Did she apologize to you for seeing another naked man? No. No. Dumb. Oh my God, that's so funny.

How do you think it would go if the roles were reversed? Naked woman chasing you. Old naked woman. Like, how would it go? Yes, how would you approach it, Naked woman chasing you. Old naked woman. How would it go? Yes, how would you approach it and what do you think she would say? You would have. Calm down the situation by seduction.

I would have approached it. What do you mean? She wouldn't have to run at me. Oh. I would have gotten her myself. But I'm saying. Citizen's arrest. Would you have made fun,

would you have said she had goofy boobs? That was her, yeah, her tits were's for lousy got chased by the loud Tiny like shittiest pussy Her pussy was shitty don't worry, babe Oh, I could tell just by looking at him babe those boobs whack whack boobs shitty pussy whack Man I can't get over that move the You got me to. I need to see it one more time. Yeah. I never. All right. All right. You guys win. You win this one coppers. It's just it's a zesty. It's a zesty one. Really good posture. He's but you could tell he's

so confident. I guess. Okay. Let's see if the watch them fall for this one. There's so many cops. You don't need, he's not, you know for a fact he has no weapon on him. Who's the guy in the blue quarter zip? That's not a cop. That's a hobbyist. He's got gloves on. I got him. Yeah. Is he called in just to wrangle the streakers I think that's the UN All right, anything else Dean oh Anything with you know Nick on stop his world. Oh, yeah, I know I saw that Yeah, that was cool. Good gift for him. It was a nice. Yeah, it was a nice little surprise

Thank you for big cat for inviting me on to be with him. I think it was to sneak another Albanian on. That's right. I think I was, yeah. Is that beef still run strong? Yeah. Yeah. Do Albanians beef with everybody? I don't know, dude, I'm a pretty bad Albanian.

I don't know anything about Albania other than the Capitol and Jared Kushner is trying to buy the entire coastline. For real? Yeah. Oh wow. I think he's gonna get it too. What is he gonna do there? I don't know, but it's a nice coastline. It's pretty.

Mediterranean. Mm-hmm. Oh. Are you, did you say you're off nostalgia or poisoned by nostalgia? Poisoned, dude. It's all I can think about and chase. I see that. I see like some of the guys are getting real into it

It's like it is it like a drug it's yeah, and it's not good Are you you still purchasing things a plenty like no I can't I can't afford that anymore. That's a fucking lie What you bought Pokemon cards every day? I know no I'm off. I've been on two weeks off to be clean You were unboxing two days ago. Yeah, that was stuff from my yeah shipping eBay has to send it off the PSA to get verified and then it sends to me I haven't bought anything in two weeks deleted eBay off my it's it's bad I Bought a yo mega butterfly fucking yo-yo. Or no, a Duncan. Jesus Christ.

Oh, it's just all nostalgia. Yeah, dude, it's really bad. And I don't know what I'm chasing. Your life is better as an adult than it was as a kid. Right, but I couldn't experience, the things I really wanted as a kid, I think I couldn't do. You went to relive, yeah.

But it just, I don't know what it is. I can't consume new media, new shows, new video games. Well, have you seen the All American Rejects pulling up to random houses? Yeah, that's pretty cool. That's been pretty installed That's pretty fucking cool. You should get them here In the studio in the office. I'll be sick imagine. Yeah, how does that work? You just ask them you have if there's a sign-up sheet on their Instagram really yeah Yeah, let's just sign up dude moook can't sleep. I just should have a Have him sing a swing swing. Wait, what's today Mook?

What's on the docket today? Oh my god Mook my god, you almost got away with it. Yeah so close I have a I have a date with a 42 year old woman. Oh my god a nice single woman. That's not Just a millennial. Yeah, it's a single woman. She's a lot of data. She's at an open marriage

And she doesn't have a belly button That's the one thing that like the other is I can comprehend. Yeah. Yeah that I I don't I still don't get that. I'm going to explore it and I will let you guys know what I find. And she's a mother. She is a mother of two. But you don't know the ages of the kids. No, but I saw a picture of one and red hair. No, swear to God. Oh, my new development. Like she's a little weird.

I'm like your red hair. Me and him look very alike. How old is he? I don't know. He has high school. Maybe you found his Instagram. You better. I hope he's not in high school I think because if you find be nearing high school if he finds out that his mom went on a date with a streamer That looks like him that looks like him Matt Mom you fucked mook. That's a harrowing thought mom. It's not mook Mom he only wears free clothes

You're dating Anybody but mook mom I understand you wanting to explore but mook I I'm getting cold feet I Am have you been talking to her did did you finding out you look like her son freaked me the fuck out? Like sent me like shivers down my spine We're how did you talk how did you discover this we're talking on snapchat? That's a very open relationship move which is Are you sure she's not sneaking out on her marriage and that I'm also concerned about that because she told me it's open

She told me that her and her husband do her own thing And that's the dates tonight. Yeah There's a 50% chance. I cancel no no you gotta see I I think that for better or worse like This is her thing yeah, I don't think she's fucking her older son well. No, that's not her thing She probably has done this Plenty she knows she's in a group like she knows what she's doing. She'll carry the date for you. It has been very business So she's yeah. Yeah, I think you got you don't cancel dude check it. See what's up

She you don't have to do anything we matched on hinge and she was like two ground rules I'm in an open marriage, and I don't have a belly button and that's not a ground rule that's not like that that's how she first ground rule number two no belly buttons you got to get rid of yours you got at least fill it temporary fill um yeah we have a team dinner tonight yeah how about and hear me out we just go to the same spot Yeah, how about and hear me out we just go to the same spot Spotter yeah We'd be such a good out. I don't like holy shit. I don't think I could like keep a straight face We'll be like David Attenborough. We won't interfere. No, we'll let nature take its course

I'm not animal planet. What the fuck is going on? This is an interesting study. Yeah, anthropology it is and I think I want to explore it are you attracted to her? she's very attractive yeah nice but I'm getting a little creeped out well based on your conversations do you think like she's in it for the thrill of going on the date and, you know, being with a young man out in public, or it's all, it's purely... It's pure lust. Lusting.

No, I think there's a slight element of I... She wants to get to know you. Yeah, I'm getting older, and I need a side boyfriend to keep my life interesting. What if you fall in love? We'll worry about that. Yeah, man. That would be my number one concern, personally.

We'll worry about that. We, man. That would be my number one concern, personally. We have a four day snap streak. Oh, have you ever sent her like a picture of half your face because you weren't looking very good and said streaks? Yeah, streaks. Oh, you make me fucking sick. I've been on my couch like not even a third of the face. Really?

Yeah. So fucking hungry. I don't know, man. I'm very curious. I can't wait for this What what genre of food are you taking her to? I'm not telling you What do you have a reservation? Do you have?

Are you taking her back to your home? Oh, yeah, that's what I'm worried about Because if she comes back to my studio apartment, it actually might be a healthy exercise for her because it would be like an awakening Yeah, that would be good like a near-death experience for some people. I gotta stop. Oh my god I think that my dude a plus for you actually No, dude, and you should never want to be somebody's rock bottom But I think my mattress is on the floor three feet away from my oven and She's she's a married woman with children in a home. Yeah. And what is she missing in her life?

That that she misses that. I think I think she wants it as bachelor as possible. Yeah, dude. I think she's going to know if that's bachelor. That's like ghetto. I think you should roll up with like a stain on your shirt. Yeah, I mean, I've been pretty like, does she think you're bad? Do you have your outfit picked?

I mean, you know what I'm going to wear dark into goes hocus big game jeans. Yeah, yeah Probably a John Gruden Barstool Fucking you know a pulp vintage hat there we go. That's all I got that's my That's all she's asking for do you I don't think you should fake and be somebody you're not and I'll buy did you consider Getting a hotel room. I Still might get a hotel room why no Dude the apartment your shitty ass apart. That's what she wants. It's an asset. I'm telling you. It's an asset Is there apartment clean right now? It's not in good shape at the moment. Fine. Good. Just not in good shape. There's a lot of shit everywhere. And it's like, what could you possibly be have? Like, what do you have that's lying around? It just close. Yeah. And like notepads and like plastic forks. I got a lot of plastic. That's that's the one that threw me off I use them once right I'll reuse the plastic

This is what's gonna turn this chick on dude, there's people in halfway houses that don't do that. Yeah. Yeah I'm I'm not living like great at the moment It's good. I love it. Yeah, of course, an awesome lifestyle. It's fucking I got my couch. I got my bed. I got my big TV. I miss it sometimes. But it's not great to bring

a 42 year old woman to in that environment. But like, she knows what she's getting into. If she wanted somebody that was put together, she'd be with her husband. Exactly. The plastic forks, though, is

that's a little far. Yeah, I think that might. The hotel isn't a bad move, but what would your reasoning be? For the hotel? Mm-hmm. What's something expensive? Is this like a business transaction for her?

Like, does she know that this is gonna end? Like, is there one ending tonight? I really know. Yeah, oh, it's gonna end in me going freak mode. Oh. Oh, okay, Luke. That in a true shiver down my That truly was haunting That just means me taking my shirt off for sex you're gonna take your shirt off. Yeah, that's freak mode for me

Oh my god, what was the last time you've done that? Fucking I was probably 20 22. Yeah. Yeah Okay, you really like this chick Yeah, I the the hotel would give me a piece of like Okay, I feel comfortable Bringing her here this feels not at home. Yes I feel comfortable finally at home at not my yes I only feel comfortable in my home when I can only be my real self when I'm not a project to your apartment

Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah. How'd it go? God bless those, those beautiful. Those troopers. Yeah, they're, they're some of our strongest. Don't get a hotel. Some are listening right now. Oh cool. I'm just kidding.

Don't get a hotel. Don't. Now will you be giving a update tomorrow on Moot Can't Sleep? I think you're gonna have to. Do you want me to answer that for you? Yeah, you're gonna give every detail. I can't help myself It's it's you're

Braver than I could ever be that is something I would never get myself into a predicament my my game is more sit-back wait for miracle Yeah, I enjoy the like there's a thrill about it for me. I think I'm slightly addicted to it Yeah, I've been talking to you know who I talked to about it is Josh Potter and that guy JD that'll do it Josh Potter really I don't know JD. He's on the Stern show Okay, he'd been talking to him I like that. I like that delegation you got Josh Potter can scuzz it up with the best of them Yeah, you know so you know he's my guy to like you know run this what's what's his what's been his sage wisdom Fucking get after it. Yeah, he knows. So, you know, he's my guy to like, you know, run this. What's what's his what's been his sage wisdom? Fucking get after it. Yeah.

Yeah. Have fun. I don't know. We'll see. I I'm getting cold feet. I'm worried about the sun thing. I'm worried that it's not actually an open marriage. I don't want to fuck up anyone's. I don't want a home wreck. Yeah, but it would be an unintentional. You would have it.

You could not take a shred of the blame. Yes Unless there's any clues that you think she's lying and you're ignoring them. I'm just not I'm not a hundred percent sold. Okay But yeah, that's kind of that's test the waters just be like hey do you mind if we get a picture together? If she says no, then she's probably not If she says no, then she's probably not. Hmm. I think you're fine. She's going out with you in public. In public.

I think that's what she advertises herself. She does this thing. Yeah. She probably does it often. She has mentioned. Maybe daily. You're gonna piss Mook off. Daily?

You're gonna get jealous. Not daily. Not daily. This is something you want. You don't wanna be her first step out on her marriage. Oh my God, that would be a nightmare cuz what if like what if like the morning comes and she's weeping what have I done? What the fuck have I done and I'm not drinking I'm going into the soap that's great Don't do that

Is she drinking? Maybe I would imagine she should get one glass of water. I How many days sober are you? 84 before Give me the chip. Give me the chip. I want the chip dude you If she doesn't drink and you don't drink and it's the first time you're going on a date with a 42 year old who is A son that looks like you and it's an open marriage and you're not neither of you're drinking that's Horrifying this could be an awakening for me. Yeah

Kyle you Kyle was trying to get me to take her to a Cubs game. That would be really funny I want people to spot you I want people to be like is that Luke and like who is Luke with? Is that Luke in the but what it will for the school of rock the flip side? With is that mook in the but what it's a bowl for the school of rock the flip side The flip side is what if somebody comes up to her they're like oh my god, how are you and how fast he's grown up You had you'd have to sprint away Yeah, now I'm nervous. I'm nervous. I'm nervous. I cannot fuck this mook We're just talking about best moments of our life

This is mine If this goes wrong enough it could be the best moment of my life By association What if it goes poorly enough, it could be one of the best moments of my life. And I run down poorly enough to her high school son that looks like me beats me up. That, I kinda want you end up engulfed in flame.

Literal flame. You in flame. Yeah. Like that would be like. That would be bad. I think the husband, you know, the husband works at the hotel. If he's your room service guy, he's like a high school baseball coach. She's like classy.

He's not a hotel. Whatever her husband does. Wealthy. Oh, she's wealthy. Mmm. You might need the hotel. And then I think about the husband like tracking me down. Yeah And then I good thing you've kept this very quiet

Yeah, you don't have you're not a no you're not a you're not a distinguished and you haven't given way any unique hobbies of hers I might cut the hobby part That's probably another chick with no belly button there's gotta be there's gotta be a million chicks without a belly button Like dude we just started this podcast by saying no matter what we say it gets back to to the person. Yeah, that was our, yeah. We'll see. I'm so, this is great. My, this anticipation is incredible. I'm happy to give you your best moment. Dude, you're getting a nut.

That's not known. It's pretty on-site. Is it on-site? It's on-site. Have you talked like flirtatiously? Like I can't wait to, I don't even know site have you talked like flirtatiously like I can't wait to I Don't have you guys talked flirt. Have you guys talked sexy? Erotically, I don't give is she better than you

She's a pro I like talking like she's a she's a she's a 42 year old woman Give me like a hint of what is she says gonna be done to you No, no, no, come on. No, this is too far. This is we're getting to this is your dirty talk Like I want to take you into there's no, no, come on. No, this is too far. We're getting too far. Because it's your dirty talk, like, I'm gonna take you into the hotel. There's no. I'm gonna take my own shirt off in the bathroom and then come out when it's dark.

Do you have to live up to something tonight that you advertised yourself as? No, no, no. Okay. I'm not talking reckless. Okay. But it's pretty, no, it's like, there's an arrangement

You know what I mean is she gonna tie you up, dude Maybe you might yeah, dude if I have to come get you from a hotel tomorrow and your hog tied That would all the covered a dry wax that would be great I have to go live on Instagram first before I untied you mm-hmm You gotta imagine she's seeking something that her husband isn't willing to do with her. So it could be submissive. Could be living in squalor.

Ass play. I'm not down for that. Nipple clamps. No one goes near my ass besides me. You rarely do. Yeah. And even I don't trek those waters. No.

Yeah, dude. I'm worried. I'm worried. What role are you going to play this, yourself? But are you going to try to be romantic? Are you going to treat this like other dates you've been on? Or are you going to treat this a little bit more? This is just, I'm just, I couldn't be more in my, like,

myself. OK. Are you going to? That's good. that's really good. That's brilliant. Okay, when people are hearing this, it will have already happened. So is there anything, will you be like tweeting something

as like a subtle sign to how it went? How about you give us a code word right now that people can look back on. Okay. If it goes awry, I want you to tweet hmm Help me out here Kyle Rudy it's something maybe like weather like where's this when when spring in yeah, Chicago I don't know my thoughts yeah, I thought spring has sprung. I have a code word fuck hold on

I have already have a code word okay, and you'll tweet it. Yeah with the mucan sleep callers. We have a code word Okay, what is it? I'm looking right now I forget fuck. That's the last thing you can do with a code word That's the worst thing you do with a code word hold on hold on I had a code word during a Mario stream What was it Usain Bolt? Really when I said Usain before the stream I told my people that I was gonna throw on purpose and did you and I said I'm moving like Usain Bolt, and then I just threw ah You were throwing it then.

I happened. There was other times where I didn't even have to try. You were throwing. If it goes well, I will tweet out the word Excalibur. OK, it goes poorly. I will tweet out a picture of. You decide poor okay Do a screenshot of a move like an IMDb movie rankings would be like and like complain about the rating This was way better than the ranking said yeah, however the nights going so no matter what tweet a movie That the night corresponds with via the Rotten Tomato.

So if it's a 99, tweet about the Godfather. If it's a horrible tweet about Jack and Jill. Can I do like a rom-com that may be bad? Like, you give yourself the rating after the night. Be like, oh, that was like a 70. Tweet about a movie that's a 70. Okay. I like that. That's great

Okay, cool. This is the best night of my life anything else boys That's it