A New Untold Story - Donavon's Crib - A New Untold Story: Ep. 368

Episode Date: November 2, 2023

generic 2000's hip hop beat. Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Boston Beer Company - Grab a refreshing Twisted Tea today at https://www.twistedtea.com/locationsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. Your choice. Yeah, whatever you guys want to roll, just start with a clap, but we're all set over here. That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby.

That's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story episode three 42 368 really counting by threes is that what six nine shit fuck damn it'd be like three six eight on that slob on my knob track that's what it was who sings that that's what i'm saying three six three six eight on mafia they ate three six eight is an overlay area code of the entire province of alberta that's boring i'm not going to cover that i know we've been on a mayor cold streak i haven't

yet the drought um i think if we revert back to the beginning we would be on 218 which is northern minnesota i mean i have a lot to say about that we could save it or do it now um i think we'll get a spark when we want to talk about north you have a lot to say on northern minnesota probably yeah what do you mean probably it's either you do or you don't see how it goes yeah you want to wait until there's a moment yeah um i've been talking a lot to sales and they want us to like try they've been trying to sell our segments so either the news uh dick head of the week um mayoral roasts and they can't do it and then two sales guys walked in right before we started recording yep and they were like hey, you guys are the only people here right now. Do you guys know if Barstool Kush is one of ours?

And I'm just like, oh, no. It's inevitable. They've been getting emails and emails about selling that. Should we be bummed that that's the most successful profitable thing we've ever done yes yeah i think so because we work pretty hard on the things we care about uh-huh all of the shit that takes utmost creativity it taps our brain and then i will just google weed and go to like the fourth page of google and uh then we post that's barstool kush and now that's we we have a what very large sponsor we have a very large company that yeah no they're sending us a

crate not a box they said a crate of i knew a flower of weight and they want. Yes, of weight. And they want us to review it all. I hope it's like like one of the boxes that's is an Indiana Jones. I think it's like you're going to have to open with a crowbar. Yeah. And it says caution. Wow.

And it's like probably like hidden inside of like lawn gnomes that we have to break open. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Wait, so we got it. We we're gonna have to test the product we're gonna have to get phenomenally high for a joke do not and i got out in front of this because i knew this would happen what but why man is it it's kind of disheartening what it's our first successful thing i but no i'm pumped about it that's why i fucking back on the wagon are you back on the wagon let's go yeah i guess is it on or off yeah i had this i just had to smoke um when

for work for barstool for barstool kush yeah i just hung up my hiroshi nagoi pieces which that's a that's a high in itself hiroshi is a Japanese graphic designer. His art. What is happening? It is 80s city pop, 80s coastal city pop slash vaporwave. Does he have like the flying planes in the sunset? Yes, it's a lot of cool sides. Very awesome stuff. His shit

transcends sensations. It evokes a comfortable nostalgia, a pseudo nostalgia. It's a pseudo nostalgia. It it's it's a pseudo nostalgia it's a warmth and I would even say some of it it's not like some of it is a little whimsy it gives you a little bit of like

something about it sitting in a nook go look up his shit Rudy you would love this I've seen it and I'm kind of pissed now I got three of his pieces cause now I can't are we all becoming the same type of person yeah this is bad cause I legitimately was gonna get one of these and now I can't. Are we all becoming the same type of person? Yeah, this is bad. Because I legitimately was going to get one of these and now I can't. So this is a successful put on. Does he do the planes like flying into the sun?

He got some planes, some pool sides, some like pink houses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like 8-bit. What pieces do you do? Not quite 8-bit. I got like the beach side, the standard beach side, the pool side with like the pink hut and the tennis court. This one's got a pink beach.

It's like a pink square. Pink hut, yeah, yeah, yeah. This one's got a pink beach. Look at a pink square yeah yeah this one's got a pink look at that shit it makes you feel so good and it feels like you've been there so i'm like that shit was behind me but looming over my head but i could still see it above your bed yeah like behind my couch so you could you knew it was behind you you'd feel it my task rabbit mounted it mounted my tv first tv in three plus years what's happening man do you have internet i have internet what happened and then i was also watching dun uh dunavan mcnab highlights of his mtv cribs episode just the highlights of the pretty much and it will make you smoke you gotta watch this wait what is it can you explain it to me he's just like

make you smoke you gotta watch this wait what is it can you explain it to me he's just like he's talking in like an incoherent mumble whisper and like the background just completely overshadows him with uh like a 2000s generic hip-hop beat then he'll be like and so you saw like i got it he's like hey iovan. That sounded like a 1920s ragtime. That was hip hop? Hey, hello, what's up? Donovan Knabb, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback. Come into my study. See my memorabilia.

And then he's like. I like when they do the little. Come on, my lady. Come on, my darling. And they speed it up. He does like a triple replay. He's like, and if you know how to play the piano, step right up. He's like, come up to my palace. And it's just like a snowboard highlight edit of his like three shades of brown bed.

And he's like, got to keep it sexy. And it pans to like his vomit green candles. Then he goes into his jacuzzi room and he has like one of those like easy bake oven ass tvs it's so tiny and old he's like you gotta have the cable next to the jacuzzi now it's like always like forward and reversing right it's the oldest shit ever it's like probably 2000 so did you start it like not high and you like paused it and were like i have to i was watching a bunch of like nfl players it was like i got two ovens i'm willis mcgahee i got two ovens i don't even need the second they're all just like flexing like and you gotta have the

flat screen tv you gotta have the in the ps2 with the games and i was like i gotta smoke dude he's wearing this long ass uh jordan shirt with his sleeves down to his uh wrists tucked into big jeans and i was like yeah i gotta smoke i gotta fucking smoke wait wait can you play it really quick look at this can we can we show this i doubt it we can no i'll put it it's on youtube here t turn it up yeah because i want to hear the i want to hear the this this hip-hop oh it's it's a pretty shade of brown bed yeah it's like gotta keep it sexy Then look at like vomit green candles. Keeping it sexy.

You know what one I love? Oh, those are gross. And he's like, and you know you gotta have one of these rooms, and it's just a bathroom. He's just smirking. It'll get you high as fuck. Oh my god, yeah. You see the TV above the jacuzzi? No, is it tiny dude this is there's nothing comforting about oh he was flexing that watch cable after the game

what year is this like oh five he's like he's whisper mumbling at all and the audio is so loud there's nothing cozy about that home it's like it's got to be earlier earlier than 05 it doesn't say but based on that tv that's got to be pre-05 that's so funny the my guilty pleasure one have you seen the yin yang twins cribs no but i'm sure so that was a rental home i think i think that myth got busted because it looked like a fort lauderdale like 80 year old couple i think they were in a rental home for theirs it made that makes sense because it literally it's only like pictures of sailboats and like it had nothing to do with them yeah it's so funny yes the only thing rapper about it was that what they were wearing right and they brought

that from home i'm sure like it was just seashells and like live laugh love signs yeah i think a couple people got busted like just renting a place out for their yeah um the andy dick one i remember that terrified me as a child i i don't get him at all is he i forgot he's like uh he's just like a man he's a gay past right yeah i don't know i think he's i i don't know if he ever got in trouble, but he struck me as a child. I remember being like, this is a guy. This guy's I remember seeing him as like a seven year old. He's a rapist. Look at his face.

His name is Andy Dick. He's smirking like a devil. Yeah. Yeah. I think that was like it's human nature. Just look at that face and think, right. Yeah. You know who as a child, you know who else I thought about with that? And I was with that and i was way off mr rogers no man no he's pure as pure could be i was terrified

of mr rogers horrifying statue in pittsburgh it looks like it's made of like pressed chewing gum is he from pittsburgh yeah yeah that adds up um that's a good high vibe and uh throw lucy in when you're watching lucy yeah. We're doing Lucy, yeah. Dude, what are you doing? Come on, man. I missed that, you know. This ad can't be in YouTube, but for those listening to the podcast, switch over to YouTube so you can watch the ad. It's time for the part nobody ever skips.

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halloween's past uh rudy we didn't see you kyle had a really good costume he was like were you a gay chimney sweep with a little swag chimney sweep yeah is that what it was i was a gay i don't know i thought that's what i was a freaking gay i thought that's what you were man no it was just the chest was open it was an open chest yeah you had a real to reveal the the soot right i thought it was there's only so many acceptable skin tone the soot was revealed were you worried about the soot image leaking yeah that's why i was like why the fuck like tj you're the boy but like why would you take that pic you see a sooty boy and i don't blame him i thought if you saw the boy, but why would you take that pic? You see a sooty boy. I don't blame him.

If you saw me all sooty, what would you have done? I would have taken a pic. Yeah. Send it around. You did a cute couple's costume, though. It wasn't a couple's costume. You guys were a couple when you came to the party together. Okay.

You were a classic combo of a chimney sweep and a watermelon jolly rancher yeah we both had what we wanted on doing what we love did you guys want me to come as a red tongue slippery throat what costume would go with that dude a jolly rancher and a slippery throat is the cutest couple's costume damn kyle it's a good ass slippery but like that would work too like my body's an esophagus and my head's all wet and red dude and the thing is if you guys got split up like people would still know what you are yeah oh you must be a slippery throat. Where's your girl? They wouldn't even know. What was I going to say? I fucking forget about your slippery. I was apt, too.

I had something good to bring up. Forget. Slippery throat, red tongue, redder tongue, Halloween. Now I'm out. Soot. Soot. No, I forget. And it was good too oh fuck yeah uh you're gonna take the reins parlays no no wait mook was a menace on halloween chill on me boy i didn't get to see the the highlights i guess he was a pretty normal dude i had people visiting from out of town

the first thing mook did he walked up to him and they said, what are you? And he said, you're not going to like me if I tell you. What the fuck does that mean? Well, Nick told me not to tell them. Oh, he was. How are you going to explain a cream pie God? I was the cream pie guy. You're right.

Yeah, that is creepy. Well, creepy. Yes, dude. Yeah. Because you were. because then you were like i'm the cream pie god and they're like what and you're like i feel pussies i don't think that's how that telling people yeah i mean you were just jesus with a redder wig yeah i was uh christ spice as someone put it that's way better than what you thought. You were mad that people didn't think you were Ice Spice.

You thought people would assume Ice Spice. Look at you. Look at your complexion. I wasn't mad, but I was like... People were assuming Annie, and you were getting offended. I didn't calculate how the wig would look. It was the first time taking it out at the party, and it was a bad was a bad costume it was a bad costume for sure but i felt you know you said you felt more more confident more comfortable yeah i think i'm gonna start dressing up more just in general

yeah i get that like when we started rediscovering america i was like afraid of my own shadow when we were wearing something goofy and then now i just. And now I just don't give a fuck. Now you give less of a fuck in a costume. Yep. Yeah, dude, start wearing a costume. Rudy does every day. I dress as a hunter today. You can see my jacket. Yeah, yeah, you're, yeah.

Camo pants. Yeah, you. What's tomorrow? Do deep sea fisherman tomorrow. I'll do deep sea fisherman tomorrow. I went as a piece of gum. I wanted to go as Jack Sparrow, but it was all out at the store.

So I had to go as a piece of gum again and run it back. Oh, that's what you were? Yeah, dude. What was your costume? I was all pink and I tied a shoe on my head. Oh, shit. I didn't even realize. It's a good ass costume, but I want to be Jack Sparrow.

People kept asking if you were a sneaker head, though. People were coming up to me at the bar and they were like, what are you? And I just like, I want to be Jack Sparrow, but it was gone. But, uh, that's what I would say. Then just walk away. I thought you meant Jack's comma Sparrow. That's what I thought you were going to do. What the fuck is that?

His bird. He didn't have a Sparrow. No, but then you would be it. That's not a thing. Jack. That seems like something you would do. There still wouldn't be a comma there. Apostrophe.

Wait, is Jack Sparrow a play? Are you saying like a play on words? No. I wanted to be the pirate. Yeah. That's what I Wait, is Jack Sparrow a play on words? No. I wanted to be the pirate. Yeah. That's what I thought he was doing. You thought, what was the play on words? That he was going to be Jack's possessive sparrow.

Like, he was going to be Jack's bird. That's what I thought he was going to say. Jesus Christ. That would have been sick. That would have been really cool. No, I went as a piece of gum. Nobody knew what I was. Is that not how a comma works?

No. Fuck. Apostrophe. I'm so bad at commas. You you're seeing comma i don't know how i've never learned how commas work they just it seems like they're just randomly placed no a lot of people don't but we know that's not what it's supposed to do now i do i honestly i don't get semi-colons but i threw i throw some in casual texts to people don't be texting the i do i've realized i i've known I'm a dickhead

but things have come to light that like good I'm sorry man waiting for this he's been praying on this yeah I'm a dickhead a real monster that's all right

no but mook was a menace this weekend yeah people keep saying this. In what way? So I had guests visiting, right? And an Uber was coming. It was here. And one of them was a girl. And she was like, I have to pee.

And she ran in. Like, the Uber was here. And you know I have really bad Uber anxiety. And I'm like, get there. And Mook is trying to, like, diffuse the situation. So she goes to pee. And Mook, what did you yell to her as soon as she went to the bathroom i just screamed i can't wait to hear you piss oh my god dude that's borderline like that's criminal yep yeah no no no that's some anti-dick shit yeah that's

menace shit for sure no that's like philly dickhead shit like you should see how i talk to like my girlfriends at home like that's like endearing like can we hear you take a piss did she laugh her ass off yeah it was funny what there's a woman there's a woman in the booth right yeah yeah stephanie stephanie is wincing right now yeah what do you think about that line this is like a first within 24 hours of meeting this This is within three hours. Yeah, I remember. I would say it's like my favorite thing off the bat. But acceptable? I mean, now I know Connor for way longer than just 24 hours,

so it would be funny. If he said, I can't wait to hear you piss? I would probably follow up with, don't follow me to the bathroom we did not i did not follow her to the bathroom we were waiting outside we were right outside the door and then if you like so my thing is like if i'm gonna meet new people i'd rather at a bathroom yeah we're outside of a bathroom so we're all waiting to leave nick's apartment and we're about to walk out the door the bathroom's right next to the door.

So I'm like, she's walking to the bathroom. I'm like, all right, can't wait to hear you take a piss. Like that kind of thing. Like it wasn't like me. Yeah. Yeah. He made up for it, though, with the smoothest move I've ever seen all time at a bar. Okay.

I cooked. I cooked. He cooked. Well, I didn't cook. Is this like a co-ed bar? Sure. Yeah. Yeah. We left the all boys bar. Okay. All right, just like a co-ed bar you sure yeah yeah we left the all boys bar

all right mook co-ed bar intramural went up to one of the he went up to one of the co-eds and uh what did you do so i was planning on leaving the bar probably wait first before you say this are you a cold approach guy yes you are yeah i like doing uh like like here like i want to go back to the cream pie god thing like if i'm gonna meet new people and make an impression on people i'd rather come in hot than just be like oh i'm connor what do you do yeah okay yeah and and and it's oh i'm connor oh don't walks right up to people that's his first line yeah that's the alternative i'm connor what do you do that sounds like that sounds like the only person that could do that would be like usher there is an

i'm usher yeah that works yeah i sure could do that i sure is the only one oh i'm connor there's a such a middle ground to that but go on yeah so i i was in a silly goofy mood after all that and i so we're at the bar with the co-ed bar and uh i made my mind up probably five minutes before i made this move that i'm going home soon. So I, I opened Uber eats and for people at home, you're horny at the time, right? Sure. Fine.

So yeah, when you're super horny at a night out, are you like sexually charged or is more of like a brain chemical saying, I want to, I want to just be around girls and then I'll get horny. Uh, I'm more of like i'm ready to go home let's see if i can make a play happen if not i'll get food and be fine oh i'm connor and i'm horny oh i'm connor oh i'm kyle oh yeah that works that hits

what do you do i'm gonna go to go. Wow. I'm Nick. Wow. I'm Nick. Okay. Fuck. I'm Rudy. Oh, dude. That was cool. I bet you that was like your first Twitter handle. Fuck.

I'm Rudy. You look like that. Yeah, dude. Fuck. I'm Rudy. Oh, fuck. It's Rudy. Oh, fuck. It's Rudy J.

It's Rudy J. But Mook, I still haven't heard it. We haven't heard it, right? Yeah. it's rudy j it's rudy j but mook i still haven't we haven't heard it right yeah yeah let's hear it yeah so i'm crafting the uber eats order i'm about to press send on it and then call my uber home and i just flash the phone to the girl next to me and go what do you want with the apple i kind of love that. Pretty good. It was pretty good. Yeah. That's great.

Stephanie? You rang? Oh, did you hear? Yes, I did. Oh, yeah, that's a pretty... Pretty good move? I think it's, like, ridiculous enough where it can be played off as just a joke.

Sure. But also, like, the risk-reward is there. There's no risk, I don't think off as just a joke. Sure. But also like the risk reward is there. There's no risk I don't think. There's zero risk. Yeah. Put people on to that. Unless it's a really big girl. Oh she can't

even be. Yeah. Yeah. That's the risk. Yeah. What do you want to eat? Oh my god. I know you're starving. I know you're starving. I know you're getting hungry just by being around me ordering food. I do like that, though. Yeah, it's like a last second.

I'm leaving the bar. I got nothing to lose. I'm already ordering food. I'm already going to be a piece of shit. Why not just take a shot? Hey, you hungry? I love that move. And how did it go?

Failed. But not embarrassingly. Not embarrassingly. No, again, it was like funny. She brought up that she loved that move. And she said a couple more drinks a little bit later, I would have. Oh, that's a win. Yeah, duh.

I think that counts as a body. Yeah. Yeah. She also like it was a thing where she took the phone and started scrolling. So it was like that's a successful play. It's also an in to talk to a girl. That's a notch on the post. I would.

Yeah, you should go out and just do that all night. I I've honestly I've like kind of done that before, but like not really like that was the smoothest it's ever. Yeah, that's better than my old move of just tag-teaming an arm limbo. What? One of your boys do an arm limbo and just have people play limbo.

That's a solid play. You boys would just put your arms out and have people limbo underneath? Yeah, you do two arms, you go up to people and just gesture, hey, go do the limbo. It turns into a fun night. You know who else does that? middle schoolers yeah uh they do that's right you're just describing red rover it always hits though i believe everyone's like gathering around doing doing the limbo dude you when you are out at a

bar do you know the extent of like excitement you actually have you're just talking yeah going out to the bar is just talking i uh i never had a move people don't really dance i don't have a movie i would put a little smear of paint on my cheek and just be like i just need to get back to my canvas that's probably good i never had a move i don't have a move yeah you do i do not kb it is just talking but there's also the excitement of hey who are you gonna meet what kind of girls can we talk to how can we talk to them you're so drunk you think you're partying you're just talking to your friends and you'll maybe talk to someone else and you're talking loudly there's nothing else you're drinking and talking yeah and you maybe

you'll go to a new bar and that's like the exciting thing are we allowed to talk about the boo-boo i made with your friend you brought to donnie's party yeah yeah yeah i thought he was in costume now that was my worry yeah you didn't tell me i almost you know me i yeah he was seek presenting from below the head as well i think yes from below the yes hat i was this close yeah it was i was this close to walking up and go no way you know the people that were at that party and you didn't give any warning you can't bring a Sikh man to a Halloween party and not say that he's just a Sikh okay well i wasn't worried about you and i was more so the entirety of the i didn't know i'm not going to send out a warning you know i'm'm bringing a non-white person.

You can't bring a turbaned friend. The first time you bring a turbaned friend somewhere can't be a costume party. That's so fucked up. That was, yeah, my first time bringing him out. I got a turbaned friend. Let's confuse my other friends by bringing them to a costume party. I also saw Kyle roll out of the Uber with that guy, and I was like, what's going on? You guys tread lightly.

We're in a diverse city. Yes, but you can't bring... You've never had a turbaned friend. If I knew you had the turbaned friend... The first time you bring him somewhere isn't a costume party. I don't know if I can agree with that it it's it's confusing so they're the protocol should be warning the entire party like hey i'm bringing a muslim dude he wasn't even that seems way worse

no but like he wasn't in any other costume. If he was wearing a turban and had like a Crayola crayon shirt on, I'd be like, that's a Sikh crayon. That is... You're right, he wasn't in costume. Yeah, I should have sent out a fucking Amber Alert. I'm bringing a non-costume Muslimlim to the party yeah i should yeah i should or i should have arrived turned off the music i don't allow it on a microphone and just announce yeah okay

i was about to try everyone remain calm yeah no because like i don't know man i it could could have gotten could have gotten worse. If you were Harry Potter, I would have thought he was Quirrell. You know, I could have been bad. Yeah. Oh, well, are we allowed to talk about this? Because you what did you say? Oh, yeah, we already talked about it.

I went up and I just was like, I thought he would. It doesn't matter. He was a chill dude. He was a chill ass dude. He was hammered, too. He had his wits about him. Yeah, he was a cool guy. Thank you. Sikhs don't kill any animals, right?

I don't kill any animals. Sorry for having other friends outside of the office. I'm cool. I'm down with them. I know you have other friends, but it's either it's crazy that it's either just like wrestlers looking for a fight or drunk seeks i had another one what my boy mike uh he won trivia at our trivia trivia show he's my boy and he on november 10th he's

having a big clothes pre-game he said bring your where your biggest fit oh fuck and you guys are invited yeah i'll go you want to go to the Big Clothes pregame? Yeah. Yeah. Super into that. I'm there. Yeah. And that's like,

don't bring, no, never mind. Never mind. Don't bring Donovan McNabb. Don't bring Donovan McNabb. Like, that's what he always wears. Oh, nice big clothes. What?

That would be the same exact thing that you did. Right. It's very he always wears. Oh, nice big clothes. What? That would be the same exact thing that you did. Right. It's very, very similar. Today's episode is brought to you by Game Time. We love Game Time. Last minute tickets, flash deals, zone deals. You could, you know, I actually just bought 10 tickets off Game Time. For huh?

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minute tickets lowest price guaranteed and mook are you are you going to raleigh yes i am going to raleigh with sass thursday with sass yeah i think my sister am going to Raleigh Thursday with Sass. I think my sister is going to that show. Oh, hell yeah. Do an impression of my sister meeting Sass. An impression of your sister meeting Sass? Yeah. So I'm basically doing a Sass impression. Hey, I'm KB's

sister, Sass. Great to meet you. Hey. Thanks for coming. That's pretty good. That's about it. Yeah, that's pretty good that's about it yeah that's pretty good no eye contact no he'll be receptive to your sister for sure um big shout out to uh mellow biafra biafra every time he takes a shit he sends me a picture of his grievard the the ghost type pokemon dog it's his legs and then the dog what is let me see it what is is the shit visible no no the one he sends it to me every day at his work shit this was the one today just him in his bathroom stall big shout out to him i love i love getting stuff like that

um kb what's on your sweatshirt? That's a mean piece. It's like a smiley face wearing a Ravens headband. Where did you get that? What's it say at the bottom? It says, I love those Ravens. That's a really good sweatshirt. Yeah.

I placed a future on them. Really? How's your gambling? Oh, my God. I would pay to be able to place parlays. You do. I'm saying I would pay a fee to be able to put one in. You do.

I would pay a fee, an entry fee, to get into a website to then be able to put a parlay. We got a guy for you. StuFcom oh yeah yeah one of that yeah really do you like i'm winning or do you like crafting them what do you i like the whole process of crafting waking up say on a sunday getting my coffee and me looking at all the options, crafting these crazy parlays. Do you know ball? No, but it's helping me watch football and learn a lot. Do you like football? And I like watching football now. And I get very excited.

If I'm two for three on an anytime touchdown parlay, I'm looking at menus. I'm looking at steakhouse menus. I'm looking at Michael Jordan's steakhouse in particular. If you're two for three. I'm seeing the 23-layer chocolate cake. Mines as an appetizer. I get that.

As an appetizer? The Wagyu Big Mike Burger. Mines. Medium. Medium rare. Like one of my teas. Vintage. Talk to him.

Talk to him. Yeah. Talk to him. The fucking filet mignon oscar style and meanwhile the two for three i hit on are i got christian mcafree and tyree kill now i just need raheem blackshear to come off the bench come off the third spot and rush one in for the Panthers and I'm $2,000. So have you hit your golden bag yet?

No. And I'm losing so much that I'm realizing how just incredibly lucky I was in the beginning when I was hitting all those big ones. You went five for five on first touchdown. Now it's just impossible. So I was with you Saturday and we were watching college football and you tried to bet on college football. That's a mistake. You just can't predict that shit. And like the craziest things will happen in a matter of seconds. I wouldn't recommend college.

All right. So do you have any picks for the listeners this week? I didn't look at the board yet. Just a Sunday morning kind of thing. You're off of it. Yep. Deleted the apps. Wait, KB, you hit Cam Akers.

Yeah, but that was... But what did I lose? What did I lose on? Everything. Are you still up, career? I finally lost it all. All right, man. Very cool.

Finally lost it all. I've been hitting on parlays like a i uh detox from football went to the aquarium instead yeah he went to the piss side the piss atrium yeah they have a piss exhibit no it was algae but everybody was just like gathered around it's their new exhibit and it just looks like piss how was it they have a giant sea lion with the worst cataracts i've ever seen it made me so sad, dude. That is sad. Yeah. I like sea lions.

Yeah. They have beluga whales. They have whales? Belugas. What? Yeah. It is the coolest. You guys have to go.

They have some of the biggest tanks I've ever seen. Yeah. Yeah. I like aquariums. Seeing a beluga would be sweet. Yeah. Their heads are like, the top of their heads have like a titty. Yeah. A white titty. Yeah.

A white titty. Yeah. And it's pretty cool. Dolphins, it's... You guys have to go. Otters? I can get into that. Yeah, they have otters.

They got it all. I don't fuck with otters. Oh. Never mind. No, they don't have otters. Necrophiliacs. They... Yeah. I heard that.

Creatures of the sea love to get what's theirs by any and otters are the worst offenders uh dolphins masturbate dude i think they'll bite off the heads of fish and use them as like a flesh dolphins are and they're getting masturbated by scientists in scandalous situations yeah yeah you you did the research on that yeah interesting stuff um what you want to tell us about northern minnesota rudy you should know what i think i mean i'm gonna give my big stamp of approval on northern minnesota but i think that's a popular consensus what are some cities that i'm talking about duluth people are pretty heavy on duluth. They're high on Duluth.

It's beautiful, I guess. It's cute, I guess. I've only been there in the ass crack of winter. Lots of recreation. Duluth hockey team is a powerhouse, Division 1. Their mayor, I looked her up, she is in a gape ass broad.

What? A gape ass? Mouth open like a gape ass mouth open like a waffle house is her mouth always open always open nothing more to say she looks nice um but she like every picture she's like smiling smiley like the morning show yeah yeah regrettably he's correct let's see oh is it always like that i found her facebook page no instagram hey you got to get your local mayor on Instagram because a lot of them just don't have it. I can't review them.

It'll be, I mean, if you want the vote of the youth. Yeah, get them on it. Duluth, Bemidji has a Division I hockey team. Bemidji State, yep. The Boundary Waters Canoe Area in the extreme northeast. This is one of the only places in the contiguous u.s where you can experience absolute unadulterated natural silence no human sounds no human created sounds what no cars that in the whole river valley in washington pure silence and to get even deeper

if you want to actually experience total silence that's impossible in nature but you can get it in an anechoic chamber and the only one that exists is in minneapolis at the old field laboratory and i heard it is quite the experience it'll change your life i think i'd freak out they say it's very very jarring for the first 15 or so can't you like hear the blood going then you start to hear your organs but they say it's very therapeutic would you do it would love to do it i have tinnitus you would hear that yeah that sucks i think it's a it's a move i might go do it yeah you Yeah, I've seen videos about that place. How far does it drive? Apparently it drives a lot of people crazy.

Yeah. Yeah. Some people can't handle it for more than five minutes. No. That and any sensory deprivation. Yeah. We live in a loud ass world, especially us city boys. And they say that's bad for not just your ears, but your heart.

Heart? Yeah. It increases stress. You might not notice it, but we all should go seek silence. But there's pros and cons to city life because I think one city block has the same emissions as one house.

I think cities are greener. They are. I think New York City is actually the lowest carbon footprint of any major city. The most carbon? The least. For the amount of people. Because it's so condensed. Yeah.

Yeah. So I guess there's pros and cons. I got to get a car so we can get out of the city. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. That I have to get a car? Yeah. You get a car, we take some road trips.

Get a minivan. I want a camp. Yes. I could fuck around with some camping yeah we got a camp all right i'll get a car by winter we'll go camp and we'll go uh we'll do some stuff there wait do you guys like silence yeah man yeah it's cool i go home to the suburbs and i like get scared really yeah more scared than being in the city no man i think it's more relaxing yeah you're a born and raised city boy though yeah but at the same time i need to hear like the sounds of like other things happening or i'm like oh i'm by myself that's in the same in the same vein that you need to uh look at your smartphone throughout the entire day or jack off your dick like you don't you don't actually need

to you that's just so habitual for you or jack off those aren like you don't you don't actually need to you that's just so habitual for you or jack off those aren't necessarily healthy things to do but you just feel the need to do that are you anti-porno yes why yes why because it's horrible for you like with like um like with like like addiction or like how you think I think it's bad for your sex drive yeah to just get horny at the

flick of a wrist or like a literally click of a button yeah you are you are too I'm not a porno guy yeah yeah gone are the days no Rudy's a porno guy guilty I don't I'm not a porno guy. Yeah. Yeah. Gone are the days. No, Rudy's a porno guy. Guilty.

I don't. I'm not judging you at all. Were you a porno guy? I didn't. I've never understood like the guys that I grew up. What? When I grew up. We're the same age, man.

We're all the same age. Yeah. We're all from the same place. We have the same exact upbringing. Think of upbringing era that i grew up in kyle i'm thinking of yes we were everything from we were my birth boy now has been the same exact path as yours and we were no diversion jesus we grew up in the dawn of well the golden age of porn was the 80s i think but that was like you gotta go out and be active porn was an event yeah porn was not a lazy man's game you had to hunt and gather that shit but like we still had to hunt and gather porn is easy oh we talk about this a lot but like the psp process changed the game. But that was a process.

That was like an orientation for a job. Wait, I missed that. That was like a beating off watching porno on the PSP. It was like having to get Excel certified. Like you had to go through multiple steps. Yeah, it was tough and you had to like wiggle the little joystick. It was ahead of its time.

It wasn't Safari. How did you get on the internet on a PSP? I think it was called Explorer. Something like Internet Explorer. It might have been Internet Explorer. I don't know what PSP was. But just loading that took forever. And the orientation of the screen. You couldn't flip it.

I was an iTouch guy. That was my first run. iPod Touch? Yeah. And the fact that we had to work for it made our child bust so much better. Dude, yeah, I miss it. It was so much more of a reward that we had to work for it made our child bust so much better. Dude, yeah, I miss it. It was so much more of a reward that we had to earn.

Dude, I think my first 20 busts were better than my next thousand. Yeah. Combined. Yes. Yes. Yep. Undoubtedly. I wish I...

Gone are the... Like, when you're bustingusting you don't know it's one of those times was your last boy i like how he said our child busts like you were out of body yeah oh yeah so much more rewarding uh can't say it on youtube but today's episode is also brought to you by 3Chi. Guys, what's the best way to eliminate the paranoia of consuming some sketchy black market boof? You guys know it's 3Chi.

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Oh, yeah. It is a concert. It is also a charitable cause. Yeah, it's a really good event. Natasha Bedingfield. Natasha Bedingfield, Randy Houser, The Plain White Tees, American Authors is in low cash. It'll be an all-day event. Come out.

Buy a ticket. Now. Listen to Natasha. Go meet KB. Yeah. I'd love to see the plain white tees. No, it's not just me. It's a bunch of Barstool people

will be there. It's an event. And I'll be in Columbus, Ohio for an event. Yeah, with Rico. With Rico Bosco. And I will be in Boulder with Tommy Smokes.

Yeah, so your tour continues at the sophomore. How is your piss feeling? My piss? Yeah. Does it burn? No. Smooth. You were in Austin. Frictionless. Yeah. You were in Austin, Texas. Tommy Smokes got a hickey there. Yeah. Tommy Smokes got a hickey. Yep. That was funny.

I've never gotten a hickey. And that's not I'm not issuing a challenge. Lame. I don't want it to come off that way, but I have never... I don't even know what it would feel like, but it's too late now. It's kind of embarrassing,

but it's even more embarrassing is trying to give one and not succeeding. Were you not good at giving hickeys? I couldn't just suck in for a while and not... You didn't have the long capacity for a hooky? That's pretty weak. Are you talking about

yourself would you try to mix in a bite so it would have some redness not to myself i tried yeah and it just didn't work didn't i don't think i can give one yeah damn it's i've never gotten one you don't think you can give one let's move on let's move on immediately oh shit what what um austin uh everyone people rave about it yeah you were a little skeptical i've heard mixed reviews i was skeptical about it because it's like one of those things where it's so popular now i feel like it's good for like an annoying 24 year old exactly and so but then i went and i mean it was halloween which sort of buffs any city a few points yeah it it was incredible yeah

it was incredible like the the bar scene the bar scene was cool because they every bar has like an indoor outdoor element which is cool yeah like that and then they are all like retrofitted from like something previous right so it's a hip artsy community right or did they all get pushed out and now is it i think it is i think that that's oh a lot of hot people a lot of gay people uh it was halloween so i couldn't tell but gay southern people are just like straight new yorkers yes right yeah but yeah there's a lot a lot of like a gay Southern person would go to Brooklyn to go to Williamsburg and see the straightest guy in Williamsburg and call him a slur. Yeah.

Yeah. I've had that happen. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, and, uh, but yeah, no, I gotta say it was pretty sick. It was just so fucking hot, dude. It was like 85, 90 degrees. So that's, you gotta think like that's for how many

months six months of just too much heat yeah and you were in full bunny costume right i was in a full bunny costume yeah which uh we i just had to get something pink the first costume i got something got lost in translation it was for a three-year-old so i had to order another one what got lost in translation it was just the words my english yeah yeah yes literally lost in the translation but austin austin was uh super cool it uh i was worried it was going to be like nashville that's what i would think a little bit and there was elements of it but then we found sort of you got you can't go to like the most popular area you got to go to like the popular area that's adjacent to the popular area.

That's where the cool bars are, and that's where we ended up. That was super fun. I got nothing but good things to say about Austin. I could see it in my future, honestly. They're saying is keep Austin weird. Has it been kept weird? I thought that was Portland. Oh.

But I did see that. I did see that they graffitied on the walls and stuff. Yeah. So maybe both are trying. Yeah. Is it pretty? The university is very pretty. They did a really good job with the architecture of like keeping it desert.

Like all the buildings are made out of like this, like sand brick kind. I don't know. It's like it's like everything's stone, which was cool. The burnt orange is fire. It was. It's I don't know what it's like it's like uh everything's stone which was cool the burnt orange is fire it was it's i wouldn't know it's not like there's no like elevation or pretty uh ponds or there's a river that goes through the town that's actually pretty uh but it's just uh one of those places where the texans are good at making sure you know exactly where you are at all times whereas like in denver i don't know if they really know their identity denver you get a lot you get a lot of mixed messages about like are we

cowboys are we podcasters like what are we ravers are we tech guys i don't think i like denver but you're going back home to boulder boulder is i consider boulder much better than say boulder is awesome boulder is awesome. Boulder is rad. I I'm of the belief that Denver is a little overrated. Whoa. Yes. Holy shit. Yeah, I'm about to go there.

Boys, I'm sorry. I have no energy today. It's early. It's early. We're recording early. We have to make room because we are. Going to get Mookie a haircut. And I don't want to say where this shop is.

I don't know if you can. I don't think it's a shop. I don't think it has a location. We found a nomad. We did find a nomad. You found a nomad. I did find a nomadic barber. Yes, it's perfect.

Yes. And a pop up shop. I have a. I have a kind of idea of what he is. And you said there's always lines of people, right? To get their hair cut? Yes. The temperature dropping has, I think, hurt his numbers.

But is it like a guy that's cutting hair for the refugees that were dropped off here? That's my worry. You see them a lot. You see them a lot. That's what I'm thinking. So we're going to have Mook in line. Yeah, an Irish refugee. them you see them a lot you see a lot that's what i'm thinking so we're gonna have mook in line yeah an irish refugee yeah you're gonna have to pitch that to get lined up escape 2023 dublin on a boat yeah yeah we'll film from the car and this is supposed to be the put on we're putting you on yeah we're

to a refugee hairdresser refugee barber yeah i mean we're gonna on. We're putting you on. Yeah. To a refugee hairdresser. Refugee barber. Yeah. I mean, what are we going to put you on to great? Like, you know what I mean? Like Floyd's. Have you ever gone to a refugee barber before, Mook? No.

Then you put him on to getting tipped. And you'll be win-win. Okay. Tip him righteous. Mm-hmm. One more sponsor, boys. We have hella sponsors today. And brand new one the boston beer company what what so this is not just oh a bottle of beer a can of beer no but guess who owns guess

this is a parent company of the people that are sponsoring us boys we got twisted tea finally yes yes kyle and i had twisted tea every single day all day over covid they're they're so good they're so good we would we were staying at your aunts without internet just twisted teas that was sad yeah but they were good they were so good uh yeah twisted tea is a refreshing hard iced tea made with real brewed tea and five percent alcohol tastes like real iced tea because it's made with real brewed tea real brewed tea with a kick five percent alcohol it's full of flavor very refreshing i had a twisted tea this past weekend the peach i've tried the peach it's phenomenal it is phenomenal it goes down smooth no carbonation when it makes it easy to drink all day long it goes well with football season it fits well with our extreme fandoms Broncos Steelers and

Jets fill the Philly in there and read are you a Pats fan reads Pats fan I got to give him guff from I mean to give him go yeah we'll give you got for the ad twisted tea is the perfect alcohol beverage for game day whether tailgating in the parking lot watching it at a bar watching with friends at home twisted tea is there to turn up your game day grab a refreshing twisted tea

today go to twistedtea.com locations to find some near you thanks twisted tea that's exciting that is it's awesome what a drink what a drink oh what's the guff you need to give? Just like re-being a Pats fan. Like, not your year, huh? Like a noogie? Do noogies hurt? They bother. They irk. They irk.

Yeah, like getting flicked. Would you rather get a wet willy or a noogie? A wet willy is like the most irksome thing. I thought noogies were just existent to mess up hair i didn't know they were meant to like that yeah not pain i think just their extreme frustration extreme frustration resentment it's also the psychological damage because it's it's like so demeaning to noogie somebody yeah yeah yeah it's probably it's psychological damage yeah you know we had a

little kick up when we were kids is i used i i brought this first i was the first person to do this in my friend group not i'm not saying i'm the first person probably do this ever i used to reverse what willie my friends you would huh you would put you there's your ear canal on there what i would put my finger in my ear and then try to put it in their mouth. Ew! Fuck you! That's a dark time. Wait, you put your wet finger in your ear? No, dry finger in my ear.

Is it cruddy? You don't know. It depends on how pissed you are. If you really dig and load that puppy up. That's so fucked. That's way worse. You probably gotta earn that mouth though because people aren't just walking around like the mayor of duluth

exactly they typically wouldn't land but it's the fear that i like that game i like that game a lot i'd be pissed if that happened to me yeah pissed off yeah it puts the fear of god into people for sure i don't like that at all it's a good response though to a wet willy if you get wet willied then you in turn obviously reverse you remix it on them what's what what's what's the opposite of wet willy a dry what's the opposite name of willy william no that's the same name you confused opposite with the same i did yeah i do that this one's hard because i don't think it's measurable willie well my dad's name's will and my mom's name's tracy i think it's my dad is my mom okay so it could be a dry tracy a dry tracy plays though, I think a dry Tracy is what it would be now. Dry Tracy. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Let's do dry Tracy's. Yeah. I have a question for KB. What's more euphoric, the first sip of alcohol or waking up on Sunday morning and placing your bets in a coffee shop? For me now, it's the bets by far. placing your bets in a coffee shop? For me now, it's the bets by far. I saw you off a Long Island this weekend, and you were having the time of your life after one Long Island.

Every single sip, you were singing it. Long Island iced tea. Every single drink. That's one of those drinks that's more of like a game. It's so fun. Those things are like a game. It's so fun. Those things are in a bomb. It's every alcohol in a splash of coke, right? Yeah, I don't even think it's good, but yeah, you got to have fun with it.

You got to have fun. You got to have fun with it. So you got to sing the... Long Island Iced Tea. So how many songs does it take for you to finish your drink? How many Long Island Iced Tea melodies? I was going slow. Yeah, because you said it a lot.

You got an album or an LP? Yeah. And probably an album, yeah. Yeah. And albums are EPs, right? I don't know. I think an EP is a... Oh, I think an LP is an album and an EP is a...

Shorter one. A four. A shorter? Four hits. Yeah. That always confused me. I guess we'll never know. What else we have going on?

Kyle, you're due for a dumb purchase. Dude, I'm putting like nine leg parlay. Yeah. Raheem Blackshear has to score a touchdown. That's a dumb purchase. Wait, how many touches does Raheem Blackshear have? I think he's like the third string panthers running back team the running back to the panthers he's 5 9 190 that's why we gotta put

some raheem blackshear parlays and i think we get the word out it'll subliminally like all right let's lure that yeah um panthers to give him some touch he uh he has eight carries this year for 23 yards no tds his longest run is nine yards okay he's due he's so due all right i'm gonna let's put a raheem parlay raheem most certain black sheer to get an anytime touchdown. Is there any more Raheems you can think of? I was going to say Wu-Tang Clan, but never mind. Mostert. Okay, let's do a Raheem parlay. I'm in.

Any housekeeping, Mookie? I have one note on Perth. Yeah, that was historic like we note on Perth. Yeah. That was historic, like we wanted it to be. Yeah. Yeah. The only... Oh, a quadriplegic in Perth reached out to be your tour guide.

Yeah. Yep. That happened. So, that's what... I agreed for you. Now, Perth is known for its mountainous terrain and hiking, but he will be taking you around. So I'm sure you'll check out the parking lot. How did he pose that to you?

Yeah. DM me. He's like, hey, man, I'm a quadriplegic listener in Perth. And I set back. Perfect. And he said, let me take Mook around. I said, oh, yeah. Yeah.

He reached out to you right mook he did not yet okay anything how did like your family parents mom how did they react uh my mom said i'm not going why but i'm gonna go it's not dangerous is it it looks beautiful i'm just getting a lot of people that are hitting me up with like advice okay and a lot of people saying that i'm gonna get dvt dvt which is vascular thrombosis deep vein thrombosis what is that what is it it's uh basically blood clots you get from being in an airplane too long like oh like sitting hold that. Let's look up DVT. Can't you get socks for that?

Yeah, I think you can get socks. You're not going to be worried about a disease that can be cured with socks. I'm pumped for Perth though. Good. DVT chances. I think you just got to walk around a little bit are there any other developments are you preparing at all are you i'm keeping a running list of all the ideas we have of what i can do in 30 hours a flight of more than four hours your chance of getting dvt is one in six

thousand so multiply that by all right so let's do this math your flight is 30 hours and so what is can somebody how would we do that math a times four is 32 so yeah wait you're the math guy what are your chances of getting dvt so if it's one in six thousand on a four hour flight yeah what's a 30 hour flights chances for seven? Ford, 7,500. Yeah. 6,000 divided by 7-ish. Did I just hear 48 in there? You have a 48%? That's fine. I have like a...

No. Oh, God. It would be... Oh, this is tough. We're going to get clowned for this. This would be around the 1% range. That's what I just came out to, 1.25. Okay.

I don't know if that's right but i don't know if that's right i don't know if that's right well i mean we take that risk every time we get every time i bet on black she i have a black shears chance dude if if black sheer hits while mook is in the air we gotta pray for him we gotta pray for mook why do you pick him i just i don't actually pick him but i i think you have along the lines of nobody knows who raheem blackshear is unless they've picked him i picked him yeah yeah yeah uh what else with perth mook your your dad has your dad said anything uh no okay so i'll admit it what i was nervous because I thought you were deeply upset. I thought he was upset too.

And I guess you were. So I explained it to you like this. Like it was like a wave of like, are they actually appreciating me to being like, oh, they're sending me to Australia. They are. to australia they are then to me taking an extra like 10 minutes for it to click in my head of like oh i'm gonna be flying the entire time this isn't you know what i mean it was just like a wave of like me figuring it out i guess in our heads we expected you to immediately realize how fucked up that was so there was no moment where you were like oh felt appreciated by us that's what really threw me for a loop no i you had me

like on the ride of like oh shit holy shit guys thank you and that like hit me like a gut yeah i was like fuck honestly man honestly man you flipped it on us pretty well yeah i didn't flip it on purpose i guess mook wins this round i thought it was gonna be like a knee jerk like i'm pranked oh fuck you got me but it was a much slower burn yeah and in turn made me feel like a colossal asshole dude i left like feeling so bad yeah and uh me and kyle talked afterwards and we were just like that was worst case scenario he was like yeah really excited yeah i mean i was pumped i'm still pumped I mean I don't care if it's like you know I'm down for the journey

if this is my job it's my job so what I offer the coaches want I will do I'll put me in the game ready to make a play here's what I'm willing to do you push your return flight you stay there for four days and I'll go with you holy shit

I'm in. We're going to Perth. We're going to Perth. I'll go, too. We're all going to Perth. Rudy. I don't want to be left out. Yeah, you'd be good to Perth.

Rudy's going to Perth. We're all going to Perth. We're all going to Perth. Make it a thing. Steph, come to Perth. Steph, come to Perth. It's okay. We've got time.

We'll convince her. All right. We do have time. We have just enough time. We have just enough time. It's okay. We got time. We'll convince her. All right. We do have time. We have just enough time. We have just enough time. Wait, now I'm actually alive. Really think about it. All right.

We'll all go to Perth for four days. Okay. Let's do it. Fuck. It'll be the ride of our lives. At least we'll have each other. I'll bring some board games on the flight. That usually goes well.

So, Mook, you can come see us in the front of the plane. Yeah, that is a stip. We'll us in the front of the plane yeah that is a step it will be in the front that's fine no way those those are insane there's like 19 fronts though i think the first couple hours the plane is like 90 front yeah so that's good all right anything else boys that's it that's all i got you. Anything else, boys? That's it. That's all I got. You know, until the story. God bless.

Sweet. Sweet.