A New Untold Story - Drake, Future, Google, & Nick - A New Untold Story: Ep. 344

Episode Date: May 18, 2023

Nick & Alex, the protocol, a TYBAL mishap, world of t shirts, one zesty ahh bev, Tennessee Chin, & Rudy's sword. JOIN THE DISCORD BELOW: https://discord.gg/Hj68vsqeFa Ads: Manscaped - Get 20% off + free shipping with the code ANUS at https://barstool.link/ManscapedBarstool Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://barstool.link/GametimeApp, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply) Hellofresh - Go to https://barstool.link/anus16 and use code anus16 for 16 free meals plus free shipping Want more Anus? Check out the links below https://linktr.ee/anuspodcastYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. untold story I knew untold story it's a fresh big untold story I knew untold story oh that was bad that was bad

I can't do it again? is it too did I fuck it up? run it back Oh, that was bad. That was bad. I can't do it again? Did I fuck it up? What? Run it back? Why are your claps so high-pitched and feminine? My claps... I can add bass to it. Dude, I'm real good. What do you want this clap to sound like?

I want it to sound like Caitlyn Jenner. Caitlyn Jenner? Before? So, hold on. I got to just put my cock in between my hands. Have you ever heard of a clap? Have you ever done that? Never mind.

That's a clap. No, I haven't done that. Oh, that wasn't great. Those are the 275 times five on the bench calluses yeah maybe a eunuch how many steps are you doing today a lot not as much as me i might no i am too active i just i'm this is my first crash 22k two days ago uh 22k uh 21 and i'm at i'm verified on the health app you're yeah it's like that uh what did you're very 27 on friday you got 27 000 that's world of t-shirts numbers i know i walk i act like him in a lot of ways yeah we sip the drink in the same manner i noticed that my boozing phase

i noticed you did okay yeah um that that 27,000 that's like 12 miles this is day 23 of the protocol which is i went way too overboard it's been amazing what's the protocol i'll run through it just one time no okay first no. Okay. First of all, first of all, first of all, fuck you. Stretching, lifting too hard. I'm lifting. I'm doing pull-ups and legs every day on top of whatever else I do. Lifting way too hard. Yoga, Nidra, sauna, cold plunge, running, no skipping songs.

That's the creatine L-tyrosine. And this is my first crash. You're crashing. I recommend this method anyway. Don't act like you can say the protocol. You wanted me to ask what's the protocol. You just can't say that. Even the way you said it was a capital T, capital P.

Are we only going to say it optimization life? He came up to me and didn't even preface it this morning. He goes, the protocol is getting rough. He wants people to ask what the protocol is. I was like, what is the protocol? I want to talk about this for four hours straight. All right, let's do it. I walked past you multiple times today talking to different parties

and all I do is hear you doing the two quick inhales, the one exhale. I'm actually off the physiological side. No disrespect, Andrew, but I'm also on your yoga nidra methods and I appreciate what Ali does with the community ali boothroyd okay that this if you take anything away from i know you maybe you don't want to do

the cold showers do the yoga nidra non-sleep deep rest it works nine out of ten times i'm asleep one out of ten times i'm on the precipice of sleep i didn't know you're back on kratom i've always been on Kratom. You've never stopped? I take this tiniest little sip of that vial. Why are you doing it? It's just a habit, I think. Okay.

I'm off the zen, yeah. Off the zen? But like, you're doing these things and you're, how long do you do them for and then you start preaching them? Once? This is day 23. Of the protocol of the protocol yes but what about of ali ali boo ali boothroid well when it five days you you told me four days ago about her and you said like you did it once when you do something once and you it makes you fall asleep then yeah it works falling asleep is so easy babies do it it's not it's not easy it is not easy to fall all you have to do is close your eyes and not move

that's that's so fiction i'm like what's next where's what is the end goal here? Here's what I'm saying. 22 straight days. I have felt amazing, felt better than I did when I was drinking and getting drunk. I was at a higher natural high than that. So that's my takeaway today. Not so much. I don't know what happened. What happened today?

I've just been too active running at night sauna cold tub working out too hard you're are you going all the way downtown to the bathhouse to sauna yeah like five days a week and you're that's fifty dollars every it's like sixty dollars a time i can't i don't know what else to do you got to join a gym with a sauna no i need the hot sun i need the cold plunge it's it's routine and i'm not complaining about this i'm having a blast i'm enjoying life let's get it where do you find the time what do you mean like what do you have time for like i do have a drill i don't this is what i do i have plenty of time today's episode is brought to you by game time the exclusive ticketing partner of barstool sports

you guys know it it's created by fans for fans game time is a ticketing app that makes it easier than ever to score last minute deals on tickets to sports concerts and shows they guarantee the lowest price um let's see here who's coming up in spring luke bryan meduza chance the rapper not morgan wallen he's scheduled for next summer but you have tickets for next summer and you'll have to fly in from Chicago so what are you going to do sell them probably

it's all possible with the game time app the biggest last minute price drops can be found on seats you thought you could never buy purchase process takes two taps 10 seconds once you buy your tickets they're delivered directly to your phone no printer needed the app also allows you to easily share tickets with friends via text so you can get into the game seamlessly skip the hassle enjoy the moment download the

game time app uh or go to the website enter your email redeem code untold for 20 off your first purchase that's a lot. That is a lot. Download Game Time app, go to the website, enter your email, redeem code untold, $20 off first purchase. Terms apply. You guys know it. Rudy, welcome back. Welcome back.

Thank you. I don't think we're allowed to talk about it. I think Kyle, especially not Kyle, you got loose lips. You're sinking ships left and right. I've never broke a secret. You've never broke a secret? Not verbally. Yeah. Oh're sinking ships left and right. I've never broke a secret. You've never broke a secret? Not verbally. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, you're right. You just post, you tweeted out to 200,000 people a text of the winner. Yes. That was in that bathroom. I thought you were in here when you did it. No, I was taking a shit in that bathroom and sprinted out. I was like, I can't be here when that happens i have to go walk um i was trying to do a correlation today about like whenever any

celebrity had like an announcement that they had aids um but there's there's nothing that lines up with um you have a few go on mercury easy e um sheen the nation of e swatini do they have a lot i think so um and sheen is just hiv same with jonathan van ness just hiv um who are some other aids guys magic rock hudson magic johnson um no magic johnson johnson did it on alex who are some other AIDS guys? Magic. Rock Hudson, Magic Johnson. No, Magic Johnson did it on Alex, Al's birthday, I believe. And then. What? Al's birthday?

Yeah. Sharpton? No. Pacino? Alex. AD. Rod Reyes. No.

Daddario. This is on her special day. And then. I think. Lord's birthday. That was such a. You used AIDS as a Trojan horse. Yeah.

Yeah. AIDS and Trojan usually never link up. Just say it. Yeah, say it. What do you want me to say? It's nothing. It happens to the best of us. You are the least appreciative person.

You are the least appreciative person to have this happen to. What are you talking about, dude? You don't even know. You call that the Woody Harrelson scene scene we we worship that gift in that scene we we worshiped it guys like us we talked about her when she went tit for tit with sweeney and the white notices we worship both equally we have we respected her seniority even though she took us a tiny L. And then this happens. You don't know anything about her. She went to the

children's professional school. Which is a school. If I guessed. I figured as much. Yeah, man. It was cool to see. Follows a ton of people. 400. That's nothing. It's nothing. God damn it. That's nothing.

I don't know. This is just something that happened. It's a high school gymnasium, if that, of people. Mate, yeah. Guess I'm in there. At some point,

these are negatives against you. What are you talking about? It's nothing. Yeah, and I told you yesterday, you fumbled the tennis goal, you can't fumble the tit goal. It's not. I told you yesterday, you fumbled the tennis goal, you can't fumble the tit goal. It's not a fumble. We're just friends.

But you know you have to make some type of move. No. Married woman. Is she? When I told Jeff, he was like, yeah, I heard she's newly single. Her husband is 56. So she's preparing. No, no, no.

That is insane. No, she liked my commentary of the Barstool mini golf open. And she followed me. That would be even more insane. How do you know that? I'm very much joking about that. It has to be something. It was an accident. Had to have been an accident.

Then Big Cat tweeted that might ruin it for you. Nah. She's not going to see that. She doesn't follow him. Are you going to DM her? He has to. No. I didn't follow her back. You haven't followed her back.

No, it's the biggest flex in the world. I follow back next to the name Alexandra Daddario. That's sick. Yeah, I have the word follow back. How many people have follow back next to her name? Let me see. How many people have had that option? No, I'm 100 and 490.

No, no, because I bet you they follow first. But they at one point had the option. No. 400 and 490. No. No, because I bet you they follow first. But they at one point had the option. No, no, no, no. I bet you they had to follow first. Who's my company? Who are my peers, I guess?

It's fucking Eve Six, the band. Yeah, I was following my pride. She loves that song. Award. It's her karaoke song. Drake and Future. Uh-oh. pride she loves that award it's her karaoke song drake and future oh tony hawk anthony rizzo adam devine cool i can't even lie it's truly infuriating you i can't pretend like i'm not just crushed by jealousy. She follows Google. Drake, Future, Google, Nick Turan. Fuck, marry, kill.

Google, Drake, Future, Nick. Come in, Tom. Hello, Tommy. Tom. Get on your knees. Yeah, we don't have a chair. Tyler's directing an ISIS video. So what?

My company's Google, Drake Future, myself? That was the lineup. That's a good crew. I mean, that was the order. Then Matthew Perry. Fucking Nicky, Matthew Perry, Drake Future, Google. HGTV. You hear about this?

Daddario? Her following Nick? You like blondes. Yeah, I mean, I still am incredibly jealous of Nick. Yeah, I mean, you see her tits. Why'd you say it like that? You'll have to watch it back. Tommy, we brought you in here today for a reason yep

the twible Tybal T-Y Tybal where's the W sound come from Tybal Tybal the Tybal

because we were the tieball council yes it was incredible it was incredible what does everyone know so far that was it we saw a tieball

we were on Saturday we were at a sports bar having espresso martinis I was not drinking I was eating steak

frite which is not a style of steak it just means steak and fries I didn't realize that I didn't fries. I didn't realize that. I didn't know either. I didn't know that either.

That steak had so much sauce on it. We didn't know what the sauce was. I'm like, I didn't even start the steak for you. And what happened? I had a burger. And we split nachos. But yes, we heard some steps walk by you're gonna have to explain the acronym yeah so we were in hell's kitchen which is a predominantly lgbtq plus area

and uh we were sitting down at this this table and walking past us was a tie ball, otherwise known as a take your breath away lesbian. Yeah, you see it and you... And it's not... I don't want people to think it was a hot lesbian. Not hot at all. You invented the term afterwards because she did take... They did take your breath away.

So I was looking at my espresso martini and I just hear, holy lesbian. That's what he said. that's what he said. That's what he said. And it is, she looked like a manager of a Tim Hortons. She, it was, and again, this is not like, it's not against the lesbian

community. It's not necessarily pro. It's neutral. It's just she was everything you would imagine a lesbian to be. The striped horizontal shirt, the pudge, the spiked hair. Spiked hair to the side a little bit. Uh-huh. The hoop, the one hoop earring. I think she had like a phone holster.

It was everything you'd want. Dildo and kind of. She had a dildo holster. She had like kind of boobs. But they were like, she was like, yeah. It they were like she was like yeah it was it was buttes what

like buttes it's a kind of mountain like the mountain form let me look at the flat top mountain b-u-t-t-e mm-hmm yeah and we were took my breath away and not not it just was like wow that's everything you dream

about like and that's like when when someone when you say lesbian that's exactly what you picture not me well fair point you make a strong allergic to talking about pussy. No, because like every time close your eyes and picture five, three wide spiked hair, real gelled dildo host dildo. I'm picture, you know, like the young picture of little sass. Yeah. In that tuck that shirt. So I think there's a viral tweet it's like you know

she runs her like hardies like it's the army yeah and it was exactly like that she was she was a stereotype brought to life she was you know you know the girl that wore the bow tie to prom she was that yes uh took your breath away and we had to decide we formed a tribal council and we had to decide it was she tribal and it was without a doubt first ballot hall of fame and the Mariana Rivera not a

single vote went against her Maresh was like oh shit I didn't see her we're like okay here she's coming back she's coming back hold your breath she's coming back she's coming back hold your breath she's coming back she's coming back walks past us 14 year old boy it was no lesbian it was no lesbian it was a prepubescent boy yeah yeah just a little boy it uh well actually he they were in the bathroom yeah he's in the

like they walked into the bathroom we were wondering his dad and maresh was like i think the tie ball might be a little boy yeah that's what we were like the person was in the men's i think that lesbian is a little boy yeah i wasn't yeah. And then so then we all started to just stare at the bathroom door waiting for the tie ball who we thought was a tie ball to walk out. And then he walked out and we're like, oh, that is a little boy. Yeah, we fucked up. We fucked up. Yeah. I guess that's it.

Still on the hunt. Still on the hunt. No. So what I think we should do maybe next week is I'll compile a list of photos. I'll blur the face slightly. And you have to say if it's a Tybalt or a pubescent boy.

Yep. They dress the same. Same hairstyle. Black and white striped shirt. I mean, this kid looked so much like a lesbian. No, it was the less it was the lesbian would have looked manly this kid looked like a masculine lesbian yeah yeah you're right and yeah it was incredible and uh he's gotta change his haircut or something different body type yeah um so if people could submit where let's put

together a rush more of of tibles we'll put together the graphic well i don't even know if there is any titles we i think we invented the term, dubbed it to a boy. Most, yeah, most 14 year old boys probably do look like lesbians. I looked a little bit lesbian at 14. Yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. Lesbian or 14 year old boy.

Did you look like a lesbian? That was me through when I was 19. No puberty, just short, really chubby, and could have been passed off either way. So I feel for this fake Tybalt. I feel for him. We'll grow out of it. Yeah, hope so.

Well, Tommy, thank you. Our London video is out. In retrospect, that story is just we saw someone we thought was a lesbian that was a little boy, but I'm glad we relived it. We stretched it. In the moment, it was incredible. It was.

HTBT had to be there. Yeah. Yeah. Our London video is out. Top comment is just KB carried this. Yeah. Yeah, go check that out. It was fun.

It was a fun trip. I got to submit my expenses. Did yours get approved? Pending still. You bought a 300 pound top hat. Oh, yeah. It wasn't huge or anything. It was the price.

I'm going to go to London and I'm not going to buy a top hat. I mean, that's crazy. No, it's not. They had to dig it out from the back. Thanks, Tommy. Okay. Kyle, you would have been miserable in london though you wouldn't have understood a word people said yeah no i can't do

that can't do that um no but rudy welcome back how can you say anything it was super fun yeah yeah you're on are you on a reality show in colorado 30 degree weather it varied a lot like it was 30 degrees at night and then during the day it was smoldering hot lightning you get into any drama there was lots of drama everywhere yes it's a reality show yeah but it was super fun got to be in the sunshine reset you would have loved it because ground barefoot i did ground barefoot you would have loved it because it was i'm actually over stacking parcels what i'm like don't let him talk i'm stacking my morning and afternoon parcels and i'm getting actually got him out of like a parcel surplus you're more annoying than a drug addict what what's a parcel kyle i'm getting a little bit too much parcels of sun do i look tan yeah do i look unnaturally

tan for may no a little bit for you yeah you're more olive than you are why what's going on for a polish boy i never told you guys i'm polish that's okay that's not something you have to like come out yeah we never talked about our heritage. Why would we give a fuck? No one's ever asked me about my heritage. Why would we care if you're Polish? We don't care. But my grandma's side is all Polish. I'm Polish.

No one's asked. I don't give a fuck. We just don't care. Okay. God, what did I... Yeah. Music. Don't want to skip it. Wait, what did I? Yeah. Music. Still not skipping.

Wait, what are parcels? Just sun. Sun. So even if it's gray, you're still going to get the parcels. You just got to stay out longer. Yeah, it makes perfect sense, but it doesn't need to be called parcels. I don't know what else you would call it. What's a synonym for parcel?

What's a synonym for protocol? What verbiage do you want me to use you're you're the worst version you've ever been and i feel amazing no motivation to impress others music music's been going well no skipping saving a lot more songs here's my top four of the week that i found that they may not have been released this week, but Love Ya by Shafi, Snake Eyes by Aries, Need You Baby by DJ Gummy Bear, Two Left Feet Remix by Dario De Addis.

That's that. That's that? Let's get into the show. What's today's episode number? It's 344. It's probably the rarest number of the lower 999 i couldn't find a single thing about 344 344 and it doesn't have an area code

uh it's not a quiz it's there's just nothing no one was ever tweeting or nobody's ever tweeted three there's no what's the first google result there's no significance to 344 it's like january google search results of uh the angel number 344 which is not i thought 333 was the angel number there's there's ones for every single number yeah you're right so what did you do kyle i did nothing for 344 southeastern alabama is 344 oh that's 334 344 yeah shit oh damn all right yeah i typed in the wrong number and it came up the angel number wait there's an angel number for every number that means yeah angel number 344 is the message you get when you need to get out of your comfort zone and experience new things.

I've been doing what new things have you been experiencing? I've been getting my dopamine from attempting hard things. Now I seek discomfort. Oh, I seek discomfort. You're a Polish ass. What's new with you guys?

I you're walking a lot, but not as much. Oh, no. Nobody's walking as much as you besides Josh Block. That's what's new with us. I follow. I watch World of T-shirts lives every night. Can't can't look away. It's funny that like I'll be watching and it's almost like a long

distance relationship it's just like you know you look up at that moon and i know you're looking at the same moon whenever i'm in the live i'm know you're in there with me kyle every single time i'm in there and i'm screen recording how much memory do you have i'm like uh like you screen record the entire streams and i'm sending it to like those novelty accounts that post like the edited clip yeah he had a what what is he he has vegas coming up this is like a 20 second this is like if your favorite reality show was on every day yeah for me at least i can't get enough of him. I was asked. Jerry sent me a text.

He's like, hey, a guy's going to text you. Jersey Jerry. And I'm playing in the, I'm very afraid, in the Steelers softball game. Oh, nice. World versus Steelers. And so I had to like, today, I need help. I'm signed up. I'm in.

And I'm going out there in July, but I have to pick a walkout song. And I also have to choose a number and the name on the back of my jersey. Right now, I'm Maresh one. That's a no brainer. The walkouts. Oh, I think you already know your walkout song. I don't. I think you already know your walkout song I don't I think you do I think

Oh my god So um I was either that or Breaking a Sweat by Skrillex the Zed remix What? Which one are you gonna go with? I'll go with I gotta enter that right now So we realized I got a video clip of Maresh dancing on a stage,

not sent to me from Maresh. And Maresh texted me. He's like, hey, man, can you send me that video of me dancing? And I was like, yeah, one second. And I just searched the word India in Spotify and overlaid this song to Maresh dancing and it fits perfectly. So the song

he was dancing to originally was like what is this? Lil Uzi? Lil Uzi, yeah. First off, what was he doing? He was dancing on stage. What type of stage? We'll talk about that at a later date.

Because I... you know that song i uh bend it like i just searched india and it's just it makes so much sense him dancing to it and i sent it to him and he was just like oh punjabi mc everybody and i was like i was showing the guys the video and chef donnie was there and he's like dude what he was like look at this this was my uber last night and he had an indian uber driver and they were listening to that song in the car yeah and so we realized they have how many billions two billion people one song one song it's like they're yeah and that's the lyrics they have like four songs but it all has that

in it so it's like the Disney what I don't know I watch Black Hawk Down last night and that takes place in Somalia and the opening scene Ridley Scott I'm pretty sure just puts that song in that song and it's just Somalia

every bodega you walk past we be playing it yeah uh it's it's that song Jay-Z hopped on the remix yeah not a joke so I'm thinking for Maresh's next Instagram post whatever he does his dumps if everybody could just comment dinga dinga dinga dinga dinga dinga over and over I don't know that might be the most racist thing in the world. Babe, why are you getting all these dingas? It's actually ding-a-ding. No, it's not ding-a. It's ding-a-ding.

Throw in those funny D's and I's. What are the funny D's? I don't know. With the X or the two lines through it. Oh, okay. Those are funnier D's. Yeah, One song. I'm nervous for this softball game though because I've never played softball.

So you're playing whom? The Pittsburgh Steelers. Oh, nice. Yeah. You're running your ass. No, because Matt Judon's on the team. Jerry. You know, you're going to get your ass beat. No, because Matt Judon's on the team.

Jerry. You know basics. Chase Winovich is on the team. No, Aiden Hutchinson's on the team. On my team. Are you going to have to have at-bats? Yeah. Are you going to have to play a position in the field?

Yeah. That's where it's going to get a little tricky. That's where it's going to get a little tricky. What would you rather be? Infield, outfield? Catcher's that's what you gotta be yeah except then if somebody's running home it's a fucking pittsburgh stealer that i gotta oh yeah you can't be a catcher yeah dude and can you even catch no okay i don't know i'm really trying to think what the easiest position so it's in July. I might have to go practice.

So if we all want to get some myths. Yeah. What's practicing for softball? Yeah. Practicing softball. We're just throwing around in Central Park. That's all right. Well, I think you're better off embarrassing yourself.

Well, then we'll buy a baseball. We'll do that. We'll throw. I don't know. I need to see how bad you are. I don't know how bad I am. I haven't. You haven't done anything.

I haven't done anything. Baseball. I might need to practice. Okay. Well, I don't know how bad I am. You haven't done anything baseball related? I haven't done anything baseball related since second grade. Okay, I'm fine. It'll be fun, I guess. I just don't want to embarrass myself. Because every time I'm around a stealer, I do. What was the other times? Kenny Pickett.

What'd you do? Ask him to dance. That's pretty cool. He didn't say yeah. Scherzal didn't say yeah. Should ask him to have a catch pretty cool he didn't he didn't say yeah sure as hell didn't say yeah should ask him to have a catch this time when

you see him yeah you may be able to just nab to Dario but you can't get Kenny Pickett dude yeah guys are my weakness any fucking girl

easy it seems to be the case which is frustrating Friday we're having new merch come out Easy. It seems to be the case, which is frustrating. Friday, we're having new merch come out. So this comes out Thursday. But Thursday's Father's Day.

You've stained it already, huh? Did I? Well, that's the actual graphic. I'm just talking about the other side. Brown and red. Oh, this. Well, yeah. and we have a black one too i i gave mook the black one and he was like what and i just i just gave him one of a shirt that i brought from home just solid black shirt this one's like the unc font and it looks it's like the one the tar heel uh the what do they use like a goat unc a foot no What do they use? Like a goat? UNC? A foot?

No, don't they use a goat? Yeah, goat horns. What? I don't know. I don't fucking know. You just said a goat and horns? I thought they used goat horns. I think just a goat, right? Is it a goat they use? It's a foot and... I know it's a foot.

Whatever a Tar Heel is. That's the foot. Oh, it's a foot whatever a tar heel is i don't know that's the that's the foot that's the foot yeah it's like oh oh it's a ramses ramses i don't know i don't know um ramses like the egyptian god spelled r-a-m-e-s-e-s ramses that's his name oh yeah he's a ram so it's like that but it's a blue raspberry guy on the back he's it's an easy shirt to explain just a blue raspberry guy mad crushing a tomato that's not human and uh he's wearing a sash that says mr mayor yeah solid buy it buy it buy it please um they said we have to sell 100 we could do that okay i think this is free country i can do whatever have you seen this rant um is this about tipping no he was one of these yeah he hates america

what is this hold on let me uh do an ad while you get it queued up um hello fresh What is this? Hold on. Let me do an ad while you get it queued up. Hello Fresh. Hell yeah. We all use Hello Fresh. Keeps our bodies good and healthy. Flavors in full bloom at Hello Fresh.

Enjoy the taste of spring with chef crafted recipes featuring ripe seasonal ingredients delivered right to your door everything arrives in one box on delivery day that you choose no more scouring grocery store for that one ingredient you really miss zen i just saw you just as soon as you heard the can fresh pre-portioned ingredients so you have exactly what you need and helps you cut down on food waste check save money off your growing to-do list with the help of hello fresh no worries if you're not a pro in the kitchen it's foolproof guaranteed it's pre-portioned easy to prepare just a few steps go to hellofresh.com slash anus16 and use code anus16 for how many free meals Kyle 15 16 you get 16 wow yeah not bad plus free shipping go to

barstool.link slash anus 16 to use code anus 16 plus free shipping I think I just read what's supposed to be on the screen. So be it. When we just sat down, Mook, you said like, is your life falling apart? I don't even know if I want to get into this, but I tanked Mother's Day. You tanked Mother's Day?

I just tanked the whole day. I'm in the doghouse with Mama Mook and Daddy and Daddy. Stop sexualizing your parents for the sixth time publicly no you're implying the sexuality no you said you hoped that she would suck kyle's dick okay i'm gonna get in trouble again uh but i just i miss church and uh just wait you go to church on mother's day yeah it's a big thing what day is mother's day on sunday yeah was it on a sunday always oh shit i had no idea i don't know i don't know when days are i couldn't tell you when easter is that's sunday all the time no i don't know like the date of easter that changes

oh shit so you didn't know i don't know what memorial day is veterans day monday don't know anything or maybe not uh but anyway on. How'd you miss church? I was brutally hungover on Saturday, so I waited to go home until Sunday. So there's rumors of a new Philly queen. There is a new Philly queen. I told her I loved her within an hour of meeting her. Genuinely? I just fall.

I do that. It just happens. Wait. So there was a previous Philly queen? I mean, look, Kyle, I got a lot of queens. There's no keeping track. So you met one when? Friday night.

At a bar? At a bar. After a show? No, just hanging out. Just hanging out. Hanging out with the boys. Saturday night, we met up again, hung out. When you first met her?

When I first met her, her brother that was with her recognized me from anus he's an anus guy okay that's a good and then uh just talked to her the whole night we got hammered saturday i woke up i was what you said you loved her that night said i loved her that night yeah and went to context i was just like i love you i think i'm in love yeah you said that and i think i texted her that i did oh you don't. You think? That's a pretty. Pull open the text. Yeah, that's a pretty. Pull open the text, Luke.

Why are you doing that? Why are you saying that? Right? Yeah. Dude, I do that often. So you can keep to yourself. I think I may have. I may have written it down and put it in a text.

You know you did. Was she reciprocating? That was the first text I sent her at one in the morning. I love you. What'd she say? Hey, did I leave my bag at your house? Whoa. No, we didn't.

Nothing happened. But she left her whole entire bag at your house. Yeah. I'm going to say that. I'm going to get. I can't say bag. Why can't you say bag? Bag.

Yeah. I don't know say bag? Bag. Yeah. I don't know. Like a knapsack? So you brought her back to your parents' house? No, no. I was supposed to go back to my parents' house Saturday, but I was pretty hungover. Stayed in the city, went out with her again. Sunday, was hungover again, and I slept through my alarm to make church and get back to my family's house.

And I'm just in the doghouse man that is rough your mom's like probably looking forward to that i brought her flowers and the whole thing you still showed up post church and did the like the brunch and you gave her a gift yeah along with the flowers yeah i just missed church did you try to tell her that it was because you fell in love i didn't do your parents go to church every sunday yeah okay yeah i i should have been there i fucked up for sure and so have you spoken to them since your your mom and dad mommy and daddy a little bit yeah uh we'll patch it up eventually um right now i'm just uh you know you're a grown man they should understand that

that should take one sorry no that's uh that's, that's a long-winded explanation there. You were too drunk, though, which is embarrassing. Yes. Yeah. That was kind of it. So how did it end with the girl, though? I'm curious about that. We're still talking.

Oh. You got a date planned? We have a date planned for not this weekend, next weekend. I'm in Cleveland and Detroit starting tomorrow. And then Memorial Day weekend, I think we're going to go out. Cool. Nice. So no Queens this weekend.

Stay away. What about, oh, you want the Queens to stay, the Detroit Queens to stay away? Please respect me. Yes. At this time. Yeah. The Motown Queens. Dude, I could see you with a big motown queen yeah

how could you say no um trivia when did mississippi abolish slavery what year i think it was like the 90s yeah what 1995 because i was looking up like uh when people came out with aids and like that was that was a big thing that happened when somebody uh found out they had aids 1995 they abolished the 13th amendment they ratified it i was lifting in 95. You weren't. I was doing push-ups. Wait a minute. You were three? Two? Two and a half. You were doing push-ups at two and a half?

No way. No. What were you queuing up the World of T-Shirts stuff? It's not a full song. And I'm sorry. This might not be good podcasting, but I cannot get enough of this kid. I don't care. I'm obsessed, this might not be good podcasting, but I cannot get enough of this kid. I don't care. I'm obsessed with him. Freak bar.

Fucking jerk. I'll sue your ass. I'll sue your ass. There you go. Fuck. He wants to sue people. Freak bar. Fucking jerk.

I'll sue your ass. Fucking jerk. wants to sue people for Kyle that's all i got he's been calling everyone unemployed everybody unemployed which he makes decent money he makes decent money so i don money. He always says he's living paycheck to paycheck. But he drinks so much. He drinks so much. It is insane. He was at the Mets game yesterday. He didn't drink at all. On camera.

What do you mean? How do you know he didn't drink? We only see what he posts on his TikTok. Because he posts everything. Yeah. Oh my God. he posts on his tiktok because he posts everything yeah oh my god um i uh made the thumbnail for the london vlog oh yeah uh and it was just uh i made it real clickbaity it was just like i got gay proposed to in london question mark by a guy and then um i think i'm gonna take over all thumbnail duties on anus because I want to crowdsource I want to crowdsource thumbnail ideas and clickbait ideas.

What flavor is that? It's a Zestia. What? My bad. That was too much. But it sucks. It's raspberry dark chocolate flavored vitamin water. Zero sugar.

So first off, you're vitamin water. With sugar, you suck. Without sugar, you're undrinkable. And then you make a zero sugar and the flavor is chocolate. It's so bad. What did you say? Cystia, man. Oh, man.

Today's episode is also brought to you by our friends over at Manscaped. Manscaped is dedicated to helping you increase your confidence and level up your full body grooming game with a performance package 4.0. The kit comes with a lawnmower 4.0, which is a waterproof cordless body trimmer and a ton of other liquid formulations to round out your grooming routine. The performance package also comes with a crop preserver, crop reviver, anti chafing, deodorant, moisturizer, because we know how painful chafing can be. And last, not to mention the ultimate nose hair trimmer the weed whacker 2.0 i'm going to two free gifts with that the travel bag and the boxers and they have the right tools for grooming it's essential do yourself a

favor always use the right tools for the job 20 off plus free shipping with code anus at manscaped.com 20 off plus free shipping with code anus at manscaped.com 20 off plus free shipping with code anus manscaped thank you use a random non-manscaped razor i was forced to just to make sure the ops are down and yeah balls bled ops down yeah balls bled ball blood is i swear ball blood's thinner yeah it's a weird type of blood it's a a weird blood. Fried cheesecake. It's like it doesn't know how to bleed. Yeah, but it just goes. And I don't even know.

Like, yeah, ball blood is very off putting off putting. Before I went to Colorado, I shaved my chest hair and then midway through, I realized I was doing out of anxiety for traveling, but I had a quite a bit going in the manscape, cleared it out.

Yeah, good product. And then the lip balm you gave me, I put on my chest. You put. Yeah, that's all I had quite a bit going in the Manscaped, cleared it out. It's a good product. And then the lip balm you gave me, I put on my chest. That's all I had. And it actually worked because usually it itches, but it worked pretty well. Actually, no, I just used whatever they have. Yeah, that's good. Wait, I gave you lip balm?

For my tattoo. That's not lip balm. Whatever it is. That's a skin lotion. Oh. You put it on your lips? Yeah, my lips got really chapped. Yeah. That explains a skin lotion. Oh. You put it on your lips? Yeah. My lips got really chapped. Yeah.

That explains that. Yeah. Yeah. That was tattoo salve. Yeah. You thought that was a lip balm? It doesn't say tattoo like skin lotion. It just says like everything balm.

It's an everything balm. It's an everything balm. I assume balm was just for everything. But yeah, the Manscape worked really good on my chest. I have a bone to pick with you, Junda. Somebody sent me a clip of you streaming. Oh, yeah. And you said, when I eat pussy,

I'm the type of dude that would put the covers over my face and go peekaboo? Yep. You didn't see this one. I also said that you're the kind of guy who puts on a bib to eat pussy a bulbous our bib yeah yeah probably my new thing has been like walking past people i just kind of know like in the office and pretending like i'm going to tickle him i go coochie coo yeah so i don't know what you have with you saying peekaboo listen to this daddario yeah yeah we're gonna go tit for tat with she's gonna show you her tits and you're gonna show

her your your pokemon map instead of sucking on immediately yeah is that the protocol if you see your tits you gotta immediately suck on them yeah no yeah he goes down, eat pussy and he turns his hat backwards like Ash. Suck on them immediately. I think it's like a knee jerk reaction. So if I'm if I'm her and I pull the shirt up, you're just the first time. Yeah. I can't miss the opportunity. 344 is it's the million, the amount in millions that, you know, Jack Whitaker. I don't know Jack Whitaker.

He was the Powerball winner in 2002 from West Virginia. No, he won. Well, he didn't win three forty four. He won it. He won three fourteen million and I wanted to talk about it. OK, so he won three forty four million. So that's the significance, which is crazy. He's living down in like Hurricane.

Yes, Virginia. How do you think his life went since nobody's life goes good after winning the lottery? Listen to what happened to this man. So he won it in 2002. In 2003, while he was at a strip club, thieves stole five hundred and forty five thousand in cash. He brought that much from a suitcase in his car. So that's what he was doing. That's why you can't get West Virginians that much money.

No. They stole. Jesus. He didn't move. Yeah, he carried a suitcase with like that much money all the time. And then 2003, again, he got a DUI. 2004, thieves once again broke into his car, this time making off with an estimated $200,000 in cash. What?

In 2004, his 17-year-old granddaughter's an estimated $200,000 in cash. What? In 2004, his 17-year-old granddaughter's boyfriend overdosed to death in his home. Again in 2004, his 17-year-old granddaughter overdosed herself and died. Jesus Christ! 2005, sued by Caesars Atlantic City Casino for bouncing $1.5 million

worth of checks to cover his gambling losses. 2007, sued again by some lady. 2009, daughter died mysteriously with no explanation. Still none. 2016, so he had seven decent years. 2016, his house burned down and his wife died.

Is he still alive? 2020, he died. How'd he die? I forget. That is insane. That's not great. Fuck, yeah. Winning the lottery seems to suck. Right? Don't everything like there's like, I don't know.

It's like being on glee. If you're on glee, you pretty much die. Oh, really? Yeah, it's a glee curse. I didn't know that. Yeah. In real life. Yeah, I know the woman drowned.

Yeah. Woman drowned. one guy hung himself because they found out he was a pedophile that was the wide mohawk guy the od there's a ton of people yeah glee curse hmm didn't know that that show's gay um yeah it is um kyle you rarely text me i don't know about other people but you sent me a text out of nowhere and it was just like how the hell these people the winner of the voice yeah did you see yeah yeah i looked at it first off the voice i thought this is a huge show yeah like a-list judges i'm always like hearing about it I figured the winners and the finalists are just famous people

that must have won. I thought Morgan Wallen won from the boys, but no. He didn't? He didn't even win. The winners? What were you getting at? I said he didn't even win

and you said didn't even win. Never mind. Keep going. What are you? What were you going to say? I have nothing to say. Oh, why did you bring that up? Well, I read through. Why were you looking at that?

I want to see who the voice winners are. Read some of the names. I've never heard of any of them. Can you guys name a voice? Leatherwood. Yeah. Name a voice winner. Todd Tieman. There's one in the middle.

Jack. Jake Hoot winner. Todd Tieman. There's one in the middle. Jack. Jake Hoot. Malin Jarman. Chris Blue. Sundance Head. Dude, these sound like AI. No, that's the best one. Sundance Head.

Are these the special needs? No, they must be. Craig Wayne Boyd. Tennessee Chin. Dude, you had to have gotten... Craig Wayne Boyd. Tennessee Chin. None of these faces are named. You have to be of gotten trolled. I mean, Tennessee Chin kind of goes hard. Tennessee Chin and Sundance Head.

No, it's an Asian woman. It's Tessany Chin. Well, The Voice. Winners. well the voice winners yeah is it was that fake jay coot todd tillman chris blue sundance head what the fuck he won the voice sundance head one you have the most marketable name of all time. You win the voice with Adam Levine. Wait, does, okay. I want Sundance head. How many Twitter followers do you think he has?

230,000. Man, I have like 600. He's just posting his art now. He's 13 33 000 i guess he's got a fan page that has 70 followers that's who's winning the voice tennessee chin um did you find a place in Chicago? I just did today. You shine? Supplied.

Where is it? Well, I'm not going to guess. Is it cool? It's in West Loop. Is it cool? Yeah, it's a lot better. It's nice. I'm happy.

Has a sauna. In it? There's like a pool. Yeah. Good amenities. Damn. What about for the cat? Cat going to like it? Oh, yeah, good amenities. Damn. What about for the cat? Cat going to like it?

Oh, and I saw this tweet. I liked it. I hope people saw that I liked it because so many people need to hear this. A dog trainer, this is a professional dog trainer, said a lot of people who think they want a dog actually want a cat. They just never had a cat so they don't know it and yes dude on my on my whoop band it asks you questions every morning like you have to fill it out and one of the things you have to say is were you in the room with a cat you get a parasite in your body forever if you're a cat owner that's such a cope the cats are so playful as long as it's as playful as you want it to be and then if you want to chill it'll chill

it's all the perks of a dog with none of the hassle or burdens you have a box of shit in your apartment you get used to that fast I don't want to get used to a box of shit it's so easy to clean up I'm just saying it's a good move

she's sleeping on your chest a lot of people need to hear this whenever if I want her to she will really yeah 210

we're reverting to 210 for the area what area code is it oh can you guess 210 can you guess oh

we've been there we've been to the 210 I'll give you a hint okay fuck trying to think of the word good any hint any hint will do it's san antonio oh you got it right? Oh, you did? You got the hint. They're getting a Wemby. Yeah, so good for them.

Yeah. He'll be immediately the most famous person from there because they don't have a list. He's from France. He'll be the famous person in there. Okay. They don't have anybody famous. And San Antonio has such a big population. Yeah, a million people.

1.3 million people. But its metro area is small. The next biggest cities are Schertz and Converse. What? Yeah. Wait, what? Schertz and Converse are the two next biggest cities. Schertz, S-C-H-E-R-T-Z, 31,000.

Converse, 18,000. Famous people. Megan Thee Stallion was born there. She wasn't raised. Oh! Nicholas Gonzalez from The Good Doctor. We were talking about last week. Yeah. People who

portray special needs people poorly and all that's like almost impossible. I guess The Good Doctor does it. It's a big thing. Yeah, I guess he does it. His I'm a surgeon line, I guess. I didn't know. Everyone's talking about all bad things. And people were talking about the Rosie O'Donnell one, too. I don't know. What was that?

It's a movie called Riding the Bus with My Sister. Why would you ever? It's bad. That's the name of it. Yeah. Watch. I need to see react to it. Well, I need to see a reaction to that right now.

I'm sorry. Go on in San Antonio. We can see it after. But it's not the kid that plays the good doctor is no no just somebody in it san antonio san antonio's mayor is quite the guy ron nierenberg he's 46 from boston did his undergrad at trinity in san antonio master's degree from the university of penn okay much like dave portnoy they're both 46 from boston i wonder if they knew each other they both have masters from penn instagram is mayor is ron underscore near he has 30 a respectable 33 and a half followers

and my first thought was this dude is about as racially ambiguous as they come. And then I looked up his what he is on his mother's side. He is mixed Filipino, Malay, Indian and British. On his father's side, Ashkenazi Jewish descent. What is that? Ashkenazi Jewish. Yeah, I don't know. It begins with ash and probably ends with ash.

Oh, boy. Yeah. He is jacked. A jacked mare? I was praying for a physique picture, but no shirtless pictures of Ron Nirenberg. If you can find one, send it my way.

He's huge. How do you spell Nirenberg? N-I-R-E-N-B-E-R-G. I didn't really do a heat check, but he passes for sure. His latest picture, I think. Oh,

he is the most racially ambiguous. Yeah. Oh, he's huge. Look who he's with the rock famous person in the world and he holds up yeah the rock was walking tall but the mayor got his paper up yeah that was good get there okay yeah paper beats rock yeah I have a live update from a BRG. Oh.

KB and you are being used on a World of T-shirts update page on TikTok right now. Whoa, whoa, really? It's called World of Sigmas 2.0. Oh, World of Sigmas. Yeah, they keep getting banned. He's a good dude. Yeah, you're on there. Like, there's a yak clip of you guys talking about him. Oh, shit.

Shout out to... World of Sigmas does incredible work for the community. you're on there like there's a yeah clip of you guys talking about it oh shit shout out to world of sig world of sigmas too it does incredible work yeah for the community he honestly does i was like he i appreciate this guy so much world of sigmas too yeah i think one hell yeah and then baby grok is or i guess he's not calling me out. I'm just calling him out. Yeah. I guess that makes sense. Oh yeah, there it is.

Look at that. People are saying I'm weak. Yeah. They actually sound like him. Uh oh. I don't even know what we're talking about. What's he saying? I'll sue your ass. That's all you say.

Go ahead and do it. I'll sue your ass. It's the biggest neck vein. Two hours of unemployment allows him to call everyone else unemployed pieces of shit. Yeah, because he works two hours a week. Yeah. Which is hilarious to get a two hour a week

job. I thought they were talking about you guys. I'll be honest. Oh, yeah. I do too. We have the exact same flaws. I am no better than him oh my god yeah fuck us combined is him oh no

oh no dude I have nothing on him Oh no, dude. I have nothing on him. What do you mean? Edge wise? Yeah. He walks more than you. Yeah. Gets more sunlight than you probably.

Yeah. He has 2.5 million TikTok followers. Way more parcels. So much. He probably makes, I don't know he's made 56 000 since he made his account that's creator funds not crazy yeah no but he makes three hundred excuse me that uh what do we drink today kava yeah no it fucked me up fuck me up oh you guys had kava how do you know what kava is there was a place by my old apartment i went and checked

it out i met a guy from the un there did it make your mouth numb instantly numb yeah that was all it did yeah it's supposed to make you more talkative that's what they say but i don't know made my mouth numb as fuck yeah that's what it did tastes like dirt yes yeah bad yeah it's supposed to give you some kind of high but that was like a glider in terms of like height yeah you had a um you you got some new accessories i did i went to the brooklyn flea market and got some more accessories and you posted an instagram story like gentrified fieri no no no it was like you was a picture of your hand and it was just like if i get any more drip if i get any more drippy you got to get me a koozie what does that mean i get it that's very simple i'm dripping like a drink oh okay yeah condensation

yeah swagless ass bitch i took off my pendant why i was it was it was i saw the boy became of age um no i i took it off and got hairy took it off in london and uh it's it's it's easy to put a pendant on once tough twice so that's a diss dude that's a diss to him physically couldn't put it back couldn't do it couldn't do it uh speaking of things uh shout out to max p uh this dude in my chat i bought that i bought a very expensive sword and it's just gone why don't you go grab the sword max p sent you i should i should the one you were complaining about yeah you're bitching about it yeah no i did i told him that but i'll go get it rudy bought a 600 sword and this guy just sent him a letter opener. Oh shit. Real quick, Nicky, you mentioned

you want to start crowdsourcing the thumbnails. We have a big announcement. Our Discord opens tomorrow. Oh yeah, we'll have a Discord. So that'll open tomorrow. We'll be able to talk in there. Kyle, I'll have to teach you how to use it. I don't really know what Discord is, but

to get people in there i guess we could uh do like there's three new shirts that will be coming out friday we'll send y'all three yeah yeah we'll pick five people we'll do like a formal giveaway for that yeah um but the link will be in the youtube description and in our link tree in all of our bios so i'll make sure people know and uh they can all join we already have discord accounts from world of warcraft right yes no i always see comments like people using discord mod as like an insult like you look like a discord mod um who is going to be our discord mod our our mod is the man shout out to uh phenom oh he's the best yeah he's incredible he's great um so we have different rooms that we're going to build right yes so what are the rooms we have so

far right now our rooms phenom's making us a discord oh that looks fine it's okay he's very good he's very good at making discords oh shit um so yeah this is what maxby sent me very very nice gesture but this pales in comparison to what i'm talking shit this is nice no it's not not compared i would have appreciated it you've held mine you've held mine how is this the one But this pales in comparison to what I bought. This is nice. No, it's not. Not compared to the real deal. I would have appreciated it. I appreciate the gesture. You've held mine. How is this the one that you bought?

What was different? Bigger. Way bigger. Sharper. Sharper. More authentic. Yeah, it's not authentic. Yeah, you couldn't kill a rabbit with it.

Well, actually, it's actually sharper than I thought it was. Let me see. You better be able to. But yeah, no, it's a very nice gesture. But the sword that I bought and I paid $600 for, just no tracking number, no nothing. Could be anywhere. Probably not going to ever show up.

Where did you buy it from? Etsy. Yeah. Came with this, which is like the... Whose sword is this supposed to be? It's supposed to be Aragorn's. It's the one that I got tattooed on me. So it's the one that I have, the actual one in my room.

That's, what, three times the size of this? I don't know. I'm sorry. It feels weird holding it with one hand. Also, just for reference, I had this at my desk. This is the black. That's cool. That's my favorite one.

It's pretty cool. It's pretty sweet. Why aren't you wearing it then? I don't know. Black on black. I've done that too often. I love doing that. But the Brooklyn flea market is insane. Thank thank you to max they have all kinds of items

yeah it's really cool you can haggle you can get cheap stuff you can buy just like dumb stuff like this ring was ten dollars and she's like oh yeah it's real silver it won't fade it's been two days and it's already turning gold little idea huh yeah but it's okay it's only ten dollars upgrade yeah no i mean i'm a sucker for that stuff I'll buy things that in no way I just see it and I get it and it doesn't look that good but I just throw it on so it was fun. It's cool you guys should check it out. I will. It's under a bridge. Invite me. Ah. Yeah it's pretty

sweet. Yeah. Yeah that's always good. Yeah. Alright anything else boys? Any housekeeping? A couple small things back to the discord the channels will be episode talk,b quotes uh the mook mook channel oh you can only type mook right yep that was a nick requested channel uh i'll be in i'll be in that one yucking it up with the boys a lot

and you will be banned if you say anything but i'll be doing an ama in there. We have submissions for mayors and the news and then any memes or clips are also separate. Oh, perfect. Yeah. That's cool. So join that. This should be on the back wall of our new studio. Yeah, for sure. I'd love to have it there.

Luke, go make amends with your mom. I might have to edit that part out, dude. I don't know. I don't feel good about it you skipped church you're a full grown man dude fuck god if they can't forgive you for that that's on them wait until they find out you do comedy

yeah you're a professional clown let's get off this topic you guys were tasked with uh the content company party is that oh yeah yeah yeah true yeah so the everybody's makes one of these uh company parties these mixers the putt putt one there was one there people brought goats so kyle tommy and i are planning the next one we have a meeting friday we have a pretty big budget um bigger than i thought and we have a picked out and we're gonna film it it's gonna be great yeah can't say the theme on location

off location on we try to do it in tampa they wouldn't let us why tampa that was the first city that came to mind yeah capital of uh steaks and fake titties. Yeah. A lot of steak houses, a lot of fake titties. Yeah. Strip clubs. I like real titties, natural actress titties. Fuck. Give me a sword back. Doesn't matter to me.

Final two short notes. Talk to KB about this. I got into the Bronx drill scene on TikTok. D.D. Osama is my new favorite rapper he's a 16 year old out of the bronx new york okay check out his new song oh let's do it and uh last but not least subscribe to the youtube please i got a new rapper to check out too uh randomly i was on tiktok live last night and i came across uh a white rapper that took my breath away

oh him yeah i see him all the time little man jay little man jay's hair is a crazy i'm. Mabu. Oh, him. Yeah, I see him all the time. Little Man Jay. Little Man Jay's hair is crazy. I'm a Mabu guy, though. Oh, I've seen that guy. It'll stop you in your tracks. They call him the white. The baby, I think. White little baby. He wraps exactly like a little baby.

Yeah. And it's mostly just the visual thing. He looks like Dragon Ball Z. He's built. He has like a weird cranial. He has like a. No. Yeah, it's like.

I don't think you could turn his head. I was waiting patiently and I got a side profile oh wow okay yeah that's yeah he does have a neanderthal type nose that's not a disc that's actually powerful yeah it's strong um so yeah little man jay little man jay i'll check him out kosher's been on a heater yeah he can't shoot a basketball for shit he's so awkward yeah he moves his body yeah he goes viral like every day every day he's pretty good I saw him link up with Cole Bennett

that's a big cosign yeah yeah Cole's a good guy shout out Cole alright fucking follow you too yeah actually yeah just through Nico and stuff. Oh, yeah. End it. God bless.