A New Untold Story - Easy Mook! feat. Wonton Don - A New Untold Story: Ep. 445

Episode Date: April 24, 2025

Wonton Don joins the show and KB checks in from Hawaii Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app today and use code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase Rocket Money - Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster at https://RocketMoney.com/untold today. Draft Kings - GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, [phone] or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), or visit www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. $5+ first-time bet req. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos. Ends 5/18/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. Kraken - Go to https://kraken.com/barstool to learn more Factor - Get started at https://factormeals.com/kb50off and use code kb50off to get 50 percent off plus FREE shipping on your first box. Stella Blue - Shop today at https://stellabluecoffee.com or https://battlebars.com while supplies last!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. Rudy's Mike, hello. So so streamer pilled. Hello. Yeah, I'm trying to enunciate more. That's good. Because I could visually see how fucking flat and boring and monotone my voice. Oh, with the when I when I was editing the fucking oblivion video Yours would have all these nice peaks and valleys and inflection points and mine is just a flat line

I pride myself in my annunciation. You are very good at it. Thank you But I feel like such like a I feel like everyone notices if I do so I'm always if I try I feel like silly I'm like hello. You're so afraid of being uncool. I know. That's why you refuse to be even like on time. You're too, you're in your bones. You're too afraid to be viewed as uncool. I was off in edible the other night

and I confess to you guys, I was like looking deeply within while we were playing age of empires. And I was like, I think- Oh, I was being mean to you. But you were speaking truth. I was being mean, I was just like, Rudy, it's here was your excuse because you were late for something.

You know, the sketch shoot. But I was there at 930 and it was a miscommunication. Oh, OK. That's one of the things you never say sorry. And the other thing is that's not true. I like what you said is like, there's never been a consequence. And I was like, dude, what about everybody else? I know, but I was I was explaining like why that's an issue. Also, we're your friends, not your like father.

No, but I was I was. I'm not going to spank your ass. I know. But like, I'm actually we should. Every time you're late for the pod, I'm bare ass spanking you. That's fair. I need that. Yeah, he's just gonna end up being later. But when we were talking about it, I was falling on the sword.

I was like, I get that it's rude, and I don't want it to be that way. But then I had another realization where I was like, I think, like, I had some sort of experience when I was younger where I just think that rushing is inherently embarrassing. Yeah, and it's like, I guess, like... And that's so stupid.

Looking flustered in rushing, I guess so, but I would rather be embarrassed than late. I'm looking within. When I was filming with you and Young Pageviews, you were like, oh, Young Pageviews always takes the longest poops, and we just have to wait outside for a half hour. That's the same situation.

You're putting people in when you show up late. Him and me, you know when they do the diagrams where they show the scale of stars in the universe and they show like our sun and then they show beetle juice and it's like 400 times the size. I'm like the sun. He is like Alpha Centauri. He's worse.

He is, so... Yeah, good. Good work, man. I'm trying. You're going back to it now. You're being mean again. No, no. No, all I told you in a kind, calm voice Good good work. I'm trying you're going back to it now. You're being mean again. No No, all I told you in a kind calm voice is that you look at yourself above everybody else

That's not right, it's not right. It's not right. No, right. No, but now you're accountable. Oh shit. Let's start the pod. It's a fresh-baked untold story. I'm new untold story. New untold story episode 445. Nice little cold open. They're gonna fucking jump all over me for that. Good. That's the one thing they should yeah, honestly yeah, yeah, that's good on three direct anger that way Tardy on they're calling you tardy, but that's just the second syllable I'm tardy in every He's tardy. He's tardy again. He just keeps repeating it if only there's a word for repeat tardy He's tardy again. He just keeps repeating it if only there's a word for repeat tardy 445 let's fucking go through this song and dance

Pennsylvania Southwest I think Southeast bucks in Montgomery County who gives a fuck that's where I'm fucking from Although every high school I know I know tell us wait you're from bucks Well Northeast Philly and then moved out to Montgomery. Oh, you're from okay, so you live in the is that the burbs of Philly? It's the burbs. It's the first suburbs outside of how far is it how long does take you to get to Philly? With traffic like 30 to 40 minutes, okay? Yeah, is it near Chetland ham Chetland ham Chetland ham Yes, so where little dicky is from. Okay. Montgomery, Bucks County. Montgomery County is known for being pretty scummy. Bucks County, nicer. Okay, so you're from the scummier

part. Yes. Okay, yeah, that's today's episode. So big shout out to Montgomery. Did you go to high school there? I went to high school in Montgomery County, yes. What was the name of the high school? Lower Moreland High School. Oh, Lomo. Yeah, Lomo. We were the Lomo homos. Yes, that's right. Um, we're here with Wonton Don in the absence of Kai who's in Hawaii, uh,

which is problematic, right? It's frowned upon to be a tourist in Hawaii. I think native Hawaiians are like, don't fucking do that. Don't come here. You're pricing us out. I feel like, I feel like 99% of their economy is tourism. Revolves on tourism. I don't know if you're- I think people are getting canceled for going to Hawaii like since the fires maybe maybe so I don't know I think the locals like the local whites maybe don't mix a ton with the local yeah yeah us how Lee's don't it's Kyle's right now that down there being a how Lee my buddy is marrying and a Hawaiian girl on my birthday this year

and he has a shirt. He goes to Hawaii every year to see her family. I think they have like a designated plot of land and he has like, they got him a I'm a Howley but I'm okay shirt. So like he's been accepted I think. Nice. I think. Alright guys, tiny little break to talk about our favorite app, Game Time. They don't make it easy to buy concert tickets these days. You've got to sign up for the pre-sale, get in the queue,

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Go to rocketmoney.com slash untold today. That's rocketmoney.com slash untold rocketmoney.com slash untold. What's the Chinese white person? Lao Y. Lao Y. What's that mean? That doesn't, I think that just means like foreign person but then there's Guilou which I think kind of means white devil. White devil? Have you ever been called a Guilou?

No, I don't think so. I think it was always just Lao Wai. Okay. And you walk down the street and people will just point at you and go Lao Wai like. Really? If like a lady has a three year old kid who's crying, she'll be like, oh, la why? Just trying to get the kids. Oh, to try to distract, yeah, dude.

Look at that clown. Look at him. What do you do in response? Do you point back and say something? Yeah, I'll be like, hello, I'm George Washington. That's gotta work every time. That's a good work every time. That's a good, that's a good Washington, dude. Did you have a British accent?

You know what? I heard something crazy that our accents are like more similar to how the British used to speak. But then after we gained independence, they got posh on it. They're like, yeah, we don't want to sound like those like Americans. Let's like, let's change the way we talk. I heard that too. And I couldn't figure out if it was true or not. It just seems ridiculous. It does. I mean, a lot, this was what 250 years ago. So a lot, a lot can change. A lot can change. I think the mid Atlantic accent in the U S might be

like the most similar to how the Brits used to speak. Really? I'm kind of- So that means that you can just invent accents. I think you can and then if people start catching on then it starts to happen. Did you ever speak and be around by enough Chinese? Did you ever dream in Chinese or did you ever think in Chinese? I never got fluent enough.

I did my first year in China. I lived with people from Liverpool Okay, I just started like speaking with picking up those acts as accent But then after a couple years, I just forgot how to do it dude a Scouse accent in Chinese That is that'll that'll cause a see I don't even know. I don't know if the human tongue can do that That's like saying Cthulhu. Yeah But my Scouse friend married a Chinese girl and now when she speaks English, it's in a strong Scouse accent Oh a Scouse Chinese accent is crazy. That's great

Do you think you were ever somebody's like the first white person they saw did you ever go to some remote villages or anything like that? Yeah, I did go to rural China. Okay, I went to my AI, which stands for auntie. It's kind of like a maid cleaning lady. Most people had them there. They were approximately $5 an hour that you would split with your roommates. So we would just have- And they would drive in from rural China?

No, they were from rural China, but they had moved to Shanghai for work. And they would come like three times a week, clean, cook, do our laundry. It was... I lived a, like, a fantasy life out there. Yeah. Was your apartment nice? Oh, yeah, the apartment was pretty nice. Um, and it was cheap, like, I don't know,

maybe $400 a month or something, but we threw this raging apartment party, and I end up blacking out, as I sometimes do, $400 a month or something, but we threw this raging apartment party and I end up blacking out as I sometimes do and I woke up the following morning at noon and the apartment was spotless The I had come and like fixed from like a major party. Yeah major party Our apartment was trash. Was it like a pretty typical like American high-rise apartment? I stayed in a few different areas. My first apartment was kind of like a high-rise, but then they also have, sometimes they'll just convert like an old Chinese hutong or lane house into like my friend stayed in one

and his toilet was also his kitchen. Oh, okay. It was absurd. I was like, dude, you can't be doing that. This might be insensitive. Are peepholes circle? Are peepholes circle shut? Are peepholes circle shut?

Bro, yes. Okay. Yeah. Cut that. No, it's all right, you can leave it in. Well, I don't speak for all Chinese people. No, you do, I guess. My I don't speak for all Chinese people. No, no you do I guess That's my friend. Donnie speaks for all Chinese people. Yeah So yeah, we don't have Kyle. We're here with Donnie and Kyle sent a video update

Yes, he did. He sent out. He sent out a Hawaii update last year. So we have part two part two Of course, he's been he's been going as far as you can possibly go without getting a US passport. So you and I are like, we get affected by this a ton. Like where he can't get, he just won't get a passport because he said it takes too long. Then just do it and wait. You can forget about it. And then like you can get it in five, six weeks. And the thing is it's like you can do much cheaper vacations abroad than going to Hawaii. Absolutely, Hawaii's expensive. Very pricey.

I mean, I'm sure this was a more expensive trip than when you went down to the Caribbean. Guaranteed. You ready? Yes. All right, Chicago, Illinois to Maui, Hawaii, and that's 10 hours in the air so you know I had to polish off some miscellaneous nuts and then bust out the sketchbook to rank the top 100 cities in New Plattson by population.

The flight attendant looked at me like I had a box cutter when she saw how much South St. Peter grew since the last census. I get it. All right, stop worrying. We made it safe and sound. And let's check out the Maui Airport bathroom and give it a quick review. Thanks.

Can you pause it? The graphic that. That was the first graphic I think I ever made for Kyle before I worked at Barstool. Oh, shit. Yes. You were feeding it to him in his DM. Yeah, no, he asked for it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he DM me.

And it was like it might have been his first game He's like hey, can you make me a bathroom ranking because I think after the coke debacle He was going to start reviewing public restrooms for like coke Yeah, for like yeah, how easy would be to do holy shit. How does he still have this? Yeah, I think like back when he was using social media more sometimes He would just post an Instagram story from like a random bathroom Yeah, yeah, he would Made me circa 2018

Hopped on the balcony in the way that might have been a real sad go back He tested the toilet paper, but he didn't shit so you have have to take that with a grain of salt. On unshat ass. On shat ass. Hopped on the balcony, and the way I was immediately greeted by all those palms and all that blue, you could say I was dapping up crips. Wardrobe reveal, and so listen,

this was kind of a disaster. I went way too heavy on the Italian cream. I brought that bodily discharge color palette. I don't know what happened. I accidentally packed for the New Jersey license plate convention. Shorts didn't help the case. Now I'm about to pull up to the luau

looking like eggs Benedict. Oh, umo umo nuku nuku apuaha was the first stop for cocktails. And I probably butchered that name. But it's like 20-some letters. Who do they think they are? The alphabet. Sun's out. Jeep rental.

Girlfriend driving. Top up. It doesn't get much better than this. And guess what? It's not even day two and the tongue blue. All right, no more funny business because I learned day one that the pool chair situation here is the wildest of West's.

You got to stake your claim early and aggressively. And I had a bag of tricks. I was laying down minority diapers, used pediatric medicine, a band-aid, because people will jack your seat, but not if they think a sick, wounded baby was posted up on it. I swear y'all playing checkers

while I'm playing big checkers. Eyes on the lips of a priest. Alright, easy mook. I said easy mook. Alright, I'm fucked. I'll be honest. I'm catawampus off the Polynesian sauce right now. Trying to edit this video. Don't know what I'm doing, where I'm going with it. All right, so the drinks were hitting like Randy Johnson.

So I tried to cork the bats a little bit and sip them in the hot tub. Mistake! He's so good at this He looks like he's having a great time man that was his best one that was so good that was easy move Man that was his best one that was so good that was easy move Stunningly obese did you like that? You like what you saw?

Stunningly obese statues yes Look at those is that what you're talking about Holy mackerel all right easy move That was a masterpiece It was really really good. How does he donnie does he have what it takes to be a travel vlogger? Yeah, I mean especially these types of vlogs these vlogs do better than full-on edited vlogs for YouTube is that frustrating um No, I've kind of come to terms of it, but as long like I think you you can hang your hat on that and just be Like that's good Yeah, I think also you get insane numbers anyway. I do okay, but yeah, I think I peaked too early

Back when I was kind of doing a lot more travel content that was before tick-tock had come around yeah I don't know it's also when I travel. It's, I can either film for YouTube or I can film for TikTok. I'm not gonna be like walking around with like a camera and then like also my phone out. And also like I'd rather have a good YouTube portfolio than a good TikTok. Yeah, cause you can always try to repurpose those clips. Yeah, yeah.

For TikTok. I just think that you can, something you're more proud of. Maybe I'm just behind the times. I just, I can't figure out YouTube because I used to like all right make sure I'm not chugging a beer in the thumbnail because it will hurt the algorithm but then there's this dude mash tag Brady and all these videos are I got blackout drunk in Tokyo I got yeah and they they do great they blow up so I guess that it's weird what will like get caught by the algorithm and whatnot are you traveling traveling anymore? Like you're with child now

Yes, I am. Have you take him on a plane? Not yet. Okay. I do plan to take him. Yeah, like yeah, I'll be he'll be a frequent flyer. I hope that's my biggest like You know when they say they you raise your kid you should do or think of one thing that you didn't do as a child That you should impart on your kid. And mine, I was in such a bubble until I was 13. I don't think I was on a plane until I was 12, 13. Before I moved to New York, I only saw the ocean twice. So that's what I'd do.

Okay, so your kid's gonna be flying and- I'm gonna put him on a plane very young get him used to it Yeah, no, I think that's a good way to get him acclimated to it because you know how you knew how horrified I was Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you still do this But you'd show up to the airport like six hours early not that early I still like being early, but I and I don't drink at the airport anymore No, do you just now you know a Xanax prescription? No, I do uh, I do three Dramamines Which feels better than any Xanax what I swear unless I'm bitch-made like drugs hit me hard like My girlfriend had those like neuro like not yeah the neuro sleep gummies and it might as well been an opiate to me

Like I was out of it for like three days. I was constipated like it was an opiate to me. I nodded off She had to Narcan me with a neuro energy gummy By just placing it on my chest Yeah, I've been getting commercials for Narcan Really? Yeah, I have MLB TV, and I don't know if it's just pirate games, but I've been getting Narcan commercials. Narcan. That's how it's said a lot.

Yeah, that's how Pat always says it. Okay. His friend's a cop, and he's always like, oh, I had to hit a guy with a Narcan last night. Yeah, I bet you, I mean, but the Narcan commercials are advertising it, so you carry it around. Like, so do you want to be a. Yeah, I bet you. I mean, but they're the Narcan commercials are advertising it. So you carry it around.

Like, so do you want to be a hero? And I get it. But then I think it's also like if you're not using it and somebody sees that you have Narcan, they think that you're a junkie. Yeah, or you have a lot of junkie friends. Yeah. It's a common thing to carry around in Philly.

Carry around Narcan. My aunt is a nurse. Is it a needle? Brings it. I'm assuming it's like the pulp fiction needle in the chest god. I hope not no Is it a pill no because if though it's a scent oh you can just squirt it up someone's nose They have nasal spray, so what happens if you're not ODing and do it I? Don't know what to do to you. That's a good. Yeah, cuz that would be I don't think it does much It brings you back from the dead

It just won't have any effect. Oh, that's crazy that it just doesn't do anything if you're not oding What's that drug they used to prescribe it to like severe? Alcoholics and if you take it then if you have even like one beer you get violently ill. Oh And if you take it, then if you have even like one beer, you get violently ill. Oh, I never knew about that. So I had I was prescribed a pill my freshman year of college. My first week at WVU, I got scabies bad. I've had scabies. It's no joke. And they gave me a pill that I guess they also give to people that are being weaned off of alcohol.

But I didn't know. And I drank on it. And I took, I swear to you, like one sip of beer. I think I just opened up the beer and it sprayed on me. And then it was three days later. That's all I remember. I was at my buddy Kevin Cogan's in my same clothes. Holy shit. It was like on the scabies medication.

Yeah, when I had scabies, I was just given a cream. I got it on my dick. When I had not been having sex. Yes, it's scary. I think I just stayed at like a really dirty hotel in Miami. It's scabies is the worst thing that can happen to a person. Yeah. I gave it to my brother. I gave it to my roommate. It was a, and then I went into like, I went to a doctor just to figure out what it was and he was like, yeah,

there's a chance that could be herpes. So I'll let you know in a week. And then I just had to spend a week dreading if I had herpes. Dude. Yeah. I was not having sex and I got prescribed Valtrex because I convinced myself I had herpes. I also had a stint where I convinced myself I had herpes. What did you have mega herpes? No, it was a double negative. You had such bad herpes. They fought each other. Yeah. People don't realize that if you just get it twice, the bloodiest battle was not the Civil War was your I had the same thing as you though like I thought like I think I just had like Jock rot And then they were like well in two we also I was in a pediatrician office

So they were they were not happy with me just in terms of like me being almost a full-grown man Yeah, but then they were like yeah We'll tell you in two weeks and then and during that two weeks I went through all the stages of grief and then then by the end, I had reached acceptance. And when they told me that it wasn't that I was unconvinced and was told that they were wrong. Why? Because I was just like so mentally fucked up.

Yeah. Yeah. My medical records say I have a Valtrex prescription. I had it for one week. I took it once because I thought I did. And it was just from there was a friction burn Yeah, I think so I think was jacking off in college no parents in the house Yeah time to beat and then I remember one time at my pediatrician office the

One of the nurses was so hot and I was like, oh I should shave my pubes Physical to try to look cute And I did and I fucked it up and I got folliculitis which is where like that your hair follicles Yes, like yes, so you got that above your dick. Yes. So then that was round. What you shaving bear for her I went home. You must have loved her. Yeah, I was like in my head It's like this full grown woman is gonna love my shaved child penis Yeah, right that that might be covered and I didn't like you before but now that I see that you have a your bare penis I feel so differently about you. You're so cute and hot. It was so dumb, dude

Hope she's doing well. Yeah when I was really young I was in Puerto Rico and I touched a cute stray dog and got ringworm Oh, yeah And then they were just like, all right, you gotta go to the supermarket and buy Vagisil. And so I had this like red mark and I was just everyday rubbing Vagisil on my arm. And I was so young, I was like, am I growing a vagina?

You might be growing a pussy. Yeah, it would be cool to have a pussy on your wrist right there. Oh my God, yes. Yeah. Wouldn't have been the worst thing. Yeah, I got ringworm playing hockey too. That shit went around everywhere

I've never gotten ringworm, but I've gotten every variant of poison ivy I did I did ivy oak sumac back to back to back summers three-peated really yeah Triple crown paintball paintball got me do you fuck paintball? I did not like paintball. No I pretended I would get hit I've talked about this I was so afraid of getting hit but dude I was like those little kids going to minor league games now or like a you I Had so much gear. I had a tipman 98 custom with like the electronic hopper. Yeah, I had like the longest barrel I had a stock. I had illegally got a bump stock from a Crip. I Had it all and I was I'd never got hit by a paintball

Everybody's birthday was paintball and I just would like break a ball on my chest big out Dude, I was I was a bitch too. Yeah, I did not want to get it. Yeah It's not pleasant, but I feel like it's just painful enough to like really get your adrenaline. I had no idea What would feel like? Have you still never been shot? No I got hit by a paintball doing Barstool verse America, okay They finally got you they finally got me and it was it was fine. Yeah, it was really fun Yeah, but dude I was rolling up there with so much gear and like I was These these other kids were like this guy's a stone-cold killer. I don't even think I ever hit anybody

I just stayed in one spot my mom bought me a paintball grenade from played against sports from it was made by Tipman as well. I remember that and I remember I pulled the pin out with my mouth And I think I fucking broke my braces, but then I threw it and it just didn't do anything I didn't even know what was supposed to do Yeah, those the hit rate on those things was not high I played it like the early like Call of Duty when you can jump and throw and you can try to hit somebody from the Map yeah, and it just didn't fly. It did not work. Yeah.

It was it was always the birthday. I never went like paintballing for sport. Never. It was every birthday party. Yeah. And then you would roll up and like your like 12 year old birthday party would get paired with some like elite boy scouts and came with the modern weapons. Ours was just everybody's backyard was woods. Oh. So we did it like that. But then my buddy Bo shot my other buddy cheese his eye out

blind to this day in the eye Yeah, I got a Shot I think I may have told the story before but one time me and my friend who was like really into paintball He would go outside birthdays. Mm-hmm He would do it on his free time So I'd go with him and this Vietnam vet shot me point blank in the spleen like from a foot away Oh, yeah, yeah, dude adults that are doing the gun games are

Scary yeah, are there like adult paintball leagues here? Oh, but I think like that's just paintball like arenas and then it would be like a group of kids matched up with a group Of adults like divorced ads yeah It was a divorced dad. Paintball League would be sick. That would be awesome. Just get their frustrations out. But the bitch wife's probably taking half the paintballs.

Fucking bitch. Shit. When I KB first started work here, I started a rumor that he had joined an adult wrestling league. He ran with that, though, didn't he? Yeah, he ran with that to the point that like, I've met like fans and they're like, Hey, I'm like moving to New York. Can you tell me more about that? Like adult wrestling league? I might be interested. My first time on camera at Barstool was your podcast, Donnie did. Yeah, that I was doing for Barstool Gold.

Oh, it was a, oh, Jesus Christ. So I guess nobody knows that. So no one actually saw it. I didn't know you did a Barstool gold exclusive. Yeah. And you know what? It was all right. Cause you got paid a little bit based on like how many people watched your stuff on gold or like how many people like signed up. So every like, I think once a quarter they'd be like, Oh, you made an extra a thousand bucks. I was like, all right, I'll take it. Yeah. I'll take that. Yeah. That was the first time I ever hopped on a pod or spoke into a microphone or did anything.

My first week at Barstool was weird though. Yeah, because you had that weirdo who mailed flowers to the office on your first day of work. It was a dude that I was supposed to live with in New York and knew of him and he like pre DM before my first day some people that worked here and he was like trying to like speak for me. He DM'd Brandon Walker. I was like, hey, my roommate is starting this week. Like, just let me know if like he steps out a lot. I was weird. Like we were not close enough for him to do that. And then I like found out. I was like, like, just let me know if like he steps out a lot. I was weird. Like we were not close enough for him to do that. And then I like found out.

I was like, dude, I cannot live with you because I think he ran it by me. He's like, look what I did. And I was like, dude, fuck this. This is like I've I've been to New York for one day. My first day, I walk into the office and there's two dozen long stem roses with like a note and chocolates and Kate ate the chocolates I was like it was like my first experience with Kate, and she's like what is that? I was like a dude sent him and

Yeah, he I gave him to Kate, and I just threw away the roses. It was very uncomfortable we were on and off from like then on but Not like dating or fucking but then like he went to I remember this guy Went to Aziz Ansari was like a double date with maresh and maresh went up to the bathroom And this guy looked the rushes date and goes Does Aziz make your pussy wet too? And it was fucking nuts. Yeah, that's someone you gotta cut ties with.

You gotta cut ties. But that's how you became friends with Moresh. I'm moving this guy. Moving Moresh into his apartment. Yes, yes. Okay. Wait, how did you even meet this guy? I met him, I don't want to lay too many clues out,

but a mutual friend. And I was like, is this guy cool? Yeah, from what I can tell, he's normal. too many clues out, but a mutual friend. And I was like, is this guy cool? Yeah, from what I can tell, he's normal. And I didn't want a roommate that I was friends with. I wanted it to be like a business transaction. I think being friends with your roommate is a slippery slope. Yeah, it definitely can be. It's quick to resentment.

It definitely can be. Yeah, I did the Craigslist roommates once, and I got the luckiest bounce of all time when I was in New York. When I first got there, I was couch surfing with the craigslist roommates once and I got the luckiest bounce of all time when I was in New York When I first got there I was like couch surfing with a bunch of people from college because I was at Barstool But I actually wasn't employed by Barstool. Are you getting paid? No, how long were you in New York without money? Three or four months. She's I burned all the money I made in like working jobs in college And then I couldn't I had gone through everybody.

I didn't want to go back to be like couch. They're like go back to the beginning of the first person I went to. I was like, that's crazy. So I was like, I guess I got to do Craigslist for a month. And then in my head, my logic was that I'll look for girls on Craigslist because it's way more of a leap to invite me because I'm the danger than the other way around. I'm the problem. So you're looking for a girl roommate

I was looking for girl girls roommates cuz that's like that's a dude you would not You it would not be one week until you hooked up. I wasn't gonna do that It's dude dude unless she was super hot dude You would you live with a girl that you wouldn't find attractive yeah wrong you would not what yes I would and actually no you would still end up. Anyways, so I found these three girls that were cool with it, and it turns out they were all Canadian college hockey players

that knew all my roommates from college. What do you mean knew them? Like they played hockey growing up together. They were like from this, they all went to Cornell and played college hockey. It was fucking insane life. Did you live with them? Yeah, for a month.

You live with girls? Yeah. Did a month. You live with girls? Yeah. Did you hook up with any of them? But I heard my, one of them would have her boyfriend over all the time and I heard every, every decibel. How was he doing? He did pretty good. Okay.

Yeah, he did pretty good. He was very rhythmic. Okay. Yes. It was like listening to jazz actually. He would mix up the rhythm a lot. But yeah, it actually worked out very well Okay, it's playoff times in multiple sports and the NBA 82 game grind is done

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So quit waiting. Head to kraken.com slash barstool. This is not investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk and loss and is offered to US customers, excluding Washington, New York, and Maine through payward interactive incorporated. Also, if you refer your friends, crack and mole hook you up with $200 in USDG just for spreading the love. Yeah. So I, yeah, I think your first piece of content was with me.

And then I think KB's first video for Barstool was with me too. Sober curious, sober curious. Yeah. Cause I think it was after the cocaine incident. And there was all these like sober living events in New York. And I was like, we should pretend like we're trying to flirt with the idea of going sober and check them out. So we went to a sober rave at like eight in the morning. It was tough. What's the clientele of that like?

I mean, some of them were like folks that had been to Burning Man and stuff. It was like a very artsy crowd. Yeah. But like very weird and they didn't want any filming so I was just filming with my video camera shades in there. It was a cool, I mean, it would have been cool on drugs, I guess. The sober rave would have been amazing on drugs.

Yes. Dude, these are just like, did you ever, did you ever have a kid come over to your house for like a sleepover and he didn't, he wasn't used to hanging out with friends. And so he would get like the zoomies in your house. Yeah. I had kids like that come over and they would like destroy the house. My mom be like, he doesn't know how to do this. He can't do this anymore. Like it would happen. There was one of my friends who was like, was never allowed to have sleepovers, but his mom trusted my mom. So he was allowed to come over and it was like, I felt bad because it was like a really big day for him. And he just a hundred miles an hour destroying

the home. So did you have to go home? No, no. My mom let him stay, but just it was the last time ever. Yeah. She's like, that's not happening. Yeah. He's too hyper of a boy. Did you ever have like a code word with your parents? If you were over a friend's house having a horrible time, you would call up like my friend would call up and be like, how's the weather?

And that was his mom be like, I have to come pick you up right now. So I had a stretch where I would get afraid every sleepover, probably in like seventh grade. But I didn't have a code word. But my family does have a code word for if you are out in public and somebody comes up to you and is like, hey, what's up? A family friend and you don't know their name.

So you just say Kia, like the car. But you have to work that in somehow. OK. Yeah. But it works out. That would work. It seems like a hard word sometimes to get in. to work that in somehow. Okay. Yeah, but it works out. That would work. It seems like a hard word sometimes to get in. It's always been Kia.

Huh. Yeah. That is useful though, the name one fucked me up. Happens a lot and I always, so what I do now is like, Moog's a popular dude. We'll be walking around Chicago and somebody will be like, yo Moog, what's up? And I just keep going. Cause I don't like, what if you don't know him?

It's always weird if you have to introduce somebody that rarely happens happen to happen at the zoo Happened it happened a few times dude. Oh, you're right. It's people outside my network I was gonna say usually the interaction goes people come up to you and go hey Nick dude fucking love your shit And then they look at me like I'm a subhuman Dude that one time was like clicky, and then it was like mook human dude that one time was like clicky and then it was like mook I like you I've had a guy I've had a guy sigh at me dude that was Tommy Walker yeah oh my god he came in your guns blazing Tommy Walker. I came up shit on Yeah, what am I supposed to say back to him?

Just be like I don't know he came up here And he was just like I'm just looking at the weapons and mooks like they're up there And he's just like shut up mook the comments hate you He was like I remember watching the act and they would say you're a permanent L Yeah, I was like thanks Tommy. Oh, that's that that's a shame that he's in the comments though. Yeah, yeah Oh, I mean, he's gonna be he's a reddit kid Yeah, dude I would I don't know what I would do if I was like at a restaurant and somebody was talking shit on somebody

I knew like would you relay it back cuz like it's weird cuz I don't want to be I don't want to like Somebody's talking shit about me people do I don't think I want to know Yeah, I don't think I want to know either. I would just kind of like unless it was like something really like a really absurd Yeah, if it was like a miss a miscommunication or like like or if it was like an outlandish thing that like I couldn't believe Yeah, like if you heard a rumor about yourself, and was like, it was like Nick Treni shits outside. Yeah. That I'd want to know is like going around and I would like lean into it. I think. Yeah. Like I see Nick shitting outside of his apartment all the time. Yeah. I understand.

I saw this thin girl walking out of mooks. Okay. I got to step back. Boys. Hey, that's my friend. Don't lie about him. Okay, I got a step. Oh boy. Hey, that's my friend. Yeah, don't lie about him Easy move I like him stunningly obese Man and then Nick, you know what I think SAS his first time on camera was I know very much what that time is That was him doing the behind the scenes of the behind the scenes of the behind the scenes. Yes of Frank's apartment That's one of my favorite videos me too. Like that was do you remember everything that happened in that video? I Will like so the concept of the video is that?

We were gonna I was gonna go and film a hot dog review for Frank Mm-hmm, and then you were gonna film the behind the scenes Yeah To see how it was made of the hot dog review and then KB was gonna film the behind the scenes. Yeah. To see how it was made of the hot dog review. And then KB was going to film the behind the, of the behind the scenes. Yeah. To see how it was made. And then SAS was there to film the behind the behind the behind the scenes. So we had four layers of cameras.

Yeah. It was some inception shit, dude. That was like, dude, that watching that's more confusing than tenant. Yeah. It was, it was, it was deep. Yeah. And that's when like Frank was at his like largest that was on the window era yeah so we got to I will say Frank even though he let himself get that big apartment was clean car was spotless dude his car is incredible his apartment was not clean I don't know his apartment had collectibles everywhere but it wasn't an episode of hoarders it wasn't mold and tur hoarders. It wasn't mold and

turd on the ground. Okay. He didn't have any poop on the floor. I didn't think it was that bad. Okay. All right. It was, there was clutter. The car, his car. His car was spotless. Spotless. And he took us on the highway.

Accidentally. Terrified. Yes, accidentally. He's terrified of driving on the highway He's going 25 miles per hour. Everybody's honking behind Yeah, that's us on our way dude went during the filming of this video. There was a presidential assassination attempt and There was like every Every. Sassacabie just filmed each other. Just filmed each other. There was some breaking news about the Mets.

And then he started to go in off the mayor of New York. Who was the old mayor? Yeah, he was saying like they're ripping off money. Blasio, yes. Yeah, boom. So you have Nick filming me, me filming Frank, KB filming you. And that was Sass's first thing.

And dude, I remember like Sass's first month, he was like, dude, I just want to be a social guy here. Fuck all this. Yeah. I remember when Sass like posted his first few blogs and people were like mean in the comments, he was like, all right, I'm just, I'm not going to blog anymore. And he just didn't blog.

Dude, Carl commented and said, kill yourself. No, he commented on one of Sass's blogs, like, what was this? But for him to have the confidence to be like, yeah, that's a tough part about this job. Even if people are mean, you got to still put out content or else your contracts not going to get renewed. But SAS was like, yeah, if that happens, I'm just not blogging anymore. And like, but somehow was he 19 there? Yeah, this was also over COVID and the kicker of this video is at the very end.

We finally wrap it up, say goodbye to Frank and KV left his backpack. And of course, KV terms, Kyle left his backpack. He's been doing this for eternity. Look how skinny he is. And Frank was pissed. Yes. Frank was so mad when we made Kyle call him. Oh Sass left his backpack in the car to

As the boys man play the audio because I think he calls Frank and Frank's like He was mad Hello? You want me to talk? Since I did the dude. You should be pissed. And Frank hates driving. Hello? Frankie!

Hey. Little issue. In your backseat. Why is it just basketball? Couple of napsacks. You still didn't see me. I wish I was. I'll send you, I'll give you a tip.

I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll be back in a few minutes.

I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll be back in a few minutes. I'll be back in a few minutes. Oh That was awesome what a day and like also in that video like every lightning just struck so many times remember The street we were on we were the only car and then just a firetruck blocked the street and we turn around an ambulance In a police car just everything happened Oh, man, that was when like over covid it was fun because it was like it it took a lot of options away So just filming monday and stuff like this going to that was like a lot of fun And like we got way more than we expected from this one afternoon filming. Yeah covid was uh, way more than we expected from this one afternoon filming.

Yeah. COVID was, uh, I thought I was fucked cause I had just started a bar store and it ended up being a blessing because there was no sports. So it was just like, all right, let's that's like our lane. Let's make stuff. So I'm really thankful for COVID. You just had to move out of New York, but still pay rent for a while. Yeah. That's good. With just the money that I sold a Jeep Wrangler lifted Jeep Wrangler was my car and

That money was gone in like two months your apartment was comically small people don't believe it It was so I went there and we were gonna meet up with someone like a half hour But we had some time to kill so you're like yeah Just come on up to my apartment and we sat on your couch like together which was the size of this chair Your thigh was on top of mine. Yeah, that's the only way you could have two men people would not believe how to my apartment and we sat on your couch together, which was the size of this chair. Your thigh was on top of mine. That's the only way you could have two men. People would not believe how small my apartment is. We just sat and stared at the wall and then- Yeah, because I didn't have a- Yeah, that's all you could do. I would go home from a long

day of work and unwind by standing. That's the only thing I could do. And then the office closed down and I forget who it was some douchebag We work with was just like alright office-wide push-up competition whoever can get the most in a month And I signed up for it Not thinking I'd win and I there wasn't an I my apartment wasn't six feet long So I couldn't do push-ups in my apartment. I think I have a blog about it on the website like how to pass the time You can like I think I have a blog about it on the website, like how to pass the time. You can like, I think that's the most insight. Because then you just had a loft that was like above.

That was it. But it was really, really good. God. That's search. Like, good God, I don't go to my blog page. I don't even know somebody else has the login for like every video. I'm in I Feel like KB should at least try to blog once a quarter. He's he's brilliant more further back I Did like a really is it wiped scroll down more everything from? 2020 is wiped well. I guess it's gone before Well, we'll never know but my sink was the size of half of my hand So I could only wash it off

I only had to go this then this and this and then that to wash my hands I only had a one stovetop burner and a mini fridge no closet Is it easier to what is it easier to wash your hands in an airplane or your apartment? It was same size. Okay same size Yeah, you showed me. Wait, did somebody post my card video? I was gonna say I didn't think this was you What's my bio oh That was probably Nate. I think a unique guy who loves absorbing different type. This is me This is me before I started I'm a unique guy who loves absorbing different types of media purchasing various products consuming meals

Yeah, that's that's me man. Yeah Damn Yeah, we're supposed to write a very long bio now like almost like a life story. Yeah, we got that email I haven't done it yet. I haven't done and I don't know how to like I don't even know what to do Use a chat GPT use grok. Oh can I chat GPT like my life story? Yeah, mm-hmm Can I see what I'll say do you know how to do it? Yeah, my dad randomly sent me he was like oh I like tried out this new Chinese AI and I asked him about the wanton don and then it sent back like a completely

wrong story Like it was just making shit up. Um, yeah, when my dad asked, this was, uh, this was on quark or what's quark? No, no, no. Is that Chinese AI? No, no, no. What's the name? Oh yeah.

He said this was AI on China's deep seek. And it says, oh yeah. Wanton Dawn is the nickname of Donnie Quack. A former personality of Barstool Sports known for his food-centric content, particularly pizza reviews and his obsession with Wonton Soup. He became a fan favorite during his time at the digital media company. Dude, that's Chinese AI. I'm thinking just the basketball player. He's over there. The chat, the math answer. Yeah, they call him the denominator. Yeah, that's, that's why like people are like, AI is taking over over dude, I'm not impressed with AI

It's not good. You can really child. It's smarter child and AI am Yes, and I was I saw a head like bond with him smarter child like outsmarted chat GPD I believe it it would like remember me. It would be like Nick dude You haven't checked in Nick Teraney is a multifaceted personality not quite the yak and quick pics fuck yes gaming commentary I Do have a unique blend of humor and insight World series of war zone and reviews of popular video games such as halo infinite yeah

For instance he humorously referred to himself as the official repo man That's right for the barstool sports store that adds a twist to my public persona Call me the repo man I am the I am the barstool store repo man. I want to hear I want to see what it says about about wanton Yeah, what's it say about wanton? I want to see KB to KB is a much more mysterious figure he plays things close to his chest. Yeah, you don't know much about him He showed his girlfriend's hands, which is Was that's a lot. Yeah. I was with KB when he brought his girlfriend to the office for the first time and she was like, oh my god, you work here? And I was like, have you just consumed like zero of

his content? Like have you like never seen the Barstool on? He says the key to a healthy relationship is not to talk about the past or the future. You only talk about what's happening in that very second. I mean, I like the sentiment, but I have a sentiment by that. How did they plan their trip to Hawaii? I don't know. OK, I don't know. It was luck. They just coincidentally arrived at the airport.

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and zero fake sugars to keep you powered up dialed in. Every bite is Big Cat tested and Big Cat approved shop today at Stella blue coffee calm or battle bars calm while supplies last Wanton what are some places you're trying to check off on the earth? Madison, Wisconsin ambitious I do now okay. Ambitious. Very ambitious. Do you have a car? I do now. Okay.

Yeah. Check off on the earth. South America in general. I've never gone further south than Columbia. Okay. I think I want to do St. Petersburg. Yeah. I think that would be better than Moscow.

Can you go to Russia? Yeah. I think so. Right now? I mean, I wouldn't recommend it. Really? It wouldn't be good right now? No.

I'm just going to bring... I pack light, I wouldn't recommend it. Really? It wouldn't be good right now? No. I'm just gonna bring, I pack light, I bring one weed pen. I'd bring one cart. Dude, I would love to get in international trade with you. Moog, what do you call the weed pen that you buy at the Indian Run fucking smoke shop? What? You said you were picking up some carts

from the Indian Run shop. What was it? Uh, the Penjuman Button? No, did you call it the Halal Cart? Oh yeah. I go to Habibi. Oh, they have your full name. Yeah, they know way too much.

They know I went abroad to Botswana in college. Whoa. Wow. Dude, you need to, you say too much. I think maybe, is like, can chat GBT like consume my podcast? Like is that where it's maybe so. Oh, is it? Dragon skin.

They know everything about you far too much. What did they say after a night out in Boston? You ended up in Shanghai. Oh, okay. Well, that was when I first started making videos in China. I told people that I had 13 long Island ice teas at Boston's Logan I first started making videos in China. I told people that I had 13 Long Island ice teas at Boston's Logan Airport and just woke up in China That's probably semi true

And there was like like one guy who was like tried to call me out and be like I know the truth about wanton Don like you can't just blackout and wake up in China because you need a visa. Oh my god. Oh, dude Yeah, thanks, man. Yeah, you've been to Bosnia and Herzegovina. How do you say that? Herzegovina. Have you been? Yes, I have. I jumped off a bridge in Mostar Bosnia. OK, God damn. I jumped off a bridge in South Africa.

Shit, was it? Did you bungee jump? Because I think they have like, isn't that the tallest bungee jump in the world? I think it's the second highest something. Yeah. It's like, it's, it's, it's a long fall. Have you done Australia? Nick, any, what have you jumped off of? What have I jumped off of? I was, did a Sydney Wells video

where I had to do a 10 foot ledge and it took me about 30 minutes to work up at the nerve. Yeah. And it dude, it was such a comic. I thought it was going to look so sick on camera. I was like, I didn't look that scared. And then it was just a comic while I thought it was gonna look so sick on camera I was like I didn't look that scared and then it was just the the fall. I didn't have a process I thought there's a screen grab from that that it looks like a screen grab from the hills have eyes. Thank you Yeah, we don't need to look that up

Walker I've been told to jump off a bridge. Yeah. yeah, yeah, you're right. Never have though. Somebody might toss you one day. Tommy Walker's gonna let me know that. Yeah. You know five people told you to kill yourself today? My dad did that once. He like found the one negative comment on something I did. He was like, can you believe this guy said that?

My mom used to do that. No, I had zero idea. I'm not like skimming through trying to find something mean about me. And it's something I would never see. And my mom was just like, can you believe that guy called you a lesbian? Mom!

But no, I've never been to Australia. I did get the green light from Big Cat tentatively today though to do a, to hire the first Barstool Australia employee. Oh, OK. That's big. I think Barstool would be huge down there. Like we are similar sentiments. Yeah, they all like gambling, sports and booze. And a lot of them already follow Barstool.

And they love tits and ass. Yeah. So this was built on if like Dave was willing to hire Nikki Smokes off a bet. And now he's just going to be making at least $100K probably for- I think he's going to get a $1 pay decrease, so he's back. He's under six. I think that's fair. Yeah. I think that's fair.

That they should send me to Australia, and I'll have a one-year contract. Not like a crazy amount, but enough for someone to live on. And then we hold auditions somewhere, and like figure out who are the top 10 finalists and then we could call back into the Yak or something. That'd be amazing. And you guys pick one Australian to be our first official like Barstool Oz employee. Dude, salaries outside of the US are absurdly low.

Like UK salaries like are very, very low. I guess they have the healthcare, which helps. But I think it's shockingly low what the average salary is in England. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, 37 grand. Yeah. Average. Because probably most of it is going to taxes.

Yeah, 47 grand in London. That's pretty wild. Yeah, because London is just as expensive as New York. I don't know how you live off that right? I don't yeah, I don't know how that really works either You're potentially I don't know. I think big cats already brought it up We're kind of with the yak and you are doing bars bald stool round two So yeah, I'm gonna be bringing another group of people out to Turkey

But I want to give one bald stoolie a chance to win a free flight and transplant. Yes, via like some sort of competition. Yes, and you guys are great. Like on the Yak, you've done dating shows, you've done KB's Wild and stuff. So I think something along those lines, but we bring in 10 to 15 bald stoolies

and give one of them chance. I think that would be incredible. But I know you're gonna run this series, not run it back, it'll be different, but the same premise. I was wondering, I was in New York recently with Kyle, there are now girth surgeries for men. Girth, okay, I've heard about length surgery.

I've heard about length, they are doing girth now. Okay. And I think having some guys in the office go, so a few other skinny peckers, and bring the boy, and I would do that. You would get GERF surgery. God, yes. Your eyebrows haven't lowered.

Yeah. It's an interesting concept. It's quite, and I didn't know the tech was there. Yeah, do we know how it works? Like, do they just like, I think they're gonna bring the buccal fat from my cheeks. Oh, it's like a fat tree. So like, you know when low riders like go up and down, they just use that technology. Yeah, yeah, hydraulic to, yeah, I, it's like a fat. So like, you know, when low riders like go up and down,

you just use that technology. Yeah, yeah. Hydraulic to, yeah, I think it's just. Penile girth enhancement. Yeah, so I guess that's new. And so dermal fat and like I have chubby cheeks, dude. Like I could come back with like a chiseled jaw and a fat cock.

So you're not really concerned about the length at all. You just want to fatten it up. Length is like, if it's a quarter of nobody like as long as it's fucking yeah as long as it's wide as long as I Can see it? But I need length bro. Yeah, my dick's like a like a football horizontal. Oh goodness Love to suck that thing. I got a Helga. Let's call the Chode, dude.

Yeah, and I also need like a forest gump leg brace for mine as well, because mine is, every year that passes, it bends more. Mm, shit, okay. Oh, curve surgery. Yeah, I need that. And give you some angles. No, I already, Yeah, I need that and give you give you some angles I know I already know I need to like straighten her out. Oh, I don't know how long I am

I could do to traditional ruler cannot measure Like I can I can I can do with a straight ruler, but that's it's discounting for a decent amount You have like a question mark penis. It's it's like um I Guess I I unfortunately the thing I compare it compare it to have like a question mark penis. It's it's like um I Guess I I Unfortunately the thing I compare it compared to is like a shrimp That could be good for a girl though cuz then it can curve around and hit her g-spot maybe no my oh no no That's not no Tilt is optimal.

Okay, but yours, yeah. So it curves down? No, left. Oh, all right. Well, you just gotta mix up the positions. You gotta change your attack angle. Dude, I could probably penetrate Lang side to side. Like, yeah, just side to side.

It's like a painting of, of the Loch Ness monster. It's like that. Yeah. It goes out of the water and into the water. I don't know, man. I think that might be an asset. No, because like it's starting to affect like my piss flow. Yeah. It comes out like a Miller light vortex bottle You're back to the wall next to the urinal. Yeah, dude. I have to do that like I'm just like standing like this facing outward pissing Do you ever get the split stream? Oh, yeah, that's always interesting mine gets crazy So the only reason you have that is if you've just checked off Yeah, they heightens it dried come or sometimes it can just be like like lint from like your underwear

Yeah, I've had sometimes like I've had it where it looks like one of the simulations from the particle collider Oh, yeah, just going everywhere every direction dude Sometimes mine has like caused there to be like missed because it's like probably like like I just think it's so like it's not good No, and it almost looks like like the slow-mo video of like how contagious kovat was like it's just like all that in the air It's yeah, I've had some pisses where I pissed on my foot and the toilet seat at the same time Dude, I've had to leave here because I pissed just like I thought I was out and I just wasn't and just like all down I got my shin was soaked It's so much piss out of the urinal. Yeah, it's insane. How wet how old are you know Donnie?

37 are you having like an extra amount of dribble? Because Kyle said he was done pissing shook zipped and he's like oh I have a little bit more and then he said he had 18 seconds left I I would it's not becoming problematic. I think it's becoming harder for me to hold in my shits. Really? Yeah. My farts are becoming less trustworthy. Not that I'm sharting, but I'm like, Oh, I feel a fart.

And I'm like, maybe I should go do fart on the toilet. And it's poop. The, my first, I think this was my first or second time doing a live stream with the IRL backpack and I was solo in Lisbon. And we're hammered towards the end, I really have to take a pee. And because I have the camera,

I just had to bring it into the bathroom. So I'm like pointing the camera in this direction, I'm looking at my phone, reading the chat and I'm peeing. And after I finished peeing, it was a long one, maybe a minute, I looked down and I forgot to take my dick out of my shorts. I was. It took me a minute to I was just like, oh, home. You're standing in the chat.

Do that might be the worst place to piss yourself right in front of a urinal. Right in front of a urinal. I was I was in there and like I should have just owned it on the fact and be like, chat, I just pissed like all over my pants. I don't, I just got like, I was so shocked that I got a little like self-conscious and I was like, oh my God, this is mortifying. So I didn't tell anyone and I just like kept on doing the chat, like kept on doing it. Uh, this was at night. So I was like hoping people wouldn't notice just my sopping wet shorts. I'm walking down the street. I go back to the Airbnb I had, because I was going to quickly change shorts. The door's locked. I'm just walking around aimlessly.

I kind of had stopped talking. I was so mortified. You just felt like you were covered in piss. And then all of a sudden, I figured out how to turn off the stream. All of a sudden, it cuts off. And I had people, people were like reaching out to white socks Dave being Like you got to check on your boy wanton and it's so quickly like a live stream that all of a sudden Nope just fucking I was drenched. Where's Lisbon? That's what that's what people were saying after that fateful wine walk I'm sure everything's fine. But, dude, I think you should do girth stool just because like.

There's like there's no shame in going bald, but like a bunch of skinny peets, dude. Skinny peets. Yeah, I got fired for girth surgery. What? Yeah, they I don't know if the proper term for but Lazio, the football club. Yeah. In Italy, he's like the man, not a mascot, but he's like the guy that waves the flag in front of the fans. He's like, so like the pep

rally guy, I guess he got girth surgery. And I guess the Italians were like, this is embarrassing. Wait, the mascot got girth surgery. Yes. But he doesn't wear a costume. Oh, so it's just like a face of the club. Yeah. And he like waves a flag on the pit. He got five wait. Can we look that up? He got fired cuz he got girth. I don't know if it was good. They should promote you yeah

I think the hierarchy of most businesses should be based off girth You should see if they just look like I was wait go up to the top lazio fired. Yeah, don't you say yeah? That's the one in West Village Yeah, oh That's West, Virginia.. What's in shape? West Virginia. Permanent size, less intrusive. Got girth. Wait, dude, I got to go home, dude.

All right, guys, I got to go home. There was a death in the family. And then I'm going to come back acting different, acting wide about Randy. Randy got me. I'm going to say there's like I had to go back for a funeral for an aunt. And then I'll just be like, I'll come back and be like, we've never looked at each other's cocks, have we?

How much? Two shaft enlargements. Why would you need? So what is Jess Glanz enlargement? Cause I think you could potentially afford that. What's your glanz? Does glanz? Thank you for assuming,

but I've been very stupid with purchases Who would get a scrotum enlargement? Yeah Girls that's nine thousand includes one scrotum procedure. Oh, so oh they do financing shaft. What's a what's the gland? Because I one of the surgeries is they just actually head they just move your penis a little bit further out of your body, which makes it look longer. I know a lot of porn stars cut that tendon at the top so you hang lower. Okay. Yeah. But that's just, that's soft presenting.

Yeah. What? Oh, so glands is your penis head. So you could just get the head made bigger. Okay. That I, dude, I would look like a fucking teardrop. I belong on a Mexican's cheek. Do they also do penis straightening surgery?

Big cats only requirement for this bald stool competition is they have to be like hideously ugly. Yeah. That's what he wants. Yeah. He wants them to to like take your breath away. It would be cool though to just go all in and just change a guy. Like take the ugliest person we can find and just turn him into a completely new person. Just go under the knife. A nose job.

That would be really cool to see. Yes. So the Lazio guy was the Falconer. Oh, that's cool. Oh, I remember reading about that. Yes. Yes, he would cool. He would. Oh, I remember reading about that. Yes. Yes. He would hold the falcon before the game.

And didn't he do like maybe it was like a sponsored post or something. And then they were ashamed that he did that. Yes. Just keep that shit to yourself. And then but he but earlier he got in trouble in 2021 because he was supporting Benito Mussolini and

they just suspended him for that. But the penis enlargement was the last straw. That was too too much. That was too much. Pillication surgery. Pillication. I wouldn't shame him for that. But the penis enlargement was the last straw. That was too, too much. That was too much. Pillication surgery. Pillication. I wouldn't shame anyone for that. I would.

I think the most painful surgery is the height surgery, where they break your legs to give you an inch and a half. I think it's illegal in the United States. And dudes go to Vegas to get black market surgery. And they just snap their legs. And they have to sit in the cost department. Dude, the recovery process is like over a year. They literally lay in the Cosmopolitan in agony.

They never look like, Zah got it and I think that's fine, but that was to fix both of their connects. That was structural. That was structural. But the guys that get it never look normal afterwards. Well, you can only get, I think you can,

the problem is that you can only gain three or four inches, I think. So if you're gonna get the surgery, you're gonna go from five three to five six He looks better, but like that. He just looks like he's closer to the camera I'm hoping it's wait. These are just two different guys No, that's the time lapse of two dudes. Oh, okay. They look exactly the same. I don't think it's worth it, man I'm hoping at some point we get like real body mod. I'd be fine Cyborg and yeah like a carbon fiber hand. So wait, will you do the Elon Musk ship?

the the neural link It's a real it's a real slippery slope because if people are doing it they're gonna get so far ahead and then You're kind of fucked like I Don't know it would be interesting to see like if like your thoughts throughout the day were then Transposed into like internet history that'll be interesting. I would file them more to five I would love like a like a Spotify wrapped of your thoughts. Yeah Mortifying my targeted ads would be like a like a

noose tying tutorial book Like targeted ads based off my thoughts would be brutal oh yeah, mine would just be like dubstep drops EDM shows and then like anime girls running and jiggle fit yeah, right oh my god a bio mechanical hand like if we had the technology to do that now where you could get like the coolest we kind Of tan like from the Winter Soldier if you've seen them. Oh, yeah, would you get your real hand amputated just to have it? Replaced with that yeah fuck it. Did you see the chick who has one of those fake hands? That's controlled by her thoughts, but I never thought about it She took it off, and she was controlling it with her brain off of her hand. Oh

Dude if I had a hand that was control about my thoughts. I'd be jerking off My yeah, dude have to get nervous. I would just like mook. Where's your hand right now? Fuck I can't yeah, you'd be like no stop. I don't want to it would be like the Donnie a's off of Wall Street When he just starts jerking off to Margot Robbie Oh, yeah Yeah, or like a like eyes that telescope yeah Dude do you remember when we um we went to the ostrich farm in Yeah, Arizona?

Yes. One of my favorite places. I think it was called the Cockburn ranch. Yes, it was. Rooster, rooster Cockburn, rooster Coburn, maybe all their goats were cloned. Really? Yeah. And that weirded me out.

Like after I was like, Oh, I was petting them. They were all cloned, I believe. And that kind of, it felt very strange. Yeah. I didn't like, is that widespread these days? I think it's animal cloning. I think so Yeah, or all their all their goats were descendants of a clone Yeah, maybe all

descendant from one clone Which I still don't love. Yeah people rich people are getting their dogs cloned. Yeah, I don't think I like that I don't think I like that either and I don't know where I lie on cloned meat if I'd eat it What about grown meat so it's not like plant-based meat. It's actual meat. That's just grown in a lab I mean, I think that probably is the future. It's gonna that like I guess it's kind of like the same thing with like diamonds Yeah lab-grown diamonds. Yeah, well, I don't a diamond, but does it have the same sentimental meaning? Like the problem with cows is how much they fart and how much methamethane is brutal and how much like land that it takes to Actually raise a cow. Mm-hmm. So if you can just grow a steak, I think the diamonds thing is fine

Yeah, because it's like what's the meaning like a bit? my love for you is as rare and Everlasting as valuable as all the as value that that I'm willing to I'm willing to morally ignore These child miners minor miners For because I love you. Yeah, you're worth about a dozen kids. Yeah Yeah How did you propose? Where were you?

Popeyes village. Of all the places you've ever been, dude, a Popeye themed amusement park in Malta. I was doing selects for you. Oh yes. I saw the behind the scenes of that. Yes you did. I took out my phone. I handed it to a British lady and I was like, can you take a photo of us? But I had actually pressed record and then I got on one knee and proposed.

And it was actually the movie set of where they filmed the 1980 Robin Williams film Popeye. I would guess that was the movie filmed in there. That was really bad. The movie. Yeah, it was not good. No. It's kind of like it's it's so bad that it really bad the movie. Yeah, it's not good. No It's kind of like it's it's so bad that it's fun to watch them. Yeah, there's I like movies like that a lot Yeah, well, why did you do it there? Like what was the motivation? I think Malta's beautiful Yeah, I was gonna do it on that trip to Malta, and then I was like we were having a good time because they kind of it's Popeyes village

It's like is there spinach parts of it are made for kids, but then they also have like bars and stuff Yeah, a fair amount of adults there not on the adult side of the Popeye Village I tell you what who was um so there was Popeye and then who is Popeye's bully the big guy yeah? Yeah, I forget Olive oil was the bitch yeah, and that's the hag is the woman that loved him What was his name yeah there's that guy blue toe blue toe they they had like a dance-off he would straight-up kidnap olive oil yes for her love olive oil in the movie especially

is annoying as fuck yeah she was annoying but they had a dance-off blue toe and Popeye and they're two who won and their two hoes What do you call people for Malta Maltese Maltese okay? Yeah like a Maltese Falcon a model dog this type of dog Yeah, yeah, it's one of my favorite dogs boom. That's Popeye's Village. I mean it was wait. That's way dude I was thinking it was gonna be really shitty. No it was it was pretty picturesque And I was like all right every like amusement like I've never been to Six Flags I've never been to Disney my my idea of amusement parks I think are way trashier than like because my favorite place was Storybook Forest growing up and that's how I

pictured this. Can you look up Storybook Forest in Pennsylvania? That's this was like my big excursion Storybook forest yeah, is it still open and this was like what I was doing as a kid, and I was like this rules I had a similar one in Jersey. What was it called? Ah it was like a play on forever land it was something like this though Can you do like the jacking the jack-jack jump over the candlestick there because I just remember his penis was I think his penis was out Doesn't matter I'm glad they're still open Popeye completely owned me though. I ran into him and I forgot to bring flip-flops there and I just had to walk to like the bar something so I threw on my socks

I'm just wearing socks while I owned you Popeye. He's like, oh you got your socks on Why are you wearing? Wait, was he speaking like pretty good English? Yeah, yeah, he the ad and he would speak in Popeye accent whatever that is He had a sailor's a Popeye accent. Yeah, yeah It was the jack-jump it doesn't matter at all it's fucking stupid I Mean yeah, I would say like six flags are kind of trashy never know never done that They're fun more than Denver's fun. We used to have Catholic school night there really it's a sight to see you see a bunch of nuns on the mind eraser Catholic school night. Yeah, we did Catholic Sunday

They were shut it down for all the Catholic schools and everyone just get cripplingly high and go to the high. Yeah Oh, yeah. Oh you were Catholic high school. Yeah. Catholic high school. We would chief it up and then go ride roller coasters. It's so fun. Do that. Now, I did not have like I was on a dog walk today and they were talking about how they would go up to like Wisconsin Dells for field trips. They would go to Six Flags for field trips. I'm so jealous that like during my childhood, there was there was little to no fun.

Yeah, I mean, we would do a field trip to Plymouth plantation. That's brutal. That's fucking sucks. I mean, at our age, it was OK, but yeah, it was just hilarious that all of the Pilgrim actors would take it very seriously and all the Native American actors would just be mailing it in, smoking Marlboro Reds. That's no, that's their method acting. Yeah, true. Yeah. I remember we went to Lancaster PA. Oh hell. Yeah Amish Amish

And it was when Soulja Boy was big and we were just blasting so you're cranking that Shout out to do big shout out in the do always fellow Albanian alright boys. That was fun I'll be back next week any I'll back next week. We have a sketch coming out Today today yeah, I go check that out And then Nick was on Mukan sleep check that out. Oh, yeah, so this gamer check that out doing well Yeah, playing oblivion you doing that tomorrow again. I don't know what I'm gonna do dude. I'm so excited to play I'm like Oh, I just want to get home and make my character. Oh, it's somebody made pot of greed their car. It looks so good That's fucking yeah, yeah, it's it's uh it's pretty sweet. It's pretty sweet, and I might do a new card video

It might already be out. Yeah, do it today Nick. Yeah, you have one coming out I have a card video with KB coming out Monday. Yeah, and then yeah, we're doing some uh Around town kind of videos Donnie. I'd love for you to pop in one. Yeah, I saw you guys at the zoo. You want to hop in next week's? Where are you guys going? With Mook's boy, you want to say it? Bapafemi.

We're going with our boy Femi, who's from Nigeria, and he's taking us to a Nigerian restaurant, and he said he's going to give us some spice. Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah. Yeah, they've got a lot of variety here. I think they have a Syrian restaurant here and they have a they

have a um they have a restaurant called Mogadishu. That's just Somalian. Okay. Yeah, that is not on the bucket list, but I would like to try their food. I think we agreed that would be the worst place. I think the least desirable place in the country. I'm sure there's some beautiful parts of the world. Yeah. Yeah. Haiti, though, too. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like Wallace there at the moment. But same with Somalia. Yeah.

At least Haiti, you're kind of close to home. Yeah. You can just get to the Dominican Republic. They're leaving the island. There we go. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Half Haiti, half PR. Is it world? Oh, is there a wall? Is there something?

I have no idea. Would you ever do North Korean tourism, like where they'll take you over for one day? I don't think you'd be able to help yourself and not film. Yeah, I was thinking of doing it, because when I lived in China, I knew a couple of people who went. I knew someone who ran the Pyongyang Half Marathon.

No way. And then it was the Pyongyang half marathon. No way. And then it was the Otto Warmbier incident. That was that UVA student who went? Yes, dude, he was in a coma when he got sent back, yeah. Yeah. And like tortured. And then he passed away a few days later. Because he stole a poster?

As soon as he got back. Yeah, because he took a poster off the wall. A propaganda poster. And then the craziest thing, I went into Richard's, a bar here, one place you could smoke cigarettes inside, and Ramley met Otto Warmbier's best friend from home, and he was the one that actually went to the airport with Otto's mom and they had to like identify bodies.

Jesus Christ, yeah, cause he was in like a vegetative state. So after that happened I was like, fuck this country, yeah, I don't wanna like promote them in any way any way yeah but like even to do like not filming I think is just not worth it because they could they could just get you for whatever yeah they could I've had a North Korean defector on my podcast yes they could drop a pin my god it's it's a I really really like the show thank you man yeah it's good guys have been crushing it. Yeah, super interesting. Super two very different worldviews, too, between you and Chaps, because you traveled for pleasure and he was sent just in the military.

The New York Times have been promoting her latest episode. That's right. You got a bombshell. Mm hmm. That was I didn't even like notice that I was like, all right, who cares? Like, he just briefly mentioned the name of his girlfriend. And then New York Times just lives off a bar stool content. Yeah. Post, New York Post.

New York. Yeah, not the New York Times. Not the fucking Times. Yeah, they're too busy writing about the Pope dying. It was an op-ed by Larry David about Dave, or his girlfriend. Can I pitch you an idea for the wheel? By all means. Or just something you could do for anus.

I don't actually, I don't know why you would When we were in seventh grade in the school cafeteria my friend dipped a french fry and chocolate Chocolate pudding and then this sounds like a yak thing Yeah, and then just put it on my friend's calzone and goes poop fry and My friend burst into tears and ran out of the cafe And my friend burst into tears and ran out of the cafeteria Because he got poop fried? Because he got poop fried So I would want to turn into getting like tarred and feathered where you dump a bucket of chocolate pudding on someone and then like two buckets of fries

Yes, you get pooped and fried Pooped and fried would be amazing. We're just a classic tar and feather Nothing more humiliating Yeah, I always wondered back in the day when they did that like that must have been almost permanent Yeah, it's not easy to get tar off your skin No, no Rudy got tarred and then he went back for seconds. Everybody was chanting it Second time doing the same joke in the same pod But uh, are you, everyone's been saying for

Baldstool that like, oh yeah, we'll go back and be camp counselors. And I always thought that was like that. They're not gonna send us back to Istanbul just to vibe. I think, I mean, we had like five coworkers on that trip. I don't know if they'd be willing to like send all five of us, but it seems like they're down. Really?

Yeah. But I also wanna, I don't wanna just film the exact same bids I filmed last time, so we'll have to think of some ways to mix up season two. There is an argument, because once we got the procedure done, it was kind of like a lull, and you were just pretty much on your own filming stuff. So if we went and didn't get the procedure,

and then could give our, I guess, I don't know, but we could film stuff while they get the procedure and then could give like our like, I guess, like, I don't know, but like we could film stuff while they get the surgery. Yeah. And I think the move would be to show up earlier and like we could hit up a beach. Like say if we go in October, it's very nice there. Go to like a beach area, film some content there. And then right when the surgery is over, everybody just heads back. Cause you don't really want to be like, once you've had the the surgery You were probably like, okay, I'm ready to go home. Yeah. Yeah It was you pretty much just parked at that point and I will be first in line for when you do the girth one

Girth stool would girth of a nation But like what is the penis transplant capital of the world That's a good one. Yeah for a while the sex change capital of the world was Trinidad Colorado no kidding very I have no idea how that happened Trinidad is like a tiny forget about penis transplant penis girth where's the where's like the penis cosmetic surgery of the world it's what says Cape Town South Africa is widely recognized for its pioneering work in penile transplants. Germany is the capital of penis enlargement. Oh, that's perfect. Gershkull.

Yeah, we go during Oktoberfest. Dude. Dude, Cocktoberfest. Cocktoberfest. Oh my god, dude. Dude, Donnie, we gotta do Cocktober. I mean, would you be like White Sox Dave was the first one to sign on for like Baldstool? Would you be the flagship employee for, would you first one to sign on for it like bald still would you be the flagship employee for?

Would you be down to become the face of penis enlarge? We're not the pioneer the penis a penis pioneer, but here's the thing Doing that is admitting that I have a comically skinny penis you'd be coming back. You've already done that What do you mean come back yeah, I'll do it Yeah, that'd be funny if we weren't planning on doing this But we just like announced it and then we just saw which employees have what we signed up a completely anonymous sign up Called them out The whole video is like gangland you have like distorted voices ski masks

Like gangland you have like distorted voices ski masks Very clearly who it is yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we just have a name card Speaking of penises by all means I Recently remembered the storics. I was hanging out with that friend This might be one of the most fucked up pranks I've ever heard pulled I wouldn't even call it a prank they were at a hootie in the blowfish concert in South Carolina and they're halfway through the concert. They're both bomb. They go into use the bathroom. One of my friends leaves the bathroom five minutes earlier and he like sees some police outside and he goes, Hey, there's like a tall guy with brown hair in there and he's been looking at little boys penises and then and

then he just says that I was like that's life ruining. Yeah. And then my friend walks out and there's two cops waiting for him and they're like, what have you been doing in there? And then my friend said, what the fuck? I don't know what you're talking about. They get into like a big fight. They're like, he's like, he must've made that up.

And then my friend was like, oh yes, that's fucked. And then my friend had to come clean and be like, yes, I did just completely make that up. And they were like, all right, we are kicking both of you out of the car. So it's not, that's not, you can't be friends with that guy anymore. No, they're still friends. They're crazy. But that is not remember that time you accused me of being a pedophile at Hootie. Yeah. Two police., Jesus. Oh man. But yeah, I'll look into Gervstool. Annika really wants me to do Nose Stool. Okay.

But I don't know, I feel like the girls in our office don't have like horrible noses. What about the guys? I snore. Yeah. But where would you go for noses? Iran. Oh. Really?

Yeah, I looked it up, Iran is the capital of nos sir. They're not even gonna let the girls show their face. Yeah. That is like what? The before and after would just be the same hijab. I don't know how we get this done but I just want to see White Sox Dave with some DSLs. Oh my god big oh my I want to have him get big perky's. Yes dude him with huge tits would be sick. or just a huge butt like if a guy lost a bet and had to get a BBL A huge fat super dangerous surgery very dangerous Yeah, that's why I wouldn't do it But some chicks have died because like don't some doctors like honey cement that was like oh, oh that was like oh, I believe Yeah, I have heard people who go to South America and actually get liquid cement yes it into their butt no bueno Yeah, it's more dangerous than open heart surgery. Yes, it's super dangerous people who go to South America and actually get liquid cement into their butt. No bueno.

Yeah, it's more dangerous than open heart surgery. Yes. Super dangerous. I want to feel like getting a fat ass you can just do by eating. It's not that simple. Yeah, but the eating and squats may eat a ton and then get lipo of the belly. Trust me, it is as easy as eating. Well, isn't that what a Brazilian butt lift is? Like, is it kind of just a fat

transfer? Like they take all the fat from your waist and put it in your butt? It has to like sit right, though, right? Like, I don't know if you can just inject it. It might just ooze down to your ankles. I don't know.

I think it's dangerous because you have some major arteries there. Oh, and the ass are around the ass. So they have to inject it into your like hips where there's arteries. I would love, Dave, I'd just love to treat him like a lab rat. Like, we give him Bevo teeth.

Yes, dude, let's- Like dentures. I think a lot of people would do teeth. Yes, a lot of people would get new teeth. And I think, Dave, we can maybe get him to agree to the DSLs, because that only lasts for a few months, because girls who get lip filler have to keep on going. Yeah, dude, I want to go get a jaw.

Me and Rudy have off camera genuinely been like, should we go get jaws this weekend? Yeah, we've legitimately been. It's been like a real conversation where I've like run it by other people. Like, I might go get a jaw. I could use a tit reduction if you ever do boobs. What's a jaw?

A jaw surgery? There, yeah. They do like little fillers in the corners so I can look like a fucking bike seat. Yeah It's the dream dude, that's the ideal male skull shape yeah, I Think yeah, we just really we would really like to have jaws and just get like kind of beautiful. Mm-hmm I mean you guys have better jaws than some no no Mm-hmm. I mean you guys have better jaws than some no no When I shave and when he shaves it's a harrowing sight my chin is the side the length of my pinky nail

And I'm well aware You are you have a chin on you. That's awesome. I have a chin yeah at one point I didn't do this it was gonna be I don't even know why I was gonna like ranked chins in the office Please don't devastating dude in this PC environment. We can't you guess that ass anymore. We can just ranked chins in the office. Oh, dude, please don't. Please don't. That would be devastating. Dude, in this PC environment, we can't do guess that ass anymore. We can just do chins. It'd be a heavyweight bout between me, Nick, and Hank. Oh, yeah.

Actually, Jerry Thornton. Chinless? Very chinless. God damn. Yep. On that note, Jerry Thornton's chin. No, his is worse, mine's worse than that. No mine's worse than that dude nice guy though I've never met him never met Thornton your mom just became slot of the week

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's gonna rank your mom All right God bless. Thanks for having me on guys of course go subscribe and watch every drop a pin