A New Untold Story - Elite Milk feat. Owen & Rone - A New Untold Story: Ep. 359

Episode Date: August 31, 2023

Last pod from nyc and we are joined by Owen and Rone to talk about elite milk. Intern Payton also joins the pod to breakdown some security footage (highly recommend youtube from 33:00 - 45:00). God bless, shoutout to all the BRG's, and we are on to Chicago. Ads: Manscaped - Get 20% off and free shipping with the code ANUS at https://manscaped.com Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Bearbottom - Get free shipping on your first purchase at https://bearbottomclothing.com/STORYYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. I never go and go. Is that good or do we need to do that again? We're ready one more time. You clap like a preschooler. You clap like a priest. Yeah.

Clap cheeks like a priest. You mean you're exactly replying to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say like, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story over told? Fuck no, baby. like a freak. It's a fresh, big, untold story. A new, untold story. Welcome back to a new, untold story, episode 448. What is the episode number? 347. 347 347 I think this is our 147th episode

of a new untold story what Pokemon is that? that's Dratini well I knew that I knew that a lot of people think Dratini, Dragonair and then Dragonite doesn't really fit into the evolutionary line it's big and orange and a lot of people think that the final evolution

should have been Gyarados. And they switched it up on accident or some sort of jumble where Magikarp should have been Dragonite. But anyway, today's episode. Thank you. I mean, I was hoping for you guys to hop on and have some discourse. No, I just had nothing to add. You took the words right out of my mouth. Yeah, of course. Today's episode is

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we are fresh off of I suppose the barstool awards everybody's talked about it the donkeys the donkey or what they weren't sponsored so I guess they were the oh no they were sponsored last minute doesn't matter uh ron you didn't win shit yeah what the fuck what the fuck i was so pissed actually pat beth was legitimately pissed that he didn't win like fattest guy award yeah i know like what what award was he gonna win that's what i mean like it was there was nothing on the table

for him to win but i think that he went in thinking that he was gonna actually be taking out like sweep some stuff? Yeah, but no. Were you even nominated? You've been here for a while. But I don't think that... It's an insult to be nominated. The awards are like who cannot get fired or whose stomach ripples the best when they sit down and shit like that. It's not like...

Yeah. And my stomach ripples pretty good, but... No, you're... No, you're in a whole... There's guys in a whole other league yeah I'm in a bottom tier of tummy rippling it was a it was a fun ass award show but like I couldn't win

something there empty handed well anus was nominated for the merch award with a solid gray tea oh hell yeah solid grace crew neck didn't win it didn't win it got robbed won that I don't even know what shirt. Muge deserved it.

Oh, it was a Muge. Muge deserved it. Oh, the Muge jersey. Yeah, that's pretty funny. Yeah, I couldn't have gone up there. And it probably outsold you guys too. Weren't there 17 bought of the Muge? Yeah.

So it outsold us by double digits. Yeah. How do people not buy the blank? Dude, like that's something you could wear every single day yeah is it was it the price point was it was 60 i think because haynes was running a six pack at the same oh yeah for way less and i'd imagine ours still like smelled like shit it still smells like vinegar just our solid gray tea falls apart you could buy a hundred in bulk for like 80 bucks um riggs cried when he won an award imagine the tears that came from those eyeballs

dude if if the tear rolled off his face and for some reason landed on a turtle donatello oh just instantly it's like it would hit the ground sizzling yeah those tears have no aim assist dude i don't i don't know what the yeah that would just it would burn to like the core of the earth out of the way it is just uh maybe that's how he got his shit straight though he just fucking burned whatever was getting those bad boys cross-eyed yeah i'm happy for i'm happy for your guy i'm happy it looks great you two must have celebrated your dicks off so i walked up to him after the award show i was like hey man weird requests can you press your forehead against mine and he was like yeah man for sure i just

that was like that was the first time i think we ever touched dude uh non-hands our first nht a non-hand touch that was uh he he like didn't know where to look and so he looked damn he but he like looked up he like looked down his nose at you and you just like shut your eyes and got yeah the romance yeah um it was just it just made for the the visual that much funnier shout out to the fucking goat, Riggs. Yeah, he's the man and well-deserved award. But in 20 years, let's hope to get nominated for one. I just can't cry like that around my boys.

Whenever I'm in private, I can cry at the drop of a hat. I'll cry twice a day in private. You guys cry more on airplanes? I thought that was just a taste bud thing. Tomato juice tastes different, but I don't cry on airplanes. I do. I i do i do any movie for real i don't watch movies on airplanes oh that's probably why i'm too self-conscious about somebody in the row behind me like you don't sleep either nice i kind of dwell i'm so good at that that's one of my niches in the dozen but jeff still rigged it so do you just like sulk and sulk there out the window or what are you doing

i don't sulk um it's i stare at the flight attendant to make sure they're not nervous and it probably probably gets them sure that helps they're just seeing this dude that hasn't slept that's kind of blacked out drunk just like grasping on to like you know just like they know i'm not homeless because i'm on a plane but like i'm acting kind of homeless just lingering like you're the guy who was at the gate when she left at the end of her shift yesterday and then you're still there as she comes yeah yeah so i'll forever be ingrained in their mind is that weirdo and comfort plus of, I ran into a homeless inside of an airport in Tennessee. That's a great place to be homeless.

Right? Yeah. I was real curious how long you had been there. They used to go to town in airports. I read a children's book about a homeless boy and his father who lived in an airport, and they were trying to normalize it, I think. Yeah, I guess they were getting all like the dumped out liquids and like from tsa they probably had a bunch of knives there was a barter system i don't yeah i'm sure how did he get in there you think though i

need to get to the bottom of it or maybe he was like a youtuber doing like i spent 72 hours in the airport challenge or some shit like that yeah i don't know those dudes crank that challenge i don't know if you've ever watched that they're they suck terribly they're not good at it or they suck no it's just not fun to watch it's just no it's like there's nothing that happens in the airport for that long unless you're tom hanks yeah that was good or clooney clooney spent a lot of time up oh yeah the. Oh yeah, the Terminal. Was that his shit movie? What was the Terminal? Was that Tom Hanks? The Terminal was... That was Tom... Was Robin Williams?

No. No, he just was Terminal. That was Tom Hanks, yes. Up in the air was Clooney where he was like a consultant that flew everywhere and fucked everyone. He fired people, but then he fucked Anna Kendrick? Did he fuck Anna like a consultant that flew everywhere and he fired people but then he fucked Anna Kendrick. Did he fuck Anna Kendrick? No, he doesn't fuck her. She's a doesn't fuck her.

Yeah, she's super cool in that movie. She's from Maine. He fucks the girl from the one of the... He fucks the girl who has like a Boston accent in one of like the town or some shit like that. Yeah, she's accent in one of like the town or some shit. Yeah. She's Matt Damon's girl in the town.

Yeah. I don't know who Jessica Chastain is. I got to get that off my chest. So see Molly's game first. I've never seen. I don't know who Jessica Chastain. I've been pretending this whole time. My whole tenure.

You're in for a treat. She's going to open you up to redheads quite a bit. For real. Yeah. She's elite milk. For real. She is elite milk. She she is elite milk she really is she is i couldn't have said it better yeah she 100 is she's such high-end milk yeah i had no idea who this was i she but there's someone else that's like her i don't see the milk

are you sure she's elite milk she she is elite milk a hundred percent you melt her down i feel like sarah snook from successions almost going for a chest staying like yes she would uh voluptuous uh uh curvation is she tier one milk though she i think she's tier one milk i think she's elite milk but i could be name a bigger milker daddario yep those are fucking soy milk they're delicious they're not that's not soy milk you would she's organic organic what's that mean just all natural the chastains look real i feel like she's new wave like french cinema oh okay so she's yeah she's the lactate yeah not straight from the artful side to daddario who was the one that was in the

war movie where everybody's getting fucking tortured and shit like that? She also is a redhead who is like, she's like kind of like... You're talking about Zero Dark Thirty. Zero Dark Thirty. That's Chastain. Is that Chastain? That's Chastain? What about Bryce Dallas Howard is the redhead with the ass, right?

Bryce Dallas Howard is also pretty talented jurassic park do they ugly up chastain and dark 30 they had to yeah she gets she gets uh she gets weathered by her job the torturing makes her less hot she's so tired of torturing people all day a long hard day of torture the fuck out of people she just won't fuck her husband at the her husband once i don't bring work i i i keep work at work i'm not gonna stomp your balls i never got that fetish the slightest graze on my balls will debilitate me yeah i don't know no you were really slow to respond i need the mischief boots through my fucking nutsack.

Dude, the mischief boots would. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That on the balls. Have you seen the video of the guy getting the simp getting kicked in the nuts with the big red boots? No. It's fucking elite.

Dude, have you seen the croc ones mischief has now? No. Yeah, dude. I would have you stomped on those would have you look like the Play-Doh hair spaghetti set. Yeah, I would. has now no yeah dude stomped on those would have you look like the play-doh hair spaghetti set um as someone who likes tattoos can you see the hot wax a little hot wax on the body yeah i've seen um no dude because i don't tattoos don't feel good either but candle wax doesn't hurt though i would think it would be it doesn't it splits second pain when it hits your skin I don't think it does I'm pretty sure the candle wax

doesn't I think it's just like Elmer's on you I would rather like if I'm in a situation I would just rather feel pussy yeah missionary pussy like dude a missionary pussy hugging your dick like a warm embrace just coming home

after a long day type of thing you don't have to hurt me just let let's kiss k-i-s-s why do people like that what is it psychologically that's driving someone to want their balls in like a clamp or a fucking apparatus i think we're plagued with boredom and uh i think just as if you get bored with that, women need to stop being so easy. Is it that people really just are tired of regular sex and that's why? Or is it guys who just skip missionary and just know that they want that? Yeah, I don't know. But are they incels?

Are they having sex? Or are they just getting kicked in the balls? I would argue it's both ends of the bell curve. It's like... Horseshoe theory. Yeah, the people who get the least pussy end up being the most kinky and the people who get the most because you get so much that you're like,

enough of this missionary pussy. Guys like us, we never fill up on missionary pussy. No, dude, no. It's like chinese buffet yeah but dicaprio does he's headphones in box mod vape he's a corner of the wall yeah dude you have to be the smartest of hackers to operate one of those every crew needs a hacker that can hit the box mod vape dude just like they have to have like that tool that like changes the levels of the shit like uh yeah it's like a fibonacci sequence in the da vinci code yeah yeah dude it's you put your ear

up to it like you're cracking into a safe just to get it right it's like the opening scene of dark knight like you figure it out and i pop you in the head it's all i need to do for i'm supposed to shoot oh my god um you got me trapped on uh m&m's beer dude i i i don't for whatever reason i can't get his mgk had a point well he has a he has a beer transplant he's got a fake shut up he about he derma rolled but there's no way he got a beard a trans 100 he doesn't when you get to that point of fame you don't need to do that yeah you that's when you need to do it no dude he's he was probably on my trajectory to just be like face and then bald right on the chin right here and he just had too much money and was too self-conscious and just never did anything about

it i might until mgk said your beard was weird i would have fucking did it i would have got the fucking you would have got a transplant a beard transplant you would have flown to turkey yeah i got a young asian boy's scalp removed and fucking slapped across my chin dude yeah you just have a real you have an asian boy's head of hair like just just super straight it's patchy all around here and just a young fucking Chinese boy, a young Cantonese boy. Oh, yeah. Is Cantonese just the language or is it a type of people? I think it's just a vibe.

It's just like, that's kind of Cantonese. That's kind of Cantonese. That's almost making the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Oh, no, that's Samoan. Oh, yeah. Is Samoa's number one export offensive lineman? I think it actually is. Probably.

It has to be. Because what else are they cheffing up over there? Good fighters. Wrestlers. Girl Scout cookies. Yeah, Girl Scout cookies. Yeah, I think that's it. Let's go to Hawaii.

Let's repopulate Hawaii. Let's get out there and stimulate the tourists and just us guys. Every route leads you to Hawaii. Like Neighborhood Eats, you're just like, we'll do these ones. We'll go do Neighborhood Eats in Hawaii. Rediscovering was the same way and we just can't get to that fucking finish line.

We would have got there. We would have been on Lahaina as it burst into flames what was it called lahaina you're not catching me dead on lahaina dude everyone died on lahaina that's where everybody lahaina sounds like a runner-up on american idol in second place lahaina no um she definitely like could cover like a jennifer hudson song really good i bust the windows out your car my the my apartment the condo owner in new york is trying to like get me to go back right now to like walk through the apartment with them but i'm just not going to do it oh for security i guess yeah did you put holes in your walls for uh like anything small got them spackled by a task rabbit did you what else did the task rabbit do uh didn't you just unhook oh yeah i hired him to take my tv off my wall unmount my tv and it was 155 an hour why so there's so much cheaper guys guess

how long they were there for one minute less i guess there's no bolts that go on to a tv unmounting so they just lifted it off and put it on the ground and you and you could it was 13 seconds i thought there was like some sort of intricate, you know, maybe I need a special tool. Yeah. They just, it was not attached to anything. Was it a Russian guy? Yes.

Always. Always. All of the Russian immigrants are like mounting and unmounting television. Yes, they are. It's like the main thing. That's why Ukraine is winning, dude.

The fuck. And there's all the, all the men, the able-bodied men of age are in america taking down television yeah dude they need some like russian rosie the riveters that are just mounting televisions here stand up and fight i had a russian guy uh come mount a tv and he uh didn't speak a word of english. It probably took like 10 seconds. Same type of vibe. Charged me for two hours and said he left a tool that he needed to put the wires in the wall.

And so I'd have to hire him again. And of course, I'm hiring him again. This guy's going to get four hours out of me for fucking 35 seconds worth of work. You know what I've started noticing? Hookers charge you the full hour. No matter when you come. No matter what. Yeah.

So you probably came a lot then. That's true. If you don't come a lot, they won't. Oh, really? Yeah. Damn. They don't prorate? No.

That's such bullshit. But Sass's car does no limit. No? Yeah, he's crushing it. He's crushing it. He said that he would come in today. Dude, how often do you think that he's going to come in now that the act is done? Sass?

Bro, Sass has been dead for 10 years. He's going to be a myth in these halls. He 100% is. I could see him being in for less than an hour some weeks. A whole week? An entire week. Less than one hour. 55 minutes of Son of a boy dad.

Out of this bitch. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, man. I think like you and Francis are good influences on him. He doesn't text Owen back. He doesn't? No, I'm fucking with you.

Bastard. There's like a. We have some anus fans design merch for us. And we look through it. That will be coming out. We just, you know, with everything happening, we didn't get the merch put out. But there's one submission that has frazzled my brain and I can't figure it out. I think it's like a puzzle. I don't know.

I don't know, but this guy submitted the Chargers unofficial mascot Boltman with Mook on his jersey and Big Ben behind him. And I think he's Hitler saluting. What does this mean? And I've been trying to stare at it. It's like Big Ben. I don't know. Is it like a lion's head cap where if you put them all together it makes a sentence i'm hoping it's like that or like i don't i cannot decipher this michael bolton mook ben mook no bolt big ben um

what the and nobody answered nobody responded to it and I don't want to with nobody responding to it like what does this mean it makes me feel like I'm missing it we've never talked about any of these things I have no idea I think you got to put it on the fucking t-shirt and just watch the money pile up

yeah you're right and then just like maybe on the back it just says like i get it ask me about my t-shirt explain my t-shirt to me it's or just like the back says don't ask i gotta know but it's it's perplexed the fuck out of me that's awesome it's it's such a shame that the awards just happened but for the 40th anniversary i feel like that's got to be in the at least in the running yeah off rip what was the competition everybody got to submit a shirt or are you going to put out we just have a channel on our discord where they we pitch merch to polar and she chooses the best and sometimes there is no

best but we still put stuff out damn yous are gonna miss Pilar yeah yeah she'll fly out she has to she's part of the show who's the Chicago merch person shit is it Fasoli god that's about to be dog shit merch

he doesn't wear shirts yeah dude that would be good merch actually like bags for dog poop that is good merch actually like bags for dog poop that is good that is good yeah um merch actually asked us we've i don't know if we've ever talked about this they were like hey would you you and kyle be interested in having a promo code that's 10 more on the barstool store and i was like that's really funny but i would feel so bad if anybody ever used it why

because first of all we're not seeing that money so second of all like if the shirt has more than one color it's going to be pretty pricey anyway but that's just the dedication that these guys can show i don't i don't want to take people's money on a bit you're not taking it you just yeah fuck all right yeah we'll get that sorted out i know everybody's clamoring to pay a little bit more. Okay, I know you don't like the 10% idea, 10% more. What about 15% more? I think it would have to be like a crazy amount, like four times as much.

400% on sale? Yeah. I think people would buy into it. What's the opposite of a sale? I think it's a sale. Yeah? I think the What's the opposite of a sale? I think it's a sale. Yeah? I think the sale is an opposite of a sale. Purchase is...

Markup? Markup. Yeah, markup. Oh, yeah, like reselling sneakers, perhaps? Yeah. Yeah, I guess it's still sale. It's still a sale. Yeah.

I want you guys to do something for me. Yeah. Yeah, because I guess we to do something for me. Yeah. Yeah, because I guess we're using sale instead of discount, right? Right. Sure. It's like a sale. No, you think sale is a percent off. Can you guys take me to a memory that is completely inconsequential?

Like a memory of yours that doesn't have any type of point? Yep. Something that you did or went through that just doesn't have any bearing on your life and probably isn't even a good story? Yep. It was a wedding. It was my cousin Frankie Jr., redhead, bald now. He was in the CIA.

He had one of those beaded door hangy things on the way into his uh wedding reception what the hell and i think i was like where's he getting married in a fucking college dorm probably i don't know it was like it was a classy ass it was probably classy beads classy beads and i was eight or nine and i just loved the sensation of the beads going up and down my body and i was walking in and out of the reception and i looked at the beads and i said to myself i'm going to remember this damn here i am proving my point that was completely inconsequential damn what about you i uh one time i was biking and there was a bee next to me and i was like i'm gonna fucking dust this bee i'm about to go so fucking

fast and leave this bee in my dust and i biked as fast as i could and the bee just kept up bees can fly quick it was just right next to me the entire time and kept in my orbit and uh i like biked his like like as fast as i could down the block and i saw an old man and i saw him coming and he was very old and i knew i was gonna go around him and then i got to him and i saw an old man and i saw him coming and he was very old and i knew i was going to go around him and then i got to him and i just didn't go around him i just i just hit him with the bike that's super consequential not for me oh no you're fine i was fine but he might have died dude could have died and i just tried to dust his b and then i just knocked over this old man and for whatever reason i i just remember that i was like probably seven years old oh you were seven and i just knocked over i just knocked over this old guy he was so

upset at me i would i would argue most of my memories are inconsequential what's an inconsequential memory from like consequential to inconsequential i was thinking of when you guys were talking i went to a turkey bowl with my dad and his friends yeah but i wasn't playing and it was too cold so i went in the car in the parking lot and i must have been like 10 8 or 10 and i witnessed a car robbery whoa and i had the wherewithal to write the plates but the whole situation just made me feel so weird that i just i threw out my note yeah just keep it down just keep it to yourself uh my dad was going into work once and it was a red light turn screen the car in front of him didn't go didn't go that's honking honking yeah gets out of the car dude died holy shit yeah dude just a

widow maker at the red light holy shit yeah what the hell. And he was like, oh, fuck. Damn. Did you? I mean, I feel like if you're the detective, your dad has to at least be a suspect in that. Yeah. The honk could have scared him. If your daddy killed him. Daddy would never.

Nace. Nace. He just screams in the courtroom. No! Yeah. he just screams in the courtroom um yeah uh today's episode also brought to you by i thought mook just sent us the guy getting his balls stomped so i have to scroll to get to the different ad bare bottom oh my god i love baron wearing bare bottom they uh newly expanded their lineup of everyday apparel for guys brings their signature comfort and fit to the next level they have tons of new styles to explore i say it all the time but the brown and blue flannel that i wear all all fall all winter is bare bottom it's my most complimented piece um you enjoy every

everyday benefits of the features like moisture wicking antimicrobial upf sun protecting tech uh free site for each item you purchase bars i can't read today man i'm a bare bottom freak though i'll just be honest with you for real i am obsessed with bare bottom yeah it's fantastic every day wearing the summertime joggers the long sleeve t-shirts they like do the right thing to my titties dude i was wearing it and like this group of girls or just said homina homina to me what and i said excuse me and they're like you homina they objectified you yeah they honked your bulge get over here

yeah yeah they did uh get free shipping with your first purchase at barebottomclothing.com slash story b-e-a-r-b-o-t-t-o-m clothing.com slash s-t-o-r-y have you ever seen the video of the woman who is like a 1970s british woman and she's on these steps at this very public square and she goes around like goosing men, like grabbing their asses. They're like, I beg your pardon. And she's like, I want to see how you would like it. And just I guess it was like a epidemic at the time of women just getting their asses honked by men. And she tried to flip the honking on its head.

And the men were none too pleased. The OG Danny Jackal. Yeah, dude. It really was. Mammy Jackal. she tried to flip the honking on its head and uh the men were none too pleased the og danny jackal mammy jackal do you want to see my goose damn i couldn't believe it something not that chill happened with nick and i i forget who else was there we killed the guy who wrote the cha-cha slide remember oh yeah as soon as we talked about wait a minute yeah we were out with maresh oh yeah agreed to get cha-cha slide we're all gonna get one lyric of the cha-cha slide tattooed on us one hop this time that would have been one crisscross i was gonna get charlie brown to do it that weekend and then the next morning he was dead what's his

name i forget is it dj casper which is ironic go to work is it no ironic would be if he was dj alive dj that was a self-fulfilling yeah yeah prophecy dj never die how did he know but i'm still in on the tattoo if you are yeah i think now it just has to. Yeah, I actually realized I was talking to Nate today. He was asking me if I have any like Spotify playlists made. And I was like, yeah, I do. And he's like, you know, we're talking about how they're public. And I didn't know. And I have like three public playlists on my Spotify.

And I made it in 2007. It's just songs to fuck to 2017 and it's all cha-cha slide and then the last one's just cupid shuffle so i guess that's the finale but i had i had no idea it was public i don't know why i did this so fondly how many plays does it have none dude 10 000 monthly listeners also it's an hour break it in i never got to break it in because you're coming by the third dude never getting to that i don't know why yeah i'm not making it to the left all right everybody this is the what is casper slide part two

i've never heard part one is it i've only heard the remix? I've never heard Part 1. Is it? I've only heard the remix to the Casper Slide. It's like the movie Troll 2. There's no Troll 1. Really? Mm-mm. That's an unprequeled sequel? No.

And they're not even supposed to be trolls. They're goblins. That's just, that could be a whole other episode. That's when I'll do a solo episode. Yeah, put that on the Patreon maybe. Nick's epic rant. I get off track when I'm talking about dragonite and gyarados but i'll i'll land the plane oh people and there's an audience for that nah oh no uh mook and i move tomorrow and mook what are you going to miss the most

i really don't love new york to be honest. I'll miss the people. Even the intern? I'll miss the intern. Peyton? Mook has been getting bullied by this intern. Oh, I know. She can't stop talking about it. Is it like a middle school flirt or a true bully?

No, I think she's... I think she genuinely doesn't like me. That's way funnier, yeah. Yeah. She like is a locker bundler. She's not like a Helga Pataki. Like I don't think there's a chewed gum statue of Mook in her closet. There's no will they want to.

No, no. It's a won't they. And you know how your mommy always tells you that someone's bullying you because they're jealous of you? Yeah. It's like, oh yeah, they're just jealous. It's not that. No, this younger woman is just jealous of mook she's on she's working on a much more successful podcast probably gets paid more than me definitely it's a certain it's a certain

more upward mobility for some reason she sees you you know you're a full-time employee yep you think she'd be trying to earn favor she was the one that laughed at you yep told me to hit the gym told you to hit the gym yep um she saw you that one time she did look at me and that was enough to make her fucking you were asking for it um but as of late i guess some security footage was unearthed after roughuff and Rowdy we were having a watch party of Ruff and Rowdy at the office yeah and do I have it on my phone you do share it with me

sure and we'll have this playing be sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel have you seen this Owen? I have not so you'll see Peyton I feel like I'm back in 8th grade yeah Have you seen this Owen? I have not. So you'll see Peyton. I feel like I'm back in eighth grade. Yeah.

Yeah. I will play it if you could narrate it wrong. Tell me what you see. Okay. So we see over here. It looks like there's Peyton with a group of women. And then there's Mook distinctly behind. Oh my God. What the fuck?

She grips him up hand around throat slams him to the ground in a fucking full-on wrestling move what the fuck was that what the fuck did you see the that was out of nowhere what did you do i didn't do any i was just i was just standing there that looked like an alligator grabbing a toddler. That was insane. We did just watch Rough and Rowdy. Oh, okay. She could abuse you.

That wasn't even a wrestling move. Or that wasn't a boxing move. It was a wrestling move. Yeah, it was originally to the marble. No, it was like hand grasped around the throat. She was like a Native American. She sucked out your last breath. So you could live on in her soul.

And then while I was down on the ground, she like came and like stood over me and was like, I'll finish you right now. I was like, what the fuck's happening? What the hell? How did that happen? Is she in the office still? Can we get her in here? Do you want to confront her, Mook? I'll let her explain her side of the story

because i still don't fully understand why she did what she did she dummied you she dummied you and it was not like playful or flirtatious this was wrath it was like aggression and spite some people bullied to kind of like get the engine going to try and like run with the big dogs this was not that either she's going out of her way to torture you out of malice and anger this is like get it going into prison as fresh meat you're like bring me the smallest guy

I'll fucking kick his ass bring me the biggest twink what did it hurt I when I went down there was like kind of like a second tackle and i like did hit my head on the floor oh man so like i did feel it the floor is so hard here it's hard as shit i said i clanked my head last week he's like what did you slam it against i'm like the floor no um what so yeah i i want to hear her side like what could her side be led her to do that we were like just

chilling all night you know well she was talking to someone else she was talking to a long skirted woman yeah the long skirt was she a mennonite was she with a mennonite woman so mali mennonite on rumspringer yes so she invited a rem a mennonite and it was her last day of rumspringer and she was like what's one thing you really want to do I want to fuck that guy up am I under attack by the Amish that camera's not going to be much but she used those two minutes I just couldn't believe her strength

yeah unbelievable strength but I think it was she used her leverage to lift him off the ground we just watched some security footage of Ruff and Rowdy the office security footage here bring that closer. There was some just footage that was unearthed post Ruff and Rowdy. Do you know what I'm talking about?

I know exactly what you're talking about. Bring that a wee bit closer. Bring it closer. Angle it up maybe. You work on a podcast. I would help you. I don't want to get strangled right now. What?

I get it first of all. Yeah, that's good. I get it to the ground. I would help you. I don't want to get strangled right now. What? I get it, first of all. I get it fully. Get what? Okay, I'm going to explain this to you. What do you mean? Explain whatever that was. What do you mean whatever? It's plain as day

what that was. I'm going to keep looping it over. Who did? Grace. That was O'Malley you were talking about. whatever it's plain as day what that was i'm gonna keep looping it over tell me to do it who did grace that was o'malley you were talking yes oh grace said because the whole night i was wearing i was repping the merch that i can tell this bitch merch sure thank you so it was just kind of like a bit that i was just fucking with mook all day but he really like he should just go you didn't hold back i knew i honestly didn't really even touch him that hard. Like I know it's on video, but I genuinely don't think it was like that bad.

Let me look at it again. Let me watch it again. Let me watch it again. It looks like WWE. What are you talking about? Oh my God. It looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger snapping someone's neck. I'd never seen physical force like that.

You lifted him off the ground. This was like the priest breaking the host at the altar. Not a single bit of Now that I know what I'm looking for What exactly did she tell you to do? Because you're having a very regular conversation. We were just like let's do it. But like she was like

go push him or like go grasp him by the throat yeah what did she say just i was just gonna go fuck with you and then i guess i took it a little too far no no i think no i think i think you did the appropriate thing i think mook just went down a lot easier than you expected yeah it was easy yeah that was like the undertaker, though. You fully lifted his legs, swung into the air. He got spun around so fast. But you have a strong, sturdy core. Like your legs, your base is thick. You have the best thick.

You have the thickest, creamiest thighs in the office. Yes. That's what I mean. That should keep you standing. But she attacked me at my weakest point. My neck. That's your weakest point? Probably.

You do have a really. I have a soft neck. I don't know how it keeps that head up. Roan loves my neck that's your weakest point probably you do have a really i have a soft neck i don't know how it keeps my head up i own loves my neck i always like touch his neck like super super and he's so sensitive we like jump out of his shit have you always like growing up been targeted by just like things people yeah it's like mine is loving. No, but it's still a target. You hurt him. Yeah. But we're like friends. People forget. Yeah.

Easy to forget. Yeah. Yeah. When you're always beating the piss out of him. You know we're friends, but I just can't help but beat the fucking piss out of him. Is it a two-way relationship? Does he ever beat the piss out of you? Or like... No.

Exactly. I think I'm going to have to, right? You're going to have have to stand up for myself my mom texted me today she's like are you getting bullied at work really she's like they pick on you i'm like yeah it's part of the game who who's they uh you guys yeah yeah i'm sorry miss mook and payton she's like what is that girl he has a lot of people like literally everybody just found my Instagram and they're like

hashtag free Mook like I just get spammed and shit and I kind of good yeah Mook has demons Mook has demons

I can unleash them more it's shocking how more than like a lot of people that work here Mook has shooters yeah

people love him and rightfully so he's got shooters in Montreal anywhere I think you just gotta leave this boy alone I know well he's moving has shooters. People love him and rightfully so. He's got shooters in Montreal. I think you just gotta leave this boy alone. I know. Well he's moving so I need to find someone else I guess. Or now you just have to

they're gonna be few and far between so they're gonna have to be nastier. Or you fly out to Chicago just to like smack the fuck out of him. You walk into the office and just spit on him. I'm like so happy walking through Old Town. I see Peyton just charging at me. Should we give Peyton three slaps?

Like the chicken from Family Guy? Oh, yes. She just appears. Three slaps. Yeah. What? Three slaps. I think that's fair. You get three slaps until January 1st, 2025. You can use them whenever you want. But not two on the same day. Yes. You have to space them out. And also probably three trips to Chicago to deliver these slaps.

Expensed by Barstool. Yeah, that sounds fair. Fly to Chicago, slap the shit out of him. You get right back on the plane, though. Okay. You just come right back home. You can Peter Pan one way. Three slaps.

Huh? Three slaps till now, till 2020. Yeah, I'm just afraid you're going to escalate it somehow. Like, shoot me one. Yeah, I mean, that's the trajectory it's on. The fear is not knowing when it's coming. It started as a public giggle, and now it's gone to physical violence. What's next?

It didn't hurt him that much. Right, I know. So, like, would you say Mook's delicate? I'm a frail boy. You're not frail. I just don't even know. I can't believe you felt that way. I was just saying how thick and creamy you were. Like, soft. You got chest anthos. Yeah, you're elite milk.

You have the chest. Yeah, you have. I'm elite milk. Elite milk. Hell yes. Should we see what the slap would be like just to know how hard, like what a gauge of a slap is or is this not the time for that? This wouldn't count as one of the slaps.

It wouldn't count. Yeah, let's just be a tradition slap. Yeah, let's just do a weapons test. So just put all the rings on one hand. All rings on one hand. Okay, slaps are off the table. No, you want to be more stealthy about it. I get it. Yeah.

Sleuth. Or like a slide tackle or something. And if you hit him too hard, he might just fucking turn to dust. Yeah. Look like a fucking cloud of talcum. Okay. I can't believe that that was real. I can't believe that that footage was real.

I thought that that was like something that you guys planned. No, that just happened. Yeah. And I forgot that there's like security cameras. So wait, you did it just for your own pleasure. No, like Grace wasn't recording. We were just like, yeah, we're just going to get away with it. Now, Mook did say when he hit the ground, you were above him with like a clenched fist.

Yeah, she went. If you look at the video, I'm on the ground. She walks away for a second and then she stands over me like AI walking over Tyronn Lue and like cocks her fist back. But the ref had already come in and like ended the fight yeah also nobody in the office like laughs or anything they're just like yeah oh yeah you do come back oh my god yeah dude wait you cock that shit back I wasn't

punching him look at this look at her walking because he was already dead looking at her walking towards the corpse ready yeah yeah oh my god behind the pillar it's like she wanted to kill me Ready? Yeah. So... Yeah. Oh my god. Behind the pillar. It's like she wanted to kill me.

Wait, that wasn't just a buck. The hand came forward. She might have hit me. I forget. That's a joke. You had a roll of pennies in your fist. There's a bar of soap in a sock. What the fuck?

I feel like a maniac. I think it's your behavior that's making you feel that way. I'm thinking the body you just killed is funny though. Maybe you killed the guy and you try to make him flinch. Just see if they're fucking fake and stay down bitch.

Give him the Izzy dead kick. That's what I thought. I think I apologized. I thought it was... You felt bad immediately. You went back to punch him. It wasn't immediate. It was kind of... I felt like I was back in a middle school locker room. You know what I mean? A girl's locker room?

No. Like a birthday party with your boys in like eighth grade. And you're just like sending spears at each other. Like spear tackles. You were chokeslammed by a girl. Yeah. Wait, Mook, what did you do once you got up? I think I was just in shock.

Yeah. I didn't really process what happened. Once you processed it, did you feel better when i saw the security footage today i was like i almost don't want to talk about this at all i don't know if i want this video out to the public because we got we can cut all this i'm flat yeah you got picked up like a pet turtle yeah i got ragdolled i got gang beasted in real life dude yeah i'm trying to think of metaphors and I'm just I've never seen anything like this. I'm metaphorless.

Yeah. Unbelievable. It was like an ant killing a praying man or a praying man is killing an ant. Simple as that. Did that happen? What? Did also Akira flip Nate? Yeah.

Other way around. Yeah. Yeah. He flipped her around to lick her pussy. I wish it was the other way around. Dude. Yeah. yeah yeah he flipped her around to lick her pussy i wish it was the other way dude yeah i would i always thought it'd be a funny bit i think have we talked about this like a dude that only standing 69s because he doesn't have furniture in his apartment that's me right that's rudy right now just like let's not even get past the foyer let's get let's get down to this right now pay I'm sorry. Sorry you're still here for this.

Yeah, you're good. Thank you, Peyton. Thank you. Thank you, Peyton. No, babe, I have a couch. I just want to stand and lick you. I swear to God I have a couch. You just said gymnastics, but I have to have you now.

Just trapped in a phone booth with her, getting sucked upside down. Put this helmet on so what do you think the barrier is for like generational milk versus elite milk which is better generational i'm asking you generational milk means it was passed down from your mother i thought it was like once a generation i think i like an underdog story like who like a flat-chested mother gives birth to a well that's what they become a stacked adult gives birth to a stacked ass like imagine your kid your buddy having like a stacked kid and you can't say anything. Just like, don't talk about it.

But it's a baby. It's like a baby with no hair on its head, but it's stacked as hell in all the right places. We gotta get a bra on this thing ASAP. Listen, you're gonna want to say something. Just don't. Please just don't. We talked about it. Mike's coming over with those curvy ass kids.

His hourglass baby. Jesus Christ. Like folds in the titty. You see on a fat baby's arms. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm sure the next sponsor will love us just rolling right into their ad. His stacked ass baby.

Is there a picture of him? No, I'm not Googling stacked baby, dude. Also, ask AI to make it. No. Make a buxom baby. I'm trying to see a Wendy Williams chest. Yeah, I can't like Google big-titted baby. That would be on a list.

All right. We ran out of battery, but I was in the middle. I was starting a 3C ad, so I'll get right back. We left to smoke 3C. Yeah, we left to smoke that 3C flower. And then I had the comfortably numb gummy. And now I'm on another planet right now. Now we're in outer fucking space. 3C.

It's a cool thought effect. Of all things in life, one of the best has to be getting high wherever you want, whenever you want without the paranoia of consuming some black market bunk. Some black market. Whoa, it's it's changed what let's read it sketchy black market boot booth oh booth yeah boot is a good term yeah uh what's the best way to do that with three chi of course three chi has the highest quality cannabis products from their delicious Delta 9 edibles to their industry-leading Delta 8 products and their new line of Delta 9-0 vapes. Today, we've got something truly revolutionary to talk about, 3Chi's True Strains. It's the perfect cannabis experience with True Strains. It comes with a tailored cannabis blend designed just for you, whether you're in the mood for relaxation, euphoria, energy, something in between.

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All my bras are Forrest. Last show in New York City. We remember. That was. All the time. Oh. Are we singing vitamin C-ing right now? Well, and then you freestyle.

Yeah. Oh. Your beard is weird. Why did nobody think of that? He just shaves it like a normal beard? It's like so thick yet so short. But he used to never have it. It looks like theatrical almost

like in a play or something yeah like yeah he's in hamilton or something like that do you think he's cloned do you believe that did you say cologne cloned cloned yeah i think he wears curve yeah there's paco ruban i mean like cloned like Hollywood cloned You're saying cloned Cloned What are you doing right now We gotta get Peyton back in here Stat We got a whole cloned cloned conundrum right now Just call it body spray for the sake of this conversation

Is he axed No that's not what I'm talking about Has he been Cloned Like replicated I don't know if he smells Is he axed? Has he been axed? No, that's not what I'm talking about. Has he been cloned? Like replicated? I don't know if he smells. I don't know his smell. God damn.

What? Has Hollywood cloned Eminem and created a new version of Eminem? No, he does it himself. I think the Jews choose what you smell like, too. Oh, man. What? You know what I'm talking about, right? They control the weather for sure.

Yeah. Will he cologne fans? That's the question every morning. Oh, they gave him like a five, six year NFL career. Fans believe the rapper died and was cloned. Oh, clone. Oh, like replicate. died and was cloned. Oh. Cloned. Oh, like replicated. Yes. Duplicated. Yes, duplicated. Like Avril

Levine. Yes. Do you believe that shit? No. Why would they clone Eminem to take control of him and work the machine? He's not doing enough though. He like mildly like. Mr. President, we finally have control of Eminem.

Yeah, alright. though he like let mildly like mr president we finally have control of eminem uh yeah all right yeah all right cool they just hit d12 yeah i feel like he just did you see that he just told uh that guy running for president to stop singing his songs? Yeah, he DMCA'd Vivek. Yeah, he told Ramaswamy, no more, lose yourself.

Which is a fucking blow to that guy's campaign trail. You see that Kanye West was getting sucked off in Venice? Yes, dude. He was getting necked on the canal venice he was going bare cheeks on wood i know and his ass looks sloppy dude his ass cheeks are real far apart yeah he's got a grand canyon yeah it's crazy to see a man's ass cheeks sort of eclipsed by the tail end of a blazer on wood yeah yeah i've never seen an ass in that

setting i probably wasn't like can you enjoy the head there or is it just to say you did it yeah he probably wasn't even horny he probably didn't bust no chance he probably just did it he was he was wearing a scarf too which i thought was funny he was like i'm not wearing pants but i'm just gonna add the clothes on the top Yeah, but getting head in a scarf is funny, too. Just like it's like tossing it over your shoulder. It's like getting sucked at Hogwarts. The last year to do that had to be the Jeff Goldblum. Yeah, yeah.

He definitely. Now Kravitz, Lenny Kravitz got sucked in a scarf a lot. For sure. His was wrong, though. Yeah. His was a fucking red carpet around his neck. Did you see the video? Did you see the video of it? There's a video of Kanye getting sucked?

There's a video of the boat coming into dock. And he gets up and kind of like, you can see him pull his pants up. But the funniest part is the captain of the ship is on the phone. And I was just picturing him like telling his boy what is occurring. In Italian. Just like this Italian boat captain. Just an Italian boat captain like, you're not gonna fucking believe this. She's sucking on the dick of the Kanye.

It's a Kanye West. He's a kitty. The top. Enzo, you won't believe what I'm saying. You can see his ass cheeks on my wood. Oh my god. He's ruining the wood, Enzo. You'll never believe it.

I hope someone's filming. There's a cocoa butter on my wood. He over butters his ass. He's just slip sliding all over Venice. Gross. That's just gross. He over butters his ass. You's just slip sliding all over Venice. Gross. That's just gross. Over butters his ass. He's cocoa buttering down his ass. Gotta be right.

Really? Yeah. Sure. Does the ass get dry? I think it's gotta be one of the driest places. Yes. Cause you're always bending. Not for me.

Moist ass boy. Wait, the video is crazy because they're like docking. They're like close to like Boating the dock And she's still sucking him And he's just getting topped Wait can you send it? Yeah

And there's an assistant woman Can we 4K upscale that as well? Yeah Got you got you Switch the gradient Jarvis enhanced But there's a woman There's like an assistant woman

That's also on the boat That's either her assistant Or his assistant Some other vaguely Italian looking broad that must have just been in this tiny boat watching Kanye get necked. I'm not looking at the picture. Is it the girl that looks exactly

like Kim? Yeah, she's a model. She might. Yeah. Short hair broad who flirted in the mall. Bianca Sensori. Sensori, yeah. She like. What does she do? She's hot. There was one that was like legit a clone a cologne of clone yeah i think that's connie's new wife pretty yeah this wife that's connie's new wife is the cologne yeah getting having your pants down but with the jacket that has that split in

the back is hilarious yeah that's like the the onesie under the onesie pajamas with like the poop flap very similar his ass looks so sloppy and his crack looks high enough that it's like he must have plumbers crack like his butt crack goes high enough that it should be peeking over his belt if he was fully trousered up remember that all-time crack on the yak oh yeah the plumbers oh my god we had to take that video down, right? Probably because Dr. Plumber. Yeah, Ron got in trouble for revenge porn. Yeah, because it was Plumber.

Your cable guy sued you for revenge porn. It was my biggest tweet ever. It was like at 30,000 likes in one hour and I had to take it down, dude. I was about to go to the next chat. Did he reach out? No, but the guy who sent it to me, he got it from a friend and they saw it all happening at once.

It would have been your cinnamon toast shrimp. Exactly. They would have found out some bad stuff about me if that had happened. Did that crack one all the way up between his clavicle? Yeah, it went to lower. It was between his blades. Yeah, it was right between the shoulder blades. It was preposterous. It was beautiful. It was like a hot dog bun he was of a man he was fully split he had a split personality

it's a nasty why do we have butt cheeks uh comfort no so you you're so you can shit and poop. Right? But that's why the split happened. Is it comfort? Or is it part of leg? Is it part of your leg? Yeah, I think the ass is just part of leg. I think it's just to cover up and protect the asshole. To protect the asshole? From what?

I don't know. Why else is it hidden in darkness? You don't need a butt cheek yeah we should be evolved past butt cheeks we should just have but we're going the other way like we value butt cheeks so much as a society that butt cheeks are getting bred more so the dominant gene of the butt cheek will like prosper yeah i feel like god i don't know i don't have many bones back there i feel like it's a lot of just like your hip Yeah there's less bones I think we're circling back though

I think the ass got too big too fast Totally It's like the brontosaurus then there's nothing to eat Die out Yeah I mean in the 80s they were trying to do it But before Mix-a-Lot came along He's like the Jane Goodall of the ass He was saving the ass

But like before then flatboats were the thing And they wereane goodall of the ass he was saving the ass but like before then flatboats were the thing and they were basically getting rid of the ass cheek to get us to a pure butthole society i think we'll return to like a yoko ono ass have you seen i think i think yeah that you know that picture's fake bro that broke what my fucking heart is it not his body no those are they manipulated the buck butt cracks so they made hers shorter and his longer. Wow. Do they just have regular asses? That's a shame.

Like the Pink Floyd poster everybody had in their fucking dorm room with the girls with the painted backs. Those were like nice asses back then, and now they're just... Yeah, nice handful, man. It's a little bubble butt. Bubble butt. Speaking of babies. No baby. Wasn't comfortable back there.

Jesus Christ. I need a binky. Those extra big diapers. Oh my god. A size 42 waist diaper for a baby's ass. 12 inches long. 42 inches at the ass. Alright.

Let's end the episode. Anderson, New York was cool. Yeah, it was awesome. Owen was there since day one uh so you guys were cool it was dog shit uh remember like that first episode we had like co-workers come in and sing oh my god you and owen you and uh kyle convinced me that you're like this is gonna be a funny segment where we're just gonna have like a choir come in and they sang um pompeii by bastille and i was just sitting there like i I was like, I was left to my home. It was not funny at all.

Yeah. Yeah. We had to cut that. But it's funny now. It's funny now to talk about. It's one of those things that's funny when you come back to it. Dude. Yeah.

We had like Owen do like a coin toss segment. There was a lot of Jeff D too. Yeah. Jeff D was like the original producer of the show. I'm super excited to watch the Chicago studio. Yeah, I'm excited to see where that goes. We'll be back here a lot. Just give us one last fuck no, baby.

That was Kyle. I know, but just give us one last. I can't do that. That's not my thing. That's fair. We have one more ad. What? Game time. Well, they know. They know it's game time. Roan, can you start that game time ad

i mean game time is the premier ticketing partner of barstool sports and that's it's it's for a very simple reason they have the best app they have the best prices you can find last minute tickets to all kinds of games concerts whatever you want to do it's the easiest to interface if you compare to other apps there's no late hidden fees or any bullshit like that. And you will get a comparable, if not better price than any other app. If you want to go to a Phillies game, Eagles game, Morgan Wallen concert or some shit like that. You go to the Game Time app. You download tickets. Buy them immediately.

It's so fast. It's so easy. And you probably can get some kind of discount if you uh if you rock with uh the the anus boys yeah uh let's see you can use promo code untold u-n-t-o-l-d dot com 20 bucks off you're going to be going to uh you used it a while ago you went to a kenny chesney concert yes with riley cooper yep and um so download the game time app michael richards was opening you're a front row belt now i knew every word no you just knew one that's all you needed it was incredible download the game time app go to the website enter your email redeem code untold

20 off your first purchase oh man what a run it's been in new york city um truly we'll see how it goes in Chicago. Yeah, where are you guys going to be recording from in Chicago? Make out their own studio. No, but I won't be ready for like a month. Yeah, but I've seen those pictures. It will be sweet. We'll see.

At least. We'll see if the budget allows. And you're moving tomorrow? Yeah. God damn. Yeah, it's crazy. That's a fucking... I got emotional leaving the apartment today.

Really? Yeah. Do you have like a good view or something? No, heavens no. I don't have windows. Is there something you're going to miss about it? Dude, I miss my beige water. I think the struggle made me who I am today.

And it's shortened my life for sure. You got it out the mud. Made you funny as hell. No, I don't think so. No, I was funnier before that apartment. For sure. So I think it was just, it was another chapter. Well, you got another chapter coming, brother.

Can't wait. I'm going to be following along. It'll be a good excuse to listen all the time. Not going to see you as much. I'm going to need my little fix. Fixing my boys. No, i appreciate you guys it's been fun in new york uh but yeah like i said we'll be back we're gonna keep doing a

project together facts all the time cool god bless oh i wouldn't say it oh god bless