A New Untold Story - H.P. Noswag - A New Untold Story: Ep. 418

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

HP Lovecraft, quebec, parlays, & Brolly. Please checkout @Matt_Brolly on instagram for more information on what's going on. We will be doing a livestream to raise money soon. In the meantime if you would like to donate please venmo @Maryjo-moriarty . God bless Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app today and use code UNTOLD to easily score great deals with the new Gametime Picks! Factor - Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/kb50 and use code kb50 to get 50% off your first box and 20% off your next month. CANN - Head to https://DrinkCann.com and use code STORY30 for 30% off your order of Cann and get free shipping.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. Go ahead, Kyle. You're a clap guy. Sick. You clap in your notes. Pretty good. You're just gonna say like, no that's a new untold story. Yeah, yeah. Hey, isn't that sweet, old or told? Fuck no, baby. It's a new untold story.

A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story episode 418. No kidding. Vidre Quebec. La vie capitao. Quebec City. Quebec City.

What province is that in? Quebec. Didn't Quebec. Quebec City, Quebec City. What province is that in? Quebec. Didn't know. Yeah, it's in Quebec. Shout out to the francophone freaks from the frost in the front the knock.

Majority French speaking, so, and barely any English speakers. Really? Like, they don't just, they just don't speak English, which is crazy, because it's so close to America, like six hours from Boston. One of the most beautiful cities. Quebec.

And not just Canada, but in all of North America. No. And I did the VR research. It is immaculate. Were you sober? I was sober, 17th century, French, whatever, European. I don't know architecture, but look, like the spires and the conical tops.

Get your passport, I'll take ya. It is amazing, but especially enchanting in the winter. It's unbelievable. You've been? I have been. Okay, well let me keep talking about it. They will. No, Kyle went there in VR.

I went there as a child, so it's not the same. It's a place, don't take your girlfriend here. Take your girlfriend to Miami, Cabo, Nashville. Take your wife. To Quebec. He's not wrong. To Quebec City. Is it romantic?

It is, you have to look at it, look at it with like snowfall. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Stay at a chateau. Take your wife of three plus years. It has to be a wife of three. Oh, wow. Looks damn near European or Scandinavian.

Yeah, it's the only city north of Mexico with fortified walls that are still up That's a fun fact back city Yes, it's a very fun fact they uh they have milk and bags there Does all of Canada do that? I don't know, but they sure should do it in Quebec Yeah, cups work bottles work even better jugs work Yeah bags don't have flat bottoms No, oh Yeah, bags don't have flat bottoms. No. Oh, yeah, there they are.

Yep. That took me up when I saw that. It's on the north bank of the St. Lawrence River and on the mouth of the St. Charles River. Does that sound desirable, Rudy? The mouth of the Charles. The mouth of the James.

When you say it like the mouth of the James Charles. When you say it like that, you'd like to be like that. The mouth of the James Charles. The mouth of the James Charles. It's on the mouth of the James Charles. When you say it like that. Somewhere you'd like to be. Somewhere you say it like that. I would get there and be like, I could stay here forever.

I could put down roots. The mouth of James Charles. And you would too. But I imagine you wouldn't wanna live there, guys. It's, I'd imagine the people there are snobby and look down upon English speakers because they're French look down upon the rest of Canada and definitely the states but It's a short flight from Chicago. You can even make a road trip from New England, Boston, New York City

Go to Quebec City take your wife Take or your side piece. Is that a side piece a A side piece city? A side piece that like you, like you, yeah. You can't take a side piece to a postable place. But that's what side pieces want. Quebec City is what side pieces want? Like an aesthetic location, yeah. Okay. But it's not like, it's not rare enough to just be like, oh, she was just there at the same time. Miami, that's understandable. I guess. It's not rare enough to just be like, oh, she was just there at the same time.

Miami, that's understandable. I don't think it's a side piece city. Not a side piece. Take your wife, yeah. Okay. Wife that you love. Where would you take your wife that you hate? The wife that you hate.

Paris. Really? I mean, I'm just saying, instead of going to Paris, you can go to Quebec City. Jesus Christ, we're back on Quebec City. Okay. Founded in 1608 by Samuel de Champlain, de Champlain maybe?

Yeah, yeah. Okay. This dude was an explorer, navigator, cartographer, draftsman, soldier, geographer, ethnologist, diplomat, and chronicler. Whoa. Chronicler sounds the coolest there. Yeah. All of those.

He was, how, like how did he die at like 19? Well there's a story. Another one of those people who just lived so many lives amazingly. What did he do? He completed 20 voyages across the Atlantic Ocean. Jesus Christ. He befriended the native tribes

and mastered their languages, so he wasn't like a dickhead about it. So everything I'm reading on Wikipedia, coolest dude ever, coolest dude ever, I'm about to stan, coolest dude ever, coolest dude ever, and he married a 12 year old. Always, dude, it's always, Coolest dude ever I'm about to stand coolest dude ever coolest dude ever and He married a 12 year old always dude. It's always when it's always nested in an article when he was 43 In his defense he was like oh It's just because her dad is a member of the royal court who makes important decisions that will help me down the road

So he didn't impregnate her She rallied against joining him. He was like, no, you're still mine. Their relationship, while it apparently lacked physical connection, recovered and was apparently good for many years, which is heartwarming. Wow, we're really happy I think. How does a 12-year-old rally against the 23-year-old?

Yeah, what do they do? Do they just like hyper-indicator? Cross their arms and exhale yeah stomp Yeah, I'm sure the struggle was you know ineffective So did he have children with her no thank okay, maybe I don't know what the you know what the etiquette was in the 16th 17th century. The couple had no children. Good. But they adopted three native Montagnier girls

named Faith, Hope, and Charity. That's white trash. That is white trash. Faith, Hope, and Charity are a trio of daughters who are rolling into the Supercenter, the Walmart Supercenter. One of them has no shoes on yeah or socks one of them is actively breastfeeding one of them is two of them have shoes or sandals, but Just one shirt and no pants yep

One of them is wearing the Uggs where the soles are on the side of the shoe and she's walking on like the heels Yeah, and like the shirts are they're like mom's Like adult medium volleyball t-shirt from four years ago. It's going down to their knees You don't know what they're wearing. Maybe a diaper. Maybe not they're covered in freeze-pop shoes otter pop otter pop They're all sharing one dr. Pepper But if you try to take it from the oldest one she'll rip the top of your hair out The mom is three aisles away in pajamas screaming at them to shut the fuck up Faith hope charity. What did I tell you shut the fuck up?

Shut the faith get over here. I've heard this one million times one million times Here's from the rust belt Appalachia You know this that one of them always wants a t-shirt and like is trying to get it into the cart and the mom is Refusing so meanly so meanly Hey Charity what did I tell you? Faith, no! Charity, what did I tell you? Um, they drive home, they stop at Taco Bell on the way, the three girl...

Faith, Hope, and Charity are gonna be on the couch eating the Taco Bell, ground beef everywhere, but their stomachs... They're gonna be on the couch eating the Taco Bell, which... The couch is on the front yard for some reason, on the house. on cinder blocks. They're playing hot potato with the hard tacos frisbee with the crunch rap supreme The subjects of custody disputes on Facebook for you. Uh-huh long window ones no punctuation faith. Hope charity Yeah, that uh, yeah. And that's, but in this situation, the mom is 12. And the mom is 12.

The mom happens to be 12. Yeah. That's, uh, uh, sorry. Sam, you were close to standing? Alright guys, it's football season, it's basketball season, hockey season, it's arena concert season. It's time to use game time. You're going to want to lock up or lock down an event this fall, this winter with a loved

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he wrote books, he created cities. He was a cartographer, a diplomat, a draftsman, don't know what that means. That's like the modern day, like people who put like entrepreneur, mentor, life coach, Bitcoin analyst, marketing, whatever. Except instead of all of those things being

absolutely nothing, they're all the most impressive skilled titles a man can have. So shout out to Samuel DeChamplain. For the most part. I wish him the best legacy as he is Does he have a statue? Innocent, I'm sure he has many statues A lake

He's a- Oh yeah Famous Quebecois Mm-hmm Crudeau? None that like I knew probably a lot of French like celebrities, but Norm MacDonald Is from Quebec? Born and raised there He was a French speaker? I knew probably a lot of French celebrities, but Norm MacDonald. Is from Quebec?

Born and raised there. He was a French speaker? That's like the biggest celebrity hometown mismatch. That's shocking to me. He is maybe the least French voice I've ever heard. Yeah. I don't think, his father refused to let him speak French. So that makes sense.

Why? So he can't adapt and live in the city that he's in? I don't know. Maybe it was more common to be anglophone back then. Yeah, but Norm MacDonald being Quebec City. It's like Glenn Quagmire being from Provo. Yeah, makes no fun. Oh, Glenn would hate Provo.

Couldn't I don't recognize any other names from Quebec City. Do you know, what can you tell me? I just went there for a hockey tournament when I was 12 or 13. Nordiques, one of the best logos of all time. The Nordiques? Yeah, the Nordiques, which are now the Colorado Avalanche, strangely.

Oh, they were a pro team. Yeah. And they were successful in them for some, I don't even know why they became the Avalanche. Wow. And then, yeah, I went there for know why they became the Avalanche. Wow. And then, yeah, I went there for the Quebec Pee-wee hockey tournament, which is the big, huge tournament that everyone,

it's like the Hogwarts tournament thing, where like everyone comes. The Triwizard. Yeah, where everyone comes from all over the world. We got dick stomped by Czechoslovakia. But it was cool because we stayed with French families. Yeah? Like we had billet families.

What were they like? So French. Are any French people pleasant? Not really. Yeah. They were cool, but everything, they just do things in a very strange way and they expect you just to understand it.

And then it's really weird. The bag of milk thing was fucking crazy to me. I hate that. But you are right It is legitimately like a beautiful breathtaking city and when it's covered in snow, it's crazy I'm saying you go outside and everyone is Building igloos and shit and like ice sculptures really it's crazy. Yeah, I'm gonna have to go you would love it You don't go there. You don't

Brutus go there in there done that okay there's a winter carnival and like a big music festival in the summer, but I'm sure they're hockey shit talking and chirps sound more flirtatious. It's a romance language. Yeah Interesting stuff yeah, but one on the F slur and they're like- Oh, they don't, yeah, they're fine. Well, all French are gay. Yeah. So. Oh, of course.

To an extent. Yeah. You finding, so I can totally relate to how you've been feeling. Finding somebody you're close to standing turns out to be a pedophile. Happened to me. Happened to me this week.

Yeah? With? Typhlosion, dude. Oh no. The Pokemon Typhlosion is being canceled online for pedophilia. I unfortunately know this as well, and I had to pay for a Forbes subscription

just to read the stupid fucking story. Wait, really? Because I was trying to tell you about it, because I was like kinda distraught yesterday. One of my favorite Pokemon typhlosion pedophile There was a big game freak data leak and there was a story that was supposed to go into the Pokemon games where a girl Got lost in the snow

Back up when you say that the game freak is at the company that does Pokemon Yeah, so they're their documents leaked they everything leaked and everything are these like the man-written Like biographies this was no this was going to be like in the game a storyline in the game Okay, so a girl so Typhlosion is like what typhlosion is a sick-ass fucking Pokemon So I thought well pull up a picture typhlosion's a sick-ass fucking Pokemon, so I thought. Well, pull up a picture of Typhlosion. Would you describe him as a beast? Yes.

Like a menacing beast? Yes. Well, he's my exact dimensions, 57, 175. Fuck! After a big dinner. You're a Typhlosion. Dude, there are multiple guys in panic right now, because this is an oft-tattooed Pokemon.

But like, you can't subscribe to the notion that he's actually a pedophile. He's a fictional fantasy creature Yeah, but if if there was a game of Thrones character as a pedophile you'd be like fuck that guy He's a pedophile and that's fake. I Mean well how many? What is it typhlosions are there isn't it just a species of many? Yes, but there's a rare dude has to take Typhlosion kidnapped a girl brought her into the snow he kept on feeding her berries to fall asleep

And then he was like hey when your dad finds you he's going to kill me this is where I want you to burn my body and Jesus Christ dad finds times the girl finds typhlosion kills her he like she like takes out his eyes burns him girls pregnant with typhlosion, kills her, she takes out his eyes, burns him, girl's pregnant with Typhlosion's baby. Well, they had sex then. Yes, hence the pedophilia. Well, I don't know. If I caught my underage daughter making out with a-

With a Typhlosion. Let's say like an ungulate, like an odd toed ungulate. My first reaction wouldn't be, oh, that ungulate is a pedophile. It would be oh My daughter is a criminal My human daughter's Sucking up a fucking Pokemon are each smarter than Than a typical animal so they also follow the same rules of

Typhlosion was like drugging her with green berries, but I don't think the typhlosion see age Yeah, you're right. How old is typhlosion? Yeah, I guess I guess how old was typhlosion himself, but old enough to like Impregnate also. This is what some weirdo in Japan Also, this is what some weirdo in Japan wrote He should be in prison People are distraught over typhlosions There's dudes on Twitter that are like what the fuck do I do now like they got a swastika tattoo It's a fucking they have a typhlosion tattoo people are really

freaking out But yeah, there's a huge data leak, but this was one of the big things that came from it. Yeah, he was like talking to her sweet. What was he saying? Your father will be here soon. Now I'm going to do something bad to your father. If you kill me, you can have my eyes, my voice, my heart. I want to build a fire where I was killed and let it burn.

And then his last thing he said to her was goodbye, we'll never meet again, which is fucking that's like a future thing. That's a future line. But when did they consummate? He said it was goodbye will never meet again, which is fucking that's like a future thing. That's a future line But when did they consummate while she was asleep off the berries oh she was asleep yeah Bad guy I disavow and I don't know if I've ever brought up typhlosion You have not so wait what happens. I do know typhlosion personally like I've seen the creature. Yeah, okay. Yeah, he's cool I like a Charizard type well. He's a starter fire Pokemon So yeah, what would but I don't understand like what the game plan was this leaked

It was gonna be like a story and like the mainline games I know but the all these guys that are having a panic attack about this still would have been having a panic attack But they would yeah actually a storyline when it came out, they'd be like, oh, by the way, this beloved Pokemon that you all have tattooed all over your back is a pedophile, a pedophile, which to me is very funny of them. I mean, yeah, that would be funny to like, if there's something huge in popular culture, like people are naming their kids after it. And this like the like Game of Thrones, there's a lot. There are a lot of kids named Aria. Yeah.

Born. And then the writers are like, no, it no be funny. Yeah, she's a pedophile. Yeah Yeah, Pikachu is actually a neo-nazi. Yeah, they could they could do that. Yeah, so I guess that's the thing you don't get any tattoos Your should be the rule of thumb. Yeah Yeah This is super fucked up. It's really fucked up. After I eat this, I'm going to sleep. Even if you wake up before me, don't look at me. Yes. It's really fucking creepy.

Again, it's creepy from the minds of the man who wrote that. Yeah, but if you're the creator, you have every right to change things, and it becomes canon. Yeah, again, it's on him. It's on the dude who wrote it. every right to change things and it becomes canon. Yeah, again, it's on him. It's on the dude who wrote it. Right. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm not, I'm still, I'm mad at Typhlosion, but I'm more mad at the dude. Yeah.

It doesn't have to be a binary thing. I'm mad at both of them. But imagine the innocent Typhlosions, of which there are many. True. This guy, well, they have to like bear the reputation of one one typhlosion. Yeah Are you worried about any other Pokemon? Yeah, man, it's a zygoon So my favorite Pokemon jigglypuff its main thing is it puts people to sleep. Oh

But it just doodles on your face prankster It's the Knoxville of the time. Sure. That's what he says. Yeah, just a prank. Yeah I'm sorry, bro. That really sucks for you. Oh wait what leaked about zigzagoon? Okay something like about six oh fuck how you'll be destroyed I was close to putting out a notes app apology just like I didn't know like I've had Many parties with typhlosion in them And we're gonna get like we only strictly battled together

Yeah, it was like after that like he was in his pokeball. I didn't know no you guys were you guys were doing jungle juice were you guys were doing jungle juice. You guys were at. I was never doing that. You were adding the watermelon sour patch kids like that's enough sugar. Nick in Typhlosion was, he was adding yogurt. There's gonna be like. Give it some thickness.

Some viscosity to the jungle juice. There's gonna be a Getty image of you at a ball with Typhlosion like the Gillian Maxwell photos. Yeah. No, I'm just really worried to see what else comes out about these guys. It's like when Diddy got caught, Love that image of you at a ball with typhlosion like the Gillian No, I'm just really worried to see what else comes out about these guys It's like when did he got caught like the first Domino Falls like what's next is salamence gonna get in trouble, dude I hope to God not We'll see zigzag is the meek mill in this situation zigzag you got fucked yeah, he's it's only good things He didn't do anything bad. Oh, okay poor zigzag in

I mean it should be you should be Kato from fucking Japan the 32 year old who wrote that you know his name yes Yeah, so I completely understand how you feel Similar topic well The only like man I somewhat recognize from to have lived in Quebec City is a HP Lovecraft. Oh Cthulhu guy. HP, he was an 1890s baby so again I think we've been on the topic of like late 1800s dudes and oh my god. Oh I don't like looking at his face. He's a writer of weird fiction and weird horror. That's a real brand, like genre, weird.

Yes. He got started in that magazine Weird Tales. And he has now his own subgenre of horror called Lovecraftian Horror. It's a subgenre of horror or science fiction that emphasizes the horror of the unknowable and incomprehensible, more than gore or other elements of shock.

You like him? No. I think he's the world's biggest cunt. I've read about him. Did you read about his early life? Yes, there is not much to say positive about HP Lovecraft except he was maybe a genius. Maybe or just incredibly fucking autistic.

But he was like one of those autists that come off as like they really try to be super intellectual. There was one line in his Wiki that rocked me. I bet you I have it marked. When he was two years old, he passively accepted Santa Claus. What a cunt. Yeah, so. What the?

When he was two, I guess. It was five. He recalled at five years old being told Santa Claus did not exist and reported by asking why God is not equally a myth. Five! A five year old atheist. Five a five-year-old atheist That's like the Ruth Conda thing yes, this is the first Ruth Conda So why why do you tell me the spoon if the spoon is not an aircraft? Coming toward my mouth with cereal then why not is the United flight? 93 also not a work of myth Mummy Yes, So this dude, horrible life. Yeah, his dad went into psychosis due to syphilis. Yeah, so many dudes were losing their minds because of syphilis.

His father went to a psychotic episode, was institutionalized when HP was three and died of late stage syphilis. The more I learned about syphilis, the less I learned. Don't know what it is. After that, he moved in with his extremely wealthy grandfather, Whipple Van Buren Phillips. Whipple? There he is, Whipple. WVB. What? Whipple? There he is, Whipple. WVBP 98.7.

You're listening to Whipple Van Buren. So, fucking Whipple Van Buren Phillips. You're going to live with Whipple. He was wealthy. HP liked him. He was a father figure to HP. He introduced him to literature and the horror genre. He educated him on deep, low moaning sound. Which he created for HP's amusement.

So his pap pap was moaning him just. Guys, I can't go out tonight. I have moaning lessons with grandpa. I think a good night moon would have suffice And got him interested in the the type of moaning sound Moaning lessons with grandpa with rich grandpa is a nightmare I'm picturing him like getting to his grandpa's house or sitting there awkwardly like what are what do we do and whipples like? I'm going for you. like, you want for you.

Yeah, I'm gonna moan for you. How do you even break the ice on that? Just like, ugh. Just like, you wanna learn how I did that? Yeah. You don't preface it. You moan first, see his reaction. His eyes light up, you say,

now let me tell you how to do it. Yeah. Don't try this yet, just enjoy it. Just derive pleasure, and then over time, you'll learn how to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Don't try this yet, just enjoy it. Just derive pleasure and then over time you'll learn how to do it. So starting at age five, HP Lovecraft had recurring nightmares of beings he referred to as night gaunts, night gaunts,

that whirled him through space at a sickening rate of speed While fretting and impelling him with their detestable tridents at age five five. Yeah That's cuz your grandpa's moaning you to sleep. Yeah You're not gonna have sweet dreams and not just any mode a deep mode Do you imagine when the grandpa died and he had to like go to YouTube for that to fall asleep to that was his white noise Mm-hmm. It was like lo-fi girl lo-fi grandpa moans Relax and study to relax It's an old guy in a Japanese. Oh turn this one up this dude you

New mode just going to dat piff to get your grandpa moans It's funny sometimes. I'll go to like a you log like thing and it's funny It looks like the most basic bullshit ever and I go and I like see the you log and I'm like not that one Like the burning log. Yeah, I'm like you log you log. Sorry Okay, my bad and what is that you don't watch burning logs dude put it on the TV at Christmas Yeah, it's like you'll see when I'm time? Oh, those are called, uh... Yeah. It's like, sometimes I see one, I'm like, oh, fuck that log.

There are some bad ones. Yeah. Yeah, they're probably good and bad, Grandpa Mones. Yeah. See, this dude, he's an old world incel. Like, he's the pioneer of inceldom. At age eight, he examined anatomical books

that were held in his family library, which taught him the specifics of human reproduction. As a result, he found that it virtually killed his interest in the subject. And women. So eight years old, already completely disregarding sex. An eight year old atheist in cell. Wait, he was studying like books and diagrams of vaginas

and then because of that, he was like, you? Yes. That'll do it. Yeah. This is like you yes, that'll do it. Yeah, I've I'm Mm-hmm You can't you can't get off to a diagram the two-dimensional diagram of the vulva the other Regions that grow and go off sometimes they do like they add pubic hair which is unnecessary

Are you about to get into what I think you're about to get into? Because he was this age when he got this thing. Was it a pet? Yeah. Oh man, what is this? Fellas, I need you guys to brace yourself. MOOC new tab. I don't ca-

I need you to search HP Lovecraft cat name. Nope. Scroll down. Oh, that one. Yeah. Oh, yeah. My gosh. The jumpiest scare of of a tab I've ever seen loaded. I guess I've never seen your cat that don't name your cat that and Google don't highlight and bold it. I've never seen that word in bold. I think the Google employee

Highlight a little bit of a leeway. Yeah, and the name is what I? Mean n word hard are dash capital M man Yeah, and this is my cat in BBF to big bold font. Yeah. Yeah, you don't I've never seen that word in bold I've seen it in italic I've seen it underlined. Uh-huh. I've underlined it you've underlined that word yourself, but bold and Highlighted that's a combo in which I've never seen it. It makes it, I mean, I have no ground. It's like, I can't be as offended as this by some,

but this is the most offensive form I've ever seen it typed. Bold and highlighted. I don't understand. Eight years old gets his cat. All right, HP, what do you want to name him? What are you thinking, Mittens? Fluffy? No. No, no, something else.

Not quite. I think I want to dash in it. Yeah, no. He loved cats though. I loved cats. I apparently- I'm not trying to sympathize with you. Look at how he's clutching the cat. Yeah, that's, yeah.

That's horrifying. That is actually horrifying. He has a school shooter face. Yes. Well his, look at his, pull up, there's one picture, go to the top of his images, just H.B. Lovecraft. That one, far left.

Far left, just his main picture? Yeah. Yeah. Look at that jaw. It looks like he's storing a large amount of N-words in his mouth for the winter season. Every picture he's holding back in N-words. He's saving them for the winter. He's got February N-words.

He went out and he foraged for them. Like a chipmunk. I think he's got late spring ones. There's some April ones in I think he's got late spring He's got some he's got some early spring n-words weighing down his tongue HP. What's in your mouth? You have to hold his nose open it big and they're all all caps At least like smaller fonts HP what's under your tongue yeah? That is insane out out out get I mean like well. I hate looking at him can't stand looking at him

And you'd think like he is like a very famous sci-fi author With his own brand a cult following sci-fi author with his own brand, a cult following. He didn't become famous until he died. Long after, yeah, yeah. So he didn't reap any of the benefits. He was never able to support himself throughout his entire life. He married an older woman who was rich, but she then she moved away to Cleveland. He stayed in Brooklyn.

So he was virtually unknown during his lifetime and was almost exclusively published in pulp magazines before his death, so what does that mean? kind of like Kind of I think like a zine like an underground kind of thing okay. Not not like a major publication mm-hmm At age 7 he started poetically restyling the Homer's Odyssey. You remixed it? Remixed it. Oh yeah, he could, throughout high school, he could barely, he could hardly bear to speak

or see anyone. Yeah. And like to shut out the world by pulling down. So he was a guy, correct, stop me if I'm wrong, he was a guy who liked to create his own worlds, but wasn't good socially talking to people. And he had a black cat. Hmm.

And he went by two letters for his first name. When I say that I was HP. Buddy.p no And listen to me listen to me buddy Let's talk about it I had the fat head in the cart so I googled cat name Yeah, dude you you got it was so close to being a 101 if you only would have gone with Piper for his cat's name Yeah, same two letters to end the day dude. He created his own genres And apparently his monsters he would just be like,

trust me, these monsters are very scary. But he never described them. He never described them. And like, he couldn't even think of names. He was like, this one can't be pronounced by human tongue, but it's very scary. You gotta trust me. You gotta trust me.

Oh, damn, but coming from that face, I'd be like, oh fuck. I bet it is Dude, he made Cthulhu his most famous one because he hates seafood. That's like a big octopus. Yeah, yeah Let's talk about getting high Let's talk about getting the perfect buzz the perfect high oh What's the downside? I don't know you're're gonna enjoy everything a lot more. You're gonna be more comfortable. And guess what? With CAN, that's C-A-N-N, it's a social tonic that you can sip, you can chug, you can guzzle. It's the easiest method of consumption in my opinion. And what makes it even easier is the flavors

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and have not been evaluated or proved by the FDA. Yeah. I've heard of Cthul proved by the FDA. Yeah. I've heard of Cthulhu, I think. Yeah. That's one that he, one of his monsters was also, had the N-word in it. Shocker. Yeah.

Is it scary? It's pretty scary looking. It's the mother of 1,000 young. That's like its subtitle. OK, so yeah. So he's racist. Yeah, he's very, hates Jewish people too. Do you see his quote on Jewish people? That's like its subtitle Okay, so yeah He's very hates Jewish people too. Yes. He's quote on I wish people know what did it say? No, man

he said he lived in Brooklyn and He didn't leave the house because of Jewish people yeah that one That one had the n-word in it too the black goat in the woods with a thousand young. Yeah, he's not not a good guy. He didn't leave his house in Brooklyn because the Jewish people with their coarse faces and bad manners, I want to punch everyone in the face. Yeah, dude. God damn. I know old school racism, dickhead.

So this is a dude sitting in his Brooklyn apartment, drawn that like characters with the n-word in it Yeah Yeah Damn Yeah, so that there was a Wikipedia Sentence that said, there is evidence though, however, at the end of his life, Lovecraft began to oppose Hitler.

Oh, look at this guy on his moral high horse. So he's warming up to it. He just started to hear the other side. And then dies. He was warming up to it. He was warming up to it? He was warming up to it. Like the sci-fi awards I think, or some fantasy awards,

used to be a statue of him. They just changed not too long ago. I don't know, I looked him up to like people still, like he still has a big following. He has a huge- People rave. A lot of board games are based, are Lovecraftian. Okay.

And Cthulhu got really popular for a little bit. I mean I'm surprised, have you read any of his books? No, I haven't. I think that it's almost too far-fetched, too out there. The cosmic shit is crazy. Like Stranger Things is super... It's inspired heavily by H.P. Lovecraft. Yeah. No, but I've never read, I played some of the board games

where you had to like fight them it was It's whatever Not a good guy no I got this day in history. Oh hit me. Mmm. So what I October 17th is the day that evil Knievel was born. Hmm That is an interesting motherfucker. I'm actually gonna save that did he he break every bone in his body, I believe? Or is that a myth? Thrice. Thrice? That's not true, you don't live.

He got turned to soup almost every time he made a public appearance. There's just no way. Yeah, but his stunts were insane. Nuts. But I kinda wanna, like that's a, there's a lot to this guy. I could never understand going to an evil

Knievel event though. There wasn't much going on. Right, he just jumps and falls. It was like that or hopscotch. on. Right, he just jumps and falls. It was like that or hopscotch. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

But one of the funniest things he did, when he was 19, he lived in Idaho or Montana and was like, oh, I'm going to start a hockey team. So he started a hockey team and then convinced the Czechoslovakian national team to come play them for some of money to prep for the Olympics. And so they came on the promise of them being paid. And of course, it's just some random dipshit in Montana

that started a hockey team. They crushed them like 23 to two. And he just left at the end of the second period and took the money and left. And then the Olympic committee had to pay the Czechoslovakian team to quote, avoid an international incident. Really?

Yeah. He's a daredevil. It was a stunt. It was a stunt really yeah, he's a daredevil Yeah, it was a stunt a stunt. It was just yeah, he was he was a crazy guy But we almost had to like talk about him did he he died way too old he made it a long ways Yeah, a long ways wait on 2007. Yeah, he made it a long way not not the best dude of Yeah, but not really on I've come to the conclusion if you have most people aren't Every Wikipedia page. It's like you finally get it and they're oh, they're evil Who would have thought yeah this man? Yeah, evil Knievel. Yeah, what's a bad guy? Yeah?

He's from, but mitt Montana's from but yeah, he's from we talked about his son ej His gay son wait what's in his gay son jump over? Daniel Caesar's phallus But I never really actually looked into evil Knievel. He has a fascinating, fascinating life. He was like the best at promoting himself. Like he was super crafty and smart with that stuff. Yeah, he changed his name and like the jumpsuit. So when he did the Caesar's Palace jump,

which is like the first famous one he did, he just said he was gonna do it. He's like, I'm jumping over the pallet, which is like the first famous one he did. He just said he was gonna do it. He's like, I'm jumping over the pallet, the fountains. And then he had to figure out a way to make that happen. So we started calling the director of Caesar's Palace, pretending to be a reporter saying, evil Knievels, jump in your fountains. And then at the same time, calling the reporters,

saying that he was the director, like, yeah, he's gonna do it. Oh, that's smart. Yeah, and then he ended up doing it. And then by the time it happened, he's like, oh fuck, I gotta jump this thing. And he was jumping in Harley's which are just not their heaviest fuck Yeah, and the ramp designs are just insane like every time he looked he's incredible But the funniest thing about is every time he does one of these jumps he he just like he sucks at it

Is he not good? Is he just brave? He's so brave. That's it He's just so ballsy like but they're just not designed. And dude, the bail he takes on this thing is legendary. Oh, he falls? Oh my God, he falls in a way that you didn't even know was possible. Does he jump the Grand Canyon? No. Wait, what do you mean he's not good at it?

He never lands. He just hurts himself. His own bike runs him over. He gets wrecked. He's like, I would love to attend one of these. Oh yeah. But he did land jumps. It wasn't like, like, it just, when he flies through the air, he looks like a stick figure. Like he just, it's not even real. But, um, he was going to jump the Grand Canyon, which makes no sense. It's way too big. He's like Wile E. Coyote. Like

too big. It's far too big. Too large. and then the government was like you just can't do that And so he bought he bought a canyon to jump over he bought a canyon Yeah, where did he get a canyon for sale? I mean an Idaho, okay? You can just that's not a very was it a big Canyon It was fucking huge was a mile across and he tried to jump a mile across that's a plane. That's flying I know he built it and then he had some dude that was like one of those homemade rocket guys build him a rocket That's Robbie can even have his other side chief I

Mean he made a shit ton of money because of the action figure and he the jumps were like huge It was just more branding than anything yeah He was really good at like selling the event and like I'm jumping 20 buses And I was like we got gotta see this guy jump 20 buses. But then he was sort of falling off and he had an event in London and it was at the Wembley, the huge stadium. And it's like 80,000 people.

He only sold like 4,000 tickets and he's like oh fuck. So then he just goes in front of the mic and he goes so happy to be in England, beautiful country, and it's nice to be here to tell you guys that you're welcome for winning World War two That's what he did and then Right then and there everyone was like oh, we got to go see this guy die. Oh, yeah, they got mad at him to die Yeah, mm-hmm. So yeah smart. Yeah loved whores. How did he die loved? He loved whores loved him loved him

That's one of the riskier things you can do to love a whore. Yeah. Yeah, yes Yes, yes, yes But I was gonna talk about diabetes Yeah, but he made it a really long time and in the end he was pretty chill He was like yeah, I was kind of a dickhead sure most people yeah And he started getting like really snappy at people when like they were like you can't jump the canyon And he's like I fucking know but like let me try yeah Yeah, I wasn't talking about the OPEC oil crisis, but evil Knievel's evil Knievel takes heavy heavy favor over

the OPEC oil crisis yeah, there's yonk which led to the Yom Kippur war Shut up have big shout out Pat bad for yeah, not eating drinking for 24 You have any actions, Sweet Cup? Oil, oil, oil. I didn't tell you guys yet, but let's just say last weekend Cole Comet and Tank Del both scoring first didn't exactly devastate me financially. Let's go.

Did you get platinum? Let's just say my wallet won't be losing any weight loss competitions. Let's go, Cob! Did you get platinum? I want it so badly not to tell, cause like I'm trying to be humble about this. You just said your wallet's not losing weight

loss competitions. That is humility right there. Yeah. I is humility right there. Yeah. Yeah, I hit a big one. Platinum? No. Gold. Six Kyle's. A K is a Kyle now.

You hit six Kyle's. Six Kyle's. Let's go, dude. Six Kyle's. Dude, you're being humble, but you did rebrand the $1,000 into a Kyle's. $1,000 now a Kyle's. Trying to be humble. I'm too familiar with them. You're being humble, but you did rebrand the thousand dollars now I'm too familiar with them

It's the first thing you ever have ever known mm-hmm That I mean, it's it's a weird feeling to hit that big did you cash out? No, no No. Kyle. No. Kyle Dean. Take half out. That was betting first touchdowns on Troy in South Alabama. Yeah, this is gonna end up being a net negative. I don't think. I want so much money. Dude, it's miraculous because you hit it two weeks ago too. I did, which is enough. But yeah, again, don't do this. And if if you do do it you can't just do one obviously So you have to have wiggle room if you want to try this you have to have a lot of wiggle room if you're In college fuck off. I'll beat you up

So stupid And if you do that's wise advice, and I would recommend if you if you're doing it for the first time Very small like a quarter unit they put five the first time, very small, like a quarter unit. Like put $5. Yeah. Put $5 on a few. See what happens.

Yeah, but I've seen you on the flip side, two weeks ago sitting across from you at Bird's Nest watching, I saw a man go over 40. You were an unhappy camper. No, I wasn't. I wasn't. Cause it's like still early, like week 15 I'll start getting unhappy, but I don't know. Yeah, you're up a few Kyle's. A few Kyle's.

Cash out half. I am gonna cash out half, put it in the savings. Yeah, I'm not that dumb. But what do you have this week? I have a few this week. Dude, it's, I'm so afraid, like I did the deaf voice last week just in hopes that they don't sell it. Like, we cannot be obligated to be doing this every week.

Right, and it's not like, oh, I don't wanna make money for the company, it's like, I don't, like. It's not gonna be good. This is gonna be too hard, it's only what, week seven? Yeah. By week 17, we're gonna like be betting on Ohio high school playoff football, finding some kid name. I don't know.

I'm kind of happy when injuries happen cause I get to see who the backup is. I know any new, any new guy hopping in. All right, what do you got um? Nothing good at all that's the title of the parlor now Russ what do you love more than football? I'm sorry Russ what do you like more than football? love to raise future son. And that's Jordan Love, two Rays,

Ray Davis and Ray Ray McLeod, and a future on the Suns to be your NBA champs plus 3000. That's great. That's good. That exchange has gotta be weird. Yeah. Like future and Russell Wilson meeting up to. I don't think future's around too often, but it does suck that the son's name is Future Jr.

That's, yeah. It's always a slight reminder. It's a near- I wouldn't say constant reminder. What would he call him? Because there's no like, acceptable nickname for Future Jr. There's no acceptable real nickname for future, Jr.. There's no acceptable real name for future, Jr. Yeah, that's a tough little reminder. This is futures on a future glass Kingdom yeah, dude

That's exactly what it is What do you have all right this one is? Guy who forgot the word Yamaka Okay little caps David stars no bills We can't have these sold

What is that cam little over one and a field goals capitals over the Devils David Montgomery anytime? stars over the oilers bills To not cover against the Titans nice face I have a Phil Margera suspicious that his son turned up the thermostat at the Confederate president's wax museum say it again Well Kyle I have Phil Margera suspicious that his son raised to the thermostat at the Confederate President's wax museum

Bama you see Davis Melton Yeah, is it Bama at a bio? No no Alabama over Tennessee UC Davis over Eastern Washington and a mountain touchdown Welcome to Jackass today. We're turning on the heat at the Confederate wax Museum Bama the heat at the Confederate wax museum feels good BAM Apes gonna be so mad Jefferson Davis isn't a puddle All right this one is called BAMP!

What is this I'm stepping is this Jefferson Davis? That's one of your best. Thanks man. That was a good one. This is confronting your New York homie about his taste in women. Okay. Be why you dating big red bones and Bronx hoes Byu Dayton flyers Cornell big red

bones highland over 15 points What's bones island? He's a player for the Clippers nice The Denver Broncos to cut the Bronx to cover He's a player for the Clippers. The Denver Broncos to cover, the Bronx to cover, the Presbyterian Bluehose. B, why you dating big red bones and Bronx hoes? Yeah. That's good.

You guys still got it. I don't think so, man. You still got it. I don't think so. I got some NHL ones. Oh, what do you got? This is the Priest on Holy Weekend. The Priest on Holy Weekend. You guys still got it. I don't think so. I don't think so I Got some NHL ones. Oh, what do you got? Mm-hmm? This is the priests on Holy Weekend the priests on Holy Weekend priests on the whole okay. Yes, yeah

Yeah, I Don't know how to There was some casual there was some casual molesting Which one of I know hockey players have weird names casual That's his first and last of casual molest Nated I didn't really do the casual mr. Casual married the widowed molesting Mary the Widowed Malesting. And uh. It's a meat shirt.

He may have reamed out a dyke as well. Reamed? Jesus Christ. Okay. Okay. Okay. Forget about the casual. Okay.

Malesting. Yeah. Why forget? All right. I'll remember the molesting. It's, it's, it's it's Beck Malinston Beck his name is Very close to just okay. So you're to go and slam arms here. Yes, and then James Van Riemsdijk

Okay, his last name is Riemsdijk. Yeah James JVR, baby. So molesting Riemsdijk. Wait. Wait. Yeah. What was the title of the parlay? priest on Holy Weekend? Why priest? Molesting got it. Yeah, okay, and then reaming out a lesbian of course. Okay a common priest trope. Yeah, yeah Love that one you're gonna love this one Canadian sodomy Canadian sodomy it is a the Canadians Is it is the Canadians. Is it the Montreal Canadiens? It is not. Oh, okay. This is, call me the Curiosity Rover

because I was hog landing arse deep, shit had me sprung. Hog land, tell me. Arkansas? No. It's hockey. It's hockey, these are all players on the same team. Okay. A Canadian team. Oh, I don't know the know. Yeah, you don't know. This is real hog land

There's there is this all Canucks players Archdeep Baynes are steep. Yes, okay, and nils hog lander and Daniel sprung Those are all the same team. I got to get a hog lander sprung and our game. What was the title? Canadian sodomy ha Hogs land wait say the next part. Oh, you're wasting your time hog lander and sprung ha

Hog lander okay, yeah hog lander I get in sprung sprung and he went our steep Okay, our steep is good. Yeah Mm-hmm. I Have one more Okay Did you hear what happened to live Yeah, did you hear what happened to Liz? No, you con Moes over Walker.

That's Yukon. Not the GMC, but the University. Moe Ali Cox over Yards. Kenneth Walker anytime touchdown. Yukon Moes over Walker. Pulverize. Oh man, if there's a kid that gets drafted his last name's pulverize mm-hmm One more fuck us Kate Middleton's dark twisted fuck Mary kill

Austin Butler slay William and Mary central see William and Mary Central Sea. Okay what is it? Stephen F. Austin to win, Butler to win, Darius Slay over four and a half tackles, William and Mary to win, Central Connecticut to win. Of course. You have to. Duh. That's kind of chalky. Kind of a square pick. What are the odds on that? I don't even know if you can bet on FCS. I have a surprise. Yeah what we got? We got a surprise for Kyle Bauer. Kyle Dean. Kyle Dean. I don't know if you know whoever's listening tuned into who can't sleep last week or two weeks ago but Kyle do you remember this man? last week or two weeks ago, but Kyle, do you remember this man? That was the football coach.

This is the high school football coach from Texas, I believe. Yes, Daniel Novikov. You heat checked him. I did heat check him. May have been a bit too harsh, I don't remember. I remember he was cool about it. He failed, yes, this was his response,

his wife, Miss Fashion Mama. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. She got on cam. And you know, I reached out to a bunch of mayors and people that Kyle's he checked and they responded. Who's they? Mr. Novikov and Fashion Mama. No wife. Yes but she's a fashionista There he is Always no no You're watching the guards game were you guardsman

Were you in the cave? Who's on the chain, I don't that's a kratom stare Dude every time you create a huge Guardians fan I Get obsessed with a new franchise Chain on who's on the chain? I don't know. It looks like a... like some type of... holy pendant. Hahaha! You're... Jesus!

Since when have you ever done the gambling game? I can't recall this whatsoever! That's gotta be pretty scary to see! Yeah! It's terrifying! Hahaha! We're just doing Kratom. There's no one else in the cave. No stream. The guards are on. Dude.

So yeah, they responded and here's their response. Well, first of all, this was like a year plus ago. Two years maybe. Alright. So. Alright, KB. Coach Novikov here. Coming back at you, you may remember you tried to heat check me last summer

and put me on blast on my Instagram, on the internet. And I put one back out at you where I introduced you to the real fashion person, or how's the fashion mama. So here's the deal, I'm not really qualified to heat check you, obviously. You can tell by what I'm wearing. Fashion mama's gonna get you. And my athletic t-shirt that this isn't my deal

So I'm gonna turn it over to the fashion mom and let her take you down here on the air. Hey guys Okay, I am Sarah Novikov coach Novikov's wife nice house and KB had heat checked him and just wasn't happy about his outfit and Now it's time for payback. I heard it's your birthday KV so happy birthday but let's talk about this outfit you have here. Okay what is this shirt and then the necklace with a picture really feeling this shirt? Uh-huh and then the necklace with a picture get him get him really feeling this guy He's really

successful person of color Know what this vibe is happening here. It almost looks like a Halloween party like me It's he's dressed up for Halloween also and the hats fine sure had that hat is fine And then also KB let's get personal here because you know I think you attack Daniel too, so let's get personal this beard Let that you know be full because nothing is grosser You know, be full. Cause nothing is grosser than patchy beard. Yes, fashion mama.

I know. I've searched patchy beard on Twitter. You search patchy beard on Twitter? You just see what people say about it all bad, all bad. Is it all bad? Yeah. Was that it? Yeah, she's got you.

She's nice, they were lovely. She's nice. Shout out to them. Good sports. Successful. Look at that house his office Yeah, good sense of humor good for them doing better than a very successful high school football. Yeah, yeah in Texas Yeah, I'm in a group chat with clearly successful. Oh fuck. Yeah, what do you guys talk about?

I don't know there is a part two if you want it. There's a sequel Okay Yeah Is it her roasting him more? Yes. How so? Second picture. Oh! Okay. Wait.

What? That's a sauna cap. She's going to laser focus on the sauna cap. On the bonyacap. Your ankle is wider than your foot. You have a huge ankle. You have a wide ankle. cap on the Bonya caps your ankles wider than your foot ankle you have a wide ankle oh yeah bulges like parentheses Parentheses ankles okay

Show them off Your what's that say on your hat? I love Bonya. You are red as fuck It looks like you kind of felt like you were gonna have a vibe like a vacation vibe With this sort of knit set you have a set. He is wearing a set. You put the cream loafers with this outfit Like you think maybe I'm gonna head to the country club But you're a little confused because you kind of have a beach outfit on but then you kind of have the country club white Easter loafers on and then you thought

You would put this bucket hat on uh-huh Oh Then we have sunglasses on your face That are way too tiny for your Just not sure what look you're trying to pull off here. And also, by the way, I'm not quite sure. But are you shaving your legs in this picture? I certainly hope not. Zoom in.

There were white loafers in the other one too, but they were just cropped out of that photo. They're watching the game. So sorry, Kyle, but now I just have like an endless amount of mares and wait you have more No, they're starting to like filter in okay. This is the finish. They should get a chance to clap I know I remember I think I misjudged the effect it would have on them Yeah, cuz they have like 400 followers and you're yeah, no I get it you got to keep doing that you can start doing that again Well, I don't know anything about fashion So I was I was just making up what I was saying about their garments, but yeah, I like them kind of coming back

It's like yeah, this is a they can use this platform to say anything they want me and to Kyle grid Mm-hmm. That's about that's that's where we draw the line though You've had some interesting looks well that was for the Now you're but you're on your your norm core shit now. Yeah, what do you think? Yeah, you look like a cool modern olive you're your guy. You just look like you look like exactly your age. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's what I'm going for Yeah, that's good. Thank you Anything else yes, what oh, how's the pinky good still sucking nips? Piper's it's cool. It's your your cat likes to breastfeed

Yes, because it was on the teat when you adopted it. It must have been I don't know I think it's and then it licks your nipple I let it I think it's cute Her and Piper are getting along. It's awesome. They wrestle they bathe each other with their tongues It's just it's the it's the best stage to be in as a cat owner. Yeah one cat one kitten Legend of the program, Matt Brawley. Yes, the quadriplegic listener. Many of our top memories are moments on the pod with him.

Credited to him and him being a good sport. We've roasted him, he roasted us back tremendously. It was very funny. He's an active listener. He needs some help. Yeah. You can go to his Instagram, Matt underscore Brawley, B-R-O-L-L-Y.

Yeah. He recently got diagnosed with a condition, it's called complex regional pain syndrome or CRPS. And you can go and, you know, to put it into perspective on the McGill Pain index. Yeah, scroll over a little bit what he's going through what he has that post is Higher than a kidney stone on the pain index higher than childbirth without all types of childbirth. Yeah higher than amputation of a digit. Significantly higher than...

Attention headache is a 10, 11 on this scale. He's at a constant 46. He's a tough motherfucker going through hell with this shit. But there is a cure or procedure. It's called, it's an 18 week holistic program and it has an 86% success rate. Huge. The problem is it's an 18 week holistic program and it has an 86 percent success rate huge The problem is it's very expensive So donations would be massive. Yeah, and it's our plan to do a stream

Where we are going to try to recreate New Platts in or at least something similar in city skylines any donation would go to Matt Towards his procedure. We need to get him this procedure Yeah, I want I want him to be feeling better so we can keep making fun. Keep making fun of this Yeah, and there is there's a Venmo On his mom's Venmo. Go to his Instagram. It's on the flyer. Yeah Or you can just reach out to him in the DMs, see how you can help.

Yeah, this is important to us. And I know we aren't the biggest podcast by any means, but like with the guys that came out to like the race around Niles, it's a good group of fellas. An odd group of fellas, don't get me wrong, but as are we, but it's a good tight-knit group and it would be good to support

What our guys yeah, yeah, and he needs help for sure All right, all right, God bless God bless