A New Untold Story - Lord Byron - A New Untold Story: Ep. 437

Episode Date: February 27, 2025

we talk lord byron, a major difference in men, and rudy's involvement with the flight logs. ads: Roman - Connect with a provider at RO.co/UNTOLD to find out if prescription Ro Sparks are right for you and get $15 off your first order Factor - Get started at https://FACTORMEALS.com/FACTORPODCAST and use code FACTORPODCAST to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. Stella Blue - Enjoy Stella Blue Coffee by visiting https://stellabluecoffee.com and use promo code UNTOLDSTORY for 20% off orders of $25 or find them on Amazon for next day deliveryYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. You mean you're going to reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story over told? No, baby. It's a new untold story. A new untold story. I knew untold story.

A new untold story upset 438 437 god fucking dammit. I'm sorry. Um, what's not time you spent a coin? I think they should be abolished Yeah, yeah, and I think you put like then people people don't like being ripped off units of a dollar So the cheapest thing is one dollar. Yeah, I think that's fair. And then the next cheapest thing is double that too. Yeah, that's crazy.

Yeah, that would be a problem. They should just make bills with like perforated edges so you can tear them. And that's that they should have penny bills. Yeah. There's no more coins. They should have, they should have a one penny bill and a ten cent bill No, yeah, I haven't spent a coin in a long ass time when I get them back. I spent cash I don't know what to do with them. I'll throw them you can't you can I know I just fun No, I don't even drop them. I heave them you hide it in bread feet

I just hate the feeling of coins in my pocket. I hate it. Yeah, I did self-conscious So I actually kind of like walk out of the store, and then I like sort of of coins in my pocket. I hate it. Yeah. I get self-conscious, so I actually kinda like walk out of the store and then I like sorta drop them against my leg. Yeah, I've thrown them in the trash. Yeah, oh yeah, I feel guilty about doing that, but I've done it as well. I've done that, yeah, me too.

I feel like they'd make their way to somebody. You think? Suicide. How many changes thrown away a year, you think? Not probably a lot. That feels really evil doing it. I do too. I feel like this is like pang of like,

oh, people don't really do this. Even evil people. But it's been a while. $60 million in change in landfills each year. Okay, yeah, we do this. That should be a job. What? Go to landfills and get coins.

Spread out amongst many places, yeah. Oh yeah, I guess that is. How many landfills and get coins. Spread out amongst many places, yeah. Oh yeah, I guess that is. How many landfills are in the US? Okay, yeah. Just drive Uber. Like you don't need, they'll give you a car. It's really easy. Uber will give you a car?

Yeah, if you don't have one, they'll give you a rental. Didn't know that. You just don't need to, like, there's non-criminals who shouldn't be driving uber Like it's just a background check. Yeah. Yeah, that's it 437 it's not a main area code. It's an overlay of Toronto There was too many people in Toronto, so they had to get out a new area code in what year it was adopted in 2013 much like

Rosie O'Donnell's ultra mother daughter Dakota her ultra mother daughter ultra mothered. Oh, she says she has a few at least a couple She has a couple a couple mom'd Dakota O'Donnell Yeah, don't yeah, I don't think we need to put her on blast why she's an adult woman right now I think she's young oh, okay born in 2014. Oh, yeah, I guess I thought that's when she was adopted Yeah, you know who was mayor in Toronto in 2013 mmm, not true dough Rob Ford Rob Ford was the mayor in 2013 when they got that number

Was he the fat guy? He was the fat guy that died, but it came out he had a DUI and his popularity rating went up 10%. And he got kicked out of being a high school football coach for getting into an altercation with one of the players. And he was on video smoking crack. Yeah, in the woods. He was in a house. But he was with the-

Not the woods. I think he was with either, he was with the Bloods? He was with the Toronto Bloods smoking crack. With crack. Search Rob Ford Gawker. And then, dude, I was, yeah, that's him smoking crack and he's talking about beating the fuck out of a guy

and then taking his eyeballs. He's comfortable. He's not even like, oh, I might be on camera and I'm the mayor. Yeah, like that is, that- He's having a blast. He's comfortable with shit. He even like, oh I might be on camera and I'm the mayor. Yeah, like that is, he's comfortable as shit. He's a content ass dude. Is that sunlight on his face? Yeah, yeah.

The middle of the day. Middle of the day, that's awesome. The interview, like him coming out about smoking crack was hilarious, because I guess like a month prior this reporter was like, do you smoke crack? And he said no. And then he was like, what was that question you asked me last month? And the person was like, I don't know, do you smoke crack? And he said no. And then he was like, what was that question you asked me last month?

And the person was like, I don't know, do you smoke crack? And he was like, you said do you smoke crack? And I didn't at the time. Which is like, yeah. Wanted people to know. Yeah, he wanted, it's. What did he say, like, I have plenty to eat at home?

Regarding. He threatened to eat a woman's pussy. And he was like, no, I have happily married, have been for years and I have plenty to eat at home it's like a flag that his wife had a filling pussy oh my god I'm stuffed from her pussy so this was in response to getting accused of threatening to eat another woman's I think I think it was like another poll it watch the video it's very funny like to it yeah it's unfortunate I have to take the legal action.

It's where Toronto Argonauts Jersey. I don't appreciate people calling Atlanta a prostitute. I've never had a prostitute here. I'm very happily married at home. This is very disturbing against my wife. Unfortunately I have to take legal action against Isaac Ransom at George Tristopoulos and Mark Toohey. I have to take legal action against the waiter that said I was doing lines at the beer market. That is outright lies. That is not true. You know what? But it hurts my wife when they're calling a friend of mine a prostitute. Alana is not a prostitute. She's a friend, and it makes me sick how people are saying this. So unfortunately, I have no other choice.

I'm the last one to take legal action. I can't put up with it anymore. So I've named the names. Litigation will be starting shortly. I've had enough. That's why I warned you guys yesterday. Be careful what you wrote. Okay, so that's all I have to say for now.

And the next thing I wanna call Mayor Britannia and Hamilton and tell them that's all I have to say for now and the next thing I want to call mayor Britannia it's in Hamilton and tell him that we're gonna have to spank the little tiger cats oh and the last thing was he keeps on going it says that I wanted to eat her pussy they're letting the gondak I've never said that in my life tour I would never do that I'm happily married I've got more than enough to eat at home. Thank you very much. Start to finish, bravo. He ended that sentence like 10 times. That's all I have to say about that. And then he kept going.

Oh, and also speaking of the pussy. He was done. And then he didn't say eat the pussy. I've never seen someone. And then he brought in another woman. He's like, and also I've never, I've never said I was going to eat her pussy either. He kept stating his like explicitly stating

his own accusations without being, no one was bringing it up. No. And this is at a. I've never done lines, I've never said I was going, I've never called her a prostitute. To the reporter that said I was doing lines. And to that other woman that we're not talking about, I never said I was gonna eat her pussy. I have plenty to eat at home.

What does that mean? Does she have a long pussy? Oh my God, I'm gonna be stuffed. Yeah, long, large, or calorically dense. And this was all just like in a pregame for the Hamilton Tigers. It was the Argonauts versus the Tiger Cats. Who do you think's gonna win? He was like, I didn't have a prostitute.

I didn't eat her pussy. I didn't do lines of cocaine like that waitress said, even though she really seemed convincing. I didn't do that. I think he was running again in 2014 after like the crack stuff and he was like about to win But I believe he had a withdrawal due to cancer, but look at look up Gawker got the picture of him with the bloods Search like Rob Ford Gawker, and it's the picture they got that was their bomb show Images and it's the first pic no no you're good

Just that first picture, no, no, no, you're good. Just that first picture. Fuck yeah, dude. That's awesome. He just did this? Yeah. Vice would have paid him. I know. Yeah.

He's like, yeah, that's... He's so happy. That's sick. It's so sick. He's like, dude, it's like him, Jeff Hardy, and I can't think of any other valid white boys like that. Oh my God. Jeff Hardy big time.

Yeah. But like Rob Ford, any hood unscathed. Look at that. Maybe warships, yeah. Yeah. I can't think of like, he's a valid ass white boy. Yes, yes. Dude, there was like, he was running away

from a press conference and ran over this old-ass woman In a body run or in a car a body he was running with his body ran over her body He's like trying to make this quick escape I got hit by a Ford Oh Yeah Doctor down this old woman. He kind of just like kept going laced her down. Yeah like a centerpiece It was I don't know why he was running. He's a God rest is not anything about him other than this stuff He was hitting he was running her over for like a full 10 seconds and never made eye contact. It was a long run over. He didn't. Yeah.

Didn't want to look at her. Dude, doing crack is like a guy that fat probably feels insane. They probably feel like Manny Pacquiao. I don't imagine like, how are you fat and doing crack, right? Yeah. It's a rare feeling. I imagine Chris Farley. He's an all time guy.

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In our original Toronto episode 416, we talked about Ernest Hemingway. I was in awe. Yeah, best guy. Little late to the game, but I was like, this is the most interesting, coolest guy of all time. Not valid in any hood Hemingway he was liberal with the word he was conservative with the word. Yeah, right

Yeah, he left Toronto because it was too prude. I have a guy I found the guy and I've told you about him Yeah, you did about to talk about him who rivals this man And I know it's hard to compete with Hemingway. This man might. I think this guy trumps Hemingway. He, well, it's Lord Byron. Yes. Lord Byron, a poet in the romance era from England. Known for his incredible good looks. In the early 1800s.

Mm-hmm. He transcends stardom and sin. He was known as the original international celebrity. His wife, you know how there was Beatlemania? She called it Byromania. It was the first mania. He was the first ever celebrity to get loads of fan mail to his home.

Right. He was the first guy to live and fuck like a rock star. He fucked, oh my God. He was in use every rock star combined He was like Brad Pitt multiplied by all the sinners in seven he was he was a bad guy. Yeah Let me just lose a bisexual beast. Oh my god. Yes By like yes, it says he was dude. That's why he would go on by runs He would go and just like fuck a dude. I was like he was the king of it.

He was Lord Byron. Yeah, he went on generational runs of fucking men. He did that throughout Europe, literally. Yeah, he speed ran the Mediterranean. He was furiously bisexual. They said they described it as furiously bisexual. Bad, mad and dangerous to know. I got to meet this guy clubfoot

ashamed of him yeah let's see yeah you lead us here because you're the original Byron you're the you're you're the of us you put us on to buyer you did okay he had raging cases of gonorrhea and syphilis by age 21. That's right. Why is it always raging? Why is the gonorrhea and syphilis always that of a class six white water rapids? Yeah. Yeah, right. Is it just, can it just be like calm and mighty?

Yeah, like a steady flow of gonorrhea. Like a still lake, why? Yeah, like a strict before. No, it is a ripiptide of gonorrhea Discharge that it is that of the Yangtze River It's always raging Slept with 200 plus women Plus at least several men in a three-year period in Venice in the three-year period

He was like exclusively married women to be so he beautiful androgynous boys But he fell in love with a 12 year old girl in Athens, Greece offered to buy her Fell in love with a fifth. Yeah. Yeah, we're not singing. He's a bad guy as as cool as he was bad. He's elemented He fell in love with a 15 year old choir boy. He, like, you know, he's not as, I don't know. Okay. 15-year-old choir boy. Had a lengthy affair with his half-sister, Augusta. Perhaps even a kid?

And had romances with two of his cousins. Had a wife and had many mistresses, or one. Many affairs. Yes. So he was bisexual, incestuous, adulterous, and a pedophile. Nothing, and world famous, nothing was off limits. He did it all, dude. Anything.

He wanted to fuck everything. Yeah, everything he saw. And he damn near did. In a world without morality, that is... Don't tell me. In a hypothetical world without morality. That's like if every tangible item tasted like steak and donuts.

It was like, the world was his. It's either he was so happy or so unhappy, and I couldn't tell and I couldn't tell. I couldn't tell. Everybody was like, men, women, men were jealous of him. Women were jealous that other women knew of him, is what they said. Yeah.

He was the guy. And I don't know if it's times of change. I guess he's a handsome guy. He was known as a heartthrob. Charismatic. It's like you said, early life. And he will fuck you. If was like known as a heartthrob. Charismatic. Just like you said, early life. And he will fuck you. If you see him, he'll fuck you.

If you have a pulse, he fucks you. And it's not your call. No, you'll want to. It seems like people did want to. But it wasn't always like that. Born in 1788, like you said, when Byron was born, he suffered from lameness and a twisted foot.

Yeah. His right foot looked like a testicular boomerang. Look it up, yeah. That's a really good way to describe it. The bottom he was. Yeah, look at that. Far left, far left. Yeah, look at that. Far left, far left.

Yeah, look at that. That, it, like... Dude, like, flip it upside down, that looks like the pod racer Subulba. Yeah, it does. It looks just like Subulba. Born deformed, so he was the King Tut of Freddie Mercury's, of Wilt Chamberlain's, of William Shakespeare's. In his life, his childhood, did you guys look at his childhood?

His dad, a legend in his own right, Mad Jack is what was his name? Mad Jack Byron? He married his mom because she was rich. He married his own mom? Or no, he's married Byron's mom. Yeah. Because she was rich.

And then he gambled it all away. She paid off all of his debts, and then he left her because she was being a bitch. Yep Yeah, like that's like what it says on the Wikipedia is like yeah, she was a bitch she kind of was like sad He died so he was born treacherously Deformed and poor to a fat mother to a fat mother his dad dipped pretty quickly Mortally he passed away in debt left it to his mother no he did not he left it to Byron he left a debt to Byron

he left it to his infant son okay so Byron had his hands full this boy's club footed he's like four and he has I think it was at that time $25,000 in debt which has to be trillions that's the GDP of probably the earth yeah at that time his mom His mom was known for her lack of money and violent temper That's what she went down in history as she yeah, she was a Mean woman yes, and I love that. He's a poet because this is how he described her. She is very amiable at a distance, but I defy you and all the apostles to live with her

for two months, for if anybody could live with her, it was me. Beautiful. So the holiest of saints couldn't even bear a fiscal quarter with his mom and I guess she passed the temper down to him and he would have things known as silent rages I didn't know about the silent rages. One time he bit into a china saucer It's been so mad you eat a plate. That's not a biteable item. A china saucer sounded like that. Just like go through through the cupboard She made him eat a plate She made him eat a plate China saucer does sound better tasting

Yeah, because it's China sauce is teriyaki Yeah And so it's just saucer So that's early life That's infancy Age 8 he was stricken with scarlet fever And had to hide out in the mountains of Scotland

Because the temperature has one does yeah, I don't know why I think it was the temperature base. Yeah, oh man age 10 his great uncle Wicked Lord Byron, and I'm imagining he was bad uncle Wicked Lord Byron and I'm imagining he was bad Everybody called him the wicked Lord Byron. Yes, and he died. So at this point hardly related though, right I think it was like distant uncle, but he had no heirs right so he became Officially Lord Byron, but it came with no perks. He got a crumbling estate

that was like actually legitimately made of stone crumbling and He was so poor he had to rent it out to another dude. Yeah, so he has it. Yeah, so he's Lord Byron now But he's still handicapped so he needs care. Mm-hmm So Byron was attended to by a nurse Mae Grey who developed a local reputation for perpetually beating him. She beat him perpetually. Oh, Miss Gray, I've heard all about your perpetual beatings of that boy.

It's the talk of the town. Take the jacket off. Oh my God, honey. Have a seat. Miss Gray is here. She's gonna talk about beating the boy Tell wash the child blood off your hands for perpetually beating him oh

Okay, so then I guess he escaped imagine your nurse That's like I'm gonna take care of you and then the first thing she does beat the fuck out of you with her fists On yeah, ongoingly Like it's my job to keep you healthy And like everyone like was finding out about it. Oh, yes. Yes Unfortunately, the only nurse you we have on staff is the one that beats the boys is Chuck Liddell All right so So Byron so Byron was then put in the care of a trustmaker to the general hospital, a man named Lavender.

Sounds sweet. In hopes that he could be cured. Lavender sounds delightful, huh? Lavender sounds... Yeah, dude. So he was put in care of Lavender in hopes to be cured however lavender Instead abuse the boy and would occasionally use him as a servant Ah some respite from the abuse servitude He's a lord at this time!

Everybody's just like, hey it's my turn with the lord so I can either wallop him or make him do shit. The clubfoot boy. That's literally count a lot. Typically, nowadays if you would have seen a young boy with a clubfoot in millions of dollars of debt, your first instinct would be to care for him, right? Oh my god, everyone. They hate him! They hate him! She's like, I gotta fucking punch this boy. Millions of dollars of debt your first instinct would be to care for him right everyone they hate it I got a fucking punch this boy Your first instinct to see this boy with the worst luck ever is to punch him in his face

His early life is so fucked up. There's a separate Wikipedia. I know yeah, or his early life. Yes. It's a whole different page I've never seen a Wikipedia like this It's just all abuse you. It's all But like different types Yeah, then it says after that Byron exposed lavender as a fool To a real doctor, okay, it's all it took I think he could have exposed him as other things Okay age 12 it starts we start to get a little optimistic up rise mm-hmm I think he could have exposed him as other things. Yeah, not a fool. Okay, age 12, we start to get a little optimistic uprise.

Regardless of his suffering, Byron was able to perform his first dash into poetry in 1800. He wrote a love poem in honor of his cousin, Margaret Parker. He described her as one of the most beautiful of evanescent beings. That's right. So he's in love with his cousin. And then I think his second poem was about a boy, but he had disguised it as a girl, right? Yes. So wait, so okay. So he writes his first poem in honor of his cousin, and then she would inspire another poem two years later when she died at the age of 15. Oh, Jesus Christ. Tragedy stripped him of the potential of inbreeding.

He couldn't even inbreed. He had such bad luck he couldn't inbreed. Okay. Age 13, he's sent to public school in London. It's called Harrow. His experience there was dissatisfying due to his lame foot, lack of money, and his previously neglected education. Yeah, I read somewhere that when he was in class, they did roll call and they'd be like, Lord Byron, and then all the other kids just like cheered and booed him.

They literally were like, oh Lord? Yeah. Booed him for being the Lord. The boy with the twisted foot. Yeah, he's like limping around and he just cried. He's just like, okay, settle down guys, settle down. So at Harley made one. But the principal, the headmaster, did you see what he called him? The headmaster ridiculed and abused him as well.

The headmaster called him a wild mountain of occult and super sensitive vanity. He probably didn't like his foot being made fun of. Quit being so vain and let us call your foot Subulba. The beaten boys being sensitive. Why is this beaten orphan boy a pussy? Why's this little abandoned boy being such a little pussy? What? The boy that everybody hates is being really sensitive Why is he lashing out? He's not taking it well like come on dude loosen up

Baby, he ended up getting his revenge So what does it say while at Haro? He did make friends became close to John Fitzgibbon second Earl of Clare and with George John Fifth Earl de la war that sounds like ten people it's two Yeah, George John fifth Earl yeah, that's just one two people Fifth Earl de la war he retained memories of both okay. He remembered them This is when he did he start falling for his half sister of course that was that was a little later on was it but I was causing

Of course, of course. That was a little later on, I think. Was it? But that was interesting. That was Cousin. Augusta? Yes. Augusta was his half-sister. So he's at school.

It says Lord Byron had multiple relationships with his cousins, including a duel with his cousin William Shaworth. Okay. Okay. I guess you can count that as a relationship. And outright romances with Margaret and Mary, okay? Okay, so in 16 at 16 he fell in love with his cousin Mary and would still think of her until he was 27 I thought of you for 11 years

Such as so arbitrary like 28 there. He's like nah. I'm over it interesting What else he got? Okay, so then he goes to college mm-hmm. He goes to Trinity College at Cambridge I don't know if that's just what Cambridge is yeah, I'm not sure either How did he like it? I think he started to like it enjoy life more at Cambridge He described it as I was so completely alone in the new world that it half broke my spirits It was one of the deadliest and heaviest feelings of my life that I was no longer a boy. Okay, so

tough start I hated not being a boy He just experienced the deadliest and heaviest of feelings after his childhood. Yeah Who hated all the students, but he did make one friend, a 15-year-old boy named John. Okay. So until, he's never really been happy. Not at all. Yet.

He described John, the 15-year-old, he said, "'He has been my almost constant associate "'since October, 1805. "'His voice first attracted my attention, his countenance fixed it, and his manners attached me to him forever." And then the boy died of consumption. Jesus Christ. Wait, what is consumption? I think it's tuberculosis. It sounds like just eating. So then it just abruptly turns for the better.

And then it says, Byron spent three years at Trinity College engaging in boxing, horse riding, gambling, and sexual escapades. So, that's timelessly awesome. Yes, that's cool in any era. Right? It has to be. It didn't say how he got got to that point But that's what he ended up doing it said Lord Byron when he was at Cambridge He would waste hours shooting pistols at the wall Hours just shooting a wall hey Byron. What are you doing? Chillin? I'm just nothing yeah and drinking wine from a skull you had found in the Abbey crypt yep Of course you found a skull in the crypt

You you don't it was supposed to be there you don't find you You identified the skull in the that's saying you found a hamburger at McDonald's The skulls are there in Crips, and he I think he I think he exclusively drank from skulls like from there on out Ruling on cool, maybe not at the time. Maybe I don't know what else you know what else he did in college I Don't you had a pet? Oh? Yeah? Yeah, so? Cambridge had a no dog policy so he brought a bear yeah, so He exploited the loophole and the university's rules that banned students from keeping dogs So he kept a bear as a pet and then yeah, and if he was probably all smarmy and mm-hmm

Well a gay man with a bear as a pet. It was a tamed bear. It said I would hope yeah That's still insane But I didn't know I Don't I bet you the other students fucking they they hated him for good reason Is that the check in desk? If you went to school with a kid who was shooting guns at the wall Drinking wine out of a skull A human skull and had a bear with him

I would not fuck with that kid Or you try to be friends with him real quick That dude needed Yu-Gi-Oh so bad You need a Yu-Gi-Oh or a hacky sack So bad It's a shame he missed out on anime real quick. That dude needed you. You know, so bad. You need a you or a hacky sack. Yes, so bad. How the fuck does he turn into this like rock star heartthrob? Did he just like did he have a glow

up? I don't know. So his poetry career, his first published works was called Fugitive Pieces. It was printed by Ridge of Newark. However, it was promptly recalled and burned on the advice of his friend. And the friend was a reverend.

Reverend J.T. Betch. Yeah, imagine opening up, writing is so personal, poetry especially, and your only friend who is a godly man's like, dude, you have to get all of those back and catch them on fire. Yeah. Not even, hey, maybe rewrite it. It's not bad.

It's just not for me. Chemically erase it. From history. Yeah. Is it able to be read anywhere? I don't know. Apparently it was the one called To Mary and it was about this girl that he was obsessed with.

That was his cousin Mary Chalwood. Yeah, he was obsessed with her. And it was just too horny. Yeah, it wasn't that it was about his cousin was that was too horny Yes, that might have been it. He was the horniest guy of all time. Yeah, there was a stanza where he's talking How to a bad how we can't see her bounce like anymore. I've met I know that guys get horny. Yeah, but he was horny horny Mm-hmm. He was like going if he had the internet He would be trying to go to porno.com

Yes, like dudes their horny dudes porno.com backslash pussy Typing it directly in typing in personal calling porn porno is horny There's a huge difference between guys that say porn and porno. Yeah, and then thinking porno.com is a website Yeah, and not not hitting enter back slashing pussy. I don't want to wade through the junk Yeah, I need I'm going to porno.com pussy Gov porno porno.com slash. Yeah, just pussy. Yeah, Mitch boobs and then porn. It's porn

Imagine getting caught Like by like your significant other. Oh my what's porno.com slash pussy Trying to talk your way out of it Are you fucking kidding me Keith? porno.com slash pussy Here we go again you really think I did that Oh, here we go again. You really think I did that? Keith, you're looking at the home screen with your belt off.

Get your fucking bear out of here. I didn't know it was going to be this. Porno.com slash pussy Keith, really? I didn't know it was going to be all this. I was curious. You think I know how to do that? It was fucking Austin Nessus key also has been at your nesses for two days

He's eating like Spicy hot ruffles, and there's like red dust on the Porn oh so easily on his phone with the red It's in one of those Home computers, it's like right in the living room. It's right there like nothing like that. He can't see who's coming up behind him He's still in his like work outfit. It's a met boots Right up to the chair of just still semi wet cement He just had to go he was so horny because there is a distinction between guys who watch porno and guys who watch porn Of course yeah guys who watch porn do it because they got to clear the pipes guys that watch porno are enthusiasts and have like

It's a completely different world. They have logins. They have log. Yeah, they're more primitive like yeah They're just they're beating guys. There's guys that jerk off those guys that beat off porno guys beat the fuck off Yeah, like if you watch a porn you're looking to come That's the end goal of course you want to enjoy the experience If you're watching a porno, you're about to come beforehand. You just need to get it out in a more entertaining way. Right, you're coming no matter what. It's like a truck driver after a 10 hour shift. Truck drivers love porno.

Just trek Nebraska I-80. They are ready for porno. You check into the Econo Lodge and use just that the computer in the lobby facing the guy at the desk porno.com Asshole someone next to a slot for no.com slash ass It was I didn't know it was gonna be this oh what this is disgusting What did you think it would be that is the most embarrassing thing to have in your searches? But not even going to porno.com that's not in your history you backslash

Pussy the dude that doesn't know how to use the search bar, but knows how to use the backslashes Dudes that watch porno get the same enjoyment that we get watching like a new episode of severance. Yeah, yeah Yeah, it's they're excited for like new episodes of porno They sort by new yeah, cuz they're like jealous they don't want other dudes watching before These sort by new sorting by new Yeah, I didn't sign up for the newsletter for porno. What the fuck is porno.com. What could that be? the least described Yeah, but Lord Byron would be one of those guys

Okay Lord Byron, okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah So he's like one of the most famous and successful poets of all time His first try at it his friend tells him no no you got to burn that His next published works was called hours of idleness. Mm-hmm It received savage anonymous criticism Unbelievable criticism Chris savage like genuinely means like telling him to kill himself horrible Make a man it'll make a man like

So then I got like a tee keeps releasing poetry and then at one point he's just like He says I awoke one morning and found myself famous Well, so it was his next one that he put out I believe. Was it the next one? It was the next one. Well no the next thing he did that got him famous was he put out a diss track essentially on that magazine that shit on him.

Oh we did. And it was apparently so scathing, so mean because it was what 20 years of pure hatred that he was writing out. He was talking shit on education, government, he hated everything, and he put it all in this paper, and that's the first thing people liked.

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Mm-hmm like he was fucking like up Actors actresses everything every every married woman has been fucked by him Like it was at the time it was unbelievable But then he uh then he meets this when he meets his half-sister. Yeah, yeah Game over that's I mean just nobody compares. He met her Augusta Lee And I guess they fell madly in love yeah Yeah, and he was simultaneously trying to marry This was married at the time. He was trying to marry the super straight-edge girl who was rich

well, he was fucking around with like a party girl and then he then he like ended it and she threw herself into the That was in Venice. That was in Venice. I didn't know what that meant. Yeah, we'll get there but god damn it's just so hard to keep track of because Every woman fell in love with him and then he left them and they were distraught right every other Them mentioning another person he's fucked like mixed in with the women he fell for he fell for that androgynous girl Katherine lamb was that her name there was a Katherine and he she was so boyish looking that He made her like cross-dress as they like he made her dress as a man. Mm-hmm. I believe yeah

I don't know if he married her or not. He loved the androgynous men and women. Yeah, he was essentially Prince David Bowie He was every famous. Yeah, he was person combined No, Clinton all of those yeah, yeah, yeah, so then he goes on like a European tour Uh-huh which seems to be I don't know what the tour was he went to Greece specifically to fuck boys because they were more Open about it. Yeah, okay You could be killed in in the UK at the time and then England at the time for being gay Yeah, so we went to Greece on like a fuck boy trip.

Also he still just had like crippling debt. Yes, yeah. Oh, he wasn't rich at this time? Not yet. No, but he still had, and then back then you could just, if you had debt, you could just like move a county over and they'd be like, well, not sure what to do about that. Yeah.

Just leave. Yeah. But apparently like going on tour, if you're like a rich Lord after college was like Rumspringa. They like they did it yes Seems like he had a blast so Portugal to all across the Mediterranean Did you see what they wrote when he fell for one of his other cousins? Apparently she was ugly and she would let she would they blamed her she would be they were like

She would they blamed her she would be they were like She should never fall for a man like that with her bad figure which is like those on her yeah on her was on her For fucking him they blamed ugly women for fucking him Imagine being so beautiful and so lusted after if you fucked an ugly chick they blamed the chick for Like I don't believe it your fear also at this time I saw that he had a plan with his male cousin to go on like a little cruise tour because his cousin was like an army Naval commander and he had a 32 gun frigate and they was like yeah, we'll go on tour. It'll be sick It's like imagine going to like a naval officer now and being like yo Can we just like bounce around the Caribbean on your destroyer on that?

He's like yeah, but then he couldn't do it because a guy fucking died in battle who was he living with in in Europe? He was living with Mary Shelley who wrote Frankenstein and her husband, but it seemed weird a weird Dynamo her husband looked like a chick Percy, and she looked like Nothing no they brought their stepdaughter or something and he was fucking the step is that what it was He was there was yeah, there was like four people. They're all fucking they live in Living in villas or in Geneva. What was their daily? They had like their daily routine that they shared they woke up Mary Shelley said they woke up at 2 p.m. P.m. Had breakfast chit-chatted for six hours

Then went for a ride on one for a ride on horses in the woods and then went home and had dinner and chatted till 6 a.m And then would repeat Gossip horse riding and breakfast not bad not bad at all. Yeah, what did she say? What did she say Shelley saw something till 6 a. Yeah. And what did she say? What did she say? Shelley said- Gossiping till six a.m. In his home, there were 10 horses, eight enormous dogs, three monkeys, five cats, an eagle, a crow, a falcon,

five peacocks, two guinea hens, and an Egyptian crane. I think he wrote all that, and then he had to write an amendment. He was like, I found eight more peacocks on the steps. Yeah So then like he was like, let's tell ghost stories. I guess they'd like to just chat That's what their job was but he also was getting fucked up On alcohol or what? Oh, yeah. Okay We brought his doctor because he wanted his doctor to be there because the doctor had the good drugs

Oh, that's right. Yeah, he brought his doctor and he's like, oh, yeah This guy's life is like you should stay in the right order Also, you like maybe bring some of that opium, but like his he was the first person to tell a vampire story, right? Oh did he I think he inspired Dracula he wrote the first vampire story They talk and then he inspired Mary Shelley's Frankenstein Yeah, they like talk about that session like it was it was Kanye in Hawaii Right in my my beautiful dark fantasy. Yeah, like they like told ghost stories, and then they just made Dracula Yeah, he frankenstein so he was like let's tell ghost stories and Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein. Yeah, and here's my ghost story

Crazy, and she was like 18 at the time, but then he had to go to Italy Fuck 20 year old women. In Venice and that's where the, I didn't get that. They fought so much he had to go out and sleep in his gondola. Yeah. And then when he kicked her out of the house for good she just threw herself into the canal. But then there was no more about her, I don't know if she lived or died. He started fucking her, moved in with her, kicked her out of her own house. And then she threw herself into the Venice River Yeah, it's just like did she die that just doesn't say anything else about it. That's all it says

I think she just jackknifed into it. I big-ass splash. Yeah, try to win him back Yeah, you want to leave me that doesn't impress me. I have a fucking bear. Yeah, right, but Italy was I did I this is where I started like too much was on. Too much was going on and then like, Percy Shelley drowned to death. Yeah. They had yachts. Um, they would find him like, dehydrated in a brothel all the time. So, more details. It's, it, I recommend everybody to...

So then is he fighting a war? He goes to, falls in love with Armenian independence He starts wearing a turban, and then he starts funding freedom fighters and like him. He was demanding to like command troops Yeah, they I got they said that like they recruited him and he was confused He was like I don't know what I can do to help with the war, but I guess I'll get like a battleship Yeah, he bought a battleship, And then he started like winning the war. He's winning the war. He learned Armenian.

He wrote the Armenian English Dictionary. Then he was like translating Bibles. Yeah. And all this time he's writing all of his works. Yes, constantly. So yeah, he was like leading military coups and then just got a fever and they let out too much of his blood and it made him worse and he died. Died at 37. All that at 37. Also we forgot to

mention his daughter. Oh yeah his daughter invented computing. His daughter Ava Lovelace. Yeah that's like very very famous. I think the original computer language is called Ava after her. She like she was like I'm gonna invent computers in the 1800s and then she wrote her idea for computers And they were like yeah, this is right like a hundred years later like yeah, this is good So that's what happened right like I didn't quite get it done click on her name cuz like How she invented modern computing and she died in? 1852 I Can't even fathom that I don't get it

That's a whole other thing. She was Yes, she was born out of wedlock to a mistress. He was never really talked to her Yeah, her dad, but he also had another daughter that he never claimed and then when she was dying at five He was just like do your best, but he never came home And yeah, she was like I just want to see my dad and he was like, yeah, no, he didn't come back But then he wrote the most beautiful like obituary for his dog. I Still can't get over. He's a bad guy. Very bad. Yeah, I might have over go showing up to college with a bear That's so I don't know if that's cooler like whack

Just imagine the check-in desk. Yeah, you said no dogs. I think it's a seven foot band. But like that's such like a sovereign citizen move. Like just to find an obvious loophole, like you know we mean no animals. It's not a dog. Yeah. Okay.

It's kind of cunty. But that's like a cartoonish acceptance of that loophole. They're like, oh yes, I guess we did say that. That's on us. Here are your keys. Welcome to college. Yeah, interesting cat. Yeah, he's like Dan Bilzerian with a septum piercing. We did say that that's on us Here are your keys welcome to college mm-hmm Yeah, interesting cat. Yeah, he's like Dan bulls ear and with a septum piercing. It's just a funny

He's yet with a cl- I don't know he was like gangly he was 5'9 was he 130 not bad Really insecure about his weight, so he's an eating disorder. He did. Yes. He would be either morbidly obese or rail thin. Like people would see him. He would shed weight. It was he would have like a huge meal of like a ton of meat and then would go like days only eating white wine and crackers. Yeah. Yeah. Who's the modern equivalent of this guy? Um, I don't know if there is, dude. He's the apex bi. I mean, I'm trying to think of, who's like a horny celeb? Diddy.

Diddy, yeah. Or like John Mayer maybe? P. Diddy. P. Diddy probably. Yeah, I mean, if he had had access to Bushwick. His social media would have been insane. It would have. Byron's. Yeah. He was good with the pen out like I don't know like would we be able to read his works and like yeah And I read his epitaph for a dog. I believe is what it was and it was like pretty

juvenile poem Listen to you near this Not that one that down there When some proud son and man returns to earth unknown to glory of upheld by birth, the sculptor's art exhausts the pomp of woe and storied urns record those who rest below. It's like just rhyming.

Yeah, when I read the one about how much you loved to fuck his cousin, it was sort of similar. He was just bummed that he loved. How much did he love? He never fucked her? I don't know if he fucked her or not. He probably. But he was like, we're so into each other

that we gotta break up. That was his thing. We gotta break up. We have to break up. He's like, did he, I guess? Well, every relationship he talked about was that he was like, it was just a violent passion. It was awesome.

Yeah, he did describe a lot of things as violent. Yeah. Huh. He had yachts, which I didn't know existed. Yeah, but it was like, there were wood. Wood, yeah. So big ass boats, pirate ships. Yeah.

He did a lot. He did a lot. How was he looked back at? I don't know, I don't talk to intellects. Right, I don't know. Or people who would know literature. But where would you talk to intellects? I don't know. I don't talk to intellects. Right, I don't know. Or people who would know literature. But where would you talk to intellects? I don't know.

I wouldn't know where to find a single intellect. Me neither. No idea. I don't even know what classifies somebody as an intellect. Like a PhD? I feel like they exist. They're somewhere. Gotta find them. Are they exist. They're somewhere.

Gotta find them. Are they in Chicago? Probably not. Probably not. We got no one to talk to about this. No. How many celebs do you think have their social media managed by somebody?

Probably the majority. I would say about 90% that don't have access at all. Yeah. Some, yeah, just have no access. Which is for the best. It would be freeing. Yeah, to not have it? Yeah.

I wouldn't like to see myself, I wouldn't like to see, imagine somebody like tweeting opinions in your voice. I wouldn't like that. Or like posting you and- Why can't you just not do it? They can't. Cause I was reading about, it's an old story, but like

Adele I guess is kind of off her rocker and she Lost all her weight, and she wanted control of her social media back and her first post was her as a Jamaican woman They're like no no no no no give it back look up Jamaican Adele. That was how she remember Jamaican Adele. That was how she remember this remember Jamaican Adele Or the Bantu knots dude dude that was like her first post under her control They're like give it back That's she lost all so like nobody was even talking about her weight loss. They're like Adele's Jamaican now

People I'm a bit more they like What one yeah She looks you know damn way there like a working man's Katy Perry Come on now, but also If you wanted to be accepted by them like she should have stayed where she was Adele? Yeah you're right. In the dagger halls. Oh she would have, oh my god, licking their chops in the dagger halls. Why'd she do that? I think it was it like a cultural festival. I don't know She does like a work in man's Dude a video the only thing that would have been better than that is a video for

Daggling someone does that what you say daggering daggering? I've seen it. Yeah, those dudes. I went in I don't want to like this is obviously not like the prominent Jamaican culture They have some incredible cultural aspects. Maybe they're proud of this, but... Hedonism 2? Hedonism 2, is that... Is that in Jamaica? That's in Jamaica. Is it?

Yep. It's always... Oh! It's always... They're just like... That's like one of the nicer venues. Yeah. It's usually like a tiled floor, like a back parking lot.

It's like the room where like a restaurant will keep their stationary tub and it's just 55 people. And the guys who do it look like they're just trying it for the first time. Not this guy. This guy's damn good. Yeah, they're just spinning on their upper pelvis. But a lot of them are like, it's ener it's energetically similar to like, close combat warfare. Like they're very violent. Like they start like tearing down other parts of the venue. There's like furniture everywhere. They're like, just, they start like grabbing the fences and breaking that.

Like sometimes it's the guy receiving it and he's in hell. Oh, yes. It's horrible. But the venues afterwards have to be just completely demolished. Yeah. Like sometimes it's the guy receiving it and he's in hell. Oh But the venues afterwards have to be just completely demolished. Yeah, it's like That's what they do. It was like when battlefield 3 came out. You're like, oh I can destroy the the the map environment Yeah, finally the environment can go down. You're just breaking everything. Yeah, they do kind of have a WWE style Or they use the environment. It's probably Jeff Hardy. Yeah, yeah, but they're like, oh, they're like, where'd you get that ladder? Yeah Dude they'll be dancing it'll be I quit matches Balancing on oil drums and just diving into open legs

Not the steel chair funny funny ting What was that? I don't know yeah, oh? My god yet, we're due for a another celeb to culturally appropriate. It's been a bit for dough Mm-hmm Pelosi taking the knee with the fucking African headdress Cloth yeah, Kyle Bauer on our subathon stream. What did I do? You were wearing like that African head thing the whole time

On my head where it was supposed to be exactly you treated with respect you treated with the utmost respect. Oh Man anything else going on not so What we got Rudy the best thing ever happened to me. How do we forget this dude? Yeah, me is like not to freak you out, but Rudy's number six on the Epstein list It was so well done, and I got to be honest with you Rudy, and I didn't tell you this Before I called and told you and laughed I Started a group child Luke and Kyle like, is this a thing?

Yeah. Yeah. Part of me believed it. So you think I got motion like that? I said, should we be concerned? And I gotta be honest with you guys, I saw it before that and was so concerned it was actually real.

I didn't even, I was speechless and didn't even hit any of you. You saw it before I sent it? Someone DM'd it to me. Yeah, yeah, I got it It's probably right before you All right, man, I'll give you this one Probably a little before you Yeah, like it moved me I it was a feeling I my I took it as truth

Just because of the way it was format format of the text. Oh, that's reassuring. Yeah Like it's kind of a compliment. Oh Is it? That you would have that pool that I that I beat out Dershowitz on the top 10 But I think this what you would have been you would have been one of you would have been a rapie It's sort of up in the air. No cuz you like yeah No, I guess the timeline like some of the comments were like serious like all the hockey guy must have been a victim Yeah, that was the funny. I hate that it got deleted

But then okay just so like if people don't know the only new one here is the people don't know Someone is an anus fan Went into the conspiracy subreddit. He's not a big anus fan because it's only his number two use subreddit. Monopoly go was his number one. So some monopoly go fan, which will never, we will never dethrone. Juan Damien, Nebraska. So he went into the conspiracy subreddit and then said, this is the CIA leaked Epstein list, which has been taking him a long time.

And he wrote this like very convincing full list And then just snuck me in at number six and the funniest thing is the people on the conspiracy subreddit Which is a humongous subreddit 2.1 million. Yeah, they were in there and they're like, yeah, this seems pretty legit I'm not sure about the hockey guy never heard of him before and I'm sitting there reading literally eating itchin bichanga Like are you serious? But it was the you had the tweet was funny you had the chance to deny in the tweet Oh you didn't yeah never denied you haven't yet you haven't that's where you that's where you are mistaken on how to handle a PR crisis don't deny because

that's the first thing I'm doing if I'm on the Epstein list no because then it then denial brings in accusations. Streisand that is an accusation. No, it's not. It's a fucking joke. Associated subject, alpha personality directed to. I love that they put you at six. Everything they did here was a masterful profile. Former NCAA hockey player, Colorado native, self-described plant dad.

But it's in like that legal format. Yes. Like they just got as much information as they would have on a judge June 2k CIA and a peripheral figure possible early recruitment. This was so well done. Yes masterful hilarious It was the hardest I was out in Cleveland. So I was dying laughing just at the bar just reading it over and over Hmm. It's like you and I leave town for one weekend and you end up on the Epstein list in Cleveland, I was dying laughing just at the bar, just reading it over and over. It's like you end, I leave town for one weekend and you end up on the Epstein list. Rudy, I can't, really man?

No, I didn't mean to. You don't get it, it'll be fine. Yeah, thank you for reminding me, Moog. That was, is the link still active? It's dead. Damn. Comments are there. Comments are there? Yeah, and then once I Tweeted about it, Inc is though is the link still active it's dead damn Comments are there comments are there Yeah, and then once I tweet about it the anus fans going in there and talking about it were so funny Who was the hockey guy a gay man with dyslexia?

Six checks out I was on the island with him when we were kids you got a security escort. Oh Yeah, the fans were so funny. It was so funny Rudy Junda being on this list all but confirms it The guy is a hundred percent guilty. I heard he was doing some illegal business in Turkey as well. Yeah Yeah, that's true fake mm-hmm Highly dubious that guy wasn't willing to go fake, but he did say highly dubious. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

It is the placement of, at six, was so artfully done. He's good. It was like seeing someone in a flow state. He spent time, and when we found it, like that screenshot's from that's been up for 13 hours.

So he just did it and went along with his day. He did that for him. Yeah. And just let it naturally blossom. He did that just for, up for 13 hours. Now we wait. Somebody might see this. Incredible.

Somebody might see this. That's all he wanted. Right, exactly. And he's still out there with that skill set. Oh my God, it's so good because like what did, who is reading that far down, who's on, what Anus fan is gonna read all the way down and just be like, oh wait, Rudy from Anus.

Yeah. Are you kidding? Click the link that has no action. Yeah. So good, you kidding? Yeah. Click the link that has no action. Yeah. It's so good. Yeah. It made my night. Mm-hmm. Yeah, if you're out there, like don't keep doing this.

No, no, no. It's probably not good for Rudy. Unfortunately, it's very funny, but like I do not want it to like, I did not meet Jeff Repstein. I was hoping for you to like, I was hoping for you to like die laughing when I called you. And I was like, hey Rudy, anything you need to tell me?

And you're like, you were eating a sandwich of course. Yeah. And you were chewing and you're like, no. I was like, have you been on the conspiracy subreddit? And you're like, no. And then I just told you, you were implicated in the Epstein list and your response was like, really?

Oh, I'm sorry that I absorbed I'm sorry. I would have laughed. I would have been like, that's crazy. That's crazy. No, I didn't respond. You went like this one, sure. Really? I was like, do you want the link? You're like, I guess.

That's not how I reacted. I said, that's not how I reacted. You were so indifferent. I was just like, wait, what? I'm sorry I didn't react to being on the, fakely put on the Epstein list in the way that you expected I was expecting a laugh and just being like that's Crazy you gotta be amazed. Oh my you know what my bad guys my fault

I wish you would have been surprised and then I like I hung up the phone. I was with my girlfriend I was like he I was in the middle was suspicious. I was in the middle of something. What were you doing? I was having dinner. Did you have to break it to the person you were with? No, I wasn't with anybody. I wasn't with anybody. Well then you weren't in the middle of shit. I was enjoying a meal, and then I get dropped on my head

that you've been on the Epstein list. I feel like anybody else's reaction would have been like, wow, no fucking way. You're kind of rewriting history I was like wait. What are you fucking serious like I said that that's not good Yeah, what do you mean? It's not good. That's not enough. It's not enough. What you're doing right? It's not the reaction. I'm doing right now is sickening. I might poison you with bread for this Kyle drop it on me that I'm on it

Nick With bread for this kyle drop it on me that i'm on it nick Have you seen the conspiracy subreddit no what's up someone leaked the cia's Epstein flight log oh shit holy fuck You're on it Not true you're on the lake. It looks real No You'd send that to me. I need a laugh tonight. It seems realistic Yeah, that's not how that different power went down. No, it's very you didn't laugh. You were just like that's okay. Okay, okay

I'm nails, dude I'm nails dude. You're not nails. I made me and this was like right after I was like worked up the courage to call you because I didn't want this weird Converse of the courage you before you even spoke you were like I thought it was the Joker like barely got words and I did call you like multiple times. I think you're going to want to open up our slashed conspiracy. He interrupted my sentence multiple times every time he spoke. He kept going, this is the best night of my life. No, at one point, Nick said, I needed this. Yeah, dude, I had a long day. I was tired and I was just like, you know, would make tonight great. He was out of town enjoying a vacation and he went out of his way. He was like, this is the best thing ever.

I couldn't even get a word. Oh, I shared it with the entire green room in Boston. It was in my awesome. Oh, that's sweet of you Thank you. It was the best. I mean it is objectively very fun, dude I had friends from home that I don't think listen to the show that just know I'm associated with you And they were just like yo is this shit true? That's concerning We sent it to like-barstool group chats and everyone was like, wait is this real?

Uh huh. Tommy Smokes. In what galaxy am I like on the FI? Tommy Smokes was like, this definitely isn't real, right? I don't know. Multiple times? Everybody's response was like damning to you.

I mean you Circles in Denver Epstein is recreating Tommy was like wait, so is this real or not yeah? Few people were like that. I mean I that was my initial reaction because I know you've you've schmoozed with I like higher powers You've been I remember like in your New York heyday You were going on private jets. Mm-hmm with our boss. You've been invited to like masquerade sex parties going with like NHL guys They also were co-workers. You might have like Slipped out met somebody This is insane

This is in that somebody I Got as weird. I gotta see what I sent to the guys boys Rudy is smack dab in the middle of the Epstein flight locks at number six no way. This is real, right? flight locks at number six no way this is real right yeah like right like I had to like at least cover my bases just in case I had to submit to evidence like okay he took it seriously enough yeah you I have to cover my bases because of a post on the we were all worried because of a post I was going to be in Nebraska you got to cover Like this is a crazy move. I didn't know like this is the perfect prank I didn't know like it's the perfect rank drop there really is he formatted it perfectly yeah

Yeah, it could be a she we don't know one Damien's identity. It could be anybody Could be one of us But we'll never know it was incredible yeah funny yeah kudos to that guy anything else That's it for now That's our new sign No one hit me up and was like yo, what's going on with this? They were like laughing yada yada yada people were hitting you up, dude I bet you there were multiple group chats all talking about you throughout this office are they guys like moving scared of me now? No, no, but like I think it was like nobody was dead certain. It's I don't think anybody

I bet you you were if somebody saw it you were the second person they talked to they had to talk to one other person To be like this is fake, right? This is a powerful weapon to wield actually yeah nobody nobody was dead set that it wasn't not exactly mm-hmm Yeah, just like okay keep talking. Yeah, I was uh-huh. I was like I got somebody has to tell him I got people good God all right Kyle sign us off again That's it.