A New Untold Story - Mexico - A New Untold Story: Ep. 446

Episode Date: May 1, 2025

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Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. You can see the numbers. What's the what numbers right there? The first one one. All right. Shit. I have my contacts in. I can't see. They got bootleg. You have bootleg contact. They fall out of my eyes every day.
Starting point is 00:00:24 Are your eyes? Maybe your eyes aren't circle. I'm doing something wrong. Well, no, it doesn't have to be something wrong. Maybe there are some people whose eyes like aren't circle. Really? Yeah. And so you're probably not getting suction. I mean, a custom pair, you get them. Would you be self-conscious if your eyes aren't circle?
Starting point is 00:00:40 You got to get tailored. Yeah. Different shaped eyes. Yeah. Square. Square. I know they fall out every day. At least one. And then you lose it. And then do they like literally fall out of your eye fully or do they just kind of come out? Are they the ones that you have to throw away at the end of the day or are they you rewear and wash.
Starting point is 00:00:58 Throw away. Oh, that's kind of OK then. Are you good at plopping them in? No, I've noticed. No, I'm not good. I didn't know that. If I had to guess, I would guess it would be something I have to use a pincer grasp to place delicately in my eye. Yeah, but while you aren't dexterous, you are brave.
Starting point is 00:01:18 Yeah, that's a good point. You are like you'll keep going. What you lack in dexterity, you make up for in bravery. Yeah. Well, you have to use a what? Like a tweezers? Like a pincer grasp. He's saying pinch, just pinch. Oh. What's the type of grasp?
Starting point is 00:01:34 Well, you don't, it's, no, how many types of grasp are there? A few. Like kung fu. Thumb and index is the pincer. That's pinch. Pincer. That's called the pincer grasp That's pinch. Pinsir. That's called the pincer grasp.
Starting point is 00:01:46 A pinch inflicts pain. It's like a fine motor skill that you teach to babies. Pinsir. Pick up cheerio. It's a Pokemon. It's a Pokemon? Yeah, it's a bug type. He's often times, he's paired with Scyther a lot.
Starting point is 00:02:00 They're the two original cool bugs that don't evolve. You know pincer. Yeah. It's also a famous military move. A pincer tech, yeah, yeah. Pincer tech. Pincer, yeah, I guess. But it's also, I guess, how Kyle puts it in his context.
Starting point is 00:02:18 I bet you can't name a single other grasp. Hand. Shit. All right, one nothing. Grabbing something. There there's difference between that and a grip there's like a grasp and a grip there's a kung fu I think a grip is a whole hand yeah I think so we're pussy yeah nice smirk that was chapter one of evaluating a baby how they grab so we had an evaluation I had a full kit of toys and items and like They're gonna like just pick up a pellet. Okay, but like what there were kid. How would you do that wrong?
Starting point is 00:02:54 That was like the most done thing but like what about with some guys like going to for a pellet with two hands Even like babies would do it even like so it's interesting you had a book called evaluating a baby that wasn't the name no he was saying the first chapter metaphorically trying to get you to understand what it was first chapter he said I had a book that was evaluating a baby at a book the purpose was evaluating infants and toddlers okay I don't know the name was so it was an actual book I thought it was an actual book? I thought it was just metaphorically the first chapter.
Starting point is 00:03:28 The first page. Yeah, that's right. You've really confused me. All right, a new untold story. A new untold story, episode 488. Episode 446. It is the area code of the Mexican state. Chihuahua.
Starting point is 00:03:49 Calo. What's it called? What, you're telling me this isn't all off down? Start over. Okay. The New Once Told Story, episode 448. Wait, wait, wait, clap. You gotta clap.
Starting point is 00:03:59 I gotta clap again. You mean you're exactly gonna reply to what I'm gonna say? No, you're just gonna say, no, that's a New Once Told Story. Hey, isn't that story old or told? Fuck no, baby! That's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh-baked untold story. A new untold story. I'm new, I'm told.
Starting point is 00:04:26 No one told story, episode 448? Episode 446, it is the area code, I guess, of the Mexican state of Corretoro no shit. How the fuck do you know that I just Holy shit, dude, it's a great question because we just don't know Mexican state I don't know Mexican states, and I don't know Canadian territories I feel like we know Canadian provinces as a general public in America. No, you heard of Nova Scotia I've heard of Nova Scotia know that's Canada, but I can't point it out Like I will look at like up non Americans trying to fill out an American map. They'll get Florida, Texas, New York, California
Starting point is 00:05:17 some will get like Washington, Maine I Couldn't do a Canadian map. I mean that's couldn't do a Canadian map. I mean, that's unfortunately normal, but you know like, you know Ontario, you know British Columbia, you probably know Prince Edward. The Northern Territories. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:33 And most American Americans can't fill out a US map. That's a shame. That is sad. And like academically successful Americans like don't know where Missouri is. I might flip, I'm gonna have know where Missouri is I might flip I'm gonna have my pedestal. I might flip Vermont, New Hampshire Might do a little flipsie. Yeah, like that does like piss me off
Starting point is 00:05:56 Sufficiently, but I get it. Yeah. Thank you. They're very similar. Which one's on the left Vermont, okay. Yeah, so you can know New Hampshire has a tiny coast Barely touching water. My point is like we don't know anything about Mexico like even like American geography bro buffs like fucking me you don't know shit about Mexico like people don't know Mexican states No, there's 32 of them. Did you know there's a waxica? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, fucked up. Aquascalientes to Zacateras, like there's A to Z. There's two that begin with Q, including the one I just said, Carretero. Starts with a Q? Yeah, and it's like- Is one of them Baja California?
Starting point is 00:06:33 Yeah, there's a Baja California, and a Baja California, sir. I'm in the Baja. Oh my God. We just don't know shit about Mexico. That would be cool if we got both of those. Yeah, Baja's cool. Just extend California down. But I feel like we should. Yeah, I feel like people know how Mexican the US is,
Starting point is 00:06:51 but they don't really know how Mexican the US is. And immigrant wise? The amount of Mexicans living in America. How many we got? 38 million. No fucking way. How many is Mexico got? Not much more. Holy shit. That's like the population of all of Canada. How many we got? 38 million. No fucking way. How many has Mexico got?
Starting point is 00:07:05 Not much more. Holy shit. That's like the population of all of Canada. Like we have more, like that's bigger than New York, New Jersey and Massachusetts combined. That's how many Mexicans are living in America. We are more Mexican than gay. No way.
Starting point is 00:07:22 Yeah. Oh my God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What about gay Mexicans? That cancels out. You don't know how many gay Mexicans are in the US. Not a lot. You don't think so?
Starting point is 00:07:32 Not a lot. Oh my god, I think there's... Can you like picture one? Can you name one? Can I name a gay Mexican? Ricky Martin. Freddie Grande. Is that Ariana Grande's brother?
Starting point is 00:07:44 That looks exactly like Ariana Grande's boyfriend? Yes. Even if you like eliminated the, it would still be more than gay. There's more Mexicans in America than skinny non-Mexicans. Oh, really? Yes. I think our obesity rate is like 75%.
Starting point is 00:08:04 Oh no. So wait, how many million obese are there? There's more Mexicans than skinny. Well, they're not skinny themselves. No, that kind of Lord no data. Some are 70 million was obese. Good God. 35 million men. Okay, so yeah. More Mexicans than skinny men. Chicago. Yes, we are amongst Mexicans. Yes. There are 400000 Mexicans in Chicago. And for the people listening, you're not complaining.
Starting point is 00:08:39 No, because I've never bothered by them. Again, in any way. Right, but like... Okay. Yeah, like we should be more positively affected by them. Yeah. We should be amongst Mexicans. We should be rolling with at least...
Starting point is 00:08:54 I see Mexicans every day. We should statistically be rolling with at least one Mexican when we go to anywhere. Okay, let's start doing it. There are more Mexicans. There are more Mexican hoes in Chicago than people in st. Louis And that's not even counting for Latin like Latinas Yeah, there's more Latinas in Chicago alone than people in Milwaukee. We have more Latinas than Milwaukee has Milwaukeeans. Yes Holy shit. Yes, but I knew if you count all Hispanics, holy shit.
Starting point is 00:09:29 We need to raise awareness on this, not for people to be upset about, just for people to know. No, to enjoy. Yeah, enjoy. You're surrounded by Latinas. If you're listening to this, the odds are, it's like a spider being 10 feet away from you.
Starting point is 00:09:42 There's a Latina in your walls, at least. Odds are. Odds are Latina in your walls at least Somewhere in like your utility closet as far as you could throw a pair of jeans there will be a Latina. That's a good fact Paradis Shorts and high socks Plaid button Do you like we need to invite we need to invite some Mexicans in we need to make this house a homie yes Then we think of like LA we picture like
Starting point is 00:10:25 David Dobrik what that's what you do. That's what you do when you picture L.A. Well, I think people picture like YouTubers, influencers, models, the Kardashians. Sure. L.A. is Mexicans. L.A. is just Mexicans. And again, this is not this is not a negative rant. People I feel like people envision L.A. wrong. Like the U.S. is more Mexican than we give credit. You think some people think a Los Angeles is not Mexican?
Starting point is 00:10:46 I think some people picture like the palm trees, the white fit, tits. Yeah, titties. No, LA is an ass city. LA is a natural ass city as much as we think it's the ass. It's an NAC. Yeah. There's like four to five million Mexicans in LA.
Starting point is 00:11:07 And if you go to LA, you're gonna be like outside and driving around. You're only gonna see Mexicans. Cause they're the ones who are outside. White people are inside. Okay. That's a good point. And the Mexicans roll deep.
Starting point is 00:11:20 How so? Always with a big crew? If like one Mexican has like one item to pick up from the store He'll bring like 12 of his family and friends Cvs it do herd they yeah, but I think it's good for community building. It's good for mental absolutely They have pretty tight-knit communities. They have the best food in the world Mexico aren't wrong It's at least tied for first okay fine
Starting point is 00:11:43 What would you accept that but say aren't wrong? Well, I think Greek, Mediterranean, olives. Okay, you can't use olives as an example for the best. Greek food, Mediterranean food is the best. A plate of chimichangas or a plate of olives. Yeah, it's not even close. All right, maybe the worst. You used olive as an example for the peak.
Starting point is 00:12:03 Mediterranean food is the best food. Mediterranean food is the best food of gastronomical pleasure is olives and Mediterranean is good, but I think Mexican is the tastiest What was that noise? You you lip smacked and like lean towards him and he didn't do shit. It's because Mexican food shits on everything. It's the best. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:12:31 It's amazing. It's the best. It's the most accessible. It's affordable. And it's the most accessible because I've been amongst Mexicans. They're everywhere. This is a real fact. 99% of Americans live near a Mexican restaurant.
Starting point is 00:12:44 That's not that crazy is it? No. I mean, near what's near me nears vague. But I think it means like the same county. OK, you can drive. You can like I bet you could say for Italian. You can drive. I don't know about that. What? Yeah, definitely. But if you go to like Clarksburg West, oh yeah, that's a bad example.
Starting point is 00:13:08 They have lots of Italians. Your first example. Yeah, I can't think, even like Biloxi, Mississippi will have an Italian restaurant. If you go to like a small hoedunk town and there's gonna be a Mexican restaurant. It's podunk. Not Brittany grind
Starting point is 00:13:27 That's what I was thinking oh, oh, don't But yeah, like where we grew up there weren't there weren't Latinos I Grew up next door really yeah Who I don't want it like I don't want to say there was like we didn't pretty I'm he was next door to Vincent goo He had big bells in his front yard You rest oh my boy. Yes, Kodiak. Yes, okay. He was yeah. He was whitewashed By me and the gang. Oh, he was adopted by a white family. I don't think you did it You and the gang whitewashed
Starting point is 00:14:04 Fucking listen to Hinder. Well yeah, but you know what he does now? He's a roofer. So yeah, Kodiak was... Watered down his level. Fucking yeah, Kodiak was one of my good friends. Yeah, he's a great guy. Handsome kid.
Starting point is 00:14:19 Love that dude. But like there weren't like... There were no Latinas. No, there were no Latinas. There was one. What? Who? There was one Mexican girl who moved to Wheeling when we were in high school. OK, I think
Starting point is 00:14:32 you're like her. Her Facebook crashed because the servers couldn't handle all like all the white boys, all the white boys. Oh, I know who you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She had the town in his tizzy.
Starting point is 00:14:45 Yeah, because there's never. Yeah, the the the we've never seen a build like that. We've never seen a build like that. We didn't know you could do it. It was like discovering Spellsword and Oblivion. Yeah, wait, I can be dangerous and mystical. She was dangerous and had a fat ass. See it being written in like your local paper. Yeah, like Latina. Yeah, Latina. Breaking news.
Starting point is 00:15:13 I never I never I never spoke to her. And you didn't either. Don't don't. Rudy, I feel like I did though Come on You're hoping your ear can you look up the Hispanic population in Wheeling, West Virginia? No, I did it might just it might pop up with her Facebook That's it
Starting point is 00:15:37 the Latina Of West Virginia when she moved there my boy Cleveland went fucking nuts like the ghost of key dude Yes, dude Cleave I remember Cleveland was like it was a big day. It was a big year Moved she only was there for a year. I think yeah people would go to like the football games to watch her in the stands from the visitor's section Yeah, I didn't I didn't speak to her. No, of course you didn't.
Starting point is 00:16:07 Kyle. For not. And that's all like the employees of Mexican restaurants. Yeah. The staff of our three to four Mexican restaurant. Well, we're three. That's not a joke. We had El Paso, which is just a town in Texas. Yeah, that's Tex. Wasn't a good name. We have the one in Moundsville that nobody can say
Starting point is 00:16:26 the name of. People at home trying to say Alcapulco. They could. They just give up. Alca, Alca something. They're like too tough. They're too afraid to come off as gay to say something in a different language.
Starting point is 00:16:39 That is true. And that applied to the name Kyle, which is like phonetically kind of gay dudes every West Virginia would say cow cow they didn't want a two syllable it you think your name is phonetically gay Kyle Kyle I mean if you say it say it mask say it toughly Kyle Kyle Yeah, it's not you think I guess Kyle. Yeah, this is not. You think, I guess,
Starting point is 00:17:03 Kyle Lee is a girl's name, and that's just one more E. I don't think it's a masculine name. Kyle, there's no girl's name Kyle. I'm saying it's not like a conventionally masculine name for a man. The sound Kyle. Yeah, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:17:24 K-y stuff, yeah. K-y. E. Kyle Yeah, I guess I don't know stuff am ky That's that's the beat-off lube mm-hmm All right tiny little break to talk about our friends hell our best friends over at the game time app Take the guesswork out of buying tickets. Just know you're gonna get the best prices the the easiest app interface, the UI, the UX. Going to a concert should be about the show, not about the stressful process of getting in tickets, getting the tickets, waiting in this virtual line. That's why I use Game Time,
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Starting point is 00:18:49 A new Untold story is sponsored by BetterHelp. Let's talk numbers. Traditional in-person therapy can cost anywhere from $100 to $250 per session, which really adds up fast. With BetterHelp online therapy, you can save on average up to 50% per session. With BetterHelp, you pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, saving you big on cost and time. Therapy should feel accessible, not like a luxury. With online therapy, you can get quality care at a price that makes sense, and it can help you with anything from anxiety to everyday stress. Your mental health is worth it, and now it's within reach.
Starting point is 00:19:24 Everybody's feeling stress, everybody feels anxiety, but health is worth it. And now it's within reach. Everybody's feeling stress, everybody feels anxiety, but you can help it. And it's, I don't want to say easy to solve it, but it's easy to get somebody to talk to about it. And that's on BetterHelp. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over five million people globally. It's convenient.
Starting point is 00:19:45 You can join a session with the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life. Your wellbeing is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com slash new today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash new. I went to a quinceanera. You went to a quinceanera?
Starting point is 00:20:03 I was in the court of a quinceanera. I saw a girl recently in a quinceanera you went to a quinceanera. I was in the I was in the court of a quinceanera I saw a girl recently in a quinceanera address at the Lincoln Park Zoo sitting She had the longest dress was like 12 feet behind her sitting like on this boulder in the middle of the park There was nobody around her No photographer nothing. She was sitting alone. I don't know if that's some sort of tradition Just sit on his rock sitting on a rock for alone for a little. What is that? 16 years old or 15? 15. OK. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:30 Yeah, I was I was in the court, which is like the essentially like the groomsmen, I guess. OK. But this girl that sat next to me in math class was like, you want to come to my quinceanera. She had a crush on you. How old were you? 15. You have pubic hair. Come on. Honestly, I think at that time, yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:46 Like I was, I had stubble. I had stubble. I did too. I had stubble. Oh, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't have to wear deodorant until my sophomore year of high school. I wasn't even like sweating.
Starting point is 00:20:56 I was late too. I wasn't even sweating from like my. But that was the first time we had to go to her house and practice the dances. Cause it's like this, you do this like whole dance routine at the Quinceanera. Was she your girlfriend? No, she was a friend.
Starting point is 00:21:09 Who did the first dance with her? Karen. Yeah, her name was Karen. Her name was the Q? Yeah, I had a bit. It was shocking, I know, but she was 100% authentic. I know, but Karen was kind of strange. But then that was where I first had watermelon with tahini.
Starting point is 00:21:23 Oh, nice. I remember they gave it to me, the house. Very pleasant. Like, what the fuck is this? Putting spicy shit on it. I, every once in a while, will buy just a loose Ziploc bag from a Mexican family with a cart. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:37 A roller. That's pretty good. Yeah, mango. It's super good. I don't want a pink tuxedo. Yeah, I'll just take the mango. Like, don't put the spice on it. I love the taste of mango.'t you've talked about mango good
Starting point is 00:21:46 Don't season my mango. You know your mangoes. Yeah, what if it like it's a unique sensation It's not like I don't want every mango to be spiced Yeah, mm-hmm. It's just a mix-up But you see your issue with Kyle is that it sounds feminine So is that why you people at home? I guess yeah, they wouldn't is that why you when you made home, I guess, yeah, they wouldn't. Is that why you, when you made your Oblivion character, you were focused on making a masculine name? I just think that's par for the course for like a warrior. But you were really focused on it.
Starting point is 00:22:16 Dude, that was the most embarrassed I've ever been in. Maybe, and it's on camera. That was, that reverted me back to high school. We were playing Oblivion on Rudy stream and It was me Kyle and Rudy and the fucking Milwaukee Brewers walked in with big cat and big cat He knew what he was doing. He looked over like your little wall and he's like, what are you guys doing? I'm just like, oh fuck. I was like we're making a character for oblivion. He's like, so you just make guys like well Yeah, the worst but he's like a mage the worst is is when he was like, what do you do in this game?
Starting point is 00:22:46 And we were like, we couldn't tell him. You saved the realm. All right. Sounds really cool, guys. See you. Do that would be like if like, you know, when you go to the doctor's office, he's like, all right, I'm going to step out and let you change. And then like if he walked back in, you were trying to get like a quick beat off in you like it was that was so like we got caught. We got we got walked in on being 32 year old losers.
Starting point is 00:23:07 Yeah. Yes. By MLB superstars who were 24. It was such a swing of emotions too, because like the energy was so high, we were like, oh, like the fellas are in here, we're making this character, it's gonna be so sick. And then like, it just came into focus what we were really doing.
Starting point is 00:23:20 It makes me realize my likes are not only niche. I go into situations thinking my likes are universal And it's I couldn't be more wrong. Yeah, we were playing Fantasy role-playing I was eating string cheese And I was nauseous you got sick from the game Kristen Yellich was two days off of a game-winning Grand Slam and we're trying to make the jawline of our Breton mage What a nightmare Fucking nightmare they're being cool. They're like, okay, very cool guys. Yeah. All right, and then they just like walked out of the door
Starting point is 00:23:57 Oh, yeah It was bad, but So you made a mass so got it. Hey, I bet you he get out So I understood the vision. Yeah. Oh no. No, no, let's not This was after it happened. He was straggler Yeah Shot so big shout out free look. Yeah How's why
Starting point is 00:24:22 How's why? So it was it was a moan it was like a good moon it was a yes sensational stimuli To the point where like you I had to like temper my excitement a little bit You don't have to do that for everything. You know what you go like everything every visual like stimulus was like But like everything, every visual stimulus was like. Perfect, like the one your brain registered at all is like, this is the peak of living. OK, everything here is what you've always considered paradise.
Starting point is 00:24:57 Yeah. And then why would you temper it? Why would you just dive? Because I'm like the only thing you can kind of do is lay around and drink. It's like you're not it You're not a young man anymore So it's not you got a chill. You're 32 about yeah What can't what can't you do? What would you want to do? What like if you were 22 there? What would you be doing? I? Drink like three shots and feel like a more invincible Superman
Starting point is 00:25:26 And like sing you'd sing I would like and I would just be in like yeah, so what did you what did you temper there? What did you dial you like you this is we're gonna relax like you're not gonna Experience the peak of pleasures. You're just in really good have You flew fucking fifteen hours. You earned it. You paid a bunch of money. I did. I loved the vacation. Loved it. But there was like, I think day one,
Starting point is 00:25:53 I was on like a crescent shaped beach, golden sand, looking at the sunset from a resort that like, travel and luxury dubbed the best getaway imaginable. Did you book it pretty short notice too? Palm trees and the ocean and I was like kind of agitated. Why? I was like, I didn't like the way my toenails looked. They painted the sand sticking to the back of my knees.
Starting point is 00:26:20 And there was like an infernal figure on my shoulder This would be way better with THC You're not gonna really enjoy this without weed Is that what you're is that with the devil on your shoulder sounds like? And so did you try to get you're gonna have to do THC to really enjoy this that's what your devil is telling you How about some psilocybin chocolate? Throw your AirPods in. Listen to pretty lights.
Starting point is 00:26:51 This isn't perfect. Oh, now you're talking my language. Don't convince yourself this is perfect. And so did you do that? No, I just like eased up. Let's just enjoy. So that's what you regret. You regret not taking the THC and listening to pretty lights? No, I'm like eased up. Let's just in so that's what you regret you regret not taking the THL I'm glad I didn't because I had such strong urges to
Starting point is 00:27:08 relapse on Cannabis so you're off the cannabis again. Yeah since January 1st. Holy shit. It's real Yeah, you're just clean as a whistle It was so nice like massages were perfect Did you do the massage on the beach? No one sneeze on your ass cheeks? No like this is legit. Was it a Who gave you the massage male or woman? My preference for a masseuse male like a like a tough Like some I rugged. Oh a rugged female. Yeah
Starting point is 00:27:41 Like like meaty meaty paws? Yeah, like tough hands. Was it a couple's massage? Yeah, she was next to me. Did you like hold hands? No, we just were next to each other. Were you afraid to like moan? There was never a point where I was like, I'm gonna moan. Like a stress relief. Yeah was like, I'm gonna moan. You don't wanna? But like, I can. Like a stress relief. Ugh. Yeah, no, I felt that.
Starting point is 00:28:08 I like the idea of setting out. Were you dead quiet the whole time? There was never a point where like, I can't not moan out loud right now. I like it. I don't lack that much discipline. I like the idea of it like, setting out the amber alert being like, I'm gonna moan.
Starting point is 00:28:21 I'm gonna. Like before we go into this, I'm gonna moan, but it's a non, it's a non, it's pleasure for sure, but it's not a sexual pleasure. Don't think of anything of it, I'm gonna moan. I'm gonna like before we go into this I'm gonna moan, but it's a non It's a non its pleasure for sure, but it's not a sexual pleasure. Don't think of anything of it. I'm gonna would you have scolded if you moaned? Now would have been like awkward though Listen before we get started. So you didn't make a single sound. No, I was in like this like this parasympathetic state of like pure deep relaxation You guys know what I'm talking about fuck no
Starting point is 00:28:50 Relationship with enjoying things is so you have you you you don't allow yourself to enjoy things you're too busy classifying I'm a data Titian when it comes to pleasure. I look at life like there's like oh, this is good You break down pleasure to its purest form the peaks of pleasure pleasure. But you like, but you you're saying, I'm not going to. You're always saying, like, I'm not going to enjoy these things to their fullest extent because that's too much of a universal good. And you have to have the, you know, the bad with the good to fully put the good in focus. But then you also describe a massage, which is just a generally enjoyable thing as like a deeply euphoric relaxation.
Starting point is 00:29:24 So you are experiencing peak pleasure. Yeah. Look what up with the massage. Like look up parasympathetic plus deep relaxation. It's like it's a known feeling of pure bliss. I don't what's parasympathy. It's like this your nervous system relaxes to a state where I mean You feel so relaxed Like to the point where it it couldn't be better better
Starting point is 00:29:54 So is that a good or a bad thing Did you listen it's the best thing but like it seems like it did more harm than good what did it harm? you you you immediately think that this is the peak and it's it's are you like you're gonna be chasing that high no I wasn't chasing it it just like an hour of like green three green three zone three pleasures are the peak of pleasures that are this a real thing that aren't too temporary is this a real thing or is this something class, okay? Green three with no downside is a green yellow red on the chart a red three would be like doing a hard drug But still a pleasure. It's obviously it's a pleasure, but it comes with a downside. So what's a red one a red one?
Starting point is 00:30:43 Would be like probably a nicotine pouch. Okay. It's unhealthy. But even red is still a pleasure. Yeah, they're all like zone one, two, three. So I'm gonna give you a pleasure, can you classify it for me? Masturbation.
Starting point is 00:30:56 Masturbation is a green one. Really? I think I'd yellow too. What is yellow? What? It's just green and red. I guess if you do it long enough it can be a green too But a green one is or a red one is an extremely fleeting pleasure like it's eating a cookie Okay, I'm gonna experience but there's shame that comes with both masturbation and cookie, but not really it's not there's not gonna be like a biological downside
Starting point is 00:31:27 cookie yes Cookie yes like but if you're if you're like in a calorie deficit like me like no I'm so sorry for throwing yellow into this yeah, okay um cigarette One cigarette yeah is a Is a red one. Red one. What about Philly cheesesteak? It's a green one, but I feel like you're a slow eater. It could be a green two.
Starting point is 00:32:04 Okay. okay take your time with it one to two is just length if you take like 20 minutes eating a Philly cheesesteak like some type of bitch like it that's enough time to classify it as a two but also masturbation you were doing it longer to get it up to two as well if you stretch it out it's be a two yeah okay very interesting the listeners look we make a chart for the people to I can make a chart, okay That'll be cool. That'll be cool. Um also on your flight. Did you draw MOOC this year? I didn't okay Sorry, but you classify the cities. I
Starting point is 00:32:38 Did rank them by population today? Was there anything surprising to you? surprising to me No, because it's It's my facts sure Sure, no nothing that you disputed this can't be true. Yeah Oh my god, oh I'm in a day three of a juice cleanse, but it's bad. You haven't let up I I ate a bowl. I ordered a sandwich for lunch yesterday
Starting point is 00:33:11 So you're on day zero of a juice. All right. All right, but that was most of my meals have been juice Yeah, but that you can't you can't say you're on day three I'm on day three of drinking juice every day You had a sandwich. Oh Amongst amongst the sandwich sandwiches sandwich, okay, don't pluralize it I Wouldn't recommend it sandwich definitely negates that the sandwich was a green one juice fast red three negates that. The sandwich was a green one juice fast red three. Green one, yeah. Juice fast is a red three. Red three. But that red can be green from the outcome because you're trying to make some better. I'm not allowed to have my own opinions. So you... on this made-up pie chart. Juice through red three? Yeah. A red three is a fucking
Starting point is 00:34:03 meth bender. It's very long in length and very unhealthy. Yeah, this. And very pleasurable. Oh, not pleasurable. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it. What are you trying to get out of it?
Starting point is 00:34:15 My stomach's been a fucking mess. Gut health. An absolute mess. Gut health is a tricky bitch. It's impossible to find a balance. You've been working on it, too, right? You've been probiotic in No, I was on a kefir phase. Yeah, my guts been fine. I Don't know why
Starting point is 00:34:38 Mine's been I'm not like a stinky fart guy as of now have been but they're also not making that sounds like a Parcel tongue instead of late Just hisses out. Mm-hmm horrible sounds like an evil magic snake like yes noxious like spray Spray could be a good thing though because it is a cleanse. Yeah, bro. My boy in Denver is keeps telling me to do colonics He says it's like the greatest thing he's ever done. Is that spraying stuff up? No, that's evacuating your ass. Okay, but yeah, I do that often. Like you go in there and it's like you go to a Jiffy Lube and they put you up on like a rig
Starting point is 00:35:12 and they just go in your ass. There's coffee ones. He does that too. Coffee enemas. He said that's the next level. Really? Green two probably. I wouldn't mind doing that.
Starting point is 00:35:21 He said it's amazing. He said it's pretty shocking. Sure, it's hot coffee sprayed up your butthole, but he said it's like yeah, it feels pretty shocking He says it feels incredible. I believe that like afterwards, but it's like I believe that do you get a caffeine like I don't know That'd be a boost. That'd be nice. I think so It's crazy that like anything that you can input into your body is, would be more efficiently done through your ass. It's just a better mouth.
Starting point is 00:35:50 Apparently dude. Yeah, just like a droplet of booze. But it can't taste. It's not a better mouth. It's more accepting. Actually a mouth that can't taste. Everybody would eat so healthy. It's a more efficient mouth.
Starting point is 00:36:03 An ass is a significantly better We we're gonna evolve to be mouthless Right and when it comes to like Medicine and substances like you what would you do would you want to taste vodka no? So is that that was Luke far I had the fuzz Luke using his asshole as Luke talking shit out of his new mouth I Guess so mm-hmm even like kissing would be more fun Just making out the credits of a movie it would be Be more simple
Starting point is 00:36:47 There's no like it's just two perimeters that's what a mouth is a mouth has tongue and lips and teeth and Yeah, an asshole is just a perimeter techniques What what different techniques could you do if you made out with your asshole? I think it would have to be more of like a friction kind of thing where like there would have to be like a Up and down or a circle movement. That would be the worst thing to hear Like a girl you like or girl you used to date and you're like what they do she made out with this dude at the movies
Starting point is 00:37:19 They made their kiss that was just a kiss they kissed ass. I was drunk. Come on, dude. A sloppy drunk ass kiss Yeah, have you ever had anything shoved up your ass no next I used to have I had a medicine I forget what I don't the I had a like a Bronchitis or some shit that I had to be home for school for a week And I'd have a wax stick that would like melt I had to lay on my stomach and have a wax stick like melt down Into me what is this a way sounds like a fucking fetish? No, I never took medicine like what Jordan Belfort can you look up like a wax? No, I never took medicine like we're doing Belfort. Can you look up like a wacko wax?
Starting point is 00:38:09 Suppository dude, and you had to like use your body heat had to melt it down into the butt I remember that but I didn't think about that Adult suppositories Yeah, yeah, I think it was like that Was it just a laxative? I? Just remember a wax stick Alright stick that I had to lay on my stomach it wasn't I haven't had any wax sticks in my but it wasn't shoved I don't like the fucking verb
Starting point is 00:38:33 shoved placed daint gently gently placed gently deep in my ass it just melted in your yeah melt it's it oozed in mm-hmm but no I've never put um No, I think it's you almost have to that just that shit can't happen on accident. No no no no it's a pretty strong threshold Yeah, let's talk about rose sparks hmm for a little sec Are you doing a quad? No fine there? Cool do be cool. Alright, this RoastSparks stuff, it's actually mad cool.
Starting point is 00:39:08 It's two in one, it's a prescription, and it makes you harder and stronger in the dick. To hit the bloodstream faster because they dissolve under the tongue. Yo, getting hard faster means having more fucking sex. Yes. And after they dissolve, they work in 15 minutes on average, that's it. Roast box can give guys thicker, longer erections than they usually have, which is quite the deal.
Starting point is 00:39:37 Yeah, sign me up. Yeah, they're awesome. Thicker and longer? Yeah, thicker and longer. Okay. And a guaranteed erection at that, Yeah, they're thicker and longer. Yeah thicker and longer. Okay. Mm-hmm and And a guaranteed erection at that it won't it won't go away I mean, it's just like the premier and predominant way of having sex. Mm-hmm Probably masturbating too. Yep. I thought that it's active in your system for 36 hours You can go back to back to back round after round and be ready for the next morning
Starting point is 00:40:03 so you can go back to back to back, round after round, and be ready for the next morning. So yeah, this is the ideal way to play for men, it's Roe Sparks, and with Roe Sparks, you can get the erection you've always wanted. Roe connects guys with a medical provider 100% online, so there's no awkward conversation with in-person providers, even though I don't think it's awkward to want harder, thicker erections, regardless of your sexual status.
Starting point is 00:40:29 If approved, treatment ships directly to your door. If prescribed, new sexual health patients get $15 off Sparks on a recurring plan. Connect with the provider at ro.co. slash untold to find out if prescription Roe sparks are right for you. I bet they are. That's RO.co slash untold. Fifteen dollars off your first order. OK, guys, Derby Week is here. Gentlemen, suit up in your sharpest ladies.
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Starting point is 00:43:16 Carver Mat Frame. That's AuraFrames.com, promo code untold. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions do apply. But yeah, I had to, for like when I had my appendicitis, they put like a little tube in my ass and then shoved fluids up it. No kidding.
Starting point is 00:43:34 For the CT scan. That probably wasn't too bad. It was pretty fucking awful. Really? Well, it was awful. I mean, that was uncomfortable and really weird cause you could feel the liquid going the opposite direction up your intestines.
Starting point is 00:43:44 Yeah. And then they put iodine in your IV to give contrast to the image, and it makes it feel like you're literally burning from the inside out. Oh, that's probably not great. And so I was just like this this 13 year old, 12 year old kid just on this table. And the guy beforehand was very matter of fact, where he's like, listen, it's going to feel like you have to take a huge shit on my table. Don't shit on my table. Really? Like, OK, this is for appendicitis. Yeah. This is the determine if to take a huge shit on my table. Don't shit on my table. Really? OK, this is for appendicitis. Yeah, this is the determinant. If you have to people shit on the table, apparently I didn't.
Starting point is 00:44:09 But I puked on the table. OK, that's fine. That's way better. People describe appendicitis like the worst pain that ruptured spleen, kidney stone. Drowning. Drowning hurts. And not being able to breathe while suffocating underwater. Um. Drowning. Drowning hurts. And not being able to breathe while suffocating underwater. But I thought you kind of just pass out. It does hurt like shit. And I actually read a description that made me way more comfortable
Starting point is 00:44:37 with the idea of drowning. You're not going to drown, dude. A dude who drowned and was miraculously saved, like wrote wrote up how he felt during it can you drown and survive yeah you can come back came back up he was drained of the water okay you can't be electrocuted and survive you be shocked but electrocuted means death I don't know that no you can know you think I'm not thinking of execute lived there it's not electric I think I mean that's being
Starting point is 00:45:02 electrocuted there's dudes on the electric chair that just eat those then they're not electrocuted. They were shocked Electrocute you think that implies death death Yeah, but like this they still still there's no injure or kill some okay shit injuries. I've just been really wrong this whole show Welcome to the club ready legendary quit. No look when an electric shock is fatal providers call it electrocution Oh little good job Nick there. We go. I needed that so bad a Low voltage electric shocks there we go There we go interesting one to like 78 One to 78 it's like the score of the today's episode. I finally got one. Oh, yeah
Starting point is 00:45:47 Finally got one i've been up um, yeah, but he said he was drowning and once he got to the point where he knew he was fucked and he accepted his impending doom The uh survival instinct of fear lost its function. So he no longer was afraid While he was under the water. Yeah he was like, oh shit I hope my family's good. Wow. So yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:10 I just know there's a scene that stuck with me from the movie Pearl Harbor. The big jack dude when the ship was going down he couldn't get out. He like, I remember seeing him instead of breathing in to hold his breath he exhaled and then went underwater and just inhaled all the water. That sits with me. I can. Dude that scene, I hated that scene Yeah, I like that drowning scenes fucking
Starting point is 00:46:29 Fuck me. I don't do it. I don't want to drown next to every watching movie sanctum. It's a cave diving movie fuck that I don't do it scares the shit out me. I've seen it a few times. You should watch it Spelunky is so terrifying super lunging, but the cave diving is just that's like you're guaranteed dying Spelunky is so terrifying. Spelunky, but the cave diving is just that's like you're guaranteed dying. It has a reason it does have a high death rate. That and like wingsuit. Yeah, it's stupid. That's really sad. Rather go out.
Starting point is 00:46:53 You think that's fun. I'd rather go out wingsuiting than than in like in the like downward dog in some cave. There was that video. I think I saw an e-bombs world of a dude hitting like a bridge pole, like a bridge, a bridge, and just hit it and just was like turned to mist. See, but then that's so much better than just like dying in some crazy cave.
Starting point is 00:47:13 Being instantly mystified. Being mystified, but that dude, he was mystified. That's the way to go. Yeah, I'd rather go like that for sure. Dude, remember when those, so funny to me, I don't know why, but like remember when those, there was like a cave I don't know why, but like, remember when those there was like a cave diving accident, a bunch of kids got stuck in a cave.
Starting point is 00:47:29 It was in the Philippines, I think. And Elon Musk called the guy that saved him a pedophile. That was so funny. Like, yeah, expert. There was like, Elon was like, we got to do it this way. And the expert was like, no, that's not how we're doing. And he's like, oh, pedophile. He called him a pedophile.
Starting point is 00:47:44 What was he? No, no. Yeah, the're doing. He's like of pedophile. He called him a pedophile. What was he? No, no Yeah, the pedo guy went and saved him Like the idea though of any time anyone disagrees with you you just call them a pedophile that's kind of what people do That's literally what's happening every single day That's yeah, and that's's the meta. It's just calling people pedophiles when they disagree with you. Yeah. That's, yeah. And that's like the richest man in the world and he's like just saying on his huge platform.
Starting point is 00:48:10 Yeah, the guy just became a hero. Saved a bunch of kids, but like he didn't do it his way, pedophile. I mean, wrong, but hilarious and effective. Yes. Yeah. Right. Like those Sanders prank call. Yes, yeah, right like those Sanders prank call Yes, I felt bad. Yeah, you didn't watch it because I know I
Starting point is 00:48:34 Would just see my similar-aged self doing that exact thing With it's it's pretty fucked up. It's really fucked up. But it's not really fucked up. It's a prank call at its base. I think. It's a prank call. A prank call can't be very fucked up. Unless they're like, hey, we got the cancer. I was trying to get out in front
Starting point is 00:48:57 of what I'm about to say next. Oh, cool. But hold on, before you get there, that's like comparing shoplifting to Danny Ocean Like that's a high level. Yeah, it's it's it's a prank call Young kids prank call I get it. He's how old Shoulder to the kid that prank called college like 1920 What have you done people that age aren't aren't good no no I was prank calling
Starting point is 00:49:34 Immorally and if I if I came across his number And I was with boys Booze in a little bit the time. I don't know what I would have done. I know exactly what you would have done I Don't think I would have done that I think you I think you might have shot a text. Maybe a text. I don't know. I think it's fucked up. I think the kid is probably definitely a massive scumbag kid. Sure. Like, because he also, like, put his dad's job in jeopardy.
Starting point is 00:49:58 Yeah. That's a little much. You don't think so? You think his dad should get fired because he pranked or Sanders He left his number he left his number people are like calling for like the Falcons to lose draft picks over this It's a prank call. Yeah Fucked up. It's fucked up to do when this guy's at his lowest point But also if that's your lowest point, fuck yeah, true, true.
Starting point is 00:50:26 I didn't watch it. I don't have the stomach to kill. I love the overreactions and I love the under reactions. There's a middle ground. There's a middle ground. He's a scumbag kid that was really stupid and fucked up, but I mean where does your moral compass lie? If you're, like he was getting,
Starting point is 00:50:40 if you're fine with like mocking Shador for his draft performance, if you're fine with mocking and insulting and dehumanizing NFL players every week. Yeah. People are getting these takes off so they can go viral, and people see that at somebody else's expense. Shador's expense. It's the same thing, just a little bit, one's more harsh. Look at us, moral high road, but also not.
Starting point is 00:51:06 Not at all. We should start doing that where we just give very average takes. That was a pathetically average take. This was our take after talking about this for 10 minutes was it's bad, but not the worst thing a person can do. That's where we landed. No fucking shit.
Starting point is 00:51:21 Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no fucking shit. Brave, brave. Le. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no fucking shit. Brave, brave. My weak ass take. Brave. Happy Catholic Schools Week.
Starting point is 00:51:30 Oh. I think it is. Wasn't that always like the last weeks before summer? Mm-hmm. Did you have that Rudy, going to Catholic School? Yeah, I talked about it last week, the Catholic School night. We had week.
Starting point is 00:51:38 We had Catholic School night. Okay. One big bash at Six Flags. Catholic Schools Week, yes. You went to Six Flags? Yeah, I talked about it last week. He wasn't here yes. You went to Six Flags? Yeah, talk about last week. He wasn't here. Oh, shit, you weren't here.
Starting point is 00:51:48 Yeah, we used to we rented out Six Flags. That's what you did for Catholic Schools Week? Ours was like pajama party. Yeah, we just wore pajamas and laid on the hard floor. Yeah, they were like Pope's funeral. Oh, God, you could like they were like, all right, pajama party. You could like bring a blanket and a pillow. You went out to the gym and you just laid on wood laid on the wood floor.
Starting point is 00:52:08 They would project. So we're just we're in pajamas. You're just a refugee. I guess it was like like a like a town during a hurricane. Yeah, you just sleep in a gym. Yeah. Yeah. We had crazy hat day. Every day was something different.
Starting point is 00:52:21 Yeah. Volleyball versus the teachers. Eighth graders got to do that. Wacky relays. Did you ever do the wacky relays? It was the whole school one and they would choose two from each class to compete in all these things. I won Crazy Hat Day. The champion? Well Crazy Hat Day became Hat Day real fast after they banned the upside down visor.
Starting point is 00:52:42 Because then there wasn't many options. What else can you do? What did you do? What was the reasoning behind that? People want to look somebody wore like a living creature on their head. I think the boys are too hot. That's probably what it was. I wore a plunger and one at all. People were like oh shit but my head fit it perfectly. Borderline hilarious. Thank you. Me that was the most confident I've ever been walking into any situation like I'd never walk into things thinking I'm gonna come out with a win except for Catholic schools week crazy hat day me Walton with a plunger meanwhile Kyle has just like a flat brim tar heel on Foot logo hat yeah, you got a new one right Plunger yeah, it was a yes
Starting point is 00:53:28 It was a new plunger had asked want to make sure cuz I'd be disgusting it would be disgusting And then I think somebody tried to replicate it the year after and they were the plunger And I was like fucking loser, and then they won Back to back back to back plunger one plunger dynasty Did you ever do the wacky relays? Yeah, I did the backwards run. That was wacky. People were going crazy. Oh man, that was a fun time. Not really. What? It was a whole week where like half the day was something. Yeah, I mean compared to what we were used to, but like Tootsie Rolls was a fun day.
Starting point is 00:54:03 We got one. Yeah. When we had we had pepperoni parties. We just got a bowl of pepperoni. Yeah, we were. That was fine. We were neglected. No. Yeah. I guess. I don't know. Amusement. I remember the.
Starting point is 00:54:21 We're winning like big gum. The big yardstick of gum. But that was for selling magazines. Oh yeah. A yardstick of gum? You got like a, it was like a yardstick. It was a really hard piece of gum that you could win. This dude came in, a very charismatic dude,
Starting point is 00:54:36 and would, you would have to sell magazines to get a yardstick of gum. That's what like, it was a big production. That's what like just drug addicts used to do back in the day like so magazines or magazine Yeah, there's a guy in front of the 7-eleven. I go to yeah, that was it dude Wait, no go back. No, it was the one that was like a dog. Darn land. No, no go right It was that rap left. No, that was it. No, that was it a white rapper and it was just tongue pink It was the one I recall getting from selling. It looks like beef jerky.
Starting point is 00:55:06 It does look like beef jerky. That was exactly it. But the more you sold, the more yards of gum you got. Right. I don't need 40 yards of gum. I think you got a yard for every five magazine subscriptions. So I would, I like, I would, my mom would get some, I would get some.
Starting point is 00:55:22 I was guaranteed two yards of gum. Guaranteed. How long, it wouldn't last very long the gum itself Good times again now Come on, man. It's a nice like reward system. It taught us how to prepare for life Does yeah, we got we just got really high and went to the amusement park you were in high school Oh, you were younger. Yeah, this got we just got really high and went to the amusement park. You were in high school. Oh, you were younger.
Starting point is 00:55:46 Yeah, this was kindergarten, eighth grade. Oh, OK. That changes a lot. I was sitting here. So like sleeping on the gym floor was awesome. Yeah, I mean, it was. I think so. What else? What else? Nick, you said you were down one to 77.
Starting point is 00:56:05 Yeah, you're were down one to 77. Yeah. You're actually down two to 77 because Kyle lost to Rudy on getting here on time today. Oh, that's right, dude. Rudy got here before you. That's crazy. Buzzer beater. Buzzer beater.
Starting point is 00:56:18 I'm working, trying. Dude, I did a standup show this Sunday. You what? I did a standup show this Sunday with MOOC. Oh yeah. I did fucking 10 minutes on vegetables. In hindsight, probably not a good idea. I was like trying to go completely clean, no edginess.
Starting point is 00:56:33 To a Chicago crowd? I know, they didn't know what half of them were. Why is this guy speaking Swahili? Dude, they thought, buck choy, they thought I was like making fun of Asians. Yeah. They're like, oh, here we go, we're getting into it. Yeah, 10 minutes on veggies, probably not the play.
Starting point is 00:56:46 I fucking loved it. Thanks, man. I thought you ended it early. Yeah, there are so many more. Dude, so yeah, the goal is I want to have an hour special called Vegetables. And I want it to both be like funny for adults, but very informative for children.
Starting point is 00:57:04 So VeggieTales. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Yeah. But no, but I'm not like personifying the vegetables. I'm just straight up talking about them. I'm none of that goofy shit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:16 I'm just talking about them. You're doing a TED Talk. Yes. So that was a, that's what I've been working on. That's what I've been working on. That's what I've been penning. Oh, yeah, it was a long Stretch of vegetable Walked out there You know that's what people I'm I'm an edgy ass dude. I they want it. That's what they want to hear
Starting point is 00:57:37 They want to hear my thought I thought it was over then you segue to parsnip. I did say wait But I did segue to parsnip. Oh shit I did a pun I did the final punch and I thought it landed that was like I smirked because they thought it was done I looked at my notes and I heard like a sigh of relief from the front row And I was like fucking parsnips and then like five more on parsnip Can you say you're opening? Not say you know, it's fine. I don't get a back or whatever. I walked out and I was like knee how and I was like Just kidding. I'm not Chinese Then I went right into veggie
Starting point is 00:58:20 Yeah, dude, so like Look out for that by the end by this time next year, I'm gonna have, I'm no joke, one hour on vegetables. Dude, if you can do a set on Wild N Out at that set about veggies. Veggies, I wanna rent out the Wild N Out. Yeah, I want like a really urban set for my special. Come out to like many men
Starting point is 00:58:42 and then just go an hour on vegetables. Yeah, we're in the green velour suit that Cat Williams wore. I want to I want to get like the crystal, the neck tat and just like we got to get you opening for earthquake with strictly veggie material. I want to cut. I'm going to call the special triggered question mark Just go and talk straight up clean about veggies. Yeah, you're wrapped in crime But like I don't want people to think there wasn't even like vegetable jokes like somebody who's lost like their motor function
Starting point is 00:59:16 No, nothing like that. I didn't make any chickpea jokes Straight up veggie talk no entendre. It was just no entendre just by the book vegetable It was experimental. It was a solid five of veggies Before it parsnip yeah before before parsnip yeah, but I yeah mook if you want to start hitting the road I think I'm ready to I think I can I think I can do 30 because I have some scrapped stuff of some like some of my notes are just some of my notes are fucking stupid spinach question mark Yeah, so that was that was fun
Starting point is 00:59:58 Yeah, you could do a vegetable Vegetables I made I don't want to give away too much of it because I'm still working on it, but I did do, I did segue it to a fake vegetable convention. You did vegetable convention. That's when people I started were getting a bit weary. But you know, I stuck to my guns. I was like, no, it'll pay off stayed in the bond I stayed I stayed very very firmly in the pocket
Starting point is 01:00:30 Didn't I think next time I want like a really urban? Walk out Keith urban, and then I want to I want to be I want to just like be in overalls and have like the wheat in my mouth Straight- up vegetable humor You crush me It was probably tough to find dude, if you walked out there, and you're just like fuck that dude you went talking about like tubers or like beats I mean you followed a trans woman I did you did yes, she was funny
Starting point is 01:01:05 She was funny, and she was very topical, and I was just like no Nobody wants to hear about the fucking Times the modern times and the changing cultures of the world that probably I gave the people what they fucking what you brought it back I mean the last time someone did a whole like special on vegetables was like in Mesopotamia probably Probably oh my god. They were talking crops when they first probably started doing. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, different kinds of rocks maze. I'm talking about fucking maze All the way back. Oh, yeah Yeah, it's nice though cuz I can just go to like
Starting point is 01:01:48 Dude Mike if you look at like the tabs. I have open. It's just Wikipedia pages for various vegetables Trying to think of good app It's it know what vegetables across coastal America, and I only do coastal town. That's it So it's almost vacation. Okay vegetables across across coastal America. And I only do coastal towns? That's it. So it's almost a vacation. Okay. Vegetables across coastal America.
Starting point is 01:02:12 Dude, I just, I might just do, I might try to get some other vegetable comics and do like a blue collar comedy tour. Green thumb comedy tour and just. It's very relatable, you can pepper it in anywhere. Okay. No, no, no, we don't do wordplay like that. No, that's see that you're actually pissed me off a little We just talk about oh
Starting point is 01:02:32 Yeah, I think that was a good job promo in my comedy People are gonna be dying to come see it Any any any housekeeping? Um Kyle you missed Any housekeeping? Kyle, you missed Montgomery-Bucks County area code. I was actually personally offended that you didn't bring it back this week. Last week. Now I know how the people feel. 405?
Starting point is 01:02:55 445. Montgomery-Bucks County. But is it an overlay? What was your area code? I missed Bucks County? Yeah. Philadelphia- Bucks, Montgomery. And that was you might be a tertiary area because 215. What I'm saying, yeah, 215 to 267.
Starting point is 01:03:16 But, you know, Levittown. Yes. Familiar. It's like what is it like the quintessential suburb? Yes. Big like strip malls, but like modern strip malls. Good school districts. Carretero actually is suburbia, much like America. Are you talking about the Mexican again? The Mexican city, it's...
Starting point is 01:03:37 How do you spell it? It's like a suburban city. Whoa, it looks awesome. Look at all those pink arches. Well, the downtown is like very nice colonial architecture, but then it's like suburban sprawl of carbon copy white homes. No shit, what's the pop?
Starting point is 01:03:50 The state is about two and a half million, the city's about 600,000. How far down? Look at that, I didn't know Mexico had that. Well that looks dystopian. Well it is definitely grim. Oh it says dystopian. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:01 That sprawl, that's like Dallas. I'd love to go is it safe At the it's safe. It's like one of the nicer like richer parts of snobbier parts of Mexico Okay, they can like IT and Aerospace Beautiful well mountains canyons you've got a lot more Yeah, cuz you could have gone anywhere in the world that was the distance of that Hawaii flight Yeah
Starting point is 01:04:36 I'm not like a plenty of time plenty of life You just said you weren't a young man at the beginning of it I mean, I'm not gonna like enjoy the vacations, but I'm gonna go. All right, there, that's all I'm asking, man. That's all I'm asking. Oh, our area code, are you seeing that online? We're 304, that's what they call hoes now. They call them 304s. I saw 304s.
Starting point is 01:04:56 It's everywhere, yeah. That's what they call hoes? Yeah, they're like, she's a 304. Cause I think if you flip it upside down, it spells ho. Oh, how did we not know that? Yeah, but all the internet streamers and all the content houses are inviting 304s over. You're so good at that. But like I know plenty of dudes that have 304 tattooed on them. Uh-huh. That's a tough bounce. Yeah. Oh yeah. I didn't realize that. I 303. Holy shit. Look at us. Mm-hmm. You were
Starting point is 01:05:27 when what's uh Does the lame shit ever what's yeah, that is lame. I guess we could probably do that. No, we can't do it Then you do like a on a finger That's pretty good. I Forget what I was gonna say anything else I forget what I was gonna say anything else Foods best when you do takeout Talk about it. Is that something you want to venture is that all you know we could talk about it later
Starting point is 01:05:59 But no if you want to talk about it now You don't go out you know out to eat for the food's best in your home. Food is best in your home, but sometimes food doesn't travel well. I kind of felt- I want it fresh out of the kitchen. I felt guilty for not hitting any of the restaurant recommendations in Hawaii, but I like to eat the best food experiences in the comfort and privacy of your own home.
Starting point is 01:06:18 When we were in New York, I door dashed everything to the hotel. When you can take a bite, yes, and then lay in bed. And then go back and take some more bites. No, no, I like eating. No, what? Get naked if you want, listen to music. I don't wanna eat naked.
Starting point is 01:06:30 You can sing. I don't wanna crumb on my balls. I don't wanna wait for the server, wait for the check. Sit down upright. The wait for the check. I am ready, as soon as I'm done eating, I'm ready to go from restaurants. I get like anxious, I just wanna be home.
Starting point is 01:06:43 But you get the food immediately, refills, browsing the dessert menu. Just get a platter of your favorite food, whether it's from a grocery store or a supermarket or like a Kroger. But like and bring it home, put it on the table, take bites, go lay down. But there's no dessert on a whim. And there's some things I just had basil leaf cafe here and they had a gluten-free cinnamon gnocchi on ice cream, hot. And you had to eat that sitting up there. She wouldn't let us take it together. Yeah. She said, she said, you can't take that together.
Starting point is 01:07:14 And you had to wait for it. In between the entree. So you want to, you just want to graze. I want to graze, lay down, maybe get my underwear, get my boxers. Eating naked, I don't get listen to music on the speaker Pause to look at short form video content and go back. Yeah, take bites of other shit So wait your get single pies graze on those single pies like individual cream pies Banana was last time you got a why I'm saying what I did in Hawaii instead of going to these awesome restaurants
Starting point is 01:07:45 I got the fresh poke. I got the Japanese fried chicken. I got the cream pies the masaladas Put it all on the table eat lay down. Yeah, go back to the table. That's the way to do it No, okay, okay Sign us off

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