A New Untold Story - Neeps & Tatties - A New Untold Story: Ep. 426

Episode Date: December 12, 2024

the boys dive into scottish food, priests, and much more (with a little side of baseball). Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app today and use code UNTOLD to easily score great deals with the new Gametime Picks! Factor - Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/50kb and use code 50kb to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. Rocket Money - Go to https://RocketMoney.com/untold today. Arena Club - Get 10% off your first Slab Pack or card purchase by going to https://ArenaClub.com/anus and use code anus. MobileX - Go check out https://mymobilex.com or download the MobileX app from the App Store or Google Play.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. You mean you're going to reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? Fuck no, baby. It's a new untold story. A new untold story. Welcome Welcome back to another weekly edition of a new untold story podcast episode number oh dude I'm fucking disg- I don't think I've ever washed these pants

I don't think you're supposed to wash pants oh well I'm covered in grime and muck episode number 356 Either I'm covering grime and muck Episode number 356 no 426 Okay, it's not an area code. Oh, no, but it is an aerial chode Whatever do you mean? It's the good-for-nothing Spherical flying type abomination Pokemon. Oh no dude, no! Driftblem.

Driftblem, I'm gonna draw some Driftloon. Does it steal kids? This sucks. I think you might steal them. It's a purple blimp. Yeah. Called Driftblem. Yeah.

They could have just called it Driftblem. But no, but that's... And it looks a little bit more like a hot air balloon that that it's strong enough to lift pokemon or people oh hooray but has no control over its flight that causes it to drift with the wind and end up anywhere that's so sick dude it has no control over its own flight that's sick yeah dude Yeah, dude, I think that's really cool. It just blows with the wind, has no control. Imagine a more peaceful life than that.

Driftblem is a delicate debris. This is not a Pokemon that has infinite possibilities. Dude, it's three foot 11. That was the most unnatural dude I've ever heard in my life. You added like four extra syllables to it. But how are we gonna keep letting this go? Well dude, there's a thousand, dude. Everyone's like, the Pokemon universe is so extensive.

That's because it's this, it's like half of the catalog is the spewings of a delinquent. Anyone could come up with that. We've had this talk a million fucking times. And it keeps getting worse. No! Like some of them are animals, which I get it. It's a creature. It preys on other things. This is a fucking unworking blimp.

But it's a ghost type, no? Pathetic in premise, design in execution. Its body contains... it's said to be burdened with regrets. Dude. It's a bummed out blimp. Yes, it's sad. It's been for the Manchester by the Sea universe, not Pokemon. This sucks.

Oh man. It's, the design is cool. And that's the final evolution? Yeah. We're looking at a purple blimp. It doesn't even have a face. That's fake. That's cool.

That's a real blimp. Yeah, that's much cooler. Dude, they did get to the point where they were making like household knickknacks Pokemon. Have you seen Belldom? Is that a key? No, that's Clef Key. Okay.

God damn it. What is it, lotion? It's a bell. It's a bell. Oh. Okay. God damn it. What is it lotion? It's a bell. It's a bell. Clef key is a set of keys on a key ring. Yeah. That one doesn't, yeah. What about a fork? Is there a fork? Is there a fork Pokemon? No, there's a bunch of apple Pokemon They're like half apple half dragon Which I didn't quite like a mismatch

That's Appleton and the flapple and Applin That's that's flapple It's like shards of an apple. Well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay Anyway, yeah just blim The new Pokemon like the sword and shield half the Pokemon are like cream or dough There's five dough, which is a dog. Oh, yeah, there's al creamy There's a lot of like cream and dough Pokemon now, which I'm not loving gun to your head ass names five seconds pick a name I've names yeah

drift blim They're all like misnomers. Is that what is like to come on? Yeah, I don't know We've had we've had this talk is there a place where you can find like the cutting room floor of Pokemon there have been leaks And they there's been some dog shit ones. There's been some cool ones. You'll see like in the space world 99 was this a big event and Spaceworld 99 was this big event and they showed Pokemon that didn't really that got cut but it was a demo of a Pokemon game I believe. Spaceworld maybe 93? Because of Drift Blades it's making it.

Huh? If that's making it they're like oh wow. Yeah but it's so far along the line. But like you can scroll down and those are like click on the Pokemon of that and those are the ones they cut There's been millions of hours Of time dedicated to driftblem in the cards the games like so. Yeah, I think there was a lot of effort put into it surprising

Blimps is another thing. I want to blimps you want to talk on blimps You guys feel like every two weeks there's like this mind-blowing realization on the internet that there's only 24 blimps I'll see it. Everyone goes haywire. I see one all the time. There's only 24? Yeah they're all over the movies and TV. No. That's a lot. There should be less. You think there should be less blimps? I think it's a really... I don't think it's insane. But it's a really cool, somewhat practical...

I think opposite. ...cheap way to fly. No! Wrong! How am I wrong? They cost 20 million to make. Oh, fuck! Yeah, but how much is a fucking plane? I don't know, but every trip they take costs over a hundred thousand dollars in helium

Oh, yeah, they are the dumbest thing in the world. There should be less blimp. There should be less. There should be one or zero One blimp would they serve no pro. They serve no purpose advertising Every time advertising they go slow as fuck. They're extremely vulnerable and sensitive to the weather Are you are they unsafe? Well, oh wait, no, I'm not safe When was the last blow so they're gigantic? Do you think more people 250 feet? That's awesome If you have an airship the size of a football field it better be able to decimate a small Middle Eastern country

But that's inflated when it's deflated you could fit it in a three-car garage. No, they have to store it. They don't deflate it. They store it in the hangar. That's why there's so little, because it takes so much space. The worst mode of transportation. You like hot air balloons more? A little bit more. They're funnier. They are funny. They are funny too. What about a tricycle? More practical I agree. Yeah The blimps what would you say more people blimps aren't cool since like aren't cool They are they are cool. They're so exclusive and they're so expensive. I would love to meet a blimp captain.

They're so exclusive and expensive and they're no hoes on blimps. There are hoes aplenty, I'm sure. If anything's exclusive and expensive, a hoes gonna be there and they're no hoes on blimps. You don't think if like, you downloaded Hinge in Miami and you were just like, looking for people to take on a blimp.

There would be hoes lined up. There would be, yeah. Hoes just never get the opportunity for blimps. If you're given the chance to get on a blimp, do you? Maybe not. That's crazy, I think you gotta. No chance I would get on a blimp. Yeah, but you're a pussy.

But they go slow, yeah. But like, it could be kill, a tribesman with a blow dart could take it down. Nah, that shit's thick. I would rather be on a plane. You know what's thick? A plane. And I'm still afraid of those. So yeah, 24 blimps, that's not crazy.

And we don't see them everywhere. There's less Phoenix Sons. And the Phoenix Sons are way cooler than a Blimp and more diverse. Yeah, not more diverse. Do they have Kevin Durant? The guy sees Phoenix Suns everywhere, and there's only 17. Yeah, I guess you're right.

And yeah, people aren't tweeting like, can you believe there's only 17 Phoenix Suns? Exactly. That would be a tweet that would blow up. Because I feel like I see them everywhere, on the internet, at the Michael Rubin's white party, fashion shows. They got Book and KD.

They got Brad Beal. They got Narkich. They got Bow Bowl. They got Bow Bowl? He's a landmark. Yeah. A seven foot three Sudanese dude who dresses like incredibly. He's like the most oh yeah

yeah he's swaggy I saw a son's tick-tock fuck yeah you're right I see the sons everywhere I saw him who's the swaggiest on the team there's only 17 of them it's it's damn shame like it's almost illegal that he doesn't have an African accent he sounds like a he's a dude he's a real soft-spoken chill dude yeah no people expect something like tribal yeah he puts shit on he's I. He's a real soft-spoken chill dude. Yeah, no, people expect something like tribal. Yeah. He puts shit on. I guess he's a good dresser. It's gotta be hard to dress.

Oh my God. He has hoodies that are taller and worth more money than me. Bro. I would love to see you, dude, a chick limping home from a one-night stand with ballball It's just a hoodie walking, but it looks like a wedding gown you have to have people care It's the length of a wedding veil

I would have to stand on my tippy toes to get a pic with bull bulls Balenciaga of hoodie Look at what the suitcase you don't even have your suitcase handle at the highest setting That's crazy. Oh speaking of Balenci. I got you guys gifts. Oh Please I want a gift from Turkey Kyle I got you Balenci. Oh my god. That's real too. Wow Yeah, this is it. Yeah Rudy you got me a sick-ass chessboard. Thank you. I got Nick got the real cool MOOC I

Got you a Balenci track suit. Oh my god. I feel like you could have split that up and given me one half of it but You're a chess guy. Yeah, once a guy. Yeah. Oh my word. This is official Balenciaga, oh and then I saw another shirt that was just Kyle like it run it up like put it on Oh, that's what I want It's like a silly little Waffle whatever bullshit you like damn, dude I'm the waffle guy

You're also mook if you smell that Balenci track suit. That's authentic Turkish cigarette smell Wow I'm not washing it. You can't find that everywhere. Those are nice gifts during the podcast. She's batting a thousand on that What are you checking for? You look at the size guy try put it on if you want you put on And also if you don't want that stuff it won't cost like 50 cents Americans. I got a bunch of Turkish snacks Oh nice. I've no idea what they are that a gong. It's a gong. Okay. Yeah diced goat liver. Oh Wait a minute wait a minute minute. We gotta talk snacks. Why I'm on a deep dive of Scottish cuisine really dude gotta be that's gotta be the worst in the bit half of their food sounds like STDs

What about this? Pull up Scottish cuisine? There's a I can't eat this gong. It's a sin. It's a it's a sin or a kin Looks like shit. This is the magma. I can't have any of this. Yeah, I mean, I don't know I know no No, go to the Wikipedia Scottish cuisine Brownie Oh Brownie Brownie look at this. Oh No, scroll down Look at the top one there. They're premier item neeps and tatties No, scroll down. Look at the top one, their premier item. Neeps and Tatties. That's just a, that's like, those are the three

last used crayon colors in every box. Disgust. That's their- Ow. What is it? Neeps and Tatties, dude. Is that their national dish? No, I think their national dish is chicken tikka masala,

invented in Glasgow. I'll take this. If you want it. Yeah, I'll take it home. You love snacks. That looks fine, but no, scroll down and look at some of these names. They gotta be the laziest with like, naming things.

No, they aren't. So look, their main shit is like, bros, porridge, swowans, and Skrl. But then they got Cullen Skink, Cock-a-leaky Soup. C-O-C-K-A-L-E-K-E. Cock-a-leaky. What is it? That was Rudy Rudy after that's Rudy a lot He rings out cock a leaky soup from his fucking Calvin Klein's every day

Even Colin skink Colin skink is a thick soup with smoked haddock Pal Salda That's sheep's head soup. You are both smokies Crap it crap Crap it heed is a fish head stuffed with oats A fish head stuffed with oats. Yeah. Oh, that's fucking, dude. That's where we gotta go next.

Roll mops. Eye mouth, hell. Pickled herring, rolled up with onion and ew. Dude, man, how do you? Rumpel to thumps. They run a rumple to thumps. Roll mops look fucking solid. That's of course pickled herring and gherkin.

And gherkin And then there's boiled gig it As creatures oh my god seriously is as a Scott and like just have it's so fucked that like the English Channel separates the worst Food imaginable and the best ha that's no excuse for England to have shit food if France is right there. I think they're all of their dishes. Oh yeah, roast woodcock. Mmm, yum. Oh yeah. It's all meant to be.

Clap shot, curly kale. Even their fruits aren't normal. Blai berries and slays and Tay berries The dairy of course is Bishop Kennedy Tevet Dale cheese Cluedy dumpling dude, it's so shitty even the potatoes were like we're out that we're not doing this yeah Oh my god fat cutties

festy cock and black buns What's meant to be eaten with like a BAC of point two yeah, yeah drunk and like a Skirted men and like anything probably tastes better than their teeth So like everything tastes good to them because their teeth taste so bad They have to always eat it. Sore plumes Sharp flavored green boiled sweet, but they don't say what it is tablet dudes yeah, because I've been like I have the travel which after you went to Turkey to Turkey and so I was like where do I want to go and I was trying to think of somewhere unique

And I love like the gothic architecture of Scotland and the rainy weather I think it looks cool, but I was like a diet like my fucking stomach doesn't really allow me to do stuff So I was looking at this and I was like what what is what is any of this? Yeah, you'd be wouldn't work the best part of Scotland I feel like is the edge of it when you're looking away from it Just the cliffs that yeah the accents the accents are funny But it's yeah, it's stunningly beautiful All right quick interruption to talk to you guys about one of my most used apps I had Kyle use it oft oft

Yeah game time It is the official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. They have the new GT picks you guys know about that That is only the best deals it cuts out all of the fat, and you just get the best selections ACDC's touring dude. Yeah, I know them from Thunderstruck You know Thunderstruck from from them. Yeah, I know they're I another another work. Yeah, that would be what is the cost? It's probably you know it's still pricey. Is it less than 500 yeah, then it's an incredible legend incredible deal The second highest selling Australian band of all time. They're Australian. Yeah Who's it was the Wiggles number one Wiggles are number one? I believe I didn't know they're Australian

Yeah, well their lead singer was, then died, and then they have a British lead singer. But eh, go see them. Or anyone. Dude, go to an event. Go to any event. Make the most of your life. Events are great.

Pleasure. Go to an event, go to something you like to see. Go see those acapella ass pentatonics. And go alone. That's better than going with someone you've kinda of fuck with Bringing somebody to a concert and they're not the biggest fan of them You're always looking over to see if like they're smiling

Yeah, just go have fun for yourself and get your tickets through game time take the guesswork out of buying tickets with game time down with The game time app create an account and use code untold you and to LD for $20 off your first purchase That's a huge chunk of money for some of these tickets that's like 25% off ACDC terms apply again create an account redeem code you and to LD for $20 off download the game time app today what time is it Rudy game time nice this next one is so obvious mm-hmm that it hurts when people said they haven't tried it. It hurts me when people say they haven't tried rocket money. You don't want to hurt Kyle. And we know, you know what it is. Um, all of your unwanted subscriptions and there's a lot, usually they give you that

money back. They cancel those subscriptions for you. You're going to get money back. I promise. I, I promise. I don't promise, because some of you probably don't subscribe to things that you don't want to. But a lot of people do. It's a personal finance app that helps find and cancel you on one of the subscriptions. Like I said, it monitors your spending, it helps lower your bills, it helps with your budgeting,

it helps you save money, and you know, if you're using it for the first time, it gives you money. That's right. It gives you money. That's right. It gives you money. Some of these streaming services are sneaking up their prices. And I don't care to watch shrinking that much, Apple. Right, now, you don't need to watch that.

I heard it was good though. Yeah. There's so many different subscriptions you probably signed up for in the past few years. If you haven't, what I'm saying is, if you haven't downloaded Rocket Money and used it yet, do it, get some money back. And if you have, keep using it for your budgeting.

It's really shed a light on what I spend a lot on and what I need to do better. That's right. Get your subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. RocketMoney.com slash untold today. That's rocket money rocket money comm slash untold today That's rocket money comm slash untold rocket money comm slash you ntl D But other than that I'm not gonna fucking yeah, I'll go look at the cliff and then I'm gonna go have a faster cock

But those are the best pictures are heavily filtered. It's gonna be very gray. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah That's the saturation's way up. I'd rather I still fall for is on that grass, dude Yeah, oh my god fester cock Cock a leaky soup and festered cock. No, I'll just have this grass. Have you ever had festered cock after black buns? I had festered cock after black buns. Never had the pleasure. Cockatoo. Oh yeah. I was looking, cause I have like, I wanna go somewhere.

And so you talked about it on Donnie and Chaps show. Bhutan. Bhutan, yeah. I wanna go to Bhutan. It's the most interesting place in the world. It is real life Pokemon. There's like, the animals they have are just there. The landscape, all the top of the mountains. It's called, uh, I think we're one of the few countries that call it Bhutan.

It's just like the, the, the real name of it is like a Bhutanese word, but it means, uh, land of the thunder dragon. Everything about it is so sick. Their president's called thunder King. Oh, that's sick. Yeah, so he went to like college in Massachusetts, which I found funny He did and I on the podcast. I was a girl which means land of Thunder Dragon That's it. He went where'd he go to school like some is it there? My college is the Thunder Dragon a mass hole I said he like worked at like Mike's pizza and mook cannot get the spell to turn it all No, he cannot. Oh, yeah, dude

Their prime minister right now is named sharing to be gay. No, it is I think his name's I think it's sharing to be gay. So, you know like they're They're infatuation with Cocks there's cocks on every building they were off spirits, but it's like they're having fun with it Like I look you look at the buildings and they're just the biggest graffiti cocks And the funny thing is like a lot of their restaurants In English will say cum real big in cum bar Cuz in like

Bootneys cum means with it's the preposition with. Oh, okay. So if it's like a restaurant with a bar, they'll just put cum bar. If it's like, or like a store with a bar. No. Look at how good some of these dicks are too. Holy shit. Yeah.

They do them right, and they're like always throbbing and busting. They're never not busting. And the bust always shoots out and like has an aura wrapped around It's like a bust like I don't it's pretty interesting stuff. Mm-hmm That's fun. They didn't get the internet until like the 2000s. It's a carbon-neutral. It's the only carbon-neutral country. Yeah, so it's super environmentally awesome

Look at that, dude That's where I want to go. I think I was looking up just like I That's where I want to go. I think I was looking up just like I Was looking up like I was interested in Bhutan Bhutan's like comedy scene and their main comedian has the most egregious Hitler mustache I've ever seen like they're there will ferrell has like a Hitler mustache that like is so long it like flaps. That's pretty funny. Yeah But as he's hard to find I forget what is I can't pronounce his name at all But my I was on the Wikipedia page for Bhutan as well you guys know about But they're very very nice people it's the happiest people on earth they put their Happiness index they have more priority on that than their economy. Mm-hmm

So they pride themselves on being happy loving everything I saw a video of like people going up to boot knees people and being like What country do you hate the most? They're like, I love everybody and that's what everybody said. Yeah, they said we're content. We're happy but In one of their good deeds they're all for like You know, they're they're fine with you know, they're fine with gays, and they're fine with a lot of things. In order to help the blind, they're big about like,

what we have here, the ADA compliance. So, this one, do you guys know about the Bootney's passport? Bootney's passport! No? Can't play it. So, this guy, it's the Wikipedia. Yeah, click that. Click Bootney's passport Wikipedia.

This guy tried to record, tried to do an audio version for people that couldn't read, and he had the echo effect on this man from Bhutan. It's my favorite thing of all time. Yeah. Nope, nope, scroll down. That's not... Scroll down, not that one.

They took off the one that the man, that one. Yeah. This is a document which authorizes Alpha Cellular Dex Java and other activities of Bhutan or Bhutanese citizens. This is awesome. And so this is him trying to do a good deed. In the Kingdom of Bhutan, which constitutes a part of modern-day Bhutan. Start it from the top. Bhutanese passport! of modern die both ha started from the top He was loading that oh, yeah, he came in that is so

That's so racist that it's not It's a That's he was trying to do a good deed, and then I guess it became like an internet phenomenon 2015 But it's so fucking awesome. I need to see what he looks like you can imagine Really easily That is incredible but But the echo effect It goes on for so long Kyle will you memorize it the whole thing yeah, yeah in eight hours

That's right isn't there airport super fucked up though It's the most dangerous airport to land in because you have to like hand land it as you're literally sideways dodging Mount Everest. Yeah, it's. It's the one that's pitched, isn't it? And then if you, yeah, and then if you take off, yeah, good God, fuck that. Yeah, it's 98% Himalayan mountains, Bhutan. So it's all mountains.

It's surrounded by the five of the top five highest mountains in the world. That's really cool. Yeah, I want to see the Himalayas at some point. I would love to. Yeah, I was watching videos of like, I was like, I've been obsessed with just learning about places now. And I was watching videos of pilots landing and talking,

and it's scary as fuck. But their airline, if airline if you like you're like visiting they love tourists so much because they don't get a lot I'd imagine this one guy was on a plane and the flight attendants brought him a full birthday cake on a plane like on a trail like that's like so inconvenient

I was gonna say that's a punish me what am I gonna do with this fucking cake yeah fuck that that's nice though yeah that's on brand happy Yeah, I don't know if they're actually happy. I think it's a lie you should if you do go there They did ethnic cleansing not too long ago very very recently. They're all in Pittsburgh and Akron Yeah, dude I had to fucking pick up a boot knees baby, or I got I had the opportunity to pick you held a boot knees I want to when I was doing my shit. What's a booties baby like intervention? Yeah cute

I'm no furniture in the house That's baby You gotta draw a cock though if you go oh yeah, oh I'd be I was like born for this place Mm-hmm cool ass animals that look like Pokemon Asians Mm-hmm cool ass animals that look like Pokemon Asians Dragon on the flag yep cocks everywhere night hunting night time. This is a iffy tradition Oh, no, what do you got about it? This is on the Wikipedia young men go out at night to sneak into girls windows to engage in Sexual activities the prowling can be solo or in groups, depending on whether or not the man has a fixed date.

If one has talked with the girl in advance, then it can be a solo activity, but usually it happens after a gathering when friends decide to go prowling for girls. What about that's iffy? I think that's just bad. I think it's pure rape. Sneak into girls' windows and sometimes-

And it's a group, and they're saying the word prowl. And I'm sure- Which predators do. I'm sure they don't practice this now. It's on the Wikipedia page? The practice is far more dramatic because this happens under pitch darkness. And traditionally, the whole family sleeps

in one large room in a boot knees house Which is just the kitchen in the living room? So you get a collateral the prowler must know pretty well where the girl sleeps in order to find the right bed There are stories of boys getting into the wrong bed and the granny's yelling the boys out So that's an interesting tradition. Oh my god Yeah, check that out Nick No, I don't think I want to go anymore no no I know that shit I would be like sleeping and then just start

getting you would get no no no no oh man okay that's not good their national sports archery which is cool good at archery No, cuz their bows aren't good. It's still like the bow and arrows that like are real wobbly when they shoot but don't know I Didn't know about night hunting I'm sure they don't that's not like representative the age old tradition has yeah, it's like The age old tradition has come up with special tools to undo doors and windows. If the boy successfully infiltrates the dwelling, he may still be rejected by the girl. The prowling may be foiled due to wrong footing, which may wake up the whole family.

The intruder gets chased away with hot water splashed on him, be thrown out the window. The parents threaten the boy with marriage while the liberal ones pretend to be asleep even if they know the prowler is around good God this is really odd I don't know like we have gang culture so really good point dudes in gangs like doing whatever they do. It's not difficult to guess who the prowler might be in small close knit villages. That's really weird.

This is really weird. They sportified assault under the guise of an age-old tradition, but that makes it seem like even people being assaulted are kind of like, this is how it is like even people being assaulted or kind of like But the parents are fine with it. Yeah families in the same house Granny's yelling the boy out or having a good laugh or even quietly enjoying the visit But I mean if it's all consensual that's funny Well, here's the issues section, which is longer than the main article

The first sentence is insane. What does it say? One potential issue is the abuse of this cultural practice leading to sexual assault or rape. Perhaps a more common downside of night prowling has been a rampant bastardy. The bastardy

is a rampant. Oh my god. Interesting. What is the Buddhist thought on sex? Did they do the Kama Sutra? Is that Buddhism? No. I have no idea.

That's Hindu. That's Hindu, yeah. Oh, I'm so damn hungry. And you'll be hungry every day for the rest of your life. That is a certainty. And you'll never build up a tolerance. You will always crave and enjoy food, and your brain will enjoy good food, good tasting food. But my body...

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And I don't really club if you're a hard guy take advantage of that 10% off because you don't get that many margins in the hobby So go sign right there. We go. You know it's easy I Guess I don't know I'm not a very smart or well-traveled person, so I don't know well Istanbul Istanbul Been there done it. Did you smoke a lot of cigs actually I, so I don't know. Well, Istanbul. Istanbul. Been there. Done it. Did you smoke a lot of cigs? Actually, I didn't. I didn't.

I weirdly, I like cigarettes, but I didn't have the itch whatsoever. I mean, you posed for a Instagram story with a cigarette. Yeah. That was a bad signal. You didn't taste it? No, I did. I did. Do people like, are people like, yes, this feels good.

Yeah. With what? Nikki Smokes was going around being like, these are the best cigarettes that have ever existed. And what are they getting out of it? Because I never understood nicotine. Cigarettes? Because I do nicotine pouches. I'm like, all right, it's such a small buzz.

Yeah, I guess it hits harder and faster. It's more of an addiction. Yeah, I I guess it hits harder and faster. It's more of an addiction. Yeah, I mean it hits harder and faster. So the cigarette addicts, cigarette smokers aren't getting like high. They just need it to feel good. Yeah, yeah. But everybody in Turkey smokes. Everybody in Europe smokes, and their life expectancy is longer than ours, right?

I don't know what Turkish life expectancy is. Everyone in Indonesia smokes, like the whole the whole country Yeah, even the kids. Oh, yeah, the kids are yeah. It was everywhere Chinese smoke too, right? Yeah big time do the Japanese I Think so I don't know respectfully they do it very respectfully no smell to their It's an interesting place dude. It's a lot of cats so many cats. How would a be lined you would love to the feline? Yeah And I heard all the businesses are like conducive to cat rearing like the streets those little foods Yeah, and there's kitties everywhere. Is that for rats? I think the city is just so old that they you know back with like the Byzantine Empire

There was just stray cats and dogs everywhere, and then are there a lot of stray dogs dogs and cats There's just dogs and cats everywhere. They're very well behaved super fucking fat beautiful cats and dogs everywhere and then are there a lot of stray dogs tons dogs and cats There's just dogs and cats everywhere. They're very well behaved super fucking fat beautiful cats ugly dogs. Yeah Stray dogs are sad stray cats. I don't bat an eye at they're probably very or they were the attractive cats Yes, the stray dogs cats are so attractive. We don't talk about it. I what I'm actually with you cats are beautiful They're they're they're pretty on that. Cats are beautiful. They're pretty. Cats are beautiful but dogs are cute. And I would rather have a cute pet than a beautiful pet.

No, I want a sexy feline. That's the problem. And I understand it, Nick. Cats are sexy. What? Don't put the words in my mouth. That sexy? I was a little young. Think about it. Girls about their makeup like cat eyes Kind of yeah cat eyes cat what what a cat eyes cat walk cats and body Beauty be

How'd you call me beat? Your be what do you have what's your defense puppy dog eyes that girls give you cute sad? They're trying to manipulate you my god Sad. They're trying to manipulate you. Oh, my God. But yeah, they're everywhere. It's pretty cool. Yeah, we were eating dinner and they were just one of them scaled. We were on the third floor of this restaurant with the most insane windiest of staircases. And this cat scaled the building and we opened the window and it just came in and no

one cares. And they just like bop around. They don't bother you really. It's pretty cute. Were they getting run over left and right? No, I don't know. I was only there briefly. I don't know how there isn't 14 deaths a day. The traffic is.

The traffic is fucking insane. There's over a million stray cats in Istanbul alone. There's so many. The country has a blanket, no kill, no capture policy. So you just have policy So you just have to live they're so happy in Turkey. Yeah Are they I think they look stoked like they didn't look pissed are they ugly no they all look very healthy They're hairy and yeah Yeah, no, they looked healthy, but the mopeds go everywhere they bombed down streets People don't obey by any traffic laws, but no one got hit we were walking down the street

That was like stone Street in New York But three times smaller and two times as many people and this BMW just like pulled in and was trying to like navigate through And everyone just got out of the way. There's just cars and mopeds going everywhere Tactic, but it was cool very cool There's cars and mopeds going everywhere. It's hectic, but it was cool. Very cool. How was the food? Did you get kebab?

I did. The food is good, but it wasn't blow your dick off good. It's lamb and shit. Yeah, I had an intestine sandwich. Ah. But it's just like, hot dogs and intestine. Yeah. But it was not that good.

The kebab was great, but it's just as good as. It's kebab. It's good as kebab could be. It's not intestine. Yeah. But it was not that good. The kebab was great, but it's just as good as... It's a kebab. It's good as kebab, it's not a complex dish. Right, it's like as good as a really good Philly cheesesteak. It's not a complex dish. Yeah, the best thing I did have though, they had this pesto that was, oh my God, good.

Like, moan good. Sounds like it wasn't pesto. Yeah. They had to put cheese in it. They put feta. That ain't pesto. That's cheese. You had cheese.

Pesto's great. I never tried about adding anything else to it. You love, you're all for adding cheese, aren't you? Yeah, I think cheese should be on everything. Everything, spaghetti. What is? I guess Parmesan. Yeah.

Should be more cheese. I went to Asia. To get the hair transplant. Yeah. Oh, the Bosphorus Strait. Yes. Which apparently was like a flood or some shit. There's some like crazy lore about that

But it was a fucking sick city man. Kyle are you tempted to get your passport? I'm going to you know. I'm not buying that You had so many chances I know but I still just want to go to a whole we were supposed to go to the coronation of the king Yeah, that would've been cool, man That was very American of you to be like, nah. I really wasn't keen on going to London. We were supposed to go to, walk into Mexico. I'm so glad I didn't have a passport for that.

To chill in San Diego and fucking eat gelato. Well, you guys walked into Tijuana? Yeah. I'm glad I didn't do that. I don't know. I walked into Tijuana, went to the Burger King and got the Kong versus Godzilla burger. Was it good?

No. But then I had the original Caesar salad. What does that mean? It was from Tijuana. The original Caesar salad? The Caesar salad. I had the OG, they make it at the table. The Caesar dressing itself. So I'm smashed og they make it at the table the Caesar dressing itself

So I'm smashed up the anchovy was beautiful. Glad I did it. It was sad Why just the star contrast it was just like walking through cuz like to walk into Tijuana You have to go through like this prison like system It's all gray and concrete and long lines and the people trying to get in the u.s. Is It's a little it's a sadder scene that you have to walk past Yeah, yeah, yeah your passport nice. Yeah, I want to go to Canada like the normal line. Yeah Yeah, look at these fucking heads. Oh, dude. Yeah, that's that's the door. I went through that that was crazy Yeah, that's nuts

It's like district and I'm not comfortable being around like even in the airport when those dudes walk by with like those fucking automatic guns max Guns immigrants Like a lot of guns like guards with guns I wouldn't like that I want to grab it yeah Give it to me I Did treat myself though on the way back I got First class Turkish air. Oh, that's crazy. What do they do a lot? Yeah, yeah They treat you yeah time prostitution is legal in Turkey. It is. Yeah, not gay

Prostitution is legal in Turkey. It is. Yeah. Not gay. It's weird. Okay. Yeah. So prostitution is legal. I also went into there thinking that you couldn't watch porn on your phone. Debunked. You just did it immediately? Immediately. You couldn't do it in Louisiana. I think.

Or Texas, I think. Or you have to submit a photo ID or some shit. Jesus. Which is like, come on dude, what are we doing here? Confirmed you couldn't do it in NOLA. Yeah? You couldn't what? Submit a photo ID or some shit Jesus which is like come on dude. What we doing here Confirmed you couldn't do it in Nola. Yeah, you couldn't what you can't watch porno Really yeah, you have to sign in with a government ID. That's crazy. You have to send a picture of how hard your cock is Please front the front and back front back your car All right flip the cock over get the other side auto scan yeah mooks doesn't fill out the square bracket

You had to do that in you have to do that in New Orleans. Yeah, too. Oh my god Yeah, it reads you like a whole like disclaimer on why and like how like you know It's like illegal to watch it without signing in and verifying your age You gotta do so what did you do? Twitter porn oh Wasn't wasn't my best wank Talk to me through your best wank. I don't know, there's some videos you find, you're like that was a good one.

And then there's some you find and you're like that was just sad. Yeah. What about you? What was your best wank, Nick? Probably, it was probably my first ten. Yeah. First ten? Yeah. iPod? iPad? PSP? PSP. Oh yeah yeah the PSP was yeah it's it's creepy

to say what I'm being so horny at age 12 like just like tearing off my window curtains just that's how horny I was I I hated drapes. I was so horny. I was beating up my house. This is an emotion that I'm not mature enough to like navigate. Yeah. This is a feeling that I just yeah. And before PSP it was Desperate Times. Oh my god. Before yeah I was lucky enough to start. I think my most busts are to Rolling Stone magazine Did they have just like actresses yeah, yeah, dude mall Like a pretty girl I was jerking the CD covers. Yeah, Jennifer Gardner getting Starbucks Well, that's good shit No make I was watching I remember I used to stay up late be like, yeah

I'm watching Transformers and it was just real sex which is a real weird fucking show. I don't what is real sex I am trying to remember but basically like they would do man on the street with Couples and just like ask them about their sex life and for whatever reason the people were like very forthcoming but did they have sex and then it was inner and then it was like spliced in with Like softcore porn that were not the couples. Okay, I think so the the real couples Were describing their sex life and then there were there were stunt fuckers that would recreate it I think that like it was almost like a appetizer. They'd be like, oh, you know It would be really good great with this softcore porn scene is if we went into the streets and asked other people about sex

Oh, so that was unrelated. Yeah, I think it was just like maintaining the set of vibe of sex And there was another one on HBO. What was the show about like the brothel in Vegas? That's where Lamar Odom like OD'd on dick pills there. Yeah. Yeah, didn't they? Yeah I like Lamar Odom OD'd on gas station dick pills. He probably needs a lot of dick pills. Yeah, well gas station I don't know true. But yeah, I remember watching that one too and always sort of being like, is this really the cream of the crop? Yeah. The prostitutes? The cat house, yeah.

Is that what it was? That one weird, that one made me feel so uncomfortable. Yeah, I didn't like that one. And then I discovered Brazzers and it was curtains. I was never, I was never like, I never had a site I was loyal to yeah, that's foul play that's that's that's some real deviant shit I thought oh you thought was that we're doing this The guy that was beating up his house. I'm the deviant

For going to one of the most popular porn sites on I was beating up my house because I was frustrated that I had to experience that That experience one up that I had to experience that. I had to experience what? That I had to have to get that horny every night. You were pissed horny? Because I wasn't beating off. Right, I didn't know what to do. I was Catholic.

Yeah. Oh, fuck, I see I didn't have that. Oh, and I was really Catholic at the time. Yeah, like I confessed to Father Joe that I beat off. We had to. One of my buddies We would always click his dentures when he told it He can never hear me always had to repeat it

It wasn't like he was fucking with me couldn't hear anything uh-huh, but having to repeat that You have to work up the nerve because like you have to like wedge it between two lesser sins. Like, uh, yelled at my sister. Disrespect my parents. Lied to my mom, solitary sex. What am I doing? Solitary sex? That's what I tried.

You didn't want to say masturbate. No. Oh dude. You said solitaire. You said masturbate, Caprice? Yes. Yes. You had like 10- You said solitary sex.

You said, I masturbated to Father Joe and then had 10 spaghetti dinners within the next year with him. He came up to my house for Thanksgiving once. He just stumbled upon it? No, no. My mom used to invite the priest up. My mom used to invite the priest up.

What are the odds? Wow. We don't have a huge family, so my mom used to invite the priests up for Thanksgiving dinner. The nicest thing in the world? I would have killed my mom. Just the kindest, most generous thing. But like, he would walk into my house and he would see, like, he would know. Like, your son just off in here. Yeah, he told me.

Legally, like, it was a fed... he stamped it. Yeah, like, he swore to God, God literally that he beat off in this powder room He would ask where He did I thought that was like But I don't know but then he would say to what he would say where and to what? Do they're like I had to admit that I jerked off to to the rotating character screen on a Final Fantasy game once. Yeah, you always had to. It was the one with the three girls.

They were mad fast, you had to get it done. You had to line up your strokes with the ass. It was like a carnival game. Wait, Final Fantasy X, I think? I remember having to time... I never beat... that no maybe Final Fantasy X2 I don't fucking know I forgot about this series. I would have loved it. I think that one x2 never mind And there was the character screen. I never beat the tutorial. I would just go to character screen

And they would rotate real slow fuck it was just like you can move the 3d models and green and they would rotate real slow. You had to fuck. It was just like you could move the 3D models. And yeah, that was my desperate time. Wait, so you had to play a game of clue with your priest about how you jerked off? Yeah, it was with the aqua four in the kitchen. Sometimes he asked how.

Okay. He was just asking all the questions, where, what. before in the kitchen sometimes he asked how You just asking all the quite where what What is that what is I never had to really do confession so what's the we went once a month Was it once a month? We have we're school. It wasn't once a week It was like once a month church was once a week all of the school kids It wasn't once a week. It was like once a month. Church was once a week. All of the school kids And then you wait in line and they wouldn't let you they shamed you because there was either Face-to-face in the same little room or you could go to the screen which is a screen that you can't you can only hear

They wouldn't let you go to screen you had to do face-to-face And it was between it was two priests our options were two priests who we knew on a personal level very well and our Families knew. Well one was our football coach So like we saw him every day he's like our Latin teacher teacher football coach and we would all like huddle up He was like, what's the play like we were still like? bought in enough to Catholicism that like we knew we had to do it and couldn't lie But we were just huddled up and like how are we gonna say that we masturbated? That we would send in a game plan.

We always send in Devon Eyler first. Devon Eyler was shameless. He'd be like, I beat off four times yesterday. So what was your pants, what did he say? Yeah, because I didn't wanna get too many Hail Marys, so I would bend the rules. I wouldn't say how many times I beat off, I would say I had impure thoughts

and kind of just played Like you had to go into detail man, so we would dance we would tap dance we would tap dance Yeah, it was like Impure thoughts. Yep. It's like then then I You know What? Play yeah, like you said I played I played about it I play yeah, like you said I played I played about it

And he was like was it to the Final Fantasy character screen again, and then he click his dentures Which one that's pretty horrifying yeah, man holes it was so and like that's what like it shamed me from being like a That did some damage to me. I think yeah, well Catholic guilt's pretty serious. Yeah. I'm not completely against confessing sins, but the way it was set up with the kids and the people in the United States. I don't wanna tell my teacher I beat off. Right, that's the bottom line, that's what we were doing. Yeah.

And if I didn't tell my teacher I beat off, I'd go to hell. That's what we were told to our faces by much older trustworthy adults in nice clothing, dresses, and suits. While you're like locked in a box with them. The priest I told I pounded off to was the judge of our science fairs.

So like I would tell him, I'd be fresh off a beat off, I'd go get that off my chest, and then I'd go back to the gym and then I'd have to present my science fair to him. He was my cornerback coach. You too. Oh Nick, you did a volcano, interesting. Yeah, it's funny.

But it was so strange. I remember, because I went to a pretty strict Catholic high school, and it was kind of fun for me because I was like you didn't Do this no, my family's not religious. So I went to Catholic school That's what we're saying our school made us everyone do it even the atheist, but all my friends. Oh, oh, they sent everybody Oh, yeah. No, I was like, no, I'm not I'm good. Okay, you're the fucking do They made us they would be what are they gonna do? They'd grab you by the shirt collar Yeah, I was just like I'm good through your ass in the booth

Start spitting yeah spit it out But it was it was interesting to see my friends like just dreading it and like getting in there And I was sitting there. I go to Bible study with them with brother Paul Maybe soon. I was like this is wild man. You guys are really into this Yeah, were they into it or yeah, I make all my friends were like typical kids like they would do bad shit But they would like be like, you know, this is important We got like this kind of stuff and then they would do the most fucked up stuff And then they go back and then do all that whole thing

Okay, this was pretty cut and dry but just as obvious as the last few that products that I've talked about Here's what I like. Here's what I dislike about a lot of things if you don't use it you lose money Like if I'm buying groceries, and I don't use the groceries. I can't return the food that I didn't eat right you can't return lettuce You can't return lettuce it goes bad if you don't use it you lose it and That's something. I just got used to, right? But now, mobile X, that philosophy has gone out the window. It's the mobile phone service that doesn't screw you over.

It doesn't fuck you over. They even say it. It doesn't fuck you over. They say it. Yeah, that's cool. So other plans, you pay for data whether you use it or not. With Mobile X, no. It helps you spend less because you only pay

for what you use, which means you will save up to 90% of your current mobile phone service. 90, did you read that correctly? That's why by switching to Mobile X, it'll help you get unfucked. It'll get you out of that jam. It'll help you financially. There's so It'll get you out of that jam. It'll help you financially. There's so much money that you can spend

that extra money on, whatever you mean. There's no catch. Yeah, it's honestly hard to believe. Yeah, yeah, you're being shocked reading that right now. And you guys can be shocked. Head over to mymobilex.com, that's mymobilex.com, and download the mobile X app from the app store or Google Play store, mymobileX.com, that's MyMobileX.com, and download the Mobile X app from the app store or Google Play store, MyMobileX.com.

One of my buddies had his, we went on a retreat in middle school to some archdiocese, like cabin shit in the mountains, and on the way there he's like, oh my fucking nuts are killing me, my nuts are killing me. I'm like, damn dude, that sucks, I don't know what to tell you. Get there, he's like, dude, I can't go to mass. My nuts literally feel like they're gonna explode.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I was like, okay, just go to the room and lay down. Comes back like 45 minutes later, he's like, you will not believe what just happened to me. So he said he took a bath and his nuts were hurting so bad that he had no choice, he didn't know what to do, what to jerk off, and he said he came more than he's ever come in his life.

Interesting. Yeah, it was wild. That's cool. Something went wrong with his nuts. He didn't know what to do with the jerk off and he said he came like more than he's ever come interesting Yeah, I was wild. That's cool. Something went wrong with this No, but then he had to go but I was I was telling that shit to my priest that's the oh, yeah So then right after that they did confession. He's like my nuts like malfunction. How much did you not my son? Yeah, he was like and he's like I he was saying, he's like, I think this is like, I've been taken over by the devil. Cause as soon as we got to the Catholic retreat, he had to bust more than he's ever busted in his life. Dude, no wonder priests are pedophiles.

Like all their job was like, I heard 15 boys telling me about them jerking off. And they must love it. Yeah. If they're willing to do it. That's audio book smut. I have to try this. I have to try this Do you that's why I like the Jewish dudes that just transfer their sins to a chicken

You know about that what end of the year all these the Jewish dudes transfer all their sins to a chicken and then kill the chicken Okay, that's on the table. Hasidic Jews. I believe at the end of the year try to trick God That's on the table. Hasidic Jews, I believe, at the end of the year, try to trick God by transferring all their sins into a chicken. Go to the images, and then they'll just take the chicken by the legs and just smash it off like a wall. Oh, fuck.

Yeah, dude. Oh my God. And that's how they do it. Different strokes, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you should've, yeah, let's look into that. That's way better. It's have looked. Yeah, let's look into that That's way better it's officially legal yeah

If you walked around like Williamsburg, I bet you would see some dude smash and I'm bummed I lived in Williamsburg. I never saw them They have they definitely have their own neighborhood You were pretty close to him Yeah Their kids are menaces with man to wheel in the front one wheel in the back skaters They don't have iPads or anything because they don't believe in they have like flip phones and shit But the kids don't have iPads and that kind of stuff so they all just get scooters or man. They have toys They have no concept of like personal space

It's very weird so I'd be walking home And they would just like scooter up to me and just like hit me in the leg just running over They just stare at you, and I can't even speak the same fucking language as a kid And they just stare at you with those fucked up haircuts. I've seen the Poconos. Yeah those kids Yeah, I was like I was just thinking if I if I put my air pods in your ears right now And you heard what I'm looking at. That's the funniest title of a Wikipedia article using the rooster Mediocre using the rooster That's insane, okay, they do eat it afterwards

after the torment But I think that Turk I think that the rooster soul goes to hell Which is a shame something to think about sure it is You're right it is Fuck I didn't think about thinking about it. Yeah, what else you got? No we were talking about blimps and always circles back to baseball No, no no 1919 good year was Flaunting out a blimp a new blimp. Oh, yeah, it's called the Wingfoot Express It was supposed to be the first blimp

to fly over a baseball game. So we got the White Sox playing the Yankees. It's a crazy game. And the blimp, well the blimp explodes instantly. Just 10 deaths, flaming blimp debris everywhere. And the whole crowd at the baseball game, this is in the middle of the third inning and they just like go crazy. Like everyone's shrieking.

They finished the baseball game. A bunch of people leave and it ended up going into extra innings. Good game. Ray Schalke had the game winning run in the 10th inning. Go to his page. Of course he looked like a very young boy. He was considered the greatest defensive catcher of his page. Of course. He looked like a very young boy he was considered the greatest defensive catcher of his era of gray shulk a Policeman wouldn't let him in his locker because he looked too much like a young boy

Gotta see him Ray Shalke Then after his retirement he opens up a bowling alley He doesn't look like a boy at all. He looks like the oldest man in the world. Go to his page. I mean, compared to the other guys. Yeah, he doesn't look old. That's what it said.

Wow. And yeah, of course, in the Hall of Fame. But then he opens up a bowling alley and the first day he gets held hostage in the basement. That's the worst thing that could happen. He invested in the successful bowling alley in Evergreen Park, Illinois. And then in 1948, Shalke, his wife,

and 34 others were taken down to the basement. It's a big ass bowling alley. Locked inside various rooms and held hostage inside the bowling alley by six armed robbers After two hours people started passing out from lack of air and then a group of pin boys Busted the door down and set them free. I used to work with pin. Oh, you know they are Oh boy it is they're they're a crop boys. What's the pin boys? They did where they stay behind the lanes, and they reset the pins and that's all they can do in society

That's all they can do wow so they're like they're like the little kids in snow pierced They're like little kids mentally Okay And they just they live behind the lanes I thought that was like a machine or no when I was working behind there I would like have to like When there were no pins set up and they were back there We didn't want the customers to see them

And so you would have to like slide soft pretzels back down the lanes so they could eat Yeah, oh my I never even pictured the back of that it was a site But it's like working in the bowels of a ship. There's a lot of moving parts. They would get pinched all the time Oh pinboy get would pinched. It was a shriek. You've never heard and so they busted on the door and Saved him yeah Then 426 is the episode that's a birthday of hack Wilson one of the most accomplished power hitters in the game They're in the 20s and 30s five six

195 big boy 18 inch neck five and a half size Wider neck than foot is crazy. Yeah, he was a pioneering Titan of fetal alcohol syndrome Yeah, he was a pioneering titan of fetal alcohol syndrome His parents were so drunk all the time. He drank more. He was too so he like Yeah, I think he was born addicted to booze and he do that he was on the giant hilarious Forever and he was so good at baseball and he was so angry. He was always getting in fights. In night, he hit one of the, he hit the longest home run in Regalifield history. What?

Later that evening, he made the news again. He was arrested for trying to escape through the window of a speakeasy, but the police raided it and he was fined $1. Oh, damn. He's ruined it. No, damn. He's ruined it. No, no. He's fined a dollar.

Give me a dollar. Okay. Come on, you busted my balls. I guess I cannot do that. In 1916, Wilson left school to take a job at a locomotive factory, swinging a sledgehammer for four dollars a week. That was a one dollar fine, it's brutal.

I know inflation is a bitch, but that was not enough ever For four dollars a week That's not enough ever BC ad It's looking a sledgehammer on the railroads. It's 50 cents a day And I know things were really cheap It's 50 cents a day. Bro.

And I know things were really cheap. That had to have been like a box of corn flakes. What is that for inflation? What year was that? 1916. That cannot be enough. Can you look up that inflation calculator please? 19, what was it?

$4 a week? $4 a week, so 50 cents a day from 1916. Let's figure that out. So 1916 and then let's go for $4 I guess. No week. Yeah. Four times 50 is what? $4 in 1916. $6,000 a year. Yeah, that's not bad. I don't know if that's the way to put it. How much a week would that have been?

How much a day would that have been? $4 is $115 today. Oh, okay, that's not a lot. That's like you making $115 in a week. $4 a week. Yeah, that's bad That's horrible. He would that was not a good job back then So then it would be a hundred and fifteen times fifty two. I Don't know five. Yeah, six thousand dollars moocas right? Yeah. Yeah yikes. Yeah, that's like he was struggling

But then he decided to be a pro baseball. Yeah, he would jump into the box seats, attack fans. One time there was a, he caused a riot at Wrigley Field. 5,000 spectators swarmed the field. That's so. I know, it's so many. It's the Civil War battle. He was once the highest. In 1930, he had 190 RBIs, 56 home runs,

and a 356 batting average. Pretty fucking good. It's unbelievable. Died penniless. No way, how? I don't know. Dying penniless isn't the worst thing in the world. Oh, he died at 48.

So how'd he die? He was a crippling alcoholic. Okay. He had 56 home runs in one year. That's incredible. That's incredible. So he's how'd he die he was a crippling alcoholic, okay? He had 56 home runs in one year. That's incredible. This guy he must be I don't know baseball or he must be talked about with The legends well, I think that's where the term hack comes comes from like take a hack at it Yeah, take a big old hacker. It's a good hack I think that year like after that year they made the baseball heavier and like better for pitchers and worse for I don't know Damn damn December 12th

That's when this comes out uh-huh okay 1913 Was the day that the Mona Lisa was returned to the Louvre? Oh? Yeah, it was stolen for a long period of time, right? I would have guessed 1600s two years it was missing. Oh, that's way shorter than I thought. Oh, and it wasn't even that big That's why it became so famous, right? Yeah, I learned that after the fact. It wasn't even a good piece It was it was considered this is what the reddit heads and they had a big argument about this

They said that it was very well known painting for art heads But it wasn't nearly as famous. It's pretty tiny isn't it? I don't know I think it's small in size small enough to steal one guy So it was missing for two years and the guy that did it is this dude named Vincenzo Perugia Italian Italian guy and this was described as the greatest art heist of the 20th century How many art he saw there? I don't know but that's it was described as that way so keep that in mind, so this is how he did it he worked at the Louvre and On a day where the museum was closed, but the workers still go in there

He put on his uniform went in and when no one was looking he took it off the wall and left That's not that great. No That's not great at all. No is remarkably this guy is remarkably simple And then like what do you do with it when you're done because you can't show it off. I'll tell you I'll tell you Yeah, good. Yeah, what do you do? Mm-hmm? So well also the funny This is like the whole thing is just a hilarious comedy of errors. It's like the easiest thing. He briefly worked as a glazer Like hell no comedy of errors it's like the easiest thing he briefly worked as a glazer The career for me I would never

He applied to that he was head glazer He was proud to be a glazer no no, no, no. They didn't even notice till the next day. And when they told the director of the museum that the Mona Lisa had been stolen, this French dude says, steal the Mona Lisa? That would be like thinking that someone could steal the towers of Notre Dame. Wrong. Uh-uh.

Wrong. Yeah, exactly. He literally just walked in and picked it up. One's a painting. One's a building. Right. Two buildings. He was, I guess, a glazier is a framer.

So he worked as a framer. So he had to take it out of the frame, which I imagine was just unscrewing it. And he just walked out with it and just covered it in drapes. The police said it would take two to three days to solve. They were very- What was his end goal?

He- Wanted it? I'll tell you, I'll tell you. I'll tell you. And they said it. It kind of I'll tell you. And they said it would take two to three days to solve. They arrested Pablo Picasso because I guess he would hang around there. And they said that he fucking painted himself. That was Da Vinci. Oh, yeah. But they arrested Picasso.

He thought Picasso. I knew it was one of the big three. Bango. Yeah, I get it. I said, you know, yeah, it's like who gives a shit. But also it was like kind of modern, right? Yeah, I get them mixed up too. Yeah, it's like who gives a shit. But Picasso was like kind of modern, right? Yeah. I think it was 1913, yeah. But I guess they suspected him

because he would often borrow the African sculptures from the Louvre to use as models for his work, meaning that he would just take them when people asked him. Picasso. And that to me means he's 100% just jacking off to the big naturals. Probably.

Of the African sculptures, no shot he's not doing that. Anyways, so they had his fingerprints on the thing and he'd been arrested before. They just forgot to ask him for his fingerprints. And then the police went to his apartment because he was a former worker there so they knew that he was a, they didn't suspect him but they went and checked it out

because he didn't go talk to the police twice. So they go to his apartment, they look around, the Mona Lisa is underneath his table, and the cop just doesn't notice. Just doesn't look under the table. Just doesn't look under the table. Fools. So then he leaves it in his apartment for like four months,

and then decides that he's gonna go to Italy to sell it. So he finds this antique art dealer, he's like, I'll give you the Mona Lisa, I'll sell it to you. And they're like, okay, 500,000. Holy shit I'll sell to you and they're like, okay 500,000 Holy shit lira and so they're like, okay cool deal. And then as soon as they verify that's Mona Lisa They just call the cops like yeah, we have this guy. Oh, wow. Yeah, and then was his end goal to make money. Yes So after the fact he they've cops found his journal and he kept writing his dad to say like, get ready, your son's about to be a legend. You're gonna be so rich.

That's fucking sick. Yeah, and then just immediately got caught as soon as he tried to sell it. But like, how long was his prison time? Because it's not a violent crime. It's not. So he, then once he got caught, said that his motive was, he was like a patriot and wanted the Mona Lisa to be back in Italy because Da Vinci was Italian. That's a premise of, yeah, I bet you that would get a lot of support now.

And he said his motivation was because during the Napoleonic Wars, Napoleon plundered a bunch of Italian art to get back. What he failed to realize was that Da Vinci gave the Mona Lisa to France 250 years before Napoleon was born. This guy was just a bona fide moron. He was a klepto.

In an awesome way. But like if you have the chance to steal a Mona Lisa and like what was his, I'd like to know what his punishment was. Cause there's a chance this was very worth it. Worth it. That's it. Worth it. Seven months. I thought he would be like killed.

No, they were pretty lenient on him because they bought the whole I'm bringing it back to Italy. Did he love that? Did he fuck it up at all? Was it like scratched or destroyed? They say on the Wikipedia, I think it was painted on a piece of wood, right? Wood. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was in yesterday's crossword. Yes, it was. Yeah.

But I don't dabble with Tuesday's. OK. Oh, I'm Kyle. I don't do Tuesdays. Oh. Monotonous. So then the psychiatrists for the prison, they basically deemed him an imbecile. Oh, cool. And how they did that, it was like their version of pleading insanity.

And they did it via riddle They asked them one really stump them. They stopped the riddle. What was the riddle the riddle? You got the riddle. Oh, yeah, this is the riddle early 1900s That era that's when Hemingway was hanging out with Picasso right there was one riddle. He's insane. He can't even solve this riddle Yeah, is it hard? He's insane. He can't even solve this riddle. Is it hard? It's moderate. There are two birds in a tree.

If a hunter shoots one of them, how many are left in the tree? Zero. Because the other bird would fly away because of the sound of this shooting. Not an idiot. Kyle, you nailed that? There's so many variables that could change the answer to that question exactly it's not and it's 01 or two under could miss

So many another bird could have flown in but like what's that noise dude it could be any number Yeah, it could be any number. They would have imbeciled you oh man mm-hmm So that got him a lighter sentence because he couldn't figure out that one riddle. I bet you he was pissed. Yeah. Shit. Can I go again? They didn't expect that he, no, you're out of here.

You're not doing any prison time, dumb ass. You're out of here. They're pissed at him. He was mad. Yeah. And then this other dude in trial, this art dealer laughed in his face. it's towards the end people just started to realize that he was just not that bright of a guy yeah, and

This other guy who wrote a book about it says this is Donald sasson and becoming Mona Lisa Perugia bless you perugia was quite clearly a classic loser. Oh, that's awesome class So they were just dunking on this dude. He may just steal the fucking you got it out of the Louvre Yeah, and how did you do it? He took it off just took it walked off. That was it Nobody else thought of it one of my boys boys boys did that in North Korea in this modern era, and he's dead what yeah Wait, you're kind of connected to that kid that was killed by so Wait, you're kind of connected to that kid that was killed by North Korea. He stole a piece of art from the airport. And they held him as like a fucking...

Political prisoner. Prisoner. Kyle, that was a huge story. Huge story. You... How have you not brought this up? What? What?

That's a huge story. I know. They tortured that boy for years. I know. Horrific death. I just brought it up. He's your... Oh, he's from Cincinnati. Right. That's why I said brought it up. He's your eyes from Cincinnati, right? That's why I said he's probably my boys boys boy. Oh, you don't know he if he's from Ohio and you know

You think we've got to be three degrees you think three degrees I guarantee you or probably about the same age, right? died at 22 in 2017 He was in prison for 15 years. Oh, no, he didn finish it. Wasn't it just a poster? I think it was a propaganda poster. That's a tough thing to go out for, man. Going to North Korea is not a good idea. It's like the same thing as the missionaries going to those tribes. Yeah, like North Sentinel Island.'t, just don't do that. They're coming out and they're like all of like bows and arrows and you're like, no, Jesus loves you. It's like. I cannot believe that we live in a world where they are here. It's interesting.

They don't know what anything is. They don't know what airplanes are. Yeah, I would love to like fly over and drop a case of Dr. Pepper. Yeah. Just watch them go nuts for it. Oh yeah, talk to you. They would go bananas for dr. Pepper Yeah, absolutely we did get some insight like there was like a South American Amazon tribe that was like they were like what the fuck

Are airplanes? What are those things? Well? They hit him with the drone. Did they try to worship them? They just were so confused, but North Sentinel is crazy because that's like the bad one. It's not that remote It's only a couple miles. Offshore. From a city. What? An Indian city, Port Blair. It's in the Philippines, isn't it?

Or like near there? Well it's off, it's in the Indian Ocean. Or Malaysia. Yeah, it's not that far off the coast. But the Amazonian ones, I think some of them like, vaguely know about society. They just choose not to be a part of it, because they're so antsy

because of the whole rubber industry. Whereas like North Sentinel Island, they are like straight up don't know what the fuck. True bloods, they don't know shit. And then they just murk you on site. Imagine, do you think you could make- Fuck them up in football. Do you think you could make one of them laugh?

Yeah, I could. I'm pretty good at slapstick. I would do the Buffalo Bill. What's, you tuck your penis between your legs? That gets a laugh anywhere. Dude, did you see what looks like a man pussy? What? The first image of an alien that just came out today.

Really? Yeah. What do you mean the first image? Somebody, um, it kinda looks like a, there's like an alien, no, search like today, or news. There's like the Yeah, I think it looks like a man pussy hold on I'll find now. I'll be the judge of that The first sign of non-human life. I think looks like a man gina. I think that's the only play though

I think if you do the Buffalo Bill, that's a good thing so alright. They would laugh pretty fucking hard at that I Can't find it right now. They chopped my head off What can you do I Just the first alien looks like a pussy noted or a man to say a word for it a pussy But I'd rather go to North Korea or like an uncontacted But I'd rather go to North Korea or like an uncontacted tribe land than like fucking Stonehenge Wrong! Why? I would rather be safe and see something cool than unsafe and see something sad

I think it's like the most interesting things on earth Yeah, I would want to go to check out North Korea too, I just don't want to get smuggled Oh my god, if I knew I'd be safe and got to like just the inside look As long as you don't take anything or don't take photos, but I wouldn't trust the people. So you have to go to China and Pay a lot of money For a tour guide and the Chinese tour guide will take you in but I wouldn't trust the people on the tour with me Like if they take something you're all fucked. Mm-hmm, or they could plant something on you if they find out you're American not worth it. Mm-hmm Yeah, I agree with you. It would be way more but North Korea has some giant monuments like they have this

Humongous right oh, it doesn't look great. It looks fine. It doesn't look fine. It looks I Yeah, it doesn't look I know look at downtown Pyongyang I Mean that looks like I do guarantee you it looks better than Allentown Yeah, it probably looks better than Allentown, but like the lights don't turn on there's a curfew. There's slave camps There's no food. I think the food is made out of mushed paper I think there is food that a big needle looking thing is This humongous hotel that they tried to build to like prove to everybody that they got it like that Yeah, we're good

We can build big cities and do big things and the whole thing I guess is like a complete disaster It's completely hollow on the inside. Yeah, that shit is North Korea's pitch black at night Hell no You think they have slot machines no, I don't think so. I'm pretty sure The his his kin his maybe daughter or something goes to school in the US I think Mao Mao who's the leader of China right now? Yi Jinping Yi Jinping his daughter. I think is a DJ in New York. Yeah, she was at Coachella.

Was she? Yeah. Shut the fuck up. She opened for Marshmello. Oh my God. No, somebody's daughter is a DJ here. I think Putin has an offspring that's doing something. Yeah, a lot of daughters.

They're all so Americanized. Oh, I love the Chinese exchange students at college. They all have like, Bentley's. Swagged out to the max. They're all wearing the newest Bape and they have pink Bentley's. The richest man in the world, is it Jack Ma?

He's a Chinese. His son goes to NYU and he's like, I don't wanna do the voice, but it's just like, a day as the richest boy in New York. And he's like, he goes and buys like a new Rolex every day He'll buy a car to go to class. I saw a video of him the other day someone took a video

I don't know if it's real or not But someone was taking a video over his shoulder and he was on Zillow and he just bought a penthouse Yeah, that was him. I think that was a video posted by him. Yeah like comedic effect unless he's actually doing shit like that I think he just flexes all the time. Yeah, I mean honestly that's better than him pretending to like be like no like I'm not no it's not yeah No, I'd rather him do that Just buying a penthouse. Yeah Actually, I guess you're right. That is dumb Well, how much is this guy worth riches man in China has to be?

Elon just hit like 350 billion today. He went up 12% this morning. The Chinese got a bunch of billionaires, but man. I heard the Saudi Arabians and like Putin are actually the richest. They just don't disclose their wealth. Yeah. Yeah. Vladimir Putin. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I couldn't even begin to give it a response to that. Like yes or no. Yeah, I just heard that. I heard it. He doesn't believe it and I wouldn't believe it.

I don't know if he's, I mean, Musk having 300 billion is insane. Yeah, it is. I can't even fathom that. It's coming from him. If he buys a team, that team might never, like, if he bought a baseball team, he could just sign every player

and there would be no other teams. Yeah. That's what they're doing. It's gonna circle back. That's what they're doing. It's going to circle back. It's what they used to do. What? The early 1900s.

Remember, there was stacking teams. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They could do whatever they wanted. That's silly. It is silly. Silly business. Oh, man. Anything else, boys?

Mooc? Mooc? What up? Me and Mooc are going to be in Austin. Austin, Texas. Saturday. Seven o'clock show, 10 o'clock show. Buy a ticket to the 10 o'clock show

because I think it has 19 people. Dude, it's the size of a parochial middle school class. Yeah. Yeah, let's even out the numbers. Yeah, let's, yeah. Yeah, Cap City Comedy Club. Link for tickets in the description here. Go to Cap City's website.

Housekeeping item, Sam Decker corrected you on Twitter. Oh, yeah, we got to get him on yeah He's supported us in the past. Yeah, he was like he might have been like when we had single-digit listens Yeah, he's the man. Yeah, I like him a lot. Yeah. Yeah when he's a backstates. I he's gonna come through He didn't say he didn't agree to that Yeah when he's backstage sad. You do anything fucking twisted lately, Mook? I've been on some fuck shit the past two weeks. I just spent, I mean, I don't wanna call out Clumber,

but me and him had a dirty time in NOLA. Oh God. I spent time at the Mohegan Sun. Okay. Before that, and then I was couch surfing in New York and had to spend a night in JFK Which wasn't fun you spent the night in JFK? Hey blows I well it was that or like go back into the city and then uber back wasn't there an airport hotel I Didn't cop that I don't have those funds

But yeah, I just pulled up next to two what looked like to be migrants and slept next to them Woke up at 6 a.m. It was bright as fuck airport was full, and I was just the guy I don't I I've slept in an airport once not bad. I liked I was comfortable being there. It ain't no couch It's not a bad It was two chairs put together yeah, it was bad. Yeah, I've done it before it's weird, but yeah, it's not like You don't feel like No, I feel it's fine a weird part of you feels like you deserve it. Yeah, I like I love being a victim Yeah, I get off on it. You're like I've had it too good. Yeah that or like I can bitch about this for the next

Oh, yeah, I love being a city for For people I love stomping around the airport. Yeah Point me in the direction of the uber pickup. That's the only sign we're looking for after baggage That's what everyone wants and some airports just don't have any signage for that We all just want to get picked up by an uber at least 50% of us big sign uber pickup At least 50% of us Big sign uber pickup don't like wait. Where'd you have a hang up with this is a lot of airports Going up and down looking for fucking we just want to get picked up by that is that what we want to do

Yeah, taxi or uber. Yeah, what is the what is the other option a friend? Yeah? Point me in the direction big arrows big signs Damn they'll just be like a vague one that says ride share. Yeah. And it's like a diagonal arrow. Yeah, the arrow's never straight. What the fuck do I do? You're parallel with doors.

So you're walking past doors following the ride share sign and you're seeing people outside the glass being picked up. And then I like go down 50 more feet and there's like a ride share with a southern arrow pointing south. I'm like where the fuck do I... That should be the only... How was Detroit? That was in Birmingham.

Oh. That's... What does that mean? Birmingham, Michigan is inevitable. Again, I'm gonna ask one more time. What does that mean? And I'm gonna ask nicely. Please tell What does that mean? I'm gonna ask nicely Please tell me what that means look at that place. I'm just saying it didn't feel like Detroit It seemed really cool. Okay. I was blown away. It's inevitable the trade area. I love it. I love the people

All right Detroit's cool. I think so too, but it's not that cool. People are trying to be like, oh it's that cool now. No, it's still not cool. No, it's just improved from like- But it's cooler than it could have been. It was kind of cool when it was like- Would you rather live in Detroit or Mobile, Alabama? Not Detroit by a mile. Detroit is cool. I like the area. Detroit or Grand Rapids?

Ooh. I've been obsessed with Grand Rapids recently. Grand Rapids, everyone's talking about, hey, people are talking about Grand Rapids, Grand Rapids. Ooh. I've been obsessed with Grand Rapids recently. Grand Rapids, everyone's talking about, hey, people were talking about Grand Rapids, Grand Rapids. Bigger than New Orleans, bigger than Amsterdam. 1.2 million people in the metro. Get them a pro team. I don't know if I've been,

I feel like I've been to Grand Rapids, but I don't remember. Grand Rapids. All right. All right. God bless, y'all. God bless.