A New Untold Story - Nimrod Street - A New Untold Story: Ep. 337

Episode Date: March 30, 2023

NIMROD STREET Ads: HelloFresh - Go to https://barstool.link/HelloFreshSTORY and use code anus60 for 60% off + free shipping Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. Today's episode is brought to you by 3Chi. Of all things in life, one of the best has to be getting high wherever you want, whenever you want. Without the paranoia of consuming some sketchy black market bunk. What's the best way to do that, you ask? With 3Chi, of course. 3Chi has the highest quality cannabis products from their delicious Delta 9 edibles

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You remember Chi Chi's, the restaurant? Gigantic E. coli scale. I loved their fried ice cream, though. The buffet, the $5 buffet. Oh, I don't know if that was the same thing. No, you're thinking of... CC's. CC's Pizza.

Yeah, I never went to Chi-Chi's, but I know what it is with the pepper and the logo. I went to CC's Pizza in college, first date with this girl. And I thought it would be cute to sneak in alcohol. You went to CC's Pizza? Yeah, and I got the mac and cheese pizza and the crust ripped right off mac and cheese face down on my pants.

Why'd you go to CC's? I thought it would be cute, fun. You could go there and I've talked about this. You can go there and you can make your own pizza and they make it but you get to name it and they yell out the name of the pizza so you can have some fun. Oh, God. Yeah, it was fun.

I did banana peppers and onion and I was called Boy with a Crooked Spine. That was my custom. Why? I don't know. I just thought that's what hit me when I was making it. I was like, this is my creation called Boy with a Crooked Spine. Episode number 336? 7.

337. 337? Nice. Welcome back. Thank you, everybody. Before we get into anything, we got a package from a friend of the program. Any guesses? Josh Potter?

Who fucks with us these days? Who's fucking with us these days? Yeah, that's a great question. Is it a person? Yeah. Yes. A lot of conglomerates fuck with us. A lot of conglomerates fuck with us.

Friend of the program. Guest? No. So someone we've emasculated. Segment? Yes. Brawley? Yes. Yeah, the pair. Brawley? Yes.

Yeah, the pair of these. The quadriplegic sent us a package. This poor guy. He's been a quadriplegic for like maybe two, three years. Still in the honeymoon phase. Look what street he lives on. Oh, no. Someone said this

as a prank. No. The quadriplegic kid. Things can't get any worse. He lives on Nimrod Street.

Oh, the quadriplegic down on Nimrod Street. Why don't you go home to, why don't you wheel your way down on Nimrod Street. Why don't you go home to Nimrod? Why don't you wheel your way back to Nimrod Street where you live? Where'd you grow up? Nimrod Street. He's from... He lives on Nimrod Street.

There's no... Did we just dox him? How many could there be? Can you Google Nimrod Street and see the first thing that pops up? I think we might just dox him? How many could there be? Can you google Nimrod Street And see the first thing that pops up? I think we might just dox Brawley Thank you for the package, Brawley Yeah, there might not be any Dude, I saw it

And I like There's one There's only one He lives on the only Nimrod Yeah, that makes sense That there's only one Nimrod Street Where he lives Can you say the state?

Make sure he's not fucking with us New York It. New York. It's New York. Yeah, yeah. Not a big street. No. Remarkably small street. Oh, it's tiny.

Remarkably small street. I can't even open this. Dude. That's so funny. He just... The paraplegic boy that lives down on Nimrod Street. Dude, that's so funny. That sounds like a Theo Vaughn.

Yeah, he grew up down on Nimrod Street. Yeah, I knew this kid, Brawny. Nick, thank you for the roast. Here's a one-of-one meal-used knife. Good luck on your road to 200 Brawley. We've got to have him on. We really do. We do.

We know where he lives. That's close enough. What a guy. Oh, it's a quadriplegic knife. That's what they're using? That's what they're... What? It's probably so he can't grip very well.

Can't pick it up with his feet. Wow. Oh, nice. Look at the handle on that. Thanks, Brawley. We do have to have him in. Really? Yeah.

Open invite. Open invite. Definitely. Oh, he's the man Brawley from Nimrod this dude needs a break that's a Bluffington ass road yeah it is

he's hunting nematodes on Nimrod street oh man I tried to do some news I lost it Toads on Nimrod Street. Oh, man. I tried to do some news. I lost it. I had it for a little bit. I lost it.

So I'm going to try. This is pissing me off. Yeah, that cord's in the way. Housekeeping. We're starting with housekeeping. Well, some people aren't as lucky. What do you mean? Oh, man. Jesus Christ, dude.

All right. I don't have much. Let me just get it out of the way. Hold on. No, no. Let me just go for it. Let me go. Because I only have like four things.

This one I didn't even have a joke for. This was almost a reply tweet from me. Disney is planning to lay off 7,000 employees. And I saw like a news and everybody was like you know everybody was replying and i just wanted to reply fire pumba that'd be pretty funny just i just think i think just someone calling for his job um connecticut priest reports a possible miracle involving multiplying communion hosts. Tons of white hosts.

What is this, the yak? Too many. Wait, what's multiplying? Yeah, I don't get, what does that mean? The priest is saying they're not running out of the wafers. The communion wafers. Like, they just, they're not going away. They're not taking Jesus?

No, I mean, no. They're just like, they'll have like a chalice of them, and it's just not, it's not going down. Where, how do you, where are they distributed? Where do you get them? How do you get them? I used to buy communion wafers. Wafers are some of my favorite food. Any sort of wafer.

Nilla communion. Oh, I get like the Kit Kat type But not the flat Flavorless No I think they're good How does the church get their communion? Wafers? Yeah Oh they're probably They don't have to buy them themselves do they?

Available on Amazon Yeah probably from Amazon Okay and then it becomes Jesus Yeah in a flash Okay In transit yeah Can you buy Can you buy it already as Jesus?

If so, we should have a Jesus off. We should have a... Yeah, pre-Jesus communion. Yeah. Probably a lot more expensive. Definitely. I used to have to refuse it every time because I'm not Catholic and I went to a Catholic school. Oh, that sucks.

The shame. No, I felt pretty cool, actually. Because everyone else was just going up there and eating. And you go up there and you go like a Catholic school. Oh, that sucks. The shame. No, I felt pretty cool, actually. Because everyone else was just going up there and eating, and you go up there and you go like this. Yeah. You wouldn't do that. That's what you're supposed to do. I think you are, yeah.

You're supposed to do that. You're supposed to Wakanda. You should just sit in your pew. You shouldn't just go up. Yeah, you just don't go up. That's what I was told, dude. Did you have to smack it like that? Like a Samoan haka?

Yeah, yeah, you do a haka. I was told, dude. Did you have to smack it like that? Like a Samoan haka? Yeah, yeah. You do a haka. Yeah. NFL owners vote in favor of letting players wear number zero. You know who I'd like to see wear zero?

Hot women. I like it. Thank you. All right. Barbie makers celebrate the power of representation. They now have a Barbie with scoliosis. She comes with a back brace. Lego is also doing the same.

They have a new plethora of new characters with disabilities as part of a broader push for more diversity within its toy lineup. So there's now a Lego figure that has Down syndrome. There's a Lego figure that has a limb length difference. And there's a Lego figure with anxiety. And I thought this was actually pretty cool. I thought this was nice. What? Yeah.

And I think more marginalized groups should have games and toys pivot to represent them more. So, for example, I was thinking, the classic board game Don't Wake Daddy, that might not be relatable to some inner city children. So they should re-release Go Head and Do Whatever. Did you say Go Head and Do Whatever? Go Head and Do Whatever.

Empty bed. Go Head and Do Whatever. Also, like, the game of life um you gotta you know there has to also be uh for pro-choice you know if you for there has to be representation if you were aborted okay so this is the game of life this is the game of life if you were an aborted fetus. Only one square. And then also Jenga. You have to think, we're in New York City, think of Pete Davidson.

He lost his dad in 9-11. So Jenga for kids who lost parents in 9-11, it would just be just one piece. Just one wooden block. That's what I was... I was also thinking of Twister for paraplegics. Just like wooden block. That's what I was... I was also thinking of, like, you know, Twister for, like, paraplegics.

Just like a circle. One wheel... Yeah, colorblind and quadriplegic. One wheel gray. And then I was also... I ran out of time. I was going to do Game Boy for gays

and I was just photoshopping it in an asshole just a regular ass Game Boy but it's in an asshole that's all that's all I had man

what do you got housekeeping I don't I put like a couple things yeah uh bench press 245 times eight on the smith machine nice uh weed i'm on the stizzy glass tip hybrid 40s three to four hits glass tip they're like this big The same size as the baby Jeter's. They're stizzy. They're 40s. They have the keef on the outside with the glass tip. Something about that works for me.

And I'm smelling like memories now. You're smelling like memories? When I'm thinking, I perceive things like a child. I remember old perceptions now. So when I think of my neighbor's basement, like, I can smell it distinctly on this weed. Oh. And my memory was going to shit, now it's back.

Okay. But is it an actual glass tip that is on it? It's, the end is, what you suck into is glass. It's like the filter is glass. Yeah, it's less jarring. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice housekeeping.

Do you have an area code? Yeah. 337 is southwestern Louisiana. Southwestern Louisiana. I feel like we've done a couple. Lake Charles? Lake Charles. Lafayette.

New Iberia. We're just doing the TV. Oh, we're switching it over to you. Oh, cool. We're just doing the TV. Oh, we're switching it over to you. Oh, cool. We're going to try to do visual aids. Is it three? That makes sense. Yeah.

Wait till you see how cool this visual aid is. It's going to blow you away. Boom. Damn. There it is. Yeah, yeah. That's what we call context yeah that's good finally along the gulf along texas um what are they known for um lafayette is the lafayette nay vermilionville

is the flagship city of the area code vermilion is a good uh slipknot song vermilion part two is it named after the ohio town maybe oh i don't know they're from iowa a lot a lot of those bands are from that area no they're from a lot yeah dude so what do we got oil and gas creoles and what was it creoles oh i thought okay and cajuns um the most restaurants per capita of any major city and i I guess they do cuisine, a medley of cuisines very well. Not just Creole and whatever, Cajun. They are also known for drive-thru daiquiri stores. Okay, sounds good.

I like daiquiris. So you can drive through, but you can't drink it in your car but i don't think people would people aren't going to get like a rapidly melting frozen beverage and just like say so it's chemically you're drinking it all the way home yeah they're drinking and driving which is fine i got clowned for daiquiris when we were in Louisiana. There was a place in the LaBerge Casino called Daiquiri Dogs, and it was a really bad dyslexia moment. I was texting PFT, and I said, hey, meet me at Dequarius Dogs. Dequarius? Dequarius?

I called him because the text would have been fine, but I said – Yeah, that would have still been – Yeah, so I called him. I was like, I'm at Dequarius Dogs. He's like, So I called him. I was like, I'm at Dequarius Dogs. He's like, what did you say? I'm like, I'm at Dequarius. I'm outside of Dequarius. Oh, this was you speaking it.

Yeah, I said that. So that's way worse than tacky. Yeah, way worse. But said Dequarius. Texting it is still daiquiris. You read daiquiris as Dequarius out loud? Yeah. That's not dyslexia.

That's not dyslexia. Because that's still the same order of letters. Kind of. I think you just thought it was de Quarius. You saw the D, you saw the Q, you got overwhelmed and you spat out de Quarius. De Quarius. De Quarius dogs. De Quarius dogs sounds like a place in Louisiana.

Yeah. Anyways, continue. I'm a fan of Louisiana. I'm not going to roast them. And Lafayette, their famous people, Mount Rushmore, is incredible. It's got to be like jazz singers. It's better than entire states. No.

And you can guess. Two women, two men. The first is an actress with over 38 million followers on Instagram. She's 22 years old, about 29 in Pog years. She's starring in a forthcoming Eli Roth slasher alongside Patrick Dempsey. Any guesses? 38 million followers, 22 years old. Oh, is it the girl that plays Wednesday?

I don't know what that was. Jenna Ortega? Jenna Ortega. No. Her name rhymes with... That is gay. Yeah, Addison Rae. Addison Rae.

All right. That's one of the biggest stars popping up for Gen Z right now. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Born in Lafayette. Rae's there, I think, too. Oh, yeah, Lafayette. The next one, one of the top female podcasters in the world,

2021 iHeartRadio Podcast of the Year winner. A woman. Two million on Instagram. The 12th most famous main cast member on a network television show. 12th. Oh. Jenna Fisher. Her nickname, according to the Dunderpedia page,

I may have gave something away there. Kitchen Witch, Voodoo Mama Juju, Monkey. These are kind of deceiving nicknames. Pumpkin, Little Onion, Booster Seat. The one that was married to Dwight. Angela Kinsey. Can you run back that nickname again, dude? This is on aliases.

Monkey. Kitchen Witch. Voodoo Mama Juju. Juju Boo Boo. Nah, wouldn't have guessed. Angela. And the next two are two MMA legends, Daniel Cormier and Dustin Poirier. That makes sense.

Louisiana, last name. Lake Charles lousy list for Lake Charles. Their top, their most famous is a cardiovascular surgeon with a career spanning eight decades. Oh, I didn't know you could be in the game. Eighth decade had to be stressful. I don't want my heart. So eighth decade. He wasn't. I don't want my heart. Yeah. So eighth decade.

He wasn't a doctor when he. No way. He wasn't a doctor when he was 10. He died at 99. The Wikipedia says cardiovascular surgeon for eight decades. Did he start at 19 as a surgeon? He took the MCAT on papyrus. Number two pen quill.

No guesses. For the cardiac cardiac that's for the surgeon um yeah what's his name uh last name first name michael okay and the last name rhymes with the baby i'm like roddy rich it's michael e debakey I'm like, Roddy Ricch. It's Michael E. DeBakey. Come on. The cardiovascular surgeon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, the mayor.

We're going to go with Lafayette. Oh, we got a mayor. Yeah. Josh Guillory. Instagram handle Josh Dot G-U-I-L-L-O-R-Y The mayor of Lafayette

And I'm gonna give him a five degree penalty For unnecessary username punctuation I hate the periods You know I hate underscores too But even those can be excused But a period in a username is Is It pisses me off for some reason What's mayor president? know i hate underscores too but even those can be excused but a period in the username is is it pisses me off for some reason what's mayor president yeah exactly what is that yeah i don't

know i'm a peasant prince 1673 followers decent um 745 now so he's posted twice since I started this yesterday. He posts too much. He posts way too much. And what has he got in his bio? Mayor, president, don't know what that means. Lifelong Republican. Lifelong. Yeah.

You just. That's not how it works. Yeah guess your kids aren't yeah you're not you're not a republican this is my republican baby oh hey oh yeah goo goo maga oh yeah the the the the the santa's i don't know i don't know what they believe in, what their tenets are. The regulation of corporations. On to the heat check. We have to scroll to get to a fit pic. Okay.

Suits don't count. We know how that works. You know what I'm looking at. Six days ago. Right there in the middle. Okay. You pull it up to the state powerlifting championships wearing one of the dorkiest fits you could wear to such an event.

He's flanked by two of the colder white boys in the L. His shirt. He's wearing a Polo Ralph Lauren, Algebra II quad-ruled graphing paper, youth extra large button-up. Rudy, pull up a Sega Dreamcast game. He's wearing the Dreamcast fit. With the collar squeezing his lip nodes like a tenured cancer doctor.

$98.50. He got it from the Kohl's on the Crossroads Annex on Ambassador Parkway. Maybe he's not wearing the Dreamcast fit. He dropped $100 on some unfinished homework. Look at that lame-ass fits, dude. F times X equals Y. Did you put this on, man? Got the Coles math class virgin shirt on.

And I never did this before. No. And I never did this before no and I never did this before no what song was that what dreams by J yeah yeah wasn't nothing like that first. Yeah, he's got on a math class. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, even the polo logo looks sad as hell. He gets no bitches. That's a headless horse, man. Fantasizing about 800-8135. Dog, you live on a nipple.

Lousy ass shirt. You pull it up to the high school state meet wearing Monday's assignment. Dude, you're stressing out the kids. They're going to get the yips in the squat rack. I know that little Ralph logo got to be embarrassed as hell to be seen like this in public in front of all the local jocks.

Little Ralph's trying to disguise himself. Where's Waldo Emerson? That polo horse man is irate that it has to live in honors geometry for the rest of his life. Stuck on a Cartesian coordinate. About to fall and sleep in class. Slobbering on the x-axis like it's in a

k-hole. Little Ralph is so pissed. Little Ralph is so pissed he's about to beat up Scut Farkas. Oh fudge looking ass outfit get that grid off your chest uh yeah i mean it's a decent shirt belt needs work like the 695 down to annapolis horrific navy pants like a seal's last breaths also ralph lorraine 47 50 from macy's. The shoes, fuck the shoes. Speaking of which. Those are bad.

Yeah, speaking of which, scroll down to March 21st. I'm sorry for interrupting. It reminds me, was there a Sega game that was the, never mind. Yeah, I don't, March 20th. Is he posting so many times on March 21st? He's posted at the Republican foot fetish convention. Looking guilty as hell. What?

What? Oh, no. What are you talking about? The foot fetish? I don't think that... Just go back one picture. This one? Middle. That's a crap area.

Oh, shit. That's the foot fetish. Oh, my God. Yeah. What? I don't know what that is. He has a bunch of colas and waters. No meal.

He's got that old school. That's that xenophobic white supremacy old school foot fetish, too. They don't fuck with soul food. They don't fuck with Zapatos. They don't fuck with Premier League football don't fuck with zapatos they don't fuck with premier league football um he needs tommy larin on a skin board um then on march 1st jesus how much is he's posting a lot. Look at this. He's wearing the same exact fit, dude. You can't wear the same L in the month of March twice.

This dude's outfit lost in the conference and the NIT. It's a lousy fit. He doesn't pass the heat check. No. He can't. the heat check. No. He can't. Oh, man. He looks like every accountant I've ever worked with. He looks like a standard, normal guy. I'm literally scratching my claw into roast these dudes.

I need to understand this a little bit more. Where is the foot one again? Right there. Am I blind? Yep. That's down. Where is the foot one again? Right there. Up. Am I blind? Yep. Up. That's down.

Right to your right. Oh, my God. Middle. Middle. Yeah. That was insane. This is de Quirious again. This is de Quirious.

A Caydeana Republican woman heals on the ground. Yeah. What are the other photos oh god oh this is this is get this man a coaster yeah that's it that yeah that is dripped that's fire what's uh what's your drippiest photo drippiestiest photo. Is it you in that Fila jumpsuit? No. I know what it is.

What is it? Somebody sent me your senior picture that you had. I don't know how. It was from an anonymous account. And you were wearing a DGK oversized. The photographed senior picture? Yeah. I was wearing a what?

You were wearing a DGK, Dirty Ghetto Kids, the skate company tee. And it was the purple drink one. It had a double cup of, like, purple drink pouring out. And it just said DG. I think it said DGK. It said something about the lean. But I think that's your drippiest fit. I've never worn that.

Yeah. It's a lie. No. I don't, like, photograph myself when i'm like looking fly i don't what do you do like hey can you get me can you take this pic of me or what when you're in a drippy fit you probably try to get into photos trying to think rudy would you ever like ask someone to take your picture no i resorted to early in my media whatever to just walking down the street shamelessly taking selfies of myself and that's actually how i got roped into the uh shakespearean acting class because i was just like what did you say what i was i was what do you mean you act that's actually

like we knew that backstory i didn't know i didn't know i feel like i told shakespearean i told i feel like i was getting to the point where i was telling everyone about this because it was a funny story but i was like i'm talking about too much so i thought i told you guys that story i was leaving work one day i was pretty high and i was like i want to post like something i feel like i needed like that need to post so i was like trying to take a selfie i don't remember what it was about but since high, I was like, usually I'm like, I have a lot of anxiety about it because it's really embarrassing to take photos of yourself walking down the street. And I was taking photos of myself. And this guy walks by this like 50 year old dude walks by with his dog. And he's like, hey, like, you want me to take your photo?

I see you struggling. And I was like, yeah, sure. So wait, you were like you were. Was it a selfie? Were you like now is a shopping your phone see you struggling and I was like yeah sure so wait you were like you were was it a selfie were you like now I was dropping your phone up no I was holding it so a man came up to you and said do you need me to take a photo of you he's like do you want me to take a photo of you how have you not been fucked well wait so okay so wait he's like I'll take a photo or how were you struggling did it not have like a front camera no I was just like kind of like he could tell I was taking multiple and then maybe I had. Why were you doing this again? Because I felt like I needed to post.

It was very embarrassing. So you took. What was your fit? I actually can pull up the photo that I took that that he took of me. Anyways, he is like, I'll take a photo of you. And we did. And I was like making him laugh. I think I just saw you.

Oh, that's all. That's all. That's your page. It was this photo. Did you think he was on the mayor's Instagram? Yeah, I thought he was on someone else's Instagram. I thought he was on the photographer. Some of them.

This is the photo that he took of me. And he was like, you're so charismatic and funny. And I'm like, oh, this old. I could tell he was homosexual you're you're so uh you're so like uh charismatic and funny and i'm like oh this old i could tell he was homosexual he was gay and i was like oh this guy's trying to have sex with me and he's like i'm in this like acting class you should do it because you're you you have it and i was like oh this is like my entourage moment and so i went with him to the shakespearean acting what do you mean that was your entourage moment it was delusion i. I was like, oh, this is destiny? Yeah, this is like a word like you make it big and like whatever. And it's just an acting class. Have you seen Entourage?

Yeah. Alright. You just get picked up off the street. Like Chris Pratt. Entourage was like having a rich friend. No, Vinny Chase came from nothing, baby. Queens Boulevard. Oh, Vinny Chase's backstory. Yeah, not drama. I'm not drama

in this dude so he asked you to go to a Shakespearean acting class it was an acting class and then after the fact he's like at Shakespeare and the guy that led the class was an actor that was in the other movie Warriors like Warriors come out to play he's in that and he's in acting class it's like a recovered alcoholic actually a very a very interesting dude. Anyways, long story short, I go there and they let me just sit on the class. And it's all it's in the shitty ass fucking theater. And I go and talk to him. And a lot of these like acting coaches or actors are like very like extra people. Like they'll hold eye contact for mad long.

They like make everything into a moment or like. Right. Like everything is sort of like. Every facial expression. Yeah. Everything is heightened. Pragmatic expression is. Everything is like.

As if they're being filmed. Exactly. So it's like an intense thing. He's like, he looks at me. He's like, I want you to do The Tempest. And I'm like, OK. Like, what the fuck? And he's like, have that ready for me.

I'm like, it's a fucking play. Like, what one? And then he like finally texted me so i had long search where i just go it was like six mondays in a row i had to go there you didn't have to do this but i was like what i was more curious like i was like okay like and this guy roger do you have the tempest memorized no actually i don't even think it was the tempest it was It was like Pray the Spreets, I Pray You, that whole monologue. And I don't remember it at all. But I had to go up there, and it was kind of fun because it made me really nervous. It made me insanely nervous to go in front of these people that were legitimately trying to be actors,

and I was just a twink that some guy wanted to fuck. You were legitimately trying to be an actor. Yeah, but no, I was terrible. You went six Mondays in a row. Yeah, and then it trying to be an actor. Yeah, but I was terrible. You went six Mondays in a row. Yeah, and then it was fun to feel nervous and legitimately nervous. I wish that I – I'm just that all the time. You had to go to a gay acting class. You had to be surrounded by old men that are salivating to fuck your ass to feel nervous.

But this guy – I just have to wake up. to fuck your ass to feel nervous. But this guy. I just have to wake up. This guy sensed that I was sort of like worried about his intentions. And he like after we would like ride home together because we lived right. Oh, Rudy. No, but he was like six Mondays riding home.

I know. I know. Shakespeare. I know. But he was like, listen, I want you to know that I'm not trying to like do anything. I have a husband. Oh, that's like when I told the girl I wasn't following her home. Oh, I remember that. And then. But he was like, I'm not trying to do anything i have a husband oh that's like when i told the girl i wasn't following her home oh i remember that and then but he was like i'm not trying to do anything i just i like value our

friendship and i was like this he's a really nice dude and then uh he got a widow maker he had like one of the heart attack heart attack and he survived it wild dude yeah anyway so that's are you still in contact with him uh no I haven't talked to him in a while. So you've been to several, like, hour-plus long sessions. There were three hours. That's enough to, like, have an impact. What did it do for you? Nothing.

So what did you do with The Tempest? It wasn't The Tempest. I don't even remember what play it was, but I didn't do anything with it. Did you read lines? Did you improv? I read the monologue, and his whole thing was like, this monologue teaches you how to act. He's like, Shakespearean's writing is so good that if you just say it correctly, you will naturally act.

At that point, I was like, what the fuck, dude? Do you think his name's Shakespearean? Whatever. Shakespeare's writing. How much did this run you by? Oh, dude. And then. Do you think his name Shakespearean? Whatever. You know what I mean. Shakespeare's writing. And he. How much did this run you? Oh, yeah. Well, yeah.

So at first I was like, OK, well, like if it's free, whatever. And then like after a while, it was like, OK, it's 200 bucks a month. And I was like, I'll do one just to see and like see where it goes. I mean, dude, I was in. I was new in New York. I was like, it's a fun. It's a fun story at the least. And then.

Was it all men? No. Okay. There was girls there. But he just thought you were good looking and he was like, you've got to do this class. That was the underlying thing is that I could tell that everyone was like, oh, he just brought him here because he thinks he's attractive. He has no skill at acting. Go to the next photo.

I was talking about when I had to dye my hair, so I put up a Britney Spears. Speaking of which, Hawaii. Yeah, I don't know why I thought you were gay. Yeah, Hawaii. This performance, by the way, by Britney. Go back to Rudy. The guy thought he was charismatic. Look at the photo.

Yeah, on my face you can see, that's the face of, am I being groomed right now oh my god yeah um yeah for three mondays in a row all he did was tear apart he's like you have a midwestern draw you're not projecting and i'm like and you were like yeah i'll go he's like wait you're gonna actually go no he's very excited easiest there's he's probably tried that so many times all right weirdo i'll give you six weeks we'll see yeah yeah well he told you he wasn't trying to fuck you he did yeah what week was that though like the the the second week okay

yeah so do you think his husband would uh knows about this and would be supportive of him doing this yeah well they invited me into their home. Oh. Oh, shit. You went to his house? Oh, you went for dinner. No, I went over there because he wanted to give me a book. Fruity, he could bring a book to you.

Well, we were walking down the street. We were down the block from each other. We thought you were walking. We live on the same block, so we would ride home. You were gay dating this man. No, I wasn't. No, what you did was a relationship. Yeah, he was your boyfriend, dude.

You just wrote down everything you did together. You gay dated this man. Honestly, when you look at the- For a kind of a significant amount of time. And then he got a heart attack. Yeah, dude. You were gay. Nah.

I think you were. It was. I mean, I did more with him than I've probably done with any other legitimate partner. Yeah. Let you a book. You guys would walk together. You'd go to an acting class. We would walk 100 yards together after riding in a cab together.

Would he text you at night? Here's what you guys did photo shoots shakespearean acting classes it rides home introspective conversations walks you went did you read the book no do you still have it probably somewhere unless i had to give it back to him. Do you have his number? Yeah. Text him. I'll text him right now. Let's give him a call. No, just text him. He's like, hey, man, long time no see.

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Go to HelloFresh.com slash ANUS60 and use promo code ANUS60 for 60% off plus free shipping. That's ANUS60 at HelloFresh.com slash ANUS60. I feel like that promo code is going up and up. The percentage off is ANUS60. I want to get to 100% off. Yeah, one day. One day. We'll ask him.

Yeah, did you text him? Yeah, I said, hey, Roger, it's Rudy. Miss day. We'll ask him. Yeah, did you text him? Yeah, I said, hey, Roger, it's Rudy. Miss you. Miss what we had. Is that what you said? Yeah. You're still typing. Well, I'm adding a little extra.

Hope you're doing well. There we go. There we go. Yeah, you were in a relationship with this man. Plutonic. He said so. That's insane. He said so.

Yeah. What else is going on with you boys? I'm not doing stand-up Friday. I'm too old for that shit. I'm way too old for that shit. Too old. You're natural. You could be selling out rooms across the country if you wanted to.

What do you mean you're too old? What were you going to do? Same thing. Oh, and why not? I don't know. I'll come be a game time decision. I don't even have my set memorized anymore. I haven't looked at it since that night.

Yeah. You're a natural at just going off the top. I mean, you should just go up with no plan and see how it happens. That's horrible. No, you should do that. No. Okay. you should do that. No. Okay. It'll feel good.

To bomb? You won't bomb. You can probably use some of the same material, too, no? I would use the entire thing. I would just say the same exact shit. You should definitely do multiple in the next month. All right. Two to three plus different comedy shows.

I want to have them on every one. We don't even have to advertise it. I don't want to be on any graphic. I hate being on graphics. No graphics. There's so much pressure. And I don't like the way my name looks shape-wise. Yeah, I don't want to see myself on a graphic flyer ever again.

We're going to try to do some live shows in Chicago, right? Mook reached out to some places. Surprise, Kyle. No. No, no. I knew that was coming. Well, I know. Hate it.

Hate it. Something you got to do. Why? hate it something you gotta do why it's a great way to interact with people why do I have to do that because if we want I like to interact with people if we want our tickets and stuff paid for to go out to Chicago

and look at how we like Chicago, we could just do two live shows. For financial purposes? Both. Financial and seeing the audience. I mean, you'd make good money.

No tomatoes, you'd actually get paid this time. Yeah, but it's something that I really don't enjoy doing. All right, show's canceled. Okay. Well, it never was started. Mook has been in contact. You're on a flyer somewhere already.

You're already on the flyer. I'm on the flyer? You're on the flyer. I'm wearing a hat. Yeah. All right, I might do it. Okay. We're back. a hat yeah all right i might do it okay um did you guys see that somebody did an ai of our podcast yep and yeah it's phenomenal it is unbelievable i have it i have it right here if you want to oh

yeah uh here i'll just do it into the mic yeah that's probably easier hello and welcome back to a new untold story episode Episode 600, presented by Felix Gray. If you're watching on YouTube, you probably noticed KB is looking a bit different. He had a slight incident over the weekend. While chasing a big booty Latina he saw at the beach, since KB gon' have that, he was viciously mauled by a tiger shark and lost both arms. I guess you won't even be feeling Dick's gay now, Cot. Yeah, well, he definitely did.

Your yeah is so accurate. Because they really captured you not paying attention to what I say. And then you... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on, I gotta... That, yeah. That... He definitely took me by surprise.

I recovered pretty quick and got him in a full Nelson. He really didn't like that, though, and that's when I got double Hamilton. At least I'm not a quadriplegic like that. Meals on wheels brawly. Dude, that's insane. That's so good. And I know it sounds robotic, but it's... It sounds robotic because, I mean, there's just a little bit too long of gaps and spaces between words,

which seems like it would be very fixable. Other than that, it had everything. You were over-pronouncing words. I was pissed hearing that. I was like, oh, it's... Drawing out words. Yeah. That's...

I mean, I can't wait for the future of that. Maybe for the live show we can just have a recording of kb's ai voice well did someone like type all that in because that was like funny funnier than what we could have done yeah yeah whoever did it please reach out like we typed it all hamilton yeah yeah we i think we typed that somebody typed all that in. That was awesome. Something P. I forget his name. We have the Castellani video. Oh, dude. Yeah. If we want to run through that.

Have you seen it, Rudy? I've seen it. Castellani's the man. And he's nothing but supportive Good guy, pure guy We just gotta make sure The sound's on for the listeners When it's on the TV

This is a clip So first of all I missed the whole thing He did a video with his mom He's showing her pictures of Barstool employees And having her see if she can guess the name of them. Okay. Okay, so we gotta pause that.

Go to your settings real quick and see if we can get it out the TV. And we'll just overlay it on the YouTube so everybody can enjoy. Hold on. There we go. Make it easy. Is that loud enough?

It needs to be an AirPlay code. I turned it up. Maybe we should... Wait, pause. That's fine. She knows. Funny Sky. Mr. Ryan. Yes, you got it. Wait, pause. All right, so yeah. That's fine. She knows, yeah, you're well known and I get that, okay. Answered it quick.

She answered it quick. Play it again. It was too quick. Funny Sky. Mr. Ryan. That was immediate. And now you're up. Yeah.

Okay. I'll take still funny, but... Him and Nick are boys together. That's tough. It's KB. Yeah. Yeah, it went from the funniest guy at Barstool to someone who's instantaneously recalled to not even Nick's guy.

It's tough to remember. Did she get it? No. Wait, wait, no. Did she get it? No, she did not. Play it one more time. Funniest guy at Barstool.

Mr. Arnie. Yes. Okay. I think she says What did she say What was her response like Oh yeah Like she just found out It's the first time she's ever heard the name Kyle

So pause heard that again it's the first time she's ever heard the name kyle um funniest guy yes so pause again castellani makes me feel great love him even when he sees the picture start it over when he sees me he smiles look at look oh he's go he's like he again all of this is fair so far oh he can't even he's like laughing as he says you know he's like thinking of everything you've ever said and like cracking up in his head he's smirking now but

I don't know if he knows it's on me it goes to a frown that's a textbook frown. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, he's the man. What does she say when she finds it? Him and Nick are boys together.

It's Tom. It's KB. His real name's Kyle. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay, let's move on. Let's move on. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, let's move on. Let's move on. Okay. Like, she was, like, mad at Chris for wasting her time. Definitely. Funniest guy in Barstool. Mr. Arnie. Yes, you got it right.

Uh-oh. In the Knicker Boys. Yeah, it's Tom. It's Tom. It's Tom fucking awesome. That was so pure. Every frame was just so authentically pure. You couldn't act that.

No. I got to put that on our TikTok. It's so good. Oh, that's so fun. Oh, that's awesome. Guys, you know what the heck it is. I do, too. It's GameTime.

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20%, it's $20. So you're buying a ticket for $60, that's $40. Housekeeping. New part of housekeeping, things I kept in the chamber on this episode. Oh, I like that. Things I kept in the chamber on this episode oh I like that Nick talked about spilling mac and cheese

on your pants mac and cheese more like mac and jeans yep yep yep kept that one in the pocket yeah yeah wait no that's I think that's the best it can get I'm trying to think if that can be improved. Mac and cheese more like Mac.

Mac and cheese. Mac and cheese. Mac and... What's a jean brand? Lee? Levi's. Yeah. Wrangler.

True religion. Mac and Wrangler. Yeah, try that one. Try that one. Dude, yeah, I was on this date, and the crust just it ripped detached from the body of the pizza mac and cheese you got mac and cheese all over your jeans yeah dude wait mac and cheese on your jeans more like mac and wrangler yeah okay no i like

that i like wait this segment should be called um um revisionist Yes, I like that. Rudy brought up daiquiri dogs in Louisiana. Daiquiri dogs... Sorry. Let me run that back. You can't even say daiquiris on purpose. Daiquiris dogs in Louisiana.

I'm sure they have daiquiris dogs in Memphis. Yep, yep, yep. Best in the chamber chamber But Rudy's actually His Dequarius Mess up One time Reminds me of my parents

I was in Pittsburgh And I made a Reservation At what I thought Was a nice restaurant Called Papage's And I saw it

I saw the website Like Papage's I think it was saw it i saw the website like papages uh uh i think it was italian and i saw the the logo it was like this little cherub playing the horn and i was like dress nice and i thought the letters were altering it's just papa j's and so i i got a reservation i thought that's a simple mistake no because like because like Papage wouldn't be an Italian name. No, but I thought it was like, you can't even tell that's really. Yeah, okay. Yeah, but I've Dequarius myself.

Yeah. Back to the Memphis. I can't even say, can you say it again? Memphis? Thank you. Back to that. We posted that on TikTok and somebody offered to bring you down to Atlanta to judge the Magic City twerk competition. I feel like they have that every day,

though. Technically, yes. But flyer-wise, probably once a month. Is Magic City the famous one with the wings? Yes. Lemon Pepper Lou. Lemon Pepper Wings. Who was getting those? Who was eating those? Lou. That's where we got Lemon Pepper Lou.

You've judged a twerk competition twice now. Wait, what? And neither one has gone well. Twice? Oh, my God. Easily two of the worst moments of my life. What are you talking about? And I'm not.

I'm serious. Yeah. I didn't even put that together. Mm-hmm. You've already judged two twerk competitions, both very poorly both in the same place yeah that's like something that like the premise or it spoken is funny like you just can't what are you going to do with it a girl twerking what are you going to say nice nice one yeah i roasted northwest ohio so the do on the podcast, and it was so bad. He got the mic.

This was no cameras. I wasn't there. You were with friends. Yeah. And they pulled you up there to host, and you got booed. Yeah. And then the second time was at Rediscovering, and that was just so uncomfortable. It was so uncomfortable.

Right. And that's never left me. No. No. So we're going to pass on that okay he will kb mentioned he's pressing 245 would you ever uh benching it uh eight times oh i'm sorry yeah yeah my bad uh would you ever personal train someone no not even i don't even when i like get so angry when someone is even close to me at the gym okay and i do it for my own vanity and that's it like i have no passion for lifting i

don't think it's fun i don't i don't care about the ends i don't care about the technique i do it to get more muscular and stronger got it yeah i think that was like mook's way of asking when i when i like see other people getting stronger and like keeping i i get pissed so no yeah it was a double edged sword one i want to i need to get back in the gym but two one of my buddies who's like a corporate guy just started like personal training on the side he like loves it yeah i would hate that dudes love sharing like tips that yeah i know the feeling of yeah helping coaching having that role i wouldn't want that maybe for the tiktok you could parody uh like a weight training like tip thing just be like just show up and do whatever you want

but it's actually what you do okay i could i would do it a day in my gym life i think people would like to see it yeah uh cat update um my hands are fucked she's playing a little she's so fun i could feel the endorphins being released when we uh cuddle together and play together so it's it's always a worthwhile purchase does she sleep with you? On the bed? No, she'll cuddle up for a minute at a time, then go bounce around. Is the apartment enough for her? Yeah, there's so much items. It's a small apartment, but she's having a blast.

You think she's having a blast right now? She's constantly having a blast. It's awesome. But she's clawing the shit out of you your hands yeah you look like no i'll like put like she like does it we do it playfully well i'll put my dangle my fingers until she starts biting no animosity it's off um one more thing nick you wrote a 4,000-word blog last week. Very good. Was it worth the time?

Nope, nope, not worth it. Don't do it. Yeah, it was. Why? Why do I do a live show? Why don't we do anything? Why do I do stand-up? I think that was more for, like, money.

But why do anything if that's the case this is just like it's it's it's i was hoping it would be more rewarding it was fun while i was doing it but then towards the end i was really ready for it to be over and then i had like technical issues with the coding and like something was broken then i'd go through and click everything it was i'll end up doing it again yeah yeah thing I had, part of revisionist history. I wrote a news joke about the Disney layoffs as well. Oh, yeah. Disney began layoffs this week, according to CEO Bob Iger.

Winnie the Pooh commented, Oh, brother, looks like I'll finally have to buy some pants. There it is. Yeah, it's a tough one. It's a tough one. I saw somebody online just like, Now it's Snow White and the Three Dwarves. And I think that's the best it can get.

Yeah, and there's like people... I was fishing how they came out with the Black Little Mermaid. I was like, can I do something with that? Yeah. I don't know. You were saying she probably can't... I was going to say back on unemployment. Oh, I thought it was just going to be something about like...

It's the first mermaid that can't yeah yeah oh that's yeah there we go you got some it's like the movie blackfish yeah what's that schizophrenia shit you're about to do oh yeah the stream with Rudy. You're going to wear the same t-shirt for a month. Oh, my God. I forgot about that. He's going to wear a shirt that says what? If Rudy got 100 subs, I was like, I have to pick out a shirt for you to wear for a month straight.

And it's just like, it just says, I'm schizophrenic and I have a gun. And it's a hand holding a gun. It's like a hand, like, pointing, holding a gun. i don't know where it is in transit but it should be here soon so i gotta wear that for a month i can wear a hoodie if i want but the shirt's got to be on my skin at all times and you could you could tweet rudy for a check like hey shirt check yeah that's fair that's fair yeah so well congrats on 100 That was just in that singular stream. You got 101 stream? I got 100 subs in a singular stream. So, what are you at now?

Total, like 1,100. That's a lot. That's subscribers. They're paying per month. This is not like YouTube. These are people who pay. Pay $5 a month. Yeah, that's big.

It's nice. Hell yeah. It is nice. That's sweet. It's super sweet. Yeah. It allowed me to buy my sword that is just gone and nowhere to be found. And it just showed up.

I'm upgrading. No. Fuck off. I'm going. I want armor. Full suit. That's kind of sick. Uh-huh.

I hope you fall over in your armor and you can't get up. So I want him at my door, like, holding the sword face down. Because the sword, I don't know where to put it. I've said this. So I figured I'll just put it against my suit of armor. Didn't you wear, like, chain mail the sophomore year or something? Or is that your... You've brought this up so much.

I never have. Yeah, you do. You or was it... It was me. A classmate. It was me, but a classmate made it for me after I paid. He made chainmail?

I wore chain, yeah. I think it's weirder that you knew a dude that made chainmail. That's a rare craft. I know more than one chainmail guy. Oh my god. Well, because I worked at a haunted house for a long time um volunteered and uh there was like

when you were in between when you're in between scares like in the house um there was this guy that was just making chain mail and uh i learned a little bit i made a patch um no no yeah yeah no dude uh fifth grade eighth ninth grade every ha Halloween, every October, and a little bit, no. Every end of September to even beginning of November. Every night, weekend, so Friday to Sunday, till like 2 a.m., I was working in a haunted house, volunteering. Holy shit. Mm-hmm. And you wore the chainmail to school.

Right. I did, yes. Every day? No, no did every day no no no no i'm just picturing you showing up to a school fight and chainmail being like pull up no i no i i didn't i should have gotten beat up wearing chainmail no yeah i didn't get in trouble or anything because we had metal detectors at the front door and And, of course, when I went through, it went crazy. But I just had to kind of just lift my shirt. It was just chain mail.

And they're like, oh, cool. Okay, nice. Yeah, they were just like, why? I was talking about college. No. You've said this before, I thought. Someone went. It was either you or someone else. Went in chain mail? Yeah, that's what I thought. Someone went... It was either you or someone else.

Went in chain mail? Yeah, that's what I thought. To where? To class. No. Okay. No, it was high school and I wore it. Alright, new unsolved story.

Episode 337. Thank you guys. God bless. I'm hyped for April. Why? Just leave it at that. Is there something? Like the change of the seasons and stuff. Yeah.

There's like, they're shifting over to a bunch of new Pokemon in Pokemon Go. I caught a shiny Lugia. I sent you the shiny Lugia I caught. You didn't respond. No. All right.