A New Untold Story - NNNNACE feat. Rone & Feits - A New Untold Story: Ep. 358

Episode Date: August 24, 2023

Rone and Feits join the pod to talk about haunted genitals, friendship, steroids, parenting, and much more. Shoutout to our perfect boy Kyle and Mr. Wanoy. We love you, and thank you to all the BRG's for the support. Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Factor - Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/kb50 and use code kb50 to get 50% off.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. My feet fell asleep three times this morning on the toilet at different shits. I kept... Have your feet... Do your feet fall asleep on the toilet? No. Yes.

Yeah, but three different shits were long enough to make my feet fall asleep. Are you guys foot tappers though? I go like this. I know. You shit like that? No, you fucking don't. you fucking like a guard you go toes up dude i'll explain why if you want oh yeah hold on um you mean you're exactly reply to what i'm gonna say no you're just gonna say no that's a new one hey is that story old or told We good? Yeah. I clapped without you telling me to clap check one two check check check uh new untold story episode 648 um presented to you by three chi delicious uh three chi

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Please use responsibly. What's CHOT? It's something like a leaf that i had in africa that's supposed to be like weed viagra and adderall we talked about that were you hard it didn't work it didn't take did the leaf just look like a pussy was that just had to chew it and mold it in the titties it didn't get us high at all we just chewed like salad and mold it into titties. That's what it got. It didn't get us high at all. We just chewed like salad and spit it out for like four hours straight maybe.

They were probably just laughing at the white man. Yeah, yeah. No, because they did it too. They were having the white man chew cud. Obviously, Kyle's not in. He's going through all that. Thank you guys for everything. He sent me some things to say.

You know, he's on a podcast professionally, but sometimes he doesn't really have a way with words. So I have to be his mouthpiece here. Um, the love he's been getting from the listeners and people online means so much to him and his dad, his dad's in awe of how kind the strangers on the internet can be. And his dad is reading everything. So on the discord, on the Reddit, YouTube comments, his dad is reading it all. And it's helping him out a ton. So that's awesome. He also wanted me to say that he still hasn't skipped a cold shower.

And he had a retail standoff at Verizon with an employee who refused to put down her chicken salad slider. So I guess he will give us that update as well she was eating a chicken salad slider yeah horizon store yeah but the the worker i guess so kyle has just him and retail employees have the worst uh the worst stuff but obviously awful stuff that happened to kyle his family uh no no mrs bauer the whole bauer family. Uh, I mean, thoughts to them sucks really, really badly, but it shows the caliber of like people, the Bowers are with this outpouring of love. It's been awesome to see. So thank you everybody for that. Kyle will be back soon. I'm sure. Thanks. And keep it up. Keep saying nice stuff.

Keep saying nice stuff. If you want to throw our names in there, I love those guys too. Why the hell not? But thank you guys for hopping on today. It's been a whirlwind of a week, a move coming, whatnot, before we never speak again. Yeah.

Yeah. We're going to miss your ass. What are you saying to KFC like when you're in here with us? No, I just got to go tie my shoe in here. I'm going to take a call. I wasn't with him. I'm cheating.

I wasn't even being funny. It was a weird episode. Kyle's mom just died. It was actually uncomfortable the whole time. Yeah, dude. Like, what? Yes. That doesn't really trick no i'm

just not telling you about this at all that's what i'm doing he'll never watch yeah i i just did the bracket and i watched him leave and i was like nice thank god i'm not gonna tell him that i'm going in to gain it uh he's obviously joking kfc is a supportive guy as well. New tats on the boys, I see. I didn't know it was a shorts episode. I got ink. I can do the whole thing with my pants and my ankles. Yeah, roll up.

Do you have ink? I got leg ink, yeah. You're a quarter of the way there with those capris. They're not capris. They're actually fucking... Does your dad know he has a capris, son? Yeah, I I used to do I'm just looking at your day

Stan sure um the the I used to wear Capri's in middle school to be honest This is also I forgot about my varicose vein when I took my pants down. Dude, I forgot you're like a menopausal woman. Bro, I just sprouted a varicose vein one day. Who does that? If you're wondering how varicose veins happen, they just pop up. Really? I just, like, one day I woke up and I was like, what the fuck is that shit? Are you concerned about it?

It is serpentine as hell. It is like Alton Promo. Bro, I didn't seeine as hell it is like oh yeah it is gross man but like do we have those just lying beneath or what happened there i don't like one morning i guess last summer i just woke up and i was like what the fuck and now i just have like this vein it's kind of a muscular look kind not really though like it definitely looks like it looks like a yeah an old woman like in a bathing suit are you worried about like like pinching it off i don't i don't keep my keys in that pocket anymore really if that's that's the biggest change you had to make what if i just i guess i'm a carabiner guy now i'm wearing a fanny pack have you seen stallone's on his peck sylvester yeah

okay it's crazy oh no who called who called wait no i think stallone's normal who do you what do you call him sly sly sly sly is cool i was gonna pull my pants up it looks like the mississippi delta it's it's nuts do you do steroids do i yeah i don't currently have okay well so that's probably not it yeah i did uh i did annavar once um you said you were hard as a rock yeah dude like you're just fucking strong bro like bro i couldn't do any chin-ups i could never do pull-ups anything like that i couldn't do pull-ups i took like two annavar woke up in the morning and was just ripping like 14 wait it was instantly it was what do you mean took it's like uh it was i don't know if it comes

the other way i took it orally i did i did anivar go figure go fucking figure i did i did anivar and i did wind stroll i did wind stroll more recently that's what gets you hard right like uh yeah like just always hard really like just like i was just like touching myself all the time i was like i was super gay for myself yeah i was like oh boy, oh boy, you are cut from stone, dude. But did you ever have to put any of those into a syringe or anything like that? No, I never did any injections. That's my biggest fear. I don't like injections at all.

We went to Stu's house today and he like showed us his gym and there were two boxes of clean syringes. It's right there. Which could have been for anything. They probably have diabetes. No, right. Something like that. But you were, I saw it and I was just like, okay, I'm not going to bring it up.

If you find something weird at somebody's house, I don't typically bring it up. You're like, oh, syringes. He's like, yeah, who knows what they're injecting? You said heroin? He goes, not that. That's what Stu said? Yeah. Stu does tea though, right?

Stu gets teed up oh it could just be tea or it could be uh what's the other shit it could be how do you ozempic i think that's almost like an epi pen i have no knowledge of i thought i thought i because i got i get instagram ads sometimes which is really fucked up i get instagram ads sometimes for like the ozempic alternative and it looks like a it looks like it's a kind of pen deal like there's tv commercials for it too i think they have a good jingle i'm trying what is the fucking ozempic jingle though you're not fat anymore i always wanted to write that would be that'd be all i couldn't rhyme like your ambition is gone yeah what dude dana's on oz epic now what yeah but like he'd still look it's not

it's not taken no i think i think the oz epic he's taking has like a lot of calories like it's not we were just talking in the bracket that he's i don't think anyone here is going to be able to understand this play but you ever like had your boxers where you're so fat when you sit down and they kind of roll over? They flip over. They flip over. It kind of makes a snap down. I said it sounds like when you put on the snap ring bracelet. And he's like, it's still happening all the time.

So I don't think the Ozempics were. Because he's having seconds of Ozempics. Yeah. Oh, that was pretty good. Dude, ready to back up oh man the the before the bracket started he went i don't want to say anything stupid this episode and i swear to god the first thing he said on the episode was so abraham lincoln he was like a good guy right now he was a sith

he was on the dark side Depends who you ask Freaking Republicans too dude Man Bro speaking of Republicans What about Republicans Do we love that song or what What's the Republican

Oh that red guy Richmond north of Richmond Is a fucking I think the lyrics are a little You love that guy Oliver Anthony dude he's putting on for the boys you guys you're not as red as him but he is he's as red as you yeah yeah i mean that might be my father i don't know my dad doesn't have red hair what's your dad have uh black hair real what your mom ever had her no somebody calculate the wait, buddy. It skips a generation, apparently.

No, no. It's like directly correlated to parents. What color eyes do they have? I don't know. Not blue? If it's not blue, it's like a 1% chance. Dude, already you being a redhead with two non-redhead parents is nuts. Yeah, and I have the blonde eyebrows.

But Oliver Anthony is... Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You're not... You're not... You're not... Your mom... I called her a... last episode. Now you're bringing out...

You called her a bitch as a term of endearment. You said she's one hard... Yeah, she is. Which is weird. She's a tough lady. You know the Philly moms are tough. They are tough as hell. You called her in the middle of a bartending shift, and she does it for fun.

Does she have a nice short haircut? Yeah. Yeah. I know her. You know her. They're speaking Philly to each other. We've seen that, John. There's like a Philly mom haircut.

It's fucking, I don't know, maybe it's Universal Mom, but I think there's a Philly mom haircut. She goes into the Philly mom haircut every quarter or so, and then she'll grow it out. Yeah. What's the Philly Mom haircut? What's the stereotypical Philly Mom? It's someone like, dude, Kate's starting to kind of bleed into it. Someone who's like Han, kind of a lot of side-to-side movement, calling people Han all the time and shit like that. Hey, Han, you just get something to eat.

It's kind of that vibe. Is that your mom or she's tougher than that? That's my mom. She's tough as hell, though. She'll smack. Have you ever seen your mom in a fist fight? No. Okay.

No. I don't know what I'd think about my mom if I saw her just throwing hands. I don't think my mom could, dude. I think my mom's getting fucking washed. I think my mom could throw a hand or two. I don't think she has. I don't think my mom could dude i think my mom's getting fucking washed i i think my mom could throw a hand or two i don't think she has i don't think she does but i think she's i think my mom's one hard bitch i think she smokes six you know okay no no she's like a straight edge but i think she yeah she have x's on the hands do sisters fight like brothers like do sisters brawl out i got two sisters i don't recall them ever they never fought with one another

yeah i don't think they probably they're more like mental warfare or chemical yeah switching out some hair dye or something yeah pretty hair in the shampoo if you found out a girl you were dating or like a girl you were like fucking hard like a girl you're jackhammer fucking if you ever found out that she was like gut thin because of ozempic would you be bothered no because it's a time bomb for it to just come back right that's like the truth of anyone could be like that if anyone that gets skinny but isn't it isn't it like uh similar to steroids though right like it's like you're gonna lose the effects unless you keep on taking it and continuing to take it will be dangerous or is it not or it wouldn't be i don't think it's like a rubber band or like once you let go it just snaps back like once you're skinny i think

you're skinny right unless you keep i heard when you stop ozempic it you inflate back up pretty quick and a lot of people that stop it end up weighing more than when they started holy how do you guys know so much about ozempic i think it's intriguing because you took ozempic we've cured obesity it's crazy and oh it's like the people that get uh gastric bypass and they stretch their stomach back out yeah yeah but they just can beat obesity that is fucking sick if it just works what if it just works forever yeah can you not stop i think you have to keep doing it forever, right? But that's like any pill, right? Not any, but a lot of pills. Like, say you're dating a girl who's got a couple screws loose.

And, you know, but she found a medication. You know, she found a medication that helps her equalize in the brain. Yeah. You got to stay on that shit. If she stopped taking it, then she might snap back. Right. So it's kind of something you got to think about. Yeah.

Can you take steroids? Same for girls with their dudes. Can you take steroids forever? Oh, Larry King did. Didn't he take steroids? I think Larry King was very big proponent of at least HGH. I guess. Right.

Like, I mean, everyone, I think it's a pretty popular thing now, like low T and they have like testosterone pills. It's all steroid at some level. So I think... Can you keep shooting Russian windstroll on your ass? Probably not. But I think you can take something. Dude, when we got Russian windstroll...

How do you get it? Dude, I had Lou get it. I don't know how he got it. But he got it pretty easily. And he's like, I got it. He probably has a Philly mom that he's going back to. if anyone has a philly mom but we had it we had it delivered to the office in milton because we lived together at the time and we didn't want to get delivered to the house because we're like we don't know how it shows up and we want we want people around we want

deniability but we don't know what the fuck this someone must have sent it to the office like yeah like the police the ones who knock and like we got your windstroll and we're like ah people must have fucked around with us and send it to the office that probably wouldn't held up in the court of law no but it would have gotten us out of an awkward conversation and that's really more important oh yeah all right we'll get into it further if i yeah i would rather just go to jail for like a week than talk to a cop yeah right i get so nervous around anything i've gotten worse as i age like phone calls interacting with strangers i i'm not good at it anymore i i actually i think i've gotten better phone calls at least specific do you like it i enjoy a phone call much more than a text message if i get a phone call i

automatically assume it's going to be something that's inconvenient or bad i do me too i'm in the same boat yeah but i think they're just the and I've been saying this for a little while now, but I just think a phone call – I think back in the day when we used to text, it was like we were in high school, college, and you could just kind of talk all day. I don't have the energy, the stamina for that anymore. So I can't do indefinite conversations where there's no hello, goodbye. The phone call facilitates that. It's what's up,'t do indefinite conversations where there's no hello, goodbye. The phone call facilitates that. What's up?

What do you need? If you want to say, yo, meet me at blank at blank. Fine. But if you're like, hey, how's the day going? Hey, what's up? I got no interest. Owen fucking Rotor. He'll always just send a first.

Yo. Oh, hate it. And I call him out every time I say stop it. But then he just won't respond for a while. I'm just like, stop it. So you just need the information right away is what you're saying i don't want i don't want pleasantries and text message i've gotten the hey what's up for him and then left on red for two days what what what did you want that's alpha's fuck yeah i uh i asked him to hop on this episode i think uh but he's out um but he said yes and then the next day he was like hey bad news

and then just didn't respond i was like what the fuck dude it was because he couldn't come on he's doing warfare he's yeah yeah he's a sick puppy he's like the joker that when you get the your first name too just like john i mean what what do want? And I understand what you're trying to do. You're trying to make this theatrical and dramatic and all that. Just put a few enters after. So I'll read it as John, but then I can get to what you fucking want. Do you guys text Jersey Jerry? No.

He's a big name and text guy. He'll just text you Nick? No, no, no, no. He'll throw your name just in there. Hey, Nick. I like that. Continue. I like that.

But he sent me one. I hope this isn't. He probably won't care. 3.14 a.m. He met my dad when I was in the softball game with the Steelers. Right. Talk to him again with you at Rough and Rowdy. My dad said he had a great time.

Great guy. We had a great time. But that night, 3.14 a.m. Sorry it's so late, dude. I really wouldn't do this, three 14 AM. Sorry. It's so late, dude. I really wouldn't do this, but I can't sleep.

I'm just so confused. Is your dad straight or is he gay? It was like ruining his life. Cause I just fucked him. That's why. And I still can't figure it out. Usually he has the fellas screaming, but my dad didn't fuck like a gay.

He didn't like that. That's fucking funny. Fucking a dude straightly? Is there something you're not telling me? He's a union pipe player. Where was he? He was at Rough and rowdy just looking at his hotel ceiling i don't know he probably i just like to think he was like laying hands on his chest couldn't get a fucking like asleep he like works out the text deletes it all

you know yo no you're good who was that damn that was Big Cat. Should I tell him to come in? Just for the thumbnail. Yeah, let him pop in. No, no, no. Big Cat! We'll have Reed. Reed's going to meet with him. Oh, man. Fuck yeah. Do you guys catch up with your friends on the phone?

Do you talk and just bullshit? I do it. I package it all. Me and one of my buddies will talk once a month for like 45 minutes and just get it all out of the way in one HBO miniseries. And then is it a dense conversation or are you just bullshitting? Like, um, it's pretty dense. Yeah. Finding out news about one another's lives.

Yeah. And he, he is, he started a shoe company and so he's a shoemaker. So there's a cobbler. He's a cobbler. Yeah. So that's what i'd be in like medieval times people always like to fantasize like i'd be a knight i know my i wouldn't even be a blacksmith you'd be the guy you would look great in a pillowcase a pillow what like a

i'd be a cobbler not a pillow i said cobbler not pillow i believe those are the only things that wear pillowcases or bars of soap. Yeah, no, you would just have like a big potato sack. If you're mean in the military or racist. You'd be a good peasant. I'd be a surf's up, dude. I would be a big... Dude, I give off the biggest gatherer energy ever.

Like, Roan would be out fucking... No, no, you'd be with me. You'd be with me in the briar patches. I'd be bent over like bad back. Ow! Sucking the blood. Just like some tiny just like some oh it's just berry juice gathering so much vitalberg would be chasing buffaloes off cliffs rudy will be chasing buff no rudy would be like rudy would go off the cliff yeah yeah oh i would absolutely fall off the cliff no i think out of all of us you'd be the best caveman. I mean, that is a really high compliment. Yeah.

I see the picture of you shitting outdoors. I take that. I like that. Dude, were there assholes ever comfy? Not once, probably. Are you there more comfy than ours? Well, they didn't have the luxury of sitting on something nice. Wait a minute. You and I have had spirited conversations,

debates. This is the most... You're vehemently, you think they'd have a comfier ass? I think they got less encumberment. I think they got, well no, they weren't wearing loincloths. What were they wearing back then? Nothing, I don't think. And they didn't have cushions for sure, but they also weren't sitting on toilet seats for a long time, so they were just

like, squat to shit, stand up, get out of there. Also, yeah, their shits had to have been pretty dry with their diet, right? No processed foods. No. Okay. They still got diarrhea. Can you Google, like, their shit's had to have been pretty dry with their diet, right? No processed foods. No. Okay. They still got diarrhea. Moot, can you Google, like, caveman shit? Did caveman get diarrhea?

The first dude who got diarrhea had to have been freaking out. Especially if he was black. God, it's hot. Oh, yeah, they got diarrhea. Oh, yeah. No way. They got a lot of parasites, apparently. Oh, yeah.

Well, and they used to kill them, right? That's the dysentery, right? I would take them out, yeah. Yeah. And they're just eating raw meat and like fungi. They're just like plucking random berries. Yeah, I guess it was all just trial and error every time you wanted to nosh. But they must have known other shit. For hundreds hundreds of years they didn't eat tomatoes because they were like it's red and then one guy was like fuck it dude he's like oh these are awesome or the

first guy that ate it was allergic possibly yeah tom brady yeah like an inflammatory yeah um today's episode is also brought to you by game time oh my god i used game time when i was in chicago for a pre-season game have you guys ever been to a preseason game? I believe that I have, actually. Seats were good. Everything else. Don't do it. But it's created by fans for fans.

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I got a conundrum with a friend of mine. Maybe you guys could help me out with this. Sure, yeah. This dude, a couple months ago, he's not a direct friend, friend of friend. He found out that he was sick and it wasn't looking good for him. And he had a diagnosis like he had maybe six months to live or something like that a friend of a friend that's a true story and so we started like hanging out um and like going to a bunch of events and having like reconnecting like making sure i stayed in touch always checking in on him and like all of his boys just to see what's good and uh now he's just not sick anymore and i kind of want my time back

dude i kind of want my fucking fun back that i had with this guy because he's he's just fine now and now i'm friends with him we're communicating what were you guys doing like skydiving rocky mountain climbing dude i put 6.7 seconds on a horse named Fu Manchu God damn You wouldn't believe it I just don't know how to handle it Because we have the hooks in one another And he's just fine now What if he's just not as fun now? Just like dude I liked you more when you were dying

It is dude that's the problem There was like a finality to Our hangouts that it was like Okay we need to have the fucking funnest time possible yeah and now it's just like all right we could just do it again like next week bro like this is a whole different you're doing like a two minute drill now it's like the regular season yeah every season plenty of fucking time you can check check me on this a lot of episodes every crew needs a dying homie yes and a paraplegic yeah yeah you're rolling around with the cover

of a health book squad. You do. But you also said that like you weren't that close before. Not that close, but you'd separated. It was like a friend. No, it was a friend of a friend who I met on a couple occasions. And my boy was like, yes, this is going on. And so we're like, OK, let's make it like this.

Let's go out with a bang and like do some fun stuff. I think that's tough where you're like, like I all the friends i need yeah are you done we're like yeah 100 where like i got it but if like a friend of a friend was dying i'd be like we'll bring him in now right like he yeah you could bring him in right because it's like it's like driving a short distance you don't have a pile in for a little bit we're not going very far yeah but like if i know we're driving for now fucking 40 years i'm sure you like you can bring him in because like you already have your groomsmen figured out i'm sure and it's like you don't have to add that problem right and now you have a new guy who's in the car for the rest of the drive this dude's going to be at your wedding as a picture for him that is but it's good to tell

it's like fun to tell other people. It's like, oh, this guy, like, you know, let's have some fun because, you know, you never know. Everybody lets loose. Yeah, you let loose a little bit more. It was like a key for a little bit. Did he get laid a lot? It was like, I think I don't know the specifics, but I think it was helpful. Girls don't want their last sexual partner to be dead.

They don't want dying dick. They don't want their last sexual partner to be dead. They don't want dying dick. They don't want haunted pussy. Okay. Have you ever fucked haunted pussy? No. It's horrible. That probably. What?

Is it not that bad? It's pretty good. You'd be surprised. Good. As soon as you finish. A different kind of haunted. Possessed? Just something died in it.

Yeah, your erection probably. Yeah. Oh my God. You ever had a friend who had to fucking get taken care of? What? to fucking get taken care of. What? Wait, so have you voiced this at all to him in terms of like... God, no.

What do you do? But now is he just still like hanging around? Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't see him a ton, but it's like corresponding, you know what I mean, a bunch. Every time he coughs around you, you're just like, huh? Maybe soon. What if you just start poisoning him just to be like hey like let's get see it through like in the six cents just pouring drano into yeah six cents exactly

what i was picturing you gotta stand up let's fucking go i love one movie yep movie yeah no one knows yeah i i truly don't know what to do i guess i just have to i just have to like we're squeezed in for the whole fucking ride now i guess up the legs right i don't know yeah so you're done with your friends you've hit the peak i think so what happens if you meet a fly guy are you pissed or do you have to make room? I guess like I'd have to make room because you can't leave a fly guy on the side of the road. But like it is it's because I had a very similar situation. Nick was actually with me when it happened, where I was walking home. Last week.

Yeah. And a woman few steps ahead of me was like vitalberg and tommy we were with tommy as well and he tommy did something kind of weird he pulled me aside he said i bet john fucked her what dude and that was definitely that was a perfect time it was something along the lines of like, oh, awkward. And I was like, I didn't recognize her. And I was like, oh, boy, did I?

Like, I was like, my wife's girl. And then we're talking and she's like, sometimes you don't know if it's a fan or whatever. So we're talking for a minute. And I'm like, all right, we've passed fandom. They haven't said, like, I'm a fan yet. So it's not a fan. So I was like, who the fuck is this person? And then she's like, you still live here? Like, where like where's your address or like what corner of what and what and i was like yeah and we talked for probably like i don't it felt

like an eternity but we talked for like three minutes maybe two minutes whatever it was and halfway through i realized this is my dead friend's ex-girlfriend and and i was like but then i couldn't remember her name exactly so i was like i'm just gonna shut up ex because he died or because they broke up they broke up like a little bit they were kind of like figuring things out maybe a little bit then he died and now she'll text me she knows where i live and she'll be like you want to grab a drink and i'm like have you done it i have not done it yet and i don't know i'm like i we weren't really like you were his ex you were his girlfriend we weren't really friends and now i don't have room for the new friend yeah yeah and a girlfriend at that and a girlfriend at that

it's just different i like having girlfriends but we didn't have the moments you had where like i can kind of be like i'm busy tonight yeah i can't really but you can't get out of that with like what can i say time but but if like is she uh if she was together with him when he passed i feel like you would have the obligation to hang out and everything but since they had broken up you kind of have impunity i think so and also we weren't like we i lived in new york when they were together so like it wasn't like your boy's girl in high school who you're always together like i met her a time or two yeah no you owe nothing yeah you know i met her maybe

maybe two is an understatement but under five i was under five we hung out the moral of the story is if you go up to feidelberg in public and don't say you're a fan, he'll tell you his address. It's as simple as that. Did you overhear that? No, no. So I noticed that you didn't quite know who it was. So I was like, let's step away because I didn't want you to have to introduce us to somebody that you couldn't say their name. Which was a great bro move.

Thank you. Because I looked over to introduce you guys and I was like, fuck it, they're too far away. My dad says Kia, like the brand of a car. If my mom's talking to somebody who doesn't know the name. So it's like I was trained to step away with my dad. And he just goes, Kia, Kia. And we step away. We step away. It's been like that since I was a kid.

That's fucking smart. The move is you introduce the person. You're like, oh, by the way, this is Nick. And then she says the name to you. Then she says the name to nick i i don't think it's ever happened to me but i've always had the fear of that person just digging in their heels like they because i'm always like they know i don't know their name i can think like i i don't know whether that's true but in my head i'm like they fucking know you don't know their name and

they're gonna bite their tongue and just wait for you to say it and that happening would i think i would just fall apart. I think I would die. Yeah. Yeah. And this is, I'm sorry. I know we've been talking for five minutes.

Larry David get 30 minutes out of that. Right. Yeah. That's an episode. That's an episode. My, my dad used the word Kia for me, us to get away from people that he didn't know the name.

So he didn't have to introduce us, but he also had the word NACE, N-A-C-E. And that meant stronger than no. So if he said NACE, you walked away from him. No. So like the name so he didn't have to introduce us but he also had the word nace n-a-c-e and that meant stronger than no so if he said nace you walked away from him no so like i'll be like dad can i go to chucky cheeses and he was like excited to say it he just go nice and so that's always been a thing i wonder if i can get him to say it that is what the fuck dude i like that that's like what you do to a dog nice he made up a word stronger than no yeah he said there is no word strong yeah i don't know why couldn't no suffice because he just i don't know he had a son who wanted to spend time with him we'll see i i've had i i don't get it much

anymore because i don't ask for much i i can't wait till you know some guys want to beat the shit out of their dad and like yo yo hey you're on anus um hey what's uh what's a word stronger than no all right thank you all right love you dad so we i heard that all the time and i just thought that was a word like an english word until like college and i said it somewhere like what the fuck i was like what are you moron it means stronger than no it sounds medieval though it does yeah yeah it's got that mace to it but like you know how I was like what moron it means stronger than no it sounds medieval though yeah yeah it's got that mace to it but like you know how some guys are just like I can't wait till

the day like I can beat my dad in a fight I can't wait for the day I beat him in basketball the day I can nace my dad will be the best day that's when that's when I am the patriarch of that what does he want what what can you have that he'll ask for what's something that you could flip the power dynamic I don't know i don't know you have that he seeks nothing it's gonna

take a long time it's gonna take a long time like geriatric he's gotta be elderly like hey can you bring groceries but then i just will imagine nacing your father i think i don't think sons can nace a father i you definitely can you just fight is right you got to wait for his week and you got to make sure that it lands well because he's going to chirp you if you like it like what you should whisper it almost oh that'd be awesome like if we're getting wings and he like i was like you should get this flavor and he doesn't and then he asked for one of mine that would be the perfect situation that would be yeah harmless why did he need codes like kia and nace though why couldn't he just be like that's a weird dude real weird dude it doesn't

make a lot of sense but i respect the hell out of him he's happy-go-lucky dude he's like a modern man but i feel like his friends are uh they look like extras from the town kind of my dad's friends. Yeah. Or the one where my dad's from. He calls it the ton. He's from Weirton. And yeah, they're all it's like it's a it's a it's a mob town. Is it? Yeah. Is it?

Yeah. Interesting. There's a ton of Italians up in like the northern panhandle of West Virginia. His boy was wiry. He had a boy with. Yeah. Was he with John? Yeah, I think so.

Yeah. Yeah. One of his lankier homies. But my dad has some of the lankiest guys with him. Yeah. Was he with John? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. It's one of his lankier homies. But my dad has some of the lankiest guys. Really? Yeah. He's a type. All of my dad's friends go by a nickname that's just a descriptor for their penis.

What are some examples? One of my dad's best friend is Stick. They called my dad Lefty. I was like, you're right-handed dude and i was like oh shit he's just beating off left-handed no he's bent we had a buddy in high school with giraffe uh zebra zebra um so it went from a long ass dick to black he just had like this his dick was like multi-colored there's a porn star who has a multi-colored it was like we'd be like now we'd like tell him like stretch it out it's because

we because it would just the things would get wider so you could see it you could count out yeah it's like a tree you'd be in the locker you can see how many pussies pull it and he'd pull it up and what colors are we talking yeah it was like alternating like um it was only two it was like pink and white and it was like the color dream scrote neapolitan ice cream type deal where like it was very even square square square really i had one homie that had one one stripe yeah one yeah like an earthworm yeah i we always just thought that god just like got lazy on like the welding or like he didn't like sandpaper it well do all my dicks one color i don't know uh no i go i guess i got kind of a three what yeah we're like it's like the i'm circumcised so uh the head's one color and then there's like wherever

they fucking snipped it whatever happens yeah sure but i think mine's still mine's kind of ombre yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah a gradient Mine's like the West Coast custom one where you drive past it and it changes color. Yeah, you got the chameleon dick. It's just a little bit. It's like a mood ring. It looks black from far away. My shaft

is fluorescent. It's the whitest part of my body. Like one of those influencer tube lights. I'll say this, like Dr. Manhattan. I don't know what that of my body. Like one of those influencer tube lights. I'll say this like Dr. Manhattan. I don't know what that is. His blue dick. His dick is just blue. Huge too.

Yeah. No. Well, I mean, he was big and he was like 19 feet tall and he was, but he was hung. He had a big dick. He had a big dick.

Even for 19 feet. Hung for 19 feet is a big dick. Cause what would be a, like what would be a proportion of dick for a 19 foot man? Well, okay. What percentage of you are dick? What percentage of Roan is dick? How tall are you, Roan?

Six-two. Probably six foot. No, no, no, no. Roan's six-five. Don't massage the numbers. It's not accounting. I'm like five, seven. That's a... Actually actually that's uncomfortable i want you to talk about your dick size let's do a feidelberg okay if you're sick okay never mind i'll i'll save the math no no go ahead okay

it's dick math so if you're six foot tall you're 72 72 inches. Okay. Save a five inch dick. Yeah. It's 14% of your body. No way. That can't be. That's way higher. Dude, I would have guessed I'm 3% dick. Length wise. Length wise. 14%.

Yeah. That's just math. It's like five inches divided by seven. I'm so bad at math, but like even that's still not math. That seems really big, right? Yeah. That's way over 10% of you is dick? So Dr. Manhattan would have an over a foot dick.

Over a foot long dick. Right, but that would be like 20% of him would be dick. That can't be. If you break up someone like this and 20% of them is dick. Oh, fuck. I fucked that up. Yeah, dude. It's 14%.

Yep, I fucked that up. It is 0.07%. Makes a lot more sense. I haven't practiced accounting in a while. Oh, my God. I'm rusty. I'm rusty. I'm sorry. I was out here thinking 14% dick was the norm. Yeah.

No, no. 14% dick is hilarious. Less than a percentage. Yes. Yeah. Thank God. Like, your reed's grabbing his heart. Bro, when you said 14, no.

I'm so bad at math that I'm like, he must be right. I thought it was one of those weird things. But there's no way the percentage can outweigh the inches. Wait, what? Oh, yeah, yeah. Great point. That was such a botch on my end. I kind of wish I hadn't said anything because we felt all of us were dreading the real number,

which was lower than I thought. I was thinking 3%. 0.7 is shocking. I was thinking sub. Is it definitely 0.7 or is it 7%? 72 inches, right? 5 inches divided by 72. 0.07. That's 0.07.

Isn't that how you do it times it by 100 times it by 100 oh 7% okay 7% that sounds way more than a year aren't you helping somebody in their office with taxes yeah oh god they're in jail now Donnie's going to prison

he's going to see like some 19% in there dude that's what the gang that wears that's what the what's what's that gang that we're percenters that's what they're talking about those dudes are three percenters are they scary i don't know anything about them i just i've never heard of them until right now but they're the fucking meat wagon it sounds like three percenters yeah oh wait no no no that's small yeah but uh within the like the patriots

like drafted a kicker who was like a three percenter like a three percenter yeah yeah it's like it's a nazi equivalent is it not was he marshall's kicker i think yeah something like that yeah west virginia boy huntington oh is that what it was yeah oh wow that's fucked you can't blame him though the um you said something earlier where you you didn't you thought chase was a word until you were in college chase is a common common word yes sure did you were an idiot until you thought chase was a thing i'm good are you sure yes the um i i when i was young like elementary school really young. I hung out with a family that liked to throw racial slurs around. And so I came home one day and I wanted Chinese food for dinner. And I said, can I have mom?

Can we get think of a weakness in armor? I was like, can we get blank food for dinner? And she was like, what the fuck did you just say? And I was like, I just was parents called. I was like what the fuck did you just say and i was like i just was parents called it i was like i don't know can we get yeah uh blank food for dinner and she was like do you have any idea what that means and i was like yeah it means egg rolls yeah mom and instead of taking that moment to have an interesting conversation about race and things in America. She made you smoke a hundred of them.

She went, that means penis. What? And I was like, what? She's like, you want penis food for dinner? And I was like, no. Why the fuck did they eat that? And until I got to college, I thought. Because it's not a word that's used that often.

So I didn't really hear it. I didn't really say anything. Maybe I didn't even call. Maybe I was like 17, and I was like, wait, what does that mean? I thought my whole life that that just meant penis. What the hell? Wow. How does she think on her feet

so fast to be able to fuck with you like that? I don't know. That that would be the thing that resonated and made you stop saying the word and stop wanting... She was like, what do you want? What are you, gay? I don't know. That that would be the thing that resonated and made you stop saying the word and stop like wanting. She was like, what do you want? What are you, gay? Han Dynasty. She called you the F slur in return. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, I'm intrigued by like things that like people just didn't never learned. I can't think of any examples, but there's always cases of just like yeah i never knew that like wheelbarrow instead of wheelbarrel like wheelbarrow is the correct term right yes yeah it's barrow wheelbarrow the thing you push around wait now i don't even know if it's wheelbarrow say wheelbarrow yes and what do people say barrel they say wheelbarrow yeah i'm sure rudy does that's crazy people yeah they fuck that up is it wheelbarrow barrow i i had that with play by uh play by i thought it was played by year play it by year that makes pretty good sense yeah it is played by year yeah then yeah neither makes sense is it nip it in the bud yes okay so a lot of people say but that's like when you're trimming rosebud.

Abortion. Abortion. I still don't know if it's chomping or champing at the bit. Champing. Whoa, it is? It's pronounced chomping, though. Oh, you pronounced it chomping? It's spelled C-H-A-M-P-I-N-G, but it's pronounced.

You're chomping. I'm tired of people. The guy that invented the gif said it's pronounced like you're chomping. I'm tired of people like the guy that invented the GIF said it's pronounced Jif. Is this podcast in 2005 right now? Let's talk about factor.

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Enjoy eating well without the hassle simply choose your meals enjoy fresh factor packed meals delivered to your door roan what's your favorite food i love chicken they got that what no what's yours vitalberg chicken they got it yeah yeah yeah they have all the chicken uh head to factorormeals.com slash KB50 and use code KB50 to get 50% off. He has less letters in his name. That's code. It's so easy. KB50 by Factor Meals at factormeals.com slash KB50 for 50% off.

Is your promo code ever anus? Yeah. Yeah, it was earlier. Oh, yeah. That's how we know if a brand's cool. If somebody throws us like story 15. But Factor is also cool as hell. Well, they want KB.

Yeah. Because it's so easy to remember and that's it. That is tough. I went out doing ad reads very often. It's slash code KFC. All right. I know. But that's also just the name of the show.

That's like if this show was called KB. Did you realize that? I guess. Yes. Maybe it stands for the Kevin Feidelberg and what see chat. Well, it actually we went back when dan was on it forever ago we did fall ass backwards into that where it was cats feidelberg clancy oh but it was that the point of it was not but that is good that would be so funny if kfc was just like i have an idea for a show and it involves all of our names. Let's call it KFC Radio.

And people would be like, whoa. They'll know instantly it's the three of us. Yeah, KB definitely needs to name one after him. Kyle and Brandon. Just a show called KB. That would be a good ass show. I'd watch the shit out of that what's uh what's the vibe here of the people staying in new york after the rapture i think

it's very good i think it is too i think uh i don't know if it would have been as good had everything happened sure i think had the separation just been i think we had plans i don't know if i'm a plans are the right word but i think we were excited about what we're going to do here but i don't know if everyone would have been as excited had the barstool pen schism not it seems like creativity uh is at an all-time high and it seems like motivation is even higher i would agree with that and people are getting on board for shit they wouldn't typically do which is cool i think this guy is to thing for that. I think.

I don't know about that. I think it's kind of more like when you're like running up like the beaches of Normandy and you see the guy to the left and right of you get shot and you like fight way harder. You start running way harder. Am I the shot guy in this situation? No, like troops and Josh Prey. You'd be the horn guy in the Civil War. Oh, definitely. I'd be a bugle guy. With a bandage around your head.

Dude, yeah. I'm the type of guy that would get a toothache and wear the bandana long ways around their head. Go, go, go. Have a good performance. I'll see you tomorrow. Thank you, Ron. What songs are you singing? You you, Ron. See you tomorrow. What songs are you singing? You singing Fast Car? Can you sing songs?

I think we're doing Fat Lip. Oh, nice. Fat Lip. Canadian band, right? Sum 41? Yes. He was one of the people married to Avril Lavigne. Avril Lavigne, yeah. I don't know if they can play songs tomorrow. Why? Because the thing's live streamed, isn't it? Well, their covers.

Yeah, I think I actually don't know. But I like karaoke, right? That that's what I thought people. I think that might be might be like one of the copyright people we had through Penn was very strict. And I think I heard I think we had an idea for something without a border where I was going to be like some of the copyright people. I'll say it. They asked us not to wear Nike shoes. Yeah. yeah yeah has anybody talked about that publicly zoom in here your pants are still off have your pants been down the whole episode yeah

i said i was like i was gonna pull my pants up i was not gonna do it um the uh. Yeah, we got that. There was like, don't tweet the words March Madness. I was like, I think we can do that. I think we can handle March Madness. Yeah, it's a personal account. Like, can we not do anything? But there was something where we were going to have a guest on Out of Order, and they were a musician, and we were going to have them sing their own song. Oh, cool.

And they were like, no, you can't do that. Now, the guests ended up following through and we didn't have it. I think we will in the future at some point. But they were like, no, YouTube's going to shut that down. I just don't think so. I think they can sing their own songs. Before Out of Order started, did you know you were a good actor? Because I think you're the best on the show.

You'll fluctuate weight like Christian B bale in one episode it is fucking nuts and i'll be like yeah we shot that all in one day i was like what do you what it's nuts what you can do to your body it it's i have a very amorphous body it just sometimes you walk in and like while we're doing the act you walk in and you're wearing like a cool shirt but like your arms are enormous and then some days you look like um clay like a blob of clay it's very it's it's why it's very weird um but no i didn't know anything i don't know if that is the case but i'm happy people think it because i if they do think it as you're saying uh i do. I act all day, every day. And I always wanted to people believe.

Oh, that's dark. Yeah. I'm always like, do they believe me that I fucking care about this? Maybe they do. So do you know what the real you is like? No. Oh, boy. No.

Nope. You almost just like let out like a Wilhelm scream. The forbidden question. When we were first talking about this. I bet you'd hate him. Oh, I hate every version. Whatever we got right now, not a fan. I actually hate too strong a word.

I think I'm not my type. Like, I can see how like other people might, you wouldn't be friends with you. I don't think I'm my type. Oh, that's so sad, man. Like I thought it's,

it's, I don't hate me, but I'm like, I could take them or leave them. That's for sure. Holy shit. I love how nobody's piping up like me too. me but i'm like oh my god i could take them or leave them that's for sure holy shit um i love how nobody's piping up like me too it's just you um the uh i forget what you're saying but yeah um mook any housekeeping uh no not much

you got uh bodied by an intern yeah i don't you got pushed over real hard and fell on the ground by an intern i kind of want to wait till we get the footage there's footage on the security camera yeah um and footage describe try to guess the intern that pushed mook over and i didn't didn't just push wrung the arm around my neck and took me down like it was wwe hit you with the barbara barbara walters was it was WWE. Hit you with a Barbara Walters. Was it Barbara Walters? The sage steel? Oh, I have no idea.

It was like a clothesline kind of situation. And you went to the ground hard? Went down hard. I'm going this was a woman. Yep. Yeah. I went down pretty easily. Yeah.

Why don't you go grab her? No, no. We'll get her in here to review the tape next week no no no no no we'll get her to review the tape next week yeah i emailed all business p for the tape he sent me the wrong tape so i'm did you still look through it yeah yeah anything good no anything juicy no i'm gonna go with maddie no no i went with maddie because that's the only one whose name I know. Okay. Yeah.

Anyone who had to have been so pissed when he was like, nope, try again. It was Peyton. Yep. The one that saw you and just laughed on the street. Yep. And she told me. Okay. I do know Peyton's name as well.

And I know Peyton's name because of that. Yeah. And she told me to hit the gym and there's a whole line and string of L's. But that was. Yeah, that was a tough one. She's your Helga Pataki. Did she do it intentionally? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I turn. I saw out of the. Too quickly in her arm hit Mook. And out of the corner of my eye, I see her charging at me. And then I just got a fucking hand around my arm around my neck and just went down. Challenge her to challenge her to rough around. No, we were going to fight.

Yeah. OK. Yeah. What do you think your odds are in that? Minus 7,000. Was there any part of you that was like genuinely like, ow, this hurts. Yeah.

Cause not, not like you just, sometimes you just go down like whatever. Were you like, ah, fuck. I might've squealed. There might've been like a, I don't know. Any bruises? No bruises, but I did clank my head.

There was like a second... Clank? Did you hit metal? I went down and I was fine and then she kind of landed and it hit me again and I just went back. Reed, did you see it? No, I just turned the corner and I just missed it. my it was reed did you see it no i just turned the corner i just missed it and he was laying on the ground i think nate saw it and o'malley saw it but uh yeah i want

to get that footage because that is something speaking of squealed you texted us you you fell through your bed frame yeah wow eating spaghetti and meatballs on it was eating meatballs i just did my sheets it was a clean bed clean room and i collapsed in my bed and let out the gayest squeal of all time just slow motion i'm going down i was like so yeah it's been a string of l's and then leaving rough and rowdy was probably the worst night of my life i left the office the office Saturday and tried to get home. We went out to a bar after. Tried to get home to Jersey City.

I was in gridlock traffic for two hours. At what time? At like 1.30 in the morning, maybe 2 in the morning. Do you know you're friends with us, right? You could text? Yeah, I wasn't going to hit you up and be like, hey, can I come over? Why? I don't know.

It feels weird. Not weird, but like I didn't want to bother anyone to seek shelter yeah i didn't want to like bother people you know yeah that's fair i guess and i was in gridlock traffic and i was drunk so i was like fuck it i'm getting out of this so i walked to times square booked a hotel on my phone right as i'm about to get to the hotel i grabbed chicken fingers and french fries from a vendor outside. I was like so pumped. I'm like, yo, drunk food, about to get a hotel, whatever. Get to the hotel, show them my reservation.

I booked it for the wrong day. Oh, no. That's just sad. So now I'm just trapped in Manhattan wearing an Untel this bitch shirt, eating chicken tenders in Times Square at like three in the morning. Walked around for another 45 minutes looking for a hotel. Everything sold out office i can't get in the front door why my brevo or whatever the app is doesn't work on the front door it only works oh that's uh that's not good yeah yeah i i also have that same problem and do you guys don't have a key card there's an app i didn't know there was an i didn't know there was an app yeah i have an app i i didn't have a

key card i honestly thought they were like quiet firing me For like a year and a half I was like can I get a key card They were like no you're all set And I was like What does that mean You have a pile of them right there He literally does

It won't matter soon This was actually very recent We were interviewing Tom Segura during It won't matter soon. Yeah. No, actually, this was actually very recent. It was. We were interviewing Tom Segura during July 4th, during July 4th week. So no one's going to be here. I was like, I need to get into the office. And he goes, I'll give you a day pass. Oh, no.

Got me a day pass on the brief. That's insane. So I also cannot get into the office. But yeah, I couldn't get into the office. You've only been here for a cup of coffee. It is very weird that I can't get into the office. Yeah, I couldn't get into the office. You've only been here for a cup of coffee. It is very weird that I can't get into the office. Yes, dude.

A day pass is so disrespectful. I'm going to need to get in tonight and I'm going to have to go ask Jackie if I can just have her key card and I'll leave it at her desk afterwards. You made up a phrase that was bigger than barstool. Get the man a key card. A custom one at that. Gold-plated, please.

Anyway, though, I got back to my apartment at five in the morning, and then I had the hotel. They wouldn't let me refund it, so I just slept in a shitty hotel on Saturday night. Was it fun?

No. It was pretty gross, to be honest with you. What hotel? The Manhattan at Times Square. What? Sounds nice. You didn't have to go.

I, it's better than my room. Oh God. No, I have my mattress on the floor now cause I don't have a bed frame and like no AC. So I was like, fuck it. I get air conditioning and whatever. And I just watched the fights in a hotel. It was pretty depressing. Not gonna lie.

I mean, yeah, you don't need to tell me that. I know. Chicago will be better for your living arrangement. Probably not. Why not? You gotta upgrade the bed. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna get a queen. Oh.

Get a few queens. You're gonna be sleeping with twins on a queen. You'll be sleeping with a fool. Maybe I going to be sleeping with twins. In the queen. On a queen. Oh, hell yeah. You'll be sleeping with a fool. Maybe I'll get a king in there. It'll take up my entire apartment.

Of a king? A king. If the king is like bent, if you have like a half pipe of a mattress in your apartment. So it's like, yeah, you can just sleep on one side and the girl just has to roll down to you. You get left side, I'll get just both it's the perfect ploy oh man all right well feidelberg thank you for doing this and guys again thank you for everything you've done for kyle and his family they are looking at it and it's uh you're not doing it for nothing which is awesome so thank you anything else uh final, the Maresh game night stream will be out as soon as possible. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

On YouTube. Awesome. I think we're going to upload basically the entire thing minus a couple parts that need to be edited out. Who said the things that needed edited out? Chatter. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was awkward. Yeah, that was.

We were playing a T-shirt game and where anybody could. We didn't think you could draw anything you want on this T-shirt. And it's just the T-shirt pops up and it's right next to our face. And we just had this huge swastika next to our rainbow swastika, a rainbow swastika, which is a mixed message. Rare one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a remix of a classic. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was. It was cool. Well, no, it was. There's no working around it. No, fuck. Oops. All right. No one told the story.

God bless.