A New Untold Story - Pause - A New Untold Story: Ep. 451

Episode Date: June 5, 2025

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Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. You mean you're going to reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're going to say no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story over told? No, baby. It's a new untold story. I knew untold story. A A new untold story for the time being episode

For 451 is the temperature in which paper burns hence the name Fahrenheit 451 the dystopian novel Fahrenheit 451, the dystopian novel by Ray Bradbury. Cause who cares, right? Is this, guys, this was a lot of people's favorite episode. Are you, this is sad, are you in a funk? Bradbury sounds like the name of a Nelk brand, hard seltzer, pre-workout powder. I text you this weekend, I was like.

Fuck one, kill one, marry one, Ray Bradberry, Lewis, Pitt, Bonds. Barry Bonds? Yeah. Ray Lewis, Brad Pitt. You kill Ray for the karma, the good karma. Fuck Brad, cause he's hot. You marry Brad for the money. Oh.

And you fuck Barry Bonds for the orgasm. I tried to text you this weekend, hey man you wanna play Halo? And you're just like, nah I'm in a funk. That's like the best thing to do when you're in a funk. Play, no I didn't have the social energy to play Halo. To press the A and X. It's mostly social,

cause you gotta chat and you can't see each other's facial expressions. You don't have to chat. It's high pressure chatting. Playing Xbox Live with you guys is high pressure chatting. You know everybody. And shooting and killing is the second aspect. So you don't like it?

I like playing Halo, but there is a pressure in performing socially. We recorded 20 minutes of this podcast, this episode, and I looked up at the timer 24 minutes in, and I realized you hadn't spoken. Yeah, and I felt horrible about it. Yeah, but what's going on? I had nothing to say.

I lost my backpack, and my beta blockers were in there. Wait, wait, wait. How many backpacks is that in the past two years? Doesn't matter, this one's actually lost, and I'm not, I think it's at East Bank, but I don't, I can't find it. What else is in it? Just my medicine. But wait, it's just a backpack with pills.

It's probably like different, like there might be a t-shirt or a- So you went into the gym with your backpack. Maybe like a water bottle, yeah. And then- I don't know if it's there because I can't find it's not in my apartment. It's not, maybe it's here

So your what can you explain like what's going on though? that I Don't know. I'm a mess. What are beta blockers? Proprietal all we talk yeah, it doesn't fucking matter. I don't even think they work You got to get this guy some block like let's just get you some more beta blockers What what do you want? What do you think you need to do to feel better? a Good massage from a masseuse who actually wants to rub me, and I think that's what went wrong

I'm a suit that wants to rub you is that like a Saturday I got a zero out of ten massage and a woman ran from me Okay, that would that would bring what made it zero out of 10 massage and a woman ran from me. Okay, that would bring... what made it zero out of ten? So I've probably gotten like a 12 to 13 different massages from different massage parlors in the past year. Why are you bouncing around? Not including facials. That's... what?

Because I'm searching for different ones. Sometimes I do them on the road Are you addicted and what are you on the road? What life are you living out of town and you got a massage yes, that's where my girlfriend and I do we've gotten we did So you travel different cities and get massages Sometimes you were just in Detroit. Did you get a Detroit massage? No Whatever I've gotten 12 massages from 12 different places in the past year. Have you gotten a really good massage?

Six and why do you keep saying not including faces and the number would be like 35? Facials are my my favorite, but I'd never knew that I've got like facials are my favorite, but I never knew that Six of the twelve have been ten out of ten. Why don't you return to them? I mean if it's ten out of ten I'm in that state of parasympathetic bliss what? That's it's like a the ultimate state that I can achieve is via a massage when I get that that I think I don't even know If there's a name for it It's like I'm a silk cocoon unraveling. And it's just the ultimate feeling. You're half unconscious.

You're like purely relaxed. And that's from somebody rubbing you that wants to rub you? Well, you need the masseuse to be fully on board because they can get off too. No. Yes, they can. It's a thing. From rubbing you. Right. It's their job.

They probably look at you like a... Our parasympathetic nervous systems become one and we're both as relaxed as possible So you've connected kind of getting off tactically tactically you think you've gotten a masseuse off by them to the one in one in Maui Yes, you and she even told me afterwards like listen. I know that that's what that was She did it so they do yeah, so the best I've gotten were in Hawaii So anyway, but is that because you were in paradise? Was it like outdoor waves crashing? No, because I've gotten a good one in Chicago too.

And you got them off as well. They love doing it, and you can tell. Like they didn't wanna stop. Yeah, like we were both in the same boat. Like I wish I could legally do more than 90 minutes. Six of the 12 have been perfect, like I said, and six of the 12 have been zero out of 10. Hell from a six.

You've never gotten an average massage? I've never gotten an average massage. I'm either in heaven or in Azkaban. And it's, so in this past one, and I can tell how the massage is gonna go as soon as they greet me. If they don't greet me warmly, like I know it's gonna suck

because I know they don't wanna rub the white boy. What do you mean? What's race have to do with this? It's because, well, the white race, I wanted to say white boy, but a lot of them are kind of averse to massaging the man. I feel like. I feel like a lot of dudes

and a lot of white dudes get massages. I think they do, but like some, you could tell when they treat it like a job what it is their job They shouldn't treat it like a job like there then I'm hyper aware and conscious of the fact that they're rubbing me despite Despite not wanting to it shouldn't be treated like a job. So you can't relax. Are you more tense? I'm in hell cuz I'm because I hate getting touched by people in general. So when I'm doing it for 90 minutes and I'm getting touched by someone

who doesn't want to touch me, this past weekend, she was rubbing me like she was doing the dishes. Was this before or after you lost your beta blockers? This was around the same time. I didn't know it yet. You didn't know it yet But yeah, like I even order I ordered the Swedish massage purpose Relaxation exclamation point I don't put an exclamation point. I don't need anything worked out. I don't need any kinks Did you type the exclamation point? No, I didn't to the put an exclamation point

I just want to relax and like she was just rubbing the fuck out of me. That's good didn't want to be there It's her job want to be there you paid for it. I'm sure she did want to be there. I think you were overthinking it Yeah, maybe but I get what you're saying you need you need I want someone like they want you to feel relaxed I want them to like gently touch me. You don't want to feel like a car in AutoZone. How many episodes we've done together Dozens hundreds you can flip the headphones around so it doesn't go across your neck I was what do you mean every episode it's choking you yeah It is flip the headphones every single you're the only pair of headphones in the building where the left side I'll put the left on the right on the correct one every other one you just turn them

Yeah, but I think there's that's designed to be the other way Yeah, but it's the you don't like that I'm gonna wear the left is on the right now, but what Thank you. So wait, you left the massage and how did you know leaving the massage? Not good. Was it a woman? I felt the woman's cuz I felt I felt ugly and unattractive like you want your masseuse to be attracted to you I want my masseuse to enjoy rubbing me. I'm with Kyle on this one. I would argue that most masseuses probably, it's just their job.

Exactly. They don't love touching. It's a service industry. But you can tell when they're like, oh, I wanna give this person really like relaxing, pleasurable time. But are you like that? Like, can you go to a restaurant and if your waiter isn't amped to bring you your food,

can you still enjoy your food? No, because that isn't part of it. The whole service is the employee touching you. But what if they're begrudgingly like they're in a bad mood, they don't greet you warmly, but they rub you well. You can just tell. You're still in your head about it. So you wanted her to feel better touching you.

She was kind of speaking in cold, abrupt statements. There was no warmth to it. And then I'm like, oh, this person doesn't want to be touching me and she's doing it for 90 minutes. And so, yeah, it's not a big deal. Is that what's got you in this? Bad on now, but wait then you said a woman

That was even worse that means that made me feel bad It was Saturday around 11 a.m. I'm walking west down Kinsey Street from my apartment to East Bank Club Okay, and it's it's a warm day. There's like plenty of people out on both sides of the road. Okay. So, I get to a corner where I'm on the right side. I have to be on the left side of the road to get to enter the East Bend Club entrance. And so, I need to find a time to cross at some point. Yeah.

So, I walk forward past the crosswalk, I stop, I say, oh, the crosswalk, there's no cars coming. So now is a time I can cross. Yeah. So I walk backwards. What? So I already walked past the crosswalk. I thought you meant, I thought you meant literally.

Not forwards. Yeah, that would have been weird. I turned around and there was a pause to it. And then I crossed the street, which resulted in me being behind this girl walking. So this girl, she crossed and you passed her and then you turned around. She didn't cross, she was walking on the other side.

So she saw you turn around. Do you think she saw? She saw me turn around. Go back and was walking on the other side. So she saw you turn around. Do you think she saw? She saw me turn around. Go back and cross to get on her side. But I'm still a comfortable 10 to 20 feet behind her. 10's not that far. 20. Okay.

And there's even someone like, there's other people on this sidewalk. Did you have like headphones in? No. Did you pull out your phone to fiddle with? Were you staring at her? I was, I want no But I want it sounds like you might have been but I saw her look behind her. How did you see that?

I was staring right at her I'm working on eye contact I'm working on keeping my head up And it was so bad. She saw me and she madder look look at Rudy how you were looking at her Well, I was looking ahead. She just happened to be there. So she turned around and she locked eyes with you You didn't turn around She just like did the side I saw that I was walking behind her and looking at her and matter-of-factly ran was she in running like the flush like the flustered like

How you would run if you were fleeing from someone. What were you wearing? Shorts and a sweatshirt. And what was she wearing? Was she in like business tire running? I don't even remember. I was barely paying attention to her.

But the worst part is she only ran for 20 yards and then got right back to her normal walking pace. So she just wanted to get a little bit of buffer? She didn't view me as dangerous where she had to flee from me. She viewed me as someone she needed to just be a little bit farther away from. That would feel really-

That made me feel disgusting. And this is after the massage. So I'm run from a bull. This was before the massage. Would you have rather her have sprinted out of sight? I would have rather of her just sprinted like blocks away and then turned a corner because that means oh, she was afraid of me. I seem dangerous. Okay. But this was just you make her

I made her uncomfortable. She didn't want to be near me. But she what did you do? What did you? Are you sure it was you? It had to have been. You said there was a lot. Oh man. And in my head I get I got pissed at kind of at her. So I was like I have to now. Would you recognize her if you saw her? No I don't even that's how little she meant to me. So now in my head I'm like I had to I have to now pass her so she knows I know you can't. I have to now pass her so she knows

You can't I have to pass her without doing anything so she knows oh he that guy's actually safe I So you tried? You sped up your walk yeah, if this were me I almost feel like they need to like run after me like no don't worry Yeah, right you didn't need to sprint at her and just like you didn't need it You don't need to do that. I'm safe. I'm one of the good ones. Yeah, but I didn't need to sprint at her. I just like you didn't need to Do that I'm safe. I'm one of the good ones. Yeah, but I didn't do that Did you so you didn't try to know? Just make me feel every time I'm walking behind like I try I make an honest attempt to not be I Overthink it all the time the same if I'm like walking to to the coffee shop and there's somebody on my same route,

I hate when I have to turn and I see them turn. Cause they think that I'm, in my head, that I think they think I'm gonna get them. You don't wanna seem like a tracker. I don't wanna seem like a tracker and I really feel super, so sometimes I will, sometimes I will pass up where I'm going and take another turn.

And that happens and you see them again. That's worst case. Worst case. Worst case, yeah. I'll sometimes just stop. If I'm like walking a weird distance. Oh, that's bad. If I'm walking a weird distance behind a woman,

I'll just stop. You know what I do? And just get her distance. I run along. I'll make a call. That, yeah, that's comforting. Yeah. But then she might be like is he calling reinforcements? Yeah, I found her That's in my head. Yeah. Yes. So Chicago is a lot of intimate passing There's enough people where you're constantly passing people, but it's only one person at a time

There's not enough foot traffic to where you're faceless, where they're almost not human. It's a group of like the World War Z zombies. You see them and you share something real. It's very intimate in Chicago. New York you're just in a cacophony of pedestrians. Chicago, yeah. Okay, small little break to talk about our friends at Game Time. Game Time is the official ticketing partner of bar stool sports

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you have to, walking the dog now. It's always, and somebody else has a dog. Do you let them sniff? Do you do this? Oh, you're in for a world of socializing. It's, I haven't liked it so far. Dude, I hate dog parks for that reason. There's already an enemy dog in my neighborhood, Eddie.

Eddie? Yeah. What kind of dog? Bull. And what do you mean, enemy? To Ernesto, your new dog? My new dog, Ernie. He's good with all other dogs,

but then Eddie walked by and it was chaos. And what do you, who's his owner? Who's Eddie's owner? Eddie's owner is a striped Fila shirt man. That's out of style. So who would you talk to? He used to be heavy Fila. What did you talk about with him?

I didn't talk, he was just like, Eddie never does this. I'm just like, he's new, I don't know. But you guys what I'm saying, that invites a conversation. Yeah. If they get along, you need a conversation. If they don't, you need a conversation. Yeah, that's one of the things,

I would say that's the biggest downside of being a dog owner so far. But it's a net positive. Besides being feasted on at all times in the day, like a golden corral buffet. You're getting gnarled. Oh, it's a net positive besides being feasted on at all times in the day like a fucking golden corral buffet You're getting gnarled. Oh, it's nuts. I know be like kind of adorable though It's cute at first, but then I stand up and he's I'm Dude he I was wearing pajama pants no undies cuz doing laundry and I'll just take off the underwear

I'm wearing and throw him in why not he jumped up and bit my pants and pants me in front of my girlfriend and That's like not the most embarrassing person to be pants in front of but right so that my penis Looked like a Susan B. Anthony coin at the time yeah in all ways It was just like kind of like metallic flat It was like like kind of like metallic. It was flat. It was like, it was horrible. Your penis is just never ready for the big moment. It's never, and it pulled, it got pants like the fucking sunscreen chick.

And which is weird that it's a logo of a little girl ass. The sunscreen chick is it? The sunscreen chick logo? I've never looked. Yeah. I've never gawked. There's a very large company that uses a little girl butt. Yeah For their brand copper. Yeah, that that's exactly what it is

And that's the face I made to my girlfriend but facing forwards over my coin dick Yeah, so he jumped up nip me and pants me Yeah, so he jumped up and nipped me and pantsed me. Not enough to like, not pants at ankles, but like grabbed, pulled, and that was like the width and length of my cock. You can't even, and like, it's not even like perfectly round, like it was the most uncomfortable a dick can look.

You gotta take him to the dog park and then show his dick to the hottest girl dogs. His? Yeah, do the same to him. His is huge. Fuck. Your dog's dick is huge. Yeah. His name is Ernie the same to him. His is huge. Fuck. Your dog's dick is huge. Yeah.

His name is Ernie, Ernie's a big dick name. But like, because he was biting and humping me, and I looked down, and it was the full length of his torso. Oh, your dog's penis. Yeah. And like, I was proud, like it was my jeans. Yeah.

But in reality, it was just like I had a nose for finding the biggest dick, which was bad. But what are you gonna do? But yeah, I'm just getting bit, feasted on, eaten. He's gotten my nose. He's gotten my hands and knees. He got the back of my leg today. But he'll do this to me and he won't touch my girlfriend.

Ooh, he's trying to. He'll cuddle and love. Trying to impress her. I think so. He's just beating you up in frontdle and love. Trying to impress her. I think so. He's just beating you up in front of a girl. He's beating the fuck out of her. He's boxing you out. And then I'll like retaliate,

and he'll best me most of the time, but I'll retaliate, then I get yelled at. I'll like grab his nose and he's like, no. He's like, hey. And she's like, yeah. Why do you like that? But like the thing is, she'll be like, his bites don't hurt, and then he'll go over to her

and just give it the lightest- Kisses her. And then he'll be latched on me. He's doing a devious game. Yeah. Oh my god. Mmm We'll get there. So yeah, how do you curve? I've never had a dog. So how do you curve that behavior? I've been spraying my body with apple bitter. What I've been spraying my body with apple bitter vinegar Now you smell like vinegar. I smell like shit. What kind of wizard queen dick you smell like vinegar You're getting beat up by a puppy in front of your girl who's the stinky guy with the coin dick yeah that's me that's what's become of dog owner oh man yeah yeah I didn't ever knew that was a tactic I read it online like you don't I sprayed the wires in the house with this Apple bitters stuff.

And then I also did my hands. And then I, it's, it's, it's, he's getting there. I think he's younger than what they said. He's the alpha in the house. Yeah. Yeah. He's going to, he's going to buy your ethernet cord. And then your girlfriend's going to be like, Nick, why are you biting the cords?

Yes. You're gnawing on the cords again. I'll get blamed for everything. Yeah. I'll get my revenge. He's cute as hell. He's cute as fuck. I'm on his side, dude.

That's the thing. It's cute privilege. Like how am I gonna not cyber-durnie? Yeah, what can you do? I mean, you can train him. I am, that's what I'm working on. We're on day three. We're on day three.

It's only day three. I barely know the guy. You barely know him. You don barely know anything about him. I wanted to name him after myself I was going to name him Nick and let him pick out his middle name Come on. Yeah, we got her. Yeah Kind of like the dog from Wizard of Oz total cute But you were gonna let you were gonna name him Nick I was gonna name him Nick and let him pick out his middle name So I asked him what he wanted his middle name to be And then what he said gir

Sounds like we'll stay with Ernie We'll stick with Ernie swish That one from the notes Alright man Yeah, that was nice that was nice No, I think I think they lied maybe about his age and maybe what his size would be they said he was 11 months Doesn't seem like he still has his puppy teeth and puppy breath, which is like up to five months. He's still growing.

He's in the zone of proximal development. His teeth are still growing. Yeah. About to get bigger teeth. That's why he's biting you. His teeth are bothering him. Like, oh, my teeth are so big now. Oh, you think that's what it is? And they're getting bigger, yeah.

But I got him toys and I'll have this toy that's flavored like very strong chicken and beefs and porks and he'll still choose my hands that taste like apple bit of vinegar. Mm-hmm. That's how the kids I used to visit were too. Really? They would choose the... They would bite. I'm 23. I'm like, did you try giving them a nap? But like they listen to you, right? The parents? No.

Oh. There was like, so I think like the masseuses, like half of them wanted the service, wanted to be there and half of them were legally, legally obligated for the services. And that was kind of fun because they would like cancel every day. So I would just like drive around.

Yeah. But. That's that. Kids. Fucking kids, man. So I would just like drive around yeah, mm-hmm, but um That's that kids fucking kids man. Yeah babies You want one toddlers? Yeah, I want a daughter All right with that with that get you out of the funk. I really want a daughter as a kid as a boy You're always like I if imagine not having a boy then as like a young adult. I'm like Either one I want a daughter now as a man. I want a daughter. I'm more comfortable around girl or Maybe yeah, I don't know what it is. Yeah, it's a comfort thing. I think be easier I think they just like I think it girls like their dads more than

I just like I think girls like their dads more than The the the mom in the situation will get the the when my daughter turns into a bitch She'll take it out on my my my mm-hmm. Yeah, she'll like fun of it. Yeah Yeah, that's the evolution. That's it. That's how it works. Yeah, yeah when we all view each other as cool girl Dads every girl will be like oh my god. I was so mean to my mom when I was a teenager I was so mean to my mom when I was a teenager. I was so mean to my mom when I was like six to 20. It's like, Jesus Christ. Every chick will have that same story. And she'll be like, I would say the nastiest things.

And then like, and then like, For three presidencies. Like every girl will have their mom saved in their phone as don't answer skull and crossbones. Yeah, it's always a phrase. And then daddy with like a red balloon emoji Theater laughing mask daddy with 12 wise daddy like infant like they would infantilize

Their father yeah, I guess I want I don't want that no. I don't want that but I Having having a boy dog right now. I I Don't want a son right? I'd be fine. I'd be I'd be content, but I think first child daughter Yeah, mm-hmm. I probably I think I've said this before but I had this weird fear when I was younger when I was a teenager That I would if I have a kid like what if I just we just don't vibe What if we there's a big chance like I just like we just but I think that's good other I just don't we just don't align. We're just not friends me and my dad became friends

I think that's good. We just don't align, we're just not friends. Me and my dad became friends when I was probably 19. Yeah, I didn't get there. That's a cool thing to do. Until I was probably 14, I was terrified of my dad. Yeah, that's how it should be, I think. Like terrified. I don't think, yeah, I mean, we had nothing in common.

That's a good point. The second I started playing fantasy football, my dad was like, all right, I can my dad was like, alright, I can fuck with this dude. I was thinking, if I had a kid now, I would be absent this week. Oh, yeah. I think about, dude, yeah. I'd be very socially avoidant.

You can't. I go home after probably in the range of the world present day. I will come home after The easiest job on earth and be the biggest whiny bitch and you can't do that if you have a kid at home Yeah, I got to like just block out two decades to be in a good mood I got a recharge Yeah. Yeah, dude. I gotta recharge. Like, I'm gonna go home and just fake it.

It's a whole other job. He's gonna know. My son's gonna know I'm fakin' it. My daughter won't. No? Well, your daughter won't really want, like, she's just gonna use you for things and items. Mm-hmm. Yep.

The son will probably wanna play. Yeah. Girls don't play with their dad, right? They should. Yeah? Both the parents should get on the floor with their little ones. But what about when she's like sixth, seventh grade? Fifth grade? Then you can't be playing. Yeah, when do girls play? Six is too old. Sixth grade is too old. Six years old. Girls play for like two years.

Oh yeah, six years old, you're gonna get some good play. Well it depends if you have like a softball, softball daughter, basketball daughter, or just like a girly girl daughter. Right, girly, that's what I want. Girly girl daughter that I, like, that'd be weird if I played. I think play is important

Six is the prime age for play that because they can move and think but not well Yeah, cool dad tidbit for you guys I had a father call into moocant sleep with his two-week-old son who was Cooing in the back is it a coup I think it's a coup to cue he was cooing in the background He mentioned that him and his wife were watching the new Platts in Episode in the ER when she was ready to deliver Wow, that's really beautiful. They said that's their comfort. Oh man and no dates on Plats in Courtly yards got a perpetual light show Lebel wait constant. It's constant like the city center Yeah, are the residents fine with this cooler at night?

Yeah, yeah, why would I want to go to a light show at noon? What's going on? I'm just looking at moving but it's not too much of a distraction and during the day and at night It's kind of what about the residents. What about planes? What about planes light shows are like planes are probably gonna? It's probably not good for planes the planes don't mind is there an airport there Yeah, the the airports and the planes aren't too affected In the universe that I created yeah, I just decided that yeah all the planes are fine. Yeah, how easy it is That's how easy it be like have you added anything?

I mean, it's kind of it's like really really nice because I've been developing like cities and suburbs and towns like courtland yards for 15 years and like at first they just they were kind of just like Like the towns I grew up in because that's all I knew right and now I'm like oh, there's Like there's a lot the nicest neighborhood. I had ever known is probably like warwood Not warwood. Not Warwood, I'm sorry, Woodsdale. Yeah, Woodsdale. Every night. Yeah, then I'm like, oh, it gets better.

So there's never been natural disasters, recessions? No, because that's not fun to think about. But then the bounce back, like a story. You don't view it as a story, you just view it as an ecosystem Yeah, I guess I'm more like Matt like matter. I don't like touched on like tragedy and death and illness Are there cemeteries there? I? Would never even think about cemeteries, but the second you do does it become?

Canon Does it become Canon? Does it become canon? Yeah, I mean, I guess. Have you ever retconned anything? It's not that. Is there anything, is there a person who you've ever snapped and they don't exist anymore? Or if even if you make it when you're fucking eight years old,

are they still around? There's a lot of people that I forgot about. So you can, then so that means they're gone, they're dead. If you forget about it. I don't think about that. It's more abstract. It's more emotions It's not I'm not like thinking this like very set in stone manner But I would recommend it You think of something I can't I don't have it constantly building on it is a really

It's really like a sweet treat I came came up with my own Game of Thrones storyline in my head as I'm reading, and I just made myself the coolest guy ever. Did you pause it to explain it to your girlfriend every 10 minutes and have her tell us about it when you were in the bathroom? Oh yeah, when we were in the bathroom. What would you ever do in the hypothetical situation

where you go pee at the bar and, What? The hypothetical situation where you go pee at the bar and, what? The hypothetical situation where you go pee at the bar and your girlfriend comes up to us and says, I watched Interstellar with Rudy and he paused it every 10 seconds, but also made me watch a video before we started. Yeah, before Interstellar started, he sat me down.

Yeah, and she compared it to a Ted Talk. And was like, listen, what you're about to see is gonna cause a lot of confusion Don't worry. I'll be here to explain it all to you Listen here bar certified attorney. This might be a little bit complex for you Here dumb bird brain bitch But you're leaving out a crucial detail where I said, if we watch this movie, I'm gonna be remarkably annoying. Did you say that?

I did. Okay. But I even was worse than I even expected. She showed us a picture of you clutching the remote. You had a grip on the remote, your fingers were, the fingertips were white as a ghost. You were so ready to pause. Yeah, yeah.

What was the movie, you were pausing like Lords of Dog were so ready to pause. Yeah, yeah. What was the movie? You were pausing like Lords of Dogtown on her? No, I wasn't. It was a skateboarding movie. You paused grind. You paused grind. You paused grind to explain that Bam Margera is actually a pro skater, not an actor,

after the worst acting performance ever. Dude, I was actually so proud of her because she was... Oh my gosh. She was pimping it for you guys She was and then you came out of the bathroom, and I was licking my lips. She had the room buzzing oh yeah, yeah, I was getting crushed she was even the lesbians were laughing she made the lesbians all After I scared oh mook scared Luke has now scared every type of how

His 30 before 30 yeah, I got a good dig in at Rudy though the park mook walks into this party and There's the two There's two less. There's it's just me Rudy Nick and two lesbians Yes, and then Mook walks down, and we're like, Mook, how was the set? Cause you were at a show, and you were just like, lesbians in the crowd, didn't like it. Something along the lines of that.

I said I had a rough set, cause I had to follow a lesbian that was very high energy, and then I forgot to mention, and then it clicked in my head that they were lesbian, and they were looking at me like I was an issue. And then I threw to mention and then it clicked in my head that they were lesbian and they were looking at me like I was An issue and then I threw it another detail. I was like there. She was actually like a big black lesbian Oh that was his break glass But it actually kind of worked cuz I was like, yes, she just buried me she had a high energy and she was like Real uppity and and and then me and the lesbians we had a just buried me she had a high energy and she was like real uppity and then and then

Me and the lesbians we had a good talk. We had a good talk made peace with what you said nothing was like Discriminatory I wasn't talking shit. No, but it was the first sentence you said when you came in you sat down Had fall lesbian tonight. Oh, they're just like, I even I even not like you guys big and black. No, the other the other kind. Yeah. And then 10 seconds before that, actually, I walked in and said, I said, my mommy's doing great, too. Oh, you brought up mommy. I hated that you didn't like that. Yeah, but then I got a I got a comeback at the bar Rudy was at the bar with his sigo and I said You know he was waiting he had his arms on the bar had his card out And I was like so what are you getting to eat? Yeah, you do order food at every bar. Yeah, yeah, we're out at dinnertime

I eat and then I turned to a sigo and I go what do you want to drink? Oh nice? Yeah? Every girlfriend loves mook the dude she loves I'm a girlfriend's best friend. Yeah, his girlfriend was like where it wears me. Where's my yes? She was like yes, Rudy was actually talking to me He would pause the movie to talk about how the camera angles and compare it to when he did stool scene Yes, yes, you did you compared interstellar to an inner? scenes that yes yes you did you compared interstellar to an inner yes you did that's what I was like dude she is she's on a different way or she hair how did she know about stool scenes unless you said it cuz I because we've talked

about other things I never did that she straight lie but she said you compared the angles and you said you tried to capture you try to recreate that in a stool scenes that's such a bold face fucking lie like well she said that but like how would she just make that up because she's smart but like you had to have brought up that you used to shoot stool scenes i did yeah i talked about my old job that's why she was named dropping michael angelou yp yeah she was just like and like how you did a side by side of yP's angles versus yours. No, I didn't do that. I I she said you had you had this bobbing and weaving by all of you is we're just recounting.

I'm no, you're not. I'm quoting her verbatim. A new plat. She said I was that sober. You have that you haven't shown us. You did like a director's commentary of a stool scenes. So you recorded your voice over a stool scenes and put it, you have it. What? Yeah. I've never done that, but that's a good idea.

Like Ben Affleck when he was talking about Armageddon. This is, I mean dude, like this is impressive. Impressive. It was cathartic for her. Cause like, she was getting the laughs and we thought she was like, you know, we knew it was pretty humorous, but it felt good for her to get that off her chest.

She was killing. She was murdering. You could tell the pauses were eating at her. She had to deal with just pauses. Okay, yep, I get it, I get it. Pause. Wow, this insanely popular and high-grossing film is somewhat easy to comprehend if I pay attention.

Wait, wait, all right, Defendant, what was your best pause? What was your most productive pause? I'm not even, the more- I'm sure you've had some. Can we do a watch along with you where you pause for us? No.

What? No. No, and then afterwards she was like, yeah, I mean, I actually really enjoy hearing what you think about that move. I know everything about that movie I read a book about it, and now me saying that is lame and stupid But that guy she's like that actually was like really helpful the one thing I did do You know we actually made money from the cornfield Yeah, I know you paused at that part. That's actually real

I actually do want to know because I've watched them did you pause on cornfield? No, I didn't Rudy look at me. I didn't Rudy look at me. I You paused I fucking know you did dude. I mean, I'm just gonna pause on the cornfield. Yeah, it's Timothy did you know that's Timothy Chellamay. He says that's his favorite role Did he I think so? Interesting you she's combining. She was combining completely unrelated things. I was talking about how on Netflix, the thing that annoys me is that they always do rack focusing, which is similar to vlogging.

And it was a good take. Oh, so she wasn't lying. No, but then she combined that with my old job at stool scenes and then said I said that during Interstellar, which never happened. And I was honestly impressed. But there was there were shreds of truth throughout that story from completely unrelated things. It's not that unrelated.

And then when she was in front of you guys, she flipped 180. Like when we're talking about this stuff, we'll like both talk about it for a while. And it's like fun and interesting. And then when she got in front of the crowd, she just took all that ammo and just it was it was a bludgeoning. A bludgeoning a bludgeoning I mean The next time I'm out with my girlfriend. I'm sure she'll tell you about my postage stamp penis That got exposed by yeah, what's worse being the like mansplain movie guy, which I do. I am big time

Big time or being the the small penis coin dick. Okay guys, tiny, tiny little break to talk about our friends at HelloFresh. Fresh air, sunshine, and good food, that's what spring is all about, baby. HelloFresh makes it easier to fit quick home-cooked meals into your schedule every week by curating delicious recipes like pasta primavera,

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Dude, you're in a really bad space. Yeah, you're in some obscure areas. It used to be like my t... What does that mean? Can you look up the meaning? Dreaming that my penis is smaller than it already is. It's always teeth falling out. That's an anxiety.

Hair line gone, naked in school, and now it's naked in school. Oh, those are cliche. Yeah, I have those. Dreams of penis. Let's talk about your penis dream. No, no, it was only once. I had a dream that you walked into a bar

and looked at these three dudes who recognized you and were like, we're big fans, and you said they were similarly dressed and you were like nice outfits. Did you pick them out together losers? And did it land That ring a bell did I say that to somebody that's what I heard never did that Did I say that to somebody? That's what I heard. Never did that. Oh.

Wait, where did you hear that? One of my apartment neighbors. What? Said that you came up to his boys. He told them nice matching outfits, losers. And he said it was really funny and you were messing. Were they a baseball team? Maybe.

I think that I went up to some guys that were a baseball team and I was just like, you guys, was this on purpose? Maybe I think that I went up some guys that were a baseball team I was just like you guys was this on purpose or something like that. That's probably it Did you shop together lose? He called him losers? That's what he told me he said it was really funny, and they loved it. No, I don't think I call I don't think I would have the the the the hood spot to go up to a group of Athletes of any level and just be like hey, what's up? I couldn't picture anything

That is pretty nice matching outfits losers It's pretty funny yeah, I Would love to know that's really funny though. That's really embarrassing if I did that We were in a really crowded bar Two weekends ago, and we got nervous in the corner playing wordle and some dudes came up to us. Yeah, that was tough Yeah, cuz you solved it in like five to bad. Yes They came up there like yo when you guys are done. Can we get a pic? When they waited while Kyle was wordling

They saw you try to enter words that weren't English and like did a little vibrate They're like you know we're good Embarrassing Embarrassing I Just embarrassed myself constantly can you do? Embarrassing. I just embarrass myself constantly, man. Don't even try. What I went through at that party was borderline a crime. Yeah, it was two hours of her crush.

It was two Netflix specials. Yeah, that was good. It was great. It was great. That was good. And I scared the fuck out of you yesterday. You scared me so I... I'm not a scare guy. You're not.

I don't like to scare. You never scared. Because I know I believe in cosmic justice, and I hate being scared. And it's the golden rule, due unto others. And, but I walked past Rudy's gaming room and I'm I heard him talking to chat He's like you guys think I'm a fucking scaredy cat. I'm not a scaredy cat. I'm gonna scare him Are you saying that because they were they were they were kept making fun of me saying I wouldn't go deep in Subnautica

They're like always too scared to go deep just coaxing me into going deep and I was like, I'm not scaredy cat No, I'm not scared. I've never been scared. I scared Rudy. And I looked at you as like a masculine dude. When you got scared, you did this like slow hand curl. And you put both of your hands up like in front of your face. It was a very, I would, when it comes to fight or flight, I would have thought you were fight.

You soared away. I, but the argument could be made that I was putting up my fist. No, no, no. Cat, huh? You guys love to say I'm a little scaredy cat. Well, I got the timing of it was truly. Oh, my God. It's incredible.

But I literally went like I went to a wasn't fists. Yeah, wasn't. Fist you curled was two limp wrists It was it was it was a diet fist Dude, I did kung fu in a seventh and eighth grade so scared dude and based off like your body type They would choose like what style you would do. Mm-hmm. You did junior high kung fu Yeah, that's like old. Yeah quit when I shit my pants Was that your finishing move?

Dude, the fight stopped. I snuck it out because luckily, Kung Fu pants are really cuffed at the bottom. So the turd sat at the bottom. And then my dad made me ride home with a trunk when he picked me up. I thought that was like a six year old story. I shit my pants and I was so, I bought a bunch of nunchucks to bring in to show Sifu and

So who my Sifu is a you come say your? He's my trainer and the day I shit my pants. I was so flustered to get out of there I picked up my backpack upside down and all my nunchucks fell out and Sifu the room was reeking and I that you knew something was amiss and my Instructor saw all these nunchucks get out of my bag He's like you ever want to train with those I was like no Well, you were so you just thought I had a bag of nunchucks. We did right I did yeah He thought correct that was that part of your workout regimen no see why'd you bring them? I thought like to have a full bag that felt like I don't know it's kung fu and like some dudes were like using

Staffs and stuff so I convinced my parents to buy me nunchucks And I brought him in I was lying to like my parents saying I was like using and yeah nunchucks today Yeah, we did an hour at nunchucks But dude the the the animal that I had to train with I was doing mantis style What do you mean the animal? Is that like people were doing like tiger style and shit like that in kung fu and but they'd have me doing mantis style. What do you mean the animal? Is that a thing? People were doing like tiger style and shit like that in kung fu. But they'd had me do mantis

and I just had to stand there with like limp wrists like this. Did mantis style kung fu? Yeah. I feel like you'd just be like only blocking. Is that competitive? Like is kung fu, I don't even know. We would do like wrestling and stuff like that. I think there were-

You were doing junior high wrestling? Well, I mean, it was like, it was called temple one. Temple one, temple two was like stuff like that. But temple one was like on the ground wrestling getting pressure points behind ears and stuff Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, I did taekwondo And not middle school. I did it too late. I started it's really like because like I was like a white sash with Like kindergartners in seventh grade. Oh, I was in seventh grade and it was lined up And I wasn't you shit your pants and dropped your nunchucks? Well, I shit my pants towards the end.

I was a green sash at that point and I was practicing testing for blue. Blue, yeah. And I was doing it with this guy, Petey. I forget his last, I know his last name, I'm not saying it. He could wall flip and he did this thing where he put his legs around me and went like this on my abdomen and just shit. I shit myself. Oh He squeezed you he squeezed. Yeah, but it was like I had to shit already. I don't think he squeezed the shit out of me I'm gonna call my dad actually. It's not so embarrassing horribly. You've talked about shitting your pants at Kung Fu. Yeah, I assumed first grade

No, second grade eighth.venth or eighth. It was actually the summer going into ninth, but hey. No, it wasn't. You keep pushing this back. Oh, I know. Pops. Nick. We're recording anus right now. Do you remember when you picked me up from Kung Fu that one time? Many times, yes. What was the worst time you picked me up from kung fu the worst time you with mom yeah mom you remember I shit myself and you made me ride over the trunk yeah of the of the green Jeep you made me ride home in the trunk Yes, yeah, and then you were so mad All right, how old were you how old was I?

I was in what grade It was eighth yeah, all right, all right pops vastly different I was in what grade it was a Yeah, all right, I love pops vastly different oh man That's tough. It was horrible dude, and I just never went back so did it ever did everyone find out nobody knew No one played come no one did kung fu a lot of people do though I think kung fu was above the coin laundromat right across street from Hardee's Well the thing was it was cut hmm it wasn't a full dojo About 90% of it was a dance studio

Dancing oh was um, oh, yeah There's a high reason really no it was more dance studio would just kind of some dudes do in the corner It was like a KFC Taco Bell It was but if like Taco Bell just had like Cinnamon twists yeah, yeah It was more you were in a dance studio. Yeah by doing dance sequences. Well, that's why we trained for that's when our

the shows were in the middle of dance recitals. The show, what do you mean the show? Like showing off your moves. Yeah, like you graduate and you go to the next level. Oh, you go out on stage and like perform? Yeah. Oh, so it is dancing.

No, no, it's kung fu and I was a green sash. You break. I was trained to kill. You break the boards. It's like obtuse tap dancing. Bigger angles. Dude, I- there were some really cool guys. That did it. And chicks.

No. Did you break boards? No. Really? No, no. Oh, so satisfying. No, I just kind of did the breathing techniques. And shit.

And looked like- My pants. You looked like a praying mantis breathing exercise and shit yourself yeah that was pretty much my two years of Kung Fu yeah nobody ever progressed slower is what is what Sifu said oh that was I was yeah those and I was also like eighth grade was when I was like discovering AFI and stuff like that And I was also in ninth grade I Shit myself in ninth grade doing it But I was also when I was trying to be in the punk scene with Logan sidler and his brother Lucas

So I had my mohawk as well in my kung fu uniform Holy shit. You had your mohawk in your what? I was like it was the same crossover. I had a pretty big mohawk as well as Doing kung fu. I was confused kid Yeah, that's part of the game. I shot myself twice in 2016. That's too recent. Was it sickness though? No What was it? Limeade? One was limeade incident. One was a Chipotle incident. No, no, was it lime aid one was lime aid incident one was a depot late incident you had lime aids yeah yeah you got a tick a tick fuck your ass a gay tick crawl into your ass dude a guy fucked you with a tick on his You had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, you had, My mom convinced me they were saveable, and then I did it again. I'm pretty sure they were cursed or something, because that's shocking.

One of them was at a J. Cole concert. Oh yeah, yeah. I think I've told that story. I shit myself at Italian Fest once too in Wheeling. Why, this is like crazy to me, because I'm like a farters farter. Like I relentlessly fart. You're your favorite farters farter.

Yeah, and I'm like riddled with like, I'm shitting constantly, but it just never happens dude I my stomach issues. I mean go back like I Would say lifetime 90% of my poops emergency Sprinting the bathroom just make it okay. Yeah, mine's more casual Yeah, you do it for love. You're a hobbyist shitter. I love getting that free time career. Yeah. Yeah See what at the Italian Fest? I think it was just the chicken on a stick.

Got me and I went sprinted to the porta potty and the porta potty was only to throw away my underwear. Took it off, went there. I had to go to my dad's office to clean up liquids. That's what happened to me at the J. Cole concert. I tried to make it to the porta potty. Didn't do it halfway there. Disaster struck.

Yeah. It's bad. People are always like, though this specific food made me shit, or that I can't eat that, that makes me shit. It's like, it's all even for me. Wow, that's great. I don't understand.

You have no idea how lucky you are. It's always like, oh, I can't eat Taco Bell. Like Taco Bell, I'm gonna shit regardless. Yeah, but dude, you are so blessed. It's just a bad timing thing. Maybe, yeah. Yeah, like I was just, I was at Red Rocks. There's not that many bathrooms and it just struck.

And then the lime made one was an ambush. I was, I was. Oh my God, good God. Yes. You weren't expecting it. I wasn't expecting it. Were you asking for it? I didn't consent. Oh my God. That makes you weren't expecting it. I wasn't expecting were you asking for it didn't consent Oh my god, that makes it all the more tragic my pants in my honky-divok

While I was Christmas shopping I was getting a mandolin the worst villain lime a yeah, I was getting a cream I'm gonna get ya. So I was called a mandolin I don't know what's called like the Korean cutting board thing mandolin is that very dangerous Yeah, I was getting that for my brother got that shit myself god damn Mm-hmm, Luke you gotta have some I I used to get picked up from a lot of sleepover parties because I was afraid Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, every sleepover. I'm really sick. Yeah, cuz you don't do scared to poop At a way game no Just like genuinely afraid to be in someone else's house and not with my with my mama

Oh, really? Yeah My parents made me swear to God that I wouldn't call and get him picked up and I I've damned myself to hell because of Because of that yeah, yeah, I had a panic attack at a sleepover one time. No you didn't yours No, it wasn't no you didn't you were just afraid because of minority because of my Yeah, you were just like pretty scared You heard a noise and everybody else was asleep no, I watched my we watched my nori report and it freaked me out Oh, yeah, uh-huh minority report. I was scared of minority report. Well, that's fine That's what sleepovers were just convincing yourself that somebody is in this other person's house

Yeah, this guy's gonna get off to south. Yeah for sure just just so scared. We had one never like two years ago We were doing barstool outdoors. Oh my god. We actually got scared Talked about this when we did the video with Sydney Wells. Is this when KB was in the crib? We all decided to sleep in the same room because we thought. This is so embarrassing. Somebody was in the house. I slept with a knife.

We all huddled up in the same bedroom. You and I, did we do it substance? No. I know, I was hoping you'd lie. For the sake of the story, yeah, we did. Did we do a substance? I was hoping he would lie. Don't say substance. story, yeah we did. Did we do a substance? I was hoping he would lie.

Don't say substance. Did we do a substance? Oh fuck you guys. Wait, it's the same cliff jumping video too. Yes. Oh this is a pussy compilation. It is a Nick pussy highlight reel. Oh we couldn't shoot guns.

No it hurt my shoulder. Kyle can't close one eye. And then we have to go jump and it took me like 30 minutes to work off. I thought, I thought visually it would look like the highest cliff ever. We thought somebody was just in the house, but it was, I swear somebody knocked on my window. There's somebody around the house. Somebody was around the house, I think fucking with us. Why they found out where we were Because that was the house there were three beds There were four beds in this room and Sydney got one for solely got one I got one you you were the smallest out of all of us by far

so I fell on the sword and I And I don't I went I for the people that are watching, even listening, Kyle, it must have been a big crib, right? Oh no, I did couch. Fasoli shirt is off. Fasoli to ground. It wasn't a big crib. It was a, even, it was a small crib

for a baby. Dude. Dude, your cuddle up so naturally. I'm contorting my body like a professional acrobat. No you're not. You look really comfy and like, you like yawned and stretched in the morning. Oh my god dude. Like that was a bug in the road.

That was for an audience. I'm allowed to do the 420 deadlift thing that you did. Yeah. Um, but that night I was so afraid. Um, I googled like how to call 911. Because um, I don't know how to- If you want to call the cops, you call 911. That definitely was- you definitely did an edible. It's how- googling how to call 911. Not like what-

We were high. Not how to call 911. Me and Kyle were. In what situation do you call not dial? 911 compared to calling the local police station, right? I don't want to talk to like I I don't know. I want to go straight to the source. We were in like we were in chat new guy I don't know what to do just to be prepared if someone did break in what would you do? Who would you call? That's 911 right? Yeah. Mm-oli was the one, he was really perpetuating it. It was making me believe it.

He was like, we need to get weapons, should we put something in front of the door, should we move the dresser in front of the door? He 100% is Mark Wahlberg. If I'm preparing for disaster, I'm going to stop this, I'm going to save everybody. We were publicly in the middle of the woods at this place where like- Somebody knocked on the window. We're controversial media pundits pretty we're in rural Tennessee like and somebody pounded on the window I swear to God they did yeah that was a pussy that was postification of me front to bottom I'm so proud of myself for jumping off that flip I'm all flustered But I thought

Yeah, play it Look like true life. I'm a method and I'm thinking about killing myself. It took me so long to jump off that And I even kept my shoes off because I thought the water would hurt Look I had fun. You thought it was higher than it was though. Yeah Oh bad angle oh man Sydney's doing backflips, and I just had to wait for I have that weird curl in the front of my hair What's going on? Are you waiting for the wind I?

Was just like trying to work up the nerve and I couldn't I couldn't get it Good God how you did the giant one, and then you were covered in bruises Yeah, it was giant, but not really it was like an Olympic high dive. Oh fuck you. Yeah, like 10 meters That's scary. It was scary, but it didn't look cool Yeah, it did your jump look good. I didn't yes it did It would have been cool if I did a gainer Like this is it like this isn't slow mo. It's not drone Can you flap yeah? I was flapping

Did not deserve an edit. Look how many angles they got. Yeah, that was a waste of drone. Look at that. That's not montage work. Yeah, dude. That should have been a rig. They should have sped it up. They should have played that in two times. Moo, can you play that in two times speed to see if that looks better?

It would probably look like you hit the like the water really hard. Let's see now. It's gonna look even shorter Yeah, it doesn't look that high does it fuck what can you do? We're all pussies. Yeah, we're losers. We're all losers and pussies. We are Right. You're not I am Rudy. You're not either, but you're really letting us You can't yeah, I mean I do man. You're not your best days are far behind you That was a crazy I didn't even start that. I was about to say you're not a loser. He didn't stop me.

Yeah. Oh, that's true. You're not a loser, but you're not as cool as you once were. Yeah, I was a division one athlete. Yeah, you showed us a picture of your ripped bod that you showed me a screenshot, but it is posted on your Instagram.

Yeah. Was it a sketch though? Was it trying to be funny? It was a sketch. But the script wrote for you to be, it was in? Was it trying to be funny? It was a sketch and the joke. But the script wrote for you to be, it was in the script for you to be shirtless. Yeah I baked in a lot of irony where it's like, oh like what if I was this douchey. Oh nice. And then, and then. So I gotta be. You just moved to New York City and your first post was you shirtless. Yeah and it was like, oh like what if I were, like this is the douchey

side of it. You had bumps and muscles that were like I bet you is Most people didn't know were a thing yeah, I was I was caught up. It's not was cut up I thought you had if it's in shape now. I just people like jaundice Jonda diabetes. It's true. I'm like 215 right now It's disgusting. No, it's disgusting. Oh you're bulky. Oh There's another shirt. Oh, that's the sketch. Yeah, that's the sketch. But wait, you had a screenshot from the sketch. Was it the best angle?

How many screenshots did it take to get the angle? Only three or four. Only three or four, yeah. Oh my God. You could have had anybody. I was remarkably embarrassed by that video. And then- It's still up. And then then but it

you have control but nobody would know if it was down no I'm saying like at the time of posting oh why'd you post it well I put I made it in post and I was like this is just not good it's not funny I hate myself but then the no one thought it was funny but I just got a lot of attention from from chicks and I was like nailed it infinitely better Mm-hmm. Did you choose that as the thumbnail? Of course? Yeah Like in squinted sex cells, baby. Yeah, I got to get hot again. I got to get hot again because That's the that's the place where I can at least do that. Well, you have it I

Had it you have it you still have it. It's it's in there, but we got a we got a got a lot of hair We got a maximize it. Yeah, that's true. That's true. We got it. We got the update be third. You can be thirties hot easily Mm-hmm. I gotta switch up. It's a lower bar. I don't know what I'm wearing today. That's you look like I Don't know what I'm wearing. I look like an off-duty GameStop. No no no no no Are you wearing morning Timbaland's a Kingdom Hearts shirt and like I changed three times this morning. Oh and I landed on this What didn't make the cut What did you have to take off?

Yeah, I What did you have to take off? Oh my god. I don't know man like I'll catch like glimpses of myself in like glass when I'm walking around the office and I'm like what the fuck is this dude? I actually think the fit looks good and I'm not a fit guy but it looks physically uncomfortable to be in that pairing of clothes.'s rough and rigid it's streetwear it is streetwear Yeah, I gotta level up out of streetwear. I'm trying. I'm trying to get out of what I wear and go to norm core eventually It's good. And yeah, no don't do that. You're evolving. You're evolving Squints paludorus right now Yeah, I don't know what to do I just got a I don't know what to do. I just got a, I don't know where to shop. As a 40 year old man, I don't have normal clothes. I don't know where to, yeah.

I don't know where to shop for clothing. And like, nobody tells you. Did I know like go into places like Banana Republic and J.Crew feels like you're done. And me typing adjectives for how I think I want to be presented into Google like I'll search like Former no former like punk rocker, but now adults Style like who wants to look their age, but not look not cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah now look like they've been it's all. Yeah, yeah. Not look like they've given up.

And it's all this, yeah, dude, it's the same. Fights has done a good job. Fights has done a great job. I texted Fights. I texted Fights like, hey, what are some brands I'm trying to mature a little bit in my dressing? He sent me this really thoughtful, super long list, and I just didn't text him back.

Oh wow, that's mean. And he brought it up to me months later. He brought it up to me too. That's your guy like I know the same body type. Yeah Yeah, do what he did. I felt so bad I just forgot to reply me searching for an image to show a barber to is a real struggle because I'm so embarrassed typing the Words just like medium length Shaggy messy haircut for men for white men weak jaw jaw round face

I'm a like what four four or five years younger than you guys. Yeah being able to dress like a slob every day is awesome Yeah, but you we still could do it. I put on I don't dress a nice Yeah, but that's more thoughtful like I have like five pieces that I rotate you are your you know how like Phase banks did like all his like closet walkthrough of the prices of his whole closet. Yeah, I honest to God I'm not even like trying to make a joke. I'm not using hyperbole. Yeah, I think your closets price tag is $32. And it's your one very indigo jeans.

The most indigo jeans I've ever seen. The way that denim sucked up the dye. Indigo jeans, the indigo jeans. It caused an eddy in the pool of dye. You talking about my big game jeans? Your big game jeans are so indigo You're keeping indigo a color My god, that was the most absorbent pair of pants that's ever been when they were dipped

They probably had to close down the factory for a couple days And they have maintained 11 Miami. Oh my god Yeah, they've been everywhere. They've toured the country and usually pants will show where where it stretches They are that stretches and gets bluer. It's releasing new blue Yeah, but I think that's the only thing you've ever paid for that you wear it's yeah, yeah, you have that lost-and-found drip Oh, yeah, just pissed. Mm-hmm All right, got that's uh, that's it