A New Untold Story - Perfect For Each Other feat. Brandon Walker - A New Untold Story: Ep. 450

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

brandon walker joins the show to dive into kyle and nick's relationship Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app today and use code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase Kraken - Go to https://kraken.com/barstool to learn more Betterhelp - A New Untold Story is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/NEW to get 10% off your first month.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. You play that one handed. I play every game one handed. You play every game one hand. I use the arrow. Oh, I use the mouse now because I have because I have multiple monitors. If I scroll with them off the other monitor, so I use the arrows. Yeah. And my nuts for our street. That sounds awesome. It was amazing.

Fighting war with your hand on your nuts. I think I bet you a lot of drone pilots are Are doing that for sure you ever think they use like a second monitor and watching like a PewDiePie video probably yeah What's the closest you've in your head? Like you shook somebody's hand that jacked off earlier that oh. Oh man. I bet you it's under an hour. I bet it's like college and going to hang out with somebody like at night at their apartment. Dappin' up, they're pregame. Or, no, no, you know what?

It could be here when we bring in guests and they check into the hotel and then they come to the office. That's gotta be it. Because that's the first thing I do when I get into a hotel. I think T-Bob was 15 minutes last week. Yeah. We might've been 15 minutes from him jacking his dick to shaking our hands

What was the last okay? Do you think you shook a hand in the past week that has jerked off in the past six hours? Guaranteed yeah, yeah that guarantee you've touched the jerked hand well it depends on how many people are waking and jerking I'm night only so if you're night only you're not gonna be touching that many that are six hours. I don't really have a time that, like, I don't have a window. A lot of people are, you know, jerk, clean up, bed, wake up, go the next day.

Yeah. I'm more like, I have to be activated, like a sleeper cell. There has to be something that does it. Well, there's moments where I'll be sitting at home being like, it's time to go to bed, I guess I have to. It's just time. Yeah, you just have to.

I guess I'm due one. I'd say like half of mine are like, it's gotta be done. Yeah, what are you gonna do? I did one not too long ago, we might have talked about it on this podcast, I did a nostalgia jerk. What's that mean? I jerked off to the first video of porn I ever watched.

Wow, that's nice. It was really cool. Yeah. I felt young again,. It was really cool. Yeah. I felt young again. My dick was even smaller. Retro night? Yeah, it was retro night. Because everybody remembers their first video that they.

I don't remember the video, but I remember mine was Carmen Electra, the one after the clouds. I don't at all. I just remembered the emotion. I don't remember my video either. You don't remember your video. I bet you if you heard like a sound or a snippet or even a smell that you smell they all sound the same. No, no, no. Mine had like electro house to it.

There's a chick dancing in a window with like a scarf. I remember I found it on a funny junk.com. It's cause sometimes funny junk.com would have like porn. They have to get some porn in there for clicks. Yeah. Uh huh. Anyways, uh, baked untold story. I knew untold story.

New untold story episode 450. You know who I tracked down? Who? The baseball chick. What's the baseball? Oh, the sticker chick. Morgana the kissing bandit? She has some very high quality nude photographs.

Oh really? And I thought about going retro. And I did. See, I would have heard of her too much. I can't do that and I can't do retro and I didn't. I would have heard of so big. I can't do that and I can't do retro. I can't do vintage like that. And I also, I feel weird jerking off to somebody who's perished.

That's a rule I have. I don't do that. That's homage. That's not an homage. That's an homage. No, that is a sick to pray move. There's a lot of alive people you could jerk off. I actually am so glad you said that because I was thinking about that the other day that I don't jerk off to people that have passed

Away, and I was like there's no way for me to like bring this up You can appreciate like you could look up Anna Nicole Smith. Mm-hmm She probably really did it for you. You probably You have more Anna Nicole jerks than all of us combined. No, I don't think so That is the most more Anna Nicole jerks than all of us combined? No, I don't think so. Yes, you do. I was never an Anna Nicole guy. I was so much- Really? That is the most- You're the most Anna Nicole guy I've ever met. The fields were too rich with busty women back then.

Like, she was only a lily in a field of lilies. I think we're in the bustiest era of women as- We're in a busty era now, but the 90s, it was popping off. Yeah, Pam Anderson, Jenny McCarthy over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was getting crazy out there. But Jenny McCarthy was- Pam Anderson did- It was hard to break through. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, DVDs oh, I oh this tech is amazing. Oh, you don't have to rewind There's a scene selection just skip jump jump

Also, the CD looks like a DVD looks like a titty it does It's my my boy Cleveland his dad had a bunch of porn DVDs And I remember it was a black ass, but the whole of the DVD was her asshole Mm-hmm, and that was awesome. That's innovative You couldn't watch well you couldn't watch the DVD and play with the hole though. Unless you had one of those cool DVD players, remember the music player where the- Vertical in there, yeah.

It was clear. Oh, I bet you're itching for, I bet you love displaying your physical media, CD rack. No, I actually am in a point in my life where I've just abandoned all physical media and I am, now that I've built up a little bit of money, I've just abandoned all physical media and I am I am now that I've Built up a little bit of money. I'm thinking about building the whole thing back from scratch. I'm surprised you're not a record guy I'm not a record guy. I was at the tail end of records age-wise

By time I came around I was at the butt end of a track and then cassette tapes for a while and then CDs were Like when I was 11 or 12, I was cassette tape when I first started. Yeah so I was I was I was right in that era but I was after records I was after a tracks for the most part but I do want to build I was right on the DVDs yeah 99 2000. The way you could display it is like the rotating one that was like remote control powered. Yeah. My buddy Patrick Trosh his brother Harry had a... Patrick was Harry. Patrick was a Harry young boy, yeah. But he had a brother named Harry?

Harry Trosh. His sleepover, every year on America Ave in Wheeling, we went to his backyard, every birthday party he had, every sleepover he had, was a Sasquatch hunt. We went in his backyard and hunted for Sasquatch. That would make sense. Until like freshman year of high school. How'd you get to that sec order at all?

We were right in the middle of DVD talking. Harry Trosh had the best CD display thing I've ever seen. He had like the old McDonald's bubbler tube, but in the sides of it was his CDs. That's baller. Yeah. I think you could really judge a person back then by how they, like if they had a TV,

they have a TV like on their wall and it was surrounded by DVDs, or like DVDs on top of all the two size shelves, this was a rich person, this person was, knew what they were doing. And anybody that had an entertainment system. Well let me ask you this, when you were driving in your car,

what was your CD display of choice? Were you a dash or whatever that thing is called? I'm a book man. Were you that or were you a book guy? I'm a book man. Were you that or your book? I was a book man a four by four book four by two by two book two by two book Yeah, I was a four by four book for per page To yeah, yeah, yeah, but if it's played open you're looking at a CD I think I had a hundred I had like the one that had a hundred

Yeah, I felt like a god excited filled. Mm-hmm. Yeah we I mean my friends are all the Rolodex ones Oh, yeah, that's the ones where you just like unzip and then it's yeah. Yeah, that was fine It wasn't really a choice. It was for whatever reason just what we all did and then The car we had though the seat you had to put the CDs in the trunk Did you have that so I had one I bought a suzer rodeo that had one in the trunk? Yeah, that's where we had to put our CDs and moved up to a Ford Explorer and it was it was right here in the that's nice this thing it was a six CD changer but it was in the trunk so you only had you could only change your CDs when you stopped the car CD

changers we thought were gonna be the height of technology they were really just kind of they were kind of pointless I had to change your CDs in person you don't have to have a fat it was was fast. You could change CDs fast, but I mean my college- But you were stuck with the same six CDs because you're never changing that thing out. No. My college car was a Mazda 6 and it didn't have an auxiliary port, so I was still burning CDs 2012. 2014. Late in the game. It's a shame that I believe the time, the period of time where we were burning our own CDs and taking them to the car

Was part of the peak of American existence That was the first time I really started lying to women because they you would like make a CD for a chick But they would not want to hear my music so I was throwing on shit that I had never heard Wait was your music too girly for him. Yeah, probably a little too girly Yeah, no my music was too fucking Masculine it's scary your music had dicks and balls. Yeah, they're singing other dicks and balls This actually segues to something. I wanted to ask you Brandon. Yeah, there's a date February 9th 1995 meet anything to you

You've been talking to my sister What yeah, obviously you have what significance does the Navy forward probe have in your life, so you've been talking to my sister February 9th 1995 I Skipped class with John Hamlin Cory billups and Che Anderson Wait wait wait My mom wait white white black White white black black yeah, yeah It was it was four of us.

We were supposed to go, I was in 10th grade, we were supposed to go to Southside Elementary, which was about a mile away, and tutor the young kids, because we were a part of the gifted class. Instead, we went back road riding, and there was a railroad track that was very elevated, and if you got speed, you jumped, like tubes of hazard. And we would always do it.

And so February 9th, 1995, we got in my Ford Probe, my mom's Ford Probe, we drove around and skipped school and then we had a tremendously terrible wreck and flipped it six times. God damn. Six time time. Where were you sitting? Your sister left that out.

I was in the back left seat. We were taking turns driving my mom's car and somebody else was driving and he was going from pavement to gravel. And you gotta be careful with that. And he was going like 70. You should be going about 30. It wasn't the ramping that got ya.

No, it was after the ramping. We'd already done the ramping. But yeah, we wrecked that day. February 9th, 1995. And then my mom was due to have my sister three weeks later, but instead she got so stressed out by the wreck, she went into labor right there. My sister was born February 10th, 1995.

No way, so you wrecking, your sister's the product, your sister was a product of an accident. A, she's the product of my dad raw dogging my mom, and B, a product of me wrecking a car, yes. Wow, she's an accident twice over. Yeah. Unbelievable. But there's more to that story. You said you were back last. I was. I was not. I was I for 27 years I told my mom I was driving because we didn't want to

get in trouble. Whose car was it? It was my mom's car. Oh, but it wasn't you. I didn't want my mom to know I let somebody else drive the car and we all just had a pact that we're just going to carry this. Have you ever told mama? I told her a couple of years ago. And how was she mad I mean 27 years later and and I've given her grandkids since then and a house and I bought her a house So yeah, yeah, I kept that secret from her and my sister for a while But yeah, we were we were skipping school and I was in the back. Was there any alcohol involved? No, we I wasn't really drinking in 10th grade. What about cigarettes? No cigarettes. We were just skipping school

Who was the one who was driving? Cory was driving. Cory was a senior. Jay and me and John were all sophomores. So he was the cool one? He was the cool one, yeah. Were you like, Cory slow down? Exactly. I remember the last thing before we started flipping was John said Cory slow down and then we just started rolling. Who got the most hurt? Nobody got hurt. Crazy. Nobody got hurt. I got scratched up, but. Is there a part of you that thinks

you might've died in that wreck and all of this has been the afterlife? I think it would've been better than this. Yeah, maybe this is hell. Yeah, but I went, I don't know. There are some points in my life where I think I probably might've died. Me too.

Yeah, you think about, I do think about that. I think I'm programmed. I think our emotions are way too Predictable yeah, yeah, you can only get so happy. I don't I don't Yeah, what'd you die Nick? There's a few things probably a bike accident in eighth grade Handlebars got stuck in my belly button and ambulance had to come and pop them out of me Yeah, I was in the hospital for three days laying on my back because they thought I punctured my pancreas But I still I think I think I went Wow so your pancreas might have killed was a mongoose talon pro I never yeah

Well, did you try me to school after an accident that was the best jump something or just yeah? I was jumping a bailed and I landed on the bike. Mmm. Yeah Did it get did it enter through the actual belly button hole? It hit below and slid upwards. Oh God. Oh my God. Yeah, internal bleeding could have gotten you. It still could have because I don't really have any memories. It's like that and then like today.

Have you experienced true happiness since then? No. True sadness? No. Maybe you're dead. Yeah, I could be. Kyle, are you alive? Yes. Cool. Yeah, why? What's the most rec- oh, today? I think I'm programmed, yeah. What do you mean by that? I think we

are programmed with a set amount of emotions, like I feel- it's weird, you can only get so upset, you can only get- life can only be so bad and so good. Yeah, there is like a whole thing, like I think it was a study of like dudes that lose their vision people that lose Like arms and legs they find their baseline happiness that they were before that pretty quick Mm-hmm hedonic trap. I don't I don't like it. You don't like that. That's a I want to expand Yeah, so what do you I want to get happier, but I want to get angrier too. What about drug again? Drugs that make you like drugs that make you pissed Drugs that make you like drugs that make you pissed so every

Drug that makes you mad as fuck I'm getting pissed off tonight tastes bad and it stinks and it makes you like it has like calories put you on fucking edge Oh, you're laughing, but like that you would take an anger drug Maybe not, but there's a lot of like byproducts of anger that are fucking awesome I feel like I could speak for all of us. I like when I get slighted and I can be pissed. That's what I am saying. An adrenaline spike is always good. That's an adrenaline spike. Even being really pissed, even more mad than you should be,

feels really good sometimes. I've lived my whole life like that. You like being mad? I don't like the aftermath of being mad, because I get embarrassed of how mad I was. But the rush I get while being mad? I don't like the aftermath of being mad because I get embarrassed at how mad I was, but the rush I get while being mad is something. I will bitch to any ear that lends itself. God damn.

Yeah, you will. Dude, I like, when you text me every once in a while, like, can I vent? I lick my lips like a cartoon wolf when a lady walks past. I lick my lips all the way to like the crown of my scalp. Yeah. Tell me. I lick my lips all the way to like the crown of my scalp Tell me So Kyle every emotion you've ever felt you want to you want to expand It should be yeah, I think if we were truly humans if there would be no limit

Really like you can't scrape the line. I think I think limits are what makes things seem more real Like you can't scrape the limit of happiness. I think limits are what makes things seem more real. Right, but there's some times where I should feel worse for longer and also better for longer. I don't think I enjoy food as much as people enjoy food. You don't. What? Yeah, you really don't though.

It's a social event for you. I even notice, I've watched you chew and swallow and ingest. He's thinking about the conversation. You put a barrier to food too. for you. I could I even notice I've like watched you like chew and swallow and ingest. No no I'm not I'm not even talking about that like I think the best food can only be so good. The best food is gonna be real good. I think food is the best part of life. I think slightly above average food is fucking awesome. Yes the average food is pretty good. If it's if I can if I'm going out to eat and it's on a menu, I'm gonna fucking love it enough. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll accept bad food. It's like bad food doesn't ruin my day. But bad food isn't bad food in the sense that it's like inedible. Bad food is spoiled. Yeah. Yeah.

Great food though. But like the jump from good food to great food is I think very small. Very small. I think I get the same sensation from a Papa John's pie than I would from like a $300 steak. It depends on how hungry you are. If you're going into it really hungry,

yeah, the Papa John's is all you need. The example I use is movie theater popcorn is as good as any $200 meal you will have. Yes. It's the right movie theater popcorn. I think it scratches the same itch. Yeah. And like I also don't, I don't think I have a refined palate to where I could, if I'm

in a setting where it's supposed to be good food, I will be like, oh my God, this is good food. Yeah. You program yourself to acknowledge it's already good before you even eat it. Yeah. Yeah. Look at us. Oh my God. We're just sitting here looking, we're eating this. Can you believe we're eating this? Yeah, right? Like, um, and like the waiter, if they describe it in any way, this is grass fed from some from somewhere. I'm like, Oh my God, I can tell if they don't write it down. I know that I'm in a good cooking restaurant. If they don't write what down, if the waiter comes up and they, they can tell you the menu off their, off their dome,

and then they don't write it down. I think I've reached the height of culinary. I can't take that. You don't like it. It's my profound autism that hates it. What about? I respect the, the move, I guess. But what, what would you hate about it?

Write it down so I know you know it. Accidents happen. How do they do it? How do you, how do you take an order for six people and, and you don't, you don't write anything down? I don't know how you do it. I couldn't do it? How do you take an order for six people and you don't write anything down? I don't know how you do it. I couldn't do it. I also couldn't remember an NFL quarterback's play call though. That fascinates me too. I'm pretty good at memorizing when the waiter comes, when the waiter takes the order, I couldn't memorize it.

But when they come back and it's somebody else delivering the food, I know what everybody got. I like that, you need that guy at the table though. Yeah, I did it yesterday. Because too many people fucking order and there are four of them, and then when the waiter gets there and starts handing out food, they just look at each other like, I don't know what I got.

Some of my cuntiest looks served have ever been when somebody's like, yeah, that's mine, I'm like, did you get the baked beans? And they're like, oh, I didn't. And I just love Correcting somebody on what they got Actually, I don't think that's yours actually I had a pet peeve of the waiter what I Was getting sushi this weekend and when they come they go have you dine with us before yeah It doesn't change anything doesn't change anything to the four of us. Yeah, we have and the other two people said no

We haven't well welcome back and well no it's welcome back or welcome skip next yeah So what about don't need to know I don't like when I'm dining with What do you recommend? Like people they ask what do you recommend to the waiter yeah, because they one can't afford where I'm eating You don't know. Honestly, yes. That's not true. But what makes you think you have the same palette as this black woman?

That bothers me as well. Yeah. Mook is like, what do you think I should get? Yeah. You're flirting. What do you suggest? You guys could be more wrong. No, what's better between these two? That's going to push the most popular thing and then I hate the person who's asking

already knows what they have and what they want and if like I Get so embarrassed when they recommend the chicken pot pie and you're like, okay, I'll do a burger. It is. Oh, you don't trust me Yeah, Nixon. It is a that's the social faux pas. Oh, I don't like people that ask. But I want to know what's good because they're not. They work there. They're not going to be like, don't get that. You'll die if you know the question of

like you ask them like which one of your things is like. But like as a thing is as unique as taste, the thing is unique as taste. What makes somebody that works there an expert on what's the best is they have to try the entire menu. No, they don't. Yes, they do. The people that works there an expert on what's the best? Because they have to try the entire menu. No they don't!

Yes they do! The people that work there have to eat the whole thing. At some places, yeah. At some places, yeah. Oh I had no idea. I don't actually go to good places. Shout out to all the fucking restaurant workers out there. Yeah dude.

I got you. Like if you work at Chili's, Well don't act like you're their hero. Yeah you're not. You abandon them. I'm putting on for them. What are you talking about? I represent. You don't tip. Young dude.

Yeah I do! You don't I represent you don't tip young Yeah, you don't pay it all I tip heavy no every time he doesn't tip in leaves we come Luke said you said if you don't finish the meal then you don't have to tip I did not yeah He does say that he's like I left a full fucking salad That's the tip He sends back to Oh, I can't if I'm gonna table and somebody sends back. I just want to leave. Oh, I want to kill them All right, do you I've only heard about this. Really? You've never been with a send back? I know people, everyone's always like, yeah, this person that you know is a send back person

and I wouldn't be able to take it. I used to, I used to like hang out with somebody that would send back drinks, be like, this doesn't taste right. Oh my God. Yeah, just drink it. Just drink the drink. My wife is a, she'll look at the drink menu and she'll say, she'll ask the waiter, do you have any organic wines or something like that? And in my mind I'm just saying just the list of wines, it's right there, just pick one. I just, I don't know.

Just drink the wine, bitch. Just drink, that's... Organic wine is, I get it. Do you drink the wine so I can fuck you later? Yeah, that's the only reason we're here. Get two glasses of whatever wine that's all you need. Let's go. Let's get a hotel. Let's get a cheap hotel. Let's go to Pound Town. Let's go home.

Is she a better lay after the organic wine? Oh, fuck. Oh my God. Brandon's wife after the organic wine. She's letting out an oh wine later. It's Friday nights are the best nights, man. Is that your sex night? Yeah, a little meal, a little hotel. How much money have you spent on hotels

that you've stayed one hour in? Not enough, brother. Brandon, Brandon, Brandon, Brandon. I went to Tim McGraw with you. Yeah? And it was in Milwaukee, so I couldn't drive home. Yeah. I got a hotel that was $500 for one night. That's right. You walked in hand in hand with Ms. Thang and you got a nicer room for 40 minutes. You would agree it was, it was,

it was closer to an hour than fair. Well, you were there for an hour because you came down and had post-coital cheese curds Yeah, I Know we had to go home that night, but you know we wanted we had a good time We went up to the room. We we lived like you were dying. We visited for a while lasted 2.7 seconds and then And then I, you know, when we were leaving, and I knew it had been like an hour, hour and a half. You gave me. And I was like, I looked in the bar hopeful,

I was like, God, I hope he's here. I wanna make eye contact. And then I was, and when you, by the time you got to me, I'd been staring at you for at least 30 seconds. Yeah, and you gave me a really cocky and deserved look. You were proud. Yeah, And you gave me a really cocky and deserved look. You were you were proud. Yeah, I was like, count it. Yeah.

It wasn't a hotel and you were like, Kobe. Yeah. Yeah. You had her wheeled out like it was she just gave birth. Yeah. Yeah. No, I fed extra home. That was a weird night because I got

trapped in a conversation at the bar with the Butter king of Wisconsin. I, uh, it was an old man and his son, right? An old man and his very, very modified wife. That's right. Yes. And very done up wife. Yeah. And, um, her tits looked like, um, you know, that gif of the guy that eats the hot wing and his eyes pop out. Yeah. You know that gif of the guy that eats the hot wing and his eyes pop out. Yeah, her tits looked like that and

She was openly weeping Like on my shoulder. Yeah, because this is post concert. Yeah, were these people at the concert? we're at the concert, so you're at the hotel bar afterwards and Okay, how did it lead to that? I was with the butter king of Wisconsin and he's like Whatever you do. Don't bring up her peacocks. And she was like, what did you say? She heard him. She heard him say peacocks.

Oh boy. Her pet peacock had got run over that morning. Son of a bitch. Butter King's wife? Yeah. She's a fascinating woman. I know. So she, strong of her to go out that night.

Yeah, it was. Well, I mean, you have tickets for McGraw. Yeah. And you're gonna stay at the autograph collection. So she has huge fake tits and is crying about a peacock being run over. Yeah, and she's crying on your shoulder Weeping. Yeah. Oh, she was trying to throw the pussy. No, I don't think she's trying to us No, no, dude. If you get butter king dick, you're not gonna come to me I feel like 200 guys call themselves the butter king of Wisconsin. Yeah, that might be this guy was saying

I'm the butter king of what. Yeah, that might be it. Wait, wait, this guy was saying, I'm the Butter King of Wisconsin? I sat down at the bar. There's a lot to unpack. I sat down at the bar, I was with my girlfriend, and he leans up to my girlfriend, he's like, what kind of butter you cook with? Okay. Sorry buddy, that's Butter King-like. And so she said, it starts with like a Kerrygold,

and he goes, not bad, not great. Yeah, that's the Butter King of Wisconsin, not great. Yeah, that's the butter king of Wisconsin. And he like made her write in her notes like a better brand of butter. And I think we're still using, we're still using that brand of butter. He was right, it's a great butter. I forget what it is.

He was telling us like the fat percentages we gotta aim for. And then- Is he like a butter expert and connoisseur, or he just makes the man? I believe he's a tycoon. His millions of butter. Yes.

And he was like, if you can get this butter, get this one, but if you're in a pinch, if you're in no man's land, bumfuck, you can grab Kerry Gold and go home happy. Dare I say, the butter king of Wisconsin is probably the butter king of America. Fair. Yeah, that's butterland. That's the butter state. Is it the butter state of Wisconsin is probably the butter king of America fair. That's yeah, that's because that's butter state

Is it the butter state dairy state? Yeah. Yeah, it is Butter fest is in Texas. I believe is it Want the big everything fest in Texas? Yeah, they want them all butter cheese and milk. Maybe all Wisconsin beer Wisconsin is definitely butter. I think they even do fried butter at their steak affair. I think on a stick, yeah. They're cheese too. They're cheese one. No, they're booze one. Well, drinking wise, but I think that if you think of Wisconsin, you think cheese. I saw a fucking graphic the other day of the counties with the most problem drinkers in the United States, and it would go from like light blue to dark red,

you know? Yeah. The entire state of Wisconsin was dark red and it was surrounded by light blue. I think they're just, I think they're, they're doing it to maintain the appearance of doing it. Yeah. I think they know their ranking and they're trying to keep their ranking. Dude, there's something about Wisconsin. It's so cold. They do have professional sports teams. Look how red Wisconsin is. Wow. I saw this like at the top 10 counties for drinking is all Wisconsin. I think that's legit.

Look at our boys in West Virginia. We're not 7 and a 1. Kyle, if you go to the line of Illinois, are you telling me that problem drinking, just on that imaginary line, changes that much from neighborhood to neighborhood? I think they just have their bar culture is just so massive. I'm surprised LA is drinking like that. Or is it LA County?

Well, the South, you say that we're not drinking at all, because it's all meth. It is meth. West Virginia. Yeah, the meth line goes from Mississippi to West Virginia. It does. I'm surprised Denver's boozing like that. Oh, dude, micros.

Yeah. Although the micro. They're sipping on micro. Dirty job. True. What's happening in that one spot in Arizona? Oh, yeah. Some foul shit. What is that Lake Havasu? Oh? Oh is it native oh?

That's what it is the natives drink like Like they need it Okay, yeah now would explain the deco and Yeah, this is a map of Indian reservations. Right, yeah. Huh. March 1st. And look at Utah, that's crazy.

March 1st, 2004. What are you doing? Oh, these are moments. March 1st, 2004. That is significant days for you. I'm surprised you know the actual dates. That's gotta be your daughter. No, that's not, that's when I got.

12.30 a.m., Nick at Night runs an episode I'm surprised you know the actual dates. That's gotta be your daughter. No, that's not. That's when I got... 12.30 a.m. Nick at Night runs an episode of The Cosby Show called The Slumber Party. Yeah. I wonder what happened on that one. Well, no. Are you getting Nard-warred? Hold on, first of all, The Slumber Party

is a delightful episode of The Cosby Show when Rudy brings all of our friends and Cliff entertains them and they do the bucking horse. That's all they do. Alicia Keys is on that episode. Young Alicia Keys, five years old. It's one of the longest laughs in the history of the Cosmic Show when Peter takes his ride

on the bucking horse. But whatever, March 1st, 2004 is when I got the job. It's when Carth Peter the big boy. It's when Carth Peter the big boy broadcasted at 9 a.m. down and outing Tom and Jerry. One of my favorite episodes. What's he doing? Why, do you know this?

What was this? Well, March 1st, 2004 is an important day for me. It's when I got my first, I got, it was my high. How do you know the day? It was my, I remember very vividly, it was my hire date for my first sports writing job. Oh, that is, oh wow. 2004.

Yeah, and that launched my career that floundered for 20 years. What was this place? I was a sports writer for the Daily Times leader in West Point, Mississippi, making eight bucks an hour. And you were professionally covering high school children. Junior high and high school children. You were writing about children.

I was writing about kids. You were writing about sweaty kids. I was writing about kids, yeah. Yeah. Talk about that. Look at that. Oak Hill won their ninth straight golf championship. I'll be getting that.

Starting in West Point and Clay County? Yeah. Sure. Who was your favorite kid? Probably Mario Cannon. Mario Cannon. Yes, he's my... my wow that's a good name 2005 state champion West Point high school Greenway was the best player on

Yeah, we didn't go in and did he go anywhere Oh, he went to scuba, but you know kids go to scuba and they just kind of stop what the fuck scuba That's the last chance you oh no shit. Mm-hmm. So is he a bad boy? Most of them were yeah, okay. What do you do? What forget that? What are you doing? I'm just what other dates Do you find you interesting January 22nd 2017? So anything to you. I got nothing on January 22nd. You updated your Facebook banner photo to a Google image Street View of 740 MS-25 Park at a zoo park Playing basketball that's that's how I learned how to play basketball. What's your coolest moment that's ever happened in that spot?

One night right after graduating high school me and the guys went out there It was me and just a bunch of Dwayne Jefferson was out there MarShean hatchet who played at Southern Miss, but he don't look him up now. Um, I, um, white, black, black. I did a, it was white. I mean, you got Dwayne black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, um, but in that left corner right there, I had fake took one dribble and dunked it from there and they went crazy. Is there only one hoop?

Uh, there's some, there's some, there's a half court near the highway right here. And then back there, there's a, there's a full court, but that was back then. Now they moved the full court over to the tennis court, which is behind that building. What were you sipping on UV? Um, I was, uh, I would, I would go get, I would go to the fast lane every night when I got thirsty and get a sun kissed. Nice. That's, that's what I would drink. It was a, it's a rough place. We drank till midnight. What squ? Till midnight. Squirt. A squirt? Squirt's fantastic. I haven't had a squirt in a while. I didn't know squirt made it out of the 90s.

It's squirt's still around. I got it at a Jewel. Squirt tequila. I have a squirt clock. Squirt tequila is one of life's great delicacies. Really? It's so good. I like squirt.

I like anything lemon lime. That's great. Squirt's grapefruit, baby. Oh yeah, I love it. That fresco. Did anything else happen at Zuber Park? I got a gun pulled on me once. Okay, well that's an incident.

Did they take anything? Oh, are you asking about the UFO? What are you asking about? You had a gun and UFO incident and you started with something else? Of course, he bragged about himself dunk dunking. Well this is where I played basketball. I was like barely in the lead here.

Hold on, no no no. From 1994 to 2002, I had 600 nights at this place. I would go there instead of. How close was this to your house? No one gives a fuck about the other 600 nights. I didn't go out. What happened with the UFO? Yeah, there was a UFO? Me and Matt Warren were leaving here,

and we were pulling on to Braem Avenue, onto the highway there. Matt Warren never lies. And Matt Warren, we were in his Nissan hard body truck, and we look up in the sky and there was a green floating thing and it just took off. And it was just, it was a UFO. And then Matt Warren never lies.

What year was that? I was probably about 96, 97. Huh. Yeah. So, so there you go. So you didn't see it, but Matt Warren did? We both saw it. Okay.

He was driving. But like, did you say anything or did you look at each other at the same time we we we sat in silence He drove me home. I got out in silence, and it wasn't till the next day We're like did you see that you were you afraid yeah, it weird is that we went straight home. We weren't going home We went straight home And Matt Warren doesn't lie Matt Warren doesn't lie at all no Matt Warren's the best of us What was last time you talked to Matt Warren all't lie? Matt Warren doesn't lie. At all? No. Matt Warren's the best of us. When was the last time you talked to Matt Warren? All the time.

When was the last time? Yesterday. I probably texted him. Have you had him come up visit? Texted him gay, question mark. About what? Just him. Ha ha ha ha ha.

And he doesn't lie. What did he say back? He said something, probably an office quote. Sepp Walker, still queer, something like that. Yeah, he's coming up this summer. Hell yeah. He's coming up to go to Wrigley. He doesn't lie, I can't wait to ask him a few cues. I think he's a gay liar. He's not a gay liar. I think Matt Warren is good for two things. Lying and head. And he does it in two, two three two format

Three times Make fun of anybody else but not not not man. We're the best of us is the best of us Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna lie to you twice then I'm gonna suck your dick off thrice. I Want you to think about what I said while I'm sucking you. He was here last year. Was he handsome? Do tell him though the the stat tell these guys the stat about your hometown So I was curious the other day so I grew up West Point Mississippi is currently when I was growing up. It's probably about ten or eleven thousand now It's it's the big industry left, so it's like 9,400. So right now in West Point, Mississippi,

there's 6,000 black people, like 3,500 white people. It's like whatever percentage that is, I think it's like 68% black. Anyway, there are more black people in my hometown in West Point, Mississippi than there are in Montana. Wow. And Wyoming. The whole state of Montana. Yeah, there's that. I think. As big are in Montana. Wow. And Wyoming. The whole state of Montana.

Yeah. I think- As big as it is. Yeah. I think honest to God, you could say it unscathed. I can't. I can't.

It would be frowned upon. I did. But I think- I did have a classmate from West Point, a black guy, he just moved to Chicago, so he's gonna come through soon. So he's a high achiever though, so you'll get to meet one of those guys.

Oh yeah. But yeah, I... Did you... I never tried it. Did you adapt the culture, like fashion-wise? No, I never did that. Did you want to? Because I did in West Virginia.

I got, I spent many a night in the East Bay catalog. And we would pass that thing around. Shoe-wise, yes, but never, I was never wearing Peli Peli or Fubu. I had a Fubu shirt, and I bought it at Gabe's. And my mom found out what it meant, because I forget where it was, and then she got rid of it.

So she wasn't for us by us? She wasn't us. Oh. Well, you're not us either, but you had it. I wanted to be us so bad. So it was a FTB, you were for them by us? Nick Fubu? Yeah, that was my mom.

What? Yeah. Did it affect your vernacular? Not really, I guess it affected the music and stuff like that. Yeah, so it had to. But I never, you know, I never really changed, I never code switched or anything like that. You had a lot of eyes to your shits.

Uh, I do every now and then, especially when I get angry, I'll get... I think that's getting real southern though. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. If y'all piss me off, I'll just shit. You know, that is more. Yeah. Yeah. I'll do that stuff. And the stuff we like, like you would go to a soul food restaurant in Chicago

and that that would be run by black people probably. But that's just Southern food. We all eat the same shit down there. So I never viewed that as soul food or anything like that. When I was like 18, 19, I worshiped this group of black guys on Twitter I disrespect hoes I don't wear condoms I Hit models raw and no woman is right and I

And I tried to adopt their they were like very very intentionally crass like we either AIDS don't work until you know, you have it like I don't even know what that means But I was trying to like use their humor in real life settings that can't stay and it just didn't work Yeah, it didn't translate. I Do remember some of those handles so yeah, they were great But I disrespect hose ended up being Hispanic the whole time. Oh no. Then he had to get off Twitter.

He was one of the best. Was it hose eye, lowercase I with a Z? Yeah. I don't wear Kongs. Mook is searching I disrespect shoes. That was auto-correcting. Mm-hmm. Yeah, he's gone.

Oh god damn. Yeah, I remember those guys. They were all very funny. Hilarious. Who's your favorite black content creator right now on the internet? Because they are funnier than we are. Always have been. Always have been, always will be.

That's, that's. I like Mark Phillips. Mark Phillips is funny. Mark Phillips is really funny. His camera, I don't know how he gets it so clear. Yeah. Like I see him clearer than I see myself in a mirror. Does he do like...

I know he is. Skits? Yeah, yeah. He's been, he's, he's great skits. There's this, there's a content house of Yu-Gi-Oh guys that are all black that I really, really like. But other, like, I don't know, they're, they're, they're the best at the internet. That combines your, your love of black culture and fucking nerddom Well black dudes love you go they do black dudes love you go and anime period right most they are most animes mm-hmm yeah Zack Fox yeah, yeah

there's a new guy and there's these guys that are they They got faint. There's this one group that got famous doing like first take. Yeah, those are my guys. These are your boys? Those are my, I love those guys so much. And then the guy on the left is like,

he's like the Duke Dennis of the group. And he's like. What does that even fucking mean? He's the sexy aura guy. He's the sexy aura guy. He's clearly the sexy guy. Yeah, but they, the guy on the far right got a full-size pot of greed,

and I was like so excited for him. I fucking Love those guys if they're ever in Chicago, please come through. That's a shout out to all team APS team Fucking I watched them so much. I love them How many is that 59 seven subscribers or five five ninety seven? Yeah. Yeah, they're big. Yeah, they're big. Yeah passionate about it Yeah, I love those guys We're saying Brandon Have you seen the guy there's there's one group of guys that that imitates skip a list and Shannon Sharp and whatever

They're okay, but there's this other guy who imitates Shannon Sharp and Ocho Cinco He's only got like 8,000 followers, and he does the Shannon Sharp welcome back to the nightcap podcast and all this he's fucking hilarious And I don't know his name, but he's does he imitate the full podcast um he does What do you mean like an hour? No? He just does clips that would impress me. He just does clips. Yeah All right super fast ad to talk about our good our best friends at game time You guys know by now, Game Time is the ticket purchasing and buying, selling app.

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and is offered to US customers, excluding Washington, New York, and Maine through Payword Interactive, Inc. A new untold story is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp, mental health awareness is growing, which is good, but there's still progress to be made. 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey say they have avoided seeking mental health support

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I should be much sad are you sad about? I should be much sadder. Why? We had a good video idea. Oh, yeah. It was sad. We should have known, I guess. Yeah.

Kyle and I planned to go on a double date with a gay couple that looks like us. This is the gay couple that's looked like you for a while? They look just like us in the photo, at least think and y'all reach out to me the phone he found them a full hunt we the one is wearing a it's fair to say a gay sweater uh-huh and we triangulated the boutiques to be the well We looked at the the flora in the background and determined it had to be like northern Texas

Dallas air did like and then we found you did that yes and then I was hunting down the sweater and it was we triangulated that they're from like west of Dallas and then John Nealon yes and we reached out to them and they were offended that we said that we looked alike Wow they were like we look nothing alike first crying emoji crying laughing We expected them to just do this video with us. It makes perfect sense They said that because all the whole video is like hey, man Can we get to the bottom of like me and my my co-host? we kind of look like you guys and we want to know who's fucking who and

Is that how you let no no no no no we really really nice about it and the guy was like first off We don't look a thing alike alike Yeah, clearly offend it that I don't know that I guess we thought we were doppelgangers Well, I gotta see them and they've broken up I got showing the pic. I gotcha. I think it looks just like us It it's not enough. It's more you than Kyle. Yeah. Yeah, obviously the Knicks are carrying this thing.

Did you talk to the Nick or the Kyle? We talked to the Kyle. We talked to Kyle. See, I think you should have talked to the Nick. But Nick looks like he's more understanding. But Kyle is enough to look like the Kyle. Yeah. It's enough to warn it,

especially when he's paired with a guy that looks like me. I think the Kyle's more of a reason than Nick is the Knicks almost a one-for-one swap Yeah, I think you should have gone Nick to Nick on this. Yeah, we should have we should have should have yeah We went to the alpha no fucker. No we did not go to the bunker. There is nothing more obvious No, no, no way that other guys fucking yes I'm sitting on my lap. That's my property. Oh my God, no he's not.

Kyle is absolutely fucking Nick. I think Kyle is exclusively prone boning you. No, no. You think Nick's fucking Kyle? Do you want to see the DM that he said? You think Nick's fucking Kyle? He said, I'll answer in a little bit, my ass hurts really bad. That's not what he said.

Yes, he did say that. It lies. Kyle is pouting. Hold on, I'll respond in a second. My ass hurts too bad to answer. That's not what he said. Yes, he did say that. It lies. Kyle is pouting. Hold on, I'll respond in a second. My ass hurts too bad to answer. Oh, he's on the ropes.

Get him. Yeah, I'll put you. You stay. Message me when my ass hurts less. He's permanently in the prone position. No, you're not prone boning me. You're not prone boning me. I don't even bend you over.

You have to be flat. Because you can't withstand. No, I'm fucking,'m fucking I'm promoting you with my arm on your lower My arms on your lower neck and my toes are just on the ground. You have cauliflower I'm fucking you like an oil Derek over and over into the ground I'm fucking you like a Derek Rose knee Your ass is like Derek Rose's ACL just all torn up yeah, and now No, yeah, but that fell through

Obviously if I don't know why we were like a big vision like it's gonna be this big long documentary. Yeah, we're like I bet there's more gay nicks and gay cows together out there. I said there's a gay Kyle. He's a Browns fan Yeah, right. Okay, what with a gay neck long blonde hair? Browns fan caught yeah, he looks just like you do same exactly The video is that you go find him and then you're like we need to find you Yeah, maybe the videos we took up your guy with a guy that looks like me Actually, yeah, if you're gay Kyle listen to this go find you a gay Nick. Yeah, that'd be huge or vice versa I think I think I was game. He's a plenty. Yeah, I did that's just so unrealistic

I don't think it never mind. So what what? Would you settle for me? I? Don't think I'd be settling. I don't think we would I'd be very I think you guys would be gay Thing that it's just weird thing that really weirded me out was like Realizing that if Kyle and I were gay we'd be looks matched It was like for both of you. Yeah, really was was a tough pill to swallow. Yeah, I know. I think we are perfect. We're perfect.

We're perfect. I think we are. That's what really I just didn't. The only thing that would make me feel better if it was me fucking you. So this is a journey of self-discovery right now. Yes. OK.

Yeah. So the trip to Texas wasn't about Texas at all. It was about about you to about us because it like it's been weird like since we planned doing this video and we were talking about it more and more like you have it's all I could think you have to visualize it. You have to put yourself in those shoes. Yeah, we did. Yeah. I'm kind of glad it fell through. Yeah, because I was like thinking about it all the time Eventually there are two like It was so this was really bad for our relationship

Like cohabitation it was so this was really bad for our relationship Maybe the best thing that ever happened biggest takeaway What if they were it was just weird knowing like if we were gay Probably like and I've been thinking about it enough. It's been it's entered my subconscious now. It's like on the table when I dream It is a roll of the dice And you'll know the day I come in when I have that dream If you press shuffle on that playlist it might oh yeah, it could pop up might play. Oh my god. Yeah, dude It's it's this is horrible. I mean, I just love the fact that you went through all this effort and the gay guys were like you

They said blue and then absolutely not in our heads we thought they were gonna be like, oh my god, yes He used the word further comma to he was like first off. No, we don't look alike like embarrassed emoji I mean first off is a hell of a way to start anyway. Yeah, we're sorry So do not even think about posting the pictures Let alone using us in your video. We will I thought they would have been psyched to be stars Oh my god It's a shame it's a damn shame. I'm sorry guys. It's all right. We'll recover. We're going to think of another thing we can do or there's just a couple. If they're you're

they all got a good chance of having a lesbian couple out there. It looks like you. I would love that. That's a huge chance. But here's the thing. I don't know what that does to my psyche or my personality, me as a whole, at WHOLE, if there's multiple gay couples that look just like us, Kyle. They're campy. Are we destiny?

Then it's destiny. Yeah. Yeah, I think the gap between one and two, if you get to two gay couples, it's almost four total. And then you start thinking that in this universe there's the gay Nicks and the gay Kyle couples and then there's the gay Nicks and gay Kyle couples. Here's my fear is that Kyle and I are the outliers. Or if it's just like, are we a time bomb?

That's what it is. If there's two couples out there that looks just like you. Don't say that. What are you guys doing wrong like are we a time bomb? That's what it is if there's two couples out there What do you mean? Don't say that what are you guys doing wrong? Are we a time? Because if there's multiple then it's leading that way Agree it's headed that way eventually. I don't think so I'm not sexually attracted to Kyle or any man Why are we having this conversation? You guys are the ones who stop talking about the time bomb You said it's on the table to dream about you could have said nightmare

You said Jerry goes it off the table. Yeah. Yeah, you're right You gotta let me unpack this though before we dive don't say unpack either Time bomb implies something No, we're being like We're very uncomfortable around each other now. No you're fighting like a gay couple. Yeah, now we're getting uncomfortable and that's suspicious. Then why did you, guys, why did you start pulling the thread of the gay couple? I don't know.

How did they get here? Fuck. God damn it. I did come over to your house the other day and your girlfriend was like, oh Rudy, come on in I was like where's we're gonna? Where's Nick and you're like I'm in the closet and you were changing. Yeah, I was that's fine It was a it's a nice closet a massive closet Justify changing in the car

It's deep oh my god Do we want to talk about the future of the show We can we're yeah, we're We're thinking about a rebrand. Yeah a name change name change is for We are It's impossible to sell whenever we have work events here We're usually they usually make us the help or stow us away in here.

Like the last work event we had, they were like, what we're gonna do for you guys, like you had your collectible cards, you were down there talking to people, and they were like, for you guys, we think it would be a really funny bit if you're up here and you keep the door shut and you do a crossword the whole time.

We're like, all right. Was there one time they just you all in the bathroom? No, no, no they moved there were stations where you could collect cart like stamps You can win barstool merch and we had to stand up here So we could talk to people and they moved ours to the puppet of the bathroom It boils down to anus like it there's more to To this job than just the joke of the title there's a lot of of business things. And we got three years, four years out of it. 450 episodes.

So, yeah. I think this is the third time I've been on episode 450. This is the first 450. Okay, all right. Area code of where? Got nothing. Benoit. Wisconsin? Montreal. Okay. Chris Benoit. Oh, Chris Benoit. Wisconsin? Montreal. Chris Benoit. Oh Chris Benoit. Wow. Why did

you, what? Why don't you pull out his area code like that? I thought he was from Western Canada. I thought he was from Montreal. Maybe he's from Montreal. The Montreal Screwjob. No that's Bret Hart Shawn Michaels. Yeah that's get. I think he's from like Saskatchewan or something. Or the Montreal Expose. When that person streaked through the Olympics in 73. He's Bill from Edmonton, Alberta. He's from Montreal. Born there.

Yeah. 450 is the suburbs of Montreal. Longuey and Laval. Terrible. A sprawling mess of disconnected, aesthetically displeasing neighborhoods with a U. What are y'all gonna do? With Montreal?

Oh, your future. You said we were gonna talk about the future, now we're talking about Montreal. Yeah, that's just behind the ears. Yeah, we're gonna change the name. Yeah. Oh, okay. I thought you were about to say something about the name. Nothing in profound, yeah.

Oh. Yeah, nothing crazy. Well, that was, you opened quite the door and then just kind of shut the screen door behind you. That's the biz, baby. We gotta get people talking. That's show biz, dude. Yeah, that's the kind of shit we do on it. And now we're gonna talk about Montreal.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a natural segue. Wait, the neighborhoods suck. My brother lives there. He's got rules. I got a real bad camera. I'll come back. I think it's just, it's boring and pretty soulless.

I don't know. People say that about every suburb every suburbs identical There's one big building that like used to be a warehouse and is now retrofitted to be an a gastropub Yeah, or a trampoline so much and yeah, you drink outside and there's like a waterfall and you could bring your dog Yeah, and there's Jenga. It's like an adult daycare. And I gotta admit something. I think I've done this before. I love those every time. I love the fake corporate areas.

Like the cookie, the boxy, modern apartments. It scratches this itch that I love, these high rises with a pool where the deepest depth's two and a half feet. Yeah. And there's like a- Orange Theory. Oh, Orange Theory. like stupid burger chain or yeah

Yeah, it's I I find a lot of comfort in those two. I don't mind them I think coming from like decaying Appalachia like anything modern and new and like a sign of economic growth any sort of gross yeah for 450 is also the Yeezy that looks like a dumpling now yeah you had that right no those were the I had the foam pot foam runners but the Yeezy 450 the white one looks just like a like if I had to eat a shoe I think that would be I would love no one on that no but you if you really were picking you'd pick a crock You think so I think a crock would be too chewy the easy for 50 crocks are literally edible Oh, they are yes, but I wouldn't want to eat it. I think it'd be really tough

No, I'd like to like to play with it my mouth those crocks have truck nuts on them. That's sick, dude I just pre-ordered the Casio g-shock and Crocs just did a collab. And the button of the croc is an entire G-Shock. That was a lot of collabing. That's a watch. And they glow in the dark. Dude.

What? Okay. Let me have interest. It's fun, I do drugs. Let me have interest. I'm too drugged. I don't think my, look at that. That's, woo hoo hoo hoo. That's just a watch on the the side of a shoe it's a

collab croc and g-shock did why not call your silent because you love them yep really violently despised those are fucking sick thank you you finally they look cool they don't need to have a watch on but it's a collab with G show what if I asked you what time it was you're gonna be sitting like this you gotta play hacky sack to tell the time What's the neon green one? That's the same shoe they glow in the dark. Oh my god damn. Yeah, just timeout wrote this confirms that Kyle fucks the shit It perfectly I need somebody to bust in and cut the red wire on this time. I'm envisioning it.

The red one! And he cuts the blue one and then you're just in me. The blue one, the B-L-E-W. It's about to blow! Fuck. fuck 450 is also like I think the most average it's a lot of home runs are 450 feet the shortest home run is how long Brandon

like probably like three no 298 24 inches what oh what? When was it hit I think his name is Alex oily. Oh yly real quick 450 not an average homerun Yeah, it's a long one. It's like a show hey, it's a fucking long one, but oh oh why oh why I don't know Is this from back in the day? Yeah, he always gonna get some baseball. Oh, yeah, he ducks to Name I don't know what his fucking name is but it was a 24 inch home run Andy Euler. Oh y Ler 24 inch home run because he dunks and the ball hit off his bat so weird it buried itself in mud and the entire team Defined here was this that has to be like 18. Oh

Yeah, that the two two foot home run. Oh my god. Go to a book. There's a book about it. But imagine how fucking stupid that entire team has to be to not find. I could bury it. There's nine of them.

Yeah, and they couldn't find it. And he got all, it was an inside the park home run. Also, the catcher is right there. The ball is 24 inches away from the catcher. Wouldn't there be a baseball sized hole? You would think. Oh, we forgot to look around the baseball sized hole in the mud. It happened right in front of the catcher. Is he not looking? Is he not watching?

He ducked to dodge the ball hit off the top of his bat spun real deep down into the, by the way, is this fictional? No, this has to be. It says, it's a book about baseball lore written by Michael Bryson. The title refers to the book central story. Go back, Luke. It's true. Okay. Is it okay to destroy a legend? Oh, that makes it seem like it's not true.

All right. Well, Stu Thornley wrote it, but I think- You think nine men were digging in mud while someone ran through a home. All right. I doubt the outfield was ran into the look. All right, how about this? Next time it rains, I'm gonna go bury a baseball.

You have to find it. You know I can't dig. You have to find it before You know I can't did. You have to find it before I round the base. But wait, Nick, he didn't bury it. Let's do the oiler challenge. Nick, he didn't bury it. You wanna do the oiler? He went off his bat and buried it himself.

Oiler with me. I'll oil it with you, cause you're not gonna be able to bury it off of it. You have to bury it off of a bat. You have to use your bat and that's to just dig off your bat. I get to make the mud swampy. You can do whatever you want. Deal. But you't take your hands and and dig a hole for it deal

I will hit the ball. I'll walk right to it. I'll walk right to it. There's no chance I'm not seeing them You could hit it into a 20-foot pool and I'd be able to swim down get it up and tag you out before you got a double There's no chance there's no way this happened. But you know I can't dig, so no dig challenges. We'll see. I want to prove it possible. I can't look for things.

Do you get impatient? Can you do a wares wall though? Those are a little bit more tame. I can get in my comfort zone. Those are some of my favorite books. Yeah, they're great books. It was a great read. Apparently that book was the home run was in 1905. Good year. A soggy home game for Minneapolis against St. Paul. Huh that guy didn't hit it. No no it was a whaler it was

his only home run. The only way this is true is if it went under the plate. Yeah it had to have like I think it maybe have went in and Somehow came out because they were looking around. I don't know went in and it caved in around. There's the ball There's the muddy ball. You can buy it. Oh my fucking god muddy enough. Well time is past I'm sure the mud turned to dirt. It's too muddy. That's on Antiques Roadshow. It's the look it exists. Give me the high end you'd pay for it right now. I'm not too attached. I'll pay $4,000 for that. You just found out about the story. I'd pay $4,000 for that ball right now. If you could give me a link to pay for that ball, I'd buy it. I'd give it to you. I'd put it in display here.

All right, well I hope there's a chance but I bet you went for more. Anything more than four thousandths, Grace. Are you an antiques roadshow guy? I think antiques roadshow, when you are in the mood for it and it hits you right, is the best show ever made. Yeah, I've only watched it at my grip. It went for three thousand. I had that almost dead on so there are times I will turn on the antiques roadshow and it doesn't hit me but when on those magical times it grabs me

It's such an incredible. I like watching the compilations of Like old people find out it's rich. Yeah That hits me harder than any military homecoming video more than any That hits me harder than any military homecoming video more than any Dogs last day hamburger you gotta watch some actors on that show though cuz they don't know some of them will come on They'll know they got something. They'll be like You know Is it 35 grand really it almost has to be like an old war vet yeah or passed down from somebody really poor Damn

Happy birthday to John F. Kennedy and Paul Skeens. Wow. To... Maybe not legends. One, Skeens is not. I think in the right context he is. He's certainly a Louisiana State University legend already. Do you think... Yeah. Would you say they're both, they both don't know who the other is? Um... Probably. I know one way it doesn't work. Do you think yeah, would you say they're both they both don't know who the other is um Probably I know one way it doesn't work it's I I

Don't want to say what I want to say. I think Jay's focus is on baseball James was here He was there wasn't a whole there you mean he would have been friends with Rosemary There wasn't a whole there. I mean, he would have been friends with Rosemary. He's an athlete, an athlete. Yeah, he throws a ball so fast. So I think he just doesn't like to be on camera and show personality or talk to people. Fine. Yeah, definitely. John F. Kennedy would have loved Livy.

They love really love love living. He would have got the call from David Powers Meet him at the at the pool the White House pool don't even bring a swimsuit He has one for you. I was looking into John F. He was a hellcat. Oh my god, yeah, he I Didn't realize he was a an Yeah, he I

Didn't realize he was a an Adulterer to that level. Oh, yes, I knew about him in Maryland I'm through a gentle loving inefficient adult like his his own white Jackie was Cuckolded by yeah, Marilyn when she popped out of his cake, right? And that was televised for all of America. He was running them through the White House No, it was the Secret Service was smuggling women into the White House for in the White House. No, it was the Secret Service was smuggling women into the White House. He had such chronic back pain that he could barely live. I didn't realize that.

He was riddled. He had four unsuccessful spinal surgeries. He was in the most, he was in chronic pain. From what? He got his last rite sacrament four times. Oh my God. He was on pace to be crippled and paralyzed by the time he finished his term.

And he was still throwing dick? Well, he met Dr. Feelgood, his physician, who would just shoot him up with amphetamines, corticosteroids, methamphetamines, painkillers, and that just so he could have sex. With not his wife. Right. And he also, like, I like like Clinton like he was fucking a 19 year old intern Yeah for a month. Well he he is it proved that he was in her

All but it was all but But he doesn't get the Clinton label because I think because he's tan and hot. No, no, because he died. He died. He died. Dying is one of the best ways to get out of shit. Yeah, he didn't get to live into his bad legacy part of, or bad part of his legacy. So he got preserved.

So do you think it was the best thing that could have happened to him? Plus, it was the 60s, I think everybody was smoking cigarettes and fucking. Yeah, because Lyndon B. Johnson was doing it to an even higher degree. Lyndon B. was doing dick stunts. He was pulling out his dick like it was in a holster. Oh, he's the dick guy. He could wrap it around twice, wrap it around the wrist twice.

No, he couldn't. People say JFK's charming and hot. Lyndon had women in trances because he was so big and powerful and looming. And then Frank Sinatra as well. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah.

They were all coxsman back then. So the Rat Pack were like fucking each other, right? Yeah. Sammy Davis Jr. was fucking George Carlin? George Carlin? No, who's the comedian? No, no, who's the comedian that Sammy Davis Jr. was fucking? Well, the Rat Pack was Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin,

Jerry Lewis, and Sammy Davis Jr. There was one more, Joey, was Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis and, and, and Sammy Davis Jr. There was one more Joey. There was a Joey Sammy Davis Jr. Gay search that Joe, who was Joey in the round? There was a Joey and I don't remember his name. It was openly bisexual according to Paul Anka and his autobiography. I think there's somebody pretty notable that he slept with. I think it's a wonderful voice.

Who knows? I'm looking. I think it was a Joey guys name and, uh, in the rat pack. I don't know. The rat pack was bigger than I thought. Yeah, there were, there were a lot. There were like eight of them, right? Yeah.

Sammy Davis, ladies, man. Yeah. Everybody, people have always been, ladies man. Yeah, everybody, people have always been, I guess. Products of their era. MLK too. Oh yeah, oh yeah. He was about to get exposed for cheating on his wife, right? I think to be a celebrity back in the 60s and 70s,

you were just throwing it in any hole that you could give them to. Yeah, Bill Clinton, he didn't care. Oh no. He loved mid pussy. He didn't give a shit. He would, he had him. He had America entrance. He Brandon one over black America. Yeah. Yeah. Bill played saxophone. He went on Arsenio hall. Oh yeah. Clinton. Oh yeah. That's how he won the election. He went on fucking Arsenio hall playing the saxophone. That's all it takes. Arsenio was great. Long ass fingers. Did he have long? Does he have long? I've never seen

Come on long fingers. Arsenio Hall had huge fingers fingers were forever They look like regular hands. No, no, no, you gotta see him when he's when he's doing the Darts and it does look like regular. Oh, those are my big fat white ass. Regular fingers. Look at this one. Look at this one down there. Oh, they're thick too. Holy shit.

Yeah. That's a finger. Is it known? Has he always been like, yeah, he's a huge finger guy. Is this a thing that you are sitting on? Hall might be the number one finger guy in the world. Look at that thing It's got like four knuckles. It's bigger than my penis. Well. Yeah, well that goes without saying did he like white women

I'm sure he did yeah, what's the point of being a black celebrity if you don't like white women? Yeah Honestly Honestly. That's why we play the game. That's why you get into the game. That's gospel right there. Yeah, I don't know, I'm sure. I don't know what his wife looks like. I don't know anything about his sexual behavior. I know he's a running... he ran with Eddie Murphy though. Eddie Murphy a white woman guy? I don't think so. He ate off the white, the naked white woman. Yeah, he also. Oh, he's got a white wife. Well, yeah, now.

I think post-Doolittle he. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, it was Doolittle that did it. He's fucking hot too. He had a, he had a prostitute thing too. I don't, was it, was this prostitute a man? No, Eddie?

That would be. Who was Divine Brown? There was a there was Divine Brown. Hugh Grant was a big prostitute guy and a trans prostitute guy right? I think Divine, I don't know if Divine Brown was a trans. I believe there's a maybe it was Eddie Murphy got caught with a trans. Somebody got caught with a prostitute that wasn't on prostitutes. It wasn't a, I don't know. Let me stop. It's 2025. I didn't realize Frank Sinatra was such a petite little boy. Was he? And you know what Ava Gardner said about him?

No. Yeah, he's 119 pounds, but 19 of those pounds are cock. That is Wow, that's can you that's very crap. I know it kind of turned me Ava Gardner said cock yeah, I didn't know there was slinging the word cock around like that. It wasn't where did she say that? It was an honest Frank Sinatra's secret weapon. Oh, blue eyes. I want the exact, what is it called?

Who was the very famous porn star who had the giant dick? John Holmes. He couldn't get fully erect or else he'd pass out. Yeah, I had a teacher named Joe Holmes who used to make fun of him for having a big fat dick, but he was gay. Oh, really?

I don't know 19 pounds he only weighs 119 but 19 pounds is cock and That's a good a good ratio. No, I wouldn't want a 19. That's man's 19 percent cock. That's a jockey with a horse cock In the future when jockey and horse become one is happening Bound to fucking happen look at the way the world is it's only a matter of fucking time Yeah, JFK had, at the time he was shot, he had asthma, Addison's disease, hypothyroidism, colitis, back, severe back pain, insomnia, recurrent fevers, an intractable urinary tract infection, stomach ulcer, prostatitis, depression, anxiety of, you didn't have to throw that in there, and an upset stomach. Yeah, he was riddled with disease. Riddled with disease.

Yeah, he didn't have a fever. Do you think that he asked to be shot? Yeah, was that what killed him or was it the bullet that went through his brain? I bet you he died right before. That's a good theory. The timing was so great. right before. Timing was so great. Just like right before. Peacefully as. We always like you guys not going to believe. He was he was already

Is it illegal to shoot a dead guy? Yeah, right? He gets off. I'm sorry. You can't shoot a dead guy anymore. Oh man, uh Anything else Jackie Kenny had a fat ass. Oh, yeah, but he still wasn't enough for him really Was like the most realistic I Was like the most realistic Really I don't think fat asses were liked back then though. No it was a sign of poverty Really? I don't know yeah, that's Unfortunately, that's her best photo of her climbing out the back. Hey gay is father

for falling asleep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, gay as fuck for falling asleep when Jackie fat ass out like this. It looks like a JPEG Mafia album cover.

It looks sick. Those are cool. Yeah. Oh, there is one person from Laval, the suburb of Montreal, gets its XQC. Oh, the streamer. I didn't realize, I looked him up. He's filthy rich. And the numbers he gets and the amount of times,

the amount of hours he's put into streaming, three years. Of online time? Three years of streaming time. Oh my God. Oh my god on camera streaming for three years Yes, like 20 some thousand hours. Would you guys be depressed if you knew your our your your our account? Yeah, like if you were if you if you've been on stream for nine months of your life Yeah, they'll be a little scary but like that's the price of doing business though, right? Right? I mean, it's also that's our job Yeah, if I wasn't if it wasn't my job and and I was doing that yeah, this is his job, too

So that's just such a case became his job because he made it that way right he did it so much his hair has wild Changes yeah, it's the passage of time He got like pretty much divorced on stream didn't he I couldn't keep up He's got a, his lore is. His e-sports controversy section is insane. Wait, really? It was like he got, the Dallas Fuel benched him and suspended him for homophobic comments.

And then he did a racist emote and got kicked off the Dallas Fuel. Oh, so that's a race, that's a whole set. This is hilarious. He would come into the e-sports arena, which always looked like a set of the Hunger Games. They. Yeah, yeah. It looks like one of the mega churches,

Joel Austin shows, and he would run like a like a gorilla into it. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. But I don't know. I didn't know that that was considered race. No, I think it was an emote is like the little emoticon, right? Yeah, but it can also be like a dance move. So I guess when like there's one of a black guy, it's called like something try hard or something. Oh, OK.

And whenever like another black person would come on the stream, he would spam that. Oh, you can't do that. Well, it's probably his chat. Oh, is that the emote? We've write that, which isn't racist. Inherently, but if you're doing it just when but then if you think about it,

it's like a black guy comes on screen and you just point and say black, black, black, black. The same thing. It's kind. It's kind of bad. Yeah, he is. So he got in trouble during e-sports and then decided to start streaming and then just became wildly more popular and famous

This controversy reminds me about you remember Habbo Hotel Person place or thing You could just say no Have a hotel was like a for Club Penguin Okay It was a big public hotel that you could just go and chat with people But there was this thing that went on called pools closed where you made your guy have the biggest afro black guy And it just everybody was matching it wasn't because he was black and you would block people from entering the pool and say pools closed

and so somebody did print it out a picture of that guy and Put it on an actual public pool and said pools closed and the city thought it was like this big racist attack. Oh, yeah like a segregated pool. Yeah Which was a I could see how they get their wires crossed definitely mm-hmm. Yeah SQC they call him the juicer. What's the juice? What's XQC stand for? I don't know what it stands the last letter of Felix his name and the code for the abbreviation for Quebec oh Okay The last letter of Felix his name and the code for the abbreviation for Quebec. Oh Okay Yeah, that's fun So he speaks French

Yes, probably it's got a very funny accent. Yeah, it's a funny accent up there, and he also got a band for act You received a three-day ban from twitch for streaming a video that contained explicit content specifically a penis That's a bad boy. I got that I got a ban three days for a boob. Yeah, that's cool None of this is like that bad though a penis. I don't know. It's like I bet you Tommy loves XQC. Oh I'll have to check when I get home. He's into political Political thrillers now. Who's you watching thrillers? political thrillers now. Who's he watching? Thrillers?

He's got some, he's in his World War II era right now. I think it's happening a lot younger than it ought to. Pre-mature. Yeah. He's still saving it. He's in his World War II era right now. Oh, I'd love to talk with him about it. Yeah.

I'm civil right now. I'm still a WW2. Yeah. I think he's gonna stay there. And he's only in like 1933, so he thinks this H guy's got some good ideas. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. He's gonna stay there and he's only in like 1933. So he thinks it's H guys got some good ideas. Oh He's in the beer kill him He's in the he's in the push era, yeah, no he's he's been watching that

Yeah, I'm good for him get him some Hugo balls is a quiz cool quiz cool Oh, yes, I'm very It's always impressive to me. Not really a little boy though. Did you see the books I gave him last time he was in here? I did. I sent him home with some literature. A survival handbook? When there is no dentist, when there is no doctor, so it's a book on how to do your own dental surgery. Yeah. No, he's got to... I made him swear he would not operate. You've given him weapons and manifestos. Not manifestos, guides. You've been giving him weapons and manifestos.

If he is... I made him swear to God that he would not operate on him or his kin. If there's ever a made-for-TV movie explaining the origins of Tommy, you're gonna be featured heavily. I gave him some books that would make him an independent man.

One was How to Survive When Nobody Else is Around. No, When There is No Dentist is one of the how to survive when nobody else is around. No, when there is no dentist is one of the most recommended books when it comes to crap. I'm gonna take a picture of these books. That's not the book I saw. What did you see? Mine was like how to survive when all else is. The SAS survival handbook?

Yeah, something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Something he don't need to be having. Cause he's gonna create a situation where he is the only one around. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Chapter one, how to create the scenario. I don't get rid of everybody. Yeah. If he's tanning your hide when I come over, he's just got an open oven going.

He's just got an open oven going. Cheers. Anybody want some Brandon? Oh, speaking of parenting, aging children. Yes. Mooc. Congratulations. Excalibur. What's up, Papa?

Hey, doing good. Do you know about Mooc? What? He went on a date with a 42 year old. Brandon, how old's your mom? 68. How old are your mom? 68. How old are you? 46.

Okay. How old's your wife? 47. Okay. Okay. And you dated a 42? Yes. 42.

And she's also a wife? Yeah. A current wife? A current active wife. She's on the wife register. Yes. And practicing too. How was the wife register. Mm-hmm. Yes. Practicing too.

How was the... Daily. Daily, yeah. Mook, you don't go on dates with those people, do you? Every Tuesday. Wait, wait, wait. You've been on one, correct? Yeah, but we have a schedule.

What do you mean every...you've planned a second? Yeah, but we have a schedule now. You've planned several indefinitely? Our calendars are synced up. My biggest fear was realized. That you fell in love. He did. Caught feelings.

She sent me home with cookies. She gave him a goody bag. She gave him three, a trio of cookies. Chocolate chip, butterscotch, cookies, and they were so good. Did you let her know? Yeah. Via Snapchat? Yes. How Did you let her know yeah via snapchat yes? That's how you let her know they were good. I

Just said holy shit. These are amazing like thank you for the cold We fucking did you go Adam Levine so like holy fucking good that she's in an open relationship Yes, her husband comes home and smells cookies. He's like oh fuck and smells cookies he's like oh fuck Yeah, and how old are the kids I don't I don't want to right divulge any information about the kids, but they are sentient Very are they at an age where they are algorithmically perceptible to mook they know xqc or Kaisen art okay, or you know and like mr. Beast yeah So I mean obviously I am

Many degrees of separation, but they are aware of streamers streaming all of the okay well so Next Tuesday yeah wait. I want to know how the date went get it where I get it. Yeah, don't I mean, you know, don't worry about it. I'm worried about it. I cooked. I did my thing. Like, what did you joke about? Like, were your jokes obviously? Yeah, what? What time? Like, I don't even know.

So you were 30 minutes late for the date. Yeah, she was really mad at me. And you probably loved that. That's actually school. You made her wait 30 minutes. I had a show. And you still got cookies. Yeah, still got. I don't want to divulge. Right. wait 30 minutes. I had a show and you still got cookies. Yeah still got good I don't want to divulge right I get it. I get it woman. I yeah overstepped on the first episode

I'll say that you can censor whatever well, that's because now you have very strong feelings that that is but that is he's right Unbelievable yeah, no you don't have to divulge anything about that. I want to know what you talked about It was like interview style. I was dead. It's like any first date. I was concerned about the husband I was concerned about the kids. I was concerned about I had a lot of questions about this open This open deal and it was more of that and then we talked a little bit of baseball Naturally, uh-huh. We got to an argument that like football and baseball, which sport is better? It was just first date banter, like getting to know each other. Okay.

She smell good? Smell great? Yeah. How do, how do, she, she has a, she has a... But you don't want to divulge. We don't want to divulge any... Fuck! So you gotta describe her pussy.

I don't want to... Cut, cut, cut. So did she bring a pen with her? No, but she has a physical calendar To like write down dates and stuff. Yeah, she had to go. She said Tuesday nights work best for her So very so that's your that's mommy night mommy night Tuesday night, I'll bring you guys cookies next time, please So today is Wednesday as we speak yeah

So today is Wednesday as we speak. Yeah. So we did Memorial Day because our first. So we're not in the direct aftermath of a. No, there there was. It went really south last week. I can't talk about that. But then we made up and then I was 30 minutes late again and she was very upset with me. But then I smoothed it over.

Good for you. Thank you. That's why this will end well. I was 30 minutes late again, and she was very upset with me, but then I smoothed it over Go thank you That's why this will end well I Agree, it's gonna. Yeah, it just has to right I I'm not worried. It's on pace to end well. It's starting well, so it's probably gonna end well Yeah, you don't want to step on any toes, but you said you wanted to step father but you said you wanted to step father. No. Ah. Mookie.

42 isn't even that old. No. It's like, I look- Look, I wouldn't date a 42 year old. 42 is- Yeah, yeah. What's your age once you get divorced? Yeah.

No, once I get divorced or go ahead and pull the trigger on cheating, I'm not going out of the 30s. Yeah? You wouldn't go 29? No. No. Look it it up Nick. There's some young cats at 42 years Nicki Minaj young Carrie Underwood and Hathaway Still in her 30s 40 these are 42 year old you Emily blunt goddamn Priyanka Chopra. Yeah, and you're Nick Jonas's age makes sense

Frankie Grande little Boosie What do we do me now or him? Okay, little Boosie. We're talking about 42 little little Boosie You forgot the badass little Boosie badass Come on Dwayne wait Come on, Dwayne Wade. The hottest women in their forties. Rachel McAdams.

Dude, this is the hottest age gap. The age gap. It's a hot ass age. I mean, yeah, because you're looking at it. If you were looking at thirties to forties, you'd be blown away too. I bet you 39 sounds ugly. No, there's going to be some hot 39. You don't think there's any hot 39 year olds?

I bet you it's like a weak age for hotness. You think there was a there was just a bad year a bad batch in there? What was 39 be the 1986? That's impressive. Never mind. What? Megan Fox. Megan Fox. Yeah. Yeah. Jeffree Star. Megan Fox, Anna Kendrick andrick and Jeffrey star I was so wrong Ashley Tisdale Jeffrey star Amber her you set him Jeff

Eat crow All right, God bless that's it