A New Untold Story - Perfect Mode - A New Untold Story: Ep. 347

Episode Date: June 8, 2023

KB is perfect. Ads: Factor - Head to https://barstool.link/FactorMealsKB50 and use code kb50 to get 50% off your first box Want more Anus? Check out the links below https://linktr.ee/anuspodcastYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. untold story a new untold story it's a fresh big untold story a new untold story it's right off you're just gonna tee off ad offer it yeah okay all right a new one told story episode 348 and we're gonna start out with this you guys have been doing this thing every day of your life for

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meals and enjoy fresh flavor-packed meals. Flavor-packed, delivered to your door, ready in just two minutes. The code, head to factormeals.com slash KB50 and use code KB50. This is the craziest part, to get 50% off your first box. 50% off? KB50, KB50. They choose you because you have the shorter name. Okay, KB50. I was actually speaking of how miserable the grocery store is i was at the grocery store you used to work at yesterday kyle respects respects the baggers just don't have it

anymore dude what are they doing you were one of a kind i was i was damn good and i uh required tips which is rare for a bagger yeah i uh do you guys i bumped into somebody that like do we want to start off by saying like nicks you're not here you're doing this remotely yeah sure yeah you want to you want to do it nick we have tommy in the studio with us today place of nick but nick is still on the program remotely from his home yeah Yeah. I went home to handle some stuff. And then I've also been like, uh, been dedicating this week to virtually, uh, looking at apartments, but we'll get to that. Okay. We'll get to that because I bumped into a kid from my youth that I met at my dad's bring your kid to work day. And I forgot all about this kid until I saw saw him so he was a kid then still a kid or

no he's not a kid anymore but it is weird when you think of like those people that you kind of knew as a kid that were kids and then you see them again and they're adults it's always a weird feeling you still perceive them as having a kid you're shocked that they're not a kid you're an adult but yeah and he looked exactly when he's a kid he looked exactly like seamus from gryffindor seamus from gryffindor tommamus from Gryffindor, Tommy? I don't understand the reference, but I'll nod my head. Rudy Seamus from Gryffindor. You remember Seamus from Gryffindor?

What's his last name? Finnegan. Seamus Finnegan? Yeah. No. He looked exactly like Seamus Finnegan. But I, like, recognized him, and we, like, looked at each other. I was like, dude, I remember you from Bring Your Kid to Work Day.

And he was like, all right. And then, like, it all came rushing back. dude I remember you from bring your kid to work day he was like alright and I and then I like it all came rushing back I remember he was like the world's fastest crab walker and like he showed that off like he was on Nickelodeon for that or what no

no he was just the fastest I've ever seen yeah but it was like a talent show portion of bring your kid to work day and he was doing that and he was like alright any challengers and everybody was like a talent show portion of bring your kid to work day. And he was doing that. And he was like, all right, any challengers? And everybody was like,

no, uh, like I'm not very fast at crab walking. And he was like, no, no, no, you run.

Oh, and he races you as a crab. And he smoked. No, we didn't. Yeah. Who was he facing? Anyone with able legs?

Anybody. He was beating people in a sprint while crab walking. He was the fastest I've ever seen. And he went forwards. So his head was still behind him. Usually when you want to try to fast crab walk, you would probably go backwards. Like a backstroke, right? Yeah.

Tommy, can you go forward and backwards? I don't know if I've ever crab walked or even really know exactly what a crab walk is. You would probably have like a Kevin Ware type injury trying to crab walk. Can someone demonstrate a crab walk for me? It's one you can. It would be massively inconvenient. Yeah.

But the fact that this kid was beating sixth, seventh, and eighth graders in a full out sprint crab walk. What do you go on to do? What's he up to? No idea. He's going to Respex to get his produce. Mook, do you not know what it is either? I don't exactly know. You guys never

crab walk? Oh, come on. Always make a table with your body. Is that where the shoulders are? Yeah, your arms are behind you and you're on your feet. Should I try to rip it? Yeah, go right here. I want you to show Tommy. Show this man how to crab walk tell me have you ever done any talent show type thing no surprising i wouldn't i don't have one talent like yeah exactly oh that doesn't yeah but it's go backwards go backwards apparently backwards it's probably easier but this kid was

going forwards yeah that's good no it's not good, but it's a good thing. And he was beating people on two feet? Beat me. I'm trying to think of anything I can do that's even comparable to that. The 15 seconds on the mini yesterday. Today was 12, 13, 14. Did you do it today? Today people were getting 12.

Nick had 12, Moresh had 13, and i had 14 that's nate even had 22 he's getting better yeah oreo probably checked in about 4 30 oreo yeah it was probably the length of don mclean's american pie yeah it was oreo fights fights yeah truly one of the dumbest crossword players in the world. It's shocking. But no, Kyle, I, well everybody, I've been apartment hunting heavy. Was about to put an application and I was in Perkins when I called the guy.

Guys, I was a second away from living in a clock tower. I almost got... I don't even know what that means. Well, I mean, I don't know how to describe clock tower any better than the word I'm thinking of something too narrow to fit in no cause I had like

it just looks mad narrow from a distance it was the top floor and then you had the clock tower but like you went up the steps and you saw the back of the fucking clock out onto a private deck around the clock tower. Would it have been going off like every hour? I don't know. That's a bell tower.

Okay. I'm no hunchback. So it's not like I'm thinking like a church bell goes off every hour. That feels like that would be incredibly annoying to live underneath. Couldn't do that. Right. That's why you have to put the deformed in there. So you missed out on that.

God, I hate that. I missed. I was going to sign i was going to take the hit and then uh somebody who like knows the owner got it which was it broke my heart dude oh no are you you're looking at places that aren't actual apartments i'm looking at non-apartment building buildings you were looking at a church too right i was looking at a church i'm looking at a schoolhouse right now. I have the application. A schoolhouse? Yes.

Like just an active school. There's no better back. An active school. A second grade class, third grade class. Oh, that's Nick. He lives there. That's Nick's place. Yeah, it's still a school.

The kid's nervous to like send the note to Nick's. He's older. You would love like an old arts classroom. You can just doodle in there. This place, it still has like the bell up and everything, but there's no better bachelor pad than a clock tower. Yeah, like Jason Schwartzman had lived behind a clock tower in Brooklyn. Why is everyone moving to Chicago? Everyone's living in like magic and like fantasy lands.

And you're in a hotel. Yeah, Tommy, you're going tomorrow. Yeah, I am. Do you want to just stay at my apartment? Did you book a room? Yeah, I think you got a hotel. Yeah, just book a room online. Check it out for me. Maybe it's the same spot.

Big T, I don't know if we got to this, Big T is living in the same hotel building. That's right. You guys are going to be very, very good together. very no we're perfect because we already practice every day because we live next to each other yeah we just don't talk and it makes us like each other more those are going to be the most silent elevator rides ever i know i can't we already discussed it so it won't be awkward we're just going to like probably smirk at each other

even though you're not smirking at each other at each other dude i got so attached to this clock tower that i was like trying to think of like a play on words for the hunchback of notre dame and i don't have anything the closest i have written in my notes is the munch box until she came it's a stretch yeah yeah that's all i got though but i i'm so pissed off was it actually were you in the clock tower building or were you literally in the clock face like the apartment dude i i don't even want to look at photos because it'll break my heart can you send it to us so that means that you were in the clock my steps went up my steps were the clock tower and the door at the top of the clock tower was my porch dude that would have been sick you would

have always been on time yeah you would have been in time i've been by time yeah yeah yeah well sure bro hopefully you find something else you're probably gonna end up living in like a like a auto zone or something i'm running out of weird ass buildings dude jersey jerry's living in a dentist office no one can yeah but that's normal that that is not normal a lot of dentist offices are houses what a lot of dentist offices are house where he has a waiting uh lobby oh my aunt linda didn't go to a fucking house for her dentist back in the day she did that's just not where in like the shire no on long island some some dentists they use a house as their dentist oh okay some dentists do that this is the opposite this is a very clear dentist the lobby of the little cubbyhole who else has a weird you know what spiders got in his room

spiders got magic bedrooms yeah spiders living in the disney channel original smart house is he not doesn't he have like a magic remote yeah he like presses a button it sort of looks like a a bookshelf or something let's say maybe a little bigger and he presses a button and it like his whole apartment unfolds his bed like his kitchen table and chair is like a murphy bed yeah it might be something i think a murphy bed is the one that comes out of the wall. No, no, no, no. Which is the opposite of magic. This does not come out of the wall. Oh, it's more magic.

She has a Murphy bed. A Murphy bed is the least magic thing in the world. It's like that tent Hermione has. You remember that? From like the last one? Dude, all I know is Seamus Finnegan. I don't know any other characters. She had like a tiny tent, but when you walked in, it was like a mansion.

Yeah, it's exactly like that then um kyle should we talk about new hampshire yeah i haven't spoken about it once no one's asked me which i was kind of discouraging yeah no one said how was new hampshire because i wanted new hampshire i wanted to be like uh nashua first of, people from New England advertised it like it was some decaying, war-torn shithole. Maybe by New England standards. I would tell people where I'm going, and they went... I was imagining like a Lowell Mass

or like a Steubenville, and it was more of a Kalamazoo. I've never been to Kalamazoo. I wouldn't know. It was just dead. There was not a lot of action, but the downtown was nice and modern, trendy, some breweries, some good restaurants.

But that's not why we were there. No, no, no. Also, Nashua North High School is south of Nashua South High School. That was my gripe. Did you like it? So when did you figure that out? I was looking at the on maps. It's a little bit south. That's your Gilbert gripe. When did you figure that out? I was looking on maps. It's a little bit south.

That's your Gilbert gripe. Yeah. He wouldn't come to that conclusion. That's like Virginia going further west than West Virginia. Yeah, but this is different. This is worse. Okay. So, yeah, what do you want to say?

I think it's going to be a pretty good video. We met some interesting characters. My biggest gripe is the restaurant margaritas. The menu stunk. The menu stunk. Delicious food. A good food selection. Tons of options.

The way they thematically and categorically separated the different food options, tremendous. But the menu just stunk. The menu smelled really bad. It smelled horrible. Tremendous. But the menus just stunk. The menus smelled really bad. They smelled horrible. It smelled like shit. I had to leave a two-star review. I said the food was delicious, the best I've had in New England, but the menus stunk. I had to

tell the waitress to get me another one. I was like, dude, does your menus stink? And you're like, nah, like fajitas, quesadillas. I'm like, no, no, no. The options are incredible. Your menu, dude. They had the worst smelling menus I've ever had. She was like, no, no, no. No, the options are incredible. Yeah. Your menu, dude. They had the worst smelling menus. She agreed. She was like, whoa, I've been working here for two and a half months, which is kind of

a lot. And I've never noticed. Now that I put my nose to it, these menus stink. So I don't know what's going on. I would rather have my food bad be bad than my menu. They were so aesthetically pleasing too and broken down perfectly they had all the options we're not joking at all yeah they just stuck you know there's an option that your food might be bad you never go into a restaurant thinking the menu might

smell might have an odor yeah it's never on your list of concerns i was i i grabbed the waitress excuse me ma'am my menu stinks and she was like well, well, I mean, I don't, I'm sorry. It's just a typical Mexican. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Like, and I handed it to her and I like did this motion. She hit me with the Dios mio. It was bad. What does that mean, Kyle?

I got to get to that unit. I'm still on like, she is, he is. Isn't it my God? Yeah. Probably. Dios mio. Yeah. Dios mio. Yeah. it's my spanish teacher porn spanish no that's just my

spanish teacher would say to me whenever i tried to utter anything in spanish i got banned yeah the monkey bought the monkey boy documentary started off great we'll see how it ends we'll see how it ends it's out of our hands but we're we're working on it uh yeah it should be pretty interesting um i know like we've talked about like wheeling with a bunch of odd people but nashua man everybody was something something yeah everyone was pleasant though everybody was pleasant for though. Everybody was pleasant, for sure. Except that one guy. That short little army vet. Very racist.

Oh, he was like four foot six. Compared to me. He was like three two. He was four foot six compared to everybody. Yeah, he was four foot six. He was so short. How'd you meet him? Downtown. He was walking. Those type of guys, they just walk

around. They don't know what they're doing. They aren't homeless, but Lord knows, speaking of homeless, I'll breeze through this story. I stepped on, I was so close to stepping on crack on the sidewalk today like a piece of crack um these two homeless guys they were blocking they're under the awning

blocking the door to the smoke shop where i buy my protein shakes so i had to squeeze by them to get to the door and i made it a point to brush up on them like to let them know they're being a massive nuisance gotcha well the door was locked they weren't open and as i brushed up against them he dropped his little tiny fragment of crack and i saw it on the ground and my shoe was about four inches from stepping on maybe three and they let out like the most primal whoa like you know like they're drunk that The worst type of whoa. I scurried away and they started talking shit like, yeah, you would step away. They said, yeah,

you would step away. So I come back. Kyle, why, dude? Go back to him. I've been lifting and I've been fantasizing about violence for a long time. Your first mistake is, why are you getting protein shakes at a smoke shop? It's close to my apartment and they have protein shakes. Okay.

They're not like weed protein shakes. Okay. That sounds like the opposite of a mistake. I put my hand on the shoulder of the shorter one and I say, listen, guys, if I would have stepped on your crack, it would have been the second best day of your life. First being the day you first tried crack. Because here's what I would have done. I would have led you guys both to the ATM. It's right there in the 99 cent pizza store.

And I would have given you each $100. I would have taken out $200, given you each $120. And that would be way more than that little piece of crack was worth but you talk shit and i walked away that's pretty good smack your lips like that no i didn't do any of that i just walked away thinking about what i would have done what i wish i would have done yeah that's good that got i i was almost 100 sure it didn't happen it still got me going but i would have if i would have stepped on their crack, I would have given them a large sum of money, I think.

How much crack? I would have no concept of how much crack. I don't know how much. It was like the size of a crazy bone. That could be $1,000 or $10. It was much smaller than a crazy bone. I just didn't know what would be that small. A crazy bone would be a big piece of crack.

A crazy bone's foot. A crazy bone's foot. Oh, okay. It was tiny. Like Z-Rex's. Z-Rx was probably my favorite crazy bone yeah they were that was another era tommy tommy it looks i know for a fact tommy has like a notebook of like his wedding hashtags listed out you've tried you've done wait what what do you mean like for when i get married you've gone through all the possible no i i honestly haven't uh my my friend who got married i was his best man they put me and my friend in charge with coming up with his wedding hashtag and i

couldn't do it it was too hard someone asked me once i couldn't do it yeah it's hard it's it's i think we're above that it's like you need no kyle yours is our Finest Bower. Rudy, yours is... Oh, because I guess it only needs to be my last name. Yeah, Rudy. Something with belly. I didn't know this was so popular. Junda. It's like every wedding.

Millennial. I don't think any of my friends have done that. I think you could be like J Dada, like the wedding song. That'd be good. That's awful. That'd be good. You could be like love in any terrain-y. In any terrain.

Four-wheel terrain. Jesus Christ. Why four-wheel drive? Like four-wheel drive? I don't know. Four-wheel terrain-y? What about like terrain or shine? Yeah, terrain or shine is way better.

Love terrain or Shine. I feel like Nick's going to take his wife's name. Well, Nick's last name backwards is in a rut. Yeah, so maybe reverse, isn't it? Finally. Scabelli? Out of the rut. Scabelli.

There's got to be something with belly. Isn't that like a black people movie? Scabelli? Belly or Scabelli. There's got to be something with belly. Isn't that like a black people movie? Scabelli? Belly or Scabelli? I don't know what's less black. Tyler Perry's Scabelli. Medea in Scabelli. Wait, we need to get to the bottom of this. I think there's like a gangster or like a hood classic called Belly.

Or Belly. It might be Belly 2. Belly like B-E-L-L-Y? Precisely. Okay, that makes more sense. All right. So maybe you could do your wedding hashtag with something like it's Belly 2 themed. Yeah, it's a nice movie.

We got to do something Belly 2 themed. What's Belly 2? Who's in it? Hold on. Belly 2. Who's in it? Hold on. Belly 2. It's based on DMX and Nas. Oh. Oh, my God.

Belly 2, Millionaire Boys Club. Okay, yeah, we'll do a theme with that. The game is in it. Ski Car. Ian Funk. Taye Hansberry. Yeah. Ian Funk.

Tay Hansberry. Yeah. And X-Con goes back to his old ways, wondering if he can ever turn his life around, but things become more complicated when he falls for a woman who makes her living upholding the law. All right, so we could do something like that. I guess I'll have to marry a black woman.

That tracks. Yeah. Which is fine. Yeah. Yeah is fine. Yeah. Interesting word. As long as I love her. As long as you love her it's perfectly fine.

As long as I love her and shit. And you could do a cool thing with the bride and groom on the top of the cake. It could signify what flavor cake you're getting. Yeah. You segregate the cake. Yeah,y get a black a biracial wedding must look like segregation because you just have like the opposite yeah he's on each yes i've been to more than i haven't i think you have to switch them up i think you have to be like oh

we're gonna go one one on each side yeah instead of like a moon cookie, you go for cookies and cream ice cream. That sounded racist right there. What did you say? The moon, isn't it like a moon? A moon cookie? Yeah, it's really close to a slur. That doesn't sound right.

You turn a few of those letters around, it's a slur. But if it's available, then I'll take it. It is. It's like a half and half cookie, right? Yeah. Half and half cookie, right?

I'll start calling you guys moon cookies. Being an usher at a biracial wedding has to be the easiest job. It's a black tie event. No, it's a black guy event. Yeah. It's. Wait, no, no. There's got to be a joke about the singer usher at a at a at a black wedding

never mind we can do it go for it it's there but it's not worth the not worth the squeeze what episode is this 348 how how massively convenient that it is one of the auxiliary area codes for New York City. And then if you revert back, we're on 212, which is New York City. That's special. Wow. Yeah, we have Tommy who's a New Yorker. New Yorker. And today is Thursday, June 8th.

We'll get to June 8th. Let's start with Thursday. Thursday. Sensitive day of the week for me. What do you got? Thoughts? He's got some Thursday thoughts. He told me to prepare some Thursday thoughts.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This isn't allowed. Kyle said prepare. You're going to come on anus on Thursday. He's been racking these up, Nick. He's had nowhere to i have i have a google doc i have a google doc with 114 thoughts 114 pages worth of thoughts i have thousands pages too um but i have some new ones some old ones so it's really just a matter of

of what you guys would like i thought you know one day i think maybe i'll write a coffee table book with all my thoughts but then probably nobody would buy it because nobody it's kind of why they got canceled yeah it would be funny if it's like yeah i know i couldn't have like someone to put subtitle like to produce subtitles but can i write a book give me the resources to publish a book at barstool publishing house good Good name. Yeah. Just scroll and give me a random one. Okay, that's what I said. Random one, random one. What page? Oh, there's 200 pages. Is there one? How many per page?

There's like 10 per page probably. Well, it's all old ones. Yeah, a lot of them are already done and then there's one give us some unreleased ones well wait first of all no no i want the first thursday thought oh it's a classic true true ttt heads will know this one like i'd imagine half the audience doesn't even they'll like i almost asked you what ttt was they'll probably just like read it with me as i read it off uh i don't this

is the first one ever i believe it was january 3rd ish 2019 i don't like when someone on the street tells me to tie my shoe typically i wait typically i know on the street tells you to tie okay yeah people play all your shoes untied typically I know that it's untied and I made the conscious decision to leave it untied. In parentheses, I am bad at shoe tying. When someone says, hey, your shoe is untied, it makes me feel pressured to tie it in front of them, even though I don't want to. I mean, that's like early days shit. That's like. Yeah, that's like early. But I do stand by it. Right.

It's never a surprise to me when someone says your shoe is untied. I know it's untied and I don't have to fucking tie it in front of you. So. There it is. History. Should we go bar for bar? You said you had some? KB? I had

some June 8th facts. You have Thursday thoughts. We'll bounce them off. Wait, yeah, are we going to do a versus battle? Yeah. So June 8th, I always look at the people

whose birthday it is. Who are we celebrating? Who are the top, who are the biggest, the top dogs that we're celebrating? Today is Kanye West. And then the next famous man born today's hayes greer ignore oh wow yeah kind of like the yin and yang of the new millennia's millenniums uh fame to very different people. But can I, this is the new game, connect them?

How quickly? Yes. Their filmographies. Their filmographies? The goal is under six. So wait, they've been in many things? Things they've appeared in? Yeah.

So if somebody's appeared in something with this celebrity and then that celebrity appeared in something with that celebrity, you know what I'm saying? I can do it. You always want I'm saying? I can do it. You always want to do it. You can do Hayes Greer and Kanye West. I think it's a possibility. Two people who aren't even really in movies.

Yeah, I can do it. Okay. You want me to try? Yeah. To put things into perspective how famous these are, Kanye West, number six most popular

in the world. In the world? Hayes Greer, 169. Oh my God. No way he's 169. There's no way he's 169. They overrate like internet stars. Tom Scabelli has a page.

He's, for perspective, 1,717,000. No, that's not 1,000,000. That's insane, Tommy. That's not 1,000,000. Tommy, you're pretty noteworthy. I was 13. People recognize you in your 1,000,y. I was 13. People recognize you in your one million.

I was 13,000th pretty recently. I'm 17,326. I don't know what it's saying. One, seven, three, two, six. Tommy, how can we know what it's saying, man? I keep boosting myself. I hit boost. I don't know if that does anything.

I love how you just hit a 360 with your laptop. We talked about this on the Yak. I think we talked about this on the yak one day it was like 70,000 yeah and then since then i got up to like 13,000 keep boosting me oh yeah you're not there yeah one millionth okay all right thursday thought okay um this one do we want a new one an oldie a new a goodie or an oldie probably good try to give us a good one wait a goodie or give us both i want to see how different they are um all right this is a new one i bet this is a newer one um why was everyone so embarrassed to be seen with their parents as a kid?

I'd go to the pizzeria with my mom and dad and hope to not see anyone from school there as if it was social suicide to be seen with them, bro. I was 11. Who the fuck else would I be with? They know it's, it's, these are good. That is a good one. It's an old, that's not an oldie. That's a goodie.

That was more good than it was old. Yes. That's it. That's a goodie that was more good than it was old yes that's it that's a goodie not an oldie yeah i agree i guess yeah yeah i'd always be very nervous oh god i see somebody there yeah see see someone's like yeah i'm nine i should be i should probably be with my parents yeah are you so you're still just just penning them you're still writing them now i put them in my notes. So I have a bunch of different documents. I have thoughts. Then I have more for like a stand-up joke, if I ever do that.

Then I have sketch ideas. And then I have sitcom ideas. So there's a lot of different. But when was the last time you wrote a thought for the specific point of view? Today, for these. But before that? i mean whenever like last mark okay so you haven't you don't just pick it up for a hobby like you don't think no no no got it okay i write for for business yeah yeah only if you get yeah if you get paid yeah yeah that goes away fast like but i think it might start coming back in my mid to late 30s. What?

I feel like I'm always at like the fucking arcade with my mom. Like that, then I would be embarrassed. In your 30s? Yeah. If I was at the mall with her at 34. Yeah, I think it would just be weird. It wouldn't be embarrassing. It'd be weird probably.

Yeah. I'm trying to think of like, yeah yeah i think i would be just as embarrassed if i saw a girl i had a crush on in high school and i was with my mom and i'm yeah and i'm like 30 at fye yeah yeah i'd be really embarrassed right now what i would be embarrassed at my age to be i would be very embarrassed having fun with my mom I was like looking through discount dvds with my parents oh my god all right Kyle what else about June 8th um Hayes Greer let's connect him to Kanye because I did it no one else is doing it I'll do it right now Hayes Greer uh was probably in a video with King Batch. Wrong.

Hayes Greer was a contestant on season 21 of Dancing with the Stars in 2015. Okay. Tommy, you want to go? Oh, that's it. I thought you were doing the full connection. So should we go for... You got to think about what's next. An oldie or a goodie?

I guess a good. Do an oldie. Wait, no, no, no. Let's have us guess if it's an oldie or a goodie. Okay, yeah an oldie wait no no let's have us guess if it's an oldie okay yeah so if it's an oldie it's gonna be random um this is like a white episode of wild and out okay okay where uh nick what city is the wild now i think it was uh did you said we were talking about and you said you think it's the tallest building in atlanta they film in atlanta and at that the wild and out building has to be the tallest it's got to be a skyscraper in atlanta it's like our h&m building

it has to be we were like we were trying to ponder where Wild N' Out was located. It's the most obviously Atlanta noun in the world. It's like Stark Tower in the Avengers. Yeah. All right, Tom. Anyway. Okay. Guess if it's an oldie or a goodie. If I was a waiter, here's a funny thing I would do.

Let's say someone orders a burger and says, hold the tomato. When I give them their food, I'd hand them their burger and then also be holding the tomato in my hand. They'll look confused and I'll say, well, you did say hold the tomato. It'll lead to ruckus, laughter, maybe a round of applause and a guaranteed 22% tip. I'm guessing you wrote that in 15 to 16 bc yeah dude is that holding a fossil yeah that's an oldie. Any comments? Oh. You were like a wedding or out to eat thing person, right, Nick?

What? He does things that when he goes out to eat. What does that mean? No, Tommy's a thing person in general. He always has a thing. Yeah. In what way? How often do you give speeches? Here's a thing I do.

You have a thing for every situation. Oh, yeah a lots of like a toast uh here's to a night we'll never forget or remember that type of thing yeah yeah if you were my favorite thing the fine print would be long like there's a lot of stipulations because i'm not an easy person to deal with yeah my favorite tommy thing is whenever you have a drink with him, whether it be a sip or a hundred shots, you wake up to the same voice memo. Oh, what happened last night? What the fuck? Where did we end up? Kyle, I guess say the next connection.

Julianne Hough was a judge on season 21 of dancing with the stars okay tommy your turn you're getting bawdy this one okay i would say this one's hashtag deep this one's kind of deep this one's more philosophical on nights where i stay in and see a bunch of people posting stories from being out at a dinner bars whatever i'll often feel left out and regret my decision to stay in but it's important to remember that it's not like everyone is out it's just that everyone who is out is posting those stories but there's plenty of others staying in and just posting nothing perhaps we should all agree to post more stories on nights we stay in to remind each other we're not alone

yeah people post themselves at their best but ironically come across as at their worst damn that was deep that was more of an observation that was that was actually his his polish is showing that was so. We're feeling the love. A real Polack moment. I think that was a goodie in your book. Good luck competing with that one. Good fucking luck. Julianne Hough

portrayed fellow American actress Uzo Aduba's character Suzanne Crazy Eyes Warren from the Netflix hit series Orange is the New Black in 2013, October 31st. Okay, very nice. Kyle, why are those papers soaking wet?

This one is... They're dry as hell, but this one just crumbled up. What happened to that one? I threw it away in the garbage. Why? Because it's a weird... Yeah, I don't know.

We're getting there. We're getting to Kanye. Where's Kanye? Is it my turn? Yeah. Okay. Some kids like to say, yeah, school just isn't really for me or I'm'm more street smart than book smart, or I'm not good in school, but I'm smart in other ways.

On rare occasions, those people go on to become successful entrepreneurs. In most cases, they're actually just bad at school because they are idiots. Right. I don't think academia is a test of intelligence, but you're an idiot if you can't figure out how easy it is to succeed in school and how beneficial that would be. I think there is a large correlation there between your intelligence and how well you do in school. With some exceptions. I think a lot of the 4.0 kids were just diligent. Yes. Fair, but I think they're doing better in life than yeah definitely doing better in life right yeah i don't know there's a lot of people that

have that are like drop out and suck at school that are good like jimmy ivy was shit at school and then he who's that he's a he's a guy that worked with dr dre on well i'm saying there are there's like a there's the rare dr seuss went to harvard and like picasso went to yale but there are the opposite dr seuss dropped out and picasso dropped out oh yeah i feel like bill gates dropped out like but like you're getting into harvard i don't know about picasso dropping out picasso went yeah i mean I don't know if that's right. He's from Spain, isn't he? I think so.

There's a fact about him that blew my mind. It was either he dropped out of college or he was born in the 1900s. No, he died in... Picasso died in 1973. Oh, so 73? Yeah. I would have thought

1500. He's also low-key kind of mid-Picasso. He's mid. What did he paint? Exactly. He has nothing. He has no hits. Starry Night? That's Van Gogh. Oh, shit.

Nick, what did Picasso paint? Dude, I don't know. He had his whole blue era. That was alright. Oh, yeah. I actually don't. Yeah, I have no idea. Was he a cubist as well? Did he do some cubism? Shit, I don't know. Sounds right. Guarnica is his most famous one, but that's... Never heard of it.

Like, all the big ones. Last Supper. Mona Lisa. Mona Lisa. Scream. He didn't do any of those. I can't even load anything right now. My phone. Yeah, Nick, he helped invent cubism. Okay. Kyle.

These all look like Mac Miller album covers. They do. Uzo Aduba starred alongside fellow American actress zoe saldana in my little pony the movie aduba played the hippogriffian sea pony queen nova saldana portrayed orinthian parrot captain solano so you guys are probably going to be able to get the rest no i don't think so yeah no, no. Okay. Tommy. Okay, sorry. Getting that catalog.

Yep. This one I know people are going to do. This one I'm ready to lose the room on. This is a lose the room thought on. I know that everyone's going to disagree with it. Every single one we've always just kind of just agreed upon. Yeah. We want some.

This one will lose the room. Okay. May not all rooms. This room, yes. Whenever I'm alone at a bar or restaurant waiting for someone to come, I feel a lot of pressure to make it clear that I'm not by myself. I'll fill up two glasses of water, maybe unfold their napkin and make it look used, perhaps throw some bread on their plate. Anything so people don't think, oh, there's Tommy Smokes having dinner by himself like a total fucking loser.

I know you like eating dinner alone. That's why I figured I'd lose the room there. Yeah. having dinner by himself like a total fucking loser i know you like eating dinner alone that's why i figured i'd lose the room there yeah um it's more like you you expect you're expecting everyone to know like that's tommy no no not that part like even if i was you know not a even if i wasn't you don't want you don't know if i wasn't the 17 000th most famous person in the world i would still not like uh the judgment of people thinking I'm there alone. That you're there alone. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, I mean, that's weird, but I get it. I disagree. I don't think it's weird. Not weird. I think it's weird. To create like a fake crime scene? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. What were you doing? Throwing bread on it. You were throwing bread? I put some bread on their plate. That's weird. Would you nibble it? That's weird, Tommy. As if they were like someone had eaten it yeah a little nibble you're putting okay yeah yeah take a sip of their water think you got stood up then you were eating alone

wait what i'd rather i'd rather people think i'm eating alone than stood up eating alone was your decision stood up was not your decision. Yeah. This was inspired recently. I was at a dinner with friends and this girl was there by herself for a while, clearly waiting for a date. You were making it look like your date just had the bread and then dipped. She left. She escaped through the bathroom. No, she didn't even dip the bread.

She left. She did. But you only do that at a table? Hayes Greer was in a vine with Kanye. Hayes Greer was in a vine with Kanye Hayes Greer was in a vine with King Bach King Bach was in the pop star music video this is filmography with Justin Bieber Justin Bieber was in a song with Kanye West

you're actually getting close Zoe Saldana I got it starred alongside fellow American actress Cameron Diaz in the Notorious Fly episode of Flavor of Sound 2020 why don't you do two in a row American actress Cameron Diaz in the Notorious Fly episode of Flavor of Sound 2020. Okay. Why don't you do two in a row, Kyle?

Because I'm having trouble keeping track. Cameron Diaz starred alongside Jamie Foxx in the 2014 musical comedy drama Annie. Okay. Of course. Finish it off. okay of course finish it off jamie fox starred alongside chris brown in the 2015 music video you changed me 110 million views we're getting there keep going slowly but surely chris brown starred alongside kendall jenner and little dicky's 2018 music video Freaky Friday, 734 million views. Yeah.

Kendall Jenner starred alongside Brody Jenner in the American reality TV series Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Brody Jenner starred alongside Heidi Montag in the American reality TV series The Hills. reality TV series, The Hills. Heidi Montag starred alongside William Norwood Jr. in season 19 of the British reality series Celebrity Big Brother. And then William Ray Norwood Jr. starred alongside Kim

Kardashian in Kim Kardashian's sex tape with Ray J. And then Kim Kardashian married Kanye West. So I got it in like 11 to 12. That's not too bad. That's not bad. That's the new record. That is the new record.

Nobody's ever done it quicker. That was impressive work too, because those guys are so far apart. Right. And you know what? I linked them romantically, which was one of the most pathetic hours of my life. Why'd you do this? What? Because I wanted to see if i could it's a challenge

that's why i'm learning spanish for the challenge it's like yeah challenge tommy give us one more oh i'd closed my laptop um oh god forbid god forbid i have to reopen it oh memorize one or give me give a page Or maybe give us one off Dome. You said you made new ones? I mean, so I've been mixing in some new, some old. This one, this must be an early one. When I'm watching football with a group of guys and we all cheer after a big play,

I feel like we're in a Buffalo Wild Wings commercial. That's good. I pretend like I'm in a commercial when I'm doing this. Yeah. This is one of my greatest there should be a porn star called Miss Direction who does sleight of hand magic tricks during her porn

videos like M-I-S-S and then Direction are there a lot of porn stars with Miss in their name why wouldn't her name be like Miss Erection and then direction. Are there a lot of porn stars with Miss in their name? Why wouldn't her name be like Miss Erection? That wouldn't make any sense. It's porn.

Are you still off that? Off porn? Yes. Do you jerk off at all? Yes. No more questions. I was waiting for that. Yeah. So my new thing, I'm just trying to avoid anything that really

spikes the dopamine. But wouldn't jerking off besides weed, I just could not quit weed. What? Jerking off would. If you do it the wrong way, it doesn't do shit. It's basically just for survival. You're jerking off would if you do it the wrong way it doesn't do shit it's basically just for survival i found the worst ways to jerk off without spiking my dopamine whatsoever i've been having neutral orgasms and i'm jacking off just because i feel like you sexually you should yeah

i agree with that yeah yeah wait is it like a chore or you're just like I need to because I don't want to I didn't want to quit masturbation because I've heard bad things but I've heard great things about quitting porn so I had to find a middle man and I wanted I didn't want to like yo a middle no

yeah so what do you think about i didn't say it was thoughts you turn your brain off and do it listen we're not getting into my masturbation it's embarrassing i want i want to learn i want to learn you guys got to start you guys got you guys got a dopamine detox first and then get to you got to get to day 30 i'm at day 40 get the day i'm at day like 45 get the day 40 and then talk to me how do you dopamine detox exactly nothing that will give you too much what what does that anything cool or nice or fun so just miserable yeah it'll be it'll be shitty for like five days and then it'll be great i really do want

to try it i signed up bribing yourself of like good things i know i'm like refusing to listen to music if i'm on caffeine because that's too much good things at once stacking too much good things and i don't know if there's any benefit but it's the the illusion of productivity yeah yeah yeah what also makes you appreciate those good things more when they're the music shit works. You withhold from music. That is true. And like walking someplace, like not listening to music that actually truly is. It's tough.

But now I'm not listening to music while I work out. So I'm not listening to it. Nuts. Yes. So no, no music when I'm drinking my coffee, not on the way to the gym, none during the gym. And then as soon as I start listening to music on my walk home it feels like a drug it's a reward i've been finding a lot of good new music that tate song that tate mcgray song is no tate by fred again but that teen girl is probably good

too wait what tate by fred again oh that's confusing because i had just sent you a song yesterday by someone named mcgrady it was really good what else ruben keeney better run rascal flats i like the sound of that world of t-shirts is drinking lean now what yeah is he out in the mustard yellow air right now he's ricky lean and he's like working out and do it talking about creatine he's like we have so many of the same him him running away him running away from that van is the funniest i've ever seen yeah it was like he was yeah he was like why are the coyote like he was like Wile the Coyote. He ran away like a cartoon

character. No, I think we could trap him by painting a tunnel on a wall. Yeah. Now that Ben Mintz is back, I want to get him with every Looney Tunes prank. Yeah. Oh, man. Mook, how are you?

Good, brother. Very good. I think we should paint. That would be hilarious if we started popping up the Looney Tunes. Yeah. In New York and just waiting. Try to get them with an Acme, like a dumbbell. Or a drop of an anvil.

Or get them to smoke a stick of dynamite. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Oh, man. New anus merch is available in the store. Until this bitch and the MOOC shirts are out. Shout out to everyone for ordering those.

I haven't bought my 10 MOOC shirts yet. I put 10 in the car and it was like $1,000. So I bought three. I'll buy three more in a month. I bought a handful of the, until this bitch for random people on the discord. Those two.

Oh, no, you didn't. What? I Venmo'd. I Venmo'd them for them to buy them. So I'd imagine they didn't do it and just kept the money. You kept your money.

Yeah. As they should have. If you didn't do that, what are you doing? Yeah, man, never got it. Are they submitting more ideas? So many more, dude. Yeah, lots. Should we pull them up?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. Tommy, breeze through a thought. Oh, I put my phone on. Okay. How's the air there?

Pretty weird. It's the air there? Pretty weird. It's just super. Today, actually, it was whatever yesterday. Today, it got really crazy. It's legitimately just orange. It is weird. It's just orange outside. People are posting too many Instagram stories about it, though.

There's no fires in Chicago, Tommy. You should come there. Have you never heard of tv show chicago fire bang or the giant tragedy fire that happened right that one too clemmer clemmer cannot get over go get over it like every 20 minutes at his desk he's just like this is just this is awful yeah he's like completely like i think i saw him for six that he was like i think they might ground the flights he cannot the yankees can't play tonight yeah he he can't believe it he can't believe it it's almost as if like a villager in mesopotamia is talking about like a drought that's coming you know what i mean like he is yeah he's he's a great guy i love clemmer i can't get

enough of me he's he's fine. He was a Clemmer to the max in Nashua. Oh, yeah. Minor league baseball. The way he talks about the 90s and 80s. I don't know. It's HDMI too. I don't know if I can switch it because then Nick

will hop off. Oh, gotcha. I can go away and we can watch that. Look at those. We could probably just overlay them, but then Nick can't see them. Like in post. You're saying that if you switch

the screen, Nick's going away. Yes. We don't want that. Nick, can you keep up live with us in the Discord? Yeah, just tell me where you're starting. Okay, cool. Okay, yeah.

So I just went all the way to the t-shirt ideas and went straight to the bottom. Okay. The first one, just so you guys can see. Before you dive in, I hate to interrupt. There's a new channel on there for heat checks. Okay. And I posted my, I there for heat checks. Oh, okay. And I posted my, I have a Lady Vols softball jersey. That is so sick in there.

And it passed the heat check. Who passed it? Nine people flamed it. Like, flamed in a good way. They're afraid of you. That's why they did it. I forgot to tell you guys. I accidentally left my African tribesman knife in my backpack when I went through TSF.

Oh, no. You're confiscated? The guy pulled my backpack. He's like, anything you want to tell me that's in here? And I'm just like, chapstick? And he's just like, what about this? The tribal knife. And he was a black guy, too. So it was just like, it was like the plot. Who else was a black guy too so it's just like it was like who

else it was the plot of black panther and i was like you could have it but like not you but like you guys can have it and then they just threw it away oh man but it was it was i was so embarrassed and so i i just have too many knives that i don't know where they all are. I got my tungsten card. That's what I keep getting pulled over for on flights. It's the tungsten metal. Oh, it shows up. It shows up on TSA. I've never had it happen once.

Really? Yeah. I had it happen the last flight. Really? All right. We started at the bottom. Oh, sorry. Yeah, no, we're at the bottom of the T-shirt one.

None of these are too good. Yeah, they hate us because they ain't us dopamine i mean dope you mean kb kb the irony is that kb i like that he won't even look at the shirt because it'll give him too much excitement yeah that's good that's good. That's good. And then Nicky TV. That one's sick. Yeah. It's me as Mike TV from Willy Wonka. I'd be lying if I said I knew that reference. Mike. There's a dude named Mike TV.

Yeah, he loves TV. That's not a YouTube channel. That's a character. No, he loves TV. His last name's actually TV. I think it's T-E-E- a YouTube channel. That's a character. No, his last name's actually TV. I think it's T-E-E-V-E. But he also loves TV. The Pokemon one is kind of cool.

That's fire. Yeah. Yeah. Wild Daddario appeared. Yep, that one's funny. The Pompeii one's fire, I think. Literally, and I think that's funny. Heat check, Pompeii 79 AD.

Who is that in there? Is that a... KB? I've worn that piece up north, but not down south. Oh, that is you. In front of a hobby lobby? I thought that was Josh from YNC. You guys know about Josh from YNC?

Yeah, I do. Thanks to you. Oh, yeah. That's a good ass Photoshop. Yeah. Shark Survivor Surf Club. Blue in a Canoe. That's fire.

Yeah, that one's really cool. There was one that was not legitimately meant to be just a joke. That was a really actually good t-shirt. I like the one that says piss. Where is that? It's by Ornery. I wish there was a way we could tag these. There's the girl blue raspberry shirt.

That's what I'm talking about. That's the one I'm talking about. The girl blue raspberry one is a very high quality, nice design. Really, really good. I got to find it. There's so many in here. The bean one I actually really like. The off the bean.

And it's the Chicago bean. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. I got to find this. Any singlets? Yeah, there's one singlet. Have you seen this? No.

It's a... How did you know about a singlet? I just wanted to know if there were any singlets. We were just talking about singlets. It's an Ohio University singlet, though. Oh, come on. 2014 official Tywin Claxton grudge match replica singlet. He beat Drake Howd Shelt that year.

But it has the it has a looks like a silhouette of him beating you. That's pretty cool. We should get those in the store. This is the actual good one, Kyle. It the blue raspberry. Yeah, surf club. That's cool. Yeah, the surfboard with a bite out of it.

That was I like the one with Mook holding a bunch of Grammy Awards, and it just says Mookie as if it's a play on Grammys. Yeah. Good work. Okay. We even got a girl crop top. Who fucking modeled that? We don't know dibs oh it's no dude these are getting too good yeah they are these are just mook shirts

they are there's a lot of good mook ones yeah they're very good thank you guys so much uh in the discord oh yeah and we have to shout out uh nolan for that movie poster in the discord oh yeah and we have to shout out uh nolan for that movie poster oh shout out nolan that when i first saw it like in mini version on my phone i was like oh that's really cool and then i opened it bigger and i you the longer you look at it the the more horrifying you realize it is yeah it's scary yeah i look full tybalt good in that in that thing yeah oh my god you guys seen any good titles lately i saw one the other day almost never really i saw i saw a breathtaking i saw a breathtaking lesbian at uh what go ahead go ahead i saw her in a uh documentary called the jinx on hbo it's

about robert durst i've watched one of them One of the murdered women's friends just took my breath away. I think it's like when you get a new car and all of a sudden you start spotting that car on the road a lot more because your mind's like trained to look out for it. That's how I feel with lesbian women right now. It's just like they're just popping in my head all the time. I'm seeing tie balls left and right. Does that archetype of woman exist in like Europe? I would say Eastern. I could see like some but I feel like they're straight.

They look like that there in Eastern Europe but they're just straight. Yeah. I had the same phenomenon with purple shoes because I gave myself three things to look for. I was up in Washington Heights. I got to find purple shoes. I got gotta find a yellow hat and i gotta find a flat tire and then since

playing that game with myself so i've been yeah you could have just found waluigi and mario kart that wasn't on purpose so those are the that's that's a result doing stuff like that's a result of your dopamine uh yeah i'm doing things that wouldn't aren't conventionally fun for fun how do you come up with one that's the ideal that's the ideal dude like you're at an age right now where fun is super accessible what do you mean aren't you going to regret not not seizing the fun when you can absolutely i'm having a blast every day i'm waking up at five despite my shit sleep um and because i can't wait to just go live that's that was said with a ton of conviction you're doing things nick is right though you're doing things that are like a geriatric i don't miss like i'm gonna go up to washington heights

and look for purple shoes this is for people who are done with the guys once you get to drink number three and you're like i don't even feel that good yeah i was talking about this that's what i that's what rudy earlier is i i'd like to stop drinking or at least during the week and just feel i want i'm i'm trying to become a light version of you i I like the life you're living right now. I don't want to wake up at 5 a.m. and look for fucking yellow hats. I want to wake up maybe at like 7 and go to the gym. It's a gateway. In three years, everyone's going to be on this wave and the world will be a lot better. Is this a Huberman special?

I feel like it's going to blow up. I deleted social media off my phone Thursday. It's the best. I don't know what's going on anywhere. Yeah, it kind of sucks, though, too, because that's like everything that we do is on Twitter. But I did do it. I haven't been on. I used to do it when I lived in Texas.

I would just be on it so much because I had so much downtime because all we did was play hockey. But that took up like three hours of the day. So I would delete them until I got until like six or seven p.m and then i would read out redownload it and then look then it would make that was nice actually that way you kind of like throttle it during the day because i would always just like have a thought and then you need to get to the point where you need to make some sort of decision or like critical think and then as soon as you hit that hard part you're like oh just look at my phone and then you forget what you were doing and then you go back and it's just like this circular yeah right i'm trying to lower screen time too i might go airplane mode is that like having my notes my

notepad i always like to just write things in my notepad so i can't get rid of the phone i need the notes yeah yeah but airplane mode i think would work you know what i did what if i told you that you could there's offline there's non-electronic note. I don't understand. I don't. Yeah, I'm not going to if I go for a walk. I'm not going to fucking carry a notepad with you look like a detective. Yeah, final bird does

that you can't what you can do is I did this for a bit as I made my phone screen like a Kindle screen. It's like fully black and white and it's excruciating no i turned off something it was not even black and white it was a worse shade you gray scaled gray scaled and i couldn't do it yeah it's excruciating it makes i relapsed on color yeah i couldn't do it i didn't know how addicted i was to color yeah yeah i'm not the detox myself from color

it's hard it's exciting you're complete you're giving up on color completely i might have to come to my wedding dude and this is the worst part now i'm i'm now i'm enjoying the cold the ice cold water too much so that's not that like my roommate is very much takes in a freezing cold shower every morning and he loves it. And I think I want to get on that wave. It's nice. Guys, I've gotten to the I started with 30 seconds. I was like, this is the worst thing ever.

I have to get out in 30 seconds and I would get out as soon as it got to 29. Now I'm like, I forget that I'm in there and I'll look at the clock for a minute. Do you clean yourself in the cold shower? No. And don't don't get in that habit. Why not? I don't know. Don't let him talk to you like he's an expert.

He gets the notes. I want to get people on my exact regimen. And I want to feed off them. I want them to see the progress. I'm going to do that. Because people can see that it's fucking working. I'm having a blast talking to you right now yeah yeah totally it seems fun there's definitely gonna be people on the wave of i'm gonna look for purple shoes that's gonna catch them everywhere

you'll see them everywhere once you start thinking about purple shoes like you'll see there's a lot of purple shoes out there. This is also an ad we can't do on YouTube. So speaking of which. Of all the things in life, one of the best has to be getting high wherever you want. Well, to an extent, whenever you want, without the paranoia of consuming some sketchy black market bunk. I love weed. People love weed. It's popular for a reason reason but what's the best way to do weed it's three chi i'm telling you i've been doing this for three

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Where are we? I have some housekeeping. Our collab with Nathan and Nick is doing well on tiktok i thought that was a great uh a great video we should run it back sometime yeah we shouldn't we uh we we promised that main page and we delivered right they were on the main barstool tiktok yes they were so great guys i that i was intimidated right i wanted them to like me so bad me too and i don't know if they did they were just using us i think no they're great guys i would have done the same yeah yeah i think they're milking us uh because they're doing one with jack mcguire tonight well

so short long story short our video got up they got on on main page and I saw Jack Mack a week ago. I was like, if you want to work with them, like, let me know. Like, I'll send you his number. Are you these little boys age? I might be managing. You're giving them better career opportunities than a lot of. I'm setting them up. They're going to be huge.

And I texted him, gave him Jack Mack's info and said, you know, reach out to him. He's expecting you. And then Nathan went dark. He went dark for four days, didn't answer a single text of mine. So I was like, oh, shit, maybe he got like in trouble. He's grounded. Yeah. I literally thought like he got in trouble with like the school or something.

And then I texted him Tuesday because I was like, I want to make sure like I know what's going on. And I was like, is everything good? And he responded and said, no. Just no? Just no. No. After four days of like darkness.

Okay. What happened? And then I was like, bro, like what's going on? Like, what's wrong? And then he responded back. Nah, just playing. Everything's good. What?

Trolled the shit out of me. Oh my God. Like a five day prank? Yeah prank yeah oh he kept it strong because i sent him jack max account he has like 530 000 followers so i thought he'd be like all over it oh yeah well they're good for them yeah i got trolled by by uh nathan are you guys on the baby gronk wave no i don't know i just saw a wave i just saw clips of him today the dad seems like he should maybe be in person i'm cool with the parents i think they're i respect them i just hate the kid mom has huge tits really i haven't seen them yeah gigantic tits business mind savvy

entrepreneurs he rids up but i hate i hate the kid he does a real, he has a little attitude to him, I feel. Yeah, we'll see. Yeah, I don't know anything about him, honestly. His dad's just like, I broke my son. He has no emotions. He's a nine-year-old. He's been on the internet for like five years when he was like five and he was like very big for his age and could score flag football touchdowns. Got it. They say he's the next Gronk.

It was kind of funny when he was five, but now he's like 10. Just weird. It's in the worst age now. When he gets to 15 and 16 again, it'll become kind of impressive because it's in high school. But now it's not that impressive.

He's the number one recruit in his class. He's in fourth grade. Guys, look at what we're doing right now we're talking about kids more kids we went we were we only talk about little kids and kids with dudes with special needs i gotta set up yeah i guess so baby gronk that's my next step managing them you couldn't yeah he couldn't handle nathan nathan is is uh he he's he's going to be a battle rapper or a politician he hit me with one of the most cutting lines i've ever heard that cheese it's line people was crippling my aunt charlene texted me about that what she said she's about the cheese it's line that nathan gave it was it flattened what did he say it's certainly not cheesy yeah and it definitely ain't it

and the worst part was that i was kind of like a shitty cheese flavor but i was like was that off dome like he like i think he's calculated i think he purposely said teddy grams to get a reaction and then he hit you with the uh sweet sour, more like sweet and sour and ass. Yeah, that was good. He added ass to sweet and sour. He's brilliant. He's damn good. Oh, man.

Oh, shit, guys. My computer is dying. Plug it in. I will. I will. Keep talking. So it's not even a heat check, but New York's mayor is eric adams i went to his instagram nyc mayor um

this dude only wears clothing with his name plastered all over it have you seen him he's at a jewish rally he looks like he looks like the most and least undercover person ever. What do you mean a Jewish rally? He's wearing an NYC mayor hat, Mayor Eric Adams jacket. There's a sign right behind him that says Mayor Eric Adams. He has a jersey that just says mayor on the back. What team? The only outlet is by the bed.

What books do you have in the back there? All the Guinness books. Whose bed is that? Yeah, what is that? What room is that? This is the grandmother's suite. What does the pillow say? It looks like a...

Kindness, love, grateful, joyful, together, thanks, home, sharing, giving, community, and laughter. Probably sucks to put your head on, which is its only purpose. Yeah, I think it's filled with a straw or hay.

Alright, back to Eric Adams. only purpose. Yeah, I think it's filled with a straw or hay. All right. Back to Eric Adams. They look great for what they were. Good work. Really good work. Thank you. Her smile looks good from this angle too. I hate...

He's so close. Yeah, I can't look. Can you get someone in the room to delicately remove your little footsie socks? Or do it yourself. No, dude. Come on, take your socks off. Take your fucking socks off.

Look what you're doing already. I'm self-conscious of my feet. Take them off real slow. And I'm missing like every other toenail right now. There's so many people that would appreciate it. Yeah. I can think of a few in this room. Yeah.

Get back to fucking Eric Adams. I don't have any there without him. He's fucking New York City, man. What do you mean? His fashion sucks. His fashion is just him he dresses like someone who went as eric adams for halloween it's yeah i guess that's pretty astute do you think anyone's ever gone as exactly as someone who tried to go as eric because all of his clothes just say eric adams it's the only thing he wears i um i have bingo with my grandma tomorrow.

It's like a $4 buy-in for like 18 games. Do you have an advantage since you're young? No. They still catch all of the... Bingo's the great equalizer. Would that be too high on the dopamine scale for you? Bingo is crazy fun yes nothing compares

to this the dopamine spike you get from getting bingo it might be the greatest i think world of t-shirts got it in like went berserk he did go berserk but as you should yeah i don't think i've ever played bingo oh you're missing out it's it's too good there's a dude on tiktok in the south that only does instagram lives and he goes to his little bingo hall in his little town and i love watching he's got braces yeah he's got braces and he wears like a flat brim yeah the black guy no no puerto rican no no white the guy wears the big flat brim houston hat he's always on playing bingo there's two white there must be two then yeah i guess there's two in the circuit i don't know but i like watching it i just don't i actually don't know how big

they have like 10 cards they're playing there every five seconds they're doing three yeah but i'm mesmerized by those dabber bingo dabber technology is incredible it is incredible they yeah satisfying it's like a putter head they make them as big as they can. The markers seem obscenely big. But it's cool. I've never done it. It seems fun. My grandma was addicted. Why'd she stop? She's alive.

Aw, damn it. But she's got, like, dementia. I'm so pissed. I know. I knew you were hoping she'd be dead have you ever gone with her uh no i mean i like when in her heyday i was a kid i was too young now is this just a gambling addiction yeah they're paying money right yeah but it's like not much and she never understood like if she spent 50 and she won 25 $25 she would be like oh I won

$25 but she left down $25 she couldn't grasp that she's like great day at bingo I won $25 very dumb woman yeah I play black backgammon I play backgammon a lot with my brain damage uncle he loves

backgammon and what's he like about it? The taste? Well, he beat the world champion. And he plays it at restaurants. And every time the waiter comes, he goes, I beat the world champion. And no one checks him on it, ever. Who's the world champion of backgammon?

I have no idea. What do you mean no one checks him on it? How does he say it? He's like, you know, I beat the world champion. Does he say it in a cool voice like that? Yeah. Your brain damaged uncle says, I beat the world champion in backhand. Pretty legit.

But so then he's not saying it in a normal sentence. Yeah, I'm not going to do that. Say it how you would say it. But wait, like brain damage accent and skater accent are pretty similar. Yeah, it sounds like he's shit-faced he's like slurring his words uh but then listen to this huh does he listen to this no he does not uh he honestly you know who he would who he would fuck with heavy is clemmer because he uh watches baseball games and like keeps the score oh yeah and clemmer clemmer does that as well clemmer has

found his market brain dead adult he watches real baseball games and keeps the book it might so does my brain damage no clemmer that's what your uncle does clemmer does fictional baseball games yes the book yeah yeah well i think he does i guess i kind of assumed he did current but maybe he doesn't get to so i can't talk to you yeah but i've never beaten him once uh he uh waxes me i also just never can grasp the rules backgammon is a i don't know what it is i was thinking i don't get it at all i think it's a board game yeah it is like a it's like a board game with dice dice and like the pucks and the triangles yeah yeah yeah and then like however much you roll you you have to move you have to

get all of them homes you got to move them around it's always in like a cool leather suitcase that is yeah it is cool as fuck it is cool fuck. He always has a newspaper with all his baseball scores. Backgammon board. Whenever we sit down to eat, he gets a beer, pulls it open. He'll play against himself. You will smoke anybody. Tell him to get off the booze. He will.

Dude, he likes it. But he, yeah, he fucking loves backgammon. Oh, we have the board game convention coming up. Oh, shit. Yeah, we do. So we could either do that in Columbus, but Columbus is also doing a mayor convention where 200 mayors are flying in to the convention center. Do you think I'm known in that community? The mayor?

No. Probably not. Probably not. No. But I got to be getting some steam, right? There might be a little static. No mayor has ever reacted to us. No one has.

Aside from turning their comments off. Do you think any mayor's PR people have been like... I thought I was... I wanted to be like a villain in the mayor's world. I think you've been brought up in a meeting. Intimidating. I gotta get... Yeah, we'll see.

I wanted you to like have to endorse mayors. I wanted you to be a kingmaker. That's the goal? Maybe next year. I think there's an outside chance, honestly. It depends on what pool of 200. Well, I bet if they're at a convention together, it could come up. It could be like, oh, you guys.

Also, this could be. I want to walk in and someone's going to be like smirking at me like, look what the cat dragged. Yeah. Well, this could be your going to be like smirking at me like, look what the cat dragged. Yeah. Well, this could be your chance to be put on the map. So I might have to go. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like if you go there and you do sort of like a huge heat check.

A live heat check. Yeah. Yeah. Like if you kind of, if you make a splash there, then maybe you'll be known in the community. Yeah. The mayor community. That would be crazy if two mayors went up to each other and they were like, did you pass the heat check?

Yeah. And he's like, oh, I would break my dopamine detox. Yeah. Lost reelection, but I passed the heat check. You passed the heat check. Hey, and they dap each other up like. Yeah, we both passed. Kyle, have you accidentally broken detox?

Dopamine detox? Yes. I had chicken skin yesterday Westville gave me the wrong order gave me Steve's order it was a half rotisserie and I was like I'm not gonna eat the skin I'm not gonna eat the skin I ate the skin

so what are you eating on a typical night what should I eat tonight for dinner whatever you tell me to eat tonight every time Kyle orders food it smells like a packaged fart it does What are you eating on a typical night? What should I eat tonight for dinner? I'll eat whatever you tell me to eat tonight. Every time Kyle orders food, it smells like a packaged fart. It does. Lean protein and healthy carbs. All right.

He doesn't know what that means. Grilled chicken breast, rice, sweet potatoes. Okay. I could do that. You'd probably be miserable for a few days. You can't just do it once, though. Yeah, I know. That's the issue.

That's stupid. Just have a disgusting meal. 80-20. You're trying to do the 80-20. That 20 is going to turn into 22, then 24. You've got to do 100-0. I'm just being honest with you. I disagree. Then I'm not going to do that.

I don't want to miss out on having fun. You will get such a rush from just the fact that you're doing it. But Kyle, if you're withholding pleasures, like aren't like you're just going to have new pleasures. Right. Like the things they're going to be. Yeah, this is pleasurable in itself. The novelty of it all. Right.

So I'm worried about what's next. So shouldn't you not be doing such a douche bag? Yeah, it's horrible. I'm hoping you'd be eating some bad meals to derive yourself the pleasure of only eating all the good people keep asking me for. Give me the whole list of your protocols. And I'm sending them like a page. It's it's going to ruin their life. Yeah, I want the list to.

Yeah, I just just tweet out the protocol. Is it on a notes app? It's going to ruin their life. I want the list too. Kyle, just tweet out the protocol. Is it on a notes app? It's ever changing. Okay. Kind of like Life of Pablo that he kept on changing? Donda. Donda he kept on changing?

Any one of the last few, he always does that. I hope that you walk outside by accident on the 4th of July and there's fireworks and it just triggers this incredible relapse that's what's gonna happen i'm gonna enjoy fireworks to such a crazy degree that i never have dude you're gonna be like walking sipping coffee but a car is gonna come by playing lens steal my sunshine and you're gonna come that is what's gonna happen nick that's like this tiniest smidgen of hyperbole that is gonna happen yeah you're gonna come in the middle of the street because there's gonna be a dopamine overload let's all be great why not let's all be perfect because something like not i don't know if any

people in our field are perfect yeah i mean let's all be perfect wait should like not i don't know if any people in our field are perfect yeah i mean let's all be perfect wait should we start being perfect let's all just be perfect across the board should we go perfect mode on their ass let's just go perfect mode see how long we can do it all right i might enter perfect mode let's just try it i just don't know what that means yeah i don't know what that means yeah i don't know what that is do everything perfect all right i'm in okay you guys in oh man yeah yeah why not why not just be perfect today and then tomorrow as well and then the next day and then we're 30 days straight of being perfect and you know what those results are going to be perfect if 30 days of perfection and then imagine a year

60 days which is very doable perfect perfect perfect it gets easier and easier and easier and the farther you're in the further you're in the more you'll want to keep it going the more it'll be impossible to stop. We're just going to be stuck. We're going to be chronically perfect. You're impervious to imperfection. Yeah. What if early Barstool drinking at the bar writing Kyle saw this?

Yeah. Stealing Moscow mule mugs and bringing them back. You were going to be the next Cormac McCarthy. Ah, fuck. That's what people, they're going to be like, oh, you got to meet my boy Kyle. He's perfect he's been perfect for 38 days yeah he seems awful and boring no it's in his head he's everything's perfect you have no idea why is he staring at that blank wall oh he's doing a dopamine reset

perfect why is he looking at everyone's shoes in here? I've seen if anybody's wearing purple. Dude's fucking perfect. Hey, who's your perfect friend over there? Oh, that's Kyle. That's the goal. My perfect friend over there thinks that you're cute. My original goal was like, I want to be stronger than I am short. And now I want to be perfect.

I want to be observably perfect. I want my number one description to a stranger to be who's that. Not the short guy. Not the awkward guy. Not the bow-legged guy. Not the perfect guy. The triceps guy. The perfect guy.

We're going to be in a restaurant. I want it to be a visible adjective. Yeah. Yeah. My boy Kyle's here. How'd he get here? You walked here perfectly. My boy Kyle, my perfect boy Kyle couldn't help but to notice your shoes.

Why doesn't he come in and say hi? Because there's music playing. I don't want him to come. I'm afraid he'd come. Tell him to come. I'm afraid he'd come. Tell him to come. We haven't seen him in months. Go to a bar. Like, you guys mind turning the music down in here so my perfect boy Kyle can come inside and have some fun?

See, my perfect boy had a green tea and he'd love to come into your establishment, but you're playing a song. Unless you want cum on the ground. Did that just say oil absorbing? Yeah. You have oil absorbing wipes? Yes. That's fucking perfect. That is so perfect. That's perfect. It's a perfect purchase. It's so perfect. Damn, they're retaining a lot of oil.

I have an oily face. Can I try it? Try these. I want to see how much oil I have. Tommy, wait, wait. Did you just give him one that you used? No. Come on. That would be. Would that be perfect?

Yeah, that would be perfect. Damn. So what do I do? I just doubt my face with it. Natural oil absorbing sheets. You look like I have a pretty. And he's rocking the 25% larger. Really oily.

Oh, my God, Tommy. Oh, yikes, dude dude is this disgusting does my mom sent me these i'm assuming she it's a hint so everyone hates me because that is that is well beyond a hint what could these 25 percent larger oil soaking oh yeah this is gross kind of disheartening yeah yeah oh this is gross. This is kind of disheartening, yeah. Oh, yours is worse than mine. Okay, that's heartening. Yeah. Let me see yours, Kyle.

It's probably fucking perfectly clean. I wish I could do it. I got like a BP oil spill on mine. I may buy those. I'm going to do everything Kyle does. He's perfect. He's perfect he's perfect this seems fake I sent you boys a picture of the clock tower

that would have been my private deck not you Tommy I'm sorry I sent it to the anus group I'm so pissed you can see my door holy fuck that was like within price range yeah you could have had that i could have had a clock tower and a very randomly placed turf you have to get something wild do this that deck's private

i'm gonna try to get the school do you think i can't so i have i technically don't have access to the roof of my new apartment but they just leave the door open so you can just go up there people go up there it seems have you ever seen anybody up there yeah the first day there's a girl up there so i can't mean my roommate come up here all the time the the building right next door has like i guess official roof access because people have like furniture and tables do you think I can just go like sit on them? Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it's private. It's like a private. It's like a person's private. Just use your buildings. Just bring a chair up. Yeah, I did bring a chair up, but they have turf and everything.

I'll figure it out. You probably can't use a neighbor's. Can you like jump a wall to it? Don't even have to jump a wall. Just walk straight across. Well, then that's the same building. No, it use a neighbor's. Can you jump a wall to it? You don't even have to jump a wall. Just walk straight across. Well, then that's the same building. Now it's a different building. Maybe.

I'll figure it out. It would be weird to sit over there. God forbid they come up and you're sitting in their furniture. It would be impossible to recover. Yeah, that'd be embarrassing. Unless you're perfect. Yeah, I wouldn't even internalize that i would say they're negatively judging me right now but i don't have to face the consequences

of that judgment whatsoever right whatever they're thinking i will never experience damn i needed that yeah that was nice that was's perfect. I'm never going to let a mean insult comment get to me. This is the most embarrassing reputation that I've had. That you're perfect. Yeah. That's not true. People thought you had autism. Why'd you say past tense? People don't think that anymore. think people do not they just think he's perfect

yeah my boy kyle used to be autistic now he's perfect no what are you getting into and wheeling anything or just laying low um there's like i'm going i'm going to bingo tomorrow just nothing's really going on and also i don't have a car or a license so i'm going i'm going to bingo tomorrow uh just nothing's really going on and also i don't have a car or a license so i'm just trapped here um but it's been nice yeah i've been laying out on the deck i uh i accidentally shaved a mustache and a mustache only um been a disaster wait you did yeah it wasn't really noticeable until this angle yeah you got some fur

on the chin but oh yeah I uh yeah didn't bring home my razor so I had to go buy it like a cheap little this is boring clipper didn't do the job um no I'm not really doing anything it yeah I didn't think that was boring either

i was having a blast doing nothing just talking about whatever like listening to him say it yeah i don't want to stop talking no i want to just hang out yeah all right i'm gonna go pee uh keep talking now we can see if we can stop yeah that's too much whatever you want to do is that it'll be the perfect decision all right yeah we're right boys see you boys tommy thanks for coming on yeah thanks for having me yeah god bless god bless