A New Untold Story - PF Chang's - A New Untold Story: Ep. 456

Episode Date: July 10, 2025

good weed, white wine, uh Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app today and use code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase Kraken - Go to https://kraken.com/barstool to learn more Roman - Conne...ct with a provider at RO.co/UNTOLD to find out if prescription Ro Sparks are right for you and get $15 off your first order Betterhelp - A New Untold Story is sponsored by BetterHelp. Get 10% off your first month at https://BetterHelp.com/NEW.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. I'm a new untold story. I'm a new untold story. It's a fresh baked untold story. I'm a new untold story. No cold open this time. No. Sorry, man. New untold story episode 456. Correct.
Starting point is 00:00:52 Yeah, I'm done with that. That's that's the old me. Okay. No. Yeah. Being aware, knowing, knowing things. 456 is it is the start of the zip codes in Chillicothe, Ohio. I've been.
Starting point is 00:01:08 You were ready for that? I kinda. I've been to Chillicothe. Shout out my boy Jacob Dunn, he's a teacher there. Good graphic designer, great singer, Jacob Dunn and the Blackbirds. Beautiful little town. He took me to this place called Stoddy Fest,
Starting point is 00:01:24 which was like a music festival where When you were tired you just laid on the ground Their logo was a smiley face. That's beautiful country. It's a desire pretty close to the original Bob Evans Yeah, which I went there on my spring break in college showed you what kind of college student I was me and Jacob Dunn and the original Bob is the original Bob Evans? This kid named Zach went and decided, it's spring break, we're young, we're single, we're fertile, we're horny, let's go to the original Bob Evans.
Starting point is 00:01:52 And like, what do you do? Bob Evans Farm. You go and have the same thing you'd have at any Bob Evans. It's not like a historical- There's the farm there, but it's like, there's not too much touring or anything. But yeah, that's been a, God do I miss those dinner rolls.
Starting point is 00:02:08 You kind of talked up Chillicothe. I like Chillicothe, well, yeah. Yeah, well it sits on. It might as well be Kentucky. It's in that transitional gooch between the scrotum of Midwestern plains and the hemorrhoids of the Appalachian foothills, right? On the intersection of those two.
Starting point is 00:02:31 So it's not quite Huntington, West Virginia. It's not quite Kokomo, Indiana. It's a little bit of both. Charming, historical, was the original capital of Ohio. Didn't know that. Rich in history, poor in money. Yes. And other than that, I would say a great place
Starting point is 00:02:51 to raise a stink about the rising stink. Because it's getting stinky? Oh, there's a perpetual odor, and there has been for decades. I didn't notice. Submitting from the paper mill. Apparently the pulping process creates a sulfur gas that reeks of
Starting point is 00:03:10 Of sulfur well it smells like hard-boiled eggs from 7-eleven rubble from 9-eleven Body odor and unwashed Caucasian dreadlocks from 311 concertgoers. What else? Drake's cum rag after watching 11 and Stranger Things. A combination of all those.
Starting point is 00:03:39 And what else? Gaming chair of Tyler Blevins. And the sneaky leaven the Saudi Arabian crotch of a 411 man in Levi 511 Skinny jeans doing cardio at the gym at 11 p.m It smells like 611 NBA star Kevin Durant's used compression leg sleeves.
Starting point is 00:04:07 Filled with ash. Is this the ash from the 9'11", Rubble? No, that's from Kevin. It's got the teenage sweat on Gaz's shirt after leaving 11. But yes. Teenage sweats on Gaz's shirt after leaving 11 Yeah, but yes, oh yeah, that's the general stench of the town But other than that pretty good pretty good Other than there are some cities that are towns that are a better photograph than place Chill a coffee being one you'll go somewhere and be like, oh gross, this place should be a painting.
Starting point is 00:04:47 Like what? Like most, most rural places I would, I would rather look at than go to. Then go to. Cincinnati. No, no, you don't want to look at Cincinnati. I think a painting. God no. No, I would, no my God, it would be jump scare.
Starting point is 00:05:02 Looking at Cincinnati. It is, it is unsightly. St Cincinnati is it look up a you think Cincinnati's pretty I mean, I just picture it as lumped in with like Louisville and Pittsburgh. Yeah, the town itself At that I mean that looks that I mean believe that looks like it looks like Dubai that looks Dude yeah, that looks like a place where dudes have Bugatti's in the middle of their apartment shot to the Cincinnati Cyclones Dude, it's just like they're trafficking Instagram models to Cincinnati The crown prince of Cincinnati Yeah, you know Joe burrow store in hose there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah
Starting point is 00:05:43 He showed his he showed his apartment or his a house. He did a house tour Yeah, and he has a pool table just in his hallway You know how big your hallway has to be to have a pool table. Yeah, it's wide It's a wide hallway. He's a baby grand in there too right next to a lesbian tiktoker. Yeah, he's dude. Yeah, he was just like He saw like a lesbian model and he's like if if I can't have you, like, nobody can. You're, you work, you were in my house. You're my security. Joe Burrow's hiring hot lesbians as a security.
Starting point is 00:06:13 He has a pool table in his hallway? His place was, his interior design was strange. He's a big fossil guy, I just learned. He's a big fossil guy? Loves fossils. That's just, you have too much money if you have fossils He goes and checks him out. He goes to like Behind the scenes at museums to check out the the fossils the unreleased fossil. I don't understand his personality
Starting point is 00:06:34 It's uh, he seems down. Do you think so? He seems very very sad. I think he might just be low-key Oh, you think he's low-key. I think he's low-key I had to usher him to a bathroom once what I was his bathroom. God where I held it for him You're not a lesbian Then I was he only has lesbians work for him Yeah, it's like the like fucking villains who only hire blind people so they can't see like where they are Yeah in comics he only hires lesbians They know they won't try to fuck him if he hires guys they might try to fuck them. That's what he can hires lesbians because they know they won't try to fuck him. If he hires guys, they might try to fuck him.
Starting point is 00:07:06 That's why he can only hire lesbos. No, I was at the Miami Rough and Rowdy. I just ended up next to him and it was- He was at the Miami Rough and Rowdy? Yeah. Was he still at LSU? He had just got done, like right after that. So he's in, yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:20 We just, it was like completely over packed and I just ended up like standing next to him. And then he's like, I'm so sorry, but like, I really need to go to the bathroom. And like, I need help because there was so many. He asked you, he singled you out. He said, help me use the bathroom. He said, big fella is Burrow, a white boy with a little bit of seasoning? Because that's how they describe the New York Giants this year.
Starting point is 00:07:41 What do you say? Are they white boys with a little bit of sea? Yeah, giants have some white boys with a little bit of see yeah? We're dry and have some white boys with a little bit of seasoning Jackson dart and the running back Yeah, they're running back from uh Iowa State or no Arizona State yeah whack-a-mo Yeah, no, I mean Joe Burroughs from like close to Chillicothe, Southern, Ohio. Mm-hmm Appalachia Pull table in the hallway.
Starting point is 00:08:05 Darts got seasoning out the fucking ass. He's a cold white boy. He's a cold ass white boy. Dude, I wish I had a sprinkle of fucking Old Bay. I don't have shit. I need to get some, actually, I'm gonna try to get some, before summer's end, I'm gonna get a little bit of seasoning. How? I might shave a line in my eyebrow
Starting point is 00:08:27 Get an eyebrow piercing no no that ain't I'm afraid that would get caught on something I Don't want that No What episode number is it? 456 yeah, I know That's also the amount of millions the movie 300 made that's I know. It's also the amount of millions the movie 300 made. That's, that's a, there's only two movies that has ever made 456 million.
Starting point is 00:08:50 It's that and one of the Venoms. It was only, what do you mean? That exact box office. Oh, that exact, okay. But 300 came out in 2006, which was such a weird, weird time for movies because every other movie that came out in 2006 was just chubby-ish, schlub, getz girl.
Starting point is 00:09:11 Yeah. Because that year was Employee of the Month, accepted, Beer League, Beer Fest, Grandma's Boy, Larry the Cable Guy, Health Expector, American Pie, Naked Mile. That was the genre of film, and then 300. Bumbling buffoons, like, you know, you're attracting women and...
Starting point is 00:09:27 This was also that five year stretch of movie where John Heater, the guy that played Napoleon Dynamite, was just hired to be Napoleon Dynamite in other movies. Yeah. Like every movie he was in, he was like, okay, we need you to be Napoleon Dynamite, but playing fucking softball with softball figure skating you just figure skate you were yeah
Starting point is 00:09:50 Yeah, it was just it was heater in different fonts, right? It was he was just and the bench warmers. I think he was like what the frick and I was just like what fuck Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, that happens. I wonder what he's up to now and I'm surprised Napoleon Dynamite hasn't fallen under the the sequel He's not even 50 perfect I wonder what he's up to now. And I'm surprised Napoleon Dynamite hasn't fallen under the sequel. That he hasn't gotten the sequel yet. He's not even 50 yet. He's perfect. That blew my mind, 47. Oh, he was young when he did that.
Starting point is 00:10:14 BYU. Yeah, that happens. I mean, they did that for a few years with Dane Cook too. Dane Cook was just, well, Dane Cook was the first funny guy that also got was hot He was the first Matt rife kind of yeah. Yeah, he definitely was Now he's just rules now. He just has plastic surgery. This has plus. He looks he's expanding at a rapid rate Is he but like he's almost 2d. It's almost look like got rolled by a pin
Starting point is 00:10:44 By I guess a rolling pin he streams on twitch like once every two months Yeah, does it from his theater room on like a 60 inch projector doesn't interact at all He's been through some shit though. So like he's been through enough shit to where he's allowed to have a teenage wife Yeah Because his brother stole everything he had. Mm-hmm. Yeah he would just come out on stage and just Say say the word shit people would lose their mind. He would just come out on stage and just say the word shit and people would lose their mind.
Starting point is 00:11:08 He would walk fast. Yeah, yeah, pace. Walk fast and he'd pace and everyone would go. He invented the fast pace. He invented a new middle finger. Yeah, yeah. The vicious finger, is that what it was? That was his tour.
Starting point is 00:11:18 The super finger. Super finger. No, the vicious finger. The vicious finger was his tour. Vicious finger, that's a secret. Oh, that's what he does. Yeah. Yeah, he's... Dane Cook's the man. He, you know, I mean, I feel bad.
Starting point is 00:11:30 Like he couldn't have had a better life back then, and then it's the opposite now. He almost should have taken the Daniel Tosh route. Daniel Tosh seems to still be crushing it. Wait, was that him and Justin Timberlake doing the super finger? The super finger. God damn, he was on top of the world. Yeah, there that him and Justin Timberlake doing the super finger? The super finger. God damn, he was on top of the world.
Starting point is 00:11:46 Yeah, there was a moment where it was the Pope, Dane Cook in the same conversation. Oh yeah, his fame. Yeah. Now that is a white boy with seasoning, JT. Oh my God, yeah. Brandon said from the south, because JT's from Memphis,
Starting point is 00:12:03 he says he'll have the Baptist women with their fans fainting over JT Yeah, he's um yeah. He's probably the way, but with the seasoning with the most of the most He cheats too, which is like yeah, all right yeah Cheats on Beale Damn shame boulder native Jessica Beale mm-hmm yeah yeah damn shame boulder native Jessica Beal yeah yeah 456 is also the amount of won you would win if you won squid game billion in billions really mm-hmm in the
Starting point is 00:12:32 canonically or in the real one the beast games yeah South Korean currency I think it's like it ends up being like 300 mil which would put you right behind the net worth of k-pop idol jip jyp jip yeah it sounds wrong yeah I think it is that's that's the the shortened term for gypsy which I don't think you can say right you can't yeah yeah he's uh right you'd be right behind him oh my he makes how much he a net worth this is it and he I looked at I was listening some of his music Today on the call right in and his biggest song when we disco which I'm not a music critic But I have to say this song sucks the biggest dick of all time. It's the worst song I've ever heard really yeah I think most songs are bad. You think so I think most songs are decent
Starting point is 00:13:27 Songs are like pizza to me had like that's you're lying You've had like breakdowns in terms of your serotonin intake cuz you've liked songs so much Yeah, I like like one point one percent of songs, and I think most are fine. I think I like five percent of songs No, I think I like 15 percent of songs. I think that Benson Boone like his he gets so much shit. He gets so much like he doesn't really help himself worldwide punching bag for being a horrendous Recording artist. Yeah, first of all, he's 22. Yeah, and his music is
Starting point is 00:14:03 He's a singer so much worse music than his coming out. And people like clown that it's, what lyrics are not corny? Lyrics were on Jeopardy, it was a category in Jeopardy. And saying lyrics and not singing them, no lyrics are cool, besides Future. Future, Future, I would, Ludacris has some great ones. No, no lyrics are cool besides future future future Chris has some great ones, but like
Starting point is 00:14:32 No lyrics are actually cool. I don't think Yeah Like if you had to get a lyric tattoo, what would you pick? Good weed white wine That's a good one That was your one and only tattoo that's cuz that's the one like I couldn't decide like I knew I wanted this Drake could have stopped there after good weed white wine. Yeah, nothing more is needed I am all set on coming alive in the nighttime. Fuck that Nothing to me is better than good weed and white wine at this stage of my life
Starting point is 00:15:03 Like a good Riesling or a pinot Grigio and a Sativa Edible, like that is the best. Good Weed White Wine. That is nice. I'm so glad he said that. I'm so glad. I can, I imagine you're hearing that. I imagine you're hearing that somebody like,
Starting point is 00:15:19 I'm so glad he said that. What did you feel the first time you, the first time you heard that, were you into Good Weed and White Wine? No. So he inspired you. good weed and white wine? No. So he inspired you. It was a slow burn, yeah. And I, oh my God.
Starting point is 00:15:29 And imagine his, the quality of his good weed and white wine. Right. Like my good weed is good. His good weed is probably the best. Yeah. Imagine being crossfaded. Your weed's good? My weed's pretty good.
Starting point is 00:15:40 It's pretty good. I dish out, I dish out some budget for it. What's your weed budget? Weed budget's high, like I search by highest price. That's how you sort? On the dispenser, yeah, I don't want the strong, I want the highest price. You don't want the.
Starting point is 00:15:58 What's your strain right now? Right now I'm all on the sour, I'm only on the eatables. Edible? Things you can eat, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm all on the sour. I'm only on the eatables. Edible? Things you can eat, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm done with the smoking because I'm a runner now, mid distance. And, but good weed and white wine.
Starting point is 00:16:13 It's like being crossfaded off of good weed and white wine. And then- But he's not saying what to do when you're on the good weed and white wine. He's kind of, it's kind of, it kind of sets you up like you're lost after that. What do you do after the good weed and white wine? He even said, uh, after that.
Starting point is 00:16:28 Cause that's all you need. He was trying to think of one more thing. He's like, that's it. There's only one thing you can do in his situation. If you're Drake and you're crossfaded off of good weed and white wine, the only thing you can do is stop and reflect on the fact that you're recording artist Drake. That would be out of this world. Yeah, I could see him taking a sip of white wine and just saying, recording artist Drake. That would be out of this world.
Starting point is 00:16:45 Yeah, I could see him taking a sip of white wine and just saying, I'm Drake. So wait, if you were Drake for one day, would you have good weed, sip some white wine, and then think about how you're Drake? Mm-hmm, I would like look at my palms and like, I'm actually Drake. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:58 Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Like what? Like getting so high to where you kind of for a split second forget you're Drake, and then realizing that you're him
Starting point is 00:17:10 would be the best feeling on earth. Oh my god. Oh my god. He's probably listening to Drake really high, a little buzzed, and then he's like, damn, this is good. And he's like, holy. That's me, yeah. Or there's just silence.
Starting point is 00:17:24 I would just look in the mirror. There's a little bit of silence and he just goes, Drake. Yeah, I is good. And he's like, that's me. That's me. Or there's just silence. I would just look in the mirror. There's a little bit of silence and he just goes, Drake. Yeah, I'm Drake. I'm Drake. And that's me. And that's was, what was this, 2009? Oh my God, he was crossfaded off Goodweed and white wine
Starting point is 00:17:38 and like he looked to his left and Rihanna was there. And he probably freaked the fuck out. He was like, I have to devote every waking moment of my life to be this famous for the next three decades. And that's what he did. So do you think this in turn, this almost ruined his life because he was like, I have to get back to this or I have to chase this
Starting point is 00:18:03 or I have to maintain this. Yeah, in 2009 he peaked when he was crossfaded up Good Weed and White Wine with Rihanna. I have to get back to this or I have to chase this or I have to maintain this yeah in 2009 he peaked when he was cross faded up good weed and white wine with Rihanna Yeah, like maybe he made her laugh like he made her belly laugh I mean, I'm oh my god making Rihanna if I'm on a wine buzz and I have a quip that makes Rihanna smirk Oh my god No wonder he's like what do I do now? I have to conquer Atlanta and Houston like a conquistador. I have to literally make that city mine. Alright, I sip my wine, I smoked, I made Rihanna smile.
Starting point is 00:18:35 Lips look soft. Uh, Atlanta, you're next. Yeah, he's honestly like Alexander the Great. But like, I think he's chasing it. I don't think anything can match that high. Nothing. That's why Drake like I think he's chasing it. I don't think anything can match that high. Nothing. That's why Drake is doing everything he's doing. That was his peak.
Starting point is 00:18:48 Good weed, white wine, Rihanna. But wouldn't that, what, that would break a lesser man. Mm, send him down a dark path. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh my God. So do you think that uh after white wine was him like being like, fuck?
Starting point is 00:19:04 Like, was that a panicic? Oh, yeah, like It's not gonna get better than this Now he's just chasing transient jolts of euphoria from like other Conquests and substances that will never compete with him being in his 20s off good weed and white wine with Fellow mononymous superstar Rihanna. You probably looked at her like, we'll never need last names.
Starting point is 00:19:34 No one. People like us. Yeah. Nothing better. Rihanna, look at me. You know she's a tough nut to crack, like making her laugh. Yeah? No, I think she's giggly, man.
Starting point is 00:19:56 I think she would like, she's not gonna- You think Rock's making her laugh? She's not gonna fake laugh. You think A$AP Rocky's making her laugh? I don't know if he's funny. Yeah, I think he's just really cool and gay. Yeah. There is a level of cool that you achieve
Starting point is 00:20:11 to where it blurs the line of homosexuality. Right. When you say, you call yourself- And we're all striving for it. Yeah, you call yourself that pretty motherfucker and no one even says anything. Everybody agrees. Yeah, like, you are that pretty motherfucker.
Starting point is 00:20:23 Yeah, you are. You must be. You're the pretty motherfucker. She, like, you are that pretty motherfucker. Yeah, you are. You must be. You're the pretty motherfucker. She's hard to kiss. Drake found out. Rihanna's hard to kiss? You know that video where Drake tried to kiss her on stage and she just, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:34 That was a tough one. It was a really tough one. She's tough to kiss. Many have tried. Many have tried and failed. If she hands you a blunt, do you deny it out of fear of having a panic attack and being too high around Rihanna, or do you take it?
Starting point is 00:20:49 And Rudy, I take the blunt from Rihanna. Yeah, call me crazy, but I would take the blunt from Rihanna. But then you have to traverse being stoned around Rihanna. Dude, that's the new, like, moral quandary of, like, pulling the lever to run over people on the train tracks. Do you take the blunt? From you guys are playing around right now. You would be shivering in your fucking yes. Yeah, I would fake inhale I
Starting point is 00:21:14 Would suck the end of that blunt like a dick But imagine you pass it back to her and it's like super wet that I'd be fine What's that called when you put too much mouth on the blunt blank lip? Yeah I hadn't thought about that one in a while. I didn't know that I heard her for a second. You confused me I thought that was the term Like the film blank check, right? Yeah, but being tumultuously high
Starting point is 00:21:43 In the presence of a disapproving Rihanna would be. I don't like being high around the people I'm closest with. I don't like being high around anybody. I don't like being high. But I do it with Rihanna. You would do it with Rihanna? Like have you and I ever smoked that good good together? We have never been.
Starting point is 00:22:08 We've never been on the same stuff at the same time. We've never been off the good cush together. That's insane. We've done everything else. We've never been off the good cush. In tandem, we've co-starred in so many scenarios. You're right. But never a blunt.
Starting point is 00:22:26 Never a blunt. Um, I saw Rone rank the Barstool duos, and we of course are a duo, and uh, he had us at three and people were like, they should have been higher. Wrong! We should have been lower. Cause I was like looking, what have we
Starting point is 00:22:42 done? Oh my god. What have we done? What have we done? Oh my God. What have we done? What have we done that's been like very successful? Oh, wow. We've never been in a video with a million views. We've never been in a video with maybe 300,000, 400,000 views. Oh yeah, I never analyzed the lack of success.
Starting point is 00:23:13 I've never analyzed the failure of my livelihood like this. We're well liked within the office. Sure. And I'm appreciative of that. I love that. We have a good tight knit standing. Oh man. Yeah dude're what have we done? Like something that could even go on a Wikipedia page right like they did this they are known for blank in 2021 they were known for being together Collaborated yeah, we're known for yeah our job titles collaborators Collaborated on the hip log birds. No, I didn't do birds. I didn't do birds. I didn't touch birds. Oh venture I I helped with tailgate foods for sure. I'll take that I'll take the credit for tailgate foods with Kyle Yeah, you gave me a Vermont you gave me I wrote Saturdays are for the boys and Barry Kyle
Starting point is 00:23:59 The pen you bought me for my birthday, I don't know how to fill up You haven't used it. I tried that's contradictory to Well, didn't you tell me this weekend and I was like it's been a blast like it's such a smooth right no Did you fancies I'm you like Fucking talk it up no But is it did you buy me another pen and not want to give me the other pen? I bought you another gift is it a pair as well It's right there, and I kind of left it in the corner of the room like if you wanted it
Starting point is 00:24:32 You can pick it up. Well. I didn't know that was mine. I thought you saw one I thought one for yourself adding a second pen you got me a second water down the first pen gift Why do you yeah, I agree. It's too much pen. You don't need to give me two fancy pens You don't know what's a man do two fancy pens yeah two box hell. It's too much pen. You don't need to give me two fancy pens. You don't know. What's a man do with two fancy pens? Yeah, two boxes of pen games. Hell, what's a man do with one? With one pen.
Starting point is 00:24:50 But I love it. It's sitting in its velvet box open, propped up in my basement. Okay, yeah, that makes me happy. I really like it, and I'll learn how to fill it. I just didn't have the time to watch the YouTube tutorial. We'll get it filled. We? Yeah. We need to do a video that hat that is successful
Starting point is 00:25:11 But um we don't have we can't we don't have it We don't have it Now the formula is Have a short form video, do well, and do it every day for the indefinite future. Yeah, and that almost seems like a fate worse than death. Yeah. No, it's like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:25:42 Some guys try a new sandwich every day And that's their that's their job and it's that's all right, so let's think of something we can do every day Do you want to sing sing black-eyed peas lyrics to Stefan as he's in the middle of work you keep you keep trying to get me to do this Do you want to piss off Stefan somehow? That has been done, I don't know what should we do Rudy what should we do Rudy? What should we do? Give us an idea? I think you guys should do Like you should learn like a physical skill like a magician like then what juggling? That's it. That's the that's your issue
Starting point is 00:26:26 There's no then it just said that's it. That's it. That's and I'm the daily juggler. That's not what that sounds like a fucking newspaper in a comic book Right. Yeah, that's the joke if the Joker takes over Gotham. Yeah, that's the new comic just be like a new newspaper Yeah, just be like the those band in New York. What is it laundry day? Yeah, they just sing other people's songs just go to in baggy jeans go to unique landmarks and be like we're the juggling guys And we drug here. We are at the Washington Monument. You juggle. That's it. That's gonna hit unfortunately The problem is that you keep thinking then what there isn't there's no there's no that thinking creatively So the idea begins and ends at the idea mm-hmm right no commas okay tough that'll work so you're what I mean do you want to try it do you want to eat
Starting point is 00:27:14 a different sandwich every day and then like I'm naturally trying to think of a twist or like something to add creatively to make it different than just trying a sandwich every day, but that's what works. No twists. No. You can get on Jimmy Fallon for saying, boom, god damn you can. And was Jimmy laughing? I'd imagine Jimmy was laughing.
Starting point is 00:27:43 Jimmy would laugh at wind hitting his face. Yeah, that would make him break. I Don't know Don't do song parodies with me Did I love song pair you love song parody? I get that they're corny, but it's what like what what's a song parody you like? weirdo I like weirdos originals more I love weirdo as a Do you like weird owl I? like weird owls originals more I Love weird owls like What like the night Santa? Why didn't I see originals? He just performed in Traverse City?
Starting point is 00:28:13 While you were there yeah like a lot of artists buck cherry no hey you're a crazy bitch That yeah, it was cherry and weird Al but cherry weird out plain white tease ti That's insane yeah and see there was weird Al was he on the fashion not see there. I didn't even see the stage Was he in that was he in the gopuff tent it was Plain white teases how I described like my flirting It was Plain white teases how I describe like my flirting It's classic, but no one's favorite yeah, it's just I'll just give you a little sweet answer
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Starting point is 00:29:18 They have their GC picks, which is GT picks, apologize, and that's the best seats last minute, and you know you're going to get a fair price. I couldn't recommend it more, and then you can keep all of your tickets within the app organized and ready to go. It's fun to look through, and I just scroll through events I've been to
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Starting point is 00:31:04 including Washington, New York And Maine through payward interact pink Alright guys Nick and Kyle Rudy mook here as you guys know we're sponsored by Row row sparks are a two-on-one prescription treatment for a long say sponsor What now you can say please introduce yourself a sponsored by Rob my bad all. Oh good. Oh good. Oh good. You're looking out All right, three two one All right guys, Nick Kyle Rudy mook here and as you guys know, we are sponsored by row Row has the row sparks. It's a two-in-one prescription treatment for stronger harder erections
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Starting point is 00:32:52 That's row.co, C-O slash untold for $15 off your first order. Yeah, went to Disco Lines. That was awesome. It was fun. Shout out to Mr. Lines. Thank you Lines. I had a blast. He's been a cool and friendly with us for a few years now and now he's He's not a Drake Goodweed white wine level, but he is his trajectory as a do you think he's closer than most a young adult male? single male, single, touring star like that. He has what I would imagine is the pinnacle of fantasies for most straight boys, his current life.
Starting point is 00:33:35 Yeah, that over athlete. Oh my God, yeah, athletes. What's the like, okay, so when it comes to like performers, athlete, musician, comedian, actor, comedian has to be very bottom of the barrel, right? Yeah. But self-inflicted. And then I think it's athlete.
Starting point is 00:34:00 And then I think it's actor, musician's the pinnacle. Yeah, I'd say that as well. Of like fantasizing. Yeah. And then I think it's actor musicians, the pinnacle. Yeah, I'd say that as well. Of like fantasizing. Yeah. And then actor? Actor shouldn't be. Acting is too hard and athlete shouldn't be. Being a star athlete with a high approval rating
Starting point is 00:34:20 is, it doesn't happen. You're on borrowed time. Like think of like NBA players who doesn't get just not even like lightheartedly clown like ripped apart to shreds and the Edwards Anthony Edwards people like joke about him demanding this woman to get an abortion like hey he's the fucking man but there's only like three guys at any given time who are impervious to just soul crushing hate. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:49 And musicians, like, I guess, don't get that as much unless you put out a bad song. Poor Benson Boone, 22 year old boy. Give him time. Give Benson some time. Yeah. Yeah, I'd say world touring DJ is probably the peak. Right, because like, you can do it forever.
Starting point is 00:35:08 I mean you don't have to sing. Nope. You just kind of have to stay tan enough to show your stomach tattoos and then have a couple, you know, a few good songs that you actually made. Yeah. It's really it. And that, and then you get, oh my God. And then at a certain point, so DJ out to his family, would you rather be a rock star or rapper? I'd rather be a rock star. Yeah, but then you have a falling out like your band and everything I think rapper Rapper you you can't be vulnerable as a rapper. Yeah. Yeah, you can't be vulnerable because the corny label They'll slap on rappers is so quick You can't be vulnerable as a rapper. Yeah, yeah, you can't be vulnerable because the corny label, those slap-on rappers,
Starting point is 00:35:45 is so quick. Yeah. And you can- People are quick to cornify. You can do rock music a lot longer than you can do rap. Yeah. TI is in Traverse City. With Weird Al.
Starting point is 00:35:57 Yeah, fuck. Fuck. Ozzy Osbourne was in a wheelchair to like a trillion people. Yeah, but it was like their last. Yeah, it's still like guns and roses. Still do. Would you rather be young blood right now or galaxy? Would you have a young blood or? Who's a popular rapper around that age?
Starting point is 00:36:20 Ken Carson. I thought your young blood is the popular young rapper right young bloods not a rapper He's the British boy with the giant mouth. Yeah He's the successor of Ozzy Osbourne Oh, he's the big mouth wearing British boy. I was thinking of the NBA guy you can see his dick in GQ You can see oh, yeah, they forgot to edit out his ball sack pretty funny squatting in shorts pretty awesome Actually, it's like a super regular, like. Oh, you're due for a slip, by the way.
Starting point is 00:36:48 It's a regular dick. You're due for a slip, Kyle. I don't know how your balls haven't been on the Yak yet. There has been one point in time where you were sitting on the Yak. People have been telling me. Where your shorts rode up to the point where it was like one strand of fabric
Starting point is 00:37:05 containing everything you had. It's incredible that despite. How is it not uncomfortable? It had to have a mash in your shit. It might be the, hmm. It might be the petite-ness of the package, making it effortlessly unshowable. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:37:30 Is it too small to slip? It's like a bank being too big. The penis is too small to slip. We can't make the short shorter. We can. The big short. You can rock the small short It's not gonna fail It doesn't matter Yeah Women are disappearing in Chillicothe. It's another one thing. Yeah, that's not good Like a serial killer they're disappearing one. That's a really great way to segue off small penis Yeah, like we can't keep joking after that the man. I have to follow up question that with masterful It's true I've you're missing out to bring it up. We're talking about chili coffee women are disappearing now back to your tiny shit
Starting point is 00:38:24 Back to your tiny shit. Back to your tiny shit. Yeah, we'll circle back to the disappearing women. Let's talk about your tiny shit. That's not good at all though. Yeah, you don't want a town like that. A small town like that's Ruins it forever. Yeah, also there. You know ravaged by the opioid Yeah epidemic, but I think chicks disappearing is like the final nail in a town's coffin
Starting point is 00:39:00 For sure because you don't you can't shake the reputation. You can't build back up It's that you know that's the place. You need chicks like coming and arriving. Oh, okay. An influx of women and staying. Where are the chicks going now? Joe Burroughs' house. Yeah, I guess just Joe's house. I don't know, yeah. Where are the chicks? They're like lizards, they like need a,
Starting point is 00:39:21 they need like sunlight. They need something to bat, they need a bask. They need sunlight. And like, they need us a sun line. They need something to bask, they need to bask. They need sunlight. And chill, and bitch and nag. I would rather, yeah, like, even at the rockiest, fuckiest depths of rock bottom, like, you can be homeless, you can be covered in warts and pussing and pissing and homeless. Have an pissing and homeless.
Starting point is 00:39:47 Have an unfindable dick. But you still get to experience the tolerance free the joy of seeing women passing you. For sure. What the fuck? Even at rock, so you're saying as bad as life can get, you can still look at a woman? You still see women, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:10 What I'm saying is like a homeless guy who sleeps on the doorway to a yoga studio in the West Village of Manhattan, that is a better life than having a three bedroom, four bathroom house in Pine Bluff, Arkansas. And you don't see any chicks? No chicks. So do you think you can equate a place's happiness
Starting point is 00:40:32 to the amount of chicks you can see? Mm-hmm. I think chicks being around is not even on a like, oh, like this is amazing. Not on a horny level. Not on a horny level, I think. Women and the energy they bring, to be around them in mass is one of the healthiest things you can do.
Starting point is 00:40:49 But, and in turn, it also fills me with panic. No, not like the impending interaction. Just girls around me. I'm never expecting that. You're still panicked at girls? I'm afraid of how I move my arms and I'm super conscious about the time in between my blinks So you need that you need to be able to?
Starting point is 00:41:08 Observe them from safe distance you need a zoo. I need I need Like which is a strip club, I guess I just I just need to know women are around So I think I need to be in the zoo with two-way glass One way glass and they I know they're outside, but I can just do my thing. Yeah, it's like a body of water What nothing? nothing Do your thing? I think I do think I need I need an app worse like citizens is like there's Woman there's a hoe outside
Starting point is 00:41:41 Thank God oh, I can finally relax I'm like, oh, thank God. Oh, down the street, yoga pants. I can finally relax. I'm with you, honestly. There is a, there's a homeless guy outside the Starbucks I go to frequently, and he just sits outside every day. Every girl that walks by, he goes, yo, what up white bitch? Every girl that walks by every hot, it doesn't matter what she looks like. Really? I think a lot of homeless dudes have a really good taste in women.
Starting point is 00:42:09 Yeah. He's meddling with the ecosystem. No, I think a lot of homeless dudes are pretty picky. That would hurt. Like nah. Excuse me, ma'am. Who's your friend? I'm about to attack her.
Starting point is 00:42:24 I'm going to attack her I'm gonna try to bite her Yo fat bitch, who's your friend? I'm gonna really fucking ruin her city experience. Yeah, I'm gonna sprint After tearing my clothes off But would you go back to Traverse City, Kyle I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
Starting point is 00:42:48 I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
Starting point is 00:42:56 I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
Starting point is 00:43:04 I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, the sand dunes which I went to. Yeah it's like a kind of a unassuming not even like tiny but decent beach town. It's kind of like the outer banks with a chip on its shoulder. Okay. Put in bay in a row back performance polo. Yeah a lot of a lot of mad chicks a lot of scowling chicks. Scowling chicks? Yeah, not the friendliest of chick. You tell them to smile? Yeah, I wanted to. Jesus. We're losing our skills as pedestrians.
Starting point is 00:43:31 People cannot walk. It's been horrible lately. As a collective, I don't know if it's the next generation, it's smartphones, something is happening where walking in public, we're holding on by a thread. And I don't know if it can get any worse. walking in public, we're holding on by a thread. And I don't know if it can get any worse. So I don't know what happens next. It'll be chaos.
Starting point is 00:43:52 It'll be anarchy in the streets. I'll be behind, it defies all races and religions as well. Yeah, no, it's not specific. Everybody's fucking up. It's not to any demographic. Everybody's fucking up. It's not specific to any demographic. Everybody's fucking up. Besides gay men.
Starting point is 00:44:09 Gay men, you're blinking, you'll miss them. Yeah, they're on the auto. They're keeping us moving, they're keeping us in motion. That's why I think Usain Bolt's a homosexual. Has to be. How's he so fast? Oh, he's gay. If he came out, everything would make sense.
Starting point is 00:44:28 Or if he wasn't gay and became gay, then he just destroyed every record he set. Think about the fastest kid growing up in your neighborhood. Is he gay now? Yeah, because he would swing his hips. He had really mobile hips. Yeah, but like you, if go go to a busy path, walk around, you'll see like how our society's barely
Starting point is 00:44:50 holding on by a thread. You have two types of people. You have people who will purposely get in your way and not do anything about it and feel nothing. And people who will obliviously be in your way. Which I don't know which is more infuriating. It used to be a sign of a crumbling society was when people didn't put their shopping carts away because it's a nice thing to do that has no penalty if you don't do it.
Starting point is 00:45:12 It's just something that you should do as a civilization. I think it's walking. We're the worst at walking. I think it's because there's a main character syndrome epidemic as I'm speaking to hear my own voice into a camera. It's just, I think, everybody's problem is there. That's not my problem. Yeah, I can't tell you how many times when I'm walking around I think to myself,
Starting point is 00:45:35 someone's standing there and I go, oh no, you should, yeah, stand there. I've probably been a bad walker for people though and I didn't know it. So I don't know what the solution is because I think a lot of people when they're bad walking don't know they're bad walking. It's not us.
Starting point is 00:45:47 Am I losing my mind or is, you bear right, correct? It's like car lanes. Yes. Not anymore. If you're going to stop and, or just walk at a slow pace, you go to the far right. You don't go in the exact middle. Women 45 to 60 are the worst, in my opinion.
Starting point is 00:46:06 Middle-aged women are the worst. They'll be like five wide, or I was behind one that was solo today, a walk-in-the-dog, and she was on speakerphone speaking to somebody, but she was only stopping when she spoke. I don't think she could do both at the same time. And I was walking the dog behind her, and I was going, I was trying to get in.
Starting point is 00:46:27 Because her pace walking was fast as fuck, but then she'd stop. So she passed me like four times on this walk. That's frustrating. I saw a four person pile up the other day. Like of people or cars? No, I was like, yeah, people just. Yeah, yeah, it'll happen.
Starting point is 00:46:41 They're not checking. They need that. I bumped into somebody because they were taking a corner too tight Around like I was trying to corner around a building she was walking You see in elevators to elevator doors open and then people just walk in. Oh, yeah, they're fucking there's no there's no elevator courtesy anymore either Fucking we're not angry guys, but it's the type of frustration and anger you guys ever like mutter. Oh, yeah I've been close
Starting point is 00:47:05 I've been like kind of wanting to get into an outside of the office altercation to just like so I could here's what I want I wanted to be somebody that's non-threatening. I Wanted to be somebody that kind of looks like a douchebag, and I want them to say nothing back to my mutter That's my demands that that would suffice for you That would be like that would be awesome And I would walk past in if they were like stopped or like in the middle of the sidewalk. I'd be like alright We're doing that and I think then I would just walk away feeling really fucking good And I don't learn anything mm-hmm now oh
Starting point is 00:47:40 my god I Think I've been fantasizing about Oh my god, I think I've been fantasizing about Altercation a lot my peak anger is just letting out like a come on. Yeah. Yeah, come on Okay Wow, yeah Alrighty That time standing there. Yeah Yeah, I pulled out my phone and timed a guy
Starting point is 00:48:03 Because I felt like he was looking at the drinks in the cooler section of 7-eleven for too long He wasn't even in my way, but it was bothering me that he was at a pace so careless carefree And slow that I couldn't take it And I pulled up my nighttime. Were you trying to get into the cooler as no. Oh, you're sick I was like this guy don't like the way he's standing like well How do you just stand there for that long you you we got to get into the cooler as well? No. Oh, you're sick. I was like, this guy don't like the way he's standing. Like, how do you just stand there for that long? You, you.
Starting point is 00:48:28 We gotta get moving. That's how a dog thinks. But you're on a fast track to like, I think, murder. If that, like, no? Oh no. Are you saying oh no as in scared? Yeah. Cause that didn't affect you at all.
Starting point is 00:48:41 What? I know. People need to get a move on it. Like why are you standing in place? But I am envious of the people that are able to just saunter and take their time. I have to get shit done so I can move on to the next thing and I don't even know what the next thing is. There's not a next thing. There's never a nice thing
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Starting point is 00:51:27 New new that's better help Help.com New All right. We're back after the yak. We took a break at the end of I don't I don't even know what we're talking about right before that Do you recall Can you think of five things we talked about in the past 100 podcast episodes? Area codes don't count, Pokemon don't count. Did we talk about...
Starting point is 00:51:56 Do we like discuss celebrity tea? Have we ever discussed celebrity tea? We could, is there? We haven't yet? I don't think so. Okay. That'll be fun to dive into. I'm coincidentally getting into celebrity tea. What kind of tea?
Starting point is 00:52:09 Just like tea, like Kate Beckinsale dyes her hair down there. She dyes her, is she, what? Yeah, I was like, I don't, well okay, I'll be a receptacle for this. Dyes the underworld. I'll take this tea. Did she be a receptacle for the eyes the underworld I'll take this tea. She just wanted to that information. She's like by the way I follow this account that just like divulges like Kind of like leaked information it can get really scandalous, but I bet you I guarantee you it's leaked by that celeb
Starting point is 00:52:39 No a lot of it's like very damning like like a? Like a lot of horrible things. Well, most of it is just like Brad Pitt is gay. George Clooney is gay. Pedro Pascal is gay. Yeah. George Clooney. Him coming out as straight would be shocking. Tyler Perry is gay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:57 Yeah, it's a lot of that, but like some things, like a lot of celebrities have severe, like a lot of contracted relationships. Celebrity-wise, the worst thing within the confines of the law that can happen to a guy is gay. Women get the brunt of it. Celebrity-wise, the worst thing that can happen.
Starting point is 00:53:17 Men-wise is gay. They'll get accused as gay. But women get the brunt of it. Yeah, women get it bad. Yeah, they're, Leighton Meester has nothing good to say about Blake Lively. Yeah, they get it bad. Poor Leighton.
Starting point is 00:53:32 I also don't get why Sidney Sweeney just breaks people's brains so much. They debate it as if it's like a conflict that's been going on for hundreds of years. They bring up like, is she hot, is she not? It's like, yeah, she's just hot. She's a hot girl that acts. There was a tweet that went viral today
Starting point is 00:53:45 It was her in like a low-cut shirt go figure and the guy was like dude imagine putting it between I saw that That's what I've been doing. That was my tweet. I don't need you that guy that was his revelation I mean, it's just like that one like oh, oh, you know what? I actually hadn't thought about putting my dick between those perfect boobs. Oh my god, god I've seen a bunch actually thanks for the reminder. Yeah that I've seen on Twitter. Well, I never thought about doing that to Sweeney Yeah, holy shit. I never even considered that imagine eating the bread part of a sandwich Somebody should tweet a picture on a sandwich just a cock and quote tweet imagine tasting the bread Those are two things that will never happen to me Somebody should tweet a picture on a sandwich just so Kyle can quote tweet imagine tasting the bread Yeah Those are two things that will never happen to me Yeah
Starting point is 00:54:30 True Fuck Oh yeah I I Suck it lose it I would choose the bread over feeling in between Sydney Bread's money
Starting point is 00:54:42 The other weird thing is bread is. Bread's fucking money, dude. Bread is money, but so is cheddar. So a grilled cheese, man. Cheese is fuck. Cheese. Cheese. Have we talked about cheese on the pod? We talked about it a lot.
Starting point is 00:54:58 Celebrity tea and cheese. That's what I want our pod to start. We're done with the celebrity tea for the week. Let's get into the cheese Tea and the cheese. Oh, that would go. That's a good ass pod. Yeah Our cheese segment would get progressively longer than it would be like pushing It's like Chinatown pushing little Italy away. Yeah, the cheese would be pushing the tea away Yeah, is that true about late in Easter? Nothing good to say. We're co-stars. I had a good horseradish cheese the other day.
Starting point is 00:55:32 I'm not a horseradish guy. You're not a horseradish guy? By any means. By God, I think it's great. By any means. The horsie sauce at Arby's. Dipping a fry in there. Nice little kick. But you had a horseradish cheese? My God,, and I could do that. I could do that isolated. Yeah. Would you rather give up cheese or have cheese, but you're not allowed to watch consume anything above a PG level? That would just eliminate cinema. Children, you could watch children's cinema. I don't really, I don't watch movies.
Starting point is 00:56:06 I like the last movie I saw was the tennis movie with the- Challengers. Yeah, so whenever that came out. So I would go cheese. You would stop consuming adult media. I would give up movie adult movies for. Yeah. For cheese.
Starting point is 00:56:31 Would you give up, um, texting for cheese? If it was like a known thing, like, oh, Kyle can't text. Yeah. He's eating cheese. He made the ultimateax. Yeah, he's eating cheese. Out of context, he's eating cheese. He made the ultimate trade. Yeah. He made the ultimate trade.
Starting point is 00:56:50 He'd be fine with that? Yeah. Just phone calls. Oh my god. Oh, phone calls are no cheese? Nah, I can't, dog, get me out of here. Let's talk about fun stuff. It is kind of weird though that priests, that is like an understood thing with priests with sex
Starting point is 00:57:06 They give up sex and exchange they give up sex with adults in X with exchange in exchange for poverty Which is a really rough trade like would you rather have sex or would you rather? It's God coming up to him. I'm gonna cut you a deal. You give up pussy. You have to be poor also one outfit give up pussy you have to be poor also one outfit you a deal you're a really holy man you're one of my strongest mouthpieces you're gonna have to be poor and can't get pussy the hell no it is 22 that's like it'll make you a better person that's like you were taking this away to make you a better person it almost seems like it makes them dude that's what pushes them to. I'd imagine fuck boys.
Starting point is 00:57:49 Yeah. If you were if everyone got pussy the world would be perfect. I think the way to solve the Catholic Church is allow them pussy on a holiday. So like under the guise of a holiday they're allowed to fuck and it's like a loophole. Yeah I think they should.
Starting point is 00:58:05 They should just merge Mardi Gras on that. One little bit of pussy a year makes you, I mean, you could produce anus. Right? Yeah. Yeah, you can. Like one day where you get lucky enough to get a little pussy.
Starting point is 00:58:27 You never know which day it is though. You gotta be ready. Mook's been hot. Mook's been, Mook has. He's skinny and fucked. He grilled in my backyard. Yeah, Mook's skinny and fucked. Skinny and fucked, I've been losing weight. You have, and I saw a picture of you looking narrow.
Starting point is 00:58:44 Yeah, yeah, it was in my backyard He was grilling for all of us. I didn't operate it Yeah, yeah areas behind the charcoal chimney my Larry Fitzgerald 2010 Pro Bowl Jersey. Yes This is the manliest I felt and then someone captured a photo and there's just a large pride flag in the background That's right. You're really doing a you're you're bobbing and weaving a lot right here You're grilling manly Larry Fitzgerald Jersey from who knows when This is American odd and then bam hit him with the gay flag. Yeah, it's a literal like what side of the fence Are you on?
Starting point is 00:59:18 You made your choice You're keeping them guessing. I'm on the straight side, but I'm skinny enough to hop over the fence now When did grill I'm trying to think of like the straight side, but I'm skinny enough to hop over the fence now. When did grilling- I'm trying to think of the gay side, the ass is always cleaner. The ass is always cleaner on the gay side. Yeah. Now you're a grilling room, but yeah, you have looked good. You've been coming in here, right? Hooping?
Starting point is 00:59:41 Yeah, I've been working out at the office. I've been just playing basketball by myself. You've been playing basketball by yourself. I just get so like shooting hoops. You just what do you do? Drills. I pretty much just come in here and get like real sweaty. And that's how you've lost. But like you're like doing like cone drills and shit or like.
Starting point is 00:59:58 Yeah, I'm doing crossovers and doing euro steps. I don't know if you can qualify that as working out. You are losing weight. It's cardio. It's yeah. But is he just playing? I want to be one of smoke your ass. He's been challenging people to. I mean, dude, you just challenged him to one.
Starting point is 01:00:12 V1. I challenge you guys right before that. I'll play one on one. V3. You've got the gamer mindset. One on one. One V1. If you want you, you've convinced yourself that you're good at basketball based on how you do alone
Starting point is 01:00:26 So I've been playing a lot alone jumpers wet right now working on my left. What do you mean playing? Even shooting hoops you haven't been playing basketball shooting hoops. I've been in my head. I'm playing full games Okay, and like keep and you're good in my head. I'm putting it between them like is yeah, right, right? Not the reality and I'm putting the ball between the fucking hoop. Yeah, I'm like really into it. I've been, you know, I come in here when no one, I make sure no one's here because I have like a, I wear like a dry fit.
Starting point is 01:00:55 Oh, no. Sorry. What do you mean, oh. No man that's not like built like a statue, it looks good in a dry fit. It's no, yeah, imagine. It looks good in a dry fit. I know, it's no, yeah, imagine getting walked in on in the dry. And they treat it like you're naked. Oh my God, okay.
Starting point is 01:01:12 Let me know when you have that, whoa. Let me know when you're naked. Please take that off. Take that off, I'm so sorry. Take it off. Let me know when, I'm so sorry. Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I had no idea you had a dry fit on. Oh.
Starting point is 01:01:23 Me wearing a dry fit. I won't tell anybody. It's somehow more revealing to me. Being a man in a dry fit on oh Me wearing a drive. I won't tell anybody it's somehow more revealing being a man in a drive It is more revealing and vulnerable than yeah, then a shirt off like 2013 to 15 It was like you wore that jeans out statement. Yeah, it was always guys that were built like Chester a Arthur wearing a dry fit shirt and jeans Yeah, why how it? wearing a dry fit shirt and jeans.
Starting point is 01:01:45 It looks horrible. Horrible. Horrible. And if you had like, if you had anything, if you had nipples, which everybody did, and a little bit of hair, it looked so bad. It looked, it accentuates every bodily flaw. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:01 And it accentuates your body odor. Why does it, they smell, so why don't you just sweat in a dry thing? If you wash it once, it'll never get fully dry. I'm just like, remember the kids in the, that would wear it to high school, they smelled so bad. They smelled like shit. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:15 They smelled like queef mixed with salivandus. I think it would trap your sweat in you, but it wouldn't absorb it. It does. So it was just like a greenhouse effect under the shirt. I find them to be like one-off shirts. Like if you, if I work out hard enough, which I I'm gonna work out hard enough It's game over like the shirt is permanently wreaked dude. I uh
Starting point is 01:02:33 I will say that I will say when I wear the dry fit Rudy would try to put it in between for sure Yeah, well cuz I'm looking we did a bar stool fishing tournament And everybody was given dry fits to wear and I was standing next To sass and he's just like oh no, and so I changed into mine He was like thank God cuz I kept my shirt on underneath it you have to you have to yeah I mean you already look like a water balloon and I was on a boat that was going faster. We're just been like Movement oh yeah one vibration and a dry fit you're moving dude. I can't listen to my music too loud if I'm like You look like a mannequin that's been also combined with a water, but I looked like an unoccupied massage seat
Starting point is 01:03:15 It was like my body was needing underneath It was like a cartoon bellyache I mean I be I'm being honest mook and I don't mean this in any way I'd rather see your asshole than you in a drive. I would rather walk in on you Just like bent over touching toes Like you experimenting how far you could spread your ass then bump into you at Macy's with you in a drive Walk in on you really testing the limits of your ass I would rather walk in on you really testing the limits of your ass
Starting point is 01:03:52 Then you in a car that's very tinted knowing you have a dry fit on I mean even like I know no one's around even then I'm still like pulling it down. You gotta be a little yes That is the funniest thing is it wants off you too. It wants off. Oh yeah, it's always trying to escape. The sleeves only go down to your armpit. And the hair will come out. Yeah, they're so bad. How did that take off?
Starting point is 01:04:17 I think they liked the name. But it went from the under armor shirts to that. Yeah. And look, you guys said that someone did walk in on me who did it was It was Max Delente his dog and his girlfriend. She was probably she was like we can't go back there Oh, yeah, they left they walked out his dog ran like it hurt a firework Just sprinted out of the room It was them that pack and then her girlfriend's friend and they they were like, all right, we we should probably leave him
Starting point is 01:04:47 be for a little bit. Because I was just sweaty, wet, dry. But like the shirt's so dry and just sticking and clinging. Dude, it's like a lot of like the college colleges that will send stuff to Brandon, we get the trickle down. All of that's dry fit. It's all dry. And that's for like college athletes.
Starting point is 01:05:05 You cannot, you can wear it. It's for college athletes and like seventh graders. Or my dad. Yep, dad's. My dad loves dry fit. And I don't know why. I don't know what's flips in your brain. Cops like dry fit too.
Starting point is 01:05:20 Cops love dry fit. Yeah. Did you like it? No, but It's every once in a while work will do something where you we get one and I will find a way I'll wear like a hoodie underneath of it. Oh, I mean I almost we talk about it sometimes but camp parcel I almost freaked out cuz I couldn't wear my Philly's Jersey. No. Yeah, I'm swimming You're swimming Philly's Jersey. Yeah, that weighs 80 pounds once you get in the water. Yeah with
Starting point is 01:05:46 Threaded or what is it when it's like right out fuck are you guys ashamed of being sweaty though? No I've been walking around just like walking the dog doing stuff walking to and fro from stores I'll get drenched. I don't care. It'll look you'll see it through the shirt. I don't really care anymore. Oh About being sweaty. Yeah, like looking sweaty. Yeah, it's, um, no one cares. The only one I care about is ass sweat. Yeah, you can't do that, and I had a scare, because I was wearing, uh, I was wearing green pants, like olive green, and I felt it, like, strong,
Starting point is 01:06:17 but I was wearing, like, compression shorts underneath. I don't know if that's good or bad, though. You're containing it. It's like Chernobyl. There's darkness in there, but it's managed. Okay. So it's a courtesy. I wear compressions when I go swimming too, because I'm always like, what if I get a boner?
Starting point is 01:06:32 Oh, I don't think about boners, but I think about sitting like, and the head of my dick popping out. I don't get, the public boners don't happen to me. I'm not going to the right places. It hasn't happened to me, but it's like, what if? Yeah, it's always a thought. Yeah, it's always a thought. Right, it's like a nuclear weapon.
Starting point is 01:06:45 I'll stop worrying about that. I think I can diffuse it really well. Yeah. How do you do that? I'll think about, I'll just do a crossword. Pull out my phone. If I have my phone on me, I can get unhard quick. The phone can get me hard fast and soft fast.
Starting point is 01:07:01 But not in between. The everything app. Yeah. Yeah. fast. You're not in between the everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not in between that much. It's kind of that's between is my favorite time to piss.
Starting point is 01:07:13 Oh, yeah. You get to just plop her out. Yeah. It's really the only time dudes can plop. True. I'm sure that does your I was trying to look up the medical name for gooch
Starting point is 01:07:27 if you remember I Referenced it earlier in the episode you compared you said chillicothe He was in the gooch of Appalachia or the transitional good. It is a valley I was gonna say well I didn't know the word the word is perennium right I still chose I opted to use gooch But my phone I just typed in area between, this is before I even, and it auto corrected, the first suggestion was between scrotum and anus. It was like how, based on area between,
Starting point is 01:07:58 get out your phones and type in area between. I know, you're looking up actual areas on earth all the time. All the time. I'm sure you've looked up area between area between area My I got to area B and it did area between scrotum and anus That was that was my second one to your second. What was your first? area between
Starting point is 01:08:22 Now it's doing it's doing a different one now. Well, I gotta reset it. Yeah area between now it's doing a different one. It's doing a different one now. Hold on. I gotta, I gotta reset it. Area between scrotum and anus. My first one, middle ones, the second one's sidewalk and street, then nose and lip. That's my same exact. And then genitals and anus. Yeah. So I guess, I mean, what if we called somebody, let's try to do human auto fill and see, like we called somebody where like area between fill in the blank.
Starting point is 01:08:45 I just don't believe that that's the first suggestion. Cause you're not looking up shit like that. You're probably looking up area between Egypt and, what up, fuck it. Milwaukee. Morocco. I guess I wouldn't look that up, cause I would look at a map.
Starting point is 01:09:03 Really, is that how you do it? Maybe that it, yeah, I guess. Zoom and math? So that's a thing that doesn't really have a set name, so maybe it is the most Googled. I guess, yeah, that must be the most area between place in the world. Does the perennium have, like,
Starting point is 01:09:21 is there anything good about it, or is it just kind of like a load screen? Is it just there in between the important parts like the Demilitarized zone yeah, right yeah whenever I find myself with a feather which is rare. I like to tickle it and it's like not So if anybody sees you with a feather I'll tickle my perennium Yeah, really no shame in that. Really? No shame in that. Do you go standing or do you go
Starting point is 01:09:47 on your shoulder blades, ankles to ears? I'll be lying down. Just like a little. If, yeah, provided I have a feather, which again is rarer than the Olympics. Cause I don't. Cause you don't want it to be a bird feather. It's been a while, yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:03 So how many years since you've tickled your gooch with a feather? I'm trying to think what? Are you do that should be how they announced the Olympics are starting Where's my quill? Oh a feather oh well So if we were still writing with old-timey pens, how often would you be doing it? Would that be you was that how they used to chew on their pens back then? I'd be in there, yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:28 But like, were you grazing balls or butt or were you just... You guys will do that with your balls, like tickle the balls with the tips of your fingers, like your fingers. Guilty. Yeah, and I just do that with... A feather. To my gooch. We're gonna get you a feather man Do you just have a dude if it's just in your medicine cabinet like a very beautiful like a peacock fell really nice feather
Starting point is 01:10:54 You it's it's the equivalent of toenail clippers for you That's my it's like perennial there's a group of guys on the internet that I I know that's what the pf stands for pf check That sounds lovely, but it doesn't sound as gross. I would pay for a treatment, a perennial feather. But that sounds like a beautiful flower. And it's not even a lewd or gross act. It's kind of like a-
Starting point is 01:11:19 It's kind of really sweet. It's kind of regal. Yeah, dude, I can see a duke or an earl doing that. Yeah, I see an Earl doing, Earl tickling his or her perineum with a feather. But if a pillow was filled with perineal feathers, I think it would be a comfy ass pillow. Like it sounds like elegant.
Starting point is 01:11:37 That's gotta be where like a chakra is. Oh yeah, I guarantee it probably holds a lot of chi. Yeah, cause it's like a one of one, like you know, the body is like mirrored Right you know two eyes. I got it. It's the middle armpit. That is just a very that's a one-of-one Yeah, area of skin. It's so unique. Yeah, it's that and I guess you got one by the seahorse Yeah, I've been tripping out on seahorses Yeah, you've been and I've tried to get some rifts going on seahorses.
Starting point is 01:12:05 The dudes get pregnant, right? Dudes hold the babies. Or maybe they impregnate themselves. The dudes very much get pregnant. I just cannot believe that they're an upright fish. An upright fish with a curl. That can barely swim. They're not good at swimming.
Starting point is 01:12:16 They're really slow at swimming. Also very fragile? Very fragile. Their lives are worse than any creature on Earth, maybe. Why,, so? Their stomachs haven't evolved, so they have to eat constantly, because it just passes right through their system.
Starting point is 01:12:33 So they have to eat all day, every day, while also avoiding prey, which is every other sea creature. Everything eats seahorses? Yes. And they're freaky. They are freaky People started eating them. Are they even at what are what's their purpose? I think people do I think I don't know And are they common endangered rare? I?
Starting point is 01:12:56 Don't I don't know where they are I just Remembered them for the first time It'd be really cool if they were horse sized. I think it'd be scary. I don't like them. I think everything is a pretty good size right now. Elephants could be smaller. Elephants could be smaller.
Starting point is 01:13:13 I think platypuses should be bigger. No, dude, I think the only animals that should be bigger. I think the seahorse should be bigger. They're tiny, actually. Yeah. I always thought they'd be like a foot. I don't love them. I don't love them at all.
Starting point is 01:13:28 Imagine if men got pregnant, like we'd be pit, we'd be. I would. We'd be dangerous. The risk of pregnancy, like as a dude, you run through the scenarios of like knocking somebody up and it's like, okay, I would manage. But if I was, I couldn't. I couldn't be pregnant. We would as a as a gender we would be
Starting point is 01:13:48 we'd be menaces oh yeah we would all be the the bagel boss guy just constantly hungry that's my theory is he was pregnant that's why I was so there was something to miss he may have been was bagel boss a seahorse bagel boss all time yeah bagel boss oh my god he was a he wasn't a small man he was a medium He may have been. Was Bagel Boss a seahorse? Bagel Boss all the time. Yeah, Bagel Boss. Oh my God. He wasn't a small man. He was a medium-sized seahorse. Holy shit.
Starting point is 01:14:12 He was just hungry as fuck. I have to eat and I'm fucking pregnant. Oh my God. He was acting like a... Dude, you're acting like a seahorse right now. Yeah, he was quite the visual spectacle. He's had more death rumors than most people. He's still getting play. People are still in the tabloids.
Starting point is 01:14:31 Yeah, I think people combined him with the guy with no neck. They were both super stars at the same time. Yeah, there was a run of those guys in that era. They were all just sort of like post COVID everybody. I don't know. It was just goofy. Dudes are getting angry. I'm seeing it more.
Starting point is 01:14:55 You were kind of preaching. You're seeing it more. Yeah, I didn't see. I haven't seen an angry dude in a while. I mean, your argument about bored beasts came to fruition in that, in that golf hockey, that golf hockey guy fight video. You got like some random white dude doing the Hawka and then getting tossed into a pond crawling out of the pond for more.
Starting point is 01:15:15 And then getting thrown like a lawn dart. I mean, I was like, this just doesn't occur if you have a conflict that they can entertain themselves with. Yeah. Yeah. Be Yeah. Yeah, beasts, I don't know what they're, what they could do. Kyle, are you a beast? What do you think? No.
Starting point is 01:15:36 Yeah, you can wrestle, that's beastly. You're not a bored beast, you're a wandering beast. No, I'm not a beast yet. I'm saying there's a there's so many levels above me that is the big guys are insane. Like what they can do, how strong they are, how big they are, how in shape they are and I'm saying that there's um what you just can't do anything with that. The issue is that like you know how to wrestle that's an actual thing.
Starting point is 01:16:05 They're super strong, but they're like, oh, you're just incredible at rear elevated split squats. Yeah, does it translate? They're not like, they're good at gyming. What I'm saying, hypothetically, if these guys learned martial arts, learned all forms of combat, that's even worse. Then they're like, now they're like beasts
Starting point is 01:16:24 who are trained Super-soldiers, what do you what do you do like guys aren't in the situations where they need to do that or be that fair? Yeah, things aren't settled with fights really anymore. Yeah war isn't even settled with fucking that's true Yeah, I think we did talk about man vs. Man combat strip mall to do combat next to like a sprint mode Yeah, right. That's the only place dudes can go to war dudes like that. combat next to like a sprint mode. Yeah, right. That's the only place dudes can go to war. Dudes like that. Yeah, it's a recipe for disaster. Because those dudes couldn't operate a drone.
Starting point is 01:16:51 The bigger you get, the less you can operate joysticks. It really is crazy how that works. Yeah, your fingers. Yeah, is that why you can't do it, Kyle? I can do joysticks. Took you a while to set up the Xbox. We gotta get you back on there. What was your gamertag?
Starting point is 01:17:11 Yeah, what was it? I forget. I already forget. We gotta get you back on. Was it Big Giant Kyle? Is it the Big Giant Kyle or the real Dean Jones? I think it might have been Big Giant Kyle. I think it might have been Big Giant Kyle. real Dean Jones.
Starting point is 01:17:29 I think it might have been big giant Kyle. BGK. All right. Anything else, boys? Anything else? There was something else I feel like we wanted to talk about. You have a dog. I have a dog.
Starting point is 01:17:43 I have a dog who is named Clue then on his form it said KLU? Which made me think that they thought that he was not a pit bull But he's a you have a pit bull. I have a different that's different than saying you wait is all pity a different than Thing than a pit bulls mixed. He's a mixed is okay. He's definitely got some pity in him Do you and you feel affection toward him? Obviously? Are you prepared to? Ride and defend pitbulls a hundred percent. Yeah. Mm-hmm. They're sweet. They're sweet or just your pitbull Well, there's some you know bad apples out there. Sure. Yeah, what is your pitbull? Excited for Halloween. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna go us you gonna do couples got like a joint costume
Starting point is 01:18:27 Yeah, I'm gonna be we're gonna do like a rovers. I'll be a dog and he'll dress like that's what I'm doing Yeah, I'm gonna dress it. I'm gonna be a dog. He's going his tin man. I'm going his toto You guys are doing couples costumes with your dogs not The couple is the right time. Yeah. Yeah, you're dressing as a dog. I'm gonna be a dog. I'm gonna swear a caller. Nothing else. That's your dream come true. You've always wanted to wear a collar. There we go. He's gonna wear like a just that's like when you put up that bench like guys out. If I fuck this up, I'll get frosted tips.
Starting point is 01:18:55 You wanted him so bad to wear a collar. You want to wear a collar. Yeah, the master does it again. I wasn't expecting you to have an answer for October 31st. You already planned. That was just off dome, dude. That's how I do it, dude. I just fucking say, I just, I'm like that. No, I live next to Oz Park,
Starting point is 01:19:12 which has the statues of all the Wizard of Oz people and like the Toto looks like my dog, so I thought it would be funny. Yeah, it's way cooler if you just think of it like I did off the top of your head. You're right, off dome. Well, I thought of it off the top of my head the one I did when I did.
Starting point is 01:19:22 What's the dynamic, are you allowed to like? brawl with the pitbull Yeah I'm still learning. I'm getting a head, but like he how old is he are they invasive species? Can you kill it? if you had to a Certain number per year yeah, I'll kill your cat. But like, are you to the point where like what cat for? If you if you and your dog got into a fight right now, what are the odds what are the odds you're winning the fight?
Starting point is 01:19:54 I'm pretty high. He's only 50 pounds. OK. What about having said that, if he lands one in his mouth on a bad area, it's over. So it's not it's not 100 percent. Not 100 percent. I'm yeah. Mm hmm's not, it's not a hundred percent. Not a hundred percent. Yeah. Cause I'm sitting at like 50 with mine right now. 50 pounds? No, no, 50%.
Starting point is 01:20:12 I could make a field goal with your dog. Yeah, yeah, easy. He's perfect to throw in a tight spiral. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I love doing it. Dude, he would love those old things at banks where you put it in the tube and it oh, shoot him up through one.
Starting point is 01:20:27 Yeah, yeah. You should look into that. But yeah, no, he's cool. He's cool. I'm happy for you guys. Thanks, man. Some people are definitely scared of him, rightfully so. But he's a sweetheart, which is lucky.
Starting point is 01:20:38 So you a dog guy, Kyle? Oh, yeah, you met my dog. I did. It is really, really really free like you. He did like me Um, I don't know if I could do that 24-7. It's not 24-7 though. It's like yeah at three hours a day But you you fucked him up pretty good fucked him up. Hey, you were throwing him around On the couch. I saw you wrestling. Oh, yeah, I was heaving them That's like I'll give him a dead arm you did do that he gave a Charlie horse Yeah, I did uh like I've been trying to work on the training but there was one time where like he just wasn't listening
Starting point is 01:21:17 I just smacked him on the side really hard. Mm-hmm You feel bad afterwards? No, no, cause I, I, I, I'm, I am a master at combat. Oh yeah. Sure. So you didn't get very controlled. Exactly the amount. You need to really. But I did feel a little bad. Like you don't like doing that, but he's a, he's a pit bull. If you, I mean, you could hit him in the head with a tire and I don't even know
Starting point is 01:21:38 if you'd notice, but I'm getting the same trainer you had, so he's going to be hopefully very well trained I don't want to have a bad dog And then I'm kind of hoping like the trainer kind of like Mike. Can you stick around just for me? Mm-hmm Let me do some stuff. Yeah Not a life coach a trainer I Wouldn't mind that I wouldn't mind just having somebody make all my decisions for me, right? Oh, I'm getting tired of making decisions.
Starting point is 01:22:05 Yeah, too many choices. Yeah, it sucks. Really difficult. It's really difficult. Just trying to sim this shit, you know? I would love to sim. I would love. If only, nah, it's fine.
Starting point is 01:22:18 Well, if only there was a way to get out of all this. If only there was an easy way where I could get really high and then never have to worry about any of this ever again. Nah. How are your cats though? You haven't talked about them long. Um, how are my cats? You still have them?
Starting point is 01:22:40 Do you hang out with them? Do you even see them anymore? Yeah. They sleep in the bed. How much better they take? Do you hang out with them to even see them anymore? Yeah They sleep in the bed How much better they take like where do they sleep in correlation to you um think by my knee? There's nothing much to cats Told you they're like a they're like a fun screen saver Yeah, it's true, but there is affection, but as far as talking points about your own cat
Starting point is 01:23:08 There's nothing Like a lot of guys secretly have two to three cats and you never Don't know about it. Kyle. You have a third cat or thing you're trying to drop. Did you get a third cat? It's actually very common a lot of guys. A lot of guys don't even bring up if they get a third cat There's not much to say about Did you think a lot of guys will just secretly have cats and then you'll bring up cats in the car Yeah, I have three and then like oh, yeah, that's not a big deal at all Pretty normal. I think there's even guys that get home and they're like, oh, yeah, I have a cat
Starting point is 01:23:42 You know who's the sneaky cat guy Tom lay? Oh Oh yeah, I have a cat. It wasn't like, you know, who's the sneaky cat guy? Tom Lay. Oh, yeah, he loves his cat. Bring it up, though, and he'll wax poetic. Oh, yeah. All right. Till next time. Yeah, that's it.

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