A New Untold Story - PF Chang's - A New Untold Story: Ep. 456
Episode Date: July 10, 2025good weed, white wine, uh Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app today and use code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase Kraken - Go to https://kraken.com/barstool to learn more Roman - Conne...ct with a provider at RO.co/UNTOLD to find out if prescription Ro Sparks are right for you and get $15 off your first order Betterhelp - A New Untold Story is sponsored by BetterHelp. Get 10% off your first month at https://BetterHelp.com/NEW.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast
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Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube.
Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. I'm a new untold story. I'm a new untold story.
It's a fresh baked untold story.
I'm a new untold story.
No cold open this time. No.
Sorry, man.
New untold story episode 456.
Correct.
Yeah, I'm done with that.
That's that's the old me.
Okay.
No.
Yeah.
Being aware, knowing, knowing things.
456 is it is the start of the zip codes in Chillicothe, Ohio.
I've been.
You were ready for that?
I kinda.
I've been to Chillicothe.
Shout out my boy Jacob Dunn, he's a teacher there.
Good graphic designer, great singer,
Jacob Dunn and the Blackbirds.
Beautiful little town.
He took me to this place called Stoddy Fest,
which was like a music festival where
When you were tired you just laid on the ground
Their logo was a smiley face. That's beautiful country. It's a desire pretty close to the original Bob Evans
Yeah, which I went there on my spring break in college showed you what kind of college student
I was me and Jacob Dunn and the original Bob is the original Bob Evans? This kid named Zach went and decided,
it's spring break, we're young, we're single,
we're fertile, we're horny,
let's go to the original Bob Evans.
And like, what do you do?
Bob Evans Farm.
You go and have the same thing you'd have at any Bob Evans.
It's not like a historical-
There's the farm there, but it's like,
there's not too much touring or anything.
But yeah, that's been a,
God do I miss those dinner rolls.
You kind of talked up Chillicothe.
I like Chillicothe, well, yeah.
Yeah, well it sits on.
It might as well be Kentucky.
It's in that transitional gooch
between the scrotum of Midwestern plains
and the hemorrhoids of the Appalachian foothills, right?
On the intersection of those two.
So it's not quite Huntington, West Virginia.
It's not quite Kokomo, Indiana.
It's a little bit of both.
Charming, historical, was the original capital of Ohio.
Didn't know that.
Rich in history, poor in money.
Yes.
And other than that, I would say a great place
to raise a stink about the rising stink.
Because it's getting stinky?
Oh, there's a perpetual odor,
and there has been for decades.
I didn't notice.
Submitting from the paper mill.
Apparently the pulping process creates a sulfur gas
that reeks of
Of sulfur well it smells like
hard-boiled eggs from
7-eleven
rubble from 9-eleven
Body odor and
unwashed Caucasian dreadlocks from 311 concertgoers. What else?
Drake's cum rag after watching 11 and Stranger Things.
A combination of all those.
And what else?
Gaming chair of Tyler Blevins.
And the sneaky leaven the Saudi Arabian crotch of a 411
man in Levi
511
Skinny jeans doing cardio at the gym at 11 p.m
It smells like 611 NBA star Kevin Durant's
used compression leg sleeves.
Filled with ash.
Is this the ash from the 9'11", Rubble?
No, that's from Kevin.
It's got the teenage sweat on Gaz's shirt after leaving 11.
But yes. Teenage sweats on Gaz's shirt after leaving 11 Yeah, but yes, oh yeah, that's the general stench of the town
But other than that pretty good pretty good
Other than there are some cities that are towns that are a better photograph than place
Chill a coffee being one you'll go somewhere and be like, oh gross, this place should be a painting.
Like what?
Like most, most rural places I would, I would rather look at than go to.
Then go to.
Cincinnati.
No, no, you don't want to look at Cincinnati.
I think a painting.
God no.
No, I would, no my God, it would be jump scare.
Looking at Cincinnati.
It is, it is unsightly. St Cincinnati is it look up a you think Cincinnati's pretty
I mean, I just picture it as lumped in with like Louisville and Pittsburgh. Yeah, the town itself
At that I mean that looks that I mean believe that looks like it looks like Dubai that looks
Dude yeah, that looks like a place where dudes have Bugatti's in the middle of their apartment shot to the Cincinnati Cyclones
Dude, it's just like they're trafficking Instagram models to Cincinnati
The crown prince of Cincinnati
Yeah, you know Joe burrow store in hose there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah
He showed his he showed his apartment or his a house. He did a house tour
Yeah, and he has a pool table just in his hallway
You know how big your hallway has to be to have a pool table. Yeah, it's wide
It's a wide hallway. He's a baby grand in there too right next to a lesbian tiktoker. Yeah, he's dude. Yeah, he was just like
He saw like a lesbian model and he's like if if I can't have you, like, nobody can.
You're, you work, you were in my house.
You're my security.
Joe Burrow's hiring hot lesbians as a security.
He has a pool table in his hallway?
His place was, his interior design was strange.
He's a big fossil guy, I just learned.
He's a big fossil guy?
Loves fossils.
That's just, you have too much money if you have fossils
He goes and checks him out. He goes to like
Behind the scenes at museums to check out the the fossils the unreleased fossil. I don't understand his personality
It's uh, he seems down. Do you think so? He seems very very sad. I think he might just be low-key
Oh, you think he's low-key. I think he's low-key
I had to usher him to a bathroom once what I was his bathroom. God where I held it for him
You're not a lesbian
Then I was he only has lesbians work for him
Yeah, it's like the like fucking villains who only hire blind people so they can't see like where they are
Yeah in comics he only hires lesbians
They know they won't try to fuck him if he hires guys they might try to fuck them. That's what he can hires lesbians because they know they won't try to fuck him. If he hires guys, they might try to fuck him.
That's why he can only hire lesbos.
No, I was at the Miami Rough and Rowdy.
I just ended up next to him and it was-
He was at the Miami Rough and Rowdy?
Yeah.
Was he still at LSU?
He had just got done, like right after that.
So he's in, yeah.
We just, it was like completely over packed
and I just ended up like standing next to him.
And then he's like, I'm so sorry, but like, I really need to go to the bathroom.
And like, I need help because there was so many.
He asked you, he singled you out.
He said, help me use the bathroom.
He said, big fella is Burrow, a white boy with a little bit of seasoning?
Because that's how they describe the New York Giants this year.
What do you say?
Are they white boys with a little bit of sea?
Yeah, giants have some white boys with a little bit of see yeah? We're dry and have some white boys with a little bit of seasoning Jackson dart and the running back
Yeah, they're running back from uh
Iowa State or no Arizona State yeah
whack-a-mo
Yeah, no, I mean Joe Burroughs from like close to Chillicothe, Southern, Ohio. Mm-hmm Appalachia
Pull table in the hallway.
Darts got seasoning out the fucking ass.
He's a cold white boy.
He's a cold ass white boy.
Dude, I wish I had a sprinkle of fucking Old Bay.
I don't have shit.
I need to get some, actually, I'm gonna try to get some,
before summer's end, I'm gonna get a little bit of seasoning.
How? I might shave a line in my eyebrow
Get an eyebrow piercing no no that ain't I'm afraid that would get caught on something I
Don't want that
No
What episode number is it?
456 yeah, I know
That's also the amount of millions the movie 300 made
that's I know. It's also the amount of millions the movie 300 made.
That's, that's a, there's only two movies that has ever made 456 million.
It's that and one of the Venoms.
It was only, what do you mean?
That exact box office.
Oh, that exact, okay.
But 300 came out in 2006,
which was such a weird, weird time for movies
because every other movie that came out in 2006
was just chubby-ish, schlub, getz girl.
Yeah.
Because that year was Employee of the Month,
accepted, Beer League, Beer Fest, Grandma's Boy,
Larry the Cable Guy, Health Expector,
American Pie, Naked Mile.
That was the genre of film, and then 300.
Bumbling buffoons, like, you know,
you're attracting women and...
This was also that five year stretch of movie
where John Heater, the guy that played Napoleon Dynamite,
was just hired to be Napoleon Dynamite in other movies.
Yeah.
Like every movie he was in, he was like,
okay, we need you to be Napoleon Dynamite,
but playing fucking softball with
softball figure skating you just figure skate you were yeah
Yeah, it was just it was heater in different fonts, right?
It was he was just and the bench warmers. I think he was like what the frick and I was just like what fuck
Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, that happens. I wonder what he's up to now and I'm surprised Napoleon Dynamite hasn't fallen under the the sequel
He's not even 50 perfect I wonder what he's up to now. And I'm surprised Napoleon Dynamite hasn't fallen under the sequel. That he hasn't gotten the sequel yet.
He's not even 50 yet.
He's perfect.
That blew my mind, 47.
Oh, he was young when he did that.
BYU.
Yeah, that happens.
I mean, they did that for a few years with Dane Cook too.
Dane Cook was just, well, Dane Cook
was the first funny guy that also got was hot
He was the first Matt rife kind of yeah. Yeah, he definitely was
Now he's just rules now. He just has plastic surgery. This has plus. He looks he's expanding at a rapid rate
Is he but like he's almost 2d. It's almost look like got rolled by a pin
By I guess a rolling pin he streams on twitch like once every two months
Yeah, does it from his theater room on like a 60 inch projector doesn't interact at all
He's been through some shit though. So like he's been through enough shit to where he's allowed to have a teenage wife
Yeah
Because his brother stole everything he had. Mm-hmm. Yeah
he would just come out on stage and just
Say say the word shit people would lose their mind. He would just come out on stage and just say the word shit and people would lose their
mind.
He would walk fast.
Yeah, yeah, pace.
Walk fast and he'd pace and everyone would go.
He invented the fast pace.
He invented a new middle finger.
Yeah, yeah.
The vicious finger, is that what it was?
That was his tour.
The super finger.
Super finger.
No, the vicious finger.
The vicious finger was his tour.
Vicious finger, that's a secret.
Oh, that's what he does.
Yeah. Yeah, he's... Dane Cook's the man.
He, you know, I mean, I feel bad.
Like he couldn't have had a better life back then,
and then it's the opposite now.
He almost should have taken the Daniel Tosh route.
Daniel Tosh seems to still be crushing it.
Wait, was that him and Justin Timberlake
doing the super finger?
The super finger. God damn, he was on top of the world. Yeah, there that him and Justin Timberlake doing the super finger? The super finger.
God damn, he was on top of the world.
Yeah, there was a moment where it was the Pope,
Dane Cook in the same conversation.
Oh yeah, his fame.
Yeah.
Now that is a white boy with seasoning, JT.
Oh my God, yeah.
Brandon said from the south,
because JT's from Memphis,
he says he'll have the Baptist women
with their fans fainting over JT
Yeah, he's um yeah. He's probably the way, but with the seasoning with the most of the most
He cheats too, which is like yeah, all right yeah
Cheats on Beale
Damn shame boulder native
Jessica Beale mm-hmm yeah yeah
damn shame boulder native Jessica Beal yeah yeah 456 is also the amount of won you would win if you won squid game billion in billions really mm-hmm in the
canonically or in the real one the beast games yeah South Korean currency I think
it's like it ends up being like 300 mil which would put you right behind the net worth of k-pop
idol jip jyp jip yeah it sounds wrong yeah I think it is that's that's the
the shortened term for gypsy which I don't think you can say right you can't
yeah yeah he's uh right you'd be right behind him oh my he makes how much he a net worth this is it and he I looked at I was listening some of his music
Today on the call right in and his biggest song when we disco which I'm not a music critic
But I have to say this song sucks the biggest dick of all time. It's the worst song I've ever heard really yeah
I think most songs are bad. You think so I think most songs are decent
Songs are like pizza to me had like that's you're lying
You've had like breakdowns in terms of your serotonin intake cuz you've liked songs so much
Yeah, I like like one point one percent of songs, and I think most are fine. I think I like five percent of songs
No, I think I like 15 percent of songs. I think that
Benson Boone like his he gets so much shit. He gets so much like he doesn't really help himself
worldwide punching bag for being a
horrendous
Recording artist. Yeah, first of all, he's 22. Yeah, and his music is
He's a singer so much worse music than his coming out.
And people like clown that it's,
what lyrics are not corny?
Lyrics were on Jeopardy, it was a category in Jeopardy.
And saying lyrics and not singing them,
no lyrics are cool, besides Future.
Future, Future, I would, Ludacris has some great ones. No, no lyrics are cool besides future future future
Chris has some great ones, but like
No lyrics are actually cool. I don't think
Yeah Like if you had to get a lyric tattoo, what would you pick?
Good weed white wine
That's a good one
That was your one and only tattoo that's cuz that's the one like I couldn't decide like I knew I wanted this
Drake could have stopped there after good weed white wine. Yeah, nothing more is needed
I am all set on coming alive in the nighttime. Fuck that
Nothing to me is better than good weed and white wine at this stage of my life
Like a good Riesling or a pinot Grigio and a Sativa Edible,
like that is the best.
Good Weed White Wine.
That is nice.
I'm so glad he said that.
I'm so glad.
I can, I imagine you're hearing that.
I imagine you're hearing that somebody like,
I'm so glad he said that.
What did you feel the first time you,
the first time you heard that,
were you into Good Weed and White Wine?
No. So he inspired you. good weed and white wine? No.
So he inspired you.
It was a slow burn, yeah.
And I, oh my God.
And imagine his, the quality of his good weed and white wine.
Right.
Like my good weed is good.
His good weed is probably the best.
Yeah.
Imagine being crossfaded.
Your weed's good?
My weed's pretty good.
It's pretty good.
I dish out, I dish out some budget for it.
What's your weed budget?
Weed budget's high, like I search by highest price.
That's how you sort?
On the dispenser, yeah, I don't want the strong,
I want the highest price.
You don't want the.
What's your strain right now?
Right now I'm all on the sour, I'm only on the eatables.
Edible? Things you can eat, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm all on the sour. I'm only on the eatables. Edible?
Things you can eat, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm done with the smoking
because I'm a runner now, mid distance.
And, but good weed and white wine.
It's like being crossfaded off of good weed and white wine.
And then-
But he's not saying what to do
when you're on the good weed and white wine.
He's kind of, it's kind of,
it kind of sets you up like you're lost after that.
What do you do after the good weed and white wine?
He even said, uh, after that.
Cause that's all you need.
He was trying to think of one more thing.
He's like, that's it.
There's only one thing you can do in his situation.
If you're Drake and you're crossfaded off of good weed
and white wine, the only thing you can do is stop
and reflect on the fact that you're recording artist Drake.
That would be out of this world. Yeah, I could see him taking a sip of white wine and just saying, recording artist Drake. That would be out of this world.
Yeah, I could see him taking a sip of white wine
and just saying, I'm Drake.
So wait, if you were Drake for one day,
would you have good weed, sip some white wine,
and then think about how you're Drake?
Mm-hmm, I would like look at my palms
and like, I'm actually Drake.
Yeah.
Holy fuck.
Holy fuck.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude.
Like what?
Like getting so high to where you kind of
for a split second forget you're Drake,
and then realizing that you're him
would be the best feeling on earth.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
He's probably listening to Drake really high,
a little buzzed, and then he's like, damn, this is good.
And he's like, holy.
That's me, yeah.
Or there's just silence.
I would just look in the mirror. There's a little bit of silence and he just goes, Drake. Yeah, I is good. And he's like, that's me. That's me. Or there's just silence. I would just look in the mirror.
There's a little bit of silence and he just goes,
Drake.
Yeah, I'm Drake.
I'm Drake.
And that's me.
And that's was, what was this, 2009?
Oh my God, he was crossfaded off Goodweed and white wine
and like he looked to his left and Rihanna was there.
And he probably freaked the fuck out.
He was like, I have to devote every waking moment
of my life to be this famous for the next three decades.
And that's what he did.
So do you think this in turn,
this almost ruined his life because he was like,
I have to get back to this or I have to chase this
or I have to maintain this.
Yeah, in 2009 he peaked when he was crossfaded up Good Weed and White Wine with Rihanna. I have to get back to this or I have to chase this or I have to maintain this yeah in
2009 he peaked when he was cross faded up good weed and white wine with Rihanna
Yeah, like maybe he made her laugh like he made her belly laugh I mean, I'm oh my god making Rihanna if I'm on a wine buzz and I have a quip that makes Rihanna smirk
Oh my god
No wonder he's like what do I do now? I have to conquer Atlanta and Houston like a conquistador.
I have to literally make that city mine.
Alright, I sip my wine, I smoked, I made Rihanna smile.
Lips look soft.
Uh, Atlanta, you're next.
Yeah, he's honestly like Alexander the Great.
But like, I think he's chasing it. I don't think anything can match that high.
Nothing. That's why Drake like I think he's chasing it. I don't think anything can match that high.
Nothing.
That's why Drake is doing everything he's doing.
That was his peak.
Good weed, white wine, Rihanna.
But wouldn't that, what, that would break a lesser man.
Mm, send him down a dark path.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Oh my God.
So do you think that uh after white wine
was him like being like, fuck?
Like, was that a panicic? Oh, yeah, like
It's not gonna get better than this
Now he's just chasing
transient jolts of euphoria from like other
Conquests and substances that will never compete with him being in his 20s off good weed and white wine with
Fellow mononymous superstar Rihanna.
You probably looked at her like,
we'll never need last names.
No one.
People like us.
Yeah.
Nothing better.
Rihanna, look at me.
You know she's a tough nut to crack, like making her laugh.
Yeah?
No, I think she's giggly, man.
I think she would like, she's not gonna-
You think Rock's making her laugh?
She's not gonna fake laugh.
You think A$AP Rocky's making her laugh?
I don't know if he's funny.
Yeah, I think he's just really cool and gay.
Yeah.
There is a level of cool that you achieve
to where it blurs the line of homosexuality.
Right.
When you say, you call yourself-
And we're all striving for it.
Yeah, you call yourself that pretty motherfucker
and no one even says anything.
Everybody agrees.
Yeah, like, you are that pretty motherfucker.
Yeah, you are.
You must be. You're the pretty motherfucker. She, like, you are that pretty motherfucker. Yeah, you are. You must be.
You're the pretty motherfucker.
She's hard to kiss.
Drake found out.
Rihanna's hard to kiss?
You know that video where Drake tried to kiss her on stage
and she just, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was a tough one.
It was a really tough one.
She's tough to kiss.
Many have tried.
Many have tried and failed.
If she hands you a blunt,
do you deny it out of fear of having a panic attack
and being too high around Rihanna, or do you take it?
And Rudy, I take the blunt from Rihanna.
Yeah, call me crazy, but I would take the blunt from Rihanna.
But then you have to traverse being stoned around Rihanna.
Dude, that's the new, like, moral quandary
of, like, pulling the lever to run over people
on the train tracks.
Do you take the blunt?
From you guys are playing around right now. You would be shivering in your fucking yes. Yeah, I would fake inhale I
Would suck the end of that blunt like a dick
But imagine you pass it back to her and it's like super wet that I'd be fine
What's that called when you put too much mouth on the blunt blank lip?
Yeah
I hadn't thought about that one in a while. I didn't know that I heard her for a second. You confused me
I thought that was the term
Like the film blank check, right?
Yeah, but being tumultuously high
In the presence of a disapproving Rihanna would be.
I don't like being high around the people I'm closest with.
I don't like being high around anybody.
I don't like being high.
But I do it with Rihanna.
You would do it with Rihanna?
Like have you and I ever smoked that good good together?
We have never been.
We've never been on the same stuff at the same time.
We've never been off the good cush together.
That's insane.
We've done everything else.
We've never been off the good cush.
In tandem, we've co-starred in so many scenarios.
You're right.
But never a blunt.
Never a blunt.
Um,
I saw Rone rank the Barstool
duos, and we of course
are a duo, and uh, he had us at
three and people were like, they should have been higher. Wrong!
We should have been lower.
Cause I was like looking, what have we
done?
Oh my god. What have we done? What have we done? Oh my God.
What have we done? What have we done that's been like very successful?
Oh, wow.
We've never been in a video with a million views.
We've never been in a video with maybe 300,000,
400,000 views.
Oh yeah, I never analyzed the lack of success.
I've never analyzed the failure of my livelihood like this. We're well liked within the office. Sure. And I'm appreciative of that. I love that. We have
a good tight knit standing. Oh man. Yeah dude're what have we done?
Like something that could even go on a Wikipedia page right like they did this they are known for blank in
2021 they were known for being together
Collaborated yeah, we're known for yeah our job titles collaborators
Collaborated on the hip log birds. No, I didn't do birds. I didn't do birds. I didn't touch birds. Oh venture
I I helped with tailgate foods for sure. I'll take that I'll take the credit for tailgate foods with Kyle
Yeah, you gave me a Vermont you gave me I wrote Saturdays are for the boys and Barry Kyle
The pen you bought me for my birthday, I don't know how to fill up You haven't used it. I tried that's contradictory
to
Well, didn't you tell me this weekend and I was like it's been a blast like it's such a smooth right no
Did you fancies I'm you like
Fucking talk it up no
But is it did you buy me another pen and not want to give me the other pen?
I bought you another gift is it a pair as well
It's right there, and I kind of left it in the corner of the room like if you wanted it
You can pick it up. Well. I didn't know that was mine. I thought you saw one
I thought one for yourself adding a second pen you got me a second water down the first pen gift
Why do you yeah, I agree. It's too much pen. You don't need to give me two fancy pens
You don't know what's a man do two fancy pens yeah two box hell. It's too much pen. You don't need to give me two fancy pens. You don't know.
What's a man do with two fancy pens?
Yeah, two boxes of pen games.
Hell, what's a man do with one?
With one pen.
But I love it.
It's sitting in its velvet box open,
propped up in my basement.
Okay, yeah, that makes me happy.
I really like it, and I'll learn how to fill it.
I just didn't have the time to watch the YouTube tutorial.
We'll get it filled.
We? Yeah. We need to do a video that hat that is successful
But um we don't have we can't we don't have it
We don't have it
Now the formula is
Have a short form video, do well,
and do it every day for the indefinite future.
Yeah, and that almost seems like a fate worse than death.
Yeah.
No, it's like, I don't know.
Some guys try a new sandwich every day
And that's their that's their job and it's that's all right, so let's think of something we can do every day
Do you want to sing sing black-eyed peas lyrics to Stefan as he's in the middle of work you keep you keep trying to get me
to do this
Do you want to piss off Stefan somehow?
That has been done, I don't know what should we do
Rudy what should we do Rudy? What should we do? Give us an idea? I think you guys should do
Like you should learn like a physical skill like a magician like then what juggling? That's it. That's the that's your issue
There's no then it just said that's it. That's it. That's and I'm the daily juggler. That's not what that sounds like a fucking newspaper in a comic book
Right. Yeah, that's the joke if the Joker takes over Gotham. Yeah, that's the new comic just be like a new newspaper
Yeah, just be like the those band in New York. What is it laundry day?
Yeah, they just sing other people's songs just go to in baggy jeans go to unique landmarks and be like we're the juggling guys
And we drug here. We are at the Washington Monument. You juggle. That's it. That's gonna hit unfortunately
The problem is that you keep thinking then what there isn't there's no there's no that thinking creatively
So the idea begins and ends at the idea mm-hmm right no commas okay
tough that'll work so you're what I mean do you want to try it do you want to eat
a different sandwich every day and then like I'm naturally trying to think of a
twist or like something to add creatively to make it different than just
trying a sandwich every day, but that's what works.
No twists.
No.
You can get on Jimmy Fallon for saying, boom, god damn you can.
And was Jimmy laughing?
I'd imagine Jimmy was laughing.
Jimmy would laugh at wind hitting his face. Yeah, that would make him break. I
Don't know
Don't do song parodies with me
Did I love song pair you love song parody? I get that they're corny, but it's what like what what's a song parody you like?
weirdo I
like weirdos originals more I
love weirdo as a Do you like weird owl I? like weird owls originals more I Love weird owls like
What like the night Santa? Why didn't I see originals? He just performed in Traverse City?
While you were there yeah like a lot of artists buck cherry no hey you're a crazy bitch
That yeah, it was cherry and weird Al but cherry weird out plain white tease ti
That's insane yeah and see there was weird Al was he on the fashion not see there. I didn't even see the stage
Was he in that was he in the gopuff tent it was
Plain white teases how I described like my flirting
It was
Plain white teases how I describe like my flirting
It's classic, but no one's favorite yeah, it's just I'll just give you a little sweet answer
Alright guys tiny little break to talk about our best friends over at game time you guys know it's the official ticketing partner of
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What time is it?
Again, huh?
Okay, tiny little break to talk about Kraken.
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Yeah, went to Disco Lines. That was awesome. It was fun. Shout out to Mr. Lines. Thank you Lines. I had a blast.
He's been a
cool and friendly with us for a few years now and now he's
He's not a Drake Goodweed white wine level, but he is his trajectory as a do you think he's closer than most a young adult male?
single
male, single, touring star like that.
He has what I would imagine is the pinnacle of fantasies for most straight boys, his current life.
Yeah, that over athlete.
Oh my God, yeah, athletes.
What's the like, okay, so when it comes to like performers,
athlete, musician, comedian, actor,
comedian has to be very bottom of the barrel, right?
Yeah.
But self-inflicted.
And then I think it's athlete.
And then I think it's actor, musician's the pinnacle.
Yeah, I'd say that as well. Of like fantasizing. Yeah. And then I think it's actor musicians, the pinnacle. Yeah, I'd say that as well.
Of like fantasizing.
Yeah.
And then actor?
Actor shouldn't be.
Acting is too hard and athlete shouldn't be.
Being a star athlete with a high approval rating
is, it doesn't happen.
You're on borrowed time.
Like think of like NBA
players who doesn't get just not even like lightheartedly clown like ripped
apart to shreds and the Edwards Anthony Edwards people like joke about him
demanding this woman to get an abortion like hey he's the fucking man but
there's only like three guys at any given time who are impervious to just soul crushing hate.
Yeah.
And musicians, like, I guess, don't get that as much
unless you put out a bad song.
Poor Benson Boone, 22 year old boy.
Give him time.
Give Benson some time.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'd say world touring DJ is probably the peak.
Right, because like, you can do it forever.
I mean you don't have to sing. Nope. You just kind of have to stay tan
enough to show your stomach tattoos and then have a couple, you know,
a few good songs that you actually made. Yeah. It's really it. And that,
and then you get, oh my God. And then at a certain point,
so DJ out to his family, would you rather be a rock star or rapper?
I'd rather be a rock star. Yeah, but then you have a falling out like your band and everything I think rapper
Rapper you you can't be vulnerable as a rapper. Yeah. Yeah, you can't be vulnerable because the corny label
They'll slap on rappers is so quick You can't be vulnerable as a rapper. Yeah, yeah, you can't be vulnerable because the corny label, those slap-on rappers,
is so quick.
Yeah.
And you can-
People are quick to cornify.
You can do rock music a lot longer than you can do rap.
Yeah.
TI is in Traverse City.
With Weird Al.
Yeah, fuck.
Fuck.
Ozzy Osbourne was in a wheelchair to like a trillion people.
Yeah, but it was like their last.
Yeah, it's still like guns and roses.
Still do. Would you rather be young blood right now or galaxy?
Would you have a young blood or?
Who's a popular rapper around that age?
Ken Carson.
I thought your young blood is the popular young rapper right young bloods not a rapper
He's the British boy with the giant mouth. Yeah
He's the successor of Ozzy Osbourne
Oh, he's the big mouth wearing British boy. I was thinking of the NBA guy you can see his dick in GQ
You can see oh, yeah, they forgot to edit out his ball sack pretty funny squatting in shorts pretty awesome
Actually, it's like a super regular, like.
Oh, you're due for a slip, by the way.
It's a regular dick.
You're due for a slip, Kyle.
I don't know how your balls haven't been on the Yak yet.
There has been one point in time
where you were sitting on the Yak.
People have been telling me.
Where your shorts rode up to the point
where it was like one strand of fabric
containing everything you had.
It's incredible that despite.
How is it not uncomfortable?
It had to have a mash in your shit.
It might be the, hmm.
It might be the petite-ness of the package,
making it effortlessly unshowable.
Mm-hmm.
Is it too small to slip? It's like a bank being too big. The penis is too small to slip. We can't make the short shorter. We can. The big short. You can rock the small short It's not gonna fail
It doesn't matter
Yeah
Women are disappearing in Chillicothe. It's another one thing. Yeah, that's not good
Like a serial killer they're disappearing one. That's a really great way to segue off small penis
Yeah, like we can't keep joking after that the man. I have to follow up question that with masterful
It's true
I've you're missing out to bring it up. We're talking about chili coffee women are disappearing now back to your tiny shit
Back to your tiny shit. Back to your tiny shit.
Yeah, we'll circle back to the disappearing women.
Let's talk about your tiny shit.
That's not good at all though.
Yeah, you don't want a town like that.
A small town like that's
Ruins it forever. Yeah, also there. You know ravaged by the opioid
Yeah epidemic, but I think chicks disappearing is like the final nail in a town's coffin
For sure because you don't you can't shake the reputation. You can't build back up It's that you know that's the place. You need chicks like coming and arriving. Oh, okay.
An influx of women and staying.
Where are the chicks going now?
Joe Burroughs' house.
Yeah, I guess just Joe's house.
I don't know, yeah.
Where are the chicks?
They're like lizards, they like need a,
they need like sunlight.
They need something to bat, they need a bask.
They need sunlight. And like, they need us a sun line. They need something to bask, they need to bask. They need sunlight.
And chill, and bitch and nag.
I would rather, yeah, like, even at the rockiest,
fuckiest depths of rock bottom, like, you can be homeless,
you can be covered in warts and pussing and pissing
and homeless. Have an pissing and homeless.
Have an unfindable dick.
But you still get to experience the tolerance free
the joy of seeing women passing you.
For sure.
What the fuck?
Even at rock, so you're saying as bad as life can get,
you can still look at a woman?
You still see women, yeah.
What I'm saying is like a homeless guy who sleeps
on the doorway to a yoga studio
in the West Village of Manhattan,
that is a better life than having a three bedroom,
four bathroom house in Pine Bluff, Arkansas.
And you don't see any chicks?
No chicks.
So do you think you can equate a place's happiness
to the amount of chicks you can see?
Mm-hmm.
I think chicks being around is not even on a like,
oh, like this is amazing. Not on a horny level.
Not on a horny level, I think.
Women and the energy they bring,
to be around them in mass
is one of the healthiest things you can do.
But, and in turn, it also fills me with panic.
No, not like the impending interaction.
Just girls around me.
I'm never expecting that.
You're still panicked at girls?
I'm afraid of how I move my arms
and I'm super conscious about the time in between my blinks
So you need that you need to be able to?
Observe them from safe distance you need a zoo. I need I need
Like which is a strip club, I guess I just I just need to know women are around
So I think I need to be in the zoo with two-way glass
One way glass and they I know they're outside, but I can just do my thing. Yeah, it's like a body of water
What nothing?
nothing
Do your thing? I think I do think I need I need an app worse like citizens is like there's
Woman there's a hoe outside
Thank God oh, I can finally relax
I'm like, oh, thank God. Oh, down the street, yoga pants. I can finally relax. I'm with you, honestly.
There is a, there's a homeless guy outside the Starbucks I go to frequently, and he just
sits outside every day.
Every girl that walks by, he goes, yo, what up white bitch?
Every girl that walks by every hot, it doesn't matter what she looks like.
Really?
I think a lot of homeless dudes have a really good taste in women.
Yeah.
He's meddling with the ecosystem.
No, I think a lot of homeless dudes are pretty picky.
That would hurt.
Like nah.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Who's your friend?
I'm about to attack her.
I'm going to attack her
I'm gonna try to bite her
Yo fat bitch, who's your friend? I'm gonna really fucking ruin her city experience. Yeah, I'm gonna sprint
After tearing my clothes off
But would you go back to Traverse City, Kyle I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, the sand dunes which I went to. Yeah it's like a kind of a unassuming not even like
tiny but decent beach town. It's kind of like the outer banks with a chip on its shoulder.
Okay. Put in bay in a row back performance polo. Yeah a lot of a lot of mad chicks a
lot of scowling chicks. Scowling chicks? Yeah, not the friendliest of chick.
You tell them to smile?
Yeah, I wanted to.
Jesus.
We're losing our skills as pedestrians.
People cannot walk.
It's been horrible lately.
As a collective, I don't know if it's the next generation,
it's smartphones, something is happening
where walking in public, we're holding on by a thread.
And I don't know if it can get any worse. walking in public, we're holding on by a thread.
And I don't know if it can get any worse. So I don't know what happens next.
It'll be chaos.
It'll be anarchy in the streets.
I'll be behind,
it defies all races and religions as well.
Yeah, no, it's not specific.
Everybody's fucking up.
It's not to any demographic. Everybody's fucking up. It's not specific to any demographic.
Everybody's fucking up.
Besides gay men.
Gay men, you're blinking, you'll miss them.
Yeah, they're on the auto.
They're keeping us moving, they're keeping us in motion.
That's why I think Usain Bolt's a homosexual.
Has to be.
How's he so fast?
Oh, he's gay.
If he came out, everything would make sense.
Or if he wasn't gay and became gay,
then he just destroyed every record he set.
Think about the fastest kid growing up in your neighborhood.
Is he gay now?
Yeah, because he would swing his hips.
He had really mobile hips.
Yeah, but like you, if go go to a busy path,
walk around, you'll see like how our society's barely
holding on by a thread.
You have two types of people.
You have people who will purposely get in your way
and not do anything about it and feel nothing.
And people who will obliviously be in your way.
Which I don't know which is more infuriating.
It used to be a sign of a crumbling society was when people didn't put their shopping
carts away because it's a nice thing to do that has no penalty if you don't do it.
It's just something that you should do as a civilization.
I think it's walking.
We're the worst at walking.
I think it's because there's a main character syndrome epidemic as I'm speaking to hear my own voice into a camera.
It's just, I think, everybody's problem is there.
That's not my problem.
Yeah, I can't tell you how many times
when I'm walking around I think to myself,
someone's standing there and I go,
oh no, you should, yeah, stand there.
I've probably been a bad walker for people though
and I didn't know it.
So I don't know what the solution is
because I think a lot of people when they're bad walking
don't know they're bad walking.
It's not us.
Am I losing my mind or is, you bear right, correct?
It's like car lanes.
Yes.
Not anymore.
If you're going to stop and,
or just walk at a slow pace, you go to the far right.
You don't go in the exact middle.
Women 45 to 60 are the worst, in my opinion.
Middle-aged women are the worst.
They'll be like five wide,
or I was behind one that was solo today,
a walk-in-the-dog, and she was on speakerphone speaking
to somebody, but she was only stopping when she spoke.
I don't think she could do both at the same time.
And I was walking the dog behind her,
and I was going, I was trying to get in.
Because her pace walking was fast as fuck,
but then she'd stop.
So she passed me like four times on this walk.
That's frustrating.
I saw a four person pile up the other day.
Like of people or cars?
No, I was like, yeah, people just.
Yeah, yeah, it'll happen.
They're not checking.
They need that.
I bumped into somebody
because they were taking a corner too tight
Around like I was trying to corner around a building she was walking
You see in elevators to elevator doors open and then people just walk in. Oh, yeah, they're fucking there's no there's no elevator courtesy anymore either
Fucking we're not angry guys, but it's the type of frustration and anger you guys ever like mutter. Oh, yeah
I've been close
I've been like kind of wanting to get into an outside of the office altercation to just like so I could here's what I want
I wanted to be somebody that's non-threatening. I
Wanted to be somebody that kind of looks like a douchebag, and I want them to say nothing back to my mutter
That's my demands that that would suffice for you
That would be like that would be awesome
And I would walk past in if they were like stopped or like in the middle of the sidewalk. I'd be like alright
We're doing that and I think then I would just walk away feeling really fucking good
And I don't learn anything mm-hmm now oh
my god I
Think I've been fantasizing about
Oh my god, I think I've been fantasizing about
Altercation a lot my peak anger is just letting out like a come on. Yeah. Yeah, come on
Okay Wow, yeah
Alrighty
That time standing there. Yeah
Yeah, I pulled out my phone and timed a guy
Because I felt like he was looking at the drinks in the cooler section of 7-eleven
for too long
He wasn't even in my way, but it was bothering me that he was at a pace so careless carefree
And slow that I couldn't take it
And I pulled up my nighttime. Were you trying to get into the cooler as no. Oh, you're sick
I was like this guy don't like the way he's standing like well How do you just stand there for that long you you we got to get into the cooler as well? No. Oh, you're sick. I was like, this guy don't like the way he's standing.
Like, how do you just stand there for that long?
You, you.
We gotta get moving.
That's how a dog thinks.
But you're on a fast track to like, I think, murder.
If that, like, no?
Oh no.
Are you saying oh no as in scared?
Yeah.
Cause that didn't affect you at all.
What?
I know.
People need to get a move on it. Like why are you standing in place?
But I am envious of the people that are able
to just saunter and take their time.
I have to get shit done so I can move on to the next thing
and I don't even know what the next thing is.
There's not a next thing. There's never a nice thing
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New All right. We're back after the yak. We took a break at the end of I don't I don't even know what we're talking about
right before that
Do you recall
Can you think of five things we talked about in the past 100 podcast episodes?
Area codes don't count, Pokemon don't count.
Did we talk about...
Do we like discuss celebrity tea?
Have we ever discussed celebrity tea?
We could, is there?
We haven't yet? I don't think so.
Okay.
That'll be fun to dive into.
I'm coincidentally getting into celebrity tea.
What kind of tea?
Just like tea, like Kate Beckinsale dyes her hair down there.
She dyes her, is she, what?
Yeah, I was like, I don't, well okay,
I'll be a receptacle for this.
Dyes the underworld.
I'll take this tea. Did she be a receptacle for the eyes the underworld
I'll take this tea. She just wanted to that information. She's like by the way I follow this account that just like divulges like
Kind of like leaked information it can get really scandalous, but I bet you I guarantee you it's leaked by that celeb
No a lot of it's like very damning like like a? Like a lot of horrible things. Well, most of it is just like Brad Pitt is gay.
George Clooney is gay.
Pedro Pascal is gay.
Yeah.
George Clooney.
Him coming out as straight would be shocking.
Tyler Perry is gay.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a lot of that, but like some things,
like a lot of celebrities have severe,
like a lot of contracted relationships.
Celebrity-wise, the worst thing
within the confines of the law
that can happen to a guy is gay.
Women get the brunt of it.
Celebrity-wise, the worst thing that can happen.
Men-wise is gay.
They'll get accused as gay.
But women get the brunt of it.
Yeah, women get it bad.
Yeah, they're,
Leighton Meester has nothing good to say about Blake Lively.
Yeah, they get it bad.
Poor Leighton.
I also don't get why Sidney Sweeney
just breaks people's brains so much.
They debate it as if it's like a conflict
that's been going on for hundreds of years.
They bring up like, is she hot, is she not?
It's like, yeah, she's just hot.
She's a hot girl that acts.
There was a tweet that went viral today
It was her in like a low-cut shirt go figure and the guy was like dude imagine putting it between I saw that
That's what I've been doing. That was my tweet. I don't need you that guy that was his revelation
I mean, it's just like that one like oh, oh, you know what?
I actually hadn't thought about putting my dick between those perfect boobs. Oh my god, god I've seen a bunch actually thanks for the reminder. Yeah that I've seen on Twitter. Well, I never thought about doing that to Sweeney
Yeah, holy shit. I never even considered that imagine eating the bread part of a sandwich
Somebody should tweet a picture on a sandwich just a cock and quote tweet imagine tasting the bread
Those are two things that will never happen to me Somebody should tweet a picture on a sandwich just so Kyle can quote tweet imagine tasting the bread Yeah
Those are two things that will never happen to me Yeah
True
Fuck
Oh yeah
I
I
Suck it lose it
I would choose the bread over feeling in between Sydney
Bread's money
The other weird thing is bread is. Bread's fucking money, dude.
Bread is money, but so is cheddar.
So a grilled cheese, man.
Cheese is fuck.
Cheese.
Cheese.
Have we talked about cheese on the pod?
We talked about it a lot.
Celebrity tea and cheese.
That's what I want our pod to start.
We're done with the celebrity tea for the week. Let's get into the cheese
Tea and the cheese. Oh, that would go. That's a good ass pod. Yeah
Our cheese segment would get progressively longer than it would be like pushing
It's like Chinatown pushing little Italy away. Yeah, the cheese would be pushing the tea away
Yeah, is that true about late in Easter?
Nothing good to say. We're co-stars. I had a good horseradish cheese the other day.
I'm not a horseradish guy. You're not a horseradish guy? By any means.
By God, I think it's great. By any means.
The horsie sauce at Arby's. Dipping a fry in there. Nice little kick.
But you had a horseradish cheese? My God,, and I could do that. I could do that isolated. Yeah.
Would you rather give up cheese or have cheese, but you're not allowed to watch consume anything above a PG level?
That would just eliminate cinema.
Children, you could watch children's cinema.
I don't really, I don't watch movies.
I like the last movie I saw was the tennis movie
with the- Challengers.
Yeah, so whenever that came out.
So I would go cheese.
You would stop consuming adult media.
I would give up movie adult movies for.
Yeah.
For cheese.
Would you give up, um, texting for cheese?
If it was like a known thing, like, oh, Kyle can't text.
Yeah.
He's eating cheese.
He made the ultimateax. Yeah, he's eating cheese. Out of context, he's eating cheese.
He made the ultimate trade.
Yeah.
He made the ultimate trade.
He'd be fine with that?
Yeah.
Just phone calls.
Oh my god.
Oh, phone calls are no cheese?
Nah, I can't, dog, get me out of here.
Let's talk about fun stuff.
It is kind of weird though that priests, that is like an understood thing with priests with sex
They give up sex and exchange they give up sex with adults in X with exchange in exchange for poverty
Which is a really rough trade like would you rather have sex or would you rather?
It's God coming up to him. I'm gonna cut you a deal. You give up pussy. You have to be poor also one outfit
give up pussy you have to be poor also one outfit you a deal you're a really holy man you're one of my strongest mouthpieces you're gonna have to be poor
and can't get pussy the hell no it is 22 that's like it'll make you a better
person that's like you were taking this away to make you a better person it
almost seems like it makes them dude that's what pushes them to.
I'd imagine fuck boys.
Yeah.
If you were if everyone got pussy the world would be
perfect.
I think the way to solve the Catholic Church is allow them
pussy on a holiday.
So like under the guise of a holiday they're allowed to fuck
and it's like a loophole.
Yeah I think they should.
They should just merge Mardi Gras on that.
One little bit of pussy a year makes you,
I mean, you could produce anus.
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah, you can.
Like one day where you get lucky enough
to get a little pussy.
You never know which day it is though. You gotta be ready.
Mook's been hot.
Mook's been, Mook has.
He's skinny and fucked.
He grilled in my backyard.
Yeah, Mook's skinny and fucked.
Skinny and fucked, I've been losing weight.
You have, and I saw a picture of you looking narrow.
Yeah, yeah, it was in my backyard
He was grilling for all of us. I didn't operate it
Yeah, yeah areas behind the charcoal chimney my Larry Fitzgerald 2010 Pro Bowl Jersey. Yes
This is the manliest I felt and then someone captured a photo and there's just a large pride flag in the background
That's right. You're really doing a you're you're bobbing and weaving a lot right here
You're grilling manly Larry Fitzgerald Jersey from who knows when
This is American odd and then bam hit him with the gay flag. Yeah, it's a literal like what side of the fence
Are you on?
You made your choice
You're keeping them guessing. I'm on the straight side, but I'm skinny enough to hop over the fence now
When did grill I'm trying to think of like the straight side, but I'm skinny enough to hop over the fence now. When did grilling-
I'm trying to think of the gay side, the ass is always cleaner.
The ass is always cleaner on the gay side.
Yeah.
Now you're a grilling room, but yeah, you have looked good.
You've been coming in here, right? Hooping?
Yeah, I've been working out at the office.
I've been just playing basketball by myself.
You've been playing basketball by yourself.
I just get so like shooting hoops.
You just what do you do? Drills.
I pretty much just come in here and get like real sweaty.
And that's how you've lost.
But like you're like doing like cone drills and shit or like.
Yeah, I'm doing crossovers and doing euro steps.
I don't know if you can qualify that as working out.
You are losing weight. It's cardio.
It's yeah.
But is he just playing?
I want to be one of smoke your ass.
He's been challenging people to.
I mean, dude, you just challenged him to one.
V1. I challenge you guys right before that.
I'll play one on one.
V3.
You've got the gamer mindset.
One on one.
One V1.
If you want you, you've convinced yourself
that you're good at basketball based on how you do alone
So I've been playing a lot alone jumpers wet right now working on my left. What do you mean playing?
Even shooting hoops you haven't been playing basketball shooting hoops. I've been in my head. I'm playing full games
Okay, and like keep and you're good in my head. I'm putting it between them like is yeah, right, right?
Not the reality and I'm putting the ball between the fucking hoop.
Yeah, I'm like really into it.
I've been, you know, I come in here when no one,
I make sure no one's here because I have like a,
I wear like a dry fit.
Oh, no.
Sorry.
What do you mean, oh.
No man that's not like built like a statue,
it looks good in a dry fit. It's no, yeah, imagine. It looks good in a dry fit. I know, it's no, yeah, imagine getting walked in on
in the dry.
And they treat it like you're naked.
Oh my God, okay.
Let me know when you have that, whoa.
Let me know when you're naked.
Please take that off.
Take that off, I'm so sorry.
Take it off.
Let me know when, I'm so sorry.
Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I had no idea you had a dry fit on.
Oh.
Me wearing a dry fit.
I won't tell anybody.
It's somehow more revealing to me. Being a man in a dry fit on oh Me wearing a drive. I won't tell anybody it's somehow more revealing being a man in a drive
It is more revealing and vulnerable than yeah, then a shirt off like 2013 to 15
It was like you wore that jeans out statement. Yeah, it was always guys that were built like Chester a Arthur wearing a
dry fit shirt and
jeans
Yeah, why how it? wearing a dry fit shirt and jeans.
It looks horrible.
Horrible.
Horrible.
And if you had like, if you had anything,
if you had nipples, which everybody did,
and a little bit of hair, it looked so bad.
It looked, it accentuates every bodily flaw.
Yeah.
And it accentuates your body odor.
Why does it, they smell, so why don't you just sweat
in a dry thing?
If you wash it once, it'll never get fully dry.
I'm just like, remember the kids in the,
that would wear it to high school, they smelled so bad.
They smelled like shit.
Yeah.
They smelled like queef mixed with salivandus.
I think it would trap your sweat in you,
but it wouldn't absorb it.
It does.
So it was just like a greenhouse effect under the shirt.
I find them to be like one-off shirts.
Like if you, if I work out hard enough, which I I'm gonna work out hard enough
It's game over like the shirt is permanently wreaked dude. I uh
I will say that I will say when I wear the dry fit Rudy would try to put it in between for sure
Yeah, well cuz I'm looking we did a bar stool fishing tournament
And everybody was given dry fits to wear and I was standing next
To sass and he's just like oh no, and so I changed into mine
He was like thank God cuz I kept my shirt on underneath it you have to you have to yeah
I mean you already look like a water balloon and I was on a boat that was going faster. We're just been like
Movement oh yeah one vibration and a dry fit you're moving dude. I can't listen to my music too loud if I'm like
You look like a mannequin that's been also combined with a water, but I looked like an unoccupied massage seat
It was like my body was needing underneath
It was like a cartoon bellyache
I mean I be I'm being honest mook and I don't mean this in any way
I'd rather see your asshole than you in a drive. I would rather walk in on you
Just like bent over touching toes
Like you experimenting how far you could spread your ass then bump into you at Macy's with you in a drive
Walk in on you really testing the limits of your ass
I would rather walk in on you really testing the limits of your ass
Then you in a car that's very tinted knowing you have a dry fit on
I mean even like I know no one's around even then I'm still like pulling it down. You gotta be a little yes
That is the funniest thing is it wants off you too. It wants off.
Oh yeah, it's always trying to escape.
The sleeves only go down to your armpit.
And the hair will come out.
Yeah, they're so bad.
How did that take off?
I think they liked the name.
But it went from the under armor shirts to that.
Yeah.
And look, you guys said that someone did walk in on me who did it was
It was Max Delente his dog and his girlfriend. She was probably she was like we can't go back there
Oh, yeah, they left they walked out his dog ran like it hurt a firework
Just sprinted out of the room
It was them that pack and then her girlfriend's friend and they they were like, all right, we we should probably leave him
be for a little bit.
Because I was just sweaty, wet, dry.
But like the shirt's so dry and just sticking and clinging.
Dude, it's like a lot of like the college colleges
that will send stuff to Brandon, we get the trickle down.
All of that's dry fit.
It's all dry.
And that's for like college athletes.
You cannot, you can wear it.
It's for college athletes and like seventh graders.
Or my dad.
Yep, dad's.
My dad loves dry fit.
And I don't know why.
I don't know what's flips in your brain.
Cops like dry fit too.
Cops love dry fit.
Yeah.
Did you like it?
No, but
It's every once in a while work will do something where you we get one and I will find a way
I'll wear like a hoodie underneath of it. Oh, I mean I almost we talk about it sometimes but camp parcel
I almost freaked out cuz I couldn't wear my Philly's Jersey. No. Yeah, I'm swimming
You're swimming Philly's Jersey. Yeah, that weighs 80 pounds once you get in the water. Yeah with
Threaded or what is it when it's like right out fuck are you guys ashamed of being sweaty though? No
I've been walking around just like walking the dog doing stuff walking to and fro from stores
I'll get drenched. I don't care. It'll look you'll see it through the shirt. I don't really care anymore. Oh
About being sweaty. Yeah, like looking sweaty. Yeah, it's, um, no one cares.
The only one I care about is ass sweat.
Yeah, you can't do that, and I had a scare,
because I was wearing, uh, I was wearing green pants,
like olive green, and I felt it, like, strong,
but I was wearing, like, compression shorts underneath.
I don't know if that's good or bad, though.
You're containing it. It's like Chernobyl.
There's darkness in there, but it's managed.
Okay.
So it's a courtesy.
I wear compressions when I go swimming too,
because I'm always like, what if I get a boner?
Oh, I don't think about boners,
but I think about sitting like,
and the head of my dick popping out.
I don't get, the public boners don't happen to me.
I'm not going to the right places.
It hasn't happened to me, but it's like, what if?
Yeah, it's always a thought. Yeah, it's always a thought.
Right, it's like a nuclear weapon.
I'll stop worrying about that.
I think I can diffuse it really well.
Yeah.
How do you do that?
I'll think about, I'll just do a crossword.
Pull out my phone.
If I have my phone on me, I can get unhard quick.
The phone can get me hard fast and soft fast.
But not in between.
The everything app.
Yeah.
Yeah. fast. You're not in between the everything.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. I'm not in between that much.
It's kind of that's between is my favorite time to piss.
Oh, yeah. You get to just plop her
out. Yeah.
It's really the only time dudes can
plop.
True.
I'm sure that does your I
was trying to look up the medical
name for gooch
if you remember I Referenced it earlier in the episode you compared you said chillicothe
He was in the gooch of Appalachia or the transitional good. It is a valley
I was gonna say well
I didn't know the word the word is perennium right I still chose I opted to use gooch
But my phone I just typed in area between,
this is before I even, and it auto corrected,
the first suggestion was between scrotum and anus.
It was like how, based on area between,
get out your phones and type in area between.
I know, you're looking up actual areas on earth
all the time.
All the time.
I'm sure you've looked up area between area between area
My I got to area B and it did area between scrotum and anus
That was that was my second one to your second. What was your first?
area between
Now it's doing it's doing a different one now. Well, I gotta reset it. Yeah area between now it's doing a different one. It's doing a different one now. Hold on. I gotta, I gotta reset it.
Area between scrotum and anus. My first one,
middle ones, the second one's sidewalk and street, then nose and lip.
That's my same exact.
And then genitals and anus.
Yeah. So I guess, I mean, what if we called somebody,
let's try to do human auto fill and see, like we called somebody where like area
between fill in the blank.
I just don't believe that that's the first suggestion.
Cause you're not looking up shit like that.
You're probably looking up area between Egypt and,
what up, fuck it.
Milwaukee.
Morocco.
I guess I wouldn't look that up,
cause I would look at a map.
Really, is that how you do it?
Maybe that it, yeah, I guess.
Zoom and math?
So that's a thing that doesn't really have a set name,
so maybe it is the most Googled.
I guess, yeah, that must be the most area
between place in the world.
Does the perennium have, like,
is there anything good about it,
or is it just kind of like a load screen?
Is it just there in between the important parts like the
Demilitarized zone yeah, right yeah whenever I find myself with a feather which is rare. I like to tickle it and it's like not
So if anybody sees you with a feather I'll tickle my perennium
Yeah, really no shame in that. Really?
No shame in that.
Do you go standing or do you go
on your shoulder blades, ankles to ears?
I'll be lying down.
Just like a little.
If, yeah, provided I have a feather,
which again is rarer than the Olympics.
Cause I don't.
Cause you don't want it to be a bird feather.
It's been a while, yeah.
So how many years since you've tickled your gooch with a feather?
I'm trying to think what?
Are you do that should be how they announced the Olympics are starting
Where's my quill?
Oh a feather oh well
So if we were still writing with old-timey pens, how often would you be doing it?
Would that be you was that how they used to chew on their pens back then?
I'd be in there, yeah.
But like, were you grazing balls or butt or were you just...
You guys will do that with your balls, like tickle the balls with the tips of your fingers, like your fingers.
Guilty.
Yeah, and I just do that with...
A feather.
To my gooch.
We're gonna get you a feather man
Do you just have a dude if it's just in your medicine cabinet like a very beautiful like a peacock fell really nice feather
You it's it's the equivalent of toenail clippers for you
That's my it's like perennial there's a group of guys on the internet that I I know that's what the pf stands for pf
check
That sounds lovely, but it doesn't sound as gross.
I would pay for a treatment, a perennial feather.
But that sounds like a beautiful flower.
And it's not even a lewd or gross act.
It's kind of like a-
It's kind of really sweet.
It's kind of regal.
Yeah, dude, I can see a duke or an earl doing that.
Yeah, I see an Earl doing,
Earl tickling his or her perineum with a feather.
But if a pillow was filled with perineal feathers,
I think it would be a comfy ass pillow.
Like it sounds like elegant.
That's gotta be where like a chakra is.
Oh yeah, I guarantee it probably holds a lot of chi.
Yeah, cause it's like a one of one,
like you know, the body is like mirrored
Right you know two eyes. I got it. It's the middle armpit. That is just a very that's a one-of-one
Yeah, area of skin. It's so unique. Yeah, it's that and I guess you got one by the seahorse
Yeah, I've been tripping out on seahorses
Yeah, you've been and I've tried to get some rifts going on seahorses.
The dudes get pregnant, right?
Dudes hold the babies.
Or maybe they impregnate themselves.
The dudes very much get pregnant.
I just cannot believe that they're an upright fish.
An upright fish with a curl.
That can barely swim.
They're not good at swimming.
They're really slow at swimming.
Also very fragile?
Very fragile.
Their lives are worse than any creature on Earth, maybe.
Why,, so?
Their stomachs haven't evolved,
so they have to eat constantly,
because it just passes right through their system.
So they have to eat all day, every day,
while also avoiding prey, which is every other sea creature.
Everything eats seahorses?
Yes.
And they're freaky.
They are freaky
People started eating them. Are they even at what are what's their purpose? I think people do I think I don't know
And are they common endangered rare? I?
Don't I don't know where they are I just
Remembered them for the first time
It'd be really cool if they were horse sized.
I think it'd be scary.
I don't like them.
I think everything is a pretty good size right now.
Elephants could be smaller.
Elephants could be smaller.
I think platypuses should be bigger.
No, dude, I think the only animals that should be bigger.
I think the seahorse should be bigger.
They're tiny, actually.
Yeah.
I always thought they'd be like a foot.
I don't love them.
I don't love them at all.
Imagine if men got pregnant, like we'd be pit, we'd be.
I would.
We'd be dangerous.
The risk of pregnancy, like as a dude,
you run through the scenarios of like knocking somebody up
and it's like, okay, I would manage.
But if I was, I couldn't.
I couldn't be pregnant. We would as a as a gender we would be
we'd be menaces oh yeah we would all be the the bagel boss guy just constantly
hungry that's my theory is he was pregnant that's why I was so there was
something to miss he may have been was bagel boss a seahorse bagel boss all
time yeah bagel boss oh my god he was a he wasn't a small man he was a medium He may have been. Was Bagel Boss a seahorse? Bagel Boss all the time. Yeah, Bagel Boss.
Oh my God.
He wasn't a small man.
He was a medium-sized seahorse.
Holy shit.
He was just hungry as fuck.
I have to eat and I'm fucking pregnant.
Oh my God.
He was acting like a...
Dude, you're acting like a seahorse right now.
Yeah, he was quite the visual spectacle.
He's had more death rumors than most people. He's still getting play.
People are still in the tabloids.
Yeah, I think people combined him with the guy with no neck.
They were both super stars at the same time.
Yeah, there was a run of those guys in that era.
They were all just sort of like post COVID everybody.
I don't know.
It was just goofy.
Dudes are getting angry.
I'm seeing it more.
You were kind of preaching.
You're seeing it more.
Yeah, I didn't see.
I haven't seen an angry dude in a while.
I mean, your argument about bored beasts came to fruition in that, in that golf hockey,
that golf hockey guy fight video.
You got like some random white dude doing the Hawka and then getting tossed into
a pond crawling out of the pond for more.
And then getting thrown like a lawn dart. I mean, I was like,
this just doesn't occur if you have a conflict that they can entertain
themselves with. Yeah.
Yeah. Be Yeah. Yeah, beasts, I don't know what they're,
what they could do.
Kyle, are you a beast?
What do you think?
No.
Yeah, you can wrestle, that's beastly.
You're not a bored beast, you're a wandering beast.
No, I'm not a beast yet.
I'm saying there's a there's so many
levels above me that is the big guys are insane. Like what they can do, how strong
they are, how big they are, how in shape they are and I'm saying that there's um
what you just can't do anything with that. The issue is that like you know
how to wrestle that's an actual thing.
They're super strong, but they're like,
oh, you're just incredible at rear elevated split squats.
Yeah, does it translate?
They're not like, they're good at gyming.
What I'm saying, hypothetically,
if these guys learned martial arts,
learned all forms of combat, that's even worse.
Then they're like, now they're like beasts
who are trained
Super-soldiers, what do you what do you do like guys aren't in the situations where they need to do that or be that fair?
Yeah, things aren't settled with fights really anymore. Yeah war isn't even settled with fucking that's true Yeah, I think we did talk about man vs. Man combat strip mall to do combat next to like a sprint mode
Yeah, right. That's the only place dudes can go to war dudes like that. combat next to like a sprint mode. Yeah, right.
That's the only place dudes can go to war.
Dudes like that.
Yeah, it's a recipe for disaster.
Because those dudes couldn't operate a drone.
The bigger you get, the less you can operate joysticks.
It really is crazy how that works.
Yeah, your fingers.
Yeah, is that why you can't do it, Kyle?
I can do joysticks.
Took you a while to set up the Xbox.
We gotta get you back on there.
What was your gamertag?
Yeah, what was it?
I forget.
I already forget.
We gotta get you back on.
Was it Big Giant Kyle?
Is it the Big Giant Kyle or the real Dean Jones?
I think it might have been Big Giant Kyle.
I think it might have been Big Giant Kyle. real Dean Jones.
I think it might have been big giant Kyle.
BGK.
All right. Anything else, boys?
Anything else?
There was something else I feel
like we wanted to talk about.
You have a dog.
I have a dog.
I have a dog who is named Clue then on his form it said KLU?
Which made me think that they thought that he was not a pit bull
But he's a you have a pit bull. I have a different that's different than saying you wait is all pity a different than
Thing than a pit bulls mixed. He's a mixed is okay. He's definitely got some pity in him
Do you and you feel affection toward him? Obviously? Are you prepared to?
Ride and defend pitbulls a hundred percent. Yeah. Mm-hmm. They're sweet. They're sweet or just your pitbull
Well, there's some you know bad apples out there. Sure. Yeah, what is your pitbull?
Excited for Halloween. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna go us you gonna do couples got like a joint costume
Yeah, I'm gonna be we're gonna do like a rovers. I'll be a dog and he'll dress like that's what I'm doing
Yeah, I'm gonna dress it. I'm gonna be a dog. He's going his tin man. I'm going his toto
You guys are doing couples costumes with your dogs not
The couple is the right time. Yeah. Yeah, you're dressing as a dog. I'm gonna be a dog. I'm gonna swear a caller.
Nothing else. That's your dream come true.
You've always wanted to wear a collar.
There we go. He's gonna wear like a just that's like when you put up that bench like guys out.
If I fuck this up, I'll get frosted tips.
You wanted him so bad to wear a collar.
You want to wear a collar. Yeah, the master does it again.
I wasn't expecting you to have an answer for October 31st.
You already planned.
That was just off dome, dude.
That's how I do it, dude.
I just fucking say, I just, I'm like that.
No, I live next to Oz Park,
which has the statues of all the Wizard of Oz people
and like the Toto looks like my dog,
so I thought it would be funny.
Yeah, it's way cooler if you just think of it
like I did off the top of your head.
You're right, off dome.
Well, I thought of it off the top of my head
the one I did when I did.
What's the dynamic, are you allowed to like?
brawl with the pitbull Yeah
I'm still learning. I'm getting a head, but like he how old is he are they invasive species? Can you kill it?
if you had to
a
Certain number per year yeah, I'll kill your cat. But like, are you to the point where like what cat for?
If you if you and your dog got into a fight right now,
what are the odds what are the odds you're winning the fight?
I'm pretty high. He's only 50 pounds. OK.
What about having said that, if he lands one
in his mouth on a bad area, it's over.
So it's not it's not 100 percent. Not 100 percent. I'm yeah. Mm hmm's not, it's not a hundred percent. Not a hundred percent.
Yeah.
Cause I'm sitting at like 50 with mine right now.
50 pounds?
No, no, 50%.
I could make a field goal with your dog.
Yeah, yeah, easy.
He's perfect to throw in a tight spiral.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dude, I love doing it.
Dude, he would love those old things at banks where you put it in the tube and
it oh, shoot him up through one.
Yeah, yeah.
You should look into that.
But yeah, no, he's cool.
He's cool.
I'm happy for you guys.
Thanks, man.
Some people are definitely scared of him, rightfully so.
But he's a sweetheart, which is lucky.
So you a dog guy, Kyle?
Oh, yeah, you met my dog.
I did. It is really, really really free like you. He did like me
Um, I don't know if I could do that 24-7. It's not 24-7 though. It's like yeah at three hours a day
But you you fucked him up pretty good fucked him up. Hey, you were throwing him around
On the couch. I saw you wrestling. Oh, yeah, I was heaving them
That's like I'll give him a dead arm you did do that he gave a Charlie horse
Yeah, I did uh like I've been trying to work on the training but there was one time where like he just wasn't listening
I just smacked him on the side really hard. Mm-hmm
You feel bad afterwards? No, no, cause I, I, I, I'm, I am a master at combat.
Oh yeah. Sure. So you didn't get very controlled.
Exactly the amount.
You need to really.
But I did feel a little bad.
Like you don't like doing that, but he's a, he's a pit bull.
If you, I mean, you could hit him in the head with a tire and I don't even know
if you'd notice, but I'm getting the same trainer you had, so he's going to be
hopefully very well trained
I don't want to have a bad dog
And then I'm kind of hoping like the trainer kind of like Mike. Can you stick around just for me? Mm-hmm
Let me do some stuff. Yeah
Not a life coach a trainer I
Wouldn't mind that I wouldn't mind just having somebody make all my decisions for me, right?
Oh, I'm getting tired of making decisions.
Yeah, too many choices.
Yeah, it sucks.
Really difficult.
It's really difficult.
Just trying to sim this shit, you know?
I would love to sim.
I would love.
If only, nah, it's fine.
Well, if only there was a way to get out of all this.
If only there was an easy way where I could get really high and then never have to worry
about any of this ever again.
Nah.
How are your cats though?
You haven't talked about them long.
Um, how are my cats?
You still have them?
Do you hang out with them?
Do you even see them anymore?
Yeah.
They sleep in the bed. How much better they take? Do you hang out with them to even see them anymore? Yeah
They sleep in the bed
How much better they take like where do they sleep in correlation to you um think by my knee?
There's nothing much to cats
Told you they're like a they're like a fun screen saver Yeah, it's true, but there is affection, but as far as talking points about your own cat
There's nothing
Like a lot of guys secretly have two to three cats and you never
Don't know about it. Kyle. You have a third cat or thing you're trying to drop. Did you get a third cat?
It's actually very common a lot of guys. A lot of guys don't even bring up if they get a third cat
There's not much to say about
Did you think a lot of guys will just secretly have cats and then you'll bring up cats in the car
Yeah, I have three and then like oh, yeah, that's not a big deal at all
Pretty normal. I think there's even guys that get home and they're like, oh, yeah, I have a cat
You know who's the sneaky cat guy Tom lay? Oh Oh yeah, I have a cat. It wasn't like, you know, who's the sneaky cat guy?
Tom Lay. Oh, yeah, he loves his cat.
Bring it up, though, and he'll wax poetic. Oh, yeah.
All right.
Till next time.
Yeah, that's it.