A New Untold Story - Philly Mandarin - A New Untold Story: Ep. 402

Episode Date: June 27, 2024

update on perth, kb's substance abuse journey, the trash, shirtless streamers, masters of showering, and lonesome george. Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Rocket Money - Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to https://RocketMoney.com/UNTOLD. Arena Club - Get 10% off your first purchase by going to https://ArenaClub.com/anus.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. A new untold story. What? You want rolling? That's all good. Now we good. Give him another clap. That's three really fucking good ones, too. You mean you're going to reply to what I'm going to say?

No, you're just going to say, no, that's a new untold story. Yeah. Hey, is that story old or told? That's three really fucking good ones too. It's a fresh, fake, untold story. A new untold story, episode 502. It is Thursday. Shut up. It's 402. The area code of Nebraska. The whole state? So Nebraska is a big state.

It's considerably larger than the nation of Bangladesh. With 1% of its population. Wow. The majority of the state lives in or around the Omaha and Lincoln area. In the far east. The rest of the state is nothing. Truly nothing? Truly nothing, scattered towns of about 100 people.

Could it be arguably worst state? I would consider it to be in the running. Easily, easily. Is it double landlocked? It's triple landlocked. You're kidding me! Triple landlocked, if you count the provinces and you don't count the Great Lakes.

Sure. Yeah. So, what is in the rest of the state? You're kidding me triple and left you count the provinces and you don't count the Great Lakes sure yeah, so What is in the rest of the state? Well? It's not just plains. There are some sand hills These are dunes covered in grass. How did they form the Rocky Mountain glaciers melted and The sediments blew over into the plains there. We are well you. You got a lot of considerably decent looking geography. But there are hills with sand underneath. I think there'll be a really good foot feel. Bare foot feel. Yeah, I would love to try it out.

I would love to try that out. So if anybody's in those towns of 100, let's do a live show there. There is a town with one person. Really? One person called Manoey. What's the name? Someone's gonna be like, it's Manoey.

Well, are you that person? If not, shut up. Okay. I've seen her. Is it her? It's an old woman. Arby's did a commercial there. So one of our first rediscovering America ideas

was go to a town of one. That was it. And we were going to have Donnie run for mayor and we were gonna buy property there so we could vote and get her out. Get her the fuck out. Get her the fuck out of there. And raise property taxes. Have Donnie run for mayor and we were going to buy property there so we could vote and get her out Raise property taxes make her homeless in a town. We should still do that Yeah, we should make her homeless in a her being the only person in town and homeless take her house Woman's house and she has to pay no and we like give her enough money social live really good dollar, but hardly

She has to pay no and we like give her enough money social live really got dollar, but hardly That'll be a really good video yeah ruining this woman's life. Yeah, we should fuck her We should fuck her yeah, we should fuck her no She's living there just to prove something yeah, that's a fucker. That's like. That's not a town That's just a ghost town number one enemy and yeah, yeah, let's do a video where we usurp her. Yeah, we should do that. What else is going on? Yeah, Nebraska has, you know, population of still like two million.

Wow. Well, it's the size of Bangladesh from what I hear. The size of Belarus. Bangladesh makes a lot of like silk, right? Or is that, a lot of clothing is made in Bangladesh. Probably, a lot of slave labor, right? Or is that, a lot of clothing is made in Bangladesh. Probably, a lot of slave labor. Yeah? Yeah. And Mook, you know where Nebraska is?

I do, it's smack dab in the middle almost. Damn near. Or yeah, exactly. Looks like a pig. I think my next move is state capitals. Is there any advantage to learning them or no? Advantage in the game of life. Yes. No, okay And so mook that is actually a pretty good segue you've been ousted as being incredibly incredibly dumb and so

There's been a lot of people asking when's Perth when's Perth when's Perth When I refunded the flight I got four thousand dollars back That's how much the flight was so Perth is I got $4,000 back. That's how much the flight was. So Perth is dissipated. Well, I realized why would we do something just to torture Moog and it wouldn't better himself? So I took that money, Moog, and here in Chicago,

I got you two years of one-on-one Mandarin classes In the Chicago Mandarin Center Yes This is helping you yes is good Perth wasn't helping you yeah Mandarin's good, so I am paying me for your one-on-one Yeah, knee out beginner Mandarin lessons.

You're gonna move this time next year. This is the most generous thing you've done to anyone. Yes. So I took that money and instead of you flying for a little bit to go somewhere warm and see that busty, bare-titted woman, you're gonna learn Mandarin Chinese. The most popular language.

If anybody calls you dumb, you're just gonna, you're gonna say, well, Ani, I love you. Mook, what is your apprehend, what's your hangup? What's your hangup here? I should have went to Perth. Yes, you should have. You didn't want to.

I did, but I wanted to do stand-up. And so I decided to, dude. Get ready to learn Mandarin, buddy. Yeah, literally. Mook, even if you fail miserably and learn 0.001% of the language, do you know how cool it would be to just respond with a Mandarin phrase anytime someone disses you? My mother's gonna hate this.

No, no, no. But if your mom comes, no. I want you to just learn so-so. Just shwee-shwee. Oh, sh shwe-shwe, shwe-shwe. Okay, how, how? You're like, that's the dialect. You locked me in for two years? Two years, Moog.

Two years? Well, I did the math, I'm paying per lesson, it's 35 a lesson. Okay. And I figured to go twice a week. And it's at a school here? It is at the Chicago Mandarin Chinese Center, and it's the parking lot where every

car has a dent. Moo, coming from someone who's been banned from languages. What do you mean you're banned from languages? You're spewing absolute diarrhea. What's the difference between a ban and an and a combination? Look how beautiful that is dude. Look at this website. That's gorgeous dude you're in a skyscraper. And yeah, you're doing beginner level one and I've been speaking to the person and it's all figured out.

That's amazing. Think of it this way too, if you get good at it, you can do a full tour. We'll send you to China. You could do a comedy tour. You clean up dude. Dude, I'm, cause I realized, I was like wow, Moot going to Perth, other than saying he's been to Australia, isn't bettering himself.

No, no, this is huge. This would help him tremendously. Yep. A redheaded Mandarin speaker? My God, you can go viral on TikTok. Yes, just ordering Taco Bell and Mandarin. Shwee shwee. Yeah, with a Philly accent?

Uh, yeah. with a Philly accent Yeah, yeah, I know we're a bit. We're not a visual show. I want to hear a Chinese with Philly accent yeah a Chinese Philly would be a phenomenal sandwich I Just looking up on YouTube there's got to be someone he went to Google. What what I thought at first he was googling dude No, we're not. What are you doing? Yo dickhead in Chinese? Yo dick Yo, bitchy yo bitchy

You will be a legend What why are you still hung up? I should have just went to Perth, but why? Her sister nothing. It's too hard. It's gonna be tough For the first not segmented. No, you'll think it's gonna be fun every time in our session. You're gonna come back. You're gonna wow us This is I also part of me does not want to let you guys down You would let us down if you this is what we want more than Perth You want this more than Perth significantly much more. We take two years of Mandarin course yes, dude. You're a mandarin orange

I'll give it a try. Yeah, yeah, I'll give it a try. Thank you Give us give us two months of classes. Okay fine. How many days a week I Was thinking five It's a dense language. It's it there's a lot to learn yeah, and I just speaking I don't need you to learn the symbols because those symbols. Yeah, don't learn to write it. I We haven't those are fucking we haven't talked to the particular tutor yet, but We'll see about the parent-teacher conferences things of that. I would I would love to the particular tutor yet, but we'll see about the parent teacher conferences, things of that nature. I would love to have your tutor on if he or she would be willing. I do. I think learning Mandarin is like a sick thing.

Yes. Like an American just to have in your back pocket. And you just have it in your bag and it's like, oh my God, this guy knows Chinese. What do you do? Every white guy who's fluent in Mandarin is a star. Yes. And they don't have any other skills or personality traits. That's all they do. John Cena.

John Cena, I was thinking of Xiao Ma. Xiao Ma. Xiao Man. Yeah, he's just pudgy and gets haircuts and then says something in Chinese. You should learn to write. My favorite's Lu Xiao, he's my favorite polyglot. Rest in peace, they think it's funny business.

In the sweetest piece. Oh. Lu Xiao's brother said he was murdered, but he's this dude, he's my favorite poly got rest in peace. They think it's funny business sweetest piece. Oh Lu Shows brother said he was murdered, but he's this dude. He's a poly got and He would zoom in on the faces whenever he said something in Chinese and did like the wow sound effect On their face. It was my favorite YouTube channel rest in peace lu-sha All right, well. Thank you guys you're welcome. I want you to learn to write it too. No, don't do this. Their S is like starry starry night. It's like you gotta learn to paint their letters.

Their letter O is some of the most complex. It is crazy that I don't. Well, it's because like their letters aren't letters. They're symbols for things. So it's just like, you could have the symbol for like quesadilla and then add one more notch And that means like the squirrel hordes acorns. Yeah, and it's just like one little dash that changes everything It's like an arrival where they speak in like each Story and linear and multi linear

Yeah, I would love for you to I want you to the goal to be when you blackout drunk and call a chick you speak in Mandarin. Dude, yeah, if you could even say a sentence. Mandarin dirty talk. Oh, that'd be sick. See? That would be sick if I got drunk and like code switched.

Nobody can call you dumb if you know Chinese. Dude, I'm picturing it now, a year down the road. Like what happens when like a black person goes to China? I don't know. They get stormed with cameras. Yeah, they like, they ogle at them. Like a white, redheaded boy speaking in Mandarin. You would get, you would sell out arenas in China.

I'm in, I'm in. I'm in I'm in I Think what I just did Is going to make you I'm not joking the most famous person on earth I'm laughing because I'm like scared that that's a real possibility. It's a real possibility mm-hmm Just a pasty redhead in Guangzhou selling out arenas the bleachers collapse Something to crowd collapse you will be an issue for the Chinese infrastructure. You would really cause a rock which is good. Yeah

You would start like dating that seven three basketball she's a minor now be careful no but you would start dating her after two years 17 is in yeah after two years when you learn Chinese you go there and you date that... China's good at defense. That and the wall, they got it figured out. You gotta... yeah. So go there, date her. Oh, red dragon. All right, I'm in. You have to be. I'm worried about... I'll give you a hard two months. You don't have to fly it to Perth. I I'm worried about I'll give you a heart. You don't have to fly it to Perth I

Kind of know it's too late comedy special title already locked and sealed the year of the rooster. Oh, that's good Red China Red China the sequel year of the dragon yeah red is their shit. Yes, dude. Yeah Congrats thanks. It's I'm like starstruck already me too. We do Because I know you're gonna do it to completion And now you don't have that long ass flight Just a two-year commitment to a beautiful language. Is it a romance language? No romance language I feel like they declared those before they even knew about China Moog don't waste the Google. We only have so many of those

Yeah, so uh best of luck to you I Fucked up. It's all about bettering yourself. I went to my first pottery class last night. I cannot believe that. Mm-hmm. It was in Pilsen. It's always really satisfying to watch. Was it a good hand feel? Phenomenal hand feel. I was surrounded by ceramic dicks.

Where I was, like, there must've just been a dick-making class. Are you talking about phallic objects or? No, they were penises. They were penises that were sculpted. And I think they were like, they were huge. They were average sized. And I was surrounded by them while potting. Well, wow.

Is that the most sculpted object, you think? Dick? Well, it's the easiest to do because you just gotta roll it out, I guess. It's the vase and the botanese people just display them in their windows. I used to have, my buddy went to Ghana and he brought me back a fertility statue.

I think a lot of ethnicities are like, yeah, this is just a piece, centerpiece. Yeah, yeah. But I- So now what? Do you have the machine at home? I Googled it. I looked up the prices,

but it would just be too much of a mess. What is it, like a lazy Susan with a rod? It's a it's with a gas pedal. It's a lazy So you got a pedal. Yeah, you have a pedal on the ground. It's so what did you create? so I just took a lesson I did my intro class and it was a intro class with bowl making and My bowl was beautiful and then it collapsed and it was five dollars to buy a new ball of clay And my bowl was beautiful and then it collapsed. And it was $5 to buy a new ball of clay. And I had already spent 70. So I just, as it collapsed and I wasted clay, it was just a smaller and smaller bowl.

My bowl could fit like one earring right now. But I go pick it up in three days. I'll bring it in the studio. It's in the kiln right now? No, it's not in the kiln, it's just air drying. I did a class in middle school where we did pottery and It was an art class and I made what I believe to be the ugliest Creation of all time. I will find a picture of it. I'll get it to you guys

I'm curious as your thoughts. It is fucking awful. I freestyled the whole thing. It is truly important. It's art It's subjective really the cool thing about doing pottery like that is that when you fuck, the fuck up is pleasurable because you smash it. You get to smash it back down into there. That was nice. And I'm gonna go back, I'm going to open a wheel so you just pay like 40 bucks right out of the spot.

I'm gonna be a potter, dude. Wow. Good, good, oh, shout out to East Liverpool. What about East Liverpool? The birthplace. Of pottery? Yeah. You're wrong.

You think East Liverpool, Ohio is the birthplace? That's like Mesopotamian shit. No. East Liverpool, Ohio. Yeah. Is the birthplace of pottery. Actually. Shut up, man.

Yeah. Muke, look it up in Chinese. He's not there yet, dude. Honestly, Muke, I think a good way to get into Chinese is, well, my Chinese neighbor growing up, the Goose, that you know Vincent Goo? Oh, I thought you said, yeah. No, I don't.

I know he's a tall Chinese boy with a last name G-U and it looked tiny on his lacrosse jersey. It was the smallest. yeah, it was hilarious. His mom, Jenny, Jenny Goo, learned English by watching Friends. So, Mooc, I think you should also watch a Chinese sitcom all the way through. A lot of people say that, they learn English by watching our shows.

What's like the most popular fame, yeah, what's the friends of China? Does that say the body problem? Three body, three body problem. What's the friends but Chinese? No, that's just gonna be Chinese friends. Yeah, let me see what that yields. Oh, there we go.

What's the- what's Chinese friends? Home with kids. Alright, watch Home with Kids. There you go. Bingo. Monica's grandma owned the apartment. That's why they could afford to live there. Really, is that it?

Yeah. As it is. Debunked. Debunked. There's a big plot hole. Own the apartment that's why they could afford to live there really is that it yeah? debunked debunked there's a big plot all yeah all right dude watch home with kids And the game shows go crazy that's Japanese I don't know if the Chinese have the game shows the Japanese ones the ones who like the slippery stairs China is just Really talented kids and factory disasters. Yeah. And yeah, I think that's it. And then their leader looks like Winnie the Pooh,

but that's why Winnie the Pooh is censored across all of China. Is that true? Yeah. Who is it, Mao? No. That's a good guess. Yeah, it was, yeah.

Wait, who's Mao Zedong that was a long long It's currently Sun Tzu Yeah, the current president was born Oh he was married wait Mao was married a lot There is also like a growing it wasn't soon zoo MOOC that's who wrote the art of war You oh my you are starting at very beginner You got a lot to learn, but you oh my you are starting at very beginner Also, there's like there's a growing number of like

American dudes who moved to China expats and they just live a traditional Chinese farmer lifestyle and posted on tik-tok really and it is bizarre but and it's entrancing. Have you seen the traditional Chinese ways of making things on TikTok? Yeah. It's incredible. It's painstakingly long. Xi Jinping, yeah.

People think he looks like Winnie the Pooh, so all Winnie the Pooh is censored across all of China. Yeah, I saw this Chinese guy. Is Tigger censored? I don't think so. He's a tiger. Tigger isn't censored in China? They fuck with him.

I don't know. I mean, if Winnie is. Yeah, I don't know if all of the Pooh, the Poonaverse is censored. The Poonaverse. Dude, r slash Nebraska Sluts has more subscribers than our YouTube channel no way How many do you have if you sort by most controversial? Nick's at the top what you're at the top of most controversial of all time of what page

R slash Nebraska sluts. I'm on Nebraska sluts. Yeah, why? Stop sort by what top? Controversial can you even see that that's like an old? Well, I did it on mobile. Well. Yeah, what did you see you? I wasn't on Nebraska's little Easter egg What are we gonna find this dude who kind of doesn't look like you is it a dick a little bit a Little bit of it. It looks a little bit like my dick root. I forget what I saw Chinese checkers did that start in yeah, no

German All right game time I Chinese checkers did that start in yeah, no German All right game time I It's one of my most used apps. I think it just surpassed calculator for me, so it's probably yeah. I live there Twitter I message Delta game time and that's crazy for an app where you make purchases. I love it. I like to just browse like even if I'm not buying tickets for an event that I want to go to I'll recommend it to other people and they you can get well I mean what's going on this weekend alone? Look at what you see under my tickets tab right now two tickets to Sabrina Carpenter you know how hard those are to

get? Not on game time everywhere else. Oh you're going to yeah, buddy. I'm going to hell. Yeah, you guys are going to Sabrina in October She's a pop icon from Quakers Ville the biggest thing out right now She's from where Quakers Ville Quakers town Quakers town Eastern PA. Yeah, it's from Quakers town Yeah, I got those on game time safe secure. You're not gonna get scammed. Don't trust scalpers Don't even trust fucking other sites. those on game time. Safe, secure, you're not gonna get scammed. Don't trust scalpers, don't even trust fucking other sites. It's game time. Yeah. And this is the best, like, you can spur of the moment

so as you start drinking on a Saturday, in an hour before or even an hour into the event, you can be like, oh, I wanna go, let's go, spontaneously. And then you're there. And then you're there. It's super, super easy. It saves onto your Apple wallet. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with Game Time. Download the Game Time app, create an account, use code untold for $20 off your first purchase, terms apply. Download the Game Time app today, last minute tickets, lowest prices prices guaranteed. Alright, I know you guys listening.

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Is it a guy? Wait, first of all, you're making fun of me. You are on Nebraska Sluts sorting by controversy. That's way more embarrassing than the top looking like me. R slash Nebraska Sluts would be the fourth biggest city in Nebraska. Ha ha ha! How many more subscribers does it have than our YouTube?

It has like 33,000. Oh fuck Alright, it's us. Let's race against ours, and there's an r slash Nebraska BBWs. Oh how's that? That doesn't I know I am that hairy, but he shouldn't be on there whoops almost lost my towel wait. He did lose his towel Go back to that he posted himself on Nebraska Nebraska sluts can't be doing that I just found it It's a booty up on the spig screen. Oh Yeah, if anybody wants to see Don't scroll down. Oh, yeah that man that scroll down that man doesn't have a belly button. Holy shit

Oh my god. He doesn't have a belly button. That was the whole plot of that show Kyle XY I know I got a lot of shit for that cuz your name was Kyle. Yeah And they're like already. Where's your belly button? Show wasn't popular enough for you getting hounded. No. Hey kid. Where's your belly button Kyle? How do you find these subreddits this is just just looking up Nebraska. This is a harrowing scroll of on the Nebraska sluts yeah Okay And good stuff. I don't want to look at that anymore. So many dicks

Yeah Shout out to reddit I bought a doorbell cam because somebody keeps stealing my newspaper And I installed it and then somebody just stole my doorbell cam Shit sucks Probably the guy keeps taking my paper. I'll fuck with that guy. I don't think I put it in ring camera I got a Google's own stole it. I don't think I had to attach to I think he probably was like We came up to steal my fucking newspaper, which is a dollar 12 a day

And he looked at that and it glows whenever somebody's being recorded. I think he's match that and It was I went to those like I saw it was gone and I went to the my app to see Catch him in the act. Battery was dead on my camera. Oh my God. You just get robbed.

What? You just get robbed all the day? All the day? All the day I get robbed. All the day he gets robbed. I do, I have more run-ins than most, I think. You do? I think it's my kind eyes.

Do you shoot? People tell me secrets and I'll take my shit Yeah, mm-hmm. You're a robber face. I think so Yeah, you guys never been roughed up anywhere any close calls. Nah, dude I got cut off by a dude wearing a light blue dress shirt tucked into dark blue jeans with a brown black belt and Roche runs today. He had a backpack on one strap, on one shoulder. Are you saying you got cut off?

With two hand sanitizers. I got cut off on the sidewalk. And I hate this. It's my biggest pet peeve. I'm off the weed, by the way, and I'm cranky as fuck. Cranky as fuck. How does he cut you off walking? Well, I was going at a decent speed

and it's when you just pass someone and then just go right in front of them. So I chased, I like followed him and did it to him and then it was like a mile of just stewing. I'm just so miserable and everything, I just get into this and I hate publicizing my substance abuse journey and the lack of it. Don't call it a journey. It's a journey. You're talking about not, you can't say it's a substance abuse journey. It's oscillating on smoking weed and not smoking weed. That's not like a...

And you're not quitting, your dad's in town and you're not smoking because your dad's in town. That is this right. That's right. That's right. But I am, I'm committing to the quit because it made my life ultra convenient, ultra comfortable. And in order to really enjoy life

You have to go through prolonged periods of discomfort Of overcoming struggles of boredom and It's always like the first four weeks are amazing, but my life is so pleasurable. It's like I get to go home My life is so pleasurable. It's like I get to go home 5 p.m., 6 p.m., smoke weed, and be at an eight to nine out of 10 pleasure for the rest of the day, sleep well. But why are you choosing not to live like that? You've lucked into a life where you can't do that.

My brain will not let me enjoy that for so long. After four weeks, I'm like, this is an endless cycle. This is too good. Like I get guilty. Because it's too good. No, I think the man needs to pursue things, man needs to overcome things, man needs to be uncomfortable.

You know what you need. In order to enjoy the pleasures of life. You wanna take pottery or learn Chinese? That's what I need to start doing, things like that. You need a war. I need to fight in war? Yeah, you need a war. No, I don't think I need to fight in war. Take a class, man.

Learn Mandarin with me. No, sign up for a cartography class. The thing is, when you're smoking weed every day, you're so content and you lose all ego and pride and pursuit of anything that betters yourself and you just perceive. Your personality dissipates and you just enjoy, which sounds like the best,

but after so long, it really fucks you up. How about you go back to school? Dude. One class a week is a great idea. I'm finally at the stage where I understand 30 plus year olds going back. I think I can go back and actually appreciate what I'm learning.

Why don't you try? Because I like to booze and do drugs too Yeah, wait what other drugs you should go back and join a frat. Oh Yeah, I regret that to be honest not being in a frat being in now I don't I don't think I would have gotten in No, no you're funny they would have liked you I. I wasn't funny you you were you weren't funny. I was shy as hell But once you got comfortable no get a huge that's the thing I think I the first time I was ever comfortable Probably I was probably 26 Say the end I had the inverse you You were too comfortable. Uncomfortable was 25.

Yeah, you needed that big time. Oh, Rudy, I was in your apartment playing Pokemon. That stream will be finishing that. You had a pile of business cards that just say Rudy W Junda. Yeah. And nothing else. What I say on this podcast, all you get is. What is that?

That's Rudy's, he has a stack of business cards in his apartment. The W isn't even your middle initial. You just think it sounds chat cool. Were you fact checking my name? Yeah. Is that eggshell white? Fuck yeah it is. And it just has a, is that your hockey silhouette or just a hockey silhouette?

That's original. That's me. I don't think that's you because you're, hockey video. I've seen of you. You're sitting This guy's standing up And he's engaging in the play No, my mom sent me those those were a gift for my eccentric great uncle Don't we have yep when I was 13? He got you business cards with nothing on them. Yes, so just are you sure this just are you sure?

He doesn't get you reminders because you were so dumb That is a step too far that is a step I can tolerate the dumb talk cuz I am dumb But that's a step. Are you sure they were just like don't forget to grab this on your Because this isn't a business card because there's no info That's all you need. It's all you have yeah, well at 13. What else do you have right your name and hockey? He was a weird guy Is he was dead yeah passed away good guy yeah? He did the hilarious move of as he was of getting a 13 year old a stack of business cards for your bird

That was one of that was early hilarious move of getting a 13 year old a stack of business cards for your birthday. That was early hilarious move. He had a litany of them. But when he was on his way out, he started clearing out his stuff. But he would do it in a way where he would give you a gift. Oh, he would just give you trash as a gift, yeah. Exactly, so he gave my mom one time,

he gave her a softball. And he wrote on Sharpie, on the softball, to my mom, from my great uncle, and just gave her the softball. That's a good gift. And he was just, like, for years, just shuffling off garbage. My grandma got me a statue of an elephant

for my first holy communion. And everybody else just gave him money. A statue of an elephant? Yeah. Life-size? No, God, no. Not even fucking close. That would be awesome. Life-size. You're due for a big purchase. Oh, for the people that were saying the McDonald's, the Ronald McDonald statue, I bought it. Oh. The woman

was like, it's too big to ship. Yeah. Yeah. I bought it So what now got my money back? Okay? We've had a pain one. We've had a tough run in on on eBay purchases We've gotten duped. I bought a shot to Max P by the way You got us Max P is just a gift Fiscally I bought a $600 sword then was Fake oh yeah, Never got a refund. He sent me this for my Nintendo Switch. Nice. Max V.

But yeah, $600 sword. You got me... I got you a paratrooper compass. Never got it from eBay. Dubed. We've been getting got a lot. Kyle, you bought that giant alien. Where is it?

There. Yeah, I thought it was big. You thought it was like 10 feet? You know what? Speaking of life size, now like bars are doing these life sized drinking games. So it's like life sized corn hole. Life sized. What? Do you sure it's not Jumbo? Yeah, that's what it is. They call it life size. They're having this cool bar in St. Louis

It's like the size of a mall and you can go in there and you can fucking Heave a beanbag chair onto like a big table and then that like that's not fun No, and it's like jumbo life-size chess. We have to like plate push like a six foot rook not fun It's so stupid What else and it's like football bowling where you toss a football into bowling pins? I think I was a barstool sponsor for a while. Yeah, it was the loudest thing on earth like life-size beer pong where you just like heave like a Basketball into into those trash trash bins. Yeah Yeah, that was that punch bowl social the two days ago why

Because I love it, and I got a bestie pink lemonade and a it's giving tropical and I played elongated foosball With your dad with my family. Is your dad ancestor in town and my And your what my brother-in-law is here on a work trip, okay? And he was like I have to go to he had to go do like a conference like a one of those like work conferences So like yeah, we'll go to dinner, and we were at both at punchball social So wait by happenstance who did you go with I went with my family. He went with his work his work team Who did you go with? I went with my family, he went with his work team. All right, 3C is the premier place for cannabis products. It's just launched their new line of true strains,

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Where the first edit he had? Individual minor and then he deleted the word minor, so he just spoke to an individual wait Rudy This is your territory it was the worst apology ever because he went in like a cool guy He was just like you guys know how I fucking do it. It was straight shooter. So, yeah, I did message a minor and yet did teeter to be inappropriate. But you know me, they're not going to silence me. My dude, he's talking about texting a junior in high school. I don't know. It was all the bad things.

It was it was so bad. It was admitting to border. What he says is borderline sexual communication. He said borderline inappropriate. He said a teeter saying hi to a minor DM. First of all, it was on an app. It doesn't have to be inappropriate. It was on an app called Whispers.

And it was an app called a defunct app called Twitch Whispers, which if you're on that, like, I don't know. It was long. It was cocky and illegal. Which if you're on that like I don't it was long it was cocky and illegal There were no worse things that can can make up a tweet there were no real intentions behind messages These were casual mutual conversation that sometimes lean too much in the direction of being inappropriate So they weren't inappropriate they leaned too much in the direction of being inappropriate. So they weren't inappropriate, they leaned too much in the direction of being inappropriate. It is sad, dude.

I feel like a Drake fan right now, or like a school MJ fan. Oh, you're his fan? He loves Dr. Disrespect. I really like Dr. Disrespect, I did. This is like super whack to me. Messaging a minor? Yeah.

I'm with you. Oh, wow. I'm with you. You know, bro? No, I'm serious. Yeah, I'm with you wow yeah, I'm with you. That's a yeah, you know bro. No, I'm serious Yeah, you're still his fan. No Unfollowed him brave and then always like his boys like did like shirtless like the fact Tim the tap man shirtless Nick Merck shirtless no neck as None of his boys put out a video shirted

Yeah None of his boys put out a video shirted. They're like, yeah, we game with this dude all the time. We shared a lot of games. I can't support this. Unfortunately, I can't. It's been beating me up. A lot of you guys are gonna be pissed at me, but I can't support it. Shit, you know, it is what it is.

Yeah, no, it's the whole thing's a fucking fad. I went to the Dr. Disrespect subreddit just to see the fans. I like to see mental gymnastics. Oh yeah. And the one was like, Doc, we would have been with you if you were just like, she was hot and I didn't know. Dude, they were doing Russian gymnastics, 90s style.

Yeah. It was nuts. I went there too. I peeped it. It was, yeah, no, they were doing triple axels, whatever the fuck gymnasts do. It was crazy. And it's like a pretty serious thing. it's a very serious thing messaging a minor

Yeah, how do you find them Nick Merck's puts out a video and is like not now honey My boy Gotta talk about my friend who's messaging a minor real quick if God forbid And then I was and then there's like oh Nick finally put out a statement I'm fucking shirtless hey guys yeah it's he was my co-host but like never really like he's a friend but not a best friend yeah with what he did I know it's fucked up yeah and then I'm just sure man you somehow you shirtless tattoos would look better than Tim the tat man's Yeah, I mean he

He's covered. He's the tat man. Yeah, he is the time so the doctor disrespect. I didn't see it He's like trying to exude like bravado while Admitting to this yeah, he's like trying to rally up everybody like saying it's not gonna bring us down He's cooked and he's cocky. He's a rotisserie chicken shit Yeah He's gotten in trouble before right he cheated on his wife did at stupid con stupid fucking mistakes man Is that what he said stupid fucking mistakes?

Which con stupid fucking mistakes man is already said stupid fucking mistakes Look at that bear dude. It's almost like they made a bear that resembled the person they were tattooing Luke I love it when like youtubers put out an apology, and it's I'm sorry no caps Maybe a period at the end of sorry yeah, I want to see the least viewed one on YouTube like a small ass YouTube 55 views you sort by least viewed on YouTube coming clean. I'm sorry no caps period the the all caps the Apollo the apology the YouTube apology Universe peaked with the ukulele, but oh yeah least view count. I don't even know if you can do that descending maybe yeah I don't even know if you can do that

They make it tough now. Maybe we just see the last hour. Let's see the most recent apology Yeah, wait there's I'm sorry I will change go up the short No views oh This sucks dick Damn it's hard to find It's hard to find stuff that no one sees Especially an apology yeah, yeah bars right there

People love a poly if there's somebody like doctor disrespectrespect I've never never consumed a second of his content I Have been following this pretty closely. It's a huge story It's wild his twitch made of like hit it If it was but twitch may have like if it what like they might not have released it for their own well, it's because Like to be for real. It's because he didn't actually do anything illegal. So it probably to which was like, this is fucked teetering inappropriate DMS is. Yeah, I guess not.

Well, you're not allowed if it were actually illegal, they would have. You can't cover that. You can't not. You can't go to like an arbitration or anything like that. So, yeah, we got things fucked two hours hours ago a no view apology from Shogun live 263 subs from me to you guys I Apologize for like being inconsistent switching from plush tubing to gaming he apologized

wait what's plush tubing? plush tubing is sml in games world please what is plush tubing? dude go run some routes in the yard is it just like talking about plush dolls? Is that what? So he apologized. He went from plush tubing to gaming.

He's content's been inconsistent. I apologize. Apology accepted Shogun. Yeah, I thought he said the n-word. I've said it before not on camera, but I will say it again Does anybody here ever put out an I'm sorry video in this room or no no bar stool I'm sure I'm sure I'm sure I don't know any top my head

If we had to forecast the next one or here just in this room What would the apology be probably a joke that went too far yeah, I'm kind of a rascal yeah, I joke that went too far Yeah, did you ever regret with a joke you made yesterday Did you ever regret what the joke you made yesterday? Trayvon Martin, yeah, stop acting like that was a punch line It wasn't the way you said it caught me off guard and I yeah, I felt bad for drawing attention to it by laughing It was it was it because then you then you looked at me and Brandon dead in the eyes And you said I shouldn't have said that and that's what made me laugh But I should have

It's not like you can say his name you could of course yeah, I shouldn't have that was stupid Yeah, there's there's been a few times where I've been he was wearing the Reese's peanut butter cups t-shirt And I was like I don't think anyone cool has ever worn this and then you said I was proven wrong Yeah, you said he rocked it. He did. He was horseback. Oh wow. Yeah. You didn't need to save it, Moog.

Why'd you save it? I kinda don't need to see it. Yeah. This is the one thing he's on his Google shit for. I like that. he's like on that one looks cool looks cool it looks real cool there we go it feels wrong to delete it though yeah don't leave it in the trash trash don't trade Martin in the trash put tray von martin the time take him

out of the trash yeah but I don't know what now you're gonna try to recover recover tray von martin. Yeah and duplicate it well No, no, no, no, don't do recover. Don't do it duplicate it then no just just do a Do a folder on the nestle dilemma do a folder on the desktop, but then put do not open So name it No, no, no name it do not open seems a little like yeah, I don't like that either do Maybe you have to showcase that it's a fine. Okay fine photo But maybe not not

Not worth opening be And then just put it in there, and then can you like lock it I And then just put it in there, and then can you like lock it I Don't I don't want to put you I'm not putting this not put shackles no, okay? Yeah, all right, and we'll keep it. We'll keep it, and that's it. That's where it's staying. You can't delete it No, you're fine No, no, no just keep it there All right, we're good. Yeah. Oh, that was close call. That's where he will remain. That's where he will remain. We're good. Let's move on to a different topic. I had a lobster

taco yesterday and it was so good. And I'm like, hmm, we gamified everything. Everything has to be like, well, I'm like, is this a 7.8 or is it a 9.2. And I'm like, hmm, we've gamified everything. Everything has to be like, well, I'm like, is this a 7.8 or is it a 9.2? And I'm like, what does it matter? The food should be either good or very good or bad. Why do we need this, why do we need to maximize play? Like it's like when I search for a movie, it doesn't, it needs to be a 95 on rotten tomatoes or higher. It doesn't have to be.

But don't you want wanna enjoy, like, you don't need to grade it yourself because you tasted it and you know if you like it or not. You don't need to put a number on it. But if you're searching for a lobster taco, wouldn't you wanna look up and see somebody score? I think that like, you should be satisfied with very good. Whether it's an 8.0 or 9.6.

Yes, that's a fair, I'm satisfied with okay. Yeah. Satisfied with okay. Yeah. Satisfied with very good is damn near picky. What was the last like okay experience you had? Were you all grumpy afterwards? Probably not. Have you ever had a blast at Putt-Putt? No.

But you've gone more than once. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, you're right. That's what I like need to know. That's what I'm talking about. The cycle of weed, like, it's, I don't think any person's had a blast after putt-putt. Wow, that was a blast.

Rudy? No. If you go with a date, yeah. Never, no. No. Yes. No, because there's way too many holes. 18 of, way too many.

But you say that sentence, even if you're lying that it was a blast to the day Yeah, it's not it's not about the putt putt the putt putt is just something to do yes Yeah, but yeah, it's not it the act isn't a blast itself. I Like it. I like putt putt if it's blacklight Where do you do that? Black light. There was one in Colorado that was like neon. Was it in a mall? Yeah, it was, it wasn't a mall.

They always are. Colorado Mills Mall. Yeah, where the Van Skate Park used to be. One of the greatest places. They got rid of the Van Skate Park? It was incredible. What did they do to it? I don't know, they made it into a Coles.

It's just, the fall of America started right there, I'll be honest with you. The Van Skate Park, indoor skate park was just incredible You had to wear a helmet though. That's cool It is because like you could still wear it unbuckled and I did yeah, that was cool Yeah, you buckle it you buckle it behind your helmet so that it wouldn't like I had the sickest helmet It was the world industries with flame boy and you had the you-hoo sticker on it The world industries with flame boy and you had the you who sticker on it

Your mother's against drunk driving sticker on it I Was never in any clubs in high school I? Don't believe that never in any clubs chest club chest club. I was in chest club We just looked at tits And you know we looked at sternum's we was all We I was just a diagram I went to chess club for two days. Yeah Not for me. That's fine. Yeah, at least you gave it a shot. I enjoyed that's Kyle We got to find some hobby for you, man

Look how happy I am with my pot. You're not. You do look happy. No, that's content. No way. You're content. And look how good I did. But my point is, like, we, yeah, like, it doesn't, not everything has to be perfect or great. I know, but it passed the time.

Yeah, I need to just get out of the house. I literally couldn't look at my phone because I was covered in clay. Yeah, I need to pass the time doing, yeah, I would rather be on my phone in my bed, but I need to just not do that. You got the gym. Nah, that's beat.

Yeah? Yeah, kind of. Why is it beat? It gets old. For a while I was like chasing size. Like I was like, I wanna to compete with bodybuilders. I want to get as muscular and strong as possible. And like, yeah, that's for what?

For what? For what? And I'm not, and I'm just not capable of doing that. And you're complimented. You walk into the Yak, you're intentionally late to the Yak. You walk in so you can get complimented. And everybody does, oh, his his ass, oh his biceps. And then you could like.

And now when you bought goofy apparel when you were thinner, it was just because you were goofball. Now it's because you're confident with the body underneath. And now the goofy apparel looks good. Yeah, like I'm over it. That was a phase. Now I want to chase something else. Get real skinny. I want to see how skinny I can get. Because that's something I think I can do very well get real skinny

I think I can I really want to do like a I want to see how much weight I can lose in a month But like I'm afraid because you would just not eat for a month No What is your I would not eat for 28 days and then starve myself for three days You could do it. I think everyone should live life in like four month phases What no man next it's so you can't you can't become an expert in anything in four months You can't become everyone answering something has to feel so good. You're right. You're right. I Don't think I'm a master of anything

Who is masters? hell Yeah, they don't start they don't throw on that term lightly the only arena. They throw that around is chess Grandmasters yeah masters Jeopardy Like they kind of deaded that term with slavery. Yeah, it's bad. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's probably why that's probably why I forgot about that Would you consider Neil deGrasse Tyson a master of space? I? Heard he's a fraud what? He seems someone like he's passionate about

Astronomy I agree is he a master now no he's not coming a master is he's no kip Thorne They say you become a master after 10,000 hours of something. I think it's not. I don't think it's about experience or time. I think it's about how good you are. And some people just will never be masters. They don't have master in their blood. Wait, is it 10,000 hours?

That's way too long. Right. Have we done 10,000 hours of the yak? Oh, yeah. You probably you probably have at this point. That's 416 days. You think we've done a 10,000 hours to how many years? Four for me. You're probably I don't think we had some three hour episodes. Yeah, but I'm saying that doesn't make you a master.

No, at all. This makes you. Yeah, you're not even close. I'm not a master showering. I bet you are. Yeah, you are. You are even close. I'm not a master showering. I bet you are yeah, you are You are dude. I bet you do that. No, I bet we are are you not a master of showering wait are we? Could I could you teach somebody well? You know what you're doing in there You're never nervous beforehand. Oh never nervous

Yeah, like I go into it super confidently, almost like an autopilot. But some people definitely shower better than you. I don't know, but it's almost like- That was kind of mean, dude. Beauty- Yeah, wait. That was kind of rude. Yeah, dude.

I bet you're up there with the best of them. Because you- I can't work a loofah like some people. It always comes apart and I end up using my hands. Yeah, maybe you didn't master showering. Have you mastered shitting? No, because I shit on the back of my shirt the other day. I've been taken like far back shit.

It's like it splatters the back of the toilet. Dude, so have I. I think cuz I like I don't know maybe because my ass is growing and my asshole is like, did your asshole shift? It's angled toward the back of the, it's like I have to fucking what is that? I forget what that even is. Your asshole shifted. I have to like scrub the back of the seat. Cause there's like little specks of brown. How did it get there? It's like right here. I'll sit like this and I'll finish and they'll be like shit right here.

I'm like alright I'll just throw that. And I go and I throw my shirts down the trash drain Which is the the best way to go about that don't try to save How many shirts but I've been shit on yeah, I've been shitting backwards It's not like this like it used to be used to be central Centralized in the middle of the toilet now. It's like this like this And it's splattering the back end of the toilet so something skewed your asshole. It's tilted It's like a 20 degree tilt no I think your cheeks are creating a new angle is one cheek bigger than the other my right is significant measure observably big

Yeah, so it's it's fucked up the launch angle of your turd yeah And now it's causing to go on the back of your change your attack vector Have you lost good shirt attack vector you had a scoot up in the yes my um Maroon one of this When I got in the in Oregon that's got to be a powerful ship because maroon the poop wouldn't show up very easily on that And yet it did Yet it did I'm with you. I've actually had a similar experience with the

Shitting bat, yeah. You gotta get in there on the back of the toilet and it's a sobering feeling. My new toilet in my apartment is one of the low-flow ones. So there's like a nickel's worth of water in there. Oh, I hate that. And so you just have a turd sitting on a ledge. I hate that. And so it reeks way worse.

Yeah, and it's just it's only stains. There's no water. Yeah, and I know we don't have the proper equipment to deal with it. So we're just using toilet paper. And then you don't have a brush. You wait for the water to go low enough where you can get in there. And then you have like four seconds to like. Don't ever say that I do that. I have a toilet brush.

I bought two packs for eight dollars. Which is weirdly grosser. No it's not. Cause you're reusing it. And then you put it in a little receptacle and then those. Oh toilet brushes are gross. Yeah.

But you shit like once a week. Yeah. That's like a kind of like a fun little, like oh here it comes. Yeah it's like a, yeah it's like once a week. Yeah. That's like a kind of like a fun little, like oh, here it comes. Yeah, it's like a pagan festival. It's just like, it's the time. Yeah, you light candles when you poop. It's time to do it, yeah.

Yeah, it's probably been three days for me. I poop, I poop a lot. I can tell. Well, you poop a lot in here, and you're confident about it, which I applaud. Yeah, it's dominance. No. Yeah, it is. I think it's just still gross.

You're the poop guy. Rudy master of poop. You don't wanna be the poop guy. What are you gonna do about it? Nothing gladly, because it's not me. I don't want it to be, these are too long. Way too long. Are those your drawstrings?

Yeah. You've been going crazy with the shorts lately. These are too long. Mm-hmm way too. Those are your drawstrings. Yeah, yeah You've been going crazy with the shorts lately. I Know I've been I've been purchasing you have I think you are you own the most shorts of it. I have to do my shorts My shorts drawer is done. Yeah, it's done. I have to put shorts in the sock drawer. Oh, I've been buying a lot of shorts Yeah, you have a lot of shorts you were wore some two days ago, the black ones, with like that little pattern in them. Those are nice. You compliment all of my clothes,

and that kind of sullies everything. Yeah, because have you ever seen him in anything like that? Everything I wear is like, oh, that's the best. Like, well then I don't know where to go from here. I don't understand. Like, I don't do that all the time I do it at my wigwam socks about my Balances the wigwam socks were Nick. I didn't say shit about your I didn't say shit about his wigwams

I didn't even bring up with one he brought the wigwams so we would notice the wigwam is a like Asian hut I don't even know what the fuck that means in regards. It's a good socks It's a good sock. Well, I don't even know what that is. So how could it be me doing that? When he wears a cool fit did you buy the wigwams yourself were they a gift? Bottom yeah myself. I talk like that. Oh Man anything else? What do I got? No, do you have anything? Not that I know of, man.

We need to hit the next Irish night. What's Irish night? At McGee's. What is Irish night? Remember Irish night? Oh my God, yeah. Is this something I would remember? We went to a bar and it was the night all these Irish people were moving to Chicago for the summer.

And they were prepping this bar like it was a hurricane. They were like all the bartenders were horrified. Oh, so what happens? A bunch of dudes with the same exact haircut rolled up. And just caused chaos. They all go to one bar? Yeah. I don't think I've been to that bar. haircut rolled up and just caused chaos. Will they all go to one bar? Yeah.

I don't think I've been to that bar. Yeah. We played darts there. Oh, we did. Oh, that's McGee's. That was fun. Yeah. But now it's just under a skylight.

Yeah. It's very, it's just Irish now. It's a damn shame. Uh, Mook, your class starts next week. Okay. I'm I'm worried that I am not capable of learning Mandarin at this phase of my life.

Yeah, valid. Yeah, yeah. It would be easier if you were four. I don't know if I have the capacity. You have so much space up there, dude There's a lot up there. Just not organized. I Think you just need something to focus on I need you to be passionate about it And when you are fluent, I'll be will fly you to Hong Kong

Okay bonus episode entirely in Mandarin. Only MOOC. Nobody's watching that. We'll reward you every step of the way. Every bit of progress will validate it. We'll reinforce it. We'll showcase it. So it won't be like, oh, I have to wait until I'm fluent to reap the benefits.

Okay. Yeah. All right. I'm down. If I can find a tutor that'll come here for the same price or cheaper Will you consider that no I want you to go to the center yeah go to the center Enjoy the enjoy that's the part of the process is going there. Yeah, like being surrounded by that It'll be therapeutic it It's pretty close.

You don't want to do it here, dude. Yeah, it's close to the office. Okay. All right. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, it'll be maybe you do. What if you find a Chinese girlfriend?

No. Yeah. Yeah. I would. Yes. Why not do that? Be beautiful that you go back and she's like sneaky actually her family's super rich and you go back There and it's a huge wedding. I could never have kids with that with that woman. Why?

They would it would be cursed. What does that mean? What's never seen a Chinese guy with red hair? Her jeans are probably way stronger than yours. Yeah, yeah that was no way I heard genes are probably way stronger than yours. Yeah, yeah that was no way Overshadow your your you are a you are getting nominated by the weakest of genes that you're You're your race of man will be gone pretty quick, right? Yeah, you are a sessive gene Yeah, I'm gonna let it let it die. You're kind of an extinct like a slowly Extincting species yeah, it's like the the fucking Gal Galapagos tortoise and we got to force you to fuck We got a guy he just won't do it guys he just won't do it like seeing those videos It's like my entire job is to get this tortoise to have fucking sex and it's like that

Are you guys are and they're so bad at it? Yes, they cannot get these them in the pandas They're just like yeah the pandas won't fuck yeah They just can't get him to fuck and it's like their entire life is focused upon getting these things the fuck It's scientists. What are they HV? They just won't like the go the tortoise and the pandas. It's don't they just don't they come close Kiss They they were like kind of like peck Okay. And like they'll flirt with one another. Yeah, they'll send twitch whispers They'll teeter. Yeah, teeter on inappropriate. A Galapagos tour. Yeah, I was 200 and she was 93 I'm sorry, but I will be back

I'm sorry, but I will be back Yeah, I don't even know like how you go about that you give them molly post-op hibernation Yeah, that we should just go to the zoo and give the tortoises molly Podcasters arrested at Chicago Zoo for getting tortoises molly try to get him to have sex I'll be a martyr. I think they're just like too lazy or too. They're a little 200 years old How old is like that Galapagos tortoise isn't that one he's he has a name I think He does have a name. I can't remember his name though. Oh It's disgusting

It is a clone some Georgeonesome George. Yeah. Last known survivor of the Pinta Tortoise. The rarest creature in the world and became a conservation icon. 102. Born in 1910. Younger than Mao Zedong. It is a real curse to look like a penis and not be able to have sex. It's disgusting looking I don't like the look I hate the look of it and what's their life's like when is he gonna die? No

No, I would be dead-ass George then once I'm George is it was was oh no When he died 1912. Er, 2012. 2012. What's the, no, my glasses need to be stronger. What is the scientific name of the Galapagos Taurus mooc? I like how when you're googling something you take it inhale like you're dropping into a half-pipe yeah he's not going to be able to learn Chinese oh my god oh that's what it is all right God bless