A New Untold Story - Poop feat. Sas & Rone - A New Untold Story: Ep. 434

Episode Date: February 6, 2025

sas and rone join the pod in nola to talk about poop, confession, hotel pools, and more. Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app today and use code UNTOLD to easily score great deals with Gametime Picks! DraftKings - Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code UNTOLD. GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, [phone] or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), or visit www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min. $5 bet. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: dkng.co/dk-offer-terms. Ends 2/9/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. HelloFresh - Get up to 10 FREE meals and a free high protein item for life at https://HelloFresh.com/anus10fm. BetterHelp - A New Untold Story is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/NEW today to get 10% off your first month.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. Good. You mean you're going to reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story over told? Fuck no, baby. It's a new untold story!

A new untold story It's a fresh baked untold story A new untold story Oh No, it's fine it's your guys show This is a collab effort It's like that Columbia kith Kyle's wearing. I couldn't even believe when I saw the kids believe that I'll put the output the kiss on the left and the Columbia on the right. As long as the kith is on there. As long as it's stamped.

As long as that K-I-T. New untold story episode 7. 434. It is the area code of Charlottesville, Virginia. Home to Thomas Jefferson, James Monroe. Wow. And the Dave Matthews Band. Dave Matthews I thought was from South Africa. The band.

The band. The band is from Charlottesville. And I've always heard about the shit incident. The Chicago River shit incident. But it's always just been so absurd that I almost didn't find it funny. You know about that. But then I went to the Wikipedia.

I've had a common knowledge. Really? There's like songs about it. I was just more laughing at the- There's a Dave Matthews song about it. Really? Yeah. I was just laughing at the fact that we have multiple-

That the back to back episodes we've now, we were talking about shit and rivers again. Oh my God. We did. We're very much one trick ponies. That was like the- That was like the- Oh, you've gotta listen to this anus episode. Oh my God. We did. We're very much one trick puppies. That was like the, that was like the. Oh, you gotta listen to this Anis episode.

It's about poop this week. Yeah. What the fuck, the boys went, oh. They went out of their comfort zone. Anis went out of their comfort zone. They talked about poop this week. Do you want to talk about Thomas Jefferson? Yeah.

Anis really opened up. Yeah, they... No, so yeah, it was... So yeah, I always thought that's so absurd. I don't even think it's funny. Then I went to the Wikipedia page. It is funny. Yeah, it's funny.

Explain it all to Sass, because he's never heard of it. Let me just read it. Because I saw... I really have seen a doo-wop song at the spot on the river of like five white guys singing like a five-part barbershop, like quintet type harmony. Yeah, the bridge is like the bridge right next to my apartment that I cross every day.

That's the Matthew Ship Bridge. Yeah, it's the Kinsey Bridge. What was it? They were just shooting off the bridge? So their tour bus was crossing a bridge and just decided to dump 800 pounds of shit into the river. And it landed on an open top passenger sightseeing boat. No.

Crash. 800 pounds of shit. 800 pounds of shit? 800 pounds of Dave Matthews shit. It's almost two lizards. That's insane. But it's, the passenger boat with Chicago's little lady. It was just like a 1pm Chicago architecture foundation.

I've been on the architecture tour. Everybody does this. Everybody recommends to do it. So nice. Risky. The facts on the Wikipedia page, roughly two thirds of the 120 passengers aboard the tour boat were soaked.

Oh, soaked. This is on Wikipedia. Dirty boat were soaked. Soaked! This is on Wikipedia. It should get you dirty, not soaked. It should bounce off of you, not soak empty. Oh, I'm soaked in shit. Five passengers were taken to Northwestern Memorial Hospital. That means that they ingested. It definitely means they were a game.

Surgeons. Look at the magnificence. Oh no! That means that they ingested. Yeah. It definitely means they were like a game. Searches. Look at the magnificence. Look at all the Sears towers and then just. They gasped and shit fell into their mouth. According to the Illinois Attorney General, passengers aboard included persons with disabilities, elderly, a pregnant woman, a small child, and an infant. And it gets like really technical the liquid waste was Brownish yellow in color and had a foul offensive odor

Wait, 800 pounds of shit smell bad the liquid always Dave Matthews bro gross. Dave Matthews must be sick I still can't get over 800 but like that means that they must have been like they must have been on like well nine of the tour and been like, guys, we really gotta get rid of this? Yeah, this is our entire tour's worth of shit. So eight shits equal one pound of shit. So that's 6,400 shits worth of poop. But the Dave Matthews band is like infinite members.

There's so many members. And that was after one show. Yeah, true. Yeah, they have Jeff Coffin and Boyd Tinsley. Matthews band is like infinite members That was after one show Jeff coffin and Boyd Tinsley Boyd Tinsley the bassist Drummer Leroy died in an ATV accident. I think he was still part of that. I like ATVs, bro Don't say that I like Leroy So how does how does the shit come out of a truck like that it's it spews I think it has to because like you're not it's not like it's hanging over the side of the river That's a really high traffic bridge. I just don't know that Dave Matthews

It's like him holding the hose his face on the side of the bus But I don't understand how do you even get like so were they moving when they did it or yeah, they tried to just so that was all on deck. They were driving downtown. That was like those guys that work those oil rigs. It's like a hard day's work. Yeah. So yeah, it was just so this guy wool was alone in the bus and emptied the bus's blackwater

tank as across the middle greats of the Kinsey Street Bridge. He wasn't alone He took the fall. Yeah, he's a fall guy If he was alone on the bus who was driving the bus the liquid human waste went into passengers eyes mouths hair And onto clothing and personal belongings many of which were soaked again Some of the passengers suffered nausea and vomiting Wait Taz how are you thinking of it that they were like throwing it off in buckets? Cuz yes, I don't know like like two guys working a steam engine and vomiting. Wait, Taz, how are you thinking of it, that they were throwing it off in buckets? I guess I don't know. Like two guys working a steam engine.

They're shoving it up like that. I just don't know how you realistically throw, or so they released it. I don't know how they released it. It's probably like a, you probably have a lever or something like that by the driver, it's next to the reverse. Yeah, he has the wrong button.

Yeah. Trying to hit neutral and fucking dump the eight hundred tons of shit. dump the eight hands on shit. Where are you supposed to be dumping? I? think there's actual like manholes got a waste or like 800 pounds of shit. No, I think the only place is for the is the river. Yeah Is the boat still active today? Do they clean it? They swabbed it? Imagine that job. And the mayor Richard M. Daley made a statement. He was like, I'm a big fan of these guys,

but that was absolutely unacceptable. Yeah. That is, is my crazy. That is like, that should be like jail time. Oh yeah. They got, that's a hundred. They got community service. What?

150 hours community service. I think the total bands pay out they paid 300,000 which isn't enough. No, I mean that's like this side. That's like a grizzly bear worth of shit Like a girl helped how much is a grizzly bear way? 700 pounds probably about that. Yeah. Yeah, just coming down on it. They were soaked like yeah I would much rather get just like bonked by like hard turds oh yeah oh my god yeah that would damn near be funny so we probably got a lot of the air someone probably got their head hurt because

like eight hundred pounds of anything even liquid dropping on your head yeah yeah it's like that bucket that like water parks have that like oh yeah yeah the tips over yeah like like I've had my like swim trunks fall down yeah imagine I'm on that tour boat and the shit what the fuck happened you look at me and I'm fucking Shirts clean To get like two drinks around my ankles just coming back Beautiful honey, you didn't have Moscow mules, but I got in the news

Double hun Damn it smells awful out here That's so nasty It's crazy how many people's job involves shit like the the waste plant where you dump out the shit where you're supposed to get rid Of the shit like there's someone that works there. I've talked about this. I was obsessed with shit as a kid and like early high school and I Like I had this digital camera where I got in the woods and find turds and I call myself dr Poop and I was like narrate the turds. I found my parents were really concerned

So they took my dad was the city manager and he took me on the tour of a shit the shit plant the water Processing plant downtown and it made me love it more it backfired and I just I wanted to work there so badly Who was it like a morbid fascination or that was hilarious? It was funny Yeah, and then the science behind is pretty cool, too Like don't they take they take all the water out of the shit right they dehydrate all the shit Yeah, and then they clean the water and I think then they just like kind of push pump it back. You get to Sony that is cool And I think then they just like kind of push pump it back. You get to Sony that is cool Oh my god I remember at festivals like in the mornings the poop truck comes and guys load a

Tube like a straw like over their shoulder and it just sucks all the shit out of all the porta potties And you feel it like going over your shoulder Yeah, fucking over your shoulder. It's so disgusting And this is just big companies do this like did you guys ever do you guys grow up in house with like a septic? No, no, no, we had a septic tent. You had a septic tank. Yeah in Duxbury. Yeah, what for fun? Actually, I lived in four different houses and all of them had septic tanks. That's crazy. Is your dad a prepper?

No. Interesting. I've gone over to friends who had septic tanks. They were out off the grid and every other year they were just like, yeah, the house smells really bad. Yeah. And you would walk in and it smelled like you were on the inside of a turd.

Yes. Dude, I'd wake up mornings and my parents wouldn't tell me that we were getting the septic pumped It's like once a year or some shit and you'd wake up and you would just be like the whole neighborhood smells like the bike I don't even yeah, like you're in a turd. Yeah, so you described it. Yeah, we're describing living in a turd Yeah, like you're on an architecture tour. Yeah looking around the family, you're like, which one of you did this? Yeah. Because my shits don't smell like that. Every once in a while I can pick up my own when I pass up the plant and wheeling.

I can have a really unique one. Just a swirl of your own. Yeah. A hint of me. That's Nick. Yeah, that's Nick for sure. Yeah, the undertones yeah you smell the city that's me yeah and the majority of that is me that's my waist

is that a myth you think that you enjoy your own and I wonder what the psychological I think it's just less gross I can I'm I still think my farts stink my farts stink but I've never grossed out by them ever. Yeah Yeah, like sometimes I'll be like whoa Get one of those you're like damn But never like never like I'm gonna be sick that farts. Yeah, I was verbally react. Yeah, I'm always like cool Yeah, you've got to be kidding me Terran you oh

Clean up your ass you're an adult. How do we get to this point? I'll seek out the fart occasionally what you mean You just sometimes you'll let one fly and they'll be like that had to have smelled Yeah yourself one of those yeah Yeah, you're looking around the house. You smack yourself with it? Yeah. You're looking around the house, you're like, it was just here. Where did I put that? It's there. Yeah.

It is crazy, because you can't miss. It's always the last place you look. Yeah. You literally can whiff on it. Wallet, phone. Where the fuck is that fart? You'll go, maybe you'll go a little too far right. Keys, wallet, glasses.

Where's my fart? Zane, can you call my fart? It's on silent. You fart under the sheets and you can, you can, it's, it takes like a couple minutes for it to creep its way up. Oh yeah. Yeah. To the air. It's crazy.

It is crazy. It's crazy. They're crawling sometimes. Yeah. Like it'll be like two full minutes will go by and it'll then it'll hit you You know the quieter the smellier and the louder the I've had some loud stinky ones though Yeah, loud stinky loud stinky for me is a different type of stinky than loose stinky Oh, absolutely a loose stinky is the worst so loud stinky is different than loose stinky. Oh hundred percent

Well, maybe are you saying Titan loose? Yes I guess I'm thinking like when I'm thinking loud I'm thinking cuz I've never had a loose I've never had a I've never had a loose fart that is loud weed is loose like a loose fart is like or like a Like a loose fart is like sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss is a lot different than loose loud tight loud you're gonna get a much sharper like a like a sharp smell it'll be more melodic yeah definitely those are the ones that change pitch with route yes yeah but a loose loud one that maintains the same it's almost like a didgeridoo yeah, like a tuning fork. It's consistent. Yeah No, but it's exactly true. Yeah, it is a consistent flow like it's yeah never changes tempo

No, the tight ones sound like the lead singer of bright eyes as a warble Connor Oberst That's what I call my tight was over Bright eyes This is the first day of my that's why for sound like it's a great way of describing Yeah, the loose ones are always they smell the worst and that's why you know, I if I have a lab one I have no shit. I have no shit. I have no like I'm uh, I

Fart in public. I don't really care about that. But if it's loose, I try to keep it in I will pull one of my cheeks to the side like peeking out a curtain. Yeah Yeah, I'll get a leg and I'll move the leg a little bit. So obvious. Yeah I mean while I have my hand I'll move the leg a little bit. So obvious. Yeah Literally like I'll grab my hand and I'll take a big And I was like, yeah, I'll move my leg and you're like, well, that's just I mean that's foul All right small little tiny break to talk to you about our best friends of all time over at game time My most used app on my phone behind notes, but it only takes like 20 seconds Yeah, so it speaks right speaks volumes, you know how much we love game time now with their brand new game time picks feature

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I mean, I think the experience. Alright, thanks. Good work. Another tiny break, but what I'm about to talk about ain't little, Kyle. It ain't itty bitty. It ain't teeny tiny. I'm talking about something super. The Super Bowl with DraftKings

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DKNG.co slash audio What's your thoughts about like when you're at a at a urinal? I'll fart at a urinal, but usually all my piss farts are silent at a public urinal Yeah, I feel like I would try to hold that in really Farting is not free game at a urinal. I think it is you're in the bathroom I think I think your bathroom my first don't make noise. I wouldn't judge somebody but I would be too self-conscious You're not self-conscious about smell, it's about sound. I'm not gonna...

It's an audio game. Fart at an airport urinal next to like four men. Oh, I do it all the time. No, I doubt you do. I swear on my life, I swear on my life. I mean, you walk into a fucking airport bathroom, it sounds like bullfrogs by a lake. It is just constant.

It is always relaxing. It's the loudest shit. I could put down roots here. It is the loudest shit. I could put down roots here. It is the loudest thing. Nice wrap around porch. Yeah. Rock and sip my tea. No, I have it as a program on my white noise machine.

It just helps me go to sleep. His bullfrog farts. I had a diarrhea at the airport that was so bad, and I knew it was about, you know when you're waiting for the release, like the initial blast? And it was, I was, I couldn't hold it and it was silent in the room and I put my AirPods in and put them on noise canceling and just let it fly.

Really? Yeah. I just let it go. You didn't want to embarrass yourself? I didn't want to, because I was like, the only way I'm going to be embarrassed by this is if I hear it. Okay. So I was like, if I don't hear it, but I feel it, I know everyone else is going to hear

it, but I'm going to walk out of that bathroom being like, I don't know. It's like the old I know everyone else is gonna hear it, but I'm gonna walk out of that bathroom being like I don't know It's like the old stories about the Queen who like when she went deaf she started farting a lot But she just never knew and no yeah, yeah She knew she didn't lose feeling in her ass The whole of your at your rim can't feel a thing. Lost all feeling in your ass. Your royal rim can't feel a thing. You're like, I'd rather just be blind.

You wake up and you're like, how do you even know that? How did you guys find that out? You didn't even test for that. We've been touching it for hours. Yeah, I'm inside of you, your majesty. Exactly. That's exactly the problem. I'm inside of you your majesty Exactly That's exactly the problem Two fists are in now. I'm shoulder-deep in your highness. You have your eyes. You haven't said a word. You've hardly bat an eye

It's like they're doing like the knee the hammer on the knee Got a test to see if your ass is not straight into the hole. It's a rareascal with a hammer. Just gotta test to see if your ass is numb. Straight into the hole. It's a rare affliction, but we have to test. Taking a herring's going, we're gonna have to check your ass. Okay. Just right into the hole. Did that, did you feel that?

My ass would lie. Doc, I didn't feel a thing. Try again. Yeah. You might have to go harder. Just the other sides for the ass. If there's one side for the knee, the other one's just dick shaped for the ass.

It's on the opposite end of the hammer. Just a perfect cock shape. The front side looks like that, the back side's just a cock. They probably make that and sell it at like Spencer's. Yeah, just check your asshole reflexes. There's no way that there's not a stripper, a male stripper out there somewhere that has a tool belt.

That pulls that out of his bag. Yeah, with a tool belt and one's a hammer and the other side's a cock. Or it's a regular hammer but the whole handle is's a cock. That is, yeah. Or it's a regular hammer, but like the whole handle is just a cock. I mean actual hammers are called ball peen hammers. Really? Which is essentially what that is. They are called ball peen. Let's call this thing the ball peen.

Do you guys have a hammer at your apartment? Yeah. Yeah? Me too. Oh I don't and now I feel so lame. Yeah. I have two hammers. Really? I like tools. I have nails. What? I don't have now I feel so lame. Yeah, I was hammers really I like tools

I have nails what it's true screws. Yeah, I don't yeah, I got a hammer, but that's all I got but it's a decent hammer It's not a bad piece. What do you hammer? Sometimes, you know, I got it up on the wall. Yeah art. That's it. That's really it Yep, that's the only reason I'm not doing anything beyond that. Okay, that's good My wife does literally all the handiwork around our house Really? So she doesn't she build furniture damn near your ass is paying for white glove Yeah, I mean she but she'll put together like a dresser or something like that Anything with that rolling drawers like my dresser in my room right now is like like it looks like it's from Whoville because it is just all kinds of angles. It's just crooked as fuck

It's horrible. I have a napkin under one of the legs Box That's terrible. It's brutal you did setting up furniture sucks, and it's like every time I get it I'll when I'm ordering like furniture online I'll look for something that I'm like, there's no way that's gonna take more than five minutes to set up. And then it gets there and it's like,

you're like, I literally don't even know how you could have made this more difficult. I'll skip steps. Yeah, yeah, all the time, all the time. When you get like a... I'll like lie to like my girlfriend, I'll be like, this looks way better without fucking drawers. So like my dresser is just a shelving unit unit with metal racks on the inside four drawers I mean you can fit

more because it can bulge out looks but it's like it's cool it's it's it's like a lot of people are doing to status listen to the boy dad episode I'm sure they did we don't have much crossover audience This has been a leap but whole podcast Really highbrow stuff The idea of someone taking a hammer straight to the asshole the test your asshole screen Routine and then it's just like a too big of a cock The Queen is the funniest person it could happen. Oh my

heavens You're going to put that way doesn't remember. Oh, yeah I went up here and roamed through it. Woo! That was better. Classic deaf voice. Always kills. It's funny. There's nuance to that kind of deaf voice. That's not your standard deaf voice.

No. Deaf royalty. You guys excited for the pump, pass, and kick contest tonight? It's just going to be a showcase. Like, oh, these guys are so bad at the NFL these guys work at Barstool sports They could never play pro Gonna dash my dreams as a 36 year old Yeah, I'm not I hate seeing myself on camera doing anything now I would like to do it for fun I can't walk I, I have a horrible walk.

Yeah, I got a bad walk. I saw a picture of me or a video of me running the other day and I have like a gimpy leg I think. My leg was kicking out to the side. My leg was swinging around me like a skippet. I have that too. I walk like- That's just being uncoordinated.

Yeah. I walk like you have to wind me up. It's horrible. Like I don't have the functions to, I don't know. It's horrible. I don't have the functions to, I don't know. And then. It's such a bad realization when you first realize you have like the worst walk.

Horrible. Like I remember like catching a reflection of myself in high school and it was like my feet are just out here as I'm walking. Like I'm literally walking like this. And I was like, what is that? Never seen anyone do that before. I forget who I was with. They were like that person walks like you and I looked over and it looked like the guy that

couldn't live to shield 300. I was like, God damn. But one time I was going to go to a chiropractor and I told my mom and she was like, oh, you shouldn't go. I was like, why like sports teams have chiropractors and she was like, well, it's not good for people who have abnormal anatomy. And she was like well, it's not good for people who have abnormal anatomy That's a kill shot maintain that standing is harder than walking I would rather walk 10 miles than stand for an hour one hour You ever really try to like rip a church session. Oh

Like sweating like trying to stand in place. I remember being in church and like, you know, when you're like kneeling and you're kind of supposed to be like ass is supposed to be off. Yeah. Our teacher would push our asses really if we were not there. They were on. They would lay on the pew as they was. We were kneeling. So I would always put the ass for you to descend. That's what it was. Cause I would always. Yeah. I would always, I would always mount my ass like I would sit my ass down while kneeling. I would pop my ass. Yeah Oh, yeah full pop full doggy style. Yeah, I'm kneeling is so hard. Yes There's no way that guy two minutes in me. It doesn't even make sense though. There's no way that like

like you like that's a big deal like what like you're gonna go to heaven and God's gonna be like Your ass just like your ass was touching the pew They were always like Jesus suffered on the cross for six hours. You can kneel for two minutes and it's yeah, it sucked But why write that in as like the punishment as the physical punishment part of mass just doesn't make any sense Really just has as they have us groveling. They have us sucking off. The best I've ever felt, like I've never skipped a line at a club or a bar or anything. The best I ever felt was whenever I had a non-Catholic friend stay the night and we went to church

on Sunday and they couldn't do communion so I had to walk past them to go get mine. Excuse me. Sorry hungry I always used to know that was when the church was ending was good today We used to get communion and my dad would just go stand in the back of the church Dipping after coming. Yeah, you that was that was hated in the church community if you left right after communion I'm really and I would go solo. I didn't want to hear the outro no and sometimes I do like an encore Yeah run back Massey and then everyone's like leaving in like single file and it's like we can all just get up and leave Mm-hmm. We're not we're not getting off a plane right now. Yeah, you could go around the other Yeah, but everyone has to shake hands with the priest. Tell me you did a good job

Suck him off wonderful today Thank you. Yeah, or dip the hand dip hand in water, which is also gross always a power Yeah, it was nasty the water the water is nasty. Are you tasting it? No, it's like I'm sharing a cup with 250 One cloth that they don't You put your tongue on it. I never did the one. And I was always after the oldest woman and there was like half of her fucking host

floating in there and I had to dodge it. I had to dodge it. It's coming at me as it's sipping and the priest determines how much you're getting. So my eyes are crossing at the priest's fucking waist, wait and oh. So gross. You're getting breadcrumbs in your one. I have heard that though. I've heard that the who's the person that he has to go last

There's someone that goes last. It's like a part of it's like the original Bonnie blue Lasted communion, I never did the wine. It always grossed me out. Yeah, never fucking disgust Yeah, I was like so excited to try it. I was like this is so bad No, no, I never did they gave us the choice at first communion They were like do you want to do the wine and I was like now if to try it. I was like this is so bad. Oh, no I never did they they gave us the choice at First Communion They were like do you want to do the wine and I was like now if I don't have to I know like you don't Have to you've already had his body Not gonna chase down the body. No, I'm not gonna get on there's no body. Yeah, it's crazy I think it's me hungrier than some blood though. It's tough

It's crazy. They made you drink blood after you've eaten body. I'm like shouldn't that be enough? Yeah Yeah, I proved myself not quite You had the body so here's a little treat a little aperitif it is a digestive Some blood it's crazy going back to church. Yeah, I was it I went to church recently for Probably a funeral or wedding funeral or a wedding both so guys Back-to-back yeah, I was packed but I Yeah, no, it's you forget how like she buried her ex and married her next they go they get they get the fucking What's the thing that they go and they're like?

It's like the oldest man on earth Medieval mace that's made of pure steel and like his hand is like so fucking dust. Oh, yeah I bet you people have gotten conked. Oh hundred percent Yeah, it's a it's a weapon that he's using. Yeah I don't know why they use that. There's just so many little things that you forget about Confession confession. I hate confession. I went twice in my I've gone twice my entire life We've always talked about confession a lot on the show Catholic school. Well, I didn't have to do it in my school. No That's that's weird as shit ball

The high school or the grade school though. My grade school wasn't great at football and we still didn't have to do it in high school. You didn't have to? No. That's weird as shit. You got good at football. The high school or the grade school though, my grade school wasn't great at football and we still didn't have to confess. I just did it once in high school. It was horrible. And they wouldn't let us do the fucking screen. You had to go face to face. Dude, we had that too when we did it.

We did like. They were like screens for cowards. We got, we had, there was three stations because we did, we had church school on Sunday It was like an hour and there was like one day where it was like everyone was doing confession for the first time and we like the whole Grade I guess you would say went up and did it and it was like There was three stations. One of them was the screen. It was in like the back room

Yeah, there was one that was like in another room, but there was no screen and there was one that was literally just on the stage and it was in a shorter line yeah yeah two chairs but oh no you were randomly assigned they were like oh it wasn't like tsa pre-check where you and after the whole time i'm like i'm like why like that feels like one person's gonna be talking and it was screen and then one person's gonna be confessing in front of everyone they know start weeping. Yeah. Yeah, I made the priest scream But it's also like we were like what? 700 Hail Mary's now you coveted who? Adulterer

Shay I told her, whoever invented the screen that you have to put through must have did some that about that doesn't count as confessing. They don't know who did it. They're relative anonymity. I used to give my beat offs to my boy Brandon He was so I was too afraid to say I beat off So I told my boy Brandon how many times I beat off tacked it onto his and we split the Beat off way more than him what if you had 70 Right now we're good you do all the confession I'll do I'll do more Two more right now we're good you do all the confession. I'll do all the praying

It's all it's bizarre to have people to have you do confession when you're like eight Yeah, like how old are you when you're in second grade? Then seven seven or eight. Yeah, I'm telling yeah my seven-year-old sins. Yeah Yeah, it was just like I got in a fight with my sister. That was always me and my sister. Why did you do that? And I was like, I don't know, because I'm seven. She's a fucking cunt.

Because I'm seven, I don't have control of my emotions. I literally have zero emotional impulse control. No regulation at all. I biologically cannot not sin. My mom said I couldn't get a candy bar earlier and I screamed as loud as I could in the grocery store. Priestess. That's gonna be a lot of your high horse.

Pedophile, actual pedophile. That always just, I bet kids are saying, I bet kids are doing that like now. Calling the priest. I bet there's kids, I bet there's kids, especially like when you're like all they're on TikTok and shit, I bet there's doing that like now calling the priest. I bet there's kids I bet there's kids art especially like when you're like all they're on tick tock and shit I bet there's kids that are like recording audio being like I bet you want to fuck me you freak Yeah, well, I'll tell you Mike I'll tell you my sins, but you better not fuck me Filming with it against the screen trying to find like a crack that you could reach

the priest through. Just see his manly, dusty hand. Trigger warning, rape. Trigger warning, PDF file. Yeah, yeah. You're fucking eight, posting that on TikTok? Your parents find it? What the fuck is this?

You're telling some heinous scents, too. You're being a bitch. You're being a bitch. You're being a bitch. You're being a bitch. You're being a bitch. You're being a bitch. You're being a bitch. You're being a bitch. What the fuck is this? You're telling some heinous You're being dead honest. Oh

Man you ever like stumble into like eight-year-old tiktok No, I would I stumble into middle school like I accidentally got like a middle school video like kids jumping in a puddle. Yeah It wasn't for you, man. It's so funny dude. Well, I get I get like the when they do like or I guess it's not even really Middle school I'd be like high school they do like the senior assassin shit Where it's like with the water gun you get like a sign a random person You have to go like spray them with a water gun a random point of the day and like I'll get I'll get them on Instagram and it's just like it'll be like the school's account that's posting it and then all the comments are like this kid He sold me fat and all in a parking lot. That's like that's what they all say

Yeah, it's like a trend but it's like it's funny the idea of like Like up until recently like if you had no followers on social media what you were posting or if you had like 20 followers It was going to those 20 followers. Now it's like everything you post could be seen by the entire world. It's very risky. But it's also like obviously a kid's running that Instagram account.

It's not like it's the principal of the school is like, let's get this viral. Let's run the numbers up. Let's get a story post. Let's get this on the story. Are there still the parents that do like, if this gets 2,000 likes, I'll take my kid to Disney? Yeah, definitely.

100%, that was a huge thing. Sorry, only 1,500. Be cuter. Yeah. You're getting older by the day. Oh, I can afford it, yeah. Oh yeah, I can afford it. I have the tickets, we're just not going.

To rip the tickets in front of the kid. Yeah. You're just not popular. No, I had the tickets. We're just not going to rip the tickets in front of the kid Guess my loser fucking kid isn't going to Disney. We're still gonna go we're going. Yeah, we're going you're saying back This is your ticket. Oh, you know, you would have loved it 1500 followers Pluto asked about you Did you guys ever go to Disney no now no No? No I didn't. I did as a child too young to remember. Same. But I went back to like Disney Springs a couple times. I'm the spawn of two pussies and so like I'm a they're afraid of all roller coasters, afraid of planes, afraid of cars, rides. Oh yeah no same with me but we we went to we went to Disney. We just didn't do anything Every ride we were like no fucking shot. I

Try to be cool be like the most intense ride. I'll be like Looks boring Like Tower of Terror world was like no. Oh, yeah, I remember we I remember We went to Tower of Terror like and we just looked at it from the outside Yeah, just like whistle at it. Yeah We were all like no no, okay. Yeah, I remember I pretend like it was I've never had fun amusement park There's no way you had fun. We went to Universal When I was in high school

We were in Florida on vacation and we went to Universal on like a day as like a day trip and they had like the Harry Potter ride and I still I was like I'm not doing I'm not doing the role. I don't I just don't like roller coasters I'm not gonna do that and my my little sister wanted like my youngest sister wanted to go on it with my dad And they went on in my am I I remember I just remember them walking off in my dad coming out and seeing his eyes Are like glazed over He said the entire time he was like battling off a puke like he had to puke so bad He said it was like they got in and they're like this is pretty like easy like easygoing and then just added nowhere They're like a vert completely vertical just upside down seeing your dad scared for the first time

Something that that's really changing you petrified a really scared dad And it's just a shame it had to be the Harry Potter roller coaster that did Right he saw a Draco Rilling it was Slytherin made him not Felt so real those guys are intimidating the site of a slip just the mere sight of a slither and as your dad shake it he vomited after he saw a crab and goiled it was that right it was that right and the lightest room with the lime was insane I thought I'd been on an indoor rollercoaster with you at the mall We did the Mall of America, but that's not scary coaster. Huh? That wasn't like a real roller coaster

Yeah, that's what I mean. It's a mall, but is the Harry Potter one outdoors? I feel like indoor is way less scary indoors way. I can do indoor either But I've only done one the exterminator at Kenny would What about a speed mountain on at Disney World never been a space mountain space never been to Disney World never big six flags Oh, yeah, no desire. What about Hershey Park? Never been to Hershey Park really? I guess you'd be in a Hershey Park man. No, I think that's like a heavy-duty Rollercoaster park. I think it is crazy. No, I would just go to Kenny would buy us was right on the river. It was real shitty Just did the exterminator and I that was it. I think I would just do the Pittsburgh plunge and get soaked

It's soaking over and over we used to go to I used to go every summer to Water country in New Hampshire With one of my friends and I was really young friend and we would like I would friends did you go? No, you guys wouldn't know I'm Joey but we Was like I was like characters enter the fold but uh But yeah, we would go and I wouldn't do any I just watch I just watch people do the boot do the scary ones and I'd be like, let's go down the

I see you're right and tough with my though. Line's too long. Yeah. The lazy river's looking real free. Yeah, we can just run that back. It looks like it's going a little faster. It's literally a ride meant for like the parents who are shit faced out of their mind there. Or like paraplegics. Yeah.

Oh, body scars you'll see in the lazy river. I'll see dudes with C-section scars. What are you doing in a lazy river? You just had a major surgery. Stitches are still in. Always. You just see the trail of blood behind you. Yeah.

There was this one guy, it was like Donnie Darko. I just saw his intestines though, like before I saw the guy. It was just See there's somebody else and he's like you realize I Just caught myself Your intestines I genuinely don't think I can think of somewhere I'd rather go That like I have to actually do shit at than a water park like a water park It sounds like now thinking about it sounds like literally like one of the most unsanitary Like everyone's just fucking pitts and pros and like half naked pushing up against sweaty sunscreen and just everywhere sweating

there's more band-aids in pools than water I swallowed a whole box in the way of Sebastian Sebastian Maniscalco has that bit about going to he's going at the pool at the hotel and he said he's like guy Takes his shoe off for band-aids He's like he's like what do you need for for he's like after one isn't it a hospital visit? Hotel pools are so crazy because I would rather a pool be hot or cold and they're the exact temperature of human you cannonball and you don't realize when you feel like I'm falling for a you don't feel wet I'm dry as a bone in the middle

of the pool it's like not high or low water gets Feeling no shit. It's like when water gets in your mouth and you have no idea it's there. That's why there's always someone choking in the fucking pool. They don't know that there's a gallon of water in their mouth. I've dry drowned multiple times. They could crank it up one degree or less one.

I'm fine, but it's always just me. Feels like I'm diving into me. Three siblings ominously playing quietly in the pool. They're not like talking to each other. The parents are quiet and the siblings are just so quiet. Dead silence. Quietly makes it so much funnier. It's not relaxing.

Why aren't you making noise? They're like, they're playing, but the water has not broken. It's unbelievable how still. You just hear like a bubble every once in a while. Making noise they're like they're playing but the water has not broken Bubble everyone It's the saddest scene dude, I was in the fucking what am I doing it? So fucking bored and dry corner I Went I was in we were in Toronto this weekend I went to the gym and you had to walk through the pool to get to the gym and I walked in and it

was like it was just a couple who like pressed up against each other it's so quiet and it's like it's like yet you just got to walk right by. And you're just lightly hearing. And she's like floating on his back. She's like holding him. There's always skinny white dude with fat wife. Yeah, fat wife with like a broke, like some sort of like twisty heart tattoo. Yeah. And it's his chance to like hold her like a big boy. It's the only time he's been able to lift her. And the whole time he's on his back in the pool.

Kids playing quietly. It's like, what am I gonna do? And I go under water. Those couples can do big boy moves is the hotel pool or Mars. Yeah, yeah. I'd so much rather it be packed than walk in and it's two people.

It's the strangest sound. And it's so, it's something with the room. The audio, the acoustics. The acoustics in the room. Must be something with the water too because it's like every, like someone going like, oh, it radiates through the room. It radiates.

I would tell somebody to shut the fuck up if they do that. But you also hear like the water kind of slapping against the filter, like your sort of random. Every little slap. Slapping so hard. You do this, like you walk, you hear the splat of your feet Yeah, all the splat of the feet swirble every towel. I do

How so wet you'll grab a fresh one soaked and the water that's on the tiles for some reason is always like brown It's never it's never it's damn near gelatinous. I Could pick it up. It's like jellyfish. I Was that a I was at a hotel in I could pick it up. It's like jellyfish. I was at a hotel in Providence, Rhode Island, and I was on the Peloton, and the Peloton, it's faced out to the pool. So it's just me on the Peloton, just staring at the pool for 30 minutes straight.

All packed, filled. That's, oh my God. Families or what? Yeah. Prov's, oh my God. Families or what? Yeah. Providence family town. Someone probably rotated it towards that. Like it probably wasn't like that. It was just like, oh my God.

They always have the outdoor Jacuzzis in there too. Yeah. Let's talk about food. Eating, your diet. Sign me up. Right now my gut is in shambles because I've been eating poorly. Yes.

And it's making me sad. It's lowering my self-worth and I really want to just get back on a healthy diet, healthy, good tasting diet, like HelloFresh. It's easy to find time to eat well with 50 wholesome, hassle-free meals each week delivered to your door in a box, ready to made meals go from your fridge, go from the fridge to your fork in just three minutes.

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Like the radio. One item per box with active subscription. Free meals applied as discount on first box. New subscribers only, varies by plan. Wraps up to 10 free HelloFresh meals. Anus 10 FM. There we go. A new untold story is sponsored by better help Kyle you get sad sometimes Yeah right now why you say my god it's like it's affecting my brain Got some shambles my gut is in shambles and I need a therapist. Oh, yeah

Well, luckily I have something you need better help Kyle If you're not sure what red flags look like therapy can help you identify green flags in your life Actively practice them in your relationships and embody green flag energy yourself whether you're dating married building a friendship or just working on yourself It's time to work on relationships that love you back Therapy is beneficial for everybody. You don't have to be sad. You can be happier You can maintain the happiness you can learn more about yourself the the the positivities the positive Reasons are endless Kyle. I don't think yeah, there's no downside to trying. That's right and Discover your relationship green flags with better help visit better help comm slash new today to get 10% off your first month

That's better help H ELP comm slash new and EW Yeah, it's definitely like I thought about it when I was in when I was in Minnesota this weekend I was like I thought because I was like there's no there's only two people in there and they're probably gonna Leave but I don't own the gym like maybe I'll hop in the pool after you'd feel so much worse Yeah, and then I was like I just it's just not worth it. It's like applying more sweat to yourself It's a second layer of sweat. I haven't been in a pool in years That's the thing like I if there's a pool party going on,

I go in just so I don't have to be shirtless. That's the thing, and you're right up to the neck the whole time. You're always like this. Squatting water? Yeah. I'm in the three foot, just like, holding myself up with two hands.

Yeah. Every time I'm in a pool, I'm at a full squat. Oh yeah, I'm walking around like a burglar. Yeah. Or like on your belly. Yeah, the belly move. It's a great feeling once you're in and then you're like, okay, now I can actually enjoy the pool. Or that's like an ocean move, being on the belly.

Like being on your belly all the way up to like one foot deep of water. I'm swimming and my knees are put under the sand. Yeah. I'm dragging like an anchor. Yeah, because you've got to be, because I, cuz you gotta be as I've misjudged it I've misjudged you where I'm like, alright I'm at a point where I can get underwater and then and then you're not deep enough and then you just got all the

Rolls are showing you're fully crunched up now trying to get under and you just can't brutal It's a baby. We wouldn't know nothing about this What? It's not maybe we wouldn't know nothing about this. No, no what? Bon being a shame of your body bad body skinny fat. So this is bad I'm at like my skinniest in a while and I have to we have to lose 30 pounds in a few days Yeah, we do like an after dark challenge 30 pounds me Tate and across three people. It's like we lose the office I was overconfident last week but the thing is, you were. Blowed up, we gotta blow it up.

We were in a meeting and Kyle scoffed, he was like, yeah, it'll be easy. And now you're telling me that it's gonna be hard? Well, it's gonna be hard. I agreed on it based off your scoffs. I never thought it was gonna be easy, but it's realistic, but it's gonna suck. How many days do you?

Do you guys even have 30 pounds to lose? Well, it's 30 total. Oh. To Tenneguy. Tenneguy. With Tate. Well, so I think what you do is you bring in five extra pounds. Do we have 30 pounds to lose 30 total to Oh, and a guy? Ten a guy eight. Well, so I think what you do is you bring in five extra pounds. Yeah, right I'm gonna have to get a huge meal. Well, no, it's it's a lot it's all fluid so I'm gonna try to drink as much as possible right before the weigh-in Actually, no, I won't do that Yeah, I'm not I want to be dehydrated make it real

Yeah, I incline I guess we'll get it for you incline tready sauna suit sauna suit treadmill Sana would be ideal if we could get one in there didn't they have Luca? Practicing in the sauna suit no did they yeah, but then he would then they had Sweet tea and he was going right over to this Gatorade Gatorade containers of sweet tea afterwards Well, dude imagine like the most flavorful flavorful thing. He probably had before he came to the NBA was like borscht potato Raw potato. Yeah, like onion in a dish one time. It was too spicy The hell is this?

Yeah, it's gotta be taught I mean you get dropped in a country where you can if you have money you can he's in Dallas Yeah, it's gotta be taught. I mean, you get dropped in a country where you can, if you have money, you can do anything. And he's in Dallas. Yeah, you can do anything if you have money in America. And he's getting paid hundreds of millions of dollars. And he's experiencing like taste for the first time.

Yeah, every night you're probably like, all right, what a burger, haven't had that. Or just some barbecue, some Texas barbecue. Yeah, it's right there. Like a brisket, oh my God. It's probably suckling down a brisket. Yeah, it is crazy to gain that weight while you're like playing it since it's like impressive. Yeah, he must be really Especially because it's not it's not like the NFL like they play like every night. Yeah

Realize how hard of a workout NBA game. Yeah Like he has to be ready to go to overtime Yeah, he has to have like gas in the tank still. Yeah, that's Luca. We need you now So he must be putting down 20,000 calories a day. It's like a Phelps diet. Yeah. Yeah What Yeah, yeah, yeah Maybe he was just getting irredeemably fat and like they knew he They put I don't know but then they had that video of him walking off the plane would find look big

But he was also wearing all black and sweats and sweats imagine Imagine being somewhere super warm and you're still wearing sweatshirts. Yeah Been there I'm there right now Been there. I'm there right now That's the whole day I just can't sit on my zippers down I just can't sit up this I've been podcasting all that Yeah, that's how you got to do it. Yeah, I either go I either go all in like this So the sweatshirt kind of hangs a little bit or you got to go lay back. Yeah Yeah, yeah, so they just spread out I like I try to buy like vintage graphic shirts that have like the thickest all layer of graphic over my tits

Yes, you'll look you'll see I want it to be borderline a cardboard graphic. I want my graphic to be able to chip Yeah, yeah My shirts are unfoldable. It's like the fucking armor a plate of armor closet foldable It's like the fucking armor a plate of armor closet How long we've been going 47 be good 50 Yeah, we just gotta do ads is that are those your gluten-free Oreos no, but they were here I think Fidel Berg is a big gluten-free Oreo guy. They taste better than the actual Oreo

He was putting them on heavy really a big gluten-free Oreo guy. They taste better than the actual Oreo. He was putting them on heavy Really is he gluten-free? But that no but he'll do like four push-ups and then be the most in shape perfect looking man ever we called him out On it pretty hard at the dinner. Oh good. What what did you do? I was just saying like dude like you got it like we all know that you work out Yeah, hard you got to stop with the I have dumbbells at home. That's it You don't get that big you don't get that big with dumbbells at home. He's so big. He was like I have a set of dumbbells at home. That's you don't get that big. You don't get that big with dumbbells at home He's so big. He was like I have a set of dumbbells occasionally I'll do curls like dude your chest is like he's probably working out hard right now Yeah on the way to the airport. He's probably like bench pressing a plane. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, he's taxing a plane out right now Just strapped around him. Like magazine. He's rucking. With a plane in his backpack. What's your workouts these days? Put me on to something. I don't go, I never go like too hard, but I've been doing it every day for so long that... Is it like just free weights, kettlebells? What are you doing? I do lifts. Like...

Wrestling lifts? Dumb wrestling dumbbell bench chest press machine Shoulder lift Platform push-ups. Do you find shoulder lifts to be like absolutely unbearable these yeah They I love the burn really yeah when I used to do those I would be like the whole time I'd be like this fucking sucks Yeah, when I used to do those I would be like the whole time. I'd be like this fucking sucks Like I'd be like getting mad while doing it if you're bad at a lift is are you more inclined to do it more? Because I'm the type of personality if I'm bad at something out. Maybe never do it. I like to do what I'm good at Yeah better

But I've been doing running every day since January 1st Oh, I haven't gotten haven't broken the threshold of enjoying running or even like it still sucks every day since January 1st. And I just, I haven't gotten, haven't broken the threshold of enjoying running or even like, it still sucks every day. I think you gotta be a certain lunatic. I'm like, I want to be, I'm not going to rush through this. I'm going to do two miles every day and gradually increase the pace. Like really gradually, like every 20 runs on treadmill. Yeah.

Starting at just an eight minute pace. I just want, I want to do it every day. Have you felt any heart benefits? Yeah, that's it. Not for like looking better. I wanna do it every day. For heart health. Have you felt any benefits? Yeah. That's it, not for looking better. I need to do something. I remember watching an old Casey Neistat video

and he was talking, because he always does those 40 mile runs and he's like around mile 30 is when the creative thoughts really start flowing. That's when I was just, I resent those people so much. But I believe that it's helping them and I believe they do it and they love it.

Dude, I walked to work and back every day in New York the whole time. I was there Yeah, it was pretty far. It was like yeah, you were far that was in five I and it was yeah, and so an hour walk and then I walk everywhere Since moving to Chicago, I don't walk so like my Apple watch will congratulate me on like triple digit steps. Yeah Why do you how do you not walk it? Oh cuz it's so cold. It's far. Oh Yeah, I forgot where the new office is. I always think you guys are still at that old office. I would have walked to that. Yeah Yeah, the new and the new office. I mean the last time I was there like five dudes and ski masks came down That's right. Hmm. They're like around the corner. Yeah, really that was fine

Yeah, they said it was fine. They were just looking to see if we had computers That was fine. Yeah, they said it was fine. They were just looking to see if we had computers. They really were like, no, what the fuck type shit are you on? When we all ran inside. Oh yeah, wait, you were outside. We're students.

This actually happened? Yeah. When? It was over surviving. During surviving, we were like out front, they were like filming it. I like spotted the dudes bending around the corner and I like sprinted inside.

They like had me like run inside. Damn. It would have been like the end of Boys in the hood yeah Danny really came on side Danny the security guard came outside like grabbing his fucking oh he's looking a blast everyone get inside yeah get so much those guys are like like I'm worried I'm worried that our security might get poached by like the White House after the Trump damn good. After that woman fumbled with a gun after the Trump shit. Oh yeah, yeah. They could use Mike.

Security will dive in front of just glares that movie gets. He'll intercept looks. Dude, they were giving us some baseball info when we were when they picked us up from the airport and I was like this is shit that they were saying I Was like I don't even know If that's legal, I don't even know what they're doing is a lot of security They're allowed to like finding people who like threaten people online Yeah, like showing up at their work or like at their work and being like here's a picture of your house Like you weren't there.

It's crazy, no, straight up. He could have find you here. What? Yeah. That's awesome. Maybe we should cut it. Huh? Should we cut that?

Why? I don't know. No, that makes me impressed. We got security for the out of order shows and I felt so dumb. I felt, yeah. What were you gonna say? I know, I was thinking the exact same thing.

I was so embarrassed when they picked me up and then like he like put his jacket up over me as I walked into the hotel. Really? No. We have security for pop punk sometimes and I feel so bad that I'll just like let them sing a song. I'm wasting their time. I'll give them a song like our drum solo or something like that. Especially because we're doing like clubs. Yeah.

They're probably used to going out with with like chicks in the office like Briana And there's like deviants following right actually. Yeah, they're sitting outside of my hotel room with me to dry beat to a memory There's like one autistic dude lingering outside of laugh Boston, yeah He's like I just really want to get a five a coin He's like I just really want to get a five a coin Yeah, this dude tried it like our security told screws like I'm just here to kiss Nick and the guy got the fuck beat Out of him There oh, yeah, you want to kiss their hair lifting him to the hospital right now He's getting facial reconstruction surgery

Wearing all of our merch But he just can't open his phone to buy more because it doesn't recognize it All right, thank you boys Definitely got the better half You did you for sure you took the lead talking about your poop now You guys can't wait. This was such a better episode. Well, we're taking it. We're taking this one. We're taking it. Let's switch them It really truly doesn't matter at all no no no the same exact people are going to watch long as I get my exposure Yeah, that's all yeah All right. Thank you guys for listening. God bless you