A New Untold Story - Redheaded Munchkin - A New Untold Story: Ep. 489

Episode Date: March 5, 2026

Baseball, Pokémon, and reality TV romance. The boys talk Love Is Blind and welcome Pilar to the show to discuss new ANUS merch. Ads: Factor - Head to https://factormeals.com/kb50off and use code kb50off to get 50 percent off and free breakfast for a year. Quo - Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to https://Quo.com/ANUS. Want more Anus? Check out the links below https://linktr.ee/anuspodcastYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

You'll be that you're going to reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say, like, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? What, no, but... It's a new untold story. A new untold story. Kyle, you do the intro this week. Let's spin this on its head.

A new untold story, episode 489. You should do the intro every time. You know the number. I know the number in the background, yeah. Episode 489, the month that debuted the Nintendo Game Boy, and Jim Abbott. Okay. I'm trying to think of a joke you're going to make handheld gamer.

I'm trying to think. What do you got? I didn't have a joke. Oh, okay. Maybe something like I probably couldn't. Wait, who's Jim at too well? He's the one-handed baseball player with one-handed baseball player. I looked into him.

Oh, my God. I knew he was a one-handed baseball player. This guy should sue the world. How do he lose the hat? For lack of recognition. Oh, okay. He is one of the best ever, and I said this about Kyler Murray, but he might be the guy. Why?

Because he had one hand, that's it? I'll take you through his story. Please. Born without a right hand in Flint, Michigan. Ooh. It's just being a hand. a white boy on expert mode. Yeah.

Granted, when he was born there, I was probably booming, but... Tough spawn. Yeah, that is a tough spawn. No right hand, Flint, Michigan. He was a standout baseball player and quarterback. Huh. At his high school. In Flint?

At Flint Central High School. He wasn't only a star pitcher. He was... He batted 427. at seven home runs. How's that pop? Yeah, how's the old up? Is that a testament to the strength of his left hand

or the strength of his right nub? Right, I think it's probably a mix of both. Or the inability of Flint High School football. Can we get eyes on the nub? And he played quarterback? Does it have... That seems... That's kind of a...

I know most nubs are gross. That one especially... It's an especially gross nubs. And divots. And EGN. And he's sanded. Yeah, yeah. It just needs filed down.

Was he born a lefty? No. I guess we can't. Yes. I guess we can't. Well, but like how does that work? Oh,

it's more of a brain thing. I don't know. I don't know. I think if you keep on putting a crayon and a kid's left hand, they'll probably learn fast. If I had one hand, that would probably be my dominant.

Yeah. Yeah. But what a curse if he was a righte. I feel like I would be. One hand born. in Flint, Michigan, but his biggest cursed is that he's a righty. You'd be so much better. That is the craziest thing about Jim Abbott. He is a righty. That's like Oscar

Pistorius being ticklish. We would like, I'm very ticklish with no feet. That's what they say about LeBron. What? That LeBron's actually a lefty. Really? And he's like taught, he like, for whatever reason, like made himself be a righty. It's like the opposite of what athletes typically do. Right. So what else is, like, what else is he done? So Star in high school, obviously,

goes to Michigan, where he is unbelievable at Michigan, a pitcher. He wins, he's a Big Ten MVP twice. He wins the Sullivan Award, which is the best amateur athlete in the world, any sport. And then right out of college, he goes to the... That should be a bigger award.

I've never heard of the Sullivan. Yeah, Sullivan Award. Best athlete. Best athlete, non-pro athlete. In any sport? In any sport. Wins that. That should be the biggest award. Shocking. Yeah, so he's a beast. Phelps has won it.

Peyton Manning. Look at these guys. Michelle Kwan. Kwan. Phelps. Carl Lewis. Lewis. John Johnson?

Johnson Manning. Then he goes right to the Olympics. Wins the gold for them. He pitches in the final game. Then goes right to the pros. Right to the majors. From high school. No minor leagues.

From college. From college. But he didn't play any minor league. Right to the California Angels, which is, I think is... That's rare. That's rare. Yes. Rare.

Throws a no-hitter against the Cleveland Indians. His rookie year? Not his rookie. Okay. But remember, he has one hand, and he has to tuck the glove into his arm, and then immediately switch after he pitches. That's exhausting. And he also has to field. Kind of, yeah.

He does. Yeah. He's a pitcher. He's an infielder. He has two hits in the MLB, which they say is the hardest thing in all of sports. Off the same guy, which is a question of the same guy. Oh, who's the guy? Well, that guy has to be the worst pitcher of all time. No, he's a stud.

He was like an old-star. Who was it to cut him? John Lieber. But was he swinging or was he bunted? Had to have been bunting. I don't think you can swing like that. You know, he hit a line drive to left center. Holy shit.

Bro, I'm telling you, he was a quarterback, too. Yeah, but that's one-handed. He was, so Jim happens to a Yankee. You never hear him in like the, like, I didn't like grow up hearing about it. No, and he should be like, there should be like multiple Disney movies. Right, yeah, instead they had chimpanzees.

Right. Children playing, so many chimpanzees. You have a boy who was born with the utmost disadvantage and you gave those roles to dogs. Yeah, they were boys. So, yeah, a golden retriever, a chimp name Ed that Matt LeBlanc met and discovered was a chimp. In the movie Ed?

Are you talking about the movie Ed? Yeah. That is a good name for a movie. Yeah. What's better? Golden Retrievers are one-handed guys. It's golden retrievers probably. But, like, I think a golden retriever, if you told me that there was a guy with one hand

and a golden retriever who's the better ball player, I think I'd have to think about it. You would. I would have to think about it. Oh, yeah, most valuable primate. Yeah. Jim Abbott needs a film. Yeah.

He needs a film. When you were telling me, you were talking about Jim Abbott, I was trying to think of a fake story from our hometown. We had the reverse Jim Abbott. The Jim Abbott of a... He had three hands and was bad at baseball. He was the worst joke about it. I just couldn't think of a name.

He had three hands and sucked at pitching. Yeah. It sucked at returning kicks. Reverse Jim Abbott and I tried to flip his name just backwards. It sounded like an Indian boy. Like Mij. Abu. Why?

Because he looks like... Mijuba. Mijuba. Indian boy with three-hand. Why, because it looks like a Hindu god. Yeah, just because it sounds like it. Yeah, you looked like Krishna. Yeah.

Yeah, he needs way more recognition. Is he doing podcasts? He's got to have a podcast. I haven't heard anything. I don't know what he's doing. I cannot believe he wasn't like a, kind of like a child or a star for us children growing up. He's a documentary called Southpaw.

But in 2025, last year, and of course it's Southpaw I don't think if you have one hand you're not allowed to be called a lefty because there's no other that really diminishes what he's done yeah you're just a

like if you have one of something you don't there's no term there is no there's nothing to describe your head like that yeah yeah true that's a bad title for the doc shout out to Jim Abbott though yeah so um

limbless goat Um Because his was actually a disadvantage I know I'm like That wrestler without the legs There was a wrestler with one leg That won Is that an advantage

Anthony Robles Um Once he got to the point where he was It kind of Was that advantageous Because he had the upper body Of a much larger Stronger man

Right But still He had a movie made about him But, like, there's less things to grab on that guy, too. I was Matt Eskimo Bros with a dude from Ohio with one leg. Okay. No, no, with no legs. No legs.

Okay. He was, yeah, and that was an advantage. Carter or something. So there's multiple no-legged wrestlers. That works. Yeah, is he the goat one-limbed athlete? Do you have more? I guess our girl, Bethany Hamilton.

Yeah, she's up there. Good. She's up there, but she got good at surfing probably before that happened, which is kind of a stain. I was going to say, like, you think surfers? I'm going to knock that. Do surfers look at that and they're like, I wouldn't. Like, I think if you're born with it, I think you get a little bit more points.

There needs to be a limbless Hall of Fame. I'm sure there's a Paralympic Hall of Fame. Yeah, probably. I heard, is it true that the Paralymp? Gotta be like a ranch style. Hall of Fame. It's like the basement of the Alamo It's like yeah

It's in the basement of the Paralympic Hall of Fame Go check it out Wait Oh that's that's the Olympic and Paralympic You just said Serena Williams She's got She's a lot of woman Is it true though that the sprinters

With the no legs? A lot of people think those were kind of advantage too Are they faster? They would spring up Yeah because they have like They have like gazelle legs Yeah, right. They go backwards.

I think if you want to compete, actually, no. These people have enough disadvantages. But if you do want to compete, it needs to look like legs. Right? You can't have cheetah legs. Is that wrong to say? Yeah, I mean. I don't want to piss off Pistorius.

Well, I mean, they all have the same thing, so if it's equal. No, they don't all. I think Pistorius was running against leg dudes. Oh, really? Yeah. So it's not, the competition is it, like, if you have one leg, you're still in the same boat as the guys with two legs. I think if you are born with like something missing, there's always a sport where I think you can be the best at, right?

Are you saying because they naturally become so good and skilled? Like if you were born with like one fat leg, you could probably be a good swimmer because you're like fish like. Like there's always, I think there's a sport that you can like kind of choose that helps. Yeah, I think we're also diminishing their, extreme abilities. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Just go to like the water park and you'll see like,

oh my God. Oh my God. You'll see things that I thought we eradicated in biblical times. We always talk about this. Yeah. Yeah, the water park. Like, there's nothing more nerve wracking than being in a wave pool next to a leper. Just like he had one rogue wave and you got it too.

They should, he shouldn't be at Sandcastle right. Yeah, it's like, you have lepros. They're at the water park and they're at the bar on a week day in the summer in your college town. We would decide to go out. Oh, you walk in, and it's just some sort of like, just like an ever-dripping lesion. Yeah, it's like an extreme DMV.

You'll see people that, yeah, they'll have growths that. Both have just a random guy in a suit. A lot of dudes getting arrested have hernias that have gone unchecked for years. I've noticed that. What does that what he mean? Like, they're guys who like, they have the most bulging stomachs. It's just a lot of dudes with unchecked hernias, typically. end up in the clink. I've always

said that. It's like there's a crowbar perpendicular. It's unbelievable. Those guys are always on the lamb. And they don't pay it, no mind. No, no. And they always kind of have a honey. They always kind of have a sweetie on their arm. That's like ride or die. He's like, he wasn't doing anything.

Yeah, and the border of the body can't put it. Yeah, and the dude, yeah. She has like the thinnest eyebrows you could ever imagine. Yeah. Kind of hot. Kind of hot. Spongedobbob flip-flops. Some dudes that have deformities. have like some fine girlfriends. Mm-hmm.

Yep. You just can't be in the middle of the spectrum. Now that's the worst case in a year. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess if you have a hernia right now, skip the appointment. Let that thing bulge. I had a hernia.

My buddy had got a hernia when he lost his virginity. Fuck so hard. My boy Rick. He wanted it so bad. He wanted it so bad. He lived in a museum in Wheeling. It was sick. His stomach wanted some of the action so it tried to pierce through its lining.

My boy lived in a museum in Wheeling, and it was like an overlook, so it had like the pay binoculars, but he had like really nice lightsavers. And we would go on that overlook, and we would have lightsaber battles in high school. Wait, that implies that in your crew there was the guy with the good lightsabers and the guy was bad lightsabers. He had really, really good lightsabers. My boy, Eric West, and we called him Rick. We shortened Eric, whatever. But you could see his house. Like my house is on a hill, and his house was on.

on like a big hill overlooking museum. It had like the historical plate on and everything. And I was having a lightsaber battle with Eric. And my dad texted me. He said, cut that shit out. He saw you. Yeah, he saw me from a mountain away.

Like he saw the duel of the fates overlooking, Wheeling West Virginia. My kid is a fucking loser. I love staying there. He's just staring out of baseball match. Dude, the dustiest baseball mitt, not broken in. I used to walk

that's the shortest sad story. I used to walk around my neighborhood I used to walk around my neighborhood in the like cloak that that Obi-1 would wear. Oh my God. How old? Yeah, it's always too old. Too old. Dude, yeah, who was it that wrote the saddest story?

Baby shoes for sale, never worn? It was shorter than that. Just like unbroken baseball mitt. Sun's still alive though. Yeah. Just a death. Still trying

Yeah, still trying Oh my God Yeah We always talk about it It's just so weird How baseball was Like a societal requirement It's the hardest sport

While also being the most Like skill intensive It's the hardest It's the hardest sport Yet they put Everybody in it It's humiliation ritual Yeah

It really is And like kids like me Who are abysmal at baseball Dog shit at baseball and quit, like, I tried to, then I just tried to be a skateboarder. Like, that was easier. See, skateboarding, I never played baseball.

Yeah, you tried to get, oh, I'm bad at baseball. Let me get a fucking BMX bike. Skateboarding was the hardest, like, sport I ever tried. It's impossible. By far. Yeah, but all of those things were hard for me. They would just carry it. Yeah.

Yeah, it was meant for carrying, and then you would, like, just rub it on the curb to look like you were board sliding. Yeah, I never, I never played baseball. Is it that hard? Yeah. But it's all. also like you're a kid with zero motor function and coordination and you're put out there. And like the age gap, there was always just like a grown adult on my team.

Always like, yep. Just like I was in preschool and then just a dude that like had to size up his pants because of the bush. Like it was insane the disparity of boy size. And that was demoralizing. The coaches would tell us like hit it to to that disabled kid in right field. Yeah. Oh no. Like if you were playing somebody, they're like,

Like, yeah, hit it to the ferry that's picking the damn. It was always me, dude. I was fielding so many. We would all just pop it up to him and, you know, it would hit him in the brim, and then he would struggle to find it. You'd pull up a bunch of grass with it. He wouldn't be able to throw it. No, would two hop it into first.

The coach would, both coaches would. Dude, I was like. Our coach would celebrate us getting like an error home run off of. It was so demoralizing when I had to play a made-up position of left center. And so I was in between left and center. Yeah, and it was just like the smallest little corridor where I was in charge of it. That was my domain. Yeah.

Now, you can just be, like, those dudes are now, like, can be local legends. Like, they can stream. Oh, dude. Yeah. Dude, those kids, like, if you're bad at baseball, just be Marlin. Just be hot-ass, racially ambiguous, Marlin. I feel like we're losing, like, just by the book, old vintage nerd. Yeah.

Like apolitical, skinny, tech-obsessed nerds who aren't just like internet in cells, like guys who had like a plain chubby girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, no, it's tough. They were like, I miss the classic nerd that you could just wamp on. Yeah. He was a social liability, but he still tried. Yeah, so hard. He was always going out.

Yeah. We did lose that. It's just, because you become a streamer. But now, like, cool guys are taking over. Like, biological nerds are, like, now they're jacked and they compete in Iron Man. Oh, the dudes that are the most obsessed with their bodies

and, like, macros and, like, physique and aesthetic are the biggest nerds. That's what happened to it. It's kind of, so we don't have classic nerds. Dude, to run a good steroid cycle, you have to be pretty good at math, right? Yeah. Because when they're talking about their dosages and shit,

first of all, They're talking in the metric system. Like, a dumbass isn't knowing that. I can't fathom it. And then they're figuring out the max they can do without their heart exploding. They're optimizing. Yeah, it's all math and science. It really is.

But the thing is they're innately nerds. And it just doesn't work. And they're taking up. Are kids getting acne anymore? They're not getting acne anymore. They're taking peptides to get rid of their acne at age 14. And then, like, even like, the old nerds, they're, You know, they're doing like, they're having like psychoactive sex.

Yeah, dude. Young nerds are jacked. Old nerds love hallucinogens. Yeah. The guys who got rich off the tech boom. And then I'm like, there's like this Pokemon, uh, vending machine touchscreen. Scalpers. At my local supermarket.

Oh, it's going to be all. The scalpers are crazy. I saw a video of a scalper who, wore an apron pretending to be working at the store so he could get like, he was acting like it was like out of order to steal, they'll buy everything in there. I was there in the morning for my... Was there a line? And there's

guys waiting for it to turn on. Yes. And they're not nerds. They're like cool guys. Yeah, like guys who like listen to Daniel Caesar and go to like Parisian boiler rooms. Yeah. And they're like two guys, they're like dapping each other up smoothly.

It's crazy. We've lost the nerds. I just saw Taylor Luan bought a fucking case of like original sealed Pokemon and it pissed me off so much. Yeah. Like dude, Taylor 1 is enough.

You have enough, man. He's a Pixar jock. Yes. Yes, you are CGI, dude. Let me buy the monsters. Let the dudes, let me buy the calculator watches and the glasses.

Let the Casio boys. Like, you have enough. You've taken everything from me. I fantasized his archetype. in high school, like, I was going to have his girl one day. She was going to realize I was funny. No. Leave me Pokemon.

Dick? They're not leaving you. I think Charles Leclair did a commercial. And he's like talking about, I like Arcanine. Yeah, I saw that. You don't like Arcanine. And then I just, he just married a model. Yeah.

It's enough is enough. I love it. Dorks need to be dorks. Jocks need to be jocks. It's over, bro. Taylor, give me those cards and then see me happy with them and then kick the shit out of me. That's your job.

Beat me up. Put me on a flag pole. Taylor should be beating me up. Taylor, come over, put me on my flagpole. I wouldn't like. Raise me up in the morning of you. That's your job. That's what you're here.

He was built like, I'm not even, this isn't a diss. Like he was built to bully dudes. He should still be beating people up. Right. Don't buy the poet. Yeah, he's going to buy the Pokemon, reach out to you kindly. Try to discuss it with...

Yeah. Hey, man, I got this. Like, he's going to get my dream card. Which is what? It's the Charzard. I'm 40% of the way done collecting the full shadowless base set. Come steal them from that. Come rob me.

And then flush them. You don't want them down the toilet. Come steal my poke. That's the only way you should get Pokemon cards is by stealing them from me. You're getting colonized. If you are built enough or if you have a... a facial symmetry level that's high enough, you shouldn't be allowed to buy Pokemon cards.

Right. They should swab your penis to see if it's been in enough pussy to where you can't buy enough. That's what those vending machines should do. You should have to put your cock in them. And first of all, if it doesn't fit, you can't have them. It's too big, yeah. No, yeah.

It sucks, man. You have everything. Dick in the slot. He has everything. He does. more tattoos than you yeah he has a stylist his facial symmetry's off the charts

more vans than you yeah oh yeah fuck you he's wearing vans too van collection grader Pokemon collection fighter mustache more muscle oh yeah his mustache gaps filled right there yeah more tattoos it's outrageous I can't believe he's never put you in like a headlock

he should have when we link up with the the bus symbol I should be my job at bar stool should be when biz or wit come in or Aryan, they, they fuck me up. They put you in a geek. They fuck me up. They make you tap.

And then I go home. Like, threaten to, pull your finger off. You know, Terani's Gruden's in town. He had, head in the toilet. He's going to give you a swirly. That's, and you want that. I just think, it's almost like, I think the downfall of like,

everybody's unhappy. There's no more roles. There's no more societal roles. Yeah, jocks are in discord. It's everything a gray area and it's chaos and it's madness. Yeah, I don't know what I am. You want them to stay in their lane. Please, man.

Don't like the things I like. Because what are you going to do? Play pro football. Right. Like, okay, I'll take your shit. Fine. If you want Pokemon, I'm going to fuck cheerleaders. I got you to bond. It sucks, man.

That's the worst feeling. He can have all of my dreams and I can never touch theirs. You can't go to a pro football vending machine. Right? Yeah. Fuck, fuck them all. That's awesome.

They had a really cool dudes at the Pokemon vending machine. Yeah, dude. Early morning. They were probably like wearing chrome. Yeah. They were in those $10,000 chrome hearts jeans. They're licking up, yeah. Yeah, hoping to get the fucking Moombie on.

Yeah, they did have like, Chrome on. Yeah, dude, if you wear Chrome Hearts, you're not allowed to say Moonbri-on. You're not allowed to say Pokemon's names. But that's where you see. There needs to be rules. That's where those two worlds are.

But that's what's going on with the world, man. They're face-time. Everything's crumbling because nobody knows what they are. Everybody wants to be everything. Enough is enough. They just dropped new Pokemon. I know, three new ones.

Yeah, they sucked. The name's up. Come on, man. They're cute. It was just another, what? The fire type mode. A grass bird. A grassy bird.

The fire type is already the number one, it's in Balbapedia, it was the number one search Pokemon this past week. I like the owl, the grumpy owl. But again, they've already, they've already made a grass owl. This is not the time of place. We'll let Taylor talk about it. Look at these. These are, they look cute.

Yeah, first stages are always cute. Yeah. I heard a rumor that the, is it Gekwa? Gequa, the bottom right. Would that be the first, it says water, but would it be the first dragon start? If it gets the dragon type eventually, yeah But I think I might be overpowered I don't know

I don't like the gequa It's my least favorite I'm starting with the owl What would you want to have different If you did three new starters It's something that hasn't been done before Like we've seen birds that are A little bit different than regular birds

There's a water type in every game That you could start with It's never been a fish Pretty crazy It's fucking crazy That is crazy I'll talk with Lawan about it. He'll fucking appreciate it.

And Kittle. Lle. God damn it. Yeah. Fuck. Kittles a big poker. He's unboxing. Yeah.

God, damn it, dude. Yeah, the face of, like, collecting is Logan Paul. You're in the WWE, dick. Yeah, he put, he, he took your favorite thing and put it on a Cuban link.

Yeah, right. That's what that's what you are. Oh, this is. Central C is doing Pokemon battles and his private jet. Yeah. Dude, I saw Timothy Shalamed a U-Gio. battle. You

it almost needs to be like a video game RPG where you started off you get to pick what you're good at. And that's, pick what you, pick your interests. Like, it's all coming from jealousy. Oh, really? Yeah, I guess that wasn't

okay. That wasn't the thickest veiled jealousy. That's why, for my bachelor party, I'm just sticking to my guns. And you guys are invited. I didn't tell you yet. Oh, thank you, man. What do you mean sticking your guns?

Like, we're going to go get massages together? No, we're going to Colorado Springs. Oh. Sea Springs. Okay. Cisco, is they called Cisco? Why would you do this? You know that's my least favorite town.

You don't like it? I hate Colorado Springs. Well, I'm running out the Olympic Training Center, the wrestling wing, and we're going to do, like, photo shoots, action shots. There's this, I hired this. The Olympic Training Center is. There's this guy who does insane, like, we're going to get insane. singlets, all the different color

ways of the USA team, and he has, like, smoke machines and pyrotechnics, and then he, like, edited it afterwards, so we're going to get photos shoots. We're going to do, uh, simulate it walkouts. Okay.

Like, we're, like, walking out of smoke. Are we going to have a thinglets? Are we going to have one that say, like, is yours going to say groom? Mine's going to say Bauer. Yeah. No, we're so, but this is, I'm going to say groom, and I think she'll look like a tucks. Yeah. So I wanted to be, look,

be real. I don't want people to believe it was me. No, this is a humiliation ritual for us and a fantasy living out of fantasy. This is just one day of it. Oh. And I'm going to walk out to let the beat build by Little Wayne. You got to pick your song. And then I rented out a rap studio. Drop D studio. We're all going to I think it'll be funny. You want to, we're going to have a rap? We're all going to get turns. We're all going to get verses. We're all going to get verses. We're just going to hang in the studio. We got it for like three hours. We're going to smoke. We're going to have a

weed in the studio? You smoke weed in the studio. I think I'm going to wrap over like a... Dude, let's sip lean. Like a sped up ketchup song. I'm going to like sample that. Okay. And we're going to do the incline. It's like this crazy hill.

Buddy carries up that. And then just gnaw on text match. So you're just doing you're doing my childhood. Your childhood was rapping in the stew. Is what I wanted to do. Oh, okay. You're in the incline.

I wanted to be a rapper walking out being a great athlete Where's the song going when we're done Where's the song? Where's the song? Where's it going to go? I think we're going to do a music video I'm not going to lie This is a great matcherbred.

I like it I'm doing a What are you doing? World's largest rent fare in Texas I want all the boys in plate I want all the boys in plate off mead It's going to be so hot We're going to be in full plate

We're going to all be wearing 200 pounds of steel And we're gonna be off of honey wine D drank from a horn Yeah And I want everybody to take it Pretty seriously Like I'm not wearing my glasses Like no hat

I want everything I don't want immersion broken for a fucking second My first We're all gonna smell like shit My first social interaction For the Denver hockey team Was a Renaissance fair Really?

Yeah. They, uh, I like just committed to Denver and then they were like, hey, like, we're going to the Renaissance Ferry. You should come. And then it was kind of like a little bit of, uh, not hazing, but like I was just the designated driver. Oh, we could go see Antonio Al Barron. So I drove him there. Great Antone. I drove them there. Oh, this is good. Oh, they have a jester, our scene. Yeah, this will be good. It'll be fun. And then we're also going to go to a studio and have a wrap. Okay. Let's do it there I think I think we should I think we should both actually do that Okay

That'd be fun Yeah let's do it I want you to pick I try to describe the worst Oh my God Look at all the fucking They got Buckler and Dirk's The traveling troublesome troubadores

Oh yeah This is gonna be good And everybody needs Very bought in I don't even know how to buy in. I know Mook will end up in the stockades

just getting tomatoes chucked at him. He'll end up in one of those things where your arms are through the stockade. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what it's called. Yeah. That's okay, those will be two. Dude, let's just do them right back to back.

Yeah. Two days yours and we fly down. That would be, yeah, it wouldn't be too bad of a flight. Yeah. Go direct.

Bring in the armor the armor and the singlets home. Oh yeah, you get to keep the singlets. I'd hope. I'd hope so. China change in here. We had the new Platson video hit 100K. Quiggs is working on something bigger and better already.

So thank you to Quiggs again. Oh, my God. Can't think of enough. We put out a new Platson shirt or a Grand Petit shirt. It's fire. It's fire. We got the numbers back. of how many it sold.

That was tough. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. We magicked. We magiced. We magic Johnson. Oh.

Mm-hmm. 32. We sold 32. We sold 32. And it was like a pretty, pretty demoralizing text to get. Because the guy who texts us the numbers, like, he put an exclamation point on it. And that kind of pissed me off. It did.

32 sold exclamation point. Was that like... Don't update me on 32. Like, I would... If you don't tell me that it's 32, I'm going to assume it's around that. But you're saying the exclamation. point was the exclamation point like crisis exclamation point no no it was like good job boys it was like it felt like uh yeah i thought like new platson was on like this game of thrones popularity

trajectory and i was i was literally expecting thousands yeah i was expecting like maybe forgot the k behind 32 i was let yeah like just a slight typo okay 32 yeah hand up hand up i i'd got a literal god complex I thought it was bigger than it was 32 guys is like that's like a that's like a parochial school

classroom it's a little classroom it's uh I well I bought five I bought three you bought three Jack did you say you bought one I was going to I totally forgot to but I will preach it must have been yeah

I must have been a sweeping I think they might I think they I think they count counted those. They counted those. That must have been what happened to the other 50,000. Oh, man. So that's like, what's that conversion rate?

So you get 100,000 view video, you get 32 out. Not good. So what do we got to put up now to get a thousand? To get a thousand shirts sold, we need, it needs to be, it needs to be fucking gangnam style. Yeah, I thought 100,000 would translate to, dude. And I just realized. I thought 100,000 would be 100 shirts. Hell no.

I thought it would be a... Yeah, I'm not... People weren't watching the video. People were listening to a vibe while they washed the dishes. Yes, that's what it is. Nobody was... That was not anybody's first...

That was three other things were happening as that video was going on for people. I thought people were glued in trying... I'm sonic wallpaper. That's what our job is. I'm a skipped stone. That's what our job is. Yes.

Yeah. Nobody's ever Do you think anybody's ever hit the rewind 10 second button on our podcasts? No. No. They miss it and they're fine with it. Professional background,

but that was a colossal failure. So we have an old segment coming back. We have Pilar on the line on Zoom and we have some fan submitted shirts. I, honest God, have not seen anything submitted. I haven't seen any of them. So it's the first time for all of us. All right.

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per box for one year while subscription is active. All right, we're here of Pilar, who? Pilar, what's your title? Senior brand manager. Senior brand manager, you've helped us with these before. You helped us with our best-selling shirt, which was, was it the Plattson map, or was it the skeleton holding the gun?

The skeleton holding the gun. Interesting. Okay, and so this, you heard us talking. We sold 32 of the... 33. As a... 33? Oh, so in the past, we got that text two days ago.

So we've, okay. So in 48 hours, one t-shirt? Yeah. Okay, and like, what's like the, when you're putting out a t-shirt, what's the number you're expecting? 288. What, like, moves. Why is the 288? It's a random fucking number.

Like a screen printing minimum. Okay. So we're at, remind me. again? 33. 33. Okay. Sweet.

We'll get there if it just goes. Why do you think of 30? Think of 33 people sucking you off. A lot. It's a lot. Yeah, there's not enough amount. There's too much amount. Too much.

Think of 33 people, maybe it was all like the Phoenix Suns. It's the entire team of the Phoenix Suns. And when they're seen wearing it, the only way we can think, think about this being a lot of people as if they're sucking us off. Yeah. 33.

There's a lot of bees. A cat, no. Not even. Not even. A colony is much larger. Okay, fuck. Well, let's try to work at 288. Tell us if we've had from a fan submitted shirt something that you think, because you've been at

this, how long have you worked here? Seven years. You've been at this for seven years. What are the big boys at the stool? What are they throwing around? figures are they working with? A couple thousand. Okay.

Like pretty regularly? Kind of yeah, over like a week. Over a week. Oh. Yeah. And merch bonus. What's the merch bonus number?

Is that threshold? I would have to ask legal if it's in your contract if you're eligible. What? Oh. Also a percent based on the cost of the shirt. Okay. So legally unattainable. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, we signed that away. Okay. So let's just, with your expertise, let's hope, let's fucking pray that there's a shirt in here that you in your heart of hearts believe is capable of hitting that 288. Okay. Okay. Let's look at them. Already, yeah, probably, right?

That, like, to me, that's cool. We have a, what is that a wizard? Yeah, can you enlarge that, Jack? It's a wizard that says... Maybe just make the screen bigger. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it says... Anus.

Arcane narratives of untold spells. I don't think... Where the real magic... I don't think this one. The design's great. I think the major issue is the... Anus. That...

It says Anus huge. I think that's an AI wizard. and that has nothing to do with our show. Like spunky slime. Yeah. I'm glad they put that. I'm glad they put it on a mannequin in the middle of a metropolitan area. Why is there no period after the end?

Oh. Interesting. Yeah, no. Next. Next. Oh. Wait, what is this? This is a black screen.

Can you hover over it, Jack? It's a video. Video. Oh, God. Thanks for the video. Thank you for the video. man and uh he just it's a blue raspberry on a shirt that's pretty cool polar uh-huh do i have to watch the video yes volume up oh he's not moving no it's a photo but he

i think he sent it isn't it okay as are our boys yeah that's pretty good okay well is in like what kind of what kind of ballpark we're talking um over 144 It's not bad. All right. Let's go next. Yeah, this is good. It's one of those Twitter, tap the post to see the image. And it's rigs sitting at the bar still 20th.

It's rigs at the 20th. It's rigs at the 20th, all divided. Yay or nay, Pilar. I'll just make this one just for you next. Thank you. I would really like that. Did we ever tweet that or did somebody just? We never even tweet.

So that's a funnier tweet than we could have thought of on a better shirt that we could thought of. Okay, 288. I would love it if the photo kind of split his eyes. You know how when his photo splits on those? Yep. One eyes in the top picture and one eyes in the bottom. I would like that, Pilar.

Can we, I would like, can we get that made? I'll work on it, yeah. Thank you. That's front runner so far. I'm a simple man Pappy Pappy Van Winkle, Tang and Titties

But it doesn't even say It doesn't even say Typically those shirts will be like I'm a simple man All I need is His just says I'm a simple man With three random photos

Rebus puzzle Pictograph Yeah it looks like a rebus This looks like a dozen question Yeah what is What celebrity is this trying to Whiskey Tang Tis.

Yeah, it's like military lingo. Pilar, you like this one? I love... It's just a shirt with a pair of titties on it. Yeah, I mean... A doodle of the tities. A doodle of titties. Yay or nay?

No, I know. Okay, that's fine, that's fine. Your boss. It's not horrible. Not horrible. I like... I just not sure people want... I would...

I think I'd like it more if it didn't have the pictures and it just said, I'm a simple man on a white t-shirt. Yeah, I can play. I'm a simple man. I don't need anything. This is all I need.

What else? My other shirt is Gucci. No. Boardwalk. Yeah. Okay, wait a minute. It's a cool. Okay.

This is a lot. This is. This would be pretty good on a shirt. I don't know half these people. Me and the Fila jump. We got who are the weed boy? It's me looking at amber as ever. Looking really.

Some weed. Okay, this is January 6th, and then is it like Dave zooming into us? Jack G., would you wear this shirt? Yeah, definitely. Okay, cool. Pilar, Jack G. would wear it. All right, we can get one for him. Who are the guys holding weed?

Weed in overalls. I feel like we should know those guys. That might be the guys who submitted it. Oh, it might be. Maybe that could work as a poster. Would it? Next. Okay, this I like.

Oh. Apropos for Bull Ridge University. How low can you go? Yep. What's how low can you go, Maine? They do the... They actually stole it from me. Wait, they stole something from you?

The human limbo. It's the move. Kyle, they can't steal something from you. They can, yeah. It's your creation. Yeah. I make appearances sometimes. Oh, okay.

Canonically. What, Jesus? Yeah. Do people know you're Kyle Bauer? Are you Kyle Bauer in New Pletza? I'm Kyle Bauer, the blogger. So you're you? Blogging's huge in New Pledza, but, oh, yeah.

There's tropical themed bars. I like the volcano. I like the purple shirt. Yeah. That's cool. That is cool. Pilar? I like it.

Over 33? How many people are into Bull Ridge University? How many do they admit? I mean, the Tiltzville campus alone is 45,000 plus grad students, a little Paulo branch. This looks good. So if 33,000 are at Bull Ridge, we had 100,000 watch the video and that translated to 33. So that would be how many shirts?

One? Dude, I don't know. I think people would like a fictional college shirt. For Rush Week. I guess I don't know. It has the yin-yang. I thought everyone knew Bull Ridge by now. Yeah.

Next, that's number one. That's a, I think we've done that shirt. Chili peps. It's like a butthole. Yeah. I kind of like it. Okay. That's like a news kind of thing.

I was thinking it would be more New Platson. I guess people did not fuck with it. All right, next. Ooh. The Anus Tour with Clicky and Dean, okay. Wheeling, Morgantown, Kent, New York, Denver. Scottsdale. Summerdale, yeah.

Okay, New Platson. I do like the idea of a tour shirt, like a DJ from New Platton having a tour with the back. Yeah. Again, maybe we're getting too niche with t-shirts. It looks cool, though. Oh. Not really.

Next. Oh. Pilar, please. So it's just an overcooked. Overcooked Peter Griffin. I think. Hindi or Arabic. And then I will die for my country.

I think that's probably, what's that flag behind? Is that Pakistan? That could be like a coaster. Yeah, coasters would be cool. I think like a poster maybe. Are we allowed to use Peter Griffin? Is he probably?

domain yet? No, definitely not. Okay, okay. Yeah. Until this bitch with a shooting grandma. Who is that? She looks familiar. Why do I know her? She's cinematic. I've seen her. Pilar, who is that?

I know her. It's not Ginsburg, is it? Who is that? Who is that? She looks, is that a mean lady from something? Yeah, she's... Wait a minute. Oh! You know it? Do you know? Who is it? That's the Jello. That's the Jellobu's...

Oh! Oh! Oh! Yeah. from the cello museum in upstate New York That's where Blue Raspberry guy was formed That's a double-meeting shirt Oh She loved her jelly Wait, no! That's the accordion lady

Yeah, no, that's the accordion lady Superior Wisconsin Of course she would be holding a gun That's a real photo That's unedited. I like that one, Pilar You do? Yes

Who is this lady? She was in Rediscovering America She fucking hated me. That gun's probably pointed at me. She works at an accordion museum. Okay. Next. I like that.

Very cool. I like that. So Pilar, like that's like a monkey spreading its ass. But they replaced the ass so it wouldn't be crass, and they just have anus bigger than what the asshole would ever be. It's like a steamboat, Willie, was a monkey spreading his ass cheeks. Yeah, I guess it's exactly like that. Yeah.

What if we Yeah, yeah That's, I like that Okay, wait a minute Okay, we have a anus colon, listen closely And then yeah, it's just a pretty accurate Diagram of the human ear

What are these boys thinking? Do we like this? No, I think the monkey's definitely funnier. Then the ear? The ears funny, but The ear's funny, the monkey's hilarious. What's next?

Oh, okay. I don't like this at all. Nick and I etched into a... Into meatloaf. Undone meatloaf? With the singer, the late singer meatloaf's font. I don't love that. What don't you love about this?

He's got blue raspberry swim trunks on. The meatloaf is kind of disheartening to look at. Okay. Sure. But all meatloaf is. Yeah, that's true. Oh, is my head that much bigger than yours, Kyle? Massive head.

And I thought I had a pretty big one. I have a small one now. Now? Yeah. Because your body grew around it? I think I was a big head of boy. All right. What's next?

Straight dad. I like that. I like that. Oh, we do have boy dad merch. And that probably does well in Girl Dad. What about straight dad? Straight Dad plays. And that's like, it doesn't say,

anus on it. And like the mom and dad merch sells like crazy, doesn't it, Pilar? I'll have to ask internally. Girl dad really performs the best, so we're thinking about just keeping it. What about straight girl dad? Yeah, I'll ask.

We've definitely, we've tried to do more things around girl dad and really just... Who do you have to ask? My boss. Do you want to call him or her right now? Yeah, I can tell her to come in here. Who is it? You probably

won't but I can ask her. No it's okay. It's okay. I don't want to I'm not good with rejection. I just asked her. Okay. What's next? Yeah. Well, I guess we've tried. Yeah, we tried and failed. Weird fold on his penis area. I've never seen sweats have a like a building cooch. Uh, next. Oh, the grand petite. Oh, an actual statue, paperweight. It's pretty big. Big for a paperweight. It's pretty big for a paperweight. But the grand petite's big. Do we have any way to make a, like, a chrome baby? Chrome, probably not.

Well, not actual. A paperweight for, like, Black Friday. Yeah? So we could sell the Grand Petit, but mini? Yeah. So the Petit Grand Petit? We should just go for an object. I think we're more, I think our listeners are object, people.

I have Allison here. Allison. Hey, we can't see you, but we're looking through stuff. Is there anything that catches your eye? Do you want to ask about your dad idea? Girl dad merch does well, right? Does. What if it was like, this guy submitted straight dad?

Mm-hmm. Huh. Mm-hmm. That's an idea. The majority of dads are. There's a big market. So you want it to be gay dad too? Like, why not?

That would probably have to be daddy. Oh, oh. You daddy? Yeah. That would probably go crazy. Yeah. Like just like on a t-shirt? Yeah, straight dad or gay daddy.

Okay, let's go forward. Okay. Good. All right. I'm glad I got to see this one. Thank you guys. Whoa. See you.

Okay. Pilar, thank you for, you made a mockery of us. Another Bull Ridge. I think without the established, and I think if it just looks like a college church, yeah. It probably raises less questions. I love them. Do you need tilt him on the back? No.

I guess. Wait, wait, what's, is that their tagline? I mean, you would say that to a wrestler. It's a near-fall maneuver. This is cool. It's because they're going to say. Yeah. I just don't like the saying, but I like the and one guy.

I like that, yeah. Yeah. Do you think the and one guy is, like, meant to be showing his... His ass. If we could take the shorts off of him, that would be pretty funny. That would be awesome. Dunking. dunking completely naked

with your shoes on? Just the kicks. The N1's silhouette. Yeah, that has potential. Okay. A house divided. House divided style shirt featuring two new plats in colleges. Okay.

And so this is a whole mock-up. So, Bull Ridge and what's another college? I think if we struggle to sell one college one, It's going to be hard to sell a duel. I think let's start with the Bull Ridge University. We can do Kyle's Limbaugh one and then the other collegiate-looking one.

The Rush Week and then the... Is there any more? Anus and Bush. That's funny. I like that. Anis X Bush. Love that. I like this.

Oh. I like this a lot. I do like this. Rapper T of Kyle. Would you want to say Dean? I kind of would like it to say Dean. Oh, yeah. I would wear that.

Would you? Like, my dad's first. I think it would. To smoke Circle K, Delta 9, weed. Pilar, I think this one's a must,

but I think you should say Dean Jones. Dean Jones? Yeah. Do you want to do you want to be a fun at a time? I like the Times New Roman. But I mean, you're the, you're the expert here.

DJ Elio shirt. Again, niche, niche, niche, niche. a fake DJ and a fake town I need something broad with mass appeal and that's coming next I think Okay

It's all of our tattoos Wait a shirt A shirt that says table isn't bad It's funny Or Elvis movie Let's keep going Nick Tangerini Okay

That's you imposed on a tangerine Yeah it is It looks like me as a tangerine Which I'm crazy about, Hilar? Are you? I've never been vocal about it, but... How would this person know?

I guess, I can think it's probably just my vibe. Okay. That's pretty fucking good. You get off more of like a sumo orange vibe. Is that the one with the big navel at the top? The big bump? Yeah. No, that just goes to be the heby-jeebies.

What's next? Citrus. Whoa. Yeah, more Grampeteet, yeah. Yep. That's pretty cool. Yeah, maybe they only sold 33 because there wasn't enough option. It was, yeah, right?

We just need more options at the Grampeteen. And maybe it wasn't big enough on the shirt. This is pretty sprawling. I like the next one. Oh, that one's pretty sweet. I visited the Grand Petit. That one's cool. That one's really cool.

Grand Patine. Yep, the color's nice. Proven concept. I like that. That's a minimum of 30 sold. We know. We know now. Yield us the Pokemon they made a long time ago.

Let's keep going. That is like a kaleidoscopic vagina. It's like a Roar Shark test. Yeah, that's like... Okay. These are old. I think these are old submissions. Wait, no.

Okay. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Go back up. click on go left yeah that one I haven't seen this

Kyle from his volume he posing naked in front of the buildings adjacent they're right they decided to hide your cock

behind the smaller buildings where they could have easily just put you behind one of the towers yeah this is Filar I think we're going to skip that one. I love this.

I love this too. I love this too. Patriotic. It is. Oh, man. Maybe we could revisit for Fourth of July. Okay. Okay, please, yes. All right, so I like the Bull Ridge University.

The purple one. Well, I guess they're both purple. I think I like just the school, just a real minimal school without the established. Yeah. Is that the school you'd want to do? I think it's the most aesthetic. Yeah, I would go with Bull R. The issue is nobody will buy these either.

I was going to buy these either. You don't know that. I like the monkey spread in his butt. That one has a nice design. The best looking shirt was the green Grand Petit one. I agree. But the previous Grand Petit shirt was kind of in the same vein as this. Like a tourism-esque shirt.

Yeah. And it did horrible. It put up Patrick Waugh. Yeah. Yeah You sold more Adderall this week Yeah

Oh yeah Maybe we should just sell that Oh my God Can we sell Adderall in the store Oh my God We don't have the license To do that Oh darn

But like what if it's like Tongue and Cheats So like you buy the t-shirt But in the front pocket It is an Adderall I will have to get With the warehouse To see if we can

You know Get the warehouse staff To pack that correctly Okay Yeah can we pivot to a telehealth company? Yeah, I would love to sell drugs. You guys should ask Big Cat.

Okay, cool. Well, Pilar, thank you so much. And everybody, everybody listening, follow Pilar. Please, no. Yeah. Thanks, Pilar. Thank you, Pilar.

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All right, we are back after that failure of a merch review. I don't think we're going to get anything there. We got some other stuff sent to us that I think is the correct choice. But we had to go down to yak, and we decided we would talk a little bit more the following day. So here we are. I'm pretty tired. I'm fresh off that Doug Doug Challenge on Barstall after Dark.

You sound like you're all mouth right now, no-nose. Yeah, I think I'm all mouth right now I don't know Whenever I throw up it goes through my nose And it fucks me up I hate that It's like every time for me That's the worst

I think I have like a soft palate What does that mean I think there's something in my cleft That the vomit escapes And it just goes out my nose every time I put a whole foot long through my nose one time Really You guys are having nose issues

When it comes to vomiting? Pute comes out my nose Oh And it's the worst Yeah And it like burns But then I I poisoned myself last night intentionally um for the sake of yucks and uh probably wasn't i wasn't necessary on the challenge

but uh yeah i was up all night like my stomach felt like an accordion but the worst part of the night is all of our phone numbers leaked yeah that's bad with the crew you have yeah that was bad and there was some rage happening but i was like trying to hold down vomit right and this dude sent me a picture of his but hole just the hole and he was like look how hairy but it was disgusting it was a disgusting man's asshole um the group chat he put me in was hilarious it was me it was katik it was Lucas it was chef Donnie and it was Dante what's what's going through in his head of getting that creed yeah in his head is he thinking that they're the butthole I don't know those are maybe just the numbers

that he have that have leaked. Because when I first started at Barstool, my number did leak because my graphic design website was still up. And I just had my phone number on it. Because why not? Dude, if I was, like, drunk in North Dakota and bored, I'm like, yeah, I'm going to send some Barstool guys my fucking asshole. Yeah, he sent me his asshole.

And then another dude sent me his, like, I'm not, like, you know, I don't have a penis for, like, the big screen or even the silver screen, or even a cell phone screen, but this guy sent me the smallest cock. You were getting cocks. Yeah, I got one of this guy's small cock. And I was going to like,

and then he started calling the cock guy. And I don't think that's a battle you want to walk into, right? Like a dude that's like, I'm going to fuck with this guy by sending him my tiny cock. That's a man who you can't beat. No, he is, um, do you want to see it? Show me the cock.

Yeah, I'd like to see it. He's willing to, yeah. I think weirdly, I don't know if you would agree with this, I think there's like a kind of unwritten like Geneva convention of this. And like sending a picture of your asshole and your cock, weird but funny. But then following up the cock with a phone call. Yeah. He's willing to put a voice to it. Hey man, just circling back, you saw my cock.

That's a little too much. Yeah, don't put a voice to your cock. Like you send one Jericho missile and then see what happens. Yeah. I just think if a dude's first thing to fuck with you is sending his tiny cock, It's a rap It's a rap You're not going to defeat

He sent it to me twice The unapologetic Same picture twice That With balls Yeah the balls Above the boxer shorts Oh he's got the

Dick where his dick His balls Or a kickstand For his dick It almost is like The access skin Is like a You know when babies

Have the pool floaties You put around their head Yeah Like can you search a baby With a neck pool Floating That's the whole cock It looks like Mahjambu

Kind of yeah yeah a little bit like a kid boo maybe yeah that's what his cock looks like that first baby yeah yeah yeah that was yeah that was that was i needed that like you know it's it's like watching like third world footage or like guys who are really bad with chicks yes for me because that that is very small yeah yeah that is very small yeah it's tiny And then he called you? Yeah. He sent me his same cock twice.

Never send your same cock twice. And then called just to drive the point home. And I conceded. I own one against that man. Did you reverse image search the cock to make sure it's... No, I didn't. I didn't want to save the cock. Did you save his number on Snapchat and see what username popped up?

No. Is that what you would have done? I just ignore the cock. Yeah. I'd like to get some eyes on him, you know? It is reassuring to see. It's like nice to see a tiny penis. You know?

Because like in media and when you open up Twitter, it's just big penis. And I think it like, it's like, imagine it's like you had the worst house out of all your friends. It would weigh on you for a long time. Or every time you turn on the TV, nicer house, nicer home, you feel like a failure.

So I actually appreciate it. Maybe he was trying to help. Maybe he's not a villain at all. Uplifting for me, yeah. That could just be like the greatest dude in the world. Did that make your day? Yeah, that was so small. Dude, like I...

I feel like we're out here and like there's levels to this and I'm not at the bottom. That's nice, yeah. I'm not at the bottom. That's... Congratulations, man. You never thought you were at the bottom. No. But then you like...

What? You know. No, I don't. you know, you see it. Like you see a... Yeah. Yeah. There's good days and bad days.

Yeah, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. People don't care about the size of your cock or how tall you are. They do. Here it goes. They very much. Wait a minute, yeah. They don't.

It's one of the more unfair things, but they really do. Can I say something? Is this coming up because you've been watching Love is blonde? And exactly what I said last episode ended up happening. They wait until you commit an infraction. Like a social infraction? People, they'll look at you and then in their mental chamber magazine holster is your 5-6. And they wait for you to do anything wrong.

And then it's your 5-6. It's not your evil. It's your 5-6. You cannot be short. and do you have to be docile you have to you can't be opinionated you can't be controversial you can't argue your five you're you're you're Kyle

you're Kyle the fun hang yeah until you start getting mad and then you're the red munchkin and that's exactly what happened to a I guess a more intense degree with this guy on love is blind Chris Chris Chris Chris was Chris the hunk Chris the guy that loved

fitness. Now you're no, no, okay. That was, hunk is pushing it. He was going down the slide in Cabo. They look at Chris the hunk. Look at Chris the fitness guy. And then he commits a minor infraction, breaks up with his girl because she's too fat. That's not a minor effect. Double, triples and quadruples down at the meet up and says he doesn't give a flying fuck. Wait, how does he double and how does he double triple quadruple down? So he breaks up with his girl. He basically says you know you're not you don't work out enough for me and she's in perfectly normal she's a doctor in perfectly normal shape not fat i wouldn't say she's you know shredded by any means

but she's not fat whatsoever and he's like i'm usually is that her he's holding hands with right there he framed it as well you know i usually date like the Pilates everyday kind of girl and she's like i'm a fucking doctor yeah i can't do that she doesn't have time yeah like a infectious disease He's doctor like one of the... Good Lord. Yeah. And so how did he... And then he quadrupled down?

Well, then they have this... Then they have this meet up at a bar or... So wait, they're just seeing each other all the time. They go... So what happens is they go to the pods and like six or eight of them or whatever, like, want to continue the relationship. So then they all go to Cabo and they're engaged. And then what kind of ends up happening, I realized is that they kind of move on to like...

It's like a playoff system. Okay. And then like some other people are with their... So they... He was engaged to her? But then other people are there with their second choice. And then it's kind of like a waiver wire situation where like it's a cold war where people are trying to like jump ship to their other one and like testing the waters. And he was... Different type of body. He was encroaching.

Wait, she's really pretty. Yeah. He broke up with her. But then he acts like a raging asshole at the event. He's telling everyone I don't give a... He said I don't give a flying fuck like 20 times. It's impressive. but then it was like

saying I don't give a flying fuck also one billion percent of I think was on coke he seemed like he was cooked he was definitely wasted but then then everyone was just like online and even in the show oh you're 5-6

not wait oh you're the contestant to the show instead of being like you just made her feel like shit you were you're yeah shit it's like how could you you're 5-6

if you're 5-6 you can't break up with anyone yeah Yeah. So what can you do as a five, six man? You behave and listen. You have to behave. Yeah. But he was so far. You have to behave and agree with him. No, he was an asshole.

He said it was the worst sex of his life. Oh, they had sex? Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then he went on this whole thing. He does the thing where he, like, is trying to be an asshole. But then he, like, laughs through it. He's like, listen, like, I, I, I'm, you know, I understand that relationship. relationships aren't all about sex and the physical stuff.

But I'm, I'm in my prime. You know, when I'm 90, that's okay. Oh, that's when he's going to settle down. And then the whole time he's smiling you to ear.

And it's like kind of the same thing as like when people like, he's like pre-firing anger. He's like, I'm sorry. Hey, sorry. Sorry. I'll say it.

He was, really. I'll, listen, I guess I'm the Andrew Tate. He was doing all that. And then at one point, he was telling his second choice he's like your your fiance is not an alpha i'll take control

the situation while doing this he's standing on the little bar beneath the bar where you rest your feet oh he's stand oh yeah that is it was kind of work he was kind of working these girls well kyle do you have like you have sympathy for him like wouldn't you rather him be insulted for being a dickhead than his that's what i'm saying which he is but five six shouldn't be brought up no His height had nothing to do with any of this. Now he's a red munchkin. Yeah. They're like, he's a foul little man.

Little Lord Farquad, you know. Yeah. They do, I will admit, like, the short guys, I feel bad because it just immediately, like, bang. As soon as you step out of line, you just get his. Even if you don't have little man syndrome. Right. If you, if you just do one thing, one little rule. and guess what?

Diagnosed with Little Man syndrome. Diagnosed, yep. Yeah. That's exactly how it is. Like Kyle, if you get cut in line and you rolled your eyes, boom. Oh, yeah. Little Man. And then they hit you with something even worse.

Napoleon complex. They almost like pity you where they're like, I can see why you'd feel that way. Yeah. It makes sense why he's acting this way. Pre-social media, I don't, no one cared. No. I don't think height cared. I don't think people I cared about height.

women didn't they just didn't see you they didn't regard you as a person before social media it was it was a face man's game it was it was all face and now looking back yeah now face doesn't matter girls care but they just didn't let you know they just didn't regard you as a human

right and that was fine and then until they mentally had to start settling and um oh I guess he's a person I mean it seems like the the only true way to like fully escape it and enjoy everything

is to be like you got to go Tom Cruise or Kevin Hart Oh you got to be an A list You gotta be worth millions Remarkably successful Little Uzi-Vert Oh my God He's he's he's small and petite

There's like a difference between that Kevin Hart's was Kevin Hart petite Or is he just little He's mid-range He puts some muscle on Like it kind of works more for little Uzi That he is so He cheated on his

wife and everybody just was like, you're 5'4. How could you do that? How could you do? How do you break up? How do you break someone's heart? You're 5'6? I think they're genuinely asking how can't break up. Which is like he's a bad example, but

like everyone on love is blind should break up. Immediately. Immediately. It's not how it works. You don't date someone without seeing them, talk to someone. in front of a Netflix camera crew of what, 10 people.

Yeah. You got like two Fasoli's laughing in the background while you have a serious conversation in a manufactured kitchen. And then you're not in love. It's not time to marry. No. So everyone should break up.

So the people who get broken up with shouldn't be seen as like, oh, this poor victim. Right. Yeah. Oh, like you do not marry. And like, could you even be heartbroken? in that span of time? You can't.

No. You can't, and that's the problem with putting people who are, like, decently attractive together. Because all of them... That's the thing. They are still curating these people. They need creatures. Or they need...

I think they should get one creature. I was saying, yeah. I think that's what they're... They're going to run out of cities, and then... Once they run out of cities, it's going to get into categories. It's going to be, like, Huntington, West Virginia.

Oh, my God. Yeah. They might even just... to like subgroups like furries i don't even think like they could pick out body parts because they see like their silhouettes right when they're talking to one another no they don't okay oh yeah just for the reveals close to a wheelchair do you even so on a yeah someone has to like push them he looks up and he thinks it's the pusher yeah chris is nothing but great sound so wait these are the pods they're very futuristic so it's like a side

sci-fi pod that they're expecting you they're expecting you to fall in love in an aquarium kind of thing yeah it looks like it looks like a netflix dystopian sci-fi and so wait if you don't find a partner you're out of the show you don't even get camera time no they oh so these people are all just they lie they take you out and they shoot you well the problem is the people like take these relationships seriously they take the the heartbreaker as they see them as some villain like who should be expected to marry this person who's giving them everything. No, none of these people should get married. How long are they in the dating phase? Like two weeks.

Oh, yeah. That's like, I don't even think you cry over a two week breakup. Right. And you have to think, these people are 30 plus year olds who signed up and auditioned to date on TV. They want to be TV stars. But you watch every episode. Ironically, the only valid reason to go on this show is to get, is to break up with whoever you end up with and then get. It's a trade from the internet. It's a trade up. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think Chris, but like, do people leave this show as like a celebrity? I think some of them get like very minor niche like roles in that sphere. Okay. You'll get us to like some teeth white. But like, after like Love Island, every single person on the season of Love Island had a million followers. Yeah, not even close. Okay.

Like, are there people on the show that just get like one or two lines? But the thing is that I think that comes down to the casting because Love Island, they go for, they go for the stunners. Yes. The problem is. Yeah, those people are good to follow. Yeah. People on this show, they get people who are just moderately attractive. And all of them, probably in the back of their head, think they think they're good to follow.

they're going to end up, or at least they have the standards. They know they have the standards of someone who's extremely beautiful. All of them are let down to a degree. Every single one? It seems as if. Has there ever been like a real, real, like, just knockout haughty or, like, absolute stunt?

I think they always place in some, like, outliers, but... And it's kind of... It's harsh, like, from our position. Because, like, some of the... They're not bad looking. They're very normal, attractive people. Yeah. But like on this scale, it's difficult because in their head, they are, they're like, I'm on this level.

Yeah. But dude, Chris has got some great sound bites. He's like, listen, I'm a high class guy. I stay at the four seasons. He lives in Ohio. Which like, don't get me wrong. It's not the Motel 6, but it's like you can't really claim I'm the pinnacle of class and then go. I only stay at the four seasons.

Yeah, if you're like real high class, you're probably not even doing hotels. Right. I've never been to a four seasons though. I can't talk. they're nice I'm sure but you don't really you can't really

I mean maybe that's like Ohio royalty I don't know that's that's a world I don't know there's another dude I think all hotels are pretty similar yeah there's another dude

who's a soccer player who did the classic where he was like I would have gone fourth overall but my knee exploded fourth overall in what in the MLS draft oh

that was all he talked about yes all it is what do you mean it's 10 years ago his date was just him like really in-depth recounts of the night of his draft day. Did he get drafted? Due to a knee injury, he fell to 24th.

And he's explained everything that happened to it. His whole personality is that he was a former... Drafty. Soccer star who got hurt. Yeah, and then he also had a great line. They're on a day on a boat, and he goes... He's taken by the Minnesota United. He's talking about their future.

And, like, he's like, I can provide for you. I can get a job, any job, any country, any income. But did he have a job at this point? No. No. I think he lived in Airbnb's with the other chicks. He hasn't worked in five years. Yeah, he like.

What's he do? We don't know. Like, he like, he seems like a scammer. Like, in one of the clips, they showed him, like, working at home. And he was on his laptop. And he was like, hold on, babe. I'm on a call with Jerome Powell, the chief of, like, what are the, the treasury

they're in the Bush administration Colin Powell Oh sorry I was thinking of Colin Powell I don't know who Jerome Powell is Chair of the Federal Reserve He was on the phone He said he was in a meeting with him He said he was in a meeting with him

He was just He was just Live streaming The meeting He was watching Jerome Powell's meeting And he was acting like he was in it He was in it And he was like in that affected

like the day trades he would make. So he had to really like... But he said I was in a meeting with him. Yeah, yeah. But he's unemployed. Oh. Yeah. Is he the...

Are those two the biggest villains? Yeah, by far. Yeah. Chris, but Chris is on a whole other level. I like tried to start watching it because Kyle every year you're just like, you have to watch, you have to watch it. I just can't.

I can't. Yeah, which makes a lot of sense. It just, I want to crawl out of my body. Oh, I can't. I turn away. Oh, it's like looking at that tiny, tiny, tiny dick for me. Really? It's like, oh, okay, maybe I'm, I don't have a...

This is your tiny dick. Maybe I'm kind of swaggy. Yeah, maybe I'm, like, so, like... Yeah, maybe I can talk to girls. Which I couldn't. I couldn't in front of a camera crew. Before, like, you kind of... You were late, you were late Blossamer socially, I'd imagine.

Like, if you... If college you was on this show, how would you do? Um, I didn't know how to, to speak to women. So, yeah. I spoke in riddles and sarcasm, but not like, like punchline sarcasm. I would just say the wrong thing.

Like, what do you think? I would just be like, I've, I just ate a bunch of olive garden. It was more just lying. You just went up to girls and lied? Yeah, it was just like saying, something that wasn't true

and expecting them to think it was funny. Did they? No. No. Yeah, they were like, what the fuck? Which to me was... That was great. That was a great response.

Which to me was better than anything else. Really? Getting a what the fuck and a point? Yeah, being like, what the fuck is up with this guy is better than... Oh, he's nice. But I would put on my hinge profile. I tried it for a little bit.

I would pinch In Youngstown I would put 5 foot 3 and use like the kind of bad pictures of myself Yeah So when I showed up You're way taller Way taller

But like Were you getting like many matches as a 5 foot? No I never got to the second step I never got to test if that worked Okay What pictures did you use A wrestling photo Silly picture

Right, yes. Doing the silly one. Right. No, nothing. I remember scrolling through Youngstown, and I wasn't personally attracted to anybody on the app. But you still, see, and I still got no match. Right.

So, uh, yeah, I don't know. Jack G, do you have any of the apps? Uh, no. I'm not a big apps guy. Yeah. I just feel like it's very, like, fake artificial. Sure. You are more of a

Seek, locate and obtain. Yes, like in person or like a friend sets me up. Will you cold approach somebody at a bar? Depends, yeah. Depends how many drinks I've had. Okay. Some liquid confidence. Sure.

What's like, what's your go-to like thing? What do you do? I just say like, hey, how's it going? I'm not like a punchline. Works every time. Works every time. That's pretty good. That's probably the best answer you can give.

I'll go up to somebody and say, hey, how's it going? Yeah, I was out with Jack at Happy Hour. He's got it. Does he got it? Well, you've been like a Happy Hour conductor. What's going on? Why are you a Happy Hour guy? Because I can drink now.

Fully. I had like a fucking leader of cider. Out of a boot? Did you have a boot of cider? Not a boot. It's a little bit more, but a leader's big. And didn't feel any stomach issues. So it has you like booze?

I'm in his second wind. So what was Jack like at Happy Hour? He's got it. What do you mean by that? It's hard to say. I'm trying to say this in a way that doesn't seem terribly offensive to him. But he, socially, he'll just utter things. And it's very amusing to me.

And we might get something soon here. He's looking at me. Yeah, I mean, I'm kind of off the cuff a little bit. But on the show, you've been kind of reserved. I've heard you're a yapper. Yeah, I'm just trying to kind of figure out my place. Sure, okay. Yeah. Understandable.

It's slow. Is there anything you said that made you smile? Yeah, just little things. He'll just say, he's a guy who will just say a tidbit. Oh, yeah? Yeah. What kind of tidbit? He doesn't care about the flow of the conversation.

I'll just butt in. With a tidbit? The tidbit. Yeah, we were talking about Gracie Abrams. Yeah, he's like, yeah, you know, Gracie, Abrams. Yeah. We were talking about the Seahawks.

Yeah, I do. Is that what you answered? I said I do. Yeah, I said I'm kind of familiar with some of our mainstream work. Yeah. And then it's right back to the... But then there was no follow-up. Then it was like, all right.

Just raising awareness for Abrams, man. Did you have anything more on Abrams? No, I've just been recently into her a lot. I think she's got some good songs. I agree. Yeah. We agree. We agree, yeah.

I'm glad you checked in, though. Okay. Anything else? Wait, what old did you end up eating? I did four or five fries. McDonald's. Four or five fries? Four to five orders of fries.

McDonald's, R.B.'s curly fries got me feeling so shitty. So shitty. Um, the best fries were steak and shake. Why? Oh, crispy? The shoe string. Steak and shakes, I know. Oh.

It is. You think so? I didn't get that. So I'd like five orders of fries, maybe four. I don't want to lie. Um, I had a half of a, like a family serving of coleslaw. Oh. I had the, pretty gross.

I had the biggest sonic double cheese burger. It was, it was the biggest densest fast food burger I've ever had. and Tate each had a double Sonic Burger. So you did five sets of fries. Yeah, Sonic. Family coleslaw and a big cheeseburger. Half of family coleslaw, a big double cheeseburger, a half of a Dunkin, large coffee, hot. Jesus. And a Diet Coke.

And Large coffee's bad. The coffee is real. I may have tried to put down a chicken tender. It was like at this point, like, that we had a table in front of us, and I was just grabbing clumps of like beige and dark brown off the table and just kind of putting it down.

Dude, your stomach must have thought you, like, downloaded to randomize her mom. Dude, I almost, like, my stomach was so hard. Yeah, like, I was just, I never knew what was coming next. Oh, and I had, like, a third maybe of, like, a, um, like a custard blizzard with cookie dough in it. Dude, that coffee probably set that. That was the last thing I had.

Oh, that's like kerosy. So, like, it was, I had, from right from Kohl'slaa to coffee, which had to have looked like, my stomach had to, like, been looking like a witch's cauldron, right? Dude, that's the only other person who, who's encountered that or welders. Yeah, right. That's like a trucker. Yeah.

Like Uncle Rob. You're, yeah, you guys know Uncle Rob, the trucker. He goes in, he's like a, he's like a long-haul trucker and he like trains,

he has like apprentices and he'll like, the biggest part of his curriculum is the snacks you pick out for a long-haul trucking route. But he has the most gravelly voice and be like,

all right, what are you getting in this situation? And it's, always beef jerky and haribou gummy bears and i've seen them yeah yeah okay yeah and that's how they eat yeah that is how they and that's how i was eating like a trucker i was meth away from being a full full blown trucker or a turban but um and you're not you're a you're a you're not an exploder did you i so i got i got a fly when i'm next to dana and katik and big cat my pile my pile isn't going to compare my pile of puke.

I was talking about Southern. You don't explode. Oh yeah. You explode? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, dude. I got sent down to the basement guest bedroom last night. Oh, you're just low volume

high explosions? No, high volume high explosions. You explode a lot? Yeah, dude. I have horrible stomach issues. You're the dude who takes days off. Right, but when I go, I go. You do, okay. I'm an irregular Exploder. I'm an irregular shit or regular

Exploder. Yeah, me and you let it fly at the first incline, like the first feeling of poop we go. Yeah. He's like Pompeii. It's like a volcano holding in its... Yeah, every single time I mount Etna.

It's an event. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I shit like I scratched my forehead. Oh, me too. Dude, I'll... Me and you just shit. We just be...

I'll tee off in a target. No. Yeah, I'll go in a target. So the... I think the real shitters are the grocery store shitters. That's me. Guilty. You don't,

you guys don't shit in groceries. I've talked about Jewel Osco. I have, like, had to, like... I thought that was a fake. Evade other shit. No, that's where the homeless people go and do everything they want. Yes. Like, they go there, they, like, rent it out to just make a mess.

People think gas station is the shitters. That's like... Gas stations ain't bad. But they're gross. They're horrible. The ones where you have to, like, get the key. But, that's emergency shits.

Nobody should be shitting in the grocery store. Or the train. Trains are bad. East Coast train stops are not good. No. Not good. Oh, yeah, this guy. Jack links.

Jack links. Got to have Jacklings. Some gummy bears. This is how his stomach probably feels all the time. That right, baby. You want a pickle in the pouch? I got a pickle in the poucher. He's got the trucker humor.

everything's about their penis. I'll run you out of the truck. I'm going to do some peanut butter track. No roller dogs? Damn it. He's the best. I want to hear him say a slur. But yeah, I got out puked so badly.

But I did puke. But I was like a formidable pile. Yeah, I picture you puking like a cat. I was, everybody else was in the same spot. I was puke step, puke step. That's bad. See, what you did? Would you say it's harder than losing a lot of weight?

like we did, like, cutting weight. They're really similar. I think it's hard. They're really similar. Losing weight was harder with exhaustion. This was harder with physical pain. Actually, I think. Like, my stomach just, like, stretching.

Yeah. And just, I hate the, I hate the feeling of being, like, that fool. Dude, I don't even think I could do that strictly for, I couldn't, I wouldn't be able to handle the car. The car was tough. I felt so bad for Eddie, dude. He was in the back. I would. far back and it was so hot the windows didn't go down dude that's my guantanamo bit yeah honestly

i'd rather be strapped to a lazy boy on the roof with goggles i don't know how the ancient romans like every feast they ate till they puked really yeah i think that was their thing like that's like the wealthy they would eat until they puked and that was over you drink a bunch of yeah yeah that's how they like you marked the end of a feast who put up the biggest numbers oh my god it had a the probably the dude getting fed grapes by boys no no no i'm Last night. Oh. Imagine if you had an answer for that.

We kept Deutsch on ice. We kept Deutsch on ice. So he was the empty stomach towards the home stretch. Once we started getting like really lagging. We pulled in the KFC and got 20 tenders. And before we pulled out of the KFC, Deutsch had 10. And they were big like, I've never seen anything like it ever. People were like, can Deutsch actually eat?

Of course Deutsch can eat. Yes, Deutsch can eat. But then me and Eddie, Deutsch doesn't handle gross, like, he can't hear about gross things, like, boogers or snot. Like the words? Like, yeah, he's got fights. Yeah, so, like, Ed and I were just like, like, like, Deutsch ate like the family mac and cheese too. And he was like, I'm done. And Eddie's like, nah, you got to pour water in that and drink out all the, and that made Deutsch like, like, have to swallow his puke.

So Deutsch can do it all. Like, you can't hear the word booger. That's his kryptonite. Yeah. This is Achilles heel. Yeah, but he had ten of those before. You don't want to be eating that. No.

When you're full. He's got some cobi-a-a-a-a-stri because he's pretty lean. Deutsch is like a handsome, tall, jacked guy that can dunk. Yeah. And he's drinking a thousand meters a week. Yeah. Yeah, you went out with him. Yeah.

You went out with him. How was, like, I had to tap out. I was so wasted. From the leader of cider? A leader in a pint and I was like, yeah, I gotta go. Were you hung over after that much cider? Yes. Yeah.

Ruined. But Deutsch, did you see him work? Like off camera sipping? He was going slow, but you could tell like he, I think he had hours and hours left. Yeah. Drinking for me is, I think, a three-hour excursion. I'm more of, I'm going to, I like the sprint much more. than the marathon.

Yeah? A big time. No, no, no. I like the act of getting drunk. I don't think I like being drunk anymore. Yeah. It's tired. Yeah, tired and hungry.

Dude, I don't even, it's hard. Now I'm at the point now we're like, if we're out, it's hard to even feel the drunk when you're in like a bar and like all the loud noise. Yeah. I only feel it on the Uber home. Yeah, the only time I feel like the effects, like any positive effect of alcohol is if I'm solo. Really?

Like if I'm just at home. Gaming, drinking beer? Gaming drinking beers, yeah. That's the best. cruising the internet that's oh i love surfing and drinking oh i dude i've been back on surfing the web surfing yeah yeah i've been fucking really going put me on to some stuff i haven't dude i can send you some stuff that i found like i've been compiling some good shit yeah yeah yeah i did i've been into the Walt disney's brothers okay i just i didn't know he had brothers right

exactly well one was his right man hand man his younger brother and then his older brother hubert or herbert uh he doesn't even have like a wikipedia He has one sentence about him. He was a mailman. And that has to be like the worst feeling ever. You're the older brother and your two younger brothers started this. Maybe one of the most powerful corporations on earth. And you don't even have a wiki.

He's the oldest brother. The eldest brother of, yeah. Herbert Disney. Yeah, he was a male man. That's all they have about on Disney's site. On the Disney website they have one sentence. They have his birth, his death, and he was a male man. The titular star.

Yeah. He's one of the Disney website. He's the eldest Disney. And all they have on Disney. Yeah. Herbert Disney? Yeah. Born in Florida, perfect.

Yeah, everybody else's are like pretty long. And just like, who should have, like, they should have brought him in to this operation. Yeah. So that's what. Oh, he's like that. I've been into like, I've been looking up like lesser successful siblings. Because I think that would be a really, really hard life. Yeah, and I think it gets...

And I'm not talking like you're a doctor and you're like, you know, working as like a massage therapist. That's like comparable still in my eyes, but like Walt Disney and Mailman. That's a pretty big discovery. And I think that would take a toll on you. Definitely. I think it's even worse when you are in the same field as the sibling or relative. Oh, yeah. Or significantly worse.

I was going to say, yeah, because like Mailman, there's, you can picture a world where he's like, I don't like that. I don't like Mickey. Sorry, bro. I don't like Mickey. 38. I don't like Mickey Mouse. Yeah, I'd rather deliver the mail.

You could see Herbert being like, I just like me and outside. Yeah, right. I just want to walk around. You know what? You're actually way cooler than Walt. I don't see the vision with. But just like an older brother leaning in his like bedroom door for him.

He's like you're still working on that gay mouse? If anything, he might have been the cool guy. He's like spinning an envelope with his mail bag. Like the tough one. You're still working on that. Pussy mouse. He smells up. He smells like smoke.

Yeah. Little bitch. Yeah. Just bullying Walt. Yeah. He's taking a bottle of whiskey to the face. What are you drawing of fucking talking duck? All right, Walt.

All right, Walt. I'm going to go get pussy. I'm going to go walk 34 miles. Good luck with Pluto. But yeah, I think the tougher one would be like Donnie Wahlberg. Yeah. Like he's successful, but like he's not Mark. And then like Mark, I think Mark makes it work.

where he's like, you know what, like, I'll give you guys a burger franchise, but I'm going to make a show out of it where I basically like manage you. Yeah, like I'm very successful. So I'll let's, I want to get you burgers. Yeah. You can handle the burgers. Yeah. That Walberg's logo looks like a nuts. It's a nut sack.

I've never seen that before. That is a nut sack. We went to a wall burgers, Kyle. Yeah. In the, uh, Bass Pro Shop pyramid. Indistinguishable from any restaurant. Yeah. You could not tell.

All restaurants are the same. I've noticed that. Every single restaurant is the same. I still love going to them. Yeah. They're all the same. They're all the same, dude. It's, yeah, I don't know.

Like, there's so much debate of, like, what to eat, what to watch. Most shit's the same. Like, okay, let's watch this mini-series about a murder in a small town. No, no, no, that one sucks. Let's watch this mini-series about a kidnapping. They're all the same. They're all the same. It's always like Kate Winslet or somebody of that tier, like a middle-aged actress.

Speaking of TV shows, I think we do need to set the record straight. We were clown on Apple TV. Yeah. They got... Is it pretty solid? They got some bangers. They got a lot of bad. What have you been watching?

I've been watching, well, I mean, obviously, plurbus fire, severance fire. But they're it now, dude. You know, HBO has ads. Netflix has ads. They're the guys now. Apple TV? Yeah. I watched Flipped with Idris Elba.

Did you see that? No. I saw it. I haven't seen it. I made that up. Okay. That's a shit. They're all.

Yeah. You were about to say I heard of it. Yeah, the reviews. I read the reviews. It's certified fresh. All right. Oh, I watched Eternity with, uh, with, uh, with, uh, nope, not falling for it.

No. uh calum turner and uh miles teller oh that's that that's the uh they died right it's a woman it's like a fun little twist on heaven it's this it's a stupid i think i would watch that it's fun yeah it's like dude they're making movies like in the 90s this would have been like a big time oh yeah yeah they're making just like nice little flicks not a not a not a like not a barn burner it's not parasite but it's like all right that was cool it's fun yeah like it was it was a good time i had fun no one's trying to change the world anymore right it's like ever else is like just completely

garbage or the best thing ever made but Apple TV just puts out some solids. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Oh yeah. Maybe apologies to Apple TV but they still need to distinguish their branding. You're right yeah because you did get just get me big time. That pissed me off right there. What did I say? Tilted? Flipped or

yeah whatever. I already forgot. With Idris Elba you fucker. Flipped with him. What would that be about? Flipped with Elba. He's like a gymnast dad. and over his head. His wife just died.

Yeah, he inherits a house that he has to then fix up and sell. Yeah, that's it. Oh, yeah, he has to flip a house. And then so he can send his daughters. His parents died. Yeah. Who he was estranged with.

And as he's going through the house, he's seeing that they actually loved him the whole time. Right. Yeah, they missed him. As he's rummaging through everything. Yeah. So then he connects back with his daughter. Yeah.

Who is at like a liberal arts school that hates him. Yeah. Where does he live? Orlando or something? Yeah. Orlando's good. I like that. Yeah, I like that.

Yeah, he's in a... Cellble lifts in Orlando. That's what you're talking about. That's what I'm saying. Jack's got it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I want to... Come up of the blue with Orlando.

Yeah. Fuck it. He lives in Central Florida. Yeah, tune into that. It's pretty good. I've heard. Anything else? I went to a dog training session

last night without my dog. So that was just, who was, so was you in a trainer? Me, a trainer, and four other people. You're going to, your dog training without the dog. I was not aware of this until it happened. So I signed. You have the regiment of like an AAU youth star. Yeah.

When it comes to just raising a dog. Yeah, I'm having a pet. I'm meeting up with professional and doing, and doing ladder drills. All but. Yeah. Well, I did. It's a seven-week program, and the first one is, like, I guess, an orientation. A seven-week intensive work.

I want to make fun of it. I had a good time. That's what, like, a star wrestler would do that. It's been their summer going to the Jay Robinson's seven-week intensive camp. That's what you're doing. Yeah. To be a better dog owner, I guess, or just to be able to tolerate your dog? No, I can tolerate.

To have him trained? Yeah, I can tolerate him. He's a good guy. It's just I want him to be, like, I want to be able to take him anywhere. You don't want him to eat child. I don't want him to, yeah, I mean, he is a Pipple. Yeah, right. So, like, I don't, yeah, I don't want him to mall.

I don't want him to, yeah, so I just want to, it's a fun little riddle to figure out. So it was nice, I did. Did you have to do, like, invisible, like, leet, like, did you have to? No, it was more so, like. How long was it? It was about an hour. Oh. Did they make you do, like, role-playing exercise?

No, no. Did they make you, like, say, like, say how you would say. You have a notebook? Cat owner, fall back, okay? You're a passive owner. You have a piece of, you have a piece. of you have a piece of like a like a you have an accessory I'm a selfish munchkin I don't want to have to fucking vote my life to a pet that has nothing in common with me oh we're very similar but uh no it was like

me an older couple an older lady and then a lesbian Mexican couple whoa it was a real they have a people too widespread I don't know they have a they do it probably yeah probably Um, anyways, but yeah, no, we just like talked about our dogs and the trainer. The trainer was, like, I couldn't get enough of it. She was peak millennial. Oh, no. What did she do? It was, it was, it was like going back in time.

I fucking loved it. She was literally, you know, yes, yes. She's like, very nice, very bubbly, but like, explain she's like, so we don't want to do that because, uh, we use these kind of leashes because you don't want to, um, break your wrist. Uh, in the gap between Christmas and New Year's and then not see the doctor. and so that's a thing and then laughing and then yeah doing the thing and then dude it was it was peak millennial was unbelievable

I loved it but uh dude the coolest when do you get to bring your dog next week that's good yeah they're gonna be horrified yeah yeah they're gonna be they're gonna be horrified but dude it was like it was kind of fun because I realized the only thing I do is this job socializing and then that's really it like I think that's every human on earth but like it was like it felt like that's all I do his work and socialize.

No, what about eat? Well, like, I mean like eating, but like, even when you're, like, it was, it was like, felt like going to like a book club. Right. Yeah, it's like a weird, different thing. I never would socialize. Dude, that's how I felt when we went on our creepy speakeasy tour. Right.

Yeah, I like doing shit like that. It was fun, dude. I felt like, uh, it just, I was interacting with people I normally never would. Yeah. It's kind of fun. I mean, it's gay and stupid, but. No, it's not. No, it's not.

Yeah. I liked it. Did the trainer drive a Subaru? She definitely is in that wheelhouse of the, Subaru, Subaru chick. I think girls have it figured out. Like a typical traditional girl, they're always doing one-off classes.

They are. Like, they be doing shit. Yeah, my girlfriend just did a trapeze class. Dude, I saw the video. That was fucking crazy. Yeah, dude, she, like, grabbed the bar and just, like, swung down and grabbed somebody's hands and then flipped and landed on a trampoline.

I couldn't believe that video. That's just a fun-off. But I was like, okay, when's the next one-off? It's a one-off. Yeah. And then I have pottery. I'm going to go do a cartwheel class. Yes.

Learn the car. We don't do stuff like that. There's no one-off classes for fellas. Dude, I want to take us. I want to find a welding class. Don't be sick. A one-off, just like, get one weld done. Make an axe.

Why not? Maybe Kyle gets a little dagger. Yeah. Angry little Kyle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Girls love classes. Or are they just like being away? Any sort of escape. Yeah. Because I don't think I'm very fun to be around At the home front Really? Yeah You're sorry

I think you'd probably be perfect to be around I like Like funny musings No no I like I'm on my phone Sitting on a couch My legs out this far And like one hand is playing a Pokemon emulator And then the other hand is like

Just kind of like rolling my testicles In my pan Yeah Yeah just a little bit of roll Until bedtime, I just do like a circular roll on like my nut sack. Yeah. And then I go to bed. Yeah, I'm just kind of touching it.

Yeah, I had that actual, actually last night I was watching a new show with my girlfriend. And I was like just the, the instinct to just look at my phone and look at drone strikes and I ran. Yeah. I couldn't resist it. I was like, I have to pay attention to this. Yes. And I like every 30 seconds, I just have to open it up. And then the whole time clutching my nuts.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. But I had to like physically like. like put my phone down and pay attention to this show. I was, she, I didn't even realize I was doing it. She caught me playing with my balls.

I was tossing them up and they were landing in my palm and like making us like a, like a, noise. Oh, like, can you stop that? No, no,

I think it was just clammy. Tossinging it up. Yeah, like just bounce, like going up and just. Yeah, mine can do that too. I don't have big balls.

You just got loose sack? I think so. Damn. that's kind of cool. I can't stop. It's my favorite toy. Mine stay pretty compact. Really?

Yeah, they're dense. Oh, you need to relax, man. Yeah, maybe I just think, too. Yeah. Keeping them loose, right? I like that. Kyle, I think what you should do is just say Jack in the middle of any conversation and he has to put in one, you have to have one tidbit for us.

Well, I was going to tell you, like, speaking of, like, one-off classes, my buddy used to do line dancing at college. Really? And he was partnered up with a girl that was blind. How many times did he go? He went every week. So that wasn't a one. But, like, he was.

He's doing like an extra activity and he would give me to comment. But he was line dancing with a blind girl? Yeah. And he had a crush on her. Really? But it never panned out. I think it was too much, you know, they kind of worked together, right? With line dancing.

Love isn't blind. Was he a good looking guy? Yeah. Well, I guess it didn't really matter. That was the highest pitch, yeah, I've ever heard. No. What, did you like text her? Yeah.

I mean, like, he tried to hang out with her, but I guess nothing really came around. Was she blind, blind? Can they text? One eye she could see a little bit, but one eye was totally... Wow. And I was like your death perception for line dancing. That's got to be a tough... Yeah.

He had to have been a good partner. Do they put on a leash? I don't think... Yeah, right. Yeah, did they... Hmm. I feel like if she could really tell their chemistry via line dance, that's why it didn't pan out. Yeah, maybe he wasn't that good.

If you dated a blind chick, would you, like, kind of give up on your appearance? Um... You would, uh... I'd want to feel better. I would get comfortable. I'd want to feel better, I think. I don't think so. I think of a lot of appearances feel.

It would be funny to be like... Oh, if anything, you need to be more in shape. I think dating a blind girl, you'd want to be more in shape. Yeah. But I would tell her, I'd be like, oh, I'm looking good. Yeah. And meanwhile, you're... I'm very tan.

You're like a tear drop. Yeah. If she was blind from birth, though, like, she has no... Yeah, she has no idea what hot is. Yeah. Yeah. You have to be all smells. Yeah, you would have to be.

She would hate that van last night. I can't even imagine. Good Lord. Good Lord. It was like, I'm trying to compare it to something. I mean, you compare it to what it was. Yeah, I guess you're right. A van full of barstool guys in sweatsuits.

It was like if a taxi but the seats were made of butthole skin. It was disgusting. Yeah. If it was, yeah, if cash cab was also a micro-suitable. with. Yeah. Yeah. Oh.

All right. All right. Also, I wanted to promote a new video that we're putting out tomorrow Friday. Nick, Rudy, me, White Sox, Dave, and Dana Beers. We did another game of Boulder Dash, but we switched it up. We made it visual. This is the best one yet. It was very funny.

Watch that Friday. Put a reminder in your first. phone. It's a good one. What time do you think, Jack? Um, let's go like noon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How about you watch it at noon? Or that's when it's going to come out, maybe watch it later. Yeah, put a reminder your phone. Hey, Siri, remind this person to watch Boulder Dash. Yeah. Hopefully that activated it. There we go.