A New Untold Story - Sam Tallent Feat. Sam Tallent - A New Untold Story: BONUS Ep.

Episode Date: June 3, 2026

BONUS EPIOSDE! Sam Tallent joins the boys this week to talk about his new book, bachelor trips, relationships, travel, and more on this episode! Want more Anus? Check out the links below https://linktr.ee/anuspodcastYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon music. You'll be saying, that's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? What, no? It's a new untold story. A new and told story episode 500, part four.

We're here with Rudy Kyle and our friend Sam Hyde. Sam, thank you for doing this. Hey, man. It's me, Sam hi. And that's where that bit ends, because I'm scared of him. I'll be honest. The man freaks me out. And also like who he, you know, his ilk.

The ogres out there, we're ready to activate. He made a Shurian candidate's up here with Sam Talent. Yeah. But I do, I did love MDE. I want to be clear about that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Would you like to start?

I don't know. I'm honestly scared of the wrath of his people. And we're back. A new one told story, episode 500 part four. And we're here with our friends Sam Talent. Sam, thank you for joining us. Let me put the last intro on the Patreon. They let us do that. That's on 500 guys.

Thank you, man. Thank you. It's not actually 500. We started on episode 210. Okay. Nice. And then I think the new bit is every episode going forward will be episode 500 part and then we're just going to keep the cake for us long. It's good to have a new bit. Yeah. You know, you better keep it away from Dana Beards. Oh, yeah. Big boy. I already,

I already fingered the frosting a bit. How old is this cake? This is five parts deep, four parts deep. Has it been refrigerated? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so we'll see how long it lasts. Rudy's got a fucking thrown a bone over there. Yeah, we got displaced from our studio as well for this, the survivor thing going on. It's a confessional room. I heard the guy runs that's a real psycho. And yeah, we have an original producer of the program. Jeff D. Lowe running the keys. Jeff, thank you for doing this. Jeff was on episode 500 part three.

Wow. That's a good get. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're happy about that. Did you pull back the curtain on what your fucking plans are out there for this? This is sexually charged. This guy where he's competing for it. I can't.

I can't. Yeah, I'm partaking. What's your strategy? Are you going to try and be the sex pot? I'm going to fuck them all. Yeah, you should. Use your body in your lips. And then I'm just be like, if you eliminate me, I'm going to say that we fucked.

Right, yeah. Sexual manipulation. That's the plan. Wait, that's Mincy's thing. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Sam, the last time we had you on. Yes.

Well, time has passed. Right. It's been what, it does. It's been a year. I think so. It was a lot. Ten months. A lot has changed.

I know. We, uh, Kyle and I both engaged to women. Whoa. Rudy moving in with his woman. Rood dog. Jepty Lowe engaged. Jeff. Love is in the air.

Unbelievable. That's great. Unbelievable. You're a married man. Happily married. I fucking love being on a team, bro. Really? You look at marriage as being on a team

And you need to know who the fucking star running back is And who the offensive lineman is Like who lost a lot of weight Well I know but it's like who has the ball in this instance Okay you know It's like my wife has the ball I'm fucking Mike Allstadt I'm in front of her I'm plowing

So she can get that goal And then when I have the ball You know every four years My wife will set the pick Yeah one yard And it's like some like a racist dude We'll have your jersey because you're white For sure yeah

I'm the fridge coming in for the two-point conversion. My wife's fucking McMahon on the sideline getting her hair comb. We're in a neck roll. I did. I played eighth, sixth grade football for St. Vincent's. And you were in 10th grade when you played. I was, right.

My legs were too skinny for the, they were stood like, they look boot cut the pants, but my mom, I went to Dix. She bought me a neck roll. I had a neck roll with my own. Yeah. Horam. I was just so embarrassing. I was full neck roll. I was black visor man. But you were doing it in high

school? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I was an all-state level play. So, yeah. A little bit different. That's right, man. That's sick. 3A. First team. So, you know 3A in Colorado. We go to all the way to 5A, so it's like, I wasn't playing at Moly. Do we go to them there at Cherrieg, West Virginia? We went to four, which is crazy because you don't need to break it into four for West Virginia. You guys are both West Virginia. Yeah, we are from the same town. Where? Wheeling. Wheeling. Weiling. Yeah, yeah. Pittsburgh South. That's right. Yeah, pretty much. Do you guys include Pittsburgh in Appalachia. Yes.

Right? I think it's like the gateway to it. It's the capital of Appalachia. There's no one like Knoxville is probably second. So it's, um... But I think there are two very different places. How trippy is it? I mean, you guys grew up there.

But the first time I drove into Pittsburgh through Wheeling, you drive through that fucking mountain. Only city with an entrance. Right. So you're like on one side and it's Appalachia and it's all green. And then you pass through and it's very cool. It's a techno city of glittering gold. That was our field trip.

We would just take the bus through the tunnel. tunnel and then turn around. Just turn around. But on the highway, you turn. I couldn't fathom a larger place than Pittsburgh. I was horrified to go. It was like it was incomprehensible, the scale. Yeah.

Growing up there. And then we had a, you won't know, Kennywood, our amusement park there. Kennywood, yeah, yeah. You know Kenny Wood? Yeah, my mom's from Cleveland. Oh, shit. I've been to Morgan Town a bunch. Okay, I went to WVU.

So I haven't been to that place, but I've seen the billboards and shit. Okay. I have an itch to go back. But my favorite ride there was the Noah's Ark ride. That was no ride. That was a haunted, haunted, haunted house. Noah was burnt to a crisp. It looked like a burn.

Pull up a picture of Kennywood's Noah, if you can. It was just a bunch of eerie sounds. Torched Noah. Noah is horrifying on this Noah's Ark rise. Oh, my God. It brought your own spider. It wasn't a ride. You know how it ends?

The animals yelling at you. It's bearing up, coupling. The ride ends. Noah's arc sinks. it starts to like flood and like a very sad ending. It's the end of humanity. Yeah. And all life.

Search, search Noah. So this is wet and wild. Like, it's a water park. No, our water park's called Sandcastle. It's by a factory.

I just went to Calahari like three weeks ago. Oh, what a rush. You're a big aquatics guy because you just ask big cat. There's the Noah. That's Noah. He pops out there. Oh, my God. That's V.

Oh, that's V. Oh, that's V. Right. Shut your windows. What the hell? Yeah, he pops out and he welcomes you. He's not supposed to be scary. It's like Michael Shannon in blackface.

Wow, pretty accurate. Yeah, yeah, that's the job. Describing things he's. That's Noah. And then you go in there and like you just look at all the animal animatronics that all kind of look like that. Oh, I love Kenny Wood. So this guy is the Noah that you guys would like go and put rosary beads around? Yeah, dude.

I used to pray to him. Wow. And he was actually this, probably this hue of human being. And that pissed off Pittsburgh. Oh, yeah. That's an accurate race. Those yinzers would come down with their spray paint. Pain them white.

Beginning of the season. Yeah, that would turn me off of Christianity or any faith. If I saw this fucking eyebrowless ghoul. This is the guy. Get on my boat. Get on my boat. He's making the sheep fuck the dogs. Yeah, he's cross-breeding.

That one's even worse. That's like night of the living dead. Oh, many noas were there. Was there only one? Yeah, it was just the one. Okay. Well, I don't know why he moved. Don't zoom on him, Jeff.

Stop zooming Noah. Don't zoom in on Noah. You didn't like the Noah's Ark ride? I was afraid of roller coasters. It wasn't a ride. I was afraid of roller. Yes, it was. Like, the floor moved and shit.

It was an experience. The boat rocked. I was afraid of rollercoaster still am. So I would go and just keep going through Noah's Ark. Yeah, you went through the whale, which is. And this scared you in a child. It rattled you. This rattled me, yes.

Was it like the uncanny valley? Why did you go through? a whale. You went through the whale's mouth. That's a different story. The whale's a whole different story. And that's a pussy, buddy. I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah, dude, it's black. The Noah's Ark was blacklit. I didn't know you had a first person view of it. Wow. Yeah. That was my favorite ride. And I was screaming. What are those boxes have to do with the biblical myth of the flood?

I think those are there supplies. Oh. Of a pastrami. Hot dogs. Yeah. Noah had to get his pastrom. Putting a black light. in Noah's Ark is such a unique idea.

But like a lot of 13-year-old kids getting their sweatpants checked. That's a surprise. Yeah. I like that. They showed the start of the Great Flood. And then it says, this way for more fun.

More apocalypse here. But like to me, like I've never been to Disney. This was Mecca. This was the place of fun. Well, with Noah there, it looked like Mecca. It really did.

The actual Mecca. I can't believe you didn't like that, man. Because we went to a Catholic school. All of our field trips were up there. I didn't like this part. This part. You didn't like the cage with the giant shovel? Yeah, that sucked right there.

Oh, man. And this is all on foot. We got to go back. A lot of people do this in a wheelchair. Oh, yeah. Or a rascal. We had Eulch Gardens. You went to Eiliches, right?

Of course, dude. You go to lakeside? No, I was terrified of lakeside because of the lake. I always thought. Oh, that's the last place you want to go. Well, dude, they have a roller coaster next to a lake, so all you think about the whole time is you take a left turn and the track comes off. and you're just... The chipmunk.

You're just flying into the lake. Had that happened? But Lakeside, Eulich Gardens was like... It was kind of crappy, but they upgraded it a lot. Lakeside was like the... That's exactly what I thought was filmed. It was like more like a smaller, more affordable. Yeah, Lakeside was...

I mean, especially after the Six Flags banner got hung over Eiliches. Yeah. No hardworking Americans could afford to go there. Beforehand you could go with a can of Pepsi. They'd let you in Elishes for free. What? They had that promotion. Wait.

Yeah. What did you do with the can of Pepsi? Pepsi. You could bring a full can or you could chug the the can whenever you wanted, but if you brought a can of Pepsi, you got into Elish Gardens, which was our big... But what was there, what was the Pepsi paid for that, I'd imagine? I guess, man. I mean, it is all Pepsi products at Elish Gardens to this day.

Okay. Yeah. That's a good promotion. It's fun, dude. And it was very black for me, because I came from Elizabeth on the east side of the state with no people of color, and then you go to Elizabeth, or you go to Elish Gardens and it was fucking... It was Harlem in the 60s, man. For me. Black people know how to amusement

park, though. Oh, sure. They have the best time. Latinos, dominate eilaches. They have the most fun there with the chicken legs and the Raiders gear. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the best night ever. Latinos in, Latinos in Raiders gear permeated Colorado? I mean, Raiders gear got everyone. Latinos have Latinos, right?

Latinos. Tons, bro. East and West. Westside. Westside. Westside. I'm guessing it sounds like it's... But West Denver specifically.

What's good with fucking Durango? Durango's fun, man. I want to go there. You should go there. It's very cool. It's a great place to be high on weed or mushrooms or acid. You just get in the hot springs and you kind of just pickle. That's what I want to do with my life.

Just get high and bathe. Me too, bro. Lay and bass. Be wet. Oh, I love that. You should try getting high and going to Elish Gardens. That's what we did on Catholic School night. I just can't be around people.

Then Elish Gardens may not be the place. Yeah. Unless it's raining. Durango may be more of the speed then. Yeah. We have bachelor. We're planning our bachelor parties. A lot of dudes are going to Golden.

What? Yeah. That's weird. They want to get a hot. High Life's there. Is that where they bought really? That seems really lame.

They got the yellow bellies there. That's what he's the yellow bellies. Yeah. Is it not? Fuck Golden? Don't go to Golden for your bachelor party. I saw a bunch of dudes doing a bachelor party. I was going to Elf, Elk Grove.

I was on the forums. They were saying Golden was great for a laid back time. Were the forums gay guys only? Come on. You got on. We're not on gay guys only. You're on gay guys. No, dude.

Golden's a loading screen between better places. Yeah. You have the mountains like like a half hour. If you kept driving through Golden, you'd be in the mountains, or you'd be in Black Hawk. So if you go to Golden and you'd be in the mountains, if you go to Golden, you want to gamble and you want to be in the mountains, you go to Black Hawk. You do like two nights there. You could pop to gold and do the brewery tour. Like that is fine, you know.

But there's go to go to fucking Milan or something. What are you talking about? Milan, Italy? Yeah. For a bachelor party? Yes, you guys have money. Your young fly guys, go there. For a bachelor party?

Why not? The home of fashion? That's gay guys only. Italian guys. Yeah, that's sick. What's the difference? Very, Rudy. How's your fancy chair, Mr. Hinchclip?

Yeah. Yeah, he's getting a joke book. Give him a joke book. I love that chair. Of the Lord of Basketball. Dude, this might have to be our new studio. The basketball cock. Ball God.

Scotty. You watch Sean Kemp, fuck your wife. Yes. From that. This is the NBA. Dude, anyone who ever made the league fucking your wife all you watched would be brutal. It could be fucking Greg Oster Tad.

Just piping your wife and you'd be like, I'm going to kill myself. Dude, I don't know. I think so. I don't know Greg Oster tag, but it's the funniest name you could have said phonetically. Put up Oster tag, Jeff, would you? Would you put up Greg Oster tag for us on the screen there? Typically, the hooping or fucking wives? I don't know.

I'm not on his only fans, Jeff, but if you're on the paywall. Yeah. Like, Boris D.L. fucking my wife, I think I think. That's a good name, too. Mugsy Boggs fucking your wife would be tough. You think? He's gonna, it's a bullet can do damage if it's going fast.

You know? And I bet Mugsy had to wear like a special like cup to keep that thing from Dragon. Do you think so? Yeah, he was five two and he's like, you know, three foot cock. Yeah, right. Yeah, cock size doesn't have to do with height. He was really excited. Don't start this too.

What? When Greg Oster, there's Greg Oster tag there. Imagine him is just Frankenstining your wife. Oh, that would be tough. That would be tough. Sanctuary. Yeah. It's a lor.

Tagging her. He was set in picks for Carl Malone You know that guy likes to me Yeah That would actually be the worst No no no He would be fucking your wife You'd be fucking your daughter

If Carl Malone's fucking your wife You're a sick of dude Yeah you're making $80 Yeah there's the tag man dude It's huge Luke Longley He was one of the white giants Luke Longley would be guys Luke Longley played with Jordan

That would be cool He did yeah Bill winning And he has no K and Luke I don't know. He's Australian. Okay. Yeah, I don't think they do the K and Luke down there. Australian Mormon, I think. What? That's a rare breed. I didn't know that way. It's not as rare as you think. Really?

As far as white religions, they went to Australia pretty early. I did not know that. Yeah, man. They're in there. Because they went to Polynesia. That's why like all those West, like, Utah, Utah State all have great Samoan offensive lines. I've said. I've said this. I hate that the Mormons get the best geographic places in the world despite like their extraordinary, like, their blandness. You think Salt Lake's one of the best geographic places in the law? I think the state of Utah, like... Fuck you. Colorado, baby. Is Utah and Colorado, are they rivals?

I mean, dude, there was always this weird thing about, like, people would either ski in Utah or they would come to Colorado to ski. You came to Colorado to ski, it's because you, like, also wanted to see, like, slightly stupid or cotton-mouth kings. And if you went to Utah, it's because, like, you'd never seen a vagina besides your wives. I'm not going to be able to see dispatch in Utah. Bingo. Okay, shit. You can't see 303 over there. Zion.

So, yes, I do have a rivalry with Utah. Okay. Because they're just the shitty half of Colorado. Like they're the western slope in like Grand Junction. You're talking about geographically. Yeah, yeah. Because I like Coloradans way more than Utahans. Hell yeah, bro.

The Red Rocks, the Zion, Bryce Canyons, Canyonlands, Moab. Yeah, yeah. And even Salt Lake, with the fucking snow cap mountains, it's all perfect. If you like red shit. And I'm not saying, go to Utah. I like Colorado too. You want hanging fucking lake, come over to Colorado. I pitched for your bachelor party, like Goblin Creek, I think is what it's called.

You said you wanted to gobble. knob. I thought. No, that's what it was. God, fucking damn it. So let's talk about it. I'll use the microphone.

What do you guys want out of your bachelor party? I'm not a... It's a group, first of all. Is it group bachelor party? Well, his is first. Okay. So you're not doing co-batchel.

No, no, no. That's gay. Yeah. I want it to be... It sounds like you're a diva. It sounds like not having co-bachel parties, is in fact. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I want the net enjoyment to be tolerable for the whole collective. Okay. So if one person has a horrible time, then it's ruined. Would you rather, you have a horrible time

and everybody else have fun? Yes. Yes. I get that 100%. Yes. You just hear the dog in the house on fire meme just being like, yes, let's get more cocaine. Very good.

I want cocaine. I want groups to be able to stray in subgroups. I don't want everyone to be behold into one activity. You're going to have your horny pack and you're going to have your dudes who are happy to just be not in the house. Right.

Right. I want the morning packs out slithering around. I want everyone to be comfortable. I want no one to acknowledge me. I want everyone to do their own thing. Do you want to go? Maybe I don't go. And you guys just FaceTime me

and I'm like, how you doing? If you're having a blast, all the better. You should have a camera on them so you can see their goings on. And if you see that they're like, you want to just watch us at your bachelor party? I want to get high on Stizzies and dog walkers and wild gummies and lay in my bed and watch you guys have fun.

In the name of you. No, non-sponsors. We have sponsors that are weed, but I don't like them. Oh, wow. Who are they? Yeah, they've done me dirty. In the past, Jeff will tell you. Oh, yeah, you try to jump out of Jeff's car.

You try to jump off out of the car on the New Jersey Turnpike. Wow. My introduction to weed was forcing him to pull over at the cheese quake exit in New Jersey so I could die. Started freaking out about He freaked out about five minutes Into an hour and a half drive I knew I was doomed from there on out Wait so you fucking cannonballed into weed

Before an hour and a half on the Jersey turnpike If you're wondering yes It was the night after a Polly D concert down the shore That's moved a lot of people to experiment with drugs I think you sent me a picture of your hospital bracelet I know And then just didn't text me for like a day I was cross faded off Polly D

and experimental weed One of the biggest come down, the day before was a blast. We had a great time. And also, the day after, not as much. Yeah. But. You went to the hospital? A vote of confidence for people who are worried about being in a state where they know they're dying.

It's not that bad. After a while, you accept that you're dying and you kind of lose the fear completely. I was like, ready to, I was trying to, like, call my parents to be like, hey, it's all good. Yeah. You did good. So it's not, like, the worst. I think biologically we are prepared to death

for death when the time comes The only thing that we're prepared for It's the only reason we're here So don't worry about the panic attack You get before impending death You got ego death from pot? This is like a 10 milligram animal Yeah this is a 10 milligram gummy

No it was a brownie I believe Oh was a brownie? It was 10 milligrams Mm-hmm Yeah though I will I will say we know people here who we know one person I'll be careful to name names and like product but like we know one person who does smoke a lot

of weed and he said he took one once and kind of lost it he was like it just hit me in a weird way well edibles go through your liver yeah they they break down differently yeah they break down into different chemical form interesting yeah it's definitely it can be very different like I've I smoke weed

like fairly frequently but every once in while like before we went to your housewarming party I drink a 5 milligram drink and it was as if I did PCP yeah rocked your little ass. Yeah. No, he walked past a mirror

and he felt fat and so he just walked out of the place put his jacket back on and came back in did another entrance awesome. Wow.

And my girlfriend was like what are you doing? And I was like my fat arms my fat arms I was like cowering in the corner with his cats. And it was just us. It was bad.

I know you well, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, that was my jersey turnpike. Kyle thought he was in Twisted Metal. I was in, I felt like I was in a horror movie that was Pixar

where I was fat. I felt like the Pixar kid. Me and my buddy had our 30th birthdays at the same time and we split 3,000 milligrams. What? We each ate 15 hondo. Are you in what buddies? My buddy, my friend Roger.

Oh, one singular buddy. Pigman. Yeah. Pigman's gonna snort. That guy went off. And now he can't smoke weed because he gets a tummy ache and has to go to the hospital.

For a tummy ache? Yeah, it's called like cannabinoid something. It's like you get sick. If you smoke dads every... You did 1,500 milligrams? And then grilled for my mother. Yeah. Dude, I would have felt like a Nokia phone on permanent vibes.

Yes, I don't know. I felt like a T-Pain ringtone. Oh, man. That's high praise. That is the best thing I've ever. That's the best a man can feel. I was fucked up and fancy free, man. I cannot believe you went through this state.

Like, you're my God then. Oh, no, no. There's guys who are, like, my biggest issue is the paranoia of like, this is destroying my brain. It's destroying my creativity. It's destroying my wit. But you are the sharpest person I've ever. been around. Well, that's very flattering.

Like the way you instantaneously, I don't even know if you commit, but just let out such a colorful and aggressive, like, reference or metaphor that could be perceived as bold. No, no, but you don't give a

same. It's insinious reference, and you don't give a fuck. Well, I just, I'm very curious and very fascinated, and I like to listen to people when they talk. So, like, I'm always eavesdropping and then I'll go home and I'll be like, they were talking about trellises. What the fuck is a trellis really?

And then I'll look up a trellis. And then you go on like a Wikipedia. Do you spend a lot of time on Wikipedia? I love hearing that. Yeah, yeah. I'm always learning, man. And I get scared too. I get so fucked up on weed sometimes that like I'll have that thing where I'll be in a room with people.

On Wednesday I went to a hash maker's event in Detroit where I reside. And these guys were there and they were like, do you want to judge this hash event? And I was like, I can't judge a hash event. I'll be way too fucked up. And they're like, all right, cool, let's smoke a joint and get dinner. I smoked a joint of their pot. Just weed, just flour. And then I sat at this dinner just fucking peeling the leather on the chair being like, is it hot in here?

Is it hot or cold? What's the difference really? What's the difference between extreme heat and frigid cold? They're very similar. Sometimes. It's a horseshoe of that. That's exactly. So these are the conversations I'm having, you know, where I'm like, yeah, man, God.

So I think weed is a very powerful. drug and people forget about it but I had to take three years off after my mom's stroke because I was just terrified of dying. Yeah. Yeah. So I like was having just panic attacks while driving all the time and I'd be like but I had that thing where you're like literally at a red light. I was living in Las Vegas. I was at a red light and I like had all the symptoms of a heart attack but I assumed it was panic and I was like I'm gonna fucking die in a car and I wasn't afraid. No. You weren't afraid. I'm like I have to die somewhere. Why wouldn't it be in a car. I'm in a car all the time. Of course I could die in a car. And it was just like, and then I turned left and got

home and took a shower and it was fine. But yeah, weed's powerful man. It is. I've just been soaked in it because I'm a Colorado guy. Right. It comes with it. Yeah. It's almost biological. Yeah. Genetic. We had to buy hours in West Virginia from the Harry Krishna's. For sure, yeah. They're always up to know. You just knew that. Yeah, yeah. Harry Christians? Yeah. Yeah. That's where we had to drive up to their palace. Dude, there's a venue in like in Morgantown called 1, 2, 3 Pleasant. I love 1. Oh, we know that. Some of our boys did, like, local shows. Oh, yeah.

I love one, two, three, pleasant. What? Adam Egett's calling. Oh, shit. I know. Hold on. Sorry. Sundan?

I'm doing a podcast. I'll call you in like a half an hour. All right, please. Yeah, Morgantown, 1, 2, 3 Pleasant. I want to, like, film there. It's such a cool venue. It's a killbox for stand-up. It's a concrete room, and people are hanging from the rafters,

and you go in there, and then they just fucking- Black-label beers. They turn into dogs. Yeah. Have you performed there? No, but I want too bad. I want too bad. You could?

I used to go see bands there. You should do the dozens there. Oh, my God. Jeff. It's perfect. Who do you see there? Like Blood Brothers? I saw this band called The Bridesmaids.

And it was two drummers and two bassists. Yeah. Heavy low low low. It was like shoe gays. Yeah. These are gay shoes. Yeah. It was on me, so it's fine.

Heyo. Let's eat the cake. No, but you do. You don't want to. I got it, you cut it. You do pretty non-traditional venues. Do you not? Yeah, I'm at Zany's Rosemont.

Right next to the Dave and Busters. That's right. That's all the... Right in front of that. No, because you've done like... Back when you were in Chicago last, you were doing like a rooftop, I believe. Right. So I did back in the day, but now I have agents.

And they're not as, like, creative as I was back in the day. Okay. But I would, I mean, I did like, you know, I did like a mine key one time because the dude worked there. And he's like, I can get the keys. We can throw the show in here in the tire room. It's like sick. So, yeah.

Yeah, I don't do it very often, but I had just done like a back of a barbershop, which was, I thought, probably more common than you think. Black room. Wasn't. What? No. Is it a barbershop in Chicago? Yeah, it was a gentrified everything.

Yeah, it wasn't. It was, yeah, it was one of, yeah, it was. There's a great barbershop show in Pittsburgh. No kidding. Yeah, yeah, my friend Shannon Norman runs. That's a good one. Oh my God, dude. I am always fumbling around my fucking house.

Like I have a blindfold on. Dude, I'm like, it's like I'm reading my walls. like braille all the fucking time. You too? Yes, I cannot. Dude, I'm not... How are cats as a stimulus where you're high? Yeah, dude.

Oh, dude, and it's like, okay, I've pissed a bunch in my life. Why am I suddenly seated in the lights are off? You know what I mean? It's like... Dude, I took a dump backwards like three weeks ago. No kidding. On purpose.

Like a cool guy? But I wouldn't have... Yeah, exactly. Like a guidance counselor. Yeah, like a cool guy. That's fucking one of the students. I was scared straight. it.

I just wanted to try it out. And I don't think I get in that position unless I was absolutely zonked on live rosin. Yeah. And flour and rosin, like, weeds a whole thing. Let's get back to the bachelor party. No, no, no, but I'm curious, like, you write novels. Yeah, on pot.

And in my first novel, if you got one of the original ones, like, I literally thank American Spirit Blues and OG Cush. Oh, in the dedication? No, in like the copyright page. Oh, no kidding. Yeah, I hit it in there. That's my next book.

That's your next one. That's the barstool copy, man. We were talking a bit before the yak. Your first one is loosely based off you. Well, I did all those shows. It was about a comic, like a road dog who's on the road for seven days in the southwest. Like, I did every one of those shows, and I performed in every one of those rooms. And like, yeah.

But as far as like the drug use and like the weird three ways with dudes, that really wasn't my bag. Those are the guys I was opening for. Okay. You would get to like Toeum Carrey, New Mexico, and the guy would immediately walk into the kitchen and ask for a person by name. and it's because he's bought cocaine in this bar for the last 20 years on this endless slog of shit shows. So, yeah, like, those were the dudes that... We had the whole mountain time zone in Denver.

So it's like, you'd go all the way up to fucking Sturgis and do shows, and you'd go all the way down to Las Cruces, like, all the way, you know, Carney, Nebraska. Yeah. Like, into Utah, your favorite place on Earth. I've called it Kearney in the past. It's Carney. The entirety of Carney, let me know about it.

There are some sections in the book where you are... Not you, but in a rough part of town trying to get crack, right? For sure. Yeah. That's not. Well, so that was five points in Denver where I lived for like five years. Okay. And like back when I was a young man trying to taste all the delicacies, like I definitely

hunted crack on that corner. Okay. But it was mostly to like impress a cool guy. Okay. Yeah. The Baker skateboard team stayed with my friends for like two weeks. They like took over their apartment. Baker 3 is one of the best tapes of all time.

And this was like right around like 2006, dude. That's the peak. Yes. Baker Baker. I mean Dustin Dolan in Baker 2. Is that the one where he like takes the shots with the biker and then grind the rail out of the bar. He takes a shot of whiskey and then grabs his board and then board slides like a 15 stater.

And he had to do it like seven times because he couldn't. So he takes like seven shots. They stayed at the house for a while. They were in the house like occupying it. And I remember, was young Ryan Shekler on, oh, was planned,

was he was planned. He was almost. I don't want to name the names of the people who were saying because we did have to hunt drugs for them. And that was most of it. So yes, I've hunted down some rock and five points in my day. But so you wrote that one and it's kind of based off experience. Right.

But 100%. This one. This one, a bit more of an undertaking. Well, this is about a gay hitman in Paris doing one last job. Oh, so still. So it's a fantasy. Okay. You know, it just poured out of me.

It was so easy to write. Not you at all. Not you at all. The opposite, actually. God, I just, like, occupied him, and it's like, am I him? Is it hyperviolent? Yeah. Are you...

The last 30 pages of this thing, bro, are just a fucking Tarantino movie. Hyperviolence is like one of my favorite genres of movie. Awesome. Yeah. Not the new, but like the Carl Urban Dread movie. Oh, sure. Love it. I'm my favorite movie of all.

all time. Really? Yeah. Huh. You don't like that? No, it's fine. It's just like, uh, it's my most watched. Yeah, really? Yeah. No way. Yeah. Cool. You're gonna love this then. Okay. I can't wait. Yeah, he's a hit man and he's curious. Read the first. There's a shotgun in the first sentence. Read the first, like, two sentences there. There were two men in Tama, Iowa until one killed the other badly with a shotgun at intimate range. Beautiful. Uh-huh. And badly so much fun in the first sentence like hey I know that's not a word but like we're doing whatever the fuck we want in this book then the next this guy's no good the killer continued to fort dodge where he knifed a second man liver heart liver liver liver in the parking lot of a reptile expo bingo yes oh it's like i'm there yeah

so it's this dude and uh he was a marine and uh he experienced his heartbreak and then next thing you know he's fucked up his life so bad that he has to kill the fucking archangel of florence is this fun for you yes yeah like when you're sitting and doing Dude, it's constantly problem solving, right? So, like, I have a really hard time doing something unless it's has my attention completely. So, like, I'll go through these spurts for like right now it's gardening. Like, I just built my garden and I was in the garden like eight hours a day covered in dirt and I loved it. And like I was making my own t-shirts forever. I was like carving big stamps and inking them and pressing shirts. But then that loses my attention. Writing doesn't lose my attention because every day you're like,

first of all, I'm a jock. I like at heart. So it's like, I can't be a pussy. I have to get a thousand words a day. If I haven't got a thousand words a day, I failed. I'm not a man. I should put my penis in the dishwasher. Like that kind of thing. And also, I don't have an outline. So, like, every day it's like, maybe he'll fucking buy a hatchet. And maybe he has a hatchet.

Or, like, at some point, he might receive a machete. And, like, what's he going to do with that machete? Or, like, you know, what's it like to be a gay guy trying to fuck someone in a bathroom? You didn't know. What's the... Yeah. Yeah. You didn't know when you started this, how it was going to end?

I was writing a different book about Elizabeth. Eastern Colorado, and if I never left my hometown. And it was this, it was, I wanted to write a book about like, I read all these novels about men who are always walking on dirt roads. Like there's a classic trope in Southern Gothic where it's like a guy in overalls and he's always on the dirt road. I wanted to write a book about that guy modern day. But then Random House bought my first book and then they were like, what's your second book going to be? And I was like, it's a real like insular like, you know, a soul seat searching novel about a young man and dejected in his hometown. And they were like, got anything else?

I was like, yeah, yeah, it's a gay hitman, and he has to go to Paris. And they're like, here's money. Like, all right. So I started writing this in the middle of that other book because I was so bored with it that I was like, I want to write a book about like a hammer killer. So I started writing a book about like a hammer killer, serial killer guy who just traveled like a hobo and killed people with hammers. And I was like, that guy's unlikable.

So I met a guy in the merch line once. He's with two women. He comes up. He's wearing a mudvane shirt. Sick. We're in like, it's in Kentucky, I think. Of course he is. Yeah.

And he comes up and he's like kind of like sad. And he's like, what's up, man? Like me and my partner just, we love Toad's morale and we watched it over and over again. And like, we love your podcast and your book. Like we just, we really love you. And I was like, thanks, bro. Gave him a hug. And then the women are kind of like, tell him.

And then the guy's like, yeah, he killed himself a couple weeks ago. And my first thought is. The man you just hugged? Yeah, yeah. His partner killed himself two weeks ago. Oh, okay. And I'm like, you're a gay guy that likes mudvane?

Like that was the first thing That was the first thing I said to him. No, I was like, wait, you're a gay guy who likes mudvane? And he was like, yeah, we met it of Slipknot show. So then I made the guy gay and I was like, his partner is the kind of guy

who loves Slipknot in like Bush Light. And I was like, what would it be to be in love with a guy whose whole thing is like saying slurs on Xbox 4? Right. And then kissing your husband. Right, yeah.

Duality Part 2. So I got to write that guy. And it just so has. happens that his partner is a hitman. He's an ex-marine who doesn't know pain anymore. I mean, yeah, but once you get that idea, I can see where that becomes a blast. It's just fucking fun. You're in there.

You're high. You get bored. You go on a bike ride. You think. You listen back to what you wrote. And you're like, this sucks. You're bad at riding. And then you get home and your wife's like, what's for dinner?

And you're like, leave me alone. I'm an artist. I hit a beanbag chair literally with my feet up and it reeks like weed. I'm like, this is the process. My wife rules, though. We call it the program. You have to let the program into your house, which means I'm not going to be a good husband for like the next month because I'm on the final draft of this thing. She's like, I got it.

Because when she was in med school, we had to do the program, which was like the only time I saw her. It was an even swap. Even swap. Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah, it is. That really is. I'm to the, I'm, uh, I just started showing my fiancee rough cuts of videos. And I should, me and Kyle were working on with her, but with a chef Donnie.

Yeah, yeah. And I showed her the beginning and she didn't like one part. And I got really, really hurt. I know. And I kind of snapped. I know, dude. I was like, well, you don't do this for a living. You don't fucking know what you're talking about.

Yeah, right. But she is the audience. Right. So she's 100% the audience. Yeah. And you really want it to appeal for things we're making. Yeah. It'd be nice if women thought that they weren't vulgar and stupid. Yeah.

You know? Yes. So like when a woman specifically is like, I don't know about this, you're like, first of all, I lie to you all the time and never hurt your feelings. You know? Yes. You know how many times you've shown me like a strapless. And I've been like go off queen.

You don't have the shoulders for it, tuts. You know? So yeah, my wife never reads my shit until I'm like, it's done. And then she'll read it. And there's always notes. And I take them, but I'm so mean about it. I'm such a little bitch. Yeah, right.

I'm very thin-skinned. Yes. Just like, you have to like, how dare you? Yeah, like, what you think you know better? Right. Yeah. But you're not an author. You're a doctor

Stupid You're a doctor You're a doctor bitch Can it Here's a fun joke It hasn't been working But my wife and I were just To New Orleans

She was at a woman's doctor's conference Okay Yeah and many are saying It was the bossiest place on her Oh my god It hasn't been hitting But It was filled with nurses

Well she's a That's what they call her at work Oh, that probably makes her so mad. Dude, every time she says, because she won't say that she's a doctor when she meets people. She's like, I'm in medicine. They're like, oh, so you're a nurse. Yeah, right.

Like a vet tech. And then she's like, no, I'm the head of an attending and saying, you know, I won't she's, you know. Yeah. Yeah, it's, you guys probably have powerful lovers, right? Yeah, I think we both. Yeah, we all do. Yes.

You too. I didn't mean to. No. know yeah yeah and she she's she's good but yeah no it's funny that like i've been that with like i've she's seen like some of my clips and it's like wince-inducing but it's funny too because like they give you feedback and you're like i don't need the opinion of the person who knows me best that i trust the most yeah why what do you know the guy on the internet that said it was funny that i don't know he's got the read on yeah this guy's smart this guy who's avie is stephen paddock

thinks I'm great. This guy, George Floyd Truther says, I'm the bee's knees. I'm shut up, love of my life. And my thing is, like, I really don't give a shit, like, at the end of the day. Like, I no longer search my name on Reddit.

Like, I don't, like, fucking take on the pain because you take in 20 nice things. And then one person is, like, this guy's a fat jerk off. And you're like, well, he's right. Yeah. So I quit doing that to myself. I quit fucking put in my head.

in there. But I really don't care what anyone thinks. Like, I'm proud of that book. Like, I worked really hard on that book. I read a lot of good books. I try and, like, you know, you fucking emulate the stuff you think is valuable. So the only person who's opinion that I actually care about is my wife's, you know, at the end of the day. If I can see my, if my wife comes to a show, first of all, please don't. First of all, why don't I fly you to Cabo instead? You know, like, you need some time, honey. You work so hard. And then she's like, me and all of the girls are coming. All the women from the hospital. And I'm like, cool.

I need 16 tickets. And then the club will be like, you want them up front? And I'd like, I would rather get butt fucked by my dad on my mom's gray. Why don't you put them as far away from me as possible and make sure I can't see any of their faces? She's done a girls night when I was hosting a roast battle with a porn star. Yeah, I remember that. I was there.

Yeah, it's tough. Tough. How do you It's show business, honey. You don't agree with all of your co-workers. workers politics. It's insane to think that like, not that porn's bad. No. But you know, it's like, sometimes you get thrown into shit and like, first of all, I'm always on the side of comedy. You know, it's like, these are my friends. Yes, they happen to be a porn star now. You know, but like it's valuable contributions to the art. It's also hard to come home and complain about work. Oh, dude. My wife's a doctor. Yeah, right.

Fucking crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I made that mistake like once. I've called her just like stoned. I'm I'm always calling my wife Stone on a bike ride and I'll be like, hey, honey, what are you doing? And she's like, I'm at work. What do you mean? What am I doing? I'm in a hospital and people are dying. What do you mean? One time she came home and I like had a bad set in Cincinnati or something, a tough weekend and I didn't bonus.

This was like 2016. And she was at med school and I was like, hey, fuck, I had a bad time. And she's like, they brought in a dead fetus and we dissected it. Oh, my God. All right. Yep, you win. I'll be making dinner. some merlo

for the lady I'll be in the kitchen being unfunny I'll be in the kitchen apologize quietly there are some mornings where I'm just like

I said that I had like a 12 hour day beforehand but I was because we had a case race at night I was like please it was just such a long day I can't

I can't babe no it's very difficult but I think when you're with a woman who's very aspirational and ambitious and they're achieving shit it's easier to, like, not be their world. You know, like when they have their own nutrition coming in,

you don't have to be the sun. Like, that's cool. Wow. Yeah. That was nice. That was nice. That was very nice. You should be a writer.

Pre-order the book. I'm competing with Mr. Beast. All right. So please, Mr. Beast and James Patterson are putting out a novel like the week before. Wait, a collab. Wait, wait. Beast and Patterson together? Jeff, you like this?

No, look it up. Jigsaw is jealous. You're going to love the premise, too, dude. That is like a joke that we'd make on this show. Well, I think the simulation broke, right? But, like... Well, Patterson was writing books with Clinton. Sure, yeah.

He started doing children's books, too, because my grandfather... Well, he has a team of writers. It bothered my grandfather. He's like, he's doing, like, clown kids' books now. So, like, okay, he's changed his ways. He's just, like, Walmart, but it's books, you know? But him and Mr. Beast, one... Everyone's always asking in, like, the literary magazines that me and eight other

homosexuals read. it's me and the boys. And they're always like, who's going to save male reading? Because, like, men don't read and women only read. So there's been this big, like, you know, editorial back and forth between, like, the Atlantic and the Paris Review and blah, blah, blah. So Mr. Beast, like, obviously his algorithm went off and it was like, I will be the one to save male reading. So him and James Patterson are doing a co-lab. And allegedly, the premise is Mr. Beast.

It's like, what if Beast games was run by Jigsaw? That's squid game. Exactly. So it's like, it's effectively. It's what he does actively. Right. So that's what I understand. A hundred contestants competing in a day.

Yeah. Wait. And this is also hunger games. Right. But he's bad. Oh, but the guy's bad. It's like if Mr.

Bees could do the show he wanted, I think. Imagine Mr. Bees had bad intention. Right. It's mask off for Mr. Bees. Instead of curing blindness, he would take away people's vision. I can't believe it.

Wait, is it coming out around your... I, at least told it's coming out in September. My comes out September 22nd. So... against the beast. I'm literally up against... That's probably the last thing you ever expected when writing a book. I hope Mr. Beast doesn't release a book the same day. Dude, I don't know what the fuck we're doing.

Well, I think that the random house is like fairly confident the book will sell. And like, I need, but they're like, yeah, so like to become, be a, but just, you'll be a bestseller. And I'm like, previously, I was like, how many copies do I need to sell? And they were like, 3,000 is like a best seller. And then the Mr. Beast news hit. And they're like, hey, we should aim for 10,000 pre-sale. to compete with fucking Mr. Beast. So you can pre-order the book now, everyone.

I've done it. Yeah, please. Please pre-order it because the Beast and James Patterson. Do you want us to do it hard back? Do you see that back? I don't see it. It's not a difference in money. It's just fucking volume of sales.

Okay. And the New York Times doesn't tell you how you actually get on the bestseller list because they wanted to be this nebulous murky process. So like, that's why I'm just begging everywhere I go. Please, pre-order the book. The Beast The Beast.

Jimmy's coming, man. But here's good news, though. I did shows in North Carolina and Mr. Beast's team. I guess they're fans. They came to the shows. And then afterward, I was like, hey, you guys work for Beast?

And they were like, yeah, Jimmy. And I was like, he's writing a novel, right? And they were like, huh, is he still doing that? Oh, okay. That's reassuring. Maybe it fell by the wayside. Okay.

Still pre-order, though. Order it. Pre-order. I think I'm going to do the, book event on September 22nd in Chicago. That'll be awesome. I'm going to kick it off. That would be great. That would be fun. Come. I'm high.

Come through. That's all right, man. You be you, baby. I'm the fucking mule. Just get in the car. I would like to come. Yeah. What's a book? Do you read passages or does it a Q and A? I hate it, dude. Yeah, what? It's such a fucking self-serious. Are you signing? I sign. And then so like they want you, I did it when the last book came out from Random House,

I like did readings. and it was brutal. Are you sitting like crisscross applesau? No, dude, I'm like standing at a podium. Like I didn't want it Powell's in Portland. And like I get there and I had my suitcase full of shit because I came from like the airport. And the people were like, hey, homeless guy, you're not allowed in here.

And I was like, well, I'm doing the reading upstairs. And then they were like, we've heard that one before. So they literally like Google the photo of like a picture of me and compared it. And they were like, okay, come on up. and like it was packed but it was packed with the people that you know all the seeds that I've collected so it's barstool people it's Matt and Shane people it's fucking kill Tony people it's stanhope people and they're all conglomerated in Powell's books and they most of these people have never been in a bookstore before you know and also Powell's has never seen this the fucking

unwashed masses who also like to read you know Dennis Johnson or whatever so it was this real like clash of cultures and then I'm in there and like trying to do this like sincere reading and it's tough because people are just like you know they want you to do crowd work or whatever right yeah so i read like i read for like 10 minutes then i sat down i do a q and a okay it's just so it's just like q and a in conversation it's so much better right i'll read some shit i'm stoked on like i write hangovers really well so like i would read the passages of like hangovers from running the light and then i would read like some of the stuff about him doing stand-up because like i thought i could write about that shit but i'm not

kind of make people sit there and be like, my God, and take like long, dramatic pauses. Do the, do voices. Do a voice. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there's no black characters. So it's hard. But, uh, yeah, man, it's, it's, I don't like that shit.

But I do like being there and like seeing people and they're stoked on reading and citing their books. And then they're like, hey, like, what do you like to read? And I tell them books. And they're like, I like, I like this guy. And I'm like, she rules. And it's, that's cool. It's cool to talk to young dudes mostly about books because no one does that anymore.

Yeah. What do you enjoy doing more when writing? like adding to the plot in the character development, like it's a puzzle or just coming up with creative ways to say something and then reverse engineering it to like fit the plot. I don't know, man. I'm like a brick by brick, dude. Like I have to go like word by word, sentence by sentence, paragraph into page.

Are you pretty linear? Yeah, like I just like write it all the way through. Yeah. And I don't have like an outline. So I really enjoy like the lyricism and like the poetry of like the words coming together. Because like I'm a drummer and shit So like have you read Kevin Barry? No

Okay His is like all poetry too Okay But I also like when there's a fucking story Yeah Like purple pros getting in the way Of the story Like that's where it's loathsome

And like that's where pretension And like not killing your darlings Like I'm pretty good at like Rendering all the fat And turning it into lipstick Like I've cut I turned in my first draft And like this is done

And they were like All right well you should You should probably lose some words And I was like Fuck you editors And then I cut 13,000 words out of that. So like this is fucking sleek. This is a killing machine.

And look, Random House is giving me the ball. So it's like, do I want to like be at a fucking, you know, lame artist and stick to my guns about the book about my small town? Or do I want to do a work of popular pulp fiction that has a bunch of nutrition hidden in some cheese? Like this podcast started doing some damage.

We started. This podcast was exclusively making up stories from our small town. Yeah. Yeah. And we still kind of do that. Thumb hurts? My, no, I think it's like my... You having a tremor? My Thinar Empress.

It's like that... Totally. That fleshy bulge at the base of your thumb. Is that Star Wars? You determine your steak doneness. It's mandolinian. Yeah. This is my thinar or something.

Huh. It's... How could you have injured that? Agonizing. Crosswords. New York Times. Six straight hours trying to beat all of my daily records. Really?

You do crosswords, bro? We are addicted. That's difficult. I think you've completed probably like 10,000. Wow, man. No, I haven't completed that many. I just love doing them. How many times do you see, like, far out African-American artist Sun Blank?

And you're like raw. That's my favorite part of the recurring words. Well, it's like there's only so many ways. Yeah, shot A. Arlo. Iris, Arlo, Oreo. O.A. Yeah, there's so many.

Yeah. Dude, I was, sorry. Brian Eno. Brian Eno. So much Brian Eno. Eno is an auto. Yeah. We had the most uncomfortable moment together today, Kyle, with Rudy.

What? Rudy was driving us back from this volunteering event at pause. Yeah, the mandatory volunteering thing. The mandatory volunteering thing. Fired if you don't go. Right. And Kyle, on the drive back, you had a telehealth schedule. I had my doctor's appointment.

He was in the backseat. It was a tightrope walk, trying not to reveal to my best friends. what is exactly going wrong with me and the pills and medication causing this and that. And as few words as possible so we couldn't really piece it together.

We were guessing which... We were trying to guess what your answer... Which one was the suicidal ideation question. And I think it was the one that's like not as much anymore. I was still taking my chill pills,

Doctor. Everything is going smoothly and I blink very fastly at it. No, no, no, no. More of everything. I'm taking it as needed. I'm taking it as needed. It's just for flights.

I'm taking it as needed. I don't need it too often. You refill it, refill it just in case. 90's great. 90's great. And me and Rudy are just trying not to turn around, but we also can't speak because that would be in a right.

Then I'm like, why are you ending this? Why are you saying bye? Did you not care about me? Do you not, like, are you prescribing me the wrong things on purpose to get me out of you? It was way worse for us than it was for you. Yeah, yeah. It's not about you, man. The pills are for.

You're lucky. I go to a doctor on the west side of Detroit, and there's a large Muslim population there. And I was sitting in the doctor's office, like in the waiting room. Dearborn. Yeah, dearborn. And they paged a name, and I swear to God, it sounded like, gay, Isis, gay ISIS. And a man stood up and walked into the back.

I mean, how do you keep your composure for gay, you don't? You don't. You wig out. You look around the room. You're also the only one stone because it's 1130. And you're going to be in the office for a half hour. You've got to be lifted.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Well, Sam, thank you so much, man. Oh, my God. Dude, I'll tell you what, every time I come to Chicago, I get the most, like, are you going back on anus? Dude, you're beloved anytime you want. When you're back in September, we'll probably be on episode 500 part 26 or something. So, come back.

He's still here. It will be. It will be. Yeah, thank you guys. Sam, thank you so much. Check out his book. Samtallel.com. Yeah, man.

I'm in Madison next weekend in Grand Rapids. You can get tickets on the road every weekend for the rest of the year. You get in a tornado room? What's tornado room? I think that's the best steakhouse up there, right? Is it Madison? Madison? Yeah.

I don't know, man. Jeff is a Jeff, have you been playing? Yes, we ate there. Yeah, tornado room, right? Yeah, we ate there during a show, yeah. Very good. You ever work comedy on State, the club, though? No, it's impossible. Dude, you just don't want to leave the green room. Like, they have everything you want in the green room. They have pop a shot, and then they'll just be like, hey, here's every restaurant in Dane County. So if you want food from any of these places, we'll go get it. Yeah. Try tornado room. I think that's what it's called, right, Jeff. Yeah, that sounds super familiar.

I think that's right. There's a hand pie place there that sucks. Oh, okay. Yeah. They like pan pies. Just let them like it. By the way, on the yak, I made a joke about girl talk. Did you get that job? I love girl talk.

I know. Did you get the joke that I said? The nagging? Well, I was like, hey, do you guys know girl talk? And they were like, yeah. And I was like, I never listened to me. The name turned me off. And they were like, what do you mean?

And I was like, well, who wants to hear that? I'm married. I got enough of that at home. Yeah, I go home and listen to girl talk every day. Now I've just been thinking about that joke not hitting. Well, there are some that will haunt you, man. Or something you think are guaranteed. Well, I was firing at those guys.

You were firing at them. Those guys were kind of brick walls. They were on face. So you had to deal with me, and that was probably panic-inducing in you. And then the mincey debacle. No, I love what you did with them. Because I was just going to be like, how does it feel at a tour so often? You were really nice to them right away.

You were like a huge fan. You guys are definitive generation artists. I did say that. You're very nice to them. Two friends. You know, because I didn't have, like, the gall to, shit on them in a funny way I was like which one's Ross

which one's Chandler Yeah That was good And you pretended Not to know about Chandler's death Yeah But the bonus thing to me Was the man was just talk about

How he is married And has a new baby And you were just like I bet you used to fuck a ton of chicks I guess they were rapists Twice Do you guys like play rapy music And you know

You know DJs That's a man that doesn't have to come back For a year People make a lot of assumptions About DJs But you guys aren't all rapists Right I called back to it

Yeah, it's a nice circle back You were spot on Buy Sam's book Yeah, buy the book, thank you What a delight Of course Yeah, thanks guys This one's for you guys

Please, yes Jeff, this could be a gift Why don't you incorporate my book Into the fucking challenges out there You have to finish it That would be for me Everyone who wins a challenge Gets the book

No, no no, just have it on camera, whatever Yeah, yeah Oh wait, I'm competing this You wait to have that taped on my chest Yes, please I'll tape it on my chest You should absolutely have it with you almost at all times during the show. I bet you could get some cash from Random House.

Yeah? I bet so. I'm doing it. World outside deals now. I'm in. It's not even a t-shirt. Random House would be like, hold on, what's Barstool? You promoted the book on Barstool?

What do you mean? It comes out. The show comes out like right before the book comes out too. You're just reading it in every episode where you're not. Yes. Dude, please. In. They need to make a, like, a t-shirt.

one fabricated with just transparent pocket right? Yeah, like a teletubby. No, what you need to do is tape it and then make another shirt and they're like, come on, do you take that off? Then you rip off and you rip it off and then underneath it is just a shirt.

Yeah. That would be huge. Gladly. All right, guys. God bless.