A New Untold Story - Sphincter of Oddi - A New Untold Story: Ep. 390

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

ernst grafenberg, the sphincter of oddi, yoda, and kyle's junction. Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Rocket Money - Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to https://RocketMoney.com/UNTOLD. Mando - Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code ANUS at https://shopmando.com! #mandopodYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. Sweet. Yeah, we're good to go whenever you guys are ready with a clap. You want me to reject your reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? Fuck no, baby! That's a new untold story.

A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story. a new once old story episode 290 episode 390 fuck it's a monday in the gusty is that what you're calling chicago now is that good that's really good yeah big fat hairy deal what's that it's garfield he says that yeah and it's monday has a comic ever made you laugh out loud a comic strip yeah no that's why there has to be one like i feel like people pretend to enjoy there has to be one that's made you laugh you far side you and some others that i've talked to that I respect comedically will giggle and snicker at comics in a newspaper. Yeah.

Look up a Farside comic. Funniest Farside comic. That one was funny. Family Circus wasn't funny, but I could chuckle at Zitz. I liked Zitz and Foxtrot. Okay. Look at this. These are funny.

Click one, Mook. They're all funny. These are in the upscale paper. Not in the wheeling intelligence. Oh, these might not be funny. Send KB a comic that'll make you laugh. Yeah, make me laugh. Unbiased. Do you think you could make a funny comic?

No, I think it's one of the that's why I appreciate. I'm going to try my hardest. I'm about to go on vacation that whole time. When I'm having coffee and stuff, I'm going to try to make you a funny comic. You. Yeah. OK, but you got to do it in that style. Yeah.

I'll draw it and it'll have windows and frames. Garfield, I don't think has ever been funny, right? He was just a cat that loved lasagna hated mondays um he said something funny he said i'm not overweight i'm under tall how do you have a garfield quote off the rip what's jim davis's network waiting to use that when i was fat last week oh yeah have you eaten since yeah I'm having a consciousness quandary right now I don't know if it's because I've been fasting hard what is fasting hard I mean really fasting but like not eating not I think there's

one speed to fasting yeah yeah you can't do it you can'm fast faster than anybody else the way i'm doing so the way i'm doing is an intent it's intense oh 5.9 billion who's this the creator of garfield i could have told you that he's everywhere everywhere i'm back yeah he's the world over oh he's the chairperson wait a minute you're the chairperson of new balance mook not that jim davis New Balance, Mook. Not that Jim Davis. Egg on my face. 800 million. Still plenty. Yeah, that's crazy. Still plenty.

The founder of New Balance is that rich? My God. Is this like new money from the resurgence? Thanks to Jackson Harlow? And me. And I wore them for a while. And everyone else started wearing them

yours are cool thanks man appreciate you what you got on feet yeah I like those you got the Dash War Confessional t-shirt on

oh no it's sick who sent these your hair is oh Jesus with a G G E E Z U S shout out to oh Jesus

he's a vintage guy don't bother angel no I'm gonna have to tell myJesus. He's a vintage guy. Don't bother, Angel. No. I'm going to have to tell my... That's... Who's that? That would be... That's cute without the E.

That's Taking Back Sunday. Oh! Dashboard Confessional? Slightly gayer. It's one guy, Chris Carraba. Okay. And he sang Screaming Infidelities. I'm missing your bed.

I never sleep. I don't know that. Do you know Dashboard Conf know dashboard confessional i know the name i know the name i couldn't tell you a song your hair is everywhere i've heard you sing okay that's the only reason there is that's your guy one dude it's one dashboard confessional is one guy yeah that's not a band? That's not a large band? No, it's like Tame Impala. Alright. He looks like a barber influencer. Yeah, he does.

No, he's the man. This guy lives in Fishtown, Philadelphia. Fishtown? You ever hear of Fishtown? I haven't heard of Fishtown. It's like an artsy hipster spot in Philly. Named Fishtown? Fishtown? Fishtown. It's like an artsy hipster spot in Philly. Named Fishtown? Fishtown? Fishtown, Philadelphia.

Culinary art and music trends take off. A magnet for hipsters. That just means like shitty but not unsafe. Exactly. It's being gentrified enough where it's livable. Yeah. Right. But Philly, does philly have nice sections like

really nice yeah ridden house square old city manioc no that's not nice it's not that nice though where are the people decaying uh kensington that is getting out of hand the videos like they have to have cameras on them at all times i see videos every day it's really really bad it's so bad zombie city yeah is this it and it's just all under a train track of course it's shitty good god man but this is kensington is just like one where is this in the city kensington is a neighborhood this street specifically under the l is like it's just open air drugs yeah all day every day and they're on some new they're not even on fence and no they're on the brand new shit it's amazing like i'd imagine these people aren't the most educated but they

scientifically are having breakthroughs with drugs yeah apparently people are i don't even jesus god damn not great is it like in the middle of the city uh can you like accidentally stumble upon it sort not really no it's like outside center city probably like 15 minutes away what should the premise of my comic be? I know what I got it. I want to make you I might make you cry. Cry laughing. Yeah.

Like kilo like have to bend over and catch your breath. I think you're the guy to do that. Thanks, man. All right. You some this might be my. I think you're I think you might do it with your art. I've seen you. That's what comics are.

I've seen your bent over asses. Yes. Those always make me laugh my mook you're you were doing dicks before super bad i was i was doing dicks way before super yeah probably five years before super bad i was i had a notebook full of dicks uh-huh what was your favorite dick um i did one that was like it uh i did a few i did a guy that it was a dick with eyeballs and like cartoon hands, so white gloves. And I would have him in precarious situations. But my favorite one was him getting walked in on in the

shower. And so like the shower curtain was pulled back and he didn't know what to cover because he's all a dick. Could you express that via art? Yeah. I did like the fast moving hands or like multiple different. Yeah, you're going to make me laugh. I don't know about cry though. I don't know. But yeah, I did him and then I did a dick about cry though I don't know but yeah I did him

and then I did a dick that um had a knot in the middle that I like to do like a literal like bow yeah that's cool yeah

and then I did I did one it was a dick that was climbing up the Empire State Building swatting away other dick planes oh my god

yeah that's cool you gotta let's do a stream King Dong yeah send i will draw dicks and you can like you know how like jimmy fallon has like singers come on he's like ariana grande sing sing superstition but in the form of uh whitney houston and she can do it i want to do like two wheels and i have to draw dick art let's art. Let's do a stream of that. Okay. We've tested out the live painting stream.

I want to do that. I'll do dick art. That's probably somebody's name, right? Dick art. Richard Arthur. Here comes the Google God. Google God. Dick art plus name. Dick art name.

Oh, he just found a calligraphy of the name Richard. Oh, moo. Diamond corn? No, that's not it. You're just looking up a guy named Richard's art. You want to beat him to it, Kyle? Woo. Woo.

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You can just do dick art. Art is crazy. 390 is the name of an infamous strip club in Chicago. Club 390, I'm guessing that's the interstate. But looking at the reviews, the main gripe seems

to be that everything is great except the women ignore you. Wait. This is the top review. He has the local guide badge. i'm guessing he's official in experience yeah he says the atmosphere in the space created makes it very comfortable comfortable to be there the waitress we had was super nice uh the women looked great and they had all the flavors you could ask for i don't know what that means. Well, look at the top one. Talent on the pole, but not the mouth.

Oh, Jesus. That's like a real Game of Thrones-y way to say that she doesn't give good head. Does she ride his dick or does dance on the pole? Hi, Jade. We apologize. It's disheartening to hear that we...

No, that's copy and paste. It's my brand from what I understand we... They apologize that they're... No, that's copy and paste. They don't care. It's mob ran, from what I understand. But, yeah. Makes it comfortable to be there. The waitresses who had... This one. Look... What is it?

No table dance offered. No nothing. Is this Jerry? I made eye contact with several and they just ignored me. He has to be hideous, right? He has to be. Which one is he?

Pictures? A lot of ones. Wait, is it also a hot pot? What's in the middle there? It's got to be an ice bucket. The women come in like piss and shit. This guy, Jebediah Abernathy, said, Definitely some of the hottest here but they

don't seem to want to interact been here two plus hours not a single approach oh my god did a live review he did a live review he did it while he was there he probably was hoping the girls we saw he was probably like that's one of the most pathetic things in the world doing a yelp review of a strip club. At a strip club on your phone. Complaining about how they won't even look at you. I picture it with his laptop. No girl will come up to you and talk to you.

They walk right past you and ignore you. Just go for a fat old man. Joe Kropinski. Fartbox with two X's said, Lola put fentanyl in my drink. Kropinski. Fartbox with two X's said, Lola put fentanyl in my drink. And then Brett Shuffler said, Lola is a scammer.

Oh my god. Now you can't be both of those things. You can't give people free fentanyl and then also be a scammer. Julia Julio Chavez, I couldn't wear my $50 plain white tee inside. Alright. Damn. I couldn't wear my $50 plain white tea inside alright damn

wait so did he go shirtless going to a strip club shirtless happened to be the most depraved what's more pathetic leaving a great review or a horrible review after a strip club I don't know complaining that you're not getting attention might be like that's the guy oh shit leaving like three stars is the most logical thing you can do yeah it's decent i think doing it live is the most pathetic thing

this place is bogus as fuck that's a good word i gotta start using bogus yeah I might that might be like that my that might be my comic book characters catchphrase bogus I might get yeah from the ugly skinny cracked out doped up anorexic thirsty girls to the unprofessional fake black manager fake black manager so fake is in

not real or is he fake black like the Wizard of Oz don't come back here So fake is in not real or is he fake black? It's like the Wizard of Oz don't come back here Damn You're a fake black manager damn man Fuck lemon ginger Oh, that's what I put to say myself. Yeah, that's it. Don't make that a flavor. Wait, do you think that was a stripper's name? No, I put that in my notes. You don't like

lemon ginger? It's a good kombucha. What a stupid flavor. Alright. Why? Some of your items have come in for the Guinness record for most laziest. We Fitness for Dummies came in horrible condition, which is funny

that means like somebody was like taking this on the go someone was really so when i'm back that week i will sit down and read all 252 pages in audiobook form so i can lay down and listen to it as a podcast while eating a hamburger pureed through a straw. You have special glasses. I have the glasses where I can stay laid back. I have the remote control for the iPhone. I have diapers so I can shit and piss.

And I have the... And I have the neck pillow for this. And what else do we need? I'm going to do the laziest thing ever. So I'm going to do a video about my my conquest with that half speed i'm a bit concerned because this might be a boring podcast because chapter 7 page 125 is getting started which is like that. Wait, what page? What? 125.

125 pages. Before getting started. To turn on the Wii console. All right, let's get it. Let's get into it. It's written by husband and wife. The wife dedicated to the husband. The husband dedicated to the wife.

These people have to suck so bad. What do they start with? The Big Bang? Yeah, where do they? Why conventions used in this book? The first chapter is on the book. How to use the book. Why you need this book. How to use this book!

It says it! It doesn't say... It says how to use this book? It says how to use this book. It says how to use this book. Oh, man. Why? Yeah. Why you need to do. Yeah.

I hate these people. How this book is a organ. Do you think we could write it for dummies book? I was gonna say, how do they get this? How do you get this role? Yeah. Because what are you doing? Putting my bookmark in your bookmarks?

A slim Jim. Yeah. Oh, I'm hungry Wait a minute one time at lunch. You remember Kiki that we went to school with Kiki Leeper I'm a senior. No, no that wasn't her Kiki's in regular. I shouldn't have said that I hit an entire hamburger in her book and she didn't know until like, like, the end of the year. Not just the patty. Hey, you're going to get oil stains on my patty. So, wait, the Slim Jim has to be a bookmark?

Yeah. All right. And you have to eat it. And I'll read it on the plane. You have to eat it, then forget where you were and have to start over. I'll read it on the plane with a Slim Jim bookmark. Yeah. Oh, my God.

This is, uh... oh my god this is uh this foolish foolish assumptions is it part of this the intro which i don't understand what that means i'm really excited ever me i'm really excited nobody will listen to this bonus episode um but we're going to do it anyway yeah and by what you're going to be there i'll be. It'll be a podcast and I'll just read it and you chill. Um, what else you got going on? What'd you do this weekend?

Um, that, that might be, I did too many things. You did too many things. I played tennis. I went to the air ancient baths. Oh yeah.

I recommended that. Didn't I? You did. Okay. Don't so don't act like you found it i found wait no you said it's slow like i wouldn't understand what it is i know i know you've been there i was the one i told you to go is it worth i thought it was an amazing quarter band it's not a quarter it's not a quarter b For two people? I think it's $250 each. I don't think so. $250 for two.

I thought it was really cool. It was really cool. But at the end of the day, it's just different hot tubs. Yes. Did you do the cold plunge in the steam room? I did the cold plunge. Did you go outside? I went outside to the waterfall.

This all sounds amazing it was awesome but i'm like this is just a hot tub did you scrub with the salt i did not scrub with the salt what did you do i floated in the dead sea oh you're talking about this weekend i did that too yeah uh oh yeah it was cool it was great. Got caught for watching porno on the Oculus. You got caught? No. I didn't get caught watching it. I just blame Rudy.

Wait, what? Wait, you told me last week I need my Oculus back because I want to play ping pong. You said you got caught watching it? No, I got caught that there was been porno watched on the Oculus. I did not do that. What did that entail did that wasn't me oh it wasn't you no and i had rudy borrow it for three months i did not watch porn if it was you you have to fess up i would i'm in big trouble i would gladly fess up did you watch porno on my

oculus i did not watch porno what was the genre what was the genre pov well obviously non-pov porn on the Oculus. I didn't. There was no, I'm just kidding. I did that never does. That's just a lie. I just wanted to see if I could get you to admit to watching porn on my Oculus. I wouldn't do that. I would feel too weird. I'd be too close to you. you yeah i wouldn't want to wear the headset yeah it'd be a bad friend move what are the odds isn't aren't the odds high of you you every day you shake somebody's hand that jerked off and didn't wash their hands oh i don't like that at all i'm fine with that why it's just like there's a lot of facts like that if you boil it down. I touch my phone every day.

And when's the last time you've washed your phone? Never. When I mistaken the Wikipedia Netflix. That's when I washed my phone last. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, my hand smells like Slim Jim. I wouldn't want to watch porn on the Oculus either because I know that it would be awesome.

I'll finish that. It would be too awesome. The porn the porn yeah why do you think that because it would just be such an immersive experience i've said this before the more tech you use to jerk off the sadder it is the sadder the clarity afterward imagine having to take that off yeah the fucking and then having to like try to clean wash your hands before touching it and taking it off yeah you're like stumbling around your room with this massive vr headset it's sad it's super yeah i wouldn't want that whoa what is that you could fuck this what is that joy love dolls why did you that's the one wow are those the really expensive ones yeah they're like two grand so i actually i paid just as much for Ronald McDonald. I remember reading about these one time.

And the interesting thing is there's this one company that makes like super high-end sex dolls. And the majority of their clients are widows. And it made me look at the business entirely differently. That is really sad. Yeah. Super sad. Rudy, are you attracted to these um we obviously can't show how do the pussies yeah i guess so fuck whatever sure yeah how do the pussies work i mean they're hot like they're made to look in like unbelievably

like hot they look like anime characters but i wouldn't be able to separate the fakeness from the root if that keeps the creeps from going out in public i'm all for it but what if this just makes you creepier yeah imagine after like getting done with a bender with one of those where do you store it right i mean you're not having company if you have one of those right no there's a pregnant category oh look at the categories oh uh ernst graffenberg is rolling in his grave ernst ernst graffenberg ernst graffenberg er nst oh oh stop with this quit it buddy yeah there's a pregnant one. Go back to the regular big titty ones. That's a weird, weird thing. That should put you on a list.

Yeah. And so he goes to curvy. Oh, damn. It's raining hard. Ernst Grafenberg. Grafenberg. He's done a lot. Without the right recognition.

Go to his Wikipedia.ipedia not on images there look at this look at the um he invented the iud look at this step first paragraph all right let's stop there he invented the iud that's one of the probably the most impactful inventions in sexual history. Sure. Okay. It's, it's done a lot for the cream pie community, a lot for the cream pie community.

Thanks to Ernst. What else does it say? His studies of the role of the woman's urethra in the orgasm. Yeah. Whatever that means. And look at that last G spot is named. That is the coolest last sentence. And-spot is named after him. That is the coolest last sentence in Wikipedia. The G-spot is named after him.

Do you think he was good at fucking? That's just like the coolest identifier. The G-spot was named after me. The G-spot being named after you. That's insane. Right. That's the biggest flex of all time. There's more.

He was in Nazi. He was a Jewish dude. He was a more like he was in nazi he's a jewish dude he was a nazi he was in nazi germany oh but he was all right let me look it up chief gynecologist chief gyno he got smuggled out of nazi germany moved can you do it in uh native american chief gyno i can't do native american, but... Your pussy. Your pussy is healthy. I don't know how to do a Native American. You can go by Dr. G-Squat. Your pussy is healthy.

He was born in the kingdom of Prussia. What was that? Dutch physician Rainer de Graaf described the female ejaculations. The androgynous erogenous I'm going to get lampooned its location and existence

is still questioned though so it's named after him but we still it's like the Loch Ness monster of pussies we don't know the G spot's the Nessie of pussy the Carmen San Diego look at this hans liefeld attempted to persuade him to leave nazi germany ernst refused believing that since his practice

included wives of high nazi officials he would be safe that is ice cold yeah he was he was a jew was popping he was a jewish dude popping the p pussies of Nazi wives and didn't give a shit. He's like, I'm good. Touching their pussies. Touching like probably the most sensitive untouched spots of the pussy. Heinlich Himmler's wife. Has her shaking. Yeah.

And he's like, I'm not worried about it. I don't care. My Jewish fingers are those guys. Wow. Oh my God. There, I'm not worried about it. I don't care. My Jewish fingers are... Those guys... Wow! Oh my God. There needs to be a movie about him. That's so hard. And then he did get caught, imprisoned, smuggled out of

jail. For being Jewish? For being a Jewish dude. Oh, look at him. He's smiling. That's Gregory Pincus. Who's Pincus? That's Pincus? Who's Dr. Gregory Pincus? What has he done? Wait, go back. Go back to his other friend.

He's smirking like he has the G-spot named after him. What did he do? I'll never. Smoking a six. No, no. Go to that one, Mook. Who's that? Go to the.

Scroll down. Oh, who's Pincus? That one on the left. Look at him. What did he do? A devilish smirk. Wait, wait. If Grafenberg did the G-spot, what did this guy do?

This guy must have just discovered the pussy. And that's why it's Pussy Pig. Look at his arm. Oh, man, all he knows is pussy. But what did he do? Go to Pincus' page. Oral contraceptive pill. He invented busting in.

Yeah, he's smiling because he knows what he did for the community oh wow good work thanks guys he went to cornell and harvard yeah wow so um his iq was 210 these guys are good look at that that's the guy that he hasn't told anybody that you can bust like freely inside of that's the thing and that's the face that like if you saw him you're like what are you hiding he's like you'll never you'll never get you'll never get it out of me only two kids after basic necessities and i'll include ac as a necessity. This is like, that might be the best invention. The pill? Shout out Pecos.

Back to Grafenberg. Yeah. He worked in the gynecologist department at the University of Kyle. No way. Word. Do they have merch? Look at that.

Kyle U. Yeah. He went to Kyle U to find the G spot. Imagine your girlfriend is like a nurse at his wing. Oh, I would hate this guy. So you came home late. What were you doing? Oh, I just got some drinks.

Who'd you get drinks with? Just some of the other RNs dr g ingrid heidi doris and uh ernst stopped by but only for a little bit ernst yeah ernst he's this super dorky science nerd he's always in his laboratory reading and working on experiments. What's he working on? Oh. Oh. Oh.

Nothing. Nothing. Ernst working on the G-spot. Your girl's best friends with Ernst. Honey, it's just Ern it's just ernst he's a nerd he's a science door he's all dude if my girlfriend was best friends with ernst i would never get into an argument with her but no you couldn't You just couldn't get into an argument.

You would have to just be the biggest pussy in the world. So take so much. Kyle actually has this local shelter named a little puppy after Kyle. Oh, that's great. That's cool, man. That's cool. Yeah, that's dope, dude. He would he would talk down to you so much.

Oh, that's awesome. You got a dog named that. That's so cool, man. I have an item you can't find in your girlfriend's pussy. Would you like to know? What was his height weight?

When did he die? 1967. Oh, he was in New York City during the heyday of probably... Sex? Oh, yeah. I hope he got to use that. Oh, my God. He invented the G-spot?

Imagine girls that didn't know, and they wake up, they're like, that was amazing. What do you do for a living? And then like, I don't know where I'm going with this at all i'm wondering how he spread the word right it's still like not it's still like only hearsay right there's no there's no like map i don't know was he. Was it his little secret? Who is like, who did he tell? I feel like back then it was pamphlet.

Everything was like pamphlet driven. You just give out pamphlets. Yeah. Or like propaganda from a plane or just a billboard. And it's a picture of him. He's like, guess what? Or he just like booked appointments like with women. Yeah.

And he's pointed it out. Word of mouth, grassroots. Word of mouth. Yeah. I'm looking at other people who have like body parts or anatomical sections named after them. Yeah. Dave Penis. God damn it.

Yeah. Dave Penis. He's from Toledo. he's from toledo um but now this guy ruggero oddy as the an italian physiologist has the sphincter of oddy dude what a loser and here's what the sphincter of oddy is it sounds like a holy item in indiana jones yeah yeah he has to go recover it. He's replacing the sphincter of Audi with a bag of rice real quick. It's a muscle that opens and closes to allow bile and

pancreatic juice to flow into your intestines. The sphincter. Imagine him and fucking, he has to do icebreakers with Ernst. Yeah, they're on the same floor, freshman year dorm. Two truths and a lie. His parents are ashamed of him. I wish you were just more like Ernst yeah they're on the same floor freshman year dorm two truths and a lie his parents are ashamed of him I wish you were just more like why could you be more like

Ernst yeah he invented the turd cutter that's no that's this is the um of Audi what's his first name Ruggiero yeah R-U-G-G-E-R-O it's the muscle that opens and closes the ass.

It allows ass to leave. It allows shit to leave. Yeah, this guy. Oh, yeah. Rudy. Is that Rudy? Are you related to him, dude? Maybe.

Wait, what was he a victim of? Click that first one. How'd he die? He was a victim of gaslighting by Congo? By the Congo Free State. He got gaslighted? They told him he was crazy. He's on a missionary trip in Congo to tell people how turds get cut.

No, they just told him. He went to the University of Bologna. So this dude, he's like, he went to the University of Bologna and had a part of the sphincter named after him. He was gassed by the Congo. They're like, no, dude, it's really cool. It's so much cooler than what Ernst is doing. The asshole's way cooler than the Congo. Was forced to work in the rubber fields of Congo.

The condom fields. What a joke. What a waste of science. Ruggiero, Oddy what a waste of science and then there's sir rutherford alcock who has the alcox canal and or canal named after him i don't even what's the alcox canal i'm at the wikipedia page i read the whole thing don't know what it is still it's an anatomical structure formed by the obturator fascia lining the latter wall of the ischioanal fossa.

The internal pudinental artery and veins in pudinent. Don't know what that is. That sounds like it's asshole related again. I think it might be. General Ambrose Burnside has the sideburns named after him. That's a good one.

Yeah, I guess you could just have like a crazy facial feature or facial hair and name it after yourself, right? I suppose so, yeah. Earl Tupper has the Tupperware named after him. That's not a part of the body. And Erno Rubik has the Rubik's Cube. Those are all the new ones, though, because at some point there must have been a caveman that discovered the asshole i don't think you have to discover something he's like whoa check it out i discovered the asshole to be such an early man where you could discover parts of you i guess that was just adam yeah adam discovered the asshole yeah yeah what if he what if seth did yeah adam has the apple seth

what is this yeah just google who discovered the asshole was adam circumcised he couldn't have been no chance i always found that funny that god had like four or five chapters in was like yo scratch this i fucked that up what the foreskin oh yeah yeah that's what that's what went down he's like patch this for me and they did oh they did yeah in deuteronomy numbers i don't remember which one do you have any uncircumies yeah i have one you do one he's greek okay yeah a lot of greeks yeah i don't know they're proud of it yeah i had a buddy that was considering going adult circumcision oh getting it for a cleanliness

route it's pretty no i think he just was sick of the stigma, but it's pretty harsh. Yeah. Because your penis is grown. Yeah. Uh-huh. Do they put you under? They didn't when you were a baby, dude. They just kind of did it, right? Yeah, they just kind of, like, snip your dick.

Another... And, like, it used to just be, like, a fucking priest that did it, right? Or a rabbi? A mohel? M-O-H moil moil moil yeah were they trained to do that or were they just kind of like was that one of the tasks of a i think it was dude that used to be the the og scalps when you collect when david defeated uh goliath look at that guy yeah when david defeated goliath he went to the king and said i would like to have sex with your daughter and marry Her and he said I you can do that But you you got to go to this other village and get me a hundred four skins

You know what he did he went to Gomorrah and came back with 200 four skins You got 200 four skins doubled the four skins where I'm like silly bands. Yeah, I Still have mine in a scrapbook. Your foreskin? Mm-hmm. That's disgusting. I thought you were going to say silly bands. That's way, that would be way more normal.

Yeah. No, I still don't, no, I don't have my foreskin. What do they do with it? I don't know. Probably burn it or some shit. What do doctors do with your foreskin right up there oh yeah what happens afterwards look at research

does the rabbi just pack a lip oh my god I found a guy named uh Dan Savage. He invented pegging. He invented... His name is Savage? He invented pegging?

He invented sodomy? Oh, look at him. Is he gay? Yeah, fully gay. Figured. He invented pegging. Savage? Yes. No way. Figured. He invented pegging. Yes. No way.

Dudes were getting... No way. It's the dawn of time where we're putting things in our ass. He looks too young to have been invented. Yeah, he should be... The inventor of pegging should have been dead

for 200 years now. Savage and his raidership coined the term pegging to describe a woman anally penetrating a man with a shotgun. Oh, he coined the term. Yeah, because I feel like

the Egyptians were probably doing that shit. Herating a man. Oh, he coined the term. Yeah, because I feel like the Egyptians were probably doing that shit. He has a podcast. It's hard to invent things now, I feel like. He lives in Chicago. What's the best invention of the 2010s?

Oh, man. There's probably a lot of technology that was invented. A bunch of apps. Cars and space. Yeah, never mind. A lot of the that was invented cars and space yeah never mind a lot of the best shit has been recently invented no I'm saying the easy stuff is all gone the easy easy stuff like all the easy ones

now it's really hard you have to be really smart to invent stuff you didn't have to be smart to invent stuff back then what's the best recent non-tech invention the scrub daddy the sponge that's the what's the best recent non-tech invention the scrub daddy the sponge that's the highest grossing shark tank to me the sponge that's tech to me and then everything's tech any tool is tech the sham wow i don't think it worked i never tried one

i used to be a sucker for as seen on tv do you ever get those uh markers that used to blow into? Yeah, they were like airbrush markers. They would make you lightheaded as fuck. Oh, yeah. But they worked great. Yeah. Kyle, are you worried about your lightheadedness?

How long has it been since you've eaten? So I'm eating. It was just it's just like 20 to 24 hour fasts. Do you think that's too long? I think the problem is I'm burning a lot of calories on top of that. Yeah, but I don't know. I don't think you, just because you took one bad photo?

No, I've been feeling amazing. It just finally, you're dizzy. I can see where that photo damaged you. I don't think it was that bad. I looked at it. Well, the reason I felt bad for you is because it made your hair, it looked like you got a haircut because your face had

expanded. Yeah, it looks swollen, which is not a good look. I'm glad I did it. But that was post all you can eat sushi. Yeah, but that doesn't really. It was time for a change. I feel like the best way to live is to make dramatic changes

every one to three months. Just to keep yourself on your toes? Just to switch shit up. I agree with that. Yeah. I think I've been in a routine for four years now.

What's that? I haven't switched too much up. Well, it probably depends on if you're someone with the brain like me, I need to. Yeah, because you're, are you sober now? So now I'm sober. I'm not drinking.

I'm smoking weed. Okay. Which could be a problem because I'm doing it every night. Are you gambling? I'm gambling. Yeah. On college basketball? I'm gambling.

Yeah. Everything. Really? Yeah. Are you watching the games or just? No. I've been watching. Why are you doing it? It's fun. Isn't it the point of gambling to like watch the games?

That one but I'm putting in ridiculous parlays like centipede parlays. Thousand legs? Thousand legs. Yeah. So that's back. You told me you did eight hours of crosswords this weekend

cumulative yeah but you probably did too i had a bad day friday i was trying i was like doing a little bit of work after you guys left and i started doing crosswords and then blip three hours went by yeah and i was pissed i was like actually like mad at myself I started drinking and doing crosswords by myself in an office I bought a mini claw machine and I filled it up with lemon heads and I've been it takes pennies and I put a penny in and I win lemon heads I didn't leave the house this weekend

that's way more depressing yeah man oh yeah mook posted a youtube short of you talking about emperor palpatine and a bunch of dorks are arguing about palpatine now some are saying it was a clone he never had sex oh the star wars dude yeah sheave sheave what are they saying i can't see uh there's a couple palpatine was definitely from the naboo mate also he's a wizard who's richer than any than many nations he definitely has been laid.

Did Palpatine write that? Boy, they're really arguing. I think Palpatine's in the comments. Darth Palpatine? Pretty sure the extended universe mentions him fucking. Palpatine's a quadrillionaire after he made the banking clan part of the state, and since he's the head of Empire, he is the state. Plus, he owns beach

planets with private Sith labs and multiple harams. So Palpatine has shooters out there like yeah, he should have been that he's so rich I should say look at his face. It's dudes always get pussy Palpatine clothes himself This is a painful and the clones father yeah, yeah Yeah, people are mean in the comments. I didn't know Palpatine had shooters like that. He's the bad guy.

Damn. Full out war on Palpatine. Any other Star Wars takes, Kyle? That gets the people going. Um. I dissected Yoda when I was younger I found him it's a real one Belmont County it was after wrestling practice

in St. Clairsville I was waiting for my ride. And there was a little wooded area behind the gym, behind the wrestling facility. And I found Yoda. And I can't prove that it was Yoda, but it was a creature that looked exactly like the... Was he in the ropes?

I never, yeah, not in a robe. He was naked. Didn't have a penis, so. And it was living maybe not after i not after my scalp i died and i dissected it it was spur of the moment knee-jerk reaction i was kind of i was freaking out i was panicking and i dissected him like uh did it look like him? Just like that. You found this dude in Belmont County?

Yeah. I don't know if it's... Maybe it's a similar species. It's probably not the Yoda, but it could have been. Same ears, same eyes. What'd you find? I didn't touch his head just I just the torso scalpel what were the innards like it was like like a humans it was insane and where do you leave them I fed them then to who i fed the organs to who um my friend dominic there you go there's your steak

people are gonna be arguing about it yoda for sure had a penis he's never been to belmont county maybe he has what would yoda be doing in belmont county um you went to college there at belmont tech You went to college there. At Belmont Tech. Why is this so fucking funny? Yeah, I forgot that. He's on the Notable Alumni.

He was studying finance. Not at Belmont Tech. What was he studying at Belmont tech um god knows he was an exploratory major yeah man i always forget that yeah in belmont in belmont county god damn damn man i'm glad does that feel good to get off your chest Dominic ate all the organs Yeah he did Yeah he did

Oh my god Dude what happened to us We used to like sit down and write puns And wordplay and now You dissected Yoda In Belmont County Penis-less. Trying to piss off Star Wars fans.

We got gifted a Riley Cooper jersey. They sent it in to Mostly Sports. Can you wear that out? I think because most people wouldn't know. But I wouldn't know. I don't want to wear it. I got White Sox Dave to put it on real easy.

Is there footage? Just a photo of him. But that's it. Oh man. So stupid. Have you ever stumbled upon subscriptions you forgot about? Services you've been paying for and you didn't even realize it,

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It's Wednesday now. Nick is gone. He's in Rome. Bye-bye, finally. Rudy, welcome to Kyle's Wednesday now. Nick is gone. He's in Rome. Bye bye. Finally. Rudy, welcome to Kyle's Junction. Yeah, I'm in a new area code over here. Done leveled up. I couldn't use Kyle's Corner. It's trademarked a social services organization in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin. Lock that up. So this is Kyle's Junction. update from nick he facetimed you this morning yeah he really upset me actually he gave me he pissed me off i was sleeping had my sleep mask on

i get a facetime from nick answer it it's him in front of the Coliseum with a Marlboro Red sucking on it. I just stare at him. He just stares at me. I don't say a word. He takes another hit of the cigarette, blows it out on the camera, laughs, and then hangs up. That's evil, dude. What a douchebag. Not a single word said.

He's probably wearing clam diggers. What? Capri pants? Probably, yeah. He's probably wearing Tom's shoes. Yeah. Tom's shoes. Yeah.

His legs in Capri's got to be like... The Europeans love wearing like capri i don't know why i said clam diggers um like jean capris no socks or like the invisible um socks with like this this narrowest pumas the narrow yeah narrowest pumas and then a v-neck narrowest pumas the narrow yeah narrowest pumas and then a v-neck yeah they still rock in the v-necks probably k-swiss um that he belongs there yeah he does i once i hung up i just screamed as loud as i could just screamed i was i was so mad um i uh i asked him how it was. He said, can't read a single menu or sign here. Entire country is a Rudy Sim. Oh, he's saying the opposite. He's saying you belong there.

Well, I think he's making a joke about how he can't. Oh, that's on me then. Oh, my God. Shocker. I didn't clock that either. That should have been easy to clock. Yeah. Like how you can't clock that either. That should have been easy to clock. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Like how you can't read English words. Yeah. Everything looks Italian to me. Yeah. I'm reading a menu. I'm like, this must be like a Portuguese place. This is crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

I hope he's having fun. I hope he's having a great time. Stuff in his face. Oh, my God. I'm done with. He can't even eat pasta can he does that have gluten yeah obviously cannot eat pasta yeah i hope he shits his pants are we gonna say sorry i'm done with um fasting um tried it the 20 hour fast isn't for me. Um, not if I'm smoking kush,

you can't break a fast with kush. Then things get heinous. Um, I was, I'll admit it. I was counting farts last night. I got to a point of farting where I had to start counting them in my notes app. What was the tally?

Um, this is four, six, two, five. I was delirious. 16. I'll get to the 16. Nine. I would wake up in my bed and spare the maiden, go to the couch and fart myself to sleep on the couch. Sleep on the couch for two hours. Wake up, get a few out, go back to the couch and fart myself to sleep on the couch, sleep on the couch for two hours,

wake up, get a few out, go back to the bed and repeat. I would go to the couch, rip. I'd rip 16. Like I was on sway in the morning. Then I'd audible to the toilet just in case, get a few out there, go back to the couch fart myself to sleep how did i get there well first off i'm gonna blame this all on andrew huberman he's the whole reason i'm experimenting with these like biohacks and lifestyle changes and i'm sure most of you know the news um do you know i saw that he was in trouble or he was getting some bad press he's as adulterous as the day is long he was getting yeah he was hacking pussy he kind of was so i never went to him for moral or ethical guidelines but i sacrificed so many shower shivers sunshine

squints sauna syrup for that man and now i don't even know if he was doing any of these protocols himself because he had to he was constantly he had five girlfriends so he had to constantly be dating them there's no way he was doing like an hour in the sauna the cold plunge the the sunshine walks the working out the podcasts the press the the lab experiments. There's no way. Unless he was bringing them with him. Unless he hacked, he optimized his productivity to a point where he could do all that in Date 5 Woman.

Maybe I should stick it out with him. I don't know. Like when Hermione had that time travel thing so she could go to more classes. Just like that. Just like that. Yeah. Yeah, but I broke the fast with, what did i break it with uh og jet fuel it's like a gassy pine with like a sour lemon backdrop listen i don't need my weed to have flavor profiles of like tricks yogurt or orange

julius smoothies and i never understood like it doesn't it's not going to taste like that fruit it's not going to taste like a delicious berry candy it's gonna taste like i just need it to taste like weed they always like to do yeah the very welcoming bubbly juicy flavors or they go with something very like dark can you get plain like as a flavor i just need it to taste like plain one of the funniest the highest i've ever been in my life was when I was in high school and it was off Lamb's Breath, which I like that Colorado shit. I like that name a lot because it's like it sounds like a hex or like something like a that does something which would say to you back in the day, like this high is going to be this high is going to be significant, but uncomfortable.

I also haven't really understood. I don't I'm not at a point in weed smoking where I understand the levels of, I just get the same high. It just all depends on how much I smoke. So you haven't gotten. So I don't know. Like if I take, if there's like lamb's breath, maybe, yeah, it just makes you like more debilitated or does it make you feel like more, you like better?

I agree with you now. I don't. What is it? What is it? what is an intense high when i was 16 i would get high like once every two weeks but we're talking like sit down like almost tripping high like a significant event where you're not functioning yeah that's like high enough where i drove i was riding passenger seat and there was a curved road in my neighborhood and i thought i had gone into it felt like i had gone in a complete circle it's just a semi-circle

and i felt like i was just riding in a loop like there was glitches happening good pull on semi-circle i didn't know you know the name for the for a half circle? I thought, yeah. Good pull on half circle, too. Why? Because a gas station? I don't know. Yeah, if you didn't see it, I asked Rudy. I guess I'm an idiot. What was the question?

What is evaporation? No, the answer was evaporation. Yeah, evaporation. The question was, what is it called when a liquid turns into a gas and you said i was mid painting i was you said so i was distracted station i said gas station which is you also misinterpreted what i said by gas station i didn't mean gas station is like a i know you didn't mean a mobile mart or an exxon or a Sunoco, but you said gas station. I don't think gas station with no space is a word. It is not a word. The word is vaporization.

So it's not like you were close. No, but I said what I meant. It's the same thing as with Rob Lowe. Like when we did the Ren App commercial. This is before we did the commercial. This is real. Yeah. I told you to type out Rob Lowe and you typed out R-A-W-B-L-O-W-O-W.

And in my defense to that, that's what you said. You're right. You're right. You're 100% right. Rudy, what is the process of water turning into vapor called? Gas station? What did you say gas station gas station yeah this setting me me painting you leaning in on a nice chair a nice leather chair

me painting this this is eerily similar to some of the psychological tests I do in doors a kid Room like this yes where I'm might they they distract you as like a honeypot operation where they make you do something stimulating And then they slide in an easy question When you're fucking guards down Yeah, it's a dyslexic sting operation. Yeah yeah oh okay so what led to the farts um when you smoke you when you break it fast by smoking you can't control what you eat and dinner was thai chicken curry meatballs but yeah i had enough for two games of billiards but then what killed me i had a piece i had a serving of blueberry coffee cake that was the size of a computer modem was the size of like one of those lenovo thinkpads with like

a dozen usb ports old school big time right like hacking computers and i took it and i cut it up into equal sized pieces i think each chunk was like the size of a tamagotchi's pet or like a of course newborn's foot if you want to do a dessert for dessert comp the size of like a one of those mini muffins from montanman's then i put it in a gigantic one of those stainless steel mixing bowls oh you know what i'm saying yeah it was like the circumference of a vietnamese farmer's hat yeah this is getting wicked already yeah and then i was doing alchemy i'm gonna make it into like cereal so i started pouring milk then i was then i was like eureka this is coffee

cake i drenched i drowned it in coffee creamer duncan french vanilla extra extra oh my god dude you were off the shits wait what kind of milk it was regular okay so i was like that's not enough give me coffee creamer and then i um ate the whole thing um my spork was in like my spork was in continuous motion like a pendulum finish it off suck down the the leftover milk um the high munchies will get you there i had to get that off my chest yeah that much that much milk i can see why you were just super like a combustion it was so pleasurable were the farts pleasurable because sometimes a fart symphony yeah they feel yeah you're right yeah it felt good yeah especially when you roll over you know the thing where like you roll over in bed and then you know how like if you cross your legs and like kind of like turn this way

it just opens a channel and it's just like it's just it's like frictionless it would be amazing if i was i don't prefer this but if i was solo but with a girlfriend that's when i have to run around and like change change stations that's why I have to run around and like change stations. That's why I went to. Will you, if it's just a singular fart, will you, will you fire in front of her? Absolutely. Undoubtedly. Yeah.

To the nth degree. I guess not. I'll do like two and then I'll feel bad after two. And then I'll, that's when I'll like scurry to the other side of the apartment. You spare her from the barrage. She said they don't stink though, kind of hurt my pride it is like there is something weirdly manly about just like i want them to be horrendous yeah eviscerating a room inconveniencing your lover i you know what move i've done before with a girl i've i i'm still

not mature enough to fart freely in front of a woman. I've had a couple serious girlfriends never got to that stage. That's surprising. And I'm a little embarrassed about that because it seems juvenile. But I used to, if I really had to fart and I couldn't get up, I would do this thing where I would kind of like turn my ass to the edge of the bed and they have to be asleep. I know this tactic and it doesn't work.

It does not work. You're still farting in the same bed. Yes. But you, you have to know that it's not going to be a wicked one. It's got to be just like clearing space and you lift up the covers. Maybe open the ash a little bit just that way. Cause if the butt cheeks are what create the fart noise, are you using to open ass you just grab a cheek and maybe lift i was gonna say

if you can do that on your own hand free that would be impressive that would be and then you fart and then you got to time it nicely and then as you fart you close you gotta you gotta seal it outside so you gotta let the fart go out and then the the cover has to go so it pushes the wind away and then seals it because inside the covers if it gets in there that's where that's gas station that's gas station yeah yeah then it's bad i pulled that move a couple times but dude i when i was in accounting we would work in audit rooms that were like half the size of this room right here and we'd we'd work late so you'd order dinner and sometimes dude the dinner would just cut me up and i would just let

it rip in the room silent and just pray that it didn't smell and one time i let out a real bad silent but deadly and my senior came over to me after i just ripped and i could smell it and i knew he just got a fat whiff in the face your senior my senior yeah that's what you call them like i was an associate that's kind of senior yeah i don't know if i like that i hate that especially if he's like 30 he was like 27 my senior what's up my senior but i just also shogun don't watch it high absolutely not i could see that being depressing i every episode i've watched high then woke up with a clear head read the wikipedia plot description and every sentence i learned something new i didn't even know what i was watching i guess i was just watching it for the for the visuals it's a hard show to follow

there's so many i'm not gonna the guy it's hard to. It's a hard show to follow sober. It's hard to follow. There's five different samurais all with different interconnecting stories, keeping track of the characters. Subtitles. Right. The subtitles. Yeah.

Jesus. It's a good show. It's great. Yeah. I'm enjoying it. I just finished four and it ended with intestines and cannonballs so that was cool nice I don't think I'm quite that far yet I think I started four

you I think you said you started at four no I'm partially through four but you won't believe this I'm balls deep in a book right now that is I believe you fucked a book. It is so good.

It is so good. I'm reading Heat 2, which is the sequel to Heat, but it's also a prequel sequel. It's like jumps around in time. Yeah. So it's a continuation of the movie Heat, which is an insanely good movie. And I can't put it down dude i ripped off like three and a half four hours is this like um an action thriller it's a yeah it's it's action crime so how does a book appropriately express like action scenes he he the i can't remember

the author's name he loves talking about heartbeat probably a lot of onomatopoeia like bam pow or no no not that not that but that might help i wish actually he did that like kapow yeah because they do use flash bangs in one part and i would have appreciated like a or like a something like that but he talks about i was thinking about this last night he talks about heartbeats pretty frequently his heart rate his heartbeat is oh humming i guess that's how yeah electricity you can kind of tell in a movie when someone's heartbeats racing his electricity flowing through his skin he's pulsating from the inside out yeah he's red hot behind the eyes like shit like that uh-huh the book goes hard like it so i gotta get into a book goes hard super hard when's what's the last

book you read kb um doing this it's michael easter but it's a couple of his comfort crisis and jesus what's comfort what does that mean this is all just like that's self-help it's self-help i want to read an actual story i went deep into self-help when I was younger and then it gets bad. That's what I'm saying. This Huberman, all of this shit, it's like it makes your life way too rigid. Yeah. At least for me. Well, also at a certain point

you're just adding too many attachments to it like in the mail. Then I got into the wave of like you have to suffer to fully enjoy life like the wave of like, you have to suffer to fully enjoy life, like the Goggins shit. Like, you have to experience lasting, agonizing pain for an extended period of time. And it's like, I'm not willing to do that for whatever the prize is. I'm not willing to run an ultra marathon to maybe enjoy life more.

Goggins scares the fuck out of me. I don't want to be i haven't really dove into it i don't want to be within yes i don't even yeah i don't want to be in his radius i don't want to be in his town me neither in his county that guy petrifies me and i'm like dude just lay off man um the people are dming me the gathering of the kyle's uh it's kyle to the town of kyle texas is trying to break their own guinness world record for the gathering of the most people named kyle um i appreciate the suggestion. Not for me. I mean, it is for you. It's literally. Yeah.

That's like cross-country humor for me. Oh, it's me and a bunch of Kyles. It is. It's sort of the same. It's got the same silent disco energy. Yeah, like R slash funny. Yes. It's like the premise is somewhat funny but being there i'd be like okay this sucks is there even like a headliner

is like doja cat playing or well i mean she wouldn't be allowed is uh kyle kyle kyle long Is Kyle Orton passing into a... Kyle Long's headlining. I wonder who the most famous Kyle is. They have a verification... This is like no bullshit. You have to like apply. Okay. They're making money off this, dude. The monster energy. No drywall is safe.

Yeah, you get a lot of that's that's well past dead trevor wallace went to this last year made a video he did it probably yeah yeah i can see that um most famous kyle friday chandler he's not he's not famous enough to be our most famous though kyle lowry maybe i was gonna say maybe a black kyle yeah rapper kyle oh yeah he just ripped a freestyle it was good i enjoyed it i liked it a lot which means it might not be good if i loved it kyle bush that's hard to gauge i probably maybe bush yeah probably kyle bush or Kyle Lowry, I'd say. Who's that? Kyle McLachlan.

It's probably like a TikToker now. Yeah. Yeah, Chandler, Lowry, Kyle Busch. Oh, Kyle Glass. That's a good Kyle. Korver's in the top 10. Wait, scroll back up. Is Kyle Glass, is that the, oh yeah, that's it.

You know that? Tenacious D. That motherfucker? Yeah, that's Jack Fox Oh, Tenacious, yeah That's a good one. I don't know if he's top though Dude, he's the number one Headliner for Kyle Fox Kyle Snyder, okay Oh

Kyle Snyder is an Olympic gold medalist wrestler And he's not even the most famous Kyle Snyder. Kyle Mooney? Oh yeah But they're all around the same level there's no we need a superstar yeah it's not gonna be me if you count kyle lee you you wouldn't okay kyle long then he's we'll probably never get a kyle superstar because i think kyle the name kyle is limited to like 25 to 45 pretty much the disrespect to kv right here i mean i think you're more famous than kyle fuller kyle rudolph now we're here kyle anderson no not him no i'm not kyle bowler no i'm not he's an nfl star

star is kyle bibb what do you mean limited to 25 to 40 i think everyone the i would say 95 percent of people named kyle are in the age range of 25 to 45. There was no Kyles who fought in the Vietnam War. There is no Kyles in eighth grade. I think we had this conversation. We have. I remember

before I was even on this podcast. Well, that's how strongly I feel about the opinion. We were talking about we were trying to figure out if there was a kyle that died in world war ii that was it yeah fuck yeah yeah i feel like kyle had like a big moment it might be the shortest shelf life of like a first name that's what i'm saying i feel like it popped and now i don't are there new kyle's coming out? That's what I'm saying. No,

I don't think so. No. Yeah. The fuck it. Mook. You're going to Providence. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm pretty ever been, never been a big fan of Providence. Like their, their Twitter. They seem like a rowdy bunch so i'm hoping the shows are pretty sure just it's just like a boston yeah same deal with less to be proud about my buddy from boston is driving over nice have you ever been to i think that'll be a good crowd for sure yeah yeah i'm excited i need to get out of chicago it's been like three weeks since i last traveled and feeling now you want to travel again yeah yeah two weeks off was enough for me

what what is after providence my best friend's wedding april 20th so i'm missing another weekend on the road and then then I think Sacramento. Not sure. Maybe one of my craziest fart nights was in Providence. Yeah, that checks out. Stinky. You have a specific fart night? Yeah, I have two I can think of.

And the common denominator is red wine. Wine will do it. Yeah. Providence, it was post thanksgiving i was sleeping in the living room of my cousin's parents house thank god i was in that living room because i needed a lot of airspace and it was it was six hours non-stop and it was you were who was in the house with you four or five of my cousins what if like you caught your cousin moaning to one of your folks i do i was i was it was so bad that i was worried that it it was so potent that i thought there was a chance you could get into the like the air vents

and have staying power to get through the to the upstairs i was the only one on the first floor criminal yeah it was crazy it was frigid and i opened the window i sometimes i'll be honest if you have like a really stinky one and you're like alone in your bed there's a part of the smell where you're like damn that's uh-huh yeah you're like right dude give me another hit of that that's been like a weekend activity i haven't gone out i was sober for two weeks and i would just sit in my apartment and fart essentially just fucking eat food and just rip ass that's kind of fucking awesome you got empire yeah chilling we you got i want to get you guys on the kush farts the fasted kush farts. Trust me.

You gave me the weed. Which you gave me. You gotta take some back. I'll take it back, yeah. I was watching Gilly outpuffing young bulls at Cookies Pop-Up. You gotta watch their vlogs. They are the best things in the world.

I didn't know they had them. You gotta watch the million dollars worth of game vlogs i will like him playing basketball him the there's no one better at talking on camera he is a gifted i've no it's it's majestic yes and he goes up to every person and has like bars for that. Yeah. I also enjoy him just not talking. His face. Yeah.

His facial expressions are hilarious. Yeah. His hat always askew. Eyes big. So he's going up to everyone in line for this event. And this dude with his own fashion brand gives him a shirt shirt gives him a hat like hasn't put it on and you can tell he doesn't like it the camera pans for one second it comes back to him he already has his old hat on and while the dude's like come on let me fix it for you you already moved on yeah then him playing basketball um he didn't live up to his standards on the court

because he did live up to his standards in the bed last night left his legs in bed that's why he played like diarrhea um i'm gonna binge this playlist it's a good high watch yeah speaking of diarrhea uh i walked in on gilly one time in the bathroom I did too he doesn't lock the door In the solo bathroom at Barstool Yes I did too and he was listening to What I think was his podcast And yeah he didn't move a muscle

When he saw me he was like What are you doing I did the worst thing you could do That's such a power move he doesn't lock the door He doesn't lock the door I walked in I did the worst thing you could do. That's such a power move. He doesn't lock the door. He doesn't lock the door. I walked in. I did the and just turned and ran. Yeah, I think I sheepishly.

That happened to you too? It happened to me. Speaking of bathroom, this morning, I had something happen that I was pooping and I had to get up and leave and I was containing my laughter I want to see if you can guess who this was so someone came in next to me to take a poop the noise that they made from their fart activated Siri which I didn't know was possible.

They activated Siri with a fart. Someone activated Siri. Okay. Yes. All right. Jasper? Who's Jasper? The furry guy? He's not like the dressed in a costume.

He's just furry looking. Not him. I don't know who that is. If it's not like the the dress in the costume he's just like he's just furry looking finely tuned not him I don't know who that is if it's not Jasper he's always downstairs pacing I don't know what his job is

um White Sox Dave no that's a good guess though smokes doesn't have an enemy shaved his beard no yeah um I would no someone who's not afraid to so it wasn't No, yeah.

I would... No. Someone who's not afraid to... I would say Barstool Carl, but he doesn't show up. Carl would fully do that. Tell me hot or cold based on... You'll know. Malasag. Cold. No, he doesn't have that Liam Blutman he wouldn't do that

warmer Wyatt don't know who that is but cold okay you guys don't know Wyatt or Jess he's usually downstairs as well. Who else would it be?

Brandon Walker? Colder. Colder. I think I have this. So hotter to Blutman. I want him to keep guessing, though. Bed-wraggled man. What?

Bed-wraggled. No. Messy hair. Messy clothing. Warmer, yeah. what bed raggle no i'm the messy hair like messy clothing warmer yeah yeah um i still don't know what you just said i don't know i give up mook you got it i think i got it jack mccarthy that's no that ain't close to liam blotman no no i was thinking like social guys no no no cold is it content or social content uh chief no eddie jerry cold no cold blotman blotman you were you were on the right track Disheveled hair, Blutman Content? I gotta fucking memorize my boys I'm shocked you guys aren't getting this

Fuck PFT? No Does he wear snapbacks? That does seem like something PFT would learn If you heard about this. He would want to learn that stuff. Chaps?

No. Warmer, though, I mean, I guess. What's his, like, catchphrase? If he had, you can answer this. His catchphrase would be, well, no, it's going to give it away. Is it Ben Mintz? Yes. How did we forget that? It going to give it away is it Ben Mintz? yes

how did we forget that? it was Mintz? yes it was Mintz it was Mintz it was definitely Mintz and it was incredible I was blown away to hear that and then just hear the like

do do I bet it sounded like a trumpet horn like it was incredible With the fart or the Siri The Siri That's the Siri noise It was something else man

It was something else One of a kind that guy What do I get What do we get He continuously does things that are just impossible For the entirety of the population yeah we uh him and che it's yes oh my god today che fucked me up today yeah today the poop story i mean that's whatever that didn't happen that's fantastical um today

he was like the hypothetical was because there's a power ball if you win a billion dollars in the lottery what would you do and then his subtext was would you become a mailman a crossing guard or something else and that has in the event of winning a billion dollars. He thought mailman and crossing guard were the two more common, realistic options for a billionaire. He also mentioned a grocery store employee. His line of thinking is that you obviously retire when you win the Powerball, and you still feel the need to do something

with your life so a crossing guard is like a stress-free easy commitment to like scratch that itch that is such a no one bizarre like i get like getting a part-time job. Yeah, but you become. Because you're bored. You don't. There's only one job on earth where people do that. And that is being when you're retired and you're old and you're a fan of a sports team,

you become the person who stands at the top of the section and checks tickets. I didn't know that, but okay. That is typically old people. You're a super fan. That is typically old people that are like a crossing guard there's no metric for progress so it's not like fulfilling in any way you're not actually helping kids if you want to help kids you can do that you can volunteer helping children that is such a bizarre stretch that i'm having a hard time even like i don't

know we're interacting with it yeah you can't that's the thing you can't it it stopped me in my tracks i didn't know it made me realize how disassociated he is with reality yeah yeah it was like oh that what the fuck are you talking about i mean i tuned in i i turned on the yak i had it on youtube and i was like oh let's see what they're talking about And I tuned in and I tuned in right at the moment Where he was talking about How men are better At spitting than women

And I was like Once again I was flummoxed I was just like I can't believe I need to see Che debate Destiny Yes that would be incredible Che would destroy it, destiny would break that would be incredible. Shay would destroy it. Destiny would break.

It would be the one. It would be his kryptonite. Fucking rip out his turquoise hair. Yes, he would. Yes, he would. Destiny, that would be his kryptonite. He goes toe to toe with giants. He's got all the studies ready.

Yeah, he would be rubbing his forehead like you wouldn't believe. He's another guy who I love to watch when I'm high. Oh, yeah, he's a yeah he would be rubbing his forehead like you wouldn't believe he's another guy who i love to watch when i'm high oh yeah he's a fun watch he talks he's insanely good oh he's debating he does pick some pretty big idiots he's the he's the chris kyle of talking he's so good at talking he talks in fast forward and he gets every point across yes and belittlesittles you. No pauses. Yeah. No pauses. And then the majority of time he just started taking Adderall. But before then he would be playing League of Legends while debating somebody. I got to binge him. So yeah, he would be like rocking like a, I don't even know what league.

Oh, he's got to be miserable. Oh yeah. Yeah. Just making out with his microphone, spittingitting absolutely spitting at you but he's damn good oh yeah he's a great debater um all right uh i want to wrap it up with some birthdays just two of them yeah let's get it okay um 26 year old female uh entertainer okay nothing beats a wisco brew a tall boy on mifflin street cold one at monday's spotted cow at lucky's

spot a cow at Lucky's you can get this Madison Beer yes that was good God bless Wisco deceased entertainer damn that Gryffindor pussy Potter transitioned and has

a female name now but he's she's still um a bath bro for sure give it to give me that again that was bath bro that had a lot of that was on expert mode yeah that potter from gryffindor transitioned he has a female name now okay she has a female name now but she's still a bath bro harriet tubman yeah nice nice bang that's it imagine that tubman and beer and a fucking hot tub cookies and cream shit anything else i hope nick has diarrhea no would have worked him yeah i got nothing to do my brain my brain is just the weather fucked me today i woke up yeah i saw the snow flurries it shut me down

I just want to curl up in a fucking ball and fart and fart just want to curl up and fart all day is that Canadian? I don't know eh just want to go home eat some meatballs and fart

I need a good fart I'll fart right now end it with a fart walk off fart I got them all out and that's a testament to me you gotta believe me now that microphone just battled you

alright sayonara