A New Untold Story - Super Heroin - A New Untold Story: Ep. 383
Episode Date: February 15, 2024the two most addicting things ever. Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). ...Be the Hoss - Go to bethehoss.com and use code "barstool" for 20% off the whole store. Factor - Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/kb50 and use code kb50 to get 50% off. Rent.App - Go to https://RENT.APP/BARSTOOL to get $50 cash back on your first rent payment.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast
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Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube.
Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music.
Can you do that one more time?
I'm hopping on a random podcast Monday.
Really?
Yeah.
He wants to talk about a libido driven economy.
Dude, that's cool.
That rules.
That rules.
That is cool.
Yeah, and I was just like, my God, yes.
Yeah. That's so awesome.
That's your reply to what I'm going to say.
No, you're just going to say,
no, that's a new untold story.
Hey, is that story old or told?
Fuck no, baby!
That's a new untold story.
A new untold story.
It's a fresh, big told a story. It's a fresh-baked untold story.
I knew I told a story.
Welcome back. That was a really bad clap, but I slept on my hand weird.
Hurts.
I've been a huge pussy lately.
Every single bit of content I've been on, I've been hurting myself.
Yeah.
I'm fine.
Yeah, I know you're fine.
You slept on your hand.
Hurts real bad, man.
Something's happened to me.
My body's falling apart.
New Untold Story, episode 401. Mook mook tell them 383 boy no dude what the fuck don't you
have it right in front of you it's 384 isn't it no what look where you have a don't you have isn't that the file name i don't even name the file i named it 383 it's 393 no it's
not no no you guys fucked up last week you guys fucked me up oh we fucked oh i've been on the
wrong street wow you're stealing my bit yeah it's 382 last week you guys were saying 392 it's been
382 you said 391 yeah i've been on the 90s so none of my intros made sense i guess wow well
well this one still does if it's 383 because that is a area code 383 is a uh i guess a word play a
palindrome oh shit yeah uh-huh yeah i guess it's 383 you've been so into palindromes lately. We are now the Paramount Palindrome Podcast featuring the Alliteration Assassin and Purple Nick.
Yeah.
I have some palindromes, which I'm obsessed with at the moment.
Did you make them?
No, but I respect the makers.
Do you think you could make a palindrome?
No, I've tried.
I guess it's in the same vein as a palindrome.
I like when logos are designed to be the same upside down.
That's pretty much a visual palindrome.
A palindrome is something that is the same.
Forwards and backwards but like uh the princess bride logo have you ever seen that one they made the the words the princess bride the same upside down
so you've done that with graffiti yeah i used to be i used to tag the word swims uh nope uh old
search the old logo i guess yep why would they ever switch it fuck that shit that one i felt so bad look at that
dude so bad that you just had to say that to him no no the old the old princess bride logo
where the fuck is it rudy what's your favorite palindrome i mean this like putting me on this
podcast is like chinese torture because it's like all you do is fucking wordplay.
You know all this weird stuff.
Not even Chinese water torture.
Just Chinese torture.
Speaking of which, Taco Cat is a palindrome.
Speaking of what?
I don't know.
Okay.
Maybe Cat Taco.
God damn it, Mook.
Mook.
I can't find this.
Mook, what's your favorite palindrome?
You put me on the yo banana boy
yo banana boy that's good because it i feel like if it could be used in conversation realistically
i like it oh okay you don't like the ones that don't sound like natural because the one i always
say is a toyota drive fast safe car a toyota right but that's almost poetry ever say that
that's almost poetry i like i think hannah is. That's almost poetry. I think Hannah is a fun one. Yeah.
Because I feel like none percent of Hannahs know what a palindrome is.
None percent is exactly right.
Yes.
What else do we got?
Poop.
Poop is a good one.
Yeah.
Because people would say poop.
Certainly.
Dr. Awkward is my favorite.
Why is that your favorite?
I think that could be used in a lot of situations.
Okay. I think a lot of medicine in a lot of situations. Okay.
I think a lot of medicine people are a little bit awkward inherently.
You can probably think back to a time when a doctor visit was awkward.
Certainly, yes.
Right.
You could use it in the same way Captain Obvious is deployed.
Yes.
Doctor awkward.
Yeah, you could also make fun of non-doctor.
Non-doctor being a dumb awkward
guy i had an awkward how were you two i was at a pediatrician until too old too old i remember i
had a doctor awkward moment what did you do my pediatrician was giving me the physical did we
have the same pediatrician he loved disney and he looked like uh robin williams i forget his name
i was at wheeling Hospital. I was too.
May have been.
I forget.
He was older, white.
Yeah, he had a purple stethoscope.
Might have been him.
Yeah, we had the same pediatrician.
I remember he was doing the physical and pulls down the trousers and says, looks at my hernia scar fresh and says,
wow, that's a doozy.
Yeah.
Do you still have a hernia? From the wrong angle,
that would look like he was talking about my penis.
About your child.
How old were you?
I was second grade.
And he said, look at that doozy.
Wow.
The scar was fresh.
Why'd you have a second?
You had a hernia in second grade?
Yeah.
From what?
I don't, I think wrestling maybe. Jesus. Yeah. But did you think for a second you had a hernia in second grade yeah from what i don't i think
wrestling maybe jesus yeah but he you did you think for a second he was talking about your dick
no i knew what he was talking about it was it was a big big bloody scar oh yikes fresh uh stitches
and you if second grade you could have should have said okay dr awkward yeah that's what i
should that's when i could have used it um a nut for a jar of tuna
hate it you couldn't use that super unrealistic swap of food you couldn't barter the red paper
clip guy couldn't make that happen no no one's swapping that a nut for a can of tuna a jar of
two jar of there's no jars yeah that's a horrible awful one right one
are we not
pure no sir
Panama's moody Noriega
brags it is garbage
irony dooms a man a
prisoner up to a new era
that's I hate that fuck that
that didn't that sounded like
um uh
what English would sound like to somebody who doesn't know English.
I hope the inventor of that wasted several sleepless nights, garnered a new addiction, ruined multiple relationships just to come up with that only for the comment section to be like, well, the comment section aware of the palindrome.
I don't know.
Wherever he posted it.
That one sucks. It makes makes no sense you can't just
use somebody's last name you know he was he was bragging about he was so proud of that yeah yeah
like he would go on like on a podcast and like and say that sentence yeah borrow or rob kind of like
it better that makes sense bar yeah like you would ask can i borrow this and you could be like borrow
or rob yeah i feel like you would like offer that up to anyone who wants one of your hats your 47 brand hat yes you wouldn't um
anything else end up as robbing amore roma you could use that in rome love rome love rome yeah
amore roma that's beautiful dimitri martin has a whole book I think he wrote like a poem
a novelette that's entirely
a palindrome yeah yeah which is
what a legend incredible
unless
yeah it depends though because it could do you just repeat
the words back like
I don't know if it makes sense there's
a novel that doesn't use the letter e
I've heard about that that I
bought actually and it they should have it was it's an awful awful book it's it has to be There's a novel that doesn't use the letter E. I've heard about that. That I bought, actually.
And it's an awful, awful book.
It has to be, because that's in the, me.
Most commonly used letter.
Oh, okay, that's it.
A few other words.
Demetri Martin's Palindrome.
Damn it, I'm mad.
Evil is a deed, and as I live, God, am I revived.
This is actually good.
It makes sense. It reads like a poem.
It reads like a poem.
That would have taken very... Wait, that 93 yeah what does that mean he didn't do that in 1993 he would have been a small boy
is there a different dimitri martin doubt it huh interesting he's 50 what holy shit i thought he was 36 tops
god damn good on him dude he must dye his hair i don't know man he's 50 that's what you're telling
me that's a 50 year old's hair it's not that's not a 50 year old's haircut. Yeah, that looks like a... Yeah, okay.
That's fine.
That's fine.
He looks like a teenage John Oliver, but is somehow the same age as him.
He looks 50.
That's fine.
He looks like he's both Kenny and Spenny combined.
I can't allow you to think that this guy looks 50.
He does not look 50.
One of those guys, Kenny or Spenny, followed me on Twitter.
You don't know which? No. I think Kenny. He's an look 50. One of those guys, Kenny or Spenny, followed me on Twitter. You don't know which?
No.
I think Kenny.
He's an odd poster.
That's a big deal, I think.
Is it?
That show always grossed me out.
It's a cult classic.
I've never seen it.
Oh.
No, it's okay.
Why are palindromes your newest obsession?
I just like them
I think it's
really hard to concoct and it's
really really really hard to
concoct one that's long and makes sense
contextually you have to have a lot of
foresight I think that's why there's only
like six that are really really good
it's even hard to concoct
a fucking acrostic
dude what's that like a downward poem that spells out a word.
A mnemonic device.
Oh, yeah.
But you do that on the regular.
Is that how you memorize?
No.
How the fuck do you memorize player hometowns?
With little, I like cities.
I like towns.
Right.
That helps.
Like I was always doing this.
Like I could do this with many many youth wrestlers you could say their
hometown as a youth wrestler myself so i was like i had to like limit what i knew because it was
creeping out like teammates so you had to like hold yourself back of learning about them right
like uh rondale moore um i i associate the name dale with race cars and rural.
And I associate New Albany with that type of scene.
So I got New Albany.
Dale.
So you do.
What is that called?
What kind of.
I don't know.
It's a piece of his name.
Dale.
Dale is screams New Albany, Indiana to me.
Okay.
And then you just drill that in your head?
Or do you just do it once?
Yeah.
Do you...
Where's DeAndre Hopkins from?
I think he's from Clemson.
Okay, and then how did you remember that?
Well, he went to Clemson.
But I think he's from, may not be Clemson.
Central South Carolina? He's from uh may not be clemson central south carolina he's from yeah central that's the town name yeah so you don't retain it do you
no would you have gotten that if jeff asked you deandre hoskins at
uh at the moment yeah yeah but then you just get rid of it.
Then I dump it.
How do you.
Oh, my God.
We're the exact opposite.
Make room for more important.
I can't remember stuff in the stuff I do remember.
It sticks in my head.
Oh, I can't learn anything new.
I guess I can't either.
Yeah, you can.
Only this only works and it's only valuable in a very, very catered to me
trivia competition.
Luckily, that's your career.
Which I found, which I've stumbled into.
I'm the same as KB.
I just borrow information.
And then, yes.
Didn't remember your birthday.
That was yesterday.
Happy 31st.
Yeah, I didn't know.
But it was fucked up how you did it.
Fucked up how you did it.
Oh, I was.
How did you guys find out?
He posted on his story late night stream for my birthday.
And he was all dressed up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I did that to fuck with you.
I do actually hate my birthday.
I did the I just said it for the stream just because I wanted to garner sympathy.
And then it would be get people more excited.
And then I get an excuse to drink while gaming. sure so that was why I did that but in general I bet you
post on your snapchat story too just like birthday nudies for Rudy question mark yeah yeah nudie for
Rudy dude these lights are it's tripping me out yeah um yeah we all forgot your birthday I ended
up getting you something though I knew you were yeah i knew you would but
it's just in the mail right now i typically really do not like celebrating my birthday
um i i realized that i i'm a narcissist the other 364 on the day where i should be i'd pay it back
yeah so i don't like celebrating my birthday um i got no problem celebrating other people's
birthdays and if other people are birthday people that's cool but i've never it just feels weird to me to be like, it's my birthday.
Like, I don't know how you declare it or make it clear.
You seem like the guy that would just be like, it's my birthday week.
What's your sign?
Virgo?
Virgo season.
Aquarius.
Aquarius.
Yeah.
It's the age of Aquarius, by the way.
What's that mean?
Fall in line.
I don't know, actually.
I don't know what that means.
You're an Aquarius too, aren't you, Kyle?
Golly.
Born and bred. Yeah. Jimmy Tatro, Aquarius. I don't care. Kid means. You're an Aquarius too, aren't you Kyle? Golly. Born and bred.
Jimmy Tatro Aquarius.
I don't care. Kid Cudi Aquarius.
Don't give a fuck.
Those are the two dudes
you want to be a combination of.
Tatro and yeah.
Exactly. For sure.
That's a cool combo. That is a cool combo.
My brain's on combo mode. I found a game
called Life Infinite Craft. That sounds awesome. It's fucking cool. combo that is a cool combo my brain's on combo mode i found a game called life uh infinite craft
that sounds awesome it's fucking cool i'm gonna make you play it yeah i want to play
you're gonna love it it's like minecraft i it ruined it ruined uh i feel kind of terrible
right now i don't know you think that sounds awesome yeah i would prefer a temporary craft
very temporary what's on neil dude this neil guy is incredible it's on the website neil.fun
this is the game?
He makes all these.
He made the password game.
He just has a website with games, and you combine things to get new stuff.
There used to be a game on your iPhone called Alchemy that was this game.
What is Mook doing right now?
So, Mook, combine earth and fire.
What is this?
This is so simple.
Combine.
Bring it in the middle and combine earth and fire
lava oh oh shit this is awesome and you can get to crazy okay do lava and water and make us obsidian
will that be obsidian no it's not it's gonna be steam or stone all right do stone lava and water
is stone do stone and fire lava okay i should have known so people people start doing like people have been doing speed
runs on 9-11 you can get to 9-11 you can get to september 11th you could do a combo that adds up
to an event abstract tragedy this game it's truly infinite so you can do first discoveries you can
get to things that no one else has ever gotten to before how is this game made i don't wait so it utilizes ai oh fuck
else you can unlock it oh yeah we unlocked wave so what i combined wave and dust last night i
made it a goal i had to get world war ii the challenger explosion jfk and stall tragedies yeah okay come on sand and lava that should be fucking glass
hawaii but what are some of options that would ever add up to 9-11 you got to get there 9-11
is pretty easy i could get us there you can get us to 9-11 i can get us i can get us to 9-11 okay
go earth go earth and no go earth and water are you saying you could get us to 9-11. Okay, go Earth. Go Earth. No, go Earth and water. Are you saying you could get us to
towers? Okay, now go
plant. We're getting plant
to 9-11. No, go Earth
and wave. I gotta
get America. There's an easy way to get Earth
and see America. America
sand and plant? I gotta get...
This is ridiculous. Where's the ocean?
I'll get you 9-11 on Thursday, Nick.
Okay. But you can get to
Lake and
Island, get to America,
and then from America, you can get to 9-11
pretty quick.
One more. Combine glass and plant.
What would that be?
A potted plant?
A window. What?
This is ridiculous.
It's
incredible, though.
I stayed up until 4 a.m. watching people do a tournament.
Window and Sand should be Ant Farm, right?
Hourglass.
That would be a cool Ant Farm.
An Hourglass Ant Farm?
The best part about it is that people have these huge lists
and it remembers your cookies so you can close the window
and come back and you'll still have all the things you've discovered.
Yeah, I'm going to play this a lot.
It's really cool. Kyle, is this your type of type of game yeah i'll make a day out of it yeah hey guys it's me nick uh sorry to break up me and kyle talking
with an ad but that's what keeps the lights on and we're thankful for the sponsors especially
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I used to be obsessed with a text
based Lord of the Rings RPG.
You would just like type what you were doing.
It was great.
Cool.
I was a dwarf.
Why?
You can relate.
Why?
Huh?
Why dwarf?
Racial abilities.
That's not a racist thing in a fantasy RPG.
No one said anything.
You choose who you want based on the racial traits.
I know, yeah.
I would be an elf. No, you wouldn't. You would be man. You choose who you want based on the racial traits. I know. Yeah. I would be an elf.
No, you wouldn't.
You would be man.
You would be man.
Oh, what else you got going on, Kyle?
Valentine's Day.
What was your welcome to the league moment?
My welcome to the league moment?
Yeah.
Like at Barstool?
Or just in general.
My welcome to the league moment.
Mine was probably having to guard KD.
What?
Having to play against KD first time.
Did you steal somebody else's welcome to the league moment?
I saw all of the JJ Redick podcast guests
always like, what is your...
Welcome to the league moment.
Yeah, it's like the physicality,
KD hitting everything in my face.
He put up 33 on me first.
I bet Shumpert has a great welcome to the league story.
He's a great wordsmith.
That plays so much.
You're like, oh, this cool, probably arrogant NBA player
is a little bit self-aware about one of his weaknesses
and it always goes
viral. Damn. So we need that. We need to start doing that. All right. What was my welcome to
the league moment? Having to run second mic with BC at the one chair. He was hitting every ad read.
He was coming out on top of every riff.
I couldn't get a pun off.
That was my welcome.
Sydney Sweeney is the new movie.
Madam.
Madam Web.
We have to watch it.
We have to watch Madam Web. Dude, it looks like dog shit 17 on rotten tomatoes that's one more percent what is madam webb
her name is cassandra webb and she is she a new spider-man it's a clairvoyant spider i think
oh that's gonna suck and it also has Dakota Johnson yeah yeah what's
oh we're gonna have to
react to Madam Web we have to
I mean we have to go to theaters
fuck
Sidney Sweeney's playing
Julia Cornwall
Cornwall yeah
Julia Cornwall
is that is that a
Civil War name
yeah probably
Cornwall
who's Cornwall
Mike Epps
is in Madam Web
what the fuck's
Mike Epps doing in there
and he didn't even
have a character name
is he just Mike
Mike Epps
what is he doing
I'm trying to think
of like his
Marvel name with Web
Mike Epps
Sidney Sweeney plays Julia Carpenter how'd you get Cornwall What is he doing? I'm trying to think of his Marvel name with web. Mike Epps.
Sidney Sweeney plays Julia Carpenter.
How'd you get Cornwall?
It says Cornwall on IMDb.
Julia Carpenter is a fictional superheroine character appearing in American comic books.
A superheroine?
It's just fentanyl yes is sydney sweeney playing a bag of fentanyl with big double d tits that's dumber than sydney sweeney toddler
a super heroine super heroine do you have any super heroine
rural kentucky and west virginia is being ravaged by a new batch of fentanyl do you have any super heroin rural Kentucky and West Virginia
is being ravaged by a new batch
of fentanyl with double D
breasts
dude that
like the only way to make heroin
more addicting is two giant
titis it's the most addicting thing in the world
yeah my god you think heroin's
addicting give heroin titties
oh yeah that should be amazing holy fuck yeah Yeah, my God. You think heroin's addicting? Give heroin titties. Oh!
Yeah.
That should be amazing.
Holy fuck.
Yeah.
Injectable titty?
God damn.
If I ever walk in on you just like with a belt around your arm
putting in two giant titties.
Oh my God.
So dumb. Did you see uh um i'm gonna talk about this because he didn't give me free money uh dana white just walking out of howie mandel's pod everybody's like this is hilarious
i don't get it no the funniest they were like dana white lasted 30 seconds on Howie Mandel's podcast.
What does that mean?
Because he's a, was he too germy?
No, I don't know.
It was Dana White that walked out.
Howie Mandel is the phobe. You are an amazing guy.
You are, I can't.
Watch the co-host after he walks off.
You seem to be getting along.
You are not only an amazing businessman, you are an inspiration.
You are not only an amazing businessman, you are an inspiration. You are a philosopher.
The way you do business, the way you conduct your business.
What is going on?
And media.
This just started.
He's introducing him.
I'm jealous.
But Dana, I can't thank you enough for being here.
Thank you for all the kind words.
I appreciate it.
I am so fucking tired of doing podcasts. Oh my God. the kind words. I appreciate it. I am so fucking tired
of doing podcasts.
Oh my god, what a dick.
What a dick.
This is like the most, the kindest,
most complimentary introduction.
It seemed real genuine. From Howie.
Nah, fuck this.
Look at this dude.
Why is he so sheepish?
Big sheepish men are so funny.
You can't have that appearance and be sheepish.
Look, he's in an American tank top.
And then they hit an end card.
Just rubbing his thumbs, dude.
That's what Rocco did in Rocco's Modern Life when he got nervous.
You can't be sheepish in that tank.
He's wearing an American star tank top.
He has a backwards cap.
A giant beard.
Riddled with tattoos.
Decent biceps.
Decent.
I watched this like four times.
Just that guy twiddling his thumb.
Imagine complimenting somebody. And it's a big guest and he's like no fuck you i appreciate the kind words i'm done i
talked about this like he's at a point of um maxing out his pleasure sensors that he has to do like
that ridiculous tunnel of chaos gambling yeah he is at his limit there's nothing that could
possibly bring him joy anymore do you think that was what brought him joy probably like the i can't
even heroin i have to be gambling yeah he needs or getting head he cannot be doing he needs super
heroin he needs super heroin cities with double d double d fentanyl he needs them pierced too
oh my god he's to do the rough shit.
The comedian's name is Ginger Billy.
Yeah.
That's Ginger Billy.
I've seen Ginger Billy on the road.
Oh, he's a comic.
How is he?
Is he meek and sheepish in real life?
Does he fight the Microsoft?
Holy shit.
That's his headshot.
Look at this fucker.
That's Ginger Billy.
I've seen his like promo videos and like fucking Albany, New York.
Yeah.
This does not add up to the man we just saw.
No.
I mean, it was awkward.
Dr. Awkward.
Paging Dr. Awkward.
Paging Dr. Awkward.
Oh, he does jean shorts, no shirt, and no shoes.
B-B-B-B-Burt Kreischer's music.
Music.
KB, did you get your uh massage no i canceled it because we had a client dinner yeah i remember that i so awkwardly canceled it because they remembered who i was
yeah um but yeah we uh that was after you guys left vegas so like what what happened with that dinner
uh wasn't a dinner for us after we left fake like that dinner happened and then you guys
went to vegas oh you meant before yeah sorry before yeah um we we just they didn't have a
seat for us so we served uh reduced tomato water to the tables.
Fuck.
Yeah.
It was fine, though.
Dr. Awkward.
Do we have ads on today's show?
Yeah.
Listeners of the Anus Podcast,
again,
it's Nick here reading an ad.
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I wish
we were just Theo Vaughn's
podcast
we were
you wish we were like the podcast itself
yeah I wish we had those numbers
oh yeah
no that's impossible
we used to make up stories like that
he he does do what we but he does it pretty naturally yeah i know i know it's probably not
off the cuff like he he probably memorized i don't know man i think you could like i think
he's genius i think you could put two cool words together and make a story or like yeah i think
he's good at that naturally but he also also has storylines memorized for specific topics, which is more genius.
Yeah.
Because I could see him just being like...
Yeah, like any situation, he could be like, yeah, I had a buddy who...
Back then, our cocaine used to be cut with quick concrete.
Yeah.
He adds in one specific detail where he has a story, I think, pre-ready.
And then you can tell that he shoves in an extra thing.
It's so good.
Like a Mad Lib.
Yeah.
And you can tell it when he's loading.
You can see the wheels turning.
He puts his jaw.
I respect that more.
Because we used to do that.
We used to write stories and make them up and make them specific.
And people would believe them, but they just were not nearly as good.
No, they weren't. I wish we were the Theo Vaughn podcast
and I was Theo Vaughn and it's just a solo show
right? so you guys weren't
on it
I wish that
I'll be like the chair or something
no
I just want a regular chair
sorry birthday boy
dude you know what other video I don't know if you'd be in the room, yeah. Sorry, birthday boy.
Dude, you know what other video fucked me up was the Sean Strickland MGK video.
That was weird.
Very weird.
That makes sense that they collabed, but on what?
Sean Strickland was stunned to find out what MGK looked like,
and he couldn't square the fact that he was dating Megan Fox
because in his brain, Megan Fox is still Transformers Megan Fox.
But the funniest thing is still very hot.
And MGK looks exactly like how you think he would.
Thank you.
I was like, wait till wait till Sean Strickland finds out about Motley Crue.
Yeah, those guys got girls.
Dudes, rock stars dressed as vampires.
Have gotten pussy.
Oh, he was surprised. Oh, vampires. Rock stars dressed as vampires have gotten pussy for almost ever.
Oh, vampires.
Actual vampires used to get the most primo.
The most primo.
Right.
And it seems like for whatever reason, people are like, oh, yeah, dude.
They're very much on his side. It's a funny lane that Strickland has gone down.
But when he finds out about rock stars in general, he's going to lose his mind.
But MGK isn't ugly.
No.
Tall and handsome.
Right.
Dresses cool.
He's a he's a famous musician.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
Liam tweeted a video of me.
I need to clear my name.
I'm only a dickhead to Liam.
I'm a dickhead to a lot of people, actually.
But I'm a real dickhead to Liam.
This stool scenes guy.
Great guy. Doesn't deserve it, but every
time he comes up to me, I just
ask
myself questions instead of him
asking me.
How was your flight in? This is going to be great for
stool scenes. Was there turbulence?
Leave me the fuck alone.
Alright, now that we're gay. He didn't need to put that in.
Sure. Did you have fun throwing those balls, Nick? Tell us about how the fuck alone. Alright, now that we're gay. He didn't need to put that in. Sure. Oh, did you have fun throwing those balls, Nick?
Tell us about how the balls felt.
Yes, that is what he does.
Hey, how are the vibes?
Are you hoping you get the questions right?
Yeah, Liam, I hope I get the fucking questions right.
I'm so sick of them.
But Kyle, did you see yourself in stool scenes?
It's the epitome of Kyle.
It's the most Kyle moment.
Yeah.
Are those jeans?
Yeah, I got jeans on.
Damn Kyle.
Damn Kyle.
I got a job interview.
Can I get water? The last one? sure oh yeah yeah i guess i'll just use the sink
oh we killed it yeah look at us we're naturals on the vlog dude dude. Look at you. You're always in character.
Go back to him looking around saying, I'll use the sink.
Look at the face.
The last one?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, I guess I'll just use the sink.
I guess I'll just use the sink.
You're a riot.
Good shit. You look huge, huge though uh yeah i've been uh
trying to eat more can we make that a meme when you'll just use the sink
put that in impact font oh remember when uh pseudo famous people would tweet out like
really good photos of themselves and they're like somebody make this into a meme
they would want like their best photos to be a meme burke reicher still does it does he
do it somebody caption this i love seeing social media managers just tweeting out somebody caption
this yeah we're like don't that's it's your job don't we should just put out a blank file and say
somebody podcast this and just have them do it themselves.
That's what they do.
Oh, dude, I'm going on a random podcast Monday night.
This dude DM me.
He was like, hey, do you want to do a podcast on a libido based economy?
And I was like, sure do.
And I don't even he doesn't even have a podcast page.
Oh, yeah.
You have to do that.
Yeah.
Matt Weingart.
Libido driven economy joining him on zoom
Monday night but I don't even know the name of this
he hasn't told me the name of his podcast
did he give you anything to work off
what's a libido
driven economy
I think the currency would be
horny
horniness would be the currency of how hard you are.
Is libido male horniness too?
I thought so.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I thought it was like specific to women.
Libido is just horniness in general.
Oh, so like sex selling and stuff.
You're Googling libido driven economy?
Oh, it's a real thing?
Oh, am I going on a serious podcast?
Yeah, probably really serious.
Oh, fuck.
The economy of desire being the principal
driving force oh i thought this was just like you would pay with pay for things based on how hard
you are it's like a ps4 you'd have to be like rock hard and you'd have to like tap it on the counter
and then like cheaper items you'd be softer yeah you know it's all libido oh yeah oh fuck i'm in
way over my head.
Oh, no.
If you got a half chub, they just give you a PSP.
Yeah, it's all driven on how horny you are.
That's the currency, the hardness.
Or just people pocket watching.
You're driving a really nice car, and I'm just like,
there's no way Kyle's hard enough for that fucking thing.
There's no way Kyle's ever gotten hard enough for that car.
He's cheating. He's using Viagra.
How we'd get a bonus from Boss Man.
You just have to turn us on.
You walk out of the Apple store with an iPod Mini and you're like, heads down.
God damn it. Motherfucker.
Dude, your card getting declined on a date.
Your hard getting declined.
Hold up.
I got to go to the bathroom.
The ATM is just like a pussy.
Yeah, the ATM is a pussy.
The ATM is a pussy.
Yeah, you got to like click.
It's like a porn screen.
You come back, but you lost it.
Just, oh, man.
The Zoloft industry would be cratered.
Yeah. Cratered. Yeah. but you lost it just oh man the zoloft industry would would be cratered yeah cratered yeah that
is that's a really tough like for somebody that's really sad and there's like okay you can take this
pill that fixes everything but then you can't experience the thing that feels the best anymore
because you can't get your dick hard exactly it's sort of similar how like hair hair loss pills
give you like a 20 chance your dick not working really
what's the only reason you want to get your hair back so you can get lazy exactly wow same with
steroids your dick not working yeah it all circles back to that god damn it's annoying like why like
i don't understand like the like makes that makes me think about god like what's up with that
like why like why couldn't it just be like your thumb tingles or something you know what i mean
like well why does it have to be your penis it's always i think that's fair as hell it is fair man
it is it does seem like a fair scale of justice everything is a trade-off yeah that's not you
can't hack the system yeah can you have you guys ever taken a dick pill i have not that was that was a
yes inhale i know really it works but 10 times too well like an inconvenient boner yeah and then
it gives you a that would be fraud in an uh libido driven economy yeah fraud yeah my buddy uh popped on at the bar in anticipation
yeah i didn't even do it for sex what did you do it for i did it because i i like i like a good
rush i like a good change of the i like a good change of the mindset you're like adjusting your
pants in public i mean it definitely it did you have the opportunity to have sex and turn it down
no it wouldn't work as caffeine.
Like it would work as a boost.
Like you're, if you're tired, maybe take it.
You won't be tired.
Yeah. Cause when you have an, when you have a boner, you feel like a, an exclamation point.
You look like one too.
Yeah.
It's, it's a, it's like a, Ooh, you feel good.
I feel that.
Yeah.
So I think, why do you mean 10 times too?
Uh, you're, you're too hard.
Yeah. And you're, and you're too hard. Yeah.
And you're too hard for too long.
And you have just the worst, like a borderline brain freeze.
Really?
Yeah.
Have you taken one, Mook?
I've never taken one.
I snorted it, yeah.
You snorted a dick pill?
Yeah, the red rhino.
I broke it up, snorted it.
No, I'm kidding.
Is the red rhino the parachute broke it up, snorted it. No, I'm kidding. Is the red rhino a parachute?
Is that a gas station one?
I think this one was an Amazon one.
You can buy dick pills off Amazon?
Or from the internet.
Let's do a hard episode.
Yeah, we should.
Yeah, but people have been asking for it.
When are you guys putting out the hard episode?
Yeah.
Here comes moot googling.
Get comfortable.
Dick pill.
How would you take out a loan in the libido-based economy?
Could you borrow dick hardness?
You'd have to borrow a harder dick.
Yeah.
The bankers would be the hardest people.
Yeah.
And they would hoard the hardness.
Yeah.
But what about for women?
How do we quantify that? I guess
they would have no power. They had no money.
Yeah. They have no fucking money. They can't
spend. They can only serve.
I mean, if you can't
get it up in the bedroom and it's like a chick calls
you a broke bitch it's funny
it would make sense
donating to the homeless
please
you can use bluetooth
to apple pay
yeah just tap yours
you tap your cock on your phone
little venmo
you're like a fiend
junkie trying to get this the double d fentanyl you gotta
mook yeah hungry so hungry always are getting in here kyle you're the factor guy it's your code
kyle it's your code look at that i up Factor and who comes running in? The man with the code.
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All the meals, smoothies, snacks.
I'm a snacker.
I've become a snacker in this office
um it's better when it's a healthy meal it's better when it's a healthy snack yeah i ordered
i got it for my grandma for christmas and i guess she has way too much so my uncles are
double teaming her stash and they're all three of them are fed perfectly i love to hear that man that's awesome to hear factor meals.com slash kb50 rent.app you guys saw us in the big budget ad we put put on our
i said we puss we put on our uh instagram and twitters and tiktok um we're thankful for them
and uh they're fans of the pod and they're supporting us.
Everybody that listens to this show probably lives in an apartment.
Most people, I would say.
Yikes.
70% probably live in an apartment.
And this is the easiest way to pay rent.
Right to your landlord's bank account.
The most convenient and the cheapest. We had dudes talking, you know, they live in houses, but they're renting apartments now way to pay rent. Right into your landlord's bank account. The most convenient and the cheapest.
We had dudes talking,
they live in houses,
but they're renting apartments now
just to pay rent.
Yeah, just for the ease of rent.
That's people doing that.
They got an apartment.
It's an investment strategy.
It's smart.
No more trips to the ATM,
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It's a scary situation
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One of the mid, mid-level, mid-range presidents.
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Come on.
Our boys who are at the Betty and our merch, North Dakota rent, that's like most of the rent.
Yeah, that's probably the entire rent.
Ulysses S. Grant.
Yeah, Grant.
USG?
Fuck.
If you're a landlord, go to rent.app.landlord
and get paid on time without the hassle.
Rent app.
Thank you, guys.
There is some celebrity birthdays birthdays if you want to guess
i love this game yes please so i didn't do today or the day this podcast is airing tomorrow just
in case you guys what day did you do cheated i did this the weekend in general okay rudy i think
you can get at least two of these okay remind me of the rules again with how you did it
so it was
it's a word play
it's a celebrity's birthday and I'm going to give you a hint
that describes the name of this celebrity
in some way
I'll start out relatively easy
Mook you can play too
Reed you can too
this is a comedian and actor
turning 61 this weekend.
Clue.
Bob the Tomato's biblical singing partner rebrands as a spectrum salesman.
Larry the Cable Guy.
Fuck.
Yeah.
That's good.
This is a rapper turning 42.
This is a rapper turning 42.
This world-renowned Mexican vape salesman is known for collaborating with fellow e-cig entrepreneur Elfbars Thomas.
Are you 40?
No.
Not nearly enough for us. Well, I'm out.
That's the only rapper I know.
Can you say it again?
This world-renowned Mexican vape salesman
is known for collaborating with fellow e-cig entrepreneur
Elf Bars Thomas.
I don't know what any of that meant.
How would any of us ever get this?
I have like jewel...
Think music.
Yeah, and you're on the right track.
this. I have like Jewel. Think music.
Yeah, and you're on the right track.
Okay, maybe this was too hard of a clue.
This Mexican vape salesman
is known for collaborating with Rob Thomas.
Oh.
A rapper.
Something Santana. Yeah, you might not know the name.
Oh, Jewel Santana. Yeah, not know the name Jules Santana
okay I see that I see that
I see that okay
deceased legendary athlete
this 10 year old
detective may love books and
information but his jock brother
is obsessed with phys ed
legendary now dead athlete Fizzed.
Legendary now dead athlete.
Oh, Jim Thorpe?
Why would you think Jim Thorpe?
Fizzed.
That doesn't... Close.
What?
Jim, yeah.
Jim, I see what you're saying.
Oh, fuck.
Like G-Y-M.
Who is it?
Jim Brown, Encyclopedia Brown's brother.
Jesus Christ, dude.
Wait, but can you go back to the Elf Bar?
Yeah, so Carlos Santana collabed with Rob Thomas.
On Smooth.
But this one, instead of being a musician, is a Mexican vape salesman, Jules Santana.
Okay.
Instead of collabing with Rob Thomas, he collabed with Elf Bars Thomas on an entrepreneur.
Yeah, I don't know how I didn't get that.
Yeah, man.
That was right in front of our faces.
Fuck.
It's right there.
Old female musician turning 91 this weekend.
Someone attempts to greet Noel Miller's podcast co-host, but quickly realizes he made a mistake.
91 year old female singer, you said?
I don't know.
Someone attempts to greet Noel Miller's podcast co-host,
but what?
Quickly realizes he made a mistake.
Cody Co.
Tell us, goddammit.
Yo, Co.
Oh, no.
Damn. tell us god damn it Yoko oh no damn that would have been so fun to get I would have loved to get that
I really want to get one
former legendary
athlete turning 61
a middle eastern classic
pop tribute band consists
of Jackie Lebanon
Jermaine Syria,
Tito Yemen, Marlon Kuwait,
and this beloved fifth member
who is the youngest of the bunch.
Can you say the beginning
again?
The Middle Eastern classic pop
tribute band consists of
Jackie Lebanon,
Jermaine Syria, Tito
Yemen, Marlon Ku Syria, Tito Yemen,
Marlon Kuwait in this beloved fifth member
who is the youngest of the bunch.
So that's the Jackson 5.
Michael Jackson.
Michael Jordan.
Michael Jordan.
Good one, Reid.
Good one, Reid.
Actress turning 53.
This brother's daughter
spewed a barrage
of racial slurs at the laugh factory
in a fit of rage.
Ah.
This who's whose daughter?
This brother's daughter.
Or my brother's daughter.
Spewed a barrage of N-words at the Laugh Factory in a fit of rage.
So my brother's daughter.
So we have Michael Richards.
Mm-hmm. But my brother's daughter would be your niece
what's a brother's daughter
a niece close
child
you want to make a guess
no
am I trying to guess a woman
what was the yeah an actress an actress actress 61 61
you guys pretty much said all of the the names in this niece niece what
richards denise denise rich danice richards Denise. Denise Rich. Denise Richards.
Rudy was the closest child.
Yeah, I was. I was right in the neighborhood.
I was in the cul-de-sac. Couldn't find the address.
All right. Ethan Hawks.
This is a rapper that
only Rudy... Mookmite.
I don't know if Nick will know this rapper. Turning
29.
Wait.
Why'd you say Ethan Hawke?
Oh, this is about to be the clue.
Oh, sorry.
Ethan Hawke's 2001 LAPD mentor, Detective Alonzo Harris, has an affair with a spicy Indian dish served with rice.
spicy Indian dish served with rice.
Denzel Curry. Denzel Curry.
A couple more.
Read again.
Read again, dude.
I just kept thinking masala.
Backup quarterback Saracen, if you've seen Friday Night Lights, backup quarterback
Saracen
if you've seen
Friday Night Lights
reminds his
dementia riddled
grandmother
what his name is
and where he goes
to high school
this is an actor
turning 59
Matt
Dillon
yeah Matt Dillon
is an actor
is he an actor
I didn't know
okay Matt Dillon is that it why is it dementia riddled?
he lived with his dementia grandma
oh okay I've never seen Friday Night Lights
shit me neither
this is an actor
turning 33
Lynn Sanity, Iverson
and at least half
of Blake Griffin
Jeremy Allen White
correct
there we go Mook that was easy And at least half of Blake Griffin. Jeremy Allen White. Correct.
That way, Mook.
There we go, Mook.
That was easy.
Singer turning 34.
Vince, Turtle, and Drama leave behind one of their friends to spend Saturday and Sunday together.
What is it?
Okay, go again.
Vince, Turtle, and Drama leave behind one of their friends to spend
saturday and sunday together it's e something what are they it's something the week yeah i was
thinking the weekend the weekend yeah without the e
read these will be good crossword clues yeah this would be good you should make a crossword one more Read.
These will be good crossword clues.
Yeah, these will be good.
You should make a crossword. One more.
Okay.
World famous musician turning 52.
The Piano Man wins seven Tour de France titles,
but instead of being stripped of one of his testicles
or one of his W's due to PED use,
he loses one of his L's, ironically.
And who's the person again?
51-year-old.
52, world-famous lead singer.
Losing one of his...
It's not Elton John, right?
It's not Elton John.
He's much older.
52-year-old singer.
The Piano Man.
Okay, so that is...
Wins seven Tour de France titles.
Elton.
Or John.
Louis Armstrong.
No, that can't be right.
He's dead.
Fuck!
I'm not even going to get close.
The Piano Man.
Elton. Okay. What are you saying elton for
that's billy joel billy joe armstrong yes yes why was i thinking elton john for p i was too
for a second billy joe armstrong all right happy birthday happy birthday to all of that all of
those people that was a house of whores that's a good that's a good celeb birthday weekend
well yeah i'm gonna make some for you next week please make someone to look yeah i'm gonna stump you
don't look at birthdays i'm gonna stump i won't uh mook what do you have on the uh docket uh
housekeeping that's what we call it yeah uh you guys had turtle cake without us oh yeah i gluten
free turtle cake god damn i want to put out some turtle cake merch yeah it's sweeping
some people
yeah it's sweeping some people and it's better than
I thought it would taste I thought it would taste
good but it was the perfect level
of moisture and dampness
yeah and the same amount of M&M's
so nothing to break
you out of your routine
I heard that
you had dinner at Salt
Bay's restaurant. Yeah.
There's a video of you. What?
Getting fed something.
Steak? By a bay himself?
No, female bay. That's probably bad.
They had a female bay there
that was coming around to the tables.
I didn't know there was a video.
Jeff D. Lowe mentioned it to me.
I gotta find it. Is it leaked? I haven't found it. I don't think it's leaked. Yeah Jeff D. Lowe mentioned it to me. I gotta find it.
Is it leaked?
I haven't found it.
I don't think it's leaked.
Yeah, but they give you the first piece of steak.
Salt Bae's restaurant.
Steak, good.
Everything else, bad.
Drinks, bad.
They did steak sushi, which was rice, steak, and like crusty Parmesan on the top.
Just didn't work.
The steak was good though the
steak was really good drinks mad and for the salt experience is that something that they do
no matter what yeah they do it on and on everything got it i would pay to not have to get fed that
they give you the first piece you don't have a choice oh i wouldn't like that and then they have
gold the gold steak there that's's like $1,600.
That's so stupid.
Mine was called like the wow steak.
It was, we were the only people in the entire restaurant.
That's good. Really?
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah.
I mean, who cares about Salt Bae anymore?
He tried to get the trophy from Messi.
It's funny.
You guys see that video?
Yeah.
Messi won the World Cup and he was like, tried to be the first person.
I think he succeeded.
Did he?
He took it right off Messi for a picture.
There's Salpe.
How did he get there?
Wait.
I'm thinking of him with the trophy.
I appreciate that he's...
This is after he won the World Cup.
Is Salpe Argentinian?
I think he's Turkish.
Yeah, he's not argentinian i think he's turkish yeah he's not argentinian i appreciate that he's
never switched up his glasses swag in like 10 years has he been around that long it's been a
while dude he always looks like a bond villain which is this that's not actually the trophy
it isn't i hope not i think it is oh look how Jesus. Look how gold it is. How'd he get that? How'd he get there?
I don't know.
I could see him being, like, huge in Argentina somewhere.
What's Salt Bae's net worth?
The logo for his company, or for his restaurant, Nusret, is just, like, the default cool, like, it's the, if you had Microsoft Word and wanted to make like a cool
band logo that
was the font you chose. Seem like 50
to 80 mil.
That's high. That's really high.
Good on him.
Good on Salt.
Oh he's doing the pose.
Yeah he is Turkish. Okay.
Good call. what you know about
Erzurum Kyle
all of the buildings are
purple yeah
the residences
can be other colors
but all their buildings are purple you're fucking with your line
yeah yeah um Reed got full
time and we got to take him out to dinner I want to take him out to
Mogadishu the Somalian restaurant
I would love to try Somalian okay we're going to go out for Somalian for Reed's full time and we got to take him out to dinner i want to take him out to mogadishu the somalian restaurant i would love to try somalian okay yeah we're gonna go out for
somalian for reed's full-time hire we're taking him to mogadishu is that a sit-down joint i don't
think so i don't even think i think the windows are pro that no mook you're gonna have to google
mogadishu you try to solo mogadishu mogadishu. You just Google Mogadishu. You try to solo Mogadishu.
Mogadishu near me.
Oh, this place.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I'm not familiar with their cuisine.
Yeah, we're going to go to Mogadishu.
I went to a coffee shop nearby. Mook, I think it's by your place. That looks good. Mook lives right next to Mogadishu. I went to a coffee shop nearby.
Mook, I think it's by your place. That looks good.
Mook lives right next to Mogadishu.
I think you do.
I'm going to get it.
Yeah, I'm very close.
Yeah, I think you...
Mook, you're doing well, buddy.
You live right next to Mogadishu.
Would that be the worst country capital to live in?
It'd be rough. I don't know what the current
situation is. It has to be down there.
I'm going to get Mook a Blackhawk
down shirt to wear there.
Was that in Somalia? Yeah. Mogadishu.
So was Captain Phillips, right? Yeah.
Bad rep.
I don't know what they got. Dude, I watched the new
Top Gun. I guess I'm so behind.
This past weekend, they don't even name the country they're attacking they only call it the enemy it's so bad
that's so annoying me a lot it's so like uh have we gotten that fucking soft it's just like such a
marketing thing that they didn't want to like upset anyone probably because make it the middle east
yeah it's easy you have a lot to pick it's an easy one it's an easy. You have a lot to pick from. It's an easy one. It's an easy one. They didn't even show the villain.
No, it was a nameless enemy.
Give the guys flying the planes a turban.
The whole movie is like a video game cut scene.
Yeah.
And then the country's logo is just like a star, so you don't even know what it is.
Oh, that stinks.
But didn't people love it?
They loved it, yeah.
But I think they just loved that one scene of like I was looking forward to
the football scene of Miles Teller shirtless doing this
it was like half a second
he's dancing in the video?
Nope he's not even dancing it looks like he's
dancing just search Miles Teller gif
I saw him dancing at a college bar
like this past
weekend. That's the gif that went crazy?
I saw that too. Yeah and it's just it's the
shortest little scene
yeah the piano scene went way crazier yeah That's the gif that went crazy. I saw that too. Yeah. And it's the shortest little scene.
Yeah, the piano scene went way crazier.
Yeah.
Get on Teller though.
Good old Philly boy. If you need your war airplane fix, check out Masters of the Air.
I heard Austin Butler is just Elvis though.
He's still Elvis?
Yeah, I'm balls deep in it.
He's in like a real life Lincoln Osiris, Robert Downey Jr.
situation where he's like a thunder.
He's like playing a character in a different movie, but he's stuck in another role.
They should have just had him play Elvis in World War Two.
Elvis, what was World War Two, wasn't he?
Yeah.
No, he was alive.
Was he?
No, he got drafted to the military.
He was in the military.
Essentially, that's what this is.
Yeah, he is Elvis just in an airplane.
I don't think I think actors to be realistic shouldn't be attractive.
I he he's way to him and a Lordy.
All these guys are too attractive.
Who could a Lordy possibly play?
Right.
From a historical.
They are.
The guys are too hot in this and it's distracting.
The other guy, Callum Turner, is the other co-star.
He's the one dating Dua Lipa.
So hot.
They're too hot.
Our boy Barry Keoghan
plays in Masters of the Air.
He's in it?
And he can't do a New York accent.
Really?
Barry can't do it?
Cannot do it.
I think that's an easy one to get.
He does have a tough time.
Yeah, because in Band of Brothers,
you had Mark Wahlberg's brother
looking like he looks like
he's on the verge of death post-divorce like he's yeah which is realistic it's cool that's how it
should be all actors should be the least good-looking people yeah who's the ugliest uh a
list actor paul giamatti but he's like a character role he's great though um i mean we had to believe that sarah
jessica parker was like matthew mcconaughey and her were a good couple in failure to launch
no that doesn't work that doesn't work yeah but you just said you wanted ugly you didn't say
actresses no i did not say that i want sweeney and everything. I want her in my heroin.
Did you just Google ugly actors?
Steve Buscemi, Ron Perlman, yeah.
I would argue that Perlman's hot.
You're going to lose that argument.
He's haunting.
Yeah, he is. They had him play Hellboy, and they just were like, let's put a red filter to play Hellboy.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
I think I got over my skis on that one.
He looks like an Easter Island head.
Yeah, he does.
They put flesh on it.
Oh, yeah.
They had to make him look better.
Yeah, they did.
I'm a motherfucking Hellboy.
I like that movie.
It's a good movie
they didn't have just the enemy they were killing Nazis
and Rasputin
yeah sweet
very cool
Kyle you got anything else?
I got nothing else
damn sounds like
that sounds like a dying breath
I got nothing else
fuck yeah alright
God bless