A New Untold Story - The Butter Chicken Effect - A New Untold Story: Ep. 415
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Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube.
Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music.
Check, check, check, check. One, two, one, two.
You mean you're going to reply to what I'm going to say?
No, you're just going to say, no, that's a new untold story.
Hey, is that story old or told?
No, baby.
It's a new untold story.
I knew untold story. A new untold story.
It's a fresh, big untold story.
A new untold story.
All right. A new untold story, you learned how to roll your tongue? Have you always been able to do that?
Yeah.
All right, cool.
I thought it was hard.
You somehow are making the tongue noise, but not the voice.
It's weird.
Yeah.
It's a dry tongue roll.
Give me a word with an R retard
Because it has two hours you have to roll the second one
That's pretty good man pretty good welcome back episode
Alright. That was pretty good, man. Pretty good.
Welcome back, episode...
Four...
No.
Okay.
No.
I quit caring episode one.
Oh, I still care. A lot.
315, Syracuse, Utica.
Yeah, hey, this is Kyle from An Hour in the Future.
I just realized that it's episode 415, not 315.
Apologies to San Francisco in the Bay Area
But nonetheless enjoy some free bonus
Syracuse New York chatter
Thanks, and sorry
Watertown but most importantly Syracuse the salt city
Cool it was the
Salt producer of yesteryear of the world or the country of the country, okay? Yeah, yeah, that's pretty that's a cool claim to fame
What?
Is like Morton's from there no I think the on and dog of people discovered it oh
Yeah, you see how you think discovered it. Oh, okay. E of the L.
Yeah, you think so.
16th.
Yeah.
You know exactly that the Onondaga discovered it.
They did, yeah.
Yeah, don't.
I don't know how like Syracuse got salt.
I remember reading in a while,
a show that the Ogondaga,
correct me if you know any better, Nick.
Yeah.
Okay.
The Onondaga people discovered it.
Okay, that's,
they have a claim to fame.
They have a claim to fame. You know about Sy Syracuse discovering discovering salt is probably not a smart person move. It's like a rock and you're like, let's taste this rock
Yeah
Goats love that goats love that. Well, it's so important and cows they would have to give them the licks the lick it the lick your pee
My chinchilla had a salt rock Henry. I forgot you had a chinchilla. Yeah, I was the chinchilla kid
I had in a big ball ran around the house
They would always put my hamster in the ball and just roll it down flights and oh yes
Oh, yes, dude. I took my chinchilla to my dad's office building and I pushed it off a catwalk
60 feet
I'm trying to think what a catwalk is
It's like a interior bridge.
Like embassy suites.
Like embassy suites.
Okay, okay.
That's one of the scariest places a boy can go.
I love it.
The glass elevator, the catwalk from your room,
fuck that a million times.
I love the waterfall though, it makes me thirsty.
It's so pleasurable, that place.
Yeah.
What, tell me more about the Aguandaga,
or at least Syracuse. I don't know,
a lot of people know about the college
But I don't think the city no, I don't
So the college is Jim Brown who is widely regarded as the greatest athlete of all time
Yes, was he part Native American? He may he wore that that flat cap
Okay, I don't know what that was. I think he beat the ingrown hairs out of women.
No way.
Yeah, I think he was an abuser.
Okay.
I think he got accused of a lot of things, but every time I see a tweet about him, it's
always like, rip the legend. So I don't know what's true, what's not.
His legacy includes serial abuse.
Yeah.
I don't know if you can lump that into your legacy.
I think I would.
I think that would maybe overshadow,
I don't know, what he did on the field.
Who else?
Mello.
He just went to Syracuse, yeah?
Not from the area, okay.
Tom Cruise was born there.
Okay.
I read Tom Cruise went to 15 schools in 14 years.
That's telling.
That fits him.
Right, like he never got to experience
the evolution of a woman, he knows.
He was never fully in a social circle.
Right, if you're always, it's kind of like a military brat.
He was never in a circle.
Like the dash and a Q. No,. He was never in a circle. Like the dash and a cue.
No, he's never fully in a circle.
Oh my God, he's just like the dash and a cue.
Like the dash and a cue.
Never really realized that.
Just kind of halfway in the loop.
And I read he was like,
he was the varsity linebacker on his football team.
He's tiny.
He's my size, exact dimensions. He's regular size. Yeah
Average
Bolivian beast
Then he got thrown off the team for drinking a beer before the game and then went on to star in
guys and dolls
So the classic varsity linebacker
to Guys and Dolls pipeline.
Yes, countless men.
If you ask people from Syracuse,
I'm sure they will say, we have good bars,
we have good food, we have good breweries,
we have good outdoor activities, we have good live music.
I think Prince did his thing there in a major way.
The Qs got the Qs.
They got the Qs.
It's not San Francisco, but they got a little scene.
Is it a long line of gays?
Yeah, well, there's Wonder Bar, Wolf's Trek,
so it's T-Rex with no space and two Xs.
I don't know how to pronounce it.
And they have a place called the Gorilla Gay Bar.
Okay.
Spelled militantly.
Oh, G-U-E-R-R, like they're hiding
and picking off more trained gays.
Yeah.
These gays are just marching in a straight line,
let's hide behind this rock and suck their dicks.
We're outnumbered, this is the only.
Dude, it's a they put over up
They dig a pit and put sticks and twigs over and you fall into a pit of dildos
Fucking filthy
The daily orange called it a big queer hangout, so I'm sure it's lovely
but the orange Sarah, they got them cold weather gays,
those uh, the cold weather Rust Belt gays.
What is there, what's that trope?
The kind that can drive a car
and get away with committing credit card fraud.
Oh yeah, those gays.
Hitting the forward swizzle on the frozen Lake Hiawatha.
Who's your audience for this?
Yeah.
They're like figure skating, but they do it in the cold.
They're tougher gays.
Yeah.
You can see a picture that's on their website.
The Gorilla Gay Bar website.
Yeah, okay, wow.
It doesn't look gorillish.
There's a plant, there's a fern.
But they look cold.
Yeah, I think that's the place that snows regularly.
Cool.
What else about Syracuse?
Syracuse, New York.
Oh, okay, so it's a salt city,
and the old mascot of Syracuse University
was the saltine warrior.
Oh.
Yes, and it didn't go well, let me tell ya.
Why didn't he go well?
Let's see, the portrayal of the Saltine Warrior
received significant controversy in the mid 1950s.
Controversial in the 50s.
Yeah, dude, no.
Due to its stereotypes of mimicking of Native Americans.
Go to the Logo Mooc.
If you're too, if they're throwing the book at racism in the 1950s on...
They combine native propaganda with Jewish.
Yeah, they did.
Yeah, they made that thing twisty.
My boy.
So...
What is controversial in the 50s is just bad.
So during this time period, a member of Syracuse University's Lambda Chi fraternity
would attend the football games
dressed as the Saltine warrior.
His portrayal includes exaggerated and insulting parts
intended to be amusing.
He would whoop and holler.
And in the 1950s, if you're too far,
I don't even know, what could, yeah.
I don't even know, what is that? I don't know, that's a level of racism, I guess,
that I don't even know it is.
You could just say the big bad word.
I know, well, the Lambda Chi boys
have been crossing the lines for decades, dude.
They're never like, their racist group chats
are always getting leaked.
Really?
And like their N word videos are always
not just videos of them saying it,
they're always like chanting it in unison
on a bus that they like film themselves.
Right.
Or that might be essay, it's one of those.
It's one of those.
But I remember going, the Atlantic high boys.
They know how to do it. They used to let me cut like the power forwards and cornerbacks to get into their parties Wow
Yeah, like they fucked with you. Well
Yeah, I thought with white people
You're half Cubano. I am a Cubano
Have you learned anything about your heritage? No, no plan to people someone like said I didn't know are you
Faking to claim the set or something. I don't know if it's a set
the whole country, but I
Yeah, I don't know. I'm Cuban. We'll leave it at that believe it at that what more you don't need to prove anything
You don't need to prove anything at all I
Don't what else Richard gear he
He was like he was the first ever rumor
Yeah, he was like he was a sex symbol correct
He was but then there was that thing that he put a hamster in his ass a gerbil in his asshole
One is a sex somebody just believed it mm-hmm. Yeah rumors used to just be if you heard it from somebody
It was just like oh, yeah
Dude Just like oh yeah, there's a three dude
Marilyn Manson sucking his cock removing a rib
It's so he could do it and then Richard gear with a gerbil in his asshole a lot of hermaphrodite ones
How you could not get a gerbil in your asshole very far? I would die almost in my ass personally. I don't think
Girl, I don't understand how you believe that girls were always ripping their pussies down to their asses
Yes, I can think is connected. I know like there's always rumors of a girl like in seventh grade who would do that in every town
Yeah
There's always like the dog licking the peanut butter. Yeah, yeah, yeah
There was always a cat fucker a guy that fucked his cat. Yes skittles one
What's the skittles one? Oh?
Yeah, people thought those herpes sack
Pussy that's so fucking stupid and that was everywhere. Yeah
Like that's
Bobcat Goldthwait is from there. Oh cool the white black comic is married to Polly on a Macintosh. You know of course yeah obviously
John Fishman the the Fish drummer.
His last name's Fishman?
Coincidentally.
Really?
And we've been talking about aptonyms.
Yeah, we have been talking about aptonyms a lot.
You found the aptopedy page.
I'm sure the band was named after him, actually.
You think, named after the drummer?
Fishman, yeah.
One of the guys in ZZ Top, his last name is Beard, but it's the only one without a beard.
See?
Yes. Well, that's the opposite. Well, but it's the only one without a beard. See?
Yes.
Well, that's the opposite.
Well, all the other guys have a beard.
He is a beard.
So I guess it works.
Okay.
Yeah, we were talking about.
Aptonyms.
It's the psychology that the name you're born with
kinda chooses your path.
Right.
Nominative determinism.
Yeah.
Yup.
Usain Bolt.
Which is like, I'm sure there's way more examples of that not happening um I mean think about quarterback names
They sound like quarterbacks, but maybe that's just because they are
Yeah, I'm tight end names are always tight end names. Yeah, yeah, we thought we were talking about cuz of Hans Zimmer Hans Zimmer sounds like a
composer
It's uh well. I think that's because you just he's the composer that people.
Yeah, the only big one is John Williams. Does that sound like a composer?
No, it does to me because he is. I don't think so.
I don't know. There's some about Hans Zimmer. It's an interesting thing.
Usain Bolt. I'm more aligned with the philosophy that quarterbacks
are all handsome because they had confidence to try out for quarterback.
Right, which takes so much confidence because, you know,
football is-
I wanna touch the ball every play.
Right, but they're the most
disrespected people in the world.
No.
It is the most disrespected profession in the world,
and let me tell you.
Football- No, they're not the most disres-
At least in America.
Are you gonna make this a numbers game?
Like, yes, Bryce Young sucks. Football is the most popular sport in America. Are you gonna make this a numbers game? Like, yes, Bryce Young sucks.
Football is the most popular sport in America.
Yes.
In a country of 300 plus million.
Yeah.
Everyone wants to play football.
It's the most watched sport.
And yet there are only six to eight total quarterbacks
who are good.
You doing this again?
That's what I'm saying.
NFL coaches right there with them coach.
There's only like five respected NFL.
I'm going to I might get flamed for this.
How much can a coach really control?
That's what I'm saying.
Like, I'm sure these guys are as good as they get.
I've never played organized sports at any level.
How much can a coach really control?
Well, depends on the sport of football.
A time calling plays like the coordinators do a lot of that, though. Yeah, but that still counts as a coach really control? Well, it depends on the sport, football, a ton. Calling plays? I like the coordinators do a lot of that though.
Yeah, but that still counts as a coach.
I don't know.
No, well, do you have anything else about,
what, Watertown?
It's just, I don't know.
I don't know much about upstate New York.
And we go Mortenson is from there.
Really?
The Aragorn.
I've heard of him.
Kyle, small ad break, but it's talk about game time.
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I'm using game time for the story so far.
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All right
gamers
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Mm-hmm you guys saw Hans Zimmer. Yeah ruled it sounds amazing it rules
They had a Chinese cellist that
Love she spawned the cello,
and they were like, yeah, she's been playing
since she was three.
That's how they were.
Oh, that's a prisoner.
Yes.
That's a prisoner woman.
Yeah. Right.
And they all played string instruments.
They were forced for like 20 hours a day.
Yeah, it was incredible.
Everyone kind of dressed like they were at a funeral though.
It was odd. But not black.
I don't know what you wear to a show like that.
But it was cool because he did like the inception, a medley of the songs
for inception.
And then like it got dark.
I was like, oh, this is real moody.
And then just like a small African guy popped up and goes,
see when you're right after that.
And it was that's like best.
How did it was he like, how we feel in Chicago? He was just like's like best jing. Mm-hmm. How did was he like how we feel in Chicago?
He was just like he was real stuffy. It's hones and whips out the expira base. Yeah
The ostrich egg. Yeah, that is what he did. Yeah. No, he's honed. He was on zip lines
It's unbelievable
It's unbelievable how much
Musicians they have the longest leash for joking. Like I would go, like you go see Dave Matthews and he's just like, how's everybody doing?
And everybody's just like laughing.
They just, yeah.
It's unbelievable.
Hans Zimmer was just like, he lost his train of thought.
He was like, Oh, I forgot what I was saying.
Yeah. And everybody's like laughing really hard
Wow, it's unbelievable
Yeah, no he at one point did the thing where he's like you guys are the greatest don't tell the other
And like the pleasure yes like screaming by just seeing their faces
He got an old face next time you perform to be booked as a musician
Yeah, and be like this guy's the funniest person in the world. Yeah, I'll finally kill. Yeah, yeah
It's unbelievable like the leeway. I heard he's like not too respected in like the orchestra community really he's had
Accusations of having his interns
Make a lot of music so a lot of big artists do do that like Stephen King like you can't churn out a novel every six
Months like I think people probably do a lot of this heavy lifting one weird thing about Hans Zimmer
And he noticed like you may notice there's a lot of women around me and they're like 90% of his orchestra
Which is like 60 people were like chicks young chicks
Yeah, and he would come up and hug them, kiss them.
He's like, you know, I love you.
Oh, you think he's got some of that?
It's just, I don't know.
Twang.
I don't know.
I don't want to throw that around.
Yeah.
I feel that.
I'm amongst women.
You?
Yeah, three chicks at home now.
Oh, second cat.
Estrogenestuary.
They're all pissing everywhere and whining.
Wait, are they all synced up they?
Bleeding at the same time
Synced up chick girlfriend in the two chick cats
Yeah, my fucking kittens on its period. It's being a bitch
Might as well be
It's so it's
The greatest treat then unveiled her to the world on an Instagram post with an intentional typo. I thought that was adorable
I like that kind of like whimsical humor
Sunshining rainbow. Yeah, it's a sunshine and rain. Yeah. Yeah, that was fun. I thought it was funny. I thought it killed
It did yeah, it was horrible at first
How was it bringing her home? Did you have to bring her home in an uber?
Yeah, she's a southside cack baby
From the cack house the Chicago Animal Control. Oh, yeah, Karen control. Yeah born like during the White Sox drought Wow
So probably not in the best of situations.
So she came home and was like terrified of everything.
So she's immediately under the bed.
Where's Piper from?
Which is like two inches.
Piper's from Queens.
Wow.
Yeah, and Piper hates that she's there.
Hissed a thousand hisses,
but then starts hiding herself.
So Piper's under the couch,
Pinky's under the, and what we're not gonna do is sexualize
the names Pinky and Piper, okay?
A couple people did that.
You could certainly understand.
Couple people tried that.
That's like naming your cat's dick and badge.
Wasn't about that, no.
We're not gonna do that.
So you just stumbled into Piper and Pinky.
Yeah, I don't think they're, no.
I gotta stop folding my arms.
Why?
I saw a comment that was like, man-lit gym cells love folding their arms to enhance their
biceps when they feel uncomfortable in a social situation.
Lee Harvey'd, like that, I do that so often.
So never again.
But it's so-
You've never heard manlit before, Moog?
That's a good thing.
Have you ever heard manlit, Kyle?
Yeah.
Yeah, that might be one of the more insulting things
to call somebody.
Because they're acknowledging you're an adult,
but just a smaller cut.
A lighter cut.
I've never heard that.
Oh yeah.
That is so mean.
Yeah.
58 countries.
58?
Greater than.
Yeah.
Greater than.
No, and we talked to sales doing tall abroad.
I know.
I think it's just pictures.
Yeah, we just put out a picture.
We put out a picture on YouTube.
Yeah.
Like in the video.
A slideshow.
With an ad read in it.
Yeah. I know I think it just pictures. Yeah, we just made a stand in next to people shorter than we put out a picture on YouTube
Yeah, like in the video. Mm-hmm a slideshow with an ad read in it. Yeah. No, they wouldn't sell it
No, no
You sent me just a random photo
This went down a rabbit hole like people from Syracuse like Megyn Kelly was one and I was like I went to her Wikipedia
Like people from Syracuse like Megyn Kelly was one and I was like I went to her Wikipedia
Her show got cancelled because she defended blackface. Yeah, then I went down a blackface rabbit hole. Yeah
Sarah Silverman, I think people know that
True doe everybody knows you know Kimmel Kimmel. Yeah, Silverman dated at the same time. They both blackfaced
That's right. Yes. I wonder if if one just kissed the other one real hard.
She's like, oh fuck.
Yeah, they seem like they've been.
That'd be the funniest excuse.
No, no, no, I'm made out with somebody in blackface.
Yeah.
But then I found out Ashton Kutcher.
Oh, unbelievable.
In 2012, so not like too long ago.
Oh, a couple years. Did Indian brown face for a Pop Chips commercial. in 2012 so not like too long ago
Indian brown face
For a pop chips commercial a light and airy chip. He played we gotta make Kutcher Indian
What did he play like a Bollywood producer named like Raj? I think and he did he went like it was like
He was I watched like he was
He did the whole voice a
lot of the stereotypes Well, not the he could have done more like do you fly it on a magic carpet and like tell somebody's future?
Yeah, no, he didn't do that. It was like a confessional. These are Bombay
That's what it says about the chat. So they say about the chips. Yeah, that's more on pop chips, correct?
That's well, you got to agree. You that's more on pop chips, correct? That's, well, you gotta agree,
you can't just be forced into brown face.
And then he came out that he doesn't shower.
Yeah, so it stayed on for a really long time.
It's like him and Mila both don't scrub.
They came out that they don't shower,
you soap, they let their natural oils, but like.
And they don't scrub their children.
No.
They don't wash their kids.
But just not showering after black Blackface is like, yeah.
So I was like, I didn't know that.
I don't know how that like missed me.
Yeah.
Um, then I was like on a thread and people were like, hey, he's always been a bad guy.
Do you remember Punk'd?
Do you remember Punk'd?
Yeah. Can we go back to Ashton Kutcher and Brown?
Of course. That's funny. It's just that Ashton Kutcher was just stuck in like dude. Where's my rickshaw?
The butter chicken effect
And he misses like a crowd crush and Chennai because he had diarrhea
Cup crush and Chennai because he had diarrhea
Butter chicken in fact actually did well it got a coriander powder and masala on rotten tomatoes
What else that 72 virgins red red dot is just like
It's in the Koran dumbass
Can you pull up his movies yeah, what are so jobs? He's just a rickshaw driver
Women for their tits he plays Steve Bob's
What if I told you in one simple device you can ask women to see their tits, ask to see their pussy, and scam old people to buy gift cards?
What are his other movies?
A whole lot like Love.
Open season, open toe season
What else is there it could be something what happens in Vegas
He's hasn't really been any good movies
Yeah, I didn't know I thought he was in some hits. No, not really. Just just married. I mean, yeah. Yeah. What? I don't know. That's that would work, though.
Like arranged cheaper by the dozen. Just arranged married. Yeah, that's yeah cheaper by the two billion
No strings attached mm-hmm no shoes attached no, I don't know what looking you're you looking
I don't it's harder than I thought it is we have the punches
Apologies to the Indian audience for not giving you yeah, what you want that?
I'm sure this is what they want
Once we started looking we got way worse. My boss's daughter my boss's dot
daughter
Dottr fairy tale about an Indian man with a female boss
It's all I got my boss's daughter. It's like the person who puts like the little
That's the job. Yeah, that's the job.
Yeah, it's the job.
I'm my boss's daughter. I have to...
I wake up every morning with my heart on his forehead.
I'm my boss's daughter.
Wait, is that... I thought that was just a woman thing.
No, I think the dudes wear the dot, right?
No, my god.
I deal with a man at a store who has one
Okay
What dealings?
Buying... data rates and stuff
They love the Minions, right?
Do they?
I think
Indians love the Minions?
The Minions and...
The Minions?
Personalized license plates Do they? I think I know they love white vehicles and maroon and they love Armani exchange
Yes, but I didn't know I don't know
But um their show punked all these movies were flops flip
Oh that may be flopped. Oh that sounds awesome. Yeah. Those are the best. Movies that flop in India are huge hits.
Because there's so many people that go and just hear the flop.
Hahaha.
That was a round of a flop.
Oh my god.
But what about Kutcher Punked?
Yeah like, his pranks were fucked up.
Yeah.
I don't remember them being funny funny, but let's see.
He put Timberlake into almost a panic attack.
Yeah, he was like causing a lot of trauma on women.
Like genuine.
He convinced Serena Williams that a baby was being kidnapped
and she ended up in a high speed chase in LA.
She chased down somebody.
Trying to get the kid back.
That's just dangerous, but funny.
He told Jamie Presley she hired child laborers
for her new clothing line.
Oh yeah.
And she sobbed for like an hour before Ashton came in.
Jesus Christ, Ashton.
Yeah, like Jessica Alba was minding her own business
and they released Dax Shepard on her naked
just to harass her
That was the punk Jesus correct
Shepherd naked
That time yeah, they wheel him in like Hannibal
Release the shepherd
He put verne Troyer in a pool filter for 12 hours
What else did he do
Library he was doing the most fucked up shit
Do you know what else do you know any? He dissected Stephen Anthony Lawrence.
That was way too far.
The doctor said they were going to have to take his leg due to type 2 diabetes.
Santino was on that show.
They should just do reverse punked where something, they wait for something really bad to happen to somebody? Oh, and they pretend like that like
Like right after Paul Walker died if like Ashton Kutcher knocked on Vin Diesel's door
And was like hey, man my condolences, and then just left
My verse I know that's the IV. Yeah
Okay, and I'm really excited about the opportunity to's dark. Yeah. Okay.
And I'm really excited about the opportunity to drink weed.
Yeah.
To get high with just a sip or a swig.
You talking can two ends?
Yep.
Can with two ends.
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I
Did do this day in history
Yes, I came across some pretty fucking wild. Have you guys heard of biosphere 2?
I haven't heard of biosphere 1
I will tell you about biosphere 1
How many biospheres have there been maybe start with 2 and then okay see if I can put the pieces together
so biosphere 2 September 26 1991 this was a humongous experience or experiment where
They basically try to recreate Earth's biosphere in a massive facility
To test if you can create food
Plants to sustain life on a different planet. That's pretty cool. Right. Where was the facility in Arizona?
It seems that size northern Tucson. No, it's way bigger than that. It's a huge complex
It looks like shit looks like we're a hardly a sphere. And what year was this?
91.
Oh.
So they put eight people in it for two years.
They were supposed to stay in there.
No outside contact, no air from the outside.
It has to regulate oxygen, everything.
They had a desert.
They had a range.
Were these trained people, like astronaut-esque?
That's where it gets interesting.
So the dude that founded it
used to be like kind of a cult
dude and became friends with a billionaire.
And then he funded it.
And then he recruited a bunch of people
that were kind of scientists.
And the whole thing just went in like fucking haywire.
This one lady that they were like theater scientists,
which I'd never seen that crossover.
It was like a theater acting troop, but also scientists.
They had no, no.
Oh my God.
The two most annoying groups of people you can imagine.
So this one lady cut off her finger 12 days in,
tip of her finger.
Wait, wait, so- Accidentally?
Yes. Oh, okay.
Yes. I thought she was going mad.
No, and then had to come out to get surgery
because they had a doctor in there,
but the doctor couldn't put her finger back on. So she left for come out to get surgery because they had a doctor in there But the doctor couldn't put her finger back on so she left for seven hours to get surgery when she came back
She brought a duffel bag with circuit boards and like a blueprint for how to plant stuff in the rainforest
So all the press were just sitting outside of this thing
Watching them. Okay, like the whole world was watching this and this is actually where they got the idea of her big brother
From the biosphere from the biosphere. Okay, but what happened to biosphere one? Do you want to know what it is?
What you're in it earth? Oh?
Fuck that I know that's why they called it biosphere to oh, that's so annoying
I know but they were like stuck there for two years, and they had the option to leave
I mean if anything went super bad they could leave obviously it was an experiment to see if things would work out
I hate them cause that's so pompous calling it too. Yeah, exactly. Have you guys ever seen the movie troll 2?
No. Oh, it's there was no troll 1, but it's like this boy who goes to this town called Nilbog
Which is just gobbling backwards and it like there's this witch that turns people into corn. It rocks
That's good, too. That's a good sequel
Mitch that turns people into corn. It rocks.
That's a good too.
That's a good sequel.
But she brought back stuff
and then the press killed them for it.
They ran out of,
the CO2 levels are rising.
They were just slowly running out of oxygen.
By the time they were a year in,
they had 14% oxygen and it should be 20%.
So they were just slowly suffocating.
And then they secretly installed a co2 filter
So they were just like cheating and then they broke into two factions and then one faction was like it's okay if we bring in
Some so they turn it into like their own reality show without it being right
It's it's it people will revert to like tribe culture really quick. Uh-huh. Then watch a lot of survivor
Yeah, so yeah, that's by choice. Like they have to be in a tribe, right?
Pretty much but it what it does it just warps your perception of reality quickly
Judaism they call themselves the tribe don't they?
Yeah, I didn't know that mm-hmm and then the Cleveland Indians used to be called call themselves the tribe and then after the two years
Went up. I mean you could say it was a huge failure, but you learned they did learn shit
it kind of didn't work it's more of a
Sociological experiment right a biological experiment they tried it again in
94 or something and then two of the people came back and broke a bunch of windows and sabotaged it because they were like
This is just like the directors. It's like unsafe and they sabotage the whole thing. It's a whole fuck show. Yeah, I don't like any of this. Yeah
It's I don't a billionaire. I don't like billionaires and their ideas. Yeah, like the no death guy. Yeah
So he's not trying he's just keeping his organs young
He's doing he does like don't die dinners like yeah people on he has people on board He broke the world record for slow staging in most nights of perfect sleep
So it's like you're you're more miserable than if you were like rapidly dying via drug use
I think like a one-to-one like your your exact age is a score of one like your internal organs
But like usually I've raised like a 1.2 because of like nobody treats themselves perfectly this guy's like a point for eight
Like in on this score system, which is he's always bragging about it. Yeah, he looks weird. He looks like he's like honey
He looks very very like but like paper white. Yeah strange and smooth. He doesn't he's like 48
He looks 48 44. He looks like a dude that age with surgery.
Yes, like plastic surgery.
And there's no fun.
Like he, every waking moment is about staying younger.
We're just not living.
Every muscle twitch is like, how do I optimize my health?
Yes, I feel like every time he breathes, he's like,
I did, and I know how it happens.
I fell into this circle. You were on that trajectory. Like the more I look back at it, I was like, I did and I know how I know how it happens I fell into this you you were on that trajectory like the more I look back at it
I was like I wasn't enjoying life really no, it was just like the illusion of like now and productivity
You you're obsessed with challenges. I was like with I was seriously not playing my favorite music
Right to try to-
That was weird.
To like savor dopamine, which isn't even a thing.
And all got debunked.
Is dopamine a finite thing?
Dopamine is like, everything I thought about it was wrong.
And I was like, I gotta conserve dopamine
if I like make myself miserable,
like I'll be happier later.
It was some of the best,
it was probably maybe one of the best arrows of the podcast when you were
like bisoning
because you were so I was
by miserable.
I was.
And you thought it was just you
thought it was the only way to live.
I truly I looked down upon you
guys. Yes.
I was like, how do you how did you
guys not figure it out yet?
You were like this weird combination of pissed happy. you're like, I'm fucking happy, dude
I'm happy. I'm the happiest
I'm
Optimizing my happiness. Yes, of course. I can't do two things that I like at the same time
Yes, this is a perfect breath
I will say I was jealous when you broke that 40-day sobriety and was like this drink feels so fucking yeah
I bet you that
You would have liked it now. No I was lying about that
It was more than 40 days. It was like 90 days. I have my first drink and I was like, look
This I don't even feel good drunk
Really? Yeah
Did the weed hit at least The weed always hits that's why I'm off of it right now.
But you are doing it again!
The weed is important, like if I pod, like my brain is already so much clearer.
Without it?
Like when I'm on the weed it just, I can't like recall like things.
It's like my job is to converse.
Are you a weekend smoker?
No, no, I'm just off of it.
Like, do you think you're on your path
to your platinum bag?
Are you trying to be clear of mind for those bets?
No, that's not happening.
That's not happening.
Do you have any plays?
I got plays.
I got plays.
What do you got?
What do you, you guys got plays, right?
I got plays, I got plays.
I got plays, yeah. I got plays yeah, I
Don't know if they're good plays. I'm really really really running. I was looking at the practice
I'd be like on the off chance. Can you bet if this guy gets called up? Yeah, I was dipping into some like
Some retired players. It's making me hate regularly named players. I know I won't say the players names
but Making me hate regularly named players. I know I won't say the players names but
I'm like you know we have give titles to them. I want to give you some of the titles of the ones that I'm not using
Okay
Kamala code switch
Kamala
What you say when you're driving through a bad neighborhood
What you say when you're driving through a bad neighborhood.
Describing a dwarf without saying the word dwarf. Describing a trans person without saying they're trans.
Oh, let's start with.
I'm not saying any of these.
Subway.
That's like Jared Diggs under 18 Jared digs under 18 but I don't
know what under 18 is oh yeah Kamala code switches Harrison not Harris and then like and say y'all yeah Martin say y'all I'm not I'm still those are
still in the chamber the ones that I have done right now are what a loyal sees
every workday a loyal is like a circumcised circumciser That's a infant Judy
No a fan no
Judy
Should probably break it down like that
I love these
The special education classroom at Degrassi high that's down syndrome Drake
Who could down syndrome possibly be?
Josh Down Cincinnati Moneyline
Roma doons a
Drake London
Down syndrome Drake featuring 21 21st chromosome I
Don't know what that could be over 21 chromosomes. I've taken Down syndrome, Drake, over 21 chromosomes.
Okay.
I'll tell.
Yeah.
Chinese man wanting the children of Stranger Things
to be on screen instead of the adult characters?
Chinese, I guess, no.
So it's a Chinese man watching Stranger Things
and he's pissed every time like when owner rider is on the screen
Which is probably like a real. Yeah, I don't I don't want the sheriff. I've never seen the show
I don't want the to the cop. I don't want when owner rider
I don't want Sean Astin show me the kid actors. That's what I want. This is a Chinese man. Oh, it's uh
more Mike more a Raven
Mike More Mike, more a Raven. Wait. More Mike, more a Raven. That's DJ Moore, Mike Evans, Elijah Moore, and a Raven's Defensive Touchdown.
I'm actually taking that.
Hold on, how can I say this?
Okay, so how do you deliver this one?
Because I can't go full accent.
But I can't say more Mike, more a Raven.
Oh man, I can't. More accent, but I can't say more Mike more a raven Oh, yeah, you I think you more even more Mike more a raven. There we go. Okay
What do you have
Just speed throw them
This is soul sucking. Yeah, dude. I'm so tired of just looking at rosters
Kudos to us for making it three weeks in you know, what's gonna happen?
We're gonna put out know what's gonna happen?
We're gonna put out this week's,
we're gonna be like so over it
and then they're just be like,
hey man, we sold this to talkies.
To talkies.
Can you do your spicy parlor
and dress up like a talkie?
Can you dress up like a talkie and give us a,
a spicy parlor. A blue alfuego.
Pick of the week, yeah.
Pick of the week.
All right, good cock, bad cock, that's to Week. Pick of the Week. Pick of the Week. All right, Good Cock, Bad Cock,
that's to Ernest Johnson and Lion D.
What's to Ernest Johnson?
He's an honest person.
He's an Ernest Johnson.
Ernest Johnson and a liar of a D.
Fuck that dude.
Lion D. Fuck yeah.
He had a trio of touchdowns last season.
A classic, a classic.
Sassy Civilian Stumbles Upon Stranded Soldiers. It's a college football four-leg parlay. Oh
You boys MIA af
No go get her. Oh you boys MIA af
Oklahoma University Boise State Miami and
Air-forced all to cover those are obviously the scoreboard abbreviations. Yeah, beautiful this bill bugs
Wait is that Oliver twist and the artful Dodger getting ID by that sexy bouncer
Buff 10 cards mini Steelers Buffalo, Tennessee the Cardinals Minnesota Steelers
Where are those squeaky?
It's a hot bouncer. ID-ing. The Artful Dodger and Oliver Twist. The miniature thieves. You love Oliver Twist. That's probably your 10th Oliver
Twist reference in four years, which is still a lot. That's a clip. That's a clips clip.
Where are those squeaky moans coming from?
Alvin neighbors anytime a hooker over.
Alvin?
The chipmunk, his neighbors anytime he has a hooker over.
That's a.
Yeah, this is dead.
Yeah.
This is dead.
Walk me through it.
It's Alvin Camaro and Malik neighbors
to score a touchdown, which will happen,
and then the Titan's safety,
Imani Hooker over on tackle.
Okay, nice.
And can you say that all lumped together again?
Alvin Neighbors any time a Hooker over.
Good God.
Dude, we McTwisted over the shark.
No, I know.
Attack of the lasagna monster.
This is a fusion college football and WNBA parlay.
Oh yeah, hell yeah.
Attack of the lasagna monster.
Orange cat's fever dream.
Yeah.
Syracuse, Kentucky, Indiana fever and Atlanta dream.
Oh yeah, that's a good one.
Then the rest are just drafts.
Yeah, there's some real shit in mine.
Before I even realized,
I just made mine into like a sequential story. So these are all connected. I don't know how this is gonna go it kind of just happened halfway through
But the first one is what's the weekend mission?
Jamar chase Jamari thrash brenton strange
chase thrash and strange
Dude, I was looking so long for a player whose last name was a vagina ask me to
exact same thing so I text Greer and
I just made up a player named Antonio pussy
I would've been nice and I made him save me a picture for a headshot for the graphics of the video
So if you guys the listener and viewer
If you see me sit talking about Antonio Pussy, play along.
Oh, I'm adding it. Like, yeah.
He'll be ever useful to my parlay.
If you have any other ones that you think might be useful, please say them.
There's no other. We're digging.
I've been looking through every roster. There's nothing that represents a pussy, so I had to take it into my own hands for Antonio.
There's not. Like, I was maybe Justin Jefferson JJ, but that's what over JJ JJ
Yeah, there's not a lot of like slang for pussy
Cooch I guess there is there's a ton just like not names. Yeah, not a lit
But there will be an NFL player name like slit
Johnson slit, but then weekend There will be an NFL player named like slit. Yeah. Johnson, slit John.
But then, weekend.
What am I smoking?
I've been into spliffs lately.
Spliffs.
Oh, that's, that's Devante weed and Andrew cigarette.
Really? weed and Andrew cigarette Really
I'd say likely an AJ some brown
Wait, wait
AJ Brown likely. Yeah, he's hurt though AJ
AJ Brown eight. Yeah. Mm-hmm
Once I could hit that good if he plays once I'm feeling right
Put out the bad signal to some DMS look for some bites
That's Xavier worthy and Tommy Townsend. That's a worthy town send. Oh
That one's a stretch that one's a big stretch that's that's
That's a big one. That's a big stretch
Yeah, it's really easy to get you know sending out DMS and putting out a bad signal
a worthy town send
It makes sense. No
It's a town sent
No, did you did you just post a town sent what is that emblem in the sky? Yeah, it's a town sent
The town sent what is that emblem in the sky? Yeah, it's a town sent
Yeah people people are definitely gonna tell that one it was pissed me off about yours is while they are pure dog shit
They've been so close to hitting I know I know it's a weird thing because I think like Kyle and I from the videos were like
0.5 and point five 80 yeah, and then if all goes well
Patrick Mahomes Cameron Dicker Tommy tremble Colby Parkinson. Oh yeah have her shaken mm-hmm
You should squeeze an Antonio pussy that should that would have been nice to know about it Tommy Tommy tremble and an Antonio pussy yeah both the score yeah, huh and Steve come
Yeah, the score. Yeah, huh and Steve come
We just do completely fake parlays that
Yeah, you guys want to be featured in the Senate a picture you know a football jersey in front of a white wall I want to make up completely fake players. I was pounding my desk in anger. Yeah looking for a pussy player
It just couldn't exist it now. I'm taking Greg ball sack
That's a wrestler.
He was an all American for Clarion.
G R E G not B U L S A K.
Then put wrestling.
He was Greg Balsack.
He just exists. He was good. I
Know he's a heavier and younger, but um yeah, I always um wonder like I think that it. I think it's ball sack
Do some wrestling parlay's guy. Yeah, I think that it, I think it's ball sack. Do some wrestling parlay, Scott. Do some wrestling parlay.
I feel like I'm just gonna do.
I know, and I was motherfucking CJ Beathard
because he got hurt and retired basically.
I just really needed a beat hard.
Beat hard. Beat hard, yeah.
It's been tough.
I have one.
What you got?
I have Kaepernick's Revenge.
Okay.
It's the Patriots' Moneyline over the 49ers and Big Justice anytime touchdown.
OK, well, I just as Hill anytime touchdown.
That could that's probably better.
Well, what's yours? Big Justice.
The guy? Yeah, the kid.
Oh, he's going to score. It's better.
I went with a football player.
What is the way?
So it's called Kaepernick's Revenge?
Yes, it's the Patriots beating the 49ers.
He's not a Patriot?
Fuck.
Yeah.
I just thought it out.
It's off the bottom.
I should have stopped on the right.
That's 3X's family feud.
Steve Harvey saying, what?
Oh, Lord.
Oh, my God.
He went with a non-football player.
Oh, this child.
Let's see if it's up there.
This child.
Big justice.
If he was in my house.
I should have quit while I was ahead.
If he was in my house.
No, but Mook, you just retroactively manifested Greg Balsack.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
He used all your magic.
That was beautiful.
It's not like he was bad.
Like he was a slinger
Yeah, yeah, that's a tough name. You almost have to fight. Yeah, right
Is there any other ball sacks? He had a brother. What was his brother's name? Yeah, maybe not
Here's the ball sack brothers
Here's the ball sack brothers
Where was he like was he a loose cannon where they don't know anything about him. It was he testy
Yeah, Greg ball sacks testy as fuck. That's what Dallas ball sack went to pit. There's a vast difference between Completely different dudes even though they because I thought they were twins. They were completely different dudes even though they were related.
I thought they were twins.
Oh.
The ball sacks.
Both from South Park.
Mom, can I go over the ball sacks?
They are, yeah.
South Park, Pittsburgh.
South Park, Pittsburgh, yeah.
Oh my god, Dallas ball sack.
Yeah, next week we're, let's do wrestling parlaysays next week college wrestling parlays. That's a good name. I
Mean we have two ball sacks
Yeah, that's good
That's a really good shit mm-hmm
What else you guys got going on what you do this weekend Kyle we went to New York City. Oh, yeah
I was out of order
I couldn't move back
No, but it's it has in it. It's
It's the coolest city by far. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I could see you're just surrounded by cool
It's grand It's like mesmerizing
anxiety inducing yeah
Do you you anything fun
Chilled with the the boys. Yeah shot some out of order stuff. Maybe some sketches that
Won't work. Maybe they won't work. Maybe they won't work
We tried damn. It sounds like it was sick. It was a really fucking sick weekend
Damn, I guess it It wasn't at all.
Oh my god. I hate that realization. I hate that realization.
What did you do? I went to the Premier League fan fest thing
with the Pitch Picks boys. Shout out to Pitch Picks. I think you guys are changing the name of that. I guess so yeah.
I think it works. I just want to call it soccer
That's a good name. Yeah
Naming podcast is horrifying. It's it's a bar stool podcast. So it has to have a sexual pun, right? Right?
Yeah, I don't know but it was cool. It was way more people than I expected
Yeah, it was fucking huge dude when there was um, there was a friendly here at Soldier Field
It was Aston Villa playing and there were so many people in Villa jerseys.
I was about to call them out as posers.
Name three players.
Like international dudes or like white Americans?
Both. Both. A big mixture of both.
We should be getting into that just based on how huge it is.
It's lucrative, yeah.
A lot of bald American dudes dragging their wife.
Yeah.
Yeah. A lot of soccer fans are bald.
Bald dudes love soccer and they love the Mets.
And they love Jeopardy.
Yes.
And they love Jeopardy.
Bald dudes, dude.
Bald dudes, if you're bald and like soccer,
I promise you like Jeopardy too.
Yeah.
So it kind of makes sense in my head.
Yeah.
In learning CPR. And you're not a good gift-giver
Bald dude ball job ball jeopardy fans back like they know you trust me mm-hmm. They fucking love the Mets
You ever go to a Mets game, they're all bald
It's a go down that path or UFC Well, yeah, they love you. I see too
Mm-hmm and bald bald dudes
There's not even ball ding Mets fans. They just they see it going and it's gone. Yeah, I'm picturing shine
I'm picturing cute. Yeah
Yeah, full full go
Mr. Clean
When you're getting plugs, aren't you?
Apparently, yeah, apparently it's completely your call
Yeah, yeah, I am I'm gonna. I'm kind of scared about it flying to Turkey
Yeah, and then having wanton dawn sort of be the liaison yeah that worries me how much does it cost?
I don't know yet. I think we're gonna get a pretty good deal
They just changed the name of the spelling of their country didn't they like right before yeah t-u-r-k-i-y-e
Maybe they want to separate themselves from the yeah the poultry
For it. I mean it was good timing. He's gonna touch up the scalp which is just kind of balding
Yeah, I'm the least bald of the crew, but you know does that make you the alpha or the beta?
But you know does that make you the alpha or the beta?
Technically the beta because it's less testosterone alright, so you're just getting that back
Yeah, you could like the flight back everybody's gonna have their heads really wrapped up Mm-hmm alright like are you just gonna go like you could buy a yarmulke. Yeah, I think so. That's all I would do
We are probably just buy yarmulke and then then I won't have to worry about drones anymore
So yeah, that is one thing
That's like your only hiccup ever with like having a little bit off the top
Yeah, just a drone shot me being soaking no one is wet with drone shot with dark hair
Yeah, and white skin white skin and a 4k drone and could that ever happen again?
Well, I don't know but I would not I would like to avoid it again. Also, it's like whatever go to Turkey with the boys
Yeah, it sounds kind of worth it. Yeah, it's an adventure
And I might just get like maybe the front porch. Maybe I'll just get I don't know like I'm
Those hair transplants that do the front they do it way too straight to unnaturally way tough
I'm curious. It's like what the options are and everything
I think you just get looked at and they they mark your forehead like they mark you up or where you go
Yeah, are they pulling your hair from elsewhere?
Well, if they pull it from the lower area and then just relocate it. I don't know. I got to look into that. I
Would do it no-brainer
Yeah, I
Don't think I would look disgusting
I have a huge bowl on my head that every time I get my hair cut cuz I go to a different person that cuts
My hair every single time cuz I I'm not good with like me too. I just like the first
I like the script of a first haircut me too. I don't want to develop a second thing. No so awkward
I have that I think I does a great job
But every time I'm like trying to continue the conversation that we left off on but I always never know if he knows
Yeah, and then I just kind of like don't shut the fuck up I
Purposely pick a woman at a barbershop if that's on the table. I
Just don't want to talk about combat sports because they look your ears. Yeah every time I pretend to know about UFC dudes you do
Yeah, Barb's. I'm so embarrassed to be like I don't know. I don't know about the upcoming fight
Barbors love the UFC. Yeah
Luke what's going on with you, bud?
You guys are thinking about
Getting hair added. I'm thinking about getting my asshole waxed. Why?
Why I don't I just feel like it's never been waxed. I feel like I've never
Dude I'm tired of going every day feeling like my assholes never
Just feels that way but yeah, I just don't know what's going on. I guess you're like I don't particularly enjoy
They're being I like having bunch of fucking I like having buffer
I don't want to feel like um you know how like swishy pants when you're walking with your legs
I don't want that feel like, you know how like swishy pants when you're walking with your legs? I don't want that in my ass.
Like a real, I don't think that'll be a really,
really bad sensation.
Maybe like a buzz.
You don't get like anxiety about what's going on down there?
No. I do, yeah.
A fade, do you want it to fade into your ass or away from?
Good question.
But it's disgusting, like every time I wipe my ass,
I'm like, ew.
Yeah.
I kind of feel. And it's like, I can never, I never my ass. I'm like, you know, yeah I got out loud and it's like I've never I can never I never shaved it never like I'm jealous of dudes with like good
grooming practices you're jealous of dudes with
Hairless assholes pretty much. Are you gonna like do this? But like are you look like yeah, like where you doing?
Yeah on stream. Are you gonna are you gonna narrow it? I don't know. I'm just starting to like that
We funny if it was like the camera was just on face, and then I'm just getting waxed. Yeah
That's cool, man
You don't need any new hobbies like
If you get it waxed and like you should like show and it's just like an orange circle
Your asshole probably looks just like a lion. Oh, I
Wouldn't know I have no idea what's going on down there your pubes yellow yellow. Yeah, all right. Yeah, I do have orange pubes
It's funny. That's better than dark brown. I think no
You like I think it's less gross
Yeah, it's like a
Autumn like full. I guess it is like a fall foliage like a screensaver ask dick
I don't other other things in my life head horny
Heart horny, okay, belly full. I'm getting fat again. Are you getting fat here?
No, I thought it would be really funny if you got to like 300 pounds
I thought it'd be like if you get crazy obese. Yeah, I'm thinking what's stopping you. I'm thinking about it
I'm thinking about just letting go
What are you hanging on? Yeah, what are we hanging on to I work out like I see you there
Yeah, I see you there all the time. I'm thinking what I do stopping working. I've been eating like shit
Been doing Taco Bell Wendy's, Twin Anchors.
Beautiful.
Yeah, it's been good.
I've been letting go the past week
and I'm thinking about just free following.
Everything again gets me sick.
I eat something, I get sick.
I eat something, I get sick.
All I have is like rice right now.
I don't know what's going on with me.
You're fucked.
Yeah? Okay. Yeah? You're fucked. Yeah?
Okay.
Yeah?
You're fucked, yeah.
I thought it was just gluten.
Everything is just fucking me right now
and I don't know what it is.
It's only downhill from here.
Tell me about it.
Bring in the kitten next week.
No.
Okay.
Come on.
That's a dog owner's move.
Yeah, they do like bringing it to me.
That's just for me. I wanna see it. It is, okay. Come on. That's that's a dog owners move. Yeah, they do like this for me
It's for me. I want to see it. I want it is yeah
How small?
It's like the size of a McRib, okay. Thank you for that. No, it's the weight of a make it so fragile and light
It's probably like
This big she purring loud
He no so so quietly which is adorable. Oh, she know what she's doing. Do kittens know what they're doing
Is she shedding in the water
We got rid of the robot you're gonna kind of sucks like it's more work. It's so he's malfunction
Yeah, it's in how does it malfunction like it just they get to press a bunch of buttons for it to fully
Go around that technology should be figured out. Yeah, 100% didn't work. We had a second biosphere before that. Yeah
crazy
All right. God bless