A New Untold Story - The Cream God feat. Big Cat - A New Untold Story: Ep. 361

Episode Date: September 14, 2023

Mook went on a date. Shoutout to bossman Big Cat. Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Betterhelp - A New Untold Story is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/NEW today to get 10% off your first month. Manscaped - Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code ANUS at https://manscaped.com. Hit the refresh button with the Handyman.® Hellofresh - Go to HelloFresh dot com slash 50anus and use code 50anus for 50% off plus 15% off the next 2 months!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story, listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. According, yeah. That was crazy. Wait, he called you? He just called me randomly. You haven't talked to him in years, right? No, and I called him on the show.

Rudy accidentally dated a guy for six months. It was a friendship. Explain to Big Cat what it was. It was a friendship. He thought you guys were dating. Is this my first time on Anus? Yes. Oh, you need to clap.

You need to reject your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say, no, that's a new one. Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby. That's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story. A new untold story.

Welcome back to a new Untold Story episode 786. Oh yeah, we don't call it in this anymore. No, we're not allowed. Sales doesn't want us to. Kind of. Makes perfect sense. Yeah, I side with sales on that. I get it completely. I get it completely. Makes our job tough.

Episode 361. You alright? I've been slurring my words lately what's going on um i don't know this is weird because obviously i work with you guys every single day and i love you guys but i've never been on an eight we're pretty good friends like yeah here's my theory uh you're mommy right and we're like you're like we're like your good kids that you think can do no wrong correct this is us sneaking out to smoke weed to do. Yes. Yes.

You guys. And then every now and then I catch wind of something and I'm like, wait, what are they? Not my boys. Not my boys. Yeah. So yeah,

you get straight A's. Your mommy. I have the bumper sticker. That's how I've always pictured it. I like that. And then, and then my bad kids are like Jay and Brandon, where I just have to watch them all the time. Right, but they're not going out to get in trouble.

We're doing actual bad shit behind your back. Actually, this works even more because you guys are like my youngest, where it's like I've been parenting Brandon and Che for so long that I kind of gave up with you guys. That's how it always works. Yeah, where I'm like, no, they're fine. They'll be good'll be good they'll do it themselves yeah i'm not doing that all over again yeah i didn't teach you guys like don't name your podcast anus so we didn't want to it got they trademarked it over covid and then they were like hey like they wanted us wait you guys had the word anus trademark no barstool did oh because

we did it during the whole call her daddy ip stuff and we were just like wouldn't it be funny if they also like fought for the ip of this we were refreshing like the public yeah yeah ips and they got it and we're like oh fuck that's amazing we'll never ever sell a shirt holy shit and that came true but today's episode is brought to you by game time look at we do ad series shout out game time big shout out Game Time. That's usually when I hear from people about my kids doing heroin. It's an ad fuck. It's an ad fuck.

We don't fuck up ads anymore. That is our heroin. We don't fuck up ads. We got clean. We got clean. Created by fans, for fans, of course. Everybody knows about Game Time. It's perfect for, I mean, fall is in the air football season.

I'm using it to see, I bought tickets in advance already. I'm going to see the Vikings and bears. I'm bringing stinky Tony. Oh, hell yeah. And I'll be going somewhere and I've used them in the past. I got to be descriptive,

my man. Yeah. Going to things. I got my parents studio audience. Oh, tickets to the Eagles and so they're going

or my dad and my sister are going so it's game time is the shit and they they've helped me in the past game times the shit they helped you through a lot of tough times man. Yeah, really good. The flash deals easy skip the hassle easy easy to enjoy the moment.

Download Game Time app. Go to the website. Enter your email. Redeem code UNTOLD, U-N-T-O-L-D, for $20 off your first purchase. Terms do apply. Here with Big Cat today on a very, very special day. Very special. MOOC.

This is a MOOC-centric episode. Yes. MOOC's trajectory is a straight up. His trajectory is so straight line up that it might be down. You can't tell if it's going up or down. It doesn't even appear on a graph. It's so straight up that it's not going anywhere. It's a statistical anomaly. It's unbelievable. Yes.

And so right before we started recording, Mook's know something bad's gonna happen well that i told him that this is all because of bad things happening to you you need bad things to happen to you i to go up i don't even think about that stuff good things happening to you will be bad for your career you also mook and not to suck your dick here but you have an ability from the little i've worked with you i can already sense it and it's actually like a trait that we need more of at barstool is being able to like be the butt of a joke like there's a lot of people who can't do that and then some people who can and it's like they flourish steven chay would not be who he is if he couldn't be the butt of a joke mook's a scary threat because he's also funny. Yes, right, right.

I think the fastest way to convince people that you're funny is if you're just good at being the butt of a joke. Like Brandon. Brandon is great at being the butt of the joke. He's actually phenomenal at it. Yeah, and you're like, that guy's funny. But it seems almost too easy. What is preventing people from allowing themselves

to be the butt of the joke? I don't know. Hubris. Extreme pride? Yeah. Just want to be taken just sensitive sensitivity or if you think you're smart and you but in reality you're dumb right yeah because then you're like i can't be perceived as dumb it's way better to do what i do is i say i'm dumb but i can every now and then do a smart moment no that's great you are smart but no but i'm not either way i just know no no no no no i'll explain exactly what my level of intellect uh it is there are malcolm gladwell is a perfect example

malcolm gladwell writes these books there are millions of people who read it and they're like this guy is the smartest guy ever 10 000 hours yeah and then there's a bunch of really smart people who are like malcolm gladwell is full of shit i am right in the middle i don't believe everything malcolm gladwell says but i'm not smart enough to understand why he's wrong so you're right in the middle of that scheme of things but in the barstool universe you're a super genius you're the world's smartest man but i'm i'm smart enough to know that i'm not that smart that takes a smart person right i mean the barstool world is vastly different like i can memorize a list and people revere me as a god dude yeah like a short list to a very finite list i think people forget that uh adults

can also study yeah yeah no that's my secret because i've studied but you actually but you like you're very good at it because I like when we do trivia, Stephen Che will be like, all right, I need some help with like NBA drafts like Big Cat. You do 2000 to 2010 and I'll start looking at it and I'll just be like, I can't. I don't remember any of this. Like, I'll look at it, try to remember it. And then two seconds later, I won't have any. I convinced myself. I know it's not good, but you have a skill. It's like, oh, yeah. like i'll look at it try to remember it and then two seconds later i won't have any i convinced

myself skill that's not good but you have a skill it's like oh yeah also that's a skill yeah it's a skill him knowing but it's also kind of cheating and it's a trait yeah it's a trait knowing like d3 schools in pennsylvania is funny having to memorize a draft order is like death by a thousand cuts right i would never want to go through that i just you'd rather memorize the counties of west virginia yeah because then there's a moment where like you like if he does when he does it on trivia it's funny yeah you knowing where like jason terry got drafted who cares but but whoa whoa i don't know so backwards dude because kyle memorized pennsylvania school districts there's a lot i got to cambria county and East Central PA, and I'm like, holy fuck.

What the fuck? I was loving every second of the multiple hours I spent on this. Yes. I'm that way with Lord of the Rings. Lord of the Rings is entertaining. Basketball is entertaining. It's one of the most entertaining franchises. But knowing the draft is entertaining.

It's basketball at its core.yle's memorizing pennsylvania school district i'm pash i love school districts i get really romantic it's not about high school i love the like how you divide it i want to get into it no please do because is malcolm gladwell saying like parents are weird for going to sporting events i don't know see that's the thing it's like everything he says i'm like that's full of shit but then you're not smart enough i can't yeah right i can't be like well actually this is faulty reasoning i just have to i just again know that he's full of shit but i don't i can't explain it for the life no you can you just you have an instinct right yeah so it's right in that that little zone where it's like i'm not

i i know exactly where i i sit where I can't really have an intellectual conversation with anyone. But I can kind of fake it and then I can also figure out if someone is dumb pretty quickly. Right. So it's a good level of intelligence. It's a good place to live. Yeah. But Mook. Yep.

I don't know. He's already getting red. I don't know if Mook is dumb yet. He came like that. No, Mook is not i know i can be dumb sometimes i have flashes of just like no brain activity i find myself in holes for sure i think it's more of an anxiety thing or an anxious thing where you you you get nervous and you just yeah i have extreme social anxiety, but like I'm getting more comfortable here. Yeah, kind of. Yeah. Yeah, that sounded confident. Yeah.

I'm getting more comfortable here, kind of. Right, guys? He gave me eye contact the other day. It was a huge step. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. I'm trying. Yeah, there it is.

Oh, don't do too much. Okay. Big cats here for a special event because we teased it on the yak. Yes. Mook, you have a queen in pretty much every city, but you didn't have a Chicago queen. Yeah, I didn't have a Chicago queen until Friday. And now you have a Chicago queen. Yep.

But she, for those who didn't watch the Yak, you guys went on a date. Correct me if I'm wrong here. Went well. You guys get a little banged up. Yep. You go home. She goes to her home. Yep. You fall asleep. Wake up next morning to bullet points. uh went well you guys get a little banged up yep go you go home she goes to her home yep you fall

asleep wake up next morning to uh bullet points to what looked like a notes app apology of bullet points all right so so i need a little backstory too i like diving more into the psyche of the situation in your situation yeah but but just general backstory as well like you how'd you meet her okay so i met her on Instagram. Okay. Uh, both each other a few months back and we did the whole like story reply thing. Oh yeah.

So that's big too, because she knows what you look like. So she wasn't surprised. Jesus Christ. No, I'm just being honest right now, right? Yeah.

As opposed to what? Like a blind date? Yeah. Like a hinge. Like you can kind of fake it. Right. Like she saw like, if it was a real mook,

like she could go to the tagged. Yeah. Yeah. She saw like mook, like post pictures that are like self deprecating, a collection of like, she knows exactly what he looks like. She's seen the worst.

She's seen the best. She, she, she's going on a date with you. Yeah. Knowing what the inside and outside of the house looks like. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I'm doing a standup set at radio shack. and outside of the house looks like. Sure, yeah. I'm doing a stand-up set at Radio Shack.

Yeah, that's big. Yeah, no, that is big because that means that, like, she likes you. Yeah, yeah. One of your pictures on Instagram is you doing stand-up to, like, four people at a shoe store. Yep. So she knows what she's getting. And she also – A grinder.

This also plays into it because she also knows that you are a stand-up, so she might have been like, I know he can take a joke. uh and so you guys met how did the date go boy would she be wrong though stand up second on how'd the date go right so mook typically will his dates are just like getting drunk okay so it's not like an official like go to a fancy restaurant yeah i think they just meet at a bar right yes so the date much like your favorite favorite stand-up the cosby yeah yeah you're following his footsteps yeah right we call you you're the white cosby again hold on okay so yeah you would tell us about the date because i want to just picture it in when you get that text, like what happened before.

So it was very casual. So what did you wear? Because I only see you wear shorts. I wore shorts. Big white Fred's t-shirt. Wait, basketball shorts. So at this point in my move, I didn't have any pants. Oh, no.

Okay. Pants didn't come yet. What do you mean? The pants didn't have any pants. Oh, no. Okay. The pants didn't come yet. What do you mean the pants didn't come? Yeah, your pants didn't come yet. Let's unpack that. So here's one thing, Luke. We were in New York, a bigger city, but we're in Chicago now. It's still the third biggest in the U.S.

Go to a store. I did. So I did. Did you just buy more shorts? Yeah. So basically. He walks in with the intention of buying pants. He's like, whoa, look at those basketball shorts.

Old habits die hard. I have a box coming from Philly of like pants. Okay, so you just have a pants box. Your pants box. Yeah. You didn't bring any pants in your backpack or anything? I brought no pants. I'm sure when you told her my pants box is on the way, it was a relief.

She had to have understood. Yeah, she gets it. And I brought no pants. I will say, side note, on saturday i did go to lululemon and splurge and bought some joggers oh hell yes so like i'm in the pants game now okay good good to know but i showed welcome welcome to the pants game man i appreciate you've been waiting for you did you guys hear about mook he's got a pair of pants just going full winnie the pooh all the time yeah i showed up to the date patagonia blue shorts okay um and a black hoodie okay and we met up at a dive bar okay and just to give you like the vibe it was very casual it was very

like you know we're talking on instagram eventually we get we get to a point where i kind of like make a move and I'm like, all right, it looks like I owe you a drink now. Oh, nice. That's a good move. You sly dog. So we're texting and she's like, yeah, let's like meet up after you're done at the Cubs game at some point. So we meet up at a dive bar. Did you drink at the Cubs game? Did you go in a little bit lubed up?

Yeah, I saw him at a couple of seltzers. It was a Cubs game we all went to. Yes. Yeah, I had a couple of beers at the Cubs game, but then i went home and like napped a little bit so i was sober got to the date maybe even a little hungover possibly okay yes and it was it went well we had an automatic like rapport with each other um and she knew like you said she knew who i was she knew the background everything like that so it we kind of hit it off right away with like taking jabs at one another. What was a jab you gave her?

She's from Iowa originally. Okay. That's a lot of content. Just a lot of like, do you even know what social media is? Like, do you know what the internet is? The internet, like whatever. What year did you get Titanic? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That kind of stuff. Did you have to explain to her an African American? Do you have Bobby? I work with a couple Jews. That gave her the ick. Just that you work next to them.

Wait. So, so, all right. So you meet up at the bar. Does she, is she, would you say that she might be

a stoolie no okay is she a wrestling fan because like most iowa girls are did she put you in like an underhook she did bring you up yes oh no she didn't ah damn it no she's like an artsy chick from what i've seen photographer oh nice this is an important detail so the second bar we went to we went to this bar called raven oh you pivoted i know ravens so part of the experience was she was going to like show me cool dive bars in chicago got it so where'd you start we started at frank's and she's 16 right are you still trying to date this woman that they're still doing well i think okay all right, good. So how will this...

She's cool, I think. She knows this is coming. Okay, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. Basically, we go to Raven's. Yep, I know it. We're playing Jenga with another group of people. That sounds awful. Okay.

What? I had a great time. Why does that sound awful? I just personally wouldn't enjoy another group. I like when when another when you're with another i hate saying like ah nice try to a stranger no no but it gives you a chance with that girl to team up on somebody yeah we were improving random people and kind of like giving them hell were you bet were you better at jenga than her no i sucked at jenga got it okay uh So we're playing Django. She wears the pants. Well,

we're, no, she's the only one that can wear the pants. Wait, what was on the feet? Was it the hokas or the new balance? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. So you're comfy. Okay. Yeah. Okay. And then it's important to know that we're mixing it up with other people. And I'm talking to other dudes, talking to other guys and girls at this

point. Specifically, it's important to note that I was talking to other dudes because that night is when I sent, uh, I sent a tweet out. I said, going Obama mode at the bar, talking to dudes, talk, talk, hitting on strictly dudes. Cause I was like, all right, this is like, I'm going to send this now. So that's an important thing to note is that I sent out a tweet and this is the one that went viral.

I not the original. Oh, this was the sequel. You tried to remix the recipe. Yeah. Yeah. It did pretty good, but it didn't go like Travis Hunter. Yeah. It's the sequels never as good.

So that's important to know. Um, and yeah, it was a good date. And then we hung out again Sunday. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, no, no, no. Back up. Back up. Back up.

That's a blurry segue. How did the date end? Are we going to have to smell your cock? Okay, no, back that up. The date ended. I walked her home to her apartment. Hug? Kiss?

I don't want to. You make out? You kiss and tell? You don't want to kiss and tell? I'm fine to share queen experiences, but I don't want to go too in-depth. Okay, sure, yeah. They kissed. Yeah, yeah. You never go too in-depth.

Okay. Did you squeeze? Did you? So we'll just assume. Did you squeeze her ass? Did you squeeze her ass? Did you goose her? When you kissed her, did you squeeze her ass or hold her head?

I know she picked you up and pressed you against the wall. Tickle her hips. Did you say this is crazy after you kissed no mook says after every first kiss he whispers thank you in her ear i wanted to do that all night you'll never regret you'll never regret no no you may go piece by piece on a podcast before you guys kissed you made her promise that she wouldn't hurt you yeah just promise me you won't hurt me I've been hurt before do you regret that you're talking about it

this time is different you have to be I'm actually regretting all this is Kate's fault for bringing it up on the app yeah it is Kate's to blame because I was going to be a game time decision today if I wanted to. Whatever. Okay.

All right. Yeah, yeah. We're in it. We're in it. Boss man's here. You've got to. Yeah, yeah. Come on.

Big body boss. It's mommy. Big body boss. I'll kiss you after this. Okay. We'll make it all right. Let's start with eye contact, buddy. Okay.

Oh, no. Mook's feeling comfortable. Okay. This is like when you adopt a dog. And when I adopted Stella for the first month, she didn't bark. And then she's like, oh, they're not going to get rid of me. And then she started barking. Mook is like, I'm sharing all this.

Yeah, I'm going to buddy him. He can't get rid of me now. Sorry, boss man. It's all right, pal. Oh, no. All right, Junior. Whatever you say, chief. Oh, boss. It's all right, pal. Oh, no. All right, Junior. Whatever you say, chief. It's over.

Yeah, it's over. And then Saturday morning, I wake up on my air mattress or Rudy's air mattress to the notes app. Rudy's air mattress at your apartment. You're borrowing Rudy's air mattress. Okay. So, I mean, what was it? You woke up to the notes app or was there a text beforehand, a text exchange? Oh.

Is that a toilet flush? Yeah, there's a toilet that goes down right behind you. It's a pretty awesome. Yeah. There was a text exchange prior, but it's kind of not important. Okay. That morning? It'll tie in later.

Yeah. Okay. I know that I bring up. That was the best kiss of my life. Yeah. I can still taste you. With the laser. I've been sniffing my lip all morning.

I didn't brush my teeth last night. My lips still taste like. Oh, imagine. So then I can still taste you on Oh, imagine saying that. I can still taste you on my lips. You're giving out free game. Free game. Okay, so what time in the morning is this? So this is actually at noon at this point.

Oh my God, that bumps me out. That's not morning, just so we're clear. Yeah, that's morning. So did you guys get pretty banged up? Yeah. Did you invite her over? No. I have an air mattress.

I have nothing. Let me come up real quick. I got a little nightcap. I want to check your decor. No. The text message. We pretended it was cold out. Well, good night.

I heard Chicago is so dangerous. I'm glad you made it home safe. I guess I'll text you if I do. I'm having fun. This is fun. We haven't even gotten to this

list yet, dude. I don having fun. This is fun. We haven't even gotten to this fucking list yet, dude. I don't even know what to expect. Do you want the title of the note? Yeah. Oh, yeah. She titled it. Oh, shit. So bold heading.

Send a screenshot. I'm not sending you a screenshot. No, no, no, no. She sent a screenshot. She sent a screenshot. It wasn't just a text list. It was a screenshot. Yeah.

And she formatted it. Yeah. Oh, my God oh my god very nicely mla uh yeah pretty much um the title is moments with mook that altered my brain chemistry so she calls you that's kind of good that's good yeah that's good but she calls you mook uh it's a mix yeah connor and mook yeah okay yeah that might be friend zone oh no you're pretty oh yeah i'm just saying i don't want a nickname have you smelled have you smelled his lips today nickname we hung out again okay all right you're right as what what'd you guys do like walk in the park we just got a late dinner okay okay got it got it got it uh first note uh before we get into that, here's a message from our sponsor, BetterHelp. A new untold story, of course, sponsored by BetterHelp.

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Yeah. Yeah. Okay. First note is learning that he hasn't cooked a meal for himself in a year and a half. Okay. Okay. That's a lighter. How did that come to be?

We're just chatting. She asked if I like cooked at all. And I said, no, I'm going gonna defend you on this one i don't think that that's perfectly fine perfectly fine did you bring up meatballs yeah yeah you have so far this seems flirtatious yeah her end yes yeah four five six seven eight nine there's ten okay okay yeah so far you're good because i i mean i have three kids and i don't i still don't cook no like i don't yeah it's like mac and cheese is everything. I do want to get back into it.

I miss, I want to make eggs. For your queen? I got to get back into cooking so I can make eggs. Over here. This also is like, she's already kind of owning you. She's changing you. You're a wild stallion that's about to have your spirit broken totally separate from this text i think i want to get back into cooking oh you're

done for you're wearing pants i am wearing oh oh she's gonna she's gonna break you's gonna come in one day and just be like i'm connor now. Please don't call me. I kind of want to shift back into accounting. Can you guys stop joking around? So far, I'm on your side. You're winning so far. Second note, watching him constantly refresh his Twitter notifications. Yeah, that's so

unattractive on both sides. We've all been there. You were checking the gay Obama tweet. I was checking the Obama tweet tweet checking your own note yeah i couldn't help myself when i send out a tweet like that i'm like i have like you know what i mean i want to see you got to monitor the trajectory of the tweet yes um so i didn't that one started to hurt me and then this one really that's real yeah that one by the way you so we've all been in that situation a hundred times a hundred million times

yeah the key is if you know you're going to be doing something like a date or like for me like if i have family thing just don't tweet because your instinct is always to go back and look and it's like i'll like on a friday night sometimes i just like my last few be like seven o'clock it's not because i'm not watching stuff or online it's just that like i don't want to get in the mix yeah yeah and i love to drunk tweet so i just like went to the bathroom sent the tweet and then like seven o'clock. It's not cause I'm not watching stuff for online. It's just that like, I don't want to get in the mix. Yeah. Yeah. And I love to drunk tweet. So I just like went to the bathroom, sent the tweet and then like the phone in my pocket was like crack.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, yeah. I had to check it. That'd be very funny if she thought like you were addicted to cocaine and just like,

you know, go to the bathroom. Yeah. Did she know what the tweet was? So does she follow you on Twitter? She on Twitter, which is a, okay. This is where it gets bad. yeah just tweet did she know what the tweet was so does she follow you on twitter on twitter this is where it gets which is okay this is where it gets bad because she noticed that i was checking my phone she goes what are you like what's the deal here are you cheating on me already

and yeah you're done i go i just had to send out a tweet had to no cool way to say that no there's no cool way to be like you had to pop off a tweet real quick. And it's like going viral. Yeah. I might have said that. No. No move. Did you say the word banger?

Did you say this is a banger? Yeah. Did you tell her to go check it or did you show it to her? Did you say supervise? I said this might do numbies. Oh, no. No, I didn't say that. Okay.

During that point, I gave her my phone to look at my Twitter. So the next note is taking the time to show me all of his viral tweets. Wait, you showed her your greatest hits album? I showed her my Twitter because she was like, oh, let me see the tweet. And then I was like, yeah, go to the profile, scroll down. That's drunk. I was hammered. You never do that if you're sober.

I was hammered. Wait, if you think that's good, keep scrolling. Yeah. Okay. And did she, oh, dude, did she laugh? She was enjoying herself. Answer the question. Yeah.

Okay. So she's probably into it too. Yeah. All right. Well, so far. A little fame. was enjoying herself answer the question yeah okay so she's probably into it too next yeah all right well so far a little fame it doesn't feel good inside right now okay yeah it's not it's not horrible it's not horrible this is embarrassing um so you showed her your twitter you showed her the tweet yeah and then the next one is in asterisks, people recognizing Mook. Okay. That's cool. That's a good thing though, right?

Yeah. But then she puts in quotes, me and then Mook. So it's like a dialogue here. She goes, me, do you know them? Mook, oh no, they know me. You were talking that talk. You're talking talk. Yeah.

You're a little drunk. You just basically, that was like word for word the conversation i have with my four-year-old son every day when he's like who's that that you just don't worry how do you explain that to your child he's just like is that your friend i'm like yes my friend yeah your kid yeah i think so i'm friends with everyone all right so but that i hate like i hate myself no no no no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, dude, like that's cool. When that happens, I bet you it's a,

and I'll tell you right now, mook, I have a feeling that she was getting a little, she was getting a little wet seeing that. All right. All right. All right. We've,

we've lost the plot. You're with this girl. She's soaked. What next? She's fucking dripping. First off, she is into this so far. Yes. But if you ever date, it's going to be the downfall of you.

Yeah. Yeah. We're having a blast at this point. Yeah. Yeah. In the night. A hundred percent. And it gets less cringy here.

Like we're out of like like, me, like, sucking myself off. Right. Okay. Right. Um, next is doing gay shit with his hands three times. Don't try to gloss over that. I know, but that's a different show. Yeah, different show. This is something that actually repulsed

her physically and emotionally. He was, like, not happy when I first saw him. And you were doing, like, this. Can you explain what you may have been doing? Oh, that's a word? That was like a doggy paddle. I was doggy paddling, yeah. He was shushing people away. You're not even doing it.

You're trying as best you can. It's not gay enough. It's like lightly starting a moped. You've got to get the shoulders involved you don't have to learn this it's like a real lazy what was that was that the soldier boy what was that dance that was yeah you were cranking that yeah yeah cranking

that hoe that one hurts so at this point of the night she is like roasting me okay like we're roasting each other but like she is like you're gay for your tweets you're gay for your hands you're giving me the ick i'm soaking wet and i'm like you're a hillbilly flash flood warning okay nice this is good this is a good relationship you should have leaned in and kissed right there yeah uh no comment uh and now get over here i've always wanted to kiss a hillbilly. Now get over here. I've always wanted to kiss a hillbilly. Dude, a flirt roast is hilarious.

It was fun. I was flat. They're rednecks. Yeah. Okay. Next note. Did she give red neck? Oh,

shit. The gay hands you have to work on. The gay hands are retired. Okay. Did you, were you aware of that at all before she said that? When they came out the first time, I was like,

you have complete control. It was like a shot that you wish you could have back like in basketball but then you did it two more times yeah i ran it back okay one time on accident third time is a bit okay that was smart of you to cover it up with a bit but what was the accident that you did the second time like when we were like roasting each other i'd like want to like fake punch her like okay this is kind of hot never mind yeah no it is kind of hot you're right you're right no no i think you fooled us i'm rock hard right now you said this was gonna make you seem like a erotic cut yeah the next one giving me the responsibility to

make sure he doesn't order meatballs said to call his mom if he relapses she'll know what to do okay that's flirt yeah that's a flirt that's a funny joke yeah i was i mean it was getting late i was getting the drunk bunchies and i was like i'm thinking about balls yeah yeah that's good and she didn't let you or did you did you test her at all no so that was like the follow-up in the morning was did you stay strong and not order meatballs after? Got it. And I was like, yep, stayed strong. Thanks for the support. I got all the nutrients I needed from your lips. You should have.

I filled up on nipple. Yeah. I'm stuffed. I sucked on your titty. I'm stuffed. I sucked on your titty. I'm full. Come over and burp me. My tummy's full. Okay.

The next one is trying to headbutt slash tackle me every 30 minutes. Oh, that's hot. So that was me moving off the gay hands. You were trying to overcompensate. Some, like, football violence. Yeah, I think at one point I got down in a three-point stance. Nice. This is, like, grade school

stuff. I like this. But this is a good first date. This is going very well for you. You went too smooth. You seem like a fun-ass dude. Yeah, you're one step away from putting gum in her hair. Yeah. Yeah, I like this. This is her with a pencil. Yeah. You went too smooth. You seem like a fun ass dude. Yeah. You're one step away from putting gum in her hair. Yeah. Yeah. I like this.

This is her with a pencil. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody. Yeah. Mook. You're a fun ass guy. Yeah.

You got everybody. Tweet him that acronym. You got, you got just like Mook. You're a, you're a fun ass guy. Everybody,

everybody overload on, on his next Instagram post everybody just say it so she'll see it just mook and everybody just comment just say fun ass guy and that girl will be like damn what am I missing hashtag fun ass guy cause you are

you're a fun ass guy okay the last note one last guy. Okay. The last note. There's an honorable mention, but the last note. Hearing him admit his mom's a smoke show. Okay, dude. I did not. She

forced that on me. Okay, that might be the first turn off that you did. I didn't actively admit it. She saw a picture of my family on my instagram and said your mom's hot just admit she's hot and you did you should have you should she's good looking but you should have stood strong my mom's a beautiful woman you call her mommy right yeah don't miss my mommy but this is maybe the first time that you might have lost points because you've been crushing this date but this was a test because she's thinking,

well, I'm going to be mooks lady. I'm going to be the most important woman in her life, in his life. What's the deal with the mommy? Am I going to have to fight with the mommy? She's going to mooks love. She's going to try to turn you away from your own family,

right? You can't let her do that. No one can tear me away from my mommy unless she's that good of a kisser, which it seems like she is. Is she that hot? Do you love her to death? I don't know. Is she that hot? Do you French?

What? My mom? Are you Frenching her? My mom? Yeah. My mommy? I'm looking on your Instagram. It might have been on my brother's Instagram, but she saw a good picture of my mom and wouldn't

shut up about how hot she was. She saw a hot picture of your mom. Dude, there's no way she just stumbles upon a hot picture of my mom and wouldn't shut up about how hot she was. She saw a hot picture of your mom. Dude, there's no way she just stumbles upon a hot picture of your mom. You had to have shown her. You knew the picture. Because you were like, look how hot my mom is. We got into like, do you have any siblings? I was like, yeah, my brother's Italian.

Wait, what? Wait. Yeah, my brother's Italian. What do you mean? Your blood brother? I look like this. Oh. He has brown hair, dark skin, an arm sleeve tattoo.

Yeah, he's Italian. You're right. He's Italian. Okay. Yeah, I get it. The only Italian trade I got was meatballs, and that's – I'll take it. That's good. And yeah, eventually I showed her a picture of my brother.

My mom was in the picture. She goes, she's hot, and then made me admit that she was hot i don't think i would have yeah i wouldn't know yeah i wouldn't have i've been like you know who's hot you you fucking hillbilly yeah come here let me smooch that let me smooch those lips i have an oral fixation for these meatballs just let me let me give me your ass cheek yeah just kidding that was a headbutt yeah okay wait is that the whole list there's an honorable mention uh it's just like a note on the date we were playing jenga there was a couple uh that was playing jenga with us the female couple whispered to, you were playing with lesbians?

Yeah, what? You were playing Jenga with lesbians? Not lesbians, sorry. They're probably good, yeah. We were playing Jenga. Dude, I guarantee you. They're probably the best. Dude, they're probably just sliding their fingers in real quick.

You're right. No lookers. But yeah, we were playing Jenga. Another couple hopped in the female in the couple whispered to my queen uh that she was going to eat her boyfriend's ass so hard after he pulled an almost impossible jenga block out oh wow that's hot so did you try to that was a note to you that was just like she said that to her and me and her just died laughing about that for like hours oh it's inside joke it's an inside inside joke. Dude, you are so in.

Dude, she sent you a homework assignment. She is in love. Yeah. No, that's an inside joke. You guys would be laughing about that. And you're like, yeah, that's Nick will actually bring that up when he gives your best man. When I interrupt the best man speech, because I'm jealous that you actually use like a life life long childhood friend.

Yeah. Like, remember the time that jenga person ate their asses remember the time those fucking lesbians were playing you and jenga i'm excited jenga you're you're in dude she likes you yeah she likes you for years i want to meet her disastrously wrong for me i went full mook uh i just went full myself and that's usually the worst thing you could do yeah and if she's in for full mook, like there's only upside. I'm very happy. This is going to be a very public relationship.

Everything you do together, we're going to hear about. So make it work. We'd like to watch you fuck. We're going to have to watch you fuck. Just to see if you guys are really meant for each other. Dude, we've got to get the YouTube subs up. So wait,

so second date was great? Yeah, very casual. And then were there notes on the second date? No. Okay, so you're good. Yeah, I think I'm okay. Do you smile when you see your name pop up on your phone? She's listening, so...

So yes. Like a little bit of butterflies? Yeah, a little bit of butterflies. A little happy. You ever send her a picture of your cock yet? Nope. Send her a picture of someone else's cock? Yeah, wait.

Who's cock did you send her? Have you ever sent a picture of your wiener? Nope. Big hell, was that more or less popular when cell phones first became popular? What do you mean? Sending, I guess, dick pics. I avoided all of this. I feel like.

Do you remember like if your friends. Yeah, but I didn't have my first cell phone I had when I was 18. And I didn't have an iPhone till 2011 or 12. So I feel like I was like I would have sent a lot of. I feel like back then without, you know, it would be a lot. You'd feel safer since safer but also what would they do with it you can barely even see yeah the camera wasn't good though so it wasn't even like i don't even think it was really a thing for a long time right and then the

camera technology obviously came along now you have to right you have to just to see no i think about that all the time how lucky i got with a lot of that shit i'm really lucky i didn't have a twitter account until i was way older and instagram yeah yeah all that shit mook i'm proud of you man you were red with embarrassment that was like rom-com ish yeah it was uh it was tough to get through the twitter stuff and the getting recognized but that's listen you just gotta be like babe it's my job dude, I'm so sorry that you got recognized in front of the girl you want to crush on. That was so tough to get through.

Babe, my job is to get numbies, and that's what I do. I don't know how to break this to you, babe. I'm popular. I get numbies, and I do it well. If you want to be along for this ride, you gotta get on the moot train. The numbies train. She's gonna listen,

so why don't you look at the camera that's pointed at you and send a message just for her. We won't listen. We won't listen. Look into the camera. Come on, this is real. This could be the rest of your life. No, no, no. And everybody listening, just fast forward 15

seconds. We trust you. Do you not trust our fans, mook? Just fast forward 15 seconds. As long as do you not trust our fans mook yeah just fast forward 15 seconds and then as long as they don't call me a fun-ass guy that's separate uh oh man this is awkward well no i'm i'm oh yeah i'm gonna take my head off i don't even want to hear you and i could if you have if you have a name for her say that like a pet name something you call her look into the camera look into the camera come on

what do I say we're not even listening say what you told me before you said I think I love her oh chill boss man hey queen um see this i'm not doing it i can't do it i can't do it all right well i'll do it i don't know what to say yeah i'll do it for you all right wrap it up hey hey katherine is that her name no all right let me try again hey sar, Sarah. Nope. Hey, Rebecca.

He's way too confident. I'm not playing this game. Yeah, wait. I got all night, bro. Continent or vowel? Aubrey. Nothing. I got no names. Man, this is real.

Yeah. Yeah, I could tell. You are. I like this girl, too. I don't know her obviously but i like her she seems very fun and down down the clown she's very funny yeah yeah oh you're like she like genuinely makes you laugh yeah like no other like if you had to picture yourself gary v style like you had to shoot her in the face and she dies and you can't live another second without her will you kill yourself too i think you'd have to i could i

could shoot a oh never mind okay you can't live without her we're we're getting too deep here we're getting too deep uh wait now we're getting too deep you just you tried to form tackle her i did yeah i'm happy for you yeah no thank you this is great you did good this is a good feeling what were your expectations of the i was hoping like it was going to be like oh this is game over and this is why it's game yeah right yeah i thought that was like yeah that was no i thought on the on the yak i made it clear we saw each other again yeah Yeah, but I thought it was going to be more that vibe. Like, hey, just a couple tips for you on how bad of a date you were.

It was the complete opposite. She likes you a lot. It was a good date. Yeah. A damn good date. You're probably very good on dates. Yeah, I like to have fun. You're a fun-ass guy.

A sit-down restaurant for a date is not the move anymore. Really? Like, it's just too awkward. Like, I don't want to go eat food with someone i barely know yeah i agree with that the first one just get drunk why not yeah exactly break the ice did you try your move with the apartment no well i don't have an apartment to pre-game at true yeah i want to stand on you want to stand in my studio apartment with no yeah right anything true you want to pre-game in my studio apartment with no anything. You want to pregame in my house? Oh, say it's yours.

Yes. We could do that. Okay. Oh, my God. Who are these little kids running around? Those are mine, too. Those are my siblings. I got strong seed, baby.

You're next. Those are my roommates. Good job, Mook. Yeah, i'm proud of you so you have a third date planned yeah so she travels a lot i travel a lot we'll see each other in a week or two okay yeah and you told me off camera you're going to try to fill her up to the brim right we could cut that but that's what you promised me yeah you're a famous cream pie guy yeah you are did you tell her that you're exclusively cream pie oh man okay dude this is how i know you really like this girl yeah look at this yeah i'm so happy and jealous the cream by god i don't know man i just don't want to like uh yeah wait everybody can everybody can just comment

cream pie god on your next day i might be yeah yeah i might be like overplaying my hand here i might have just blown no i don't think so because i she is clearly funny and she clearly likes the fact like she likes your humor yeah this i think she will love i think it depends on what region of Iowa she's from and what school district. I have no idea. No, I think I would have spent two hours on that. And that's why I asked. That's why I asked the beginning,

like how you guys met, because I think she, like, you don't go on a date with you knowing who you are, what you do. If you're not already into that whole thing. Put that hood down. Be confident. You're trying to hide yourself. She's a very cool girl.

I'll say that right now. There's a lot of stoolies in Chicago. Do you not want them to come up to you if you're out on a date? What if you guys were out at Declan's and these group of guys come up and be like, hey, you cream pie god? That would mean a lot. Do not make my life hell right now.

Don't do this. Please don't do this. I pulled a mook last weekend. Honey, what was that? It's when you cream pie. That's your special move. It's your finishing move. I love that. I can't tell you what my special move is.

You'll know it. It's just a fucking cream pie gone. It's your finishing move. Dude, I love that. Just like, I can't tell you what my special move is. You'll know it. It's just a fucking cream pie. Stone Cold had the stunner. The Rock had the people's elbow. Mook has the cream pie. And you're really good at it. Look, I'm a fun ass guy, okay? Connor Mook, aka Cream Pie Gone.

Yeah. That's your thing, yeah. Sure. It's cool as hell. I don't thing. Yeah. Sure. It's cool as hell. I don't know what to say, man. All right. This is almost too real. Just make sure she's not listening. She's gonna listen. Oh my god.

What we said is correct. She's a cool girl. And what we said about you is correct. We're all fans of her. You're the cream pie guy. Yeah. She just has to prepare to ooze the best part about this is like we this just is a window into to all of our brains and like we just keep vacillating is vacillate the right word oh there we go what's vacillateillate? Rudy just said another word. We don't know the context.

Going back and forth. Oscillate? Oscillate. See, this is the smart thing I'm talking about. I knew there was a late, but I didn't know. Oh, vacillate. Yeah, that's what my vein. Oh, that's right.

All right. So we're oscillating. What I was just saying is there's a window into all of our brains that we're oscillating between trying to be genuinely nice to Mook and then the minute we do it for like more than five seconds, we're like, nah, fuck that dude, you're creamed by God. I think he knows it. What I don't think he gets yet is this is gonna

work. We're trying so hard to be genuine and we can't do it because we're such assholes. I'm really happy for him and the girl is phenomenally cute. And I'm really happy for her because she's gonna get so much creamed. The girl is phenomenally cute. Yeah. And I'm really happy for her. Yeah. She's going to get so much cream.

The good for her. Yeah. No, good for her. Win for her. I already like this girl from what you've said. And I'm so happy for the forthcoming oozing. No, no. Big Cat, you were right, man.

Like, an unbelievable amount of cream. Yeah, so much cream. I think she'll really appreciate it. It's going to be a Twinkie factory. It's going to be a volume thing, yeah. It's going to be like a Twinkie. Horses flipped on the highway.

No. I mean, I look like a bag of milk. No, no, no. That's what it's, I look like a bag of milk. No, no, no, no, no. That's what it's going to look like. If he looks like a bag of milk, imagine what he can produce. Dude, he's wall-to-wall milk, dude.

But you know, seriously, that's really cool. No, I'm really, really happy for you. I'm really happy for you. It's fucking awesome. Again, we digress. We're so happy for you, man, and for the amount you're going to fucking bust. I can't wait for the furry.

It's going to be great. You did good. Just call the National Guard, because it's going to be a flash fucking flood. She's going to look like Brandon's tree in his backyard with the amount of ropes on her. Time to make the donuts.

Oh, man. Mook, thank you for sharing that with us. Great job, Mook. Great job. You did great. All right. Yeah, Big Cat, thank you. Thank you, Big Cat.

Glad you're here for this. What a great time. I'll come back anytime. We're going to just do Mook's date. This is your last date you've ever gone on, though. Wait, you don't think he's going to get another? No, no. I'm saying like the last girl he's ever going to date. This is future one.

This is a saga. Right. Exactly. They're going to maybe even like at the wedding, you know, like flowers. Maybe it's just boston cream just play this podcast yeah right exactly yeah dude your wedding so your first dance should be this podcast it's it's cream get the money dollar bills y'all all right thank you guys thanks to big cat his first but not last anus appearance. I was nervous to have him on, dude.

Yeah, it was. What I told him was true. Like, I don't want him to think we're bad boys. I know. I felt like I was in the car home from practice with my dad after I got taken down three times by Tyler Zimroth. Me too. Anyways, today's episode is brought to you by manscaped uh fellas are you running into some stubble trouble are you dreaming of that clean shaven

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the cordless trimmer has a rotary tool that'll give you 20 haircutting lengths. So you can customize your face any way you want. You can get 20% off and free shipping with code ANUS, A-N-U-S, at manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com and use code ANUS, A-N-U-S. Hit the refresh button with the handyman. That kind of reminds me, I kind of want to start doing a theme to the podcast that like shows seasons we were talking about how we want to like do a business cap maybe we're the first ever business casual podcast or we go full viking mode and we all have

big beards business casual in what sense the only way is a tire oh yeah or go i can't go full beer you could i've been rolling i've been oiling and i've been you've been derma rolling and i've been gua sha ro gaining i've been i just got a gua sha for for like six months now no progress you're oh you hit the you hit it with everything but if you grow that out it'll cover up the patches it looks too puby no yours is good because you naturally grow a goatee it looks great yeah i wish i could do that don't do my i'm so jealous it looks like riffraff you guys i'm sad you don't have to do this okay yeah you don't have to do this i i single it looks like single goatee is not what i want all right right. Then we'll get the beard to equalize.

All right. Well, then we'll be a business casual podcast. Thank you. So next episode starts business casual quarter zips. Yeah. So there's a polo spare. I don't have any of that. We'll buy you some. You were an accountant.

I threw all of it out. Really? Yeah. When I moved out of my Philly apartment, I kind of just tossed a bunch of like old polo. We'll get you a collared t-shirt or a polo. Okay. There's enough. You're going to be our pastel guy.

Oh, I used to be that guy. Really? Were you a Sperry's and shorts guy? In high school, I went through that phase of wanting to be a frat boy senior year. And I would wear khaki shorts, polo, Sperry's, the whole nine. I never had that phase neither did i but we had like the wackest our college years were in my opinion like the wackest era of fashion yeah matching your hat to your shirt and shoes perfectly swag era yeah i had a

tank top era was my freshman year you go to rue 21 and buy a black tank top yeah no it was like those the colorful ones i would always buy colorful shoes with the big tongues oh the osiris is not no it was after that it was like the high top so it was like the justin bieber yeah with like the long blouse t-shirts the saddle yeah the super supras yeah yeah like brad muskos yeah the muskos i had a rough phase in that you were wearing like africa chains i went yeah you showed us a picture of you were wearing like a it wasn't a chain it was like rasta colored beads yeah the continent of africa at the bottom yeah and i wore a actually we should have a bet on this show we should have something that happens where the loser has to just wear an

africa chain for a year yeah that's a good big yeah you see duncan donuts gave ice spice a chain and like everyone's pissed what happened to you man everyone's pissed what sentence did you just fucking spice is omnipotent um duncan donuts gave her a big chain for doing like a commercial everyone's pissed that Dunkin Donuts can afford to give I-Spice a chain. Dunkin Donuts probably has billions of dollars. Dunkin Donuts is a billion dollar corporation. Probably the second largest coffee brand in the world. Probably.

The only way they can conceive money is affording a chain. Damn, Dunkin, where you been hiding that? They're like, Duncan can afford a chain for ice ice, but not... Dude, are people pocket watching Duncan Donuts? But they're only paying their employees minimum wage. That's instead of having a monopoly on Massachusetts. It's like

affording a chain. Wow. Is how rich, yeah. They're worth near nine billion. Jesus. Was the chain fly? I guess it was like a really expensive chain hmm well ours won't be that expensive but we need to have some sort of thing going on to where the worst the loser has

to wear an Africa chain or it doesn't necessarily doesn't have to be a chain like mine was wood beads yeah we could also do that authentic authentic wood yeah i guess no authentic african um mook did you did you squad on the account anus fits uh i'm going to do it right now because yeah oh because now yeah so we're going to have another account where it has all of our fits of the week i was gonna I was thinking maybe daily. Daily fits?

Or do you want to do game day podcast fits? I think whenever one of us wears a photograph worthy fit. Yeah. So like right now, not me, but Rudy. Maybe Nick. This is a marine layer. I kind of want to make it casual though. I like the ones that aren't fits.

I thought we were casual Friday. Yeah, like sometimes you throw one of our fits. How about just, fuck it it let's live online let's post every one of our fits and on a daily basis every one of our fits every day yeah loser of the week it's the africa chain what's the loser of the week i'm gonna lose worst fit how do you calculate you could do a poll on instagram yeah then let's have a fit off every day. Every day have a fit off? It's not like try to beat this, wear what we would wear and just see what's the wackest.

I'm not going to wear what I would wear. I mean, Kyle's just going to look like different iPhone cases. So you've been making fun of the way Kyle dresses by saying he dresses his age. I'm 30 years old and work out for fun. That's how I dress. What is your style? Your outfit's kind of crazy right now, Rudy. I like it, but.

My outfit's kind of, no cohesion. No cohesion. Camo pants, Toby Keith Bass Pro Shops. You're in a costume right now. That was an accident. That was an accident. No, dude. I'm going to order the African chain.

You woke up feeling country i'm gonna lose i'm gonna lose oh can we get an iced out africa chain that would help that would help i want to run like run on the field for a famu game what what um florida a&m university it's in tallahassee but not florida state they're at hbcu historically back black college yeah they are they uh their mascot is like a snake and they're a like very in they're like synonymous with hip-hop culture and you want to run on the field with them i want to run on the field all right we'll make it make it happen. Yeah. We'll make that happen. I think they have their own chains. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Cool.

Yeah. Let's make that happen. Yeah. Mook, do you have housekeeping? Yeah. A bunch of housekeeping. You guys made the notable alumni list of your high school. We're off it now.

You're off it? Yep. Somebody came in and edited us off and then it locked the page. We're not on that anymore? Not notable anymore. Ah. Yeah. Yeah. I was on there for

a few days um i got jealous and then i was on there interesting oh let's see i thought yeah we'll see if we're back well kyle's was a slight um that was the hall of fame no your hall of fame was a slight. That was the Hall of Fame. No, your Hall of Fame was a slight. Did anybody reach out? I don't know. I'm over that. You're over that? You don't want to be in the Hall of Fame?

No, I'm not over it. No, I'm not over it. Would you have to go back home to like accept it or speak or something? No, it just, I don't know how. They could have just. We're off of it. Could have just been in it. They said you were 4'11".

That was into my bio like yeah personal life yeah i was one half of nick and kb controversy section 411 that's all it says it doesn't elaborate uh that's. I didn't like seeing that personally. No? No. What else do we have for housekeeping? Nick and Rudy React is live on YouTube. Thanks for watching that video. It's doing pretty well. We have a new one that's coming out.

Went over to Rudy's. We were going to go get tattoos. Couldn't get a walk-in spot. So we went to stream. And without telling him, I told his chat. So I peer pressured Rudy. And I said, every time Rudy dies in this game, I get to pick out a piece of decor for his apartment. And he died seven times. It's a frequent occurrence.

Doesn't matter the game. And so you'll be you'll you'll be able to see what I picked out and you bought and it's being shipped to your apartment now. Yep. It's go. It's horrible. It's a posters, wall art cutouts plaques flags okay fantasy fiction uh it's um that one i so i i turned myself into a pervert um because the first one i picked out was the famous anime uh cerberus the famous uh anime girls have you seen cerberus trio look man cerberus look it up search cerberus anime

and tell me your first thoughts mook you too because i thought it was like oh this is so fucking lame and then i was looking at it way more it is so hot yeah how do you spell it c-e-r-b-e-r-i-u-s c-e-r-b-e-r-i-u-R-B-E-R. The three-headed dog? No, Cerberus Anime Girls. Hold on. I have it saved on my phone if you can't find it. Yeah? I had to order it.

Do you think these two-dimensional cartoon girls are hot? Stunning. Jesus. What do you think? No. Let me see. These? No. No, no, no, no. I just texted it to the group. You'll see No. Let me see. These? No.

No, no, no, no. I just texted it to the group. You'll see it. Oh, shit. Yeah. Mook's in. No. They have the faces of seven-year-olds.

No, they don't. No, they don't. What age is that face? It's a cartoon face. You can't apply it to a human age. So that makes it hotter? No, I'm talking about the giant tits and pussy. Yeah, I know the giant tits. Yeah, fuck the face. They're big bodied.

With elf ears. Cat. This can't be a thing. Oh, it is. Rudy's got a big one for his wall. That doesn't do it for you, dude? No. You lying. Moop, you? That specific one, yes.

I don't... No, me and rudy were like this is really you liked it a lot i don't get it like i would need like a mature human face it's a cartoon it's not a human face though and you're saying you're sexually attracted to it i wouldn't jerk off to it no i wouldn't jerk off to it. No. I wouldn't jerk off to it, but I can't deny that it does make me feel more than previous. Yeah, well, the tits are nice. I would, yeah. You'd be so jealous I walked into the bar with a cartoon girl. That would be a flex.

Nick, is she? Yeah. Yeah. Don't ask. You know, having to ask if she's a cartoon yeah yeah yeah was she she animated dude you do look like a white dude how'd you and then how'd you land her quagmire walks in and steals her no he's uh he i don't think he comes to Chicago very often. He's banned. He's banned. Speaking of Rudy, though, Rudy, go watch Most Dangerous.

Yeah. Funny clip that you said with Pat. Bring me the gay man. Yeah. Bring me the gay man. That could be used for a lot of things now. It felt good to having the ability to summon people, especially being able to summon a gay man who usually do the majority of ordering.

I promise you, you summoning a gay man would be very easy. You think so? Yeah. Yeah. I did get jerked off to a sauna. What? I remember you told me this. Yeah.

That was crazy. That was crazy. I didn't think it was about me. I think whenever it happens you like like you just let it happen so wait yeah wait right before we were started recording this oh mook did you get it uh what we could just recap this right before big cat walked in we were about to start recording you were getting a call for the first time in years from the old man you dated for six months the thespian that you would like hang out with for six months. Like the thespian that you would hang out with for six months. He's a thespian.

Share experiences with, laugh. I called him. I tried to call him months and months ago. Didn't answer. And he randomly called me today. But then- Wait, why would you call him? Why'd you call him?

Because you guys wanted me to. We made him for the episode. Oh, that was for the show. Yeah, it was us bullying him. And he called you back today? Because that feels like a year ago. That's a real gay guy thing to do. Yeah.

Sorry, just getting to this. Since Big Cat was walking in i was like like waiting like do you want me to answer this now do you want me to answer this now and then it went to i didn't answer it he left me a voicemail and i've not listened to it oh but here you go do you want to hear it yeah we can cut it out if it's weird and sexual yeah i don't know what this is we wouldn't i mean he's a wonderful guy also not my boyfriend it's a wonder it's fattening up season don't fall victim and don't excuse yourself by just getting fat in the fall and winter when it's cold um kickstart a fresh fall routine with hello fresh i we talk about it all the time hello fresh

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best about it because then we can share opinions. Maybe we have the same mutual favorite recipes. Maybe not. And that would be fun too. Go to HelloFresh.com slash 50 anus 50 anus and use code 50 anus for 50 off plus 15 off the next two months no brainer what percent of your dms are just chatting back and forth people like telling me their favorite thing

about hello and i all that those are the ones I respond to. Not sympathy or like, oh, sorry about your mom. When you DM me about HelloFresh, that's what I'm going to reply to. That was a butt dial. That was a sexual butt dial. Yeah. Yeah, it was.

He put it in his ass. Dude, his ass called you. Dude, your ex-boyfriend's ass called you. Rudy. That's the voice of his ass. I'm fighting a two-front war. I miss you. There's a part of me that's sad now that it was a butt dial.

His ass queefed out, call Rudy to Siri. Yeah, dude. It wasn't like a butt dial physical. His fart sounded like he activated Siri and his gay fart sounded like Rudy. He's so romantically entwined with you that his ass

can say your name. Not dating. Okay. Didn't date. Text him. Just be like't date, but text him. Just be like, Hey, Mr. Call.

What was your last text to him? My last text to him. Give me a second. He's an Android boy. His last text to me. I didn't reply. Was in 2020. And he said,

so good to hear from you. When can I call you? When can i call you when can i call you yeah that was it i didn't answer yeah he's serious dude this asshole congrats dude thanks man i'm feeling like Mook over here. Yeah. No, no, no. Mook is the man. You're... No, he's a fun-ass guy.

Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. That's going to take off. That's my cream pie god right there. Cream pie god, fun-ass guy. Fun-ass guy.

Please, can you please change your Twitter name to Mook, parentheses, cream pie god, comma, a.k.a. cream pie god, a.k.a. fun-ass guy.

Adam22 will fall for that and he will invite you on the pod yeah whatever i have a feeling this will take off if you play the character of the cream pie god whatever my coaches want i'll do just put me in the game it will pay dividends oh you're you're in the you're a starter just keep me in the game oh you're in it baby you're you're yeah you're starter. You're an all-star. I have a couple shout-outs. Shout-out Bobby Costa. Big always shout-out, Bobby Costa. Always shout-out to Bobby Costa.

No Untold Memes has been fire. Follow that account. Yeah, great job with the account. There was one that confused me. Yes. And somebody DMed me and said, what is this? Was it the election? Yeah.

He texted me. He was like, I don't know what the fuck I just posted. Yeah, I told him to run with whatever. Yeah yeah he posted the blue raspberry guy that just like voting yeah it's a good message he goes yo i'm thinking about deleting that trash i just put up and ripping this think people would get it and it's like uh men in black with the pen oh yeah post whatever make it it does not have to make any sense whatsoever yeah some more of that um get out and vote let's see oh uh a little shout out to the reddit someone used my pre-game move last night oh yeah we're inviting a girl over for drinks pre-gaming a date yes yes i would love to see the follow-up or hear the follow-up. So please let me know how it went.

And then, yeah, that's about it. I'll be in DC this weekend with the SaaS man. With the SaaS man. Come on out. Everybody go ahead and follow Yu-Gi-Oh card artworks too. They just have a... Yeah, I saw them post the calculator and you comment it. It came up on my algorithm.

The Yu-Gi-Oh card artwork? Yeah, actually Yu-Gi-Oh card artwork. Yeah. a calculator and you comment it would it came up on my algorithm the yugioh card actually had yugioh card artwork yeah wait i i don't ever talk about it came there was like some sentient calculator which is stupid as fuck as you would imagine and i've seen liked by nick terrani and then you comment it would get a beer with this guy. I got so upset. You downloaded Pokemon Go. I did. Look at that. Did you play? No.

No, I caught the first default Charmander. How'd it feel? Stupid. Stupid game. You guys are living in a fantasy world. Where did you guys... Helps me get my steps in. Helps me get my steps in.

Helps me get my steps in. Oh, and I fucked up my birthday. You got your birthday wrong. Yeah, it's not Thursday. It's Friday. Yes. You going to have a birthday photo dump? No.

I need you to post on Instagram. I'll let you pull one together. Oh, yeah, because I did write your last. Was it your last post? Yeah. I wrote Mook's last caption. Yep. God is great. Beer is good. good mook is crazy anything with you guys any uh chicago vibes you guys liking it i haven't really i took that this past weekend off just getting everything put together my

apartment all put together it looks like i've lived here for years now good must be nice kb you like in the neighborhood any i haven't really left i play workout go to the body bar and work out is this is it gonna be bad for you having the gym in the apartment sauna like twice a day any champagne that's a problem i'll be honest um the past month i got back into drinking and weed and then i tried to cut it out then my memory went to shit i started slurring my words i don't know what that's about but i'm gonna try to go completely sober and do you have a drink in your cup right now this is a drink in my cup right now so how's that sobriety journey going um that's i really want to be sober and i think i will be we'll see we'll see you want to grab

a drink this weekend w pit no i i gotta i don't i want to watch the game i really have to be sober all right be sober i'm not gonna pressure. Yeah. God, I love getting fucked up. Oh, man. Oh, today is episode 36. I had a moment of weakness. I followed Daddario back. Oh. I forgot about that whole song.

I thought it was a huge, huge flex to have follow back next to her name and then i realized nick don't squander this just follow her be mutuals it's not as cool but i sue me i hope she just doesn't think i have a crush on her that'd be so embarrassing so embarrassing alex i gotta tell you something um do you have to i'm imagining she gets a lot of notifications so you have to separate yourself well imagining she gets a lot of notifications, so you have to separate yourself from the past. Well, the thing is she only follows 420 people. And so only those people can message her.

Oh, so you have to message her. I think I do. Do you have any ideas? Yeah, you absolutely do. Yeah, I'm going to send her Yo-Yo Ma with the cello emoji. My calling card. Oh, yeah, that wasn't specific to Venus.

No, it has nothing wrong back yo-yo ma send it to miss usa um what's that what episode is it 361 corpus christi texas oh geographically isolated i heard bizarre i've heard it was bizarre too it's a really weird feeling city it's weird i've been which with a deceivingly large population bigger than cities like cincinnati pittsburgh st louis you don't really hear much about corpus as the locals call it i think their economy runs on gas and oil yeah their beaches are oily um beaches suck there not a lot of good things when i was researching corpus christi but a lot of people retire there which is weird it's like on the gulf coast in this beautiful area but sucks uh people old people when they

retire they just kind of want to see the water and feel which makes sense i kind of want to do that myself i like seeing water but not necessarily being in it or on the beach but corpus christi and i did check their mayor it's a great mayor who we got didn't pen any jokes but uh paulette guajardo paulette guajardo um i? Paulette Guajardo. I did ID her outfits. We'll just run by them very quickly because they are colorful, tasteful, and one of my favorite selections as far as wardrobes go. We got the total sweetie rose embroidered flutter sleeve blouse. You didn't pen anything? Vert striped bunny pink.

You can get that for $64.99 on frockhandy.com. If you scroll down a little bit, you'll see that aqua, that turquoise green piece. It looks like a blanket. That's the Theodora silk floral print boat neck short dolman sleeve caftan dress. $197 from Saks. A little bit down to August 8th. You'll see the floral piece. Boat neck, short dolman sleeve, caftan dress, $197 from Saks. Wow. A little bit down to August 8th. You'll see the floral piece.

That's actually from Alice and Olivia, a local Chicago boutique. How do you know? That's the Sheila floral print puff sleeve blouse in silk. Sold out on most websites. You can get it for $619 on farfetch.com which is honestly a bargain for what it is. Paulette Guajardo is the mayor and she passes the heat

shit. Farfetched is one of my favorite Pokemon. It's a Pokemon? Yeah. Holds a leak. I did go through the Yu-Gi-Oh's of that guy posted. Yu-Gi-Oh's make way more sense than Pokemon. Yu-Gi-Oh make zero through the Yu-Gi-Ohs that I posted. Yu-Gi-Ohs make way more sense than Pokemon. Yu-Gi-Oh make zero sense. Yu-Gi-Oh all look like battle warriors or people.

No, not always. I mean, the calculator was an exception. I think he posted that to get a reaction to people like you. But most of the Yu-Gi-Ohs I saw looked like creatures who could compete in battle and weren't hastily drawn. They're monsters. They're card monsters. Pokemon are like animals. I'm more into Yu-Gi-Oh. That's fine. You can be into Yu-Gi-Oh.

I love Yu-Gi-Oh. I love Yu-Gi-Oh. Do we have another ad? Yes, but we might as well just save them, run them at the end and plug them in. Cool. Do you have the arm thing for Yu-Gi-Oh?

What is that called? The dual disc. Oh, I've seen that taken off. Like, people are doing that on live streams. Yeah, a lot of people are doing it now. It was never practical. It looks stupid. It seems remarkably practical, actually.

No. Just use a table. But it's so much cooler to have, like, an accessory. Yeah, but then, like, it damages the cards when you slide them out. It's, it's, it's not, it's use a play mat like a, like a man. So are you in the, are you in the majority on this? Yeah. So the guys that do that are doing it for show.

Yeah. They're goofballs. They're immature. I remember as a, as a kid, me and my neighbor would get our arm johns i forget what they were called but and walk around the neighborhood and dual discs yeah the dual discs we'd put our dual discs on what what era did you have i don't remember it was very early on and you understand this story's hard for me to believe sure i don't know you walk around with them walk around with them and try to like find other people with them and really just always end up dueling each other because obviously we're

not going to run into other you're walking around philly with a yeah in northeast philly and like row home back alleyways you thought it was like a video game map so in the video is huge in the black community well we just find black guys playing basketball. Oh. Yeah. Also, that's big in the community, too. Yeah, that's bigger. Yeah. It's basketball than Yu-Gi-Oh.

Closer than you'd think. And then cream pies. No, that's you. Fine. The cream pie god. Shout out Team APS. I believe they're the Yu-Gi-Oh guys I follow on YouTube. They're really entertaining.

They're a group of African-American guys. Super entertaining. Good word. Watch them. Watch their shit. It's team APS, right? One of the guys is handsome as hell. But I digress.

Yeah, you're speaking hieroglyphics. I don't know how any of us would have been like, yeah. A couple people probably got it. Oh, you're talking to those listeners. Yeah, that's what the job is here. Anything else, boys? Nope. Mook, you good?

Good. Yeah, we'll see. Tomorrow's going to be an interesting day. Wake up and we'll see if I still have a queen or not. If we blow it with this queen, Big Cat, you could probably get $50,000. I'm not even joking.

You could probably get $50,000 cash out of him. You're in a handsome position. Okay. It'll be good. I think it'll be good. That would make you feel better right i know what you're doing right now i'm not falling for this what do you mean no no i'm saying as a fallback 50 grand do you think that's too far-fetched i didn't know i think if you this failed if she was like game over because of what happened on that podcast.

I think Big Cat owes you tens of thousands. Anything you would deliver. Oh, this is like this goes deeper than money. This is like your heart. No, I didn't say that. You'd say no to the money. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying not to fall into the trap of being.

I promise you we're not trying to trap you. Of being like, yeah, never mind. I don't want him to have to pay you. Okay. I don't want to have to be paid. I'm not going to put... No. Nor would I accept 50 grand.

Ever. What? Right? Not even as a salary? I accepted that already i get paid in fucking spaghetti yeah to buy my own meatballs oh yeah i had to wait three hours for bison meatballs from wildfire i recommended that spot to you it's so good great bison meatballs but three hours is why how it took three hours i sent them to here okay they'll this address ends in the same two digits as my home address okay but still three hours and that's this is like 30

minutes away i texted the guy like hey, don't worry about it. Just take my food. But if you want, I'll tip you extra. And he just sent back the emoji face with the money tongue. Your DoorDash driver? Yeah, he's like, on my way. How much money was he expecting? That was like, fuck.

The money tongue implies that I really really i was gonna money tongue implies a lot i was gonna give him because he accepted the tip for this order the which was already a big order probably 80 worth of food 20 default so what like that's like 18 bucks it's like 20 so i was like fuck i gotta give him what what would you give him because it's it was like 40 it took him like 40 minutes to get i would have gone a dollar a minute yeah you'd give him 40 dollar to avoid him because the money tongue was like this guy need this money tongue is expecting that's a paper chaser move yeah i gave him i gave him 20 bucks you never want your door dashed man That's a paper chaser move. Yeah, I gave him $20. You never want your DoorDash man to be a paper chaser.

Yeah, well, I gave him... You gave him $20? Good. Did he roll his eyes when he got it? He was very happy, which made me like, oh, fuck, I gave him too much. Because that's $40 total. Yeah. Because him delivering me an expensive meal isn't more work for him you know what i'm

saying might be heavier it just like it could have been him delivering me mcdonald's yeah yeah that doesn't matter there's no extra work for him but he's kind of made out like a band yeah he came up he's kind of saving you like you spent more money on food. And it is extra work for him to go from one address to the other. But does he get paid for the time of delivery? Yeah, but that could have been a $10 meal. Yeah. Yeah. Was it cash or did you just add it more in the...

The second tip in person was cash. That adds a lot of value. Yeah. Yeah, I think he was happy. I think it was a good transaction. Yeah. How were the meatballs? So good. So good. Stay strong, brother mushroom caps are you on a diet yeah like nine days clean

off meatballs yeah but meatballs are like protein what are you yeah but i was probably compensating with carbs i would just eat like a mountain of spaghetti and meatballs at like 11 p.m on like tuesday wednesday thursday sunday just that's so that's so now i'm on salads um you're fasting too right yeah did you fast today like i told you i did fast today when'd you break i stopped eating late i broke around like one or two good is this for your physical well-being or for your appearance both i need i like when i get fat which i did i i blew up a little bit in the past month or two i feel like shit all the time and i like hate looking at myself and now i'm like getting but it's also it's all about calories just calculate your maintenance have less meatballs

that's what i mean cal your calorie i'm you can still have you can eat whatever people are like oh i'm eating salads but it's all about calories i know but i know i wanted to hit it hard for like the first two or three weeks and just like really you know get down quick and then kind of get into a routine after that i'm closing in on a 24 hour one yeah i'd be getting dizzy accidental uh you're doing that on purpose when uh no i didn't do it on purpose i just got busy i was gonna fast until like three today but you're doing like 18 hours on purpose yeah yeah i'll do like yeah yeah yeah but uh it's weird once you get past the the like noon mark yeah like 10 to noon is the hard part and

then after that it's kind of smooth sailing better yeah you do feel better yeah i have a hard time like shutting it down. Like 9 p.m. I'm like, fuck, I want to eat something. That's my problem too. I'll go 24 hour tomorrow if anybody wants in. I'm out. I feel like once 20 comes, I'm like, I feel worse. Yeah.

I think 18 is the move. Yeah. 18 is the move. Because the problem is that once you hit 20, it's hard to reel it in because then you just gorge. Yeah. And then you stay up late eating. because then you just gorge yeah and then you stay up late eating and then you just feel worse yeah yeah anything after 18 is gets ugly

women god bless that's the end of the episode