A New Untold Story - The Second PG13's - A New Untold Story: Ep. 388

Episode Date: March 21, 2024

welcome to the 2nd pg13's. also please stick around for a cameo from the joker (but it's the pope's brother). Ads: Netflix - NETFLIX | THE GENTLEMEN LIKE IT WHEN YOU WATCH. https://www.netflix.com/title/81437051 Rent.App - Go to https://RENT.APP/BARSTOOL to get $50 cash back on your first rent payment. The Perfect Jean - Get 15% off your first order at https://theperfectjean.nyc plus Free Shipping, Free Returns and Free Exchanges when you use code ANUS15 at checkout. 2k - Pick Up or Download WWE 2k24 today. WWE 2k24 Finish your story. https://wwe.2k.com/2k24/buy/You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. We're good? Mm-hmm. That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, you're just going to say, like, no, that's A New Untold Story. Hey, is that story old or told? Fuck no, baby!

That's A New Untold Story. A New Untld story. It's a fresh big untold story. A new untold story. A new untold story episode 388 388 Bits dead I'm gonna start getting the episode Correct

My new bit is getting the episode Number correct Alright well I'm still gonna Flash it back to 388 Year 388 When of course Year 388 Yeah

Theodosius I. Oh, I know where this is going. Defeated Magnus Maximus. What? It's funny about that. I mean. Was it an upset? Theo defeated the.

Magnus Maximus translates to the greatest greatest. Defeated at the Battle of Potovioio commonly referred to as the battle of the save after that theodosius the first is now in control of an army of gauls goths goths huns and allens the three clicks wait wait wait you can't just laugh weird laugh yeah um the like a studio audience cue that was funny yeah but it's true the three clicks so theo the first also known as theo the great defeated magnus maximus now he is in control of an army of Goths, Huns, and Allens. Allen is a clique?

Like a high school lunchroom. But yeah, that was like the three cliques in high school. It's where the Goths sit. The Allens and the Huns. The Huns are like the cuties. What are the Allens? I don't know what the Allens are. No, in the high school lunchroom.

He was named Allen. There was a lot of them back in 11 and 10. And then Theodosius the Great, after that shit, he devoted his life to gluttony and voluptuous living. Devoting your life to that is... I know. What a way to go out. God damn.

Probably ate a lot of, what was it back the jello molds back you you are like you're the smartest guy i know and your favorite bit to do is that you didn't know when jello molds were a thing i still don't fit right but like i don't think it was third the year 388 no they had blood pudding mutton a variety of oils and fats breads so plenty of ways to get fat in a fun way that's some british shit you know who made a good jello mold uh suzy car michael's mom she went to la cordon bleu suzy car michael's rugrats yeah i distinctly remember suzy carmichael's mom bringing a jello mold over and it looked amazing yes she did can you look up suzy carmichael's jello mold and then i remember angelica ate dessert at an inopportune time and she was force-fed like a zillion like cakes did

she vomit until she vomited suzy carmichael's mom dropped off a Jell-O mold. I don't know why I remember. I don't remember Susie Carmichael's. I know the name. Now I remember her. She was the black rug rat. Oh. Is this a Mandela effect?

What do you mean? Are you... What do you... First of all, define what Mandela what Mandela are you talking wait let's see I actually don't know what that means oh there she is

I forgot about her or at least it was Lucy Carmichael just for a hobby it's so perfect or at least it was thanks that's what the tiffany company said too i'm lucy carmichael lucy oh the quintessential one black woman in a sitcom who only hangs out with white people and is culturally very white yeah let me see your jelly mode because i remember wanting to eat it real bad. Oh, whose is that? I remember this now.

The hair's sticking out. That's hers. All right, so you... Look how good that looks. This is where I get confused because this is, I guess, the 90s. Was there Jell-O molds in the 90s? Yes. Or was it the 20s?

I mean, Jell-O... I don't know when Jell-O became a thing. No one knows. That's why I routinely fuck it up. We could Google it. We went to the Jell-O Museum. Yeah, but 1897? See, no one

knew that. Alright. Made by Pearl Bixby Waite. What are these names we're getting lately? And I have some good names coming up. Yeah, that's right. Today's a special occasion. Right.

It's the second. It's not annual. It's the second PG-13s. The first one, we weren't even recording the podcast as video. That's right. It's only available on audio form. Yeah. So you get some video this time yeah so facial reaction um there's no winner or loser to the pg-13s with us but i have this

bracket here it is march and i think whoever has the worst suggestions for pussy getters has to tweet this bracket of howard winning Dr. Umar and say, follow back. I'm just going to get the tweet right. Oh, it's completely filled out. Completely filled out. Howard, who was already lost. The HBCU. They beat Drake in the final.

Yeah, Drake went really far as well I just assumed that was a black school and Howard beat Unk in the first round yeah UNC Howard beating Unk in backyard cornhole what's a game

what's a barbecue game oh backyard dice Howard beat Unk damn you see howard beat on holy yeah tweet it to dr umar yeah anyone and just be like my bracket got busted can you follow back that is some shit i would actually say yeah i think it really would be ironic i think it really would be um we about to talk about three chi chi it's the premier place for cannabis products it's my favorite substance i said this before uh the last five years um still my current number one product i like to comfortably numb gummies the most before beddy time the gummies are the best

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I bet you the podcast listeners thought we were tuning 3chi.com and find your true strain today. Da-dum. I bet you the podcast listeners thought we were tuning into Netflix there. But alas, that was just my mouth. Was that the Netflix intro? Yes, the Wikipedia intro. I wish I was watching Netflix instead of being with you hooligans

because I have new friends. These dirtbags. I wouldn't want any of these dirtbags dinging my dog. No, no, no. I want my daughter. These dirtbags. And that's on the show. Wouldn't want any of these dirtbags dating my daughter. No, no, no. I want my daughter to date a gentleman. Mm-hmm. Like Guy Ritchie's gentleman.

Yeah, someone who's thrusted himself into the criminal underworld of London. London. A lot on his plate. Can you do a London accent? No.

You know I can't. I know you can. I put you on the spot. I can't do any accent. But it's based on the award winning film which won the awards appropriately and deservingly. It's a new Netflix series

you know that follows Theo James from White Lotus in a cast of criminal lords. And ladies. Don't forget the ladies. So watch what happens when you try to play gangsters at

their own game don't miss the gentleman now playing only on netflix and i brgs have been hitting me up it's a great show they've been fucking with it i've never heard a bad word yeah they all keep messaging me let's talk about it it's a great show so the pg-13s are an award show the 13 greatest pussy getters um of different categories Yeah. Some are like of the year and some that I've picked are from history. Yeah, that's right. Same. Kind of got neglected, didn't get their accolades. But for everybody to get really, really into this, the listeners, the viewers, pretend

like this is like the Oscars and there's a big crowd of hunks in front of us. Okay. So, Moot, can you play? Before we get into it, let's just get the birthdays out of the way sure you only have three um birthdays of the week all right this is a someone turning 77 a woman okay famous woman almost there i swear i'm about to finish just Just a couple more strokes, Quagmire. It's Glenn Close.

Yeah. Glenn Close, happy 77th. All right. All right. This is an entertainer turning 38. Oh, anthony pazuto and i can't stop thinking about this case this case is going to be the death of me i'm completely consumed by this fucking case this case is becoming my entire identity, and my name is Anthony Pizzuto. Detective Anthony Pizzuto.

So it's an Italian detective obsessed with the case. I'm engrossed by this case. This case is becoming a major trait of mine. All right. What's a detective Anthony Pizzuto? So it's an Italian detective. Can't stress more that I am Detective Anthony Pizzuto. And I, yeah, and I'm enraptured by this case.

I feel like we should get it, but I don't. What's this entertainer been doing? Laying low. Laying low. Because I go into Disney World in a disguise, maybe with some sunglasses on. Because of their fame or because of shame? Do you know what this person? I don't know if they experience shame or if they get off from fame

Detective Anthony Pizzuto obsessed with a case. Yeah, it's one of my main qualities a Lot of people describe me as the guy who is obsessed by this Yeah, cuz I'm not it's not it's not clicking Who is obsessed by this case? Don't say it again. God damn it. You're pissing me off. Yeah, because I'm not... It's not clicking. What is it? It's Casey Anthony. Entertainer? I don't know.

Wait. Entertainer. All right, fuck. I'm losing steam with these. All right, one more. Entertainer is crazy for Casey Anthony. I don't know what you want me to say. If I said criminal, you'd get it immediately. Fuck I'm losing steam with these are one more If I said criminal you'd get it immediately oh I mean as she brought anyone entertainment why detective we were we were all why detect the court

Because it's a case. He's very Casey. He's a Alright alright, we're almost done. This is the easiest one. Entertainer, turning 65. Okay, murderer. Got it. Yeah. What? Psst. Psst. One more. Psst.

Alright, fuck it. It's Sting. Let's get on with the PG-13. Sting the wrestler. Why would that be the sound for sting? What else would it be? It's H-S-S-S-S-T. That's hiss. That's like snake.

That's like a bite. That's not a sting. That's not the sound of a sting. You got stung by a jellyfish. What's your verbal vocal reaction? Ow. Fuck. No, dude. No sting doesn't make a sound.

I think. Yeah, Kyle's coming back from the beach. What happened? He's like. Yeah, you'd say that. You'd make that noise. You'd make that. Yeah, but that wasn't.

I thought you were hissing. Maybe there's a T before the H. Do it. No, dude. You've never been stung. Maybe that. The inhale inhale your exhale okay yeah

oh glad we got that out of the way oh let's get into the PG-13s so the gentleman as lords rent app caters to landlords but more importantly to renters which

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Nothing better. Okay. Do you mind if I host the PG-13s? I figured you would, yeah. Do you have a monologue? Yeah. Ofologue? Yeah. Of course. Yeah, I do.

And it sucks dick. It's really bad, but let's do it. Moot, can you... Thank you, guys. Thank you. Moot, can you play me some, like, like I'm walking out and there's an orchestra? Welcome back, everybody.

Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Look at everybody here. This is a great day. Hello again and welcome to the first ever second PG-13 Awards. Guys, and I've got to say, you all look amazing out there. There's more suave in here than a middle class shower. More striking men here than the PBA.

Looks like a motherfucking picket line with all these striking men here. Don't worry, Sean Penn, I won't make a joke about any of your striking. You've hit Madonna. You're a bad, bad guy. Look at all these blonde dudes. Gosling, Owen Wilson, Hemsworth we sure that's your natural color boys there's more highlights in here than a pediatrician's waiting room

Jeremy Renner you fucker you're here you guys might know him from the Hurt Locker the man who removed IEDs. But now he's removing IUDs with his long penis. Mario Lopez is here. What's up, Mar? Oh, shit.

There he is. Mario cheated on his fiance at his bachelor party. Oh, shit. Cheating? At a Mario party? Oh, my God. Sounds like your boo is going to take all your coins when she divorces you.

Alright, alright. I've blabbed enough. Let's get into the awards. Thank you, thank you. Kyle, do you want to send out the first awards? Alright. We can stop there. Thank you. Thank you. Wow, what a crowd. I'm kind of nervous. that's a crazy crowd of pussy fuckers Wow

yeah just testing out the soundboard yeah just in case we need that ouch how do you have any uh awards or do you want to start all right yeah with the first award um this is the how the fuck did this guy get laid award okay um found the nominees by twitter searching how the fuck did this guy get laid okay seeing what that was in reply to or quoting or um talking about a lot of a lot of good candidates a lot of ugly hideous men um but one stuck out to me the most and that is a politician oh from naboo sheev palpatine. Sheev Palpatine appears to have a decaying face.

That's the Emperor. Who is that? That's the Emperor Palpatine. Oh, he's from a movie? You thought Naboo was real? Someone tweeted how the fuck did this guy get laid and they said Palpatine.

That sounds like a real name. I don't think he gets laid once in the movie. I think Rey is his daughter. So yeah, he has a granddaughter. Yeah. He was real? He's ugly as hell. Where did you think Naboo was?

He has a granddaughter. You know everything about geography. Where did you think Naboo was? Morocco? No granddaughter. You know everything about geography. Where did you think Naboo was? Morocco? No, I don't know. I don't know. All I know is he has a granddaughter, which means that he has had sex. Ray is his granddaughter.

Yeah, that's right. Am I wrong? No, you're correct. Let me look this up. No, he has had sex. Sheev Palpatine. Okay, in the series, we briefly see Ray ray's parents but we don't learn their name or anything about them it is implied that she palpatine fucked and fathered a child who

then had a child of his or her own yes he did how the fuck did he get laid award winner she palpatine congrats congrats to sheave congrats to Sheev. Big Sheev. I'll go next if you'd like. Let's go. The next award is called As Far As I Can Throw Them Award. And that is for people I don't trust around my girl because they'll fuck.

Any means possible. Absolutely. The nominees are Kristen Stewart, whose turn she's, she looks like she should be on the Icelandic gay, Iceland gay website. She's gotten real, real, yeah. Yeah, she would. Yeah, she would have her way with any of our women.

Chester Cheetah. Chester Cheetah is a nominee. Good fucking lord. He's fucking in South Padre right now good fucking lord he's fucking in South Padre right now I think he's raped he has oh yes I think that's well yeah yeah I think he only goes to islands now

when Trump was like being accused of stuff and people were calling him the orange rapist I assumed look at him look yeah yes he's taken he's he has uh earned for sure but some not not so much uh next the of course the pokemon buzzwole always including buzzwole let me see him hell no i fucking i get it yeah yeah go go to that bottom right one mook far bottom right

no no that oh which one is that that's that's just a that's a shiny mega buzzwall i think that's just a does buzzwall have stingers is that what those are those appendages yeah that's right but the winner because i think he would lay low is a man who won earth's most typical person everything about him would be the most common the most populated city the most common height the most common eyes the most common hair mu li m-u-l-i from shanghai uh earth search no two different words first name mu last name lee and then search earth most earth's most typical there he is top

left nope nope top yeah that's him on the right that's a real so he's too typical he's got to be hiding something is that a real person that's a real person he was no he that's a real person he won earth's most typical fucking moody congratulations you are you have won as far as i can throw him award yeah he's hiding something yep everything else is just too baseline what's he hiding i want to

get him on the pod yeah he could blend in anywhere too i don't like it one bit look at him imagine winning that that's i mean he deserves it too i know like we're not accustomed to chinese people around us but he still looks typical to me yeah no i wouldn't i wouldn't turn my head at him at all no cnn he could be in bed with my woman and i wouldn't. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He deserves the award. He deserves the award. What's up? What's up, Luke? Discover the most common face on Earth. Yep. Congrats, Muli. The odds. The odds are if you're a person, you're him. If you're a guy, you're him. Twenty eight year old Han Chinese male is the most common person we all have a little bit of moody in us then i think so yeah rudy i see if you're average at

something just that's that's your mood you're a little moody that's my moody i can see that catching on yeah and also i think he'd be such a catch, right? As a husband? Uh-huh. You wouldn't have to worry about him. He makes coffee every morning, but like, not. That ain't it. No, no. No, no, no. He makes coffee every morning, but not that good. No, it's just he does it.

He has a coffee drip, but it's not that. The face of seven billion. Oh, poor guy. No, he's a feeling of comfort and familiarity. I think he lives in Queens now. I think he could pool like crazy. He lives in New York? Yes.

That's what women want. Comfort. Comfort. Yep. 28-year-old Chinese man. Christian. Holds a service job and lives in an urban environment. And they found him right-handed male.

Mu Li. Mu Li. holds a service job and lives in an urban environment and they found him right handed male Moo Lee Do they measure his penis? I don't know If I have a bigger dick than the world, oh my god Measure his penis Measure Moo Lee's penis? That would suck if they were like, oh my God, he meets every standard. He pulls out of just a hog.

Yeah. And I'm like, next. I need him to go on a TED talk. Like, I want to know how he capitalized. It would be so boring, right? It would be fine. It would be fine. Exactly.

It wouldn't set any records, but it would just be good enough. The next one is a legacy award named after somebody. Kyle, you probably know this. It's the Wilb Chamberlain Memorial Trickle Down Award. Obviously, we know Wilb Chamberlain, the brother of Wilt. Wilt Chamberlain notably had sex with how many women? I think in the thousands. In the thousands.

You know Wilb would get trickled down, right? Yeah, and Wilb was a basketball player himself, if I remember correctly. Yes. Wilb Chamberlain. Yeah, if your blood, if your kin is fucking thousands, then you, by mathematical purposes, have fucked hundreds. If not close to a thousand yourself. Certainly. So the rightfully named award.

But we have some newcomers in the bunch uh we of course the olsen twins brother trent trent olsen known for his askew flat brim hat i don't know trent they have a brother yeah trent olsen of course oh my god from sherman oaks can we go to some more photos of him i don't care about his credits Trent Olsen of course oh my god from Sherman Oaks can we go to some more photos of him I don't care about his credits yeah

is that the only photo unibrowed man or at least close to I've never heard of him he definitely he does a lot of eyebrow raise photos. You know how the guys do that? Yeah. I think he was probably one of those guys that were obsessed with mustaches.

But we also have Charlie Puth's brother, Stephen Puth. Who is this? Stephen Puth. Steve Puth. Stevie Puth. That's his top image. Why is that his top picture? Cut out of his face. Yeah, cut out of his face yeah cut out of his face oh well you could buy a steven pooth celebrity mask yeah he's getting trickledown yeah he's getting

trickledown he's getting a lot of time and also yeah the the trent olsen is as well how much is it it's five what yeah it's five pounds for a five pound mask. Smile version of his mask. Why do why is there a Stephen Puth mask? What is Stephen Puth? Wait, scroll up. There's like assure you of authenticity. This is a website that sells like Snoop Dogg and Arnold Schwarzenegger masks and also Stephen Puth. David Arculeta cut out.

Well, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. Snag it. Snag a Stephen Puth mask. Go down, go down. These are all full bodies. And then go down, full bodies, full bodies. And then Puth's, just Puth's head. Steve Puth's head.

Ed Westwick mask. His head is, what an angle. Erling Haaland. Serious. Serious. Yeah, snag a Steve Puth smile. Hasbulla casual. Next, we have Thomas Lincoln, Abe Lincoln's younger brother.

Had no idea. Died at three days old. But his potential... His potential would have been insane. I don't know if we can reward potential. Three days? Days. But yeah, imagine being Abraham Lincoln's brother.

And then finally, I think we have our winner. George without the E. It's not. Ratzinger. Without what E? The last E. You need at least one of the Es. R- not. Ratzinger. Without what E? The last E. You need at least one of these. R-A-T-Z.

And this is based solely off of his profile picture. Now go to his Wikipedia. Go to his Wikipedia. That is the Pope Benedict's younger brother. No. They fucking changed? Oh, he looks devious. He abused 200 boys.

Oh my God. But look at that fucking picture. Oh my God. The Pope's younger brother of trickle down boy pussy. He knows. Trickle down boy pussy from the Pope. He knows what's eternally on his horizon if he wants it. Yes.

Look at that photo. He is so comfortable with his incoming mortality because he knows that it will be filled with what would be heaven to him. The cool older brother of the Pope. Oh, yeah. That also loves boys. You're born into. He is in constant persistent heaven. Yeah.

And he died of old age of natural causes. Oh, he's dead. Oh, yes. Yeah. I think I think over 200 sadistic punishments. Oh, he actually is accused? With sexual lust. Oh, the Pope's brother? Over 200 young singers.

Yeah. 200? Yeah. Yeah. Go up to his picture. Are you not believing? Scroll back up to his picture. 457.

Wait, look at that. Read the last line wait which 400 and 547 boys oh 500 holy shit with a high degree of plausibility where did he have his like what did he have like a condo look seeing he wasn't in vatican city was he oh i think he was yeah he probably was the older brother Bavaria died in Bavaria yes look at him one more time let's look at him

yeah yeah congratulations to George without the second E you win the Will Chamberlain trickle down pussy award Kyle who you got The Will Chamberlain trickle-down pussy award. Kyle, who you got?

Kyle, can I talk about the perfect gene? And I'm not talking Wilder as his role in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But I am trying to get Wilder, partying, but my pants are always ripping. You're just a hack, man. Guys, are you tired of your classic rough and rigid jeans crushing your nuts? I am. Yeah. I think it's a very,

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I like, like, a friendly. Yeah. Yeah. It's soft as butter. Pair it with the perfect jean. They both always have free shipping, exchanges, and returns. You can have peace of mind knowing that your order is completely risky. Oh, and Luke, the perfect tea is just enough stretch to hide that beer belly while accentuating

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code anus15 after your purchase they'll ask you where you heard about them please support our show and tell them we sent you fuck your khakis and get the perfect gene okay next category is um ar Ass Courage Award. This will be retroactive. And it goes to the second husband of Golden Girls star and gay icon of yesteryear, B. Arthur. Oh, okay.

The second husband. The second husband of B. Arthur. So B. Arthur's first husband was screenwriter Robert Alan Arthur. They were only married for three years before divorcing. Bea Arthur subsequently decided to keep her ex-husband's last name despite marrying another man. And she kept that name for the entirety of their 28-year marriage. And that man is Gene Sachs. marriage and that man is gene sacks which translates to blue balls yeah she didn't want to be b sacks um gene sacks the second husband of b r she didn't want to be B. Sax. Yeah. The courage comes from the fact that he was married to a woman

with her ex-husband's last name, which that would be tough to face her every day. Of course. That's B. Arthur. It's her ex's last name. And the fact that there are a lot of allegations

that B. Arthur is a lesbian. Oh. These two have two kids together, but via adoption. Wow. So he may not have even got to have sex with her. Gene Sachs. He wins? He wins.

He may have never had sex. I guess he married a lesbian with a last name of all in the name of pussy yeah hence the courage hence the courage you know what rightful award right congratulations to gene sacks he's dead as well he is all right um you want me to go yeah uh the next award is for nearest pussy this is for uh guys that are much shorter than their women, and they are the closest to the pussy. The nominees are Benji Madden, the good Charlotte singer and guitarist, standing at 5'6", with Cameron Diaz. Wow. Oh.

Uh-huh. How tall is she, though? I'd say about 5'9", 5'10". But look at them together. He's significantly shorter. Look at that. Oh, yeah. And he looks short.

Next up, we have fan favorite Zacchaeus at five feet, the tax collector that climbed the tree to see Jesus Christ. And he's married to Elizabeth, who stands at 5'5". Really? Yes. And he had the... I believe he brought Jesus back to his home. He did. Tall, strapping 6'1 Jesus. Which is up for debate.

What? Yeah, look at those little hands. Oh, poor Zacchaeus. He scurried up that tree just to see Christ. Next we have Vern Troyer, who's the height of Papa John's medium pizza at 18 inches. Wait, this is good because I know he's gotten pussy. Yeah, he has a son.

What? Brittany Powell, who is 5'8". Oh, my God. His baby's mother is 5'8"? Oh my god! His baby's mother is 5'8"? They dated. He already had a son. They didn't have a child. She divorced a man and got with

Vern Troyer. What do you think's on their sex playlist? The shins? Rest in peace to Vern. Oh, fuck. me and Vern are both I'm are both shorter than his Baby mother We're in the same category Oh she's holding him

He had to give her literal head Right Easily Wait is that Vern's son not a chance I think that's Kristaps Porzingis I think that is Kristaps Porzingis

I think it's this guy that can't be Vern Troyer's son maybe we can mail him the award Vern settle down with Brittany oh and her son not his son imagine I got a new boyfriend

you have to meet him he's busy he works in Hollywood that is an insane image of extremes and averages we're gonna have to go out to dinner sometime get up all right so maybe he didn't have a son yeah i can't i don't think he could reproduce no but i remember he was on Howard Stern. He did challenges where he had sex with models. Models?

So he has a PG. How was the top Google search, how did Vern Troyer die? Come on. Good luck. All right. And then final nominee, J.Rkien five five manlet wow but he invented the elven race uh-huh and the shortest elven woman beautiful six feet tall and he was obviously lusting after them creating them he made them perfect he made them perfect oh that makes so

much sense why he he this world, this fantasy world where he would be taller than the norm. Yeah, he created Hobbits. But yes, J.R.R. Tolkien, but the award has to go to Verne Troyer. Absolutely. But

I don't know because he's still pretty far from the pussy. But this is nearest pussy. This is nearest pussy award. J.R.R. Come collect your award. Congratulations. J.R.R.

J.R.R. Another award for the highly decorated author. That's right. Somebody add that to his Wikipedia, please. Kyle, do you want to go ahead? Yep. And speaking of authors authors this next award is the bafta award the black author fucking tatiana ali and this year's winner is actually fresh

prince of bel-air star tatiana ali's husband wow and you won't believe his name i can't believe you didn't take his last name. Dr. Vaughn Raspberry. Dr. Raspberry got his PhD in English language and literature from Howard. Coincidentally. Does he have a soul pad? Yes, he has a soul pad.

So in 2016, he published his first book race in the totalitarian century uh geopolitics and the black literary imagination he published that while also having the time to conceive a child via heterosexual raw protectionless sex to utter completion with tatiana ali wow so yeah congrats to tatiana raspberry tatiana Ali. Wow. So, yeah. Congrats to Mr. Raspberry. Tatiana has the name of the top combat athlete of all time. Chose to not take raspberry. Dr. Raspberry without a P.

Dude, saying paging Dr. Raspberry before you exhale on your girl's stomach uh-oh dr raspberry's here to check on you dr yeah yeah what a pool dr raspberry congrats on your bafta dr raspberry yeah um i can go. I have one more here. Next award is the Candle in the Wind Award. It's somebody who would have gotten a ton of pussy if their careers weren't cut short. Right. All right.

So first up is the male praying mantis. Fox once gets their head ripped off and eaten by the female for sustenance to raise their child. Wow. Right after fucking, they rip off the head and eat it. Next is No David from the book No David, the children's book. He was an absolute menace. You know he would have been a frat star crushing pussy. Let me see this guy.

But no books about him aging. Oh, my God. No, David would have absolutely collected pussy. I can already see him in a Toronto Raptors jersey. Yeah. I don't know if I'm seeing it. No. This baby.

Come on. He would have been such a sex pest. David gets in trouble. Oh my god, look at him. I'm sorry. I didn't know you guys were friends. Yeah. And then finally, Big Boy from the Big Boy restaurants.

Oh yeah. The big statue. Yeah. First of all, he's wearing just a shirt that says big boy imagine wearing that out yeah the fucking checkered yeah that you see it a lot of tailgates he's blushing he's he's he's sneaky and he would have absolutely decimated absolutely decimated pussy. I might get a shirt that says big boy. He goes, where?

Look at him. Oh my God. Oh my fucking God. It's a shame that there are maybe no big boy restaurants left. Are they obsolete? His eyeline is almost always perfectly at cleavage height.

Oh yeah. He's a flirt. Look at him just fucking big ass burger. Big ass boy. And like those dudes that wear those like checkered overalls at tailgates

surrounded by a gaggle of women. Always. Yeah. There's a level of confidence. Imagine pairing that with a shirt that just says big boy. He definitely like sent snapchats of the Morton Salt girl sucking his dick There's a level of confidence. Imagine pairing that with a shirt that just says big boy. Right. He definitely sent Snapchats of the Morton Salt girl sucking his dick and then had to delete his Snapchat and ended up getting out of jail because his dad is a high-powered

lawyer. Yeah, he's a pussy getter. He's a pussy getter. And that's why he's winning the Candle in the Wind Award. Congratulations to big boy. Congratulations, big boy. What do you got? What do I got?

The next award. Kyle. I think you mean Alan. Alan. Alan. Arcangelo. Alan Arcangelo. Oh.

No. Sylvester sidecar, but go on. Sylvester. Yes. Pass the sticks. You've been hogging them all day, pussy. Okay. Why?

Because you've been playing 2K all day. WWE 2K24. Get your own controller. What are you doing? Is that Sylvester Sidecar's character? Are you like sad? All right. WWE 2K24 is out this week.

Finish your story? Wait, no. It's finish your story. It's like Cody Rhodes, dude. Yeah. Finish your story. New match types. Guest referee.

Casket. Gauntletuntlet yeah we played this is awesome it was a blast it really was gripping retelling of wrestlemania's greatest moments and 2k showcase of the immortals where you can relive a collection of some of the most unforgivable career defining moments pick up or download wwe 2k 24 today w wwe 2k 24 finish your story you don't even have to be in the WWE to even enjoy this game no it's just clobbering the customization like options will scratch any creative or arty desire that

you have I swear that's that download WWE 2k today. Mm-hmm. Oh, man. The fishiest pussy getter. Ah. Okay. Nominee is, first nominee is Lance Bass. He was on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen. And he claimed to be a member of the Mile High Club via sex with a woman

on a Boeing business jet when he was touring with NSYNC. He claimed he did it just because there was a bed on the private jet. I think that just sounds fishy. Yes. Coming from Bass. Fishy coming from Bass, of course. And the next nominee is

we've talked about him. How awful would it feel if there was an article about you joining the Mile High Club and then colon with a woman? Colon with a woman. I don't know if I believe it. No. I believe he may be made out with her. Yeah. Very fishy.

The second video is from 2012. Lance Bass. I've made out with Andy Cohen. Well, Lance Bass, openly gay husband. Oh, fully. Yes. Oh, yeah. One of my favorite.

I have. I have the magazine cover. It's my favorite magazine. Search Lance Bass Time magazine. I have. I love. You don't need the word mile. That's all.

I know. There. I have that people magazine because it's. That's all. I know. There. I have that People magazine because it's my favorite headline ever. I bought that People magazine and I have the Ellen DeGeneres magazine cover as well. That was like. And I think hers says, yup, I'm gay. It does.

It does. Those are sick. Yeah, I have them both. I just don't have them hanging up anywhere you got to get them graded yeah i should get them graded yeah yep i'm gay i need the mid-10 l time yeah so if anybody else has more gay covers that i can look at oh i hope that this like starts a trend where the next big reveal will be like i guess i'm gay yeah but what do you go next yeah just i would if i did it hypothetically uh i think i just went gay but like with a miss mythbusters stamp like yeah gay yeah mine would just say sure yeah we've been knowing we've been y'all knew yeah i guess i'm gay y'all been knowing y'all been know kyle yours could just be like your face with no words it could be real artsy and then that's that's nothing just your face no i don't know i don't really get that no what does that

mean no like your hot guy face and then but what oh the inside it would be like the reveal i'd be like real artsy. Like the Rolling Stone Boston Bomber. Yeah, you and a wife beater. Can we see the Rolling Stone Boston Bomber cover? They like made him look so hot. There's another really good cover. The Bomber.

Oh my god. Yeah, with like his sexiest pic. They added like a filter to it. They had to have. Yeah, I think they, yeah. Fuck Rolling Stone. Yeah. That's crazy.

Uh-huh. That's insane. But anyway, I'm sorry. Okay. Oh, the next, there's only one other nominee, and it's of course 44-year-old American film producer Jensen Karp, who is married to and thus fucking the pussy of Boy Meets World star Danielle Fishel. Karp is best known for alleging

to find a shrimp in his cinnamon toast crunch. I remember that. And then he abruptly got cancelled right after, right? So Jensen Karp, who's been known for a shrimp incident, is having vagina sex with Danielle Fishel. he is the fishiest pussy

getter is he one of course that is topanga who was the heartthrob of the 90s and 2000s um still looks great so yeah topanga you who would have guessed topanga is now fucking that that shrimp guy carp. Fishiest pussy getter. Did the shrimp thing end up being real? I think General Mills came out and said that was just like sugar.

Oh. That makes sense. That looks like shrimp dude. Yeah that's shrimp. That's fully shrimp. Yeah, that's shrimp. How did they get away with it? That's a thick-ass wedding ring.

Good God. And they have two kids together. Do they have aquatic-themed names? Actually, throw Seal in the mix. Seal married to Heidi Klum. Divorced now. Heidi Klum with a very gay German man now. Really?

Yeah, I think he was from a band. Heidi Klum was with a gay guy? Yeah. Has a big breasted daughter now? Tom Kollitz. Yeah, but look at him younger. He was in this German band that I love just looking at. What's it?

Simple English. Look up the band Simple English. And one of the members. That one with the hair. That's him? I believe so. That's it. What do you mean that's him?

That's him. I believe he's married to Heidi Klum. Oh, Tokyo Hotel, I guess, then, is the name of the band. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Congrats to Jensen Karp. This isn't an award, or it could be. I do have the next Pete Davidson. Skinny build.

Girls are going to start to realize. And that is the Dave Matthews band logo, the fire dancer. This is a sentient person or a logo? The logo. Oh my God. Yeah, chicks are going to start loving that next. Yeah. Just a real,

girls love like a feminine guy, skinny build, dance, proud. That's the next Pete Davidson. proud slightly ominous yeah how long has he been around a long time he's probably done some things you think so about it

we should get canceled the fire dancer got canceled I just wanted to use the Dave Matthews logo that's the biggest red flag if you see that on the back of a car i never noticed i used to have one what's like a dave matthews looks like a typical fan uh cargo short guy yeah calf tattoo yeah um works that has like a steady job sometimes yeah okay so boring that guy yeah yes it really really loves television uh really uh very active in intramural sports okay volleyball at the park the cooler guy if asia didn't exist the Dave Matthews man would be the most typical guy

Yes, got it. Got it. Yes that guy. Yeah, if only man If only Asia didn't fucking exist the kind of guy that like researches iPhone cases before he buys Dave Matt His band would be so popular if Asia disappeared. Oh oh man do you have any other awards kyle yeah we'll speed through them sure um me and rudy have a couple honorable okay yeah as well we'll go real fast uh dwightest pussy yeah um is and the winner of Dwight is pussy goes to African-American former Chico State 5'11 basketball player Christine Vest so Dwight Howard has five children with five different women it was hard to pick the winner

out of those five who had the the Dwightus pussy out of those five sure yeah they all had similar runs with length duration of dating him only had one kid with him but Miss Vest

conceived Dwight Howard the third so there was extra dwight extra dwight yeah there so dwight is pussy goes to black basketball player christine she went to white is pussy that's crazy that his eighth child got his name i know know. Well, he has eight. That was his eighth baby mama. Oh, he has five baby mama. Oh. And that's, of course, Taiwanese basketball star and bisexual icon,

Dwight Howard. Yes. Bisexual king. Or maybe fully gay. Is he openly bi? Or is it just like... I think... I don't think he's...

I think he's implying that he is by not fighting it too hard. Or maybe he does get mad. Some people just have a face that's a little gay. Uh-huh. You could see it. I mean, he might just be gay for logistics reasons. He's so fucking big. Yeah. It's's easier just fuck man

logistics dude i'm straight but i'm so fucking big i gotta fuck guys yeah and i don't blame him fuck hopefully that doesn't happen to big boy yeah oh no it would never happen to big boy it would never happen to big boy. The Jimmy V award. This goes to the anonymous now former male high school student from Tazewell County in Illinois, who was having repetitive sex with his 23 year old gym teacher. I won't say her name. I mean, she's a pedophile. Miss Renault, who also served as the school's girls basketball coach in volleyball oh so wait is Jimmy

spelled G-Y-M-M-Y between school practices and games she probably had the most Jimmy V in the world probably spent more time in the gym volleyball basketball spent more time in the gym,

volleyball, basketball, PE class, than anyone in the world. Yeah, she had the jimmiest V. Right. Wow. Congrats to, she won? We're giving this to a? No, this is the boy.

A molester? Oh, okay. Yeah, this might be a gray area. I'm assuming there was not assault, and he was fine with it. If um award redacted okay good to know good to know that we have the moral high ground on the pg-13s um is that your last one yes wait no that that was i mean that was not right yeah Yeah. The Oscar for best now. What?

The Oscar for best. Yeah. Joseph Pistorius, a campus minister in Louisiana. He won best Pistorius. Don't look him up. I just found his Facebook. Oh, God. But he has a profile picture

with five very young children. So, God. But he has a picture, a profile picture with five very young children. So he was he's been active. Of course, Oscar suspended. Carl, his brother, has his own homicide case. Wait, Oscar Pistorius, his brother. Carl. Yeah. Manslaughter.

Vehicular manslaughter, I think. Jesus. What's a cursed last name? And Johan Pistorius. What is Johan? Of course, he was a 16th century German theologist and priest, so nerea pussy.

The winner is Joseph. Still a priest, though. Oh, wow. I don't know, man. You think he should win? I like the... No, he shouldn't. No, look at his shoulders. That's a bad name to inherit. Damn.

Cursed last name. Cursed last name. What are you guys' runner-ups that you guys have, or your nominees? I had a couple. We can call these the honorable mentions. The one I would like to acknowledge is Adapt of a foreign pussy oh okay that's a great award adaptation of a foreign pussy there's a lot of people here that could get this award but uh first of all i would like to say this is either going to be kanye west

uh josh richards bryce hall and jeff bezos uh they also are in the running because okay i know why con conye has the brazilian they all have brazilians i believe same with joe no they do not hall are collecting latinos yeah so no uh the conye does not josh richards bryce hall and jeff bezos are all with fat ass latinas oh okay conye does not conye who is the winner of this award. Yes. His wife, Bianca Sensori, is Australian. I have no idea. And the reason why he gets this award is because he is dressing her up like a marionette doll. Oh, yeah.

He's putting her in very strange garb. So he truly embodies the image of Adam. She's wearing like see-through shit. The images of when she was dating him, before she dated him and is insane yes that's just a throw pillow he truly is adapting of yeah that's a great award is she just clutching a pillow and naked yeah yes um you know he was she was like giving him head on like a catamaran yes and his butt cheeks were on bare wood. He's got her dressed like fucking Buff Bagwell. So congratulations to Kanye West.

An award I think that he would be proud of. Oh yeah, he would be giddy. He would come accept it. Congrats to Kanye. And then I didn't know Jeff Bezos was with a fat ass Latina. Sorry.

He's with a fat ass Latina. Oh, sorry. He's with a fat ass Latina. So if you're bald, just become the richest man ever. And then maybe. Maybe. He's also jacked as fuck now. Yeah, I think he's to the point of wealth where he's trying to live forever. Adrenochrome. Wait, didn't he steal his buddy's girl? Isn't his buddy's girl i oh yeah it wasn't that i don't remember but that

sounds correct i think she was in his orbit so maybe we should give him the tony award the the tony parker award i think he deserves that um this next award is the Purple Pussy Award. Whoa, somebody, a pussy that was injured? This is pulverized by pussy. Oh. So injured in the line of pussy. Moo, can you look up Finn Balor? Oh, the wrestler.

Body slammed by Mission, M-I-C-H-I-N. I'll send you that. It's on YouTube? Yeah, I'll send you this video, Moo. M-I-C-H-I-n i'll send you it's on youtube yeah i'll send you this video m-i-c-h-i-n just no s all right mook i set you up for failure here that's okay but this this award is someone who stared pussy in the face and got clobbered so wait they did she flip them upside down she did all that. Does he die? No.

He does not die, no. You don't have to die to receive a purple heart, a purple pussy. Okay. Do you get a purple heart if you die? You do, but you don't have to die. But isn't there another thing for dying too? I don't know.

There's the silver. There's the iron cross maybe? Iron cross, yeah. I don't know. I just texted it to you mook i would love to see this but while mook looks that up the next award is the giggle puss award oh this award is for men who laugh their way into pussy or are just ugly and must be funny.

There's no other explanation. They can't have any other talent. Of course. The Giggle Puss Award goes to none other than Benny Blanco. Oh, yeah. Dude. Yeah. I know he's dating Selena Gomez.

And I think he knows he's getting insecure about it. Really? So, Benny Blanco, renowned music producer. He's a great producer. Every hit song. He has a lot of good hits. Worked with Justin Bieber, Juice WRLD. Phenomenally talented.

That doesn't mean dick in this scenario. The Giggle Puss Award. There's no way you get a girl like that. Selena, especially Selena Gomez, one gomez without successful women on earth without being generationally funny and also and he got her at her bustiest and yeah she's ever growing you want to talk about a stunner she is every clip um you're not wrong she's like one of those things you put in water that burgeoning. Yeah. His ex-girlfriend is insanely hot, too. Benny's.

I saw them showing up to like some event. And he's also tiny. Mm hmm. Yeah. He's a little guy. And so negative carthel tilt as well. So this man is the giggle puss winner. Congrats to Benny.

Well-deserved, Benny. Mm hmm. Exactly. I need you guys to see this body slam though did you get that video mook it's it's a women overpowering men wwe playlist rudy how how did you find this uh you're at the women overpowering men playlist on must watch okay keep going keep going keep going is this that Keep going. I think that might be it. Or it might be the first one.

Sorry. No. This is your thing. Rousey Triple H. There he is. There it is. This is him. This is the purple pussy pulverized by a pussy award.

Oh my god, he's cocky. Oh shit. Oh! Look at his spine shattered i thought the pussy was gonna hit his face his face nope nope it's just pussy as in oh she's look how destroyed he is believable yeah he's definitely fucked up the broody was just watching the women overpowering men. After a nurse shoved a medical swab into his urethra. And made him say uncle.

Slanded in there. Made him wince. Yeah, did you relate to these guys? Oh, big time. There is. If there were an image, you feel pain before two men. If there was an inverse to this award, it would go to May Young. Who's May Young?

May Young is a legendary wrestler. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She got slammed many times. Yeah. She would take bumps. She would take bumps. Who's that? Look at that fella. Look at that shape yeah i think he just wandered there were a lot of dudes that

shape back in the day i know they're always like girls basketball coaches yeah a lot of dudes were shaped like upside down light bulbs yeah they i remember like the biggest fupas yeah tubes back in like yeah in, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, their bottom half were semicircles. What happened to that body type? I don't know. I think it literally- I don't know how they achieved that.

It had to have been something that they- I remember at St. Vincent's Functions. Ton of guys. There were so many guys with just that. The biggest inner tubes around their groin. I was, I remember mesmerized as a, as a little boy, like asking my parents, like what, how do they do that? My next door neighbor.

Something. My next door neighbor. But I haven't seen it in a while. What happened to that body type? I don't know. They're built like Saturn. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's just like a, it's kind of floating here. They all have like semi wonky nicknames. Yeah. Buzzer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Buzzer. Yeah. Lucky.

My next door neighbor is called Chickie. Yeah. Oh my god. What happened to that body type? It's always like Chickie can eat. Oh yeah. Chickie's a big boy. He's a healthy boy. I think it got killed by CrossFit if I had to guess. Like that whole thing. No I think it

because there's still fat so there's more fat so people are fat tur but that was like grossly disproportion disproportionate to the groin you only gained weight below the belly button i don't know how you achieve that yeah and your calves were insane yeah yeah you're right i don't know where that body went i know the other even earlier version is like the old muscle dudes or the boxers that used to fight like this Oh, yeah, I know that that body doesn't exist either. Yeah, the ones that like their pants are up to their Sternum what's barrel chested? That's before Jim barrel chested still thing. Oh no Look at that check

You don't want to fuck with that guy I would pulverize those dudes yeah find us a I never know what so it protrudes out old timey strong men are hilarious I might be

it was just fat yeah I remember like as a as a kid I was like super chubby and instead of my parents call me fat they'd just be like you're big boned and barrel chested yeah it's like no I just have tits mom speaking of weird chests story so far has a new song out and the

lead singers chest has the biggest dividend I've ever seen the great here yeah I used to have one no not like this dude The lead singer's chest has the biggest divot in it I've ever seen. Like right here? Yeah. I used to have one. No, not like this, dude. I don't know. Can you go to the... Yeah, you're fine.

Oh, yeah. Chubby used to be like the fattest man in the world back then. Uh-huh. Yeah, my college roommate had one of those divots. Not like this. How bad was it? You could pour two ounces of tequila in it and it wouldn't. It wouldn't go out?

It wouldn't flood. Wow. Yeah. Oh, man. Mook, what are your honorable mentions for the PG-13s? Honorable mentions for the PG-13s. We're going to start with the Kool-Aid Man Award. Okay.

These are redheaded homewreckers. Oh, great award. Redheaded homewreckers. Oh, I know. I know who's at the top. We know who's at the top. Honorable mention, Kool-Aid Man himself. Yeah.

Number two, second runner-up. Yeah, second runner up. Seth Green for his work in Entourage getting in Sloan's head and E's head. He did. That's right. He did. Little redheaded menace. Wait, did he get Sloan?

I think. He started a rumor that he was with Sloan before. That counts. And it led Kevin Connolly. In LA, that counts. Yeah, it counts. And he got inside E's head trying to home wreck a little bit. Runner up, it counts. And he got inside E's head, trying to homewreck a little bit. Runner up, Prince Harry.

Ruining his royal family. For Meghan Markle, but he secured the pussy. Secured. She divorced for him, didn't she? I believe so. So maybe double homewreck. I know the winner,

and it's mesmerizing every time I think about it. The winner, Ethan Slater. Oh, of course. She's still with him? Yeah. She just had to pay her ex-husband like a couple mil. Yeah, look at this guy. That gives me hope.

I like it. I know Ethan Slater took it home this year, but I hope to get this home. Oh, my God. Yeah, you're hotter than him. For the surest. Hey, thank you, man. Oh, yeah, you played like SpongeBob. Yeah.

Really SpongeBob-y, too. He's really, really... He was born to play SpongeBob. Uh-huh. Yeah. All right. Ethan Slater. Congrats to him.

Big congrats to Ethan. Uh-huh. I hope he's in love. And my second honorable mention uh this one's a little bit more tiktoky okay uh top prospects with cannons okay is the uh category i'd like your help to pick the winner first uh nominee paul skeens for his rocket arm and Livvy Dunn. And a Pittsburgh Pirate. And a Pirate. Yeah, so he is like the biggest star, new star in baseball? Technically, yes. He hasn't really played yet.

Number one prospect. Number one pick, LSU. Oh, yeah. Got Livvy Dunn. Paul Skeens. Paul Skeens. We have Jinxie. Oh, he rizzed up Brecky Hill.

He rizzed up Livby Dunn with cannons. Brecky Hill. OK, that's what is. Are they together? They're together. Wow. Jinxy and Brecky Hill are together. Wow.

Hill went viral for being, quote unquote, Libby Dunn with cannons. If you remember that. I don't know who Brecky Hill is. I just know the name. It doesn't sound like a real name. It's Libby Libby and Brecky. Yeah. It doesn't sound like a real name.

It's Livy and Brecky. Yeah. Yeah, so the internet claimed that she is just Livy Dunn with big tits, a.k.a. Livy Dunn with cannons. Okay. And then Nick Cannon, obviously, is a nominee. He's building an organ farm for when lupus finally takes its hold. Very obvious. More people should be talking about that

and the dark horse nominee for top prospects with cannons blackbeard the pirate yeah uh used cannons to pnr and acquire pussy did you pnr is pillage and rape yep pillage nobody puts in that order nobody ever puts pillage first so blackbeard's the pioneer for the top you're a good guy for putting yeah first yeah also famously had let's get you a shirt that says pillage first rape later i'm here to pillage and rape and i'm all out of pillage jesus uh so yeah paul skeensxy, Nick Cannon, and Blackbeard. I think it goes to Paul Skeens. Jinxy.

I thought he was going to say Jinxy. I thought he was like special. I didn't know he was in that field of dating. Way to go, Jinxy. He's the most viral. Maybe I've only seen clips of him pretending to be special needs. Yeah. But still.

What's his deal? He streams Rainbow Six Siege. He's currently the number one Twitch streamer. I know he's number one. He's just very entertaining. He's not like Sketch where he plays up a disability. He rolls his R's though, doesn't he? But he has a speech he plays up a disability he like rolls his r's though doesn't he but he does he has a speech impediment actually yes good for him yeah he rolls his words

um rolls his r's there's no way that's real i think it is dude this kid is just like born on xbox okay like online like he's been streaming for like six years now and he's only 22. Oh my God. And he got Brecky. Yeah, give him the dub. Jinxy, congratulations. You win top prospect with cannons. Come collect the award. Great job, guys. That's the PG-13s.

Can we see that the Pope's brother one more time? George without the E. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yes. That's a safe. That man is satiated.

How did I get so fucking lucky? How is this my life is he the joker yeah yeah do the dude do joker

pope brother I don't know I don't know was that the joker yeah you were doing the joker yeah how did I don't know that's the only accent I know how do you think I fuck these children you wanna know how I got these boys

my brother was a bit of a pope you have that in your bag you lack imagination this vatican needs a new class of pedophile look what i achieved and i'm gonna give it to him here's the thing about little boys they're cheap you can have rachel i'll take brian i'm trying to think i haven't seen the joker in so long

i mean like just just going up to a boy and she's like you want to see a magic trick pope brother joker pedophile is a really good character yep really good really good yeah I don't know why it hasn't been done before yeah no it's so obvious anything else KB no

it seems like you do no I'm looking at wrestling results anything good a lot of upsets damn I started Shogun oh i've heard super good yeah i think they're already not renewing it oh then i'll stop what's the point then what is it about tj described it's like kind of 16th century japanese um um samurais

There's English dudes Washed up Fuck yeah I don't know what's gonna only watch the first episode I'm gonna Give it a go Wait so who has to tweet the bracket

At Dr. Umar I will I don't wanna It's good. Wait, so who has to tweet the bracket at Dr. Umar? Oh. I will. I don't want to. I don't want to either. I'm tweeting too much. I'm just looking at fucking Joker quotes now and trying to make him Pope Brother pedophile. Yeah, do you want me to bring up a monologue?

I'm looking right now. Okay. I got nothing. There's a line where he says, like, you think you can steal from us and get away with it? It's like, you think you can just touch all these kids and get with it? Yeah. Yeah. He looks at the boy.

I need you. You complete me. I don't want to kill you I want to fuck you their morals their code it's a bad joke if you're good at something never do it for free It's a bad joke. If you're good at something, never do it for free.

You can just say half these things. Yeah, you don't have to change them. Oh my god. God, these are... some of these are horrible. Yeah, these are almost too like on the head. That's not funny. Oh God. Don't test. It's about sending a message. You know, it only hurts.

I love your joke. Yeah, me too. What is the joke? How does it sound? You it you know yeah that's good it's only her don't test the monster in me it only hurts when i'm mad don't test the monster never start with the head the victim gets all horny this is so fucking stupid. So stupid.

Any weekend plans for the fellas? Nah, dude. I bought a bread maker. So I'm gonna try to make some gluten-free ciabatta. What happened to you, dude? I miss bread oh yeah yeah yeah that makes sense yeah i thought you were just taking my dad makes bread yeah it's very good i just uh gluten-free bread sucks so i'm gonna just take it into my own hands

yeah that is you surely will make a better product than the professional it is so bad man it is so bad what is gluten-free bread i went down that path yeah when i did keto i went down that path yeah it blows it tastes like paper towels it really really does it's like uh it's like the bread is allergic to living like as soon as you bring it out of the packaging it disintegrates it's not a solid or liquid or gas or plasma it's it's just not because it's not bread. Right. Just like vegan cheese isn't cheese. Right.

It's a bad joke. What are you going to? Gluten free Joker. I'm a dog chasing bear bread. I don't even want to dive into this. Me neither. Gluten free Joker will be

I'll make a musical. Yeah. I'm working on I'm working on a musical right now. It's about Joker gluten free. Hollywood would actually

eat that up. You think so? Big time. Big time. Inclusive innovative. All right. eat that up you think so big time big time inclusive innovative all right uh anything else anything else mick what any what are you up to i need a weekend off yeah take it i'm gonna try not to drink nice and i've been trying to do stand up sober as well um but trying or succeeding i've done it i did it tuesday uh tuesday and i did great and then i did last week and i did like a packed room it was like 350 people and i did it sober and i didn't get comfortable until about like three four minutes in the really yeah did

your voice like tremble i not tremble but i was a little it felt like I was doing stand up again and I was like new. Oh, wow. The nerves were heightened. So for the late show, I had to host it. So I had a beer before that. OK, you know, when you host, you have to be a little peppy. I feel like it unlocks a little bit of muscle memory to like you're like you probably in your rhythm. And yeah.

Did you forget any jokes sober? No, you're more focused. Like I'm really better at crowd work sober. I'm better at trying to joke sober. But yeah, fuck it. Keep it going? I'm better at crowd work sober. I'm better at trying new jokes sober. Yeah, fuck it. Keep it going. I talked to Sass about it. He's like, it takes a couple times.

I feel like if you have a joke that doesn't hit like you'd want to, though, you can brush it off better when you're drunk. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, but how often do you do stand-up? A lot. Yeah. It's just not a sustainable avenue to go down but it i mean a

lot of comics do it and then they die yeah yeah i mean i know you're not abusing but yeah i just i'd rather get it out of the way now and be like i can do this sober if i want right and you can yeah i can't it's just something that i have to get comfortable with for sure. It's just like so natural to just be holding a beer up there too, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Bringing a water on stage was definitely different. Yeah. People probably thought you're kind of a pussy.

Oh, for sure. Yeah. Mm-hmm. All right. All right. God bless. God bless.