A New Untold Story - Tommy's List - A New Untold Story: BONUS EPISODE

Episode Date: March 28, 2023

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Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. a new untold story bonus does bonus count towards the episode count no i don't think so no because i would throw a wrench and what i don't even know what area code would get skipped they'd be pissed yeah the maresh episode two was uh mary maresh miss mary maresh miss no number yeah okay um happy smokes it on you guys both always put on put on headphones with the wire crossing your body. Who? Me and who? You and Kyle.
Starting point is 00:01:09 Oh, yeah. Well, no, I think it's body brothers. We're here with smokes. There's a bonus episode. So we figured, you know, filler might as well bring in. Yeah, you can't have me on anything with a paid advertisement. Oh, you're right. Yeah, this is a bonus episode.
Starting point is 00:01:22 So we can say whatever the fuck we want fuck yeah uh yeah so no more sponsors to to why did you why did you say that off the rip why did i say no about sponsors we can't have you yeah well i'm the brand killer when you when you have me on a show it's like it's unsellable but whensellable. But when it's permission to riff, fucking take off. Yeah. I was nervous about having you on because you're kind of like the Grim Reaper of barstool shows. Right. Which is why I was happy and surprised.
Starting point is 00:01:57 You were on Tommy's Thursday Thoughts since episode one. Yeah, I did miss one episode. Did you miss an episode? No, no. I had a guest fill in uh think for me for a week that we should just have somebody else be assigned tommy's thursday thoughts yeah hosted by i had a thursday thought for you and it uh so here was the thing i mean it was a delicate science and a lot of people would pitch me thoughts and i'd say that's a good thought i like it but it's not my thought and i don't want to just take a thought that somebody else is because then it's not true and it's like
Starting point is 00:02:28 then what's it all for mook can you uh for social can you put the tommy's thursday thoughts editing the real it was you did you have an editor or was it you that did it i started off with and i think originally was like nick hamilton or trey then alana then g i ran through like i was rigs nobody could meet up with the rigorous demand it was literally just like putting music underneath and uh a little like thursday thoughts graphic for my second thought cold open with one thought then in comes second thought with a uh a little graphic and music underneath and captions uh give me a thought right now, man. I know you probably have a lot. Do you want me to start? Yeah, you start.
Starting point is 00:03:10 Why do people keep tissues in the bathroom? That's the last place I want to smell better. That's usually the stinkiest room. Tissues don't make you smell good. They make you smell better. You smell... People put tissues? Tissues don't make you smell good. What are you saying? They make you smell better.
Starting point is 00:03:25 You smell, you can, you can set. People put tissues in the bathroom to blow their nose. Right, right. They make you,
Starting point is 00:03:31 you blow your nose and you can smell better. What? You can pick up on scents better after you blow your nose. It's less clogged. Where should they be? Anywhere,
Starting point is 00:03:40 the kitchen. Yeah, I, why do you want to smell better in bathrooms? They just, they feel like a bathroom. You keep saying smell, but what does that mean? Be able to smell better.
Starting point is 00:03:50 I get what you're saying. People blow their nose to get snot and grime out of their nose. But when you blow your nose. I've never like, oh, I want to smell this. Yeah, but your sense of smell is better. I've never done that. I've never noticed that. You don't do it because.
Starting point is 00:04:03 It's true. I've never thought to myself, oh, I got to smell better right now. It's usually like, oh, I'm stuffed up. Right. But like. I know. Why would you want your first smack of being able to pick up on scents better to be in the bathroom?
Starting point is 00:04:17 That's a fair point. I don't want to brag, but I have tissues with Vicks. Well, give it your thought. Give like a Thursday-esque thought. Yeah, if you're going to shit on mine. I was not shitting on yours. Kyle's shit on yours. I think it's a convenient place.
Starting point is 00:04:29 No. Because you look up in the mirror and see something in your nose. And you can't flush tissues. Yeah. All right, here's one. I think. But basically, I might have expanded this on a TikTok. But you should be able to, at dinner, a restaurant, order any amount of appetizers that you want.
Starting point is 00:04:43 Like the other day, I was with a friend at dinner, and there were three sliders. Well, can't you just... Oh, I see. And there were three sliders, and it's like, well, we want two each. I said, can I add a fourth? And she said, no. And it's like, you should be able to add a fourth and just pay an extra $34, whatever it is. Yeah, no, it's not in the computer system.
Starting point is 00:04:59 Well, they should figure out a way to add four boxes. We just ordered two appetizers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know Y2K was actually a threat for computers. Yeah. My dad worked in some sort of field like that. He was like, yeah, Y2K.
Starting point is 00:05:13 1999 was tough. So that rollover, because they didn't think computer systems were able to handle the rollover. Was that your Thursday thought, Kyle? Mine is the online menus. You click it. It should just be a menu what what else are they so many links to menus online lead to 10 10 different pages before you can see what's on their menu oh you mean when you go to a restaurant online yeah right to the menu yeah there should be
Starting point is 00:05:40 a button you press and it just says the menu. People are getting too into subcategorizing menus. Like I'll click on like that dropdown. It's like handhelds or there's different. There's what do they call drinks now on menus? That's beverages. No, I would have been able to say that one. It's yeah, that's it. Beverages.
Starting point is 00:06:02 Weddies. Yeah. Dude, Rudy, you know, I bought these shoes. I was really amped up for him. Yep. The eye already fell off of Nike. I've had them for one day. I lost my eye.
Starting point is 00:06:15 I got the Crenshaw's. I got the Dan Crenshaw's. That actually looks like a design, though, kind of. Nope. Eye fell off. Yeah. You got the Air Crenshaw's. I got the Air crunch i got the deck of the air crunch shots oh man damn dude that's crazy i know i don't know how it happened i just i stepped outside lost an
Starting point is 00:06:36 eye lost an eye yeah oh fuck yeah uh kyle what's going on, my boy? Dude, I don't know. It's been a Monday. What did I do? Two bottles of champagne on Saturday. Shit. What was the occasion? That's my new drink. That's the only thing I can tolerate that's above 10%. It is delicious.
Starting point is 00:06:59 I go through phases where I find a drink that's above 10% ABV that I can tolerate, drink easily. You were a monster during your sake phase. Sake, soju was even worse. Soju was twice as bad. Soju got my thumbs going. I wanted to tweet and reply.
Starting point is 00:07:14 Oh, is that what? Yeah, that was my- Whenever you see Kyle replying multiple times a night, he's off the soju. Oh, yeah. If you see me reply on Twitter, I'm drunk. You can go through every reply I've done. The booze hit, and I'm like'm like, I want to socialize now. There was a tweet I saw the other day from one of our coworkers.
Starting point is 00:07:32 I don't remember who. And I just remember thinking like this would be a great KB reply tweet with like a bunch of P's. I feel like you've done that before. The yup is always placed. I hate when I have a funny response and I get ratioed by a yup from KB. I hate when I have a funny response and I get ratioed by a yup from KB. I think it might have been like Kelly in Vegas making money like love Kansas State plus
Starting point is 00:07:50 four or whatever like intense analysis. Do a yup right now Kyle. Scroll Twitter. We'll find one yup for you. What's new? I cut all my hair off. I know but I want to pretend like i don't know why what why because i know this i know the story i know i know how i don't i don't know well first off he pulled up to the to the bar not the club with a cool haircut and then he tried to act like he got it like two weeks ago that failed then he didn't try to do
Starting point is 00:08:25 that but yeah the hair yeah tell me how it happened so i've showed the hair no i've i've looked like a different person do i yeah yeah yeah i've never paid more than uh well it's it's all flat right now but i have a fly i have a haircut well yeah have a haircut. It looked a lot better. I think it looks better with the hat off, to be honest. Really? Yeah. What? You can't even...
Starting point is 00:08:51 How? I just think it's like you can see it more naturally. Yeah, you could see more of my hair with my hat off. That's a good Thursday thought, Tommy. You ever notice how? You could see more of someone's hat. I can't believe they took the budget away uh anyway yeah what happened i've never paid i think in my life i've paid more than 20 for a haircut like four times and my last haircut was very traumatic i went to a pop-up shop in bethlehem
Starting point is 00:09:21 west virginia called holiday hair nine bucks. They butchered it. And then I was just like, I'm not cutting my hair for a really long time. I was afraid. It was like Scott Pilgrim in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. He let himself get shaggy as well, but his was due to heartbreak. Anyways, I was like, you know what? I'm going to get a nice haircut. I just went to the first place available.
Starting point is 00:09:46 Because I've had this thought, like fully commit to a very nice haircut. Yeah. To me, the risk reward is crazy. It's lousy. What do you mean? What are you considering a very nice haircut? I was planning to spend triple digits. Yeah, I think hair can take you up at least one point.
Starting point is 00:10:04 Hair can make you so much more one point like oh hair can make you so much more attractive yeah i agree with that the way and less attractive you've been trying to get hot you bought forces i mean i literally got bullied out of my old pair of sneakers which i thought were just normal but uh yeah i bought i've been getting more compliments just the shoes have changed everything you got your your uh well Where'd you get that hoodie, Tommy? I actually bought it off Amazon. That's your nicest fit in a while. You were getting clowned for the
Starting point is 00:10:34 Los Angeles, California hoodie. People are like, what'd you get that in a gift shop at LAX? I literally was on Amazon a couple months ago scrolling through cool hoodies for men. This is the one that caught my eye. Scrolling through cool hoodies for men? I searched through cool hoodies for men and this is the one that caught my eye scrolling through cool hoodies for men yeah i was like scrolling through i searched in cool hoodies for man i was going through and i said she is most like that color i bet smokes look real pretty in a powder blue yeah so i ordered it and i do like the color uh but yeah i don't um
Starting point is 00:10:59 that's how i found my haircut spot i searched searched New York City haircuts, long haired man. Because like every barber you see, all they do is fades and you walk in there and I don't think you get to choose haircuts. They just give you they do. I think every barber has one haircut. Yeah. And they'll just it's a fade. And I didn't want to. They don't pay attention to what you say.
Starting point is 00:11:21 No. And so I went to this place and I walk in and it was just a clothing store. And I'm like, it's just a man's clothing store, a gay man's clothing store. Yeah. No advertisers. We can say today's episode sponsored by gay. Damn. But.
Starting point is 00:11:49 Yeah, there was like a chihuahua running around in there pudgy gross crusty eyes i'm like hey bud i go down there just bites me immediately and then i look back in the back and there's like sinks and a bunch of men in tight shirts jacked just studs back there um where was it? Soho cool but there's this woman sitting like at a table under like a lamp in the back like just right there at the divide of clothing to salon and so I go up to her I'm like hey I'm Nick I'm here for a haircut with
Starting point is 00:12:18 so and so and she looks up at me and she's like alright hey I'm like what the fuck what do I do and then I look down and her hands under one of those lights. She was just there getting her nails done. So she didn't work there at all. And so I'm just like standing. And then the guy that's cutting my hair came up to me.
Starting point is 00:12:38 I knew he was gay from his profile picture because it was him just naked with an apron. And he was like, hey, like I'm cutting your hair today. You're wearing a hoodie. Just if you could take off the hoodie and, you know, it'll get in the way. I wasn't wearing a shirt underneath. So I was just getting I was just getting my haircut shirtless. No, I'm joking. I had a T-shirt on.
Starting point is 00:13:00 This is worse. It's worse. What was the shirt? I was wearing a uh i wasn't planning on taking off the hoodie because i have t-shirts that are strictly for under hoodies the live life to the max shirt what was it it was a custom shirt that my mom made for me on christmas she got it made on like uh red bubble or something and it was uh the animatronic mr munch the drummer of the chucky cheese band band. Oh, your mom got that for you.
Starting point is 00:13:26 And it just said, I love Mr. Munch. And he's like, who's Mr. Munch? I was like, oh, it's like the drummer of the Chuck E. Cheese band. He goes, what? And I was just like, yeah, like it was this whole thing I was doing with Mr. Munch. He was like, well, tell me. And then I had to explain to him that I before I even worked at Barstool I put together a GoFundMe to buy one of the decommissioned Mr. Munches so I could
Starting point is 00:13:48 fuck it and so I had to tell this guy this yeah him yeah that was that picture yeah he's going yeah he's also he's not just the drummer he's also the one that like eats your tickets
Starting point is 00:14:03 so when you get your tickets, that's why they call him Mr. Munch. He loves to eat your tickets. Yeah, I don't know. I was bored. It was when I was making more content regularly is when I wasn't working here. And I just put out a video of wanting to fuck him.
Starting point is 00:14:21 It got like 200 likes on Twitter. But anyways, I'm sitting there and then uh got my haircut and it was like he was like yeah it's three hundred dollars yeah yeah and that's that i mean a little bit on you for not asking before or something yeah 100 but i wanted it it was like a spark in my mind i had to get it was it at least like i like getting a haircut i'll watch asm haircut videos i want to be pampered but was it worth it 100 no no this is way too expensive you do look for well you saw me right after the haircut yeah and what did i say as soon as i saw you? You said you're almost hotter than me. I did not say that. He did.
Starting point is 00:15:05 I did not say that. He said it so earnestly. He was like, holy shit, dude, you're almost hotter than me. I just ended at you're hot. Yeah, yeah. You look hot. Yeah, but no, it wasn't worth that much money, and I don't have that. I think it was.
Starting point is 00:15:21 Probably worth more than getting clothing that's that much. It wasn't worth the sword that I got, which is the best purchase I've ever made, but not really because I don't know where to fucking put a giant sword. Mount it. It's laying on my couch right now. Seems like the worst place. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Because then when I want to lay
Starting point is 00:15:40 on the couch, I have to move the sword to the bed and then I want to switch and then it's just it's me walking a sword back and forth living room to bedroom i don't have a sword i'm getting another tommy's favorite toy when he was a kid was actually a little barber shop toy wasn't it yeah i i had as a kid a uh little barber kit and uh it had like a little mini blow dryer little scissors and comb and i would uh give little haircuts to my parents and cousins and stuff and there was probably concern i was gonna be gay i would bet that they probably have a big sigh of relief now oh thank god
Starting point is 00:16:16 he's just a blogger uh yeah uh but i really liked and i've always had a thing for haircuts not sexual just like oddly satisfying. Didn't think it was sexual. I'll watch before bed. I'll watch The Nomad Barber. I mean, my God, he gets the best haircuts on YouTube. When I watched it. Did I suggest it?
Starting point is 00:16:34 I did as well. When did I suggest it? It is the bracket. It's good ASMR. It's good. Yeah, it's just the gentle foaming cleanser is what I really got. And that British accent. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:44 Yeah. He did a second one. And that British accent. Yeah. Yeah. He did a second one. Oh, I know. Yeah. Yeah. No, that guy's very he's got very good stuff. My my favorite ASMR ASMR barber, though, is the cosmic barber who's dead now.
Starting point is 00:16:59 He's an Indian guy. I know. Exactly. And he slaps the head and shit. He's dead. Yeah, he's dead now. He cracks people's ears. No, no, no. Not him. You're thinking of an ill a N shit. He's dead? Yeah, he's dead now. He cracks people's ears? No, no, no, not him. You're thinking of Anil, A-N-I-L.
Starting point is 00:17:08 He's good too, but the Cosmic Barber is my favorite. Yeah, he never truly did it for me, but I could see the appeal. I like having background noise, and there was the traffic, and it was just a very low five. That's my cup of tea. There was one I watched way back in the day. It's like you've been on the ASMR train for a while. Oh, yeah. I didn't know what it was at first.
Starting point is 00:17:29 Like, I remember just being like, oh, this video of a haircut is nice. I like this. And or tailoring videos, something like that. And then I realized, oh, this is ASMR. It's like a legitimate phenomenon. I'm not a freak. I'm normal. Isn't ASMR, though?
Starting point is 00:17:44 Like, didn't they get the order of the letters wrong? And they were just like, Oh, it's too late now. Or isn't it like auto sense? Autonomous. Oh,
Starting point is 00:17:53 it was auto sense. Auto sensory meridian response or response. No, it's on autonomous autonomous meridian response. Yeah. Honest. So it checks out. Okay.
Starting point is 00:18:03 I thought there was something wrong with the name or that's like not actually what it i don't know oh yeah those youtubers are so huge and kind of segwaying uh i got i was looking at through live videos on tiktok to donate and i found this asmr girl and i gave her a tiny diny asm no asm artist will respond to tiny dinies. No ASM artist will respond to tiny dinies. Well, they're busy. You can't get them. What does that mean? They won't say it?
Starting point is 00:18:29 No. And I wanted to get... People don't like to say it. I screen recorded me paying her a tiny dinie, and she just ignored. What was she doing? She was tapping her long-ass fingernails on the mic. Was it Jibby ASMR, Frivolous Fox, ASMR Darling? No, this was Louisa ASMR.r oh she's not in my rotation
Starting point is 00:18:47 she's not and she's here she is tapping yeah that doesn't do it for me oh yeah i don't i hate the whispering i know i just wanted to hear her like you say tiny thank you for the tiny time to me it's like people focusing on a task like focusing on a task and doing a task that they're like an expert in i don't like like mouth sounds uh like or people eating that's grosses me out or slurping or fucking a mukbang uh but the i'm a big youtube guy and i just need to shout out the beasts uh 721 th a b e a s t uh he's's beating every Nintendo 64 game and he's like the least animated guy in the world. And it's so funny. He's like 21 and he's just like,
Starting point is 00:19:31 welcome back to me attempting to beat every N64 game. This is beating every N64 game. And it's so, hold on. I got to pull him up because he got a lot of views. He just, I think he's a little over a hundred K subscribers. So significantly larger than this podcast. I'm sure he appreciates the shout out
Starting point is 00:19:49 let's see here i think that's more asmr than people who actually actively speak so yeah accidental asmr is a genre okay that's what i'm into unintentional asmr it's a great youtube channel look it up that's as soon as it's made into something then it loses that but it's not it's not oh you actually know my we should almost do a live watch of this it's maybe the funniest video on youtube it's this guy he looks a lot like mark zuckerberg which some people say i look like but he looks more like mark zuckerberg explain he's's checking a paddle for a ping pong tournament. Oh. And it's a 15.
Starting point is 00:20:26 Coleman, you know? Coleman, you're shaking your head aggressively. I talked about it on the run down, I think, when Coleman was producing. It's a 15. And the lady's just like, bro, what are you doing? And all the comments are. If we could pull it. I don't know what you explained just now.
Starting point is 00:20:39 My favorite is the Japanese pen salesman. Oh, yeah. I've seen it. You've seen it? Yeah. Jesus, Tommy. Yeah. seen it. Fountain pens? Yeah. Jesus, Tommy. Yeah. They're not slipping through the cracks.
Starting point is 00:20:47 I like one of those old Irish guys making the perfect sandwich. So they put a little bit of ham, a little tomato. But then he's yucking it up. Does he use a flamethrower? No, he doesn't use a flamethrower. That's what every sandwich guy is using a flamethrower for. No, he's not even making an ASMR video. He's like this.
Starting point is 00:21:05 He's like a broadcasting legend or something in ireland and they're just like went to his house and made a video like what's your favorite sandwich and he made it and he accidentally dropped the hottest asmr video have you seen the stonemason he has the best voice but here's my guy the beast offer come into the office and we will beat an N64 game with you. But he is the best. Oh, shit. He is. He's the funniest guy. He's so passionate.
Starting point is 00:21:33 I am beating every N64 game. And I mean, all of them. The twist is the next game I play is randomly selected. So I have no clue what's coming next. This is the journey to beating every N64 game. He's the best. That's my ideal voice. Yeah? Yeah, that was perfect. I want to beat an N64 game with him so bad.
Starting point is 00:21:52 He sounds like the TikTok automated voice. Yeah, he does. Yeah, I like that. I like that. I like an Appalachian twang. I have a few podcasts that I do. You listen to Appalachian? that i need to fall asleep to what are they they're like high school wrestling podcasts from like west virginia and southern
Starting point is 00:22:12 ohio and i now love what do i love beer aficionado some guy who just talks about ipas you fall asleep to that fall right asleep to it you gotta find your you to find your you got to find your vocal you got to find your voice bows put out headphones in this podcast i'm like buying their merch i'm getting pissed when they don't upload it's a bit some of these podcasts not his are very bad but i need it to fall asleep and i kind of want to like dm them like more content please episode. I'm trying to sleep. Puts me right to sleep. Is that a compliment? No. What about the JCS guy? I like his voice. He is the best narrator, the best commentary in media.
Starting point is 00:22:56 Jesus. They just dropped the new one, and he actually, like, flexed. So, wait, you keep on saying they. Is it more than one? It's a conglomerate, yes. JCS is a conglomerate. I mean, the videos they make require a team. Jim C. Fish.
Starting point is 00:23:08 The newest one. Wait, that doesn't check out with the acronym? Yeah. Jim C. Swim, I think. You confused fish and swim. Hey, lock me up if that's my biggest most egregious error i think in correlation the the newest one was phenomenal he flexed his sense of humor he's a funny guy as well really i always like it when serious fellows show they're funny you guys will like the newest one
Starting point is 00:23:40 even if you don't like true crime it's a woman you saw it oh yeah the suitcase yes i actually saw this on twitter this woman who uh put her boyfriend in a suitcase yes wait he suffocated to death he was alive she claimed she fell asleep on accident forgot to look for him wait but how did he get himself she put him in there i actually thought a very good game of hide and seek if she's no i think she was covering up a murder but she fucking this dumb ass she filmed it and she didn't realize she was so drunk and uh there's this is insane i don't want to spoil it but like there's one point where the officers have her like dead to rights it was it was perfect and she basically says like the essence of what she says was she's like like, you guys are kind of, like, crushing my vibe right now. This is, like, kind of unchill.
Starting point is 00:24:28 Yes. She was treating her, like, being potentially charged with a murder as if it was, like, a minor inconvenience. Yeah. She was like, you guys are holding me up. Yeah. I'm craving a Dr. Pepper. I think at one point she said, this is, is like super unchill what you guys are doing. She didn't get her sentence yet. She'll be in jail for
Starting point is 00:24:47 maybe for the rest of her life. I've been falling for a ton of shit online lately. Like the Pope jacket was fake. Same. I'm reverting. I used to be the irony guy who had the eye out and now I don't know what's real or fake. I fell for Pope jacket. That was fake? Yeah. I get it, but okay.
Starting point is 00:25:03 AI is a problem. Yeah, that was AI generated. Not only, like I could get it if okay yeah yeah ai is a problem yeah that was ai generated not only like i could get it if like falling forward if it was like somebody photoshopping being meticulous that was like an instant ai generated so okay yeah i'm fine yeah i've i've did you not see pope jacket it's so fucking funny it's but like i've i figured he was cold yeah i mean it looked like it's a papal. It didn't look fake at all. No. I mean, he looks like a rapper. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:25:27 he does. He looks puffy. Yeah. He does look puffy. Yeah. But I also, I don't know if this is real or not, but it was like a crime room scene.
Starting point is 00:25:35 And the guy kept on asking for Lay's potato chips. Is that a sketch? Did I fall? Oh, and he just had a pile of Lay's potato. I fell for that for a little bit. Wait, is that real?
Starting point is 00:25:44 That can't be. No, that was, that was fake was fake you guys seen it you're just falling for for comedy but no i don't know what's going on with me there was a hundred bags of lace potatoes it was he's watching snl like i can't believe trump actually said that yeah like are you pulling it up mook i'm looking for it you know who uh maybe search fake fake uh i don't i don't know i thought it was real and i still i was going to bring it up as if it was real wait did you fall for the trump ai pictures too or what what was that i had a hold up on the trump ai i sniffed out the pope francis the trump arrest i was like this does look like it could be real it's like him getting arrested arrested and then like running away.
Starting point is 00:26:28 I don't think I would have fallen for that. With an AR-15 in his hands. Oh, Jesus. I didn't fall for that one. I fell for the one where he was arrested. That one I didn't fall for. Tommy fell for that. I did not fall for that one.
Starting point is 00:26:41 There's one where you're just like on the floor resisting arrest. I know Donnie would resist arrest. That's classic. Now you do that one. There's one where you're just on the floor resisting arrest. I know Donnie would resist arrest. That's classic. Now you do that too. Yeah. He did say he wanted to get perp walked. Yeah, that one is believable. I mean, that's awesome. I don't see how do you do that
Starting point is 00:26:57 with technology. It's scary. They're making songs. I saw some video of some guy wrote a whole verse for Kanye and used ai generated to have like kanye rap for this work kanye's been covering country songs on my tiktok and it's so good yeah i'm fine with it um yeah and now they're like texting back for you i didn't see that i mean have you guys ever played with chat gbt yeah a little on here but it's a lot of fun i don't think it is i make it it right. Write really nice stories about me.
Starting point is 00:27:26 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like compliment you. Yeah. Like Tommy's beautiful green eyes. He's one of it was one of his like Tommy's one of the most handsome men in New York City. It was a great story. What percentage do you think you're in?
Starting point is 00:27:39 I don't know about handsomeness. Not well, but I have discussed most. Am I in the top 50 000 eligible bachelors in manhattan is an of an exercise i've tried to uh and maybe because think about half some people are women some people are men who are in relationships some of them are gay some of them are but that's already cut down with the the category of bachelor yeah you've been including married and gay and you've been including married and gay and yeah you've been including married and women and bachelor top yeah i'm just saying like top 50 homeless bachelors
Starting point is 00:28:13 so what what percentage are you ruling out of the the already well there's eight million people in the city i think or something half of them or in my top 50,000 eligible straight men. Let's do the math real quick. 4 million men. You take away the special needs, the homeless. Right. No. No, but take away people in relationships.
Starting point is 00:28:37 And relationships. Probably half are in relationships. Real fats. 53% of people are single. There's probably about 1.5 million bachelors. Look up how many what's the Manhattan population?
Starting point is 00:28:53 Exactly. Because when I say 8 million 1.2? Million. I mean nobody in like Staten Islands beat me. 1.6. 1.6 in Manhattan. Sud Zimonchik lives there. He's beating you 10 times, 10 different ways. Pete Davidson.
Starting point is 00:29:09 Pete Davidson. So there's more men than women, and there's 729,500 single women. So we'd say 612,000 bachel in manhattan so in my top 10 percent maybe not now that i put it down top 12 oh no it's 1.6 million all right yeah but i mean i mean think about it there's that doesn't add up we've been thinking about it yeah but think about it i think maybe being the overlord of smoke shows maybe gives you a competitive advantage not anymore why i don't run that account you don't run you're not tommy smokes anymore everyone knows that i retired four years ago miss that you don't touch the dms at all no i still have access you blog them.
Starting point is 00:30:06 Yeah. I stopped that too. I mean, I was doing it for a while, but I wasn't like, that would just, I saw you blogging them last week. No.
Starting point is 00:30:13 Well, I walked past your computer and you're screenshotting girls. Instagram's. Yeah. I wasn't, um, I've seen you do this many times in the past year. So what are you doing?
Starting point is 00:30:21 No, I was, I, that, I mean, when I'm doing that, yeah, it's,
Starting point is 00:30:24 it's for a blog last week maybe just having a little time with town nothing wrong putting together a dossier i guess yeah yeah uh what are you doing for smoke show this season uh just started filming some today um there will be an overarching theme that i don't want to give away yet but just me trying to become as big as i can as big every every episode will have the underlying theme if i'm trying to become more famous more successful who could see that coming you're playing yourself yes well last season was a bit of a character that this like an exaggerated version, sure.
Starting point is 00:31:05 But I want to shoot like... I like the idea of making people wait. So we took a few months where it's like, all right, between a TV show, there's time off. You like the idea of making people wait? Yeah. And people have been clamoring, obviously. It's my favorite thing here.
Starting point is 00:31:20 It's phenomenal. Maybe we'll shoot like six to eight episodes and then just release them all once a week a week you have the girls you slept with in any type of like document yeah when was it last updated uh with different categories no no no no no i swear yeah uh wait does he i don't I don't know I'm just I think he would no I mean sometimes you gotta write a list yeah keep I'm a big that's a cop Rudy definitely has a list
Starting point is 00:31:52 no yes you do Rudy's looks like the goblet of fire dude the book not the actual on it you fucked Hermione 600 times everyone's got a list you know i bet you have a list that's a yes i was talking about a document like uh like any spreadsheets no no no spreadsheet yours is in the notes app yeah no it's out
Starting point is 00:32:18 but no spreadsheets i i am a big spreadsheet what i want to do is like curate a spreadsheet for like new york city places i never know really yeah i did i started when i got really into weed i started doing like my favorite vibes local semi-local new york travel just for yourself yeah and i started taking pictures more you were you were doing yeah that and your solo tier listing are you still i stopped that um what do you what do you do outside of work oh yeah i don't know i'm trying to find more hob i mean we we all enjoy the crossword puzzles oh yeah sometimes crossword puzzles chess i'd watch tv watch i'm trying to curate my youtube like i i never i'm trying to get a good algorithm the beast 721 feeding me shit that i like he's awesome um watch tv yeah i'm trying to i don't know find some i mean i don't i feel like
Starting point is 00:33:11 i'm busy sometimes and go out to dinner or something and uh you're one of a kind dude tv busy sometimes and dinner sometimes i go to dinner and shit um yeah maybe we go to the bath house you ever see like the what's your favorite club in new york what's your favorite bar oh yeah tiktok i would i wouldn't know i wouldn't have an answer for any single one and they always get destroyed for being basic in the comments everyone it's always fate i don't know my favorite restaurant is i've been asked what my favorite restaurant is in new york i don't know i don't have an answer i don't either i don't either um i don't have an answer you'd'd have a favorite bar, fish market.
Starting point is 00:33:46 Yeah, that would be cool. That's a cool answer. I wouldn't have a cool answer. I would say Little Sister, but then people are like, that's basic. That's a cool one. Yeah, but it's basic. Have you even been there? I've been there twice now.
Starting point is 00:33:57 Yeah, it's cool. It is cool. I almost saw Leonardo DiCaprio there the other day. What do you mean? What do you mean almost? He was there the night before. Oh, yeah. That wasn't qualified.
Starting point is 00:34:06 There were rumors he was going to come that night, too. So it's more or less. So did you get the runoff of all the women that were waiting there for Leo?
Starting point is 00:34:13 I feel like you're second. He got his ROP runoff. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, you can't get Leo to get the next best thing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:20 Who wants to make the list? You just made the list. You should be like a very public list guy. Yeah should you should do a twitter thread everyone loved every girl every girl every we all want to be we want to make the list if there's a list we want i don't want on that i don't want tommy to fuck me it's just the nature of the man we want to be on if there's a list coming out we want to be we search for our name if we don't see it we're still upset that's the nature of the list i think more people like that's such a thing on tiktok girls are like oh i added them to the list or whatever i think most most people have a list no do you disagree um i don't know it might be more of a girl thing yeah yeah yeah so i guess really yeah girls guys
Starting point is 00:35:06 whatever and there's no guys on my list i did uh as a joke had if i had a french kiss tally in my bathroom uh that i would had hung up by my mirror just for when people used my bathroom and it was just like a it was like 13 it was just like i think that's like the perfect like when you have tallies it's it guys guys were where they were up there were some guys who would update the kisses no dude has a kiss they wouldn't be like they wouldn't say like hey my number is x they would just say like they would let you know every time they kissed are you thinking of one guy they would lie on lips I remember senior year of college
Starting point is 00:35:54 it was like five of us in an apartment and we were like we were like oh we gotta keep it we were gonna have to keep a tally this year and like months went by with nothing forget it that was stupid that was dumb that'd be so gay why would we even think about doing that? Yeah. Mook, do you have a list?
Starting point is 00:36:11 I don't. Rudy? No. Yeah, I don't either. Coleman? I've done the run at Rua a couple times. You've thought about it? Yeah. Okay. So it's just Tommy. Is it full names? No no he's got addresses what
Starting point is 00:36:27 do you have just the first name just a number you have you have a note that says like 48 at your list brandon's calling me oh you're you're a question a lifeline. Yeah. Wait, hold on. Yeah, hold on. I got to throw you on speaker. You're live on anus too. Okay, cool. It's a TV question.
Starting point is 00:37:01 Who did Fox slide into the judge's table on American Idol in 2009 when Paula Abdul left the show following contract negotiations? TV personality. I don't even know what that says. What TV personality did Fox slide into the judge's table on contract negotiations. TV personality. I don't even know what that says. TV personality. You got six brains. None of us know. It's just me. Oh, fuck, dude.
Starting point is 00:37:21 What TV personality? Someone named Carol. What? Who? She's a singer, so I don't think it's her. I know. Oh, Ellen might not be bad. I kind of think it might have been Ellen. She was... What year?
Starting point is 00:37:38 Say something next. Go with Ellen. Ellen. I don't think it was. It was. Yeah? I Googled it. Oh, nice.
Starting point is 00:37:49 I would have been wrong. I thought maybe it was Howie. No, he was... I don't even know what the question was. America's Got Talent. Slide under the table? Slid into the table. Yeah, I didn't understand that either.
Starting point is 00:38:00 I thought there was that girl, Cara... Does anyone remember the... Cara DeLaG guardia or whatever eyebrows no no no no no she it was like she was like the second woman judge with paul abdul like katherine heigl no i'm reading my list that was one of my first lies i told at work everybody remembers their first lie at barstool mine was that i fucked Katherine Heigl. Yeah, but you weren't like, I was like
Starting point is 00:38:27 ingrated, or you weren't known enough for people to even like, yeah. Some people believed it. That one was just believed, because I was also like telling people not to talk about it. It's also like it's so random. It is, uh, it's not like you said like Margot Robbie or something.
Starting point is 00:38:44 Yeah. Right. Yeah. Youathleen heigl what uh what celebrity would you see as obtainable for you um i don't know someone um just someone special i don't know, Jojo Siwa came to mind. She's a lesbian, but also pregnant? Isn't she a kid then? No, I'm pretty sure she... Is Jojo Siwa... Did I fall for...
Starting point is 00:39:11 Oh, no. I think, yeah. Did I fall for one? Dude. You fell for it too? What was it? A pregnant Jojo Siwa picture? Yeah, that's immediate.
Starting point is 00:39:21 Oh, dude. I'm just like an old ass man. Yeah, she's 19. no no i could see you uh ending up with like uh uh aj from ali and aj i don't know who that is yeah that's i could see like with chanel west coast in like 12 years yeah i also don't think I know who that is if we're being honest that's hard to not know fantasy factory
Starting point is 00:39:52 yeah I don't watch that oh my god well wait no that's fair but yeah I fell for pregnant JoJo is it real or it's fake somebody it was on twitter
Starting point is 00:40:10 and it was just her saying team boy or team girl people everyone's trolling that's not right is she gay Jojo young ma's pregnant though isn't she did not know that young ma I don't know't she did not know that or no who's the who's the young ma
Starting point is 00:40:25 isn't it ma i don't know anything about young singers and shit it's just i'm too fucking old yeah about to be 27 yikes that's the age you stop your face is going to be up there with cobain and i i know i've been careful i i'm trying to not peak while I'm 27 because I was saying people that died at 20. Yeah, exactly. But they're all very talented. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:52 Right. Right. So it's like, let me let me get past 27 and then I'll really take off just to make sure that that superstition doesn't get to me. The Amy Winehouse of Barstool. All right. You do not want to be that. No, not at all um what else
Starting point is 00:41:07 oh we kaiwa we have a gay couple that looks like us yeah a second one this has been two first gay couple but we've had like three couples okay yeah this gate okay so first of all we look at this guy's cope this gay good this gay dude as someone i might know you your explorer is things that are curated right right not like this is my friend or you just be like you i'm just random he is, the gayer you are. Yes. This strange gay couple popped up on my for you. Looks like Gay Nick and KB. Oh, yeah. Gay Nick straight KB.
Starting point is 00:42:00 Yeah. He should have said Gay Nick and Gay KB. Yeah. This brings me back to our days of, of the Instagram trolling, making people go all. Oh, that was so fun. That was the best part of COVID.
Starting point is 00:42:12 That was the most fun I had in COVID. I was up until like 4am, like writing that. I was like, we just figured out like a eighth grade prank that could go crazy. Yeah. We had our world class pranksters was the name of our group text. I remember.
Starting point is 00:42:24 Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. We should do that again. I just, we had our world class pranksters was the name of our group text i remember oh my god yeah yeah we should do that again i just i worry that people would be onto it like we'd get people that are trying to just make the block that girl was so pure and so perfect yeah and she was hot she could have been a smoke show she could have easily made the page there was some increased demotivation for all no because you were starting to answer your pranks kind of hot yeah yeah yeah you were yeah she is yeah you went to all lowercase yeah you did yeah i'm mad busy right now but send it over to cape yeah yeah sorry chick sorry babe sorry honey boo do you remember my first week at barstool
Starting point is 00:43:02 when i met you yeah you gave me a manila envelope. Or it was like, so actually. Nick, you put everyone through hell and me included. Meeting you is the most exhausting thing in the world. I remember we were doing school team six. It was the week before we got here. And KB was like, my friend Nick just got hired. Like, he likes you.
Starting point is 00:43:20 And I said, oh, nice. And then I went to your Twitter and you weren't following me and i sent a i screenshot of that and i i put a big red circle around where follows you would be and i sent it to kb and said thought you said he was a big fan he's not following smokes uh and then and then when and then when you met me the uh or the next day or whatever the next week you handed me a document manila envelope of like the tommy file yeah i had a big file on you that i put together yeah i don't remember exactly it was i know the picture of me was in that survivor survivor shirt i'm trying to figure out your
Starting point is 00:43:54 height in that one i think but i also i think i had a picture of you from like earlier that day in it yeah yeah yeah i dude getting hired was was nuts because like did you guys when you got hired did you have an announcement tweet or was it were you too early like hey guys just keeping everybody in the loop i did i did it when i was no yeah i did it yeah when i went full time yeah i mean i did not when i was like hired as an intern or maybe that's one of the my one regrets of just like hey for anybody who's wondering i'm now starting to work at barstool oh you did tweet that i did it yeah oh wow i followed your lead i did it too because yours was like rare serious tweet very excited i'm gonna be
Starting point is 00:44:35 working at barstool sports i mean it makes sense to to put it out there starting with a rare serious tweet is just not you. That's lame. Yeah. But mine. Yeah. Mine. I did it too. But I was so happy. I was so excited.
Starting point is 00:44:51 I was miserable at my job. And I've told this story before. I don't know if I've ever told you. But my parents made me like this really awesome steak dinner. They were so excited. My dad was so excited. My friends came over. And I was so happy.
Starting point is 00:45:04 And then I got a call from Kyle. And I was like, oh, fuck. It's Kyle. And we weren't very good friends and you're like hey man um you might not want to like celebrate a lot right now uh it can be seen like such a dick uh i know you're excited it's fine but like just don't like put it anywhere online because when one of our co-workers who wanted to work with me ethan found out about you getting hired he killed himself no no yes i i was i think i was like hey not to like spoil anything i texted you but like i didn't say it like that crazy it wasn't because i just said like ethan has passed but you made it feel like it was my fault that was the uh the raging bitch double dog ip oh you had the thumbs that's when i there's different there's different emotional effects i just bought
Starting point is 00:45:54 i just bought raging bitch it's horrible makes your poop green yeah i i my roommate bought us we have to get this this is hilarious it's the worst thing ever oh i have a new phone or else i wouldn't yeah you went you called and just told me. I was celebrating my family and I was like, wait, seriously? You're like, yeah, man, but like, have fun. Don't stop the celebration by any means, but. That's funny. But you, yeah, it's, yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:23 Then starting here and then I just got pulled into Stool Team 6, but I was never one of the six. You three were. You were a writer. I was a writer. Oh, yeah, we were all. We have half of Stool Team 6 right here. Stool Team 6 never followed me.
Starting point is 00:46:38 These are all good things. It was like my, oh, Stool Team. Oh, those were the worst. This feels less recent than like. Oh, stool team. Oh, those were the worst. This feels less recent than like. I remember getting my Motorola sliver for eighth grade graduation more vividly than anything stool team six. It seemed so blurred.
Starting point is 00:46:53 It was like a fever dream, as they say. Yeah, like every day. Dave pulled six of us into a meeting. They're like, hey, like TikTok is the new wave. Like this is the new way to blow up this is huge like you guys are the six and we did that for like two months and everyone else at the office blew up on yeah everybody but us big ev went crazy mantis hit marty well marty was in school team six oh yeah yeah it was like dave was nick fury and we were the avengers like pulled
Starting point is 00:47:24 us in we're like you were the sixgers like pulled us in like you were the six that like are gonna really like we're supposed to be like a hype house parody i'll be honest the the tiktoks we made were bad but i had a lot of fun just it like the vlogs were funny i've watched back the vlogs and they were pretty funny it was so quigs recording our conversation but i was like okay this is like the. This is my job. My mom would call me like, hey, mom, I have to go to Stool Team 6 in 15 minutes. It's every day, 1.30 to 2.30, meeting.
Starting point is 00:47:54 And then we have to film. And then we'd end up just doing Apple tricks where you'd pop an apple. This is our biggest TikTok ever. Apple tricks. Yes. God damn. Yeah, I try to block it out, to be honest i mean i enjoyed it i just covid killed our momentum yeah yeah that's why we're not yeah exactly that's why well i was never in it that's why you guys weren't huge yeah um but yeah good memories
Starting point is 00:48:18 that i just like that was such a blur for me because i wasn't on the Yak, didn't have a podcast. I'd never written anything before this job, but I don't know why I was hired. When did you start on the Yak? During COVID? Yeah. You too? Before we went home for COVID. Before the office closed. Oh, so it was like March.
Starting point is 00:48:41 Yeah, I started in February. I think I was on the Yak in March. Gotcha. March. Yeah, I started in February. I think it was on the yak in March. Gotcha. Stool Team 6 has 72,000 followers just sitting idly. Yeah, no, it's still I still use the Stool Team 6 account to go like
Starting point is 00:48:54 and bookmark all my videos. I post an archive just get those numbers up. My TikTok right now is all like movie recaps, but they're definitely not recapped by somebody from any english-speaking country so i got one last night and it was about a plane that crashed into the ocean but like it everybody was still alive on board like they're running out of
Starting point is 00:49:20 air but there was one line in it that was really funny to me how do i look at my bookmarks i just started bookmarking stuff on tiktok go to your profile yeah and then top people can see when you bookmark stuff though i don't fuck with that i'm fine with that oh maybe i'm not people can't see it yeah they can they can't see they can see like if something's bookmarked but they can't look at your bookmarks no but if you bookmark someone's they'll get a notification at rudy bookmark your video oh it's this voice like do you guys have these where it just recaps movies really quick yes no yes it's always this sound why would you want to watch a recap of a movie just watch the fucking movie no because it's usually movies none of us will ever watch and it's funny to hear it's an ai i think that's recapping yeah but they had the funniest line in here that is like maybe some It's usually movies none of us will ever watch. And it's funny to hear. It's an AI, I think.
Starting point is 00:50:05 That's recapping? Yeah. But they had the funniest line in here that is like maybe something that's lost in translation. Yeah, I got that. I've gotten that a couple of times. It's like one about a lady trying to survive on a blimp that's in like the ionosphere or whatever. But wait, this one was the oxygen was slowly depleting. Hold on. Different from chronic suicide. It's no different than chronic suicide. ionosphere or whatever but wait this one was the oxygen was slowly depleting hold on it's no different than chronic suicide which would be like the funniest element
Starting point is 00:50:31 possibly be talking about yeah i'm suffering from chronic suicide that's the fun chronic chronic yeah I just keep doing it can't stop it's constant oh my god that's my algorithm my algorithm's been pretty good lately I've gone through phases
Starting point is 00:50:56 of like shit there was ones where I was getting a lot of like mental health stuff and I was like phone I'm fine I feel like I was trying to hint like hey you're depressed I was like hey I'm all good I was googling like kayaks and shit just to get it off be like hey life's good right now like how you went to kayak kayaks are something most mentally sound people depressed guy be googling kayaks oh poor kayaker dude yeah that that looks oh my god just like you so what what is this is this ge Is this George Washington?
Starting point is 00:51:25 That's AI George Washington. If George Washington was in modern times. That's how you're going to look when you get old. That's insane. I can't stop looking at it. But you don't have the luxury of being like, oh, I look like George Washington. No. And it's also funny because history buried the fact that he was a redhead.
Starting point is 00:51:42 Yeah, right. They were like, fuck that. No way he's going down like that. Dude, that's your celebrity look. AI George Washington. It's better than Buster Murdoch. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:53 That's surreal. I literally think they just used a picture of you and were like, let's just make him old. I think people think we cheated on the dozen now. Brandon said we just made it a big thing. They can see the tape. Fran was the one we imposed.
Starting point is 00:52:12 Literally none of us said Ellen. Yeah, until Fran said it. I don't know how that's a big thing. Well, it's the Brandon Walker effect. Wasn't Fran the one who said it? Yeah, and I was like, yeah, go with that. It sounds good. I thought the completely wrong thing.
Starting point is 00:52:25 Yeah, Brandon just said a big thing. And I was like, yeah, all right, go with that. It sounds good. I thought the completely wrong thing. Yeah. Brandon's just said a big thing. And I just said, why? Good God. Whatever. Shit.
Starting point is 00:52:32 Shit. Shit. I just can't let shit like that bog me down. Talk on it. What about the, the Asante roast? What'd you guys think of that?
Starting point is 00:52:42 It was kind of sad. Is Brandon trying to come in here? Let him. Yeah. Yeah. I don't here? Was that somebody that was just trying to? I think that was just Coleman's wheels. Oh, I thought it was. We've been wanting to roast this guy that was on 600 Pound Life.
Starting point is 00:52:55 Steven Asante. And we thought, okay, maybe we can... He's a dickhead. He pulled this picture up and took me by surprise. Oh, that's your lookalike. The girl. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:09 Yeah. I saw her get fucked. Yep. It was it was when you were tagged in the photo. I clicked on hers and it was just her first. People did. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:15 Yeah. We were going to roast this guy, Stephen Asante. And I felt too bad because he I don't he could not be with us at any second. He's an asshole. He deserves it for sure. He's just super fat. More than that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:31 He's just not a nice guy. That's like his sixth worst physical trait. Is that he's 600 pounds. We found out he has a cameo. So we were like, okay, we'll pay to have him roast us so we can have the floodgates open to roast him back seems to make sense
Starting point is 00:53:47 I don't think we can roast him back can we pull it up on I don't know if I have it I sent you the video which one is it did you text it to me yeah I airdropped it to you I think it was in that file or in that
Starting point is 00:54:04 bonus folder you had. I have... The MP4. Oh, yeah, thank you. Will it play out loud? Yeah, this is him now. I don't know if it'll play out loud. Pause it.
Starting point is 00:54:23 He looks like a skinny man here. I was i was gonna say he doesn't look fat here is that face that's like a chiseled i've had a that's a chiseled face that's a relatively you you for christmas lowering the bar i think when i got my tattoo on my leg is i was one of the puffier faces yeah like the pope's jacket let me see if I can make sure the sound comes out. No, I just heard it. You did? Yeah. I thought I started to hear it too. Hey, what's up Nick, KB, Rudy, and...
Starting point is 00:54:55 Pause. Granted, it is only one tooth. Yeah, that's the... It is the whitest tooth I've ever seen. It is the long, big... And ever seen. It's long, big. I'm going to do the answer. I'm going to compliment him. It's a nice tooth. It's a nice-ass tooth.
Starting point is 00:55:12 It's a white-ass tooth. That's a perfect tooth. That is a textbook good tooth. It should be in a textbook. This is what you want. You want those in a textbook good tooth. Good fucking tooth. It should be in a textbook. Yeah. Like this is what you
Starting point is 00:55:27 want. You want those at a heart? Yes. Give me a bunch of those. The bottom, they, they, they're not as good, but
Starting point is 00:55:34 that, that top tooth. His beard, his facial hair. It does look like one of those real fast bugs that you get in your basement. You know those ones? Those scare, those scare the hell out of me.
Starting point is 00:55:47 What are those bugs called? I'm real quick, boys. I know what you're talking about. I've never known the name, but it's like, God, these things. This is turning into a Theo Vaughn podcast. I had a friend of mine who used to have a facial hair that looked like one of them fast bugs you get in your basement. I have a lot of Theo Vaughn on my TikTok.
Starting point is 00:56:03 Yeah, me too. He's dominating TikTok. I don't even consume comedy like that, but if you went on TikTok, you would think he's the most famous person in the world. Yeah. Yeah. How is his top tooth so much whiter than his bottom teeth?
Starting point is 00:56:20 How does he eat, dude? How does he consume food? Very carefully. Yeah, it works with what he's got. how does he eat dude how does he consume food I think he just works yeah works with what he's got I mean the blueberry raspberry guys I think he's high yeah
Starting point is 00:56:36 seems that doesn't he have he's very publicly addicted yeah to what a lot of Vicodin
Starting point is 00:56:44 everything Publicly addicted? Yeah. A lot of Vicodin. Everything. We were hoping that he would just destroy us, but he just... gravy is washed up as being one wrestler who is very short you should challenge him to fight Kyle yeah fuck this guy let's roast him to death
Starting point is 00:57:16 he deserves it I still can't do that viscerally uncomfortable there's more when he turns his head... Look at the freeze frame. Dude, that's probably one of the more flattering frames we could have. I'm telling you, he's got a chiseled face.
Starting point is 00:57:38 No, I don't think he does. Go towards the end when he turns his head. He's got high-ass cheekbones. High-ass cheekbones? There. No, like... got high-ass cheekbones. High-ass cheekbones? Yeah. There. No, like, oh. What? No, cheekbones.
Starting point is 00:57:49 I was saying high-ass. Like a slacker. Kind of looks Dr. Seuss-like. In what way? The nose. You don't know what Dr. Seuss looks like? Like a Seuss character? Yeah, from The Grinch.
Starting point is 00:58:02 You know, Dr. Seuss from The Grinch. He looks like a hoo-hoo. Like a hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I am not... I'm going to withhold from roasting him back.
Starting point is 00:58:15 Pass. You are? Pass. Pass. Pass. Stand up, dudes. Look at us. We're good guys.
Starting point is 00:58:23 We only punch kind of down. Waste level. I'm trying to think. I'm trying to think of the last few people we've roasted. Our main ones were Quadriplegics and Pat Tillman. Yeah. And yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:40 Who else? The super fat mayor. His town is like crumbling. He's going to be dead. Jesus Christ. MLK the third. Oh, yeah. We did roast MLK the third.
Starting point is 00:58:54 Do you know that? MLK. Martin Luther King Jr. has a son. Martin Luther King the third. What's he doing? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:03 Exactly. Name alone. Like huge. huh well does he have a job well how does it pay being martin luther king right yeah you think i don't know yeah huh huh uh the only other thing i had on my notes were the Napoleon Dynamite scene. The Shoshone Arrowhead. Something's fishy. Right. Let's be honest.
Starting point is 00:59:32 I like the scene, but I joked about it being my favorite. It wasn't actually your favorite? It's my favorite, but it's not the funniest. It's a phenomenal film. The Shoshone arrowheads scene is is so forgettable for the average person like no one knew about i've never seen it and then some i'm on to this i don't know if this is even a real show are we getting gut again i think i think this is what i think like the studio there's not a studio audience this show has under 500 followers
Starting point is 01:00:03 on all social how'd they get the writer of napoleon dynamite i don't know we can't even get your dad this feels a thousand percent is laughing that was fake i don't know this show isn't it booming yeah but you go to their pages they're not like a network show they have a couch and a desk and a crowd i don't get it you don't get that unless you're on i think it's ai i don't think this is uh they have 500 youtube subscribers well how many tiktok followers i'll check late night booming i'm just going to continue to get got. This is it. I've turned the corner. I'm going to get got.
Starting point is 01:00:49 The writer's response was very funny. It was everything I could have asked for. Yeah. 3,000 followers on TikTok. This is interesting. That's a fake studio. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:01:13 It sounds kind of real. Yeah. Is there any facts on this show somewhere? Nothing. Wait, this guy's the writer of Napoleon Dynamite? Yeah. Oh, all right. So it's...
Starting point is 01:01:29 I googled the host's names and I googled the show. And? Nothing. 586 Instagram followers. This is sketchy. Wait, it's a Sioux Falls comedy duo. Sioux Falls talk show. Well, maybe it's legit.
Starting point is 01:01:49 Late Night Boomin'. Here's an informative YouTube video. Late Night Boomin'. A lot of our viewers probably grew up watching The Late Show with David Letterman or have now watched Stephen Colbert on a nightly basis. But as you're about to see in tonight's Eye on Kettleland, there is a new talk show that's circulating on the Internet. It is all shot and recorded right here in Sioux Falls. You know, he said circulating on the Internet. I love these guys.
Starting point is 01:02:19 I do like that. Really, really good name, too. Late Night Boomin' is the talk show a lot of people are talking about. Really really good name too So yeah it's definitely a live audience I still don't think it is It's like 21 I still don't think it is. Like, 21? Show the audience. Eating a snail. Alright.
Starting point is 01:03:05 Alright. This is cool that we have access to this behind here. How are we doing? All right. All right. This is cool that we have access to this behind here. How's that? How are we doing? Yeah, I know. Magic. Mook, you're on one. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:19 The dollar bill. I like that alright you guys good you guys want to tell me anything to plug was this okay did you guys like me during it yes even was not convincing alright well see you guys in two days.
Starting point is 01:03:47 Yeah, two days. Yeah. Cool.

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