A New Untold Story - Turtle Cake feat. Liam Blutman - A New Untold Story: BONUS EPISODE

Episode Date: January 26, 2024

turtle cake breakfast. Want more Anus? Check out the links below https://linktr.ee/anuspodcastYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. What's that noise? Rudy's fingering Blubman. Thank you. Yeah, we're good to go with a clap whenever you're ready. You mean you're going to reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to with a clap whenever you're ready. It's a fresh, big, untold story. The next one is Isaiah with two H's. So Isaiah, louder milk.

Isaiah with two H's. So Isaiah, Loudermilk. Are you familiar with probably Mac Loudermilk, the Central Florida punter? Loudermilk. Wait, why does hair go away in the image? Wait, if you click the image, does his hair go away? Cool. He's Wisconsin, yeah?

Yeah, from Wisconsin. Steeler's defensive tackle. His comp is Heifer Wolf. From Rocco's Water Life? Yeah, specifically when he got milked by the Milk-O-Matic in a now censored and deleted scene from the Nickelodeon animated sitcom. If you want to look that one up. His milking? Yeah, it was actually controversial for a kid's show.

It shows him getting milked by the milk-o-matic and receiving observable audible pleasure from the milking and he moans until he passes out that's where I got louder milk and I say ah with 2H it's 55 seconds

we can play the whole thing it's the barn It's 55 seconds. We can play the whole thing. It's the barn. That's the milk-o-matic. A louder type of milking. That's Heifer Wolf sleeping. He's very slumbered. Oh, getting milked. getting milked and that is him

climaxing until he was unconscious so that's Isaiah louder milk do they ever reference the milk-o-matic again I think that's the only time so it's Heifer in canon he comes in Rocko's Modern Life.

Yeah. There's a come scene. This was taken out. So it was censored, a controversy. Dude, what an O-face. Yeah, he's clearly coming. Clearly. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. He's getting milked while asleep which is some type of uh i guess he gets raped he gets raped heifer wolf got nickelodeon raped until completion until he entered a euphoric slumber that's's Isaiah Loudermilk. Defensive tackle for the Steelers. Nice comp. Thank you. Really good comp. Look at that lip tremble.

What a scene. Oh! Oh! His eyes, he stopped. I guess the original scene had his eyes seeing hearts. And this was like... This is even edited. Wait, does he talk to this thing at the end?

Does he say goodbye to it? Oh yeah, he says goodbye to the milk-o-matter. Wait, rewind it. The problems of two people don't amount to a hill of manure in this wacky world, but at least we'll always have the barn. Come on, Hef, let's ride.

I'm ready. So he says bye. Wow. So you grew up in Las Vegas. Yep. Moved there when I was six. Not my own choice. Where'd you move from? Los Angeles.

So you wouldn't have done it. Not your choice. I didn't really have a thought. It's a big decision for a six-year-old. I didn't have a thought, gotta be honest. Liam, but you're like a journeyman on your internet career, right? You've worked for a bunch of different sites and stuff? Kinda. I don't know if I'd use the term journeyman.

He wrote for CelebJaha. He wrote blogs. I wrote for this one site that I only remember the name of. What? Yeah. And then the guy stopped paying for the domain or whatever and then all my articles were gone.

So you've been writing blog, but you've written for a few different sites. Yeah. Some of it was you um the name the name common uh blutman is the 1.3 millionth most common name in the world yep most prevalent in israel yep are you jewish five in argentina um jewish half and half because my mom is christian and we always celebrated like christmas and everything but then we always celebrated hanukkah from my dad's side so wait you did both you really buried the lead there. I guess yes. Could you play in the Maccabiah games?

No. Maccabi. You made that super African. Maccabi? You know about it, Mook? You have friends that play in the Maccabi games? Oh yeah, good about it. I grew up in a very Jewish neighborhood. Been to like 40 bar mitzvahs. Yeah, I don't know why I the maccabi games oh yeah good about dude i grew up in a very jewish neighborhood into like bar mitzvahs yeah i don't know why i thought matt yeah i didn't have

pronounce it again i thought it was maccabiah that's smack dab in the middle of the congo now your dad being one of the i don't want to it's creator of boy meets world one of the main writers what um so what are some of the perks that you got from that growing up like whether it's meeting people going to events anything like that did any of them ever show up to your birthday no not really a big birthday guy i'm sure maybe they showed up when i was a little tyke or whatever out there in the bright lights of la but when uh in vegas no not really i didn't really like doing anything on the birthday just like the cake we get yeah mom makes a turtle cake what's a turtle cake a turtle a cake in the shape of a turtle. I guess I'm retarded.

Yeah. That's not... We were like, I'm looking for like ingredients, tastes, maybe a flavor. These aren't even close. It has to be kind of close. How foolish are we to not know?

That's kind of close, but it's still not it. It's got to be close. It has to be kind of close. How foolish are we to not know? That's kind of close, but it's still not it. It's gotta be close. It's a turtle cake. So, it was always... You can't be too off base when it's both of the things you said. Oh, I will find the picture and text it.

Was this closer? No, that's like... It has to be close. It has to be. That's like Nickelodeon-ified. You had a realistic turtle. So it's not a cartoon turtle.

It looks like a real turtle or like a boring turtle? No. How foolish. Give me a second. One second second These fellas really don't know about The turtle cake No we do

The internet doesn't either Alright well you want me to DM this to you Mook Yeah I need to see this turtle You had a picture of it on hand pretty easily? No, I just went to my mother's Instagram. Is it all

turtle cakes? No. So this is a yearly birthday thing. Do you still get turtle cakes? I will never want to grow out the turtle cake thing. What? Oh, no. Are we going to talk shit on it?

We pulled it up eight times. No, you didn't. gotta talk shit on it. We pulled it up eight times You did not you did not You definitely did not Here let's get a load of this shit how dare you oh fuck you that looks like shit i'm on liam's side you guys never pulled that yeah that looks like it's splattered in tar. Pulled that up.

So sometimes, you guys. It looks delicious. If that's the chocolate, I feel like I'm, yeah. It was always like. That doesn't look like a turtle. It's a black turtle. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. So sometimes we get a green turtle, sometimes blue. So you would get a green turtle. Sometimes, yeah. So the things we're pulling up have to be very close. Oh, only that like one on the left there. Which one? Like left to the, you see it there? It's peeking out on the left.

How do I explain this? Right next to the to the front flipper on the that one yeah that thing to the left mook yeah that one that's the only one that's semi-close yeah he's right those look so different yeah you're right i mean he's right we didn't pull up so you got you got one of those every year yeah my brother and i i could even find a better picture if that so suits. Are those Twizzlers? What is that?

Yeah, I guess the only thing in common is the mouth there. Yeah, they're Twizzlers. What are the dots? M&M's. Oh, it's way smaller than I thought. That's the smallest cake I've ever seen. Oh, that was a serving one. It's not small.

Those are regular sized M&M's. We can figure out the size of this right now. Those look like gumballs. It's on a regular plate. I just sent Mook another one. You have another angle? I need something for scale. This looks amazing.

It looks good. It looks good. It looks very good. It's fun, too. I'm sure my mother appreciates your kind words. Mook will be bringing up a strawberry turtle cake. Oh. For birthday 22.

Are there 22 M&Ms on the back? Nope. That's not how it goes. Always gets the same amount of M&Ms. Wait. Truly? How many? I don't know.

How do you know it always gets the same amount? It just still covers. I don't know. How do you know it always gets the same amount? It just still covers. I don't know. You lied to us. Yeah. The more I look at this, the more it looks like AI. It doesn't. It looks animated.

It's not the best picture. That's why we've got the strawberry turtle cake coming in in three seconds. So what was it like? Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. Better picture. Turtle cake. I airdropped it to Wanton Donald.'s a good one. That's a good one. Better picture. Turtle cake. I airdropped it to wonton donald.

Did he accept it? He's still waiting. I'm in. I want to taste this. Is your mom the only one who makes it? Would she send one in? I think that we could get a turtle cake. That'd be awesome.

I think so. I don't know if anyone else in the on my mom's side of the family continued the tradition oh it's been done for a while yeah i'm not sure how long um but yeah at some point in our lives my brother and i just decided to be a little rebellious and change up the flavors of the turtle cake so that's not the same amount of m&ms and i don't think those are m&ms i don't know i maybe she got some like healthy no though they're huge dude you almost had them maybe the plate's small because after so would you eat the whole turtle cake how many people could eat a turtle cake well

because that's the size of the candle that's a small small cake i mean so i don't know um we would always this big we'd always have some leftover for the next morning turtle cake breakfast a tradition like no other a good name breakfast so lists of perks from being the son of the creator of the one of the most popular sitcoms of its time turtle cake breakfast from my mother's side of the most popular sitcoms of its time Turtle Cake Breakfast from my mother's side of the family huge I don't know it's kind of annoying me that on the strawberry one

five straight blue M&M's don't like that I guess that's truly of driving me crazy. Yeah, we're going to have to talk to her about that. Make sure that doesn't happen again. Both of them with green eyes.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yep. Glad you guys are enjoying the turtle cake. I love the turtle cake. I want to try it. I do too.

It looks good. I mean, I could have it in one bite. Swallow it whole. Is it the size of a muffin? You guys, no, the little muffins. Look at the candles, dude. have it in one bite. Swallow it whole. Is it the size of a muffin? No, the little muffins. Look at the candles, dude. The head is a muffin.

The four feet are muffins. Google the dimensions of a two candle. No, dude. Those four feet are donut holes. They're muffins, man. Look, the feet are muffins. No way. The head is a muffin.

A mini muffin, maybe. Perhaps a mini muffin. Perhaps. I need the dimensions of a two candle right now, Moo. Can you go to Amazon? I don't know why the candle looks so gigantic. Because the cake is small. The cake is small.

The turtle cake is tiny. I don't even like candles. I don't ask for them. They're useless. They're pointless. We all know how old we're turning. Why do we need the candles? You're embarrassed because it made your cake small. We're the candles? You're embarrassed because it made your cake small.

I'm embarrassed because it made the cake small. It takes you a few puffs to probably get the fire out. I actually would never do that. You wouldn't blow out a candle? Wait, you said you stay in character? I stay in character. What does that mean? Wait, wait.

When they're singing happy birthday to you and it's time to blow out the candles, you stay in character? What does that mean? I never said that. I said I never cared. They said I stayed in character. Yeah, they finish up the happy birthday song and the candles are just still going. You stand up and leave.

I would get very upset if they started singing happy birthday and I would like, come on, let's just get it over with. In like five seconds, you could do the song. Let's go's go let's roll you'll need this song you go to the candles so it's gonna need the exact size that is the most different I mean to candle is kind of this is any number candle like the tradition that's the exact one mine didn't have a crown on it nine three inches tall so that cake that cake's an inch tall dude dude come on man yeah that's a that's a six inch it's this big it's 1.5 the middle the middle of it we need something else for reference like look at the cans of soda in the background. It's towering. Towering. That's not soda. It's like skyscraper.

What is it? That's ice cream. That's ice cream. Oh, fuck. All right. What's that type? Tillamook. Tillamook.

What's the size of a Tillamook pint? We got to get that as the top result for Turtle Cake, if you don't mind. So growing up in Vegasgas probably surrounded by a lot of fun novelty dessert restaurants different were we i don't i'm just thinking of like the strip and all the pizzazz a lot of fun little food shops and restaurants what did what did you would you ever explore the town no not really not really at all go to the g league games uh the nba summer league of the summer go there uh never really went to the strip um would go for like games and stuff sometimes any of the museums never going to a wacky museum i remember um why oh this is not

a ripley's believe it or not? No, no, no, never. Field trip, we went to, I don't remember the place, but we saw Gila monsters and other things of the desert. I remember that. So no outdoor desert activity. Everything just circles back to reptile for you, dude. That's not something I was thinking of, I guess. Turtles and Gila monsters. Let's see.

Good looking cream. Small little pint. I'm looking for turtle cake texts to see more. It's the size of a Gala apple. Oh, no, it better not be oh man how does there's nothing worse that's that's the worst part about aging man you realize your turtle cakes were tiny i don't know i can't find any of the text i just texted her i had breakfast turtle cake yeah thanks mother go turtle cake go when did she respond back? Oh, I don't know.

I clicked out of it already. I don't know. I don't know. So, I don't know. Like, I never really went out or anything. But you would go to a lot of sporting events. You would interview players. Like, you told Dame Lillard that he was going to be all...

That wasn't an interview. You told him to his face he was going to be an-star and what did he say to you i just hope i get some playing time and then he walked away and then i was kind of sad because i wanted like a jersey from him or something because you would get because at summer league my brother and i would always like go early and stay really late and try and get like jerseys and game worn stuff from players and autographs, and Dane didn't give me anything. But that is cooler than anything he could have given you. He probably

remembers that if you reached out to him and reminded him. We could get him on the pod. Yeah, we could. Yeah, tag Dane. Tag Dane in the Instagram. It took us a year to get Kyle's dad on the pod. I don't know if we can get Dane. I don't know. we can get Dame. I don't know. What other players have you...

Best conversation and worst conversation with an athlete? When I was working with the big three, Carlos Boozer was pretty rude. What? Yeah, he didn't like me, I guess. Clyde Drexler, very nice nice guy boozer's a guy who like sprayed on his hairline yeah it was it was painted on he was very that's he's probably always angry if you do yeah he was very mean it was like a goo wasn't it was it a goo do you have

goo hair it looked like paint yeah yeah um I don't know. Cody Malk, who's on the Buccaneers. I interviewed them over Zoom. He was on a golf cart when I interviewed him. He was on the golf course with some North Dakota State Bison teammates. That was a fun interview. Nice guy. How was the audio? I feel like anything on a golf cart always is loud as fuck.

It wasn't bad. It wasn't bad at all we had them take a golf swing after two and it was one of the worst shots I've ever seen have you ever tried to be like a solo YouTuber no no no footprint on YouTube no I don't you seem like as a child you would have had some videos up there I don't think I would be able to

like grow an audience on there by myself i would need help with other people oh i guess we do wait is this yours i didn't even know i didn't do research i just assumed and i was 100 right do you want to watch one or no not really i gotta do out in the wild on my way home from school i don't think that's you is that you that doesn't sound that's definitely me no yeah are you talking shit to a coyote i guess how old are you here how old are you now 25 so you got yeah that wasn't a great video you gotta be honest

what was that i don't know what was the word you said there it was like an Olay variant. Like a what? Were you being a Vuvuzela? I guess. The timeline probably adds up. Were you doing a Goalhorn? I don't know. I'm going to do that every time any score happens in sports. That has 99 views.

Wait, but that's a really... I can't... It was like a Vuvuzela. I think that's a really I can't it was like a Vuvuzela I think that's what you had to have been doing thanks for watching incredible shot wait where is that what game I need that I need that over an Ovechkin

over an Ovechkin one time yeah it's like a goal horn I love it yeah i i don't remember this era at all uh that's awesome oh man that's an awesome video fuck yeah that's funny as fuck uh that's gonna that's gonna take off thanks that's objective finally yeah we're gonna get that's objectively a very funny video that's not how it sounds no no no

no liam there's turtle cake downstairs. I would have been ready for the turtle cake. It was turtle cake breakfast. You were so asleep. I would have been ready for the turtle cake. Oh my God. That's fucking awesome.

Anything else, boys? Yeah, I put my heart and soul into that video. So I'm glad it finally paid off. You forgot that you did it. Yeah, I didn't have a clue. Yeah, you're such a volume poster. You don't think when you post, correct? No, there's stuff that, like tweets and stuff,

I'll kind of be cognizant. Remember, like I'll see something happen. I'll be like, oh, I tweeted that like tweets and stuff. I'll kind of be cognizant. Remember like I'll see something happen I'll be like, oh I tweeted about this at some point and then I go back and look like Tush push plays that like the Eagles will run or someone else and like they use a variant of it That's not the tush post like a sweep or something. I'll be like, yeah, I tweeted about this Let me go track down this tweet instantly find it And I get mad that the eagles staff was probably stalking my twitter to get play the advice what i don't i understand i understand

he has like there's coaches who will jack his shit, his opinions, his knowledge. This is factual. Who? Name names. Oh, I don't know. UNLV. Quit it! He gets me every time.

Yeah, he does. No more, I don't know. No. Rudy's getting gut every time. UNLV, you are in cahoots with UNLV. There's no malice. Cahoots? UNLV's offense coordinator.

Good guy. But he'll ask you for opinions. He's asked me for opinions. For plays? No, he sent me for, he sent me like stats. Like UNLV stats. Like rankings for their offense. I was like, cool.

Oh, he wants you to like promote their team. Yeah, but I'm already well aware of how they're doing. Oh, yeah. You're on top of that. So I on top of that pointless yeah i've sent them a play before what what uh coaches have are you have done something shady you said like they people have stolen things from you well it was more so a joke okay it was it was just stuff I've kind of said and thought and then I'm not doing this again four is too much three I can live with four is crazy

I can't do that and genuinely genuinely when I'm saying I don't know I truly don't have a clue I need to go horn one more time Genuinely, when I'm saying I don't know, I truly don't have a clue. I need the gold horn one more time. Is there a caption on this? Yes.

Wow, just wow? Can that just be the outro? Yes. Actually, we're scrapping our theme song and just having that. Over and over. Yeah, just that over and over on the loop. We need to actually NHL goal horn it and throw in music and semantics and stuff. I want a minor league hockey team to take that as their goal horn for a year. Let's ask some of the teams.

Let's ask some of the teams. The CHL, the junior league. the junior league like what teams the wheeling nailers will reach out to the cape bred and eagles are sending me an updated jersey so we'll uh we'll what team cape bred and eagles cape bredding cape bretton cape bretton yes is that where's that nova scotia oh whoa cool there are junior teams that will be down for this. To let that, let them, that'll be their goal horn. Junior teams are just sort of like into high drinks like this.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Like Star Wars night. Any junior team. Yeah. This is the same as Star Wars night. The most valuable franchise in media.

I'm telling you, they're into high drinks. They'll be into this. We'll sell this. I'm telling you, bro. into hijinks. They'll be into this. We'll sell this. I'm telling you, bro. Come for Liam's noise every time there's a goal. There will be a fight. This is going to happen.

How else do we promo this? What other stuff do we have to throw in to lure fans? Can they get a button that makes the noise as well? Yeah. What would the transcription of that be? Like the staples? Yeah, how would you spell it? I don't even know what...

Play it again. Might as well get the spelling. Like a... I think you should just start making highlight tapes of certain teams with it as the goal horn. Yeah, let's make like a... Someone will have to do that. Let's make a sizzle reel and send it to teams and just be like, hey, this could be you when you guys score a goal. Can you do like a...

We're going to have to do guerrilla marketing. We can't get them on like an email. Can you do the miracle on ice with that at the end? Or what's a big goal? It doesn't have to be a big goal yes yes perfect we got to get a goal and it'll be great or maybe there oh my god it's gonna rock that no volume right? Oh wait both have volume Don't extend it.

Don't have it that loud. Toledo walleye. They have a good color scheme scheme good jerseys what are their what's their color scheme maybe blue and goldish yellow underused who's your favorite hockey player of all time yeah not my father Jesus man is that another own on me no no your dad was your dad a hockey player I played goalie

for what for you level what who who oh Was your dad a hockey player? Yeah, he played goalie. For what level? Who? Who? Oh, God damn it. He didn't ask what team? He didn't go that far. He could have played in college. Wait, he could have played in college? So your least favorite hockey player is your dad in high school.

No, not my least favorite. But he's just not your favorite. He wasn't my favorite. He odd offers the Bowling Green. Didn't go because he tours acl like twice oh that sounds like the class he played he played goalie when he was 11 gretzky was 10 they played each other and he gave up like 11 goals to gretzky in one game i want seems fair not not your not your favorite player oh we don't have video for that all right

so your favorite player we got that out of the way. We're eliminating a bunch or one. Anyone else to eliminate? Well, he got me in the hockey because of Sidney Crosby. Nice. And I just like the animal penguins. Okay. So you're a penguins guy? Youngstown State.

Yeah, Youngstown State. Oh, okay. So I grew up rooting for Crosby and the Penguins, but then the second that Vegas was even trying to get a team, I would send my dad the Vegas wants hockey stuff like, pay up, man. Become a season ticket holder. And did he? Yeah, we did that.

So we were for a little. Does it bother you that their helmet logo is not a Knights logo, but like a Roman warrior, a Spartan helmet? No, it doesn't. Knights would never wear that helmet. Yeah yeah it's such a lazy logo and nickname you think the golden knights yeah i don't like it it's very it because the uh vgk is cool a lot of like nicknames out of vegas um espn would always put up LVK Nobody knows why Huh

Nobody knows why But the name's because the owner is like Big army guy and everything Yeah Now can we watch a clip of the The episode that got your dad cancelled I don't know about this Then you'll get this cancelled

And me cancelled This is an episode of boy meets world girl meets world girl oh and it was the autism episode yeah he got canceled plenty by children for the autism is it because why i know sia did the same thing because she used you have a girl wear a funny face? I don't know. I don't really remember the episode. I just remember that he did an episode. Wait, the autistic kid's name isn't Farkle.

Is there a Farky? Farkle. Is it Farkle is the autistic kid? Yeah. Oh, that's really odd. Oh, boy. What a name. So they did more testing on her.

They want to see if I have autism. I might have a type of autism called Asperger's syndrome. It's a disorder that affects a person's behavior. This seems pretty straightforward. When I said that you were a little sparkly, what I meant was that... Yeah, you behave just like a perfectly normal Farkle. You do. We know.

We don't know. Guys, I've passed every single test I've ever taken. All right, this website lists symptoms of Asperger's. The first one they mention is social awkwardness. Check. You don't do anything awkward. Ha! Wait.

That might have been it? Wait, was that the goal, Sal? Yeah, was that based on you? I didn't know what I got. Was that the goal? There I didn't know what I got. I didn't see it so much. Was that the ghost? There's no way, dude. That's crazy. What are the odds of that?

Yeah. Come on. So your dad was a fan of your work? come on so your dad was a fan of your work so we always talk about how tv writers name their special needs uh characters far cool come on what about that what's everybody else's name? I know you don't know, but... Very basic. Farkle? Oh, man.

This was great. This was fun. Mook, you're awful on the keys today. You're all over the place. What are you doing? Why are you typing it into the existing URL? I can't do it anymore. You're so bad on the keys oh my god Liam thank you so much you're gonna be your Hall of Fame guest be recurring so we have Riley Corey Topanga I guess Topanga Lucas

Farkle Minkus well Minkus was from Boise then Topanga my dad came up with that name based on a street in LA I was too excited

maybe Laurel Canyon rings a bell potentially around there i don't know um topanga well that's an iconic name yeah an iconic character so congrats on the royalties what are you asking you're probably getting topanga royalties i don't think so come on i mean people probably still buying topanga merchandise oh my dad like yeah yeah i get the check in the mail i thought you were saying me like another perk no you're getting yeah no not me okay my brother just got like 96 cents in the mail from disney stock wow nice 96 cents not bad it ain't what it used to be in the good old days oh man this is great uh good bonus episode we'll have you back this is uh this is great yeah

god bless everybody thank you liam thank you thank you Oh man, this is great. Good bonus episode. We'll have you back. This is great. God bless everybody. Thank you, Liam. Thank you, Liam. Thank you.