A New Untold Story - Uwe Blab feat. White Sox Dave - A New Untold Story: Ep. 362
Episode Date: September 21, 2023if you wanna be the new Miresh apply in the form below. https://forms.gle/zyy98KB5GcukZANF9 Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem cod...e UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Factor - Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/kb50 and use code kb50 to get 50% off.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, a new untold story listeners.
You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music.
Yeah?
Yeah, we can.
Wait, would you talk over the clap or do I need to do it again?
Run back the clap.
Run back clap?
Can we get a...
Jesus Christ.
Can we get a Dave clap as well?
Dave?
We good?
We solid?
Perfect.
That's your reply to what I'm going to say.
No, you're just going to say...
No, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told? No, baby! We good? We solid? Perfect. It's a fresh big untold story. A new untold story.
New untold story episode 392.
Today's episode is brought to you by GameTime.
I don't even know why they give me ad copy anymore because I know this.
Everybody knows GameTime for I don't even know why they give me ad copy anymore because I know this.
Everybody knows GameTime for fans by fans. Go to any event you want.
The best deals, the fastest app right in your inbox.
Super simple.
You went to go see Simple Plan.
Yes, I saw Simple Plan.
But honestly, I think I raved about summer events, summer concerts.
Fall concerts are way better. Yeah summer concerts. Fall concerts are way better.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fall concerts are great.
It's possible with the Game Time app to get any ticket you want.
What?
Yeah.
You're not done?
They're good.
Yeah.
We're amongst the best.
For sure.
For sure.
Purchase process, again, super easy.
Two clicks.
You got the tickets right in your email.
You could share them with people.
So let's say me and Rudy are going to see fucking Simple Plan. i could get the tickets and send it to rudy's inbox so he has
the tickets as well super great the game time app uh is on the app store or any app store you have
on your phone download it uh enter your email uh redeem code untold for 20 off your first purchase
you know those terms apply but 20 off great off. Great deal. New untold story.
It is.
What's the episode?
It's 362.
Okay.
362.
Good on us.
We're here with White Sox Dave.
This is the second time you've been on the show, actually.
Yes, it is.
First time was in a hotel room.
I remember.
I don't even remember where it was.
I don't either. That was a hotel room in Detroit, Michigan.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No.
That would make sense. No. Because it Yeah, yeah, yeah. No.
Was it?
No, that would make sense.
No, because it was before a Barstool event.
It was Chickles Cup.
You guys were doing Re-Discovering in Chickles Cup.
It was before Chickles Cup.
No, because why would... Well, we had the overlap there.
It doesn't fucking matter at all.
We were in Detroit the same weekend,
but second time, nonetheless.
Nonetheless, welcome back, Dave.
Good friend of ours.
Why do we have you on today?
You asked me to come on, and I said, sure.
That's pretty much the start and finish of it, I would say.
Yeah.
No, we went to Riot Fest together this week.
Yeah, we did.
The Uber dropped us off way too early in a very, maybe the worst neighborhood I've ever been in in my life.
Actually?
Yes, dude.
Oh, come on.
That's nothing. That was bad.
You bought an edible from this woman on the street and you
asked their homemade brownies he bought
and you asked how many milligrams. She was like,
honey, I don't know. She didn't know. No, no, no.
You're like, it's about 15.
She didn't know how, what
milligrams were. Yeah, dude.
She didn't know what milligrams were. What kind dude. She didn't know what milligrams were.
What kind of drug hawker doesn't at least have a ballpark of how many milligrams were?
Dude, what type of dude buys from her?
Lots of them were.
And she was making it.
It was a perfect edible.
He said, I don't know what the strength is.
She can't gauge the THC making them in her kitchen, can she?
I asked about how many milligrams. Because you put it in a vial. don't know what the strength is she can't gauge the thc making them in her kitchen i'm like i
asked about how many milligrams like you because you can you put it in a vial you're like a little
oil you think she had a vial you think she had tinctures dude i mean she was doing something
right you can't just bake like weed leaves into a brownie you gotta get the extract she did she
didn't there was no leaves in it you gotta get the oil out of it but i doubt she yeah i don't know
but yeah you did it and you were you were like did you haggle with her no it was like 10
bucks to fucking take it you zelda oh i did that is what i did i never have cash but like i just
wanted to get to the area where i felt safe i was geeking i was geeking out on him i was calling
down i said dude chill we're valid in this i was I did come to find out that I was valid in that hood.
Yes.
I wouldn't have taken us to a bad, bad area.
That's just like, nah, it gets a little seedy.
Seedy?
Seedy.
What does that mean?
The wide receiver for the Cowboys.
Yeah.
Dive bar.
Yeah, like seedy.
Dirty.
Riff raff.
Yeah, little shenanigans.
You went to a music festival.
It's like a, what would you describe a music festival it's like a what would you
describe the music festival as like a punk it was eclectic it wasn't really a punk scene it's uh
it's a heavy metal rock no i mean i saw slipknot headline for them two years ago so they do get
into heavy metal but it's like it's not pop it's like this is how i describe it from chicago
everyone knows riot fest everyone knows lala and
everyone knows the windy city smokeout lala and riot fest are like the you know 22 year old blonde
chicks with huge not riot fest no lala in uh windy city smokeout it's like the instagram this is like
you're getting guys that look like much more disgusting there were a handful of anus fans
there i that was wild the guy behind us in
line was wearing an untel this bitch shirt and i was like dude nice shirt and he was like thanks
that seems like where they would be yeah that's not why we can't realize that riot fest the van
diagram of riot fest fans and anus fans was a full circle yeah but they're also oh yes because
i remember someone told me a new one told me there was a new untold story fans at the
100 gex concert i was like yeah i guess that makes sense yeah it does make sense 100 gex was at this
music yeah i saw a lot of really cool bands 100 gex was interesting for sure i was adamant about
100 gex i'm unabashed about my i love 100 gex and i told him i was like we have to go see hunter gex and nick came around the most confused i was was like in between songs the chick
was so funny and i was like this makes no sense then i realized she was trans yeah
okay now and then i understood it ever yeah right she had the funny gene in her still yeah
get rid of that one haunted is one of my favorite songs of the past two years
even dave dave was like pissed rocking out he was that's what i looked at nick i was like i really
hate that i like this yeah because your values i it was trash and awful but it was super fucking
entertaining and then we went to see icp and they had a thousand bottles of fago that's um their thing is fago the the pop drinking it or having other spraying it
but the one of the guys um violent jay he can flip the fago shake it and undo the lid with one
hand and shoot it out like a rocket he's been doing it for years they've been around yeah 30
ish years probably going on but dave got us press passes and they didn't do anything.
They got us in for free.
That was it.
Yeah, but it was cool.
It was fun.
Did you know VIP tent?
No.
Which I didn't really want or expect.
I didn't want to do that at all.
No.
I just wanted to get in.
I had a shockingly good time.
It's an expensive ticket.
A couple hundred bucks.
So, I mean, that was good enough for me.
Did you guys interview?
I love that.
I love that festival.
We got no work done.
No, not at all. Rudy has a video of them spraying the Faygo.
I got a bunch of video.
I'm going to make a little hodgepodge.
The press passes didn't get us anywhere,
but we had a ton of fun.
They could have, but it was like a 40-person
press cap
on all the pit areas.
Remember when they were saying that?
We were never able to get it.
The press area is full. Dave, we do a segment called the news on the show
and i figured i'd let you say them so just read the first three okay yeah and we'll clip you
saying them to give you some credit give you some credit okay awesome uh mcdonald's has announced
a total no do it like a newscaster oh mcdonald's has announced okay mcdonald's has announced it
whoa dude slow down man down i i don't have what's what's the we're not in a rush what's McDonald's has announced a total rebrand. Slow down, man.
I don't have... We're not in a rush.
What's the word they use for a newscaster voice?
There's an actual word for it.
Slow?
No, it's like an actual...
Just pronounce things in broadcaster voice.
McDonald's has announced a total rebrand.
Something's wrong.
I can't understand a word you're saying.
Delivering a segment.
Stop fucking with me. I know what you guys word you're saying. Stop fucking with me.
I know what you guys are doing.
We're not fucking with you.
I literally cannot understand you.
It's indecipherable.
McDonald's.
This fucking thing keeps popping up.
McDonald's has announced a total rebrand
of their cast of characters to add diversity.
If they make that hamburglar...
Start over with the thought.
This is outrageous.
McDonald's has announced a total rebrand of their cast of characters to add diversity if they make the hamburger black
and should change his name to everything burglar they should change his name to the everything
burglar yeah the least that was so bad that was the worst joke cadence ever. Read the third one.
Chinese people are living in two years... Dude, god damn it, dude.
Didn't you want to do this for a living for the White Sox?
No, I didn't.
McDonald's has announced a total rebrand of their cast of characters to add diversity.
If they make the Hamburglar black, they should change his name to the Everything Burglar.
Do it like that.
I want to see Rudy
do it first. Rudy, do the second one.
Okay.
Mexico is likely to get its first
female president after top... No, you're bad at
this too. That was good.
I can't understand a word you're saying.
What are you talking about?
That was good.
You got real spitty.
Yeah.
I think it's spitty.
I think it's spitty.
All right.
Dude.
Mexico is likely to get its first female president
after top parties choose two women as candidates.
One would have to give up her Senate seat
and I volunteer to take it
just so I can smell the
cushion.
Was that better? Yeah, it was better.
Kyle, show them how it's done. Read the third one.
What do we got? Do radio. Go radio.
Go radio on them. Radio voice.
I'm going to use my face ID here.
Chinese people
are...
That's how it's done it's done boys chinese people are living two years longer
thanks to war on pollution report says citizens are livid knowing now they have to be Chinese for longer. Oh, no.
It's pretty good, man.
That's how it's done.
That was good.
That was good.
Maybe next time, Dave.
I'll work on it. You speak for a living.
It's pretty ironic, isn't it?
Yeah.
It's the height of irony that I can hardly formulate a sentence and I speak into a microphone.
You've been doing it every day for years and years. For years you're a funny guy you're an interesting guy i don't think so though
what's interesting about i don't want to do this role yeah i don't want to i know exactly what
you're doing come on man you're smart you're funny no no no it's not even like i'm exactly
what you want from us it's not not what I... I am funny.
I'm hilarious in every way.
Yeah.
You got maimed by Velcro.
Yeah, I did.
But you don't like being the butt of jokes, do you?
I've explained this one out loud.
That one...
Ed and Ryan refused to do it. And then they got pissed when I refused to do it.
And then they got pissed when I refused
to do it, so I said I'll... Refused to do what?
The Velcro thing. What did you just say? Who refused?
Ed and Ryan, they wouldn't do it.
We were just talking about you being the butt of jokes.
Yeah, I know, but they get pissed when
I don't go and... You don't like being the butt
of jokes. I don't want to...
Who does?
I enjoy it. It's's great when you do a
carnival game and like bleed as a result like you have to understand that's the best case scenario
uh i do understand but it was in that exact moment i didn't want to have anything to do
with content because my face was mangled and i wanted to fucking strangle ed and ryan for talking me
into doing that like i was but you understand like that's the way what you guys don't understand
that like there is human element where you can get pissed at something but you're explaining
it as if they knew that the velcro was going to absolutely i wanted i went on that thing a few
minutes beforehand before cameras rolling and everything i'm like this thing you just went to
it for fun we were it was four miller'm like, this thing is not going to work. You just went to it for fun?
It was four mil or light.
You did it without any cameras or anything, though?
I didn't jump on it, no. I'm like, this thing has zero air. There's going to be no
bounce. I'm going to have to launch myself
to even stick to the Velcro.
And why is the
scratchy part of the Velcro on the wall
instead of on your chest? It could have had the soft part
up there. Faulty building
in my opinion. It does seem like faulty building. Yeah.
Yeah.
The sheer mention of that velcro
makes me want to fucking strangle it and Ryan.
It's not their fault, dude.
I know.
That's Josh at Miller Lite, who I also have
had many words with about the velcro incident.
Wait, what have you
talked, what did you say to
josh at miller i told him i'm like don't ask me to do that fucking thing again he didn't ask you
that is many words he asked me okay he asked me and since it was me he asked like i was the one
who had to do it i'm like ed you go do it it'd be funny if ed did it right this is a game where
you wear a velcro suit and jump into velcro to stick to it. Yes. It's more of like just an attraction for kids.
Yeah, but it was a Miller Lite sponsored event.
So your face, somehow there's a mistake.
The only part where there isn't Velcro is what hit.
You were wearing a Velcro suit.
Yeah, head to toe Velcro suit.
No, shoulder to toe really.
And you have free autonomy to jump at it however you may please you accidentally went
face first your face hits the sharp end of the velcro and you're gushing blood down your face
and you're angry yeah and you gotta call the miller light rep well i'm actually friends with
tim too over the years we work together but so that's why i could call out the sponsor right there because we're actually friends but um on that note like i was trying to i'm like all right
fuck it i'll do it like i'll go big or go home right and like i said i was you went home what
would be the result of going big like sticking to it in your with your idea in your head, what would be the best result? You guys, like I said.
Check it out, guys.
You guys do it perfectly.
Check this out.
I want to know.
Ryan, get a picture before I fall.
I'm the fucking man.
I just want to gain a little bit of this.
I wanted to get as much height as possible, so I'm getting a running start, and you're
supposed to jump on this little platform trampoline thing, but there was no fucking air in it
to give you bounce.
So like,
as I jumped,
I'm like,
fuck,
I can see it in slow motion.
I'm like,
I'm about to take a digger right in my face.
Cause there was no like,
yeah,
you could,
you put your arms up.
It didn't,
I didn't have time at that point.
I was going to try to do like the,
yeah.
What are you going to try to do?
You're going to stick funny.
Oh,
you were going to stick real funny. Yeah. So do you think it would have been a better video if you stuck no i mean
not for everybody laughing obviously but that doesn't take that doesn't mean i'm not allowed
to get pissed at this situation people don't understand that they think i'm just supposed to
be happy like the thing is like i would that would happen to me, and I'm like, oh, this is going to be really well received on the internet.
So now I'm boosted.
I'm happy.
Everything afterwards, fine.
Whatever.
Great.
You're not listening.
In that moment, Ryan's like, here, let me help you.
I had so much fucking...
Who wants to walk around?
Rudy, don't answer because I know the answer.
Your answer.
Would you want to walk around with a fucking scabbed up face for a week?
Why would I? Why would you want to focus on a week because you just said that you wanted your face to melt off with your skincare routine
with that other girl i was in here you're like oh that'd be funny like you talking about putting
lotion on his face yeah i know and she's like don't do too much of that because it'll like
chew up your skin and like melt off or she said okay um that absolutely was so you didn't want
to walk around with a bloody nose yeah but then ryan's like here let me help you and he's like taking my shoulders
and spinning around so he could pat my face i just needed a second to like let off steam and
walk away and he's like fine i'll never fucking help you again i'm like get the fuck out of my
face like get the fuck out of my face like no I don't want you to help me in this moment. Like, get out of here. Was there Velcro in your nose?
No, it was literally a thousand degrees that day.
And I was so sweaty just from drinking and tailgating in the parking lot and everything
that it like the blood pouring down my face was mostly sweat.
It just looked like blood because I swear to God, the amount of copium going on right now is
i'm not saying but ask anybody in the know it's mostly sweat everything everything was my entire
face was perfectly fine like three days later there was no that's called healing yeah i understand
in in that video did you think that my face was going to have scabs on it for the near future?
I saw it. It looked way worse
in the video. I saw you three days
later and I was amazed by how
quickly it healed. Thank you.
It was like a combo of
a lot of sweat and just
pouring down my face. So there wasn't very much
blood. It wasn't as much blood as it
seemed like in the video. No.
I hate this fucking conversation no i know but like i walked on it's not like you can fucking hide your face really in the middle of summer especially
no i get it people are like oh man what happened while i jumped into a fucking velcro thing it's
all over the internet google velcro wall dave it'll be the first hit. Will it actually? I probably I would actually
be very surprised if it's not
Velcro wall Dave unless it's
like a old gangster.
Yeah, it's you.
Oh, yeah.
You're the first to.
Probably the first dozen
David doesn't.
Are you thirsty?
In what manner?
Oh, yeah.
Let's have a Bev.
We're going to have a bath. Are we going to have a Bev?
So we went to the sex shop across the street.
I was actually a little disappointed in that.
The sex shop?
They are on the Barstool Chicago ban list, yes.
Why?
I should have warned you, but they won't come on the dog walk.
They won't?
Because you know how Ed has like, he had a high-rise window wash.
Yeah, yeah.
The ice cream man?
Yeah, exactly.
And we walked across the street being proximity well they're probably like psych majors who do
this as a side job and don't know so we walked in and they're call her daddy fans this was 2019 or
20 whatever years ago and um they like knew barstool not obviously all the ins and outs they
didn't know who we were but they like were familiar enough the brand they agreed to it
said they were going to come in.
It was going to be me adding these two sex shop worker chicks.
And then they just started ghosting us.
So we're like,
Nope.
The end.
Well,
we went there because,
um,
Rudy and I were brainstorming a Twitch stream to where,
uh,
Rudy wanted to do the Magnus Carlson challenge where he would play chess with
a vibrating butt plug.
Magnus Carlsen got beat by this guy
and he accused him of cheating
by having somebody tell him what move to do
by vibrating his butt plug.
Yeah, like Morse coding his asshole.
This is like the master,
the best chess player of all time.
He was so taken aback by losing that his gut...
You must have a butt plug in.
Dude, imagine...
Dude, that seems like something you'd say if you got beat.
He probably has a fucking ass plug in.
Ass plug.
It was debunked.
It was debunked.
Yes, it was debunked.
So we went across the street to get something to vibrate in Rudy's ass to play a game.
What we're going to do is I'm bringing over the Oculus and Rudy's going to be doing surgery.
And every time somebody subs, I will crank up the.
Or if I fuck up.
Or if you fuck up the surgery.
He's going to be doing surgery.
This isn't like a fucking.
A surgery sim.
It's a vibrator.
It's not a like.
So what he got.
What would you rather have?
I mean, probably the vibrator.
Okay, well, Rudy i let's test it yeah
we're gonna test it it doesn't it does not go in my ass no it's like a it's a it's for it's a slip
in for vibrating oh it just tickles the perimeter which feels better to be honest so you know i'm
gonna test it out but we also got um a cloud nine aphrodite natural aphrodisiac beverage so it's
we're gonna get real horned up this episode
the tagline is bring in passion to the party i did tell you that we're going to get horny this
episode and you said oh good why it's good to be horny sometimes sometimes it's extra horny
horny is just being excited which is a huge spike in dopamine which is good those are probably uh
do you have anything though dave you have a bottle have a bottle of writer yeah let's go grab one uh while we're doing that here's an ad that cannot be on youtube so
switch over to the podcast if you want to hear this ad for this company uh you guys know what
it is three chi talking three chi we're talking a couple gum tonight. Speaking of aphrodisiacs, 3G.
Yep.
Do you know that, Rudy?
You sold it right there.
Yep. Yeah, the aphrodisiacs.
Yeah, yeah.
It'll make you...
Being horny while high on weed.
Oh.
Yeah.
It's one of the...
It's of all things in life, one of the best has to be getting high wherever you want,
whenever you want.
Best way to do that, obviously, 3G.
It's got the leading products delta 8 delta 9 delta 9
oh the vapes the gummies i like the comfortably numb gummies i do this for a long train rides home
uh it's great it's all backed by science no more hit or miss with the regular uh strains
it's got everything you need kyle rudy d Dave. So if you're ready to experience the next generation of cannabis, head over to 3Chi.com.
Explore the future of getting high the true strains way.
Yeah, I remember the peak of my 3Chi usage.
It's always been the peak, but when I first discovered it, I would just watch Euphoria on HBO.
That's right about when I discovered it when would it make you horny and that move that show i didn't know anything about the plot but watching that show
on 3g was i would re-watch like the cafeteria dance scene these things fly open man
this was the only toy i had as a kid i used to pretend this was a swimmer in the bathtub, dude. This was all I had growing up.
My favorite toy.
What is that called?
A bottle opener.
Yeah.
Wine opener.
Are you on 3G right now?
No.
Pirate water.
Do you wish you were?
I'm on pirate water.
Always.
Well, here.
I'm going to help you out with that.
You guys got a promo code, right? I don't think so dude i was i was off three cheat last night just watching
old lehigh wrestling duels and like loving every second how was the lehigh team i was watching
josh humphries um if you haven't heard of him go check him out uh his old matches he's just
graduated i uh speaking of being the butt of the joke uh to get my fantasy football draft order his old matches. He's just graduated.
Speaking of being the butt of the joke,
to get my fantasy football draft order, we did
a relay race.
You had to chug a beer.
For how many seconds it took is how many times you went around the dizzy
bat. You had to hit it, run pretty far,
do a spelling bee question,
run back, inflate a balloon until it pops.
Mind you, I came in second place. I did it in a minute
31. Pretty good.
But my friend sent me a picture of me
dizzy batting
and it is
so, so bad
for the Ricketts allegations.
It is so
bad. Pull that up?
Yeah, I'll pull it up. You dropping the group chat?
So, quickly quickly what are
you guys uh feeding me here well i'm in the middle of a story but um yak while you pull it up it's
gonna get you horning yeah i love that none like am i gonna be rock hard like walking around the
grocery store probably do am i gonna have to do the texas tuck does this have ginkgo? Because ginkgo gets me fucking throbbing. Ginkgo does get you throbbing.
Niacin?
No.
Niacin's what killed that boy in Breaking Bad, right?
That's ricin.
Niacin's like a standard
mineral you can find in a lot of
good cereals. Grainy cereals.
My mom fucks with niacin heavy.
Here's me playing dizzy bat.
That's against the rules, Nick. What is? My mom fucks with nice and heavy. Here's me playing dizzy bat. Oh, that's against the rules,
Nick. What is? You gotta have the bat
on the ground. Look how small
the bat is, Dave. I understand. You gotta
adapt. This is more about my build
than anything. Your chicken legs
and your knees, I mean,
that looks painful, actually.
That still shot. I'm in pain
just looking at that camera roll right there.
Yeah, man. It's bad. Your knees look like they'm in pain just looking at that camera roll right there yeah man it's bad
your knee your knees look like they are in horrible horrible you look like you're doing
the dougie but yeah but you're dude he does what he's doing yeah it looks like i should not be able
to walk yeah yeah you uh oh it's like baby draft I might have to send you guys a naked picture of me just standing.
Just because it's shocking.
Because those legs leading...
You follow the skinny legs up to a monster cock.
And you're like, what the fuck?
Yeah.
What in the...
Where did that thing come from?
From Mexico with a fat cock.
Cheers, boys.
Last one hard loses i'm out
oh it tastes bad there's a bark extract um rudy maca root you think it tastes bad i don't think
it tastes bad at all this tastes good you think it tastes good it does i wouldn't say good but
bad no way this is just like carbonated grape juice maca root is supposed
to make you shoot ropes like a rail gun for real yeah i shoot ropes like a needler right now
that's what it feels like the halo gun yeah yeah i have one yeah you have one yeah um
got a raise last year and the first day i was like, alright, so needler first and then
I guess I'll buy something else in
a year.
That was the one that had like
a track purple.
This one is actually, it shoots like actual
like very hot, like you know
like how the green laser is like the
UV is insane.
It can actually like not just burn
through like like any material but like
make it explode it was close to seven grand yeah it was insane that's a that's a pretty sweet
impulse buy right there right in the way and it just like it will destroy like it could like kill
you but i can't it's like a gun but a needler that's amazing yeah i can't
like use it too often especially here in chicago oh you can that's what we do here in chicago you
didn't know that we just shoot things yeah yeah apparently yeah dude you should be you should walk
you could holster for the needler yeah yeah get a concealed carry yeah pull up with the needle
how big is it it's four feet yeah like a bazooka you got a master
chief is huge yeah because it's and it looks like a nine millimeter in his hand master chief is huge
but it's probably it's not four feet is it it's like probably is this big and it's wide
yeah what how how much is the ammunition for it or is it just like the ammunition is more than the
gun so i had to get around because it's it's like futuristic lasers i had to get around i know like
10 000 can you bring it in would you shoot it i would shoot i would pick someone i'll shoot them
no not actually shoot them but would you shoot into a target if we bring it in
yeah okay you've seen like people some of the rappers with needlers on Instagram, right?
Yeah.
I saw Takeshi69 with one the other day.
Yeah.
Papoose had one, but he probably has to get rid of that after the divorce.
After Remy.
Papoose and Remy Moss, sad.
Oh, well.
I'm enjoying this.
I got to say I'm enjoying it. Yeah, dude.
This is going straight to my head.
Yeah.
Dude, hell yeah.
Rudy.
Yeah.
Why don't you put on your device and let's just test it.
Do you have the remote control?
Yeah.
Here, hand it to Kyle.
Wait, does it go in your ass?
No, it's like a magnetic.
It clips on one side of your underwear and the other.
I'm just going to kind of put it in the area code of.
And this is one of those experiments.
This is like the most split the anus audience has ever been is when we had Malasek do his poop experiment.
Yeah.
All right.
Hold on.
I got to turn it on.
Wait.
Is it in your.
It's probably in the future.
I told you I put it in the area code.
Okay.
Is it on?
It's on right now.
Okay.
I don't know how to.
I don't know if Kyle's going to be able to turn it off or just change gears but hold on yeah what do the buttons signify kyle plus minus to the left
to the right and then this thing is this thing has got a lot of none of these are like power
well no that's power that's power is it going right now i'm not touching any of the buttons
i don't know maybe it's's like going off my thighs.
Are you about to come?
No, but it's definitely doing like this is like this thing is Howard Stern.
It's got like a V8 in it.
Are you cranked all the way up?
Oh, wait, let's go left and right.
What does that even mean?
Left and right.
I don't know.
Does it move?
Pulsating.
It's like, yeah, it's doing like a a yeah it's like drum and bass right now okay that's that i'm cranking it way
high gear are you getting uncomfortable no it feels nice oh no that's a that's a failed experiment
then yeah we might have to get a strong we might get stronger this was only 150 dollars yeah when
she when she rung it up i was like are you kidding me can i play with it you want to use that no i
don't want to use it i want to play through no it wasn't you get used to it dave just wants to play
with it you get used to it pretty quick really no that's a real bummer we might have to get a more
powerful one yes what kind of like ccs does this thing go up to i don't know like 150
what are you talking like a motorbike yeah i have no idea dave do you like ass play
on whom you just no no no on girls no okay i'm a you're a straight shooter i'm a straight shooter it's boring yeah
totally are you a boring like just straight up just on top yeah for real yeah yeah because
shit is disgusting i dude like you guys we talk about this kind of shit no pun intended regularly
in our office and i have the queasiest, weakest,
bitchiest, pussiest stomach for everything on earth.
Like everything on earth.
I'm a huge pussy is what I'm saying.
Is pussy gross to you?
That was the joke, but it was also,
well, we had this whole conversation with Stephen Shea
like four or five days ago on one of our shows.
Vagina in and of itself.
You were on the show.
It's disgusting.
I disagree with that. The word vagina
is also disgusting. There are words, and I know
you guys have, and you're probably going to laugh at me. You'll be like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Everyone has a word that just gives them like,
you know? Yeah.
I got one. What is it?
There's a cup slice.
Slice?
Yeah, I think my skin getting cut.
Yeah, it just makes you like.
Slice is a good word.
But yeah, I mean, it was, I was kind of playing on a joke from that 70s show, another show
that is very at the forefront of the spotlight right now for bad reasons.
However, Red and Eric were reading a manual on the human anatomy like a textbook or
something and he goes that thing has a mucus membrane yeah mucus is another word that makes
me fucking gross you're gay i don't think i'm gay though i'm like i see a girl i'm like that
girl is fucking smoking hot i see like any of you I'm like you guys are all fucking
yucky you think we're yucky dude
not really yucky but yeah you don't
you don't like yeah yuckies
get not aroused after this
even you know
it'll hit
what's uh what's the episode
number today today is
362 not an area code
but if you're paying attention we revert back to the
beginning which leaves us at 217 217 you probably know is champagne 217 is yeah it is central
illinois springfield decatur urbana, and Effingham. Interesting.
Champaign and Effingham.
I'm also good at that area. Wait, hold on.
Sounds like a good night.
I used to be good at the area of Cogame, too.
Omar Garcia Parra after a championship.
And I wanted to focus on Effingham.
I think it's a funny sounding name.
I don't want to make jokes about the vulgarity of Effing or the lack thereof.
But it's a town of 12,000.
Have you heard of it?
I have.
It's right off of I-57.
I would say it is about three...
No, no, no, no.
It's about 200 miles south of here.
Okay.
Off of I-57 on the way to Memphis, Tennessee.
Two interstates, two major highways,
National Road, and two major railroads.
So it's going to the crossroads of the Midwest.
It used to be, at the
turn of the Industrial Revolution,
a huge rail city. Effingham.
Effingham, and then Cairo, Illinois.
Not Cairo, Cairo. Cairo is at the tip.
I love Cairo.
Of Kentucky. What's it have a
disproportionate amount? Effingham has a
disproportionate amount of restaurantsham has a disproportionate amount
of restaurants because it's so it's such a crossroads yeah what's it got i i haven't looked
oh is this from all right famous people the biggest name to come from effingham sean or uh
west lunt this west lunt it's a funnier name than west it's a funnier name than Wes Lunt.
It's a funnier name than Wes Lunt?
The biggest name is a former NBA player named Uwe Blob.
I don't know.
Which is also the least name of all time.
That's a sell. Uwe Blob?
This guy is amazing.
His name is Uwe Blob.
U-W-E-B-L-A-B.
He's 7'2".
He's a German guy from Munich who mysteriously went to high school in Effingham.
He blocked Michael Jordan once.
Okay.
But he doesn't have good stats.
0.3 blocks a game.
Blocked Michael Jordan.
Not many.
I wanted to heat check him. But outside of his NBA jersey,
the only picture I could find is him
sitting in a burning chair
in khaki workman's overalls.
I did find...
So I was like,
how did this guy get to America?
Uwe Blob.
He was playing basketball at age 17 in Munich.
Yeah. And after a game his future american
dad met him at a bar because that's what they do after a game they go to the bar to drink
and then he asked him he said hey do you want to come play ball in america so he did
you weigh blob and then he wound up at the time he played basketball but barely knew about it and
i found an interview he said I knew nothing about basketball.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
What kind of name is that?
Okay, Uwe Blob.
Uwe Blob from Effingham.
Effingham High.
What team did he play for?
He played for the Mavericks and a couple others, I think.
Okay.
Seven foot two in in the michael jordan era and he blocked him once away blob from effingham
wow man thank you for that uh welcome little history lesson i also have a dickhead of the
week oh no hold on before you get into that yeah this is bad i gotta compose myself because i i'm
trying to think of before i i'm doing to of... You'll be able to get this easily.
A dickhead of the week is a segment.
It could be anybody, anything.
Any person.
I guess anything.
Okay.
Before we get into the dickhead of the week,
let's talk about Factor.
Delicious meal program.
Healthy.
They have all the keto options. They have gluten-free for me it's
great uh with the busy fall season already in full swing you might uh be looking for wholesome
convenient meals fall foods are the best stew chili butternut squash pumpkin um there's 34
weekly flavor packs fresh and never frozen meals to choose from ready in two
minutes uh if you're too busy you know it's it's the most convenient thing coming home toss one in
the fucking microwave good ass meal in two minutes september get factor and enjoy eating well without
the hassle simply choose the meals and enjoy fresh flavor pack meals delivered right to your door.
Just ready in two minutes.
No prep, no mess.
Head to factormeals.com slash KB50.
Use your height and use code KB50 to get 50% off.
That's code KB50.
Factormeals.com slash KB50 to get 50% off.
I think I'm shrinking, but that's besides the point.
Wait, what? No, no, wait. You think you'm shrinking, but that's besides the point. Wait, what?
No, no, wait.
You think you're shrinking?
I lost an inch.
How did you lose one inch?
I don't know.
I saw the picture of me and Steven today, and I'm like, that's no 5'7".
That's a 5'2", man.
I took that picture, and I felt...
It was one of the situations where I'm pretty good at like, hey, I'm not going to do this
picture unless i
look okay okay but steven was so quick with it yeah he was like all right come take a picture
he was sitting at a chair stood right up boom over who's the dickhead of the week any guesses dave
think about the news cycle danny masterson
thinking about the news cycle danny masterson the oh he's the rapist so yeah that surpasses dickhead because he's okay he's an he's like one of the old horrible human beings like this
just like oh he's an asshole um um give me give me like a genre 611 611 but would get
fucking sent to the nether region by yeah yeah
just fucking a fucking useless
6'11
what's the weight
4
4,000
he's a spherical
he
so it's like
that's what you actually
actually gender
you said 4, thousand pounds he said
he obviously uh he can't really be four thousand pounds um so it's like wait is this a cartoon
genderless pathetic oh my god what color um it is raspberry colored but it here's what it is now it's it it's it's
regidrago no what do you regidrago that's an ultra beast regidrago is a poma an upside down
pomegranate with two stems so it's a it's So it's a big fucking raspberry sphere with bedazzled faux sapphires.
Yeah.
With two stubby legs.
That's a sphere with legs.
That's a ball that can't roll.
That's a target ornament.
Its two arms are a bisected dragon's jaw.
Yeah.
So it dubs it's a regidrago can fire an attack made of intense
dragon energy by combining its arms to form a mouth damn well that's what happens when
the person who designs the pokemon makes their arms two mouth halves yeah of course it can do that that's so sick you can't
just assume if i had two dragon halves as arms that i could spurt dragon energy when i close my
arms this is a this is a disgrace so the poke what is going on at pokemon hq it's got to be an intern
they're not on our 19 who has like a quota and they can come up with
anything they're probably a black market yaba by tweaking and they come up with this reggie
drago sick what is its attack it's got a couple i mean a lot an academic theory proposes that
reggie drago's arms were once the head of an ancient dragon pokemon the
theory remains unproved what i don't know man it sounds pretty cool it sounds sweet it's a 611
sphere with two stubs and a dragon's head as its arms you're describing the coolest thing ever the
picture is not good okay the picture's whole that you got to see the picture The picture is not good. You gotta see the picture. The picture is not good.
I'm looking at the picture. It's disproportionate.
I'm looking at the picture.
I like
it a lot, man, but that's just me.
Can you show Dave the picture?
I got a glimpse of it.
There's a lot of different Reggie Pokemon.
Reggie Gigas.
Reggie Rock. Regice. How many Pokemon are there
now? Over a thousand.
That guy stinks. Why does he stink?
That guy stinks.
What did it start with in
98? 101?
151.
What's your favorite Pokemon, Dave?
I never got into it.
I just never really did. I did get
addicted as fuck to the Game Boy game, though. Then you did get into it. I never really did i did get addicted as fuck to the game boy game though
then you did get into it but i never i never collected the cards i don't remember the you
got addicted as fuck okay wait you said you never told you exactly what happened i i was playing
i was never into it i was addicted as fuck though so i had one of the yellow one, I think yellow Game Boy game.
And it was my brothers.
I started playing it.
And then 10 days go by and I'm just like rifling through double A batteries.
And then I got I remember this is so fucking long, but not into it.
I got lost in a cave and my light went out.
So I had to like just meander in the dark.
Wait a minute.
You 10 days and you got to
that cave i don't know how because that that's like an hour into the game i don't i don't know
how long it was no but i i remember i got lost in a cave it was i was playing for it was a dark cave
much longer than just an hour however um i that's when i stopped and that was the dark cave you
didn't teach a pokemon flash i guess not You had to teach a flash or yeah.
Yeah.
But you don't remember any Pokemon that you liked?
No.
Um,
Charizard was the best.
I remember.
Okay.
Um,
I remember all the ones from smash brothers,
uh,
Snorlax when you would come down in front of the screen.
Um,
Blastoise.
Of course.
Venusaur.
Yeah.
Um,
Pikachu.
Did I say that one yet?
Nope. Um, you too. Yeah, you're doing well. Venusaur. Yeah. Pikachu. Did I say that one yet? Nope.
Mewtwo.
Yeah, you're doing well.
I thought Mewtwo was heavy.
Mewtwo is a little weird to me.
Onyx.
The rock one.
We're getting towards the end of my memory.
When I was into Nelly as a kid, he has this line slamming N-words like Onyx.
Yeah, yeah.
And I was like, holy shit, Nelly likes Pokemon.
But there was a very famous battle rapper named Onyx as well who would also slam.
Slam is one of Onyx's moves.
It's one of his songs is slam.
So that's one of also Onyx's move.
So that's crazy.
Maybe it's just like one big they're paying homage to the Japanese are to Onyx the move. That's crazy. Maybe it's just like one big, they're paying homage to the Japanese are to Onyx the rapper.
Yeah, maybe.
But I don't think Onyx slammed black people.
No, I don't think so.
Also Playboi Carti's child's name.
Is named Onyx?
After which one?
I don't know.
O-N-I-X or O-N-Y?
Y?
That's the post.
You're like a Playboy Cardi cult fan?
I'm a huge fan of Playboy Cardi, yeah.
Of course you are.
You have no Lego.
Have you ever met him?
No.
Have you ever met anyone associated with him?
No.
No.
But I embrace, it's the male form of being a Swifty.
It's similar in terms of cult base.
But what really turned the corner was the Playboy Cardi subreddit is one of the funniest subreddits.
I heard about that.
Who just turned on my vibrator?
I've been cranking this.
Okay, okay.
Dang, dang.
Turn it off.
How do I turn it off?
I don't know.
Wait, that's still in your gooch?
No.
I'll turn it down.
I don't know how to turn it off, though.
Is it just as near my gooch?
Dude, I hope that like falls out of your pocket at the bar.
Yeah.
It's like, what?
Oh, God.
Hold on.
Oh, that's where that was.
So we got to get you like a really strong one.
It'll work.
We just have to.
I don't know if there's a way.
He did just turn it on.
So that's actually good.
I was worried that like I had to turn it on.
I mean, it'll do the job.
It'll do the job. I don't think it will. What job job is it supposed to do it's supposed to have him fuck up surgery yeah just oh yeah that's right that's right i've never done it i will say this
if i'm in an oculus i think that heightens you know like my sensory deprivation uh we we are
gonna have to do something we're gonna have to grab other items okay maybe like a paper hold on on this surgery no i've never like i said use it uh
oculus for how are you playing like a game of operation no it's like a surgery has to cut open
a body and okay cool cool cool move it spleen and it's like super like realistic and you like get
blood splattered on your face yeah my face you might get to see a tit or something you know maybe
a titty but for scientific it's a game we're calling a gay doctor okay okay what i like where this is
heading you're gonna be you'll be playing the role of a gay doctor this sounds like you're
gonna be a gay yeah yeah rudy's gonna have the oculus on and nick's actually gonna fuck him in
the ass oh yeah i feel it now yeah i'll probably work on on him what yeah rudy's ass yeah being ass fucked would work on rudy
that would work on you
dude if you see like a gay porn you say i could this could work on rudy
oh now i'm picturing a guy just being this isn't working no no it wouldn't work on me
yeah like like i couldn't explain it i could not get ass fucked it just wouldn't they don't
think i could either no you know but rudy yeah dude it would work um has an you have a telescope
i do which in in like a in an urban high rise that.
It's creepy.
That is.
There's only one use for that telescope.
Are you a peeping Tom?
No.
What floor are you on?
I don't want to say that.
You're not going to dock yourself by saying the floor or just say a number.
23.
Okay.
So you're up there.
I'm up there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What else is that telescope for?
My old, old apartment in
new york had this like incredible view of midtown and my mom is always like what do you want like
what do you want for christmas like she's really always wants to get me things and i was like uh
telescope would be cool because i could see um roosevelt island i could see the chrysler building
she got me like a planetary grade telescope and that's a mom for you and so i started on i started using the
telescope but then i realized soon enough there was a bunch of other apartments around my place
i could see like directly into people's apartment obviously you had to find that out the moral like
stance on this legally it's a-okay it's a-okay leave the and what i tell people is that like
you want to look at it's a great icebreaker people everyone
that's looked through it becomes enamored by it i want a telescope just for like my poor wildly
it's wildly entertaining and i don't do it very often but i've you can really see what people are
up to like uh a while ago i had someone over and i was like i have this telescope and at night it
really pops because the lights and stuff yeah yeah and uh there was a pregame going on and i was like i have this telescope and at night it really pops because the lights and stuff yeah yeah and uh there was a pregame going on and it was like hd you were 10 feet away and you could
it's really interesting to see like social people like interacting like at a party
through a telescope but the coolest thing that happened was that when i was in new york a fire
broke out at an apartment oh yeah for me and i could see the fire in incredible detail and i
then end up breaking the story i was like the first person talking about it and i could see like
the firemen like chainsawing through the roof and stuff it's sort of i equate it to uh the lord of
the rings the um what are the things nick the orcs no the orbs not the orbs got it so it's not
the scenes but it's close to orbs no it's an orcs and it's
okay it's an orb that you look through all right so we gotta address this kyle always brings up
orcs he doesn't fucking know what they are and it drives me crazy yeah he thought orcs were like
forest nymphs he's not they are yeah and they are they're not the big ass like brutish monster
an orc yeah yeah well yeah the ones the conventional ones for like the Hollywood depiction of orcs.
Yeah.
They're going to be huge and monstrous and beastly.
Yeah, of course.
For cinema.
But they're just little pygmy guys?
In reality.
Okay.
There's a whole.
So they're misunderstood?
No.
I think you people like you have a misunderstanding of orcs.
You think the things you see on fantasy films.
Oh, yeah.
Of course, in a fantasy film meant for audiences and kids, it's going to be huge and monstrous.
But in real life, in real life, orcs could be of all sizes.
Yeah.
What's the biggest and smallest orc
you've seen in Chicago so far? Orcs can
be miniature. Orcs can be large
too. I'm not saying orcs can't
be monstrous. Of course.
Those are the
bad orcs in Lord of the Rings
then. Okay. I get it
now. Right. Yeah. Now I
understand. My point was that it's something you shouldn't
look at a lot. Like I don't use it very often is it a scrying or it's like that movie disturbia where he gets
addicted to spying on his neighbors because he's on house arrest yeah but his neighbor's super hot
the hottest girl ever whatever was it who was it i don't i don't even remember her song just i don't
i don't who was in the ass yeah and the insanelyf yeah Shia LaBeouf the insanely odd shit
that
I've never seen
Sarah Romer
what else has she been in that
like people would know
I have no idea
I'm looking
Fired Up
I don't think
I remember her in that
uh
Nothing Good
yeah
exactly
The Grudge
ooh
I've seen some of that
it's like
the horror movie right
yeah that gave me a panic attack
as a kid
yeah Nothing Good The Grudge yeah yeah I was I went to I've seen some of that. It's like the horror movie, right? Yeah, that gave me a panic attack as a kid.
The Grudge?
Yeah, I went to... That was my first movie date was The Grudge.
Oh, that's ballsy.
Are you a horror movie guy?
No.
But it's my first girlfriend, Holly.
She dumped me because I was afraid to kiss her.
What year did The Grudge come out?
This might be embarrassing.
I think I was a freshman.
That might be embarrassing.
The Grudge is like 2015? The Grudge must have terrified 2015 i was afraid to kiss her that was early 2000 2010 ish right no it's old no dude i thought it came out when i was like in college way older than
the first result for the when i searched the grudges is the grudge even scary
nah 2004 yeah that's fine i was afraid to kiss her in 2004 oh you would she broke up how you're Is the grudge even scary? Nah. 2004. Yeah.
That's fine.
I was afraid to kiss her in 2004.
Oh, you would.
She broke up with you. You're 31?
That's young.
Huh?
You're 31?
Yeah.
Oh, 2004.
I was a freshman in high school, so that's fine.
I was terrified of girls back then.
Yes.
Still am.
Dude, we talk about Kyle's first girlfriend.
She forced you to be the boyfriend.
Bree? Yeah. Yeah, she might listen to this. Dude, we talk about Kyle's first girlfriend. Like she forced you to be the boyfriend. Bree.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She might listen to this.
Yeah.
She was.
Yeah.
Because she repairs HVAC now.
She dominated me.
She just is like, no.
That happened to me too, actually.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She like, didn't you just like go to like her house?
She was like, you're my boyfriend now.
It was.
It was like that.
It was like that. Yeah. That was similar to my experience actually really how long did it last for it was a healthy six or so months oh yeah that's basically
marriage in my book yeah i was i was terrified of her i don't even know if we like I'm trying to think back maybe I blocked it
I don't
I'm sure we kissed
I don't know if we touched
I can't
So like you kissed with your arms at your side
I want to like ask her like what did we do
Call her right now just like did I ever touch you
Did I ever fucking touch you
Did I touch you
Did we get carnal Did I ever fucking touch you? Did I touch you?
Did we get carnal?
The sketchiest thing I do in my relationship now is there's this girl that I ragdoll in Scrabble Go.
This girl named Melanie W.
And I beat her by 200 points every game then she immediately like rematches me so it's like 20 straight games of me just destroying her it's not like the only person
i play and i'm not even like scrabble i'm not even that good at it i'm not like great at scrabble go
but i just destroy how'd you get in scrabble 100 it's like wars with friends it's just rebranded right but
like does your girlfriend see all these notifications from melanie w i don't think
she sees it um you hide it from her yeah it's like i don't know you gotta admit like her profile
picture is like her with her like uh husband or boyfriend and it looks weird because because i
it would be way better if there were close matches but i am destroying her and she keeps replaying me does she do you think she
likes you no i don't think have you ever conversed with her that she has a crush on you my name is
simon wet dick i don't know why i must have made that can you school. Can you like converse? It was just like Simon W. versus Melanie W.
And I...
Let me see these scores.
Why is it Simon Wet Dick?
Years ago, I made this account.
And I guess it's like the Apple account?
Your Apple account is Simon Wet Dick.
How's it spelled?
Simon Wet Dick with no spaces.
And Dick, the D in dick is capitalized as well
What do you think this girl's husband's thinking
About when she's so stupid
She has to be
We got to get her on the pod
Messenger and display would you hop on
Yeah
Have you guys like ever
Conversed at all?
No.
I play lots of people.
It's not like I'm only playing her, but I'm going to
accept any challenge.
Where is she?
What was the closest game you've had?
I'm going to pull up our school.
I actually just lost a camera
enough because I haven't played in a while.
Simon Wetdick.
All right.
Can you talk to me about what Melanie's bosom was like?
Oh, my last play was Onyx.
No way.
22 points.
Your last play was Onyx.
That's crazy.
We have to talk about Mook since the last episode. Onyx. That's crazy. We have to talk about
Mook since the last episode.
Oh, yeah.
We do.
What, dating escapades?
Or what are we getting into here?
David, are you single?
Yes.
So you're out on the prowl consistently?
Every night of the week.
What's your move?
I don't make moves. I let the moves be made on me okay all right um dating apps are just like social media or no i've never done
dating apps okay i've never done dating apps i me either i'd be afraid to like choose your photos
like i will say this photo is super embarrassing i got a text
from a friend not too long ago there is an imposter on hinge of me that's just that's yours
no i swear to god if somebody's trying to actually know girls they're going to make you
it was like pictures of me with the person who's using it they're like trying to use me for
this person who you do know sent me the screenshots and i thought someone was
making an imposter economy i'm like fuck i don't want that out there but it was just like i took
pictures of some rando and what was the what was the bio it said here i will it's do you have
photos of it i do right now i'll pull it up oh but what about mook while he's pulling that up yeah so last episode oh yeah and on this fantastic set of dates with this what we like we were all
enamored enamored and in agreeance that you like this was the one yeah that little whore reached
out to you oh god yeah i came out as the cream pie god last episode very cool she enjoyed the episode
she said that she giggled she didn't love it you know what i mean but loving it would be a bad sign
yeah i think we went through that i think if she liked it too much i'd be like okay this is weird
uh but she enjoyed the episode and i think we're gonna hang out sunday or friday She's still in Iowa. Yeah. Oh, so nothing has, has anything gotten worse?
No, no, nothing's gotten worse.
So yeah, we just haven't seen each other since, uh, right.
Almost a week and a half.
What did she think about us?
She loves you guys.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She likes the boys.
Yeah.
She wants to link up.
Fuck.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
She does need our approval before you give her your boys. Yeah. She wants to link up. Fuck yeah. All right. Yeah. She does need our approval before you give her your heart.
Yeah.
That's fair.
I don't want to put too much pressure on either of you to, you know, make anything too official.
But like, yeah.
But at the same time, I think, what do you think?
Yeah.
Like this.
I'm along for the ride.
I'm nothing.
I'm not, you know, taking it day by day.
You're dressing different.
Yeah.
I look good. You do look good today. You look like You're dressing different. I look good.
You do look good today.
Typically, you look like you're on your way to kickball.
Now you look like... Yeah, you're always dressed for kickball, except for today.
Yeah, it does.
Something has changed.
Something has changed.
You're wearing pants, a flannel.
Yeah.
I'll tell you what, he's smitten.
Yeah.
Are you smitten?
I'm a little happy.
Got a little haircut.
A little pep in my step.
You got a haircut? No, no, no. Don't do that, though. Are you smitten? I'm a little happy. Got a little haircut. A little pep in my step. You got a haircut?
No, no, no, no.
Don't do that, though.
Don't do what?
That just sets yourself up for disappointment when she inevitably dumps you.
Jesus Christ.
Don't be happy.
What do you mean don't be happy?
I got to be a little happy.
Happiness is not good to be.
Why would anybody?
Happiness is not good to be.
Because it comes with expectation.
And you got to keep it and all that.
So you're not happy.
Well said.
No, I hate everything and everybody around me.
Like you think that's the ideal way to live?
Yeah.
I think it's healthy.
Everything is every it's everybody else's problem other than mine.
You know, this explains the Velcro a lot.
Like the aftermath or me doing it yeah you being upset yeah yeah yeah
yeah it does yeah yeah so we can get into a real that's bliss bliss is to me getting to a point in
life where you just stop giving a shit about everything okay everything you just like in
office space you just sit around and like hang out, maybe, you know, watch TV, play with the dog and, you know, go to bed, wake up next day, do it all again.
You have to have things that you get excited about in life.
You have to be, you know, the suit of goals or like that's better than the outcome.
You know, the sports teams I root for one of the coaches just got allegedly popped for kiddie porn.
Another one had a hazing incident.
You're talking about individual things.
Kyle, you know I'm fucking around here, right?
I'm not actually a fucking miserable...
Well, you're playing the role well.
I know.
Off camera, too.
Because off camera, too.
No, I'm not.
Come on.
I have a great fucking time.
What are you excited about?
Excited about goals in life and everything goals like you get excited.
I can't wait to be with you guys in the office every day in a month.
I think it's going to be great for everybody.
We could actually use your help for video coming up.
Love that.
What do we got?
I'm searching for a new Indian Indian.
Oh, yeah.
Dots or feathers.
Come on.
Are we not allowed to make those jokes anymore
there's only one type of indian yeah i know that's right the one you know south asia that's right
yeah uh what uh mook you have a google doc built yes nobody fuck around like this is serious so
like if you're not indian stay out stay the fuck out. But if you're like Indian passing,
but not Indian,
that's,
that's fine.
Yeah.
That's impressive.
Did you almost say that's even better?
If you're white,
but Indian passing you.
Yes.
Yeah.
But we did bonus points.
If your name is Maresh bonus points,
if your name is Patel and double bonus points, if your,
if your name is Maresh Patel, which I'm sure exists sure exists so in the google form there's a list of questions okay do you want
any like a picture submission do you want any yeah but they have to be doing something like
i want them to be like hello holding a paper uh hello anus okay just for yeah um do you want them
to try to put you on to
something? I was going to use that
as a prompt too. I'd imagine they'll end
up cold calling me and we could talk about that.
Okay.
Yeah.
Some of these guys I've probably talked to.
It's dinner time.
Yeah.
And I think what we'll do is we're going to do a video.
A call from barfs.
Pick up from barfs.
Oh, that's our area code.
Pick it up.
Just go on.
Hello. Virginia Bureau for Public Health.
Oh.
What was that?
Not for me.
That was a chick.
It was a call for public health.
Did you take like a task recently?
Yeah, I must have.
I do have one more update from the date.
Since you guys did deem me the cream pie god
Some girl came out of the woodworks
And said why do I keep getting tagged
Or why does Connor Moo keep getting tagged
Oh yeah she was wearing a sweatshirt that said
The cream pies with the heart in it
Or the heart with the cream pies in it
And we went over that like I replied
Big Cat replied but then her only fans
Went up a couple hundred subscriptions
How'd you know
And she made like $1,000.
Really?
Off of that tweet.
This is a tweet?
Yeah.
So she sent out, who is Connor Mook?
Why do they keep tagging me in my cream pies tweet?
I replied, Big Cat replied.
A day later, she made like $1,000 on OnlyFans.
So she owes you?
Yeah.
Have you talked about that?
Have you squared it away with her?
She has approached me.
About what?
Oh.
Making content?
Stuntcock?
She wants to make content with you?
No, no, she doesn't.
Like content content?
I was hip thrusting there.
Oh, okay.
Oh, he's worn out.
His face is watching on the monitor.
You're cloud nine.
Yeah, for Odesia has hit.
No, she wants to thank me for the OnlyFans stuff.
With a blowjob.
All right, that's a new until story.
God bless.