A New Untold Story - WFB - A New Untold Story: Ep. 386

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

nick broke the incase of emergency glass. WFB. Ads: Netflix - NETFLIX | THE GENTLEMEN LIKE IT WHEN YOU WATCH. https://www.netflix.com/title/81437051 Factor - Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/kb50 and use code kb50 to get 50% off.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. Here we go. Give me a quick countdown and a clap. Five, four, three, two, one. Hello, hello, hello. We didn't follow any of the rules. Did you put a silence?

Five, four, three, two, one. The clap, the clap. KB put a silencer on his call. Yeah, it was a muffled ass clap. Weak air clap. Are we good? That's your reply to what I'm going to say. No, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story old or told?

No, baby! That's a new untold story. A new untold story. It's a fresh, big untold story it's a fresh big untold story a new untold story all right welcome back to a new untold story episode, boy. Guys, we're doing a drunk episode. We couldn't think of any fucking ideas. So we were in the office and we just got drunk. Episode what?

386. 386. But do you want to start with... What Pokemon's 386? Can you Google that? No, he probably can't. Off the top, Deoxys. Deoxys, which version?

Doesn't matter. It's probably all the same number. The one with DNA strands. Yeah, Deoxys is fucking sick. Yeah, that was off the top. Yeah, Deoxys. Deoxys, which version? Doesn't matter. It's probably all the same number. The one with DNA strands. Yeah, Deoxys is fucking sick. Yeah, that was off the top. Yeah, Deoxys. This is the one Pokemon that I researched and I was like, yes, this fits the realm of a fantasy creature. He has a bunch of different forms. He's

really cool. He's 5'7", like me. Tall. 134 pounds. Are you taller than Charizard? I think you're taller than Charizard, man. I think Charizard's 5'6". Really? is five six really yeah man it was like eight uh you're the same height as charizard same height as charizard i got steph curry you got charizard charizard jeremy allen white justin bieber not ferret though ferret towers over you i'm the same height as Charizard. Boys,

I don't know if we can put this podcast out. I haven't dug this up in a long time, but ever since I got hired at Barstool, I've had in case of emergency break glass situation and I want to get it off my chest with you guys. I'm nervous. Don't make this weird, though.

I'm not ready for emotional discomfort. No, no, no. It's going to be cringe, I think. I can do that. When I was in high school, me and two other buddies were super inspired by The Lonely Island. Oh, no, no. And me and my boys put out a couple albums. Oh.

Oh, Nick, the whole time. And the whole premise, the whole shtick of our rap group was that we were incredibly misogynistic. No. Yeah. Who was it? It was me. I can't really say their names because they are professional guys.

What's their stage name? Do they have a stage name? Yeah. So I was Father Time. My boy was the Milkman and my other boy was Chris. Yeah. That's a good stage name, Chris. Well, that was just his actual name.

He's not a creative type. You were Father Time? Yeah. And you did rap parodies? We did misogynistic rap parodies. Sex parodies? Yeahodies yeah how old uh senior year of high school and the thing is we made a website it's and i don't have the email to take the website down anymore oh my god it's up yeah here we go i can't do it so we're called wfb it stands for we fuck bitches but just go to we fuck bitches

mook buddy you got this no no no no stop it's the it's the domain name don't put a fucking space don't fuck this up moog dot band camp oh no dot com it wasn't like a so there's my band. Our first album was called Dynamoist. It's like dynamite. Wait, wait, wait. Pause, pause, pause. That's you on the far right. No, it's me in the middle.

The far right is my. Oh, that was Hammer Quest. No, how are you not talking about the background? Oh, it's a bunch of rainbow condoms. I learned a new trick. That is you. Yeah, man. I can't tell who the other guys are though.

Yeah. I'm glad because they have real the guy on the dinamoist yeah it's like dynamite dinamoist i was uh 17 um dinamoist was our first single we put out uh do on my dick harry palms and then women's rights that's your big three and then our our second album was what making you moist you recorded how did you record the song so my buddy's older brother was in a punk band i know it is called the unknowns and he had a recording studio in his house.

Can you click on that? I want to see that. What is that? You have blonde hair? Yeah, man. I used to be blonde. My hair just got darker with age. Extremely blonde. Yeah. Women's holes making love. Wait, wait. You were as an adult.

You were in a band called We Fuck Bitches. I was in high school. You were a senior. Okay, but I was in high school. You were a summer birthday. I had not had sex. All three of those guys are virgins. Yeah, you were 18-year-old virgins.

No, 17. In We Fuck Bitches. Play Fat Bitches Bounce. I'm not. So we sampled the Fat Boy Slim song. Yeah. I don't know if we can put this out, man. Yeah, we are.

This is just, we stole Fat Boy Slim. But then we added lyrics. Oh. Fat bitch, why you talking to me? Yeah, fat bitch, control that obesity. I said, fat bitch, walk away from me. Oh. This is good. That's you. That's you. That's me. And we had one live show.

You had a live show? Yeah. That sounds just like you now. Yeah, dude. It's still me. All right, pause it. All right, dude. It's still me. Another fucking cookie. All right, pause it. All right, that wasn't cringy.

That was pretty good. No, these are all really, really bad. I don't think that was that bad. Women's rights. There's a song called Women's Rights. It wasn't that bad. There's a song called Women's Rights, and it's about fucking without a condom. And then it was like, and if you get pregnant, just abort it.

That was a Facebook meme back then. That's on dynamo. But, uh, making love was pretty good. I think please play another dude. I can't know. That wasn't bad, dude.

It's fat bitch. Even though the cookie bitch, you want a piece of this was my break, break in case of emergency topic that I've been sitting on for four years. We fuck 2011. So I guess that was, This was my break in case of emergency topic that I've been sitting on for four years. Yeah, we needed this. We fuck. 2011. So I guess that was college.

Freshman year of college. Oh, no. Still virgin. All good and well. Yeah. Yikes, but not going to say anything. Oh, fuck. You were in We Fuck Bitches.

I was. Goodness gracious. Yeah. yikes but not gonna say anything oh fuck you were and we fuck bitches i was goodness gracious yeah we had the number one song on band camp in another country and i forget what country and we were like oh i think it was uh some asian country i think fat bitches bounce was the number one song can i get in trouble for this no i think we would say this Eat another cookie Today Go back to Play another song, please No, no, no, don't do women's rights, please Please do women's rights No, no, don't Go to Making You Moist

It was an ironic meme This is killing me, boys Do Making You Moist Making Love was pretty good, I think Yeah, it was Arab-inspired. Yo, I'm dancing in this club. I'm trying to beat skins. And who do I meet?

A sexy set of twins. I ask them to fuck. They want to throw a fit. They say, which one do you want? I said, I don't give a shit. I take them both to the men's room. They take off the clothes. I smell the perfume.

They start to kiss. My pants got tighter. They went down on me. And I sprayed like a firefighter. And this is the verse. That's you. Yeah. We're getting head in the club. Getting head in... And this is me. That's you. Yeah We're getting head in the club Getting head in- And this is me This is you My voice cracks

Fuck I said naked, dude I don't see a girl like this to have sex with This part is so good Working up a sweat what this is the only black guy in the group This is the only black guy in the group. Oh, shit. He's the worst.

Yeah, he's the worst one. Yeah, the guy on the far left is black, very obviously. Go back to Nick's verse. No, I... Gynecologista? It is. She said she wants me to fista, and I rhyme that with gynecologista. Oh, yeah. Got a little bit for...

Come on, man. The whole thing. No, I think yours is the best. God, I can't come on, man. The whole thing. No, I think yours is the best. I stroll up to her. God, I can't do this, man. So I met this bitch at the supermarket. My dick got hard. That ass was hard. I

stroll up to her looking on ask her if she wants to take a dip in my pool. She says, yeah, I'd love to get out of this heat. Well, I don't have a pool so we can just be she's naked. She asks me to fist her. I'm up so deep I feel like a guy in a color just Everybody needs a girl like this to have sex with Have sex with Sex with.

There's no other word. What is your rhyme? Gianna Collagista? Fistista. I got a fist. Gianna Collagista. The last part's fire. This to have sex with.

None of us have had sex. And like, after there was like probably another year without sex with between the three. That's that wasn't bad. I think some of these may be problematic. A little bit. That guy's black. Yes, that guy's black.

He has an afro. That guy's black? Yes, that's a black man. Look at his brown skin. Look at his neck. No, it is not. Look at his neck. Look at his head and neck.

That's what I'm looking at. That's a black guy. That looks like a red guy. No. He's black. No, he isn't. He said the N-word in the songs. No, he didn't. No, a black guy. That looks like a resident. No. He's black. No, he isn't. No. He said the N-word in the songs.

No, he didn't. No, he didn't. That looks like a gamer. Well, yeah, but you could be black and a gamer. That looks like a resident evil villain. That's not. That's a black guy. It's not. That is not a black guy.

That is not. Also, hold on. Is he not black? No. Did he tell you he was? I met his black mom. That's probably why he probably wanted to get on your track He needed some desperation fuck He is black. I know how to say this is not a black guy. Yes. It is dude. I know him ain't no way

That's just not it's just isn't I know his brother's name is Q. His brother's name is Q. That is. Yeah, that's one point, Nick. Yeah. Yeah. But he's that's not a black man. Also, wait, you have. Look at you. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm wearing an American flag do rag and a sweater. All right, guys, if you're hearing this ad, you're listening on spotify or apple music or amazon or something because this is an audio only exclusive ad you should feel really good about yourself so buckle up because it's time to talk about 3chi 3chi is a premier place for cannabis products has just launched a new line of true strains vapes and gummies and all kinds of stuff i'll get you get you pretty pretty excited for the new stuff. Whether you're in the mood for a high that's soothing, energetic, relaxing, or ultra-potent. What are you like?

What are they talking about? Whether you're in the mood for that. Yeah, I'm thinking I'm in the mood for that. Three Cheese True Strains lineup has you covered with options like Comfortably Numb, Full Throttle, Nirvana, Hammer of God, and many more. You were chiefing on hammer of God. Hell. Right.

It was- Damn near- What was it, two days ago? It was euphoric. It was relaxing, comforting. Tasted good. Yeah. I believe that.

So if you're ready to experience the next generation of cannabis, head over to 3chi.com and find out the exact experience you're looking for with their True Strains lineup. They deliver I get consistency, yes. Potency, yes. Personalized effects. Huh.

You'll never have anybody else's high. Okay. Yeah. And that's what I felt. So you felt your high and you'll feel that every time i love that bullet point i promise you go to 3chi.com that's number three c-h-i.com to find a true strain today 3chi wait so it was parody but you're going for misogyny yes and you're also you also haven't had sex so you're slightly angry at the same time. No, we know sex is just right around the corner.

Yeah, you're gearing up for it? Gearing up to the first bitches. I was fucked up by the font. So you have a woman on an office chair. On an office chair. And then a woman. A cowgirl? They're all cowgirls, Rudy.

But on an office chair? I need to actually listen through if we can even put this out. I don't know what's problematic or what's not. You're tripping. Those were fine. No, yeah. I'll say everything that you sang so well. Yeah, you said you didn't say anything Future didn't besides this particular certain word.

What's Women's Holes? Making You Moist was our first album. That was in high school yeah let's uh that was in the summer after high school I should say let's give women's holes

a run oh is this acapella that sounds like me oh this one was more lo-fi. It's like Beastie Boys. Yeah. This is good.

Pretty good. Oh, shit. Oh, misdirection. I thought you were going to a wussy he's in the back of your mind you know i rock your vagina oh misdirection i thought you're gonna rhyme wussy with puss all we did was misdirection go to dinoist that was our more that's when our one black guy left the band as you can tell from the album cover we're one man down that guy looks that's me dude that's nick yeah you can see my gauges in my ears uh all right harry palms or harry palms about beating off i think women's rights may be the reason we can't put this out all right well let's give it a try the right to vote. Ha, ha, ha. Damn right. The right to choose.

Ha, ha, ha. I give my bruise. Damn right. The right to be proved. Ha, ha, ha. Come make me some food. Damn right. The right to say no.

Ha, ha, ha. Now how about you blow? My dick. Diesel. Holy shit. My dick. Some soup bits on the pot. Now walk over here.

Wow, squat. Suck, suck, suck to the monster. Don't feel like it. You like it or not. Cause I really, really, really like your vagina. But dude, you're clowning. You're clowning. I am clowning.

This one is funny and good. Play it over again. No, no more. That was a great start. No, no, keep going cause... Oh, shit, fuck. I knew it was.

Wait, no. Fast forward. Play it from the beginning. Can I get in trouble for this? No. No. Go forward. No, no.

I don't want to play from the beginning. I'm playing. Damn right. The only joke we knew was misdirection but it was better than most god damn man This song, which one is this? Women's rights. This one is this? Women's rights. This one is good.

This is timelessly good. But it's all parody and satire. Yeah, I know. I think this is funny today. That was a little aggressive there. What was that parodying the state of we challenged pro right pro life vs pro choice

this is the best one of the bunch that's good holy shit yeah man it's been it just feels really good to get off my shoulders. We have a ad read for Netflix. Rudy, what were you just, you just had a Netflix moment, right? You had a little bit of a faux pas.

Well, it's such a. You confused Netflix with Wikipedia. No, I didn't. It's just, I didn't confuse Netflix with Wikipedia. I just, I just transferred it with something boring, with something stimulating, current. You did. And great. You were thinking about Netflix because you've been watching the gentlemen gentlemen's great um it's filled with listen listen let we have the ad copy here let's read it together okay first bullet point three two one virgin mary full of weed hitler's

balls cocaine chickens in a priest with a shotgun yeah what are we talking about kyle we're talking about the series the gentleman it's guy richie's first series ever guy richie's first series ever and the gentleman from the white lotus theo is he's in it is in it he does a tremendous job are you a fan of movies like Snatch or Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels? Could be, in the context of this ad read. You are. Amongst my favorites. You're going to lose your fucking shit over his Netflix show. It follows a new cast of lockdown lords and ladies slumming it in Britain's criminal underworld.

Guns out and pinkies. I need you guys all to watch The Gentleman because we're going to be making a lot of The Gentleman references. Aye! Yeah, some subtle, some not so subtle what were you thinking yeah yeah we'll be saying shit like that yeah you're gonna want to know what like what scene or episode we're talking about yeah yeah we're gonna be doing a lot of that in the future like you'll know now if we do the eye you're gonna be the inside of that so there's gonna be other like way more subtle elaborate references watch what's happening kyle why don't you why don't you read this last line in a british accent whoa whoa whoa that was russian yeah back um go a little bit a little bit west yeah yeah i think you have a high pitch let me find it west west of russia watch what happens yeah that was good when you try to play a little

bit liverpool game watch what happens don't miss the gentleman now playing on netflix all right yeah only on netflix it's only on netflix so don't like go to one of the competitors hell no typing in the gentleman in the search bar wasted time that was beautiful thanks man it's not bad it's like funny in the sense that it was so long ago but it was pretty good parody art

yeah I'm so fucking embarrassed dude and not often do I get embarrassed I love getting shit on I guess it's like somewhat embarrassed but I think Dew on My Dick was good Harry Palms wasn't good it was about jerking off what was the creative

process here my buddy had a recording studio in his house from his older brother's punk band and we were in a punk band called 2000 Miles to Darkness and in between we would just fuck around with this. Okay. So it was like just the boys having fun.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But this was our by far most successful project. Really? What, what, what,

what do you mean by success? How'd you garner success? What? Uh, you could see the charts on, um, on band camp at the time. And we peaked pretty high in some countries that like we just like

yeah this i had legitimate fans i could have seen this going viral or like getting steam if we could put this out today it would go crazy well you're about to put it out i don't know the website out i don't know what the problem is wait hold on go scroll down again dude what are these what are the if you might like artists? If the two weeks before, so I put in my two weeks at Ohio State, and then there were the two-week span of Ohio State to Barstool, and that entire time was me trying

to get this email recovered. Oh, you had a job with this on. Yeah, and I've been in constant panic my whole life that this would be dug up there's nothing that would ever lead to me uh unless i just said it like if we got drunk on a podcast and had no other ideas yeah i think you're i think this is this is the kind of thing that gets you hired yeah can you play do on my dick? I think it's about ass fuck. Please play do on my dick I don't remember this one and it's got me w no do oh, oh You thought like falling asleep outside. I didn't know what I thought God I don't know if I can do this. This is a real guitar. This is us playing. It's almost 13 years old. Sounds good

Yeah This is us playing. It's almost 13 years old. Sounds good. Yeah. Nick. Yes, man. Look, I always do. I always do. So I pull my dick out and wait for my cue. Then I jam my fucking dick in where she makes poo. I'm thrusting. Oh. Then I pull my cock out and let it give it a lick. The look on her face looks like she's going to be sick.

Looks like I had some. Do you want my dick? Do you want my dick? Do you want my dick? Do you on my dick Dew on my dick Dew on my dick You hear the whisper saying it's poop? Dew on my dick Yeah, well I had some of a similar experience

I keep thinking that's me It's not you, man. What's up? I'm blown away This is real guitar playing, too If you came to me today with that idea, I would be like, yeah, let's fucking make history.

I was 17. That's funny. That is funny. It's great. It almost makes me wish that I feel jealousy. I wish I had a band camp. This is super fun. This is,

this has been, there hasn't been a day that's gone by at barstool in my tenure where i haven't thought about like do on my dick where i haven't thought about opening up twitter and be like yo what is this this is like super therapeutic for me to get off my chest no pretty impressive yeah i think like your boy the duo what would he be cool with this like let me give him a calling like retroactively platinum let me give him a call yeah call him up oh man dude like this is this was like i had i'm very drunk right now I had to be yeah this is like top tier 2013 12 humor yeah

even now yeah he might not pick up he knows what it is he knows this call would come eventually yep he knew it would come eventually yeah man that feels really good to get off my chest thank you guys for accepting me Stu

I think that's pride. Yeah. Is there any other... Harry Palms? Harry Palms I think sucks. I think it's genuinely bad. The other ones were catchy. What other ones are we missing? Making Love, I Need a Girl Who Swallows.

I don't remember that at all. I Need a Girl Who Swallows. You know, y'allall i've been with plenty of bitches lie but i haven't met that special one yet this is a ballad that'll swallow my cum stand up motherfuckers this is wf being the motherfucking house what's up baby i always buy you diamonds and jewels i'm always dude this sounds good the production sounds good the lyrics are good. Oh!

There's Nick. I'm gonna finish yeah so it's not good i was very inspired inspired by, like, Flight of the Concord. Oh, man, am I turning red? This is bad. No, it's not bad, dude. Honestly. No, it's not too bad. Honestly, this is like listening to 100 Gex, honestly.

Yeah. Better than that. I'm, like, sweating my ass off, dude. This is such a weight lifted, but also such shame. No, you should be proud of this this is best case scenario some of these lines are gonna catch on yeah man

fat bitches bounce was for sure our catchiest but we just stole a fat boy slim song and added lyrics yeah you had good production can I play it one more time? sure yeah you had good production can i play it one more time sure what is this rockefeller i think this yeah but like this was before college i don't know why Send them in. I said, fat bitch, why eat another fucking cookie. Send them in. I said, fat bitch, why you talking to me? You feel that angst in my voice?

Control that OE sitting here. I said, fat bitch, walk away from me. Fat bitch, go eat another fucking cookie. Fat bitch, how you talking to me? Yeah, fat bitch, control that OE sitting here. And mind you, I was afraid of women. Yeah. Yeah, I know.

Another cookie. And mind you, I was afraid of women. Yeah. Yeah, I know. You're a fat bitch. You're offending my eyes. Fat bitch, got those thunder thighs. I said, fat bitch, just look at that gut. Fat bitch, clear out of the pizza hut. Alright, alright. Dude, you know who would love this? This is a perfect

song for Johnny Drama. Yeah. A montage? An entourage. Dude, like, given the time and like all the this is like i think if they fell on the right ears i would have been big yeah so what was what was the goal like did you want like this was purely funny for us we wanted to be a punk rock band right um for us we wanted to be a punk rock band right um in between recording late at night drinking yeah we went in there and just we took on these personas of these misogynistic rappers that's what i'm saying like we would i would agree to do this project with you now you want to revamp all the lyrics like i just came up with these can you just please recite

these for a barstool video? I'd be like, hell yeah, that's a great idea. This is going to kill. And I think it would still work. Just play Harry Palms. Just make sure there's nothing problematic. This is pretty much as timeless as it gets. I think it's really bad.

Oh, this one right rule, actually. Oh, shit, dude. It's the best one. No, Harry Palms sucks. I remember being embarrassed of Harry Palms. It's the best one. No, Harry Palms sucks. I remember being embarrassed of Harry Palms.

Goddamn, boys. I hate that we got to this day. Oh, we needed it. We had to record this one on the road. It sounded like you were getting smothered. Is this the black dude? No, he's not in it anymore. What? when she's gone. I'm gonna slice and replace him. Bob the Boa and the Cobra. Play a little Father One. Pulse up his simple deport.

It's time for a little rod dancing. Yeah, that's why I think I didn't like Harry Palms because it wasn't... Let's hear your verse. I haven't heard this in... How long? You're about to hop on the track. This is the best beat. This is a good beat.

He's really good. Soundedsatisfaction. He's really good. Sounded like Billy Football. He's good in this one. You've been carrying the other ones. He's singing along a little bit. Yes. I can't believe I'm doing this, man. This is not good.

I'm bad here. I had to rhyme hoe. You rhymed doe with flow. Not a rip. Just gave up. I don't know. Harry Palms was not a good song.

That was your worst, but not great. Best production. Best beat, worst verse from Nick. I appreciate it. No, I appreciate the feedback, boys. Your verse in fucking Fat Bitches is crazy. Thanks, man. But one of the rhymes, what was it again?

I rhyme fista with gynecologist. I think that was in Women's Rights. That was, yeah, I'm a Women's Rights guy. Yeah, man. So just me opening up to you boys. I love you guys.

Yeah, that was great. Me too. If I were you, I'd be proud of this. I'm not at all. We had a Facebook page. It's down now, I believe. You were also in another band.

I was in punk bands. A few, yeah. In 8th, 9th, 10th grade. So this was just a fun thing to do in between. But I was playing live shows in a punk band. I was doing music until senior year. I was in a band called the flips through high school. And my dad was going to let me take a year off between high school and

college to try to do music. And then my drummer and lead singer of the band got arrested. So you like, so I went to college music and being in a band was a big part of your life from eighth grade to senior year. And then I was in Weezer too in college. You were actually in Weezer too. and then i was in weezer 2 in college you were actually in weezer 2 yeah i was in weezer 2 for what do you mean actually what the fuck do you mean

yeah i mean i i feel like i know weezer 2 has been an anus joke for a while i know how big weezer the band is i mean that's surreal so that i'm i thought it would be funny to be in a band called weezer 2 the number no i'm sorry it was t-o-o apostrophe 2 as well i thought it would be a funny band name just take um no that just nothing i promise you what did you play at pleasant street what was no no no no no uh we played just at uh my buddy bobby guy's called? No, no, no, no, no. We played just at my buddy Bobby Guy's party. A Grotto? No, I never played at Pleasant Street in Morgantown in a band.

I played in the Nelson Jordan Center in Wheeling. I played basketball. And I played at Guy Shelley's, the rundown place in Center Market in Wheeling. And then I played in Yesterday's, which was a heavy metal bar in Wheeling. And then one day, we were all going to go to yesterday's and i just fell over it toppled yeah it just tipped the bricks yeah it's actually super it's a good super good venue the whole building tipped that's it stayed intact but it was just sideways right you could have yeah you say you did a live show with wfb. WFB did one live show. Yeah. That band did a lot of that group.

Yes. Dynamoist for people. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not surprised, but. Yeah, we did my buddy's basement for a party. Was it more of a musical show or a comedy show? Musical.

But like that, this is something that you need to like fucking laugh at. Yeah. I don't I don't I don't know what came over me. Yeah. It's funny. Thanks, man. It's really funny. It's very funny.

How long ago is that? 2011. What is it? That was like, I didn't even adjust it for humor and inflation. That was probably maybe too funny for that era. Thanks, man. Yeah, for humor inflation. Yeah, this would have been taken literally

yeah i i was a i was afraid of that like i've been living in fear yeah we were on that wave back then this may have made it onto this song is sick what the fuck is that you never heard of this song is sick no oh that's like an old dude or no it's an old uh music blog or this song slaps oh we were hoping to be like we try to put up a song on dat piff dat piff that was a big one the collection with a k all right you know guys i'm good i feel good i am i good yeah that's fine yeah this is upping i'll reiterate all of your this is sentiments this is it was all satire none of us had had sex yeah i think it's funny okay no this is nothing it was funny back then funny now and i just can't take the website down

this is funnier than this this is funnier than anything i the culmination of everything i've done well i think we're all just in a state of like yeah of course his embarrassing right fucking musical group is still funny it holds up in an ironic way right everything about it hits the black i don't know if i don't know if i want to put this episode black guys we're gonna have don't okay he's black he's not he's not he's black i think he's a fake black i don't think he's black he looks like his name is sebastian or bryce yeah randy i don't want to see what his name is It's Chris Yeah my My break glass in case of emergency

Content is not funny It's just straight embarrassing What is that though? My boy on the right So he's in my Kung Fu Uniform He's in the long sleepy cap What do you mean Your kung fu back it up back it up

oh i did why did you it's a kung fu uniform i did kung fu from fourth grade to ninth grade where where was there a kung fu in wheeling were you the board i don't even want to go into this because there's controversy. You did Kung Fu? Yeah, I did Kung Fu and I was a blue sash and we traveled and did shows. You did Kung Fu shows? And I was a nunchuck. I was the nunchuck guy for the shows. They used you as the

nunchuck? I was trained in nunchucks for four years. Alright guys, it's time to talk about Factor. Eating better is easy with Factor's delicious, ready to eat meals. Every fresh, never frozen meal is chef-crafted. I almost said chef.

CH makes chuh. What'd you almost say? Chef-crafted. Oh yeah. Yeah. Dietitian approved and ready to go. Ready to go in two minutes. Two minutes. It's an easy heat up. It's got the two minute meals. Fuel up fast with Factor's restaurant quality meals that are ready to heat and eat wherever you are.

Pancake smoothies and more, Kyle. Discover the wide variety of easy options for the entire day. Breakfast, midday bites, and hell, even more. No prep, no mess meals. Head to factor.com slash KB50 and use KB50 to get 50% off. I've had, yeah, 35 different entree options plus 60 add-ons. The permutations are nearly infinite. It's like a deck of cards.

Mm-hmm. The permutations are nearly infinite. It's like a deck of cards. That's code KB50 at factormeals.com slash KB50 for 50% off factor meals. In Wheeling? Yeah. Was it in a strip mall? It was right next to Hardee's. It was above a laundromat. Who is your trainer?

Is it my Sifu? Yeah. Honestly, cut this. Your Sifu? Is that the gamer dude no dude what's that's tfue tfue all right i've i've said way too much i'll take that. That's okay, bro. I had a hockey coach. But I was a blue sack. That was like a level, like a belt. Pretty high, man. You can say that. We're not going to be able to check on it.

Yeah, we don't know what that means. That was my garment that he was wearing. Pretty sick. We don't give a fuck, dude. That's not a black guy. Look up. No, red sash was the highest in Kung Fu. Red and black.

It's a stripe. Look up Kung Fu belt rankings. I wonder how that differs from Taekwondo, because I did Taekwondo, and that shit sucked. I hated that. I got to yellow. Yeah, so I was blue. Yeah, man.

What's highest? Red and black. Oh, so yeah. I was middling. Is it the same for? Well, you couldn't get, you couldn't get to brown. What was stopping you to get from getting to brown? I quit.

Is it the same for Taekwondo? I don't know. But what I did, I taught the green sashes. Like I was high enough to teach the greens. Sashes is feminine. Why not? They're called sashes, man. That's like. That reminds me

of a pageant queen. You would have loved Temple One. Temple One was just straight up wrestling. So I would have went in there, did a fireman's carry, a Japanese wizard, and then automatically brown or red? I think Sifu would have beat you. He would have beat me? I mean, dude,

imagine you're wrestling against somebody and they do a wall flip. Okay, I would have been an automatic brown. I don't think so, man. I think you would have been blue with me. You and I probably have the same combat experience. Yes, I have. Don't piss me off so much.

If you and I were the same belt. If you and I were the same belt. It's like you two have the same combat experience. Kyle and I really do probably have the same combat training experience yeah if you were you tested at all for sashes no but like at all like I fought every day but I had to in front of the council I had to test how did you prove that you were better at wrestling? I guess I just, there was no overarching judge of my skill. So that's like white sash stuff.

I mean, the ultimate test would be. I'm the combat athlete on this show. Oh my God. Rudy. What? What do you have, bitch? Are you saying you are? I mean, I've played hockey.

I fought. you're retarded that means i'm better at fighting dude dude would you want to fight a retarded person probably i mean if it was life or death life or death i would choose one like world star video leak no yeah no no no you don't want that static trust me because i did taekwondo and i played hockey that's a lethal mixture lethal mixture yeah i think you're in last when it comes to combat i know you're doing you might be you did kickboxing mook and you lived in i think rudy wrestled for two years rudy's that's right rudy rudy's in last kickboxing and lost the gravity rudy's in last you're literally the plank. No, he did kickboxing and lost to gravity. Rudy's in last.

You're literally the plank that they break in it. So I did it from fifth grade to ninth grade. Formative years, adolescence. I also did karate first grade. I still remember all my takedowns. You need to put on ice skates to fight me. I can't let you say that.

You remember all your takedowns? I remember every takedown, dude. You actually know what, Nick? You would beat my ass. Destroy you, dude. You would beat my ass. I would have you screaming. He's more artistically combative. Yeah, he's a higher sash. But since I was tall... Groundwork, yeah.

Since I was tall, I had to fight with a style of mantis. It's harder. It's like bench pressing. Harder for tall boys. You wouldn't know what to do to combat mantis style. Mantis is a style. Mantis style kung fu praying and then i wanted to get to red so i could practice drunken monkey when i did taekwondo but just white like you would be practicing tiger i'd imagine but i was practicing mantis you wouldn't know what you would do if you got hit by one of those i go gorilla mode mook mook do google. Do you Google Kung Fu Mantis style? I think it was just gay wrists.

Yeah. When I did Taekwondo, the only thing I did was blocking. I was really good at just like. So all you had to. It was for the man with limp wrists. Oh, my God. Actually, honestly, that's tough as fuck. No, it's not. I think I've been airing my embarrassment.

That's a level of tiara. I think I've. What? Sash? Yeah, there we go. No, it's not. I think I've been airing my embarrassment. That's a level of tiara. I think I've... What? Sash? Yeah, there we go. No, that's actually tough. He's just like... I've been airing all my embarrassing shit,

finding out that it's sick as fuck. Yeah. That's actually cool, dude. Thank you. You're saying that's cool? Yeah, and I practice with nunchucks. Let me see it in motion. My nunchucks had spikes on them, dude.

I wasn't allowed to move up to them. Nunchucks are cool. My original nunchucks were rubber, and I in motion. My nunchucks had spikes on them, dude. I wasn't allowed to move up to them. My original nunchucks were rubber, and I had to use them until there was a dragon on them. I had to wear the dragon off the rubber. You wore out the rubber. Nunchucks are cool. Thank you. All right, so I'm safe for my wrestling accolades.

Him for his nunchucks. My mantis and nunchucks. His sash level. Moog with his kickboxing. Rudy. Bitch. You played hockey. Yeah, but what fightsunchucks. Mug with his kickboxing. Rudy. Bitch. You played hockey, yeah, but what fights did you get in? Bitch of anus. He's the bitch of anus.

Did you uppercut somebody in the face? On the ice? I just bash. I just bash. What do you mean you bash? Just bash. That's like a party? No, I just brute strength. Did you drop gloves?

Yeah. When? The first fight I was ever in, I split a dude's eye open. He didn't know Mantis? No, he didn't, which is why I picked him. I picked him out. No, that's okay. No, listen, if someone pulls up with Mantis, I'm not...

You don't fuck with somebody. If somebody squares up and they go like this... I'm getting that i'll be looking oh you really want to do this you really want this if we do want to do and then he points his toe you know you're fucked hell no whoa if we do want to do cringe shit i have my u16 highlight video. Yeah. Why would this be cringe? We're all posting our wins. No, no, no.

I gave you guys my biggest fear. But it turned out great. If we're going to do it, it'll look bad, but it'll be very funny. You're going to get your U16 on tape? Why would you carry it with you why would you leave the room I knew this day would come

he has it on a floppy disk he has a hard drive I'm saving mine yeah wait what's yours Moog it's bad yeah what could yours be it's really Kyle I know you have

you are so obsessed with Bo Burnham I know you have a rap track out there I memorized Constipated by Weird Al Yang and played it off as my own like i did with bo burnham you memorized you had constipated as your own uh-huh uh-huh extra cheese yeah save a piece from me pizza party at your house and you sold that as your own i came just to check yeah while we're waiting oh the rain the Texas Rangers beat the Mariners 10 to 9

yesterday in spring training Evan Carter had two home runs wow with just three weeks left before opening day the Red Sox optioned left handed pitcher Brandon Walter to AAA Worcester

and then they reassigned six others To minor league camp cool Right-handed pitchers Melvin Adone Franklin Germain and Alex Hope and then left-handed Pitcher help Chris Olivares

And catchers Nathan Hickey And Steven Scott yeah A lot going on. A lot of excitement leading up to opening day. Sure, yeah. I'm sure, yeah. Who's your dark horse

this year in the MLB? The Texas Rangers. They won the World Series. They won the World Series last year. They just eked out a win over the Mariners. All right. For the record, the Texas Mariners are the aimiest dark horse. The Rangers won it last Series last year. They just eked out a win over the Mariners. All right.

For the record, the Texas Mariners are the Ames. The Rangers won it last year? Yeah. Okay, then the Mariners are my dark horse. If they could keep it that close with the Rangers. Then they're off. So the Rangers had to score two runs in the ninth to beat the Mariners. So yeah, Mariners are my dark horse pick.

I'll put a future on them now. Are we getting into baseball? No. Some spring training time. Yeah, just some updates. We're just a spring training podcast. We stop when the regular season starts. Uh-huh, we're getting real into spring training, by the way.

Spring training is what Mook has to do with his mattress before he brings a girl home. Make sure they can handle it. Make sure the bed can handle it. Don't act like, yo, you love that. You love that label. My bed is on the floor for a reason. There's no pox spring.

There's no frame. Yeah, you rely on the engineering of the building. Yeah. Rudy just had this MP4 just ready. He gave Mook a fucking flash drive yeah no this is gonna get hold up let me get my old cringy highlights this is gonna be so embarrassing

do you guys want this cringe oh yeah double clicker from five feet away just so nobody else could get it he had to keep it close oh Rudy this is not gonna be Headstrong by Trapped? This is not going to be.

For a minor. This is going to get cut from the podcast. This is going to get cut from the podcast. Oh. Oh. This is ultra futuristic editing. Oh, yeah. Your mom's a graphic designer, right?

Yes. She did this. What is 93? That's a birth year, dumb fuck. It's a birth year. Yeah, but? That's a birth year, dumb fuck. Yeah, but no one uses a birth year in that fucking... So clearly you know nothing about recruiting.

They put the high school graduation date. Rudy, where's the fucking tape? Yeah, where's your highlights? This shit sucks. Yeah, what is this? Can't even tell what's going on. No, just chill. Oh, yep, yep. I think it'll play. I think it's a screen recording of an old iMovie. Why are you just there?

I think this is 2011. Oh, is this a DVD where they could click it? Yes, I think it's 2011. Yeah, there we go. Oh. My name's Rudy Janda. Wait, pause. How's your voice deeper there?

Wait, what? Hey, my name's Rudy. Your voice is deeper there, dude. No, it voice deeper there? Wait, what? Hey, my name's Rudy. Your voice is deeper there, dude. No, it isn't. You have a squeaky voice now. No, I do not. Very squeaky voice. No, I do not.

No, play that. You sound like... Play Triple A Hockey for Team Rocky Mountain. Dude, no. Your voice is way deeper there. Also, what is that fucking ancient tome wrapped around your neck? It's an amulet. Is this your library? Whose library is that fucking ancient tome wrapped around your neck? It's an amulet. Is this your library?

Whose library is that? That's my study. That room had to confuse you so much. Yeah, that library is warped. Every dad go up there and go to my mom like, what the fuck is this? You have a library, dude? This kid did not do homework. Wait, this is your home library?

Also, crooked ass bangs. Yeah. They've been that wayck long as the head. Keep going. On the power play, here are some highlights from my 2009-2010 season. Thanks for watching. Why are you trying to be cute? I don't know.

What do you mean you're trying to be cute? You made a band about We fuck bitches rules compared to this. I actually went crazy right here. Ew. No, that was pretty good. Yeah, that was solid. Skills.

Were you the best on your team? Yeah, but our team was terrible. Oh! That was nice. That was sick. The team that I scored against was a team that cut me. Really? All the better.

Come on, Rudy. Yeah, who just said, come on, Rudy? The ref? Who's the chief? Pause this. I think the ref said that. Yeah, you were cooking. It was home cooking.

Yeah, you were paying the ref. Come on, Rudy. There's glass. You can't hear the ref. Who said, come on, Rudy? It was a fan. That was the referee. Yeah, a fan. The referee just said, come on, Rudy. There's glass. You can't hear the ref. Who said, come on, Rudy? It was a fan. That was the referee. Yeah, a fan.

The referee just said, come on, Rudy. Fuck you. No, stop this. I don't want to see any more. Oh, wait. I do. The only part of it is vision. The only part of it is me talking.

What's vision? Vision? Oh, you never played a team sport. As a player, I definitely would say the shooting. I find that pretty well. I get a good, nice shot. I see the ring pretty well, and I can move it well. I'm a good passer.

Your voice is way deeper. That's the oldest you've ever been. I sound like a ghoul. Like I'm the spirit of a real person. Oh, this sucks. Yeah, I hate it. Did you have to send this out? Was this like an audition tape?

Is this like an American Idol thing? Yeah, exactly like American Idol. I think this was like your real world audition. You sent this. I'm pretty good at throwing the body. I usually do. I don't throw it like that consistently, but when I do, it's usually a pretty big one. Oh! That was your hit? I gave that kid a vicious

concussion. Alright, that was pretty cool. We need your embarrassing shit. This is not that embarrassing. It's kind of like a highlight. Yeah, no, I hate this. You're saying that you tell me this isn't that embarrassing. Academics.

Oh, shortest section, shortest section. I currently attend Bishop Matchbuff Catholic High School. It's a small private school just in Denver. And I'm a junior and I do a lot of science. I like science a lot. I'm going to take an AP this year. I'm an honors English and next year I'm taking AP English and honors anatomy. And it's a really good school.

It's a good atmosphere. It's good teaching. Why do I sound like that? Business schools. You had a good atmosphere in your high school? The worst. We had nuns around. I do a lot of science. I take science.

I'm around science. Our school has a good atmosphere. Where's all the rap, man? Where's your rapping, dude? Yeah, cut all that. No, no, no your rapping, dude? Fire at us here. Yeah, cut all that. No, no, no, no, no, no. Cut all that. No chance.

No, because it's not funny or cringe. It's just... I think it would show off a little. I enjoyed it. I did too. I loved old videos that had that nostalgic... Yeah, maybe. Like sounds.

When I was a kid, it was... No, that middled it in the worst way. No. Kyle, you have until next week to give me something embarrassing. What do I have? I might have some shit from like fucking this year. On a side. We're going to pull up Kyle's embarrassing shit.

It's going to be like an episode we had. All right. A new untold story. Thank you for listening. Please don't cancel me. I have a I am proud of this. I've been trying for a few weeks to come up with my own palindrome real quick you did a palindrome my again found my own someone else's may have discovered this but I doubt it I was reading the atlas you got me for my birthday and I noticed it was Oxford and Oxford backwards is doctor of XO.

So Oxford doctor of XO is a palindrome. Yeah. And it makes sense. Like someone got a PhD in hugs and hugs and kisses. Wow. That sounds like a, like a tongue sommelier. Um,

I'm a, I'm a prestigious hug and kiss. I have my PhD in hugging and kissing Would you say that to a girl? I think that's why this is a good palindrome I'm shocked Drake hasn't used that already It's the most prestigious university in the world And it's of hugs and kisses

When you lean into kiss And then your partner is like wow And you're like yeah I'm trained I'm a doctor of XO I did my dissertation on making out And you're pissed like, yeah, I'm trained. I'm a doctor of XO. Yeah, eight years. I did my dissertation on making out. And you're pissed about the student loans. Yeah, that's what I'm paying for. Yeah.

Damn, that's a good pound drum. Yeah, yeah. All right. That sounds like a porn alias, Dr. XO. Dr. of XO, yeah. Dr. of XO is, I think, an un... Just search MOOC. Do you have Twitter logged in?

No. Shit. Search. Just search in Google, Dr. of XO is I think an un... Just search... Mook, do you have Twitter logged in? No. Shit. Just search and Google Doctor of XO. Is this a Kyle original? Let's see. This could be devastating. Doctor XO. No.

No. No. Twitter search bar it. He doesn't have it. Hold on. I'm going to... He's going to get there. Or look up... Yeah. All right. No. I'll't have it. Hold on. I'm going to look it up. He's going to get there. Or look up...

Yeah. All right. No. I'll take the credit. Hold on. Let me look at it. Let me look at my shit. Embarrassing.

No, I don't see it. All right. Yeah. No, mine is... That video cannot... No. Why? Dude, did you hear...

Because it's not cringy enough. Did you hear what I played for people? Yours was funny. No, dude. I really enjoyed uh seeing a younger you i think it was like a different person yeah but the problem is that like mine was neither funny nor cringe like you're funny you don't want to come across as like braggadocious because there were clips of you being cool and good on the ice there were well if you want it's

too long but there were there were there was one clip in the highlights where I missed the net by like 10 feet And I just put it in there because I shot it hard. I like that yeah I don't see doctor of XO in terms of people anywhere nobody nobody's ever said anyone tweet it It's an original pal and Richard Totson sin has the at doctor of XO, but there's no There's no mention. there's no mention of doctor like in the... I'm going to credit it to you. I could maybe get this credit. One guy said,

school over and I ain't even mad. Hashtag doctor of XO. That's it. Wait, someone fucking may have said that. The great town of Oxford. Hashtag doctor of XO. Yeah, you're good, dude. This is all you.

Original palindrome. There we go. A new untold story. God bless.