A New Untold Story - Wheat Grinkus - A New Untold Story: Ep. 336
Episode Date: March 23, 2023Mhmmmmm, Wheat Grinkus. Ads: Gametime: Download the Gametime app or go to gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code UNTOLD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply) Factor: Go to https://...barstool.link/FactorKB and use code kb50 for 50% off your first boxYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast
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Hey, A New Untold Story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen to ad-free on Amazon Music. untold story episode 336 sir really Okay.
A New Untold Story, episode 336.
Really? Nice.
That is delicious.
This is awfully good.
Yeah, it's damn good.
A different episode today.
We're going to try to do a drunk episode.
Can you toss me one of those?
Sure thing, boss man.
Thank you, legend.
Having a cup.
You're having a cup?
Can't watch me sweat yet.
I didn't have time to write the news this week.
Not even a joke leading up to it because I blogged.
I dusted off the old quill and ink vial.
You sacrificed how many words?
I think it was over 4K. 4K. me in 4k the blog did and then um it got followed up right by a twerk compilation
blog and i think 36 people read mine it always sucks whenever you you know you pour your heart
and soul into the page and uh you get twerk compilation yeah all right all right
i'm saying this i'm saying this i'm gonna be dead honest i watched the i saw both blogs and i watched
the i clicked on the twerk compilation maybe this is good well maybe this is white of me
maybe this is gay of me but i mean this in the least gay way possible twerking's never really
aroused me it does the opposite for me too, I'll say.
Wait, I never said it did the opposite.
If you're hard and you see a twerk, you'll go soft?
I think it's not arousing.
It's not?
No, it bothers me.
I want the ass in still.
I want a still ass.
It's like a waiter at a strip club.
Stiller twerking.
I'll take still. I'll take my ass neat what does that mean no ice i think it means uh yeah yeah no eyes or on the cocks
no i don't want that yeah i've never really liked being i don't like being grinded on either that's no that's not arousing either
do you like twerking
the most arousing thing was to watch
other girls grind on guys
which is weird but dude I was
um I was e-golfing on the
oculus with Nico and he invited
me to his top golf like
area because everybody has their own like top
golf that you can invite other people to
and it's got like a putting green and it has like the screens where you could like play music videos
and he invited me to his and i hop in there in the and you know into his top golf and he's just
like not even golfing he's just looking up watching a twerk compilation on the screen
in top golf that's a vibe in the VR? Yeah. New stimulation unlocked right there.
Yeah. So I was just like
What's keeping
twerking alive? Is it Atlanta and Method?
Yeah.
What'd you say? I mean, I think the
two predominant cities where
twerking is still culturally relevant
is Atlanta and Method.
Dude, but like, are they lying to themselves they don't have any fun with it jesus christ are you why man i feel like in atlanta they're a lot
they have like a comedic approach to it they know it's like you know it's lighthearted it's not
actually meant to be taken seriously or get the boys horny but in memphis they take that shit serious
what videos have you been watching where you're into i just realized i think you just emit the
final consonant and it kind of sounds like memphis hood yeah okay um the reason i don't
have the news today is because i wrote a steven Asante roast and then we had a death scare.
We had a Stephen Asante death scare.
That's real.
Yeah.
I dove into Stephen Asante.
I think Rudy dove in the hardest.
I just did some light clip work and you undersold him.
He should be so much bigger or so much more popular.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. much bigger or so much more popular yeah it is yeah yeah and so i started with just clips of
him taking selfie videos and his his head his face that portion of his body is almost more
unappealing than it is it's a bizarre he has he has the face of a bully i hate saying that
word i get made fun of every time bully how do you say the face of a bully i hate saying that word i get made fun of every time bully how do you say the
face of a bully bully a bully somebody would shove you in a locker he looks like every oh no i was
like he looks hideous yeah bullies are usually ugly right on the inside yeah but it's like he is
his facial hair i wrote a roast and we can't do it because he almost died but you guys don't
yes we can no the fact the fact it's gone of course he almost died he's do it because he almost died. But you guys don't. Yes, we can. No. The fact that.
It's gone.
Of course he almost died.
Yeah, I guess he almost dies every day.
I watched his clips.
It is insane.
From his teeth, from his gums.
They have the consistency of actual gum.
It looks like he chewed his actual gum successfully.
There's divots.
There's craters.
There's one tooth.
I don't know how he eats all the calories he eats with one tooth.
His knees are yoga balls.
His knees, though, have like a coral reef on them.
I was late to the knee reveal.
Dude, I thought I sat on the remote and it changed to Pan's Labyrinth.
Dude, I thought I sat on the remote and it changed to Pan's Labyrinth.
His right leg has accrued so much fat that it looks like he has inverted knees like a deer.
He is.
And he's addicted to Vicodin.
I was just about to bring this up.
He's on like suboxone.
Like he's going to rehab.
This man was addicted to opioids.
Yeah.
He is still alive. This living shits for anyone yes yeah it's it's
yes if you look at this man he he looks like that and he's addicted to drugs if you know anybody
that's died shame on them that's what i'm thinking almost any fashion any fashion yes because if he's
alive you have no reason being dead the scene scene where the doctor goes through the list of how many opiates he's...
It's shocking.
When you say addicted to opiates, emphasis on the plural.
He's addicted to a variety...
No, he was taking an ambulance to the ER every other day.
He was mixing codeine with Vicodin.
194 tablets of Vicodin.
And three deep dish pizzas.
Three deep, yes.
And most people are like, oh, the perks are getting too much.
I need to like go to heroin.
He's just stuck with everyone.
One of the notes I wrote down from watching was he's one of the few people on earth that would have benefited from a heroin addiction.
Offer it.
Truly.
But what opiate addict is also
800 pounds? It's a rare mix.
Because doesn't it block your hunger?
Absolutely. It makes you can't
shit. That is insane. Well, that's probably
what's funny. He's much skinnier than he
should be.
Oh my god.
This guy, he should be talked about.
His brother got the lap band surgery
and his brother i think is
kind of a sweetheart he's a reddit commenter and look he bullies his brother he bullies his brother
but his dad also bullies his brother when he got the lap band surgery his dad took the younger
brother's pain pills and gave them to steven yeah you did you bullied me every day you threw me in
the face threw me out of the car.
You slammed my hand in the door.
You punched me every day.
They have the thickest Rhode Island accent of all time.
It's unbelievable.
Wait, where are they from?
Rhode Island.
Oh, yeah.
It's the greatest mass hole accent of all time.
Dude, somebody on our subreddit was just like, Stephen Asante living in Rhode Island is like, he takes up the most space in his state.
I forget what it was.
It was really eloquently put, and I can't really follow it or repeat it, but it is mind boggling.
And he has a cameo.
Have you guys looked at his cameos?
No.
I've seen some videos.
He roasts people.
Yeah, that's awesome.
But not really. What is he he saying look at this man i'm looking at just his face well he got he got married and the woman was is
uh an active reddit user as well but she's not big but she's like obsessed with Marilyn Manson and uh yeah and uh she they now live in separate
houses um she said that she was hoping to become an influencer from his fame
so it wasn't true love yikes he got married back to the state thing though I did write down a note
about I did find it funny that we had the maybe the two largest brothers in history
in the smallest state and they were exported to the largest continental state they had to texas
yes and that's the best way to put it they were exported they were exported that was the best way
to put it and on top of that i gotta talk about the rv that they're that he's in they kept saying
they transport him in an rv they kept saying we have a medical rv yeah that was just an r it was just an rv it was just an rv yeah i think
uh by they hired a nurse to be on it yes what they really needed was a bed repairman they needed an
ac-130 yeah there's airplanes i looked up they had me looking up the payload of an ac-130
which is 44 000 pounds that's 55 asante's 55 asante in what universe is it easier to
transport them on a conventional rv yeah they oh my god dude i like using asante as a scale though
yeah yeah it's easy get his fucking knees dude i do and i know we're it's
we have some carryover from the last episode i'm sorry um but i i did the death scare was what like
two days ago uh the 17th i believe okay so a little bit further back but it's hard to find out
steven asante threatens to relapse if his caregiver or dad
doesn't get his medicine he got addicted to detox the drug the drug that they give him for detox he
then became addicted to that yeah oh my god his brother opened up a model shop it's still open
we should do a live show there that'd be awesome what do you mean a model shop um uh like model cars he does what did you think i i don't know yeah oh my god i i
i know as soon as i think we'd be better off roasting jimmy carter than steven asante
i think jimmy carter has longer, I think he's a safer
bet. I've
miscalled Jimmy Carter's death
three times publicly now. I thought he's died three
times. That's fair. Yeah.
He's a lot. Yeah.
He's still alive.
No, I think this would be mad funny if
I never
what to get like
be a little bit accurate. Yeah. He got half of his stomach cut out and then he just
stretched those tiny little stomach back to the size his other one was let me look at look at that
still frame dude yeah the venus of villendorf it's itorf. It's distributed weirdly.
Dude, if I erased his facial features and I showed you that,
you'd be like, that's a chewed piece of gum.
All right.
Steven Asante.
He looks like tree roots.
He does.
It's insane.
Yeah, but he has a cameo on Cameo.
I think it's like 45 bucks.
Maybe we should buy one and get him to roast us so we can roast him back.
Oh, smart.
That's a really good idea.
That would justify any mean thing we said.
Also, he is, regardless of his weight, a very unpleasing he's a mean guy one
of the rudest people i've ever seen but it's it makes you wonder like if he was thin would he be
nice no i wrote down once again in my notes that this man skinny is maybe one of the greatest
threats to our society oh yeah it's probably good that he's fat, because if not, he would...
A true menace.
Yes.
A true menace.
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It's just because your name's shorter.
336.
Do you have anything for that, Kyle?
Yeah, yeah.
336.
We're back to the actual area code.
336 is North Central North Carolina, the Piedmont region.
Greensboro, Winston-Salem, High Point.
That area.
Now, big cities.
Greensboro has about 300,000.
Winston-Salem.
Winston-Salem, about 250.
And High Point's north of 100.
North Carolina, a desirable city.
A lot of people are moving there here's what's desire
state here's what's desirable
the ever-growing trendy research triangle the charlotte metro area where everyone's moving
that's that's good you i went to charl Didn't like it. I've never been.
I know I would hate it, but people are moving there.
People want to live there.
People go to Lake Charles area.
A lot of NASCAR drivers.
Families.
Lake Norman.
I'm sorry.
Young people.
Everyone's moving there.
It's not the charming and touristy Appalachian region where you get Asheville.
It's not the coast, the beautiful coast.
It's the worst part of North Carolina.
That entire city is owned by bank of
america piedmont region they again a cultural uh which they i think they have culture it's what is
it basketball charlotte we're talking about where we are the 336 greensboro winston-salem well
where's uh where's duke That is the research triangle.
Where's that? NC State.
NC State's there. Okay.
NC State's in Raleigh. Duke's in Durham.
They're right next to each other. They touch.
They overlap.
What do I have?
Oh, first off, congrats to Mayor Woodfin from Birmingham.
Yes. Yeah. The sexiest mayor.
Yes. He's a heat check passer.
Big time. He's a heat check passer. Big time.
He's a man of God.
He met his wife or his fiance at church.
And the thing is, he waited to get married.
He sowed his wild oats over and over again.
But then, you know, he found himself along the way.
How old is he?
He's got gray in the beard.
Yeah, I think he is about 40.
He's certainly not long in the tooth.
That's not what I'm saying.
He's mature. They are both members
and volunteers at the Vine,
which is like a non-dominant
Christian church.
They both prayed together,
worshiped together, preached together.
So good for them.
Yeah.
worshiped together, preached together.
So good for them.
Yeah.
For that to sing, I don't want to like immediately.
You don't want to get right into the jokes after a beautiful moment like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
They would chill after church.
Oh, so yeah. Like Winston.
Okay.
Moving on.
The three, three, six.
Let's look.
Let's look.
That, that you're not going to get enough credit for that one.
Chill after church like Winston.
Yeah.
I thought of that last night.
I was like, I could wait for that response to come up organically or I could just say
it.
Just lie about them going to church
together. Yeah, it's always better to say it.
Fuck.
Greensboro was named for General
Nathaniel Green who led the American
forces at the Battle of Guilford
Courthouse.
Lame.
The Battle of Guilford Courthouse?
That's a legal trial.
Psych City. it was hundreds of british soldiers were killed and wounded i'm trying to i'm trying to piece this i'm trying to make this coherent yeah yeah let me know okay
the the skyline of green oh no no no got it. Let me drink a little bit.
Sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can read my poem if you need a break.
You need a poem break or we can go through the care package.
We got sent a wild one.
I do want to go through that.
The skyline of Greensboro looks like a lithium battery chip under a microscope.
lithium battery chip under a microscope there's a luminescent royal blue high rise and a venetian red eyesore that sit awkwardly amongst a small cluster of rectangular grays and beiges the
aesthetics of the downtown is carried by a generic minor league baseball stadium what's the team with
the seating capacity of a bj's brew house the team is the green of the greensboro grasshoppers
they're single a um if your thing is
to watch a single a baseball team battle for fifth place in the north division of the south atlanta
league um you can go to greensboro but that's not i wouldn't consider that doing something um
there's no river or body of water in the downtown or central area of the
city,
which is weirdly off putting.
I think you need that to enunciate the skyline.
I don't like that.
Yeah.
Um,
I looked up things to do in Greensboro,
not like the,
the Google things to do,
or it's like a museum.
The actual funnest thing to do is the box car arcade.
The what? It's called the boxcar arcade it's an oversight it's like an industrial warehouse with a bunch of like old arcade games so they suck arcade it sucks and i used to be a sucker for
barcades games aren't fun there the games kind of suck right the games are from the 80s you're
playing pinball pinball is cool that i mean the 80s. You're playing pinball. Pinball is cool.
I mean, yeah, but they're playing like the old.
Bad example.
Yeah, that is a fun game.
Timeless.
But they're playing like the oldest games.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And like the flagship thing to get at this place is a pickle pizza.
It's a dill pickle pizza with ranch drizzle.
Um, that's the best thing to get there.
And I was looking at the Google reviews rave about the pickle pizza.
The boxcar in Greensboro has the best pickle pizza in the state.
Sure. Yeah.
And then the second best thing is go to cookout
the third best thing is more gym go to the third best thing is what
more gym m-o-r-e gym is that the college's gym i don't even know what that is okay
okay it's a state it's it's tournament city is what it is they host like the march madness
a few rounds there they host a lot of tournaments i guess basketball was the thing that was a good
deduction my man yeah from tournament city oh yeah dude you're eviscerating these guys
they're five division one colleges which is a lot five
different conferences if your thing is basketball you could watch wake forest
whose stats are insane because i consider them a basketball school
they haven't made they haven't won a march madness game since 2010 they haven't made the
final four since the 60s they also have elon high point nc ant unc greensboro and
elon's a good scientific school is it not okay yeah i'm just gonna eviscerate greensboro real quick
go in um
um go in um go in boss man i can tell you hate these guys
i can tell you're seething all right uh greensboro you got it you got done dirty
i'm sorry dude yeah i uh
dude i've been too busy watching 600 pound life.
That's all I do when I get home.
I pretend like I read.
I don't.
I'm watching TLC.
It pulled me in like you wouldn't believe.
You actually watched, uh, you dove into a few episodes.
I caught him watching this morning.
He's usually photoshopping himself.
I know.
That's how into it he was.
Yeah, I know. Well, there's two part, part one, part two. this morning he's usually photoshopping himself i know that's how into it he was it yeah i know i
well there's two part part one part two and then i was trying to source because i knew that there
was going to be some sort of follow-up and then i found out you had to get a discovery plus
membership to see which where are they at now so i got a free trial of that in the process of
beginning that i realized that they did another additional episode i'm on imdb trying to track
down how many episodes they have they have another episode called the final part which i went into and what i realized is at a certain
point after it's just he does better he goes see doctor now doctor now it's like okay you're on the
right track and he's like i need i need some pks and then we started over and over again. I have a new guy that I like on there. Jason K.
I think his name is Jason K.
Shows up 800 pounds.
Gets on Dr. Now's program.
Dr. Now, I don't know where he's from.
It's so ambiguous, but it's not here.
Yeah.
You must follow the program.
He talks weird.
And this guy is in Houston for two months. And he goes back to Dr the program. He talks weird. And this guy is in Houston for two months
and he goes back to Dr. Now.
Gained 103 pounds.
So 900.
The start of the show,
are these guys being admitted
into like a rehab facility or what?
It's all the same doctor.
They are fat somewhere
and they have to get to Houston.
And that's how it starts
and then they meet with doctor now and so when the 800 pound guy gains a hundred more yeah do
they like show him eating to like the to they eat when the cameras aren't on them they're secret
eaters but usually they usually they can't even stand up um is it jason k james king james k james yeah yeah he is deceased yes yes
so yeah the guy he the guy that guy is dead yeah because he just kept he never lost a pound 49
years 49 year life that's that's pretty long yeah he gained a hundred he gained a hundred pounds on
top of the 800 and then they were like we
have to put you like in a facility and then
like he was like being monitored and
then they weighed him in at the end of another month and he gained
one pound which is it was funnier
the fluctuations are crazy
that's hard to do how hard it is for him to gain
one pound yeah that's hard
that is hard
dude and it's possessed it's all i do it's all
i watch and um my work has taken a hit for it and i need to i need to get myself right i really do
um kyle why don't you read that second ad also i have a tiktok idea for us i know mook you do too
also mook you have a poem i don't know I know, Mook, you do too. Also, Mook, you have a poem.
I don't know why you set yourself up for this.
You're brave.
It's for the good of the pod.
How did your humor convey to Canadians?
It was good.
It was just like a bunch of, it was the same audience, you know, just a bunch of bros.
Yeah, just Canadian bros.
Yeah, but they did.
There were some jokes where like Sass is a joke and he mentions like Michelle Obama.
They're just like, I don't really care about that.
And then like COVID, they kind of take or took very seriously.
Like, yeah, just let out.
So they didn't like COVID stuff either.
So there was some differences.
They didn't.
They still take it seriously.
Yeah, it's like it didn't hit as hard.
Some of the COVID stuff.
It's fresh.
Yeah.
I got to get up there and do my Asante jokes.
They'll crush.
Oh, of course.
Dude, I'm like 15 years behind across all formats.
Style, music, television, movies.
I'm 15 years behind.
You love too many games.
I'm legitimately like three and a half. I'm 15 years behind. You love to. I'm legitimately like three and a half.
I'm genuinely 1515.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, you are.
I don't know what's hot.
I don't care to.
Kyle, it's much weirder to know like what's hot at our age.
Right.
Because then you'll walk in wearing a shirt that says Poggers brother
as a 30 year old in the
Goosebumps font.
What is that?
It's gaming shit.
It's gaming shit?
What do you mean it's gaming shit? Is that a video game?
No, Poggers is like slime.
I've heard Poggers before.
What is that shirt? Where'd you get it?
I got it on the internet i got the on the internet from uh from what was uh center left guy oh it's one person's
autumn merchandise an ottoman it's an ottoman guy it says poggers brothers in the goosebump font
and factors I thought it's
for sure
what it who's is it
is it somebody it's a sawn pikers
oh my god who bought that for you
i got it i got it myself so you saw it yeah it's i've it's i like it it's
no yeah for sure dude thanks dude yo nick nick by the way talking fashion nick fell in second on a raffle
for no we both we both got the raffle we both got the raffle and mine just haven't come in yet
because my apartment's further south and you guys both got the same shoe yeah it fucking sucks and
the last shoes i bought the dunks the green dunks roan warm the same fucking day i can't catch a
break i accidentally i didn't even mean to win the raffle jesus i warm the same fucking day i can't catch a break i accidentally i didn't
even mean to win the raffle jesus i saw the raffles like i'll just do this and i want it
now i have two pairs i set an alarm for 10 do you want do you want no other pair i have no i have
two no dude that'd be poggers of me yeah dude i what does this say pog you know what it says so
i know the designer was just like
poggers brother
this needs something though
what about the goosebump's font?
doesn't have the same amount of syllables
it doesn't rhyme
poggers brother
actually that reminds me I was trying to make some anus merch.
And what I have so far is the Yu-Gi-Oh font.
But it says new on toe.
But it's nobody will just nobody.
Yeah.
Bro, already come back at him.
No, he's my homie.
His style is tight, dude.
It's cool.
It's cool to look like a dude that is like a – you work at like a tech shop.
Yeah.
Thanks, man.
You clean out hard drives.
A tech shop.
What tech, please?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, you bring your laptop into you and you're the guy that goes, oh, this thing is cooked.
How new is that shirt?
Yeah.
I got it this morning.
Can I have an high noon, please?
Yeah. I got it to this morning. Hell yeah. Can I have an high noon, please? You're the kind of guy that would recommend an Intel computer for a man.
Yeah, hell yeah.
Dude, I didn't know you were a Hassan guy.
I like the merch, dude.
What does Poggers mean?
I know what it means.
Like, good game? Yes. Like, W game yes like w why i don't know why
i don't know why because i know pog p-a-w-g yep and p-a-a-g of course you do i don't know what
that means basically pog or poggers are used as an exclamation on the internet to express delight
or joy whatever the comment sits beneath
which is why it is mostly found
on comment sections on
YouTube, TikTok, and Twitch. That doesn't really explain
anything. The original emoji on Twitch
was called pog champ.
Oh, it was play of the game. Yeah.
Oh, okay. Play of the game.
Yeah, so it's like you had to play the game.
So poggers.
I mean, if you're going to make of in the acronym,
you got to include the too, right?
So you want it to be pog?
Now you're right.
Yeah.
That goes vacuum sealed on your leg?
Dude, that's why we need to start having pre-written
jokes. We're just at each other's throats right now.
Go ahead and read your poem, Mook.
I think the room's warm for you.
I'm trying to destroy
Greensboro some more.
Okay, well, this goes
out to the BRGs
and I'm going to regret this tomorrow, but
it's for the good. Here's my
poem.
Please subscribe to our YouTube.
We are trying to get more views, dude.
So KB can keep giving tiny dinies and Nick can collect 200 felonies.
40% of you aren't subscribed, while 60% are true raspberry guys.
But four-tenths or two-fifths won't click.
Even slaves had more pull than we have on our current viewership. Okay, good. So unless you
want me, Mook2Die, physically
assault that subscribe button like Stephen
Asante assaults pizza buys.
Oh, okay. No, no, no. No
regretting of that. It started off with no rhymes,
which had me concerned. Yeah. Yeah.
It started off like a paragraph. Pretty much.
Yeah, but then you had some bars.
Please subscribe, though. Yes.
Yeah, that would be awesome. I feel like we've plateaued on subscribers.
We're still building.
Maybe because the show's gotten worse.
That could be it.
Yeah, it could be it.
I actually feel guilty for writing something and then not using it.
I feel like it's sent the show into disarray.
I would do a bonus episode next week.
Yeah, let's do one.
And I've been we've the search is still going on for the nobodies, the sub five hundies.
Ken Jack sent one that was seven thousand subs, seven thousand followers on TikTok, which is low.
But it's a woman that like makes fan fiction about catching her boyfriend fucking Bigfoot.
And then she gets jealous and then Bigfoot fucks her.
But she instantly gets pregnant with. And that's included in the in the tiktoks yeah like that whole storyline yeah
save yeah save her well it's actually he has too many fault she has too many thousands too much
yeah uh who is it tiktok at siggy s-i-g-g-y uh shady s-H-A-D-E-Y, she, her, hers.
And her bio is currently reading Breeding with Bigfoot.
So I guess fucking Bigfoot is a thing right now.
It's in.
It's like into it's arousing to view the videos.
I wouldn't mind that watching Bigfoot fuck.
I don't. Yeah, I just fuck like i don't yeah i just
want like a i want like a traditionally masculine guy destroying not even just not destroying i
don't want like too much like vocalizations i just want to like pretty standard well done
that's what you like in in porn dude i miss when uh you just used your imagination to kind of go to town.
Like KP said earlier, you get horny watching girls grind.
No, I mean, it's hornier
than getting grinded on.
Watching girls grind?
Yeah.
I was actually,
I was at a wedding this past weekend
and it came up
at the rehearsal
of the first titty you saw in person uh not for nourishment and
i was trying to think of mine i was on the back of the bus and i remember i saw it and i like
sprinted home so i could like remember it like faster so i could so i could go i think i think i
keep it fresh dude keep it fresh in my Dude, I started sprinting home from the bus.
And, dude, I think I even probably tried to inhale some of the titty air and just hold my breath on the run home so I could exhale the same air the nipple was in.
But I was wondering what your first in-person titty was.
Yeah, that's been posed before.
And I've always mentally didn't have an answer
because i don't know you don't know your first in person yeah yeah i honestly don't you have to
no i don't because i don't know right now
so you can't even triangulate it you can't even get like a collection of can you give me a year yeah no probably you've never
seen a titty that's insane that's the imagine if i haven't
dude no that that is the funniest that's the funniest rumor like yeah kyle's fucked
has a girlfriend you know long-term girlfriend. Yeah, he's...
I've walked in on Kyle fucking.
Never seen a titty.
You have a crazy body count, but have never seen a titty.
Dude, that would be so much...
It would be cooler if you had waited,
and then the reveal was much later in life.
I think you would really get a kick out of it.
I don't even know if you can avoid a titty for 30 years yeah yeah you ever seen a flash
that imprints more in my brain than yes first boobie my life rediscovering america boston we uh
the first time i ever set eyes on Fasoli, I was
so enamored by the face.
And then I heard Hong Kong and we both looked
to the left and a pair of titties.
That smile of his must have been
biblical.
Yeah, flat.
Yeah, I had
not seen really any flashes until
shopping day. We did shopping
day with the fellas a year ago now
or the year two years ago and we were at a bar and it was back when covet had those dividers
oh and the titties were pressed against the divider pressed i love i love a pressed titty
oh it's great it's great when you yeah when you see the physics of that expressed on glass. Oh, my God. Yeah.
And a girl did that.
We were literally right behind us, all of a sudden, out of the blue.
Just put them against the glass, and then her friend poured a beer on it, and it stunned us.
You saw it pressed wet, Teddy?
Poured a beer on what?
Dude, you just sounded like the end of Looney Tunes.
Pour, pour, pour, pour, pour. Dude, you just sounded like the end of Looney Tunes. Fuck.
She did what?
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You're a cop.
I'm trying man KB how's the cat by the way
oh yeah you got a kitten dude
I got a cat last Friday
all black cat also named Piper like your first
all black cat
that should be normalized
just keep getting the same pet
yeah it made it easier wait no because you didn't have any birth certificate same pet yeah yeah it made it easier it's not
wait no because you didn't have any birth certificate what do you mean it made it i'm
saying it's not even trying to be funny like naming it the same as my last cat made it just
like an easier transition you had your last cat like six years yeah and it just felt more natural
it's in your do you think like in your subconscious
it's the same cat no because it is like measurably different but it's just an easy transition to have
to say oh hey piper so do you think if you ever have to get another cat it'll be piper i don't
know but i'm loving it yeah it's perfect why it's just what i wanted
out of it um the endorphins that come with like when it cuddles with you she cuddles with you
the fact that it will get rebellious and hateful toward me and then cozy up that makes the cozy
what is the rebelling so much better it just to be a cat being a cat
like they'll like look at the even the way they look
at you you can tell in their eyes like this uh i i can tell what your personality is what's her spot
she's still chilling she's all over my entire apartment it's small but it has a lot of like
items and a lot of vertical so every day i like come come home and it's a game to try to find her. And I love that.
And she loves it when I do finally
find her. Does she let you pick her up?
She lets me pick her up.
She's a kitten. She's two months. She's
very cuddly. Very
cuddly. And it's the best.
She'll come up, put her head...
It's perfect. I'll wake up
in the middle of the night.
I'm getting a lot less sleep because it's hopping all over me, but I love it.
I'm going to buy you something asinine for it.
Already has a gang of toys.
Does it like that futuristic litter box?
No, it likes my pen the most.
My one pen.
And I just got that because I just signed the back of a check.
I haven't had a pen in years
and i finally got one pen she loves that you get the pen all the toys all the toys she could ask
for and she likes a pen the most put a smack in the face yeah oh man it's great i'm happy for you
man i think i'm gonna get a dog eventually. Wiener. I completely understand it.
I'm going to name him Mr. Puppy.
And make sure life better.
Mr. Puppy.
Yeah.
You're going to be one of those dog owners that looks like their dog.
Oh, for sure.
For sure.
Always have been.
Wiener dogs are my favorite.
Yeah.
I love them.
They're awesome.
And they love you rather than just use you for food and show off their assholes and get fur all over you
actually you don't have any fur on you
yeah
yeah I don't know
as of right now it was
a great decision is your heart pretty full
it is yeah I'm like saying shit
like I'll go in like
and I'll just narrate exactly what
the cat's doing someone'll be like someone's someone's
energetic when she moves around oh someone's hungry while she's eating yeah
alone yes nice i went to a cat cafe this past weekend i didn't know they had cat cafe even i
didn't do i didn't know that i was invited and it was the most similar thing I can compare it to would be it's like a middle school dance.
You were invited?
Yeah, I went on a I went on.
I was invited like a middle school dance.
How often is that happening to you?
No, but I mean, like the way the way the room operated.
Like people kind of feel awkward and the cats are obviously in general standoffish.
Where is it?
It was in Brooklyn.
There's a few of them actually but i was kind of let down because i thought that i'd be able to get
a drink and a coffee and then sort of sit down and then the cats were sort of just around you
it's just a cafe like place with no drinks and just a bunch of cats and bunnies bunnies
bunnies are great turtles threw me off there yeah i didn't expect that um but yeah it was it was like a middle school dance
in the way that like everyone's sort of standing waiting for another person to make the move
and then when you try to approach a cat you kind of do it in a way where you sweep by but then if
it ignores you kind of just continue going are they owners cats that they bring are they cats
that stay their cats there for adoption okay and what about the turtles they're i don't know about
their adoption status
but they're just in a turtle there's just in a in aquarium and then there's a cat on top of the
turtle uh aquarium just just ready to ready to fuck it up at any moment so they're aquatic
turtles not land turtles yeah they were underwater oh yeah i think they were they look like uh i the
only turtle i know is a painted turtle and it looked like that one okay the readier kind of things yeah um we got to give a shout out
to the guy that just sent us in the biggest merch box ever maybe the first ever anus fan
because one of the first tweets we ever had was the anus air fresheners do you remember the scents
there are four different scents i remember they were all different shades of brown nope off to a bad start brother um they were like just shades of brown and yellow like jaundice was
one of them no i mean that's when we first did it i don't think so i think jaundice was the
that was the color of our shirts yeah you're right okay yeah i remember the i remember this
which is so long ago so long ago this is before this was an actual podcast when
it was good um do you remember any i don't like root beer uh close we have melded root beer float
yeah all right melded root beer float uh tube
t-o-o-b
you remember tube
take the tube
uh
talcum
which would be a great smelling air freshener
and then my favorite dude
Seth
Seth
yeah that was one
a Seth
a Seth Senate air freshener
Seth Senate air yeah
so this guy
this guy's awesome
he's so fucking good.
Um, shit.
QR code for his account.
Scroll in.
Zoom in.
Yeah, that's him.
Uh, the name is what mook.
He sent in some awesome fucking shirts.
It's H H Y studios.
Everything's custom.
Dude.
Yeah.
With like the anus tag.
But here that's
you like if we sold this stuff
we'd move merch I feel like
for the first time ever because everybody would be going to the
barstool sports store to get the anus match
books dude
we're just
this guy is a real die hard
he watched this
he just made that? I think he just has
a printer that can go on.
Whatever.
It's cool.
So this is for when I meet Venus.
Get that.
Well, send that picture to her now.
She didn't respond to your deal.
I know.
Well, save yourself with that tennis ball.
You like this?
I'll show some other stuff, but this was also in there.
Just the Detroit branch of the Black Panther Party Survival Day.
Free sickle cell anemia testing.
I think that one's for you, Kyle.
But he sent a bunch of old ads.
Now, there's one cut of shirt that confuses me.
I will say that.
And Kyle, I wouldn't mind you trying it on because the color and the cut unique.
So it's the anus patch shirt.
Cool.
That's kind of sick.
Double frocket,
double front pocket.
Oh,
I know.
Yeah.
Oh,
that's dope.
Yeah,
this is good.
Try it on.
This is like straight from acne.
Oh yeah.
I'll try it.
I'll try it on.
Dude.
Now he found, i have a um
i did a handwritten note oh no no i did i did an instagram story once it was just like
uh just heads up getting out in front of it i am that white boy and then i did my signature
and then he got my signature and put it on a hat and then he put he stitched a knife in the back oh my yeah sick dude he's he's good he's great
ouch shopping network news beanie oh fresh yeah so huge huge shout out to hk studios
hy hy shoot that's embarrassing rudy i want you to try this one on okay because that's a Rudy piece
dude we should bring him in honestly yeah
yeah oh I also
um
the boy Brawley from our
quadriplegic roast I just followed him on
Instagram not too long ago I want to I want to bring him in
as well we'll have to meet him probably
I would like for him to come in yeah we'll have to
meet up we'll do a live show in the lobby
live from the lobby.
Live from the lobby.
Dude, he did rugs.
Oh my god.
But he also sent us a cactus jack one.
Because we're for the culture.
So Rudy, maybe that one's you.
I think you're probably the one that could pull that off.
Or maybe Maresh.
But yeah, big shout out to that guy it was really cool everybody always gets boxes sent to the office and I'm just so it's like Enrique who brings in the packages or Ebony
always walks right past me and I get so excited every time and that the big one was for me
yeah I'm gonna carry this home purposely drop it until
somebody asked me what is that what's going on i'll tell you what it is oh um i got a dm um and
i have my dms closed so it had to have been somebody that has dm me before you know somebody
who sent me a really earnest compliment about the show and then he's i got a dm from not long ago and he's just said uh hey donating on
tiktok bad podcasting and i was like oh fuck and this is a guy that really was nice yeah look at
the 200 knives flannel oh my that's actually yeah with with the hassan piker piece he layered it
with the hassan but yeah shout out to that guy uh i would love to like have him actually even know how to properly
thank him but yeah because i think our goal for merch is like it says the name is anus and you
don't want to wear that so i think just like the air fresheners would be cool sticker pack
something along those lines but yeah uh shout out to him uh i have our TikTok idea, but I think you had an idea as well.
Yeah, I have one, but let's hear yours.
So I went to Bravo Pizza across the street today,
and they had the shittiest printout paper announcing that they had chocolate cake.
It's just a brand new picture of the chocolate cake.
Have you seen it?
It looks awful.
Is it a triple? Is it a lava?
If not, that's generic as hell.
Try our chocolate cake.
And it was just like the
shittiest printout so thrown together and i was thinking as i was in line um anybody could just
print one of these out and hang it up it's so general it's not branded and it's so shittily
designed that it looks real so i made up, shit. And what I want to do is
hang it in a restaurant window
and then I want to send
Mookin to order it.
Yeah, yeah, you have to.
My face is going to get so red.
Yeah.
What is it?
Brand new.
Try our wheat grinkus,
which is a fake thing.
Yeah. Yes. So I think do tiktok of just like i like ordering i think we do like the robotic voice ordering wheat grinkus
and so it's like it's like you see the sign in the window no that's perfect and then you show
the sign and then it's you like ordering like i just searched even i searched unidentifiable
food yeah that's not even a sandwich i thought it was a sin no it's just like a tube and i thought
of grinkus and i was like that sounds too fake so i made it wheat yeah like wheat grinkus
that doesn't it sounds like an alternate universe newt gingrich
wheat grink how big can you print that out i think so let's do all we can with that no so i think
just eight and a half by 11 computer paper and i think what we do is just like hang it in the front
of the store and have you mook like just like ordering the new wheat Grinkus with that robotic TikTok
voice. And then you do the...
Because I'm too embarrassed to do this.
And you have the camera facing up towards you
and just be like, yeah, I'll do a Diet Coke and
two wheat Grinkus.
And they're like, what?
And I'm like, yeah, out front, I don't know. It's new.
It looked good. And then it just ends.
I'll do it. Yeah.
I'm in. Yeah, yeah dudes i was late to
the podcast uh i i designed it first and it like looked too designed so i just took it into
microsoft word that's perfect yeah so that's my that's my tiktok idea there wheat grakus yeah do we have a charger um not not quite um
my grandmother
and uncle have a podcast
this is insane
they have a deep
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you must be 21 or older to purchase please use responsibly uh kyle what yeah this is insane um
what insane i i forgot to do the mayors too which i um i'm on eight percent battery as well
my phone just died jesus look at us um okay so yeah my uncle my grandmother who's in her
80s and my uncle her son started a podcast and they did they
they didn't just start a pod they just they did the whole fucking like they made it into a franchise
but like what sparked this trailers like a facebook group with which is just my family
members but even they are like gatekeeping the inside jokes to me like
they're only speaking in quotes from the episodes and the where is this this it's insane there this
is just their trailer let me play it there's no way it's called you can't handle the truth it's my like uncle
interrogate grilling my his mom my grandmother like with like weird questions
stay tuned you hear me and bauer on, on the all-new You Can't Handle the Truth podcast.
Sit back and listen as Ann longs for the days when men were tough.
You know, a tough guy like Bill Feld or like this whole Italian thing boggles my mind.
I know you had a good guess. I had a added this. I added that.
I added that sound effect, but this is all the actual, just a trailer.
This is a trailer.
It boggles my mind.
Here I am talking about hanging with goodfellas and gangsters and being married into the mob.
This is their trailer.
Is it video or just audio? Audio.
Shut up.
okay so eric is uh my other uncle their third son he's a prankster no no eric uh went missing for like two weeks as a boy um he uh went missing yeah he ended up having like a burst appendix when they found him.
It was like.
Sorry.
We were good fellas.
Wise guys.
Jimmy and I could never be made because we had Irish blood.
Imagine a world without Eric.
We're going to talk about Eric.
About Eric?
About Eric.
I know a KB sound effect when i hear it yeah he was missing for two weeks there's her son yeah your dad's brother this was in the 70s
where'd he go um i i think he did like some sopr brother. This was in the 70s. Where'd he go?
I think he did like some Soprano shit.
It was down in the Pine Barren.
As a boy? Yeah.
Wait, didn't Eric, though, didn't your...
Does he have issues right now?
Does he have...
No one has issues.
Who did your dad prank that he was getting invaded by aliens?
That's his good friend, Scott, who was a stroke victim um yeah no my uncle brian is the
one who like will call him up and it's sad like he can barely even respond and he'll play like
sirens and alien ufo sound effects and actually he's getting abducted what where can we listen
to this podcast it's it exclusive. It's on a locked
YouTube channel. I only like listen
to one. How many episodes do they
have? I heard the start
of the first one and tapped
out.
That's you.
That's not me. This is the
actual intro Do they live together?
Where did we leave off?
The breastfeeding?
I assumed everybody got breastfed
Well I'm not sure either
You mix it
I forget how many cans
You cut it with water
And then you fill the bottles You sterilize the bottles So you mix it You cut it. I forget how many cans. You cut it with water? And then you fill the bottles. You sterilize the bottles.
Okay, so you mix it. You cut it with something.
Something, yeah.
It's like fentanyl.
It's pretty funny, yeah.
It's really funny.
All right, so good for them.
I would tell you to check it out, but it's very exclusive.
What's their end goal?
He's posting episodes every day in trailers.
Do they both live in Jersey?
He's retired like my dad.
They're both full-blown content employees now.
Self-employed.
Wait, yeah.
Your dad went on a bigger show than ours.
We were supposed to get Winoi.
I forgot.
That was a lie.
Oh.
Yeah, he didn't go on.
Did he lie to you?
No, I made that up.
Okay.
Oh, my. Dude, I need you to infiltrate. to infiltrate yeah i guess yeah i have to look into more episodes
and their audio quality is just them sitting in a room yeah with his solely interning
oh man all right boys anything else oh i have mayors don't know. I mean, we have to. We just. All right.
All right.
For North Central, North Carolina, the first mayor.
This is just a mayor to acknowledge.
Thomasville is the town.
It's about 30,000 people.
The mayor is Raleigh F. York Jr., which is a phenomenal name.
Yeah.
He joined Twitter.
He has no Instagram. He joined on february 10th 2018 his handle is mayor of tea ville and he posted made one post and then
dipped out what was the post is a ribbon cutting for a cupcakes and cocktails place i thought it was we got two likes but i think it was you know he just
made one post never again um the scissors are huge that was my biggest takeaway i think i think
ribbon cutting most are they huge for ribbon cutting scissors these are huge for ribbon
cutting no way these are big scissors wait they're even for ribbon cutting He can't even hold them with two hands.
These are big scissors.
I don't want to do this for comedic
effect. These are big scissors.
He has a spotter.
He has a spotter.
Now I know how our listeners
feel.
Those are big scissors.
Wait, which one's the mayor
one on the right uh the white guy with the glasses he's holding them like a chainsaw
like an industrial grade chainsaw or a movie camera um and i just went off on the big scissors
i mean the scissors are big dude and i i couldn't do his fit so i did the scissors
softball slumber party scissors scissors to go orgasm for orgasm with britney griner ribbon
cutting more like rib cutting those scissors could turn a thoracic vertebrate into an underscore
i didn't finish that one into a bisected thoracic vertebrate those scissors could turn a varsity
jacket into a tank top those scissors could cut a paper mache jupiter in half those scissors
could turn a piece of bathroom tile into a snowflake those scissors
could snip off the burj khalifa spire like a nipple hair those scissors are crazy big and i'm
i'm i'm very into the fact that he made one post on twitter then deleted it um big scissors uh the heat check we'll make it quick is the winston-salem mayor alan joins on april 20th he embarked on an appalachian
trail journey that he'd said he would um be on for a week he posted the same selfie twice
he looks like he may not have been on the appalachian trail there's no hills there's no
elevation um Looks like he may not have been on the Appalachian Trail. There's no hills. There's no elevation.
I mean, I had a whole segment, but we can just do the segment.
What's the segment?
Come on.
Yeah, he did the Appalachian Trail bits.
The gist is that if you looked at his journey, it doesn't look like he actually went on anything.
I think he may have been lying about that.
September 4th, 2020, he posted Heat.
It was an album cover.
He's behind a podium delivering a speech flanked by two mics on an interstate.
It looks cool.
His hair is a mess.
Yeah.
Come on. Come on.
Come on.
You're holding back.
Was this him?
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, this is the I found it.
That doesn't kind of die.
He passes.
Kyle, I know you wrote something.
Your call.
You're scrolling a lot.
He passed.
Has KB been compromised by local governments?
Are you in the pockets of another mayor?
I don't know what it is.
I don't know what's going on.
In your brain?
Oh, no.
No, with the mayors.
It's taken a toll on me.
I don't think there's enough parody
in the mayoral game.
Did you already break that picture? shout out hy studios
oh my god that's not poggers at all dude oh come on he fucked that up
press an f right now oh my god all right that's a new untold story let's let's only do we don't
have to do mayor as weekly we can um we still have dickhead of the week. That's that's, uh, has, has been collecting dust.
Uh, I'll have news.
We'll do roasts.
Uh, we can just do mayors whenever a mayor is worthy.
Are we doing bonus?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Guests for the bonus or just, uh, yeah, let's do a guest bonus.
Uh, I wouldn't mind Walker.
That'd be great.
Yeah.
I was like Walker. What else do we got? I got a couple of that'd be great yeah I would like Walker
what else do we got
I got a couple housekeeping items
oh yeah
uh
World of T-Shirts Tour
yes
I saw it yeah
you guys down to uh
give that a try
$60 a person
uh
very much worth it
KB
you were on the fence
yeah I mean
yeah I mean
I'm down I think I hate him like i would i think i despise him but um
i would do it okay what are the details of the tour uh he takes you it's like kind of historical
okay he has he also has like a partner in it right that helps him out it's the guy that does
the whole thing.
And I think World of T-shirts is just TikToking throughout.
Gotcha.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Okay.
Yeah.
Tiny Dinies.
I was gifting them on Thursday or Friday.
And that is just, it's addicting.
So thank you for that. It's genuinely very, very addicting.
Yes.
Yeah.
Just giving to people and watching their reactions it's it's a good
feeling so fun because you never know what's gonna happen uh knife check nick or you give uh one of
rudy's uh loyal stream followers i believe pickle bong water sent me uh one of the more impractical
knives ever it folds out both ways to two different blades uh it's sick looking
it looks like it belongs to sauron um uh impractical i have but it's sick i have an
announcement regarding sauron actually yeah please so i do too i me, I have like a couple, but you guys go and I'll encore it with two.
So I bought a sword.
You bought a sword from where?
From Etsy.
Was it in the same cart as the Piker merch?
No,
it was you and this,
the shirt Piker merch was union made,
not on Etsy.
Um,
I played a, I did a thing on twitch where if i didn't win i had to
buy a 500 item on etsy yeah luckily my my the people watching were very gracious they let me
get something that i thought was really cool i got sauron i got the witch king of angmar's
sword replica very cool that was something i really liked because i love lord of the rings
obviously and then i wanted to rival your sword and then i wanted it to arrive before yours dunk on you like i did with the
terminators that's true that's damned yeah i regret i regret to inform you i've been holding out for a
long time hoping it would show up i worry that now i am in the same boat as you i have no idea
i have no confirmation number it was six hundred dollars this sword is somewhere in the same boat as you. I have no idea. I have no confirmation number. It was $600.
This sword is somewhere
in the ether. I have no idea where it is.
So we both may have been conned
by swords salesman. I have
no idea where it is. No, we haven't.
I got my tracking number.
No.
Yeah.
Bitch.
Poggers. Poggers.
Poggers.
I will be wielding.
And will notice it was called.
I think so.
Shades of Narsil.
Very sharts of Narsil.
Very, very shortly.
It might be at my apartment now.
Fuck.
Kyle, you have a sword?
Uh, almost.
I do not.
What about you? What are your two Sauron things? um oh what other housekeeping do we have
um i'm sure you guys have gotten dms but are you going to be a guest on anyone's pod coming up
oh there are some that i really liked i just haven't reached out yet, but I want it to be the smallest podcast.
And I would like to go in person.
So if it's like a New Jersey podcast,
New York podcast.
Yeah, yeah.
No, we will be doing it.
The more you guys try to sell your podcast to us,
the harder it will be for us to go on
because we want a very small,
very unlistened to podcast.
Yeah.
And the anus DMs have a ton of uh oh do they
submit submit somebody else that you know of not even necessarily someone you like someone who you
think has the smallest podcast possible gotcha um all right so we'll go through those at some
point yeah and the last thing is kind of just like a note. I remember I asked KB like how he wrote like the heat checks.
Oh yeah.
Like his like writing process.
Are you cool with sharing how you,
how you write?
That's actually interesting.
I'd like,
it's very interesting.
Um,
so you look at the,
what the article of clothing and not,
I wasn't going with that i was going with like
where you write wait what like where you write you told me you like walk around on your iphone
just head down around oh yeah i'm always moving around around the city yeah yes yes you're never
just walking around yeah do you find inspiration somewhere is it solely locked into your phone you just happen to be moving so yeah locked into the phone i'm having a lot of fun with it and you said
you enjoyed writing the blog i wrote a blog yeah and it was just really i had fun doing it because
i felt when i first started i would we had to write blogs every single day yeah it happened
you had to just churn out and some of my first few blogs were abysmal really really bad it's not even i didn't know what i was doing i didn't have a voice i didn't
know what it was and i was so nervous yeah i was getting very nervous to publish a blog um
and it became unfun because it was like a like homework yeah but now i'm i think think I enjoy it more. Obviously not this mayor, but when I do get locked in, I'm having a blast doing it.
Yeah.
You're just like walking miles, like looking at this guy's clothing and kind of.
Yeah.
And there's so many options for stupid references.
So the jokes are easy to write, but not.
Mayors are hard.
Yeah.
You got Coleman yeah you got Coleman
tickled pink
that shit was funny
that shit was
that was good
that was some good ass shit
KB
you still got it
still got it
alright
that all
alright cool
we could
do you have a twitter draft
this week or no
oh no
I didn't
I don't have any
maybe I do
we have to make that
wheat what is it ginkgus wheat chuck i already forget i do too we get ginkgus wait is it wheat
ginkgus ginkgus it might be ginkgus that sounds too real ginkgus wheat ginkgus yeah yeah we have
to do the week today i'll take two i'll take two of the ginkg. Give me signs. You got to do like the teeth suck.
Ah, yeah.
Fuck it.
I'll do two of the Grinkuses.
Yeah.
All right.
I'm looking to see if I have any tweet drafts.
My tweet drafts are note screenshots.
I don't think I do. Nope.
Cool.
All right.
No worries.