A New Untold Story - You Can Do No Wrong - A New Untold Story: Ep. 360

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

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Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. Good search. Welcome back. Oh, man, I can't be sagging that low in the chair. Welcome back to a new untold story. Episode 422. You mean your exact reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say, no, that's a new untold story. Hey, is that story over told? 422 it's a fresh big untold story 360 and welcome back to me mook yeah welcome back would you like to your arms got bigger significantly okay mook would

you like to i was going to do the ad why don't you start on this episode yeah you start i do you want to do the ad is that how you want to make your gracious return by fucking talking about yeah i mean no is that like i was going to welcome you back after I did the ad. Is it for Marine Lair? It is. Okay. Yeah, no, do it. Yeah, because is that the shirt you're wearing? It is. And does it make your arms look bigger?

I've been doing two a days at the Body Bar, but... What's the Body Bar? Your new gym's the Body Bar? Yeah. It's called the Body Bar? It's called the Body Bar. But yeah, this is... women love this yeah this brand yeah marine layer now sponsors the pod uh they sent us uh gift cards so we're gonna be decked

out in that we're gonna be looking fly but uh recommended highly uh it's the softest fruit t-shirt mankind has ever made imagine the softest thing you touched you thinking of it was it a marine layer t-shirt it's not that soft no that's no no that's not that one it's not that soft why are you doing this people love it you look awesome it feels good it's like a yeah you could wear that to the golf course you could wear that to sleep yeah sure you can wear it anywhere um yeah but big thank you to them it's stylish it's cool it's hip you said women love it women love it um not just my girlfriend another well just my girlfriend but she's never complimented an article of my clothing before yeah so that's a telltale that's right and i think we can all admit the perfect tea can be

hard to find look no further than marine layer for. For a limited time, get 15% off with code ANUS15 at marinelayer.com. ANUS15. That's code ANUS15. 15% off your whole order. marinelayer.com. Saving your closet one shirt at a time. Kyle's back. Mook.

Mook and Post, throw that in. Yeah, throw in like a... Yeah a yeah i mean i don't want to get weird but would you like to maybe a short prayer and then improvise a eulogy of sorts and i'll take the baton when you uh yeah i can do a prayer yeah um all right god, bow your heads. Put your hands together. Never mind. Okay. Never mind. All right.

Why did you want him to do that? I thought that would be... Can I rip it? Apropos of the situation. Do you have anything to say? I'm making people absurdly uncomfortable. Everyone is very uncomfortable around me. Yeah.

No, I'm not. You're not. Yeah, you're still the same. Yeah. I think I've been normal. Yeah, it's... Hank hugged you? No.

Yeah, he did. He put his arm on me. Yeah. No, he put both arms on you. Yeah, I didn't even realize. But yeah, people are very uncomfortable. Don't be. Do we still have to say yes to everything you say?

I am impervious. I have the GTA no police cheat code. I can say whatever and do whatever for a little bit longer. How much longer? Because you used that card last week as well. Last week? Two weeks ago, maybe. What did I do?

You told Mook to get on stage at a Pride event because you asked. I did. You didn't do it. I wasn't. By the time I got back to Jersey City with the Pride Festival happening, it wasn't there. Mook says yes to anything anyway. He barked at a woman when we went out. I barked at a man.

Oh, all right, dude. Take that one. Yeah, I barked at a guy. He said hey to me, and i had a few drinks and just and then did you did you just said hey he said move oh and he barked that's fine yeah again with a bark back yeah and then you crawl you you went dog mode the rest of the night you went to the bathroom and you came back out on all fours, but none of us really acknowledged it. Yeah. And you just got back up and sat down at the bar.

But let's get back, Kyle. You gave us some notes to catch up on, like the woman with her chicken salad slider. Oh, my God. And then you text me something, the filipino fill-in all right yeah we'll get to that let me start with this um the anus fans who reached out to me were incredible yeah uh they made me feel loved i know who they are and what they're capable of saying and how they're capable of behaving but that was a real treat the residuals made me feel good right there was a lot i felt like i died jesus christ

yeah i did and it's like i know people fantasize about that yeah yeah like tom sawyer people are like talking me up and i really appreciated that. Very nice. It was nice. It was nice to read. Anything else? The situation is horrifically sad, and that's all there is to it. Yeah. In the context of this show, my mom loved it.

Really? Give her this one. She obsessively watched it and the yak she followed everyone on it on both shows uh she was on her ipad just watching barstool and reading the bible which sounds horrible on paper but what else mook i was gonna say that's what my mom does now it's like yeah just the bible and then she goes oh you were doing this today uh but i have a question did you keep up with the pod at all did you check in i didn't and that's just how i am that's um i kind of stayed away from all videos social media media, which I mean, let's just do that.

I mean, my personal thing. Yeah. What else? Yeah. She obsessed over my barstool shows to a fault sometimes. And then I, like now that I realize her issues with it or that she cared too much. And I was like talking about my descent into opioid abuse um and i get it now so i would get

mad at her in the moment when she was like hey you gotta can you stop doing hard drugs and i was like fuck you and but now i get it yeah okay now i guess now you get it. Yeah, so that's that. Yeah. Mook, you had a... What a month you're having, though. Yeah, I mean, a little fucked up trying to stack all these dubs while you're gone. Well, these are the best dubs that I've ever seen from anyone I know.

So has this been the best couple weeks of your life it's okay it's been really fun but i'm the type of person where it's like things are going well and they're about to go astronomically terrible yeah and bad for you is like you might get like charred and some sort of i might might die. Yeah. And I don't know. Do you consider the tackle a W? I don't necessarily consider the tackle a dub. The tackle was a dub. The little twirl that you did before the tackle that we didn't talk about at

all was, there was a little twirl that you did. Did you see the video? No. You did a little twirl before the tackle and your legs kicked up but i saw the people in the comments were very much they were getting horny for you yeah they thought it was a helga pataki situation yeah yeah um but the real story is you are now tangentially related to two of the biggest stars or characters in the black community

who's the second well mo bomba oh because of the song the eponymous star of the trap hit of the 2000s and then travis hunter travis hunter is the jackie Jackie Robinson of HBCU football. Wait a minute. He's not the first black person to play for an HBCU. But then... He's well down the line. Where did Jackie Robinson start his baseball career? What professional league?

The Negro League. And then he went to... Went to Colorado. Okay, shit. Yeah, there's a good compare yeah okay that is a good comparison and you made him laugh yeah that was crazy and you saw it's not like he maybe saw your tweet and said lol you you saw the footage of him cracking up a big ass smile it was a big smile but then he did did he end it with a pause or did he end it with he ended it with a chill okay is he the hottest not the physically the the hottest black person or person in the world right now him or

sexy red black male then not like revenge um like is he the hottest black guy yeah okay i i think so right big w for the buffs heisman don't know. Everyone's talking about him. He's like the trend. He's the trend. I'm assembling a crew. And you made him laugh. At a gay joke. At his kind of expense.

Every white guy's fantasy is like, make the cool black guy laugh. Yeah. It's always just a fantasy. Yeah. I mean, I don't. That's like the best thing you can do as a white guy is make a black guy laugh. Yeah. I think that's like a checklist moment.

Especially on Twitter. Yeah. I was waiting for that tweet to get into black Twitter and then get torn apart. What was the waiting period? Like I saw, there's a couple of replies that I'm like, Oh, this might get cycled in. Yeah. It didn't get him laughing was on a video that he uploaded himself. Or what was that?

I think it's like Dion Jr. Has a media company and they're just uploading daily content. Yeah, it was a vlog. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, KB.

I appreciate that. But I'm trying to think the equivalent. It's like a leper made like Mother Mary squirt. Just like that. Kyle, that's like a one for one metaphor. Modern equivalent. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I guess it's the exact same. Yeah. Congrats. Thank you. I'm waiting for a downfall but i appreciate it it'll happen yeah it will happen it might yeah it'll happen it's funny he took a big l um yeah how requesting a song to the bucket drummer outside of wrigley i was jealous of mook guess what song he requested he just said the title when he yelled to the guy africa

a bucket drummer and i said you can't nobody just thinks of the song when you yell that to a bucket drummer i could i i don't know how africa i don't know how i could everybody's like what the fuck yeah you thought you were like it's a heavy percussion song hey africa i was jealous of luke and I was trying to break into the community. Try to start a chant around the guy. I think I broke in a little bit too. Yeah. Nobody assumes Toto when you yell Africa to a black guy.

And now I know. Yeah. Now, you know, not to do that. Yeah. We're all learning. We're all learning.

Yeah. Except for me, I guess. How actually I'm valid valid it's fucking the city are you yeah that's crazy because i said i was valid you live you live fucking you might as well not live in chicago i'm right by the united center okay what you shouldn't be talking why where do you live south side what um what establishments are near i don't want to i don't want to say that oh can i say the one no dude i don't want to say where i live what type of

establishments black drag bar yep okay what what is it are you do you feel comfortable there oh oh Do you feel comfortable there? No. The commute's good. It's right there, right? Nope. The view? I feel like the view... I showed you the view. He's trying to rainbow.

It's an abandoned pizza hut. The tenants? The fellow tenant? The one guy we saw had one eyebrow and the other eyebrow was shaved off and tattooed in its place was what, Mook? It was the word honesty spelled with three I's and no Y. I was going to say. H-O-N-E-S-T-I-I-I. Yeah.

But I think he planned for just one eye, but then he realized it was uneven. And so he just had to add more eyes. He was a big boy. Big boy. plan for just one eye but then he realized it was uneven and so he just had to add more eyes he was a big boy big boy yeah he was he got onto the elevator listening to some sort of a song i've never heard but he had it like in a solo cup so it was louder i used to do that yeah in public not on an elevator okay say no more but But do you guys like it? Yeah, dude, I'm really happy to be here. I love it, yeah. You've been here longer than us, right? You moved in the last...

Okay, yeah. And you're adjusting to living with your partner? Yeah, the past few weeks I got really extra close with her, which is kind of frightening. Understandable. Frightening. Understandable. The tenants, TJ, you live in the one next to me which is pretty much a clone they're the same the tenants are very douchey looking because if anyone's listening and you saw me looking at you

looking douchey is a compliment that just means you you fuck a lot looking douchey means you fuck a lot looking dude if i said that guy looks douchey i mean he probably looks like he has sex yeah yeah young fratty douchey uh crowd so i don't know i mean it's like i'm gonna talk to them oh you're not gonna go swim with them them? The pool looks like a spring break resort, which is kind of cool. It's like a Big Ten third team all body count. Guys who fucked a lot, but not the most. Everyone's like 6'1", but not 6'5". You think 6'5 fucks the most?

Yeah, I would say the most out of any. 6'5". Yeah. You think 6'5 fucks the most? Yeah. I would say the most out of any. 6'5". Yeah. Only 6'5 guy I know is Brandon. Tyler Miller. Tyler Miller laid down?

He might be taller. He's an assassin. He's an assassin? Yeah. Goddamn. Wow. What, wait. 6,

rank the heights of, rank what heights fuck the most. Give me your Rushmore of heights. I think six, five. That's too tall. Per capita. I mean. Come on.

Do they fuck the most or the most premium? The guys who fuck the most are like five, four wrestlers. Yeah. Okay. Interesting pool. That's random. You're saying I'm talking about myself at that wee height? It's my earlobe. Yeah, short wrestlers do. They make it like a point yeah so yeah from what i've

seen and they yeah they don't take no for an answer unfortunately not and i have plenty of examples jesus christ um yeah um so you had a really rough long couple weeks but there was you know you didn't lose your uh self uh you know you got the chicken salad sliders i need to hear this story all right i think i described it as like a standoff at the verizon in my head it may have been but yeah i was at the mall which malls are awful you went to the ohio valley mall this is in north carolina okay so better than that but awful and i didn't even need airpods but i walked past the little verizon hut and saw that it was empty and the one employee was just buried in her phone not looking like an

employee and i was like now i want airpods i want to see because this girl this young woman is not doing anything there was nobody in the store express no but i walked in and she didn't put her head up and i was like what is she doing i need her her to, now I need AirPods. When you're not mentally sound, you do a lot of things that defy logic and even your own convenience. So I made sure I was going to get the AirPods from this girl. She told me it was a 10 minute wait.

Whatever that means. They had to deliver the AirPods to her from a different area of the mall. So I put my clock on oh kyle waited 10 minutes um came back and she was holding two dinner rolls with green spots on them i thought they were moldy dinner rolls yeah i was disgusted um her co-worker comes up. She wouldn't put them down. The green rolls. She was holding two in one hand and pecking the computer to search where my AirPods were with one hand.

Going twice as slow as it needed to be. Wouldn't put down the dinner rolls. Would that annoy you at all? Yeah, big time. annoy you at all yeah big time she's doing like she's working as a retail employee with two moldy dinner their chicken salad sliders i came to find out in one hand they were green though and she just would not put them down so i in my head i'm she goes back to find my airpods i don't know where they could have been she was in the back room they must have teleported to some box and scattered shelving somehow but she took like two two to five minutes which is a lot when you're waiting

and she came back air pause on one hand still had the two dinner rolls were you alone yes you just went to like escape for a little bit or bottom line i went to get a suit for the funeral yeah which is it was a pleasant experience they treated me well yeah they asked me what it was for and they did a good job but uh she wouldn't put down the dinner rolls and it was breaking my brain they're they're chicken salad sliders her co-worker came to flirt with her she come to find out she took a bunch of chicken salad sliders home from a party she was at. But she got to a point where I'm like, I can't leave this until she puts them down. So I'm thinking, how do I get her to use two hands? I told her, can you go get me a phone case and a charger?

And she still didn't put down the two chicken salad sliders that is so disgusting and the fact that it was so inconvenient because she had to do things with one hand and she was like oh we don't have cases you don't have cases at the Verizon store we only have chargers

but they don't have the plug in and what the fuck I lost miserably. She never put them down. I, I, she didn't put them down. Did you buy the AirPods?

And I just bought the AirPods. And I said, like, I said, you must be hungry. And then scurried away. I thought that was an own. I think she just laughed while I ran away.

You must be hungry hungry i was so mad oh understandable how are the airpods have you lost them yet uh no i still got them okay round 10 have you dropped them yet uh no no because it's a thing when you drop them yeah Yeah, still got them. Oh, yeah. It's like a bouncy ball. Yeah, it's so embarrassing. Before we keep talking, GameTime. The GameTime app. Big shout out to them.

You guys know by now. Four fans, five fans. It's the fastest, best ticketing app. We use it all the time. We're using it this Friday. So I guess that'll be tomorrow. A lot of the Yak guys are going over to Wrigley to watch a baseball game. As a Southside guy, I don't know if they'll accept me. But yeah, you guys should download GameTime.

Limited time discounts, exclusive flash deals. Purchase process takes just two taps and 10 seconds. Once you buy your tickets, they're delivered directly to your phone. Download the GameTime app. Go to the website. Enter your email and redeem code UNTOLD, U-N-T-O-L-D, for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Hey there, BRGs.

It's Mook here, just reminding you to use GameTime. Take your partner, your significant other, your king, your queen, your legend beast, your lady boss to an event using the game time app. Go to a concert, a game, download the game time app right now and use code untold for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Well, you've been gone, dude. I've been getting MOOC overload. So I'm glad you're back. Oh yes. He, um, he stayed at your place a couple days. Yeah, that was fine was fine you just you were like all right yeah i'm fine doing that yeah i mean yeah i think we had a good time too we had a damn good time we got pretty fucked up yeah i'm i'm too old for that though can't be doing that

anymore no you kept up i tried my best i was proud you. He was like running the show. Yeah. No. You had like moves? For sure not. It's fun going out here right now because we don't know where anything is. And it's just kind of fun to like, oh, let's go here. Let's see this. Let's do that. TJ called out Mook putting out a UAV though for Queens. What is that?

What is a UAV? It's like in a video game where you see the enemy's location. He's just on his phone for like 45 seconds yeah what is it like searching like similar to a bat signal you had their map yeah how did you do it you have how do you put out your feelers no comment no how do you do it i mean look you do is there any potential queens here yet? You heard my game. Rudy heard my game. I had a great pickup line on the spot. Oh, yeah, he did. A girl put her bag on the table at our bar.

She was like, oh, sorry. What did you say? I said, you can do no wrong. She was like, no, no, I'm sorry. I'm like, you can do anything you want. Did you get it? Oh, yeah, you got the... I haven't, you can do anything you want. Did you get it? Oh, that's yeah. You got the input out the UAV just trying to find Queens.

Are you are you wearing the same thing? No. Same hat, same white shirt. But that was. Yes, that was. You're wearing the same hat. Oh, same color. Same color.

I'm sorry. Same color shirt. What is your feeler um you know you just instagram a snapchat yeah if you put out an instagram story i mean it's a different feeler for every platform you know there's there's a lot of barstool fans here and uh i took a picture me and rudy took a picture with a guy greg with a w and he told me i was like hey i'm greg with a w and i said then that's not greg greg with a w was it greg with a w grwg it was david with a w it wasn't greg it was david with a w and i said that's not david yes and he said it's polish and so mook sent a picture of the guy and he said i found a polish guy to you yeah he did that was david with a w yeah but he asked for a picture of me and rudy

and he tagged us both in it but he added rude boy junda and he added nick teraney but he went through to like make my tag the rainbow font on instagram which i thought that was rudy's wasn't i thought that was a nice touch that's an incredible touch that he had the wherewithal to even do that while inebriated he was hammered and he was coming off chris lake at tau he had a weekend yeah oh yeah wow that was pretty like rudy got the regular tag and then he switched mine to the rainbow yeah i mean we all we none of us are shocked by that okay i think you're trying to like Rudy got the regular tag and then he switched mine to the rainbow. Yeah, I mean, none of us are shocked by that. I think you're trying to scratch and fluff us.

That would be so fucked. That doesn't make any sense. I was expecting a gasp. That had to be extremely ironic. It was a slip of the thumb. We're not going to react to it like a Dylan Dennis photo of Nina Agdal. It's just not going to stun us.

No, that's not stunning either. But to Mook's credit, sorry to backtrack, that girl did spin the block. Yep. What the fuck does that mean? She came back? Yeah. She had a UAV of her own trying to find a king. Were you the king?

What does that mean? Yeah, you guys are speaking in code. I was there, too. I don't know what you're talking about. Spin the king? What does that mean? Yeah, you guys are speaking in code. I was there, too. I don't know what you're talking about. Spin the block? Yes. So we left that bar, and she came walking down the street looking into bars. You're saying UAV.

Yes. It was her looking into a bar? It was her looking for the boys, yes. Oh, she was actively searching for you yes and then she found another person we were with they made eye contact through a window and then she came in and then we did like a formal introduction did you get her phone number uh instagram i think rudy might have i did get her number after i called her jewish you got her number yes rudy did come in and close yeah you called her jewish got her number? Yes. Rudy did come in and close. Yeah.

You called her Jewish, got her number. Yeah. After knowing that he was... And Mook got her Instagram after he said, the woman could do no wrong. He puts this woman on a pedestal, and then Rudy comes up, and he's like, are you Jewish? Then gets her number.

I'm just happy to be an assistant. Wait, you guys, that's the dynamic here? We're all boys. I missed out on missed out on all this is the pilot episode so i don't know if this is the status quo but i got it to be fair to mook i got it just as sort of like we were hanging out as a group mook used that line the pickup line you can do no wrong like that establishes that girl as his until she explicitly denies him in my etiquette in my mind but i'm used to being the buffer i'm used to being the i will say some dumb shit get her interested in that's your goal was to but to alley-oop to rudy look at the assist look i got enough queens kyle i'm trying to i'm trying to spread the wealth You don't have to approach like a stand-up set.

Like, you're not opening. I love opening. Alley-ooping to Rudy is like alley-ooping to somebody that's 7'8". Yeah, you're right. He, like, does the little pretend jump for you. Yeah. Rudy doesn't need my oop. Thanks, Mook.

I couldn't have done it without you, pal. Yeah. What a good guy. What a kind gesture. I do get satisfaction out of striking up conversation with random girls. No, you don't. No, you don't. I do.

You can do no wrong. You said it twice. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I doubled down. You were on one for those couple days, but it was fun. It was a lot of fun. Oh, yeah.

I'm excited to see more of it. I'm going to try to scale it back this weekend and get my life together. Yeah. We had a weekend. Yeah. We put in a shift for sure. But, Nick, you had MOOok overload man i'm i'm no i didn't have mook overload i was miss kyle yeah no we all i can't replace kyle with more

mook of course no that could never equate that's fair um i flew back to wheeling uh i had a fantasy draft and then went to the funeral uh and the, that wasn't the typical guy. This is, I don't even want to say insane, like it's some hilarious thing. But the priest from my mother's funeral mass is someone that knows who she is. Yes. She has a family. He knows the family. And the mass was The mouse was at

10, at 10.03. The pallbearers, which was just me... You're holding... Yeah. We're starting to get a little... You're holding the casket like a social studies book.

I'm single-handedly holding the casket. You sold it? My deltoids are about to burst out of my body. I remember, dude, I heard you grunting, but you weren't accepting no help. At 9.59, I'm like, this is going to soar. 10.03, I'm like, what's going on? Did you ever have to switch arms? No, I was just she's one and then the director of the mass or the funeral

of the church comes out and says um the priest isn't gonna make it he forgot or he he didn't know. That is one of the most inexcusable absences of all time. Can't miss that. What was a priest doing? Don't they live at the church? He forgot. And they were even on the phone with him. And he he said he forgot. And then later on, he ends up saying that, please forgive me.

Is that is it that easy when you're a man of God to just say, please forgive me? And are you expecting this is like one of the most inexcusable things you can do? He said he usually arrives an hour early when he does funerals to meet the family and talk to them. He lives at the church in the apartments behind it, right? No, but close. It's like right there. One of the most insane things to miss.

And then instead of being like, I'm going to rush there, as soon as he got up, he just said, nah, count me out. And we had to audible and find a backup priest for my mom's funeral. And no disrespect to Asians, but we got a Filipino priest who didn't know. His English was fine. Had no idea who my mom was and he had to wing wing my mom's

funeral he improved sermon he improved improv it and he said things that were straight up lies kyle you could you could tell you could tell because he forgot her name that long pause oh he forgot her name and he said some something that she loves she she loves kept saying she loves hosting parties having people over my mom hated there was nothing she wanted less than to host a party at our house but he was like trying to get everybody to he was gaslighting the crowd because he was like you guys all know this but you've all been to a party she's hosted nothing against him he did his best i don't know what i would have like what you

could i think i think he played the hits he yeah he said a lot of things that were generalizable to anybody yeah she loved keeping a home all right sure um yeah fuck that was that's that's insane and they they even made it a point 40 years of doing masses this has never happened that doesn't make it any better no they were trying to ease it yeah sorry you got unlucky yeah dude uh that's fuck it was that's outrageous how'd you find the filipino he um they just have a megal That's outrageous. How'd you find the Filipino? He had a bagel. He wasn't a priest. He wasn't a priest.

In that sense, he did a damn good job. He kind of killed it in some of the areas. I was there and they were just like hey guys we're gonna start in 15 everybody's like oh come on yeah when did it start uh it was supposed to start at 10 yeah it started about 10 30 it's unreal um unreal uh on a serious note i'm not going to do like a full eulogy here i'll sprinkle in like things about her over the course of the i mean the future i guess but if you want my sister did a great job i think it's on her instagram and instagram newsletter i'm not going to say it

but if you want to find it you can find it it was very very nice very touching she's a good writer she is and again thanks to everyone who reached out the people it was true it was amazing i didn't know what to do or what to shout out but like a lot of people on the discord shout at them like they decided the best thing to do was donate to your sister's adoption fund yeah and we had to put a halt to that. Because that made it so... Your sister was going to end up with like 12 kids. Right, right. But the one she's going to get is going to have all the bells and whistles. This kid's going to

have all the upgrades. It's going to be like LeBron's next kid. PBA, we don't know more money. We're not pocketing any of the extra money. Catholic charities, I think, yeah. Charity, yeah. I think your dad said that. money um we've met it's not we're not pocketing any of the extra money it's going but i think people say catholic charities i think yeah charity or yeah i think your dad said that how's your dad

doug um yeah all things his name's greg well i know i know that um he he, I mean, obviously it's horrific for everyone. It was a tragedy. It was unexpected. He has the best mindset possible. We're both. Not shocked by that at all. We're both working out every day.

It was much easier to be in his presence in that situation because, I mean, for better or worse for for him he likes to spin everything into a light-hearted conversation make things funny yeah which was helpful um he's doing well i don't know if he's been back to tweeting i don't think he's trolled since has he probably no i i've been waiting to see i think he's gonna take some some more time what i wonder i wonder what will make him break his silence. It's going to be like a... It's going to be a trans athlete. Yeah. It's going to be a trans athlete. If he gets canceled...

That would be what... That would be for dad. Then he went to jail for racism. And I was like, fuck. Dad went to an orphanage. Dude, your sister has enough for you. Your sister will adopt you. Oh my god.

She's going to be looking at all the specs and be like, this one's 30 with his master's degree. We've got to get this one. Your sister ends up adopting you. Dude, your dad getting arrested for just straight up racism felony racism yeah just like it yeah he's gonna yeah shikari richardson's gonna have like a new color weave and he's gonna just have to bite in his time oh my god it's always weird to have to do an ad when in the middle of like a heartfelt uh thing but you gotta do what you gotta do liquid iv

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Oh, yeah. Ultimate recovery. Yeah. So actually, we woke up super hungover. I had the liquid IV strawberry. Mook has nothing. We're going to a Cubs game one o'clock. We leave at like 1030.

Mook calls the Uber. We get a Fiat, no AC. And this woman's heavy on the brakes. And Mook has to roll the window down. And I'm chilling. You had the IV. If I had the IV, I would have been fine. Real people, real flavor, real hydrating. Grab your Liquid IV in bulk nationwide at Costco.

Or you can get 20% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code story at checkout. That's 20% off anything when you shop better hydration today using promo code story liquid ivy.com we got ads off the wazoo today one more but then we're good um you guys ever heard of the author dean coots yes he's one of the few that i've heard of okay he's like comparable with stephen king look up his twitter and look at him promoing his new book right now. Kyle, I have an assignment for you. This guy is astounding. K-O-O-N-T-Z.

Dean Kuntz? I remember the name. He wrote Odd Thomas. A lot of, not horror, but like... I saw him today tweeting promoting his new book, and I gasped. Kyle, expand it, because you're not seeing the full...

Look at that dude. He's got the reverse Bob Ross. What is go... Oh my god. Yeah, just promoing his new book. He rocks. That's... What an animal.

That'll stop you in your tracks. Yeah, that's him. Look at that thing. Looks like he's in Oasis. I can't get enough of Dean Kuntz. Yeah, you couldn't even sneeze with that one. Yeah, dude, fuck yeah, you you're right you're fucking right is that a toupee um it has to if it is it's got away at the rarest one i've ever seen they don't make them like that i would would love to see this. I think it's one solid piece. He's wearing a bike helmet.

It looks. Yeah. Shocking. It looks like a watermelon, but with hair. Yeah, it's it's awesome. It looks like an old timey football player. What is that? I don't know because that's his hair.

But you can't see like there's no frizz. You can't see one piece sticking up. He looks like he's in space balls it's a perfect sphere yeah that vegas structure yeah it is it's exactly like that yeah and he's probably close to being a billionaire right multi multi i bet you he's probably like 8 million. Way more. He has like series like Harry Potter-esque. Not like that. I guess not a billion. But Stephen King's got to be a billionaire, right?

And I know he's comparable to Stephen King. I don't know. He's had movies. 200 million. Okay, so no. 200. Oh, he is legit. Mm-hmm.

He's 78. So yeah, that's a fucking toupee. Yep. Stephen King's net worth is 500 million. Good job, boys. Good job, fellas. Not richer than that fucking turf. Yo, Obama's gay?

Apparently. You've been off the internet. I have. Yeah, I guess I could have eased you into that. Just people are coming out of the woodwork saying, yeah, we fucked. Me and Obama fucked. But like if you fuck Obama and you wait until after he's being first of all, I don't believe it because I have a fundamental understanding of the gays. If somebody you fuck became president, the gays would be all about that.

They wouldn't be able to bite their tongue. Oh, yeah. be all about that they wouldn't be able to bite their lit their tongue oh yeah i think white american gays would would wouldn't be able to yeah yeah but like a who where was he when he there's a college multiple men i think multiple men have come college and then that note came out that like he was like dreaming of. Whatever I see, like I believe it. Also, if he, so what? Yeah, and what now? You got nothing. What now? It wasn't him cheating. No, I don't think.

I mean, I would believe you have fucked men. Yeah, I'd believe Rudy'd fuck men. And I wouldn't like give a shit. Thank you. There's guys that give off the energy of fucking men that aren't. It's not a gay energy. It's like just a sexual being. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, yeah. Being borderline in terms of like your appearance actually gets you pussy. Right. And then unless you have it, if you have it. Yeah. There's some it. I feel like a lot of like Twitter dudes are like, I got to try to be half gay to get pussy.

And then it just. Yeah. They just end up becoming full gay. Yeah. Right. It's a slippery, slippery. There's some it factor. I feel like a lot of Twitter dudes are like, I got to try to be half gay to get pussy, and then it just fails. They just end up becoming full gay. Yeah. Right. It's a slippery, slippery slope. I never got a gay vibe from Obama, though. Never at any point did the gaydar go off. Yeah, but to be a politician, you really got to bury that.

True that. That's his name. True that. His name's Barry. That's gay i've been meaning to watch that interview because i was cracking up the first guy i saw that said he fucked obama was sharing a table with tucker carlson yeah tucker carlson's the one that found him i would yeah and i really would like to watch that i haven't watched yet it's weird watching a 46 minute interview on twitter about gay sex with obama yeah i guess that's what we're

doing though now yeah that's what that's what we're that's what we're doing that's what america tonight i'll watch that alongside i have a few troop movement videos i need to watch okay that's good you gotta you gotta go yin and yang but gay super straight you brought up um kind of like giving off a little bit of a feminine gay vibe that gets you women. Right. And you do it. Yeah. Well,

thanks. Yeah. Uh, the first episode of the put on a show that we're going to start doing a daily video series will be you leading the charge. We're going to be taking MOOC to revamp the wardrobe. Sure. And, we're going to,

we're going to, we're going to drip them down. We're going to drip you down dude not excited i i want it i wanted him to get his ears pierced amongst many other things yeah does that actually heal i think like yeah what do you mean does it heal in my ears are gonna be there forever i would self i would pierce my ears in college um all the time what i did i thought it was a party trick i think in rediscovering america you pierced we walked out of uh walmart and we just put earrings through yours mine were i had earrings before so i could pushed it through but you just never had it doesn't really

hurt it's like a quick sting okay so the first put on will be us revamping your wardrobe led by rudy and uh i really i've just always wanted to be in like that 2000s movie where I get to sit outside of the dressing room and like he comes out. Yeah. Yeah. The poses. Yeah. You're going to do that. And yeah.

No. No, you can't. I'm not allowed. It's your job. Yeah. It's good. This is a good thing. Yeah.

And then we're going to we're gonna the put on will be we'll revamp the wardrobe we'll have you pick out your outfit and then we're gonna go out and see in action i had to wear it out yeah yeah this is yeah that would be the the bulk of the premise yeah you wearing it out yeah i we We're not going to do you wrong. No, we're not going to do you wrong. It's the put on. Yeah. Yeah.

We're going to make you look sick. Okay. But I do want you to dye your hair. Yeah. New paint job. Yeah. New paint job. I want you.

I want you to look like that tick tock kid that does backflips. I don't know who that is. Gary Castro. Yeah. Yeah. He looks like a, he dresses like a Corvette as a human. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. What color do you want my hair? His are pink flames right now. He has pink flames right now. Yeah, he is. It looks tough. But he does have the same exact face and build as zach efron right which unfortunately does not i'm gonna look like a lesbian character from cyberpunk

an android built to lick pussy you can do no wrong. Dude, you're going to be like if a Subaru was a Transformer. Oh, man. Shit. Yeah. So we're going to try to film that episode next week if everybody's getting down and that's going to be our video season. So are you going to go like hipster or hype beast? Hype beast. We're going to make hipsters not cool yeah you're honestly even if we want you're gonna make me look cool yeah why

wouldn't we but hipsters don't they're extinct like they're just like 37 year olds who do it some places when tumblr shut down that was curtains and also even if we wanted to do that you're too thick it's true i am i am slimming down now i'm off the meatballs and uh taking care of myself had meatballs with you yesterday they were buffalo chicken meatballs those are much more calorically dense meatballs i only had one mini one so i was a little so you're not off meatballs. You're weaning. You're not off meatballs. Yeah, sure. TJ, on the other hand, are you on protocol? I'm inspired by your protocol.

Well, Gen 4 was, I thought Gen 4 was bad, but Gen 5 was even worse. Wait, you already had Gen 5? Gen, yeah, I've been through a couple Gens. I don't know what, the last two were bad yeah what happened to gen five gen five is when i started drinking champagne at night what yeah i don't know i've never heard that before in my life i mean i'm pretty picky with alcohol and i wanted to drink when i got to chicago you're a huge phase guy there you had a socky phase when i first met you when i first moved to new york been there it does do 14 and it yeah that hits you right up here horrible yeah then you went

to raging bitch and then you went to i was in the Double Dog was betwixt. Okay. Yeah. But champagne at night? Well, I mean, I was just like not leaving my apartment. I was bored as hell. I haven't socialized. So I was like, I want a drink. And it's like a nice view. So champagne, yeah. Tastes good too.

It's great. Really good. Yeah. So Gen 5's dope. What are you on? No lactose. No limited carbs intermittent fasting uh skincare routine oh so you're kind of a bunch of health shit yeah i've been seeing a bunch of tiktoks of like how to make your life better as a guy Why not? And how do you feel? Are you all about it?

My physical energy is way down. It's going to be like that for a little bit. But my social energy is way up. Right. I feel like super confident. Yeah. Good. And you got to just become obsessed with it.

Like keep talking about it and keep posting about it. Right. There we go yeah yeah and i think you're posting the salads that's holding yourself accountable for it too doing that become obsessed and weird then you'll i guess you're on gen one yeah i'm on to you're on gen six i'm on to gen simons that's nobody's gonna get that joke she just a woman that used to work here um yeah i'm not under her but oh you're eating the quest bars the rose of my bereavement was discovering quest chips uh they're coming like that as opposed to the thorn like the highlight um the highlight of your bereavement was was the quest chips uh they come in like ranch and loaded taco flavors they taste like real chips 16 or 15 grams of protein

like four carbs and i was sprinkling them on tacos and it was there's quest chips uh what about the farts that the thorn that was the thorn that was the thorn of the entire bereavement yeah it was your farts yeah god okay it just well you and your entire family was sharing a cabin right that was tough my mom said she sent you a protein rich meal you probably got so much shit sent. My sister got something from your mom. Oh, okay. That's why I asked for her.

She's sending a thank you. She could just say it. She'd text her. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for that. No. How was the cat?

Were you staying in a small cabin? It was gigantic. It was one of those open living rooms. Okay. Like the size of a football field. And this was the first time your girlfriend met the extended family, which is kind of a weird note to start on. Yeah. It was weird.

Yeah. Yeah. She's all weird. It doesn't feel real, yeah it happened happened you're yeah you'll be good you've been funny at what cost um today's episode is also brought to you by factor um kyle you like factor don't you yeah i've tried it like two or three times this is to a fault of mine because i loved it and it was very affordable and i loved every meal i just didn't i've been too lazy that it's not

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It's ready in two minutes. No prep. No mess. Head to factormeals.com slash kb50 and use code kb50 to get 50% off. That's code kb50 at factormeals.com. KB50, 50% off. Oh, man. What else is going on?

Mook, do you have any housekeeping for us? No, but Kyle, I'm so glad you're back, man. Here moving. Yeah, it's nice. I like it in Chicago. Nice clean slate. Yeah. Rudy, I watched the first episode of um most dangerous most dangerous

game and it was it was very good you were cool and funny it's tough usually have to pick one or the other yeah you were both yeah thank you i was i was a little embarrassed watching it back seeing me and jackie i truly thought i was being remarkably intelligent using a blinking and cross oh that was hilarious i didn't yeah you thought that was being remarkably intelligent using a blinking and cross. Oh, that was hilarious. I didn't. Yeah. You thought that was not a joke. I the funniest things I do, the best bits I do, I fall backwards into.

It's very weird. That played out like a skit. You were trying to be a boy genius. Yes. And then the editors just put like the tuba sound effect behind it and so it's like you like you're picturing yourself like as like a communist colonel like moving pieces on like the glowing war tactic board yes and then they just put like the fat guy tuba behind your planning yes it was shocking to see uh back. But thank you.

Yeah. Yeah. Go watch it. Yeah. Go watch that. Roan. Good host. Participants.

All good. Except for Pat. Bad, bad guy. Mm hmm. Yeah. He's a wicked, wicked boy. Shitty person. He's a wicked, wicked boy.

Dangerous man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's he's he's dangerous. He's a loose cannon bad bad guy even if you were straight yeah bad uh mook any housekeeping for us a couple housekeeping items uh curious how's piper adjusting loves it and i got this like seven foot fort and she is completely neglecting it to sleep on our bed does she

play on the fort or no just fully neglecting she doesn't she doesn't really use it um but she's like in the window she's been really uh stepping up at yeah just as loving or is she like starting to get independent she's starting to be less more dependent on us. She's just sleeping in our bed, cuddling every night. Um, she have her own room. She does.

Is that where the seven foot four is of a big closet? Okay. So I got a lot of things in the mail to pimp that out. Nice. Very nice. Mook, we talked about it maybe on the yak, maybe on anus. He had the video of his apartment that the woman sent you, and she didn't include the toilet in the video.

Yep. And you had to follow up and ask if there was a toilet to which they responded yes, but they didn't show it. For good reason yeah weird weird weird toilet you have for good reason they didn't show that toilet i kind of like it um i'll put it up on the youtube you can look at it now but it's like uh prison style you refer to it yeah it has no uh it has no back it's just the seat it's like calling a hyphen and now it's a it was a convertible it was no toilet it's a convertible toilet it was but there's like a

weird like uh nozzle kind of or what do you call this thing twist i took a new picture of it i'm just gonna say a new picture yeah and it's pretty far from the wall it's super far from the wall. It's super far from the wall to the point where. It's kind of in the middle of the room. The cover seat, right? Since it has no back, it goes directly into the drywall. So there is spackle. Like eventually the cover seat will go into the wall, if you know what I'm saying. Okay.

Like if I leaned back into it it i would go into my living room there's a hole in the wall there was if you zoom in you can see like a big spackle job and like i could be sitting in the living room i could see just your bare back like shitting oh buddy yeah um but i mean there's like a random knob next to it and then just a giant pipe coming out the side of it it has a urinal flusher yeah it does yeah the the pipe is off putting the faucet what is that a faucet yeah what is what is that there's two nozzles or what are you what do you call these things dials it looks like a vehicle it's it's yeah it has like an exhaust on it this is like a toilet in the mad max universe you could poop in a reversed cowboy or cowgirl

i could go both ways yeah try that yeah you could you could shit like a youth pastor sits on a chair yeah right before he says wait a minute wait minute. You could do that on any toilet. Yeah, you're right. There's no perk to this. I just wouldn't be try as we might. I wouldn't be straddling anything, though. Yeah, you could. But there's still the lid.

You can't rest your back on. Can it touch the wall and be comfortable? So the like I was saying earlier, the seat cover touches the wall and be comfortable so the like i was saying earlier the seat cover touches the wall okay but it's already made a dent in the wall and you can see there's spackle there from before so yeah people yeah so the seat cover is going to go through my wall at some point well you could just be gentle so when you moved in you said it smells like corpse yeah it smelled disgusting what was that i don't know but you got rid of it i got rid of it i bought three glad warmers and just set them off all at once and then it smelled really bad

all that scent just like kind of mustard together but we're back to normal now back to normal or you're just used to it i don't yeah possibly and are you gonna when do you have sets when are you gonna start your chicago comedy career i have like i have shows next week and then i'm in dc with sass and then a show again but i'm trying to get out there like next week hard yeah i want to see i want to go the first one yeah yeah i'm gonna start showing up i gotta do the whole hang thing and meet people and is that how it works? Yeah. There's probably regulars.

Yep. I got to meet the people that work the clubs. I got to meet the staff at the clubs, that whole thing. You can do no wrong. You can do no wrong, man. Anything else, boys? Do you want to give a studio update at all? I have no idea.

Do we have a set date or no? October 23rd now. It bumped a month. So something drastic must have happened. Okay. So we'll be in. That'll go quick. Our Christmas episode will be in the studio.

Yeah. Our gift exchange. Okay. And then I had a. Can I end with a prayer? Do you want to end with a prayer or do you want to make sure it's spitting and suitable because this will be probably memorialized forever. Yeah.

This is from kindergarten. God, we thank you for this food for rest and home and all things good for wind and rain and sun above, but most of all for those we love. Amen. It seemed like a pre lunchtime prayertime prayer it was yeah okay yeah okay but it's fitting i guess you're thankful for the food and everything else it's just the only one that like really stuck in my head yeah solid yeah probably would mean a lot to my family yeah actually let's clip that and send it to him yeah i'll send yeah

copy it send me it yeah okay we'll get the reaction you want you want horizontal with captions and zooms or just one like we'll go split screen and we'll have your dad react to that yeah we'll do a live reaction okay yeah great way to end it you have anything else there are things i'll get to them later yeah well like later i know there's like things i can't remember but i will yeah next week yeah no i'm really glad you're back man and i'm excited to uh get rolling on some new stuff and yeah thanks to everybody god bless god bless god bless