A New Untold Story - Zero Zero Tie feat. Stavros Halkias - A New Untold Story: Ep. 419

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

Stavros Halkias joins the show to talk italians, wheeling west virgina, and high school wrestling. We also talk Greasy Neale and receive a special message from Brolly. Donate to Brolly Here - @Maryjo-moriarty Pittsburgh Standup Tickets - https://improv.com/pittsburgh/event/the+world+tour%2a+with+nick+turani%2c+connor+mook%2c+and+chris+bader/13674024/ Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app today and use code UNTOLD to easily score great deals with the new Gametime Picks! CANN - Head to https://DrinkCann.com and use code STORY30 for 30% off your order of Cann and get free shipping. Hellofresh - Get 10 FREE meals at https://HelloFresh.com/freeanus. Applied across 7 boxes, new subscribers only, varies by plan.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/anuspodcast

Hey, a new untold story listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcast, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen to ad free on Amazon Music. All right. That might just have to hold it up. There you go. You mean you're exactly reply to what I'm going to say? No, you're just going to say, no, that's a new one. Hey, is that story over told?

Fuck no, baby! That's a new untold story! A new untold story It's a fresh-baked untold story A new untold story I'm new untold story I'm new untold story I'm new untold story I'm new untold story I'm new untold story

I'm new untold story I'm new untold story I'm new untold story I'm new untold story I'm new untold story I'm new untold story I'm new untold story I'm new untold story Oh so close dude. Oh my god imagine We could spark up in the studio dude, but a shame we can't for 19 to the Santeria dude

Aquarius transmission by incubus Fuck this sucks dude if only but I can't believe I'm on episode 419 I'm pissed off well Episode 419 You're on the Toledo episode, okay, that's the area code Toledo, Ohio Yeah, so you could have smoked a ton of weed, but instead we're gonna talk about Toledo, Ohio Toledo might be Might be the white trash place. Maybe not white. maybe the trash place of America. It's rust belt trash. I was looking them up.

There's a lot of Looney Tunes accidents that happen there. Like pianos? Like a giant red ball escaped their art museum and just went tumbling down the street. That's awesome. Over top cars, their spaghetti warehouses haunted. What do you mean their spaghetti warehouses haunted? Yeah, someone's. Well you know, the central place for spaghetti in the town. Every town has one. It's Pasta HQ.

Is haunted? Yeah. By what? By spirits. Is there like a news article? There is I think. Wait a ghost hunter went? Oh well if a ghost hunter went. Those guys are legit. You could just go to the Toledo spaghetti warehouse. Yeah he looks like he's having fun. You won't have to visit a phony haunted house to get a good scare this Halloween. You think it was like an Italian guy that was like This sausage is inauthentic

and then had a heart attack He's just forced to talk about how shitty the marinara is My nonna would never put this much sugar in the sauce He perishes You just hugs women they're there An Indian ghost would be a menace to The Italian ghost though just be like, you know, oh my god, I remember when you was just a little girl Come give uncle Nino a hug

You're just doing Italian what's making making that ghost? And I'm dead. I'm no longer living. My ninos. Yeah, damn dude. So may he find peace. May the Italian ghost find peace in that Toledo spaghetti warehouse. I don't know man, because I think Italians just go to hell. So it's probably the best place for them. straight straight out. They don't even see him Just go they go right down. What about all the Pope's? Oh, yeah. Yeah, hell for sure Hell for sure actually what was the last Italian Pope because this one's Argentinian

No, he was German. Yeah, he quit. He was literally in the Hitler youth. What was John Paul? Was John he may have been or he may have been Austrian John Paul remains the most recent Italian-born pope Wow, okay Wait, John Paul the first not the second. Oh, okay. I don't even know who the fuck the first one is. The most recent? Wait, 1523? No, no 1978 What fucking number did I just see

That's an old-ass pope okay, we're do as the smiling pope that's a bad nickname the smiling Pope Yeah, he's nice. You know he's kind of a handsome guy suppose I Guess so what a waste so that's the last Italian Pope. Well. We got to get it back We got to make make folks with houses some guys like we got to get Italian popes again My grandma very very Italian and the one rule for dating was no Greeks Wow She's very blatantly racist Fuck Italians They think they are no Greeks no Greeks at all. That's disgusting so I feel like

Italy and East is like every country is a different like black Like it's a different race Did you say black you know how we like would say like you know black and white but like Their countries are different races. Yeah. Yeah with like the most unique stereotypes Yeah, I sort of agree. I mean, I do think that... I said it in my... I don't want to do jokes

for my special, but I really do believe that, like, Greeks are sort of the most light-skinned Arabs. And that kind of goes from there. And then I think... I think Greeks and Italians, actually, there is... we are very similar, but it is a cutoff point. I think Catholicism is the cutoff, because we're Eastern Orthodox, which is a little more, I don't know,

a little more fun, a little more fun. Is it more fun? Well, our priests get wives, so they don't molest kids. So that's a big one. That should be the new, like that should be the modern way. Well, dude, I think the dudes that become Catholic priests are so afraid that they're gay, they become priests. Right, that's a good chunk of them.

That's a good chunk of them for sure. You get a lot of closeted guys. But yeah, that's why Greek guys, you get to fuck a wife. What were your thoughts on Big Fat Greek Wedding? Big fan, shout out to Neofardalos. She was a big inspiration in making Let's Start a Cult. OK, wow. So my Big Fat Greek Wedding, I believe,

and I haven't really looked this up. I heard a guy say it once. You know, she, she lets, so, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, I believe, and I haven't really looked this up, I heard a guy say it once, it was the most, the most profitable romantic comedy ever. Low budget too. Low budget, and that's what, I made a low budget movie, it's not Greek themed, it's more, it's about a guy,

basically the premise is, imagine if a guy in a cult was so annoying, everybody killed themselves without him. That's the idea. And then he has to pick up the pieces. And so I made that and we're in theaters. Yeah, look at that. Five million budget.

Five million budget and she made 241 million domestically and 368 million worldwide. We had less than a million budget and we would just like to make that money back. That would be nice. Hey listen, I think the odds are pretty good. Hopefully. We on this program call Big Fat Titties Greek Weddings.

Ooh, I like that. Yeah, if you want to hop on that. I like that. Set of Greek weddings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when did you start, like, when did the idea for the movie come into your head? I mean, we made a short version of this movie and it was just kind of fun. It was just a bunch of pals that are fucking on a weekend trip and we just shot it on Airbnb.

But like, I've liked dumbass movies. Like one guy who's really fucking stupid but thinks he's the man, that's one of the best comedic characters there is. From Sandlot, Will Ferrell, Kenny Pa- Always Sunny. Like, Always Sunny. Like a a fucking idiot a confident moron And so I always wanted to make like some dumb ass Comedy that was like that had some and culture just funny because those people are fucking stupid as shit

Imagine being in a cult and being like yeah. Yep. This is what's gonna get me to heaven, is letting this guy fuck my wife while I purchase the $800 crystals he told me to get. Like, that's awesome to be that fucking stupid. We grew up kinda next to a cult. Really? A bunch of Hare Krishnas. Yeah, New England, the Bond. We live in Wheeling, West Virginia,

home of the big fat Greek wedding star, John Corbett. Oh! But they're just randomly in the middle of West Virginia. Corbett's the Wheeling guy, huh? He is. Nice. Respect. But yeah, there was this cult that we grew up, like, we're in like the hills of West Virginia.

Pull up the Palace of Gold. It just looks like India in the middle of West Virginia. That's funny. Very strange. I love when there's shit like that, dude. That's in Wheeling? Yeah. Well, right outside.

They killed mailmen, right? They've killed many people. Yeah, they've killed a monkey on a stick. Really? Yeah. well right outside. And that's, they killed mailmen, right? They've killed many people. Really? Yeah. They've killed a monkey on a stick, yeah. Wait, a monkey on a stick? That's a book about them. Yeah, that's not...

It's a funny concept as well. I was like, guys, chill with the slurs. New vrindaban. I'm trying to get people to see this movie. Fucking monkey on a fucking stick. Don't give me your West Virginia slurs. Oh yeah, we walked out there and you wouldn't believe what we saw. Like a kebab.

Cake, cake, cake. Monkey on a stick. Like a bunch of Indians eating a monkey. I'm like, not interested in that guys. Oh, let's keep it moving. That's raw. Interesting. So wait, did they, what were they up to?

Did they ever do anything? I think they've mellowed out now. But they were on one back in the. Yeah, they killed they just killed me And they would like only had like the patch of hair right on the back of their neck Like Anakin yeah the end of fuck yeah, how do you feel the youngling? Yeah? Yeah, he did So wait, I thought that was a piece. Maybe this is just me being not knowing anything about it I just assumed it was a peaceful ass religion. You're telling me they kill Yeah, that is the peaceful religion, but I'm Christmas. I

Mean all the Beatles were I don't think they were they they were they're about it I think they were just they went to India for a while. That's probably it I feel like I see them in Central Park sometimes. Oh yeah, they're trying to give you beads. They try to give you beads. I fell for the beads when I first moved to New York. Wow, fucking Rube. I know.

You fucking West Virginia Rube. Come on now. Oh shucks, is these for all... Oh gosh. Free? Free beads. Well thank you mister. You're a new type of black guy. I've never seen before.

Dude, I saw my first black guy in eighth grade. Yeah, you did. What? That's insane. He transferred to our school from Ohio, and we had a pep rally for him. The we're not racist pep rally? So your grandma's saying no Greeks make so much sense.

Oh, yeah. Greek people literally were the closest. You guys got this to non-white. She called him at the end word. We were very welcoming. Yes. Like we had like my grandma. Yeah. We had the cheering squad. They learn like a break dance. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Black guys were exotic.

And you're what about Jews or like we have temples alone, but it was only one Jew Yeah, real. Yeah, it was one Jew per temple. You never went to bar mitzvah or anything growing up. No, no, we had no Jews It was you missed out white white Catholics and white You were in seventh grade I was an eighth grade when we first got our first African-american Fucking nuts. That's in West Virginia?

Yeah. So yeah, like it's not like the South is obviously like the highest percentage black, but West Virginia has the Southern racism without the black people. It's 96%. It's just theoretical racism. Yeah. Like it works on paper.

Yeah. It's like being in the US military in the 90s Practice yeah, they're just like it's all hypothetical fantasies Wow, that's fucking hilarious Sounds horrible sounds like a horrible place to grow up. Yeah Like what was the best cuisine what was the best restaurant and we um silver chopsticks over chopsticks I like golden chopsticks it is silver now yeah dude there was two Chinese right yeah that's the day we had

two Chinese restaurants he liked silver and I like golden way more that was silver who I mean golden had to be the second one well golden was on the island and the island's rough Okay, the sticks for the beef and the sticks were edible. Yeah Could eat the sticks. I mean those look both these places look atrocious. So wait, those are the best restaurant. Those are my We have a there's a restaurant now somebody goes out to oh dude. There's a deal that our local talk area is having okay Show your mugshot get one dollar off you get a dollar off. Can you show the nice? I was on Facebook talk area 365 is doing you you bring in your fucking mugshot and everybody's got one They look like they almost went out of business did that's fucking awesome. Yeah, I lose money on that shit talk area 304

Come on. Let's give them. Let's plug them correctly. I forgot my own area code That's all right. You're fucking different. You're changed. I got out of the mud dude. You're out of there, dude They don't you wouldn't even recognize them. Yeah, dude. They were doing mugshot. I forget what day it was It's just a dollar off beer hmm line out the door damn I'm sure no. I'm sure there were no unintended consequences. No dude. Yeah, people that have gotten arrested getting cheap You bring two mugshots get in a non walkable city Bring your mugshot and your illegitimate child they would yeah You need a code to get in a face, right? I just it exists. I swear.. I believe you I believe you but wait that sucks you had to have been around shit growing up though

Yeah, I mean I was but that's still crazy It's just insane to hear you didn't get a black person in your town Like that's I was I was not expecting diversity in Wheeling, West Virginia Like it is it's it is more now. Okay. We also went to a small Catholic school Yeah, so that's what it was nice. So what do you think now like three four? No no no plenty Yeah, taqueria 304. What are they? What are they just up to man? Clothing drive. This is a good. This is a place for the community. I kind of like time posting vegan tacos Oh shit goes

Yeah, I'm happy Abe's bakery. Let's just talk about local businesses and wheeling man. What is what we do every Dude so the strip the two strip clubs are Godfathers and Godfather part two no, but Godfathers bought the Lebanese bakery and now there's Godfather part 3. Wow do they serve like? Lebanese trees is there baklava there? There was baklava there Eat some baklava out of a lady's pussy That's probably the worst dessert to eat out of a pussy Yeah, it's pretty syrupy. It's a lot of flake. It's crusty. Yeah, bottom tier. What's the best one? I mean, it's not a good one

I guess a churro without the without the cinnamon sugar on it. That's not a churro. You're right. It's just Well, what if they put it in her pussy and then cinnamon Afterward the parts that's a good thought. Mm-hmm, huh? That's a pretty good idea. Somebody tell godfathers Godfathers to maybe you couldfathers too. Maybe you could partner with Tachoriya 304. Yes. When they make their churros. Dude, they're going to be clipping this for the promo. You have no idea what you're doing. You have no idea what you're doing. Dude,

you're going to be all over my Facebook. Good. Well, listen, if it's, check your local, I don't know if we're playing in West Virginia, but drive two hours to go see the movie. And whatever the closest theater it is that comes out, let's start a cult, October 25th this Friday. Or whenever it comes out. Nerves about. Like it coming out? Are you gonna be up checking the internet?

Are you good about ignoring that? I mean, I don't think it's gonna be a fucking smash hit. Like I just want people to see it. Like I don't think. You just wanna be fun. I just want people to see it like I just want to be fun I just want you to have a good time to see it So it's like even being in theaters is kind of a bonus. I just assumed we'd be in maybe a handful We're getting in a bunch. So hopefully people go fucking see it, you know, we're gonna get the anus bump, which is huge Yeah, it is over. Maybe like 80 guys are gonna hear about this

It's the exact same people that watch the Yaks. Dude, you're wasting your time. Your time is valuable. You're busy. That's all right, man. We got 50 more minutes. I got to go get swole. You said it's 89 minute movie, right? 89, baby.

That's perfect. Quick. That's my whole thing is I just wanted, again, a stupid movie and for it to be quick as fuck. Movies are too long. Comedy movies are way too fucking long now. Yeah. Yeah. And we're, and yeah, that was the idea.

Just make it fucking easy to fucking, easy to watch. You don't have to fucking like plan out. Because sometimes I want to see a movie and then I look at the runtime. Oh, that just waits me all the time. I don't want to do that shit Yeah, so this is a good move This is a good movie to go see and like kind of be on your phone a little bit. Yeah. Yeah be on your phone Pour some bunch of crunch in the popcorn don't do that. Yeah with the people around you just really making a bad experience Wait that you should issue that challenge so it'll double the sales like we didn't get to see the movie, we have to go see it again.

So go in there and be a nuisance. Be a piece of shit. Yeah, make it fucked up. The thing I like about it is that it's so fast. There's a joke every minute and it's so fast that even if one thing bores you, it's like we're on to the next. Right, it's joke after joke. It's not an elaborate plot.

Yeah, the plot is pretty... And CM Punk's in it. What was CM Punk like? He's the next. Right. It's joke after joke. It's not an elaborate plot. There's yeah, the plot is pretty and CM Punk's in it. What was CM Punk like? He's the man, dude. I was like kind of I was a little I don't know, not worried. But it's just like he's famous as shit. He's so well known that you're like it's and it's a comedy and like wrestlers are funny. But sometimes they don't. He's like straight edge. Pretty serious.

It seems he was so funny in the fucking movie And he was so cool to work with it was fucking not was it your idea to like approach him for it? The production company worked with he had been like some horror movie. Okay, there's and they're like we think he'd be good at You know is there like think think about him because we have a connection to him and we had a couple characters We were like he'd be awesome for he plays kind of a I don't want not too many spoilers He plays a type of sex pervert and he really he really not many types Go through the fucking The feel of the fucking genus phylum fucking chart of sex pervert. Yeah, why not?

Let's put it this way straight non-pedophile sex pervert. Okay, was one of the best I get There are no good ones let me be on the record no, but there's a Thing to be here He's an s-tier sex past Against all sex pests. He does but just he's just kind of a horny weird guy, which actually, you know I take it back. That is the best kind. I might switch it to gay gays probably better because they're they're friendlier I got really horny gay sex sex pest will like ask to suck your dick a couple times But we'll usually take no for an answer. Ah, I found a guy in New Orleans once this happened to me where I was in

I did a show at this gay bar. They were the always cafe. I just like, you know, it's just kind of a weird place for comedy, there's not a lot of, because it's such a party town, people don't really wanna sit down somewhere and listen. But the Always was great, and they would put on some good comedy shows, and right after my show, it was like gay lube wrestling night or whatever. And it was pretty gay.

It's gay lube? Gay lube was my favorite. It's only for male ass. Well it was like maybe queer. I don't know. Because there were some they thems in the mix. There were some lesbians. And so, you know, I'm there. I'm going to have a couple drinks.

My friends are there. So we're watching gay wrestling, gay lube wrestling. And a guy comes up to me and he's just like, and he's like so little. He's like a tiny guy with a fucked up scraggly beard. And he's like, I want to suck your dick. And she's got that voice. And I'm like, hey man, I'm gonna suck your dick. And he's like, I'm gonna suck your dick.

And he's like, I'm gonna suck your dick. And he's like, I'm gonna suck your dick. And he's like, I'm gonna suck your dick. And he's like, I'm gonna suck your dick. And he's like, I'm gonna suck your dick. And he's like, I'm gonna suck your dick. And he's like, I'm gonna suck your dick. And he's like, I'm gonna suck your dick. And he tiny guy with a fucked up scraggly beard and he's like, I want to suck your dick. And he's got that voice. And I'm like, Hey man, I'm all set.

Thank you though. I appreciate it. You know? And, and he's just like, he's kind of pissed off. He's like, he kind of does like a fucking mad smurf, you know? And so he kind of does. And then he comes back, like gets a drink, comes back and he's just. Yeah, he kind of does and then he comes back like gets a drink comes back And he's just kind of like kind of grazes my thigh and I'm like brother. I'm look dude. I'm all set

No, you know and I'm not mad cuz it's like I am in I'm at the game I'm a game fucking lube wrestling like guys are gonna try to assume That's the whole point of yeah, right like I am the guy who shouldn't be there Yeah, you're on their turf, but you know still I'm like alright, dude And and I think he's like alright. I'm not into it Whatever and so I'm just talking to my friends We're having a drink and then I just see I see that guy like 45 minutes later Come out of the bathroom with just the fattest ugliest guy you've ever seen in your life

I'm like for one. I'm like like part of you's like And I'm like, for one I'm like, like, part of you's like, aw man. I could have been there. You got like a pang of jealousy. You're like, jealous. Part of me's jealous, even though I did want to fuck him. And then the second part of me's like, wait, to you, me and that guy are the same guy? Him? You, the guy who really wanted to fuck me, fucks the ugliest guy in this fucking bar?

That hurt my feelings so much. That was his equivalent pivot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And maybe he was slightly pissed off, but we were in the same ballpark. The thing is he settled for hit, like... Who knows? He might have been happy, but I'd be like, Oh, that fucking guy didn't want to fuck with me, but this guy. I got lucky. But either way, that pissed me off.

That's something that sticks with you for the rest of your life. Getting rejected at a gay lube wrestling event would be a tough pill to swallow. Certainly, yes. Especially multiple times. Yeah, that's it. The always. The lounge and cabaret. Jockstrap?

Oh. I think that was it. This was like five, six years ago. But yeah, it's a good bar. Looks like it. I like their graphics a lot. Wait, you're telling me somebody wanted to suck your dick here? Yeah.

Oh, look. I told that story on my podcast. It brought it up. Yo man, you're that guy from the gay jockstrap wrestling Instagram. You're going to be on Godfather's Instagram. They're exposing me dude. I didn't mean to tell my fucking stories twice, damn. No dude, they're going to throw it back up.

Damn, that's awesome, I'm'm gonna share it. Shout out to them Chicks there's some chicks in the mix. Yeah, cool That's now I can I can get on board now Dude I've never been hit on by a guy never not once really you probably oh, yeah. Oh, you're a dream beat off to me That's kind of like being a gay lube wrestling yeah, just being in any sauna, that's a gay space Yeah, I was listening to a podcast and I looked up and he was teeing off What was it man, what were you little podcast calm down? He just saw the thing he thought it must be listening to gay porn. So I can jack off.

That's like when people get bit by a shark in the ocean and people are just like, you're on their turf. Yeah. Like you going into a sauna, you're going to get jerked off around. Yeah. Sauna, it depends on the gym, I suppose. Some gyms more than others, but most of the time, that's a space for gay guys to anonymously suck each other off I had another was similar one to yours where I was walking down the street

And I was wearing a Jennifer Aniston shirt and this guy's like yo, I love your shirt, and I was like oh, thanks, man I think I got an Instagram and then before I can even finish my sense. He's like I suck your dick And that's the only they get right to the point. They skip the middle-est of men. To get to the middle of the man. Yeah, the middle of the man. Kyle, you've got that nice gooey center. Are you, I think, you've been hit on.

As a wrestler, our most viewed YouTube videos are like undercover gay, sex, pervert YouTube accounts. it'll just be like compilations like one of my high school like high school kids they're like look how tough these kids are so one of my teammates made like yeah but it's like it's really like veiled to make it look like it's like it's like a

referee like posting good matches really not so subtle zoom ins on like boy ass and now you say boy you mean literal this is like a crime or do you mean like they're 20 or 19 or something now like high school kids so that's so we finally were you ever on one of these we just went from being funny to being horrible Cause if it was 20 year olds it's like Funny It's pretty funny But like borderline But like it's very thinly veiled

So are they like trying to use wrestling lingo? No it's just video footage And it was like this big scandal Cause we finally had a wrestling account Like get like a million subscribers We're like oh we're taking off The sports growing. Yeah That's the worst case scenario

The sports finally growing that's what you've always wanted. It's all pedophiles. Yeah, they're talking like oh, what a good game I'm like, oh, yeah, no match you guys had to go through what like how sexist guys like Wnb is not working make them play with their tits out Like let's get some shorter singlets on these kids huh? What do you guys say? That's how we're gonna grow the game. That's like literally how we grew the game. Dude imagine that. That fucking sucks. That's the demo for wrestling. And the wrestlers, they were so prideful. We're like, we gotta grow the sport. We gotta grow the sport. We gotta get more kids out.

We gotta get more football players out. And then we just, now you just have to have boy balls on camera. Like, look, it's a business. At the end of the day, fellas. It's an untapped demo. Once we make it big, we can let this go. But this is how we get me. That's how we grow. It was a Jordan that said white kids buy shoes to a Republicans bike shoes to pedophiles. Follow Instagram accounts to selling anything.

No, it's just there's no real upside You're just drawing more perverts Yeah, this is just the slipperiest of slopes Congrats, I hope that's what did you ever make the compilation? I never did I had some teammates did but it would be like why does this JV match between Archbishop Spalding and McDonough school? 50,000 Opening to how many there are I feel really bad for the sport of wrestling as a whole There's so much history behind it. It's so hard and then we're outnumbered by YouTube pedophiles

That's great. There's by YouTube pedophiles that's more niche pedophiles than wrestling fans yeah no that checks out I mean I mean high school athletics are annoying and boring yeah yes and it's like no one is as passionate about them as somebody with a horrific illness. You know what I mean? Like. Yeah, it's an illness. No, no, but it's. They should distill. Fucking go to jail and don't be around children.

But it makes sense that that guy cares more about beating off than someone does like looking at how good someone is at wrestling. You know what I mean? Being a fan of any high school sport. Beating off will beat everyone. Yeah. Beating off always tops everything. It's the constant, yeah, you'll you'll never you're never gonna be beating off

Now is it the number one thing? Probably horny yeah, it drives everything every major is that why you just is that why you do everything for the most part? Yeah, yeah, that's how that's why I made decisions like I mean even Like yeah, when you do something to get attention It's been so much easier to fuck because I do like I did comedy to just be able to fuck Women in the room and then you like get famous on the internet It's like oh and I can fuck women on the internet and that's pretty much how it goes now. I'm like oh None of that's that's hollow and empty and my life is kind is kind of bullshit. Oh, so you regret it?

I don't regret it, because it was still cool to suck that many tits, but now I'm like, oh, there's gotta be more in the world than that. But yeah, I think everyone starts at, how do you bust more? And then you fill out the rest of your life. That's the driving force for man

since the beginning of time. I think so. And animal, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like, that's, yeah. That's really it. And we can dress it up, but you know. But. That's the skeleton.

You are an energetic, energetically a wildebeest. Yeah. I don't think, like right now, like that didn't warrant that, but that's what I appreciate. Yes. You do so much and you always bring the same social comedic energy. Gotta bring the energy.

Do you get exhausted? I don't know. You're still in an adrenaline-fueled... I don't even know, man. I guess I don't even think about it. It's just fucking... The mics turn on, baby. We're gonna fucking talk about silver fucking chopsticks. And we're gonna talk about guys beating off to wrestlers. But you're also writing and creating projects. Yeah, Yeah, no, it's crazy. It's too much

It's it's honestly sometimes it's too much. But whatever dude. Oh, it'll be as tiring It's been a tiring couple years, but you know, it's definitely worth it. It'll be worth it Yeah, I think I think like it's okay to You just work hard for a little bit then you don't have to work ever at all again That's kind of the secret is like you got to work really hard at first and then after that But no one ever wants to just chill after they've reached you said you would show I love chilling. I would show like if you did a bunch say you're 45 You think you would chill or still seek it out without question. I would chill I

I I'm happy this movie's coming out. But like before I was just and I'm happy the tires are shooting I love both of these things, but if those weren't going on dude. I would have done nothing this entire year I took the year off stand-up. I was just hanging out. I was in Baltimore taking power walks eating fucking Oysters at happy hour just getting swolts. You didn't get bored Didn't get bored at all. all was fucking awesome not doing shit. That does sound sick. It's fucking sick I even tap into video games yet, dude. I was like full like ever I'm saving those for like

Mid-late 30s. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, dude I I fucking I was just watching movies and like trying to get less fat and like cooking I was grilling I was getting my recipes together I got a great you know uncle Stavis six chili chicken. I got that I can make some I mean ground chili ground ground chicken bunch of different spicy peppers put that bitch up saute them bitches together Beautiful flavor profile, but like a part of you a little cabbage and a little rice and a fucking salsa Wow, but no part of you was like, I should film this? No, and in fact, I filmed a couple things and I was like, this sucks, this makes it

worse. I was trying to film a thing of trying to lose weight, and so I filmed a couple workouts and a couple cooking and I was like, this makes the process suck. We have turned the camera on ourselves way too much. And that's also why I like the movie and what I hope. I just, I got in, I didn't even think, podcasting didn't exist when I started doing standup or like it barely did. I never thought I'd, most of my life would be fuckin',

you can hear me talk for thousands of hours and I'm fuckin' stupid, dude. I have nothing to say. I fill time. That's a little scary. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. and so it's and then like people walking around with cameras constantly. It's like you everyone is becoming Like the thing you sell is yourself in a really fundamental way Which I think is really fucked up and I want out and that's why I'm like, let's work on bigger projects

let's not post every day, let's just make, and also make shit that people like because I don't know, I guess people like short form content shit, but this shit is fucking bullshit. And I think people like and miss funny movies. I know I do, I just made shit that I miss. Like I miss a dumb ass, like Adam Sandler movie, Will Ferrell movie. I think people miss effort though too.

Cause a lot of the short form videos online, just thrown together, first take, out, viral, next. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I don't know, I'd like to think that, I don't know if it's true. Maybe not. I hope it is, right? I hope that if you do make something really good

that you try it hard on, people will give a fuck. But you know, at the end of the day, I've hit some kind of weird lottery where they're letting me make movies I don't know. I'm fucking fat as shit ugly as shit. I don't know how I start in a movie, but I'll fucking You're the center of the poster Insane if you just look you know how many guys like me are just are subscribed to that fucking wrestling YouTube Exactly like me

are fucking sneaking in camcorders to archbishop fucking Spalding or whatever the fuck. Yeah, yeah. They're actually good though, yeah. They're a tough squad. Were you watching those on Ironically? Yeah, like I actually loved them. I watched like PA high school wrestling

as a genuine fan. Yes, yes. Because they have the best requirements. But yeah dude, a guy like me have the best record yeah But yeah, dude a guy like me the fact that I have this body And I turned it into being in to star in even one even if this shit flops, and I started one movie. That's Crazy it exists forever So I'm just gonna use that and just try and if they let me make more movies. I'll fucking make more movies, dude That's the whole plan fuck. Yeah, man. Well. I'm excited. I'm excited to watch it. Yeah, everybody else check it out

I appreciate you swing by check out that YouTube guys. Check out little boys wrestling Let's grow this if there's one thing If it gets just one fan one new fan You're about to be on their Instagram too What the fuck is this? Alright man, I appreciate so much. Good luck and congrats on the movie. Yeah Yeah, guys and tires. Yeah Alright guys small little tiny break to talk about one of my most used apps on my phone. That's game time

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Stevie Wonder still performing um Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm look at these guys you yeah, Justin Timberlake for $55. Are you kidding me? He's a legend cuz he Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Leon Bridges Leon's good. All right. Yes game time picks They filled her out the fluff to show you the only the incredible deals on great seats So you don't have to waste time searching through thousands of tickets. What are you waiting for? Go buy those go buy those Diplo tickets right now. Game time picks download the game time app today and use code untold U.N. T.O. L.D. to easily score great deals with the new game time picks.

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CAN products contain less than 0.3% Delta 9 THC that is derived from hemp. Do not claim to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease and have not been evaluated or proved by the FDA. A big thank you to Stavros. Yeah, the skyrocketing star, Stavros, for agreeing to volunteering to come on the podcast while also coincidentally having a movie coming out. Yeah, dude. It was a yeah. It's funny how things like that work. Dude, I was like super nervous and I got real fucking gay at the end. I was like, it's all about effort. It's

all about talking like that. Oh my god. Fuck that. I wish I could have pre prepped but it was you know impromptu didn't know he was coming in yesterday And then he was like yeah, can't deny that yeah No, that was cool but now back to your Regularly scheduled programming Kyle. I feel like I know you at this point. You know what's going on with me You bit your tongue a little bit talking Toledo in front of Stav. Do you have more Toledo to get off?

Okay, yeah, but I thought so. But not enough. I've been on, I feel like the fucking donkey from Hundred Acre Woods. Eeyore, you can't even remember Eeyore is how fucked up you are right now. I'm fucking on Eeyore mode, stuck in a vortex of pessimism,

a wave pool of pessimism. I've been waking up and immediately hating as soon as I open my eyes. Hating and then just thinking about the trajectory of my life as a man and as an aging man in this industry. Yeah. It's never wonderful thoughts. Yeah, it's a shame because I don't know what,

we've never really had our finger on the pulse, but boy do we not now know we're losing it rapidly yep It's quickly and then what do you do next because we're we're truly honest to God unhireable Yeah, that's Crosses my mind. Yeah What can you do um anyways to lead? I fucking used to be Winnie the Pooh used to be poo freshman year of college Used to be Winnie the Pooh. Used to be Pooh? Freshman year of college.

Sticking your hand in some honey? Honey loving red shirt. My pants down. Ass practically following me. Now look at me. I'm fucking Eeyore. Hi Eeyore. Yeah.

Wait, no, cause Eeyore has his tail pinned to him, right? I don't know. So you were kinda Eeyore in his tail pinned to him right? I don't know. So you were kind of Eeyore you're in college too just always pinned Only thrice Only thrice. Oh man Yeah, so I didn't we've been on the road. Yeah show tonight, so I didn't do adequate prep for Toledo I don't want to I don't want to bitch but yeah, we flew out from Chicago Did a show flew back at like 5 a.m. Yeah, I got no sleep. I

You may notice nobody will notice there's no parlays video this week Yeah, I tried I got like like 20% 30% of some maybe we'll talk it over I tried to think of one for Liz getting hit by a car again Just cuz I realized Vandy Van and then you have the letter D And then there's the college Troy so you go Vandy's Vandy's Troy. I was thinking Vandy. I was like CD like CDL dick over Vandy like I guess I could've used that's a really good one and then I like I like Ernie blaming his roommate for getting their apartment

robbed is like Tolbert lock it but yeah just like it yeah what can you do I was getting into like high school players no cannon pig from Mars Hill Bible School What can I do with that? Please don't tell me you did the Was that a high school video? What college was that what high school was that? We can't use that last name What that kid that scored a touchdown? Yeah, oh my god. Oh, yeah. No that was a that's a d2 school that's a

d2 okay yeah Pitt State gorilla pit state gorillas shout out pit state google that one so that name existed in our world we went to a school with a few of them I guess you guys can look it up I'm not I don't know I don't even let's just gloss over that. But go back to Toledo, I'm so sorry. Alright, Toledo, 85th most populous city in the country, who cares? The glass city, who cares? Frog Town, I don't know what that's about. A big mob city in the 30s, but I was seeing like a lot of the Looney Tunes type accidents, like there was a UFO a couple weeks ago. Just a couple weeks ago. couple saw the video. It is a UFO I think they're that was weird because they're just like real and happening and

Nobody really cares people don't care anymore. I mean I guess in the era of like deep fakes and Video manipulation and I fall for it all but I feel like we're in a boy who cries wolf because I think that was a I Don't think anyone in Toledo is gonna Has the technical skills to create that Yeah, you're right, but like I guess somebody Toledo's in a believable town for there to be a UFO for some reason. Mm-hmm What other what are the looney tunes ask accidents? We'll get into that but I'm looking to just like the celebrities dick Vic But I was looking to just like the celebrities Dick Vic

stick five nine 165 pound quarterback and tailback in the 20s the 20s were so ridiculous, but every time we talk about the 20s and 30s they call them the gay 20s, dude It was like he played in the Rose Bowl for Washington and Jefferson, which is now a Division 3 school the president They were in the Rose Bowl played Cal in Cal in 1921. The final score was zero to zero. No overtime. No overtime. Zero to zero in the Rose Bowl. 50,000 people were in attendance to watch the zero to zero game. Led by Dick Vick. Their head coach was Greasy Neil, who also was an outfielder for the Cincinnati Reds that year. The 20s are so funny. They rock. So like the team couldn't afford to send 11 men on the cross-country trip, so they had to bring 10 players in their grad. Wait, they couldn't afford to bring 11? They had to cut one person? so they brought 10 guys and their graduate manager

Robert M. Murphy had to mortgage his house to pay his his way to the game to play on the team during the train ride to Pasadena in which greasy Neil continued to prepare his men don't know what that means one player caught pneumonia and could not finish the journey Could he not play in the game he couldn't finish the journey to the game so Ostensibly they kicked him off Yeah, dude, you can't make it and he had to have died one million percent Not a problem for the the red and black Another player who was secretly stowed away on the train was given the ill players ticket and roster spot

So the stowaway just go away. Wait, but the player had to have a ticket. Oh a train ticket train ticket So they intentionally brought a stowaway. They brought a stowaway just to kick Dude I think if you were a white man and you were in your 30s, they automatically put you on a baseball team. That had to have been it. So Greasy Neil is a football coach and he won a World Series with the Reds. What a guy. It's the biggest game of the year and it's zero to zero.

He was also the head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles? Yeah, and he coached the Eagles. I don't know what else he did. Greasy Neil. For nine years! Greasy Neil! Oh, he went to West Virginia Wesleyan? He's from, I think he's from Parkersburg. It's just the 20s, dude.

The 20s. Every dude's a baseball player. Hits their wife, and a severe alcoholic. And has probably killed somebody. Yeah, yeah, of course. And you have to have a name like Stovepipe Williams. Yeah, exactly. Bro, he batted 357 in the 1990s.

357? He was a legitimate star. Is he a Hall of Famer? No, he must be a beast because then he coached Washington. Oh, but his World Series win was over the White Sox who threw. Oh, they threw the game. Yeah. Oh, well, that OK. Back in the day, you when we go when we go back and look at these Wikipedia's lately, you realize that. A while ago, you could just do whatever.

Men aren't men anymore. Every paragraph was something out of a tale. Every paragraph's a norm, like now, a paragraph of a 1920s man of like early life would be the biggest epic today. And this is early life. Yeah, early life, and it's like all right This man's already lived you're and then there's ten more things

What I'm like oh yeah dick Vic I'd all started that's dick Vic from Toledo Did he get a ring like did what do you do with a zero? Are they both Rose Bowl winners? That's so interesting. Wait, click on that game, the 1922 Rose Bowl. Wait, so he was already a World Series champion. I think that season. OK, yeah, I don't know. Greasy Neil versus Andy Smith. 50,000 people, Cal was a 21 point favorite

Wait, how do you fucking give an MVP the MVP went to the tackle? Yeah, guess oh my god Yeah, dude. I don't know if things would be incredibly exciting back then or horrible or both I don't know. Make this fall the tastiest season yet. Okay, sounds amazing. With farm fresh produce and easy autumn inspired recipes delivered right to your door with Hello Fresh.

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exploded in the Toledo neighborhood. And it's the trashiest people in the world. They're running amok. None of them are going inside. It looks like Fallujah. They're dodging fireworks. There's a trash ass mom on her porch with her kid out there who keeps being like,

I'll take it for you, don't worry. Instead of just sending her inside, there's a, their glass door is shattered shattered not from the fireworks already was yeah play this it's so long but it's so ridiculous this is from a u-haul filled with fireworks but everyone's just outside go inside like that's the mom where's's my cigarette? She's crouching behind. Oh my god. I think the little daughter is filming. Yeah, that's a short person filming.

What's on the porch? That's their door. Their door is sitting on the porch? It was already broken. It's laying down. Oh no At one point she let her daughter's this is 14 minutes. Well. I know did you watch the whole thing skim through it? She terrified at one point the daughter's terrified the little girl in the mom was what did she say don't worry? It'll hit me first

Close those people are getting yeah dude Toledo. I've never been. I haven't either. Really? It's, yeah, I guess it's like- It's got a skyline. It's got a skyline.

It has a really fun minor league team with like, I guess a decent warehouse district. Every city has that. Is that human facing frontwards or backwards? It's an illusion that is an illusion It's a that's an illusion woman coding tail. No back like Is that her front or back? Every time I blink it changes. That's her back front torso back head. She's an owl

That's an owl Well, yeah, the only way she can protect her internal organs is to face away from the fireworks But she still wants to see Dude that's an illusion every woman in Toledo is an illusion though. Yeah It's her back. It is her back Look how close that guy is oh my god and Toledo also figured out that uh Tasmanian devils are bio fluorescent they glow blue fucking second yeah why why do they have um I guess now they're Tasmanian devils like why would they

have a has been only had like the it's the same Technology that you like what is it the black? What is the light that you can see semen black light the black light shows that? It's really cool Tasmanian Devils are glow blue no way and they all found out at once This is a looney tunes ass down. It's a looney if there's a glowing blue Tasmanian Devil And you look you know like When people's like only in blank yes only in this and it's always like things that can apply to so many different cities I loved seeing it like a college kids posting It's like they have a like a buggy a car shopping cart with like five cases of beer

They're like only at West Virginia man. Nah That's anywhere, but what is this? Does it ring true here? It applies to Toledo. I searched like only in Toledo on Twitter and was just like a bunch of like gas station illusions like pumps coming out off of cars and naked It's it's just like I believe it the untrained. I couldn't comprehend what they're looking at What's the university the Rockets, okay? Yeah Cream hunt I think yeah, I think I've been to that stadium It has like the glass. I think it looks yeah, I think our Toledo thing is playing

Yeah, I went with Dave and Dan. It was actually really fucking The glass one end of it is is like a fort or some shit Looks okay. There's like a fort yeah That's a watch. I watched big cat and Dave play beard. I do it was fucking epic That's a dream. That's the train. Oh you got to watch you had to have been You had to have loved it. Oh dude. At the time. The only person that loved it more than me was Fasoli. Oh, was Fasoli with you?

Yeah. Every day is the best day of his life. He was filming it like it was planet earth. He was, it was unbelievable to see. And then at one point he got his camera too close and he hit the die with his camera. Oh no. And then I thought he was going to commit.

Sapuku. Yeah. Yeah. It was cool though. We were with Fasoli when, I don't want to talk about it actually. He teared up at the airport watching a Barstool video. It was like the Dave fighting back

against Business Insider video. And Fasoli, we got to the airport early, and we were about to go through TSA, and Fasoli was like, no, I wanna watch this. So we were already running late, and he waited at the, like there was an airport bar before you went through security, wherever we were. And he sat and was weeping.

Yeah, he wept. Oh. What else we got? I got it this day in history for you guys I would love that so Nothing that crazy Drake's birthday Today yes, October 20 today's Drake's birthday. Oh today today today's and when the podcast comes out Truman ended the war with Germany then looked at Japan was like

Not you and then Samuel Morse debuts the Telegraph in 1861 Samuel Morse of code fame of code fame Wait Morse invented the Telegraph. I if I did if I got Telegraph on Pictionary. I don't know what I would I don't I couldn't tell you what it is Wait, what is the one where somebody comes to your door and relays the message yourself? That's a telegram, right? Okay, that's a telegram. That's it. That's a telegraph. Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't have guessed Yeah, I would have I I could not have begun to tell you Thought it looked wait a telegraph is the same as Morse code. Yeah, didn't know that either do use a telegraph to convey Morse no Morse

like the did it through wires and then people I Don't know I don't get 99.9 percent of things Nine repeated and it keeps growing it keeps growing. I don't know I learned from a crossword keeps growing. It keeps growing. I don't know. I learned from a crossword, rip my heart out, fucking Rube Goldberg, you may know him from his machines, never built a machine. No. He was just a cartoonist. Yeah, I remember that. I did that. It was yesterday's crossword. What do you mean? It was yesterday's crossword. He never actually built the fucking machine. It's the most elaborate and complex, like, pieces of engineering wonder. Yes. So like, he was just drawing them,

like schematics, but like I don't think they were ever plausible. And then people started making them. And those people should be pissed. Were people making his, like the ones he came up with? I don't think so. Oh, then he did nothing. He did fucking nothing.

So that's like, I'm like, I come up with the idea, like I want a flying machine and that's it. That's where it ends. And then you invent the plane, I'm like, oh, that's a Nick. That would piss me the fuck off. You called it a Rube Goldberg. Oh, I see you're making a Rube Goldberg. Rich is like, oh fuck, here comes Rube Goldberg.

I've been working all day on this fucking machine. Hope he doesn't ruin my day. But how are you gonna come out? I see you're almost done with your Rube Goldberg. Fuck you, dickhead. I'm anti-Rube. I used to think I love Rube. Yeah, he didn't make him

No, yeah, so now I'm standing Andrew Venn of diagram fame So he he did all the heavy work all that he crossed the server crosses. So yeah, what's this gap right here? Nobody ever thought to then diagrams are the perfect diagram. I think they're up there. They're um they're amazing I think they're up there. They're um they're amazing Especially with two with three we've done a lot of we've done some Venn content Especially you I used to be I used to be a vent I used to be like the Venn Twitter guy You were the viral The viral Venn influence I was going crazy with the vans Yeah, I didn't really want to see it.

Did I do a four circle? One was with like pirates. One was a pirate one. I don't even think I think I said stayed up all night because I did. I was so sad. I stayed up all night making a van. Oh, look at that.

Look at that one. That's a good van. All right. And what are the three? Left circle, girl Instagram photo the day she returns from vacation. The right circle is the daily text I send to my ex-girlfriend and the bottom is

a pirate offering his spine for a bunch of gold. And so the crossover for girls Instagram of the pirate is loves to show off their chest. Daily text to my ex-girlfriend and the pirate offering his spine for a bunch of gold is I have no backbone Girls Instagram photo the day she returns from vacation the daily text I send to my ex-girlfriend is incredibly predictable And then the major crossover is take me back 110,000 likes yeah Yeah. My God. Yeah, Vens always hit, dude.

Yeah, I love Vens. I used to, I used to, if you, if anybody at home wants to go viral, they don't even have to be clever. Make a Ven and then you'll be working at Barstool in no time. I mean, that was as clever as they come. A Ven competition would be sick. Oh my God. An American, a voice.

I want to do the voice, but for Venn diagrams and they have to come out on stage. I'm facing away from them and they describe it. Yeah, just like that. Golden buzzer. Oh, that one's good. You describing it was way more entertaining than looking at it.

Yeah, no, because look, they're like, they nailed it. This is a thing you have to look at a Venn diagram podcast would be so fun Yeah, dude, I will and then I tried to I Tried to be I forced a few vans there were two ones you make you did that I was like I got to do this I got to steal this Venn idea, but I do so forced It was like with porn star names You know them. I don't know if you can find it. Do you remember what was in the in the tweet? I don't need to search porn because I think I may have tweeted search search porn

KB no swag porn And I did go crazy, but it's just no Oh look at those bends! And I did go crazy but it's just Oh my god! Dude wait What the fuck am I looking at? I have a three circle Venn One's titled Edible, one is Good and one is Bad

Slash Evil and it's just Isis Love Isis Love is Good and Bad and Edible, wait this is good Overflow of porn star Names. Molly, so Teela Tequila is bad and evil and edible Honey demon is all three edible good and bad demon bad evil She edible she's edible bad and evil and good why I don't know Kyle you made this

Lacroix the water is edible and bad. I think I explained in the blog this went on yes one on the website Go just throw to Remy look at dude go up for 10 comments I spent three days meaning all 24 hours each day Dude, I didn't know you saw my van and made then oh yeah I'm really touched. Yeah, wait look at you go Meanie did you're a psychopath? Okay, so is the what are these classic rock songs slash bands mediocre?

Vacation destinations and extremely quick and you did Africa sex Oh, these are still poor Crystal and extremely quick, and you did Africa Sex. That's it. Oh, these are still porn stars. You're all porn. You're all porn. Crystal Rush. But what is Africa Sex is all three? Yeah, so sex is probably quick in your- Oh, Africa.

Africa is a mediocre- Toto. And Toto. Oh, that's, and I, that was- Why you put the praying hand in her? Kyle, that's the worst emoji to cover an ass that just highlights the ass covering her hole, dude Dude was it ever worth it now it's You Jesus Christ US presidents comes out of the ground an anniversary gifts slash things you ride

There's a lot of people in the middle Lily Ford Diamond Jackson Mary Jane Johnson So much work for this yeah for ten Who's Cherokee DS? actual Yeah for ten Who's Cherokee DS? Cherokee DS why is Rachel Bush not in any circle? Well cuz it's a US president, but that's it wait. Yeah, you just comes out of the oh my god I didn't know I did like three different Out of the oh my god. I didn't know I did like three different

Damn wait look all these porn tweets Kyle, okay November 22nd 2012 Freshman college I'm thankful for porn coffee Netflix Gatorade and unconditional love. Six likes. Oh yeah dude. That's so lame. That was before Netflix and chill though. So pissed, just jumped in the pool with my fanny pack and now all my snacks and my flash drive with anime porn is completely ruined. So that was really funny back then.

That's one retweet and one like. Oh. Wait, you have some zero likers. Top five things to do when you're bored. Porn, slash, nav, Netflix, microwave a pizza, Twitter, listen to sack music you teach. You're weird. Yeah. You were trying.

This was like the foundation. Yeah, that was, I don't remember not getting any love or feedback the zero likes are tough wait Kyle you're verified now and have the little stool next to your name same with you. No. I didn't do that. I didn't ask for that I Didn't how they how they do that without me. I don't like them Moog's open up his Twitter big booba thread My porn account the moot can't sleep account Why wouldn't you just make a new oh wait yeah people did as soon as you made your moot can't sleep account They went to the like how did you know it was a people found out you're only following porn accounts

I was following eight high class porn just go high class high class porn account just watch porn elsewhere I mean sometimes you know there's good shit oh I do yeah you have it no whoa that's a shame you got stamp dude and it's got the square logo I'll take that I'll take the square mmm all right but yeah that's ask it it has to knock it even move can't sleep got mucasleaf's got the square well fuck yeah dude well wait does Rudy have the square or does Rudy have a little school for sure don't I don't have it on my

personal what's your Twitter yeah you have it oh Rudy's got the little stool with the team damn I feel good I thought for sure not. Anyway, no, but damn it, Mook. You'll get it. You'll get it. You'll get there. Oh, God.

That is proof that gay guys are mentally ill. Look at men. Look at me. I look good. ill look at men Why would anybody choose Men no I'll be logged you do You rock ball you do have a good skull shape. You have the perfect head shape. Yeah, and like it into head shape content Head shape content. Yeah, you should post pictures of just like the silhouette of your head yeah and girls be like oh my god he's sexy it's beautiful yeah I think I'm gonna I'm gonna keep it short for a while yeah

like once it starts growing back yeah kind of like I I have a mole directly on the top my head and I go to different barbers every time cuz I'm afraid to like forge it connect I don't I only have the script for first haircut uh-huh oh yeah now you mean and that second one is yeah, just like so how was that? I did a second haircut here, and I had to switch So I think I go to a different. I can't I just can't do it And so I I have a mole right on the top of my head and it gets destroyed every time I get a haircut because I They don't know it's there and so it's like all scarred. It's like a disgusting. It just keeps getting bigger Why don't you tell them I'm embarrassed watch out for the mole

I'm for the giant mole that's ever growing because the previous barber keeps on nicking it And it just gets more scar tissue, and it keeps building up like the earth's crust. Oh, yeah It's scabbing over yeah over and over many times and I that's why I'm I would I would buzz cut I think Yeah, it feels freeing And over and over. Many times, yeah. And I, that's why I would buzz cut, I think. Yeah, it feels freeing. I think the plan is to let it grow out for a little bit and then I'm gonna bleach it a crazy color and then reshape.

Well, you have the perfect arc, like I said, roundness. But have you noticed people, just people in public, maybe look at you, treat you differently? Yes. Better, worse? The first day after it happened, like the coffee shop I go to every day the barista just started cracking up okay you gotta feel good and then she was like you got a haircut right now I was

like yeah because people do same I think you're sick yeah some dudes stare at me yeah I get stared if you wore a mask actually yeah here If mook wears a mask you oh yeah, dude have That's just wrong Yeah, you look like that's that's the most cancerous man No, you look like you're waiting in line for a soup kitchen with that fit and mask on That is it that is a that is a cancerous man that is Steve Jobs born in June down in the tropics That's triple cancer. No, you look good. I'm looking at you. You got you do. Yeah, you should feel good

Thanks growl the beard it has it's brought out like ginger hate like there's some guys that are like you look it's honestly like a glow-up yeah, well, I thought other gingers would be mad at you because like the the deaf community Whenever people get a cochlear implant, they like they hate your public enemy number one because the deaf communities like cochlear implant, they like, they hate your public enemy number one, because the deaf community is like, deaf isn't a disability. Well, they don't say that because they can't proving them wrong. But they are very anti cochlear implant, because they don't think they need fixed. Gotcha. So like you escaping ginger ism. Do you feel like they could cut

you off? I had some people pretty pissed at me. They're like you were holding it down for the ginger community. Other people do think I'm sick. They're calling me Like chemo mook and moocah wish type moocah wishes funny. Yeah, but it's been good positive reception so far Yeah, you're on fire Thanks, literally. Yeah, your show is amazing. Thank you. Yeah, it is great. I tune in It's the perfect time slot with the perfect like Boys watching. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we got some I love that. I love the crew Fucking hit a big bet. Yeah five do it. I hit a bag

I hit a I mean, it's not a golden bag or platinum bag, but it's for what you put in five dollars Yeah, five doing two grand ten like parlay Felt good. We do have a message from Brawley. Oh incredible Brawley. Oh! That's going incredible. Brawley again, guys, he's noticed the donations coming in. I'm very appreciative. He sent us a song. This is a mixtape?

Brawley sent us- So your YouTube is unknown album, anus thank you and parlays and women's rights by WFB. Fuck. Yeah. Brawley sent us a five-minute voice memo well play it yeah, of course It's a thank you, and I believe he recorded parlay so I thought was amazing. Oh, yeah Hey everyone, it's Brawley Just wanted to thank you guys so much for the donations. It will definitely be very helpful

much for the donations. It will definitely be very helpful. So many of you guys have reached out to show your support and love for me your messages and it really really means a lot. I always find it very funny when you guys notice me online, especially that one guy who left to review my mom's Etsy saying get braly on a it is. to review my mom's Etsy saying get brolly on a day. Oh, no. That's the most diabolical route.

What are we doing going to the quadriplegic boy in pain's mom's Etsy Etsy leaving a totally. Oh, boy. That is not the medium boys. Leave the mom Etsy alone. Wait, what's his mom making? Let's go. Yeah, well, I get maybe not. Check it out. Buy your's his mom making? Let's go. Yeah. Well, I get maybe not check it out Buy your shit. Yeah buy your shit up. Yeah I don't know how you get there. That's a prolonged and tedious track

Shout out to you men. Hope you enjoyed the baby gift basket. Oh, I bought it bought something But you guys have really been great to me. I really appreciate it. And I feel like I have to get back. So I decided to give you guys some winners to make up for all the money you guys lost on Nick and KB's parlay. So here they are. All right.

Welcome to the first ever inaugural episode of parlay's with the handicap handicapper brought to you by the quad on Nimrod. Let's get my first parlay is called cereal mascot turns gay craves BBC. Cuckoo for Cocoa Buffs. Young white cool to get two field goals to kill four goals for the Colorado Avalanche Yeah, and the Colorado Buffalo's to cover the spread beautiful. Yeah, then I also got We're Costco guys Shopping while eating a chicken bake and that of course is boom boom boom boom Bow bow bow bow bow is boon boon boon boon bo bo bo bo bo bo booooooon is this gonna be people's names? um boon jenner to get four shots on goal

ok ok jake bobo and bo nicks touchdowns and boon jenner to score a goal boon bo bo bo bo boon boon boon Jenner to score a goal Good that I'm gonna hit you with Caring person checks up on quadriplegic with CRPS to see how he is doing Are you okay? Ah! Oh! No! Oh, he's doing his pain!

That is in pain! Is this it or is something happening? This is gonna be me. That would be, uh, Rutgers to cover the spread, Oklahoma Thunder to win, Sebastian Aho, anytime goal, New Orleans to win Alexander

Madison and Cameron pain that said that so you did are you okay no is New Orleans yeah what are the uh-huh no uh-huh no, what's a Madison? My next parlay These touchdown parlay sure are funny and the news was great But never forget where you came from Okay and that is And the news was great, but never forget where you came from Okay and that is

Little green apple little field goal Draymond green points Eli Apple chargers defensive touchdown. Yep. No brainer. I also got this a little green apple called 50-year- old Brooklyn man grooms unsuspecting man boy through improv climber

That is love New York gay man Jordan love New York that's twin Rudy's boyfriend back a feel New York Rangers twin Rudy's boyfriend Mac a Quadriplegic knows your day. I didn't know I was gay Roughen Rowdy Dude remember he roasted me. Oh, yeah, he was like he's up. Dude he's funny as fuck. He's hilarious. He's great. He's like- I'm man united. Sorry. Oh man united. Oh man. Twin.

You also gotta play this next parlay. It's called Redhead- oh. I mean a bald guy dating life. That is no queen. Mook Justin Kings. New Orleans Saints to win. Patrick Queen. Patrick Queen Steelers defensive touchdown. Mookie Betts home run. Yeah. Justin Tucker, field goal and the Kings to win. Beautiful. It looks Justin King, Justin. I'm also going to be shocked with that one because I was like, when he said he was doing one about your dating life, I was trying to think of like, is there a football player whose last name is very fat woman Maybe hyphenated the very fat family bad join their house with the woman

Sorry to all the queens that are listening to this. I love you It would have to been how you fat What kind of Queens what kind of Queens are you in? dairy What kind of Queens are you in? Dairy? You're the man, but this is called that Kent State kid is no chance against Claxton Little KB's no Taiwan

Kim little field goals the Bruins not to win Ty Chandler and Wanda Robinson touchdowns He's getting you good and when all those inevitably lose There's only one thing left to do you got to go to the Nick parlay. Oh, yeah, I'm getting your ass which of course is no legs Time to give up gambling No, but seriously That's really good might actually inspire a lot of people to stop gambling You got this on a no leg from a handicap. Oh my god a handicap man

This is a second handicapper is that makes fun of my legs. Yeah, that's right a little child that child did There's 50 seconds left. Thank you guys so so much the man it has been my greatest honor To not only be a dickhead Or be a dickhead of the week. There's nothing I like more than making people laugh. And this podcast has given me the opportunity to do that with the listeners and with people in my own life.

The podcast will come up all the time and people always love it. And thank you again up all the time and people always love it and thank you again to all the listeners who have helped and Nick KB Moo you guys are all really amazing people I'm gonna cancel that Venmo Oh yeah, you gotta. That is super awesome. Once he gets better I would love to get him out here Is there more? You know what? Fuck with all this comedy, say. You're amazing too

Love you guys. Peace. That's awesome man What a beast. Oh. That's awesome, man. Shut up, Raleigh, dude. What a beast. Oh shit, he's the man. Matt underscore braleigh is Instagram? Yeah. Yes. He's forever doxed in this studio.

Like the first thing we got for this studio was his street there. Yeah. The very, very short street that has one house with one ramp. Yep. Yep. Swing by and say ramp. Yep, yep, yep. Swing by and say hi.

Yeah, so go to the flyers. The demo is, I guess you could probably say the venmo at this point. Yes, it's at Mary Jo dash Moriarty. It'll be in the description of the podcast. And it's two women in the profile picture if you're wondering, oh, is this it? It's real. Yes, it is it. And you label it donation. If you're wondering, oh, is this it? It's real, yeah. Is it?

And you label it donation. And you give whatever. It can be a dollar if that's all you got. Five, 10, whatever. That was really funny. He's hilarious. He was comedically. I would love to get him out here

once he starts feeling better. He was comedically and intellectually on par with us. In fact, I think he like stooped down to our level. He probably had to like simplify some of them for us. Yeah Really impressive stuff. He didn't stoop down. He rolled down. Yeah, we're all down there the stoop now has a ramp Yeah, there's no stoop. He'll never be stupid. He'll never be honest never no I feel I had parlays now. I don't even want to follow that no yeah like now. It's up to you oh My Chinese I mean is he a professional handicapper

Yeah, is he getting paid? Get no pee getting paid we I paid him I Guess he gets well. I'm just yeah. I was making a joke I was making a joke Oh shit Wait is he We were in Philly two days ago one day ago No matter and we went to this bar called

It was a combination of two really great Americans. It was Kavanaugh's. Oh, yeah, Kavanaugh written house written house Kavanaugh's oh yeah, Kavanaugh written house written house Kavanaugh's written house Unbelievable bar heroes, but there was the chive TV was playing on loop in there But the chive TV is now just trivia and there was one person Like it only it had like the little symbol of how many people were playing it And it was like a little guy symbol with the number one next to it. So one person in that bar was playing trivia. I was like, that's sad. And then I look up at the scoreboard, person in first is the only person playing,

and the username was Big Giant Kyle. Yeah, I was in first. So I didn't even realize Kyle went in, we were just drinking, talking, everybody's conversing, and Kyle took a picture of the QR code, made an account on chive TV And you were just playing bar trivia alone, okay?

I think the fact that I was the only one playing in the bar just credits my accomplishment I was at one point top 15 globally. That's true big giant Kyle was on the global leader leaderboard VGK is that your new if you had a remake Twitter, would you still pick KB? No swag? No, that's so lame. And I kind of have swag now. Not like, not none. I don't have no swag. Yeah, you definitely, you didn't at the time, but would you be KB some swag or just be Kyle Bauer? Kyle Bauer. Keep it simple. Big giant Kyle is good.

Big giant Kyle is great. Can you email Gaz and just be like hey why lose my little bar stool next to my name if I change my handle to big giant Kyle? I don't want to rebrand his big giant Kyle. Call Gaz. You want to be big giant Kyle? I got to think I got to sleep on it. You want to be big giant Kyle Dean? I do want to be Kyle Dean as well And thank you for all the people who shot Kyle Dean Means the world surreal like watching like manifesting Name you gave me What was it it sucked Nick?

When did I do this I forget it was when you came out as Kyle Dean I like her sure Yeah Man It was when you came out as Kyle Dean. I was like Bertrand Nick Bergeron. Yeah, yeah Man Nick Bergeron Nick Bergeron. Oh My god, all right Luke and I Doing stand-up. Yeah, three cities or it's gonna be a real grind three different cities in over the span of three months The tour is the tour man, it's the fucking it's that road dog life Pittsburgh Pittsburgh that ticket links out

Raleigh Raleigh, North Carolina and Austin Austin, Texas. Yes. And we will have guests at all three. Yeah. Special guests at all three. Special guests. Should be fun. Get tickets. So, yeah. Travel, travel.

There's a handsome guy I'm friends with in Austin that's willing to MC. Yeah. There will be a trivia host that'll also be there. Raleigh, I was hoping there would be a coworker dad that would be willing to take the stage. That would be electric. We can't do that.

I didn't say who. And Pittsburgh. Another guy? Big giant Kyle Dean. Oh, hey. Big giant Kyle? Maybe. All right.

Maybe. Anything else? No. God bless.