Adeptus Ridiculous - BLACK TEMPLARS: AN UNBIASED OVERVIEW feat. Valrak | Warhammer 40k Lore

Episode Date: September 14, 2022

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Welcome everyone to another episode of the Adeptus Ridiculous podcast. My name is D.K. Diamante's. My co-host is Bricky, and we have a super special guest host with us today. But before we get into all of that, if you enjoy today's episode, head over to patreon.com slash Adeptus Ridiculous and consider supporting the podcast. You get access to our Discord, bloopers if they happen, just the highest quality poster. I think now it's the toxic gamer poster, which you can get for the $15 tier.

and every tier gets access to the now returning Scola Progenium Comics Season 2. So yeah, patreon.com slash Adeptus Ridiculous because that comic is hilarious, and you want to see it, I want to see it, and Bricky wants to tell you about our merch and the book club. All right, yes, if you want to check out merchandise, I believe the posters are all sold out now, but there is plenty of merch including hoodies, tanks, stickers, all the little guys stuff, etc. Also, we are under the process of possibly getting enamel pins and or patches. I'm taking some suggestions. So if our viewers would like to leave a comment on the things they would like to see, that would be wonderful.

I was thinking cute little like, chevy versions of the three of our heads for enamel pins, like shy, disappointed you excited. The classic archetypes. Doge Van Dyer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No fanboy, thousand sun's shy, please. but definitely feet though but anyway Orchidate.com is where it's at

this ridiculous section is down in the description of this video also Betrayer episode Book Club is coming out this week it'll be in a couple of days finish up Betrayer all my homies hate Arabis fuck Arabis dude

fuck Arabis and Valric what did I get wrong in my Rogel Doran episode well I refused to watch that episode because you didn't invite me on there as a stage of protest. I was like, screw these guys for not inviting me on. You've given me the Black Templars

like the special child of the Imperial Fist to go over. If there's a special child, if there's a special child of the Space Marines, I've got to say it's probably the Black Templars. It really is. They are. They're basically like the weird loud sibling that's always

in trouble. And it's like that sibling that ruins the family events and then you have to leave earlier because just the way they run around and cause a mess and then you're disgraced. They're the awkward drunk uncle that is like super racist and... Yeah.

Well, there's certainly that. Yeah, well, they do hate more than space marines normally hate and that is a big thing if you're a space marine if you hate more than space marines. So, yeah, they are... They're on a whole different level. More xenophobic than a normal space marine.

That is. Yeah. That's a special... That's a special achievement. It really is. That's a lofty claim. I don't know, I don't know, man. Congratulations, Blatt Templars. You've done it.

You are the war on 40,000. We now enter the difference between casual and competitive racism. Their e-sports racism, eh? They're speed running it, huh? I've never seen people with faster APMs for typing out slurs in the chat. Oh, no. Dude, they might even play Valerie. We've got to be careful.

OOOOO Apex pros But anywho Welcome Welcome, welcome My dude Obviously we did the Rogel Dorn episode

And you are The Imperial Fist's Simpity Simp boy I am I am yeah I am the biggest Probably biggest Simp yellow boy

You've ever met In your life I love Daddy Dawn Right Can you explain Why you like Daddy Dawn so much How can I put this in words

I like walls Is that a weird thing to say? I like walls. Man, America would have loved you. I like building them. It's one of these weird things where I like castles. I could stand all day like that Pablo Escobar meme and just look at castles.

I'm like, that's a nice wall. I like touching walls. I'm coming across kind of strange on this podcast, I think. You're in the walls. I am the wall. That's it, yeah. He is the wall. That makes sense why you would like Dorn,

if you like walls and castles. Yeah. Plus he has a badass haircut as well. I like he's like, you know, high-cut fade. His armor is so cool. All that gold armor? Oh, my God. Big old chainsawd as well.

Oh, yeah. He certainly... I regret the memes that I have brought to life about him. Yes, the illiterate Dorn meme. Yeah. I'm just going to say, it's a good thing we did the audio version of the Dorn episode because then the, you know, the Imperial Fist fans couldn't enjoy it. I get, I get quoted in this all the time.

And I'm like, why. Why? Why? Why? What have they done? They've disgraced Dawn. What have they done? It's Bricky's fault. Bro.

Whoa. Bro. Holy shit. He made me think that, he made me think that Dorn was stupid. And I told you Lehman Russ was stupid. It was Bricky's fault. It's Bricky's fault. I am positive.

I don't know anything. He led me down that path. It's not my fault. I am positive. If we, if we go back to the source, I was saying something about Lehman Rusk being illiterate and you just thought it was Rogal Dorn and we kept

I'm pretty god-dain positive I remember you were like With Leben Rousse. I was Because I was like I remember we were talking about Dorn You were like oh yeah Dorn is like the epitome of trying to put

the square peg in the triangle hole because he's just so forceful and I took that to mean that he's just an idiot because he doesn't know which thing goes in which hole So I was like oh he's got to be stupid Oh he's illiterate And that's where that's how that started. Dorn being inept in social situations is correct, though.

The man does not do small talk particularly well. Oh, no, he doesn't. I think my favorite scene of Rogel Dorn was when Garo came and delivered the news. And instead of like handled it like a constant way, he just backslaps him. It's like, what? No. Bang. And like he just disappeared across the room.

It's like, oh. That's right when he's like, oh, yeah, Horace is a traitor. He's like, not possible. Get out of here. So with that With that being said, of course I do We do enjoy our dorn

Our dorn stuff painting yellow sucks But you know It's what it is So cool though Black Templars though Yeah The black Templars The

The largest Chapter of space Marines I think technically Technically Yeah So basically the way it works They they won the Codex of Staris on a technicality, basically.

So they could have the biggest chapter while not being a chapter. That's how it works with the Black Templars. When they were founded, Gilliam was like, okay, you're only allowed to have a thousand Marines. And they were like, okay, well, we'll do it our way then. Basically, we will make every Black Templar chapter,

a chapter led by a Marshal, who then reports to a high marshal. So we can have multiple chapters within a chapter. and technically it doesn't break any laws. So, you know, Gillum was like, okay then. That's how it works. So why does never chapter do that and just spend the rules and then just make gigantic space marine chapter?

Because we went over this at the start. The Black Templars are the weird siblings that like to cause trouble for everyone and they do everything in the opposite way while screaming and showered. This is what they do. Also, Black Templar can take the Codex of Staris and basically wipe their ass with it.

They could give a fuck. Doran doesn't like it to begin with, and that's the case then. Norm was like, I'll make the first war, the last war protocol. And the Taples and Tev was like, well, we'll do one better. We'll make our own. We'll do it ourselves. So yeah, they're just copying Daddy Dawn at the end of day, so you can't really blame them. What do you got on the founding of these Black Templars?

Well, well, it kind of goes before the founding, right? I've got a big list, right? I sent it to Shai. in Shower's like, okay, you can go through this list. So brace yourself, strap yourself in. Pack a lunch. That's it. Pack your lunch. Because the Templars just weren't a, well, they were a second found in chapter, but it goes way back.

Like in the Imperial Fist Legion, they were known as the Temple Brethren. And they guarded a place called the Temple of Oves on board of the phalanx. The Templar brethren were like the cream of the crop. Like they were the most badasses of the Legion. Of course, Sigismund was a part of this. We are no Sigismund. Hopefully, you know Sigismund right? Yes, no, yes.

I absolutely do. If I like Savatar, I have to like Sigismund. Yes. So think of a space marine D.K., right? And then think of Superman as a space marine. That is Sigismund. Yeah, he is like the greatest astati that ever lived. I'm sure I'm being quite biased about this.

And someone is saying, should be all right? But I'm just saying, right, he's basically the Superman. of the Astaris. So that is how badass he is. And he was basically the first captain of the Imperial Fist. He became like the first high marshal of the Black Templars when the second found it happened. But before all that, they gathered the Temple of Oaks.

The Temple of Oaks basically is where they honored the dead of the Imperial Fist and where all new Imperial Fist came to swear allegiance to Rogel Dawn and the Emperor. Yeah, it's a kind of fun place. Yeah. Sigismund, of course, he went on to found the Black Templars after the siege of terror happened. And by the way, Sigismund absolutely performed peak at the Siege of Terror. Like, he was just like some, like a lot of people say it was Sanguineus, who was the best. But me, again, not being unbiased, it's Sigismund who performed the best at the Siege of Terror.

Because he was literally going out and he challenged every single chaos warlord he come across and just chopped. them apart. He actually killed Cannes. He left Cannes in like a bloody... Like, Sigismund fought Cannes. And he basically left him like a melted popsicle. He was just nothing left on him. Yeah. Oh shit.

He like, Cannes got regenerated because chaos cheats. Chaos always This is the thing I hate about chaos, right? Chaos cheat all the time. It's not fair, right? You go out when you beat them properly, naturally. And then they're like, well, lull, revive, respawn, refresh. And we can't do that. Why can't we do that?

That's literally not fair. But that's what he did, and Karen's back anyway, so it doesn't really matter if he beat him or not. It's because they're a racist. All right. I need to put a stop to this right now. He wrecked corn? Listen, man.

Wrecked is one word to put it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sigisman, okay, the state that the man did more than Senguitous is certainly the bias coming through. I was going to say, I don't believe that for a second, but the guy is an absolute shad. Don't give me wrong.

know him the most because he has this wonderful duel with with sevatar of the night lords and i remember savatar lost because he cheated because sevatar is an asshole yeah but it was kind of one of those things where like if they both played fair there was a good chance that sigismid would have beaten him maybe not by much because they're both like top level dudes but the guy the guy is kind Superman, my goodness gracious. He's very, he's very strong. He's the best of Staris it's ever lived, Brickie. Every single one of the chapters has their first captain super mega badass.

We have our carm, we have our sev, we have our fucking typhus, etc., etc., etc. This is the Imperial Fist guy, but to be fair, he's like one of the most, he's like one of the most first captainy dudes of first captains. he is a little Mary Sue I'm sorry Shai's right he a little bit a little bit but he obliterates Korn

like obliterates might be a little much no he said he left him as a melted popsicle so I'm just imagining like barely skeleton that just has like melted flesh and muscle on it yeah but he didn't like Dr. Manhattan

like Steve Jobs died from Ligma Bwam just like anniol He definitely Dr. Manhattan can, right? Don't ignore Bricky, right? Snap the fingers. Just turn him to dust. Right, put it this way, right? Sanguinius had wings, right? Sigismund did not. That proves a point. Sigismund did this without wings. He couldn't fly anywhere. He went by foot and he did everything. So for me, Sigismunds is the peak of the siege of terror. Now sanguice. All right. Continue your shenanigans. He's not around now, is he, though?

Oh, how dare you? That actually goes on to the next bit in a second because, you know, we will talk about plot armour in a second because that goes to the next bit. So, yeah, they finding themselves after the siege, after Gileman told off dawn and stuff and all that stuff happened.

There was apparently a lot of stuff that happens in the scouring, but we haven't got any information about that as of yet. I expect to see Sigismund basically doing, like, backflips, 360 no scopes during, like the scouring and just taking out everyone he comes across because this is the time for the loyalists

to get their revenge, let's say. But we haven't really got that information in the books. What the information we do have, though, is how the first High Marshal, high marshal, Sigismund, actually died. And he probably went out on the most baddest way in the world.

Like, the most baddest way you can think of. In the world. Listen, quite bricrous. Wait, wait, wait, back to the side. This is the Avedon thing, right? Yeah, this is, yeah. Yeah, okay, he goes out pretty cool. I won't like that.

Yeah, he does. I've actually saved the quote, because I'm going to give you the quote, because the quote is peak quote. So, um, the loyalists pushed the traitors back into the eye of terror, like get back in there and stuff like that. And then, like, all the other loyalists were like, okay, let's go and parade and make planet stuff and do stuff like that.

Sigisman wasn't like that. Sigisman basically waited for a thousand years. around a thousand years outside the eye of terror with like a small black black temple feet waiting for the enemy to come back out and when they did come back out it was abidon and leading all these little war bands of merry men and stuff like that and they basically had a fight abadon and sigismund and abadon was like i see the years of black in your armor as well as mine sigismund and they had this fight but at this point sigisman is like really old well i say really really old he's a bit older because the war

time is weird. So you've got prime Abadon versus like this thousand-year-old temple king, you know, sat upon a bronze throne, Aaron Dembsky Bowden, like, describes it, which is absolutely amazing. And then Sigismund, like, sacrifices himself and, like, stabs Abadon, like, through the chest, like trying to give him the killing blow. But, of course, with Abadon's plot armor, he wins. He ripped Sigismund in half with his core. forget about a, let's not forget about the chaos roids. Yeah, this is true. Yeah. Well, why has he got

the chaos roids at this point? I don't think he has like drachny or anything like that, maybe not, but he's definitely a little, he's got a little soup though. He's lost first cycle. Yeah, yeah. I think he's got like golden eyes, whatever that means. Like his eyes are all golden or something. Maybe he's a Superman, no, of Warhammer. So Abidon pulls a Megatron and Sigismund is like, oh, do you want a piece of me? And Abidon's like, no, I want to. Why have you done this? No. Yes, basically that's what happens.

But, like, Sigismund's, like, he's ripped in half. He's, like, he's guts out and stuff like that. And Abadon's looking at him. Abadon's, like, holding his chest. He's, like, kneeling down. He's like, ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

And then Sigismund's, like, last ever line is, like, you will die as your traitor father died. Souless, honorless, weeping. ashamed. And then he's just like, he's out the game. I'm like, okay, that's a pretty badass way of going out. Do you need some water? Mr. Yeah. Get him some milk. Yeah, he was gone then. And that was it. That is the end of Sigismund. But hopefully we get like a bridge in between all that when they do their next book series. Well, whoa, whoa. Are you going to skip over the fucking return of him shipping it back? Which one? I honestly thought you were going to say,

hope we get a bridge between the two pieces of Sigismann. Oh my, why? Why do you this? He got to bridge those two pieces back together, put those Astardis organs back. We can remake him. What, the one big. We have the technology. I was about saying, Abidon fucking shipping him back in a little box that says we have

returned is pretty middle. Oh, yeah. Oh my God, does he really? Yeah, well, Abidon's a bastard, right? So not only does he rip Sigisman in half, he then graffities Sigismund's sword, which I really take offense to. And he basically says what Bricky says, like, we have returned. But he actually does do the honorific thing, and he ships Sigisman's body back.

He doesn't, like, you know, hang it off his backpack like he normally does to everyone else and stuff. Yeah, he doesn't put like a skull onto his back back on a pike or something. But again, I think this is like, as you said, first cycle, Abidon, where he's kind of okay at this point in the head. So he has, like, honor and stuff like that kind of still. So yeah, he ships him back and it's like the Black Legion have returned. But I think one of the big questions for me about this time is, is Dawn still alive at this time? I'm not too sure. Is Dawn going to start crying once he knows Sigismund's dead?

That should be a nice little story within itself. But yeah, we don't really know that. You know, Dorn could use a hand, so. Never. Damn, yeah, Dorn could use a hand. Give him a hand. I'm never doing this again. Or I guess it would sound more like.

Someone's got to pull you back down to the, the neutral zone from this God Temporal Imperial Fist's high zone you've reached. People say I'm biased. I don't think I'm biased. I just think I tell the truth. No one who's biased thinks they're biased. I mean, we all

have our biases. Have you seen the sisters' episodes that Brickie's put, like, like, why? Come on, man. We've all got them. We've all got that one faction that we have the rose tinted glasses for, right? I'm basically. I, I,

bloody rose tinted. I may say something very offensive to Bricker. I find the sisters of silence far more cooler than the sisters of battle. That's okay. You said far more cooler and that's not good English. I'm from the Northern England. This is how we speak. We speak in riddles because we're all the sisters of silence are very, very cool. They're a combination of the mixture of their ethics and the discussion with custodians is all very neat. I like the Sisters of Battle a lot. partially for a cultural thing. I find it impressive that G.W. pulled off an all-female faction

and made them arguably the most evil in the Imperium. And that's kind of just really metal. Combined that with like the Peniton engines and, you know, characters like Celestine and stuff. And, you know, I mean, to be honest, a lot of times people are able to understand the concept of the sisters to battle pretty easily, zealotist nuns and witch hunters are reversed.

And so whenever I have to describe the Black Templar, I often just say, well, they're like sisters of battle marines where they're extraordinarily pious covered in purity scrolls, really old school, competitively racist. They have the same bold haircuts and stuff like that, you know, to match each other. Oh, yeah, I mean, exactly. Like what's on their shoulders? It's white, you know, white, white hair, easy. Yeah. Every time I see the black Templars in like their robes, they genuinely look like medieval crusaders.

Yeah, that's what they are. Like the Knights Templar, because they're the Black Templar. Yeah, yeah. I think the funny thing that Games Workshop did, they actually swapped the colors around. So the Knights Hospitaller wore the Black Temple colors, and the Black Temple colors are the Knights' Hospitaler colors or something like that. I don't know what they did. But yeah, they're knights.

That's basically it. They're Knights of swords. Old school crusading knights. Yeah. Kill everything. They literally have a unit in the Tabletop called the Crusader Squad. so yeah it works out oh yeah yeah oh wow that image is so old school crusader it's it hurts it really is um have i forgot to mention anything oh yes they are very weird in regards to that

they see the emperor as a divine being so they worship the emperor but this is i think the laws changed a little bit on this so because um they're like say's like uh purge the mutant the zenos the heretic and stuff like that um the witch, they like to burn witches and stuff. But some of the later law is, for example, navigators. They actually kind of worship navigators and see them as divine because they kind of connect with the emperor and stuff and they see that as like a bridge to the emperor.

So I'm not too sure, like, I'm sure they still hate witches because they don't have librarians or anything like that in their chapter. But I'm sure there's certain witches which they kind of like and sent for in a way. In 40K, isn't it pretty normal to like worship the emperor and see him as the divine though? Basically, that is the go-to now. With Gilliman coming back, he's like, Oh, motherfucking Jesus Christ, I can't wait to...

Makes him interesting. It's not a Boy Scout anymore. I like it. I can't wait to tell Daddy about this. But yeah, it's kind of the thing now. And the funny thing is, and what a lot of people say to me, black Templars are basically word bearers, which I take absolutely a word-bearers, which I take absolutely offence to. Like 100% I'm offended by that. Don't ever call Black Templars word bearers.

Nope. All right. Time to bring them back down a little bit. Maybe pre-heresy word bears, right? Like, you know, because that's when monarchy happened. Actually, yeah, pre-heresy word bear is a little closer. Definitely not post-heresy. Oh, God, no, not post-heresy.

Definitely not post-heresy. Faces all over their armor. Hello there. Wait what? Shai has posted two pictures, and I must say they certainly have a similar vibe. Well, one does have a lot of horns, okay, and the other doesn't. Let's, I think we've just come to the conclusion of this.

If you have horns, you're the bad guy. If you don't have horns, then you're the good guy. How about that? Looks up loyalist legions with horns. I think there is some. There's a salamander one that grows horns and stuff. Black dragons, yeah. The Black dragons, yeah.

Oh, oh. Send the Inquisition. Yeah. So I've got another little point in here. Notable Crusades, because, you know, they love to crusade. That's what they do. They're crusaders, sure. It's a never-ending war.

This is Sigismund's point of view and everything before he got shanked. Is that the galaxy will always burn. We're always going to be fighting. We're always going to be punching each other. So let's just go out with our balls out. And let's just hit everyone in the face. So they're just constantly crusading the Black Templars. again every black temple has its own crusade and the different parts of the galaxy

you know shouting and killing things and everything like that um the scouring is one of the main ones but again we don't really have anything on the scouring so i can't really talk into that like i said expect 360 no scopes of sigismund war of the beast was a pretty notable one um do you know about war of the beast at all do you want me to delve into that a little bit because this is this is a kind of one where the black templars kind of you know came into their a little bit for me. We're saving the War of the Beast. We're saving the War of a Beast for a later episode.

Okay. All right. The War of, I hate to say this word because my brain doesn't say it right. Apostisa, there we go, or aka the Terran Crusades. Van Dyer. Have you done the Van Dyer stuff? Have we done the Van Dyers stuff? Have you seen our mask?

Oh my goodness. I've seen the memes. The age of a whole. Apostasy, I think is what you're referring to. Yes, that's it. Yes, the age of apostasy. You, you son of a bitch. That's it.

There we go. So, you know, the Templars helped in that because apparently there's a little twat who, you know, jumped up and started to do things. So that was another thing for the Templars. And the new law for the Black Templars, I think this is where it's interested now because this is 10,000 years later. There's a brand new high, um, high, um, he's joined by one of the most badass people, in the world called Grimaldis. I was waiting for Grimmie. I thought you were going to say his sword cleaner meme guy.

I thought that's what you were going to say as the most badass guy. I'm sure that guy is a badass. He's constantly cleaning his sword. Imagine following him around on the battlefield all day into polishing his sword. That is a lot of polishing. That is a lot of polishing. That is a hell of a lot of stuff. I'm pretty good at polishing swords myself, but that's a conversation for a different time.

Anyway. That's all right. Penis. It's a masturbation joke. You think it's so funny. YouTube, shut them down. Shut them down right now.

No. So you've got High Marshall Helbrecht. And Helbrecht has recently crossed the Rubicon and become a, well, I call it Primaris Marines. And everyone hates me for the way I say it. It's not Primaris Varak. It's Primaris. But, you know, I'm saying it in Gothic. So those guys.

Everybody gets it. I tried to get it. So basically, I tried to get the book where he crosses the Rubicon, but the scalpers scalp me, and I couldn't get it. So I'm just waiting for the audio book now. So I wish I could talk to more, like, maybe how he's spat on Gilliman's face. And then Gilliman was like, please do it. And then he crossed it. But I'm not too sure what happens in that story.

So I can't really go into much more than that. All I can say is that he's bigger, he's faster. He's strunky, you know. He's the main man primaries, marine. that goes with his boy Grimaldus as well Reganus is the high The high reclusiarch

Of Of the Black Templars Which is basically like daddy chaplain Like he is like A big boy And you know what kind of he says goes In terms of the soul Of the chapter

And he has very very kind eyes Very very kind eyes If you read the book Hell's Reach He takes off his helmet And someone goes You have kind eyes And then he goes out and murders a lot of people.

I'm like, oh, God damn, he does have kind eyes. Very, very kind eyes. This sounds like the Blessed Lady kind of thing. Or it's like, oh, R. Geltal, you're so nice. Like, thanks, kills custodians. A bunch of steals their weapon. Gremolus actually had a recent refit of a new model, and he looks very cool.

So awesome. I shall, I shall show it off. He has this little contingent of servitors carrying around a holy relics around. Oh shit, that does look dope. Yeah, Gaines Workshop are basically just redone like the whole Black Templar range and all the models I personally think are like top tier.

10 out of 10. Absolutely amazing. Even Hellbrecht, which we'll get back on to the second, he's got brandy model and of course the sword polisher, you know, wipey, wiper. He's there. Who's, is that supposed to be a specific skeleton on that guy's banner or is it just a skeleton

because, ha ha, we're games workshop and we like putting skeletons on banners. I think it's a spooky skeleton It's got a W on it Which is either win or which I don't know, I'll let you decide What do you want? Win or which? Witch, which

Definitely which Which, that sounds like a Templars thing To parade the The skeleton of a witch It could be Waller, he found him And then he butchered him You never know, right? Have you noticed that Grimaldus has

A tinier sword That's cut off on top of him He has a little sword Oh yeah, he's got a broken sword Yeah A little skeleton hand Yeah, I'm not sure What that's in reference

to. Maybe someone can help in the comment section. I'm not sure what that's in reference to, but I actually think it may be from his previous mentor who sawed it was, and he's kept it like, he taught me so much, I'll keep his broken sword where he failed, kind of thing. Unrelated, but I love it when

in like fantasy media, they use a broken sword as a weapon. Oh, God, I love that shit. Is sealed or cut? Yeah, amazing. Going back to Helbrack pretty quick, because there's some interesting things about Helbrack. So Hellbrecht is considered the greatest imperial naval commander.

He's basically like the number one battlefleet Gothic tournament player in the galaxy. Like he knows how to do it. There was a big battle at a place called Helzreach. Well, not Helderidge, Armageddon. The walls of Armageddon, Gascole, orcs, everything like this. The thing is with Armageddon is it's actually a place called Ulano, which is the whole world of the orcs. So this is why the orcs are so, how do I say this? They're so invested in taking that world back.

I think they've got like a bestial urge to get back to our planet. So there's constantly massive wars there. And the latest war that we had there, he was a naval commander. But I think he only lasted like a week because the orcs were like, we're bringing everyone. We are bringing. It's a massive war. Yeah, we're bringing everyone. And this is where like we have the story of Gramaldis now in the book, Hell's Reached by Aaron

Denska Moden, which is probably one of the most famous books out for a space marine. It's one of the most iconic ones. Well, for me anyway, again, my bias is showing. What do you know? What do you know? And Gromaldis goes down to the surface with like a squad of his, of his guys, and they defend a hive called Hell's Reach. And it's just absolutely top-tier devastation from start to finish. This is guardsman.

his name escapes me at the moment but he becomes like Grimaldus's friend he says Grimaldus and stuff like that he's absolutely fantastic but it's just orcs breaking through there's Titan battles there's just like

basically a church gets dropped on Grimaldus and holy shit it's incredible like I'm not even I'm not even summing it up properly but it's a fantastic story

and it just shows he survives a church getting dropped on him yeah a full church and he comes up like, holy shit. Yeah, it's, it's incredible. Absolutely cool.

He comes up like, I want to, where's the orc fungus? I want to clap some, spank some cheeks still. But everyone's dead around him, but he's like, I'll still kill you all. Yeah. Damn. Absolutely top tier he is. Amazing. What a badass.

Yeah. Going quickly back to Hellbrex, I'm all over close here. I'm in my element now talking about this. Hellbrecht, he has a hatred for the Zenos. She never would have fought this. Whoa, no way. Someone in the Imperium doesn't like the Zenos? Tell me more about this shocking revelation.

He hates aliens. What, what a guy. No. High Marshall Helbrecht. Hate Zinos. No. He, high marshal of the black Templars. Doesn't like Zenos?

That's why I never said, right? I've never seen a man more racist in my life. The power. It makes him stronger. I think it all started that he was really, really friendly with Zenos. And then he had this fight with a chap called Imitek, the Stormlord,

which is this whole other Necron badass, right? There's a whole podcast I do on, Imatec and all this badass that goes on with him. He basically had, like, a fight with Helbrecht. and Imitek basically beat the living piss out of Helbrecht like he just spanked him all over the place

and it is the storm lord I mean there is he does bring the thunder but instead of striking him down imitec was like lull I'll just take your hand and this way you'll remember me so that's why he has like his little robotic hand it was either that or he wanted I don't know maybe he he would

Helbrecht to cosplay as dawn or something like that and he was gonna say what is it with these guys in losing hands. Dorn, this guy? What the... It's weird. It's a weird fetish that in that the sons of Dawn have. We like to inflict pain on ourselves. I don't know if that's... Magic pain glove.

Tell me what to do. Magic pain glove. Well, there's a great, there's a very good enjoyable moment of that thing where I think Halberks said makes some statement about how the necrons are a dead and dying empire and don't deserve to live. Anemitex

like, that's rich coming from you. God damn. It's like, oh, burned. We're Necron sims here, so, you know, it works out. Necron supremacy. So, yeah. Real side note here, did you at a per chance get an opportunity

to read the custodian codex, the new one? I did, but is he a certain story? Oh, yes, I did. I know what story you're on about. The one where she was protected. Yeah. The Eucle and shield custodians chose High Marshal Helbrecht as one of their main protection people.

Oh, really? They kind of do that for prophecies and stuff, don't they? And weird things that happen? Yeah, kind of like special individuals that are assumed to eventually become very important people. Yes. And so they protected Helbrecht in the hive world, I think he lived in.

Unknown and unseen to him, but yeah. I'm shocked that they would think he needs it. well he was it was only like um a kid at this point where they like kind of protecting him he wasn't he wasn't a marine or anything like that like i don't think i don't think hellbrecht needs protecting of anyone but as a kid he was like protected um i don't know how a custodian hides himself with his golden armor and his like nine foot tall armor and his spear like i'll be i'm i'm i'm batman in the shadows i have no idea but they did it they protected him somehow and then he was recruited by the Black Templars and then his journey where we are now he's the High Marshal.

Absolutely. So they had to protect him so he could grow up to be Big Daddy Helbert. Yes. Yes. That's the, that's the theory. I'm not sure if anything's going to happen in the future. I'm sure there's a lot more stuff coming with the Black Templars. I have a fear that we're going to go back to Armageddon.

But some of the new law that's been established so far, like I said, he's crossed the Rubicon now. so he didn't die, so I guess that's, he's important. The Black Templars have kind of accepted the Primaris Marines. There was one tiny, small, like, bad incident that kind of happened, where one of the Crusades kind of killed all the Primaris Marines, along with the custodah who brought them. because they saw them as very impure. They're like, well, the emperor didn't make these,

so I guess you guys are the bad guys. So they kind of butchered all the primarus Marines that they were bringing to reinforce them. Yeah, I must say, this is an, I know what you're talking about. This is an understatement. Kind of, kind of. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. You remember how the dark angels decided to mind probe

and torture all the primarist Marines that were sent to them? because they thought they were spies of Gilliman. And the Dark Angels are the relatively sane of the cousin. Dark Angels are the racist uncle that knows how to hide it. And then this is the racist uncle that doesn't. Oh, so they just slaughter all the primaries? He's understanding a little bit. I personally think there was a miscommunication.

And things got, you know, this is the warp, you know. Sympathizing and Vox and stuff. You know, I kind of do draw the line when you start stabbing the literal defender of the emperor to death. Yeah, I kind of can see the bad stuff in that. But, you know, hand on heart, those Templars did end up redeeming themselves in a way. You know, they took down the bad guys. I was like, we're sorry. We all died kind of thing.

So, you know, I forgive them. Do you forgive them? No. Things happen, right? This is Warhammer. This was like, oops, I slipped on a. banana peel or something. This is like, oops, I

slaughtered all of you and the golden guardians of the, like, that's not a that's not a oopsie-whoopsie. That's not a minor fucky-wucky. Like, that's a that is a... At least when Argynton-Tal did it, he had a demon

in him. He had a demon in it. Why did you do this? Well, it was the other guy inside man. What of a guy? This guy. We are Archel-Tol. And the custodian. And the custodian had just killed his his baby doll

or the what's Irenei right and she just get murdered and then he went off in a rage and I'm going to kill all of you custodians right the custodian killed her because I think she was in the way and they had that gigantic they had that gigantic cybernetic legionic

like legion of cybernetic robot in the thing yeah yeah yeah your honor to to call this explosive device improvised is a massive understatement on the amount of work and effort I put in to the

creation and eventual throwing of it into this orphanage. It's true. So no, Your Honor, it was not an improvised explosive device. It's in these charges, rocked for a gunnade. Yeah, that's amazing. It was an accident that we slaughtered. All of them like animals.

Listen, accidents happen, okay. You have to learn to forgive. If you don't, then you just got to become the bad guy yourself. So I forgive them. Okay. Stuff happens. And at the end of the day, are the primaries impure? I still think call is about to do, you know, an order 66 and do everything his way.

Who knows, right? Maybe they saw through it. And they're like, nope. Not an hour watch. The emperor says no. He's going to call them. Oh, ho ho, ho. Make them do a six.

I get it. I get it. I get it. And that's kind of where we are now with the current law. They've mainly been focused around, like I said, the hell's reach and Armaged. They love killing orcs. Like every time I see Black Templars, they're always fighting against Orks.

Shai just posted a picture just to actually confirm this. Oh, yeah, they are killing them. I think they just love to kill Orks. And for me, I love that because I think Orcs fighting Space Marines is the coolest. Orks fighting Necrons are boring because you're just robots. And no one cares about you robots. You just beep boop. Beep boop.

Orks fighting anything is really cool. Like, the orcs are just so much fun. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Did I hear slander to our green boys? The beep, boop, boop, the beep, boop. Listen, I'm just speaking necron. Have you ever seen a necron try to eat human food and understand it?

It's surprisingly sad. It is. Go enjoy your 4,000 marine books. Well, I'll enjoy my five Necron books that are all excellent. Do you know what? I actually just finished the Infinite Divine and it's probably one of my best reads. It was absolutely incredible.

Like, I just saw it as two old men slapping each other for like a millennium. Like, don't these guys learn? It was like, it was brilliant from start to finish. No, absolutely. Them not learning is this is half the enjoyment of the necrons. Yes, yes. We could get so much done if we didn't hate each other.

Well, let's hate each other. Okay. Takes a death mark, opens portal, shoots orca in the face, leaves. capital B for base and that's kind of where we are you know all the way through Sigismund all the Crusades

and of course with the great riff ripping the galaxy in half half of them are on the on the no-go side some of them are on the good side and it's just getting them all back together now so they can they can join and start smashing face

and purging in the Emperor's name again specifically you really got to get Sigisman back together I have the fear of that Sigismund's got to come back. It's funny because he's in half. Yeah, because there's two of them, get him back together. I wonder where Sigism's body is. That's never spoken about. Is it on the Eternal Crusader? Oh, I forgot to mention the Eternal Crusader. They have literally one of the most bad asships in existence. So the cool thing about the Imperial Fis back in the day is that they were kind of the fleet masters. They had the phalanx,

which is kind of like the Death Star on Warp Dust. And they had a ship called the Eternal Crusader, which then went over to the Black Templars when the Black Templars founded their chapter and that's her flagship now this huge Gloria Enna-class battleship known as the Eternal Crusader which is just astonishing

absolutely gorgeous so yeah they have one of the literal badass ships in the galaxy I'm trying to think what other Gloria Eni-class starships are still around I know Gillamens is I'm not sure about the loyalist ones

I'm sure the Red Tier, the Blood Angel one is still about. I'm not too sure on that. There we go. Yeah, that's how big it is what Shai just put in in the chat. Yeah, it's a big boy. Oh, so the top left is the Gloria on a class battleship. That is the Alpha, which was the flagship of the Alpha Legion. There we go.

Look, where are you getting this from Shire? These are amazing pictures. I can't see it. So where's the ships that Lorgar made? That's the only way I can compare these sizes. I think that would be the one. That would be the one, the alpha. Oh, oh, okay.

The big one. The top left. If I am not mistaken, if you look to the right of it, you can find the Zeta Strike Cruiser, that would be the size of the covenant of blood. Yes. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's a big fucking ship. The alpha's a big boy. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. They were basically designed as like trophy pieces for the primarks and stuff back in the day. But not to mention. that the World Eater one has fucking grappling hooks Yeah Release by the Ursus Claus

Yeah Imagine that a ship coming next year And just like fish hooking you Like nope You're going nowhere I'm like oh go okay Yep I guess we're dead

Okay They had a Didn't they have like Warhound Titans that had Ursus Claus too Yes they did Or something like that They did They brought down another Titan

That was trying to Yeah they did It's so cool Um The cool thing about this though It's like when you compare these to the phalanx, there's an old wallpaper that show these ships compared to the phalanx,

and the phalanx just dwarfs it. It's like, my God. Like, I think the phalanx can actually put these Gloria Anaclass ships inside of it, like, and its wings and stuff, and still have space. That's not just like, like how big it is. It's just like, this weird piece of them.

Yeah, the phalanx is like a floating fortress, yeah. Like a battle ring or something like that. MESS. Wait what? What was it? No, no, no, no, no, not, not, no, no, what you saying? What you saying?

Immediately goes back to Simpe about the Phelix. Like, this is all brand. I mean, to be fair, though, like, even if you're not, like, a big Imperial Fist Simp, like, the Falunx is pretty fucking impressive. In the tutorial mission of Balfleet Gothic, too, you ram another ship with it. Yes.

Yes, you do. It's amazing. It's just, like, charge. Okay, then. Yeah. Like, that's got to be, like, the most impressive ship in all of 40K, right? The Falings? What tops that?

The Blackstone Fortress maybe, maybe not in size, but in firepower. Oh, right, because Al-a-O-B eats those. People say the rock. And the Necron-Death-Star is also, that was a thing. There was also the Necron Death Star that we don't talk about much because it was disabled by a squad of Ultramarines. No, no, no, no.

It was Astral Knights. It was the Sons of Dawn again, Bricker. It was Sons of Dawn again. There we go. There we go. The Sons of Dawn bringing down the beep, boot, beep, beep, but I'm trying to think of other characters. I was going to say Beyond, but that's Space Wolf.

I don't know why I'm thinking of Beyond. What they're doing here? Get on my head, Beyond. Well, there's the big three. There's Sigismind, Helbrecht and Grimmy Team. Those are the big ones. Yeah, well, Helbrecht and Gramaldus are the only main characters that we have now in 40K. Like, you have like the Crusader squads and everything like that, but those are the two main ones, which is, oh, wait, no, sorry.

You have the Empress champion, of course. The Empress champion, who is... kind of gifted or like the special armor and the swords on the eve of a battle because he has like a vision like he's got to be that absolute badass and he's given all the special stuff and then he sent out basically just to kill everything basically like okay you're the emperor's champion um it's kind of like this guy there he is there he is yeah the emperor's champion that's pretty cool that's pretty dope it always makes me laugh though because if he dies then they have to go out and find all the gear Like, they're given him because it's all, like, sacred relics. So if he dies and he's, like, overwhelmed by orcs, they have to then go out and track it all down. Like, oh, God damn it, orc's got his left boot. This orc's got his, like, gauntlet.

This one's got, like, his helmet. So, I don't know. Maybe they're, like, they have to. But, yeah, the, like, the Empress Champlain is, like, the peak, peak person of the Black Templars when it comes to, like, combat prowess. So he's normally, like, the most badass guy out there. And who goes along fighting.

There's an Empress champion in the book, Hell's Reach. Won't spoil it, but, again, he's a, he's a, a pretty of a badass as well. Yeah, sounds like you should be. Yeah. Really cool. Yeah. Shai asked how do they play on the tabletop? Are they popular? Are they super strong?

Are they meta? Or are they just like, well, I like them. So I guess I'll play them even though I'm going to get Kurd-stombed. Do you know what? Like, when it comes to the Black Templars, I'd actually say the kind of balance. Like, what you normally get is the old Codex creep, the Votan. What I've been seen lately are like, oh, God, no. Black Temples are probably one of the best. Space Marine chapters out there, but Space Marines have kind of fallen down

a bit because of Codex creep, but they've they were like the last, I think they're the last supplements that came out. Yeah, they were the last space marine supplements have come out. And like I said, they were kind of balanced, like they weren't ridiculously overpowered or anything like that. One thing that got a lot of Salamander plays Sulla is

the Flamer guy, had a better flamer than what the salamanders can wield in battle. And they were like, oh, can we not get that? Yeah, I was kind of pissed about that one. Yep. That's a little weird. That is weird. That's fair. Yeah, but they, yeah, but they got bunch of new units like the new sword brethren everything absolutely fantastic range they done like all the new models they got new castelands and stuff like that i thought they really did

them justice so i i would never make a black templar that didn't have a helmet because those bull cuts are awful i really i really think the bull cuts i those are terrible holy shit like i get it bad i'm offended because i love bowl cuts i i will get a bowl cut and i will i will go around preaching for the Black Templars because I love ball cuts. That's what I'll do. I mean, that's, that's, that's next level simping. It is. It really is. That's, I will get a ball cut and I

will preach. Wow. Okay. Yeah, but like, that's all the models. They're all out there now. I've, I have heard a, uh-oh, rumor rack, exclusive rumor rack, we're apparently getting a new Black Temple model in October for Warhammer Day. And I've heard

it's killing something. I hope it's a Nechron because that would do my Boy's Justice then. Be hilarious if it was actually a new Abidon model that was just ripping Sigismund and half. He had both. He's like, ah, ha, ha, ha. And he's just like, all of his blood and guts are on his face, and

oh, that'd be great. God damn. No, please no. But yeah. I love it. Yeah. I actually didn't buy any Black Temple models. I know I'm sorry. I'm too busy focuses on my imperial fish. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm too busy focus on them.

But for my friends who bought them, yeah, they love them. They like him. They're not competitive at all, I've heard, but, you know, they get around. They look cool. That's what it's all about, right, Warhammer, looking cool. You're referring to Imperial Fists. That's half the battle. Why what?

It's my friend of... You're referring to Imperial Fists. Wait, what? Well, right, hang on. Let me just address this, right? I just want to say something, right? I play Imperial Fist in 40K, and I absolutely hate how everyone is jumping on the Imperial Fist in 30K. If you don't play Imperial Fist in 40K, you don't have the right to play them in 30K.

Okay. Right? I'm just gonna say this right now. Look at this man, gatekeeping Imperial Fists. You have to go through the steps. You have to go for the pain? I've been dealing with the exact same thing. I hear Night Lords and 30K are very good, but I don't give a shit.

You have to go through the pilgrimage, right? You have to go through the pain glove. That's it. That's what it is. I have suffered. I've suffered all addition being laughed at by every other space marine player. You're bombed. you're bombed too. I took it and this is it now, right?

Everyone's like, oh yeah, I love Imperial Fis. I've always loved them. No, you haven't. I've watched you. You've done nothing. I've seen through your soul. You don't like the yellow like I do. You don't like the Imperial Fis. You can read. I was born. There are actually some neat things that the Templars can get in the game. They have this thing called

they have Templar vows, which is basically this idea where you vow to do something or you you vow to have this ability, but you always have a passion between you lose something. So it's like, for example, there's, um, accept any challenge no matter the odds, which allows you to get like, uh, you get like assault doctrine, which he understands what you don't and like extra attacks and shit, but you can't fall back from combat. Or like, you can move, uh, closer and re-roll wounds against psychers, but you cannot do any

actions when you're near a psych or because you're so mad at them, that kind of stuff. Didn't they like... That's kind of cool. I like that. Didn't they take like a charge out in the temple community got really solid? Like was it devout push or something?

And then... Devout push, yeah. Something happened with it. It was really gamey. They changed the stratagem to be not as powerful. No. So basically babblest it out then. The Black Templar stratagems are some of some hilarious ones.

There's just the classic like, The Emperor's Will for the Emperor's Honor, exemplars of the Crusade. Heretics Pire. Champion of the feast. Like, this fucking, fucking, the fervent acclimation.

The Psalm of remorseless persecution. Oh, boy, that is the most black Templar thing I've heard all day. Oh, what's the hand grenade they've got? They've got that hand grenade.

Oh, fuck, the hand grenade. The hang grenade. What's it called? They have the holy hand grenade. Wow, really. The holy hand grenade.

Tell me more about the holy hand grenade. Is it the holy hand grenade of ant? Antioch? Awesome for that. Let's see here. The hand grenade we have is, I am on Wachapedia. Allow me a moment.

A little song, I like that. A little stall song. It's called the Holy Orb of Antioch, not the Holy Grenade of Antioch. It really should be called the Holy Handgunnay. They should have. They should have kept it, yeah. So it's basically not like normal hand grenade to kill everyone.

this one no really well really it explodes oh no kidding deaf um this one from what I remember right explodes but if you're like very very naughty it burns and kills you and does more

damage to you more so it's like more painful as you die kind of thing I love that description it blows up but if you're really naughty it does extra damage and it burns and burns you more You heretic, you will suffer more.

You heretic, you are naughty, I know. Look at your horns, you naughty boy. Oh, I knew it. You got tails and everything. You fucking people. Are those horns on your helmet? It is true, though. There's also a very, very aggravating one called Tanhauser's Bones,

which makes all damage they take reduced to one, which is really, really, really good. but a dreadnought rolls up to you and it has five attacks at four to six damage each and just like well I have over five HP and they're all going down to one now so get fucked

Robo boy also Dick did you know that when you fight with Helbrecht in the tabletop his two little attendants punch also do they? I didn't know that at all I thought it was just him and they just throw the left of the right

so Helbrecht on the tabletop for one is a monster. He is arguably one of the best non-Gilliman-style space brain character. He's non-primic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he, yeah, he's got, he has the sword of the high marshals,

which is, it just fucks. It's so laughably good. But in particular, he has here, attendant thralls fists. Strength three, AP zero, one damage, can make two attacks. So, wow. And the dude on the dude on the right,

he has a melting gun and he can fire that. It's called ferocity. So, well, that's, so he's, that's amazing. He's basically in there throwing down his sword and there and there throwing down the hands. I love it. Absolutely love it. How much does Herbert cost? Like, how many points is he? 160.

Out of a classic... Two thousand. He has a lot of buffing mechanics as well. Like, he gives you a plus one strength or something like that. Yeah, he has the plus one strength or a re-roll, hit roll of one aura and the chapter master re-rolls. Yeah, because I think a lot of people were rolling

was it blade guard with him, around him? Yeah, because they were going to be strength six threshold, that's pretty good. And then just going in because they've got the invul saves and stuff like that, but they're going in and there's very good. Now, I mean, it's no,

it's no Dante of the bloody. Listen, I can do this about Dante. I'm going to say this right now, right? Dante is probably my favorite space marine, but I don't like blood angels. Yeah, that's fine. Really?

That's fine. We haven't done blood angels yet because we want to torture the blood angel things. Yeah, I do, but it's just like they're so angry. Did you read the book, the Imperial Fist's book about Captain Lysander when he's on that one world? Oh, when he's kidnapped by the Iron War. Yeah.

I read that years ago. I can't. I know I, yeah, I read like 10 years ago. Yeah, I know like he got off there and he came back like, ah, you should have killed me bastards. And then, yeah, he did loads of things to it and stuff, if I remember correctly. Ooh, he got captured by Iron Warriors, did you say? Yeah, he got captured by Iron Warriors.

Oh, that's not even going to get captured by... He made a, he made a pact with a, with a demon to help rampage through the Iron Warrior. Because the Iron Warriors were like, lollamount, they trapped a demon into a building or something. And then the demon was like... I remember they had to, they had to, to deal with the Inquisition

because they were like, okay, this guy made to deal with a demon. That's weird. But I remember he, because he's got this big old storm shield and this big old hammer. Do you know what the profile is for the hammer, Valak? Not me. I haven't checked to my ages. Is it disgusting?

It's strength plus six. So it's 10. AP3, damage three. No minus to hit. And he still has a three-up info. Really? I didn't know that at all Terminator armor

And he's a Terminator armor Yeah he can deep strike in and stuff Can't you? Yeah And his warlord trait is Forever Transhuman Is he? I think he's the first captain now

Is he the first captain? He's a captain Lysander Yeah, yeah I think he's the first captain Because I think they offered him To become the chapter master And he was like nope

Because the chapter masters Of the imperial fist Drop white flies Like every new I think it's a meme at this point Every new edition We have a new chapter master I'm sure someone at Games Workshop is doing it personally to take the piss out of me,

and I'm frustrated and I'm angry. But yeah, every new codex we've got, there's a new chapter master. I know Tor Garadon is kind of the main guy right now. Wait, what the fuck? His fucking fist is strength times three. Oh, is it times three now? Oh, boy. It's times three.

It goes to strength 12. Look at how big as fucking hand. Oh, it's that, dude. Yeah, exactly. Look how big his hand is, though. It's like that thing is gonna piss. He's gonna fist. He is the derby's looking fucker ever.

It reminds me of that what meme. You know the what meme? Like, what? It's like got that kind of face. Like that meme face. Oh, when did you? You showed me this guy before. And I was like he looks so dirty.

He looks like he's like, I need to chase. He does can't look like that. Can I say sorry to shy that this was supposed to be about Black Templars. And it's about everything else but Black Templars. I'm sorry, shy Yeah, who cares about her, whatever Alright

No, no, no, no, she's got a good point We've been recording for an hour and eight minutes And at this point, we're gonna need to do another episode God damn it Oh, fine Where someone brings Valerick back down to earth From his fucking cloud nine Where can everyone find you?

Can the fans find you And learn more about Imperial Fist simping? I have a YouTube channel you want to come over there, but it's normally, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's not, what's the name of it. Oh, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's what is in the name, right? It's, it's mostly about space marine stuff. I'll, I'll just, I'll put that out of there right now.

If you, if you're coming for Zenos stuff, you're not going to have a good time. Okay, it's, it's, it's just space marines. It's just, bring you back for a Zenos episode. That's it. Wait what? Yeah, we'll bring you back to talk about fucking elder, Abidon. Abidon, riping, so it's been apart. No!

Yeah. No! I've actually learned this past week. There was a character called Varlac that was from the 80s in Gaines Workshop and he's the bad guy. And now everyone says I've ripped off Gaines Workshop and I'm absolutely livid.

This is not true. They copied me. So. All right, listen. Games Workshop. Wouldn't be the first time she did it. God, does he be me too? Fuck you. It's like, games Workshop has never taken something

from another source ever. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Now, now you will die. All right. We're, we're D.K. and Bricky. Shy is going to stab something.

I don't fucking know. Go re-betrayer before the episode later on today. If you play Black Templars, you are probably radiant in Valerent.