Adeptus Ridiculous - CATACHAN JUNGLE FIGHTERS: RAMBOS OF THE 41ST MILLENNIUM | Warhammer 40k Lore

Episode Date: September 22, 2021

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everyone to another episode of the Adeptus Ridiculous Podcast. My name is D.K. My co-host name is Bricky. He's going to be doing all the teaching of all the crazy stuff in Warhammer 40K. But before he does, if you enjoy today's podcast, heading over to Patreon.com slash Adeptus Ridiculous to support us. You get access to stuff like our Discord, which is always bopping. Uh, some really nice, uh, HD posters, powsters. I was going to say fan art, but it's not, I guess a Tecla fan. Whatever. It's really cool.

Great posters. Big Boba. I think a new one is coming out soon. That's equally nice. So, anyway. And bloopers if they happen. So, yeah, Patreon.com slash adeptus ridiculous. Bricky, tell these fine folks where they can pick up some quality adeptus ridiculous merch.

Oh, well, you can find some quality adeptus ridiculous merch at Orchidate. or check it out in the description. You can see awesome shirts, hoodies, long sleeves, white and black and red and stickers. And it all looks wonderful. And also, if you are not touched up on the book club, we are reading Voidstalker, the final in the Nightlord's trilogy. Get that going. That episode will be up probably near the end of the month slash beginning of October, which is good because October is when things get spooky. You know, I was thinking to myself

We want to do Caiaphas-Cain after this Yes, we do But it's going to be October So it'll be Orctober Oh, so we should do Brutal Cunning next We might want to do Brutal Cunning instead Yeah And then save Kai-Ki-Ki-Ki-Effis-Kane

For November Yeah Maybe We'll see It's early I mixed up November and September In my head for a second And had to do a quick auto correction

Dude, you literally went to bed like four hours ago. Five. Thank you. That's even worse, considering that you've been awake for like 30 minutes. Yeah, but it's fine. I've had less sleep and functioned and done stuff like this before. It's fine. I've suffered larger injuries in my life.

It's okay. It's just a finger. I've not slept and done stuff like this before. Not recently, but it's trivial matter, this sleep thing. Have you ever seen 300? Yes, yes, I have. I've seen... Oh my God!

You referenced popular media, and I've seen it. Holy shit. Mark the time and date because you're not going to get that bingo spot. It's go. And it's American. Yeah. It's American made. Yes, it's American film.

Yes, it's American film. There's a part in it where one of the guys gets injured. and whatever, what's the name, Russell Crow, or Gerald Butler. Oh, Leonidas, Gerard Butler, yeah. Yeah, he asked him if he was doing okay. It's like, no, sir, it is only an I. God has graced me with giving me two. Thankfully, God graced me with another.

Yes, yeah, that's you. It's like, oh, it's fine, it's just sleep. I can sleep whenever I want. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, once this podcast is over, I can go catch like an eight-hour nap, no big deal. An eight hour and nap. Yeah. You nap for four hours, you sleep for eights.

Whatever, I can catch an eight hour sleep afterwards. All right, that's it. I'm good now. I'm awake. I'm fine. You know who's not going to go to bed, though? Our wonderful viewers, because they need an episode. I'm going to give them one, God damn it.

Okay. Okay. All right, D.K., do you want to guess again or not? Yeah. All right, you get three guesses. Oh, three? I thought you were just going to give me one. You get two guesses.

Iron Warriors. No. Damn it! Iron hands. No. Damn it! There's a lot of iron here, but it's... There's a lot of iron in this one, but it's not that kind of iron. It's pumping iron.

It's pumping iron? We're pumping iron today. We're talking about the Katachin Imperial Guard Regiment. The Ramboes of the 41st Millennium. Oh, let's go. Okay. I'm down. Wanted to do a guard regiment been a bit. Never, I don't think we ever did a specific one. We talked lots about Acadia, but that's more on the fall of Acadia. And so the second most popular guard regiment are the Katachan.

Oh, we did Death Corps. That's right. That was our first episode ever. First episode ever. Yes, that was a bit ago. But the second, I guess, the one you can play as that isn't for, we're doing the Katachin. Yeah, we're doing some more guard.

Guard. Guard simps, sims over guards episode. Let's go, right? Hell yeah, I love myself some guard simping. The guard are cool. I don't mind. Oh, apparently, our first episode was the Death Corps of Krieg, and this is our 50th official episode. Hey, 50th anniversary, going back to our roots. Actually, when you think about it, well, no, in the beginning, it was once every two weeks, but because of 50th years and a year, so. I'm like, hmm. That's right.

At the beginning, it was bi-weekly, and then we hit the Patreon goal, and then it was weekly. That's right. I forgot about that. Interesting. Well, regardless, we are talking about Had to Chan Jungle Fighters, the actual Rambo stereotypes of the 41st Millennium. And yet, they are incredibly cool, super badass, and actually hold up to their name. Okay. which is rare because they're such a, they're so goofy.

They are. Living in a 40K world and literally just bare arms, bare chest, no armor knife, um, doesn't seem like it would work super well, but. It doesn't. It's a little difficult to figure out how, I think of the accents you could give them, there's obviously,

you know, a little bit of the Rambo vibe, if you want to make them all sound like Stallone. Or you can give them a good old Texas vibe. But I think the best one is definitely Australian. Ooh, that's a noif. Not only that's a noif, but Katachan, the planet of Katacham is known for every single plant and animal to be hostile to humans.

Oh, gotcha. And if there's an Australian joke there. That's, yep. You got to watch out for those. What are they, drop pandas? Drop koalas? Is that the meme? You go to Australia?

You got to watch out for the drop koalas or something? Oh, I don't know, man. Instead, we have the brain leaf. What? And the Katachan devil. The Katachan devil. Okay. Cool.

Wait. Is, are these guys the ones that have sly marbo? Yes. These ones have Sly Marbo, relative Chuck Norris meme. So stupid. Yes, it is. I love and hate Sly Marbo. He's unfortunately not particularly great in the tabletop, but he's very funny.

So, Kata-Cham is actually classified as a death world. So it is classified under the exact same, well, classification, as motherfucking Kreege. Oh, okay. So if you think about it, Kreeg is a death world because it was bombed to the Stone Age. And it's a radioactive wasteland. Kattachin is a death world because everything wants to kill you. Yeah. Yep.

Now, there was an old Katachin joke. I'm not sure if I remember telling you this one. But do you remember the Tyrannid Lichter thing with all the weird tentacle mouth? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It says, there's a Katachin joke because, like, having sex with Katachin women is like wrestling down a lictor, except your erection has a purpose. I don't remember that But that's

Well, that's a That's a hell of a It's a hell of a joke for them These are these are the manly man These are your uncle Who makes like Man jokes that are a little sexist at the barbecue But in reality

All the Katachin women are like Are like just as buff as the men I honestly don't think you could tell the difference From like a long glance You have to get close Oh okay Damn Catechun women are pretty badass.

I just put up a picture of, like, one of their minis. Damn. Oh, yeah, I own that mini. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I guess you'd have Cattachin. Well, you're big into the guard, and they seem like they're pretty unique. They're certainly interesting.

They have a really bad line of minis, though, because it's mostly just Cady and minis. But they have a couple, like, characters that they've created with, and that's one of them. Here's another picture. I mean, this chick looks like Ripley. A lot of them look like Ripley, I'll be honest. Oh, yeah, she looks exactly like, well, she looks very close to Ripley, yes. Yes, and, you know, NGW is the ones who are high on their copyright train. But, anywho, so Catachin's a death world, obviously in the pure of man.

It's in the Catachan system. So naturally, that is a simple place. It was established a long time ago, colonized during the... the dark age of technology. And the first couple probes that arrived in the star system, it looks like a normal green orb. But when the colony ships crash slated on it and found that they had no way to escape,

they were barely able to survive, stuck in their spacecraft the entire time, while the jungle constantly tried to murder their ass. Makes sense. Now, after a long time of obviously just, just having to survive a planet like this, the entire populace of Katachin are

very, very strong, just from the need to be tough. Sure. Everything wants to kill you there and everything needs to be dealt with. You know, it's one of those things where like the encroaching flora will it's like, remember that part

in Jumanji with like the vines that would cover the house? Oh yeah. Oh my God, this is the second time you've made a popular culture reference that I get. Jumanji is a little safe of an option. That's fair. That's really, really popular. And I'm a boomer, so. Both reasons. You like board games.

We like board games. But it's like the plants, maybe not that fast, but they grow really quick. So often it's like, all right, get the flamers. Time to deal with the flora. You know, and then you go out to go deal with the flamers and then a giant creature eats your ass. And you're like, oh my God, not again. My ass. My ass, not again.

So a lot of slashing and burning going on. constantly trying to deal with like the encroaching flora and fauna. It's like a 24-7 job that they're always trying to clear that shit out. Yeah, basically. That's a good way to put it.

Even during the 13th Black Crusade when Abidon was attacking Kadia, Kadachin themselves were actually attacked by, it's like called a wounded void whale? Oh, what?

which is a gigantic alien whale that is born in the Imitarium and just kind of swims through space. And they were under attack by an orc waugh, led by Free Buddha Captain Bad Ruck. Wow. Those are two crazy things to get hit by. Like, just out of nowhere, a wounded void whale. Also, what does a wounded void whale look like? Is it just like a, does it look just like a whale that's just floating around and swimming in space? Or is it like all crazy and mutated by the Imitarium?

This guy. Oh, God, that's so sick. Yep, it's a giant whale in the space. It almost looks like a giant, like, skeleton whale. Like, it looks like the skeleton of a whale just floating around with, like, boosters on its tail. A little bit. It almost looks like a tyranton. That almost, yeah.

It looks super badass, actually. Things kind of float around. They're just around. Actually, after the fall of Cadia, when the pylons died and the giant rift cracked open and split the galaxy, Kattachin was actually caught in the rift and was exposed to an enormous demonic evasion. Oh. Or invasion. So after, I don't know how long, after Gileman's Indominus Crusade finally was able to reach its way to Katachin,

they dealt with a problem on their own. Wow. So, so, so, so they got caught and had to do with a massive demon invasion and then Gilliman arrived and they're like, oh, we fixed it. Holy shit. They didn't even need their help. They just like, oh, we got me, we cleared it. It's all right. Don't worry about it.

Damn. Just a bunch of, just a bunch of dudes. Just a bunch of dudes. That are just, I mean, I guess when you got guns like that look like their arms, when you got guns like that, who needs, who needs the Astardis? Who needs power? Mm-hmm. So the, there's not, okay, so they say there's only a population of 12 million on Katachin, which just sounds wrong.

Yeah. Because of the scale of 40K, they should probably add two zeros to that. Mm-hmm. Because that just seems silly. Maybe that's just to show just how deadly Katachin is. Maybe, but they're, but they're like around. I mean, there's more Cadians, but it's not like they don't have a lot of dudes. I don't know.

Maybe that's the amount of people on the planet. And in reality, because they export so many guardsmen. So there's more catechin like around the world or the galaxy. But at any one time there's like, you know, 12 million on the planet. But they're constantly shipping like 24 million as like imperial tithes. Yeah. Currently in the planet, most of the habit, or the settlements are basically giant fortresses surrounded by planes and because building on Kanchin is very difficult

because at best vines and lichen will take hold of everything and poison will melt the mortar of the walls and crush the bunkers and tanks. On the planet 50% of the population does not live past infancy and another 50% does not live past 10 years old. So you have a 25% chance to get to the age of 11. Oh, boy, that's, those are not great odds. New? Hmm.

How are they not survive? Well, I guess I was going to say, how do they not survive infancy? But, I mean, it's a, it's a deadly world. And how can you defend the baby when you're defending yourself? Not to mention just all the other stuff in the air. Like, it's, it's not like the planet doesn't have fly. creatures too that probably swoop it and take your baby. That's true like a teradactyl or like an eagle just swoop just swooping in and getting its meal. Like

here's some of the things like so here's some of the plants on on Katachin right you got the brain leaf. Oh, no. It's a vegetative carnivore as a small tree but it's not very conspicuous. However it can attach its tendrils to the spine and brain of any animal taking control of their body. Oh. There's the spiker, which is a plant that fires spikes into their body, which contains the spikers DNA to unleash a bunch of mutative chemical reactions that transforms the person into

another spiker. Oh. Sounds like a lot of just your body getting taken over by poisons and vines. There's the Venus man trap. We're not being subtle with this one. No. I'm going to assume this does not catch flies, eh? I'm assuming it is a...

It catches the men. It is very big and it is not stationary but it's able to move its leaves to attack and eat its prey. Of course. So it's mobile? It's mobile.

It's a giant mobile Venus fly trap? It moves. There is the strangle plant. where... I wonder what that does. It has very adhesive coils to unwrap itself, grab its prey, and drag them back

until they die of dehydration. God, G.W. is so subtle. Mm-hmm. Indeed. There's the sucker tree. Oh, no. Which is a fungal-like growth on top of a normal trunk of a tree, but the trunk can twist and turn

when it sees prey to drop its suckers on the top of the heads of victims, and it drains them of their life fluids. Oh, boy. And flings the sucked out, like, latex corpse away into a not-suspicious pile of bodies. Oh, boy, that's gross. When you first said, like, were they sucker trees, sucker pods?

I was like, oh, you know, that sounds like a good time. And then you described what they do, and I was like, no. Well, we've got plenty more of the trees, but let's talk about the animals. Oh, great. I'm sure they're friendly and furry and just wonderful. Let's talk about the blood wasps, which are a swarm of small insects that are known to eat their prey alive, stripping them to the bone in under an hour.

That's efficient. That is disgustingly efficient. Fuck wasps. Wasps are such assholes. They are douchebags. And in real, they're such assholes. I hate it. I hate them.

Well, there's the heretic ants. No, they do not serve Abadom. Oh, man. I was expecting a bunch of little ants are like, for the blood gun. Well, this is pretty stupid, but that's actually, that sounds like a great meme. It's like, hey, look, there's a little ant down there,

little ants, and it's like, blood for the blood through. Skulls, school, scler. Apparently, they're called heretic ants because they go up to the prey's feet. their souls first Stop it I'm not fucking king

It's what the wiki says Stop it I hate it here One bite will put a fully grown man In the infirmary for a month Two of them will give you 24 hours without dying And three bites will just kill them outright Oh wow

Now you want to know about the Vane worms Oh God Is that V-E-I-M-M- vein. Oh, you know it. Oh, no. They secrete an ooze that numbs their prey when they bite, so they can't feel a thing.

The worms then dig their way under the prey's skin into their bloodstream and lay their eggs. Into which the eggs then are spread around the host's body, and then when the larva hatch, they eat their way into the brain, heart, and bones. when they are in, there is no cure when they are in your body. Oh, that's so gross. Yeah, that gives me the, that gives me the heby-jibis. I don't like that. I hate that. What's crazy is like you wouldn't even know until it was like way too late.

Oh. And even if you did know, there's no way to fix it. All right, you want to know a funnier one? Oh, God. Drake Bats. I just imagine bats that are swooping around, just supersonic Drake songs. I was trying to think of a Drake song, but I... Just like flying down, you hear an auto tune like, God's plan.

And it just, they're like, no, Drake! All the all those Keditschen guys have like Kanye West shirts on. They all have stoner shades. Oh, God. Stunner shades, yep. Drake bats, they are ogrens. sized, winged reptiles that lurk in the upper

canomies. So these are basically like flying cars. I was going to say, if they're the size of an ogrein, like, can you really call them bats anymore? They come down and they I mean, they just kill you. They kill you and eat you, but it's like just how big they are.

Jesus. Well, I guess that's why they're called Drake bats, because it's the size of an actual like Drake, like a, like a sort of little mini dragon, right? Like a reptile? Damn, I was just thinking this little bat that was like Mimi had stunner shades and it was just bopping beats at you, but God, that's nightmare fuel.

Holy shit. There's the Katachan devil. It's the most famous animal. It is an insectoid predator, like a limned or long scorpion or centipede. Oh, God. I just posted a picture of him. I don't like that.

Oh, you're going to like it. you're gonna like it a lot worse when they can commonly be the size of a train. Oh, oh no. Oh no. Now, they are very bulky and slow moving, though. Okay. Which means you could generally outrun them. However, because they're that big, they pose a legitimate threat to settlements and such.

Oh, I imagine. I imagine if they tore it, like, they could literally just tear through a settlement and, I'm assuming that's some pretty thick armor that they've got and it's kind of hard to kill them. Most likely. Yeah, those things can be as long as a land train. They are very big. I don't like that. Like if that was, I was thinking that thing was like the size of like a big centipede and I was like, ooh, that's still gross.

The size of a train? Imagine the shits that thing takes. That's where your first mind went And my man, all right, but Well, I mean, after going like, you know, just plowing through settlement walls and eating people, it's like, man, imagine if, you know, you got past one And it was just like, what is, what's that thing trailing?

And it's just, you know, it's, it's the size of a train. I know. Imagine what, anyway, that's. There's something called grox, GROX. They're found in Katachim. these are quadrupeds, and they are very, very big. They're like big little dinosaurs. And they're actually around many different worlds now.

They're kind of here and there. However, they're extremely ornary and nearly impossible to keep under control without some kind of like lobotomy. So on Katachin, they have become completely deadly and wild predators. However, they are known for their incredibly nutritious and tasty meat. so they very often create things called Groxburgers I posted a picture

of one and man that that's some dated art it looks so goofy and dopey yeah that's pretty old but I'm sure that that drawing is from like the fucking 80s or something so I can't be too harsh on it but it just looks so dope he's like

they're really silly yeah there's a couple other ones but the last one I want to talk about is something called the green barking toad. I like this because it was in the Emperor Text of Speech series. And it had in this part where it had Vulcan. And Vulcan was like, I wish to pet this creature. Just a big green barking toad?

No, it's actually quite small. It's like maybe the size of like a cat, maybe a little smaller than that. They look very benign and harmless. But they are like physically volatile. Once it feels threatened, it will, explode in a cloud of toxins that'll cover everything within a one kilometer area

including themselves so when you say explode you mean explode it is actually a frog nuclear missile it is a frog WMD it is a WMD it is a WMD weapons of mass frog

oh my god I was trying to interrupt it. I heard it come and I was like, maybe if I get this question real quick, I, ah, fuck. Frog of mass destruction. Oh, God. So it kills itself doing this, right?

Because you said it gets caught up in the blast. Yes, and it is so bad that respirators will not help you and even melt marine power armor. Whoa. They are the most toxic creatures. in the galaxy. There is no known creature more volatile

than the green barking toad. I feel like there should be some sort of way to weaponize these things. Like, where you sedate it and then like you throw it and you can like, you know? I mean... Light sedation, then when it hits the ground,

it wakes up, it's like, ah! I mean, maybe. But I think the problem is that once they consider something a threat, they immediately explode. and how do you make that benign? Like, even if you shoot them with like a tranquilizer dart? Oh, yeah.

If it goes off, like, are you going to be over a kilometer away to land that dart? It's a hell of a sniper shot. Yeah. That's fair. That's fair. It's not worth the risk. It's not worth the risk. So that's a lot of shit on Katachan to make it a little bit more clear how fucking badass these dudes are.

The actual Katachin jungle fighters, obviously they have a very Rambo vibe. They tend to carry their last rifles, lots of grenades, and a really big-ass noif. A noif? I'm talking like it's the size of your thigh. Like it is a enormous knife. And you also need to think a little bit of like Darwinism and natural selection here. Catechin guys are just stronger, almost in general, because of the year generations. Like I think catachins tend to be in the upper six feet.

I mean, that makes sense. Yeah, they're much larger, they're much stronger physically. They're tougher in the tabletop. But if you play Katachim, you actually get plus one strength, which means they put them at the same strength as space marines, which lore-wise they aren't, but in game, that still says something. Also, holy shit, that picture, that knife is, it's bigger than his leg. Yeah, it's in.

And consider, look how big that man is if he's like almost seven feet tall. Yeah, if he's like six, seven foot and that's as big as his leg, holy shit. And he's one-handing that thing. That's got to be a heavy knife. Yeah, but it's his noif. It's his noif. Remember, catachin knives are the most sought after,

or one of the most sought after items for orcs. Oh, I bet they are. I bet the orcs hold those in high reverence, yeah. They do. They also have a mini that looks exactly like Gavin Prater. Yes, they do. Dylan! Dylan!

Oh, son of a bitch! And then the meme with the gripping biceps. It's so good. I really like Predator because it has shit like that, but then it turns into a horror movie. I'm like, this is great. I need to watch Predator again.

It's been forever since I've seen it. I just remember the Dylan part. You can't forget that. Oh, there are so many Predator references in the Catachin. And once again, GW, real, real rich with their copyright. Super subtle. You couldn't even. What?

Such subtle references? Oh, golly. I mean, they've even got the red headband and everything. Yeah. I mean, come on. Yeah. Who does that? Who does that?

The, um, there's a quote for you, my dude. Mark it off on your bingo card. Hey, ching. Jesus. Jesus. Uh, this is catachin guys actually on a different planet. And it says, we've run into scorpions the size of battle tanks. Three men died from Iwrot last week and I've sweated enough to fill a lake.

Emperor help me. I love this place. It's just like home. That's pretty good. It's just like it's probably not as bad as home. To be fair. Not as bad. I mean, the scorpions are only the size of a tank, you know?

Oh yeah, they're outside of a train. Good point. They have these big giant scorpion set of peas. size of a train. He's like, oh, what a cute little tank-sized bug. So when you think of how the Katachin fight, they tend to be very guerrilla, obviously. They're called Katachin jungle fires for a reason. They're really good at tracking. They're great at hiding in the shadows and in foliage. They're great at cutting down foliage. They very often are equipped with flamethrowers. That's probably one of their best weapons.

Yep. To get rid of all the foliage. Get rid of all the foliage, burn. I mean, often. I mean, some creatures might have a carapace, but often flame is a good way to get rid of bugs. Yeah, you just melt the carapace, right? They like sentinels a lot, which are the AT-A-T walkers. Oh, also a good choice, sure. Or sorry, the AT-ST-Walkers, excuse me? Oh, oh, hey.

Someone's going to actually me on that one. I'm just getting ready for it. I mean, someone's probably actually due on 12 things in this episode already. like, excuse me, the pronunciation of catachin is not a chan like you're talking about anime, it's katachia. I'll sometimes say they do call it catacan. Oh, no. That's supposed to be a joke.

Well, the thing is, is that I just don't care. Good, good, good, good con. It works out. But yes, flamers are big into them. They like to use those sentinels with like flamers on them as well, burn through the foliage. they're very big into booby traps. Oh, really?

They love to build fancy types of mines and charges, and they tend to trap things up quite a bit. So often if they need to hold a position, say like a fortress, and the enemy wants to advance in there, it practically turns into a pharaoh's tomb with the amount of shit they place. They love demolition charges very often. And sometimes they just run at the enemy.

They punch real fucking hard, man. I mean, they're made out of just like muscle. So I imagine getting punched by a catachin would be very, very painful. Because they have like 0% body fat. They're super battle-hardened from just living. Oh, they've got body fat. Those pictures might make him look buff, but don't get me wrong. They got body fat.

These are strong men. Ah, okay, okay These men are bulking These men are like Bain These are big boys Okay You gotta have that belly To protect your organs

When you're doing all that heavy lifting Right everybody getting mad at the Ragnarok Thor When it's like that's what a strong man's supposed to look like It'd be actually strong Yo, I think Ragnarok Thor looks so dope too It's accurate also That's what Thor looked like They actually do this really cool thing

It's a variety of special devices. They create something called devil gardens. Oh, no. Where there are areas that have a large mounds of leaves or tree roots conceal plasmid charges and shredder mines. But they also can take the look of like a dead, dead falls, spiked pits, a snare, spring mines, toe poppers, which are shells set to explode when someone steps on them.

Okay. Um Apparently A lot of new recruits say that The objective of these minds and traps is to kill the enemy But it's not really the course That's oh that'll be lucky But it's mainly to slow them down

Okay Which makes the enemy tend to maybe become Demoralized Overly cautious Spread out And then that makes them vulnerable to an ambush Because then they spread out to be more careful And then a Katachin guy pulls his knife out

From behind like a dark shot shadow shanks you and then pulls you into the trees with him. Yeah. It's a little bit gaunt ghosty, actually. They kind of have a similar, like, stealth. They're not as stealthy. In fact, often they just run and punch shit. But they can, in a good jungle, they can have that similar, like,

Gons ghost stealth vibe. Gotcha. But with a lot more traps and just being incredibly buff. Ooh. Yeah, I was going to say they sound kind of like Gonsk ghost, but it sounds more like the, oh, shoot, where are a Gonsk ghost from? Tanith. Tanith.

The Tanith first and only, right. It sounded more like they were just about just the stealth aspect. Whereas the Katachan sounds like they're just fucking savages. I'm not savages, but they're not going to stay hidden for long. They'll come out and get you.

Listen, if you want to just call them Australians, that's totally fine, man. They're Australians. And you know what? At some point, they've got to put their shit down, pull out a knife, and charge that damn kangaroo. No, man, a catachin would box a kangaroo. I love that video so much of the man boxing the kangaroo.

To save his dog. Yep, he punches the kangaroo in the face. It's so good. That, that, he must really love that dog because that is one metal thing to do. Yeah, kangaroos have big ass talons. Yeah, kangaroos will fuck you up. Like, you might think they're all cute and cuddly because of kangaroo jack or some shit, but kangaroo will fuck you up.

So as for units in the catachin, obviously there are many of the casual ones, teams, infantry squads, you know, heavy support, ogrens. But there's one particular one called the catachin devils. And this is actually known for having them be a lot more deadly in close combat. They're obviously still very good with shooting. But it is a reference to their famous kill knives, which I believe are called the devil knives. I don't know exactly. The main thing is their mission is normally long-range penetration raids

Super deep behind the enemy lines They've been in there for like weeks to months and And being able to like launch surprise attacks and ambushes and just cause massive pandemonium So these are like deep deep Covert ops guys and they're pretty cool But of course they're also incredibly muscular so you know they get really deep in the back and they break some dude's neck with their just massive biceps and, you know. I would imagine you have to be kind of sort of the best of the best to be in this devil squad.

Because, I mean, you've got to be behind enemy lines for months. Like, that's not exactly something any old person can do. Like, even if you are Katachan, right? It's very tough, yeah. Yeah, that's no easy feed. Like, oof. Often they also have. have, well, okay, so the cadetian knives,

there's three types. There's the Knight Reaper, the Devil's Claw, and the Fang. So the devil's... The devil's... Nays for knives. Devil's Claw is the big one, I believe. Okay. The thigh-sized, leg-sized knife. Actually, it might be the Catachian Fang. The Devil's

claw is a little bit skinnier, but it's longer. It's almost more like a long sword. Oh, okay. But, you know, D.K., we've got to do another quote, because we've got to... Let's go. Jesus. It says, this place is crawling with things that want to eat you. That rifle doesn't put you on top of the food chain.

It just gives you a chance to not be at the bottom. That's a great quote. These guys are fucking fun. Gives you a chance to not be at the bottom. That should be on like every piece of catachin merch ever. And Shai does want me to remind us about how they treat commissars. Oh, no. So naturally, you got to be a pretty big badass to be a catatlin.

Chattain Commissar. Unfortunately, often the Cadetians do not like being told what to do. They also consider Cadians to be a quote,

unquote, a bunch of pussies. Of course they do. Because the Cadians are like the city boys who are all perfect uniform and, you know,

drill to perfection and they're like a bunch of little boy scout bitches. Yeah. But commissar. They have a day in my shoes. They probably couldn't.

But, you know, they're also way better shots. So, well, that's not true. They may not be the true. But they have their own. They're all good at something. But for the catachins, often a commissar will be assigned to them. And very often, the commissar is eaten by the local fauna or goes missing. Air quotes.

Missing. Very often. is that that doesn't surprise me is there has there ever been a commissar that has like gotten their respect of the catachin and was like served under them for or served with them for a while you know kind of like gaunt i'm sure there is a situation in which that has happened uh however i can't think of one off the top of my head So a lot of commasars just go missing You know, they don't like to be told to do They should stop sending commasars to Katachin They should probably not send them Yeah, but they don't know

They got eaten by the local fauna That's not their fault Oh still, how many commasars Do you have to get reported dead Before you're like, you know what? They're better off without it, it's fine They're probably not going to run from a fauna, it's okay You don't need a commasar, it's fine

Right So let's talk about about Colonel Iron Hand Strachan. Okay, let's talk about him. Colonel Iron Hand Strachan, and I quote, medic, stop whining, Brooke. You got another damned leg. He was, God grace you with two legs.

You're fine. So Colonel Ironhand Strachan is one of the best commanding officers of the Katachin jungle fighters. He's a hard veteran, and he has fought more battles and survived more wounds than most guards. have eaten hot meals, quote unquote. Whoa.

He has a big ass shotgun. Uh-huh. And he has a personal code of, quote, getting stuck in. Oh. Oh. I have unironically in the tabletop punched almost like squads of Marines to death

with his arm. Um, he, he is a very powerful arm. Oh, is it, is it like a bionic, like metal arm? Yep. has a bionic arm. Oh shit, actually, it looks like half of him, maybe a little less than half of him, is like, robot. You all, he's got, he's got a large chunk of him that has a bionic arm and stuff.

The main reason of this is because in the line of duty, he was bitten by a giant thing known as a land shark and lost that entire part of his body. However, during this period of time, he was being passionate by the medics, and pulling the pins off of grenades and throwing them over the wall. Oh, that's him!

I remember you telling me about him. Yes. With, quote, do I have to do everything myself? What a badass! This guy is an absolute... I'm sad that his mini is so old and it looks like trash. I was going to say that must be an old mini because it looks like absolute dog shit.

But he is known for fucking up a large amount of orcs and tyrannids especially. Mm-hmm. He has a specific rule in the game known as, been there, killed it. Where if he's fighting any monster character, he re-rolls all wounds, I think. So if you take him against a giant tiernid monster,

he's like, been there, killed it. And you get, like, to rerall your hits or something. What a boss. What a fucking boss. Love it. Yeah, he's pretty cool. He, uh, he at least a whole bunch of, like, orbital strikes against the night lord's legion and then went to go fight,

them in hand-to-hand. He's a cool guy. Damn, he went to go fight Night Lord's hand-to-hand. Oh, I don't know. Maybe, maybe not, but I believe him. Damn. Look at that man. I believe he'd do it. He'd go punch a night lord. Yeah, this guy, yeah.

Talos has visions about him. He's like, guys, we should not. We should leave. We don't think we should go to Catachan. So we got another guy. His name is Stone-tooth harker. Sounds like Stone-cold. Stone Cole, Steve Austin It was me, Austin

It was me all along Quote Back home I once fancied me a pair of catachan devil boots Killed me half a dozen of the great ugly Creators but never found a single one that wore any Yeah What a fucking guy

What a fucking fuck So this guy is so badass That he runs around And hip fires a heavy bolter I was about to ask if that's what was on his disgustingly ugly mini. Yeah, also a very old mini. Yeah. Yep.

Damn. He runs around and hip fires a heavy bolter. And his bolter's name is payback. Oh, that's a great name for a gun. Oh, that's a, I like that a lot. But someone had to do that, because if they're going for the whole Rambo thing, you got to have someone that has like that big belt magazine strapped over there. arm and everything.

You gotta. Since GW's being so subtle about, you know, references, you gotta have the... All right, you want to know what his greatest claim to fame was? Yeah, I absolutely do.

It was a battle against the Tyrannids on a Twilight World where a squad was assaulted by a Pakistan called Raveners, which are basically like a version of the Tyrannid warrior, but they kind of, they like burrow. So they like little slinky tails,

bursting from beneath the planet. And within seconds, his ammunition loader was torn apart by the claws while the rest of his squad were doing their best to stay alive. So Harker leapt upon the closest beast without paws, wrapped his massive biceps around their throat. And the ravener writhed to try to buck him off, but his grip was too strong,

and he squeezed until the creature's neck made an audible crack. And it went limp. and then he hipped his heavy bolter from its stand and open fired, hit fired the rest and blew the rest of them to death. Whoa. So that, that tier and a creature that Shai just posted, he jumped on its back and with his fucking gigabiceps,

his physical thighs for arms just went crack. That, oh, wow. That's, that's a lot. These dudes fuck, man. they fuck. I was going to say, I kind of hope they don't fuck because I think they would fuck whatever they were

thrusting into into oblivion. No, no, no, man. Remember. It would just be a bloody stump. Remember, this is catachin women. Oh, well, fair. If it's a catachin woman, I'm sure everything is fine. But like, if they were just off world

and they were just looking for a little action, I think they might kill someone. I'm just imagining like the catachin have gone to go. Dude, this is, be such a funny joke. You get a story of the catechin to go, going to reinforce like a noble planet.

And then like, your, you're a guardsman guy starts to get hit on by like the more risque, like, noble's daughter. And then you have your sex theme, and like, she just can't leave the bed physically. Oh. She, like, tries to stand up, and she

just fucking faceplants into the floor. She's like, I can't move. I can't move. I can't move. All my bones are broken. What happened? No, no, she just can't feel her legs. Oh, okay. Gotcha. I was going for the humorous funnier one. Not the murder one. You sick

fuck. I was going for the grim dark of 40K. Now let's talk about another man. Let's talk about my favorite Imperial Guard characters that I run on the tabletop. He's not very good, but I love him. His name is Nork, dead dog. He is

a cattachin ogren. and he is, I think, the most respected and highest ranking Ogrin that Ogrin has ever been. Oh, okay. He's no leader, but he's a bodyguard. He's one of the best unquestioning bodyguards ever. He's got a full chest of medals, which is super cool for an Ogrin. Yeah, yeah. And here's another quote,

the sergeant major asked me what my job was and I said it was to do what I was told he said I was a genius and gave me another medal I likes the imperial god that's such an ogre in quote there's a story I read about him in the codex where his commanding officer

was getting eaten by a moloch Which, if I can post a picture of a Moloch, it's my favorite tiered and model. There's a lot of favorites today. I say everything's my favorite, but this time I mean it. Is that on the bingo card too? If Bricke says something is his favorite, that's got to be one of the spots, right? If it isn't, it should be, because I do that a lot, I know. But there's a Mollock, and there's the Mollock.

Big boy. Those are fuckers. Those are towel beneath it. Oh my Oh my god They're Oh my mollocks are a lot bigger than I thought they were I didn't see those tau under there

Holy shit Yeah the models are also enormous Also poor tau Close range tau They're getting so fucked Yeah But the There was like a general or like a

Commanding officer That Norke was supposed to protect And it was getting eaten by the Mollok And it was like halfway down its throat And it was like Fucking screaming for his help and apparently the general was kind of a shithead

but Nork is loyal so it's like I'm a common boss and he fucking like runs up back hands like a termagant shoots a few shots at the Mollock and then runs up really fast and it headbuts the fuck

out of the Mollock and he headbuts it so hard one of its mandibles breaks and it breaks a tooth off and it screams in pain and he reaches into the things mouth and grabs his general and pulls him out and his half of his body has been digested already so he's like missing his legs but then he like slams him on his back and he starts chugging

the other direction he's like i got chabas i do vaguely remember you telling me that story and probably the tyrannid episode he literally has an ability in game called thunderous headbutt well i mean if he if he headbutted a moloch and broke off one of its mandibles he he better he he's better up a special rule that gives him an omega headbutt. He's got a good model too, actually. I like his model. He is a derpy-looking fucker, isn't it? Oh, he's super ugly.

He's an ogren. That's true. What's the little hat skull speaker on his shoulder for? I think it might be just to yell at him orders. That's what his master just yells orders at him through? That's great. Because it does have the Kamoser hat, so. It does.

It might. I'm not quite sure, but I think. so. Okay, cool. That is kind of a dope mini though. Holy shit. I didn't read this part about Nork. Nork was selected by the Skola Progenium

to serve in the Astro Militarum due to his ability to write his name and is for Nork, being able to count to four and speak fluently and understand orders without hesitation. A rare milestone in Ogren development. Oh, wow.

I didn't know that. That's so good. Oh, poor Ogre. That's so funny. What a genius. He can count all the way up to four. Wait, the site, wait, hold up. Well, he was assigned to a commissar name, or no, to a guy named Colonel Grace.

Grace was vocally warlike as a catachin officer, but he was old and frail because he's old. So he would bellow his orders from the shelter of Norke's massive frame. He just hide behind him while he's mowing down people with his Ripper gum. And the sight of the colonel and the Ogren bodyguard became

a familiar one through their four-year-long campaign with a bone-thin colonel of bawling out his orders while shells burst around him and bullets sometimes ricocheted off Norke's skull. Wow. Ogrens are beefy-boised.

If bullets are ricocheting off of his skull, then yeah, I guess they are just a smidge on the beef side. They're technically tougher than, I think, some Marines. Like, in the game, Marines have strength and toughness of four. Ogrin have five. And, like, custodians have five. Oh, shit. So he's as strong as a custodian? Well, they have the same stats in game.

Oh, okay. It's not the same, but, you know, just to kind of game. give some examples. Mm-hmm. All right, let's talk about Sly Marbo. All right, let's talk about Sly Marbo. So the parts everybody's been waiting for, you know it. A Cattachin episode, where's Sly, slime memes?

Yep, if I hear one question, one more person ask about Rylanor, we delay Rylnor episode by another month. Oh, that's right. We have a clock running on Rylanor and the Blood Angel. So if you mention Rylanor, another month gets added. If you mention the blood angels. Yeah. another month gets added. So if you really want them,

you should stop asking for them. Quotes, Saliam Arbo. Not from him, but someone else. A classified transmission is segmentum solar, High Command. My lords, this man is a menace. He disregards mutatorum regulations.

He redacted, seemingly at will. He only answers to redact him. Weren't for the gruesome death toll he exacts upon the emperor's foes, I would recommend redact him. Yet he is a deadly living weapon. He has wrought butchery on Zinos and heretics alike from redacted to redacted. He was directly responsible for the redacted incident.

And on Tarloat, he goes a little over 300 enemy combatants using nothing but a redacted. Unconventional, yes, heretical, burging on it. Yet through his actions, Garcin Marbo rescued not only the governor's household, but also, in retrospect, the entire war effort. My lords, after long consideration, I can only recommend that you approve the deployment of Garcin Marbo to redact. and thank the emperor that he is on our side. Damn, that's a lot of redacted. He is one of the most, he is one of the catachin devils

and arguably the most fearsome and he is full on a one-man army. He goes solo, he does things solo, he kills a bunch of people, he blows up, he like mines a road and he disappears into the world without anything. And he has an absolute garbage mini.

Um, his mini, actually his mini's better than some, but it's not great, no. Look at that derpy-ass face he's got. You got the cigar. He's like, ooh. Um, so Marbo is, okay, so only one person, Colonel Troutman, his mentor and original commanding officer knows the detail of his past. That he was one of ten brothers that were inducted into the regiment, and that during an orc-wa on Riza, all were.

killed with a tale about a lone guardsman returning back to Riza or whatever, returning there two weeks later with the head of the orc warlord with a single bullet hole clearly visible between their eyes. Wow. Marbo gained further renown when he fought off a dark Eldar incursion. A small garrison of guardsmen were stationed at the planet and were greatly outnumbered by the dark Eldar and were overrun. and there were horrible, horrible details

of the long nights of torture, yada yada. However, Colonel Trotman led the rescue and eventually found Sly Marbo standing alone and armed only with his knife covered from head to toe in alien blum surrounded by destroyed vehicles, piles of alien bodies, and the dark Eldar's archon impaled on a spike.

Whoa. I'll be honest, if I was in a guardsman regiment, I would not want to be posted where Sly Marbo was posted because chances are he's going to be the only one that survives. The concept, he's kind of a joke at this point in the sense that he's a legend. Among the Catachin are similar to in the Cadians,

they talk of Alonius Pius, the man who stood before Horace, the guardsman that stood up to Horace before Sanguinius's death or whatever. and then and so Sly Marba was their their guy Yeah

You know He's just a meme He's a Chuck Norris meme Well in in the world of us And our jokes he is But he has Like this is not necessarily memes These are things

He has done Yeah I don't know I think it's because everything Like sounds so over the top with him Right Like he's like the only one survived a dark gelder thing and he has an arc on impaled and it all seems a little it seems a little much it seems a little like uh little tryhardy

yeah whereas like the uh the one that stood up to horace it's not like he had any astronomical superpowers it's not like you know uh he killed horace and the emperor he's just a dude that stood up to someone doing the wrong thing for the emperor right and he still got killed but he's the one that spur in the emperor to, you know, you're not my son. Sly Marbo is more of a... The question kind of comes down to to what extent were these things true? Because it was mainly only this Colonel Trobman guy

and he could have probably, you know, spun a lot of these stories almost entirely for morale purposes. The concept is that maybe take every Sly Mabo thing with some form of grain assault. But the problem of... point is that he's a legend to look up to for the catachin men. Ah, so he's like the propaganda poster for the catachin.

He's still a badass. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, the concept is there. You could believe that he does everything he does or you cannot. The point is that Sly Marlabo as a character is mysterious one-man army who is, regardless of your thoughts on him, very good at his job. Yeah. I know he's super popular, so I'm probably about to get a lot of hell.

Oh, no, no one should care that much about it. It's just the funny guy. You say that, but it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the internet. The fastest way to a man's heart is with Sly Marbo's blade. Hey, B'Bum. Sly Marbo doesn't take, doesn't shower. He takes a blood baths. That's pretty good.

Lord Usakar Creed wears Sly Marbo pajamas. Ah. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Sly Marbo. You're clearly not Sly Marbo. I've heard that one. Slime Marbo doesn't go to sleep, he just waits. Sly Marbo has won a staring contest with a Necron. That's pretty good since they don't blink.

Gilliman keeps an inspirational pict of Sly Mabo with him at all times in his wallet. I could actually believe that one. The Sly Marbo threw a grenade and killed five orcs and then it exploded. I like that one. Flack armor wears Sly Mabo for protection. Is this gonna be the whole end of the episode? Sly Marbo doesn't have a shadow because he scared it off. The official name for exterminate artist is Sly Marbo.

Oh my god, try in the episode. Sly Marbo sleeps the pillow under his gun. Stop. Sly Marbo poked the warp in through the eye of terror. Stop. How many of these are there? Slym Arbo does not go hunting because hunting implies the possibility of failure. Slime Marbo goes to go.

killing.