Adeptus Ridiculous - CRAFTWORLD ELDAR: MAY THE WINDS OF FATE GUIDE MY SWORD | Warhammer 40k Lore

Episode Date: August 18, 2021

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Welcome everyone to another episode of The Adeptus Ridiculous. My name is D.K. Diamante's. My host is Bricky, and he is going to be teaching us all about the most ridiculous shit from Warhammer 40K. But before we get started, if you enjoy today's podcast, heading over to patreon.com slash Adeptus Ridiculous, and consider supporting the podcast. You will get access to our Discord, which now has the infamous Jagatai Keck emote. So definitely. You probably want to see that.

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We are doing extra book club. We are currently in the process of reading Blood Reaver part two of the Nightlord's trilogy. We're doing Voidstocker soon after that. A lot of you have already read all three books because they are fucking great. And I do not blame you. one bit.

Check that one out. We'll have that coming out soon. And for merch, we do have new merchandise in case you didn't check it. We have long sleeve maroon t-shirts of the mechanical men. Men. Men are mechanical men. There, no, no logos present. Nope.

They're just mechanical men doing mechanical things. And some wonderful binary on the bottom. And because of that, if you want to check that out, over at orchidate.com, go ahead and do so. And if you buy it and one of the prior stuff, you get 10% off your order. So with that, DK, my dude, my friend, what is the faction that I always bitched the most about?

I don't know what faction I hear you specifically bitching about the most. I know this is to segue into what we're doing because Dean Kamen is great. But y'all spoiled it for me last time. I know what we're doing. Yeah. I know that it's Craft World, but. You're goddamn right, it's craft worlds.

When was the last time you complained about Craft World? Well, oh, that's true. You do say that they really need an update, right? Like, they really, really badly. Like, their models, their minis are, like, really old and outdated. And they're Codex, too? So the tabletop portion are pretty awful. Not going to lie.

Yeah, so some of their models are old enough to drink. And I do not mean that in a joking manner. They are over 21 years old. Oh, no. Their codex is, I mean, they're not like as bad as some armies right now, but they're like a, I say like a bottom five. I don't know, people have started winning stuff by like mixing them with Harlequins. So I don't really know. They got some things that are okay.

I don't like, okay, so I don't like Craft Worlds for a couple of reasons. Okay. The first thing is that it's always fun when you got something you can kind of shit on. So, you know, everyone needs their rival. Everyone needs a villain. And for me, yeah, everyone needs the whipping voice. So for me, I was always like, fucking elves, stupid ass, fucking elves. Well, it also helps that, like, you can lump the Dracari in there. And I know the Dracari are a fucking nightmare for everyone on the tabletop right now.

So, yeah, sure, why not? Yeah, I like Dracari a lot more than Craft Worlds, even though they're overpowered at the moment. Yeah. Because I think Drucari are just, well, I like their, I like their look, the pirate theme, all that kind of stuff, the skiffs. Oh, right, right, yeah. Craft World El-Dar, in the lore, they're kind of. of total pricks. I was trying to remember

the, because we did that sort of like the episode where we talked about like how they made the age of strife because they're excessive emotion and they just, it got worse and worse. And they're the ones that were like, hey, this is all getting a little too extreme. Fuck this shit, I'm out. Is that them?

That's correct. That would be the craft world Eldar or the, oh God, it's going to be hard to pronounce this. The Osiriani. Sure. Little Osiriyadi. Yeah. Little Yadi? Let's call it.

Asterhati. Little Asherjati? Little yadi? Yeah, I don't. It's kind of hard to describe, but they're generally known as the craft world Eldar. So basically, if we're going to get into it, because, you know, even though I may not like the craft world Eldar very much, it's mainly just because I'm like eh and I find it kind of dumb

it's not necessarily like they're legitimately bad there's something really wrong about them in a sense I just kind of fun to shit on them they're the whipping boys they're the whipping boys so a little bit of a history refresher for you okay so during Pearl Harbor no I'm kidding

wow we're going way Damn, dude. So way back. Way the way back machine. As we know, Eldar used to rule pretty much the whole galaxy. Right. They were created by the old ones as a tool to stop the horrifying Necron and Gaton advance. And them, it didn't work, but the Necron's were super damaged and wounded from their fight with the Caton.

So they went to Ben. And then the Eldar decided to rule the galaxy. Now, the Eldar for a long, long time, basically lived nigh perfect lives. They were all, all of them were potent psychers. And all Eldar, even now, are still all psychers to an extent. Some more so than others, but, you know, that's just Eldar in general. They're all a bit psychory. Now, even back then, before Sanai,

they were even not afraid of death. They would be reborn, like peacefully after going through the immaterial and dying. So they would die, be like la-da-da-da-da, and then just kind of be reborn later. So even death wasn't that frightening for them, and they lived like long-ass lives too. But of course...

Old school Eldar sounds great. Oh, it was the best. It was living the best life. Many lives, apparently, since you just get reborn. and it's like you live thousands of years and it's like, boop, I'm back, let's do it again. Let's go.

I got more things to do. Living that time was great. But what's the term? Like being sedentary or laziness breeds malice or there's some phrase like that. Oh, yeah. It's sort of like, what is it, idle hands do the devil's work or something? Idle hands are the devil's play thing. That's one of them.

But yes. So naturally they were like, oh, everything's so easy. Life is so easy. I'm going to shank a guy in my street because I need to feel something. Or I'm going to stick it in your ass because I need to feel something. And then it became, I'm going to stick that knife in your ass. And then it became I'm going to stick my ass in your knife. And then it just went like that for a good, God knows how long.

And then Slynech came around. Yeah. Oh, man. A lot of things going in asses. That is a quick TLDR of House Lanesh was born. You know how it is. You know what they say, every hole's a goal. I don't like that saying.

I do not like that saying at all. That's not really my problem, D.K., because in terms of El-Dar, every hole is a goal. That's true. For an Eldar, especially a dark Eldar, yeah, I suppose that's, So at the time So at the time of course Some of the Eldar

The Exedites Well I guess the Exidites were one of them But also some of the craft world Eldar were like Yo This is this is bad I Don't like what's going on right now

This is bad I don't like what we've become I'm leaving Goodbye And so they do called the exodites because they exited, they did an exodus from, what's their original homeworld call that all this was happening on? Oh, they had like a million worlds. There's no, I'm sure they have some home world, but I don't know what it is. Okay. But they were, they're exodites

because they, they, it was an exodus from all of the bad stuff. Well, craft world, craft world, Eldar and also exonites are two kind of separate groups. Oh. The, the, the, the, the The craft world Alda Oda are the Assyrani, you know, their little Yadi. And Lil Yadi decide to make their way out to the far reaches of the galaxy and then create those craft worlds and live in those craft worlds far away from everything. Exedites are like the Amish. Uh-oh. I guess. I mean, that's...

Go on. Oh, I was just... Well, I was just saying that the... El-Dar exodites are very similar to... Well, we write about them in the Infinite Divine. They were the ones not dinosaurs. Oh, those were ex-oh, that's right. Those were ex-edites.

Yeah. That's right. You told me about that, and I was like, oh, yeah, I didn't, I didn't know what kind of Eldar those were that were writing on dinosaurs because they didn't really specifically... Okay, cool. It's all coming together. Good, good, good, good, good. I like it.

Shai informs me that the original Eldar Homeworlds were known as Crone Worlds. and they are all incredibly chaos-ridden because Slemesh. No shit. All of their original home worlds are really chaotic. You mean that place where they literally spawned a chaos god? All that's chaotic now? No. It's like Cadia, man.

You know, it's just like, well, no way. You know, I actually found something out that I wasn't aware of when we did the Cadyan episode. You know the popular phrase, the planet broke before the garden? didn't. I thought that was kind of more of a statement regarding like oh my god the guard are so they're still fighting even though the planet's destroyed the guard keep fighting it's actually not the case the reason is because apparently when the planet was fucked up

it broke into chunks you know because it like cracked on some of the parts of the planet you could still see Lasfire so as the planet was like as the cracks were like drifting away from each other in space there were still guards been shooting things wow the planet really did break before the guard did yeah so that that's the fun of it damn but the elder exudites they i joke that they're the omish because they do attempt to live in like a very low technology very hard like wilderness worlds That's their idea. They want to be like survivalists. That's their whole concept. Can you imagine being like a normal Eldar with like just high tech everything everywhere and then just living in a forest riding on dinosaurs? That's a big transition. You get invaded by the Amish. The Amish are here. The Amish.

So after Slenek became like Kablui, there are technically six different. types of Eldar currently. You have the Asciani. Little Yaddy. I'm just going to call me Liljadi from now on. I think that's actually a rapper. I think Lil Yadi is actually like a legit-ass rapper.

Which is great. That's the email you need to add, by the way. I don't know. Man, I don't know any of that stuff. I don't know. I don't know a rap. Isn't there a guy named Little Dickey? Probably. Okay. I actually, at first, I wasn't

honestly sure or shy if there was actually. Well, anyway, they are the craft worlds, of course. They have all the craft worlds. Then you have the Jarkari. Then you have the Harlequins. Then you have the Exedites. You have the Yannari, which are the ones that we talked about during the Gilman Revival. And then you also have the corsairs.

The corsairs are actually pretty neat. I don't know if there's a lot about them, but they're basically people who got really sick of the confines of the craft worlds. And then left to go kind of raid and be pirates of their own life. But not Drukari style. More so like noble nomads, I guess, is the way to put it. So they're not just out there looking to pillage and murder you and torture you. They're just trying to make their way through the galaxy. I guess the best way to put it would be like unlike, if you had like a dedicated military, like a U.S. Army,

pirates are the people are like actual pirates who go out and, and steal your boats and stuff, whereas maybe the Corsairs are more like a private military or like they're their own kind of group where they act on their own accordances. Oh, okay, gotcha. That's an example, but I'm not quite sure if it's particularly great. But anyway, the craft world, though,

are specifically the one we're talking about today. The main thing about them is that they went out to go create these continent-sized starships known as craft worlds. And these craft worlds are made out of, I believe they're made out of wraithbone, which is, Wraithbone is a very fancy, fancy fucking material that is basically a, like, psycho energy in crystal form. That sounds trippy. Yeah, it's kind of difficult to explain. It's used in the construction of craft worlds.

It's also used in those wraith constructs with the funny bowling ball heads. Oh, okay. So they're made of them. So a wraith bone constructs. So a wraith, like a wraith guard, or often wraith constructs are robotic-style warriors crafted from that wraith bone, and they're powered from dead craft world Eldar spirits. Oh. Oh, that's...

Just a whole side thing. Because the Eldar have the ability to... Because they're all psychers, right? Right. So they actually have like, like, Wraithbone weavers, almost like like a weaver of a tapestry. And they can use their crazy psychic power to be able to craft. Oh, they're called Bone Singers. Because Raythbone, of course. That's a great name. Bowen singers. And they can literally make like energy from the warp into solid crystalline matter. Whoa. That's very good because, I mean, you've got a lot of raw material to work with. It does.

It's also used as like a psychic conductor. And so it can act almost like a wire, like a network of wires that carry like electricity or something. Or it could also have things like generating psychic shields. You can kind of mix and match it and mess with it because it is a psychic material. Damn. Also, I, man, I hate the way those lanky wraithbone construct look, but I don't know, I kind of like the craft world armor, which is weird because they're very similar. But I don't know, something about the like elongated, like, blank helmet actually looks kind of dope on just like the regular ass troopers. And I feel, well, that's also, that's also like art.

Well, that long helmet, that's actually a wraith. That's actually a wraith concert. That's a wraith guard. Oh, okay. But, I mean, sometimes the helmets are okay. It depends. I think the minis really don't do them justice. If you look at the art, it's a little bit better, but, yeah.

Eh. But yeah, they're all created from this, this like, bones singing concept. And so those giant, giant craft worlds are all home to various craft world like subcultures. And they're different types like the, there's the, oh crap, I forget their names. Ulthway. B'L. Ton, there's the Alay Talk, Samhan. Lots of strange names like that. Yeah.

Some of them are neat. Alay talk are the ones that I've always hated the most because Alay talk are quite stealthy, normally. and they are in the game, they were back in the day when they would make their flyers like unshootable, which was not fun.

Yeah, if something is unshootable, yeah, that sucks. That sucks trying to fight that. Which ones were these? I don't remember if it was the Dracari or the regular Eldar that they could literally like cloak themselves in like a different dimension

before they took their shot. Is that craft world or is that Dracari? Or is that not even Eldar? That's necrons. Those are the death marks. Oh, you're right. That was necron. I don't know why I thought that was Eldar. But no, you're right. Yeah, it was the L-Dheron. I mean, back in the day, I guess.

There's also Othway. Othway is probably one of the largest. I don't know if it's the largest, but it's one of the largest craft worlds currently. Othway was caught in the pole of the eye of terror. And when it erupted into being, and now Othway kind of like orbits it. So it orbits the eye of terror, so it's a constant, it's like constantly fighting against chaos and demons and that stuff.

Yeah. But often the Eldar will have their own seers, because they're all psychers, right? And so very often the Eldar will have their own seers that can kind of see the future, and they can determine futures that come to pass and act on it. There have been times in which they're like, oh my God, this general of the Astromilitarum, are going to are going to go lead this great crusade for the emperor and he's going to

fuck us up. We're going to go to him first and stop him it from happening. So the, what was it, the oath, whatever? They're always circling the Eye of Terror. I believe that their craft world is like orbiting it. Okay. Did they do anything during

the fall of Cadia? Because that was like right on the Eye of Terror's doorstep, right? Did they do anything during that? Or were they not, around anymore or? I don't remember. That would make sense that they did. I thought that

Kraft World's helped out a little bit because they were like, oh my God, the chaos is destroying. I feel like they did. I can't give you 100%. I actually don't know if the Yvrain from the Yanari is from Oldthway or not. I don't remember where she's from.

That would make sense if she was. Yeah, because that would make a little bit more sense. I don't know where she came from. Oh, Shai has the thing for me. Abolons is a spoiler, Warmaster of Chaos, launches the greatest invasion of real space ever seen, known as the 13th Black Crusade.

The Sear Council of Othway has waited long for this moment and leads the Assyrani Craftworlds in a united war effort to contain the chaos armies flooding from the eye of terror. Hey, there we go. Hey, that's what we needed to know. Thank you, shy. They're excellent.

You were right. You put two and two together. Yay, we're doing problem solving. I'm learning. We're asking the critical questions. A critical question. Lovely. But the craft worlds on their own right,

like the Oldthway have that like black armor, black and red, which looks really dope. But the craft worlds tend to, remember how I said they were really weepy? So they have things like, they have things like warlocks. They actually have a unit called a warlock. They have farseers and they have things called

warp spiders. and warp spires are actually kind of dope their models suck but they look kind of cool in the concept they kind of blink through the warp they have like teleportation abilities and stuff it's pretty neat but they

their main weapon fire shurikins oh wow what a bunch of weaves good God you're right you're right Jesus they have shirkin cannons I know a weed when I smell one and

that's a one and that's one. It's easy to smell weaves from quite a distance. But they also have a very rigid code of honor and code of kind of walking the path of the Assyani because of they

little Yadi because if they don't then they're going to end up going into Slanesh and Slanesh wants everything in it. So you know. They don't want that. They don't want to get ass knifed. No. No no Eldar wants to get sucked

back into Slanesh. So because of that, the craft worlds tend to be kind of rigid and very like a strict code of honor, which if you add the fact that a lot of their outfits, especially those farceers and stuff, kind of look like they're

wearing, maybe it's not quite a kimono, but something a little like that. Like their robes are very are very like China Japanese centric. Yeah. Not only that, but they're symbols as well. And then they fire Shuriken weapons.

And then they have rigid codes of like Bushido and how to act. And sex is bad. They still have to study the blade. They're the meme. They're 100% the meme. One of them went Gundam. One of them went the other way. Yeah.

Way the other way. Holy shit. I mean, considering the fact that, Wraith Knight Okay, listen If you if Ooh that one looks pretty cool though In the yellow with like the samurai

Um flags on his back He'd All right DK Tell me this doesn't look like an Ava Ahma That doesn't look like an Ava Does it not?

Looks like a Gundam Not an Ava though Oh the second one looks like an Ava though The second one looks very Avaish Yeah The first one was artwork The first one was artwork The second one's the real model

So I'm guessing I guess we'll go with that. Yeah, the real one I could definitely see Ava. Okay, so even more reasons. Those are Raith knights. They're actually like enormous, enormous wraith constructs. I think those, even though they really ruin my day in Seventh Edition, I really like the way they look.

I like the way the last one, the one that's all red looks. I don't love the red with the white helmet. I don't love that. Yeah, I'm not a big fan about that. They're all over the place because I think they're mentally all over the place. Well, that's fair. Because Eldar, if we remember, their highs are insanely high and their lows are really low. Yeah.

Because any kind of, you know, any small emotion is just amplified to such a great degree. Like, their sorrow is traumatic to the extreme. But at the same time, their highs, it's the reason they all started ass knifing. The ass knifing. Oh, no. Please don't make fan art of that. Please, please, viewers. Someone, someone's gonna be like, gonna be like that guy that's like grabs your scrote

and it's just like asses your knife or knifes your ass. Sorry, that's the wrong way. You better be careful. Gonna ass that knife. I'm gonna ask your knives. I'm gonna knife that. Damn it. I fucked it up again.

The, uh, side note, um, the Ldar. particularly have a big network of gods very similarly to how, well, I mean, there's just chaos gods and stuff like that in general. Yeah. But the Eldar have their own host of gods as well, which are, especially the little Yadi

variants. They're very into clinging to their old folklore and traditions, and they have lots of songs and plays and dances from their old, old, old sites. that they'll perform on their craft worlds and such. And these characters... Yivrain had a... Had a thing with a god, right? Where like she...

A god possessed her or something? The... I think... I'm trying to remember if it was either the Yinkarn or if it was Yenid. Either it was the Yen Karn, which is the avatar of Yenid, or vice versa. Yeah. I vaguely remember us talking about Yvrain and some sort of like Eldari god and like she was like possessed by it and it helped out with all the Gilemon stuff. Yeah, there it is.

The new god is Yenid, which is the Eldar god of death. This is not from the old myth. This is supposed to be a bit like new. It was formed from the souls of the Eldar within the infinity circuits on the craft world. And the Infinity Circuit is basically a matrix in the craft world, which is composed of like Wraithborn. And the souls of the craft world's dead reside inside of it to form a conscious, or to form a group consciousness, which create a well of selective power and give advice for the living. And I think it's the concept that they kept on like circling there, and then they created that new God, which is of unique.

Because they keep them there so they don't go to Slanesh. Go to Slenish and get knife-assed. I was going to say, because obviously if you're in a craft world, you don't, you want to make sure that when you die, you go somewhere anywhere other than to Slenish. So it makes sense that this infinity circuit would be a thing. Literally anywhere else. Literally, and it's like, I'd prefer hell. Some of these gods, there are actually quite a few of them.

There were the gods, well, so the original oldest and chief god was this man known as the Assyrian, Assyrian, which is the Phoenix king. And that's why they're called the little Yadi, the Assyan, the Assyani, because they follow in his teachings. Oh, okay. That's why they got this rigid kind of thing to them. So if enough people die and go into this infinity circuit, you can just spawn gods, theoretically. Oh, I don't know about that.

I believe you need was came from that, possibly. But I'm not quite sure you can just, I don't believe it's like a Minecraft mob grinder where you can just keep on spawning new gods. I was going to say, if that's the case, like, man, they must really like it when a bunch of people die

because it's like, hey, guys, we're going to become a god. Let's go. It's fucking, you know, everybody, yeah. Anyway, think a little cult. Besides Assyan, there was also brother which is named Kane, which is the god of war and murder. Yeah, that one's not subtle at all. Wow. Little on the nose, but sure. Okay, Kane.

Okay, Kane. There's also... Does he have a brother? Well, his brother is Oster Yon. Oh, that's right, yeah. They should have called his brother Abel. Damn. Abel Yon. Yeah. There's also Vahl, who is a Smith God.

And he's often chained to his own anvil. It's kind of interesting. There's Isha, which is God of the Harvest. There's also the youngest one, which is Liliath the Maiden, which is Mistress of Dreams in Fortune. There's lots of these things like this. Unfortunately, they all got knife-assed by Slanesh when she was birthed, and they were all basically stolen and decimated entirely.

So, Osserian, it got knife-assed. They all got knife-assed, except for two. Oh, that's unfortunate. Kane made it out. Of course he did. Of all the people to make it out. Oh, of all people, Kane did make it out. He basically fisted his way out of there.

He was like, you're not taking me! He just kind of, because he's the god of war, you know. So he just beat his way out. And then the other god that survived was the laughing god known as, Kegarok, Chegarok, whatever. No one knows how to pronounce it. Once you said laughing at us, oh, it's Kegarath.

We have a Kekkarath emote. Oh, we do have the Kekarath. You're right. Even though he's not really kecking, he's more lulling, but still, it's a funny view. We have multiple Kek emotes. Yeah, we do. Okay, so Jagatai Kek is definitely the superior one. Oh, absolutely.

Jagatai Kek is the star of the show for sure. But the, but Kaine actually occasionally, does have avatars made flesh and so often he can he's actually a usable model on the tabletop is the avatar of Kane

oh shit so he's their he's called the bloody-handed god which I gotta be honest the bloody-handed god Kane like that's not even trying at this point we're just gonna rip this

right from him apparently Isha also survived but she's currently being held as Nergel in a jar Oh no That was such a genuine Oh no from you Oh

I just saying Oh no Being kept in a jar by Nurgle As he tests his poises Oh It's and then that picture She looks She looks so

You know She looks like a nice lady and then there's just this big oh that's so that's so funny though I'm just like put in the jar oh god

oh no immediate just know immediately if nerve is keeping you in a jar it's just there's a clip from an old Jimmy Neutron episode where they had like a crossover between the fairly odd parents

and and he had like I forgot out who he had and it was like one of the Jimmy Neutron doctors and and the thing was Carl's in a jar and then he whispered to the fairly godparents and they turned it into jimmy's mom and jimmy's mom was in the jar and i'm just like i know it's funny at the time but now in 2021 it's a horror film oh yeah that's that's really creepy i think i've seen that uh i saw that

posted somewhere thank you shy oh geez oh that's so oh that's so bad so anyway uh some of the So there are some surviving gods. Kane and Kegarok are there. Isha will call her surviving very lightly. I bet she wish she died. Yep. There is also the, what was it? There's also a need, of course, but that's the newest one.

Yeah, yeah. This kind of goes into a little bit, speaking of getting a knife-assed by Slanesh. There was also this thing called spirit. We weren't talking about that, though. Well, the gods got knife-ass. Oh yeah, they did, they did, you're right, you're right, you're right. There's also this thing called the Spirit Stone,

and the Spirit Stone is a fancy little, they call it the Tier of Isha as well. Now, this is a fancy, fancy gem, which normally is placed on a Craft World's chest, and the idea is that whenever they die, their soul goes into this stone instead. Instead of Lanesh, gotcha. So it's like a little mini-collarrales.

conduit that they actually can go into until they are transported back to the craft world at, I believe, to be placed into the Matrix, I think. Right. Oh, that's a creepy picture. Holy shit. Yeah, that's a harlequin holding a spirit stone. And if I'm not mistaken, I don't know if Harlequins use spirit stones. They might, but I thought they have their own schick.

And if that's the case, and then a Harlequin has some bad, bad ideas. of what he's gonna do with that stone. Yep, that doesn't look like one of... Yeah, that, oh, boy, that's... Ha, yeah. That's smile, though. That's the smile of nightmares. Yeah, he looks like he's gonna eat that thing

or something, like... It is, uh, it is... Either theorized or possibly... Oh, here we go. A peculiarity that sets the Hawloquins apart from their craft world and eggs that I kin, is that they do not bear spirit stones.

Normally, when an Eldari dies, their object is sold as they're by Solnash, unless they're preserved inside of these gems. However, the Harlequin possess a secret that allows them to escape it, and they are not willing to share. So I can confirm that that Eldar is looking at that spirit stone

the same way that Carl Weezer is looking at Jimmy's mom in that goddamn jar. Oh, absolutely. Exact same. The smile is actually very similar. That's a very simple Oh no

Yeah I bet you the blood on that Harlequin's blade Is what that Eldar used to be Before it got soulstoned Probably I mean Kagarak is probably doing

Something to save their lives The Harlequins that is But Which is ironic Because Kegarok is just a total fucking enigma Was it Gipak The kind of troll

That's stealing from the cookie jar Yes that would be kicker rock, that's correct. Just making sure I remember these gods, right? Cool, cool. You know, actually, speaking of some of the craft world stuff, I think it's a couple of the really interesting Eldar like units and weaponry that I think are kind of cool.

For instance, when you look at their Shuriken weapons, what they are is they fire, they use little gravity wells to fire thin disks of a single molecule thick at the enemy. And these disks, they're so. so thin that they fire in bursts. And when they get to your body, they just like completely shreds you up

because they're like a molecule thick. Of course, we didn't mention this much, but they use the Webway a lot, which was originally created by the old ones. That has a great example of what it is. It exists between the material realm and the warp. And so it's like putting a rug over like a steaming shit.

Where like you could still smell the shit. but you just, it's, it's, you're protected sort of. Sort of, yeah, yeah. A little bit sort of there. Okay, okay. That's, that's one way. I mean, the war is indeed a steaming shit. That's, that's fair.

You don't, you don't want to touch it. You don't want to, mm-mm, nope. There's some other kind of cool weapons. There's a thing called a vibro cannon, which generates a wave of sonic energy, and is directed down a magnetized tunnel, which will literally shake the target to pieces. Holy shit.

I will be honest though, when you first said vibrocan, and I was like, what is that a back massager or something? Death by a mogus twerking. Of course they have hallucinogenic grenades, because of course they do. Why not? Sure. They have things called death spinners,

which are a monophilic. element weapon, which utilize a liquid organo-polimer to create monomonecular wire nets. And they are launched at the target, which makes them incredibly hard to remove, and they are then used to cut through unprotected flesh. There is a harlequin weapon that I know of that fires like a little beam or something or like a little ball. And the moment it enters your flesh, it opens up like. like a fire hose that's been left unattended in tons of tiny little razor sharp metal wires

and it opens up and goes and it turns your insides into soup oh my god the elder have some very very effective weaponry holy shit the Eltar are made of paper

but their guns are a laughably powerful yeah that's That's gross. There's D-canons. I remember D-canons. D-canons were a very particular weapon. D-canon sounds like they're trying to overcompensate for something.

This weapon uses a miniaturized warp drive to create a point where the immaterial is temporally overlaid onto an area of real space. If the target is not... If the target is not swallowed by the warp rift, the gravitational forces involved in the opening maintain this overlay will literally rip the target apart. So that's actually a little different. So what I was thinking of was actually a weapon

that enters the flesh as like a little ball and then opens up like a bunch of little wires and shreds them like a mulch, like a blender. Like an actual physical thing. This is then literally opening up a tiny pocket of warp and then you getting sucked in like a fucking drain, like a drain in the sink. That is awful.

Holy shit. There is a lot of very, very bad Eldar weaponry. I'm assuming D-Canon stands for Drive Cannon. The thing's Doom Cannon. Well, that's also a fair name for it. Even if you like survive getting swallowed up by that thing, it's like great. in the warp.

Now I'm in the warps. Okay, you're not going to get survived. You're not going to survive that. I don't think unless you're Caldor Drago. Well, yeah, fair. I guess you won't have time to be like, oh, great, I'm in the warp. It's like, nope. Nope, goodbye.

Sorry. Aloha. There's a couple other interesting Eldar, like, units. Farseers are a pretty popular one. You probably will know farceers pretty often. They're like classic ass. wizards. They fire lightning from their hands and stuff. They mess around with wraith bones. They ride in on cool jet bikes, which are pretty cool. There, they're your classic boys. The warlocks,

as I mentioned before, they tend to help lead, like, lead war hosts, excuse me. They kind of have this thing where, like, it's weird. They have this idea where if their blood sings with the want to fight, they will accept a mass. The Mask of the Warlock. It's really, really weird. There's Phoenix Lords, which are some of the strongest warriors of the Eldar. Phoenix Lords are pretty cool.

That one we talked about earlier, Jane Zar was a Phoenix Lord. They kind of take it up like a mantle. Yes? Phoenix Lords, I remember because when I was first getting into Warhammer minis, one of the minis that Shai said I had to paint was a Phoenix. Lord. It was like, shit. Shai, what the fuck was that dude's name?

It's like Mugan Ra or something? Oh, the really edgy, didn't he a ranger? He's like a skull face. He had like a big scy cannon. Yeah, that guy. Maugan Ra. Yes, he's a pretty popular character. Yeah, he's a badass too, from what I remember. Yeah, he's fucking cool. He's one of the few Eldar where I'm like, he's like the

He's like the Commander Farsight of the Eldar for me, of the Craft Worlds. Nice. Where he's like, even I have to like him, because he's just so dope. Right. But his mini is, like, super old and, like, resin, and I never bought it because it... We could probably do a whole episode on Malgan Roff and being totally honest. I'd be okay with that. Yeah, we probably should.

That's a super dope guy. Or at least we should do one on Phoenix Lords in their own right. Because they're pretty fancy. Sold. You got it. Did you know they have cats? They have cats? Yeah. Grynix. Good for them. I like cats. I have two cats.

It's like a little lion. They help amplify psychic powers. Good for good. What good cats? What good companions? If I'm not mistaken, I think Yvrain has a cat. I think it's actually in her model. She has a cat. Right. She does, doesn't she? Yeah, they got cats. They all the other guy got cats.

Oh, this is the only time I'm like, oh, I want to be an elder. I want a cute little psychic enhancing cake. Of course you want to be an Eldar. You're a weeb. Oh, that too. Yeah, you're right. So the Raith Knights, the big ones I mentioned earlier, those things are, it's kind of nuts what they are.

They have these things called Raith Camp. which are a portable versions of decanons. Oh no. Which you know, we know what decanons do. Yes, we do. There's even the heavy wraith cannon, because you know, what if you need more horror? Yeah, what if you need to send a tank into the warp, right? Come on. They've also got giant fuck off swords, which actually look super cool.

Oh my god, that's so anime. It is, Shai has posted them. They do look very anime. Yep. That's so anime, the glowing blue sword connecting with that big monster. That's, come on. Someone's been watching too many, too many kaiju movies. But I need to find, actually, there was a couple good, oh, there we go.

Here's a wonderful quote about the Eldar. Nice. Trust not in their appearance, for the Eldar are as utterly alien to good, honest men as the vile tyrannids and savage orcs. They are capricious and fickle. Attacking without cause or warning, there is no understanding them, for there is nothing to understand.

For they are a random force in the universe. Imperial Commander Abriel Hum. It's a very imp-guard commander's statement. It's like, they don't make any sense, and they never will. Fuck them. Don't trust them, just kill them.

They don't make any sense, fuck them. Here's a wonderful quote from an Eldarm. Oh, Monkai, because you can't call the monkeys. Nope, that's not PC. We do not fight for you or for your corpse emperor. We are allied here today because destiny has seen fit to bind our fates together. We do not relish that our futures are intertwined, but if you would live to see another day, then you will do as I say.

Order your soldiers to cease firing their primitive artillery upon the ridge line, for it is where the little yachty war host will arrive. my Kim will drive the tainted ones back towards your lines where you would do well to be prepared and please above all else stand downwind from me Beak Dare Ranger of a lay talk

It's like by the way you smell like shit I had better not smell you Otherwise I guess it makes actually makes sense Canons would be pretty primitive to the Eldar With all the shit they got Oh yeah, I mentioned this a bit ago, but it still is one of my favorite quotes I've seen on the internet. Or it's like, you know, isn't it interesting that the idea that Eldar believe that humans are basically just primitives, primitive creatures.

And even something as crazy as a space marine. It's like, yeah, but you'd be just as scared of a space marine as an Eldar as you would be if a silverback gorilla blew through your wall wearing full plate waving around a shotgun. It's true. Yeah, I'd be fucking terrified. You're absolutely horrified. Yeah, I go with that. Yeah, so the Eldar might see humans as primitives,

but once the space serene just blows through their wall, it is like, oh, yeah! And then it rips your dude in half with his bare hands. You're like, oh, my God. Yeah, the space Marines are still, they might be primitive, but primitive isn't always necessarily worse. Uh, yeah, I mean, yeah, they went to unprimitive and they got knife fucked. Knife-assed, whatever.

Whatever ass knife happened. Whatever. Some combination of... Here's another quote from Aramon of the Thousand Sons. Hey, my boy! Yeah, boy. For the ancient Eldari, life was a cycle of birth, the fulfillment of desire, and a comfortable death, safe in the knowledge the soul would live again. The birth of their nemesis, the dark god

Slanesh, shattered that cycle forever. Now these once great starfarers cower in the shadows, too afraid of their own lusts to embrace the full spectrum of sensation. It is a fate they justly deserve. In truth, there can be no escape from the doom they have brought upon themselves, not this side of the grave. Fate is a cruel mistress and not to be courted lightly. So in a sense, they're so scared of their own lusts that they actually, in a sense, when you really think about it, they don't want to go back into their old ways, the craft worlds. They are literally rejecting sex and they are studying the blade. Yeah. God damn it.

They are. And to be fair, with their history, it's like, yeah, maybe we should cut back on the degenerate stuff because it didn't work out so well for us before. You know, we birth the chaos god and it's just, hmm, maybe, maybe we should stop. Maybe no more. Yeah, maybe no more sexy times, you know. Yeah, which is quite ironic because a lot of them are generally drawn as very attractive. And to be drawn as hot elf women.

And, you know, there's that. And also, I guess hot elf men, because I think there are probably, there's probably an audience for that too. Oh, I guarantee you there is. Oh, good. I'm glad that I'm aware of this. Yeah. I would be very surprised if there was only an audience for hot El Dari girlfriends. I would be very surprised if there wasn't Husbando elves. And yet, they insist that Gilliman is fucking Yvran.

They had one civil conversation thanking Yvrain for her services. That's it, just very respectful of each other. But no, they're fucking. Yep, they're fucking. Yep, totally. That's how it'll be. Makes sense to me. So at the current moment,

the craft world Eldar are mainly in a bit of a fight for survival. Okay. Some of them are heading towards the Inari side. It's like a splinter group because they're seeing the use of the power of you need in the cycle of death and rebirth. However, a lot of the craft worlds are generally doing their own MO, normally with the use of Eldar Sears

to allow them to see the future and therefore survive a possible outcome that could be problematic for them. Often they are very much, hey, the Sears have told us that this gang of dudes named Abadon is going to cause us problems. We're going to try to stop them before it happens

because if we don't, our craft world will be destroyed or something. Right, right. So that's kind of their major MO at the moment. The craft world Eldar are very small in size. I think Dracri even more so

and Harlequin's even more so. It's hard to tell fully, but they're very small in size, but they're incredibly good fighters. They just lack the numbers. And so they work heavily on hit and run tactics and shoot, move, move, shoot. Very much that

kind of thing. Obviously, they want to find a way to not get eaten by Sleeneh. That's their end goal. Primary goal. Don't get eaten by Sleesh, yeah. But it's particularly difficult. They also do work with the Imperium the most out of any faction, any Xenos faction. Granted.

I suppose they would, yeah. There aren't a whole lot of better Zenos factions to work with. Definitely not orcs. Sure is shit not Tyrannids. No. Tau a little. Yeah, I was going to say, do they ever work with... I don't think they work with a Tau, do they? Very rarely, if ever.

Yeah. Very weird. I know there are several times where they like join forces with the Eldar for like a common goal, but that's the only Zenos faction I've, I think I've ever heard of that actually sides with the Imperium or allies with them or helps them out a little bit. often the Eldar are like we have seen the future and the only way we can stop this from killing all of us is to work with the humans whereas the Tao don't see the future

so I think that they are probably less trusting that being said you should never trust an Eldar the Eldar's mind is as confusing as anything they are a network of never-ending fuckery and Eldar will probably never tell you what's actually on their mind, and you'll never find out anyway,

even after they leave. Because they are just so fickle and sneaky, and they're liars to the tenth degree. Yeah, I don't think I trust in the L'Barr. Yeah, I go with that. They seem like sneaky conniving. Yeah. I mean...

Especially with their history. Yeah, that's kind of one of the reasons why I think they're assholes. Because they are. I mean, they are, I mean, elves in media are generally described as pompous douchebags. And the elders are pompous douchebags, but they're also fighting for their fucking lives to not go extinct. And so at least there's a little bit of understanding there. And one could argue they're less immoral than the Imperium.

Because even though they're pompous douchebags, they're fighting for a pretty good reason. Yeah, I mean, they're fighting for their survival. And in a sense, they've kind of backed off on the ass knifing. Because they're like, look what's happened to us. They've legitimately kind of changed. Yeah. And they're attempting to save their species, which is a pretty noble act. Yeah.

Whereas the Imperium is the Imperium. Yeah. The Imperium is just bad. They're not. And like the necrons are just like, I want to rule the galaxy. Screw you. Though, I mean, to be fair, The reason that the Eldar are like doing this noble cause is because they had like a catastrophic near extinction level event.

Like the Imperium hasn't really had that, right? Like the Imperium hasn't had an event where like, oh shit, we birthed the chaos god. He ate like a majority of our people. The closest thing they have is the Horace heresy or the Age of Strife. Probably the age of strife. Yeah. But even so, yeah, they haven't had quite the same situation. Yeah, they've had bad stuff, but they're not on the brink of extinction where they need to be like, oh shit, maybe all of this Imperium shit is getting us in trouble.

It's interesting because Kraft World Eldar tend to be higher in numbers than Dukari, I believe. But the difference is that like almost all of the Dukari rest in Kamara. Oh, so if you could take Kamara, you could probably get rid of the Dracari. If the Imperial wanted. If they wanted, they could probably wipe out Kamara. If they sent enough of their forces there and they ganged up on the Drukari, they probably could wipe out Drukari as a race. The problem is the moment they do that, everyone else is going to be like,

Tara's undefended. Tihi-hi-hi-hi. I was going to say it would, and it would probably cause them such significant losses that like even if they got back to Tara, could they really defend it? properly. It would not be worth the, it would not be worth the effort. Not in the slightest.

Same with a towel. Anyway, oh yeah. It's a little bit of craft world Eldar for you. Yeah. I am not as, as knowledgeable on them as I am with most,

but with the exception of the first five minutes, I try to put away my bias and talk about the Eldar. They're mainly just awful to fight against. They're as a race They're kind of fine They're just a little confusing And they're kind of all over the place

When it comes to their Like motives and morals between There's so much Eldar stuff Like there's They're probably the most Fleshed out faction Besides maybe a little bit of chaos I guess because just like

Chaos Space Marines of anything Yeah And it's so weird That they're the most fleshed out race In 40K And they have the most like antique models. They have 21 year old models that haven't been updated,

but their lore has been fleshed out like crazy. Yeah, after Imperial, of course. Yeah. Like Imperium are obviously big boy number one, but the Eldar are obviously the number one most prominent Zenos faction. Right. I mean, Drukari have good models, and Harlequins have not many models,

but they've got okay models. But yeah, some of the crows. craft world ones are just like some of their vehicles are okay but their infantry are just so bad rocious oh my god so at this point at this point at this point everyone's like kind of waiting for the second wound for chaos space marines for the codexes and then and then it's the update of the eldar so we'll see how it turns out until then though dk do you have any questions before we sign out uh nope i i've learned a great deal about the Kraft World Eldar today, mostly

the, you know, a lot of ass knifing. And they're big weeps. It's been a pleasure. It's been great. All right. Well, in that case, DK, where can they find you?

DK Diamante's everywhere. Twitter, Twitch, YouTube, Instagram is dumb. Yes. You can find me at Bricky everywhere, bricky and all the places and all the other things that are bricky based, and you can find Shia quite shallow or quite shy and uh shy does art streams on the weekends do make sure you check those out what is all the other stuff that is bricky related I like bricky on Twitter

bricky on YouTube bricky on Twitch bricky on it's just that kind of thing like it's all okay it's all bricky related it's all bricky related go to all the bricky related things go to yeah yeah okay man fuck elves