Adeptus Ridiculous - DAEMON WORLDS: PLANET SIZED NIGHTMARE | Warhammer 40k Lore

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

https://www.patreon.com/AdeptusRidiculoushttps://www.adeptusridiculous.com/https://twitter.com/AdRidiculoushttps://orchideight.com/collections/adeptus-ridiculousft  Kirioth  A daemon world is a planet twisted and corrupted by the power of Chaos and the warp from being trapped in a prolonged warp rift. Entwining the impossibilities of the warp and the reality of the physical realm, Daemon Worlds are not bound by the laws of physics, but by the whim of daemonic rulers and the emotions of mortals. The power of Daemons and Daemon Princes is greater in the Eye of Terror and other places like the Eye of Terror than it would be anywhere else in the galaxy.Support the show

of the Adeptus' Ridiculous podcast. My name is D.K.D.Monti's. His name is Bricky. And oh, look at that. It's the end of the month. So Karioth is here. But before we get into that, if you want to support the podcast,

because you love these episodes so much, consider heading on over to patreon.com slash Adeptus are Ridiculous, where you can get access to the Discord, bloopers if they happen. The $15 tier gets you access to all of our posters in Krispy HD Digital Format. Ooh, it's great.

And apparently we have a new bonus poster. Wait, really? This is the first I am hearing of a new bonus poster. What is? Also, I'm in Boston in a hotel room right now. Sorry if I sound funny. What's the new bonus poster? I have literally no idea.

Oh, wow. Wow. It's a detective ridiculous poster of D.B. Cooper. It's just D.B. Cooper. It's just D.B. Cooper. It's literally just D.B. Cooper. Yeah, he's just, yeah, that's great. It's not a round to complain about it, so.

What is it? That we know of. How do you know? He might be just living the good life. Well, hot damn. With his adjusted for inflation, $2 million. Is that how much it is, actually? That's like not as much as I thought it would be.

When it happened, I think it was like, oh, I forget. God, that episode was a while ago. I guess he just kind of robbed a plane. He didn't like take over like the Bank of America or anything. Yeah, yeah. No, no. Hey, new poster. Yay.

Well, by the time this episode is up, it will be live and purchasable over at orchidate.com. Link in the description. Wahoo. I like how they made sure not to have him wearing a tie because he left his tie in the plane. Oh yeah, he did. That's a nice little detail that you made try not to put the tie on him because, yeah. That is a touch. That is a good touch.

Very nice. Very nice. And the shoot hasn't gone off yet because who knows, maybe they never found one. Yeah, maybe the shoot isn't going to go off. Yeah, maybe he's... Anyway, what's the topic, Kirrilla? Right. Second time's the charm.

We're going to do something a little bit different. We're not going to do a quote this time. Instead, I'm going to ask you a question. Oh, thank you, Kyria. Lord, my God. Yeah, I'm going to, we're going to spring in with a very important, possibly very exposing question as to how your minds work, because you're both going to have to answer. Probably not simultaneously because that'll be a mess audio-wise, but let's, I'll tell you what, let's start, D.K. Oh, man.

You have a planet, your own planet, your own world. A full world. It could have started out however you like. You could have maybe had like some sort of forge world, maybe an agri world. You could have a pleasure world if you want. But you get to form that world into whatever you like. You can choose how the people live. You can choose what the scenery is like.

You can do pretty much anything you want with that world. What do you do? I do not deserve that power, my friend. I don't deserve that power. You want it for a cat girls? Absolutely fine. Just, you know. Oh, I'll definitely have a cat girl entourage, for sure.

Honestly, I would probably have a... I mean, I guess it would be like a pseudo-pleasure world, but it'd be like a vacation planet. And I would try and make it as tropical and, like, island vibes as possible. I would essentially make it planet Hawaii. You know, lots of coastal space. So it'd be like a, I'd probably terraforma, so lots of ocean, lots of like islands and stuff and lots of big mountains and lots of good scenery. And, you know, I would make a paradise planet.

And the citizenry can just, you know, chill out with pinocolas and hula dancers. That sounds incredibly wholesome and well-adjusted. So, that's a good answer. That's a good answer. Okay. Yeah. Bricky, same question. Your own world.

You can do whatever you like. What do you go for? Death world. Straight off the bat. No, no, I'm okay. I probably go something, I probably try to find a less hostile industrial hive world. I mean, granted, I would do, okay, I'm picking a different answer because D.K.'s answer is clearly the correct answer. it's the nice, lovely, good life world that I would want to be him.

But I'm imagining. Right. But I would imagine that this is my world. Therefore, I'm the planetary governor. And therefore, the, the Imperium needs something from me. And my job is to provide them with some kind of tithe. And so I'm trying to take a, okay, how can I have a good world for myself that's realistic in the world of 40K? And so I'd imagine it's some kind of export-based hive city, probably one of those planet-wide one.

But I'd hope that maybe the export is something that's less hazardous, perhaps like either medicine or some kind of like stimulant or draw or draw. You know what? I want to be a recath, a recath hive world. I am a coffee exporter and I provide specific types of recalph that is not just delicious, but also has other mental stimulating effects. And so those guards and regiments that get my recath actually perform better in combat. I actually love that answer. You have a coffee hive world, basically. That's a great answer, actually. I'm imagining. I'm imagining, because I'm looking out the window into the, into the Haba of Boston right here. And I'm like, seeing how they're doing all the infrastructure in

seaport. And it's all like, Level one through three are shops and restaurants and all kinds of stuff and everything and levels four through 25 are leasing condos, apartments, living spaces. And I'm just imagining that consistently, you know, added a little bit of religious zeal and added a little bit of crime and body being, you know, you got a good Warhammer world right there. And so long as I have really good recath, I won't get murdered by the Inquisition. That's true. And since you're, since it's just recap, it's not like you're going to be. the target of like chaos. It's not like chaos is going to show up and be like,

we must secure the recath, you know? I don't think chaos much cares. Yeah, exactly. So you wouldn't be a prime target, but you're still really important to the Imperium. That's a solid answer. No, you're missing the point, D.K., I don't think they care if I'm a prime target or not.

I think they're going to kill me for the sake of it. Oh, well, okay, that's actually also fair. Okay, that's, yeah. Yeah, if they just stumble upon your planet, don't care what your export is. They're just eating you and sending your soul. Yeah, okay, you're right. Yeah, okay. The Tao might not care. Thank God for that. Well, I mean, to be honest, those are both very wholesome, very sensible answers, and they would both be, I think, incredibly, incredibly useful in the 40K universe.

I would make planet-sized Cleveland, where rivers are on fire. Everyone has 20 felonies, and industry produces military-grade depression. You can check out at any time, but you can never believe. Okay. Welcome! She's making Planet Hotel California! I get the reference, shy. I get the reference. It's actually a perfect answer, because today we're going to talk about demon worlds. Because funnily enough, when demon princes get hold of worlds, they don't do what either of you did. They tend to go a little bit, a little bit left field with it, usually. No way. You're telling me, demon lords, do demon-y things when they get control of a planet that they can form to their will? Sir, sir.

Real weird with it. Sir, let's let's let's let's let's let's not bunch every demon into one box. I'm sure some of them have a bit more fun. Oh, the plague planet. Never mind. Picture of planet Los Angeles. No, no, no, that's that's, uh, that's more the inland empire. That's planet.

I. Yeah. That's where all of Los Angeles's pollution goes. it just furrows down the mountains and then just it's, that's Pittsburgh. Oh, sure, Pittsburgh too, sure, yeah. Yeah, we'll do Pittsburgh. Yeah, the rust bucket.

Yep, a little off the rails, but anyway. I mean, look, the way the episode started, it was, it was bound to happen. So, we're going to talk about, about demon wolves because there are some incredibly weird ones out there. And the nice, the best, the best thing about, them is that no two really are the same. So the way you get a demon world to begin with is to just take a normal, you know, functional planet. I mentioned like agri-worlds and forge worlds and stuff, because it can literally be any planet. And then you just ram it through a warp storm. That usually does the trick. So you end up with this fairly normal place

that usually has citizens and people living there, and then they get hit with a warp storm or they get stuck in a warp rift, at which point you've got all of the kind of real, tangible, like, world itself, like the physical universe, mixed with all the impossible nonsense that the warp brings. And fairly frequently,

they stop being, like, bound by the laws of physics. you will have demon princes taking control of said world. Full wars will be fought between the four gods of chaos, like their followers, to see who gets control of said world, which is also incredibly bad for whoever happens to be living there at the time. So if you've just been minding your own business and your world gets caught in a warp rift,

then you might suddenly find that what was previously quite a nice place to live is now massively overrun by all four God's followers as they wage a massive, unending, bloody war to just make your life as miserable as not even physically possible, as like miserable as physically impossible quite often. As metaphorically possible. But if your whole planet gets stuck in like, because it sounds like this is just like, oh, plan. planet, we accidentally shoved you through the warp. Wouldn't everybody kind of like die from that? Define die, sir. Well, like, when a ship goes into the warp to travel,

like if you're not protected by a Gellerfield, don't you just like melt? Well, what depends on what the gods have in store for you? It tends to be much worse than that. So I know, okay, so I know what you're thinking, D.K., You're referencing the second Nightlord's book Where all the Red Corsairs On the outside of the ship

They translate into the Wharf And then warp waves Just like tear them apart And the molecular level And that one guy only survives Because you know Right exactly That one guy survives

And turned into a possessed Well yeah because he was like Literally possessed by Nergel right Oh that that's That's the concept Like it's the warp Who goddamn knows what's gonna happen to you You might just disintegrate

You might get turned into a a giant mass, you might become five. It's the warp, man. Oh, so, oh, okay. I guess I figured, like, the warp was just like, yeah, you better not go in there unprotected because it's going to turn you inside out and play jump rope with your intestines

while feeding them back to you or something. I mean, that might happen, too, but, you know, that too. That or you end up, you know, staying in the warp for what feels like centuries and centuries, slowly starving to death, and then the ship somehow gets chucked out again, and it turns out that you've only been gone 30 seconds.

All sorts of fun and incredibly not fun things can happen. But when it comes to an entire planet, there is actually an example of it. So there's a nice bit of information on a demon planet called Golier 7, which technically I think is classed as a dead planet now. but for reasons that will become clear. Painfully obvious, I'm sure. Yeah. So they're heading for the Feast of the Emperor's Ascension.

And at noon on that day, there is an issue with the entire planet skies where they become like blood red. Oh, great. Three days later, it starts raining blood. The planetary governor has no idea what's going on, tries to calm the population down, But, of course, the population is not going to calm down because it's literally raining blood on them. Rating blood, yeah. It's slayers, right? It, yep. There's a council meeting. They try and work out what's happening, and they realize that the world is basically heading directly into a warp storm,

or at least a warp storm is, like the path is passing across the world itself. So then they demand to know why the astrophaths haven't said anything to them, because this is something that they could have done with, you know, banning down the hatches on, getting things in place to stop the population from rioting and going insane. Or depending on how cowardly your planetary governor is, getting on a ship and leaving. Yeah, abandoned ship. Yeah, I was going to say, if they knew earlier, they probably all would have just left. But there is no warning of it.

So they went to find the astropaths because, weirdly, they were not at the meeting itself, which they should be. And they did find them. The heads exploded? Oh, no, it's way worse than that. The blood was drained from every orifice. It's very specific about that. And their bodies were locked and, like, twisted in place, and they were still screaming. So they were not having a great time either.

They weren't doing so well. Yeah, they are not having a good time. Sometimes people forget that, like, while Corrin might be blood, death, murder, corn still does, like, weird warp stuff that might feel, like, possession and magic. like things like that like just let's just drain all their blood yeah it's it's bad yes

watch you in the rain shy so yeah so there's it starts out rough but it does get worse so it's okay the planetary defense force is mobilized they try and you know actually get this world defended

from what could be an invasion when the warp storm hits they don't really know what's coming they just know that This is really, really bad. So they do fortifications. They just create miles and miles of siege works outside the major cities of the planet. And it is protected by literally millions and millions of soldiers. They have got like over 100, I think it's 180 or 150 million soldiers on that world in the planetary defense force.

Yeah. Keeping it safe in inverted commas. But nothing happens. It just continues to rain blood day after day. The soldiers dream of torture. They start to feel like pain and suffering. And so they start abandoning their posts. And then they start having to mass execute deserters because they just start leaving

and they don't want anything to do with it. That's not even the third week. By the time you get to the third week, you've got huge congregations of, like, congregations of, like, like prophets and people proclaiming like the end of the world saying that the God Emperor has abandoned them and who has like damned them because they're all faithless. The people doing this were initially it's like, okay, well we need to we need to leave these as much as we can, only send in like police and our bites to try and to try and sort it

out. But it was far too late for that. It then turned into just battles between essentially cultists that had started to rise up and the planetary defence force just constantly fighting. Then, because the soldiers heard about it, they started manning the, like they started leaving the trenches, which were now full of blood, because it was raining blood for three weeks, and just abandoning their posts. So all the defensive lines were just completely empty.

At which point, the warp storm finally actually hits the planet. there's lightning split in the sky, there's nightmares that join form and like just incorporate themselves into reality to start slaughtering things. A good number of the population

are just driven mad instantly. Then the ones who go mad become like almost gods amongst men so what they think of becomes reality and then as the warp storm properly engulfs the planet, like, fully. Hundreds of millions of people just started to butcher each other

in some sort of blood-frenzied rage. Oh. Wow. And then, and then, the ground just falls apart underneath them. Fountains of gore sweep out, just taking everyone away, the dead, the dying, they're still alive, and the last person on the planet to die just heard laughing

before they were killed as their sanity was got rid of and then there was nothing left on the world it was just gone it was dead I thought you were going to say the last person became a demon prince

because they were strong enough to survive I mean that that would be a fair guess but sheesh would have been a better would have been a better fate I think. Yeah, that's,

oh, definitely. That's, that's, that's no planet Hawaii, that's for sure. So this is,

to look forward to, if there's a warp storm engulfing your planet. Holy geez. That's, I mean, the,

the raining blood for three weeks was the good part. That was, that was the, that was the, that was the, calm before the storm, as it were.

Yikes. You know, it's kind of, like, okay, so here's the thought, process. Could they have actually even done anything?

There's no way, right? Almost certainly not. Okay. I was like they probably could have left. This is planet-wide evacuation. And yeah, okay. What was the time frame? You said like four weeks? Yeah, it was basically in the span of

a month. It went from a normal world to a dead world that briefly became a demon world as it started reacting to the warp and the people living there. Yeah, and they don't even understand, like, what chaos is most of the time. So this probably really took them off guard. Oh, yeah. For these people, like, it was probably just, oh, yeah, this is hell.

Like, we've died and gone to hell. We're just going to suffer. And, yeah, because, yeah, most of the regular citizenry don't know anything about the warp and chaos and anything outside of their little planet. aside from, oh boy, the emperor's great. And the people you need to try and get assistance, as Shice pointed out, they're either dead or so insane.

They can't actually use their abilities to do anything. True. To call for any sort of assistance. Yeah, the astropaths are still screaming about that whole being, you know, locked in the place and having all the blood from every orifice pour out of their body. What, honestly,

probably be better. that you didn't try to help him, though, because I feel like if you try to shake an astropath, like, wake up, we need you. He would just blow your head off. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Probably best to leave the astropath alone. It'd go, it would definitely go bad. Possibly for both of them, potentially. Mm-hmm. Yeah, sure. But that is, that could be classed as, like, a not-too-bad fate when it comes to demon worlds. That's one of the reasons I brought it up early, because it's... Horrific and everyone died. But you're not alive to suffer because in 40K there are fates way worse than death?

Yes. Oh no. It could actually be worse than that. So sometimes there'll be occasions where demon worlds are like in real space for enough time that they can be visited by agents of the Imperium. So like inquisitors might be able to, uh, might be able to like land a place for party or examine a world. And that's where, like, in universe, where a lot of the kind of imperium knowledge of them comes from.

So there are some worlds that are just an absolute, like, just a cauldron of fighting, where it's just each chaos God has got followers who are attempting to take that world over for themselves. Or maybe the world is taken over kind of on like a cycle. So it might be that for a while it's taken over by Nurgle, and so it has certain almost symptoms of being taken over by Nurgle, like kind of lush gardens that emit poison, where everyone on it is just permanently diseased or wasting away. But then it might be that somehow, either through war or through just influence, corn gains control of that world, at which

point it's just one massive gladiatorial combat sort of session going on. Yeah, reflects the chaos god that has control over it. Yes, it's very dependent on which, like, facet of chaos currently has a hold over that world. So there's, there's, there's things like, you know, Inquisitors getting groups together, being able to go and examine these worlds up close, of people being, like, hunted down by demons over, over terrain that just constantly changes. issues with being attacked or, you know, confronted with the deep nightmares or worst fears that people might have, seeing family and loved ones die, no natural law.

So things like floating mountains just being a thing, or rivers of blood or wine, if it's a Slonash world. loads of completely impossible and improbable instances that shouldn't be a thing where this planet is if it's gone back into real space for a bit but it's still kind of affected by whatever entity has control over it and yes one of the one of the example ones of just how completely I guess nonsensical demon worlds can be

is there is a world called Oliensis, which is a planet, except it's not fully a planet. It's in the eye of terror, and it's actually just a massive, morbidly obese guy in the... Oh, it's the big dude!

I've heard... Okay, I've heard about this a million times, but I've never actually seen it. Wait, so it's not actually a planet. It's just like... A massive dude? Yeah, it's just a big obese man who is in a fetal position and is the size of a planet. And noise marines live in his paws.

Yeah, I was about to say this is a slanesh-coded planet if I've ever seen one. Oh, sure. Well, I guess it's to the max, right? It could be Nurgle, I suppose, but, you know. Yeah, it could be. Well, if it was shooting out boils and disease and burns. and burping rot. Yeah, it could be.

Shai said it's your mom, Ricky. How are you going to say that about your mom? She just said it's your mom. There are three separate people here that that comment could have gone towards. Yeah, but I was assuming she was talking to you because my mom is a saint. And you're telling me that my mom isn't?

No, I'm just assuming that Shai's being very mean to you. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So, yeah. There was an attempt, just for a moment, the temptation to say that that mind's no longer with us, but that would be a lie, so I decided not to.

That's okay. It's not just Alensis, though, because Alianis is, it's really weird, really creepy, just a guy floating in space, but is also a planet, people living in the pores itself. It's not the only one.

How did that happen exactly? Just weird, warpy chaos, Slenesh stuff turned a dude into a... Like, is, is, that is, do you need a special dude for that? Or is it just like, oh, yeah, it's just some dude. Please.

Make it sound like you need one specifically that can be inflated to the right size. He's special all right. Like, I know, I know chaos in the warp don't really have any, like, tangible rules or laws. Like, physics go right out the window. But, like, there's no, like, ritual or anything. It's just Slanesh is like, yeah, this person. They just, you would like... Okay, I like to think the concept that this is the morbidly obese person, but like their head has stayed the same size.

So it's somewhere on the planet, this tiny lump with the face. Just a normal size head. And the rest of them has just been increased. I mean, there is some fetish happening here. You know, in old-timey cartoons where you've got the tire pump and they put it in like the guy's mouth, and they keep pumping it and pumping it and he turns into a balloon. I like to believe that that's how Slanesh does it.

Now that, I'm on board. I'm on board with that idea. The old-timey cartoon one where they just keep inflating and inflating and then, you know. See, I'm, that works for me. I'm imagining, like, much like how a demon prince is, you know, you do something crazy good for chaos

and then you become a demon prince and then they reward you. I imagine this guy was like, was like, grade A, worker, employee of the year, years over, you know? He was, he was just this one guy that Sledge was like, you know what, man. Yeah. You know what?

Yeah. Like he like, like, like, single-handly took down a craft world or something. I'm not, yeah, I'm not sure how this is a reward. I feel like this is a punishment, isn't it? That's hard to, it's hard to tell. Well, Slash, it's always hard to tell what's a punishment and what's a reward, right? I think with all of them, I think with all of them, that's kind of true, isn't it?

True, yeah, but with Slenish especially, because who knows what a Slenish worshipper would think was punishment or reward? Yeah, that's fair. To go back a second, I remember this because this was a relic in 9th edition 40K called the endless grin. It is a fleshy mask of the still living, flayed face of a man who begs Slonesh to fulfill his wish

to live forever. The dark prince was only too pleased to oblige, gifting the unfortunate soul immortality, but also forcing to present his face to the chaos lord Sheikseh. After murdering the supplicant, Sheikseh wore the face as a prized reminder of the occasion for several centuries.

The endless grin has since exchanged hands many times, but the potency of its anguish has never diminished. Jesus. So, you know, whether it's a blessing or a curse is a great question. Yeah, yeah. Warp shenanigans. It's just like, chaos. Cajanigans.

Lovable scamps. You ask for one thing. You sort of get it in a horrific way. Yay. The old monkey paw, right? Shai has a better story. He was some starving peasant on a high world, and he wished he would be as fat as a planetary governor,

and Slinish rewarded him with endless stomach, and he ate entire population of his planet and became planet-sized. Actually, I don't hate that explanation. I think that's actually a... That's good. That's a fair explanation. I like that one. Yeah.

That sounds extremely... Like, that would be an Ace Flanesh Codex, 100%. Yeah, definitely. That sounds very similar to what happened to the endless smile, right? He was like, oh, boy, I want to live forever. And it's like, well, here's your wish. Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle. So what other, what other demon worlds do you got here?

Because I know of who, specifically. Actually, three. There's a bunch. The thing is he's not the only, like, big lad in space. So, so when Shai mentioned him... He's not the only big lad in space. He's not, he's not the only one. There's also...

I maybe could have phrased that a bit more. That's how it. There's also one called Pluvioris, which is kind of similar in that it's another kind of gigantic person. Flossing around. However, this one doesn't have noise marines living in the pores. This one has people living on its surface. So he still has people actually living on him. And when Pluvioris dreams, it like writhes around in pleasure and pain. And the people who live on the surface are people who are effectively being punished for. or like only chasing their dreams. Oh. They then end up living on this planet

that's actually, you know, a big lad in space. And whilst they're there, they've been cursed to live there. And while they're there, their imaginations kind of, are kind of forced to run wild. And every time they imagine, like, a new fear or something that they are,

like horribly afraid of. That thing is birthed by the planet crawls out of the nearest paw to the person who imagined the awful thing and then goes and murders them. Oh!

It's just the Stephen King It Planet. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, that is basically Stephen King's It the planet. They don't even get to die at the end of it because they crawl out of his mouth next night. So they get murdered by the thing they're scared of, then they are themselves brought back to life to get

murdered by a new thing that they're scared of all over again. Oh, wow, really? So, so even if they get killed on this planet, they just get rebirth just so they can endlessly die again to stuff that they're afraid of? Yes. Would this be a Zinchian or a Slenesian-coded planet? It feels Zichian. For me, it feels Zinchian, yeah. There's a few that are like not a hundred percent on kind of which God is currently controlled by that is one of the ones where I

wasn't 100% sure whilst I was looking at these I just know that it was absolutely grim I was just like oh dear God that's And people are sent to live on this planet as a punishment for like doing something bad or whatever or just because

ha ha this will be funny It's they've They've spent their entire lives chasing their dreams but they have a lack of faith, which is quite a nebulous, quite a nebulous sort of description. It's from a white dwarf article from a while ago, I think.

It was White Dwarf 282, which was quite a while. Yeah, because I was going to say there's no way you would choose to live on this planet or on this person. Oh, no, I think none of them do. I think none of them do.

As an example, just a place that you would never, ever want to be in any way, shape, or form, there is, I don't know how to pronounce this. I'm going to put it, I'm going to put it in, so that I'm going to give it a go. All right. Then you tell me, why is it put that as an image? You tell me, if you think I've got this right, you, Yagarnak. I, you know what I would say, I'd say Yarnak.

Yarnak. I think the, I think the H is silent. I'd say Yagarnak. I would have gone to Yarnack You garlic The garlic planet The garlic planet The garlic planet Close enough Yagernaq

Yeah I feel I like Yonat Why did you Why did you sound like Like an anime character Like learning something new It's like

No way Yaganerak Yeah that's like the That's like the way the dub says it Like the anime's like Yarnak And then the dub's like Yagernaq

You know Yeah. Anyway, so what is this planet? Does it like shit flies or something? It's not. It's relatively, it's relatively clean because it's not technically a world. It's a vast collection of like cages that are made from bronze bars that are permanently scorching hot. And inside every cage is a person.

And that person is there because they've drunk someone else's blood. And if they were witnessed doing that by one of the chaos gods, they get to stay in one of the burning cages forever. And the only way that they can stop it from burning them is to put their own blood all over the bars. Oh, so this is just the... The brazen bull? It is the brazen bull

But in like actual Actual Actual planet size It's some brazen bullshit That's strange You'd think a chaos god would not care If someone was just drinking blood Also it is kind of not a very

Corn thing to like torment these people That's not always like his schick Though I guess if he's just trying to get more blood Well that's yeah But yeah that's weird It doesn't seem like most chaos gods would give a goddamn if they found one of their followers drinking blood. That seems like a very normal, chaosy thing to do.

Then again, it's also very chaos to encourage a thing and then just not reward you for it or to openly go. And then punish you for said thing. Yeah. On the other hand, no, like, that's, that feels, that feels very, that feels very chaos. Yeah, you're right, you're right. What was I thinking? I keep thinking there are laws and rules. It's chaos in the warp.

Nope. All that shit is out the window. It's anybody's ballgame. The rules change. The points are made up and they don't matter. The points change. There's no rules. The points change and the people don't matter.

It's probably the... Yeah, something like that. Yeah, for some reason, I keep thinking there's some set of bylaws in chaos. There's not! They don't... I like... They're in it for shits and giggles. and that's what they're going to go for every single time.

Speaking of shit, you got a Nurgel planet for us? We've done some good, like, of the other gods. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's, let me find it because there's a great, there's a great Nova planet. This is going to be so gross, isn't it? This is going to be awful. This is going to be like a literal planet that's just a floating hunk of shit or something.

I don't know why you'd, I don't know why you'd assume that. So, we can, I mean, there is, there is plague planet, which is, is hands down the least imaginatively named demon world, which is, of course, the... Probably the most accurately descriptive. Oh, well, it is where Mortarian lives. So it's the home world of the death guard. And it is absolutely full of beastmen for a start, but like, diseased beastmen that are covered in flies. And they absolutely love it.

They love being diseased and covered in flies. And they have like full of kind of, yeah, well, I think you'll find I've got three more diseases than you have. That sort of attitude to them. Other than that, it's actually not that crazy compared to some of them. Yeah, that sounds like Nergel Paradise. Like if you have been corrupted by Nergel, that sounds like paradise. It's like, oh yeah, we are just rotting in our own filth. We're covered in disease, and we love it because we're Nergel.

and why wouldn't we love it? And hooray, at least, you know, we're not in bars that are tormenting us forever. We'd love to bathe in our own shit. So, yeah, if you're Nergel, that sounds like planet Hawaii. I mean, they do have Nergel, another Nergel demon world does have a ring of people dancing around the equator. So there's like permanently a massive chain of humans that just sings and dances the whole time praising Nurgle as they circle the planet. And as they go round and round, they get Nurgles rot, which causes them to then turn into Plague-Berry demons. At which point the plague-bearer then leaves to go and join Nurgle and new humans take their place.

which it sounds really jolly. Like it genuinely sounds like they're having a wail of a time. By comparison to what we've already heard, you know, I'll take that over, you know, infinite death at the thing that you're most scared of for all eternity, or being in a basically a brazen bull. I mean, it is kind of Nergal's thing, though, right? He's all, he's very jolly.

I always remember that one story of the, I think it was Vrax or maybe the other one where a great unclean one would run up and then just like projectile vomit into a crater left by artillery shells and all the nerglings would be like, yay, pool, and then start like playing in it. Yeah, a kiddie pool of vomit, yeah. Yeah, and it's just like, that's just, that's just nerdle. That's just what he's about. They're just having a great time. There is, there is Anathrax as well, another Nurgle planet. That is, that's a bit more weird, to be fair, because there's. loads of like mushrooms and fungus all over the planet that are actually heads with kind of

puffy eyes and they just permanently cough and sneeze mucus all over the planet and anyone who touches it immediately gets corrupted so land some space marines on there and if they touch it they will most likely be corrupted and turned into a band of chaos space marines well that that that that's but still, not as bad as all that other stuff. It's not. Like, I really feel like Nogel, when it comes to demon worlds, but it's not the worst.

There are definitely, there are definitely worst ones to, uh, to, to, to, to, to,

to, to, to, to, um, oh, yeah, and the disease factories of the plague planet.

So there's just literal factories, making diseases, sprawling abominations of gurgling pipes, bubbling vats, belching smokestats, and rusted cages, cramming with test subjects and living ingredients. Which is damn even plate planets.

Bezos is really expanding. Wow. Who knew? He was a fan of Nurgle all along. Who knew? Who knew? I always thought it was Slenish with all that excess. Again, it's still not the worst.

I mean, there's a few that are just absolutely horrendous. Ikoria is another one. Icaria is an interesting one because it doesn't rely on, like, out and out torture. There's still a bit of torture going on. It's still not great if you're a human. But Ikoria is made of glass and bone, and there are forests that are just covered in humans that have sold their souls. to try and get like rich.

So if they've kind of chased fortune at the expense of everything else, then they are kind of cursed to end up hanging in these glassed forests. And every 99 days, one of them, one of them, is returned to their normal life as if nothing had ever happened. However, however, they do remember their time. on the demon world of Icaria, and so eventually, usually in a matter of days, they go insane, which the demon prince who rules it finds really, really funny. And that's literally the only reason that he does it. Because they can go free, and it's like, oh, hooray, I'm free.

But their time on Icorahe, just makes them go absolutely stir crazy and they die. Yes, yeah. It's all about the false hope, and it's all about the idea to the rest of the captives on the demon world. that one day I could be free, but then as soon as you're freed, you've got at least, at least 99 days of agonizing torture just still in your memory.

I imagine the demon prince is like in this really big, like lazy, lazy boy recliner with like a nightcap and a thing of coffee and he's just like watching the person who gets saved and they slowly start screaming and he just spits out his mouth. potato's like, whoa, ha,

ha, ha, ha, so you said Icori is made of glass and bone? Yep. Is there a

picture of that? Because that sounds like it'd be a dope-looking planet. I couldn't find one, but it does

sound like one of the coolest ones. Yeah, that sounds like it'd be a rocking-looking planet.

It also doesn't help that it's also a type of moth, which sort of interferes with Google

image search results a little bit. I said it's like her knees. All right, grandma, back to bed. I've had a glass bones and paper skin.

White dwarf and stuff, so. Yeah, that, that, that sounds like it'd be such a cool looking planet. Oh, well. The, uh, there are, there is a, like, a nicer one that I'll bring up in a moment, but I think we're best to get one of the other worst ones out of the way first. So, there, there is a lot on this, on this. this demon world. Well, on a character related to the demon world. So there is a demon prince called

Gargachaloth, which is... What a cool name! It's quite the name. Zincian demon prince. Or was it a thingy of change? A thingy of change. You know what I mean? One of those. Is that the technical term too?

Greater demon, sorry, not demon prince. Yeah, there's a technical term. A thingy of change. The thing you've changed, yeah. That's my favorite. it. Yeah, the named one is the thingies have changed. Yeah, two heads. That's how you tell the difference. The thingies have the two heads. Yeah, exactly. Good call, Bricky. Oh, it's been a long day. Right. So, effectively, this greater demon of Zingh, Gargachaloth, I love saying that. That's a great name. It's a great name. Ended up claiming a world called Corian Nine.

and on that world, Gargachalath, he did something fairly hardcore, even by the standards of other demon worlds and 40K as a whole. Kind of had risen up a lot of cultists and prophets and the like, and they had been venerating one of the incarnations of Gargatilov and, you know, singing his praises, trying to draw more people in to worship God. Gargacheloth. And they wanted reward for this. They thought their reward at least would be eternal life, because that's something of a trend in all of this. Silly boys. It's never a good idea, is it?

And Gargachuloth is a greater thingy of his word and gave them eternal life by creating just impossible to count. so many torture racks and crosses on which the followers were crucified and kept alive pretty much permanently. Oh. So they were all hung up, they were screaming, and a nice little kind of indication as to just how grim the whole thing is. like the blood from their torture made the kind of space between real space and the warp thin

and eventually the Inquisition arrived to do something about Gargajilov because he was becoming quite a problem and when they arrived in orbit around the planet the screaming of the crucified people was so loud that they could hear it through their ships in orbit. Oh, wow.

That's a lot. Yeah. At that point, were they just like, you know what? We're just going to leave. We'll leave them to it. It's fine. Yeah, Shia was like, I'm turning the ship around. It's like, yeah, you know what? We can hear their screams through the hull.

Um, hmm, nope. I'm displanet as forfeit. exterminin on us and let's get the out of here. That's definitely a we're leaving moment, right? We're leaving. We're leaving. Sure.

It's, I mean, did they actually do anything about it or did they actually just like, nope, fuck this shit, I'm out? Oh, there was gray knights involved. They sorted it out. They sorted it out. Technically, it's now a dead world, not a demon world. So you can gather from that that it went okay.

Yeah, and now it's just a burn mark. I mean, all the people on it, they didn't make it. But, you know, the problem as a whole... I'm sure they're pretty happy about that, actually. You know, when they're... The people didn't make it. Really, the eternal crucified guys didn't make it. Hmm, no, tell me more.

They were fine with it in the end, though. Yeah, I'm sure. It turns out, real change your heart about the whole living forever, what is presented in that way. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So there is also Calax, so that's Fulgrim's World, which is the, it's named after the city on Kemos that Fulgrim was from. And that one actually sounds like a great place to be, kind of, because it's a pleasure planet. And it's all about the unending pleasure, except it is known as the Gardens of Hell.

So you could argue that that's, you know, a little bit worrying on the face of it. It's also described as being not a real planet, and instead it's the shadow of a planet being cast on the light of a dying sun, which sounds hardcore and even more impossible than most chaos-based warp nonsense to me. I don't know what that is, but it sounds cool. I was going to say, you said a bunch of words that I didn't quite, like, I know what these words mean, but when you put them together, it's like, what did you just? say. I think, I think it's but it's chaos. Like, it doesn't need to make sense, right? There's no laws. We've been over this.

There's no laws. Nothing applies. Physics right out the window. There's nothing off limits. Yep. Just do what you like. It's, it's chaos. It's a shadow cast on real space that you can live on. That's a sort of pleasure world. Okay. Hey, hey, fulgrim. Maybe like, hey, man, I've come to you from the future. And like, I'm a good bro.

Don't pick up that sword. You're not going to like what happens. Just leave it there. You don't need the sword. You've got a perfectly good one. You're like a primar. You are completely okay with just not picking up the sword. Sound advice from future Fulgroom.

Oh yeah, Fulgroom now spends most of his time recreating the old battles that unified his home world, fights and repeatedly attempting different strategies in search of the perfect victory to rewrite his history. Sometimes he even allows the enemy to win. win. Just, you know, for a nice change. Of course. Of course. Which is ironic, because seeking that kind of level of perfection is basically just what's the last once anyway, so. Yeah, kind of.

Yeah, yeah, very much falling into the same traps all over again, isn't he? Mm-hmm. But on that, on that world, on Calax, there is a couple of nice little details. So, constantly changing, because it's not really real world. It's a shadow on a sun or something. So might have oceans of blood. Might have oceans of specifically pomegranate juice.

So that's, you know, one day you could go for a nice drink by the beach and it'll be awful. The next day, really tasty. Also, if you are a pilgrim and you end up there because you want to worship Fulgim slash Slanesh, if you stop dancing,

then you'll be torn apart by demons. Oh, lovely. If you don't like dancing, don't go. I thought you were going to say if you stop dancing like you'd fall through the shadow and just land into the boiling sun or something and you just boil alive. That actually sounds really cool.

Right? Like in order to be on the shadow that's cast over the sun, you have to dance and be merry. And if you stop, fomp, you just right into the star. If I'm mistaken,

there's actually a Slanesh demon known as the mask of Slanesh that Slanesh has forced to never-endingly dance for all eternity. That sounds super familiar. Yeah, that's an A-O-S thing, isn't it? The Mask of Slanesh? Or is that?

I think you can run it in both, basically. Yeah. I don't know why they, I don't know why that happened to them. You know, let's look that up. So it's Mask as an M-A-S-Q-U-E. Yes. The mask of Slenish was once a demonet who was held in the greatest esteem by Slenish. She danced for joy.

and enjoy performance and etc. etc. Let's see. I don't know. I give up. It was so quick. It was so quick. Oh.

It's long. I thought this was going to be like a one paragraph explanation one, but it was, it was longer than I thought it was. And I'm like, you know, I'm still in this hotel. For whatever reason, you don't want to leave that inch. I please at least include it as a blooper. That would be just great. They just, I give up, whatever. This is too many lines to read.

I, mm-mm, nope. I've got to stop taking, like, sips of water at the wrong moment. The number of times I've nearly died, that one really... Almost got you. Really hit me. Oh, God.

Shai says she has an explanation, but she's currently typing it, so we need to fill some dead time. I think, I think she basically was, like, mocked her a little bit. Oh, okay, here is. Lesch was in a bad mood and the mask wanted to improve their mood with the dance. And Slash was like, you were mocking me by Fortnite dancing on my depression, dance forever.

Okay. Is that real? Yep. That's about right. As they watched the demonet dance, her faultless dance, Lanesh saw only a barb jest at their expense, a subtle mockery aimed at their wounded pride. So could bear no more and flew into a rage and laid a curse to condemn them to dance.

without eternity, unable to rest their limbs or take the merest pause. Wow. Jesus. I mean, there's being in a bad mood and then there's that, isn't there? Yeah. That's, I would argue that something of an overreaction, you know? It's like when the king, like the jester is not doing a good enough job, and the king is like, uh, off with their head.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, is that really an overreaction for Slanesh? There's a bit of a, there's a bit of a parallel there with, Fulgrim trying to do, uh, trying to do some sculpture and showing it to the really good sculpture guy who says, oh, it's too good. There aren't any flaws. And Fulgroom gets all sulky about it and decides that he doesn't like him anymore.

The really good sculpture guy, huh? I forget his name. You're really knocking it out the park with these, uh, technical terms. Was that the worst, like, uh, I was going to say he could have just said he went to the really good sculptor. but... You're referring to the part in Fulgrim, the book, right? Yeah. Yeah, that bit.

Oh, yeah, sculptor. I forgot the name of the... Oh, dear. Oh, no. Ah, yes, the really good... I need to find me a really good sculpture guy that he might sculpt me a sculpture. Even by my standards,

I feel like the, like, not even the technical terms, just knowing English has not been great, which is a real shame, because it's the only language that I can speak. So that's rough. That's really rough. Okay.

This technically, we're going to do something kind of nice. We're going to talk about something something that is, it's still technically kind of demon world-esque. It's more of a demon cluster. So there is something called the Rose Cluster, which was created. by a greater demon of Zich. And it's called the rose cluster

because it is in the shape of a rose, like petals and everything. So suns, planets, all of it is organized into the shape of a rose. It's also pink. Just a nice color of pink. And it's not just the cluster that is in the shape of a rose.

Zooming into the cluster and looking at stars, looking at planets, every single star and every single planet is also in the shape of a rose. So an entire section of space with multiple stars, a ton of planets, tens of thousands, possibly, given that it's a full cluster, all made to look like a lovely pink rose, and everything inside is also made to look like a lovely pink rose. And I don't know what life is like on those planets, or even if,

there is any, but just from the outside, it might be the nicest thing that any demon of any chaos god has ever done. Yeah, I was going to say, that sounds like it's kind of rock star. That actually sounds like it's kind of a neat little cluster to be just like this, you know, galactic rose. That sounds great, but a part of me is worried because if it's even like all pink hue, I'm like, well, how do you get that hue? That's a, it's probably a lot blood. Immediately goes to... I mean...

I mean, it's a chaos thing, right? To be fair. Yeah. I'll give you that. I mean, given how awful so many, so many of them are, you kind of have to assume that

probably, probably something horrible has happened to. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it is, it's zinch. So it's, I mean, it could, it could just be that everyone on there is,

like, Every person living in that cluster is also been turned into some sort of sentient rose, which is not the worst, but also probably very boring. You're not thinking Zincheon enough. It's pink to make you think that it's blood, but then when you find out it's not blood, you worry it's Slanesh, but then it's not Slanesh, and Zinesh just made it pink because he thinks it's funny. Fair enough. I mean, that's some Zincian mind games, so, you know. It's just a rosetta nebula in real life, which actually is quite a beautiful phenomenon. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, that's, that's.

You know, you know what's a really fun demon world that I like a lot? Wormwood. Wormwood? Wormwood. Yeah, it's what Vashdor turned Caliban into. Yeah, Vashdor took Caliban, turned it into a gigantic forest of demon. gears and various other like copper wiring

and stuff and just brought it back and it was like eat shit Johnson and it's great the actual quote verbatim eat shit Johnson that was that was what was written on the note he sent to him

afterwards it was just it was just that yeah it's funny because Vashdor is such like a like a melodical mechanical kind of person but he's not like a bellicor who actually would, I feel like, canonically say eat shit Johnson, but he's still a bit of a sassy man.

He doesn't like these things. Agreed. Yeah, that's a demon world technically. Giant world of gears and forests of demon engines. Yeah, definitely. And Vash Tor made it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did not hear me drop my phone.

I actually didn't. No, no one did. Oh, thank God. If you hadn't said it, I wouldn't have known, but now we're all judges. you because you said it. Well, the microphone isn't great. You know, I didn't know.

Yeah, well, now I know you dropped it. And now I'm judging you harshly for being so goddamn clumsy. If we're going to cut that out, can we cut out all the bits where I don't know what words are? Is that, is that okay? Or would that be too much content cut? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yuki, you Garnak.

Yeah. Hey, you, we're getting better on that than the word sculpting. like what if what happened anyway so there are 95% fair play shy fair play i can't even argue with it because it's true um don't worry kiriath no one no one will notice that you got all that stuff wrong because i am i am the canonically dumb one so everybody will concentrate on how stupid i am and you'll be you'll be you'll be clear don't worry you'll you'll clear the allegations i'll just have to man is it's not escaping the allegations The next one is going to be, I'm only going to have scripted responses, and that's going to be it.

Oh, then we're not inviting you back, man. This is the gold of the podcast. Like, come on. We're going to pull an AI generated response from your voice here. I was going to say, if you're not having me back on, we can't have this as the last one. We can't have the one where I can't talk. That's the worst way to go out. That's my personal demon world.

We can't be doing that. So you have to come back. you have to keep coming back, you're stuck here. This is actually your demon world, because you have to keep. This is the best possible place to end, you know. This is the Stephen King planet you have to live on, yeah. Oh, God, you need to keep coming back until you get an episode right, but that never happens. You just keep, you just keep getting rebirth, you know?

I keep crawling out of the big lad in space's mouth. Little did you know that you were actually. on, what was the dude's name again? Oh, the obese man? Polarvia or something? Pluvioris, that's it. Pulvioris, there you go. You remember that, but sculptor?

The idea of noise marines living in the man's porors just fucking throws me off. Yeah, that's so crazy. When you think about how each individual pore is like the size of probably like a city, it's just so weird gross yeah yeah also like does he sweat yeah yeah

brain link we share a brain cell wow look at us he's so excited I'm not the only dumb one yes as if we hadn't established that

like 35 minutes ago fair enough yeah what happens when he sweats or or like what happens if he bumps into something and he has to like, it'd be bleeds or something, you know? I mean, the armour's got to be sealed against, like, against atmosphere. So maybe they, do they just, do they just relax in the pool?

Like, it's a giant hot tub? What even is atmosphere on a, on a booth, like, or like, on, like, a world like that? Does it even have atmosphere? I mean, it's the warp. There's probably, they can probably be, it's probably, like, air-conditioned. They just decide what they want it to be, and that's what it is. Yeah. I mean, they're living,

on an obese guy the size of a planet. I don't think we need to be worrying about specifically what sort of atmosphere there is. Yeah, the obese guy planet. I wonder how the physics of the atmosphere work on it. Yeah, the GW guy that wrote this is just like listening to this and is like, I wonder how atmosphere works. And he's like smashing his face into the desk right now. Like, that's not the point.

That's not the point, you dips chits. having to order a new monitor from, like, the procurement department, because he's punched it repeatedly. Peak. Peak Warhammer discussion. How does Fat Man in Space atmosphere? Anyway, what else? Do we have anything else? Is there more? I mean, we could easily be here for like another hour. There are a good number of demon planets. But I feel like, I feel like, what's the atmosphere on the sweating obese man? is the best place to stop. Fair play.

Fair play. What do you think happens when he has like a rumbly in his tummy? Is it just like catastrophic earthquakes across the entire planet? A rumbly in his tongue. Is the bad dude sentient even? Or is he just like constantly asleep? Like, what even is this guy? What is this guy?

What is the core of the question? What even is this guy? What is this guy? What is he? Can he talk? If he like goes through a warp storm, it's like his shower. It's like, ah. Clemsing it.

Does he eat? Like, what does he eat? Does he? Like, if he gets a rumbly and his tumbling, is it because he ate something bad? Like, wait a minute. We're not asking the right questions here. What if the tyranids invade this? Oh, the biomass they could get from big guy in space.

He'd think just like, can you just imagine? I feel like the dude would just get eaten alive by like, a million biotitan ships. Oh, yeah. And they'd be like, they'd be like tiny little like piranhas like chomping on his,

on his love handles. Ew. That is, that, oh God. And then he would scream. And the blood that just flows out of that. But he would scream in pain,

but because his head is the size of a normal head on the surface, it just be this very far away in the background. It's like a squeak. Oh my God, please end the episode show. And curiosity, is there anything else or should we should we call it? I don't know how to recover from that. I feel like that's that's that's the that's the point.

This has been a this has been everything I always want from a curiosity. I just don't know whether that's a good thing or not. not evil. I just love... My thing usually hurts after Karioth episodes, and I love that. I just love the ingenuity, you know? It's like, you know, when we read Lion's Son of the Forest, and they had a giant moon of all the bones of the planet's population orbiting it,

and it's just like, what a great, like, wow, that's diabolical. Good job, writers, and I'm thinking the same thing here. The brazen-bull planets. Yeah. Here is your employee of the month Blackard. Here are some vouchers for therapy. Well done. We'll see you next week.

Is there a reason why all of the Sir, Sir, Mr. Workshop Employees subsector 5 number 14. Is there a reason why all of the civilians on your demon planet were the names of your close family members?

Here is a, you know, we offer therapy in our health insurance. plan. This is my therapy. You cannot simply call a great unclean one dad. You need to go back and do some of the apartment.

I can't publish that. Men will do literally anything besides go to therapy. You cannot call this great unclean one dad. Is there a reason you're modeling your great unclean one instead of the plague flail to have a belt

and it's hitting this plague bear beneath him? Oh God. All right. All right. Let's exit stage. right. Goodbye, everybody. I'll see you next week.