Adeptus Ridiculous - ELVES: RISE AND FALL OF THE ELDEST RACE | Warhammer Fantasy Lore

Episode Date: August 18, 2024

https://www.patreon.com/AdeptusRidiculoushttps://www.adeptusridiculous.com/https://twitter.com/AdRidiculoushttps://orchideight.com/collections/adeptus-ridiculousThe Elves, also called the "Eldest Race," are one of the most ancient and powerful of all the intelligent mortal races of the Known World. They are tall, slender humanoids who are inherently magical and live for millennia.There are three main cultures or kindreds of Elves in the mortal world: the High Elves (Asur), Dark Elves (Druchii) and Wood Elves (Asrai). Compared to humans, Elves are tall, fair-skinned, and slender. Most artworks portray them with high cheekbones, slightly angular faces and slanted eyes. Some depictions show them with black eyes, while others show them with normal pupils/irises. High Elves are often shown with blonde hair, [3a] Wood Elves with brown and Dark Elves with black but these changes are minor and the three groups are for the most part physically indistinguishable. Elves are slender in build but strong. Assuming they do not die a violent death, Elves are capable of living for thousands of years. It is not considered impossible for an Elf to live to the age of 6,000, although this would be extremely unusual. Most often an Elf will not die of old age in the human fashion, rather he or she will simply grow weary of the world's troubles and lose their passion for life, eventually passing away. Elves are inherently magical, and their long lives give magically gifted elves more than enough time to train their skill at controlling many of the winds of magic. This is in contrast to human wizards, who can usually only hope to use one form of magic. Elves are resistant to disease and to physical mutations caused by Chaos, although notably they are still vulnerable to Nurgle's Rot. There is also some evidence that Chaos can affect their minds in more subtle ways. Elves experience emotions and thoughts more intensely than most other races. At best, this can result in them spending centuries training or honing a skill to perfection. At worst, they can become "lost" in their experiences, over-indulging and losing track of reality.Support the show

Welcome everybody to the realm of Ridiculous, where we talk about Warhammer Fantasy and all the reasons why it is very mean to you and me in a sense. Before we get started, if you enjoy this podcast and you want to support us, check us out at patreon.com slash adeptus Ridiculous, where you get access to the Discord, bloopers, as well as awesome HD posters, and more. Check it out. Patreon.com slash Adeptus Ridiculous. and make sure if you have any hankering for some merchandise, including shirts, hoodies, desk mats, dice, objective marker, etc. They are all actually, I think we're waiting to get new objective markers. All the other things, check them out in the description as well.

And you can get that sick Croxigor poster. And you can get, oh, yeah, that's right. It's hulking abs. Sheesh. That's right. There is a brand new Croxigour poster as well. How could I possibly Possibly forget?

I consider myself very chronically single And very chronically straight And even I was blushing a little bit at the poster You consider yourself chronically straight So I said it in my head Because I thought it sounded like funny For like the bit And now that it's

Now that it's out in the ether I don't believe you for a second I don't believe you for a second What is that supposed to mean? I've seen what you're retweets. Where's the picture of like the dog? Excuse when, where, how.

Your Honor, he has no evidence. Slander. Let me find the picture of, slander. Of Whitney Chustin. All right, before this gets too far off the rails, we're here for fantasy stuff, right? Hell yeah, we are.

Not any other person's interest in whatever they happen to retweet. Fantasy. I found the dog. Here he is. Oh, I know the dog. Oh, you know the dog. I know the dog. I knew exactly what you meant when you met the dog. I'm not sure I have that dog in me, but we'll see. Hell yeah. Anyway, so, Bricky, are you ready for your quote? I'm ready for the quote. You're ready for the quote? All right, let's go. I have faith in you. You're what, two for four? Not bad considering you don't know fantasy, right? Yeah, I don't know anything about it, but I'm trying my best. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so, quote, our armies are the final.

in creation, swift where our foes are lumbering and cultured where they are barbaric. Give no thought to failure nor defeat. We are the children of Belank and we shall prevail. This sounds like elves. This is 100% elves. Yeah, I was like hoity tooty kind of like, yeah, I was like, this is elves. We are the children of Ulthwan and we shall prevail. I wouldn't even have gone in it if I like Oldthwan. I wouldn't have... Really? No, I don't know who the hell Orthwan is.

Well, we've talked about Oldthwan being like their main little island hub before. Like we talked about that in like the Skaven episode. I feel like we might have talked about it in the Humi episode. We've,

we've brought up that Oldthwan is like their, their home, you know, where that big vortex is, right? I'm too, I'm too used to, like, hearing Ulth Way. Oh, fair enough. You're so 40K-pilled that

Ulth 1 just is... Which is also elves in fairness, so that does work. Yeah. And so for like today's episode, if you have sort of like a cursory knowledge of just fantasy elves in general,

you're gonna have sort of like a fairly decent idea of basic elves and how they function in Warhammer fantasy. I mean, they do branch off and we will talk about them, but usually you have a certain picture in your head when you imagine just your basic elves in fantasy.

Like they're really good with magic. They have ridiculously long lifespans. They're prideful. They're really arrogant. To go along with that arrogance, they have a mind-numbing amount of hubris and that ends up causing them a lot of problems. Like any good fantasy race, oh boy, do they hate chaos. But they actually start out like relatively like compassionate. and understanding. They have a willingness to learn. They have a willingness to explore. They coexist with other races.

And apparently, elves put a lot of importance on their hair. Like, specifically, how long their hair gets is a sign of, like, how important you are, how good of a fire you are. And so they take their time to, like, really, like, decorate them and, like, put ornaments in their hair because, like, the hair is, like, oh, that's important to us.

So from the outset, they're kind of like your standard elves, you know, but it's going to get a little more complicated. That's just sort of like, you know, how the elves are right now. Wait, so real quick. So Shai says, so Bricky does not get confused. It's elves, not Eldar. It's Azure not Azuriani. It's Druchy, not Drukari. And it's Azurai not exudites.

Yes. Thank God I'm not going to get confused. Yeah, thank goodness for that. Well, so there is going to be a very important deity for the elves called Assyrian and not Assyrani. Oh, Lord. I mean, I get it. This is a template that it was based off of all the other stuff, but I am going to make a mistake. Yeah, that's okay, though.

We all make mistakes. It happens. It's good. It does. Wait, so, wait, they also put a lot of emphasis on their hair. So, like, having, like, really long, beautiful, braided fancy hair is a sign of power. Yes, it is a sign of how important you are. Oh, no, they found a way to make the hotter elves, the stronger elves.

Yep, yep, yep. And so, like we said in previous episodes, elves were seated in fantasy by the old ones. And they were specifically taught their really good magic by the slant. Specifically, the slon are like, hey, elves, we're going to, we're going to teach you some fancy magic. And once the elves became advanced enough, the old ones are like, all right, cool, you've done really good with the elves salon. They're learning well, so we're just going to transplant them onto Ulthuan, which is like

that big island with like the little sort of hole in the middle of it. And also, they're going to be like, hey, elves, before you go, understand that chaos is awful. Avoid anything chaos. Chaos juice is very bad for you. do not drink it. Isn't this the place that has like the giant swirling vortex at all times?

Yes, we will get to that too. Yes, this is the place that has that. Yeah, it's got that big hole in the middle. I guess it kind of looks like an eyeball a little bit or like a crescent moon maybe, like a sailor moon, crescent moon. But also, even though the elves were taught magic and they were seated by the old ones

and they were taught by the salon, they end up with like this different deity worship. system. So they don't worship the old ones. They don't worship the slon. They have this worship around the phoenix god, Assyrian, and this elven pantheon of gods, which is like this whole laundry list of gods that are split into either the, oh God, I'm going to butcher these names. It's either the Khadai, which are like the good gods of nature and happy things. And then you have the Sithari, which are like the underworld gods of sorts of sort of. of like negative stuff like murder and violence and treachery and all that those are the bad gods

but but they're the bad gods but they're not they're not chaos they're not chaos this is the elven pantheon of gods so they're they're they're the good gods and they're like the bad gods okay so underworld so it would be like Zeus to Hades but are they like bad gods or like is hate because Hades isn't like bad so to speak. Well, I mean, one of the Sithari gods is Cain, and he is literally the Lord of Murder. Oh, the Lord of Murder? Yeah, he is literally the Lord of Murder. We'll talk about him a little bit. Okay, as opposed to the Avatar of also Kane in 40K, which is the God of War. Well, I guess, I guess Kane would also be like the god of like murder, war, battle, bloodshed, sort of all of those negative pent up, you know.

So, but kind of, yeah. Okay, but they're both named Kane, K-H-A-I-N-E. Yeah, but God damn it. He's Elvin. He's, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. But at the moment, the old ones, you know, they're digging the elves. they're prospering. They're becoming really good with magic. They understand how corrupting chaos can be.

And I think generally speaking, the elves in fantasy are a little more resistant to chaos because they've been taught very early. Like, hey, chaos bad. Don't do that. And they start setting up their own towns, cities, governments. Most of their regions are led by like princes, princesses, maybe an archmage here or there. They have like elven councils where they decide how to make Ulthwan prosper, and everything's pretty cool. Everything's going well. Everything is going according to the old one's great plan. But then this pesky little thing called the Great Catastrophe happens. You know, remember when the gates just implode on themselves?

Damn it, I was hoping you're going to do like this pesky little thing called the humans arrive. And I'm like, yeah, let's go. Let's go. But, yeah, the two poles implode, giant chaos warp portals, and everything becomes a little less ideal for the elves. So while we know that the lizard men at the time are shouldering, you know, a brunt of the load trying to get rid of chaos, the elves are actually doing a fair job of defending Ulthwan from chaos. they're putting that magic that they learn from the salon to really good use, you know, and they're putting up a fight for Ulthwan. It's not good enough, and they're getting kind of dunked on,

but they're at least putting up a resistance. So it kind of sucks to be on Ulth One right now, and even though they're putting up a fight, it kind of looks like Old One's going to get just straight up overrun by chaos. I mean, that's a little bit surprising, too, because, I mean, okay, I'm going to try to tap into my World War II. two knowledge right here. It's not going to go. It's not going to go well, but like wasn't, tap, tap, tap, let's go. Wasn't like a really important part of the reason why, like, Britain didn't get

taken over is because it's like a big ass island and they were able to defend it because it's a big ass island and that makes things easy. I would assume, I would assume that the elves have, like, not the hardest time defending chaos because they have just a big ass island. I mean, actually, I think that's fair. Like, it's, it's, it is a lot. harder to like invade just like an island you know because you're you're you're tasked with like sort of taking the shores and it's a lot easier to defend all of those shores so I was also about to say but demons can also just like go open like a portal so but I wasn't sure if the Eldar had like the ability to be like you can't portal here no no nah I I'm sorry the elves not the Elves

I didn't even hear it to be honest with you I I didn't even hear you say, Eldar. That's, that's okay. I feel like we're, we're gonna be making that teen C-NC-19 mistake a couple times. Yeah, because we are, we are very 40-k.

I'm, I would be shocked if I didn't do it a few times this episode too. Okay, all right. So the elves would have like a no-no zone, but I don't know. Yeah, not that I know of, but it's, it's also the great catastrophe

where there's just so much chaos floating around that I'm not even sure them having an island matters. So, we get to talk about the first Phoenix king of the elves. So while all of this shit is hitting the fan, the elves have gotten, oh, say, a little desperate. They see the writing on the walls. They realize that there is no way that they're going to be able to keep defending Oothuan from the demons.

So they start just throwing prayers and offerings to the shrine of Assyrian, hoping that something sticks and they get an answer. anything. And specifically, an elf named Anerian was like, look, Assyrian, you can, look, just take me as a sacrifice. Just please save my people. And in the shrine of Assyrian, there's like this big wall of fire. And he, like,

he walks through it. And he just walks himself in. And he's like, I'm the sacrifice. Take me. And so he starts burning up. And wouldn't you know it? right when it looked like the fire was going to consume an Aryan and kill him and just leave nothing but ash he steps out from it no burns no scars and he is empowered by the will and the spirit of Asurian and he would be the first Phoenix king

and he is now juiced to the gills by Assyrian and so much stronger than he was before and now he gets to ride this dope-ass dragon name in Draugnir. Okay, he is, yeah, he's really dripped out. Oh, yeah. Phoenix Kings get a little bit of drip. Wait, so, oh, oh, Phoenix Kings.

Yes, he is the Phoenix King now. He is the Phoenix King of the elves. Ah, as opposed to a Phoenix Lord. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. Gotcha, gotcha. Now remember, all of this lore was first, right? No, I know.

I know. I'm not saying, I'm not doing like a, oh, they took from the 40K. It's just very similar. There's so many similarities, right? I'm groaning from the level of, like, copy your homework we're at now. Yeah, yeah, yep. And so, with the rise of the first Phoenix King of the elves, Oothuan finally has some hope. And all of the armies of Othwan rally to the Phoenix King and managed to temporarily drive chaos away from Ulthwan. It's not permanent, but still pretty impressive, considering they had their backs against the wall

and the great catastrophe is just spewing chaos everywhere. Bit of a problem, though, because there is... You know Keepers of Secrets, right? Yeah, of course. There's a named one named Enkari that shows up and kills Anerian's wife. Okay, that's not great. Nope, nope.

That is the Ever Queen. We'll talk about Ever Queens in a second. And in this attack, Byankari, his children, Morellian and good old his daughter, Yavrain. Oh, Jesus Christ. They are missing and presumed dead. I thought you would like that one of his daughters was named Yavrain. I really, I thought she would just.

love that. Is this like the keeper of secrets? Is this, is this Shalaxi Helbane, or is this just a keeper of secrets? This is a keeper of secrets named in Kari. Oh, wait, or is Shalaxi, or the named ones in Warhammer?

Wait, did we talk about, was there a Scarbrand in the prior thing? Scarbrand's a fantasy, right? Like, I think he's a fantasy. I honestly, I haven't seen him show up in fantasy yet, but again, like, chaos can exist in fantasy and 40K simultaneously. So it wouldn't surprise me

because like Cairo's fate weaver is in fantasy too. So could be. Okay, okay, cool. Because yeah, I thought I remember playing a scar brand in like the total war game. Okay, so, but the big one is Nakari, gotcha. Macari looks, I mean, I was just to say it looks evil, but that's a little bit like, yeah.

So good point. Yeah, because it's a greater demon of Slanesh. So yeah. Yeah. And as you can imagine, Anerian, not super happy about this.

And he kind of gets this like blood-boiling revenge brewing in his gut. So much so that he's like, you know what, chaos? I am sick of your shit. I am going to the altar of Cain, the lord of murder,

blood, and war. And at his altar, there's this cursed sword of unfathomable. power and I'm going to take that and I'm going to absolutely gear shit up. And while the elves right now are united under Anerian and they think he's pretty swell, most of them learn about his plans and they're like, hey, Anarian, maybe don't, don't do that. Don't do that.

Because it's probably a bad idea. And even as he gets to the altar of Canaan, he's looking for the sword, literally, the spirit of his wife shows up. The dead spirit shows up and is like, babe, no. But. Wait, I'm sorry. What do you mean, babe, no? Elaborate.

Like, even she's like, you really don't want to do this. You don't want to, you don't want to grab that sort of cane. Okay, okay. It's cursed, it's bad, babe, no. I was expecting, I was expecting perhaps like a bit, I don't know, a bit more than that. Also, this is, I know that we have, like, you know, spirits and all that kind of fun jazz in all these worlds, but it's just so funny how often I feel like people are dying, and they're just like, you know what, nah?

You know what, nah? It's like Croke. Like Croke died and he's like, you know what? You know what? I'm just not going to do that. Yeah, him dying actually juiced him up because he was like, oh, finally, I don't have to worry about that stupid body. I've chosen to live.

I've chosen to, what do we say to the god of death? Not today? Not today. Oh, okay. What's that from? Game of Thrones. Oh, I haven't seen Game of Thrones. I mean, it was such a prevalent meme. It's fine. I know of the meme. Like, you probably know of the red wedding, even though you've never watched it, right? I'm sorry to derail us, but, you know, like, derailing is half this podcast. So I've watched... More than half. I watched like three episodes of Game of Thrones, but way back in the day, my sister was a really big fan of true blood. So I watched like the first season of True Blood on HBO. It's like, it's like, like, the first season of True Blood on HBO. It's like, like the vampiry show. And I was like, I was like, wow, this is just like a whole lot of random nudity,

love, like weird love triangles, blood and gore and sex. And then, and like I went to Game of Thrones. And I was like, wow, blood and sex, nudity and like love, like incest and love triangles. I've seen it before. And then I never watched another episode. Ah, you at least got to the part where old Kinslayer does the funky chicken dance with his sister. Yep. Yep. a lot of interesting things there. Anyway, so Eldon wife is like, Elvin, Elvin, wow, it was the Eldon Lord now? The Elton, um, uh, Mikola, you, you twink get

off towards on. Curse you, Bell! Um, okay, so they tell him no, but I'm assuming he's like, nah, I'd win, and he grabs it anyway. Yeah, we've got that Elvin hubris, we've got vengeful anger, we've got arrogance. It's all on full display here. Anerian takes up the blade anyway. Now, while this sword is cursed to the gills, it's also super cracked, because this thing is known as the Widowmaker, the godslayer, the Doom of Worlds, Doomfang, and of course,

the Sword of Cain. I thought I've heard Doomfang before. That sounds familiar. I thought it sounded like that character in Overwatch with a big fist, but I think that's Doomfist. Yeah, that one's a little bit more. obvious. All right, all right. But this is just how crack this thing is. This thing is potentially stronger than Gal Maraz, the Warhammer. It is also like stronger than apparently any other

mortal weapon, super capable of slaying gods, hence the godslayer name. Like this is a world changing weapon in the hands of a Narian who is like the Phoenix king. And with this weapon, and Assyrian's blessings, he's about to go on a goddamn tear. But... Hell yeah. It's going to cost him because apparently drawing this blade

from the altar curses your lineage and your bloodline forever. So there is a price to be paid. So curses, as in like the cane will curse you in a way. Yes. There is

whole bloodline, his whole lineage, cursed for ever. Even though he's like kind of like even though he's your god. Right, right. Because the Eldar gods, Elven gods, the elven gods are not kind souls necessarily naturally. Like they don't have, I mean, I guess they also hate chaos, but they're not necessarily all nice. Yeah. And, and well, I get true.

I guess they're not all nice in 40K either, but you know. Technically, this sword is not. cursed, air quotes. It was just, it's literally a sword that was meant to be used by Kane, who is the god of war and murder. So really, mortal shouldn't be using it because, you know, using a God's weapon is probably gonna, you know,

fizz out your brain a little bit. So while it already kind of sucked to be on Ulthwan before, because you've got routine chaos invasions of stuff, um, the sword of Kane is kind of starting to make. and Aryan a bit more mean and a bit more blood-hungry.

Like, he is absolutely, like, tearing through chaos and stuff, but now there's, like, a lot more blood sport, a lot more gladiatorial combat happening. He's much more short-tempered with his friends. His ruling decisions become much more, like, brutal.

He's a lot more prone to just flying off the handle. And he's really not nice anymore. He does end up remarrying and having a child with a woman named Morathi who was a Slaneshi prisoner that he had to free.

Their child is named Malaketh. He's going to be super important later. So while it's cool that an Arian is like, you know, killing chaos and everything, his mood doesn't exactly make things like really cool on Othwan

so it's not like super great to be in Othwan because there's chaos and it's like, hey, Chaos is dying, but then it's like, ooh, Anerian's kind of like, he's changed. That sword has changed him. Well, he's not having the best of times, I imagine. I'm assuming he's like, God, I love murder. Yeah, he loves the gladiatorial comedy. He loves the blood sport. He loves, you know, he is more or less becoming like, you know, Kane's Avatar, more or less. Or I guess, Cain's Avatar. Not to be. confused with the avatar of Cain.

Let's not get... 40K. I imagine it's like not so much Cain's avatar. What's the phrase? Like like chosen disciple or you know kind of thing. Yeah, it does look a little familiar shot.

Yeah, yeah. Cain looks very familiar in 40K and fantasy. So, you know, it is what it is. I almost feel like this is necessarily a podcast that's going to get people in a fantasy. It's not going to get new people in a fantasy. fantasy, it's going to get 40K players into fantasy. Well, you know, that is part of the Venn diagram that needs to be filled.

That is kind of where we're headed in a little bit. Yeah, a little bit. So it's also around this time that the elves are like, look, it's great that an Arian's doing this, but like we need to figure out how to get rid of chaos fully. And so they come up with the idea for the great vortex, the big blue vacuum that's sucking up all the excess chaos funk and spitting it out through space. so chaos has to fuck off. And this was done by an archmaid, archmage named Caledore Dragon Tamer.

And he's using like powerful waystones and magic to sort of like, it's going to redirect the flow of energy with all these waste stones and powerful magic into this giant vortex. But the vortex takes a long time and a lot of magic to form. like they needed the slon and they needed every archmage in Ulthwan, all of them, even Caledor. And while they're making, while they're making preparations and trying to get all this done, chaos starts going crazy because they're like, oh, oh, we see what you're trying to do. And so a lot of chaos forces start trying to jump Ulthwan.

But Anerian, oh, he kind of goes God mode because he needs to buy time. And in order to buy time, he goes with the sword of Kane and kills four greater demons all by himself. All right. That's a little shenanigans right there. He kills a bloodthirster. He kills a great unclean one. He kills that punk-ass bitch and Kari who killed his wife. And he kills Kyros Fate Weaver. Oh no, he killed my babbling two birdhead boy. The babbling brook, he kills him. Well, kills, but yeah.

Yeah, yeah, you know. I'm assuming this is not the emperor's sword. Like, they come back. They do. They do. Okay. I wonder, I mean, clearly he's, well, okay, so would you akin him to more along the line? Like, at first I thought this was like the Karl Franz.

Is he more like the Sigmar for the elves? Yeah. Anerian much more like a Sigma to the elves. Well, a Sigma that kind of gets a little corrupted, right? So maybe if Sigmar was never able to really fully

overcome the crown of sorcery. Sure, okay. Because I wasn't sure if this was like the faction leader man like the Carl Franz or if this was more on the lines of like the guy they strive to be, well, they might strive to be, but you get the point.

Yeah, they strive, they would strive to be anarian before he pulled out the sword of cane and just rolls through four greater demons Jesus but to be fair he does roll through him but in that fight he is mortally wounded

but the great vortex is formed problem with the forming of the great vortex is it traps all of the archmages and californ inside of it but hey chaos is gone right well chaos isn't gone but the poles are significant

drained, there's not overflowing chaos, things have been rebalanced, so you know, you gotta crack, you know, you gotta break a few eggs to make an omlin, you know? And in Anerian's final act before he dies, he would be flown back to the shrine of Cain by his dragon in Dragnia and plunged the sword back into the altar, praying that none would ever draw it again

because he finally kind of realized, is like, ooh, this kind of was a mistake, but like I kind of had to do it for my people, you know. Oh, okay. So he, okay, well, unlike Sigmar, he's not sticking around then. No, no, he's not sticking around. He dies.

Okay, well, that, yeah, okay, so he's, like, is he, like, martyred? Well, I'm sure you're going to get there, but I'm assuming he's, like, martyred in a way. Uh, I, you know, I can't remember if they do martyr him. I mean, they must to a degree because even though, like, he died,

he did basically, like, save them, right? He killed four greater demons, made sure that the vortex got formed, but he was, he was, uh, he was very, very, like, he was kind of savage, too, at the end, like... How do you pronounce his name again? Anerian.

Anerian. Okay. Yeah, anerian. I mean, I just the way it sounds, it kind of gives me the vibe of like Eldar being like for you know for the the realm and with the power

of an area kind of stuff like before they go into battle or some kind of crap like that you know. Yeah. I don't think they do that honestly. Okay. I couldn't tell because like very often it's like the others in the empire like Sigma bless us you know. Oh yes

with the empire of man it's like oh for the glory of Sigmar but Sigmar also has a literal religion after him. He has the, he has the Sigma Wright cult. That is, that's very, very true. And you've also got

Grim-faced Mick asshole guy who like kind of helped with that. Grim-faced-missle. You mean Volkmar? Volkmar the Grim, thank you. Yeah, that's his name. I only remember the grim part because it's the funny part.

And he's not even that grim. He just gave himself that name because he thought it sounded cool. Meanwhile, meanwhile, what's the bucket's. Grim face make asshole. That's great. I'm going to jot that down for like a merch I didn't do. Meanwhile, his golden buddy next to him is just like, oh, don't worry, I pay for the train fare.

Didn't actually pay for the train fare. With lead. With lead. All right, anyway. So, aside from the fact, oh, yeah, go ahead. I was curious about this part here. So Shai says, he was anointed by their main god, created the system of Phoenix Kings and sacrificed his life to save his world, but he also cursed

his whole lineage with Kane's sore and his actions eventually will lead to some real shitty things. So he's like 50-50. Yeah, I was going to say it's almost like the scales of justice where it's like they're kind of balanced because he does a lot of good stuff. But then that sort of cane thing is going to lead to a lot of not great stuff. So yeah, it's, I am at, yeah, yeah. But aside from the fact that at this time your Phoenix king is dead, things are looking up in Othwan. You know, granted, they need a new king, but again, chaos held at bay, and Oth one, not rubble.

So, but again, problem is they need a new king. And like we already said, elves have a bit of an ego, bit of hubris, ton of arrogance, and so all the noble families are like jockeying for position for the next Phoenix king to be from their region. or to be their prince or to be their princess. And they're doing, essentially, they're doing everything outside of actual violence and fighting to sort of like prop up their person to be Phoenix King.

And apparently the way elves decide the Phoenix King is apparently it is specifically a year after the Phoenix King dies, you need to have picked a new Phoenix King. and I think they reserve 30 days for the election. And then the Phoenix queen always gets an ever queen. But the ever queen isn't elected. The ever queen is just like a hereditary line. It's just, it is just hereditary. The ever queen is always, like, passed down.

I'm not sure if it's just because they want the queen's lineage to be, like, pure. But, yeah, so you got your Phoenix king and your ever queen. It's a lot better than what happened with the last time we talked about this in the recent episode with all the inbreeding. Oh, yeah, a little bit. Yeah, it's a little bit better than that. That's good. Yeah, yeah.

And so now Maliketh, who is that son that Anerian had with Marathi, is thinking he's like, oh, I'm a shoe in for this. Like, I got the noble blood of the last Phoenix king. He's actually really solid military leader, really great with magic. Even for an elf, he's like really good with magic. And everyone's like, oh, Maliketh does have a super bright future in Old Swan. A few problems with Maliketh, though, and a few reasons why people are like,

ah, maybe he shouldn't be leader. The elves are worried that Maliketh was raised under Anerian when he was at his worst under the influence of the sword of cane, so surely he must be a little bit brain damaged. You know, there's got to be something wrong with the clock ticking upstairs. And to be fair, Maliketh was kind of a hot head, and he was kind of a hot head, and he was kind of prone to making rash decisions. They also worried about the whole sort of cane thing in general because, you know, it cursed Anerian's lineage forever.

And the sort of thing that sealed his fate for not being the next Phoenix King is Anerian's other two children, Yvrain and Morelian, they were actually found alive, which brings up a problem because Yvrain is the rightful Ever Queen, and she wants no part in marrying her half-brother Maliketh as Phoenix King. Also, isn't she cursed? Well, I wonder if they suggest that Yovrain isn't cursed because she was born maybe like before he drew the sword of cane

and maybe it's just his lineage since then? Because I don't think anything really super bad happens to Yvraine. Well, like, does that mean that, okay, so if he drew the sword and then he just didn't bone anyone, does that mean it's just him? Or, like, I'm assuming it curses his lineage as in like the rest of his folks. Yeah, well, so after he pulled it, he does bone, well, he has a child with Marathi. Oh, okay. And that's how you get Malacath because he had already been cursed then. So his lineage.

Oh, right. Sorry, Malacaz technically one of his, that's true. Yes, yes. It's one of his new kids. That's one of his new kids, correct. So Yvrain is chilling, but Malacath is not. Yeah, yeah. And Morathi, there's a picture of Marathi.

She seems nice, right? Oh, she reminds, so I'm finally playing Baldur's Gate, right? Oh, yeah, let's go. She reminds me a little bit of Will's patron devil I just met, Missouri. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's like kind of a baddie, don't get me wrong, but she's also like a royal bitch. Welcome to every Baldersgate three player ever when it comes to her, by the way. That is how every, well, that's just how everybody that plays the game feels.

Oh yeah, she's a baddie but a royal bitch. Yep. That's everybody. Dude, everybody feels that way about her. Hell yeah. All right, all right. But eventually, oh, go ahead. Does she, does she seem?

So, okay, I don't want to judge a book by its cover. She is exactly what you think she is. Okay, so she's evil shit. Yeah, pretty much. All right, cool, all right, cool. Because she was riding like a demonic flying unicorn and also, like, casting black magic out of her arm. Yeah.

She could wear a bit more armor, I'd argue. Like, this is straight out of World of Warcraft bikini armor, but you know what? Yeah, kind of. I'm sure this was back in, like, 2002. so whatever, we can chill. Yep. And eventually Maliketh, he accepts like, okay, I guess I'm not going to be Phoenix King,

and he kind of kneels graciously before the chosen Phoenix King. His name is Bel Shinar. Or at least he pretends to. He's like, okay, fine, I'll graciously accept defeat, but he's kind of coping and seething a little bit.

And of course, Marathi, his mother, is furious. And she thinks it's absolute bullshit that Maliketh is being passed over. She brings up a holy fit, but it is what it is. Yes, and that is her in the Total War Games, if you were curious, Pricky. Oh, thank goodness. I'm so glad we made sure to put the red jewel so we know where the nipple is despite the fact that it's being covered. Thank God for that one. Yep. I mean, she's fit, though. You gotta give it. She's fit. Oh, yeah, you got to get, I mean, yeah, that's fine, but also,

what the hell? So anyway, she's pissed off. Yep. And actually now it's a really amazing time to be Elvin. They basically have like this little golden age. Like they are actually expanding and exploring

the lands outside of Ulthwan now. They're settling on the mainland. Maliketh is out exploring, but he is coping and seething and malding hard from not being king. But he's kind of keeping that close to his chest. He's not

making it obvious. He's like, okay, you know, at least let me go out, let me, let me distance myself from the Phoenix King, let me be productive and, you know, maybe my time will eventually come. And in one of the most unheard of fantasy things ever, the elves, with the help of Malacath, who makes like first contact with them, actually become allies with the dwarves. So they're on friendly terms with the dwarves, and they start fighting like the greenest, like the greenest, skins together as friends, as allies. And Malaketh making pretty good name for himself right now. And the elves are like, hey, not bad Maliketh.

And even the Phoenix King is like, cool, you're going to be my new ambassador to the dwarves. Good job, Maliketh. Thumbs up. And while Maliket is out exploring, he finds these crazy abandoned ruins in the icy, hellscapes beyond even like the empire Bruton he finds like this icy hellscape and he finds these

ruins and he's not really sure whose ruins they belong to because I'm pretty sure they're very obviously not human, they're not lizard men they're not elven and they're not dwarven. They are just these spooky frozen ruins

and in these spooky frozen ruins he finds this weird looking crown circlet and it's all like twisted it's got like it looks like it has like kind of antlers circling around it I think it's specifically

called the circlet of iron and it is it looks very evil. This crown looks super evil and of course instead of ignoring the obviously evil infused crown what do you think he does Bricky

I love it every single time they just see this thing like damn, I love power. Couldn't be me. Only the weak people get infected or get corrupted. And here we are once again. Yep. He puts this freaky thing on

and wham! His spirit takes this journey through all of the realms of chaos. Like he is perceiving everything. He goes schmoving through the realm of Zinge. He goes schmoving through the realm of

corn, Nergel, the whole. nine yards, he can see the Lizardman territory, he can see the elven territory. He is literally perceiving everything when he puts this crown on. And so the crown also

gives him this absolutely massive power boost. And if Malakath wasn't already a strong, cocky, arrogant son of a bitch before, now he's like just roided up on his own arrogance with these new powers. And I think his mind

is literally like, you know if I wanted to, I could probably control chaos with these new powers. That's what he thinks? Yeah, that's what he thinks. I think he's of the mind. He's like, you know what, I could probably control chaos. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

Maybe. But things are going maybe a little too well in Ulth one. And stop me if this sounds familiar to you. But they start partying a little too much. Stop. This sounds familiar to me. Oh, no kidding. Oh, goody.

Okay. So, wait, I'm sorry. One more time. Which person grabbed the crown? Malacath. It was Malacath, right? Okay, okay. So, oh, no.

They start partying a little too much. They maybe get a little too hedonistic. They start giving into the pleasures of the flesh a little too often. And, you know, things are getting a little out of control because, while they're doing all this, there is the budding problem of the cult of pleasure. Oh, God. Stop. I've heard this one before.

Yep, it is the cult of pleasure, and it is dedicated to Slanesh, and the cult of pleasure actually founded, and all the followers follow his mother, Marathi. Do you mean the one that's a spitting image of a dark Eldar succubus? Yeah, pretty much. Great. So Malacath, not the dog from Eldon Ring, that I've been, that's been having a hard time for this whole episode, has the super duper evil crowned. And now they have a whole bunch of cults dedicated to pleasure with their barely clothed mom. Yep, yep, yep.

And the cult is gaining maybe a little too much prominence in Ulthwan. and people are like, hey, Belchinar, you should probably do something about this, but he's getting really wishy-washy, because he's like, but we've been prospering so much. I don't want to just like start murdering my people, and he's just very on the fence about what he should be doing. And the elves getting a little sick of it, you know? They're getting a little sick of Belchinar being wishy-washy. They want him to take action against the cult of pleasure because it's getting out of hand, because it's Slanesh.

What are you doing? You should be doing something. And also, so with the cults of pleasure, it should be noted that, so Slanesh in fantasy does really love eating elven souls because they are basically damn near immortal beings that have had a lot of time to marinate in the flavor of excess. Stop. No, I'm done, I'm done. Yeah, that was my last one. But she loves the way the souls taste, but souls in fantasy aren't necessarily predetermined to go flying to Slanesh the way they are in 40K. She will prioritize going for them, but they're not sort of like predetermined to do it.

And it's also around this point that Maliketh has, he's making his way back to Ulthwan, he's juiced up, he's got the circlet of iron, and he's sees everything going on. He's like, oh, God, I need to do something about the cult of pleasure. You know, I need to help the people. And I'm sure it was a, you know, self-serving thing because, you know, he wanted to make a claim to the throne. And even when he finds out that his own mother is leading the cult of pleasure, he doesn't really have any emotions about it. He's just like, ah, fuck this bitch. And he locks her ass up with the rest of the cult of pleasure, because he goes on a tear and he starts getting rid of the cult of pleasure. He starts locking him up and all this stuff. And it looks like he's really like cleaning house. No, no, no, don't do that.

No, don't put the cult of pleasure in cuffs. No, you don't know what you're doing. Don't put them in prison. They like that. No, no, don't put them in the stocks. No, no, no, don't whip them. No, no, no. And the next part, little confusing from what I've read, because it goes something like this. So even though Marathi is like imprisoned and he's like, oh, forget her, forget the cult of pleasure, he secretly grants clemency to Marathi on the condition that she gives leadership of the cult of pleasure to him. So they're like kind of cool again. They're kind of working together again. And now Malikath has like this sort of secret army of cultists of pleasure from Slanesh.

So he's being a little unsavory at the moment. Also, there is a bit of a running gag that Marathi may have slept with Malaketh more than once Like it's heavily implied from I think it's an old Old fantasy like codex I don't think they're called I think there were just army books back then or something His mom? Yeah

Okay so remember that chaos night world we're tasked about Yeah Also but from what I've heard the elves aren't Don't super care too much about that Because I guess elves are like sort of like pseudo-perful so like there's nothing necessarily bad that's going to happen to their kids because all of their genes are perfect. But it's heavily implied in an army book and then I think GW like retcon did a little bit and they don't want to talk about it anymore because you know that's a little weird. So cult of pleasure is is like completely out of control still.

Even though Malaketh is like, you know, oh guys don't worry, I'll take care of it. Malacath is like, hey, guys, we need to call a council meeting with all the princes and all the princesses. And we need to figure this out. We need to figure this out. And the idea was Malikath was going to be like, hey, give me control of all the armies of Elthuan. You know, give me control of them. And wouldn't you know it, when they hold this big meeting, they find out that Phoenix King Belchinar was dead from poison. Could you believe it? No.

The Phoenix King. Dead! Poison! I can't believe. No, how could he ever? How could this happen? Who could have done this? And Maliketh was like, oh shoot, no Phoenix King?

Guess I'll have to be Phoenix King then. But much like you, the princes are like, dude, what are you even talking? It's obvious you poison him. It's obvious you killed him. You're a son of a bitch. to which Malaketh replied Well, he didn't reply anything He just killed any prince who questioned him

And nice He's like oh really counterpoint Stab And huge fight breaks out Between Maliketh's like traitor Cultus and these sort of like Loyalist elves Saying loyalist elves is weird

By the way Loyalist elves Seems weird Anyway, during all of this fighting that has broken out, Malaketh does something monumentally stupid. Remember how we talked about how Anerian became Phoenix King? He has to walk through the fires of Assyrian and show that he's worthy of the title of Phoenix King. Yes. To become Phoenix King, you have to do that.

You have to. Every Phoenix King has to walk through the fires of Assyrian. to show that they are worthy of being the Phoenix King. And Maliket decides, you know what, if I'm going to be Phoenix King, I need to do that. Which again, really speaks to how arrogant he has become. Because, you know, he's like, okay, Phoenix King time. I am going to walk through the fires and it's going to be great and I'm going to be Phoenix King and all that.

You know, hooray. So he does, and he steps through the fires of Assyrian. And as soon as he does, the god Assyrian, the phoenix god, can literally see everything that he has done. He can see that he's been conspiring with chaos. He can see that he's been conspiring with the pleasure cult. He can see that he murdered the previous Phoenix King with poison. He sees all of the shenanigans. that Malaketh has been up to

and the fires of Assyrian find Malaketh unworthy. Oh, and so he just burns alive or whatever? Yep, the fire burns the ever-loving piss out of Malaketh and leaves him a charred, barely alive piece of beef jerky. Oh, wait, he's still alive?

He's still alive. Marathi and some of their loyal followers were able to. just barely save Maleketh in the nick of time. So he is alive, barely, and he's not doing well,

but he is alive. Okay. In unending pain and suffering from the sacred flames of Assyrian, but he's alive. Well, yeah, no shit. Clearly he was not what we would call worthy.

Like I said, such a, like what did he think was going to happen? Oh, oh, yeah, Assyrian will see how. powerful I am and how good I am for Othwan and just completely ignore the fact that I am essentially worshipping chaos

and killed the Phoenix King and like, I don't know what that man thought was going to happen. He thought what all Eldar think. Nah, I'd win. Yeah, yeah, yep. They, like I said, they are a prideful, arrogant bunch. And as you can imagine, all of Oldthuan is now engulfed

in a brutal, civil war. And a lot happens during it, but we're going to condense it down a little bit. So at this point, we are essentially going to call Malekest forces the Drucci. They're the dark elves. And the normal elves, they're sort of like the high elves. And we'll talk about the sort of what makes a dark elf, a dark elf in a minute. But very common meme for Maliketh that I love, and I would be remiss not to mention, is that he is more or less the dark elf version of Darth Vader. Um, he, he gets a little too big for his

britches, he gets a little too arrogant, he gets burned to a crisp and is in never ending pain and suffering from his wounds and burns. And much like Vader, Maliketh actually gets fashioned this really dope-looking,

magical black armor. And this black armor is literally fused to his body. He can't take it off, but it allows him to function again. He looks so angry. Oh, yes.

He looks like he's molding it to it so hard. Yeah. Though he's pretty dripped out though. He is, he is. He gets a bit of a power boost again. He's got his crazy, the crown is fashioned

into his helmet. And it does, it does power him up a little bit. He's still in never-ending pain, though, just like Darth Vader, like the burns of a suri and just kind of never go away. I think I read that the armor might make it a little more like palatable,

like it's not as mind-numbingly painful, but he still just constantly is feeling it. So at least he's allowed to take the battlefield again and fight against the high elves in this just obliteratingly mind-nummingly big civil war. But even still, even with Malaketh, their forces are kind of getting, I don't want to say bodyed, because it's a big civil war, but they're losing. Even with his massive strength, even with Marathi's pleasure cults and all that,

it's still, their backs are against the wall, and it's looking like Malaketh's forces and the Druchy are probably going to lose. So they're kind of like, you know, we're out of options. backs against the wall. You know what? If we're going down, we're taking all the elves with us. And they decide

that they are literally going to try to break the great vortex that is keeping chaos at bay. And tries the elves might because the elves got like, they got a little warning that that's what the Druchy were up to

and they're trying to like set up all their defenses. They're trying to stop them. And actually, they can't stop Malaketh and Marathi from breaking the great vortex. and for a short time, the Great Vortex stops and it breaks and it falls. But since the Great Vortex fell, that means, hooray, the archmages and old Caldor Dragon Tamer are free from the vortex, which, bad news from Maleketh and Marathi, because now the Hilels have all of their archmages, the best mages, and super, super juiced up Caldor, and they're able to not only drive off Malaketh and Marathi, but they're able to restore the great vortex.

So, okay, so Malacath and them are being like, they're off to form their own society. Yes, yes. They, they've sort of built up their sort of, I think it's mostly along like the coast. They've built up like these castles, these dark castles and very obviously sort of like, you know, very very dark, elf-like, you know. Big spires. Big spires, black and purple, you know. Mm-hmm. All right.

But since the Great Vortex was down for a short time, it still had some kind of nasty side effects. Like, apparently there was this massive tidal wave that was like a thousand feet tall that swept over Ulthwan. And when the Great Vortex went down, there was like this psychic shockwave that apparently the dwarves on the mainland

could feel in their holds underground that pulsed out over Old Thuan shitloads of elves are dead the tidal wave goes crazy the shockwave is killing people and another nasty side effect because Marathi and Maliketh still alive but those castles and those settlements

that they built the tidal wave essentially is so strong that it literally rips those dark elf like settlements and castles off of Oldthwan and sends them floating.

They are, a lot of their castles are literally floating in the ocean until they finally stop and end up taking shop in the north in a place called Nagaroth, the land of chill. Because it's frozen, not because

it's like good vibes or anything. Okay. I gotta be honest, looking at the picture I just posted, I think it's quite the opposite of good vibes. I consider that quite bad vibes. Yeah, yeah. And so this is sort of where the separation of High Elve

and the Drucci come from. This is what's known as the sundering. So, now we have a proper place for the Druchy to sort of set up shop. So let's talk about what makes the Druchy like the Druchy, because

they're kind of similar to their 40K counterparts, but not really. And I think this quote is like a great way to start describing them. So the quote goes like this. Who are they? They are sorrow, pain, misguided

souls bound to darkness led by a damned prince who refused to accept his true destiny and will one day suffer as no other because of it. They embrace chaos with open arms and much of their debauched society,

is given over to worship of Cain, the Lord of Murder. They live in fear, comforted only by the lies they repeatedly whisper to each other as they nurse old wounds. They are terrible. Seek them not, I will say no more. So not the best of friends. No. Yeah, so the Troutier are a pretty vengeful bunch, and they are like forever trying to get back at the high end.

for the sundering. Like, there can literally never be any peace between them, which makes sense, because high elf or drucci, they're so full of themselves, I don't think either side would ever stand for negotiations

or reintegration anyway. But, much like their high elf counterparts, as far as just age is concerned, they're still basically immortal, as fantasy elves are. They are just, as shy said,

in chance. fantingly beautiful. While the high elves normally have like blonde hair, the Drucci have black hair, and their skin is usually a more ghostly pale color, which I think they had before,

but now they've set up shop in an icy hellscape with like no sun. So it kind of gets amplified a little bit. Another little interesting tidbit I was reading about the Druchy is apparently they constantly break alliances and friendships that they make because, well, they're dark elves, but also,

because apparently dark elves are such silver-tongued devils that they can basically talk their way out of any situation. So they love to manipulate, coerce, deceives, and otherwise be just giant dicks about everything just because, like, ah, I can. I can talk my way out of it. It doesn't matter. They also follow this creed of sort of like only the strong survive. That's kind of like their mentality where it's like if you're strong enough to take something from someone else, you deserve to have that thing and good on you for taking it. Which makes sense.

That's okay. It's kind of like a little, it's a little dwarven. I guess that is a little dwarven, isn't it? A little dwarven there. But, but I mean, for the most part, this is pretty clearly like the, the, the, Dracari version of like it's it's it's dark elves they love their torture and their murder and their silver tongue devils who constantly backstab each other basically yep yep okay um classic yep and i think i'm going to talk about this later but i think one of the funniest things i read about the

dark elves is someone commented this or something somewhere um but since they don't really have to worry about like the whole slanesh thing um it's something like yeah you know when a dark tortures you, they're doing it for the love of the game. They're not doing it because they have to, or because it prolongs their life, or it keeps them further... They do it for the love of the game, baby. They do it for the fun? Yeah, they're doing it because they want to save for it.

They don't have to do it. They just love it. Okay, so they're a little worse. Yeah, they're actually a little worse, because at least the, the Dracari have a reason for it. They're just like, nah, it's just fun. I guess in fairness the Jukari do love it too in a way. But like, so are there torture methods as extensive? Hmm.

I haven't seen a ton on their torture methods actually. I have to believe they're just as bad. They're not nice. They're not. I can see that there wouldn't be nice, but also it's very much like, well, you know, like, okay, hey, this is clearly not a very good method like oh this is painful but at the same time like is it turning like someone into a sofa for like a 10,000 millennia or whatever not that i have found i think they're just really debauchrous and just really you know i i'm fairly certain they don't do like the i'm gonna turn

you into a like a towel for all of eternity and you're just gonna be like you know um they they just do the your standard fantasy torture you know okay so just just classic like whips and chains and treat their slaves like crap and, you know, okay. And boy to the Druchy, I did it, damn it. The Truchy love having their slaves because their whole empire was just, they're like, do you expect me to build stuff? No, no, no, no, no, no, of course not. Slaves, we are going to enslave everyone around us and they are going to build all of our

stuff for us. Wow, the repercussions of slave Leah in Return of the Jedi have had longstanding effects on a large amount of fantasy genre concepts. Yeah, a little bit with that picture, sure, sure. But, I mean, it all makes sense because now all of their worship is squarely around Kane, that cheerful Lord of Murder, Violence, and War that we mentioned before. and they aren't supposed to allow the cult of pleasures to worship Slanesh, like Malaketh strictly forbids the worship of chaos. But Marathi does it anyway, and so do a bunch of Druchy and Secret there. The pleasure cults are still rolling around.

I think it's mostly because it's like it's his mother, you know, and she's helped him out so much that he's like, I don't want to kill her, but like, oh, God, she's being kind of a pain in the ass. and oh my god just at least at least stay out of my business mom so there's still bunches of pleasure cults also I was reading that they're not

above actually summoning chaos demons even though they like don't oh don't worship chaos because I think they have that mindset like you said before of like ah I'd win you know chaos can't control me I'd win I'd win no big deal I'd win

so there is no okay so unlike in this case in the Jukari they don't fear worship Well, they don't like to worship chaos, I assume, on a grand scale, but some do anyway, because there's not really like a repercussion where they eat their souls immediately or something. Yep. Yep. Okay. Okay.

Can Malacath even kill his mom? Because he's like, I don't want to do it. But like, his mom seems really powerful. I feel like if Malacath and Marathi one v. one, Malacath would body Marathi. I don't know if I'm just underselling Marathi because it seems like she is always getting, imprisoned and beaten and whatever so like a part of me is like if malaketh wanted to he probably could she is super manipulative that is true that is true i guess we've kind of been understating

how manipulative and slanesh she actually is right so but still it's like it's maliccath though so anyway um as you can imagine malacqueth the witch king as he is known, is the unquestioned ruler of the Druchy. You do not step to Malaketh. You do not question his rule unless you want to die. And he has a posse of 100 trusted advisors called the dreadlords, who are also people that you really don't want to screw with. And fun little fact about the dreadlords, I had to mention. Most of the dreadlords got their position because of like their bloodline, their lineage was super cool, Malichath respected them.

But apparently, if you're a regular Dark elf, you do something super amazing for Maliketh, you gain a spot in the dreadlords and you obtain what is called the writ of iron. Couldn't find a picture of it. W-R-I-T? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Couldn't find a picture of, but I got to believe it's like

actually a writ made of iron, like a big badge that you got to wear on you at all times. And if you disappoint Maliketh, or you fail or you fall out of his favor or something bad happens like that, they melt the writ of iron down until it is molten and pour it down your throat. Oh, so it's basically like the golden, like the melted gold thing, but this time you got to eat it. Yeah. Yeah, right down your throat. I mean, I've heard, considering all the things

the dark elder do, I think I may have heard worse, but also holy shit. Yeah, that's pretty bad. That's pretty, you know, molten down the throat. Not great. Not great. And wish I could go into all their military forces, but we're already running a little late. But because the Drucci basically, for the most part, don't have to worry about the whole Slinesh thing, they're totally okay with using black arts, magic, that kind of stuff. But only women are allowed to wield magic. Men are forbidden from using magic because there is a prophecy that states that Malaketh will be overthrown by a male druchy that is wielding magic.

So to make sure this prophecy never happens, it's just men are not allowed to use magic. There is sort of an exception. They're called Doomfire Warlocks, but they're basically hollow and they've had like their souls kind of sucked out of them, or they're constantly getting sucked out of them by either, like, Slanesh or like Malaketh and what little soul they have left, they can like constantly feel Malaceth's grip on. And so they're not really in a super happy, fun place, but technically an exception. They also love making use of beasts like harpies, dragons, mantacores, and hydras, to name a few. And there is one last event we have to talk about, because

this is going to lead into the formation of the wood elves. So, um, we were talking how like the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the druchy, you're never going to forgive the high elves. They're always looking for an opportunity to just screw them over and just make the high elves lives a living hell. Um, this, this event is kind of a big one because they,

the Druchy decided, you know what we're going to do to screw over the high elves? We're going to dress up just like the high elves. and we're going to start ambushing and killing dwarven caravans. And when we do, it's going to frame the high elves and it's going to destroy the relation between the dwarves and the high elves. And so they start doing this. They start dressing up exactly like the high elves,

and they start going around and just murdering dwarven caravans. Naturally, dwarves pretty pissed about this, and they demand an explanation from the current Phoenix King, Caldor II, thinking that they were raided by high elves. So they send an ambassador to Ulthwan, and the ambassador's like, what the fuck, man? What is this? And I know at this point I probably sound like a bit of a broken record,

but man, the high elves sure are pompous, egotistical, full of themselves pricks, like way more so before. Like I said, they used to be compassionate. They used to coexist with the dwarves. They used to respect the dwarves. They were all about uniting people and learning and all that good stuff, but now you know what Caldor

the second does to this Dwarven ambassador that is looking for answers? He just kills his ass. No, he arguably does something worse. Oh. Since he doesn't know anything about the raids, he takes the

questions by this Dwarven ambassador as an insult. He absolutely refuses to investigate. I don't know anything about that. None of my people have done anything. screw you, and he has the Dwarven ambassador's beard shaved off, which might... Sorry, it's just, it's just like the way you said it, you said with the same gusto as like he castrated him. For a dwarf, that is like castrated.

But you're right, but you're right. For a dwarf is very much the same, but it's just really funny the way you said it. But yes, and they shave his beard up and they just boot his ass out of Othwan. And as you can imagine, the once strong allegiance between the dwarves and the elves is now completely ruined. And this would begin what the dwarves would call the war of vengeance. And the high elves would call it the war of the beard. Because they're such petty asshole. That's so funny.

Well, okay, I can't call the dwarves not petty in this situation also, though. True. I mean, dwarves are naturally excessively petty. That's the whole point. True, true, true. But they did basically do the worst possible thing they could do to them in a way. Outside of, yeah, yep, yep. They're, I mean, they're both very petty. Ooh, okay. I want to, can I read this? Yeah, read the quote. Go for it. So much for this war of the beer, the stunted ones dared to challenge their betters and thus have been bloodied. They will think twice before assaulting our colonies again, should they now sue for peace and come before me on their knees, we shall be magnanimous. But if they dare, if they dare, to rise up against us again, we shall visit vengeance on them a thousandfold. We shall root them out of their holes and drag them into

the sunlight. We shall burn their minds and flood their holds. We shall seize their goods and make prisoners of their wives. Though what use one might have for such creatures, I have little idea. Caledora Seconds. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're, they're, yeah.

They're petty. They're petty. They're arrogant. They're full of themselves. They are. They're not great right now. They're kind of sort of at their worst. This is like the worst the high elves will be.

That's so funny, though. To make this war kind of short and sweet, both sides kind of beat the shit out of each other. And they both do suffer a lot of losses. but the high elves are by far the biggest loser here because our boy phoenix king caldor the second here the one that said that just lovely quote he gets killed he he gets bodyed by the dwarves not only that he gets killed the dwarven king takes the phoenix crown off his head and keeps it for himself as a trophy let's go what a baller let's go it is also at this point that now the

Druchier like, lo, got them! And they invade Oldthwan. Which Ulthuan at this point is like, oh shit. Not them again. And their forces are already kind of beaten up. So they need to recall literally every elven force that has like made their home on the mainland. Like you guys got to come back home because Ulthuan needs you. The dark elves are back.

oh my god what are we gonna do and while a lot of elves did return home to the mainland there were a lot of elves that were just like no nope I don't want to I made my home here I was born on the mainlands

I don't have any ties to Oldthwan I don't feel like I have to defend Oldthwan I'm good here you do your own shit you made your bed lie in it and the ones that do not return home would go on to become the wood elves. And the wood elves' whole goal is

very, very unlike the Drucci and the high elves. Wood elves, they just want to be left alone. They don't want any of this nonsense. They don't want any of this BS. And when the high elves had all retreated back to Ulthwan and left the would-be elves on their own, they had to really quickly find shelter

because the dwarves are still out for elven blood. don't care what kind. If you are elven and a dwarf find you, they are looking for blood still. And of course, you still got the greenskins, you got the scaven, chaos is still roaming around. So the wood elves need to find shelter. And so they find shelter in this sort of magical forest known as Aethel Lauren, which I think is kind of bordering Britonia and the empire a little bit. It's kind of like in between them. And of course, this forest, like I said, is magical. and time works very differently here. You could go to Aetheloren and spend hours just aimlessly wandering around,

and you'd come out only to realize, wow, only minutes have passed around in the real world. Conversely, you could wander around and be like, oh, it feels like it's only been like three minutes. You come out, and it's like, oh, my God, it's been like 20 years. And from what I could tell, there are also some regions of Aetheloren that are literally lock in time. Like there are regions that are just never-ending autumn, never-ending summer, never-ending winter, and some places are just like perpetually night. And the wood elves kind of see themselves as like the only sane and rational elves left in the world. Like they left Old Thuan before everything got kooky crazy. So they're not quite as arrogant and pricklish as the high elves are right now

who think they can control everything. They aren't douchebag assholes like the Druchy who are on a revenge tour that they could probably never actually achieve. They just want to be left alone in their cute little magical forest. And they're basically governed the way Ulthwan was before all the shit hit the fans.

So they have their little separate regions that are led by like their princes and their princesses. And everyone is under the rule of two people named Ariel and Orion who since Aetheloren is tied. They are known as the now and forever, king and queen of the forest. And they are the avatars of the god of nature.

Isha. Oh, wait, wait. Same name? Same name, brother. God damn it. Same name. And the god of the hunt, Kurnos. Okay, that one's the least different.

That is different. But yeah, we got it. We got it, Eisha. So, I mean, these are basically just like the exudites in a way. More or less, yeah. Yeah, okay. More or less. Are they also the ones that have the giant.

like tree ent units and stuff? Yep, that would be them. Hell, yes. That's such a cool looking vibe. Yeah, the Trent monsters are very, very cool. But this also means that the wood elves have become extreme isolationists, and they are massively paranoid of anything that would disrupt their home or like their way of life.

like I was talking with Shy about this before and it's like the whole rest of the world could be on fire and be just withering away but as long as their little Aethel Lauren is untouched and fine they don't give a fuck

as long as you just leave them alone they don't care what's going on that might be a slight over-exaggeration but they are just leave us alone just leave us alone I mean, at this point, why would they even care? True. You know?

Yeah, true. But the wood elves are also known for being like the most proficient archers ever. Like, they are just the most kicking archers that have ever existed. And naturally, as we said, they do have kind of a lot of foresty creatures that they like to roll out in battle. living trees treemen forest spirits dryad they have

tree dragons and stuff like that so you know you kind of get the idea of what wood elves are and since we've been going a little long here

we'll wrap it up here and at the end I think like one of the biggest takeaways is that the elven race as a whole is like completely fractured like they've split into three different factions that are all kind of at each other's throats.

They've all got different goals. None of them want to reintegrate. The high elves aren't doing great right now because their forces had got absolutely clobbered in the War of the Beard and what little forces they have remaining are always at Civil War with the Druchy. The Druchy are also kind of effed because they have that lunatic Malaketh ruling over them and they're never willing to unite. And then you have the wood elves who are just like, yeah, no, I don't want anything to do with either one of you. You know what?

No, I don't want anything to do with any of you. So you have the high elves who are just sort of withering away a little bit. You know, they're sort of like, oh, no, we're never going to recover from this. Like, they're still pompous and they probably still think they're the best, but they're like, oh, no, we're kind of, oof. Druchy or the Druchy and the wood elves are just like, nope, don't want it. And so this is sort of the state of the elves right now. Honestly, the regular elves almost seem like they kind of went by the wayside a little bit at this point,

especially considering that what's his buckets, Caledore the second got his ass. If anything, the Druchy are the ones, which is also funny because now I know where Druchy Violet comes from, the paint. Oh, yeah. Now I get it now. Yeah. The Druchy, if anything, seem a bit more interesting, all things considered. Actually, yeah. They're actually much more interesting than the regular elves, if I'm being perfectly honest.

They are. I think the Druchier are actually the most interesting ones. The wood elves are kind of cool, but they're, yeah, the Druchier the best. You want to read the quote? Sure. Which I has. They are an ancient race with powerful armies and even grander magic, building a glorious and almighty civilization.

Yet their noble and compassionate nature, which was once one of the elves' greatest and most noble character traits as a people, was soon replaced by a great sense of pride and hubris in their own superiority. In their blind arrogance, they have only succeeded in shattering their once powerful friendship with the dwarves, culminating in the War of the Beer, which only crippled these two Eldar races and shattered whatever bright future there was for this young world. Isolated and alone in a world that could no longer control, the high elves are facing the twilight years of their existence, their cities no longer bustling with vibrancy and life as they used to be, but now serving as a gloomy reminder of their ultimate impending demise.

So the high elves picked a fight they couldn't win and are now very much in Craftworld Eldar type style where they are in slowly, I'm assuming, just like a very fractured race. And then the Druchy are out there having a good time, having a good time. In fact, what are the Druchy is like besides infighting? What's their main weakness? Because they don't have to like prolong their lives to fear Slanesh. They just got to hang out. I think their main weakness is probably, like, their own, it's, I feel like it's a very elf thing where it's like they're their own worst enemies, right?

Because they're also going to be just trying to pick fights they can't win. There's going to be a lot of infighting. There's, you know, so I feel like they're kind of their own worst enemies. And they're also going to pick a lot of fights that they can't win. So the classic, the classic case of them constantly backstabbing each other in politicking? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, okay. And obviously they're not going to like, like Shai said, they're backstabbing bastards,

hating each other, and they're hated by every other race in existence, right? Wait, their only ally is the Skaven? Wait, how did they ally with the Skaven? Did I miss that part of the episode? I did not hear about them allying with the Skaven. They trade Warpstone for slaves. That's hilarious. Okay, fair point.

And honestly, since they have no allies, that's probably going to come back to bite him because they don't have like an infinite force. And all the high elves are kind of just stuck on Ulthwan because they've already recalled everyone so it's not like they have a spanning empire anymore. So the high elves are kind of just stuck on Oldthwan where they've kind of screwed up their way of life.

And yeah. Meanwhile, the wood elves are just like doing the Akira meme where they're like, leave me alone. Pretty much. They just want to be left alone. mom, close the door on the way out, please. Don't let anyone in. The danger sign on their door.

Burn it down. Burn it all down. Yep. Yep. In their timeless forest. But that's our primer on the elves. Hell yeah. All right.

All right. All right. You know, it's about what I expected. Plus and minus a couple things. I really like, I really like the main guy, the cane guy on your own. An Aryan. Everyone loves a nairian. He's pretty good, yeah.

An Aryan's great. Anerian's super neat. He seems like, much like Sigma, one of the few people that mostly had his head on straight. He clearly got corrupted and made some bad decisions. Don't get me wrong, but he did it for good reasons. I'm not going to lie. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I'm not going to lie.

I like the Drucci. I do not blame you. They're kind of, they're kind of interesting. Same reason is why you would like the, um, the Drukari in, uh, in 40K. Have the same vibe. I really like the Drucari in 40K ever since reading the Big Dhaka. It gave me a way bigger appreciation for them. Fair enough.

That being said, the, uh, I mean, I did always like them more than craft world. You know me and my thoughts on, on regular elves. I do, I do, I do. But it's just, I don't know, I kind of liked the, the road that the Drew Chi went with. It was just like Malacash, just being insufferable. and just And like all of the cults of pleasure and stuff And just I don't know

It's really it's so petty It's so petty Now you just saw Marathi's armor And you were like yep I'm on board Let's go I do like that Marathi Pick one DK Is it is it

Is it Buck fully armored Mommies Or is it a skimpy clad goth Pick one DK You can't make fun of me for both Oh I get well Well, yeah, yeah, you can. Who says I can't? Yeah, you can.

I like both. It's fine. Yeah. Yeah. And based, actually, right? You know, I... Me standing at the road with the two forks in it with Carlach and Shadowheart. Do I, do I embrace my new love or do I return to late 2000s, emo scene skater girls that ruined my life?

Pick one. Ah, you've fallen for Carlac, huh? They're both. They're both lovely. every every character i never like shart i i i shart is fun because she's got she's a little like like a little basic in the beginning but she's got some sass she got some good sass she does she has good reason to have sass because like i always didn't like her because it's like oh what's that thing you're holding she's like mind your own business so elves elves i love i i won't lie huge dwarf w did bricky die what oh oh sorry the voice thing just died. Discord's being weird today. I was like, what happened, Bricky?

So, I mean, like, yeah, the dwarves, a huge dwarf W, you shaved off a dwarf's beard and they, like, lead a genocidal campaign against you. Love that. Yep. Absolutely love that to death. Oh, oh, read this. What are we reading? Feel good fact.

Before Caldor the second dies, he stands on his knees and begs the dwarf king for mercy. Which he doesn't get... Oh, does he really? Huge dwarf dub. Huge elf, L. Let's go. Oh, man, let's go. Let's go.

Especially after that shit he said before about, oh, what do you need with a dwarf wife? Oh, if they beg me for shit, Bipib, B, B. I mean, you can't spell elf without L. Yeah, we ended there. Bada-da-b-bop-bop-bop-bop. Bop-bop-bop.