Adeptus Ridiculous - GHAZGHKULL THRAKA - JOIN THE WAAAGH OR GET OUTTA DA WAY | Warhammer 40k Lore

Episode Date: October 20, 2021

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Welcome everyone to another episode of the Adeptus Ridip... Ha ha ha ha ha ha. ...go on to another episode of the Adeptus Ridiculous podcast. My name is D.K. My co-host is Bricky. He's going to be teaching us about the most ridiculous things in more Hammer 40K. But before he does, if you enjoy today's podcast, heading over to patreon.com slash adeptus ridiculous. And get a bunch of really cool stuff for supporting the podcast.

Access to our Discord. Really nice HD posters. You know, things like that. And when we hit 15,000 a month on Patreon, we will be doing a Damon Kilbassa episode. So yeah, patreon.com slash Adeptus Ridiculous. Bricky, where can these fine folks find some fine-ass merch? Oh, they can find some fine-ass merch at Orchidate.com or in the description. And we have new merch.

Woo-whop. Woo! We got new shirts and new hoodies based on our waltzes. based on our wonderful animation the I'm a tank I'm a tank I'm a tank I'm a tank orc animation It's so it was I was like there's no better choice And it's Orktober

Of course So even more so So get yourself some new merch A shirt, a hoodie green as can be A little bit more like a dark green But whatever Whatever And get yourself some good I'm a tank

Ork merch and do it quick because it's about I don't imagine that's gonna Are you? It's not only about the merch, D.K. It's about the Mets. It's about the Mets.

Baby. It's about the orcs, baby. Love the orcs. Love to crump. Love the orcs. Also, don't forget to read Brutal Cunning. Yes, for the book club. Brutal Cunning.

Orc book, mostly. It's funny. I'm only a little ways into it, but it's hilarious. It's the perfect depiction of 40K orcs just having a blast. Do they do it similarly to how they did it in Ith and the Divine, the short period of time they did it orcs there? Better.

Really? Yeah. That's high praise. It's really good, yeah. I won't spoil any of the good parts. All right. We're in half in, but yeah. It's cool, cool.

Chef's Kiss, if you will. Chef's Kiss. Pick up. New merch. It's about the merch. And it's about the merch. D.K., do you know what today's topic is? I don't think we spoiled this one. No, I was spoiled on Perchirabu and the Iron Warriors, but today, I don't know.

Oh? Did you want to take some guesses? Sure. I will guess, since we just did Perchirabu and the Iron Warriors, maybe Fulgram? Nope. It's no space marine legion-based things. Oh, so it's a Zenos thing. Or an Imperium thing.

This isn't a guess. I just found it hilarious that I didn't know about this. Just because we mentioned Zenos. Someone on Twitter informed me that Tao have hooves and not feet. And I found that very odd. That is unsettling. Unfortunately, that is not the point of our entire episode. Oh, man, we're not going to do an episode on tau hooves?

Now, if we were going to do an episode on feet, it sure wouldn't be the tau. Yeah. So what are we doing? We're doing orcs, but we're not just doing orcs. We're doing the orc. We are doing the big man, the big boss. We are doing, oh, goodness, his name is so long. Gaskell, Glassco, is that what we're doing?

Gasco, Magus. Uruk Throcka. Oh, nice. He has such a sick mini. That mini came out like less than a year ago. It's really new and really cool. Oh, it's so dope. I love that.

I'm ready. I guess Gaz Kull means metal skull. Mag means big or great. Uruk means warrior and Throcka means leader. So he's metal skull big warrior boss. Big warrior leader. Which is ironic because I don't think he has a metal skull, does he? Oh no, I guess he kind of does, doesn't he?

Yeah, you're right. Yeah, he does that metal skull. Yeah, I only saw the little small picture. I was like, wait a minute. You don't have a metal. Yeah, he does. His whole head is metal. So I'm going to preface this because there are two particularly very big,

very important events that occur during the discussion of our good man gaz. And those are something called the War of the Beast. And another one called the War for Armageddon, or the Second War and Third War of Armageddon. Both of these are very, very, very, very long and have a lot of moving parts and a lot to talk about. And I'm probably not going to cover them in their majority. I'll mention them because it's important to talk about our big lad. But I'm going to skim through those a little bit because those are like probably worth an episode on their own right. Okay, they sure don't fuck around when they name these wars

The war for Armageddon, like And the War of the Beast The War of the Beast Like Jesus, that's like the War of Satan And the War for the End of the World Okay, cool It's some neato stuff So, let's talk about some history

Well, let's get a good, let's get a good orc quote Even though I can't do a British accent You gotta try No, I don't If you're doing an or quote, you gotta try That's the rules now. I will say the quote with the way they spell it, but I won't do any British bullshit. Fine.

Listen, man, I don't want to make fun of myself any more than how to do. Coward! You want to read it? Maybe. All right. All right, I'm copying it. There it is. Read it.

I'm warlord, Gesgulmak, Uruk, Throck, and I speak with the word of the gods. I'm the prophet of the war And all worlds Burn in my big brains It's actually pretty good Ye, yeh! That was unironically Not that bad

Holy shit You should be our dedicated orc boy I will gladly I will gladly lead The Ork Wa on this podcast I am fucking flabbergasted Even Shai says that's not too bad Which is basically a 10 star

Whoa, that's more than 10 stars. That's like the infinity logo next to a star for, you know. Infinity plus one. Oh, you motherfucking child. So, Gasco Mag Urukhtraka is the occurant orc lord of the Goffs clam and is the most influential orc currently alive. So they came from a frozen orc world known as Urk. U-R-K

Ur- That sure irks me Those are some orcs Drum set shy Please thank you It was originally a human colony Known as Eurocles And founded during the Dark Ages

Technology in the exploration fleet They had way back when And at a time It was kind of this thing where like the tides of the warp Kind of fed into this planet really well It made it for like a really good port city basically you know, the, because, you know, you have to sail the warp tides, and then they, it kind of went here pretty easily. So there's a prosperous, like, really powerful trade hub, which eventually is the reason the orcs were brought in at some point.

And eventually, when the orcs got there, well, they killed everybody or everyone else died, lots of murder. And then some of the orcs left their little spores there on the planet, of course. so eventually the Eldar moved in and then the Orksporus kind of became its thing and then they killed them and then the Hurud, remember the Hurud from a... Yeah, yeah, yeah, the time shifting Yeah, they would do that

and then they died and it's just like a constant like orcs, other Zenos, orcs, other Zenos then eventually humans again would come by and colonize during the Great Crusade by the Dark Angels And so for the next 2,000 years after the Great Crusade,

it became a normal, somewhat average-ass hive world. And until a massive-ass green-skin wah arrived in something called the War of the Beast. So as stated, we're going to, we're not going to talk too much about the War of the Beast because it's a very, very, very, very long thing to discuss, but it involves a gigantic, enormous orc leading it known as, I think just the beast. Oh.

I think it was, I think assumed that he was actually a crook, like the OG Necron era orcs. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. But basically Vulcan, in front of the salamanders, basically took him and they both, like, blew up in like a thermal nuclear deconation.

And then Vulcan just respawned. I think it's the last we've seen of Vulcan. Oh, that was the... Okay, so that's why Vulcan is on his respawn timer is because he took the beast and... I think he suplexed him into like a nuclear reactor or some bullshit. It was... That's a hell of a way to go. Like, taking him to suplex city right into a reactor?

That's pretty hard. I don't entirely remember exactly how it went, but I'm pretty sure... Again, I don't want to cover the War of the Beast too much because, oh my God, it's so much. But, yeah. I can only picture Vulcan as Brock Lesnar now is suplexing some fool orc into oblivion. Is that a wrestler? Yeah, he literally, whenever you hear wrestling pain, like, screams suplex city, it's because Brock Lesnar, all he does is suplexes.

That's it. That's his move set is, like, 30 suplexes in a row. Well, there it is then. So, anywho, after the War of the Beast's, happened. It's like anime, wrestling. I don't know. One final freighter escaped. This place, this thing called Dominion. This big freighter called Dominion eventually escaped. It was the last thing that escaped this planet and the orcs had full control over it. It was the largest orc attack of all time and it shifted the tides of the warp itself around the planet so much

that that system was actually really hard to access now. Oh. Because of just the sheer volume of like psychic orcs and messing with the tide to the warp and yada yada. So that planet became an orc planet. It became irk. And irk was orcs for about 8,000 years. And all the orcs did was beat the shit out of each other. And there was a bunch of clans there.

And no clan could really best one another. No clan could really get the high level. I can beat you. So after some time Because if you do the math It's like Great Crusade Then 2,000 years So 32,000

Then 8,000 years So 40,000 So it's like they're doing the math here Yeah So eventually the Imperium Had learned by studying Orcs and Ork stuff That should an Ork become a war boss

Lead the Orks on this planet The amount of like Ork spores Would increase tenfold And then that amount of orc spores would then act as a psychic beacon for other orcs to arrive.

And this you know became it a bit of a problem. Yeah. So they established a big ass monitoring outpost on the planet way

up high in the mountains. And I believe it was actually by the Dark Angels that set this shit up. The Dark Angel Space Marine chapter. Yeah. That's kind of a risky place to set up a monitoring station. Like that whole planet's orcs. Like none of the orcs thought to be like,

oh, it won't show me, and check it out? Well, that's interesting that you should say that, because some orcs said that exactly and went to go check it out. Great thing, it was very high up in the mountains. So it was far. But at this point, this is when the Goffs clan, G-O-F-F, G-G-O-F, golf I don't know if that's supposed to mean something like a joke

any any football fans out there will know it stands for a really bad quarterback anyway but boomer references um gawk anyway go ahead gasco was actually a trooper in the gulf clan and took part in a raid on that dark angels command sanctum as in the remote island but even then

you know the orcs find the way so what happened and this is when shit gets fun So Gaz took part in that fight, and he immediately took a bolt around to the face. Oh. And a sizable portion of his brain and his face went completely to mush, like literally turned into paste. However, that's why he's got the metal head. However, he stood right back up, half of his face missing, and he was like a stumbling wreck, bumping into things. and he was holding his brain and the rest of his skull in his hands trying to fit it back into his head.

And so his own group, his own mob, decided to trade him to a death skull's pain boy, which is like their doctors, called Mad Doc Grotsnick. Now, he was a crazed death skulls pain boy, and they traded Gaz into him for exactly three teeth and a new shiny choppa. Wow. What would become the legendary, like, Gaskell gets traded for three teeth and a chopper? A shiny chopper. Uh, sorry? A shiny. God, really?

That seems crazy. These are orcs. They don't give a fuck. That's, uh, that's fair. So, Mad Doc Grotsnick snitched him together. By the way, um, uh, goss are kind of like, like melee-y. Uh, Death skulls are, I think, blue.

They're like the lucky ones. Oh, okay. So the Death Skull's doctor, Krosnick, snitched him together with bionics, wires, and squig sinew, and then put a giant adamantium plate in his face and held it together with rivets. And riveted into his face. And then, shockingly, Gaskell randomly awoke. He said he saw more clearly than he ever.

did before and it had nothing to do with this new bionic eye which apparently sucks ass and he can barely see out of it it's just their decoration you know he can use it but it's like he's got like 20-100 vision oh um he believed he believed he saw the embodiment or he saw gork and mork and he was literally in contact with gork and morke during his surgery and that he was the living embodiment of their divine wishes. He woke up like, I am the prophet of the gork and the mork. It's me.

It's me. Yeah. Damn. So as he woke with his new thought that he was in fact the true embodiment of gork and morke, he was the divine master of gork and morke.

It says, quote, you know what? You can read this one. Oh, okay. on the hand of gawking morgue do i sent me to rouse up de boys to crush and kill cause de boys forgot what dey for that's got i was about say ow that's kind of brutal on the throat but whatever it's it's you know content content is king content is king content is king here it's not always about the content DK. It's about the Mets.

It's about the Mets. It's about the Mets, baby. It's about the Mets. It's about the Mets, baby. So, so he basically grabbing his new Adamantium forehead. He like stumbles out of the pain boy, a tent. And then the Death Skull's warlord named Drag Mek got really mad wondering what a

gau was doing in their camp. He guys was like, what the fuck is a gauph doing here? What the Zog? Whatever they say. So Gaz looked at this Death Skulls guy, and he just like clenched his fist and started walking towards him. Kind of like, oh man. And so the Death Skulls guy, the war boss expected this and immediately pulled out his gun and started firing all like five barrels, whatever, how many barrels that fucking thing has at Gaz. And miraculously, every single shot missed.

And this is the scene from Pulp Fiction. It's a miracle. It's a miracle. Maybe he just had shitty aim. He ran out there, fired six shots with the revolver, and then... But remember, this is the death skulls.

These are the lucky ones. Oh, that's true. They're blue. They're blue. So, every bullet missed. And then Gaz came up and beat the Death Skulls warlord to death so bad that the Death Skulls were chairing

cheering him on. Oh. His own groove. I mean, I knew once he came out of that tent and he saw that death skull, like he was, like that death skull was going to get his ass

whooped because this is, you know, this is the, the ascension of gasckel, but damn, you know, Pulp Fiction moment. Little Pulp Fiction moment, ran up, beat the shit out of the war boss,

and then headbutt him so hard, it killed him. And then on top of the body, he claimed that he was the prophet of gork and morke, If anyone wanted to challenge him They could come one at a time or all at once. I don't care And then an hour later

Of fighting later anyone that challenged him were dead And he then began uniting the orc clans So he therefore now had the death skulls kind of under his ring You know So now he had to deal with five more He had to deal with the evil sons, the bad moons, the snake bites, I think the blood axes, and... That sounds like to me, yeah.

And then the goffs. Um, I forget how he got the blood axes, though. Shit. Damn it. Okay, so for the evil sons, evil sons are, I think, the red ones. I'm pretty sure, because they are the ones that go fat. Yeah, they're the red ones. They're the speed freaks.

They go fat. as fuck. They are super speedy. The evil sons make a brief appearance in Brutal Cunning. They get made fun of. I think, I think they're gonna go fight some ad mech and one of the bosses is like,

oh yeah, they squishy and weak, cornerlog to evil sons. And the evil sons get like, mm-hmm, fucking bitch. Yeah, but they're fast, though. That's the point. They're fast because they're red. So, the most surprisingly,

Gasco had coerced the fastest orc on the planet to duel him in a one-on-one racing duel and the fact that Gaz, who's a big-ass dude, was able to actually beat the grand speed boss Shazfrag of the evil sons in a duel of speed had him winning over the evil sons. Then he had to go fight the snake bites and decapitate the war boss twice,

I guess. Twice. Did he grow his headback? I don't know what the deal with that is. The snake bites are like the old school orcs. They're very like lots of squigs and more tribal. Like mounts and stuff. No technology.

And then he had to, he sabotaged the bad moons, which I believe are the gun ones, where the bad moons would constantly roll up, shoot them and then roll away before they could catch them. And so he actually did some really intense. intelligent orc stuff, he burned a bunch of shanty towns and used the smoke to mask his advance and then sabotaged one of their refueling stations. And then came in and beat their ass.

So then he had the bad moons. And then he had to do a headbutting competition for the Goths. Oh boy, that's like of all the things you could challenge Gasco to, why would you choose a headbutting competition? Well, because they thought the orc war boss of the, The Goffs was too good. Can't confirm. He's got a metal head. Can't confirm he was not.

Gasco Throcka wins the one the headbutting competition. It's probably the easiest one to win for him. Jesus, why would you do it? Anything else? Anything else. Because he's a fucking orc. He's crazy. He's crazy.

And he's a badass. So now with that, and maybe the blood act says I don't really know. I don't remember. basically all the major orc clans were under his control. And also, yeah, you don't really say no to a challenge by an orc. Oh, well, I suppose that's fair. So if Gasco was like, I'm going to challenge you to an Ed Button contest,

the other one's like, oh, sure, that sounds like a good challenge. Yeah, yeah, they want to have a good crump. And if he wins, then he gets to take his head, he gets to take his metal head and make it something. Or if he wins, he gets to take all of his teeth. and then he's rich. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And if he loses, well, he died in a good fight.

Yeah, you know, that's the point of orcs, is that even if they lose, they win because they got a good crump and they can come back and kill you later. Fair enough, okay. I'm using too much reason with the orcs, that's the problem, like too much logic. Like, the orcs aren't logical.

They just want to fucking fight. Yeah, you gotta think of them as a very base concept. Yeah. That's why the biggest orc is always, like, the strongest orc. He's the most respected orc, because he's the biggest orc.

It's not necessarily that's smart. as dork, he's just the biggest strongest dork. Yeah, he's the biggest thork. So, after all the clans were under their control, Gaz started, like, rallying up the clans. He was the prophet of gork and morke. And anyone who dared challenge him would get crumped. And a lot of people did, and they got crumped.

And so, after some time of them really kind of getting all their stuff together, building their weird ransack and ramshackle stuff, then the sun started to show some really weird phenomenon. it started to like blink and dim and there were there are some weird solar flares happening it was getting very strange so Gaz looked up at the sky

and said more it was almost like I am I am the divine might of Gork and Mork look that even the sun says so and he said all right we got to leave that's a sign from Gork and Mork that we need to leave Erk behind and because orcs are ready for to fight across the galaxy

because orcs are never beaten. And so we're leaving in a week. A week? A week. And they had no aircraft to speak of. Oh. They've never traveled into space from Urk before. They have no, they've never even flown.

They don't even have planes? They might have some like planes, but they don't have any rockets. And they're going to leave in a week? So the orcs, so they, they, so they, they, they, dumped a spacehulk. The warp spit out a spacehulk near them. That's good timing. You remember what a spacehulk is?

It's like a coagulation of ships. Yeah, they went into the warp and they all just kind of got together. Yeah. So imagine, think of it like the Night Lord's thing, the Covenant of Blood. Yeah. Imagine that, but they no clipped into like 11 other ships. Think of the size of that. That's big.

It's enormous. There is a spacehook at the beating of Brutal Cunning. Oh, I think orcs like their spacehooks a lot. Yeah, they're literally riding around in a spacehulk. Okay, well, that makes a lot easier to describe then. So, basically what they did is they harpooned the Space Hulk from Earth, or Urk, and they shot rockets into it with themselves on it. You know, they didn't have guys.

It's a very orcs thing to do, sure. Sometimes they missed. Sometimes they blew up. Sometimes they flew. You know, they found a way. Like a bunch of fucking orcs. Tons of orcs. I think in like the millions.

I think in the billions. So many orcs went into this damn spacehulk. And you know what was inside the spacehulk? Um, warpshit. Lots of muting. Demons. Oh, yeah. That's fair.

Demons. It was in the war. Demons! Demons! Amens! And with a bunch of daemon, so the orcs had to go fight them dumb, squishy, weird pink diamonds all across this... They didn't.

And it was particularly neat when in the middle of the Space Hulk, the main craft that was made out of the whole Hulk was the cargo freighter Dominion, the original freighter that left the War of the Beast thousands of years ago. Oh, that's... I'm assuming that's not a coincidence. Well, Gaz didn't think is a coincidence, but more importantly, the fear and terror of the fleeing humans

attracted the warp entities. And then they got taken. So when they got to the dead center of the Space Hulk, they found a warp rift, like a tear into the warp. That was spilling all the demons out. So the first thing that Gaz dim was immediately started having everyone shoot at it.

And it didn't work. So then they started punching it. And it didn't work. The next logical step? Yeah, sure. And then Gaz was like, all right, there's only one way to deal with this. And he screamed as loud as he could and headbutted. And then by doing so, there was a little

green pop and then the riff closed. Oh my God. Coincidence? Probably. Mental psychic energy? Maybe. Gork and morke? Who knows? Point being, you just give it the biggest fucking headbutt. Like, that's, that, dude, who would win? One trillion lions or the sun?

The sun? Who would win? I mean, that's a lot of lions. That is, but it's the sun. That's a lot of lions, D.K. What are the lions going to do? do to it. Now, DK, one million orcs headbutting the eye of terror.

I mean... It stands no chance. Sure, man. I love the progression of that. It's like, oh, I shoot it. It's not doing nothing. Punch it. It's still

not doing nothing. Oh, I'm going to head butt the shit out of it. Like, what? Works are just so weak. What's gonna win? A portal into primordial dimension of madness or one greenie boy? One greenie boy, apparently.

One greenie boy. It's just, orcs are great. Orcs are really fun, yeah. It's so dumb, it's so wonderful, though. So I believe that this Space Hulk was now known as the World Killer. Of course. Nice naming. I like it.

I like it. The World Killer. and so they all the different clans kind of had their way around they had their own little areas in the world killer and there was a ton if I'm not mistaken the rivalry kept the tensions just right

to prevent the orcs to grow too bored some of the iron decking was reworked into battle wagons or stompers or stomps or beaten into armor around the knobs and a lot of like several war bands were swept into the warp when they overstretched their boundaries and cut away sections of the ship's

actual walls and then they got sucked into the warp when they were traveling. They were like, we got to make more, we got to make more battle wagons cuts a hole into the side for more scrap. Just get sucked out. Oh my, the orcs of the levity

that the 40K universe needs. God, damn. That's so fucking funny. God damn it, there's a, there's a meme that I saw of like a fucking... Damn it! I saw this, this, um, like, gif, of a minion from despicable me, like, getting sucked into a hole. And, and then it turns in the hole says League of Legends, then you start screaming. I'm imagining that, whether it's like, they're slowly cutting it open. Like, what?

The war. Um, so that actually allowed some other warp entities to re-enter it. Some more demonic incursions kept on dealing with the journey. And so Gasco had to... That was probably a lot of fun for them. Sometimes, uh, often Gaz had to deal with them personally. And whenever big battles would break out across the spacehulk, there was a ton of wah energy. And so the orcs multiplied to a pretty insane degree.

Oh, so actually kind of a good thing that that happened. There were tons of extra orcs Thanks for the fighting of orcs with more demons and shit That's oh god Orks I love works I love works So eventually

Degons come in have to fight the demons Multiply More orcs they get better I guess it's good that they're stupid enough to cut a hole in their ship So eventually The Orks emerged at the edge of a star system. Before them was a major realm of planets like a system and it was known as Armageddon. It was a industrial giant for humanity for mankind and the Imperium.

It was about... They named the system Armageddon? Armageddon is actually, is an imperial hive world, an industrial world located 10,000 light years away from Terra. It is the fourth in a star system of ten planets and is an industrial hub of the Armageddon subsector So it is a hive world, the industrial world It is known as Armageddon, yes

Sounds doesn't sound like the place you want to live Right, where do you live in Armageddon? They actually They actually have a A particular Imperial Guard regiment Based around Armageddon Oh They are known as the Armageddon Steel Legion

They kind of have like a mix Between Krieg And the Tallinn Desert Raiders Oh, that's a cool helmet With the skull on it in there That's that's pretty dope This is more like what a normal Armageddon guardsman looks like

They kind of have like the gas masky thing But it's not like a Creeg gas mask It definitely looks like someone that's fighting in the trenches, for sure. I like that first one. Yeah. There's another, a pretty good one. Yeah.

Yeah, I think they're definitely based a little bit more on the World War II Germans. Gotcha. Whereas Kreeg was the Kaiser and World War I Germans. Though these guys are really all about, like, mechanized infantry. They're very much, like, stormtroopers

and shock troopers. And I think they do have, like, a sort of blitzkrieg, thing. The concept is that they're, they fill up with a ton and ton and ton of like chimera troop transports and they just like run at people and they get out and they blast everything, they get back in and they drive forward and get out, they blast everything. It's very

it's very Blitzkrieg kind of style. Ooh, I'm assuming at some point these fuckers fight the orcs. They do. It's the War of Armageddon as as you mentioned. Though, I guess it's

very, very similar to what the orcs do. The orcs just like, oh, we got numbers fucking go! And yeah. Blitzkrieg versus Blitzkrieg, basically, right? Well, actually, in a sense, yeah. The orcs just have all their other weird shit. That's true.

And when they emerged this system, they were heading straight for the planet, for the core planet. And it was going so incredibly fast that it would not stop from crash landing into Armageddon, the Spacehawk. However, Gaz did not wish to halt.

Instead, he built his acceleration and went faster. And he drove really fucking fast. The entire Space Hulk directly through into Armageddon's sky. And

they literally crashed the entire thing dead into the fucking planet. He crashed. landed the space Hulk at like max speed? He used it like a meteor.

There were imperial fleets, there were missiles, there were orbital defense lasers. He literally rammed into every imperial vessel, unfortunate enough to just happen to be sitting there in space as he just

slammed his way through everything and plummeted directly into Armageddon. Jesus. That's, I mean, space hulks are huge. Like, you could almost take out the planet that way, couldn't you? The entire planet shook. I was going to, as well it should.

Like, that's, that's almost a cataclysmic event, isn't it? Uh, it crashed into their biggest continent and, like, it caused, yes. It was like some dinosaur wiping shit. Yeah, that could be Armageddon. For Armageddon. A little bit. Hundreds of thousands... Anyway, sorry.

Go ahead. Hundreds of thousands of orcs died. They were immediately, like, immolated into fire. So, but that was like a teeny, tiny, teeny little percentage of the amount of orcs on that ship. You said there were, like, billions of orcs. There were, like, billions. Who cares about a few thousand, yeah. Gaz claimed it was protection from the gods,

even though the force field of their impact probably helped a lot. But he was like, Gork and Mork were looking out for us. And so all of them were so fucking ready to get out of their damned spacehook and cause so many problems. And this is what started the second war for Armageddon. Ah, okay. Because it was so unexpected. Like, Commissar Yarek has a quote.

It says he was an avalanche from an unexpected quarter, a thunderbolt from a clear sky. Because he just fucking arrived. You think about that. He just, like, they're just kind of, business as usual, lotty-doddy, gigantic industrial complex. Big ass rift in space opens up. Space Hulk arrives, flies in a mock five, breaks all of your ships, and lands on your, lands on your continent. destroys like a good majority of your continent and then a bunch of green skins start coming out.

You're like, where did this guy come from? Yeah, as if the initial impact of the Space Hulk was not bad enough. That's already like, oh God, this is the worst day that's ever existed. Then it's like, oh, by the way, there was a Y inside and now it wants to kill anything that managed to survive this. Meteoric explosion. Literally meteoric. Like literally.

Yeah, quite literally, yeah. So this is kind of where the fight and the back and forth rivalry with Commissar Yarek eventually took place. So Commissar Yarek, you remember him, he has the laser eye and the orc claw for an arm. Yep, I do. So he said being somewhat soft, it is extraordinarily rare for Hume. sorry, hum, umis to gain respect from,

from orcs. Very rare for them to gain any respect from orcs. The only, like often, space marines have some, you know, skill, particularly Commander Dante,

but it was Commissar Yarich that had the most admiration because he was, quote, as eager to shoot his own lads as the foe. And if that's what took, that's what took to gain victory, it was a thought,

Thorne and Gaz's side. Commissar Sebastian Yark. Sebastian. Sebastian. And so, Gaz has some, like, respect for Yark. He's got some good respect for Yark. Also, you know, he was the kind of leader they could respect. He also wore the colors of the goffs, which is black with red trim.

Okay. Which boosts his steam even further. Sure. And Yark was the only one Gaz's name. never cursed, which was pretty high praise. Yeah. Often orcs would come face to face with the infamous Yumi boss

and express large amounts of disappointment because he was only the size of a human. They expected something so much fiercer with all the rumors, I would assume. It was said that orcs that recognized him were always killed because of his laser eye vision. However, ever, also because they stood in like a jaw, a gape, surprised at how small Yark's puniness was,

that they opened themselves up to being killed by him. So, the orcs were like, wow, that's a great tactic, even if it was the sneaky blood axe kind of tactic. The sneaky blood axe kind, yeah. This is an ability the blood axes have, I think, in game. It's a strategy that lets you like redeploy your units before the game starts and it's called I've got a plan lads I hate yark's probably the only um well he was like one of the first

commissars that I learned about specifically because of his renown with like the orcs and how like apparently like with how uh their psychic energy can could like work against them because like oh my god yark he's so he's on he's own he's own killable so like they literally can't kill him yeah he's he's the he's the biggest tough is new me in the world. The humus are all weak scum that deserve to get stomped. Except for one eye of Yarek,

he knows how to fight. And isn't that like the only reason his PowerClaw works is because all the orcs believe that it works? So it just does. I actually don't know. I feel like he may have retrofitted it a little bit.

It would make sense. But at the same time, that totally could be the case. Yeah. YARG was like one of the first people I had heard about in 40K because at first it was the orcs and then they were like,

oh, you ever hear about Yark? He's, they can't kill because they're so stupid they believe is unkillable so they can't they literally cannot kill the guy I'm like oh that's cool that it's not just a one-way street that it's actually you know your wah power of belief can backfire on you it can there's always that joke that uh that you know the emperor is only alive because um

the orcs believe it yeah so eventually the orcs I guess I'm gonna skip a lot of the war of them again because it's so long but they eventually bailed uh they left do the the fight but Yarek pursued him like mad. He pursued him like crazy. He's like I'm gonna fucking kill this guy. Oh, the orcs left because of the fighting. Like the orcs couldn't conquer Armageddon, so they... Yeah, but orcs are never beaten, you know?

Yeah, they chose to leave. They weren't defeated. They chose to leave, right? Yeah, exactly. They left. You know, it was the prophet of Gork and Mork. Of course, so basically they bailed for a while. However, Gaz is, is a... actually a pretty smart ass guy, and he kept on like pulling back and back and back and until the Humey's supply lines were getting kind of dwindled, and then they overstepped their, they're like fighting the or the, uh, the Yarek did. And so eventually when they got to the planet, there was a ton of orcs and wait for them as like a giant ambush trap, because they have pushed themselves too thin. Yeah. So eventually, Yarek actually was making a giant

last stand in the wreck of his Bainblade, which he specifically used to ram one of the orc vehicles. And so he was making this gigantic, like, epic last stand against the orcs. And so Gazz sought an opportunity to finally display his dominance over the other green skins and actually had him captured. Hey. Okay. So he wanted to use Yark to assert his dominance over the other orcs.

So to prove that he knew how the humeys worked. So he threw Yarek down a garbage shoot of the Space Hulk, proclaiming that the human would escape because the other orcs were doubtful, because none of them had survived being thrown on the garbage chute. But Yark, a few days later, would resurface. He came back. And then Gaz was like, here, I'm going to throw Yark in with a bunch of other imperial prisoners because he knew that the Humee would learn how to fight them. And then true enough, Yark instigated an entire revolt and managed to reach the Space Hulk's bridge where he sought to activate the self-destruct ability

But they caught him and stopped him in time Okay And instead, this convinced the other orcs That Gaz could indeed predict the human's behavior Because he was the smartest, like most powerful orc with a prophet from Gork and Mork. Okay. And so what he did was he actually ordered the mad doc to return Yarek's claw and eyes back to him,

the other eye, and then had them all escorted into a shuttlecraft in which he let them leave. Huh. He just let him go? He let him go. Huh. I would not expect that. Is that just because he wants, like, a strong rival? He wants to go chasing again?

Well, he respects him for one. I think crump in a captive is also not a very, like, excitingly orc thing. Oh, yeah, that'd be super boring for them because it can't fight back. It wouldn't put up a good fight, and that's, I guess that's not a good scrap. Also, he was making a point. He was like, check it out, I know how Humey's work. I know how the human, how Humey's working and how they operate. Because I'm the best orc, because I'm a prophet from Gorka.

Ork, look, he's going to escape the trash shoot. He did. You know, hey, look, he's going to lead the revolt. He did. Like, oh, he knows everything. The boss understands. He's the biggest, baddest boss. Oh, orcs.

They're so stupid. I love it. Oh, orcs. I love talking about orcs. It's so, it's so much fun. They're, like I said, they're the breath of fresh air that the 40K universe needs. They're still terrible, but they're so entertaining. So eventually this, after like a couple decades of rebuilding or a long time of rebuilding,

he eventually came back to Armageddon for the third war of Armageddon to finally have his big, big final fight, you know? Sure. I'm going to skip all this because like I said, it's a lot. Yeah. It's a lot. However, eventually, like with the Imperium, we're always scared of so many

Ork tribes being like combined. That's the point of Gaz. It's like, Gaz leads like the biggest war boss Wa. He can come, he can unite the clans, which is fucking horrifying. Yeah.

And one of the scariest fears ever. Oh, um, because if the orcs were actually united and fighting together with their numbers and everything, they would easily conquer everybody. The Imperium would be fucked. Yes, it would be, that's the scariest part about the orcs,

is that if they worked together, they probably would win in terms of the universe. But eventually, I believe Gascold, because this was a long war, he kind of eventually said, nah, is like a bunch of green visions began to overwhelm him, and he was like, all right, Gork and Morgan told me I should leave.

Oh, really? He just dips? His head hurt. Oh, no. His head hurt. His head hurt really bad. And he was like, Gork and Gork and Mork's, like, I think he actually got bored, unironically. Because the war was becoming like a battle of attrition. Yeah. And his head started to hurt really bad.

And then Gork and Mork were talking to him and yelling at him really loudly. It's like, you leave, get out of here. This is boring. Fuck you. Oh, what could be more interest? Like, it's just, it's a big fight. It's just never-ending fighting. You'd think that's what they want. No, it was, like, a battle of attrition.

It was, like, endless. It was just lobbing stuff back and forth. There was no good crump. There was nothing. It was just a meat grinder, and it wasn't the good kind. What's the good kind of meat grinder? Like, like, I don't think you understand. Like, demons are now.

fighting in the orc's place. Like Armageddon will never be, but will never be normal. Gork and Mork told him to go somewhere else. Well, I guess if Gork and Mork tell you to do something, you listen. You do. His head, he had, his head hurt. Get some fucking aspirin and soldier through it. Pussy. So, so in the, in the purpose of time, basically he left, rebuilt his forces, is, is now doing his new orc waw and has a new fleet. And he's like, He's doing his own thing. We're now in, like, modern time of gas calls off, killing and murdering, causing problems.

He was fighting, he was fighting a ton of, what was it? Fighting some space wolves in the more recent group. He was, I think he actually had his head severed. Yeah, that's right. Ragnar Blackman cut his head off, and then Mad Doc Grotsnick put his head back on. Right. He put it on an even bigger orc body.

Okay. He got his head. Yeah, he got, he got, he got, so the new mini that you see, that new mini is literally because he got his head cut off and he reattached it to an even bigger orc body. Oh, I was, I was going to ask this whole time, did he have that big, like, mech body? Uh, and the only reason he's got that is because his head got cut off and he slapped it on a bigger frame? Yeah.

He gets his head cut off and mad doc Rothsnick put it back on a different body. Okay. Yeah, look at his neck. You can see the stitches in the middle. Look very closely at his neck. Hold on, I got to open the full-size one. Oh my God, you can't see stitches on his neck. Yeah.

Oh, my God, they did just hack him. You just sew them onto a bigger body. Yep. And it worked. Yep. orcs orgs orcs

orcs so before so we're getting near the end of the episode Gaz Kothraka however I want to talk about Makari

before we end this episode Macari we should we should talk about Makari Macari is an extremely lucky grot

who is the banner bearer of Gascoe. Yeah. And he lived to a wonderful old age of nine where eventually Gascoe accidentally sat on him and killed him. I remember this.

The orc fan community was so fucking pissed that canonically Makari was sat on and died. Well, on one hand, it's very orc. On the other hand, it is the assumption that perhaps he isn't actually dead and he somehow survived or that, you know, the spores and the Gretchen or whatever created multiple Macari's through the world.

Like there's been many Macari's, quote unquote. All right. Yeah, he has a new mini. So the concept is generally like, oh, maybe he does actually. Maybe he is alive, but it's like a different Macari or like they're all Makari. We're all Makari. I don't know.

We're all Makari. Yeah. Yeah, I remember like the, that mini came out. It was like, oh my God, Macari's back. He's not dead. We're so happy that canonically he didn't just get smushed because somebody accidentally sat on him. Not somebody.

He, the man. The big boy. The big boss sat on him. The big a boss. The big a boss. Yep. So he's got So

Macari is the the natural like banner waiver for Gaz He waves the banner around He is the good boy He is the smart man He sort of He just kind of goes around

He's like a little A little mascot for Gaz You know And he's got other things He has like the lucky stick Which is nice Good old The Lucky Stick

But the main thing I find hilarious about Makari is that um wow that's an old picture those minis are so oh yeah those are really old holy shit um but the main thing about

about him is that he has a rule called suspiciously lucky on the tabletop and it's where he has a two up in vulnerable save which I don't if I don't you don't understand that yeah I was going to say that means nothing to me but go ahead

It is the most It is the strongest save in the game Invonable saves normally Unless there's a couple small rules cannot be ignored And basically he'll never take any damage Unless you roll a one Oh He's like constantly

Super lucky that he just Won't get hurt And he's also got this little A little sword called Makari's stabba And it's It's got like The aviourable worst profile I've ever seen, but if you happen to roll a six on the wound roll, it does D3 mortals,

which is actually surprisingly high. So it's just this really shitty like poke. It just like if you roll the hottest you've ever rolled in your life, if you get double sixes, you can do upwards of six mortal wounds with this fucking thing. If you roll the best, it's like a point zero zero zero one percent chance. But if you get six mortal wounds with this fucking thing. You could kill three space marines. Like, it's... Whoa! It's so...

You could, like, one tap a custodian. It's, it's like, eh. Can you imagine the poor custodian that was, like, towering over Makari? And then his last living thought, his last living thing, is seeing this little guy just...

And then, he falls over. He's just... And his last thought is that... That's the last thing he sees. Is McCarrey just shanking his fucking ankle? Yep, it's fantastic. Good old Macari. He might have been sat upon,

but he will live forever at our hearts. And in our miniatures. Now, yes. Yeah, see? So, overall, that is the upbringing, the history of Gascool, mock uba throka Is he still around?

Oh yeah What's he up to? Getting his head cut off by Space Wolves Well I thought he got it reattached Or it is Or did it get cut off again? No that's like modern time I have the hiccups, what the fuck?

Ah! Oh no! Cork and Mork End the episode and the episode Wait The fucking, no, that's the thing is that he came out in a very recent box of, damn it! A very recent box, that's his new mini, and he's leading a war.

Okay. And the episode, he's still around. He's still around. He's currently, Shai said he's currently leading a giant wah. Yes. That's what we, that's all. we need to know, which is good because he sounds like

a very entertaining swell orc leader. One time he got eaten by a moloch. One time, he just got straight up. Also, what's a malloc? I'm assuming it's a giant creature thing that has big, sharp teeth and is disgusting. It's the giant tier de monster that Nork Deadog had to pull his sergeant

out of. Oh, he got eaten by one of those? And he... Obviously, he survived. Did he just punch his way out. He used his claw and he cut his way out of the beast. That makes sense. That's

dope. That's super dope. Yeah. Damn. Why is it Bricky? I'm gonna go, I'm gonna see me. Chaos.

End the episode. Chaos. No, Bricky. I don't know how. I think you've got to keep trying, buddy. I can't properly. You're a genuine dick sucker. Go see D.K. D.K. Diamanties to look shy and quiet, shallow. Ah! One more for the road. See you next week.