Adeptus Ridiculous - Gotrek and Felix | Warhammer Fantasy Lore

Episode Date: July 27, 2025

https://www.patreon.com/AdeptusRidiculoushttps://www.adeptusridiculous.com/https://twitter.com/AdRidiculoushttps://shop.orchideight.com/collections/adeptus-ridiculousGotrek and Felix, whose full names are Gotrek Gurnisson, a Dwarf Slayer, and Felix Jaeger, his Human chronicler native to the Empire, are a duo of warriors travelling throughout the length and breadth of the Old World and beyond, battling dark forces and stopping evil plots in Gotrek's quest for a heroic death against a suitably terrible foe.The adventures of these warriors have been written down in the series of books known as My Travels with Gotrek by Felix Jaeger, which outlines Felix's many adventures with his maniacal comrade throughout their endeavours, recording everything till the day Gotrek finally meets his doom and will be allowed to enter the halls of his ancestors.Support the show

Welcome everybody to the realm of Ridiculous, where we talk about Warhammer, but like in the old and stuff. Before we get started on this episode, if you enjoy this podcast, go ahead and check out patreon.com slash adeptus Ridiculous, where you can find awesome bloopers if they happen, Discord access, as well as some awesome HD posters. We recently had a couple just come out on the Uma Musume, like, Krieg posters, basically combo thing there. legally distinct, etc. They are, they're doing, they're doing numbers on, on the social media. So that's, that's pretty cool.

But, uh, but yeah, it's, it's quite something. That is a game that has taken a few dollars from me. So, please buy the poster. Have they now? A couple. Nothing crazy. But, you know, it's, it is, it's a minor addiction, I'd say. Oh, only a minor addiction, naturally.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Nothing, not serious. Anyway, yeah, buy the poster. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. But yes, check out the poster. You can also check it out at Orchidate.com, link in the description. And then all the other good stuff. D.K., how are you doing, sir?

Pretty good. I, you know, I feel like people watching this are going to be expecting an epic saga of an episode. And this almost feels like it's going to be, remember how you did the Dante episode, and you had to really like kind of front load it. Yes, same deal. Same deal today. And once you get the quote and the episode, you'll know. So, Bricky, you ready for the quote?

I am very much ready for the quote, yes. Today, your quote is, not that I have anything against senseless violence manling, but why exactly are you strangling that old man? Okay. Manling. Mm-hmm. Not that I have anything against senseless violence, manling.

Manling. But why exactly are you strangling that old man? Possum found this quote, thought it was really funny. I'm so glad they found it and had to use this one. Is the faction the manling, or is the faction the person saying it? Manling is one speaker talking to another person. So it's sort of them referring to someone else as a manling. So it's kind of, yeah, like Shai said, it's kind of a slur for a human.

Right, right. But is the topic we are on about the manling or about the speaker? Oh, oh, oh, the speaker. It's about a speaker. Okay. Too eloquent for anything orc related. Fair. So fair. It's not Cathay, because they're also, like, in a sense, human, right?

Yeah, and I don't think their codex has come out yet anyway. Oh, right, we're waiting for the codex. What do we have left? I don't know what we have left. I can sheet and look up the faction list. Actually, I don't think looking up the faction list will help you. Really? Yeah, really. I don't know.

Oh, we're past factions? Yeah, we're kind of past factions. So Grand Cathay is the last faction we really need to do. But since the Codex hasn't come out yet, kind of got to wait on that. Manling, strangling man. I'm assuming something big. I'm going to assume like a big character, like a troll or something of that nature. Well, it is definitely a character.

episode. I'll give you that. All right. I got nothing. Hit me with it. This. Today we are doing Gottrick and Felix. Oh, the duo. Oh, no wonder you want to be like, hey everyone, don't freak out if we don't talk about everything

because we know this is your favorite character ever. Yeah, the infamous duo, Gatrick and Felix. And yeah, we do kind of have to front load it would look. they have a lot of books, they have a lot of stories, we can't cover them all today. I think I cover like one story, but this is sort of your introduction to how Gottrick and Felix find each other, why they travel with each other, that sort of schick. So this is the front loading that I need to do. If we don't cover your favorite little thing from Gottrick and Felix, don't worry, there's

probably going to be more adventures of Gottrick and Felix episodes because good Lord, simply just have to be. How many books do they have? Oh, too many? Really? Is this like a Gaunt ghost thing where they're on like book 20 or something? 23 books.

Yes, a lot. What the hell? They go on a lot of adventures. Okay, I see it now. All right. Then in that case, this will, we'll definitely try to open up what we normally talk about

whenever we talk about Adric, which is Adric is meant to get you to, if you are curious, into more bits. So this is obviously a learning thing for people who are fans of Gatshick and Felix, but also a episode where if you like the shenanigans of

the episode, you can go ahead and get it going. Yeah, check out some of the books. I mean, even Possum is just like, you know, their stories are outstanding. They're like an awful lot of fun. He highly recommends reading as many as you can.

And, you know, everybody, everybody's got a favorite Gottrick and Felix story. Also, their names are Gottrick Gernison and Felix Yeager. And they are a human and dwarf. Yes, it is a human and a dwarf, as we will learn.

Which one is which? Gotrick is the dwarf and Felix is the human. That sounds about right. I mean, Gottrick sounds like a dwarf name. Yeah, Gatrick sounds like a very big, like, fantasy name, and Felix is just like, yeah, my cousin Felix. Yeah, yeah.

A felonid, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, you, Peu-iepie. I was thinking Felix the cat, like the black and white clock, Felix the cat, but, you know, that works too. That works too. I do my best. Anyway. So, naturally, like I said, before we talk about any of their legends, we need to know

exactly who Gottrick and Felix are. And starting with Gottrick, you might assume that Gottrick, being a dwarf, has always sort of been this venerable warrior. And it's like, oh, man, he fell on hard times and was forced to become an iconic slayer. You'd be sort of right, but mostly wrong. Because Gottrick actually started out basically as a dwarf of science and invention. He was an inventor and a craftsman and an engineer. He was born in 2370, I see, that is the imperial calendar that they use and sort of keep history. He was born in Keras, a Kerak, which is the ancient dwarf capital city. We've talked about it like a couple of times.

He did do his mandatory military service in his youth, and the details about his time as an engineer are a little scarce. There's not a ton known about his time as an engineer, and the sort of scarce tales that have been told or the remembrances of it

are a little exaggerated, so nobody really knows a ton about the time he spent as like an engineer and an inventor. He was once part of a prince, the prince Vastrian, had a band of soldiers

I think called the Vanquishers. I think it's like his personal guard or something. But due to them being dissolved, Gatrick kind of becomes just a wandering adventurer. And one day, he is sent out on an expedition into the chaos wastes, which, as you might be able to tell from the name, not a super fun place to go to, not a super fun place to get sent to.

more or less he is tasked with the protection of this big expeditionary force led by a dwarf named Borek fork beard gotta love us some dwarf names right I mean dwarf and the orc names are almost just as um as like subtle yeah they're very very beard drinky yeah and um this exhibition was was actually even though it's going into the chaos wastes and it's just yikes. It was probably like a super noble thing that Gautrick was like more than honored to go and like, oh, of course I'll protect me people.

Because it's like this convoy of like super heavy steam weapons and their whole goal on this expedition is to retake this lost hold called Karagdum. I was taken over by, I'm assuming chaos because it's

in the middle of the chaos wastes. And Possum notes. If I had a dollar for each time a famous fantasy series had a dwarven hold that began with a K and ended with a doom that was lost to the forces of evil, I'd have two whole dollars. It's not that much, but it's a little weird that's happened twice. I find it humorous because you said it kind of like the announcer in Dune 2. You had a very like, Duden, like, gnom, kind of thing. And I was like, oh, okay. Hamburger, hamburger. Have a cheeseburger, whopper.

I mean, jeez-ver. Yeah. Hell yeah. Possum also wanted to make a note that as far as, like, the quotes go in this episode, a lot of their past is told through the two of them sort of reflecting on what happened, as opposed to, like, directly experiencing it. So a lot of our quotes are going to be a little more foreshadowy and stuff like that. Like, essentially, here's a quote of how Boric.

recounts the past with like Felix. He looked down to an abandoned vehicle and the empty tombs, and his earlier sadness returned redoubled. Those things had stood there for nearly 20 years, and the only other eyes that had looked upon them were those of chaos worshippers and monsters. He truly wished that he had not come here. Near here are the caves where Gottrick found his axe,

Bork said softly. Is that so? Was the failure of your expedition the reason why Gautrich became a slayer? No, that happened later. Bork smiled sadly, then looked at him, opened his mouth as if to speak, and then, as if realized they'd already said too much,

closed it again. Felix wanted to ask more, but it came to him that if the old dwarf didn't want to speak, there's no way to make him do so. I think he was like trying to get a dwarf to do anything. I know. Well, drinking is probably pretty easy to make a dwarf do.

And grudgeon. And grudgeon. Oh, yeah, they love a good grudgeon. It's going in the book. So, yeah, they obviously very, very foreshadowy about how their trip into the chaos wastes go. But it's the chaos waste, so, you know, it's a really tough spot to traverse through. The chaos waste are ever changing.

Like, they're up in the north. So you would assume it's like, you know, a frozen hellscape. And it's just really hard to reverse because everything's so cold. but the chaos wastes are just they're there it's just a lot of chaos bullshit and so the chaos wastes are ever changing like as you're going through them

they could be really cold but then it'll suddenly get really swampy and then it'll get like really hot and then it'll get like really cold again so it is a nightmare to traverse through this ever changing chaos landscape oh it goes it's in the name

I guess it's it's it is what it says on the tin Right. Chaos and wastes. Yep. And so while trying to traverse this, the convoy gets really bogged down, trying to just navigate through this chaotic hellscape. And since it's full chaos energy all over the place, you have people that are just randomly mutating and going apeshit, you got to fight him, you got to put him down. People are dying of dehydration, starvation, like I said, just general chaos times. mom foolery. And eventually it gets to the point where this big convoy has now shrunk down to just one wagon. There's just one, it's not really a convoy anymore, it's just a wagon. Gottrick and Borick Forkbeard are still alive, and there's only one other person with them. It's someone named Snorri nosebiter, who apparently pops up quite a bit in the Gottrick and Felix

stories. Rather, possum says they show up rather famously and rather infamously. So Snorri nose but it kind of sounds like a grot name to me, so take that for what you will. But

their one last wagon, the one last thing they're protecting, the one thing that they are just futile and hopelessly pushing further on in the chaos waste to protect as they push and push and just, well, Maybe we'll make it.

Of course, that one last wagon gets attacked and destroyed by an ambush from a roving band of beastmen. Ah, so we've lost a little bit of purpose here. We sure have. The convoy is just destroyed. Only three of them are alive. And finally, at this point, they're like, lads, this expedition is toast. Let's just piss off, go back home. This is so...

It's just so jover. So they finally turn themselves around, and they're trying to retreat out of the wastes, and out of nowhere, because it's the chaos waste. A big old fuck-you-storm materializes out of nowhere, and it completely separates Gottrick from the two other survivors. Gottrick manages to take shelter in this dank, dark, cold cave,

and as he's sort of finding shelter here, of course he's attacked by more beastmen. Gautrick fends them off as best as he can. He's putting up his dukes. He's doing the old one, two. He's retreating deeper into the cavern as more and more beastmen come after him. It's not looking great for Gautrich. It's looking real bad. But as luck would have it, in this cavern, as he retreats deeper and deeper,

he finds the bones of an old dwarven prince. And in the hands of the skeleton of this dwarven prince, surrounded by the bones of just innumerable beastmen and demons, in the bones' hands, and its skeletal little fingers is an ancient axe carved with runestones, and it is just brimming with power. You can feel it just like tingling your skin. and if you remember our dwarven lore, this axe that Gautrick has stumbled upon is actually the axe carried by Grimnear himself, dwarven god of war. It is one of his axes.

Wait, like the main... The main dude? Yeah, this is Grimnear's axe that has been passed down through generations, seemingly lost up until this point. That's wild. I didn't expect Gautrich to have something so important. Yeah, he has the Rune Master Axe, the God of War Axe, Grim Neers Axe.

And as you can imagine, with such an insanely powerful weapon, Gautrich proceeds to rip and tear through all the beastmen that were chasing him like a hot knife through. butter. And with this strength, Gautrick is finally making his way back home. He cuts through the chaos waste. I'm not going to say easily, but he is able to just slice and dice his way through the chaos waste until he finally gets back home. And when he gets back home, he's expecting, oh, I can finally risk, don't go to wife and child, this is going to be a great time. Unfortunately, however, His town was in ruins, burned to the ground. While Gottrick was gone, his village was raided and burned by goblins.

When he returned home, he found his wife and young child were dead. So after his wife and child are dead, he... Are dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fair. I wasn't sure how to segue that. It's just, well, he's not, he's not having a great time. No, no, clearly he's, he's struggling. He's having, he's having a rough, a rough one.

And I'm not exactly sure how he comes to this part, but he finds himself arguing with the dwarf lord in their sort of throne room. And here's sort of like the direct quote of what happens. The Hall of a Dwarf Lord, Gatrick Gernison was there once more. arguing passionately with a long-bearded noble on the throne. There was a sneer on the nobles' lips. He spoke mockingly, it seemed, and then made a chopping gesture with his hands, perhaps forbidding Gautrich to do whatever it was he wished to do, perhaps even ordering his

death. The other dwarf shook his head and grinned darkly. The Lord ordered his troops to seize the axe-bearer. It was a mistake. A vast brawl began soon. everyone in the hall, save for Gottrick, was dead or fled. Dwarf corpses were lying everywhere. The dwarf took up a knife and hacked away at his hair.

Soon his head was shaved bare, save for a small, rough strip. He strode out into the world to do whatever it was he had to do. Ah, so he's... Okay, I guess that kind of makes sense why it's Gotrick and Felix. on their own adventures. Yeah. Because they, okay, well, I mean, at least for Gautrich's sake, he's, uh, well, he got the shit end of the stick.

And now he's kind of like, you know what, screw this crap. I'm doing my own thing. Yeah, pretty much. Uh, again, I'm not sure exactly what he was trying to convince the dwarf lord that he wanted to do. But, uh, yeah, he, he has just killed a noble dwarf, a bunch of dwarfs. And when he comes to that realization, he's like, oh, boy. Oh, this is bad. And he's sort of at that point, that's when he's like, well, I guess I got to

become a slayer. Like, I have, I have just shamed myself and my ancestors in one of the greatest ways possible. Like, this is a huge fuck-up on my part. Like, I really let my anger get the better of me, which Gottrick is known for having some wild anger issues, obviously. And so he hacks his into that iconic sort of slayer mohawk and decides, well, I got to make amends for this. I am now a slayer, and it is what it is. And Shai says, as far as I can tell, his background is told through a vague vision, so there's no explanation who the Lord was and what the argument was about. I guess it's a lot less of importance, I would suppose.

Yeah, it's more important what he did during the argument and after the argument, rather than what the argument was about. Is he like, what's the word I'm looking for? Is he like regretful of this? Oh, yeah, because this is the moment that he's like, well, I have to become a slayer. Like, I've shamed myself, I've shamed my family, in my rage, I just killed all these dwarves,

and this dwarven lord, and this is the thing. He's like, well, I'm going to become a slayer and I'm going to die, and that's going to be my sort of penance and my retribution for my sin. So I think he is genuinely remorseful that he did it. Okay, because I couldn't quite tell, just because it seemed like the Lord was a shithead. True, he was still a Lord.

And, well, the Lord was a shithead. Everybody else in the room, though, like, he kills everybody. Well, yeah, but I mean, like, they were trying to, like, seize him and stuff. True, true, they were. They were, but, yeah, I think it's safe to say, He's genuinely remorseful that he did it.

All right, all right, for a point then. That's sort of the quick rundown on Gottrick, how he becomes a slayer. So we'll get back to him a little bit, but now we kind of got to have our quick little rundown on Felix, who was born in roughly 2482 IC. Again, that's Imperial Calendar. And Felix is a little easier of a rundown because Felix's past is kind of, he's kind of kid that was born with a silver spoon in his mouth a little bit. He was born to a super wealthy, well-off merchant family, had a pretty above average most of his life up until this point.

And he actually became a poet at the University of Altdorf, the capital of the empire. His father is Gustav Yeager, who was a very famous wool merchant. The name of their mercantile house was Yeager and sons. Felix's mother died when he was still just a young boy. His father had paid for exclusive educations for his son so they could build the name of the mercantile houses up to the point where it became a noble house. But Felix, Felix is a rebel.

And like most rebels, Felix decides, instead of this mercantile, this merchant education for the family, and I don't really want to be a wool, So he decides, like most rebels, this is all possum, and like most rebels, he decides that becoming a creative writing major and pretending that he read Ulysses to impress the ladies bought that neutral milk hotel album on vinyl and drank Sierra Nevada IPs, he's just built different. You know, he doesn't have to follow in his father's footsteps, he's his own unique individual.

and so he does all this stuff. His father obviously not a big fan because he's like, what are you doing? We have a ridiculously successful wool enterprise. I will pay for you to learn how to upkeep it, how to live on my legacy, how to get all the money you could ever want. What are you doing?

I am not a huge fan of this, like, you want to be a poet at the university? What is wrong with you? So his father, not really happy. And so Felix at the university is a poet. He's sort of dreaming, as most creative writing majors do. This is all hitting way too close to home as a creative writing major myself. He dreams of writing the next great adventure tale,

the next epic tale that will be told through all time and be recited to children as one of the greatest stories ever told. This is Felix's sort of motivation. This is what he wants to do. And for Felix, everything is going according to plan. He is poiting his ass off at the university until, well, Felix kind of sort of accidentally kills someone. Wait, wait, what? He kind of sort of accidentally kills someone.

So Felix as a poet, creative writing major, is known to be a little bit of a showboat. He likes to show off, and he loved having duels in his youth. Loved it. He's got that flair for the dramatic. And it was genuinely an accident during a sparring duel, and he accidentally kills a student named Wolfgang Krasner. And while it might have been just a mistake and it was a duel that they both agreed to, obviously you killed a man. So he gets immediately expelled from the University of Altdort. Right, right, because not arrest or nothing because it was a duel, but he killed someone. Yeah.

And also, the very wealthy family that we were just talking about also cut him loose of the inheritance because, of course they did. He literally just killed someone. So he is just 100% disinherited. His father casts him right the fuck out, refuses to take him back under any circumstances. His son has tarnished the family name and has pretty much put the father's goal of becoming a noble house in complete jeopardy, if not just outright killing it. So at this point, Felix is a drifter. He has no drive, no drive. purpose. It was an accident. He did only mean to wound the student, but again, that doesn't matter.

You killed him. It doesn't matter if you only meant to wound him. That man is dead. And so the next time we hear about Felix is when he is, how you say, instigating riots. Wait. No, this dude's character arc is going really up and down. He's going through it, yeah. And to be fair, the reason he's starting the riots is actually kind of based because there's this pretty bullshit thing happening at the time called the window tax, which is exactly what it sounds like. Your ass gets taxed depending on how many windows your crib has. And it actually goes a little harder than that.

and so this whole window tax thing is a reference to something that actually happened during the 100-year war in England. This tax was, it was supposed to be specifically for like glass windows. So it was supposed to hurt the wealthy substantially. And it resulted in like this big domino effect leading to like the War of Roses. But in Aldorf, in Warhammer fantasy, this tax was different. the intention of the window tax in Altdorf was to tax the rich because they're the rich. Obviously, they're wealthier than you. They're going to have more windows.

You know, this will be a good way to get some income coming in. Me, an extremely wealthy streamer deciding to make a giant mansion that's just a fucking black cube with no windows tax this shit, England. Well, we'll talk about it. that. So the window tax in Altdorf, actually the problem with it is it didn't specify glass, like the actual one. It stated that any hole in a residence, no matter the size, was considered to be a window. So this resulted in sort of this really obtuse taxing on the poor, due to the poor having more holes in their walls for just, not even for window purposes, they were just for ventilation for just basic comfort.

It's like, that's not a window. That's just a vent because it's too goddamn hot in here. And also, the tax was a silver piece for every window, which if you are like a peasant or just a normal person, is absolutely bad shit. Wait, are you telling me that the English were doing taxation without any representation? You know, Bricky, I am. I am shocked To your core My eye

Writing this I was like There's no way this would fly in real life There's it this there's gotta be some mistake And apparently in Warhammer You can avoid this window tax If you just straight up Brick over your windows If you just

Miont over the window It's like oh we can't we Hey we can't tax you because that's not a window anymore. Oh, hell yeah, my cube. Your cube is fine. You won't get taxed for your cube. You can also just bribe an official.

And apparently what a lot of nobles did was they just sort of pretended like they didn't actually own their house. Which sounds weird, but from what I read about this, it's sort of like this bullshit where the nobles were like, well, you know, actually,

I inherited this house from my ancestors. And there's not, you know, my ancestors are so old, and that was so long ago, that was so many generations ago. You know, there's really no record of them buying the house. And so if there's no record that it belonged to them and I inherit it, technically you can't tell me that I own this house and that I need to pay the tax on it. Can't tax me on what I don't technically own, right? get stuffed government.

And those would be some of the ways you could avoid, air quotes, the Altdorf window tax. Okay. And so was Mr. Felix protesting the rich's ability to do this? Or, because he says it was like a riot of sorts, right? Yeah, I think he's just rioting the window tax period. Oh, just the existence of it? Yeah, it's kind of a bullshit thing to be like, yeah, we're taxing. for your windows.

Okay, so he's like, oh, you're taxing us like crazy, but all the rich people are finding ways around it. Yeah. God, you know, I'm so glad I don't live in that world. Yeah. It's not even my house was an argument to IRS, but armed agents storing my house wouldn't bless it.

Fair, fair. Anyway, so Felix is starting like these riots because also, you got to remember that at this point in time, Felix has no ambitions. He's kicked out of Altadorf, the university of Altdorf. He can't really write his grand epic poem. He's not this famous person yet.

So this becomes his ambition. This becomes his drive. He starts like submitting petitions with others who opposed it. And then they start organizing these like just major protest marches. But like there's so much anger. and passion, and there's just so much of this stuff boiling over that Felix can't really control these big marches that he's starting, and since there's so much anger, they just sort of flood over into these big riots. And so in all of these riots, you know, fighting starts, and they get

so bad that the emperor himself, Carl Franz himself, and his royal guard from Reikland had to divert from what they were doing to come to Altdorf to stop this madness. And so now you have, you know, the Reichsguard are, you know, getting in on all these riots and they're trying to stop them. And it's just, it's chaos in the streets. And Felix in these riots is about to get his ass run down by a knight who is just, cavalry charging his horse through the masses, as you do, I guess. And it's looking like Felix is about to get run down. He is going to get his ass run down, he's going to die.

But who should save Felix from his doom fate? Why none other than good old Gottrick. The hell is Gottrick doing there? I mean, Gottrick just kind of found himself here. I just this is happenstance, more than anything. He's just kind of wandering now. he's just kind of doing his Slayer thing. He's just looking for like the most crazy fight where he can die, you know?

So I think he just, it just happensstance. Okay. Well, he's doing Slayer stuff. He's just doing the murder hobo and he's just like, I guess I'm here now. Yeah, he's just, he's just doing the murder hobo. I guess I don't know how far away that is from like the Dwarven stuff. So. Actually, that's a good question.

How, shy, how far is Altdorf? Nah, no, no, no, no. The Games Workshop does not understand a travel. logistics or maps. Or numbers in general. We can just skip that a whole part. Don't worry about it. That's so true.

And in the process of rescuing Felix, Gautrich cuts his way through an unknown number of Reichsguard. Gotrick's recounting of the event of saving Felix as, the manling thought it clever to put his case to the emperor with petition and protest marches. Old Karl Franz chose to respond quite sensibly with cavalry charges. Plus, considering how Gautrich

had handled royalty in the past, you know when he killed the Dwarven Lord and everyone in there, it's pretty clear why Gatrick was like, oh, man, y'all are doing protests and marches? Y'all know that you can just use an axe and kill people, right?

you can just, you know, Axe does a lot more talking than just some dumb riot. Me giggling to myself preparing to say, man, I'm glad I don't live in that world again for the third time. I saw it in just a little, little too close to home, eh? Thank God this is fiction. I know. Thank God. As for what happened specifically, as far as, like, how many people, how many Reichs guards? that Gottrick killed. We don't really know outside of a few

semi-drunk conversations and that Felix doesn't really feel compelled to get into circumstances due to this oath that he takes with Gottrick. We know that Felix was knocked down when the cavalry arrived and Gottrick saved him. And in Felix's own words, of course, the Imperial Cavalry were no match for my companion's axe. Such carnage! heads, legs, arms, everywhere. He stood on a pile of bodies.

In another story, we do get a specific number of Lancers, which is apparently half a dozen, but this was only one type of unit. There were probably several, so chances are it was likely more. So according to Possum, the only number we really have of the number of Reichs card that got her cut through is it is, at the very least, half a dozen. So is that like, is this intentionally told in a method that's like vague? Like do they, do they, is there meeting a very like kind of fairy tale type thing? We're like, you don't know exactly how much was happening there, but, or is it like actually recounted correctly?

It does feel like it is like specifically a little vague sometimes because a lot of this is them like, oh yeah, they're in like a tavern. they're retelling the story they're drinking ale while they retell it so I think it's kind of you kind of get that vibe of like oh yeah you're just sitting around a fire with a brew and they're just kind of remembering what they remember

maybe some of little details are off with that because I'm fucking drunk you know so I think it I think it is actually like intentionally vague and without like specifics sometimes okay it does seem like it's very like an orator's tale

like it's very like it's very oration based right So I wasn't quite sure. But okay, that makes sense. Oh, look, Shai did the calculations for you, Brickie. Oh, okay. So by my calculation, to get from Dwarf lands to Outdorf, got your kind of travel about 1,200 miles.

Okay, I mean, how did you calculate that? Yeah, how did you calculate that, Shai? That's, hey, good work, though. That's, man, that's a long walk. I mean, I mean, did you just, just, take the fictional version of Europe to Asia kind of thing there, I'm assuming. Oh, yeah, because the fantasy, yep, yep, that's probably the only way to really do it. That's fair.

All right, that works. That works. Hell yeah. So, afterwards, while the riot is kind of like calming down, Gatrick and Felix are kind of chilling in a tavern, getting drunk out of their fucking gourd. And the more Felix is talking with Gatrick about his life, where he'd been, what? what he'd been up to, the fact that he's a slayer, his axe, all that cool stuff. Felix is like, damn, Gautrick, like, you've seen some stuff, you've done some stuff,

and man, I bet I could write a damn fine book about the trials and tribulations of your life. Not only that, I bet the book would be so good, and your life is so interesting that this book's going to get me back into the University of Altdorf, which is crazy to me to think about, because I don't know how drunk Felix was, but at this point, he has murdered a student, he has incited massive riots,

is now accessory and accomplice to the murder of at least half a dozen Reichsard. I don't think any book you can write is going to clear your name and get you back into the university, but I guess let's let Felix dream. Did he incite the riots or I thought he was just part of the riots? I mean, he was the one that was going around with petitions and starting protest marches. So he kind of started him.

I mean, I guess he, well, petitions and protesting is one thing, inciting the riots. All right, whatever. It's fine. Well, he had a big part in it. Let's put it that way. I don't know. All right, all right. Anyway, fair enough.

So at this point, Felix is like, look, I, I promise to you, Gautric, that from this day until the day you find the sweet release of death that a slayer craves, I will chronicle and record all of our adventures, all of your deeds, and everything that we do. And when someone makes a promise like that to a dwarf, there's only one way to seal the deal. Gottrick takes out his knife, they both cut their hands, and they make, boom, the blood oath handshed. and they are now bonded by blood until the day Gottrick finds the glorious death that will wipe the slate clean and end his miserable life as a slayer. I shouldn't say miserable life, but you get the idea. Of course, of course.

Right. And he can't wait to end his life as a slayer. 23 books later. Well, as the discussion always comes up when people talk about, oh, Gottrick is such a good slayer. And it's like, no, actually. He's a real bad slayer. As far as being a slayer is concerned, finally the axe of the god of war himself was probably one of the worst things that happened to Gottrick.

Now is he a great warrior? He has one of these strongest axes in dwarven lore. Good luck killing him. Good luck finding death, buddy. So it's basically just, I mean, he's really good at the slaying parts. Mm-hmm. He sure is. As far as killing stuff is concerned, he's the best.

he's the bees knees. Damn, okay, okay. But this is basically how Gottrick and Felix meet. This is where, this is like where, why, and how they journey together. This is their beginning. And as we said, there are 23 books about the stuff these two do together. So there's no damn way we can go over at all. So I'm going to hit the story that happens sort of maybe directly after this.

because after all this stuff happens, it's like, so what do they do now? Like, I mean, Gottrick is on the run because, you know, well, so here's here's the story. Here's what happened because the duo were naturally, like I said, a little worried about their status as fugitives. Like I said, Felix has killed people. He's being blamed for the window tax riot. Gottrick, as we have said, he has murdered numerous Reichsguard Knights. that's a pretty bad thing. So the two are like, man, we got to, we gotta lay low.

We got to get out of Dodge. Let's take a coach together and let's just try and, you know, lay low. So they're in the stage coach and they're kind of fleeing. And Gautrich, aside from being one of the most savage slayers and warriors to ever exist, is, again, he's kind of got the temperament of a dwarf. And he can come off a little rough around the end. edges and he is really, really quick to argue with people and say some kind of demeaning things. And apparently this is exactly what he does with the stagecoach driver.

He just starts really kind of sticking it to the stage coach driver. And also, oh, so he's from Jersey. Yes, Gottrick, canonically, is from New Jersey. I got it. Okay. I get it now. And so aside from just like, just really reaming the stage coach driver, at some point, he decides, you know what? I'm going to make some demeaning comments about your wife. And so he starts laying into his wife. And it's, and the stage coach driver's like, you know what? I'm sick of your shit guy. Both of you, get the fuck out of my coach. your asses are gone here.

And these are sort of the first lines about that from the book. So this is Gottrick. Damn, all manling coach drivers and all manling women. Gottrick Guernison muttered, adding a curse in Dwarvish. You did have to insult the lady assault. They didn't you? Felix Yeager said peevishly, as things are, we're lucky they didn't just shoot us, if you can call it lucky,

to be dumped in the Raikwald on Gahemnus not Eve. We paid for our passages. We were just as entitled to sit inside as her. The drivers were unmanly cowards. Gautrich grumbled. So I'm going to take an assumption

that Gatrick is constantly like picking fights and shit talking and Felix is constantly being like, that's just my friend, don't worry about him. Yeah, kind of. Yeah. kind of a little bit, kind of. But so at this point, like they said, they are stuck in a forested area called the Reichwald.

And as they said in the quote, this is like the worst time to be stranded in a random-ass forest because it is the Gahemnus Noct Eve. And so that's sort of like your Halloween-type deal. And that big, ugly green moon, morselieb is looming, the one with a big face that's made out of warpstone. Oh, the Majura's Mask one. Exactamundo. And this night is also particularly dangerous because sort of like the veil between the normal realm and chaos gets thin. It gets thinner.

And so who knows what's lurking around at night? Maybe chaos, maybe demons, maybe the undead. Who knows? And their luck doesn't get a whole lot better because Felix is feeling pretty sick, you know, he's feeling he's got kind of a headache, he's feeling kind of ill, and you know, I read that he maybe

had been feeling the start of this during the riots, but man, he's feeling a little green around the gills. And not only that, Gantrick is getting really antsy. The man hasn't killed in a little while, and he is getting really restless and really bloodthirsty

to the point where literally he just starts yelling at the forest. He's like, I thought it was Gahemniz, not even. Give me a challenge to kill with me axe. And he's just yelling for something to come out. And wouldn't you know it? A black stagecoats comes

out of nowhere. And it's just, it is tearing down on them. Felix barely had enough time to just jump out of the way into a pile of leaves. Gatrick, I'm assuming, very swiftly dodges it. But after this thing almost

runs them off the road. Gautrick is like frothing at the mouth. This stage coach almost ran them over, and Gautrick is like, okay, okay, I found the thing I want to kill. Oh, boy, did I find him. He's just like, oh, so they start going off to hunt this ominous black stage coach. And so as they continue into the forest, they find this small roadside tavern called the Standing Stone Inn. And initially, Gottrick doesn't want to stop because he's like, I have a need to kill. But Felix, again, feeling really unwell, feeling really sick.

And he's like, come on, man, can we at least, let's just take a break here, stay the night. I'm not feeling great. Like, come on, man. And even though it looks a little abandoned, little ramshacked, Gottrick wasn't going to stay. But Felix is like, you know, tavern's got ale. and Gautrich's like, oh, maybe I could use a break. The specific quote is, we've lost the coach.

Might as well get a bed for the night. Felix suggested he looked warily at the smaller moon more slid. The sickly green glow was stronger. I do not like being abroad under this evil light. You're a feeble manling, cowardly too. They'll have ale. On the other hand, some of your suggestions are not without merit. Watery, though human beer is, of course.

That's very typical. Yeah, very, very dwarf. Very Goddrich. And so when they tried again and everything is, again, kind of bored it up, kind of looks like no one's even there, but they can see there's several like horses and ponies and stuff making noises in the stable, so they know somebody's got to be in there. And when Felix goes knocking, there are people in there, but they aren't about to let anything in. It's Gahemnus Noct Eve. They're just like, uh-uh, you could be chaos, you could be a monster, you could, hey, uh-uh, we're not going to let you in there. And while they weren't going to let Felix in, Gatrick is over there kind of waving around the mystical runax, and he's kind of like,

I will break the door down with this axe, and I will start hacking away at stuff. And suddenly they're like, you know what, maybe, you know what, come right on. in. He's got the town key known as a big fucking axe. And so they're allowed into the tavern, and they start to just drink their fill, and they learn a little something about the black stage coach, and how they've heard rumblings that the owner of the black stage coach has been performing some really shady, dark sort of chaos rituals, which they're also really worried because the son of the innkeeper, has actually gone missing.

A couple nights ago, son of the innkeeper went missing. And so Gautrick's like, oh, hell yeah, cultist, that sounds like something I can kill. Already wanted revenge on the black stagecoach for almost running us off the road. Now you're going to let me kill cultist too?

Let's go! And so Gautrick and Felix head into the forest in search for the black stage coach and the cultist and I guess hopefully the innkeeper's son. And while they're searching, Felix decides to ask Gottrick, like, hey, Gottrick, like, you know, what was your past like? How did you become a slayer? Like, what brought you to become a slayer? And if you remember our episode on Slayers, or on dwarves, they really don't like talking about how they became a slayer because it's their greatest shame. It's so shameful that they are trekking out to die for it to sort of redeem their families. name. Right. And so Gautrich, when he hears this question, oh man, he looks like a volcano that is about to erupt in a storm of murder. But he holds himself back and he tells Felix like, you know what,

you're young, you're stupid. And we've made a blood oath to travel together. So look, I won't kill you for asking me that. But if you were any other man, I would rip you to shreds. and leave nothing left. And the two continue searching the forest. They heard, like, they start hearing, like, these really sinister, crazed laughter in the distance. And it's just this really creepy laughter. And they continue following it.

And as they continue following it, they encounter a mutant. Gottrick, oh, gothic is so ready to kill that this mutant doesn't stand a chance. I'm not even sure the mutant gets a chance. to flinch before Gottrick cuts its goddamn head off.

So, Gatrick and Felix, like, you know what, we're probably on the right path. Mutant just tried to jump us. Let's continue in this direction. I hear some more ritual chanting. We hear some more laughter. And finally, they come upon like this really big congregation of like mutants.

And they're doing these weird rituals and they're praising Slanesh. It's a pleasure cult. It's a cult of pleasure. and there are drums banging away, there are heads on pikes, human heads, mutant heads, beast men heads, just animal heads. It's so chaos. Oops, all chaos.

I mean, it's the funny night, so I guess it makes sense. It is the funny night. But what they also saw was the black stagecoach was parked among the cultists performing their rituals. The doors to the black stage coast burst open And out comes a hooded man Carrying an infant child And the hooded man places the child on the altar As the ritual chanting and drumming

And excess seem to get faster and faster And it reaches a fever pitch Hooded man takes out a knife and holds it above his head This man is about to sacrifice a baby But of course Gautrick and Felix are like no We can't let that happen. And they jump into action, and they begin just cutting through all of these cultists in order to try to save the child. And Gottrick is big, big axe, big kill.

You don't stand a chance. But Felix holds his own. And they fought very valiantly. But, man, they were so severely outnumbered. Gatrick is so overwhelmed that, like, he is covered in mutant bodies. Like, you can't even see him anymore. There's so many guys piled on to. of him. And Felix, he's just as overwhelmed. Again, he's holding out. He's doing the best he can. And so

the hooded man starts the ritual up again, because obviously all this bloodshed and fighting kind of makes him stop. He raises his knife high again. There's this mist that kicks up that starts to take the shape of a demon. And Felix is just like, God, I really want to save the child, but there's no way I can get to that person. Gatrick is completely swarmed. So Felix does the only thing he can think to possibly stop this cultist. He says it a little prayer to Mighty Sigmar and then he takes a throwing knife

and he just chucks it. And I have to believe this is like one of those like cod compilation videos where the... I was just about to say that. I was about to say this is going to look exactly like the end of Mono Warfare 2 where he throws it a general shepherd. God damn it.

Yep, yep. He chucks the knife in the air. God, I hope it's a cross-map kill. And oh man. And wouldn't you know it? After saying a little prayer to Sigmar, wham! The dagger thumps right across the throat of the hooded cultist,

killing him instantly. With the head cultist dead, the mutants begin to flee in terror. Gautrich is finally kind of like free, because a lot of the mutants are fleeing, and you can kind of see just this like, just this maelstrom

of blood and body parts and guts start flying up. everywhere and Gautrich is like, I made it! I made it! And he just starts, once he gets out of that, he just starts murdering everything around him. It doesn't matter if they're fleeing beastmen. It doesn't

matter if they are demons that decided to stay. He's just making a gory bloody mess of the bodies until the last of the cultus and beastmen were either dead or were lucky enough to flee. And as they rescue the child from the altar,

they noticed that the hood has fallen from the man's face. They can finally see who the cultist is. And the cultist was the innkeeper's missing son. And the witch that was next to the innkeeper's son, who was also helping with the rituals, was his dead wife. And Felix seeing this and realized that's the innkeeper's son, looked back to Gottrick and simply said, you know, I don't think we'll be going back to that in any time soon. So that's sort of how that story ends. And again, that's just one of many stories involving Gottrick and Felix. And as we said at the beginning of the episode, I'm sure we can do an innumerable amount of episodes on their escapades. But seeing as how the script at this point is,

you know, seven pages, I feel like this is like a good opening look at Gottrick and Felix. though Possum wants me to remind people from the Skaven episode that Thankwell, again, is basically an arch-nemesis of the duo, constantly encounters them. For those of you who want something a bit more cartoonish story-wise, Possom says that Skaven Slayer is essential. For example, in one moment in the book, Thank will orchestrates the death of a Skaven warlord that was set to replace him during the invasion of Nome, and this is how Thangple broke the news to the Skaven. Lament Skaven, tragic news, Thangwell said, and even the coughing stopped.

Mighty warlord Vemmick's scab is dead, killed in a terrible accident involving a loaded crossbow and an exploding donkey. We will have the traditional ten heartbeats of silence to mark the return of his soul to the horned rat. And immediately all the Skaven started talking amongst themselves, and, you know, that's sort of the shavan. shenanigans you expect when

thankful is involved with Gottrick and Felix. So this is our... It kind of sounds like Gottrick and Felix are constantly like fighting things that they have absolutely no business fighting. Yeah. And somehow winning because of course, Gottrick, you know,

you got to find a way out of it somehow. They're notorious. I don't know if you... I doubt you have an answer for this, but I'm sure the comments and the chat will. Okay, this is a reference that you might be surprised. I'm getting a little, like,

vibe that there's situations in which this will turn into a rock and revi situation from Black Lagoon. Uh, where... Ooh, an anime reference. I know. I know. I, because I'm kind of like, like, Gautrich

kind of obviously has the same, like, drinking and fighting and stuff. And Felix always seems like the more timid of the group, but I do get a genuinely good feeling that eventually, occasionally, Felix might kind of like get really pissed off and go sicko mode and just like absolutely go on a tear because his life has changed so substantially.

I don't know. It's a, it's a theory I have. I mean, so far from what I've seen, Felix, Felix will absolutely hold his own in a fight. Like if they get into a brawl, he'll do okay. He'll do all right. I mean, he's no Gottrick, who is, but he does pretty well for himself so he's maybe, I don't know if I don't know if timid is the right word

for Felix. I kind of get what you mean but I don't know if timid is how I would describe him. It seems like more than anything Felix is the kind of person who just has to do all the talking. Definitely Felix needs to do the talking and sort of needs to smooth

things over when Gottrick gets a little too blunt and a little too all right everybody calm down. Let's let Cooler heads prevail, you know, hey, I'll talk us through this. Like a bard fighter type person. Mm-hmm. Yep. But that's, that's what we've got so far for today on Gottrick and Felix.

So hopefully it was up to par. And sorry if your favorite story or limerick or battle or Gottrick. A 23 books worth. Yeah, 23 books worth. I'm sure your favorite probably didn't make it, but you know, as a. top-down sort of introduction to Gottrick and Felix, I'm feeling pretty good. I mean,

the, I mean, if we did an episode on Gaunt's Ghosts, we would have a substantially similar problem. Oh, yeah. I'm so shy. I love, shy said, if people demand it, we can do more. So what you're saying is we're going to do more of their stories.

I mean, it's either that, or it's like, we do, um, we just do it as a book club. I guess that's true. We could technically do a fantasy book club where we just, every now and then do a Gottrick and Felix book. Top ten

insane Gottrick and Felix stories. We do like a red arrow in a circle on the thumbnail. Yes. Yes. And the book cover tier list is over onto the side with the arrow in the circle, right? Wait, wait, 15 signs that you are a yogurt male. Is it more powerful than Alpha? And it's just the image of

Gottrick? Oh no. Wow, that's what you have to look forward to everyone. I hope you had a good one. Any parting words, Bricky? No, you know what? It's actually like, I want to call it maybe generic, but it is exactly, I was surprised at how simple that story is. It is literally like the brash, brazen dwarf and the, who gets into trouble a lot, but he's

a really, really good fighter. And the, you know, rich kid that ends up becoming. you know, more than that. And he is the one who has to do all the talking and get them out of various adventures. I mean, it sounds like a classic D&D-esque story.

I was about to say, it does seem like just the classic D&D because you always have the player that's like, yeah, I'm going to be a eight-foot-tall barbarian or like, oh, I'm going to be a stout dwarf. And, you know, my whole goal is to just fight and kill stuff.

And then you always have like, I don't want to say you have a theater, kid being like, you know, the bard and they're just like really, they're okay at fun. Yeah, it does have that classic D&D vibe, right? Yeah, and it really does. And Shai makes a good point, you know, like a lot of the base characters and like classic original trilogy Star Wars are not particularly overly interesting, but they're in fascinating adventures and situations and the writing is decent.

I mean, it literally is like, Star Wars is literally farm kid and, and like wizard mentor and scummy guy with his dog, aka Chewbacca. Like it's not, it's not, it's not anything extremely fancy, but it is, you know, it is basically like,

it's the situations they're in. Like, oh, but what if they had, where they got stuck at a moon-sized space station? And a death star. I love that you boiled Han and Chewy down to scummy guy in his dog.

Well, I mean, it's like, does he bite? Yeah, he do bite. Sure do. Can you understand him? No. Do he bark?

He do be barking, though. Yeah. Yeah. So I said, I wanted to joke about Ha Ha, ha, Felix would seduce a dragon, but he did seduce a vampire lady. Oh, wow. Who is that? That vampire lady just looks like Siri from Witcher. Oh, that's true.

That does look like Siri, but with just like deep red eyes. Yeah, that. Well, a little bit. A little bit of that. I like her. She's dripped out. She looks fierce. Yeah.

She is. Yor Nica. Magdova Strachov, oh God, Kislev vampire lady. Okay, well, hell yeah,

Felix, good on you, man. Hell yeah. Man, those are some sweet words if you manage to seduce her?

I thought you were to say, man, there's just some sweet words if you actually managed to say them, and I was like, the hell. Well, that's true.

I mean, it is a Kislev vampire lady. She would just as soon, like, you know, it's like, oh, hell,

no, no, it wasn't that. It was more the fact that I butcher the pronunciation. Oh, oh, yeah, well, you know, that's, look, look at that thing. Yeah.

Look at that name. Yeah. Anywho. Uh, anywho. It's a good stuff. I'm actually kind of curious. I think we should do one of the book clubs. I think we should do one of the episodes for a book club.

Okay. Okay. Well, ask Possum, which one is like the best go to, like, you have to read this book to really, like, this is like the infamous Godrick and Felix books. And we'll do that for a book club. Yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

All right, sweet. Well, Gatsrick and Felix, everybody. Thank you for stopping by and listening and or watching. Nice, simple fantasy adventure book on its way. If you enjoyed it, make sure that you remember to read some of yourself, because that's half the point. Get into it from us. Get into something from us, not entirely by us.

Hell yeah. Thanks for being here. See you next time, brother. I'm going to go yell at that dude whose pancreas doesn't work. Thank you.