Adeptus Ridiculous - GREENSKINS: DA STRONG ONEZ WIN, AN’ THEN EAT THE WEAK | WARHAMMER FANTASY LORE

Episode Date: November 24, 2024

https://www.patreon.com/AdeptusRidiculoushttps://www.adeptusridiculous.com/https://twitter.com/AdRidiculoushttps://orchideight.com/collections/adeptus-ridiculousThe Greenskins, also known as the Orc and Goblin Tribes, are a group of related, highly primitive, bestial, humanoid species of green-skinned barbarians and raiders whose sole pursuit in life is that of war and battle. Tribes of Greenskins occupy much of the eastern hemisphere of the world of Mallus.The term "Greenskins" is a common collective description used by many civilised realms to refer to the forces and tribes of the Orcs, Goblins and other biologically related subraces such as the Gnoblars. The broadest racial division is between the Orcs, who are strong, brutish, and savage warriors, and the Goblins, who are smaller and weaker, but more cunning and conniving creatures.The Greenskins are considered by many to be the scourge of all other mortal civilisations. These tribal warriors are extremely violent, raiding ceaselessly, carrying war and barbarism to all corners of the known world. Time and again, hordes of Greenskins would arise without warning and lay a great swath of destruction that has no direction or purpose other than simple violence. Indeed, the Greenskin race's single motive is violence, an ever increasing mass of warfare that has the potential to dominate and cover the entire world in a seething green tide.Support the show

Welcome everybody to the realm of ridiculous, where we discuss Warhammer fantasy heralded by the host of this today's episode, D.K. Before we get started on all of that, if you enjoy this podcast and you want to support us, check out patreon.com slash adeptus Ridiculous, where you can get access to bloopers if they happen, high quality posters, discord access, and all of that goodness. Check it out at patreon.com slash debuts ridiculous. And if you got merch wants, needs, dice, etc. Objective markers, so on, check it out Orchidate.com. Shabang, Shaboon. Hello, D.K., hello. Hello.

Hello, halar, halar, halar, halar. Hello. It's been a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, how are we doing? You know, were you a Seinfeld person? Uh, yeah. Okay. Do you remember when they would go in, they would go, like, in the apartment, and they would

like, hello. Hello. All right. Boys, yep. Yes, okay. That was an inside joke for my family for a long time. Oh, the hello. The hello.

You know, I imagine back in the day that wasn't much of an inside joke. Like, if you use that around anybody from like, that was a lot for Seinfeld, they'd immediately get it. Oh, yeah, that's 100%. This is definitely a generational gap going on right now. Definitely. Yep. So. So.

So. So. I get those references. I get those references. We have a couple Seinfeld friends in here, I'm sure. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, sure. Sure. So. So. You know, it's, it's been a little, it feels like it's been a little bit since we've done one of these episodes. So are you, are you ready to start off with a quote? Oh, okay.

Um, I mean, not really. Your, your ratio of quotes is, it's not terrible. I feel like it is not as bad as mine. I think the big. I think the biggest problem is that I just don't know what a ton of said quotes can be. True. I guess that does help, right? You don't have like a bunch of stuff swirling around in your head where you'll get it confused with like Slanesh or some other chaos thing.

That's true. That's true. Yeah. I don't know the names of all the factions specifically. So that's also a part of the issue. But I'm willing, I am willing to try. Okay. Okay. I don't think this is going to be a difficult one. I think every video on the faction I watched

has used this quote. It's just like front and center on the wiki, but it's just the most fitting one. So your quote, from the deepest, darkest tunnels they came. Burrowing and banging, shouting and smashing, we soon learn not to try to negotiate, save with axes and cannons, for thousands upon thousands of years we have fought them. And many think we will soon be defeated. Yet we have our plans and someday we will take back our ancestral holds. Or else destroy both homes and the foul blank who now pollute them. Okay, well, when you talked about tunnels and stuff,

my immediate thought was like the scaven because you were like, you're chittering little assholes. But we did the scaven, so it's not the scaven. Oh, God. We already did the dwarves, too. We did do the dwarves. And when I was thinking, like, holes and stuff, you know, like coming down from the holes. So, the people who are in this are, like, underground?

Uh, not necessarily. Oh, geez. Some of them are underground, though. Uh, uh, uh, I, I don't know. I, I don't know. I'm trying to think of whether it's not It's okay, it's not elves It's not elves

It's not elves Can't be humans What are there? Vampire courts? The vampire counts? Is that your final answer? Yeah, why not? Oh, no, it is not the vampire courts.

I got a missed one at like I got to look at like a list of faction names because I don't know all the all the factions Yep, so you missed the big one What we're talking about today And the one that just fell off the radar Today we're talking about green skins

Oh, the orcs? Today we're talking about, well, green skins is a sort of a catch-all term for like orcs, goblins, snotlings, and squigs. Oh, okay, so it's just, well, I guess that's kind of a catch-all term in 40K too, So I guess that makes sense. I guess it kind of is, yeah. Okay. Also, in fantasy, orcs is spelled with a C, not a K.

Oh, branding. Fancy, right? But we're going to be doing our little green skin talk a little different today because the green skins haven't changed that much. Like the green skins that we know in 40K, they're pretty close. It's not exact. pretty close. So we're going to do like sort of a basic little rundown of them. And this episode is actually going to be more. We're going to talk about some really cool green skins.

We're going to talk about some really badass green skins, some funny green skins. And just, you know, we'll talk about some cool guys. Okay. Okay. So, so I'm assuming, well, you say they're very similar to, to what we know and love. Uh, they're very similar. So hopefully this won't be an episode where I completely confuse the things over and over again. Probably not. Probably not. So much faith.

Probably not. Well, you know. Which actually is a good question. Is there a power of belief perchance? Ah, we will talk about that. Okay. Interesting.

Continue, sir. All right. So let's do, we'll do a quick rundown of the origins of the green skin and fantasy. And really, their origins, it's not a whole lot on them. Like, basically, Their origin breaks down to like, well, the greenskin spores showed up in the fantasy world.

Somehow, it was either because they hitched a ride on the old ones ships in space and then they just kind of happenstanced into fantasy. Or the spores just somehow showed up from space. So it's just the spores somehow got here. Okay, so they, much like an orc type thing, they just kind of arrive. Yeah, somehow they got here. Most people like to believe that the old ones accidentally brought them while they were terraforming everything. But, you know, other people are just like, no, they just kind of happenstance there. They just existed.

So their reproduction system is by and large the same too. they still just are always producing spores from their skin. Those spores will kind of burrow underground. The spores will slowly turn into green skins underground, and then they'll, like, dig their way to the surface. And I think they always come out under the cap of a mushroom. Like, literally under the cap of a mushroom? Literally under the cap of a mushroom.

All right, all right. So, okay. I mean, it's more hammer. Suttlete is never the thing, but, okay, good, good to, good to know that we're sticking with it. Yep, yep. And while the greenskins are like this massive, deadly potential of a force, like the, like the orcs and greenskins were used to,

they are very keen on always fighting, always being in combat. They are happiest when they are fighting. And, of course, they usually end up fighting themselves more than they end up fighting the actual, like, enemy force. So a lot of infighting, a lot of just banging heads against each other, very, very typical of what we know. This is everything so far is exactly as I would ever expect. Yep, yep. It's pretty close.

Not a lot has changed about the orcs since fantasy. But I also notice their armor is like nearly identical. Uh, kind of. They, it depends on the orc, really. And we'll talk about some of like the different orcs, but like some of them will use a lot of like iron plate. Some of them just straight up won't use armor.

I think a vast majority of them just use like iron armor and iron weaponry though. I think that's sort of like their sort of base material for their weapons arms. A lot of iron. Most of the orks look like there are

the green skins I guess look like you're a typical like orc boy. Yeah. Just big and armored and tough. Mm-hmm. Yep. And as you may have guessed, the greenskins don't really have a super intricate set of, like, laws and rules that they follow with orcs, as usual. It's kind of the law of the jungle, the strongest survive. If you want something and you're strong enough to take it, go for it.

They do have, like, pit fights. If there's, like, this big squabble that they need to decide, they do have pit fights. But again, it's like, well, if you're strong enough to win the pit fight, you're going to be victorious no matter what you did. So it's just the strongest survive. If you can fight your way out of it, you're good. I mean, you say squabbles, but I'm assuming it's just like the usual like, oi. And then do they talk in the accent? Do they have the football hooligan accent?

They must. Fantastic. Because they're still stupid. They're still your typical. agree. So yes, they simply must. I refuse to believe the orcs do not talk me a little bit like this. I love how you say

they're still stupid when it's just like a British accent. Like, yeah, they're still dumb. Those damn Brits. I guess that's fair. I didn't realize it was like, hey, you know, do they still talk like hooligans? And I'm like, yeah, of course, they're still stupid.

Oh, Shai wants me to read the quote, Everything I see is mine. Oh, do you for bits of mine too I just ain't got here yet When we reach the end of the world We'll turn around and march back Yeah, okay, it's about what I was expecting

Yep, yep But the green skins mostly made up Of like orcs and goblins Those are sort of like your important guys I mean, you do have snotlings and squigs But orcs and goblins Kind of the forcus, forcus, focus, focus Forkis.

The Forkis. Forks Amongus. I was literally about to say that. You have the orcs who typically big muscle brousers, we do to every work, we do to fighting. And as is the common theme with orcs, as they grow older and they defeat more and more enemies, they will tend to get bigger. And apparently, because in 40K, as they defeat more and more enemies, they get bigger, right? The more they fight. Yeah.

And I was reading that like if, if an orc is never defeated and never dies, it will literally spend its entire life growing bigger. Okay. I'm sure if that was the way it was in 40K. Well, in 40K, you get bigger by fighting. I'm assuming that is this getting bigger not by fighting, but just by being alive? It's just you're not alive for very long. by fighting and killing. But as long as you, you know, it's not like there's a ceiling.

So do they also become like smarter as well? Because they become bigger and smarter in 40K as we've found out. Do they become smarter? Because bigger is obviously one thing. And obviously might make's right in Warhammer. But they definitely become smarter in 40K or at least do now as of, you know, the big DACA and all that. Yeah, in fantasy.

see, I don't think they get smarter. I think they just get bigger. Okay, okay. So. You just get bigger and more blunt, and it's like, well, of course you're not going to step to him. Look at how big it is. Okay. So, so it's more of just a size.

All right. That's fair. I wonder because, you know, Gaskell is a pretty, he's a pretty smart orc. He's still an orc. He's pretty smart. For an orc, he's smart. Yeah, exactly. So.

And I got to mention these two subspecies of orcs. So there's this subspecies of orc called the savage orcs. And you know how we were just talking about how the orcs, they're already kind of dumb. They're kind of just, you know. Apparently in fantasy, if an orc is in sunlight or prolonged heat for too long, its brain starts to just like shrivel up and degenerate even further. And they turn into like base level savages. Even by orc standards, they turn into the,

these just base savages. They don't wear armor and they're going into battle with primitive weapons made out of bones. That model is so good. I hadn't seen that model. That is peak orc. That model is fantastic. It's just all of them carrying the big stick. The big stick.

The big pointy stick. Okay. So, wait, when you say like a base level savagery, do you mean like grug hit? grug punch kind of because like their language is described as like even the orcs are just like they're just grunting they're just grunting they're just grunting at each other

like very primitive savages they're actually a lot more tolerant of like magic and shamans which the orcs and goblins do have their shamans and their magic green skins so they're a lot more tolerant of them which is good

because the savage Orcs don't wear armor. They've got a pelt here and there, but mostly if they need protection, they have a special war paint that's painted on them by a shaman, and those war paint symbols and stuff will grant them protection. Okay. Actually, like, grant them protection, though. Actually, yeah.

Their shamans actually can do magic, and they're very tolerant of it. Most green skins are kind of like, oh, I don't much like to shaman. magic then you have a group called the black orcs who essentially were made because they were just this big catastrophic mistake

made by the chaos dwarves the chaos dwarves yeah chaos dwarfs which we haven't talked about but you know so chaos dwarves have a bunch of green skin slaves and the chaos dwarves, they're getting tired of how rebellious

and the fact that the greenskins won't listen to them, they keep fighting each other, they keep causing trouble, and it's just, man, this isn't efficient. So the chaos dwarves are like, you know what, let's take the biggest, baddest orcs we've got, let's use our dark magic, and then we'll make them super obedient with our magic. What could go wrong?

as you can imagine it all goes horribly wrong because they did essentially make super orcs like they made just like these orcs are actually kind of smart they're much stronger

they're much more intelligent but because of all of that the black orcs just end up leading a rebellion and overthrowing their chaos to oppressors okay I was about to say that

but like this is an immediate like oh they're smart now and now they're gone. Yep, yep. This was a big fuck around and find out moment for the chaos dwarves. They killed a lot of them. And like I said, like Black Orcs are actually kind of smart. Like, they don't actually infight amongst themselves very much.

They're smart enough to be like, hey, that's a dumb thing to do. We shouldn't do that. It's completely detrimental to us. And the Black Orks are like, the elite among the elite in the greenskins. Like, they are the fiercest warriors with the best choppers, and they get, like, the heavy plate armor. And the big thing about Black Orcs is they kind of stick their nose up

at pretty much every other green skin and find them to be dimwitted and stupid, and, man, they do not like being around the other green skins. They hate it. Okay. So, so, you know, I'm about say. So Shryg and got me too, equivalent to knobs in a way. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's also super normal for war bosses to specifically be like, like, like when they're setting up the barracks and everything, they're just like, okay, black orcs, this area, it's just for you. You've got your own special little area. Because if they didn't and the green skins and the black orcs were interacting too much, the black orcs would probably just kill everyone. They would just get so upset with how stupid and dim-witted orcs and gobbels are. They would probably just kill everyone.

How smart are black orcs? Like, you keep saying that they're really smart. But like to what extent? I mean, like I said, they know better than to, like, fight amongst themselves. They can actually use some tactics. But yeah, they've probably got around human-level intelligence. Really? Yeah.

They're pretty smart. Okay, I mean... Well, yeah, for orcs, of course. But, like, I... Huh. I didn't expect them to be at that level, at least, I guess. I expected, like, slightly more enhanced savages, I guess. Yeah, you don't mess around with the black orcs.

Black orcs are the kind of the cream. The cream. So, while the orcs are, like, the big, hulking, dumb, brutes, the goblins are like the sort of small, cowardly, but generally speaking, the more intelligent of the two. So they're the

ones that are like crafting the weapons, gathering the food, making the houses, stuff like that. And while the orcs still basically just bully them all the time, as is very typical, and treat them as little better than slaves,

goblins far outnumber the orcs. And the goblins are just really cunning little bastards. And like I said, the goblins do all of the shit that the orcs are either too dumb or too lazy to do. Like I said, weapons, huts, food. So it's kind of a symbiotic relationship, even though, like, the goblins get treated like shit.

The orcs need the goblins. I was reading somewhere that, like, there are a few orc tribes that just literally have no goblins. none at all. And these orcs, they're just kind of laying around in the mud all day. You know, they don't know how to get food, really. They just kind of meander around and have just the most awful time without the goblins. Did they, do they not have any goblins because they, like, killed all the goblins or either that or they like so heavily look down on gobbins. It's like, oh, we don't need those little gits. And they were just, you know, they just

wouldn't have anything to do with them. And so now life is miserable? Absolutely miserable for them. Oh, the misery. Oh, the misery. Other thing about goblins is that they are ridiculously adaptive to their surroundings. Like, there are so many subspecies of goblins. Like, you have night goblins who are adapted to living underground.

You have fire cobalds who have. evolved to live in a very hot volcanic region. You've got like frost goblins that are accustomed to living in the cold and so on and so forth. They like they can adapt to live literally anywhere. That's extremely annoying. Well it's a goblin right? Goblins aren't supposed to be anything but and as far as combat is concerned obviously the greenskins live for savage warfare

first and foremost. They always want to be rolling into a fight. They're always looking for the next big bad green skin to start a that they can get behind. And much like in 40K, most WAs tend not to last very long, maybe a few weeks, because the green skins, they usually end up turning on each other. They start infighting. The Waa isn't going the way they wanted,

so everybody's kind of just, you know, fighting each other instead. I mean, that's just classic orc stuff, if I'm being honest. It's classic, classic orc stuff. And as you can imagine, Greenskins don't really have much in the way of war tactics. They're pretty much, as you'd expect, run up to the enemy, start wrecking shit. They don't really do big strats.

Gork and Mork are also around in fantasy with the same idea that Gork is cunningly bruised. and morke is brutally cunning. And while it's true, some greenskins can't really figure out the difference and just prize to twin gods. It's actually very typical that goblins who are cunning and more intelligent will prefer worshipping mork, while the orcs, who are the brutal savages, tend to prefer worshipping gork. Okay, at least there's a little, we've got a little diversity now. Yeah, we got a little diversity.

And the gorka morca life that they're current. currently live in. Let's go. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And one of the biggest signs of weakness and cowardice in green skin society is if you need to beg and pray to Gork and Mork for aid. You are seen as the biggest weakling and the biggest coward ever, uh, because the, the twin gods, they don't answer cowards. They only reward the strong. Right. So I'm, what happens if you do, like, praise that or like ask for help. Is that just if you're like a moment of weakness or the other gorks look at you like,

yeah, they look at, they look down on you and they're like, oh, what a weakling, what a little bitch needing to pray. Oh, that's ghosting. You get nothing at someone else stabs. You got it. Perfect. Yep. Yep, pretty much. All right. So that's our super like quick TLDR rundown

on green skins. Right. They're pretty close to their 40K counterparts and don't worry we will talk about sort of like the the the the wah magic and like the sort of their pseudo not really power of belief but we'll we'll talk about that but we only have so much time we got we got to talk about some like really badass orcs and and goblins and a green skin episode simply would not be a green skin episode if we did not talk about an orc named grim gore iron hide grim gore iron hide grim gore iron Hyde.

Grim gore, Iron Hyder. Grim. Gore. Grim gore. Iron hide. Iron hide. You're telling me this man's grim is gore. And his gris grim and his hide is iron.

God damn. Mm-hmm. Okay. And he is, without a doubt, the most battle-hardened, badass orc probably to ever exist in Warhammer fantasy. As far as his origins go, there's really not too much on it other than he's a black orc. So he was probably a chaos dwarf slave, was part of the rebellion, probably something like that. And the only one that really knows his history is him.

And any time somebody tries to ask him about it, just say he's none too keen on sharing the details. Does he just say it like that specifically? No, he probably will kill you. Oh, okay, okay, never mind. I don't know. Part of me like the idea of grim, Gore, Iron Hyde being like, oh, it's a sensitive spot, you know? I don't want to talk about it.

Big black orgies is like, listen, I'll go to therapy every week. I don't got there with the horrors of my history. So I don't much appreciate you talking to me about it. I'd appreciate you if you didn't talk to me about me mom and me dead. You get. Yeah. But basically all this known about his origin is that at some point he comes out of a place called the blasted wastes, which is like kind of the eastish of the fantasy map where the chaos dwarves were hanging around. And when he was first seen, he was already covered in battle scars. He was missing an eye and he had an elite group of black bodyguards with him that were simply known as de emoos. Are they immortal? I mean

Or are they just really tough? Well, they're not dead yet They've been winning and winning So, you know, it's an apropos name Um Quote for it Do you want to read the Grim Gork? I don't.

I can't do the orc voice, buddy Oh, fine. I can't do the words. I'm gonna stomp them to dust I'm gonna groin their bones I'm gonna burn down their towns and seas I'm gonna boil them up in a big foyer and roast them. I'm gonna bash heads, break faces, and jump up and down onto bits to the left.

And then I'm gonna get really mean. That's pretty good. I like that. Yeah, yeah. He hasn't gotten mean yet by doing all that stuff. Then he's gonna get mean. And from the first moment, he steps out of the World Edge Mountain, and he starts like, you know, walking around, he just starts cleaning the collective clocks of any green skin or any green skin tribe that dared step to him. And from what I've learned about Grim Gore, his mindset is very simple.

He doesn't care about forming a massive wah. He doesn't care about being a massive leader. This guy, he just wants to be a part of the heaviest, fiercest, most non-stest, most non-stealthy. stop drag him out fighting you can get. He wants to put his skills to the test. He wants to be in life or death combat always. And he hates more than anything. He hates not being in combat.

I mean, that's just a typical orc thing as far as I'm concerned. True. But if he goes one day without a battle, he gets just furiously pissed. If two days pass and he still hasn't had a battle. he will literally start killing anything within reach, within arm's reach, he will kill it, except for maybe his most loyal black orc follower. And if three days pass, well, no one's ever seen that. And his followers fear the day that that happens because they can't possibly imagine what he would do.

That's so goofy. I just like, it's like, all right, the one day, oh, that's not good. The two day we're losing. That's really not good. Three, I mean, wouldn't he necessarily be in a battle in the second day, though, because technically he's fighting someone because he starts clobbering people. I guess that's true. I guess he would never, well, maybe, maybe it's like, oh yeah, it has to be like a war.

Oh, okay. A war. Yeah, some, okay, that makes sense. Maybe, maybe. And so because of this, Grimgor will do things like, you know, March on Karak Kadrin, which if you don't remember, that's the Slayers. keep. That's where all the dwarf slayers and the Slayer King is.

Oh, oh, right. He'll just be like, God, I'm so angry and I want to fight stuff. I'm going in there. Yeah, he'll, you know, he'll want the best fight he can possibly get, so he's like, oh, I'm just going to march on the sleigh a keep. And he'll just start slaughtering any of the slayers that try to stop him. And the thing is, though, he never actually makes a real bid to actually take this character.

He never makes a bid to actually, like, infiltrate the Slayers' Keep. He just, like, stays outside, and he just keeps fighting wave after wave of slayers that are getting sent at him, just getting the thrill out of killing the most battle-hardened, crazy dwarfs that they've got. They lost so many slayers and so many dwarfs

that all they could do, when Grimgore was advancing All they could do was sit behind their walls Hope he got bored And hope that like the harsh winter Would finally force Grimgore to leave Which it did Go with the winter just like

Well it was really fierce winter You know and he was He's not exactly the smartest So it's not like he comes with like supplies It's not like he has a base of operations So you know Even the strongest armies This gets really cold

and he's like, God damn it, I got to go. Pretty much. Damn. Just a harsh winter just makes them leave. I didn't expect the Slayer dwarves to get kind of clobbered like that. Grimgore just bodies them. Although, hey, if you're a slayer, that's probably the way to go. Oh, yeah, that's true.

Slayer dwarves would like to die that way. That's true. Right. So there were probably Slayers in that keep. They were like, oh, I have dreamed of this day. They don't have their, what was it? They had like dwarf depression or whatever it was if they don't fight enough. Mm-hmm.

They have, like, if they survive too much, they get really depressed because they're like, oh, God, I just want to die. And then my family won't be burdened with me being a failure. That's right. That's right. Realistically, Grimgore made a lot of dreams come true that day. You know what, that grimgore, you know, what a guy. What an orc, what a nice guy treating those. those dwarves with such a kindness.

Yeah, he really leads the chart when it comes to Slayers Make a Wish Foundation. What a guy. Good guy. And something similar would actually happen when he made his way to Kislev, which is sort of like the frozen. I know Kislev. Yeah, you know Kislev. They're the like kind of ambiguously Slavic region of like bear and ice cold people. They were in the prologue of Warhammer Total War III.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yippee. And Grimgore, again, is just unstoppable. He is just absolutely decimating everything in his path. Like, it's pretty cold and Kislev, but like even that's not really stopping him. And he's just tearing Kislef apart. And it's legit looking like he is just going to dumpster them. the only thing that stops him

is someone named Katerin the Ice Queen she literally has to summon a massive magical blizzard right on top of Grimgore's advance and like

even when the blizzard first shows up Grimgore doesn't stop like his greenskins are dying in droves because they're smack dab in like the middle of this big blizzard but Grimgoor's like, oh, no, keep moving, keep moving. And of course, as a greenskin, if you're like, oh, no, this is bad news because we're right in the middle of a blizzard,

Grim gore, as you can imagine, Grim gore is not a huge fan of retreating. Doesn't take that particularly lightly. No, no. And so he just starts killing anybody that tries to run. So. I mean, Slay. Yeah, well, he, and, boy, do he? boy do he um and so yeah now now the greenskins are dying because of the blizzard and because grim gore's

killing him and it literally takes a bunch of orc shaman talking grimgore down and being like brother as much as you might think you can you cannot punch and cut your way through magic we got to go we got to go and so finally grim go rancor relents and retreats and Grimgore thought he was being cute because he was like, ooh, oh, so I'm leaving, the blizzard's dying. And he tries to like turn the troops around and start fighting again. And then Katerina just summons another blizzard on him. And he's like, oh, bugger.

And he finally, finally, finally full on retreats. That's just a funny idea that like, because he's leaving, the blizzard is going down, because that's what would happen, you know, like, oh, they're leaving. I'll turn the blizzard off. And then then he comes back. It's like, oh, I'll just turn the blizzard back on. Yeah, just flick the on switch on the blizzard again, please. There's also another kind of crazy story about Grim Gore,

where he decided he wanted to take a dwarven carrot called Ungur, because he was like, oh, the cold keeps getting me. I need a stronghold. And this stronghold was under control of a bunch of night goblins called the Red Eyes, which, shock of all shock, Grim Gore fucking. dumpsters them. What is stopping Grimgor? I feel like every story about Grimgore is him like completely clobbering someone. What's stopping him? It looks like the only thing that's really stopping him is just really shitty weather. I must say it seems like it's just the cold.

Yeah, just really harsh winters and apparently blizzards. I mean, he seems pretty armored. Like, how bad are these blizzards? I mean, they're, well, the one Katerin summoned has got to be absolutely savage. But like we mentioned in the dwarf episode, you know, he's trying to like, he's trying to take over the whole hold. And usually the bottom layers of Kareks are pretty infamous for being

just a constant battleground between dwarfs, green skins, and Skaven. And in this particular Karek, the goblins are having a rough time with the Skaven. They're Skaven from Clan Moldor. and so Grimgor is like Oh this is great Because he goes down to the lower levels

And he starts like Killing Skaven And they're like an endless hoard down there Because he'll spend like days or weeks Killing Skaven And then boop a new hole pops up More Skaven come flooding out And he's just like

Oh this is endless combat I love it So business is a booming For Grimgore And Grimgore being, as we have said, the absolute unstoppable behemoth that he was, is literally

driving the Skaven back to the point where, unbeknownst to him, he is literally, with his troops, he is literally making an advance on Klan Mulder's actual base of operations. The hell pit. Without knowing it, of course, because

he's just like, oh. He's just killing Skaven. So, I imagine fighting Skaven would be fun for orcs but horrifying for Skaven Yes Skaven who it would be because they

they love their outnumbered Misadvantaged fights and yeah they would think oh it's just one ork we got this Yeah I was about say they also probably don't like dying much so I'm getting the feeling that the orcs are As we all do are running

The orcs are just like running at them just like laughing and killing Skaven and the Skaven are like fleeing in large numbers and then stabbing their friend and then, etc. Orcs love it, Skaven, hate it. And so the master of hellpit,

his name is Throt, the unclean. It's getting a little nervous. Is this clan, the Nergly clan? Clan Molder is more the They do like, I feel like they do, so they're the ones that make the rat ogres. So they do a lot of like, mutations.

Ah, the scientists. Yeah, they're like the mad scientists. Yeah. Gotcha. Okay. Because there's the clan that's all about, um, is that clan pestilence? Yes. Oh, okay.

Never mind. Where everybody is like, they probably worship Nurgold. Okay. Right, right, right. I forgot, I forgot the name of the clan. And now that I, now it's clan pestilence. Well, clan pestilence is pretty fucking obvious. Yeah.

It kind of is. All right. But Throd the unclean. It's getting a little nervous. Like, he sees this coming, he hears like retreating Skaven talking. He's like, you know what? Let's deal with this. Let's, let's deal with this.

And so he rounds up his absolute strongest and fiercest rat ogres. The wiki says there are dozens of these absolutely roided up, mutated, insane, best rat ogres he could find that are now bearing down on Grimgore. and at first Grim Gore is actually kind of surprised by this because he's seeing this big just sea of rat ogres bearing down on him and his men his men and the rat ogres at the start are successful in actually pushing them back a little bit

pushing back Grimgore and the Greenskins but once Grimgore gets his bearings who he makes he kind of makes his stand and he kind of goes like 300 Leonidas on these rat ogres. Like he finds this really narrow hallway. He finds this just absolute killing field. And while all the other orcs, they just abandoned ship because there's like, nope, I know fucking why.

Grimgore stands his ground and he's kind of just like 1V100ing these rat ogres. And he is having the time of his life. This is just peak Grimgor. This is what he wanted. This is what he needed. Oh, lovely. And Grimgore wins. Grimgore legit.

What do you mean he wins? He wins. Like, legit, he is such an absolute blender that the Skaven start retreating. The rat ogres, the few that survived are legit running their asses back. to the hell pit. And so Throt the unclean sees all this and he's like, you're fine. I'll do it myself. And he gears up with the most crazy experimental mutants he can find.

He's like, all right, I'm going to get Grim Gore. I'm going to stop this MFer. But when he arrives, when Throt the Unclean arrives, Grimgore is gone. Not because he was scared, not that he knew that Throat was coming. Grimgar was just bored. After he mauled all of those rat ogres, he was just like, oh, that must have been the best they had. Everything else that's here is just going to be stupid. It's just going to be not worth my time.

And so he just straight up left, left's the hold, and he is on a never-ending quest to find a more interesting challenge, a more hardened fight, and to just find something to do. So he's, like, Grim, if I'm not mistaken, he is basically just this like, like this never-ending blender of, of orc shenanigans. Yeah. I, I, is who, who can stop him? It doesn't seem like anyone can besides turbulent winds. As far as what Grimgor uses in battle, he has a massive double-sided axe named Gat Snake, which apparently just translates to foe. killer. And according to, I think it was a Total War Warhammer game specifically said that it was

crafted in a place called Zahar Nagrand, which is Chaos Dwarfland. So a part of me thinks he got this thing because, you know, he just nicked it from the chaos dwarfs during that big rebellion. I am. I'm a fair point. Yep. It also has a bunch of charms and incantations put on it by orc shamans so that Grimgore can wield it and swing it even

faster. And I believe there's a charm or there's some incantation on it or it's a special weapon because Gitt Snick literally never dulls. Like, do you mean like it never dols like literally it will always be sharp?

Like there's some magical prowess. Okay. Always sharp. That thing is just always ready to cut someone up. He also has an interesting little artifact called Morks. all seeing I think I have heard that before. That sounds familiar. Grimgore claims that he won the artifact by quite literally beating Mork in a headbutting contest.

Well, isn't Mork the cunning one? So I guess, I mean, if there's one he was going to beat, it wasn't going to be Gork. True, but he'd literally beat God in a headbutting contest, supposedly. That's a, I don't know, man. I think I believe him. It is grim gore. That's a very orky thing to say. It is.

And this artifact allows Mork to watch over Grimgore, and it literally protects him from enemy spells. Oh, so it's a sort of anti-magic talisman. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Also, I guess now is just as good a time as any to talk about, wah energy, because it works a little different. fantasy, it's not really like the 40K power of belief. In fantasy, when an orc stages a wah, like they can actually make like magical wah energy from it. But usually it's just the orc and goblin shamans

that are actually like channeling that energy into like a usable spell or something. And most orcs and stuff assume that the shamans are They were born with like this special link to gawk and mork, you know, and they can reach into the great green, which is their spirit realm, which is just this whole separate thing from the winds of magic. And it's just, it's how, it's how orcs use magic. And goblin shamans will usually use this energy for malicious hexes and stuff. So they're called, the little war. And orc shamans use it for more like brutal violent spells that are kind of.

classified as the big war. Well, at least their naming conventions are similar. They are. A few examples of the little wah spells are stuff like curse of the bad moon where a little goblin shaman will summon a creepy, grinning

moon with fangs that terrifies their foes and makes them fight worse because you got a big creepy-ass like moon looking at you. They've also got hilarious. Wait, wait, like just a moon like just staring at them? Yeah.

It's just this creepy moon with fangs and tusks that's just like, and it like debuffs the enemies. That's just straight. All right, sure, sure. And they have another hilarious spell that's called, uh, Nicky, Nicky! Where the shaman literally summons two massive green hands. One hand holds the victim in place.

The other green hand fleeces them of anything that might be valuable. So it's just a gigantic pickpocket spell. spell. Yep, yep, and it's called Nicket, Nicket! That's so that's so, that's so, that's so, that's so, goblin coded. Mm-hmm. There's also a spell called sneaky distraction,

where the castor will start wildly dancing and pointing behind the enemy and they'll start screaming, oh, look it over there! Can you believe the size of that thing? Which is basically akin to like, you know, when a villain's like, oh my God, look over there to try and get the hero to turn around.

No, no, I'm, I, I, I, but it's a spell you said, Yeah, and they, well, they cast it, and they start wildly dancing around and, like, gyrating. It looks like they're, like, seizing up or something. You know, it's, it is what it is. So is it actually, like, a spell in that case, or are they just doing that? They claim it is, you know. Okay. Sure.

Sure. Like Shai says, it is important to note that Gork and Morkin-Mork aren't. like some metaphysical concept. Like, they are literal gods who will grant the shaman some degree of magical power. Okay. They do exist. Right. Well, where, as the concept of Gork and Mork in 40K is a bit more like nebulous.

Yeah. Okay, okay. That's good to note. And for the big war, they have spells like the hand in foot of Mork, where the castor literally summons just a giant fist or a giant hand to crush the enemies. There's also a spell called the gaze of morgue, which is basically just your standard

eye beam of death. They also have a spell called Ardus Nails. Straight up just lets them ignore battle damage or stamina problems. Yeah, Ardus Nails is a thing in modern 40K as well. It's just a big toughness buff.

Let's go. But even if you have Ardus Nails on, there is still the detriment of being dismembered still applies. So you're tough, but you can just get your shit cut off? Yeah, you still suffer the effects of like getting your head cut off, getting your arm cut off, you know, it's not all powerful. And they also have a spell that's literally called wah where it's just basically a super buff to the whole army

where they just like send wah energy flowing out to everybody. This is all classic green skin shenanigans as far as I'm deserved. And next up on our list of really dope green skins is a night goblin. But not just any night goblin. He is the king under the mountains, the king of Carrack 8 Peaks. This is Scarsnick. And actually there is quite a bit of detail about Scarsnick's life. Because there's this playwright.

His name is Jeremiah von Bickenstatt. He's trying to make it on his own in the world as a freelance writer. And somewhere along the way, poor Jeremiah is staying at an inn, and one night night goblins invade, and he is taken captive. He is then sent to Skarsnick, and Skarsnik, seeing that he's, you know, pretty good freelance writer, demands that he write down his entire life story. Like, does that include everything? Like everything.

Like everything. Everything. Everything from the moment he was conceived. Yep. There is being a true and complete history of Skarsnik. That is what the title of the book looks like. Yep. But I mean, I'm not going to talk about every little thing he does because we have more green skins to talk about that day.

But Scarsnik was known to be. really intelligent. Again, by greenskin and goblin standards, he's pretty smart. And he's probably one of the most cunning little goblin to ever exist. And even though he was pretty smart, pretty cunning, he's still a goblin. He's still got to rise through the ranks.

So because he was smarter than your average green skin, smarter than your average goblin, he was made a runt boy. and while being a run boy he'd kind of play into the favor of stronger orcs do the usual thing but because he was smart and cunning he would also do some really risky shit

like he made secret trades and secret deals with the Skaven to make himself and I guess by proxy his tribe really wealthy that was the plan I'll trade with the Skaven make myself wealthy I'll get some stuff from my tribe too

I feel like I recognize this goblin. Really? You recognize Scarsnik? I think that his... Because I recognize the moon symbol really, like really well. Okay. And so I don't know. I feel like I've seen him before.

Maybe like someone's model or something similar to that. I mean, like Shai said, he is pretty famous. So it's entirely possible that you've seen his mini, you've seen the logo, you maybe heard about him. So, you know, it's possible. Yeah. mean, I don't know, maybe. Maybe.

But naturally, Scarsnick gets caught dealing with the Skaven, and the green skin tribe he's in is none too happy about that. Like, they were going to execute him on site. But in a stroke of luck, when they were going to execute him, the tribe is attacked by dwarfs. So instead of executing him, they just chuck him into an underground river and figure, whatever, that'll have to do. And Skarsnik survives, and he wakes up kind of near Keras 8 Peaks, where he would be found and taken as a slave by a marauding wolf rider tribe of Greenskins.

I mean, I have to ask, does like, I mean, does, what's his story from there? I want to know what the writer is up to? Oh, well, that's, I think this is all after the fact. I think the writer is sort of jotting this down after the fact. I think by the time the writer gets to Skarsnick, I think Skarsnick has already risen to his peak. Damn, damn. Which no pun intended, actually.

So Scarsnick literally being kept like a slave in this little prison wagon for years. But Skarsnik is a cunning little bastard. And he's not spent those years just sitting down feeling just, you know, bad for, for himself or anything like that. He is legit studying the greenskins around him. He's learning what he can, who they interact with, who they capture, stuff like that. And he decides to do something that's going to really impress the leader of the wolf riders. And what does he do?

So there's this passing dwarf that I guess just wandered by his little wagon cage. And Skarsnik, in Kazalid, the language of the dwarfs, suggested that this, dwarf's mother enjoys having relations with ponies. Oh, okay. Understood. And naturally, this dwarf not happy about that. And this huge brawl ensues, this huge scuffle ensues, everybody's fighting. But, you know, as it happens, the wolf tribe leader is like, hey, not bad, kid.

at this point his name is just Runt Gitt, even though I'm going to keep calling him Scarsnick. Like, not bad, not bad. You pissed off a dwarf. You started a fight with a dwarf. Not only that, he was really impressed because Scarsnik, in his time in prison, somehow managed to learn the language of the humans. And he also learned the language of the dwarfs, which is kind of a crazy thing for a goblin to be able to do. And it impressed him so much. Lisa Scarsnik from captivity makes him an official spy.

And official spy? Yep, he makes him a spy for the wolf riders. And now Scarsnik can go around and get down to business. Okay. And once Scarsnick is out as a spy, he again, he starts rising through the ranks. He's getting tons of followers. He's killing all of his rivals. And at some point, he's even like, you know what?

I want to take control of the Wolf Rider group. And so very stealthily, he ambushes the war boss and just cuts his throat. Because he's a stealthy little git, because that's what they do. Because he's an ambusher. He's stealthy. He's cunning. If a goblin is going to kill you, he's going to jump you. He's going to stab you in the back.

He's going to slit your throat. He's going to do something like that. And so this is his war band now. and he has made it his goal to claim Keras 8 Peaks. But if you remember from our Dwarf episode, Kerak 8 Peaks is like the second most profitable hold for all of dwarfs. That's the one they really want back. So it is under constant war from Skaven, green skin, and dwarfs.

It is literally just hell trying to retake this place. And so, with Scarsnix just intelligence and his cunning, he starts using like the most primo ambushes and sneak attacks to start pushing into the upper levels of Keras eight peaks. And he actually runs in to his old tribe, the one that like chucked him into an underground river. And one of his old rivals, a boss named Snow Truck, has become like the big boss. And instead of putting their rivalry aside me, like, you. You know what? We should just take this, take care as eight peaks together.

Snow Truck does the most green skin thing ever and just throws Scarsnick into a fighting pit with a bunch of cave squigs. Kind of hoping that Scarsnick would just get eaten alive. What Snow Truck didn't count on, however, is that one of the bigger cave squigs that was supposed to eat Scarsnick, Scarsnick had befriended and literally saved that cave squig from snow truck when he was a runt boy. And so not only does the cave squig become like Scarsnick's best friend. Like you rarely will see a picture of Scarsnick without this big squig named Gobla. Not only that, but his wolfriders show up. And with the wolfrider showing up and his new squig there, his squig,

his squig literally eats snow truck and Skarsnik has now taken over his old war band and has this just massive retinue of orcs and goblins. That's a big squit. Well, is it a big squig or is the goblin just small? Yes. Okay. Fair play. Yes. And after that, Skarsnick, again, he's really earning his reputation of.

being just the cunning master of of ambushes as he pushes into Skaven territory. And he's using a lot of really cunning tricks like for a goblin. Like so remember how he used to do those like secret trades with the Skaven? Right. His old Skaven trading buddy is in here. And he's like, hey, you want to do a little trade with me? And when the Skaven and a bunch of his friends show up, he ambushes them. He uses that connection and they just walk into a horrible ambush.

Shitloads of Skaven slaughtered. He would disguise his men in the peltz of dead Skaven so they could properly ambush, hit and run, take down the Skaven. And Scarsnik always, he knew how the Skaven worked. He would always make sure that if there was a little hidey hole, boom, he filled it, covered it up, they couldn't take it to advantage, always cut off the retreat lines, always made it so that you know what? we're always going to have the number advantage against the scaven. They're not going to get us the way they usually get people. So he's a bit of like an actual kind of general type thing.

He kind of gets what he's doing. Oh, yeah. He knows what he's doing. He is cunning and he sets up ambushes and traps and just, oh. And he's just so proficient that he literally takes control of the upper levels of Keras eight peaks. And it is understood by goblin or. whatever in the region of the world's edge mountain, that Scarsnik is the king under the mountain.

He is the king of Keras 8 Peaks. That is his domain. And that's kind of the tale of Scarsnick. As I was about to say, so Scarsnick is kind of, he's doing the hardcore gobliny shenanigans. And he's good. He's good at him. Can I do a goblin voice?

Well, I can certainly try. He did a goblin voice earlier. Oh, damn. Okay, let's see it. Oh. All right. I seen him, you know. I seen him.

The second time he talked to me, I was out there on the planes. I was all drunk one night, and the stars swam and went all green. And this big ork made a star, he said, you! He shouts lots, you! Little cranny, go home, go home and be the biggest and bestest gobble, since Grum to punch flattened the pansies. Go on, go on home now. You might think that's not.

But it ain't. Oh, it ain't. That was pretty good. Decent gobble? Pretty good. It's pretty good, actually. Yeah, I got to be honest. That was pretty damn solid. All right. All right. Let's go. And that's a great segue, Shai. You see how that quote said, go home and be the biggest and best is Gabo since Grom de Punch? Is Grom de Punch our next character? Oh, yeah. Didn't even plan it that way. Nice. High five, shy. Bam. So Grom DePonch is a goblin that is held in near godlike reverence to every other goblin. Because Grom was a goblin who actually managed to become a war boss and bully orcs into following his orders.

Ah, okay, that's, so he's the right gobbow. Well, sort of. So you might be wondering, how could a goblin possibly do this? Goblins are tiny little things. Orks are big things that bully them and force him to do the boring work. In Grom's case, he always been a big fan of food eating. He was pretty fond of it. And one day, he decides he's going to eat some troll meat.

And the problem with troll meat is, so trolls in Warhammer Fantasy have basically nigh infinite regeneration. Like I saw a post on I don't know if it was a It was the wiki or a forum or Reddit But it was essentially along the lines of Troll's regeneration is so peak That if you cut a troll in half With how hard their regeneration goes

Now you've basically got two trolls to deal with I didn't realize trolls were like that Apparently they are like that I always thought trolls were like the weird skinny type From World of Warcraft because how would I always remember them as? That's fair. That's kind of how I always picture them too,

but trolls are no joke in fantasy. And so Grom is, he decides to consume just some raw troll meat. And once it's in his stomach, this troll meat literally starts to try regenerating inside of Grom. And so Grom is getting bigger and bigger. And in order to keep himself from like exploding, in order to keep his stomach,

from just he has to constantly eat massive amounts of food so that his system can keep digesting it can keep digesting the regenerating flesh and so with his near

constant eating of the troll flesh grom grows absolutely massive in proportion he is bigger than orcs um like uh it's said everywhere that when he

ate the troll flesh, it was the last day that he could see his own legs. But as the saying goes, as the saying goes, he didn't mind that so much. Because if he ever needed to see them, he could just order

one of his underlings to see them for him. So stupid. Had to put that line in there. So he's just a gigantic goblin. Gigantic goblin. Just a massive goblin, yes.

Jesus. And so the troll meat actually also gave Grom Regeneration. Because after becoming so large and so big, he was like, you know what? I want to challenge this group called the Broken Axe Tribe. You know, he decides he wants to try overcoming a large, formidable orc tribe in the area called the gutstabas. And their war boss, Zok Gutstabba. And so Grom walks in to challenge him all alone.

And this guy, Zok, Gutsdabba. He's like, okay, Goblin wants to challenge me. Sure, let him try. And so the two fight. And Zok Gutsdabba hits him with this big cleaver shot to, you guessed it, the gut. he's Zok Gutt Stabba. And immediately, the wound starts closing up. And everybody's like, what the fuck?

And Grom takes this opportunity to just dismember Zok. And then he proceeds to literally kill all the big bosses of Gutsdabba. Does he like, I get the feeling that he would like eat them. Yes. He eats, he eats goblins. He eats orc, he eats everything. Grom also has this cool little story about his flag bearer He doesn't have a specific name

But after killing all the big bosses Grom is kind of exhausted And he's just like, oh, I need to sit down And he sits his big ass right down on a night goblin And naturally everybody's like ooh Ooh, ooh hoohoo Ooh But night goblin squirms out from under him

He's just fine And Grom is like Oh, that's a sign from Mork and he promotes this little guy to like his flag bear. I didn't they try to kill off Macari and 40K by having someone sit on him? I feel like, yeah, they did. You're right. I feel like they tried to do that.

And then people were like, that's fucking stupid. And then they undid it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's also at this point that Grom is kind of getting sick of walking. So now he kind of goes everywhere in a massive chariot that he has made for himself. He also starts talking about himself in the third person, and he demands that his followers refer to him as your immensity. I mean, yeah, okay.

All right. Got it. Yep. There's also this time where Grom decides he's going to go to Blackfire Pass in the World's Edge Mountains, because there's a lot of dwarfs there, there's a lot of stuff to be conquered there. and they specifically come up to this big statue dedicated to grungi is the dwarf god of war and slayers if you don't remember and he sees this big statue and he's like you know what remake this in my image and so the orcs and goblins start shizzling away at it

and they make a big statue for grom naturally this pisses off the dwarfs for a couple reasons the first is the obvious one you are performing sacrilege against our god and big no-no. Second one, not as obvious. They were like, man, you couldn't even do sacrilege with good crafting. Like, that's such an ugly statue. You didn't even do it in good quality. What an insult.

And so the dwarfs make this huge concentrated effort to drive the greenskins out of the ruins. Like this big effort is made by a king named Bragerick. And so they start fighting. And for the most part, it's a stalemate. no clear winner, except that for dwarves, maintaining a stalemate might as well be a catastrophic loss, because like we've said in previous episodes,

dwarfs don't have a ton of numbers. And so if you end up losing a hundred dwarf in a draw, that's really bad, because Grom, even though he loses a lot of troops, he has, like, an infinite amount of goblins to choose from that will just immediately re-bolster his army. That's true.

So essentially, pulling a draw with the greenskins is a massive loss for the dwarfs. And the dwarfs, they try to call for aid from the humans, but the emperor at the time is just like one of the worst emperors ever. He's just one of those really shit ones.

And he hears that there's a huge horde of green skins pushing the dwarves. And he's like, um, you know what, actually, uh, Fun fact, I'm moving the capital city as far away from the dwarves as I can, and we're not getting involved because no, of course, we're not.

Okay. Was this before, was this one of those old emperors we talked about before back in the day? Wasn't there the emperor called like, not the emperor like fatso or something? Yeah, something the fat. This is just like one of the random, like, not great ones. I think it starts with like a D or something, but he's just a not good one. So dwarves not happy about it. that they put that in the book of grudges

for sure but pretty much all they can do is close the holes on their holds and just pray and honestly because the humans did that they made it really easy for Grom to more or less

just run roughshod over most of the empire like the empire is getting kind of shrek by Grom so much so that like Grom captures Nome and he has so much territory that he just stops fighting. Like he is essentially just like sitting on top of a pile of loot going like, eh, good enough, whatever, I'm fine with this and just starts kind of being lazy.

That sounds like what I would imagine Grom would do considering what he's like now. Yep. Because he's a big boy. Mm-hmm. But the problem with that is, like, all of the, all of his green skin army is just like, bro, that's the most ungreen skin thing you can do. And they just start leaving him. And so he loses, like, a majority of his army because he's just being very not orky. And it takes his shaman, old blood tooth, having a fever trance where he has a vision from gork and morgue.

and they're like, hey, you get that lazy piece of shit moving, and you get that lazy piece of shit to go to the sea and start conquering new lands because this is getting ridiculous. And so, Grom does that. And even though he lost most of his forces, all Grom had to do was bellow into the air that he was going on a wah, and man, he got tons of forces back, he starts rampaging towards the coast,

have to talk about this. He makes a stop in a place called Middleheim because his chariot got destroyed. And so he's like, oh, I got, I got to make a new one. And so he rips the roof off of a temple, makes a new one. But he's in such a hurry. That's the only thing he does there. There's no other casualty. There's no, nobody dies.

The Wa doesn't take anything. The only casualty of Middleheim is a temple roof. I mean, he, you know, he was very busy. He was. He was a busy, busy boy. You think he's going to walk? Right? No, of course not. How dare? How dare you? So, Grom finally makes it to the coast with his green skins. And, you know, they just start cobbling together, makeshift ships, makeshift sails.

They look very orky, you know. A lot of the black orcs are really pissy about this because, of course, they don't want to do, like, boring build or work. but any any any any green skin that was like upset about it Grom killed them and probably ate their remains which suddenly every green skin was like I love building ships It's just so as is there ever a dynamic where it's like Oh grom has become like the like the orcs he's just as bad Or is that not a thing that they think about I mean there's probably a dynamic where he's just he's so big

And he's so large that he's just so well-respecting because of his size that I don't know. That's true. He's just a big boy in general, therefore. Yeah. And he just keeps growing. Yeah. So Grom now has his sort of little makeshift naval fleet, right?

He's got this rag tag bunch of ships that they just cobbled together with whatever was lying around. And the Imperial Navy sees this awkward fleet of Greenskin sailing around. And they're like, you know, we should probably do. something about that, but the weather will probably get them. It's fine. But the weather doesn't get them

and they just keep sailing along and nothing bad is happening and the Navy's like, damn it, we have to attack them, don't we? Shit. And so the Navy goes to attack Grom's little fleet. And Grom literally

destroys half of the Imperial Navy. Their forces have to retreat. And there's this really important place called Marionburg. It's important because it's like the biggest maritime trading hub for the empire and for Britonia. It's undefended now. This is a big deal. This is awful.

But thankfully, they luck out because the Navy was initially right. Grom's fleet does end up kind of falling mostly to like bad weather, big huge storm rolls in. and a lot of Grom's fleet just gets absolutely waylaid by it. The remaining forces have to kind of ride out the storm. Storm lasts for like 40 days. And they end up washing up on none other than Ulthwan. They wind up washing up on the shores of the elves. Is there a single, like, okay, it's been,

is there a specific thing that the orcs, like, have a weakness to just increment, like, inclement weather? Like they are consistently brought low by weather. You know, that's, that's really true. They are consistently, consistently getting body by the weather, aren't they? I just, I keep, every time you're like, well, you know, it looks like we got to stop, you know, iron gut, gore. Grim gore iron hide. Iron hide.

There you go. Grim hide. It's a little long episode. I don't blame you. Grim hide gore iron was brought low by. weather multiple times. They've got their ship sent out to the Eldar.

Sorry, the elves. Yeah, no, that's true. The elves, the legally distinct elves, sure. I just feel, I just feel like it's such a constant. It really is. And as you can imagine, they as they wash up on the shore, they

just start going ham. They start going ham on Oldthwan. The shaman, old blacktooth, is actually getting like juice to the gills by all the elf waystones that are hanging around. There's this big high elven kingdom called, oh, I'm going to butcher this. Yvresi. That is, Grom is getting real close to taking it.

But this is kind of where Grom falls. Because as he was making his way to Yvresi, he ransacks this place called Aethel Tomra, which was the ancestral home of this just legendary high elf named Altherian. And once Eltherian found out that his ancestral hometown was like, bodied, he shows up. And not only, he kills Blacktooth, just bodies Blacktooth. And then once Blacktooth is gone, he's like this big mage, all of the green skin forces

they kind of start to just retreat Grom tries his hardest to keep the fight going, tries his hardest to keep the Y together but everybody is just so devastated when Blacktooth dies their forces have already been scattered by like, you know,

the sea and everything. He lost all his troops once he got lazy. Everybody's retreating and Grom is just like, well, I guess me too. And Grom retreats and is kind of just never seen again. Don't know what happened to him. Don't know where he is.

So, so big boy is just kind of around, but not? Yeah. He's just, he's probably just somewhere on Ulthwan just looking for stuff to happen. Huh. Uh, so Shai's quote is, with the ignominy of defeat a not so distant memory, the proclaimed king of the goblins hunger still, both for anything he can get in his mouth and the glories of conquest.

In time, Grom's wah shall amass once again and return to claim the biggest prize. I like how you started that with an orc voice because you weren't quite... I thought it was an or quote. I thought it was an arc quote. Yeah, I know. I was like, it was funny. I can't blame you, but it was funny. The da biggest prize. We have one more. It's not too terribly long, but we got one more that we just have to talk to. All right. All right.

Last up, we're talking about As Hag the Slaughterer. Pretty interesting story, not super long. So at the start of Azhag's story, he's kind of like, he's an orc, and he's in kind of like the northernmost part of the fantasy realm. And this region is not a super happy, fun place to be in because it's like super chaos afflicted. And worse yet, Azhag is in troll territory. And trolls, they hate normal. me green skins. If a troll sees a green skin, it wants to kill it.

So one day as Azhag is just trying to survive all this bullshit, he and his boys are kind of forced to retreat into some underground ruins. And, you know, the underground ruins suck just as much as topside because like they're fighting

demons, chaos is everywhere. And then Azhag runs into a multi-headed demon troll. And to Azhag's credit, he kills it. He kills this multi-headed demon troll somehow. He probably sets the thing on fire so that it can't regenerate anymore

and he's like, oh man, I'm so cool. And so he starts sifting around this chaos demon trolls den. He's looking through the bones, looking for anything cool. And he finds a fancy looking twisted iron

crown. And Bricky, do you remember any important crown artifacts that are all twisted that we've talked about before. Was this a Tomb King thing? It is definitely Tomb King adjacent. Wasn't it like, was it Setra or was it Nagash?

I forget. It is, it is New Dash. I forget which one. It's Nagash. Okay. I wasn't sure of him there was Nagash's crown, because I know Setra came back and he had all of his titles and his craziness. Okay, so it's Nagash's crown.

Gotcha. He finds the crown of sorcery that belong to none other than. Nagash. Oh boy. And thinking it was a proper crown for someone like himself, he's just like, you know what? It is. I just beat a demon troll. This is my crown.

And he puts the crown on his head. And almost immediately, he's like, whoa, I know the perfect route out of these ruins. I know how to get my boys to safety. It's like he had always known exactly where to go in these ruins. Now, if you don't remember, the way. way the crown of sorcery works is it does give you a shitload of power but it starts to

take control of you. It starts to warp your mind. You sort of bend to the power of Nagash as it were. You bend to his will. Like if you remember, even Sigmar felt it kind of making him become more violent, more harsh made me feel like I just wasn't myself

until he was able to rip it off. Right. He was like, ah, I don't like this anymore. But see, org brains are a little different. The wiki paints it as, ah, yes, the orc mind is one of single determined strength. But like

Shai told me, and I more or less agree with her, as Hags Ork Brain was just too stupid to be totally mind-washed by the crown. Wait, he's just like, I'm so dumb, there's nothing to control. Yeah, like,

not to say that it didn't change him, because he did start speaking in a very an orc-like manner which I take to mean complete sentences and he he would often be seen by his troops like arguing with himself or it looked like

he was talking to someone it wasn't there but it seemed like no matter how strong the will of Nagash was in the crown it just couldn't compete with a simple orc mind and it was never able to like fully take control of Azag

like they would just argue and and so what ends up happening is instead of trying to control him, the crown starts whispering advice to Azhag. And it starts telling him how to like, be a good general, you know, how to do tactics. And it actually supercharges him and gives him power over dark sorcery.

So not only is he now an orc a brutal killing machine, he now has like the sorcery and the advice of basically Nagash. And as you can imagine, it didn't take long for Azag to become like a war boss and basically unite the green skin tribes of the north. And his renown grows so much that they bring him the biggest, most fierce Wyvern that they can find so that he can be, you know, he needs the biggest craziest mound because, oh, Azag, he is the greatest. And he names this wyvern skull muncha. So, like, remind me, does the crown of Nagar? actually have Nagash telling people things, or is it his favorite crown?

I think it, there is actually a part of Nagash's will that is inside the crown, like telling people what to do, taking them over, mind warping them. Okay. And all that. Okay. Because I was thinking, okay, I was thinking that. And I was thinking to myself like, Nagash just the part of his mind trying to take him over was like, well, this isn't going to work.

So I'll just like have him do my stuff. Yeah, I mean, kind of. Like Shy said, it's literally a rip-off of the ring of power from Lord of the Rings. Okay. But the crown is kind of getting unsatisfied with the way things are going because it's like, yeah, as Hag is becoming a big war boss, but like the crown wants to head to Kislev territory. The wiki said the crown wanted to be reunited with its rightful owner. So I'm assuming the gash's remains are down there somewhere. and so the crown compels Azhag to head in that direction.

And to get there, Azhag needs to go through the northern parts of the empire, which he goes on a tear. Again, he's not like other greenskin war bosses. He's using actual tactics. He's not just mindlessly pushing forward. He's doing pincers. He's doing flanks. He's obliterating humans.

He gets the title, The Slaughterer, from doing all this stuff. But there would be a battle at a place called, Osterwald that the crown of sorcery would kind of bite as hagg in the ass so the battle's going all right as hagg's doing his thing but the crown is like man I don't like the tactics you're using in this fight and god you're not listening to me like you used to you're not doing what I tell you so I need more control over you and so the crown starts to get frustrated and starts to like try to take the reins a little bit more but but as hagg is kind of fighting it off you know and and as he's fighting

and often arguing that he's arguing at the crown like no I'm in control it leaves him completely vulnerable because he just he can't defend himself because he's trying really hard to like fight with the crown because he's fighting his own brain in a sense yep

he takes a spear right to the belly and is killed by a man named Werner von Kriegstadt and just crown falls off his head and without Azag the wah obviously falls apart and the empire is saved. The grand theogynist of the empire,

which is like big priest boy, was also present. He sees Azhag's crown and is immediately like, oh no, that shit is super evil. You don't even got to tell me, I am not touching that thing with bare skin. Kind of picks it up with like,

I like to imagine he like picks it up with a stick. I was thinking like more like a like a, like he wraps his hands and like a t-shirt. and then just like list it up that way. Yeah. And they take it back to the capital city and they secure it deep, deep, deep, deep in a temple of Sigmar. And so ends as hags reign.

I feel like them securing it way down there. It's because didn't Nagash lead like a crusade to get his crown back. Yeah. And I think, yeah, Sigma takes it out of the, out of the vault and kind of use it to bait Nagash into showing up and Right, right. Kill him. It's coming,

it's all coming back a little bit, you know, like, it's all coming back. There's a lot of, there's a lot of shit in there, so. See, now you know how I feel,

right? With all the stuff you gotta juggle around and pick that. True, true. Granted, the Rebel Ridiculous has been much shorter.

We've had under 10 episodes. Oh, wow. Yeah, I guess we only have had, that's true. I don't know why. It feels like we've been doing this for a while, but anyway, yeah.

And that's the green skin. Good God. It's green skins. Green skin. We went a little long, because I probably spent a little too much time explaining all of the little little sauce about the green skins in general, but they have some really weird, interesting war bosses and characters that, you know, we had to talk about them. The sauce, you say? The sauce, you know.

You know, their source, right? Yeah, no, no, I mean. What's the sauce? What's the sauce? I mean, for the most part, the green skins are exactly what I was expecting. Yeah. They are very, very, like not a ton has changed since we went into 40K. Like the power of belief was a nice little change.

Love that. But other than that, like just the basic way Greenskins act and function is more or less the same. Yeah. I mean, it's it's just like instead of a little bit more of the nebulous shenanigans, there's a lot more of the like, yep, this is the power of the wall cast or whatever. and here it is, we're just sending out all kinds of spells. And it's a very traditional fantasy kind of thing. Oh, that's, oh, that's a great point. Thank you, Shai.

Grom has been known to be based off of your mother. Of course, of course. I love looking over and seeing D.K. Skift one interesting fact about Grom, his Warhammer Total War model is based on your mother. Nicely done, Shy. Nicely done. Grom. What a fucking dude.

What a, yeah. Yeah, he's wherever he is. He's, well, he's not alive, unfortunately. Oh, no, no, no, no, he lived. It was the Blacktooth guy that died. That's right. Yeah, it was Blacktooth. His shaman died.

Do they think if you poke him in the belly, he just like, he just like deflates like a hot air balloon and just goes like, it flies around the battlefield? I would love that if he did. But if you poked him in the belly, he would just instantly regenerate. Yeah, it's true. It's not. Unfortunately. We're not having all fun. It's all just Mountain Dew and Doritos start pouring.

out. Grom, grom, grom the gamer Grom. Grom the gamer sitting in his fucking DX racer, giant gaming chair with a face full of Doritos and Mountain Dew. Perfect. I have, I have my new ship. Oh, yeah. Hey, speaking of which, how about the new potent.

Oh, God. Next week's new poster, let's go. Next week, chat, we'll get, Grom the gamer for you. For any of you who feel like there need to be more obese gamer men in the world, Let's go. Just what we needed more of. We'll see you next time, baby.