Adeptus Ridiculous - HARLEQUINS: ALL THEATRES ARE THEATRES OF WAR | Warhammer 40k Lore

Episode Date: January 26, 2022

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Welcome, everyone, to another episode of the Adeptus Ridiculous podcast. My name is D.K. Diamante's. My co-host, Shai, is Bricky. He's going to be teaching us all about the most ridiculous aspects of this crazy, wild Warhammer 40K universe. But before he does, if you enjoy today's podcast, consider heading over and supporting us on patreon.com slash Adeptus Ridiculous, where you can get access to our Discord. You can get some really nice HD posters. There is a pretty nice insectoid female of the tyranids that's just pretty chef's kiss, if you ask me.

Shia, I'll put it up on the screen, you can see it yourself, but yeah, patreon.com slash adeptus ridiculous if you want access to stuff like that. And yeah, Bricky, where? Where can our lovely viewers find some lovely merch, maybe a couple dice even? A couple dice, that's not even just one dice, that's two dice. There could be three dice in there. You don't know how many dice you're getting, except for the fact that you do because it says on the site. But if you want to get Adept. Ridiculous Dice and go over to Orchidate.com. Link in the description.

If you buy dice as well as an article of Advertradiculous Clothing, you will get 15% off your order until the end of January, which is not much left. So you have only a couple days by the next episode that will be gone. Also, don't forget to read Twice Dead King Rain. It's very, very, very good so far for February Book Club. But I don't want to get too hefty on that because we actually have a sponsor today, but this sponsor is a little bit more topical.

Ooh. Today's episode is sponsored by Mini Wargaming, which if you are a Warhammer fan, have probably heard of at some point. They're kind of like the OG or the first really big Battle Report group pretty much on YouTube. They actually launched their own miniature lime, also known as the, The Ravage Star or Armies of the Vale campaign. It's actual physical minis, no STLs for now, and they are shipping fully worldwide. Tons of inspirations were brought in,

like Mortal Kombat, Vikings, obviously 40K, Thor, a bit of The Witcher in there. And you can use the minis as a ton of proxies for different games. D&D is a big one, 40K, of course, is a big one. That would be the one for me, because there's a lot of great chaos stuff that I'd like to sub in for some of my news.

Nightlords, Necromunda, even like Fallout and Star Wars. Honestly, they're all original scopes. They have their own lore. They have their own names. It's its own thing. It's one of those types of deals where if you want to use it for a GW game like Warhammer, that's just subbing it in. It's not meant to be an entire replacement because, you know, copyright.

Duh. Oh, sure, sure. So if you'd like to check out their stuff because we will be getting some ourselves, go ahead and check out the description. Again, it is the Ravage Star Armies of the Vale Touched. By Mini Wargaming, go ahead, check out the description, give it a look-see, and I think, yeah, that's that. Thank you again, MWG.

I'm pretty sure we'll be having one of you on the podcast at some point soon, where you can chill your stuff more, because that's what I would do. That's a pretty cool name, Ravage Star. Ravage Star, touched by the... The Vale. Kind of has like a... The warp has like... All right.

DK, my man, my friends. Yes. Yes, but we're friends. That's nice. My lad. My man in the room. My elephant in the jungle. Wow.

My hanging... You call me fat? My low-hanging fruit. Uh, well, sure. My, my, my associates. My, uh, my associate, yeah. My platonic business partner. You're gonna hit me with a quote?

Is this the part where I fuck up a quote real bad? It's time for the quote. Oh boy. I've only gotten like one out of six. I'm not hitting very well. My percentage is not great. Dude, that's gonna be my record on LVO. Oh, I forgot to mention.

Any of our viewers, any of our viewers, if you are going to LVO, the Warhammer Tournament, I will be there. You can say hello if you like and all that stuff. Just, you know, if I'm in the middle of a game, like, make it quick, just be like, hey, nice to meet you. Taking a picture, Bricky, you're so famous. No, shut up, D.K.

Sign my boobs. I don't want to take time for my opponent's game. Also, you say you're a craft world fan, I will kick you in the balls. Oh, unless you are, of course, a woman. In that case, I'll kick you in the balls. Nice. Well done. Way to be inclusive.

LVO, Las Vegas. is open? Yeah, that's like that's different. Okay, cool, cool. Is it Scott Pilgrim where he's like, kick her in the balls? I don't know. I haven't seen Scott Pilgrim versus the world in like a decade. It's been a while, yeah. It's been a hot minute. Anyway, quote, commissar, a worm. I'm 36 Taron years tomorrow, 20 years in the guard, plucked directly from Cadia itself, praise upon its name. The god emperor saw fit test me against the horrors of his holy domain. I've dealt with the green skins where their numbers blocked out the dirt, the unholy spawn of those undying machines,

and Phantom pain shoots through my arm, despite it being one of those little critters lunch. Nothing in this galaxy fazes me anymore. Or at least so I thought. But let me tell you, Commissar, Emperor call me a liar, if I don't love myself, some damn good klissy. Okay.

And yes, the entire quote I made up. No, wow, no kidding. really, yeah. Oh, really? How, how, I thought it was canon that the guardsman loved his Clissy. I, you know, I... Do you know what our topic is today, D.K.? I have no idea.

Tyrannids, I don't know. Are you fucking kidding me, D.K. No, I'm not. It's Tyrannins. Shia, how can you not know this? It's Nids. Clissy is a, it's a meme, isn't it? Don't we know about that?

Clown. Oh. Oh Oh DK, you're the clown here Oh, well, whatever DK, you're the fucking clown At least I didn't unironically use the term

Clissy It was Yeah, I said it Fair, fair So what are we actually doing today? We're doing Harlequins Ah, yeah, I get it I get your memes now

I get your memes now Maybe if you are Actually funny I would have gotten it the first. Holy shit. That's harsh. I'm sorry. That's a little hard. Damn, it turns out the only joke here is me.

Oh my God. We're doing harlequins. Let's go, harlequins. I'm excited about that, though. The Eldar race we haven't talked about because the Anari don't count because it's like three people and one of them is a hoe. Oh, rough. Yes. Rough.

That's... But yes. We're talking to a Rough Mcruff Scoob. You like Luke's... Like Scoob. We're going to go fight the Harlequin. Like, oh my God, scoos? We're going to fight the Harlequin.

Like Scoob, is that a gun? I need to go ultra-instinct, Scoob. You know. So the Harlequins. They are, of course, the other version of the Elda that we know we didn't craft world. We have discussed. Oh, there's a picture of them killing Ultra Marines. Oh, nice.

now I'm invested in this episode. Now you care. Harlequins are the final one now. Of the Eldari, they're known as also the Rilatan, or Rilatan. It's like the Eldar lexicon name for them. But the Harlequins particularly are the keepers of the Black Library. And they are servants of the Eldar's Laughing God, known as there is literally no way to properly pronounce this. Isn't it Kegarak or something?

Or some people call like Segarok or I don't know, something like that. It's, I call it Kegarok. Just because that's how I pronounce it. But Laughing God, Kegarok. We have Kekarak. We have Kekirak, yeah, top Kekirak. I always like that one. But they're the servants of the Laughing God,

keepers of the Black Library. And to them, there is truly no distinction between art and war. Like war is art and art can be war. They see it as one and the same. Like, it's not like the Jukari where they commit war through like spectacles, like in the Olympic arenas, whatever they are, like the witchcults and stuff. This is the idea that like, no, it's not, they're not just doing war in like an artistic style. They believe war is art.

And so that's why they dress the way they are. They are performers. They are performers in war. In fact, the basic Harlequin troop choice, as in like basic infantry person, is known as a player. Okay. Because they are a player in the, you know, in the play.

Don't hate the player. Hate the game, right? I do hate the game. Tals are coming out soon, and I'm going to hate the game more. Oh, yeah, those rail guns, eh? Should be real fun. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. When the Eldar of it way back when in the Great Fall turned their back on their gods, the gods themselves could do nothing about it. Like each of their gods were kind of, it's like kind of the idea of like losing your faith, so to speak. And because they lost their faith, the Eldar gods kind of lost their power. So like the glow of the debauchery that the Eldar gods, the El Dor gods kind of lost their power. of the debauchery that the Eldar were growing up too. Certain gods like Kane kind of raged in anger. The Smith, Vol, the Smith kind of stopped, well, I think smithing.

Isha, who's in Nergel's cum jar, like wept an ocean of tears. And even, what was the name, Ercian, the creator, because I think I always call themselves the Ursiari. Yeah, fucking Eldar. Sure. looked like in this powerless feeling, right? Only Kegarok didn't give a shit. He just kind of looked at them and started laughing his ass off. He's like, oh, you fucking morons.

Aw, you idiots. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, Darwinism is coming for you. Well, he is the laughing god, so, I mean, it makes sense that he would look at it and laugh. Kegrook is a weird thing, though, because he's the laughing god, but he's the Eldar's laughing god

so you kind of have to assume what the Eldar find funny Oh it's probably super depraved and fucked up It's a common like he's like a laughing god But he's like a horror god At the same time Yeah At least I would I kind of think of him like that

Where the things that the Eldar find humorous The jests the jokes That they pull are pretty repulsive and pretty gross because it's the Eldar and they're all about excess and if chances are the stuff that Kegrak finds funny is probably stuff that we find absolutely fucking repulsive Yeah I can imagine Kegrock thinking like

Oh my tripton fell And he hit his funny looking head on this fucking stone pylon That fell and crushed five orphans Ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah He probably would find that funny. That kind of, like, it's, I'm using examples that may or may not be true, but I've always kind of seemed to him because Kegarok has not known well.

He's weird and mysterious, so that's kind of the point. But as a laughing god, I always just assume it's the Eldar's laughing god, and that changes it all. Yeah, I go with you on that. That sounds reasonable. So when Slanesh was originally birthed, and it opened its enormous mouth to suck in all the souls of the Eldar, it also consumed their gods.

Most of their gods, except for a couple. I think Isha is in Nergels jar, so not her, for example. And I think Kane is around, because they have the avatar of Kane. But Kegarok took their followers away before Slanesh's arrival somehow and was able to... We don't know how. It's just somehow he took him away and it's just they were safe. it's a little it's bizarre

it's very bizarre because as we know the first people who left before the fall were the exodites and they have laser dinosaurs then next were the Jukari who just hid in the Webway the entire time anyway and used the psychic defenses the Webway had and last were the Craft Worlds who created their giant arcs and flew away

however However, some fled their doom. And the idea, we don't necessarily know how, but the worshippers of the laughing god took with them the quote unquote seeds of Kegarok's vengeance and would now find the bloody purpose in fighting the chaos to come. If there is an example of this or how I can't find it, I don't know how much is supposed to be explained. It says that here, the Eldari myth says that when Slash fought with Kane,

the laughing god escaped into the webway and hit amongst its myriad tunnels. I guess kind of like how the Jukari hid in Kamarok. Yeah. And the tale suggests that he remains there still unassailable, laughing at the chaos gods as he hatches, bitter plans for revenge. So I guess he hid through the labyrinth of the webway. I guess he took some followers with him But at the same time, the Dukari

Kind of have like a pinky finger on them by Slanesh So I'm assuming that maybe they were so deep in the webway That they just didn't get hit Yeah And then I guess I vaguely remember in a previous episode Doesn't Kegarack stop Harlequin Souls from going to Slanesh

Like he just kind of grabs them before they can do that Or like he steals souls from Slanesh's cookie jar or something. Yeah, he takes them back. I think he actually, like, not necessarily barterers, but fights Slenesh there. It's like, Slech gets the soul, and he's like,

ah, ah, rock, paper, scissors for me, dufous. Like, rock paper scissors. The image of that is pretty great. Just Kegarok and Sleesh both, like, getting ready for a fucking rock paper scissors match. You know, I'm imagining both of them doing that, but for some reason my mind immediately goes to some cringy, fucking Jojo pose where they're both

like hyper buff like with like a rock in their hand like ready to fucking go what a wee dual disc dual discs yeah they pull out their they pull out their

Ugiot cards it's time to do do and they dual and they dual for harlequin souls except all the is just like a honking sound from a clown nose because they're harlequins I get it

look at you you funny guy. Oh, I'm funny now? I've, I've I redeemed myself? Oh, no, I was being sarcastic. Oh, all right. Well, you know what? Go step on Legos. Oh, wow, that's harsh.

So Harlequins would want you to step on Legos now. Now, immediately. They'd think that was pretty funny, actually. So would Keggerick. He always thinks it's funny. He does not think we are funny. We're too low-brow. But the Harlequins wage a never-end ending war against the service of chaos for their laughing god.

They're actually a nomadic race. So they actually don't have any particular place they stick around. They travel in these big war bands known as masks. M-A-S-Q-U-E. Okay. These war bands are comprised of things called troops. T-R-O-U-P-E-S, troops. I was about to say they sound like they're a traveling troop of entertainers.

Exactly. and they're led by a troop master. So these masks are, they have, they're actually, I mean, they use the word veil a little too much if I'm being totally honest. But they have the mask of dance without end. The mask of the dreaming shadow,

the frozen stars, the leering moon, the midnight sorrow, the reaper's mirth, the silent shroud and shadows mirage, the soaring spite and vexed, and veiled path, winter sun and laughing circus.

Damn, those are cool names. Yeah, weeping dawn, mourning mist, but morning with a you. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha. The mist of morning. Ah, so funny, clowns. Hey.

Even though they're really more like, they're more like demon gestures of her being totally honest. They're more gestures than they are clowns. Their aesthetic makes me think way more of like demon jesters. Yeah. They even have a guy called a death jester, which is the dude that Shai just posted.

Oh, what a badass. He kind of looks like a subtle version of Maugan Ra, the Phoenix Lord. The same weapon. Yeah. Yeah, it looks very similar. The skeleton motif. If Maugin Ra had a trench coat, he would look like

that. Well, they both are Eldar, so I guess that kind of makes sense. Yeah, but one's a Phoenix Lord and one's a A death jester. Yeah, a death jester. That sounds horrifying. Like, that's little kids' nightmares. Like, you thought you were afraid of clowns.

Hey, take a look at our death jester. So the Halequins strike very fast, and they retreat sometimes faster with all, like, this martial skill and this dance of war, right? Sometimes they're kind of like silent protectors, sometimes entire systems, or even like sub-species may have survived an entire demonic incursion,

but they'll never know the Harlequins did it, because they would pop out of the Webway, just in a blink of an eye, hop out, murder a bunch of demons in this ballet, and then just retreat back in the webway. Hmm. So they're very like, blah, pop. So the Harlequins are more specifically looking to fuck up chaos.

They're here to, I'm here to kill chaos. I'm here to kill chaos. Is that kind of their schick? That's entirely their schick. I mean, they'll kill other things they gotta. So if you were, say, a normy human outpost on a backwater planet where the Imperium would never come to help you and say you got invaded by demons, if the Harlequins got wind of it, would they show up, kill the demons, and basically leave the humans to survive, or would they just kill everything? It depends on what their seers tell them. get Eldar a bunch of witches and people that tell the future and shit.

They have Farsites, right, with the binoculars. Yeah. Oh, that's dumb. You're dumb. Well, that's the, that's the meme picture. They're Fars Sears. Sorry, Far Sears. Yeah.

For stupid fucking Eldar farseers. They train their whole lives when all I need is a pair of binoculars. Yep, yep. That's the meme. That's the me-way. Love Magar. Hate my Eldar. Not racist.

Just don't like them. Just don't like them. Simple as. Although Harlequin sounds super dope. I'm actually, they sound really cool. Oh, they get way cooler. So, nice. So the Holoquins are performers also in a practical sense.

They travel to the other Exodite worlds, Jukari craft worlds, and, oh, no, sorry, craft worlds and Comerog itself. The Exeitites, craft worlds, and the Jukari to, perform. In fact, they kind of do it as this idea of like this glue that holds them all together. They perform the dance and the plays of the fall itself. And the concept is that to kind of remind everyone what happened and keep this semblance of like unity between the species. Like, hey, we're different, but let's remember where we came from and let's remember the real enemy here. Oh, that's, that's actually really cool.

Um, that they kind of act like the, the glue between all of the very separate distant factions of the Eldar. Yeah. Because, because, obviously, Kraft-Roth and Drew Carrey probably aren't big fans of each other. Uh, exudites are off doing, I guess, prehistoric shit with their laser dinosaurs. But it's kind of cool that they go to all of them and, and, and perform, uh, little plays about what happened to them. And maybe not to be excessive, as excessive as they were before, because, you know, Slanesh. Yeah, and in fact, when war is bad enough, those HALAQuins can be called upon for aid in temporary alliances with their other Eldar cousins. Often, in fact, very often the HALAquins are so confusing and creepy and weird that trying to backstab them is just a great way to get a knife in your throat.

Oh yeah, that sounds like a very bad idea. I think the only person who was ever attempted to backstab the Holoquins is Asdra Bale Vect Supreme Overlord of Commerce. Of course. If anyone would try it, it would be Vect. It would be Vect. I don't know if he succeeded or not. I don't know. With Vect who goddamn knows. But actually, though, that being said, more, ever since the Great Rift, which is the term for Abadon cracking Katie and breaking open the Aya terror, ever since the Great Rift, more and more Eldar are just straight up disappearing into the Webway, actually joining the Harlequins.

The Harlequin's numbers are currently growing And the Eldar themselves The Craft World Droucaria and so on kind of want to know why Why is everyone leaving to go to the Eldar Or sorry, everyone leave All the Eldar leaving to go to the Harlequins Because Sounds like a much better deal

Well, and this is where a shit actually gets really interesting So do you know what the Black Library truly is Besides what GW uses to sell books which is actually a pretty intelligent branding idea. I really, I was actually going to ask you that, like, in the beginning when you said they were the keepers of the black library, I was like, what the fuck is that other than a place where I wasted 40 bucks on a book that was already on Audible because people told me it was already out. Not bitter about it, just saying. Yeah, I have no idea what the black library actually is other than I'm assuming a spooky library that has a bunch of creepy tomes in it that talk about Eldar stuff. You sound bitter about it.

Shut up. I just said I wasn't bitter about it. Oh, you're right. You weren't pretty about it. Sorry. Yeah, I said it. What a silly joke. What a silly joke.

Kegarack would have laughed. So the black, the black library is like a craft world, so to speak. I use that term very loosely, a big arc, basically. But it is entirely within the webway. In order to get to the black library, you basically need to stay. into madness itself. You need to navigate the mind-crushing labyrinth that is the webway.

It is nigh impossible to map out the webway properly, and it is triply impossible to find the damn black library. Twist and turns and... Imagine Dark Souls, but every wall is invisible, but you're not even playing the right game. You're trying to find the black library, and you're playing Dark Souls 1, and every wall...

is a damn invisible wall and the game turns off periodically but guess what? The Black Library is in Dark Souls 3 like you don't even It's fucking impossible to get through there unless you're a Harlequin where it's assumed that every harlequin

knows how to get to the Black Library Oh okay Inside the Black Library is all of the Eldar's collective knowledge All of it Even the Souls and minds of people kept in like a weird

stasis so that if you were to let them out, if you could handle their mental whatever, you could know what they knew. Everything. And we're talking everything. The true nature of the Caton and Star Gods. The actual answer

to how the chaos gods got birthed. All knowledge in the universe is stored here. That is a pretty significant site then. Damn.

This is everything. Has a human ever been to the Black Library? Because it's got to be nigh impossible for a human to somehow get there. Yes. They have. Yeah? A couple actually. Okay. Did they steal anything?

No. So if any there have been a couple Inquisitors and a notable sister of battle that have gone into the black library under the guise and caution of the harlequins themselves. So they kind of shepherd them into the black library and allow them to either learn of something or leave with a piece of information or whatever so that to take back to the Imperium in order to kind of assist the Eldar in their fight against chaos.

example there is a sister of battle known as F. Rial Stern who is the number one proponent of protein and gains

all right so she's she's buff a shit cool good to hear uh damn it

damn it shy I was getting to the Aroman part god damn it damn it shy you spoiled him damn he was gonna be so excited about Aramon

being in this episode I was going to say Aramins there. What do you doing, Chey? Oh my God, Shy. Oh, man. Oh, my God. I'm so disappointed. What a criminal.

I cannot believe she fucking, oh, oh, my God. Spoiled it. Spoiled it. She spoiled it in chat for me, everyone. So, um, F.R. Sturd is known as the heretical saint. Because she's like, she's like a cyker. But she's not?

How does that work? I don't know. I think she's a psycher, but in game she doesn't play as a cyker. She's like, has like, I don't know. I think she's supposed to be a psych. That's what she looks like. She's dope as shit. Ooh, she is dope as shit.

She looks like a cyker. But the idea is that psychers are hated in the sisters, right? Natural. Though she actually has a model. And this guy is a name is Kiganel. is her harlequin bodyguard so when you actually play sisters the battle you run the two

of them together that link doesn't work that you put in chat oh shit I want to see what he looks like I want to see what they there we go oh okay oh harlequin without a mask all right that's a very cool model with all the little sort of digitized squares

under him that's very cool oh I like that a lot very webway like now in Emperor to speech, she's in it for a very short period time, and they decided to draw her incredibly buff. Damn! She looks great! Holy snap!

So when in the Embertext to Speech series, Kegarok is actually a pretty common character, and the idea is that he's just, he's just, he's in the Black Library, and she busts out, and she's like, fucking alien, where's

my protein? I require nourishment. if you want to reach peak performance like me and this Zeno's food isn't working. So that's half the meme you'll hear about FRAL Sturm. TTS reference. TTS reference. But her and a large majority of other inquisers that have gone into the Black Library

are under the guidance of the Harlequins telling them to go here and there and nowhere else because they have some information that would bring back to the Imperium to help deal with. chaos. Right.

However, the other thing, and we'll get to Armin at some point, shy. Is that at the heart of the black library, at the dead center, there is a silver-lit vault, and in there is a tone. And on that tome has the writings of Kegrock himself, and it's been sealed shut since the fall of the Eldar, covered in chains of land. Now, ow. It says, and I quote from the wiki here,

a fallen sorcerer seeks the lore of the library. A king stirs in his court of death and silence, preparing to rise once more. Within madness's eye, the champion of the ruinous powers prepares to seize a realm long denied. As the signs have come to pass, so the bands of light about the tome have flickered and died. So with each of these things happening, a strand of light has been removed. And now the tome is finally open. Ever since the fall of Kadia and the Great Rift, the tome is now open. And inside of it is Doge Van Dyer's WikiFeed page.

You fucking knew it was. It was coming the whole time, D.K. It was coming the whole time. It's 400 pages of feet. It's all fucking feet, D.K. I hate it here. Good. Oh, man, do I hate it here?

Oh, boy, that's, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a letdown, but yeah. A bit of a letdown. A bit of a letdown. Doge Van Dyre feetpicks? Dude, that's the, that's like the Holy Grail. It's the Holy Grail. It's the Holy Grail. It's all of his edited works in there.

The elder, look at this tone and they're like, I can kill chaos. I'm going to kill. the library, like, I need, I need to also review these feetpicks for science. Bullshit, plays Limbiscuit on phone, walks away. Bullshit.

Wasn't Limbiscuit on his phone anyway in that meme. Was it not Limbiscuit? No, everybody thinks it's limpiscuit, but it's not. What is it? I don't know. It's just some in-house Square Enix band. Oh, it sounds like Limbiscuit.

It does. It's reminiscent of Limbiscuit, but it's fucking I would know Chester's voice. That man... I'm a dork. I listen to Lincoln Park every day on the way home from school because I was a lonely nerd. Wait. I thought Lincoln Park was Chester.

What's... I thought Limbiscuit was... What? Oh, well, right. No, you're right. I got a mixed... What the fuck, D.K.? Lipstick mixed up.

Never mind. How did you get Lincoln Park and Lipskid missed up? Because we started half an hour earlier and I haven't slept enough. And I got the L names mixed up. Okay. The only person taking a... Nell here is you. Also, Fred Durst way more cringe than whoever was on that track in the meme.

Fred Durst is extremely cringe. Oh, yeah. Anyway, continue. Anyway, so now that Tom is finally open and the feetpicks have been expunged, the Harlequin Shadow Sears read something known as the Final Act. And this final act is a galaxy-spanning event, a performance. A galaxy-spanning performance. and it's written by Kegarok in light and shadow

to trick Sle-Nesh into not destroying the Eldar race, but in fact saving them. It is a great jest, a great joke written by Kegroch himself. Damn. And by doing so... That's such a big deal. Like, that's huge.

It will make it so that Sle-Nesh will no longer be able to steal their souls, and in fact it will save their race from extinction. That is the final act. And that's why people are joining the Harlequins en masse because while the final act is infuriatingly vague,

because of course it is. Of course, yeah. But the Harlequins would rather try and face destruction, even if they have a slight hope of doing so. Oh, yeah. I would absolutely believe that Eldar from every group,

whether your craft world, Drukari, or Exudite, would hear about this thing opening and be like, oh yeah, I'm joining the Harlequin, because, like, we could potentially fuck over Slanesh and save our entire race. Like, that's way more important than our petty squabbles with, like, Zeno scum or the dupy-ass humans.

Like, of course you'd want to join the Harlequins and try and, like, make the final act happen. It saves your goddamn race, and it fucks over Slanesh, who every Eldar hates. Because, duh. I love how you say, um,

uh, the Zenos and Dirty-ass humans as if they aren't also Zenos to Eldar Oh I guess that's true I guess Eldar would see humans of Zenos too Oh you imperial Oh you Imperium

Zeno scum But besides that There is the person The fallen sorcerer seeks the lore of the library Is indeed Aramon Aramon's biggest goal is to get into the black library I think There's a couple of reasons why

but I think he wants to undo the curse to the Thousand Suns. Mainly feetpicks. He can't get real feetpicks because it's all just dust. Yeah, all is dust, so you can't have feet picks. It's just like, I tried to take feedpicks, but it's just a pile of dust. But yeah, I was going to say, Aramon wanted to go to the Black Library. It seems like he'd want to do it to make everybody not dust anymore and reverse the curse. because I think Magnus is pretty fucking pissed that he did it in the first place

so I would imagine yeah he'd want to find a reverse the curse spell or something in there but of course as a servant of Zinch the Holoquins want him gone gone gone I bet they want nothing to do with that asshole yeah so naturally they he actually I think he got in I think he was actually able to get into the library but he was forced out by the Holicons shortly after. Damn. How did he get him? He found his way.

Damn, Aramman. Armin's got a big fucking brain, man. That man's got the biggest brain out there. Agreed. I know that. I know he's a he's a he's a he's a he's a he's a he's a siker. I just damn he just forked his way through the webway and just like yeah I found the black library no big deal. I mean no not not no big deal he's been trying to do this for a fucking while. It's just he's been crazy that he's trying.

It's kind of crazy that he actually did it. With how absolutely impossible it sounds to find the Black Library without the aid of the Harlequins that he did it in his lifetime. Well, he's not dust. Anyway, that he did it in his lifetime is kind of impressive. Aramink got Big Brain. Yeah, apparently. Big Brain.

Big Brain. He's Megamind. Megamind. Mega mind. I've never actually seen that movie, but I know the memes, sort of. It's actually really good. Yeah? Okay.

Yeah. But besides that, that's kind of where the Holoquins are at the current moment, preparing for their final act to deal with Sleinesh and also gaining numbers and going around, killing people and all that stuff. But let's talk a little bit about the Hiloquin troops themselves. It's good. And their war here. So, well, so again in the beginning, I remember the first, the Hiloquin players, the, a troop,

a singular troop is a natural, like a classic Hiloquin, you know, the normal thing you know on them. A shadow sear is a Holoquin psycher who are entirely centered around fear and confusion who use the manipulation of the mind as their weapon.

Like they basically turn the enemy's six senses, or five senses, I guess they create a six senses against them. They will blind their eyes, driving them mad, gouging massive wounds of like PTSD in their brains. Oh, God.

They're also, like, reading themselves and veils of illusion and trickery and mastery. They got some really good abilities on the tabletop. They got, like, some strange, like hallucinogenic grenades,

which are kind of crazy. But they do stuff, like, they reduce the range of your weapons, which is very bizarre. Like, they get, like, pulled out. They got some weird shit on the tabletop. It's pretty dope. They look really cool too

They've got kind of like Almost a cobra commander vibe going on With sort of the The mirrored mask and the shroud Sort of like a jester cobra commander deal And I kind of love it I kind of like the way the I kind of like the way they look

Oh that is a really dope mini too that they have Damn they're really cool Yeah I wouldn't like to paint them but yeah Oh got all the checkerboard Fuck that and it has to be perfect That's be perfect checkerboard, right? Yeah, they don't do Gough's checkerboards.

Do people just stencil that shit on? Normally. With like an airbrush. I was going to say, that's got to be just the easiest way to do it. Just get yourself a really precise stencil, lay that shit on, and just... There's also the death jester

I told you about earlier. The death gestures are also known as death heads are actually one of the few units in the Harlequins that use a heavy weapon. Okay. Because they're so damn fast. That big psych gun, right?

Yeah, they want to be fast and they want to move fast. They decide they're normally not using heavy weapons. Death gestures do. They have something called a Shrieker cannon. And a Shrieker cannon is a trademark weapon of them as they can only, as death gestures can only create and maintain them. And instead of firing like a HALA projectiles, like a Shuriken cannon, it fires one shot. But the shot has a very very very very, very. has a virulent assim that causes the victim's blood vessels themselves to expand violently,

which will cause their body to create a small explosion that shower the other rest of their squad with pieces of their companion, hence the name shrieker cannon, making them shriek and freak the fuck out. Holy shit, that's, that's dark. Yeah. That shrieker cannon is dark. Are we sure that Maugan Ra wasn't at one point one of these death gestures? Because they look so similar aside from his armor. Are we sure that it like...

I don't know anything about the craft worldie boys. Okay. Because it's just the similarities seem so very apparent that I don't like... Anyway, sorry, go ahead. Keep going with the units. Well, whenever we do end up doing a Phoenix Lord's episode, you know. They're actually a little bit odd, these death gestures. They stand apart from their hollow queens where they play death in the mask,

and thus basically they walk aloof, quote unquote, like literally quote unquote from their brother room. They before really daring stunts and escapeology. The idea of like dicing with death, as they're fond of saying. Okay. They're a little cruel, kind of a little camaraderite kind of people, where often they like making funnies where they wait for an entire squad

to think they're safe in a bunker and they fire one shot through like the door of the bunker and have a guy explode in the bunker and then just muffly in the background you hear a-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hre screaming and they're like, he-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-fuzzy. That's so fucked up.

That's so fucked up. In their, in sating their kind of morbid amusement, they've been known to dress up unconscious foes in the charred skin and bone of their fallen comrades. Oh.

They've arranged the bodies in funny positions. Oh, that's so fucked up. That's funny. Oh, no. They're weird. I don't like the whole desecration of the dead thing. That's, uh, that's not nice. But it's funny.

It's funny ha-ha's funny ha-has. Sir, it could be worse. You could be caught by a night lord. Or, well, yeah, I guess. Or any chaos faction. Chukari in general. Yeah, you could be a sofa. You could be a sentient sofa for all of eternity.

So the other one, and probably the coolest one, in my opinion, is something known as a solitaire. A solitaire. A solitaire. Like the game, yeah, yeah, yeah. I assume they work alone. They do. They roam the universe alone for most of their life, occasionally joining a mask for a single performance or battle if they fancy it. They look a little different between their coat and their particular, like, devilish-looking helmet.

I think solitaire look by far the coolest out of all the harlequins. The thing is, is that the solitaires are, unlike other harlequins, their souls are actually doomed to be devoured by Slanesh. Oh, really? Unless the laughing god decides to... I don't fucking know, Eldar shit. Eldar fuckery Unless the laughing god

Deems it to intercede and try to stop it personally But often a solitaire because of this Distanced themselves from other members of their troop Or well When they're with a troop And it is considered very bad luck To exchange words with a solitaire Right

They never show Oh go ahead No no no DK you go Oh thank you go Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you. I was going to say, so the reason that they are solitaire is because they're doomed and they don't really want to converse with the people that are not doomed and their soul isn't necessarily going to go to Slanesh. So they feel like they're more distant than their brothers. And obviously nobody wants to talk with them because they're doomed. They don't want to get like the taint of Slanesh on them or something. It's a superstition. Yeah, it's a, they want to, it's considered a curse if you speak with them. Gotcha.

In fact, but they actually act a lot like blanks in a weird way. I was about to ask you if they're like Eldar Blanks, if they're like Harlequin Blanks. See, I don't know anything about Eldar Blanks because it's a genetic defect based on the humans. But if I read the excerpt here, it literally says, Psychers of every race, even other Eldar, are known to be very dependent. impressed in the presence of a solitaire. The mental landscape of a solitaire is obviously disturbing to them. Psychic attacks on solitaire will almost always fall short.

And weapons which attack the enemy's minds, just the neurondesrupter, will simply have no effect. They sound like Eldar Blanks. They sound like Eldar Blanks. That's exactly what they sound like. Shai also said they're doomed because they play the role of Slanesh yourself in the play. Yeah, once again, I was about to get to that, but fucking shy. spoiled it again. I was literally about to read that sentence.

Does Shai have your notes or something? Apparently she has my script. That's the second time Shai has blown a big reveal. Damn, Shai. They are the only ones who can play the role of Slanesh in the plays. They are the only ones allowed to. That makes sense. Because I assume nobody else would want to do it because superstition, like

Slanesh is. the worst. We all hate Slanesh. None of us want our souls to go to Slenish, so why not get the doomed fuckers to do it? Because they're going to Slenish anyway, so it makes sense. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm sure there's a superstition that goes along with it as well. Like, oh,

you don't want to play as Slash, because, you know. So, that's, and of course, they have their different kinds of vehicles. They have Skyweaver. Starweavers and Void Revers, which are all just variants of the, uh, kind of like Drukari vehicles a little bit. They look like the skiffs. The skiffs. The skiffs.

They have their own skiffs. As for their actual gear, they have something called a hollow suit, which is what they wear. Instead of thick armor plates, they use a psychically advanced body suit, which transforms the Harlequins into a dazzling blur, which is kind of the reason why they paint themselves the way they do. It is a hollow field that completely removes their silhouette, and it makes them into like a fractal light storm when they. move. They are a blur of prismatic

color. Oh, sick. That sounds dope as hell. They're nearly impossible to hit because they're just they're moving like an entity of color, of rainbow moving at a time because you just can't see the fuckers.

Oh, that sounds so sick. Mm-hmm. It's really, really dope. I love that. So that's why they have the checker board stuff? It's to it's to add more to it. It's to help. Oh, that's so fucking dope. Their mask themselves is something known as an agaith, a G-A-I-T-H, aga-T-H, or also is a false face.

It is a small holographic device actually worn like a mask, and it projects demonic visages and scenes of death onto the mask, and it even has a short-range psychic amplifier to increase the enemy's sensitivity to feed. and death. Some of the masks like dread masks will often have the enemy's worst fears displayed on the mask when they find the out through their mask's ability. They have the rictus mask, which is an aura of death, masks of fear. It's to project some of the most horrifying things to the person while they are currently in combat. That's so smart. This is definitely. This is definitely like. like a, like a, yeah, definitely like an ony, yoki kind of thing here with the, with the mask of, of adjusting faces.

What's that old, um, that old fucking, like three mask, horror story thing where they like, they, like, has like a smiling mask, an angry mask and like a sad mask and like, like,

kind of twists. Oh, shit. I don't know specifically. For some reason, uh, Asura comes to mind, but I don't think that's what it is. I know what you're talking about, though. Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah.

I know the imagery you're talking about, yeah. They also sign called a flip belt, which is a anti-gravity generator keyed to the mental command of the wearer, which makes them basically able to jump and fly over anything that isn't a skyscraper. It basically is just like gravity, never heard of it. That's very handy.

It's very handy. Especially since they're already so goddamn quick if they can just turn off gravity for a little bit and just jump as high. That's, damn. Okay, okay, okay Chai says it's a W.WE title belt and it is

If you notice on their waist It literally is a belt Like on that picture you see up there You know how I know it's not a WWE title belt It isn't horribly designed That's how I know it's not a title belt from WWE Have you seen those gaudy ass pieces of shit That they make these? It's terrible

It was me, Slanesh It was me all along Slanesh It was Slanesh that hit them with the car By God, by God It was actually, you can't, do you imagine kegreck behind the wheel? It was me, Austin, hits it with the car.

It was me all along. Yep, okay, okay. Now, some of their weapons, though, are fucking nuts. Oh, I bet. So there's a couple of things. It's like, their weapons have got to be nuts. Well, for example, they have slang

called, like, the Star Bola, which is three plasas. Charges at the end of a mesh weave of cords and once it's hurled in the sithing arc Tangling its target before its plasma charges explode with the fury of a dying sun Whoa They have a supernova weapon I mean it's more like the heat the heat of the grenades are really hot, you know not like it actually blows up like a star Well, you said it was like a dying star. That's a fucking supernova. The fury of the star whatever. Oh, okay, fine

Still, that's pretty fucking wild. They have fusion pistols, which are caused the molecules of a target to hyper-vibrate, generate so much heat that their target bursts into flames before suddenly liquefying and then evaporating into gas form. Oh my God. Jesus Christ, that is, oh my God, that's a hell of a pistol.

Holy shit. The Mistave is a shadow series, weapon and it channels their mental force to crush armor plates and shatter bones. But against living victims, a glancing blow will cause scrambles of receptions, giving them contradictory illusions and reducing sight to a slow motion blur. Oh, wow. It's a barber pole. Pretty much, yeah.

It's a little barber pole. It's a peppermint stick. Now, one of the nudiest ones, I'd say, is the Harlequin's kiss. The Harlequin's Kiss is the most iconic weapon. Sometimes I'll just call the sting. It is super horrifying. It is a sharpened tube attached to the forearm. And it can be punched into the enemy's flesh

where high tensile monofilament wires contain within the weapon, uncoil, and reduce the targets insides to a gory soup in the single heartbeat. Oh, God. So they stab you with it, It goes like, and then your entire inside is just mush. Oh, wow.

It's literally, it's literally a blender. Oh, my God, it just blends your insides, huh? And you just, oh, God, that, that sounds really, really painful. Oh, oh, God. So it's just like these metal wires that come out and just start blending inside you, essentially? It's literally like Imagine you lift a fire hose on But imagine that with about like

2,000 tiny little molecular sized metal wires Oh God It's awful It's awful! It's awful It's awful. There's also a couple of relics called the Enigmas of the Black Library

There's the mask of secrets Which is a people who look upon the mask see distorted reflections of their own faults and failings. The slightest doubt or regret twisted into a horrific form of phantasms that scream and wail as they claw at the psyche of the victim. Those who wear the mask of secrets fear nothing while the mask remains upon their face, yet it is said in the long run they must pay a terrible price for this temporary boon. I would imagine there is a, you'd have to pay a hefty price,

because that sounds pretty opy. even the slightest doubt is reflected and I love the idea that their masks reflect their opponent's worst fears that's really cool yeah it's a lot very it like you know

yeah it's so dope I'm loving the harlequins by the way I mean I don't really have a whole lot else to talk about I was about to end the episode but yay oh I thought you had more artifacts but hey yes I mean, sure, all right. Here's the crescendo. The masterworked Hurrican pistol first bestowed upon the true match of the Vail Path.

It was a gift gifted by the wander of the webway who members of the mass claim was none other than the laughing God himself. When the pistol's trigger is pulled, micro-distortion engines engaged in its housing. The effect is to step the crescendo's wielder slightly ahead of time, accelerating the weapon and wielder alike and allowing an impossible volley of firepower to be unleashed. Whoa. So that gun literally is like a timely whimy bullshit and then speed you forward?

Wow, that's a pretty fucking great. It's a tiny-wimy bullshit. It's timey-wimy bullshit. It sends you into the future and impossible hail of bullets. I'm assuming that's what's called a crescendo. Uh, there's, um, they have the neurodisruptor, beams of energy that, uh, burn away tissue instantly. But if they get, if they get hit by it, they have no sign of injury except for their sudden immediate violent convulsions as they tumble to the floor and start seizing up. Oh, God. Okay.

That, Jesus. Yeah, there's some shit. The Harlequins are wild. Oh my God. I mean, even if they didn't have. the final act that could like save all of the Eldar from Slanesh. I would still, if I was an Eldar, I'd still want to join because they are fucking dope. They're badass, dude. All these crazy weapons, all their crazy armor, anti-grab belt, a dope-ass mask that portrays your victim's fear on it and you got that wild suit that turns you into just a blister of colors. You know,

the Harlequin's are dope. Yeah, it's really cool, man. The Halloquins have a really dope aesthetic. They've got some really dope stuff. It just sucks that they have a grand total of about nine models, and that's it. Oh, why do they only have nine models? Is it just because GW doesn't like money? Because, like, from everything I've seen so far, like, the Harlequin should be selling, like, hotcakes.

So, well, okay, so for one, Harlequins are an incredibly weird. like army, they play very bizarre. And honestly, they're not very fun to fight. Because they're fun to play as, but the idea is that they fuck with you. They don't play by your rules. They have their own rules. And while it doesn't make them more power or anything,

it does make them very, like, annoying at times, because it's their stink. Which I guess is lower accurate, but whatever. But they have, like, the shadow seer, the troop master, the death jester, the solitaire, the vehicles and the regular troops

and that is all they have for Natashites. Damn. In fact they have zero named characters except for one. His name is Kaganel and you take him with sisters because it's the Frile Stern one. Damn. Well that's unfortunate. They're not

even getting a codex in the next thing. They're being worked into the Eldar codex with Kraft Worlds. Oh boy that's... Do you foresee them ever getting their own schick and like because like are they

or maybe are they really does do Warhammer fans really like the Harlequins and is there any chance that because there's so many Harlequin fans that in the future lots of Harlequin shit or is it just like nah they're just going to forever be a side note There is a lot of Halloquines are probably one of

if not the least played army in the game uh do into fact because of how hard they are to paint how weird they are to play and how few minis there are But, Holoquin fans are big fans of Holoquins. I'm assuming that maybe they're putting them all together in the book because maybe the craft worlds and Holoquins are getting a little bit together to start doing the final act a bit more.

But that is wishful thinking, and we'll see when the Codex actually comes out. Okay. Besides that, besides that, that's all I got for you. Cool. Harlequins. I'm saving some of the masks for a separate episode. We could talk about specific harlequin masks later. But for now, that's that. We're done for today. We're done for today. That is a good... We're done. I dare say I am now a fan of the Harlequins.

Have I done it? Have I made you an Eldar fan? You have made me specifically a fan of the Eldar Harlequins. They sound fucking dope. I've literally loved everything about them. I love how you were like, don't push your luck, kid. There was, literally there was nothing about this episode that I was like, damn, Harlequins are cool. Damn, that Harlequin thing is cool. Oh shit, this other Harlequin thing is really cool too.

I dare say I'm a Harlequin fan now. Well, all right. We made a Harlequin fan out of DK episode. Complete strength returning. morale good wow well said

just who wait a minute you actually like most Eldar you like the gerard I think I do actually

just like the LAR in general I made you an LDAR fan I think you did the exodus well the exercise are super cool

because they're just running fucking dinosaurs the Dracari are we both agree that the Dracari are really cool with all other factions. Fuck!

I don't remember if I like the craft world or not. I hate you. Well, fuck you. I hate you. Why? Sorry, this is your fault. You, you're the one that gave me all the cool lore about them.

This is your fault. You're about to destroy the craft world, not join them. Not join them. You know what, fuck you. The only named Harlequin you have is from my army, get shit on fucker. I don't care. Everything else they have is really cool.

Yeah, it is pretty cool. Give that harlequin kiss and just Give me that harlequin. It is my opinion. It's the Imperium who is evil. Then you are lost! Anyway. Clussy.

We won't recite all of, oh my God, you're such a bitch. Do the outro. Let us go home. Clussy.