Adeptus Ridiculous - Horny Space Elves & the Birth of Slaanesh | Origins of Warhammer 40k

Episode Date: December 21, 2020

The Fall of Eldar and birth of chaos god Slaanesh has the dubious honor of setting the stage for the grimdark Warhammer 40k universe as we know it. Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/AdeptusRidiculousTwitter - https://twitter.com/AdRidiculousSupport the show

Hey everyone, welcome to another episode of The Adeptus Ridiculous. I'm D.K., and I'm slowly, slowly learning more about Warhammer from my good friend Bricky. You did it. I did it. We did it. You said the other thing last episode. We're like, what are you going to not know nothing about Warhammer anymore? That's double negative.

But what are you going to finally not say that? Like, you did it. It finally happened because I am slowly learning. Like the last episode, like there was the... When you started talking about the orcs and how they got their psych or stuff, I was like, dude, pieces, they're fitting. They're coming together. It's all coming together, man.

This is, yes, there's an arc. This is great. But tell the people a little bit about yourself, Bricky, because this is going on your YouTube channel today, right? Yes. So this is episode three of the Adeptus Ridiculous podcast. Episode one and two are located at Quiet Shy's channel on YouTube as well. I will leave a link in the description.

And they're also going on our new YouTube channel on Adeptus Ridiculous. Just, just DesiDiscuitous on YouTube. That's a mouthful. Oh, my God. Adeptus Ridiculous is as a name as it sounds. Oh, but that is also another YouTube channel. And all the episodes will be going on there as well as the various podcast sites. So this is the last one that is going to be going on our associate channel.

So if you want to see episodes four through God knows what, it'll all. be on their area. So check the description for all that kind of stuff. But besides that, yes, I am Bricky. I have been a almost lifelong Warhammer fan. The lore for a while, played the game. And I am telling D.K., slowly, but surely, the history, the lore, the world of Warhammer. We started off with the Death Corps of Krieg for episode one, kind of like a nice little, like a fun fan-requested one. Then we jumped into the war in heaven and the silent King with the Necrons and today you want to tell the people what we're doing?

We're doing the Eldar and I'm really excited about it because everybody always talks about the Eldar. They always talk about how the Eldar murder-fucked Slanesh into existence and then whenever I talk to like

if there's a somewhat lore expert in the room like Luton he's like no that's kind of an exaggeration they didn't really murder fuck a god into existence. So I'm ready for the record to be put straight and to learn all the stuff. But before you get too much into detail, we do have a Patreon that you guys should check out. Patreon.com slash Adeptus Ridiculous.

If you like the podcast, if you want to support the podcast, we hit our first stretch goal of $100 to cover all of the podcast and website hosting. Next goal is a stretch goal of 1,000, and then we'll be able to do weekly episodes. So check it out. Patreon.com slash Adeptus Ridiculous. Bricky, Eldar, let's go. Oh, in a second. I do want to say, it's a thousand that we're doing for the weekly episodes.

So if they want to see weekly episodes hitting that thousand point, and you know what's even better is the money is split between the three of us. So if you're like, that shy person don't really like them, but that DK person, that guy's a champ. Like, hey, it still works. I don't know who's going to say that, dude. I really don't know. Who's going to say, hate that shy, but boy, I really love DK. Hey, there's got to be someone.

There's that one guy out there, and his name is Bricky. So, moving... Oh, geez, the warm fuzzies. You actually got me a little bit worried now because... You say warm fuzzies, but me saying that means I should on shy. But you actually have me worried now because you said that Luton's like, eh, they didn't really murder fuck a god into existence, and I was about to say, oh, I got to change my notes.

I guess they didn't. I think Luton... Luton knows everything, and when you know everything, there's too many actualies. So there will definitely, and I do mean definitely be a couple adjustments here, but I am here for the short version. That's my whole goal. Watch Lutonel. Luton will respond to this with like a tweet and be like, D.K., I didn't say that. You're a liar. How dare you misquote me? Isn't that funny, though, because by saying that alone, he's doing an actually.

That's true. We got him. You can't win, Luton. We got you, Luton. We got to have them on the podcast one day, though. Yeah, special guest, looting you. Yeah. Okay. So, the Eldar.

So you actually mentioned that you were actually kind of excited about the Eldar, both because people were talking about it. Do you like elves in general or something? Not really. I mean, elves are fine. Me too. Elves are fine. You know, the usual meme about why you like elves.

But also, I know there are, there's like the, is it a subset, like the dark Eldar that are all kinds of fucked up? up too and they're real weird and they look like stalker from Warframe and obviously a big fan. So I just think they're really cool and really interesting from what I've seen of like the minis. So I'm kind of just stoked to learn about them and why they look so damn cool and what they're all about. That's fair. I think definitely the craft world Eldar, which is kind of like your vanilla Eldar. I think their minis are a little bit weird.

They have like bowling pinheads. But the, um, the Dracari or the dark Eldar, they look cool. They have like Jabba the Huts skiffs. They're like lots of like raiders and they're pretty creepy. Anyway, uh, yes. So the Eldar, also known as the Eldari, spelt, uh, stupidly weird. A. E. L.D. A. R. A.A. R. A. R. Oh, that is weird.

That's very weird. The fucking Brits, I swear to God. They put A's and U's and everything. Luton cannot win this episode. Gray is spelled with an A, you idiots. A. Oh, God. So the fall of the Eldari is a big, big part of the Warhammer lore, right? So if you had to go with the three biggest events in history, we already did the war in heaven.

The Horace heresy was the bigger one, or another big one, and then the fall of the Eldar. And I think they would go in the order of Heaven, Eldar, and then Horace. The fall of the Eldor is a pretty big deal. And it's generally referred to as the fall of the fall. the Eldar as opposed to just learning about the Eldar in their own right. So, as you may remember from our last episode, we talked about the war in heaven and how the old ones were like kind of pushing races, giving them a little bit of, giving them a little bit of love.

And I was thinking of a different kind of metaphor for that. And do you remember, I know we all like Mass Effect around here, but do you remember when the Prothians gave like the Asari, like their biotics and kind of like taught them a little bit? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that. It's kind of like that, but a little bit more powerful and 40K-like. Okay. So, you know, they kind of like raised up the Eldar, helped them out a lot.

And so after the Necrons did their giant murder, war, genocide, they all went to bed, right? Of course. And so then, so then the only people who really remembered them in the long annals of history were the Eldar. And so a lot of the actual lore from the Necrons you might get from Eldar because they're the only people who even remember them. But the Eldar, at the time, this is around, I'd say early 30th millennia. So the Horace heresy took place at around year, what was it? 30,000, 31,000, I think, something around there. So this is a bit before that, right?

This is a bit before that. And the Eldar, the humans were kind of just stuck to their own solar system, or if they weren't, they were just barely any farther. The Eldar spanned the whole galaxy. They were everywhere. They were just the dominant race. The only other race that could even challenge them were having nappies in tombs. You know, and they didn't even notice them.

The gold necrons. Necrons were all having a nap and the Eldar were just there everywhere. So no challenger, period. There's nobody that's going to really do anything to them. Tiernids haven't arrived. I mean, maybe the orcs, but they weren't really a problem at the time. I mean, you could have had some demons and stuff here and there, but they weren't as prominent. They were just the dominant race.

They were as much of a threat as any other animal that's not a human or as a threat to humans currently, like, on Earth in modern day. Like, the only time there's any threats for us right now is like, I don't know, you're worth a bear in the wilderness. And if you have a gun, who cares, right? Sure. Nothing is challenging us right now. And with the bear, you can play dead and it'll go away. So, you know. I don't, you know, I watched this movie called The Revenant, and I don't know if that's true.

Oh, well, fair. Forgot about that movie, but you bring up a good point, sir. So the Eldar, they themselves as a race, they're obviously space selves. They got the pointy years and everything. And they were master tier psychers. They were insanely. And then the entire race was basically all psychers to an extent. And as they are all psychers, they have the ability to be able to just, really, it's difficult to explain just the sheer volume of what they could do, of how much they could do.

In fact, they had such a mastery of the warp and the immaterial that they could, in fact, like, form physical materials out of its essence alone. They call this stuff called like wraithbone. There's a bunch of units in the Eldar codex called like Raith Nights, a wraith guard, great lords. And that's like a special material that they can create out of the energy of the warp itself. And they're actually, uh, it's pretty damn fucking strong. It's like a psycho technological thing. It's very weird.

But the fact that they can take like the essence of hell and turn it into constructs, they're doing pretty hot. Yeah, that's pretty, that's pretty, that's pretty good. That's a pretty good ability to have. Sure. Yeah. They're doing perfectly fine. Um, but so the problem is that,

And you know, I'm sorry, but I'm going to use porn a lot in this episode because it is the best example for a lot of this stuff. All right. So at some point around like the 24th, 25th millennium, somewhere around there. The Eldar reached the point of excessive stagnation. They had to do nothing. The individual had no like point. They had so much they could, that was just free. They had no shortage of food.

They could travel using the webway, which is just better than warp travel in almost every single way. There's nothing that you as a citizen are worried about. You have no struggles of almost any kind. And so I said porn because it reminds me of the concept were like 20 years ago, you had you had your good old man-woman stuff, right? you had more bushes than Vietnam War down there Like it was it was just good old 80s stuff

And you know as time went on it got a little bit different And now and then Japan got involved And then Japan got involved And they made it animated and they added other things And now if you wanted to look up A Werewolf girl with a dick You can find it It's there

Oh yeah easily you say that And I'm just like yeah that sounds That sounds like something on the internet Sure it doesn't even surprise me I'm not even close. It's not even close. That's just, yeah, that's not even the weirdest thing you'd find. By far not.

And so because of this, the Eldar themselves experienced emotions, just their own personal emotions, much more powerful than humans do. All kinds of sensations. Pain, sadness, happiness, pleasure, all that kind of stuff. All was like, at a good all 50% up compared to a normal human. So because of this, and the fact that they simply did not have anything that the individual needs, him. They started creating this wonderful thing known as pleasure cults. Oh boy. This sounds like a riot. Let's go. So a pleasure cult. So think of it like you got like a politician, right? And the politician

sneaks away to that back alley where a bunch of women like just start like punching each other and then have sex. And they just finally like depraved random shit like that. Like there's always that politician that goes in the background and finds that creepy underground crap Did you watch the boys? The boys. I just started it, dude. I'm like two episodes in. Perfect.

Remember the first episode they go to that club? And it's all the superheroes are in the club and they're all just doing a bunch of fucked shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like having levitation sex and like the bed meat dudes doing all that weird. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's shit like that. So pleasure colts were that.

And it was all dedicated to the experience of every sensation, pleasurable and painful that life had. Okay. And so this kind of like started to really move its way up. And as the politicians got into it and as regular people got into it, they started like having their pursuits go a little bit crazy and more extreme and more depraved. Eventually like legitimate murder and torture and torture became just as bit of an art form as painting, as music. It was as normal. Wow, that's wild. It's insane that they would get, you know, you can get to that idea, but you can kind of understand the concept that like, you know, once it's so you as a person is so stagnant, you have nothing to do and you have no purpose.

Pursuing this stuff isn't that surprising. And to the point where you could go and you could see a show and that show was the actual like torture and maiming of other people. And these are like volunteers because they wanted to experience pain because they. because it was like a form of a sensation. And the Eldar, they lived like almost immortal. They lived a lot,

well, unless you were on part of it, on stage. But they lived for God knows how long. Yeah, they never suffered from like Alzheimer's type stuff. They never got senile. They didn't have disease. They were, their psychic powers. You know, they were just so insanely powerful. And they lived so long that they were able to develop

even more. crazy ways of torturing and killing people. And they were able to do it at, at rates, just never before seen. Sooner or later, eventually, with the government taking part in it, it became this point of like, like Jack the Ripper type stuff, like a right, like on a street, on a street corner, you'd find people like murder fucking. Like you find on the streets just, just happening. Jesus Christ.

Like, death was, it was everywhere in the millions of lives. People were just consistently like boning and murdering each other because that was the only thing they had going for himself. They had these cults, these pleasure cults. They were so interested in it. And then these fucking boomers came along. And some of these goddamn boomers were like, you know what? This is some smut.

And they left. And so some Eldar were like, oh, man, our society is getting a little bit corrupt, man. I don't know if I like this. And so a lot of them would just bail. And they would go to like colonies on the, Far, far, far, far reaches of space. Just to get away from the middle. Yep.

Yeah, those are the boomer Eldar. They're known as the Exitites, because, like, you know, exile. Because they exited, huh? Right? Eh, eh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got jokes. I got jokes.

I, you know, I heard that Shy has a gun. I'm waiting. Okay, you know, you know I don't like Jojo, but you know that one part when he, like, turns the paper and the gun comes out? Yeah. I'm expecting a gun. to come out of my screen and to blast me.

So continuing, so as we continue, as it goes on, and actually, this is the part that I mentioned with the porn stuff. So I don't peruse this very much at all,

but I have seen the great meme of that farmer guy who says, like, it ain't much, but it's honest work. And it's all of those tags, on like hentai websites and it's like all of those insanely depraved tags oh god

and it has to moderate them and it's like shit like that so that's just that was just the Eldar Society with those tags screenshot those tags bottom text top text LDAR society we live in an LDAR society

oh boy I mean I guess when you open those floodgates and you're so stagnant and you're looking for like any sensational high, it's going to get out of control. And it's going to get crazy. And I guess this is like the epitome of shit just got wild. It's ironically, and people always forget this, that 40K is a satire.

It is a satire of many things. And the Eldar is a satire on what happens when we reached to just an insane degree of, I think the word is hedonism or whatever it is. but just, you know, constantly pursuing your own personal pleasures and the dangers that that can come with. Sure. So as that continued, a lot of the time, you know, with all these people dying, naturally, as you know about the warp, a soul enters the warp when it is killed. Right. Because it's basically hell. The problem was that Eldar, because we had in the billions of people being murderfucked to death and all this shit,

They would enter the warp not only in huge numbers, but they would also enter the warp as psychers. And psychers souls are far more powerful than regular souls. And they're dying, feeling such immense pain and slash or pleasure. Right. And that was, and that there, it's just a bloat, right? Yeah. Just like how the war in heaven bloated the warp.

Exact same deal here. Because you had uber powerful psychic beings experiencing insanely high, large heights of emotions and numbering into billions. I was legitimately about to say it's just like what happened

with the war in heaven when those certain sections got super bloated because it was like what a millennial, it was like centuries long war or something and people are dying. I was like,

it's the same thing. It's, you know, people are dying with these specific like emotions and that one point. portion of the warp is going to get over bloated and... And here we are.

So the... So just like how corn, Zinche, and Nurgel were kind of, quote-unquote, bloated or creative. This is still the question is, was Slonesh, Slonesh birthed? Or were they more so just given the ability to become bigger? And that's the real, like, in between. I'm all on the line that they just got the ability, because the warp itself fucks around with time. And so it makes a lot more sense that in the realm of chaos,

you had corn, Nergel, and Zinch, and now they're all big players. But then you had Slanesh somewhere in there, tiny little realm, right? Little apartment building. And because of that, this is a very specific kind of chaos, right? Excessive, like the Prince of Pleasure, the unspeakable excess. And to have that bloated, it does make sense that it wouldn't really happen in the war in heaven, especially because they were robots. No emotions there.

No, no souls. No, yeah, no souls. So then after enough time and effort, though, oh, oh, our good friend, Sonesh, which is known as the Prince of Pleasure. Sonesh doesn't really have a gender per se. They just are. A lot of the Sleenech models and stuff, they look, I think the term is androgynous.

They look like male-female hybrids. Often, they kind of have that in-between the thing. So they're called the Prince of Pleasure,

but they don't really have a particular left or right. They're like a gender role. No, they're just Slanesh. Yeah. But as that happens,

the Prince of Chaos, then after that started to really start to bundle up and it started to reach a tipping point, a bunch of Eldar were like, shit's getting fucked. There's a bunch of warp storms going on right now

because of all of us dying, we're blowing up the hell itself is starting to screech out and cause problems. This was an issue. And so a whole bunch of Eldar evacuated on these gigantic continent-sized starships known as craft worlds. And that is where Kraft World Eldar come from. Oh, I see, I didn't know what a craft world was. I thought that was just like what they called their home planet or something.

I thought, like, whatever the Eldar's planet was, it was that was the craft world. I didn't realize that was a continent-sized ship that they were escaping on. Yeah, imagine like the flotella in Massvet with the, with the quarians. So they left on these, yeah, like these giant starships. And I think they were created out of that wraithbone type construct or at least something similar to it. That's why they're, they're crafted worlds, craft worlds. So because they all started running out there because they're like, oh, man, oh no,

we're reaching a breaking point. Oh, then we're getting too problem. We fucked up. And so they start to bail. And at that point, good old Sonnash just cablamo, just came right into existence, referred to, I believe, well, they have lots of names.

They have the great enemy, she who thirsts. But the main thing was that Sonnesh took its first breath, was the concept. And that breath just inhaled all, of the Eldar souls. They,

the Sunnets just arrived and was just like, Jesus Christ. It was, oh my God, it was insane. The death toll was like in the trillions. It is, so Slinesh just showed up, inhaled, all Eldar in that area are dead.

They're just, every Eldar's dead. They inhaled so goddamn hard. Did we talk about the eye of terror? I don't think we did. Okay, so. I like to, okay, so let me make, it's like, okay, I'm going to use a Minecraft example here. Oh boy.

Did you play much Minecraft, D.K.? Not really. This is going to be really good. Do it anyway, for the people. Okay. So you know what the nether is, though, right? Nope. It's like the hell.

Like lava and shit. Sure, sure, sure. Okay. There's a thing called nether. It's like hell. Like lava and crap. A lot, you can make portals into said nether. I always refer to the nether, the hell and Minecraft, very similarly to the warp in Warhammer because

it's a smaller field. So if you made a portal into the nether and you walked a certain distance, maybe 10 paces, it was actually like 100 paces in the real world. So if you were to make another portal 10 paces away, you're actually way farther

away when you come out of it. Sure. So because of that, in particular, there is no in between, right? You have to portal into the nether, portal out. And that's kind of how warp travel works

with the Imperium. You go into the warp and then you travel a shorter pace than it actually would require and then you come out in order to do interstellar travel. Gotcha. This, the I have terror, is like somebody took a big knife and shanked the fabric of reality.

And so when Slanesh was birth, there's now a giant crack rift in the real world that allows the other world to spill out of it. So So someone cracked the dimensions in two. There's like a zipper that's been undone.

Yeah, yeah. And so now, because when she birthed, now instead of just the real world and the warp, we have the real world, the warp, and we've got this tiny little hole that's connecting the two of them in real space. Oh, that sounds bad. And demons are just like, woo!

We're out, boys, I'm free! They open the prison cell, and now they're all out, and oh boy, That... The eye of terror has arrived. And so Sonnesh basically just immediately bodied about like trillions of Eldar. And the only people that lived were a couple.

So pretty much all of the ones that were psychers and stuff because the warp, you know, big psychic thing. Sure, sure. They had their souls just immediately ripped from their bodies and permanently stuck in the warp to be like tortured and murdered forever because yum yum yum yum yum they must love that

yeah they were it's heaven actually for them well sort of not quite it's a little rough oh no depends on the people but many of the people

who fled the exudite the boomer Eldar they also had their souls sucked from them the people in the craft worlds a couple of them also had it. The only people that lived were people who found

this thing called like a soul stone. And these soul stones are like this nice little relic type deal that you could hold on your body to stop Sonesh from eating your soul. Because if you just like live just as a normal as Eldar, Sonnish is like coming for you.

It's like a never, it's like Michael Myers. It's always behind you forever. You have an anti-Sense. bear circle, okay, for your entire life. You have to carry that seabre circle so you don't get, like, your soul ripped from your body. So it's just this never-ending, like, looming hand over your head. It's just like, come on, come on. Drop the stone, lose the stone.

Make the stone. I actually have to have it on your purse. There's another way to do it. I'm not quite sure how it's done. You don't have to have, like, on you. It's not like you drop your marble and you're like, oh, no, you die. He's dead. He dropped his marble.

He dropped it Got him No it's There's a whole thing to that I'm not too familiar On the soul stuff I'd meld that shit On to my chest

I get tattooed Yeah I'd have a little I'd have a little soul A little marble on my arm And it says mom It's perfect Mom's protecting me from Slanesh

Mom protects me from your foul Your foul thottery Slenesh the only other people that lived were a couple people who were chilling in the Webway and the Eldar Webway I mentioned the Webway before it's like the port of system

so you can have like your own realm in said Webway and so during the height of their empire and by height I mean you know their horrible horribleness there was a city in the Webway called Camerog and Camerog

is just like a it's a total fucking mess. It's like giant spires that are constantly shifting and adjusting and time is all weird. It's a mess. But that was like, that was like your pirate haven. You went in there if you wanted to, if you wanted to do like some serious murder fucking. Like that, that was your bad man zone. Right. You'd go there. That was, that was your, that was your secret island where everything goes. Man, how does murder fucking get worse exactly? Like, what's more? What's more? extreme than what was already going on. How do you get more bad mamma jama?

You go from murder fucking to torture fucking. Ah, well, fair. And so, that's where they did all that fun stuff. Fun stuff. But a lot of the time, when Sleenech was starting to do their shenanigans, a lot of the Eldar attempted to flee into said Webway to get away from everything going on. Um, so those in the webway didn't actually get their souls consumed. Um, okay.

But, Sonnetsch has like a little pinky finger. She, she's got a pinky finger and she's pulling, and she's a cat. And she's pulling a mug off of a table. All right. Somebody has to make that picture, by the way. Somebody listening, that fan art has to be. the Slanesh cat and ready to smack the

the fucking thing off the table and that's them like it's pulling their souls and those people in the webway were like shit we got time limit so

I'm gonna ask you what do you think they did to stave off Slanesh can I answer before you potentially give me the choices can I take a while I guess? I wasn't even going to

give any choices, just go to town. I, I, you know, I'm gonna guess that they just didn't fucking do anything. They just kept on doing their hedonist bullshit torture shit, and they just didn't care and just

Slenesh got fat as fuck. You are half right. Those in the, in the webway are now known as the Jukari or the dark Eldar because they found out that they can keep Slanesh's little pinky finger off of them by doing Slanesh things. Ah.

So the reason... And that's what they like doing already? Yeah. So the reason why the Dark Eldar are so horrible. The reason why having the Dark Eldar enter your planet as a raid is the worst experience you could possibly have is because they are keeping themselves alive. Because the more torture, the more maiming. the more murdering they do, the more Slanesh won't attack them.

Ah, okay. See, I had heard about the Drukari and the Dark Eldar being horrible and being, I think on one of Shai's art streams, you told me about some of the just horrible shit that they did, and it was the worst possible experience. And I was just like, man, it must be because they're just, it's just Warhammer. You know, they're just one of those Warhammer factions that, they're just awful. But it's because they don't want, Slunner. Nesh to take them. I get it now. It makes sense now.

Or, yeah, or they don't want so much to, like, attack them and the pinky finger to just got you. It's a little bit of both. You know, okay, so we can be an agreement that elves are pricks, right? Agreed. A hundred percent. Elves are, our douchebags. The dark Eldar have more of a, like, we were the height of our society.

This is, this is our genetic destiny. This is who we should be. So it's like both. They don't want that to happen, but the same time, they're like, well, we kind of like it anyway. And all those craft world boomers, they're a bunch of bitches. It's a win-win for them. Yeah, they're fine by it. Comerog is the main dark Eldar city.

That's where, that's the dark city. So, yeah, the Dark Eldar, they go out to different. areas and they raid very pirity. Kind of like they fly in on skiffs and they're kind of hanging off the side and they're firing and jumping off and attacking people. But they're mainly there for slaves. They're there to get slaves.

They take you back. You get torture for like 20 years, maybe longer. I mean, if they can keep you going. Warhammer, that's not, yeah, yeah, that sounds about normal. Yeah, it could be worse. It could be worse. You know, they do lots of things

to you. Lots of very bad things. They, you know, they flay you and they remove your fingernails and they do all this kind of shit. Um, but the main thing is that if once they've like, once they've like exhausted your pain, once you like your mental state has just finally broken, um, they tend to turn you into like furniture. Oh, right. I remember you telling me about it.

You can be like, they'll take you and they'll like do some shit. I don't know exactly. But they'll turn you into like, like a couch or like a chair. or something and they'll forcibly mold your body in that way but they'll keep you alive so if you go to like that's called the homunculus the homunculus the homunculey

covens and the covens will have like a room and they'll go sit on the chair the chair will be like ugh it's so fucked up it's just like a dude or like three dudes together and he's just like ugh and so

it's so fucked up dude that's wrong so that's your life for like eternity they keep you alive for like a thousand years at that point. I hope you like being a chair. A thousand years is a chair fused with like three other people. Yeah, I can imagine how getting rated by the Dark Eldar is

worst thing that can happen to you in Warhammer you think? Worst possible thing? It's definitely up there. It's probably number one. But we're getting a little bit off topic on the Dark Eldar. Yeah, yeah.

Besides that, the Kraft World Eldar are the other faction of Eldar. They have their soul stones. They themselves are trying to go a little bit back into the olden days of the Eldar. They're trying to kind of reclaim their old glory. They themselves are kind of a dying race, as are all the Eldar. They're all not only say dying. I think they're kind of stagnant now, but they're certainly not improving very well. Because every time one of them dies, their soul just kind of goes to Slonesh.

Oh, yeah. You don't even get to pass into the warp calmly. You have to actually go through it and a, like, Slaneh will just take you. It's pretty horrible. That sucks. Yeah. Even if you have a soulstone, you just go right to Slenish, huh? If you have a soul stone, when you die, you get put into said Stolstone, and so the Eldar can preserve your soul so Slutnash doesn't kill you.

Right. Oh, okay. So that's how that is. So it's not ideal, but it's not ideal. It's better than going to Slanesh. Oh, God, yeah. I can't imagine. If you're a boomer Eldar, I can't imagine there's anything worse than, like, dying and

like, well, guess I'm going to Slanesh for an eternity of torture and pain and just, I guess I'm doing the thing that I ran away specifically because. Yeah, forever now. Great, great. God, damn it. The only other thing that we can go on to the Eldar, we can talk about slightly is the Hiloquins, which, which. are demon clowns, so speak.

They're like demonic jester, Eldar. Oh yeah, I've seen their minis. Everybody complains about painting the checker marks and how hard that is to free hand on to their thighs because it's not, I guess it's not like a sticker or a decal or anything. You just get the mini and it's just a blank thigh or something and everybody tries to checker mark them.

Yep, it's really fucking hard. But, yes, the Harlequin's the last one. They themselves have a god, their own kind of gods. The elder have gods, like their own miniature gods, not the chaos gods. Like about five of the seven of them were killed by Slanesh when Slanesh arrived. Oh. But there's two left. So Sleeneh arrived and he didn't just kill the Eldar.

He killed their gods too. Yeah. Yeah. Sleenech's hardcore. Yes, Sleeneh is, who boy. Eish. That's a big suck. It's a hard suck.

It's a big, hard suck. So big hearts suck. One of the gods that I did live was a god that no one can pronounce correctly. It's called Kegarok or like Segarok or something. It's the laughing god. It's the god of the Harlequins. And basically that god likes to be a little douche and play. Remember that deceiver guy we talked about in the last episode?

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of like that. He's one of their gods, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, kind of like that where he's just like, I'm going to fuck with you. And so one thing he did was he They always talk about him playing pranks on Slanesh And one of them was rescuing a whole bunch of harlequin souls So that they can't consume it

And so now he's got a bunch of harlequins that are like not under the effect Which is kind of which is cool But he's kind of a shithead Yeah, why didn't you save all the elder Well I guess he couldn't save all of them But if he could Yeah but I mean he could You know he makes little raids on Slinish's I guess

Cabinet His little food cabinet. His food cabinet. Saneh's fucking pantry. Yeah, exactly. Seneh's pantry of Eldar souls. He's like, boop.

Stoleka's from the cookie jar, right? Fucking Sonesh is pushing the mug down and in the background, you've got Kegarok, like in the pantry reaching into the cookie jar with like a fucking Vizenga grin. Yes. God damn it. This should be some adeptus ridiculous merch. Oh, it's a good idea. I like the Kegarok cookie jar.

Yeah. But the Harleyquins themselves, they're kind of weird. They have like a demon jester vibe. When they fight, it's almost like a dance. They're constantly like twirling and spinning. And that's why they actually do the checkerboard patterns because they move so quickly. It makes it really hard for people to fight them because they can't see them. Because of how of like the checkerboard look and they're constantly moving so fast.

It's like it's like blurred and blinding. Right. It's kind of cool. They have what they have clown masks on as well. They always wear it like creepy. metal and gold masks that have like big smiling grins on them. Um, the Hawkeons are actually pretty awesome.

They only have like eight models on the tabletop though, which is a little unfortunate. But there's, they're super weird and finicky. Um, so they're like the Cirque de Soleil of Warhammer. That's not a terrible description. No,

but a little more, a little more, uh, a little more murdery. The Warhammer part brings in the demonic murdery kill vibe and, and you know, yeah. Yes, absolutely. the Warhammer Cirque de Soleil, but without the fun family feeling.

So, all in all, murder fucked into existence, I'd say is a great, like, one word explanation. Because that pretty much is what happened. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like exactly what happened, yeah. So now you have a giant fucking zipper in real space that they've created that's causing problems. the Eldar are not extinct, but they are certainly very low population. They're one of the actually the smallest races,

population-wise, in the galaxy. Oh, wow. I think they actually are the smallest. I don't know if Tao is less, because Tao is generally new, but they're pretty small. Like, that's the odd part, is if the Imperium wanted to, if they legitimately wanted to wipe out all of,

the dark Eldar, go into the webway, go to Comerog and kill them all. They absolutely could. The problem is that you spend that much like resources, that much stuff on dealing with the dark Eldar, you're opening yourself up for the orcs, the Tyrannids, chaos, etc.

Yep, yep, yep. So. So I'm curious if the Eldar had never gotten into like this murder fuck phase where they were just so stagnant and they just felt the need to do all this crazy shit and kill themselves and they had never birthed Slenesh. Would they, would they be like a really prominent like thing? Would they be like the biggest thing in Warhammer? Like the biggest

faction? If they hadn't murder fucks Sleash into existence and they were just happy being the peak? Well, it does depend because the population of Ternids and orcs are, are, are, immense, right? It depends on if you're referring to, like, the largest power or largest in terms of actual population size. Because the orcs, I think, have the highest population in the galaxy. But they keep murdering each other, so it doesn't really, you can't really tell. But the Eldar themselves, they might be, but you do have to wonder, like, do the necron,

would they have reawaken the necrons faster? And would that have caused them a bigger problem? Right, right. The tyranids have caused issues Because the tyranids are actually a real pain for the Eldar Because all the tyranids have the hive mind Which is part of the warp Often the reason why tyrannids are so terrifying

Is when they arrive to a planet or like near a planet They have this thing called shadow in the warp Where they like cut off a section of the warp And they suppress it. So the only way to have interstellar communication is to use the warp So if a guy is like, oh, shit, bugs, he has to use his brain blast and go tell the Imperium that we're under attack. But the tyrannids just, they suppress it. They cut it all off.

And it makes it very rough. So if you have Eldar and they're like all psychers and, well, the Dracari aren't really, but like the regular Eldor are like all psychers, then that's a, that's really good. That's a problem. That's a huge problem. Yeah, that's a big problem for a cyker. But yeah, I was just curious because it's just, it's, uh, seems like the Eldar was, is like their motto is just self-inflicted wound. Like, they, they, they did it to themselves.

They like, you know, they got stagnant. They murder fucked. And then big Slanesh came, did the big suck. Wre. Yep. Yep. Pretty much. It's, I don't think there's not really any other major ways to describe it.

It really just comes down to them boning each other way too much, creating a god. and now they're all in a very bad spot. Besides that, though, they are, they are rather, rather interesting in terms of, like, the tabletop gameplay. They're generally, like, hit fast, hit hard, but very squishy. Lots of slaginternigans as well. Glass cannons, pretty much.

Especially the Harlequins and Jukari. As for, like, a little bit of the lore, it's a little interesting, because we didn't really talk about the Yanari, which is a bit of an important topic, but I have to save all of the Gilliman memes for that, so I'll have to wait on that one

because that's an important section. Okay. But often, if you had to choose any faction that works with the Imperium the most, it's probably the Eldar. Oh. Even though, yes, the Imperium hates aliens. They absolutely despise them,

but often they're more on the, all right, listen, we both hate chaos. Chaos is terrifying. Let's get rid of chaos together. Or, oh God, here come the tyrannids, bug boys, let's self, mostly it's self-preservation. Right, right, right. But they may not like them, but they need them to survive. Yeah, like not until recently have they been working a lot more together.

And that's with the Gilliman thing. Gotcha. But yeah, Eldar, they're weird. If they had just been content in their stagnation, none of this would have happened. But who's content with stagnation, right? Everybody's always, you know. know, if it's a, if it's a commentary or a parody on, on, like you said, on us, it's like, you know, you're always, you're always reaching for that next high. You're never happy at your current plateau. You're always, you know, once those floodgates open.

It really, really is. And also, particularly, um, when it comes down to, uh, like, when it comes down to, well, they just didn't do this. Of the emperor was a better dad, you know, if there was a better dad, we would have also not had, Chaos Space Marines, but alas. Alas, he was a shitty dad. Yeah, well, we'll get to that one probably, probably not next episode. Next episode, I bet we're going to be talking about the

Emperor's Holy Crusade, which is a little bit too much like 1940s Germany Blitzkrieg. We talk about the Emperor a lot. The Emperor is not a nice guy. He might have, like, the best intentions,

but he normally has like the best intentions by force kind of way. Oh. You know what they say? The path to hell is paved with good intentions. Well, he's certainly not enjoying himself right now. He's a corpse emperor now, so I mean, you know. Dude, he's

chafing so fucking hard. Nergel gave him an itch in his nose and he can't scratch it. Oh, what a douche man. He can't scratch it. Besides that, though, I think I think we're good. I can't think of anything else

Anything I missed? Well, there's plenty I missed But that's because Sure, but it's been a nice Overarcing Just sort of a summary A brief one hour summary Of the Eldar

And where they came from And how they got so fucked up And boy did they get fucked up They got so fucked up The Big Suck Fucked them up Ooh But yeah

You're not to realize You starting to realize why the Silent King is kind of cool? Yeah, starting to realize why the Silent King is kind of cool. I mean, last episode when you were talking about him, I already thought he was really slick, not knowing anything else about it. He was already slick, but now, yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a somewhat competent leader that feels remorse and wants better for his people and doesn't just want to go off on a murder fuck orgy and, you know, doom your race.

Thank you everyone so much for watching this episode of the Adepis Ridiculous episode three. If you are watching this episode on my YouTube channel, do be sure to check out the description to the first two episodes on Quiet Shy's YouTube channel, as well as the links to the official Adeptus Ridiculous YouTube channel itself. We will be uploading all the prior and all the future episodes there, as well as the various podcast sites. If you like listening to podcasts on many of the things like Apple and Spotify, there's a damn good chance that it's there. So you want to listen to it in the car, whatever you got going on. It would be an absolute pleasure. Besides that, my name is Bricky. We will see you next episode.

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Hell yeah. All right. We will see you all next time.