Adeptus Ridiculous - ​I LIVED, HERETIC: The Legend of Yarrick | Warhammer 40k Lore

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

https://www.patreon.com/AdeptusRidiculoushttps://www.adeptusridiculous.com/https://twitter.com/AdRidiculoushttps://shop.orchideight.com/collections/adeptus-ridiculousFew names muster up imagery of power and dedication to the Imperium like Commissar Sebastian Yarrick. Known as the Hero of Hades Hive, he is a man so dedicated to the Emperor’s light that even the Orks think he’s a literal demon. ​In today’s episode, we’re diving into the full, unredacted (mostly) life of the man, the myth, and the bionic eye. From his brutal upbringing on Taos 3 to his legendary rivalry with Ghazghkull Thraka, we cover why Yarrick is the ultimate "too angry to die" protagonist of the 41st Millennium.​In this episode, we discuss: ​The Vaarden Origins: How a wealthy kid named Sebastian Vaarden became the gritty survivor known as Yarrick.​Grandpa’s "Spartan" Training: Why Yarrick’s childhood was basically a survival horror game.​The Klaw: The story of how he lost an arm to Warboss Ugulhard and decided to just... take the Warboss's arm as a replacement.​The Bale Eye: Why he got a laser eye specifically to play into Ork superstitions.​The Best Frenemy: That time Ghazghkull threw Yarrick a "celebratory parade" and spoke to him in High Gothic.​The Propaganda Version: We wrap up with the "Authorized Biography" from the Regimental Standard—where Yarrick allegedly did the sign of the Aquila instead of crying at birth.Support the show

Welcome, everyone, to another episode of the Adeptus Ridiculous podcast. Oh, my God. What is that? Would it kill it now? Get rid of it. They beat him to death with hammers. I was wondering when that was going to come into play. Yes, I am on a Cracken Ultimate headset because things and stuff are happening out of my control.

And I'm in a new setup and just grateful to be recording. But here we are. Hi, Bricky. Hi, Kriath. Hey, hey, dude. Patreon.com slash adeptus ridiculous. Patreon.com slash It's ridiculous.

Buy the merch at Orcinate down in the description. Buy the merch, buy the merch, buy the merch. Yippee. Dude, this is bring me back. I was just saying earlier before the podcast, I recorded my first videos on a HyperX

cloud, whatever headset mic. And this is just, can you say bad things about my mother and call me slurs? Because I need to bring back the 2009 experience. I need this job too much. I can't. I'm sorry.

What's crazy, though, is like, as I was driving up to my brother's place, I was like, oh, yeah, you know, I'll go to Best Buy. I'll buy, like, a pretty decent mic, because if I'm, if I'm going to be, like, on the road, I'll get a good one. And it was like, oh, it's a USBC and XLR. I was like, great, USBC. My brother's computer is so old, it doesn't have USBC. That's funny.

And so I was like, God, I spent a lot of money on that mic. I'll just return it and get like a blue Yeti or something so that this doesn't happen again. But I was just like, oh, man, what a day. What a day. What a day, lads. Let's talk about Warham, right? Yeah, yeah, let's do that. Can I put in, actually, um, uh, air shy, whoever, can I have a random fire alarm chirp?

A case, maybe every time D.K. speaks. Classic, maybe a dog barking in the background or some kind of vacuum cleaner. I just, I think we need to get the full experience. Can we have a team speak logo over, over DK's character for this one on artwork? Is that, is that possible? Can I get an unregistered hypercam to a watermark as well? You got to get the bandy cam one, right? Or the bandy cam.

Many, many ways to skin a cat. I am so glad this is the direction that it's gone and this is everything I expected and more. There is going to be so many people getting hits with waves of nostalgia every time you talk. So I think even just what we're talking about is going to become borderline irrelevant to them. They're just going to be reliving, you know, a good number of years ago in their heads as opposed to listening to what we say. Please don't let this become a thing. I don't want to record on a razor headset every week. Please, this is this is a one-time thing, y'all.

This is just, I'm just grateful to be here. You don't sound enough like the four separate types of, like, audio voice in old, like, call duties at lobbies. There's only, like, four guys that were ever in those. And they all sound the same. And you don't have that voice. So I think, if anything, we got to put me on the mic. Oh, yeah, yeah, you'd be perfect. We'll get back to that eventually.

So, Keryath, I'm assuming that this episode is about the difficulties in Vox communication. I mean It'd be so cool if it were Wouldn't it If that level of pre-planning Was accessible I mean Possum very good at laying traps for DK

Unfortunately Not quite at the level of genuine prescience yet But you know Give them time They will They will manage it eventually Oh yeah

We released the You're on episode on Tax Day It's you know Anything's possible in the future I do have That was a plan accident, by the way. That was, you know, actual lucky accident. I was going to say, because everybody knows when tax days, like, you could absolutely plan that and make it just absolute gold. Yeah, well, you say everyone. I think you just mean Americans. Yes, I do, but I'm an American. So obviously, I think we're the center of the universe.

Yeah, yeah, no, same, obviously. Yeah, obviously. That being said, good accident, though. Well, I have a, I have a quote for you to kick today off. Sorry, D.K. But, you know, we have to do quotes again sometimes. And this one is... You know, this is my jam. This is what they pay me with the big bucks for. I feel like I've said this a few times recently, but I feel like you're going to get this one.

Okay, big spender. I really do. So there will be no evacuation. There will be no cowardice. There will be no defeat. This is our city. This is our world. soldiers of Armageddon make ready.

Oh, so we're either talking about Yarrick being alive or Armageddon or orcs, right? Because this is the, this is the, that's the reveal quote that Yarrick is back and he shoots that other commissar on the head for trying to get everybody to flee. I mean, you got it on the first one. We are indeed going to talk about Yarek, our favorite planetary governor executioner. Hell yeah Did you see that Was it that same That same thing

They overdubbed it for the Steel Legion stuff as well Where they took that trailer And then they just made it So that he was talking about bringing the Steel Legion back Quite a good move by them I don't quite remember But regardless What's uh wait

Is this the Armageddon book like the next The next part So with with Yarrick making a comeback and the whole yet another or extended Warf Armageddon. We've talked about him a bit across various episodes, but we've never done an episode just on Yarrick, the guy, the man, the absolute living legend. So this is essentially the story of Yarrick from start to where we are now

because we don't have 11th edition yet, so we don't know what he's going to do next. Wow, we never did an episode on Yerick, Yarrick before this? He pops up a lot, but like as a character in other things. But he has his own, his own backstory, he's got his own fun stuff

that's been going on. So yeah, we're going to go through sort of where he started out to where he is now. Yeah, always talked about him in Gaz context. Yeah. I guess he's just popped up so much in like, orc context and other contexts that I just assumed

we had done a full episode on him. But I'm stoked because Yarek is fucking dope. Yark? Is he? Yeah. Yark? He's dope as hell.

Isn't he? Okay. No, I mean, I guess I don't know. I've always found him to be a bit, um, samey, which is like fine. I guess, I mean, don't get me wrong,

he's a baller, but like having a big body count in 40K is not always the craziest feet. I never said, whoa, whoa, listen, listen, I, listen. I, listen, I get the robot arm and the eyeball and all.

of its knee. I just, I don't know. I thought he was like, kind of your, your standard commissar guy, you know, who like likes to kill Zinos and stuff. Like I didn't,

well, maybe, maybe you'll, maybe you'll, enlighten me. Oh, you will, you will learn the truth.

He's actually, all right, he is genuinely quite cool. So, okay, all right, all right, I'm happy to be wrong.

Shy all caps. Well, I guess we'll, Learn if you let Kiryoth speak. As I interrupt Kiryoth, sorry. Go ahead. The timing on that was perfect. Few names muster up imagery of power and dedication to the Imperium like Commissar Sebastian Yarich.

Ancient by imperial standards, the hero of Hades Hive commands unyielding respect from anyone on the battlefield, including his enemies. His mere presence can boost the morale of guardsmen by catastrophic levels and the image of his bionic iron claw is the stuff of nightmares for even the most hardened of orcs. After vanishing for quite some time, Yarrick has returned with a vengeance on Armageddon. But is he the same man that he once was? We'll have to wait until 11th edition to find out more, but today we're going to have a dedicated episode on the man himself, from his difficult use to his dramatic return. Some of this will be like a bit of double dipping with the dedicated Armageddon episode, but it's good to have a dedicated chat on just the man himself.

Plus, as a bonus, at the end, we'll go over his story as it's presented in the regimental standard. And I'd tell you right now, boy, the contrast is severe. Is there a 40K character that has not had a difficult youth? You know what? Fair. I feel like a good chunk probably have nobles. Oh, yeah, some planetary governors that were silver-spoon fed.

A couple of like quirk chunges. out there, you know. I'm sure they've had a fine time. What about Mungo Meat Fist? What was his youth like? That's what I want to know. Definitely not good. Definitely not good. No, you don't become Mungo Meat Fiss with a good childhood. That one inspirational quote to put on the wall that is. So the story of Sebastian Yerick begins with his true name,

which is Sebastian Varden. He was born in a hive on the planet of Teos 3. This planet was a very industrious one, and though it's not fully clear where it is, one thing that is clear is that it was far enough away from the Imperium that Xenos posed an active threat to it. At the age of seven, both of his parents would die under unknown circumstances. Death, of course, would be common on a planet like this due to its hyper-industrialized nature, but something wasn't quite right.

You see, the Varden family had quite a bit of money, and the governor certainly knew this and had his own ideas on how it should be spent. Their deaths would be presented to young Sebastian with a degree of false honor a lair the imperial cult. The major domo of the household would ask for details from the officers who brought the news of the death, and the officers would exchange uncomfortable looks before mentioning that there was some sort of bombing. Some sort of bombing.

If there were bombs there, I tell you what, but like past that, I don't really know. We may or may not have planted them, but bombs were absolutely involved. 100. We know of sure. Damn it. Did the Turians plant another bomb onto Chonka? Crom. Damn it.

They would more proudly present the news that they were claiming the estate of his family and Yarrake would need to be moved to some sort of foster care. Never finding out the truth of his parents' death, he was taken in by his grandfather, who was abused. Equally abusive were the street thugs around his new home who would bully and harass him beyond measure. Through all of this, he would learn the truth of his grandfather. His grandfather was not only a veteran of the militarum, but he was also considered to be a hero. See, Sebastian's grandfather once served proudly in the militarium, but he was stripped of his rank.

Sebastian didn't care. His grandfather was a skilled soldier, and he could teach Yarryk how to hold his own against the gangs he faced daily. His grandfather warned him that the training would hurt more than anything he's faced up to this point, but Sebastian would not be swayed. Even if he could strike back at those who hurt him only once, the brutality would be worth it. God damn. Okay, I kind of rocks. Hell yeah, brother.

I'm changing my mind already. It's sort of the sheer murderous brutality is worth it enough even if I don't win. Like, okay, King, never mind. I take it all back. Hasn't even been 10 minutes in. he's 180. That's crazy. Listen, listen, if you were like, and then after murdering 45 orc war bosses, one-handed, he enjoyed a spot of tea and a crumpet. I'd be like, I don't even care about the war bosses.

That's sick as hell. He likes crumpet school. Move along. What kind of tea does he drink? So, really, you just wanted him to be brish. That's what you were mainly after. I wanted him to enjoy the finer, the small finer luxuries of life. It could be some recalph and a slightly seasoned corpse starch bar for all I care. That's how you can tell us the luxurious stuff. If it's a slightly seasoned corp starch bar. Yeah, he puts a little salt on it.

They're like, where'd you get salt? Damn, shy said his mini got the teeth to be British too. Oh, come on, shy. There's no need for that. There's always a need for that. I will say, damn, he really do have, like, only four teeth in the official old miniature. They grew his teeth back. Yeah.

He's not input. Well, it's 40K. Surely that is not the most surprising thing they could do, right? He got some implants. He got some veneers. It's just, the idea of, like, Commissari Yarek getting veneers is just, like, what do you think he's like when he sits down for that procedure or whatever? I have no idea. How does he go about that?

They just gas him, you know? They just knock him out and just... Does he take the claw off before he has the veneers put in? Or does he make sure to power down the bionic eyes and kill the dentist? The claw stays on during sex. Jesus Christ. Imagine... Commissar hand shop

Oh no No with the claw Oh no The best inspector gadget character The claw All right All right that's enough of this I guess you got veneers

Whatever man I've just thought It wouldn't even be veneers It would just be other people's teeth It's 40K That have come out of someone else's face That's more like an orcs that we expected That's why the orcs

respect him so much No, no, no, the orcs didn't respect him at first because he had barely any teeth. And therefore, he was a poor baby bitch. Now he has teeth again, so he's clearly rich. Clearly. So when it came to training, it shouldn't be a surprise, but Sebastian's grandfather was not gentle. In fact, it was a degree of regimental training and treatment that would make the Spartans look like calm and understanding parents. His grandfather would teach him all of his survival tactics from when he was an active service,

ranging from how to set traps to how to stay hidden. Though it seemed excessive at the time, these training sessions would not only serve him well in his prolific career, but would also help him with events that were to envelop this planet. Eventually, Sebastian would get revenge on these boys who harassed him, but he would find out in the process an unfortunate truth. These boys weren't just randomly attacking Sebastian. They were paid to do so by his grandfather, who at this point was dead.

I see. This is. Was it what in my will? 40,000 slates to my daughter, 20,000 plates to my sum, and another 10,000 billion slates to those five kids for every, to be lasted over the next year. They keep being the shit out of my grandson. That's such hater behavior. That's really funny.

God. Absolutely. Is that what happened? Is that actually, do you leave in his will that please keep beating the shit out of my grandson? Here's some money to make it happen? I don't know that it was in the will, but he definitely paid the kids to beat his grandson up so that he could that, presumably, so he could then teach him how to, like, defend himself against the kids that were being paid to beat him up. I mean, that's some 4D chess shit off the grandfather. I don't know if his kid's got what it takes.

So I'll make him have what it takes by paying people to hurt him. Wow. I realize Bricky just made that up, shy, but it's 40K. You never know. That's not the most implausible thing. If there was like any important person and in their will, they said, make sure to keep beating the shit out of that piece of grandson of mine. It's extremely like that all.

could happen. Yeah. It fits. Paraphrasing a little bit, but it could happen, yeah. Now, unfortunately, Teos 3 would be invaded by Orks, and Sebastian's aggressive training, courtesy of his grandfather, would assure his survival. He'd lay traps and be able to fend for himself almost completely alone

on this hellish war-torn world for several years. What a legend. Fortunately, he did have a close. friend during this, a kid named Syric, who is a psycher. This would be the closest thing to a friendship that Sebastian would have in his early years. Eventually, the planet would be retaken by the militarum. Unfortunately, they would mistake the two children as orcs, and one soldier would accidentally kill Syric in front of Sebastian. The troopers would... How? I look, I don't know. Accidents happen, man. And he died. Well, he was like teenagers? I'm assuming like teenage, sort of like early teenager, they are running from one side of the street to the other

and someone just goes, movement and just absolutely blast them. And unfortunately, kills the cycle. I would assume the same. I guess just like, that's so fun. I just, I'm sorry, just like the, they mistook the 15 year old teenager for the ork. And Las Gun like blew off his head. Do something.

Not all with the head. You know, I've never been more wrong. I'm so invested in this now. This is taking such a great turn. This is phenomenal. The switch trip was immediate and it's just getting more potent as we go. We tried to tell him.

You wouldn't listen. So, yeah, unfortunately, Sirich, mistaken for an orc. I mean, it could also be, you know, fog, mist, planetary bombardment. There's a billion reasons, but it's just hysterical selfies.

Yeah. What a mistake to make. And unfortunately, the troopers would then mock Syrix's head tattoo and call him a witch. And before anyone knew what happened, Sebastian would lunge at one of the soldiers

and stab him, screaming, he was mine, you bastard. He was my friend and you killed him. Oh, wow. This is escalating very quickly. based on how Yorick acts in the 41st millennium, I thought you meant he was mine like, I was going to kill that damn witch.

In 40K, you might be right, actually. You kill stealing. Carras like, exactly. That's what I meant. That's how, that's glad you understood the meaning of my sentence. A commissar would approach him after this, almost impressed at the ferocity of the child who lunged out of no. and would ask for his name. He wouldn't provide his immediate family's name out of fear that their death had deeper implications and instead would look at the blade his grandfather gave him, which had

his name etched into it, which was Yarrick. His grandfather made him who he was, and he said that the name that would stick with him for the rest of his life, Sebastian Yarrick. Origin story, complete. What an insane, what an insane upbringing. Imagine taking on the name of the guy that put in his will that you should be beat to within near death. I just constantly abused you. Oh, loved old grandpappy, he was old school. Like, all right, sure. Maybe if I got beat more as a child,

we would be not, we would have lost Cadia. Yeah. I thought you're going to say I would have been able to kill that, kill that psych a kid myself. What had gotten that psychic bastard myself. The fact that young Yarrake survived for so long during an orc invasion meant that he had incredible potential. This kind of potential meant only one thing, the Scholar progenium.

In particular, he would be fast-tracked for the militarum tempestors with hopes of becoming a commissar. But one thing would not leave his mind or his focus while he studied, and that was the orcs. These creatures had obliterated his home world and he did not want to even consider resting until he exacted revenge on them. But in order to properly destroy his enemy,

he would need to know them. And during a campaign, Yarrake would have an opportunity to learn more about them directly. Some sources state... Sorry, go on. So may I intervene? Did it say he was wanting to be fast-tracked

for the militarum tempestus? Yes. Wouldn't it be the officio perfectus? Isn't Tempestus the Sions and perfectus the commissars? I want to get one off on Possum. I want to get one up on Possum. Damn.

I said yes, but he wanted to join Storm Troopers. Ah, all right. You love the hot shot last canons. I do too. The weasily, the weasily possum escapes once again. Mm-hmm. The possum-y possum possums again. Damn, all right.

I heard that and I was like, ooh, a chance to a chance to prove awesome wrong and then I remember why we hired him. You're fighting a losing battle, brother. Yes, I take the L indeed. Some sources state that the campaign that he was in would be able to like find a human raider who had been captured by the orcs and he would learn their language while other sources leaned slightly more. heretical. So here you go, D.K. So this is going to be a lot of, a lot of bad audio. You're sending a quote my way today of all days. Just because you're living, you're communicating from 20 years ago. You've still got to do your job. All right. I'll try and sprinkle in a few slurs about your mother. Orc attacks throughout Segmentum Solar became more frequent,

While serving with the 70th Luther Macinty regiment on the bleak world of Vrun, Commissar Yerick learns the orc language from a captured green skin and develops a unique insight into the orc psyche. Also, isn't the orc language just, you know, English, like British hooligan speak? No, no, it's an actual orc language. They just, we just use that a lot when it's convenient for storytelling purposes. Ah, okay, because I was just like, how much. much how hard is it to understand oh you get i'm going to kill you like i think he's upset at me

if my orc studies are correct i'm pretty sure that's just the orcs speaking english with their accent and the orc accent is apparently that i i did not realize that i did not realize that we are oh for two you and me We can't stop the possum. I wasn't trying to take on possum. I just didn't know that's how it worked. I'm just ignorant, as I've always been. Your Honor, to be fair, I didn't know what I was talking about.

But, Your Honor, I'm just stupid. Your Honor, you wasn't there? Yeah. I plead, no. You can't fire me. I don't know what my job even is. That sort of. So, Yarrick would continue his extensive studies, and his early stringer deployments would make him feel a bit more ironclad when it came to what he'd learned.

Through the fields of battle would change, the orcs he faced remained mostly the same, and his ability to understand gave him a powerful upper hand. During his scholarly years, he'd be taken under the tutelage of Lord Commissar Simeon Rasp, alongside another classmate of his named Donner. Dominic Serrof. Serraff was particularly close to their mentor, and though him and Yarrick would start as exceptionally close brothers in arms, the execution and disgrace of Simeon Rasp would form a dramatic schism between the two of them, with Saroff vowing to undermine Yarek whenever any opportunity presented itself. Serraff's just an absolute hater, it turns out. What a, what a life. Grandfather pays to have you beaten and you have a guy that you're It's just trying to undermine you at every corner.

God. He's not having the best time, even by 40 cases. Like, it could be worse, but he could be a lot better. It could, it could definitely be worse. However, this is still pretty bad. Yeah. At least you're not a slave to the night lords. Yet.

Oh, no, don't say it like that. Remember? That's true. The trilogy, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of them were treated okay. And that is the only scenario, because that is not indicative of the nightlords normally. Seraf would carry quite a bit of influence and wait for his rank,

and he would exploit this by deploying Yarek to more and more hazardous campaigns. I don't know why, this is really funny. It had this too really good to the harder places. This was, of course, a backhanded way to hopefully kill Yarek, but these feats of survival would only result in Yarrick becoming more storied. Eventually, Serrapp had become Lord Commissar and the two would finally meet again on

Armageddon. Of course, also on Armageddon at the time, was, as Princep's Curtis Mannheim described him, the greatest waste of flesh and bone born in the last 500 years, Herman von Straub. That's crazy.

Why do I remember Herman von Straub before? That sounds familiar. He is the Overlord. of Armageddon. Right. Technically, the guy in charge. But apparently the greatest waste

of flesh and bone. In the last 500 years. Five centuries. Jesus Christ. Gotta put that in the insult lexicon too. That is so good. Garrick, at the time of the Second War for Armageddon start, was assisting

with the founding of the Fourth Armageddon Regiment. Yarrick recognised that these orcs that had begun to land were different to normal, however. They were far more cunning and tactical than the ones he'd encountered, and he immediately clocked that this was a massive problem. He would order the astropaths of the planet to request immediate aid. Von Straub would view this as an undermining of his power on the planet, and he would insist that Armageddon was more than capable of handling its own matters. He would punish Yarek's insubordination by banishing him to Hades' hive, and Lord Commissar Seraph would side with von Straub.

Of course you would. Right, this is the fuckhead who like ruined everything. Like, local man ruins everything. That's right. I remember now. Yeah. He knew that ultimately the decisions that von Straub were making were to the detriment of the planet, and he knew that he alone had the full authority to remove him as overlord, but he didn't. In fact, as the iron skulls Titan Legion princeps was arguing with him,

Sarif was almost fully convinced to overthrow von Straub until the Princeps mentioned Yarik by name. To him, the only right thing to do was hold Yarik accountable for past transgressions. I mean, there's incompetence and then there's Seraph. It's mind-blowing how much he was like, well, he could be helpful, but instead we're going to let this planet burn rather than ask him fast. help. Incredible work. Good.

The banishment to Hades Hive was not a punishment for Yarek. In fact, it would end up serving as the cornerstone of his career. He would rally the hive to fight back against insurmountable odds, and not a single soldier would be executed for cowardice during this fight. Yarrick himself would be at the front lines, and he alone would ensure that the Imperials held strong against the Green Tide. His defiance would catch the attention of the one and only goat himself, Gasgul. He would send down Uglhard, who is one of his strongest war bosses,

and an ork he felt would be the best candidate to break Hades hive once and for all. The forces of Oglehard would break the defence of the hive, and Yarrick would stand strong to face him directly. The duel between the two was brutal, and a single swipe of Oglehard's power claw would tear Yarrick's right arm off. Despite the grievous injury, he would successfully decapitate the orc before tearing the power claw from Uglard's corpse and holding it for all to see.

All those years of being beaten up by kids being paid. Vice grandfather paid off. His grandfather's looking down on it being like, see? Glad I left that little thing in the will. Hell yeah, kid. It was absolutely worth it. It was extremely, extremely necessary. He's looking down from, he's looking down from,

hell. I was going to say he's looking up, brother. Yeah, sorry, he's looking up from hell and whatever Zinche is doing to him right now and being like, good job grandson. Remember kids. Bullying Bill's character.

Oh, dear. We hear an adeptist ridiculous. Do not actually support that message. I'd like to remind you not to bully your friends and don't leave in your will to continue bullying your grandson. Just in case any of you were still thinking about doing that Because we all know there's got to be at least one wrong and out there

We hear it is ridiculous Do not all share the same opinions Fuck them kids Jesus All right That was the opinions and thoughts Of Brick B, Bricklesham and only

I feel like with your microphone You should have had Brickies in there Yeah, that's that's true. You're kind of on that, uh, did play the fire alarm. Hey, yo, fuck them kids. You know, actually speaking on, on that, that strange sequence of words, Kyriov, you're a big fan of the, the defiler, right? I like me a defaida.

It's a very good, it's a very good new model, right? Yep. Have you ever, have you ever sat down and realized the very unfortunate, sequence of words that is the Emperor's Children Defiler. Oh, no. That's awful. Oh, come, oh, boy. Yeah, you ever, I was looking at it up for like, oh, you know, I'm going to see what

the different ones do. It's like, oh, yeah, the Emperor's Children Defiler. And I'm like, what? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. The double take when you wrote that must have been. The Thousand Sons Defiler isn't great. The thousands of defile it.

The thousands of people. No. Christ. Oh, no. Can we just call them chaos defilers and just paint them the way you want? Okay, so in fairness, I think Games Workshop is thought of this, because in all of the apps, it's just called the defiler. And I think they didn't put the front part on it for a very good reason. Very important reason, yeah.

Oh, my God. You have all been cursed with knowledge. Jesus. Thanks. Great. How did we get? You hear, carry off. Take us away.

Wait a minute. Do you think that this is maybe why they didn't let Emperor's Children have the Emperor's Children predator? Because they didn't let them have the Predator-Aliator. Oh, no. It's awful. Hold on. I think I might be learning. I think I just didn't curse with more knowledge.

I think this might be the case. Oh, no. Oh, God. Well, hey, Karyoth, what happens next to old Sebastian Yari? Oh, Jesus Christ. What is he up to, huh? The image. Fast.

The image of the commissar, holding their warboss's hand, would successfully cause the orcs to freak out and flee. The same site would invigorate the human forces to rally even harder and push the orcs away, allowing for Yarek to. finally pass out, which earned at this point, frankly. This very claw would be attached to Yarrake's right arm and he would keep the same claw to this day. This ultimately was built off of his long knowledge of orc's superstition and he felt that the attachment of this claw would serve as a brutal reminder of his strength, something that would cause orcs to cower. He would further exploit these orcish superstitions by exchanging his left eye for a bionic laser eye. The orcs believed he had an evil eye and referred to Yarich as

the Bail Eye that could kill with a glance, so he wanted to make this myth a reality. As the rest of the planet fell under the incompetence of von Straub, Yarrake and his forces were the thing that held back the tide. Oh, baili. Yeah, but they don't have magic ones, do they? I know it's not magic. I said it, and then I was like,

someone's going to pull me up on that. So again, the two of them only work because all of the orcs believe that they work, right? Like if there weren't any... Oh, no, they just work, period? Yes. Okay, cool. I had always thought that that was like some big part of it,

that like the orcs had to believe it for them. That's the... Well, no, no, no, not necessarily. It's like most of them. It's most of the meme. Okay. This is the unfortunate result of very early bricky adric as opposed to matured current bricky ad rig.

Okay. With possum, mostly possum. I need to unlearn older bricisms, eh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's the, yeah. Well, granted, the I'm a tank meme was always, that was just a story. Yeah, yeah, that was always a joke story. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, no, I mean, they both absolutely work 100%.

But I definitely, I mean, I would be, imagine I'd be wrong to say that Yark doesn't do that to instill fear in the orcs that they are doing. Of course. He has an eye that will literally kill you. Yeah, yeah. Nice mix of they're doing like a whole, a whole myth-making thing. And he's just gone, yeah, but what if, what if I actually did do that, though? You know, it might be scary campfire stories for them, but what if I actually can laser people with a bionic eye? I mean, also, I mean, that just basically sounds like the plot of the Dune part two.

Paul Atreides, it like worms his way to trick everyone that he's like the Messiah. and then they all believe it. Yeah. I haven't been able to in forever. I forgot that was like what he did. Yeah, yeah, polytry is actually a bit of a bastard. Yeah.

But sometimes you gotta be a bastard for the greater good. I don't know, man. Doesn't he kill 63 billion people or something? Oh, it's going to get a wake-as-wake-sook. Hey, man, you got to crack a few eggs to make an omlin, all right? Like, just, you know. Yeah, but I didn't think we had to, like, skin the chickens. Now, of course, the pushing back and death of his favoured war boss would really get under Gazz's skin,

and he would have no choice but to join the fray himself. He'd lead the orcs at the front like Yarrick had done with his own forces, and this would begin a brutal game of chess between the two. The battle would become personal with each respective leader, countering the other's tactics, until eventually it was clear to Yarrake that he could no longer hold position. He would lead an evacuation and would be injured by Gaz himself. The injury he suffered would take months to recover from, but it was worth it.

The evacuation was successful, and the arrival of Commander Dante and the Blood Angels would assure victory. Yarrick would then be recognised as the savior of Armageddon, and this savior would have one mission in mind while he was recovering. Kill Gaz and the rest of his orcs with no mercy. Yeah, that sounds about right. Yeah, that's cool. Dominic Seroff was shit at his job, and in 40K, sometimes you have the chance to become what you truly are. He was disgraced and was potentially turned into a sentient pile of poop by typhus.

Oh, sick. But, you know, justice prevails, apparently. You get what you deserve, Murray. Yep. And, of course, Von Straub would have a classic encounter with the last chances. You can't keep a good man down, however, and after only a few years, Yarrake was back in action. He wanted to track down and purge the expansion of Gazgal outside of the Armageddon system, and this led him to the Golgotha system, where it was believed that Gaz and the orcs were heading to next.

This purge of the orcs saw Yarrake joined by Helbrecht and the Black Templars, and things were actually going well-ish. Gaz had... It's only ever-ish in 40K. That's true. Gas had easily overtaken the planet of Golgoth, thanks to some special tech made by Orchamides, and the planet was beginning its full conversion into a large ammunition's factory for Gaz's next attack. You just said it was Orca Medes, isn't it?

Orca Medes. I didn't want to interrupt, but I was thinking the same thing. It's so dumb. Fucking Orchamidi. Orchamides nuts. Anyway, go ahead. I love it. It's stupid, but I love it. Yarrick would arrive near the tail end of this battle and they'd attempt to make their way behind enemy lines in an attempt to catch Gass by surprise with a big old counterattack with super heavy tanks.

Hell yeah. Included in this quest was the inexperienced sixth son of High Lord Gerrit Rog of Ormet, Kelner Rock, who was supposed to protect the rear. The counterattack would be made, but the orcs would have the upper hand thanks to the arrival of an ork spacehulk. Yarrick would be pinned under a super heavy tank and Gaz himself, would knock him out. Instead of being killed, however, Yarrick and the other captives were kept his prisoners for slave labour on the Hulk, and as Yarrick came too, he would be face to face with Gazz, who would look at him silently. Yarrick would scream that he would kill Gazz, but Gazz would show no reaction. An hark guard would see this as an opportunity to beat up Yarrick, but as he

pulled Yarrick's arm, Gaz swiftly snatched the ork and dropped it down a pit. He would then give Eric a nod and then walk away. I like how he just casually drops him down a pit that happens to be there. Yeah, just dumps him, straight up dumps him down a hole. Why does that have the same vibe as like Zinch being like, God, I can't understand this well and throws Kairos in it? That's that same vibe. He couldn't see that well. Kill him

Kill him now I don't know if it came Put him in the parole wiggler There was a definite like Just a noise of disappointment That I don't think I've ever made before That I hope I got picked up Sheesh

Seeing this strange instance of mercy Yarrick believed that the only way out Was to directly rebel against the orcs And force and escape Thanks for the help of the various human work crews, a crude map was put together for Yarrett to assess, and with great look, there was a dock in the spacehook they were in, and there was likely some sort of human vessel they could reclaim, so long as they could get to the bridge in some way. A worker would sabotage an

ammunition dump, and chaos would ensue. Now, during the attempted escape, Rog would flee and eventually give up, surrendering himself to the orcs, and hoping they'd spare him if he gave them information, Yarrake's whereabouts. He kept saying Yarrick over and over again, in the hopes that the orcs would understand him, and Gaz himself would understand. He would silently smile before speaking to an undling of his in orcish. He would say an orkish word loudly to Rog, and he was certain it was a good word at the time. It sounded like Grotsnick or something. Oh, geez. Here we go. Rog was optimistic until another orc pushed his way up to Rog and Gaz pointed at him. Only at this moment did Rog notice the syringes that this orc kept on himself.

Gazz would pick up Rog with his claw, immediately dislocating his shoulders, and tossed him into the arms of this Grotsnick fellow. Never before had Rog screamed, and now he would never stop. God damn. That's unfortunate. Oh, boy. The immediate disres of just picking him up and like, oh, my shoulders, Jesus. It's so weirdly harsh, even in the context of everything else. It's just...

I mean, given who's picking him up, it makes sense, though, because that's a big boy. It's a big, strong lad. Yeah, it's amazing. It was only his shoulders, and he didn't just crush the rib cage. Or just crush him, period. He meant to hand him over by accident. He just squished him like a grape.

Oh, sorry, Gnick. I don't know. Just hands over a bloody cup of jello. So, Yarrick would make his way to the presumed bridge of the Space Hulk, but unfortunately stood no chance against them. mecks that were dispatched and rapidly approaching his position. In the chaos that ensued, Yarrake would also learn that the ship that he wished to escape in was being customized by the mec boys, so that escape was probably futile. In a last ditch effort, Yarrake would activate all

the systems on the bridge of the Space Hawk at once in an attempt to make it tear itself apart, and he would see devastation erupt on the side of it before being knocked out. Yarrick would come to days later. And as he woke, he won't. up he would realize something. Everything had been returned to him. Clothes, weapons, the lot. The door would open in front of Yarrake and he would see orcs lining both sides of the corridor. They were watching him and as soon as he stepped out, they would roar, not with anger, but with enthusiasm. Yarrake had been subject to too many celebratory parades on the surface of Armageddon and he knew what this was. It was a celebration for him thrown by the

Hawks. Wow. All right. They love him. They just love him. He's just so much fun. They can't get enough. I mean, a good crumpin is their thing, right?

It is. And he does provide the best crumpins. Yeah. I mean, even captured and being used as a slave, he still managed to cause a massive fight. You can't waste that. You know, you've got to make the most of them. it. Tea and crumpins, am I right? Oh dear. Tea and crompins.

Ay. Yarrick would walk the most obscene victory march of his life and the orcs would hail his passage as he wandered past. He would see the damage that he caused during his failed revolt, but the cheering orcs standing in front of this obscured it. Yarrick would reach the launch bay and a ship would be there, a small shuttle, and standing next to the axe, ramp was Gazkill. Yarrake wouldn't let his confusion distract him from moving forward, and he would pause in front of the prophet and meet his gaze with all the cold hatred in his soul. Gas would meet his gaze back and would radiate with delight. He leaned forward and get

close to Yarik, mere centimetres from his face. And, uh, Bricky, I've got something for you here. Yippee! My soul bears many scars from the days and months of my defeat and captivity. But there is one memory that above all others haunts me. By day it is a goad to action. By night it murders sleep. It lives with me always. The proof that there could hardly be a more terrible threat to the Imperium than this orc. Throcka spoke to me. Not an orkish, not even in low Gothic, in high Gothic. A great fight, he said, and he extended a huge clawed finger. and tapped me once on the chest. My best enemy.

He stepped aside and gestured to the ramp. Go to Armageddon, he said. Make ready for the greatest fight. I do imagine, like, I do imagine the idea of, like, me as a human, right? Just kind of walking around doing my thing. And then, like, a rhinoceros kidnaps me. And then the rhinoceros looks at me, bumps me with its, It's horn and goes, I'm going to put you on the next plane to,

um, back to California, uh, make sure you pack and get ready, because we're going to throw hands in like perfect English. Because that like, like no one will ever believe me. Yeah.

I feel like it's, be closer to probably like a silver back gorilla against normal brink. Yeah, but I'm thinking like the size of, um, yeah, you know, and like the, the size of gas compared to Yark.

That's fair. Yeah, holy shit. It's just a smidge bigger. Oh my God. The idea of something that size, poking you and being like, yeah, we're going to fight again real soon.

No, thanks. No, thank you. I'd really prefer we didn't. Not interested, brother. I am not going to arm again. No thanks, bro. Yarrick would enter the ship and find out that there was a pilot already in there

and great news. It was Commander Rog. However, Rog didn't greet him when he entered because Rog couldn't say anything anymore. He had been transformed. He was less of a pilot and more of an autopilot.

He was fused with the ship's guidance system and was transformed into a fully aware servitor. Oh, that sucks. Oh, that's not good at all. Also, that was one of the hardest howevers I've ever heard. However. Wrong was there. However.

Oh, that's that, you know, there's some bad fakes in 40K. A fully aware servitor made by Grotsnick as well, so not even done properly. Right. I forgot it was by Grotsnick. Yeah, it might be the worst. Rod might have the worst fade in 40K. That is atrocious. That is definitely not true, but I appreciate us putting up a good bit of like,

let's just really sell it, you know? Yeah. Now you're right with all the chaos stuff that could happen to you and the Dracari. It's not the worst, but it's not great. Not ideal, but. Sorry, lads. We ain't figured out you mean about a maz. Iceingate.

That was really funny. I'm sorry. That was really, really funny. Oh, God. Crazy. Rog's mouth parted in one of his final screams for when he attempted to betray Yarrick before the mad dog experimented on him and turned him into an orcish approximation of a servitor. Yarrick would tell the ship to leave and he would be free.

His escape and knowledge of the imminent Third Conflict on Armageddon would be a great boost for the Imperium But he needed He needed his whip The Fortress of Arrogance would be a huge boost for the troops on the ground And so it needed to be reclaimed

I mean I 100% support this 10 out of 10 You obviously need to get your personal Bainblade back Obviously Come on now Yeah That also pushes up

Pushs up glasses it's a Hellhammer. Oh God, yeah, it is, isn't it? Damn it. Which is just a version of a bandblade, so whatever. It's actually the same thing. Brighie can't get possum, but he can get Kiri. I'll take my small wins.

Operation Thunderstorm then was a reclamation mission to put together with the express purpose of getting the aforementioned whip back. This mission was on its surface just that. The mechanic has promised it was just that, not some sort of suicide mission to potentially get some tech that might be on the planet. Of course not. Never. Couldn't imagine. Never dream of it, yeah. The Imperial forces led by General DeViers would encounter an orc war boss riding out on a

suspiciously decked out heavy tank. The General would order everyone to stop firing at it, but the forces failed to listen to him. They unloaded on the Fortures of our against killing the war boss and damaging the tank quite a bit. The general would rush to it, which, you know, I mean, it was still in one piece, and give a speech about the victory and the reclamation of the fortress without fully realizing that the war boss was still barely hanging on, and its power claw would cut him in half. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah. Yeah. No half measures, eh? Got a comedy of errors off that guy. You can't just keep track. half, no half measures, except for this guy. Yeah. Who's literally in two.

Yeah, dude. Operation Thunders stool. Just to get a time to back. That's amazing. Listen, Operation Thunderstorm goes insane. Okay. I will hear, I will hear zero, um, this is zero shit talk on Operation Thunderstorm. That's straight out of step brothers.

Name is great, but a little, little, little petty. just to get your ride back to make Operation Thunder Store. You say just your ride back when it is, in fact, a super heavy hellhammer or whatever it is. It's just his ride, right? Got a little soup. Literally, literally a relic. Like something incredibly difficult to find and maintain that's been personalized and changed. It's just it's just your car, mate.

Leave it behind. Okay. So we got to be on an episode of Pimp My Ride. Excuse me. Whatever. I think I might be wrong. I think The Fortunes of Errogance is a Bainblade. I thought it was a Hellhammer.

I'm not going to lie. I've been looking at the main gun. The main gun is definitely a Bainblade gun, but I thought that was like a fan creation of it. Maybe it is a Bainblade. Oh, no. No. No.

No. No. No. I thought it was a hellhammer. I could have sworn that like there was I could have sworn it was referred to as a hellhammer because of his close quarters combat fighting that he had to deal with you know what let's let's let's let's just let's just I'm gonna check I'm gonna check right now I've sat here eyeing the fucking gun barrels but I'm like I'm not gonna be the one to be like actually I'll think you'll find but I no no call no call me on this shit karyoth I need you to this is only fair Monumentous day for Bricky Tay Yeah Yeah, no sorry

Yeah, the Fortress of Arrogens Was a Bainblade tank So Why did I think it was a hellhammer No Catastrophic day for Brickette You were so confident as well Insane oral loss

Across the board I was so confident I was just like I guess I just must be wrong about that And I just immediately folded Turns out, no Yeah, hellhammer is just a

Yeah, hellhammer is just a With a stubby ass gun But like, wow, I could have sworn it was hellhammer, damn Is it? I thought the turret on the, the, uh, the bayblade was bigger. Hellhammer. No, it is. She posted a hellhammer on the bottom.

That's a hellhammer. Oh, yeah, there we go. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's, uh, I didn't know, I was going to say. there's no chance of that being cut out, so let's simply move on. You think that's going to get cut out. That's crazy.

We're definitely going to keep that in. Weird. Oh, well, whatever. The fortress of arrogance would be brought back on a Mechanicus arc and would be fully repaired and refitted with an armored Coppola so that Yarrake could openly shout words of inspiration from the pulpit. Because I've already... Look, you know this already.

I read this through a couple of times before we do it. And just literally, because of D.K.'s mic situation, I... He assumed this is what he sounds like from his pulpit speaking through the megaphone. I had that, like, sudden, like, realization. Whilst also, where it's so that Yarrett could openly shout words, I, my brain auto-corrected. After shout, I nearly said slurs. I nearly just, I just straight up was like, was like, We're breaking him down.

We're breaking him down bit by bit. Got that little chisel or bit by bit. He's going to cave. Oh, dear. It would be repainted black and a large skull would be placed on the front of it. It would provide the boost of soldiers needed, but the name of those who rescued it would never be known. Poor lads. No glory for them.

It would be painted black and a big skull we put on it. Okay. So every Imperium. vehicle ever, yeah. You can tell it's his because it's got a skull on it. Okay, cool. Oh, thank God. Yarrick would be provided a supreme command over all the forces on Armageddon

in preparation for the third war, but even with overwhelming acceptance of his leadership, the third war was going to be far more difficult. Gaskell's first attack was on the horizon, and as it became clear that he was planning to batter Hades High First, many of the Black Templars on the surface demanded that it be protected. Some, like Chaplin, Grimaldus, saw this impending attack for what it was, a symbolic attempt to cripple morale and nothing more. They couldn't afford to bend the need to nostalgia, and a counter-offensive could actually be more emboldened if the forces were rallied beforehand, and they struck back even harder after an abandoned hive was destroyed. During this argument, Yarrake would cut Brother Captain Amaris off and say that Grimaldus was right.

And I've got another quote for you, D.K. Don't worry, it's a really long one. Oh, great. Thanks, Kariot. I will not be silenced by a mortal, Amaris growled, but the fight was gone from him. Yarrick, the thin, ancient commissar, just stared at the Astardis captain. After several moments, Amaris looked back to the hololithic topography around the hive. Yarrick turned back to the gathered officers, his one human eye stern, and his augmentic one whirring in its socket as it refocused on the faces before him.

Hades will not survive the first week, he said again, this time shaking his head. We must abandon the hive and spread the forces here to other bastions of strength. This is not the second war. What is coming in system now far exceeds what has laid waste to the planet before. The other hives must be reinforced a thousand times over. Hell yeah, brother. A thousand times over. A thousand, you know.

Thousand, yeah. That's 40K. They don't understand numbers. It's fine. That is honestly so true. The first attack would come to pass obliterating the entirety of Hades Hive from orbit. Yarrick showed no sentimentality for the hive that cemented his legacy, and he had been one step ahead, evacuating it and preparing his forces elsewhere. Gaz was not going to out-maneuver him this time. As the Orkswood land, Yarrick would lead Cady and Shok.

troopers from the front, and the horrific war of attrition would begin. The long and grueling battle would lead to Gaz fleeing, and as the Black Templar's plan to hurt him, hunt him, sorry, Yarrick would personally petition to join the quest, a petition that Helbrecht would accept. It was during this time that Yarrick would vanish from the surface, and the rumors would begin to spread that he had died gloriously on the field of battle and was finally bested by Gaskell. However, as we now know, these rumors of his death. had been greatly exaggerated. You see, as Gaz left Armageddon the last time, he was tailed by a force of Black Templars as well as Yarra. They would follow him from system to system until they'd reach

the world of Icaria. This planet had been the home of a strange device that was being worked on by Gaz and his boys. It was a mountain of machinery that would split the skies with bolts of green lightning. Of course, this needed to stop and the Imperium would unleash hell on the planet. As the fighting was going on, Yarrick decided that now was the time to strike directly at Gaz's throat. So, he would form up a flotilla, which included a single Fenrisian strike cruiser, and would make a charge at the center of the Ork fleet, in the hopes of encountering Gaz 1v1. Love this plan. Yeah, any plan that involves you going 1v1 with Gaz is, I mean, I guess it can only be Yarek.

Yeah, it can only be Yarek. It's a great plan for him. but go in 1 v1 with Gaz as an old man with a stolen power claw and bionic eye like that is confidence and and just there is a strength there that I simply cannot fathom he would hit Gaz hard with a veteran strike force with enough power to quite literally destroy armies

Gaz would be wounded but defiant he would be dragged down by conjured storm frost but he would shatter it and make a charge for Yarrett directly. As Gaz rushed Yarek, Yarrick would swing his claw and hit Gaz square in the chest. However, Gazz had survived far more violent encounters, and

he deflected the hit before grabbing Yarrick with his own claw and lifting him up to face him eye to eye, crushing Yarek's bones like dry twigs in the process. What a description. Oh, man. Oh, they like,

caught. Upon making eye contact with Yarek, Gaz headbutted him so hard that his face was painted red with his blood. I'm, gawked, he's alive. Yeah. How does he survive this exactly? Barely is the word.

More like Bailey, because his, anyway, go ahead. I want to, I want to beat you to death. But I'm not allowed to because I've failed three times this fucking ever. Oh, my God.

Go ahead, Kerry. He cast Yarrick to the ground and lifted his boot to crush him. Before, for fuck sake, pardon. Before probably saying I am slaughter and slaughtering him, I'd hate you. Gaz decides to the top. With a wicked. smile, he would step away from Yarek, claiming this is enough of a victory before departing. None would witness the Fenrisian priest that would spirit away the shattered body of Yarrick,

and as the bell of lost souls rang on terror, the chimes of medical equipment and a space-wolf strike cruiser would work overtime, keeping Yarrick alive. Though Yarrick would escape death once more, the damage done to him by Gaz this time was quite a bit different. No shit. Understatement of the millennia. got literally shattered and then headbut by someone whose, like, head is the size of his body. I mean, come on. Crazy.

Yarrick's skull had to be reconstructed thanks to the headbut he sustained from Gals, and though it would be successful, his head would forever ache. Shout out to all my fellow migraine sufferers. That's why the mini has four teeth. His broken bones will be supported and re-examined. reconstructed with cybernetic armature, and his skin now looks unnaturally pallid, even despite his advanced age. It's true, he does look sort of like a zombie. He would be told by the Space Walls that he would need to return to Armageddon to face the orcs once more, as the

speedwire of Wazdaka Gutsmeck was primed to ravage the cursed world. Garek would return and personally dispose of the planetary governor before announcing that there would be no evacuation, no cowardice, and no defeat. The hero of Hades Hive has returned. more to the service of Armageddon, but it's not clear how much of that hero truly remains. I mean, not much based off that. There's been a lot of replacement going on. Wow, he can only move because that machine on his back shy, on the mini. That's the only thing that's making him move?

I mean, I guess that makes sense. After everything he went through, yeah. He's had a rough life, and then he got literally crunched by Gaskell. Crazy. easy. His grandpappy putting the hit on him is not the worst thing that happened to him. It's like one of the more minor aches that he's dealt with. Oh, wow. What a life. What a lot, what an absolute load of garbage he's had to put up with. And yet. And still puts up with. Gosh.

Inspirational behavior. So what we're going to do to end this episode is something a bit more funny. Instead of just ending with this is where he is, and then, you know, there'll be 11th edition or we'll get more information, we're going to end with something that was published in the regimental standard. This is, according to the standard, the authorised biography of Yarig. So, from this point on, this is what they present as his biography. And apparently I've got to put on a grandiose voice and everything. We've got stage directions this time. So, hang on.

Terrible noise. The might of the militarum is built on the backs of its great heroes, and few were greater than the hero of Hades Hive, Sebastian Yarrick. Yarrick was remarkable from the moment he was born. Instead of crying, Yarrick knew that he was lucky enough to be born into the Imperium, so much so that he made the sign of the Aquila, causing the nursing staff in the room to burst into tears of joy. So stupid.

So that is very dumb, but I love the fact that you were told to put on a grandiose voice and it's just your normal British voice. What's what you want from? I mean, I think I'd like a little bit, a little bit more of like, uh, can I, can I get, can I get them the audiobook readers occasionally throw a guard voice in there? Uh, well, I, you get to have to give me an accent because I, I don't, I don't, I can't do that, uh, decay. Oh, when it, when they, well, my idea of grandiosis, and then he threw upon the

Aquila signal to which all who witnessed, you know, something like that. Is that not what I thought that's what I was doing? I'm not going to laugh. No, you're just British. I can't help that. He's in and of itself grandiose to Americans, but... The worst possible flaw I could have ever imagined.

Hey, Spreege. I'd just, screw it, just keep going. Yeah, just keep going, dude, you're good. At the age of seven, Yarek was lucky enough to see not one, but both of his parents martyred themselves for the could of the Imperian. It's also very hard to maintain any voice because it's also fucking terrible. That's really funny. Okay.

There are. I'm seeing me. He was so privileged to see his parents die in a young man. Oh, God. She's lucky enough. Larkered enough. Martyr. So sorry.

You're right. You're right. How silly of me. Which inspired him into a healthy sense of. fragility. He was raised in the Scholar Progenium. Some students were unfortunate and have to wait decades before duty calls, but Yarrak was one of the fortunate few to have the opportunity to battle the Xenos at a very young age. You see, his planet was invaded by the green skins, and the opportunity to fight them was an exciting one. He was able to kill several through grit and wits. Any schoolboy

wishes they could be so lucky. Jesus Christ. If only a I could be so lucky and be just like Yerick and be thrown into the hells that he's been thrown into. Golly, he gets all the fun. What a fantastic time he must have done. The children yearn for the military service. Oh, no. God, Jesus Christ, shy. What a day.

When his world was liberated by the brave Astromilitarum, Yarrick's ingenuess he was recognized and he was inducted to the Commissariat Cadet program. He scored perfect scores for zeal, hatred, xenophobia, and devotion to the emperor on his entrance exam. A perfect score for hatred is... And xenophobia. They just checked his social media accounts. They're like, yub, xenophobia, check. Oh my God. He was an ideal candidate for commissar from the get-go. Not all commissars have the same record that he has, but they should all be afforded with equivalent respect. Yarrick would fight for several regiments and be specialized for fighting the orcs.

Despite rumors, he never attempted to understand the vile aliens and never studied them and never learned their language. That would be heresy. So specific. He never studied them. He never learned their language. Don't talk about it. He doesn't use one of their power claws.

Oh, it's so funny you mention that. That does go not. Of course it does. Following a brief disagreement with then planetary governor, Herman von Straub, it was mutually decided that Yarrake should focus his efforts on the management of Hades-Hive's defense. Having him focus on these defenses was a very wise tactical decision as the foolish orcs would attempt to attack. Von Straub lured them into a false sense of security

by deliberately allowing the defense to collapse. This allowed Hades Hive to be used as an anvil which the orcs were broken upon. When all seemed lost, Commander Dante intervened and executed the Orkish armies in a flawless example of imperial planning and cooperation. During the siege of Hades Hive, the Adeptus Mechanicus fashioned Yarrick's arm. The stories that he took it from the body of an orc warlord are a preposterous myth. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

The defenses fell because it was all according to Kekaku, right? Uh-huh. Okay. All right. Kekaku means Yark, by the way. Editor's note. Following a brief sabbatical on Golgotha, Yarrick would return to Armageddon and would flawlessly predict that another orc invasion was imminent. This is a testament to his training within the Scholar Progenium,

and all Imperial commanders should take night of this fact and really appreciate the training that they receive. The second orc invasion of Armageddon had begun, and the rest, as they say, is officially sanctioned history for those with the correct clearance to read it. God, I love 40K sometimes. It's phenomenal. Absolutely phenomenal. People out there be like 40K doesn't have the satire anymore. Bitch, what is this?

Read this, yeah. Yeah, that's a gem. That's an absolutely Good gem alarm Oh no Not that's a gem alarm Oh no Gas is just on the doorbell cam

This is my neighborhood So that that's a good one However I'd like to share My own personal favorite gem alarm I can't find it I can't find my gem alarm Oh man It's a rough day for Bricky

This is a really rough day thing We thought D.K. was going to be the one in trouble with the whole team speak situation. Somehow. There you go. It's a marathon reference. Of course it is. Of course it's a marathon.

I like the recon with like the little bruntree. And then the text change. It's a good one. It's a good one. Okay. Editor, throw it on screen. Show everyone that's a go one. Make sure if one knows it's a good one.

It's one all right. I mean, it's aesthetically very pleasing. Well, I have one last little quote, which, you know what, Bricky, you can have this one. Yeah. This will round us out nicely and really hammer home just how much of an inspirational figure Sebastian Yarrick really is. There you have it. There you have it, guardsmen. A true example for all of you.

To complete your history lesson, your entire regiment is being. redeployed to the Armageddon War Zone, allowing you to literally follow in the footsteps of this great hero. Best of luck. Yay! Guardsman takes his hat off. It's a picture of Commissar Yark in there. Do it for him. Literally following the footsteps of this great, it's so...

Crazy. I like how... this episode is at a healthy dose of grim, dark, craziness, orcs, and just, just parody and funny, like, funny quips. And just, it's, it's been a real roller coaster. I've had a very good time with this episode. Agreed. I've genuinely really enjoyed this episode. Yeah.

It has not only been quite humorous, but it has also been, um, just, I don't know. just like a good this has been a good time and remember at the start of the episode when Bricky was like yeah Yark's kind of lame I was going to say and initial judgment was reversed in like 10 minutes flat

it was it was reversed extensively quickly that is correct and you know what God bless America or whatever the fuck because I was having a great time with it and you know what? I maintain to having a great time with it.

Hell yeah, brother. This episode is in loving memory of the Armageddon Steel Legion. Jukari had not had a change in forever, but here's some napkin drawings of the new models. Now shut the fuck up.

Wild. Wild. Yes. Sheesh. Good times. All about. Mm-hmm. Hell yeah.

Any final shenanigans for the folks, or is that where we're going to call it? I think that's where we're going to call it. I'm going to go and, I'm going to go and purchase myself a Hellhammer or a Bainblade. Or you could go purchase the sexy, legally distinct, Yarrick adjacent poster. Yeah, absolutely. You could do that. You could be doing that as well. You could also be doing a bunch of healthy dose of sass motherfuckers.

See you all next time.